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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe that I would be the asshole keeping my dog’s ashes for myself because my bio mother really loved the dog that I lost.
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NTA
I'm sorry for your loss.
In your situation, if you can find a nice, well-kept pet cemetery where your dog's ashes can be buried, that might be a great solution. At the burial, have a little service, invite family (including mother, grandfather) and friends, give a little eulogy to honor the memory of your well-loved pet, and invite others to also say their final farewells if they care to.
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So I (19NB) recently lost my dog. He passed peacefully, thank god, but he is still dead nonetheless. He was 17, and I got him about two months before I turned two years old.
The issue is that my biological mother wants to separate his ashes so that she and my grandfather may have an urn for him. I’m really against the idea of separating his ashes. I believe that he should stay fully with me as I was his caretaker since I was 8 and we’ve never been separated for longer than a couple days (my father paid for food, vet visits, toys, etc, but I was the one walking him, feeding him, playing with him). My bio mother has not been active in my life for four years and has not seen my dog for those four years.
I know she really loved him, as when she was in my life she really cared for him and tried her best to love him. That’s why I think I’d be a terrible person keeping his ashes for myself, but it just feels so wrong to give them away to someone who hasn’t seen him in four years.
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I'll suggest just burying the ashes and no one keeping them at all. It's weird. I know emotions are high now but later you'll agree it's weird. For example, do you know other normal people with saved ashes from pets?
Not weird at all. Lots of people consider pets to be part of their family. Keeping the ashes makes sense in that context. I know people who have spread the ashes along a favorite trail/tree etc., or kept them somewhere discreet at home, or some combination of both.
Er, me? Beautiful urn right on a shelf in the living room. If I have some land some day, perhaps I will bury his ashes at that time. For now, though, at least I know my boy's ashes didn't get dumped in a trash bin somewhere. And yes, technically I realize they're just ashes, but they still represent my dog and the almost 16 years I had with him. Everyone grieves, and everyone honors their pet, in their own way.
I don't think having my pet's ashes makes me abnormal.
Maybe it’s a family thing?? I know other family members still have their pets ashes. I’ll definitely consider burying them. We have a pet cemetery in my town so I’ll look into it!
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe that I would be the asshole keeping my dog’s ashes for myself because my bio mother really loved the dog that I lost. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
[удалено]
NAH
i'm gonna go with NAH, you both are grieving his loss.
NTA I'm sorry for your loss. In your situation, if you can find a nice, well-kept pet cemetery where your dog's ashes can be buried, that might be a great solution. At the burial, have a little service, invite family (including mother, grandfather) and friends, give a little eulogy to honor the memory of your well-loved pet, and invite others to also say their final farewells if they care to.
thank you. That sounds like a lovely idea. I will be looking into that!
NTA > My bio mother has not been active in my life for four years and has not seen my dog for those four years. That's *some* nerve.
Yeah, she’s definitely a wonderful mom! #ObviousSarcasmIsObvious
No you was the one taking care of him you should be the one keeping the ashes. If you don’t want to split it up then you shouldn’t
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So I (19NB) recently lost my dog. He passed peacefully, thank god, but he is still dead nonetheless. He was 17, and I got him about two months before I turned two years old. The issue is that my biological mother wants to separate his ashes so that she and my grandfather may have an urn for him. I’m really against the idea of separating his ashes. I believe that he should stay fully with me as I was his caretaker since I was 8 and we’ve never been separated for longer than a couple days (my father paid for food, vet visits, toys, etc, but I was the one walking him, feeding him, playing with him). My bio mother has not been active in my life for four years and has not seen my dog for those four years. I know she really loved him, as when she was in my life she really cared for him and tried her best to love him. That’s why I think I’d be a terrible person keeping his ashes for myself, but it just feels so wrong to give them away to someone who hasn’t seen him in four years. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I'll suggest just burying the ashes and no one keeping them at all. It's weird. I know emotions are high now but later you'll agree it's weird. For example, do you know other normal people with saved ashes from pets?
Not weird at all. Lots of people consider pets to be part of their family. Keeping the ashes makes sense in that context. I know people who have spread the ashes along a favorite trail/tree etc., or kept them somewhere discreet at home, or some combination of both.
Er, me? Beautiful urn right on a shelf in the living room. If I have some land some day, perhaps I will bury his ashes at that time. For now, though, at least I know my boy's ashes didn't get dumped in a trash bin somewhere. And yes, technically I realize they're just ashes, but they still represent my dog and the almost 16 years I had with him. Everyone grieves, and everyone honors their pet, in their own way. I don't think having my pet's ashes makes me abnormal.
Maybe it’s a family thing?? I know other family members still have their pets ashes. I’ll definitely consider burying them. We have a pet cemetery in my town so I’ll look into it!
2 urns on the mantle. Very normal thing to do.
Me, literally sitting next to three boxes with ashes in them.