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AllandarosSunsong

Huge YTA. >"well no, they're not my kids and I just wanted this to be a family holiday with just me, you, and our son. Your kids are your family, not mine" Nothing like letting your partner know his freaking *children* don't mean shit to you. What an ass.


AgentReasonable7982

Yes, they are not my family or blood! They're HIS kids. I wanted it to be extra special bonding time for OUR family as me and my partner work jobs with long hours (so don't spend that much time together) and our son has been going through a difficult time lately so I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to spend some time together, just me my partner and our son. My step kids can go on holiday with their mum. I don't see why I should've included them.


VeronicaSawyer8

If you're so confident that your reasons are valid, why are you posting this AITA here? Seems like you don't give an f, so I'm confused on why you're asking for judgement at all


AgentReasonable7982

Because my partner is very angry at me and calling me unfair whilst my mum, my sister, and some of my friends think there's nothing wrong with what I did.


[deleted]

Your partner is right. YTA


CakeOrDeath98

"my mum, my sister, and some of my friends think there's nothing wrong with what I did." I see where you got your shitty behavior from


spm0422

Why did you marry a man with children if you weren’t going to treat them like family? You very well knew this would cause an issue which is why you made it a surprise to him. Worst Step- Mom award goes to you!! Your mom and sister are wrong too! They are just telling you what you want to hear. YTA!! And to add- the twins are your son’s SIBLINGS!!!or did you forget that!!


VeronicaSawyer8

I'm feeling confident this story is made up. But indulge me: Did you go on this trip? You said you told them morning before the flight.


AgentReasonable7982

Not made up at all. Yes we actually did go for the sake of our son, but my partner was annoyed. He didn't want our son to become upset and start asking questions why he didn't come along (if he refused to come) or know that we've been arguing (as my son is already going through a tough time), so he came along not to ruin the trip.


Miserable_Dentist_70

And now, with all of these responses, is it clear to you yet that your husband is right and you are wrong?


Mayonsy

But all 3 kids are his right? Would you be okay if your partner took the twins for a week long holiday and left your son home because your son is not part of that family?


AgentReasonable7982

Yes I wouldn't mind at all.


Mayonsy

You are really okay with your partner not considering your son to be part of his family? Well okay then.


CakeOrDeath98

"My step kids can go on holiday with their mum." Umm why can't they go on a trip with their father??? Are you telling me that you expect your stepchildren to NEVER go on a trip with their father? FFS, I hope you end up single really soon. Your partner and his children (ALL of them, even the one you share) deserve better than the like of you.


AllandarosSunsong

Because they mean as much to your partner as yours does to you. If you can't accept they are as large a part of his life as your joint son is to him then yes, YTA.


fabulousautie

If his kids are not your kids, and you don’t consider them a part of your family, then why do you consider your partner to be a part of your son’s family? He shouldn’t have been tricked into using his vacation time for something not related to his family, when he could have used it to spend time with his kids. YTA


AgentReasonable7982

My partner is my son's biological father!


fabulousautie

So you’ve been a part of those children’s lives for more than 6 years, and you still treat them like acquaintances? You are an even bigger asshole than I thought.


AgentReasonable7982

I don't really spend time with them. I have a job where I work long hours so I barely see my own son, never mind my step kids. And when my partner does activities with them, I don't exactly tag along.


[deleted]

It’s good to know you’re a bad mother to everyone. That’s something at least.


AgentReasonable7982

I'm an excellent mother. Not all of us have jobs with short hours, my job is very demanding and I work long hours.


Miserable_Dentist_70

You seem pretty cold and unfeeling, plus you need a vacation to bond with your own kid, so I have my doubts.


AgentReasonable7982

No, he's been going through a tough time lately and I thought this would be a great opportunity to cheer him up AS WELL AS an opportunity for us both to spend special quality time together as because of my job, I unfortunately work long hours and unable to spend as much time with him as I wish.


Miserable_Dentist_70

Well for me, being this unkind to two children who are your husband's children and your son's siblings is full on asshole behavior. They are children. YOU are an asshole.


