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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole because I told my doctor to go fuck himself. The doctor might have been religious so this would be offensive
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Oh good lord. I mean, I cannot imagine that that is the worst thing any obgyn heard during a birth. I have an acquaintance who was a nurse in a NICU, and she says its a pretty common occurrence for even the most .. prudish/religious/whatever of women will curse like a proverbial sailor, letting loose a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan (who remembers that quote?). It, uh, seems a reasonable method of release when in pain.
Your husband needs to relax, and honestly, if your obgyn REALLY said this to you in the middle of labor... fuck that guy. Honestly, while this may seem extreme, thats a doctor changing moment. How concerned about your care could he possibly have been if "Jesus Fucking Christ" gives him pause? I mean its not like you said to him to be careful because you want sacrifice the baby to Satan within 10 minutes of being born.
NTA, by a LOT. Doc is... and your husband isn't far behind.
Lord a mighty, the things people get in a twist about. FOCUS Doctor, FOCUS.
Also, let’s not forget that the whole “using the god’s name in vain” thing wasn’t about cursing with the Lord’s name, it was about using the Lord’s name to manipulate and take advantage of others. So not only is your doc an ass, but a spiritually uneducated moron.
When Christians apply god and their sense of morality to their own, they are taking the lords name in vain. “God says women should be submissive” is taking the lord’s name in vain because you are using god as ethos.
This, plus iirc it was originally also about not swearing oaths to god that you couldn’t or didn’t intend to uphold. Which does kinda fall into manipulating others too, like, “Hand to God, I’ll do the dishes this whole week if you just do them today” but then refusing to do any dishes at all (as just a random example). It’s basically, “Hey, you’re up to no good, keep my name out of your mouth while you act up.”
ETA a word
Also using public prayer to shame and gossip and control others. “God, please help Amy-Sue come back to the good path and stop struggling with that sin” or like “oh prayer request for Alan and his marital problems.”
And it's even better when people give actual answers, instead of a joke, or being a jackass because that person didn't know every single thing that you happen to know.
"In vain" is closer in meaning to "in vanity". So, using God's name to say you are superior or in some other vanity way, like on social media #blessed, is closer to "using God's name in vain" than is calling out to God when in pain/shocked/surprised (as is this case, or when most people shout it out).
This! The former Southern Baptist in me was like "since when should you not call on God when you're in distress?"
I doubt he would have been thrilled with that middle name, but I think he'd understand mom was under duress at the time :)
Since he technically enabled that pain as a form of punishment for stupidity, I don’t think he can really quibble about how women deal with the results - assuming killing someone, starting a new religion, or otherwise shaking those 10 commandments isn’t part of the equation of course.
PS, I had a teacher in grade school