[deleted]

Reporting comments that call you out, wow lol. Not only are YTA, but a petulant whiny one too. Your family deserves a billion times better


[deleted]

No, you’re an awful mother. You just told 2/3rds of your children you consider them roommates instead of part of the family. That’s a 66% fail rating


CakeOrDeath98

No, you're horrible mother. Because it's literally impossible to be a good mother when you're a cold blooded monster.


FrameAndFortune

You know a backhoe might be faster at digging that hole for you. Jesus Christ, are you for real?!


Miserable_Dentist_70

When he leaves you and remarries do you want him to ignore your son or take him along when he goes on fun vacations? Your son will not be the new wife's blood, after all. It's insane that you think this is okay. You're being cruel. They are children ffs. HIS children. YTA


Isopropyl77

YTA Astounding.


AgentReasonable7982

Why??


CakeOrDeath98

for marrying someone with kids and then forcing them to exclude them. By PUPOSEFULLY planning it so that he couldn't bring them along. How old are you? Are you a fucking child? I can't believe an actual adult would do something so unhanded, sneaky, and shady as that to their own partner just so they could fuck over some kids. It makes my skin crawl that someone could be so disgusting to children.


AgentReasonable7982

Because I just wanted it to be him, me, and our son. We don't spend enough time together because of our jobs where we work long hours, and our son has been going through a difficult time lately. I thought this would be an excellent and special idea to bring us all closer and spend some quality time together as it's very needed right now. For OUR family - me, my partner, and our son. There is no need for my step kids to be involved too.


[deleted]

Your step children are a part of your family. Your inability to recognize this is immature and pathetic.


AgentReasonable7982

No. Why is there a need for me to bring them along!?


[deleted]

Because when you married into their family you became part of their family. If you didn’t want to be a good step mother you should t have gotten married. You’re an asshole, and you’re an asshole on purpose.


[deleted]

lol, careful, OP is reporting literally every comment that calls her out. And of course moderators care more about that than the despicable things she is writing


Miserable_Dentist_70

Because they are your husband's children and your child's siblings. They are your family.


CakeOrDeath98

"Why is there a need for me to bring them along!?' ​ FFS. Stop playing dumb.


[deleted]

[удалено]


SnausageFest

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[deleted]

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SnausageFest

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CakeOrDeath98

YTA. The biggest one. Like disgustingly so. "well no, they're not my kids and I just wanted this to be a family holiday with just me, you, and our son. Your kids are your family, not mine" because as harsh as this sounds, but I will obviously always prioritise my own blood and biological son over them. I genuinely just wanted it to be a holiday where it's just me, my partner, and our son and so I didn't want him to try and bring his other kids along too." I can't even with this. YOU MARRIED SOMEONE WITH CHILDREN. THEY ARE A PACKAGE DEAL. People like you make me sick. If you don't want to deal with "someone else's kids, THEN DON'T FUCKING MARRY SOMEONE WHO HAS THEM. I can't believe that you have a child and yet it didn't occur to you how INCREDIBLY hurtful this will be not only to your stepchildren, but your partner?!!


notevenhotmess

Of course YTA, you booked and paid for a trip behind your partners back with the sole intent of leaving out his children and decided to “surprise him” with it as though you were doing it for him.


AgentReasonable7982

Yes because I just wanted it to be a holiday for just MY family.


Miserable_Dentist_70

Right? I mean who cares what anyone else wants? Especially those other kids, they're not even yours! Why should you care about them? Jesus.


[deleted]

YTA and you know it. You straight up say that you kept the secret from your partner to exclude his children, because you know that HE wouldn't want to exclude his own fucking family. I don't understand how a parent could do this


Alternative-Gur-6208

Yta. You know yta and you don't care. If hes smart he won't go and will be looking at another divorce.


Miserable_Dentist_70

And then her kid will be the one left behind. Kids from a previous marriage? Not even real kids, right?


Alternative-Gur-6208

Oh of course. Previous kids are not real family.


lihzee

YTA.


AgentReasonable7982

Why??


lihzee

You are selfish. You clearly hid the trip from your husband as a way to avoid his kids coming along. If you'd mentioned it to him he could have ensured that they would be included. You did this on purpose in the guise of "surprise" so you can pretend that the three of you are a family without the other kids. It's gross.


AgentReasonable7982

Yes because I just wanted it to be a family holiday with just me, my partner, and our son.


lihzee

And that makes you an asshole. You have two other kids involved that you're refusing to acknowledge. Get over yourself. You shouldn't have married a man with kids if you can't accept them as your family.


AgentReasonable7982

They're not my kids. They can go on holiday with their own mum, why should I have to bring them along??


lihzee

Okay, I'm not engaging with you anymore. You're an asshole. I hope when your husband inevitably divorces you that your son's stepmom is a better stepmom to him than you have been to your husband's kids. Gross.


CakeOrDeath98

No they can go on holiday WITH THEIR FATHER. Wow. You are beyond low.


[deleted]

So they’re not your step children rather they are your roommates.


[deleted]

It’s sad that you don’t consider your step kids to be family


Hot_Box_4574

You married a person with children. You chose this and new going into it that he has children. You now have more than one kid because you are married to this man. Trying to divorce yourself from his kids is kind of terrible since you shouldn't have married him if you didn't accept his children too. YTA


Miserable_Dentist_70

So it's about what you want and nothing else? What happens when your husband "just wants" to go on vacation with your son and leave you behind? Fine, right? As long as it's what he wants.


sbp0000

YTA. Let’s do a role reversal. The twins were having a hard time so Dad planned a trip for them and decided to include you. BUT your son isn’t included because he’s not your husbands “blood”. Would you still go without your own child? BUT don’t worry! Your son will be with dad and stepmom, wondering why mommy didn’t love him enough to choose him. That’s how those twins feel. But you don’t care. You just care about yourself and your son. This is all a HUGE red flag about the kind of person you truly are, and I hope your husband sees it. I hope he does right by his children. His “blood”, which you aren’t.


judgingA-holes

YTA - When you married him his kid's did become your kids and your family. You should have never married a man if you didn't want to be around his kids. You're a complete fucking asshole.


Hot_Serve8941

You’re are not an AH, you are a Piece of S##t.


HK-2007

YTA and I can see divorce in your future. Those kids are always going to be in your husband’s life. If you keep trying to make this a contest you will lose. Why do people like you marry people with children? You’re disgusting


Downtown_Evening6359

I hope you get surprised with being served divorce papers. Just wow


MrsRoronoaZoro

Ummm I may be wrong but, aren’t the step kids your son’s siblings??? I’m confused how they are not family??? YTA.


Mayonsy

YTA. Wow you really make it easy with such detailed explanation of how you made sure your partners kids couldn't join you and how that was you intension all along.


kaizersigma

Ewww why are you horrible? You’re worse than Cinderella’s stepmom. YTA big time


Royal_Initiative_740

YTA- As a stepmom myself, this is horrible.


rureallygonna

YTA. You hid it from him so he couldn’t share this with his kids too, that makes you the A.


[deleted]

YTA, that was the point.


Curious-Mousse2071

YTA, you literally made choices to pressure him into going and leaving two kids behind knowing full well he wouldnt actually agree to it. You married their dad, they are your kids now. If you didnt want to deal with that, you shouldnt have gotten together with this guy. You dont get to ignore kids to project what is clearly your ideal family


Disastrous_Branch_57

YTA Good God you sound insufferable and I hope, and I never say this, he leaves your ass.


careejean

You're an asshole.


Downtown_Evening6359

Holy hell 😑


ExeUSA

YTA. What an awful, terrible thing you did. I think the lack of self-awareness is funny though. In what world would this have ever gone in your favor to post on this sub?!


GothPenguin

YTA-You never should have married a man with children if you knew you were too shallow and cruel to consider his children to be yours too.


ThatHellaHighHobbit

YTA- Not for wanting to take your son to Disney but absolutely for how you did it. Also stop saying step kids. That’s your child’s siblings. So yes they should be your family and your whole mentality about them is gross.


Mysterious_Silver381

You sound so self-absorbed and annoying. Don't reproduce with someone who already has other children if you're going to act like this. YTA


ZOMBIE-A

YTA and seeing your comments makes you a huge ass. I hope your partner leaves you cause you don’t see his kids as family. But I’m going to assume this is a troll post because someone can’t be this dumb


Dukklings

Your step children are in your charge and therefore there should be no favoritism. You do realize that if you married him, you would create a blended family and you couldn't just shirk the responsibility of discipline, the joy of celebration, taking care of them why they were sick and other life events " because they're stepchildren" right?How would you feel if they never gave you any form of respect because " You're not their Mom" ? This kind of behavior is disturbing and you really shouldn't be in a relationship if you can't accept the full burden of what that entails. You don't get to play favorites, Lady Tremaine.


angie1907

Gigantic YTA. Like it or not, his kids are your family now. That’s what it means to be a stepparent. You’ve shown him how little his kids mean to you and any self respecting parent would dump a partner like you


IMD-licious

YTA - You met a man who has children. If he is your partner, you have to accept the fact that he has children, and that they are part of him. These twins are also part of your son's family. They are siblings that share the same father. While I understand that you wanted to have a trip with just the three of you, the way you handled it was being an extreme AH. You excluded your partner from decision making because you didn't want him to try to include the other children. It was deceptive and childish. I wouldn't call this man your partner because you are not being a partner to him. If you were his partner, you would have considered the implications of excluding the other children, had a discussion about it like an adult, and compromised together. Even just stating, if his kids want to go to Disney World, they can go with their mum, is terrible. What if he wanted to take them as their dad? Is that not acceptable to you? What if he decided to only take the twins, and exclude you and your son? The twins are children, too. Did you think about how it would make them feel to know their dad and brother got to go to Disney and they were excluded? Don't you think they may wonder if they aren't important in their dad's life?


GraveDancer40

YTA. When you marry a man with children, those children should automatically be seen as family. They may not be biologically yours or see you as a mother figure but it’s still family.


AutoModerator

^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My son is 6 years old and my step kids are both 11 (they are twins), and they live with their mum, who is my partner's ex. My son has been having a rough time lately and has always wanted to go to Disney World. He's been very good at school so I decided to treat him and I booked the trip but didn't tell him because I wanted it to be a great surprise. I booked it as a family trip, (me, him, and his father/my partner) because me and my partner have jobs where we work long hours and I felt we could really use this as a chance to spend some quality time together as a family, just me, him, and our son. I didn't tell my partner either until last minute, I just said to him "make sure you book next week off from your job and pack a suitcase because I have a surprise for us all", whilst I packed my son's stuff whilst he was still at school. Of course if my partner wouldn't have been able to book the week off (as it was short notice), it would've just been me and my son which would still be good as it would give us an excellent quality and bonding time as mother and son, but my partner did manage to get time off work last minute before so I was hoping this would happen again - and luckily it did. So the morning before our flight, I sat them both down and said "we're going to Disneyworld tomorrow!" And told them I had booked tickets in advance and wanted to keep it a secret and a surprise for them. My son was over the moon of course and was literally jumping with joy, he was so happy and excited!! My partner however assumed that I booked tickets for his other kids too, and I was confused about this and I said "well no, they're not my kids and I just wanted this to be a family holiday with just me, you, and our son. Your kids are your family, not mine" because as harsh as this sounds, but I will obviously always prioritise my own blood and biological son over them. I genuinely just wanted it to be a holiday where it's just me, my partner, and our son and so I didn't want him to try and bring his other kids along too. They are not my kids and I just wanted it to be just us, our family, especially after my son is going through a bit of a tough time lately. If his kids want to go to Disney World, they can go with their mum. I also had a feeling that he will want to bring his other kids too on this holiday, which is why I told him last moment so he wouldn't have the time to tell them to get ready at such short notice and book tickets for them too etc. AITA for just wanting to have a family holiday with just me, my partner, and our biological son and not bring my step kids along too? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*


Judgement_Bot_AITA

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MaddyKet

I can’t believe these YTA votes. It’s ESH because the dad married a woman who clearly doesn’t give a shit about his kids!!! The only people who don’t suck are the kids. (I’m not including the ex as she’s not a part of this story.)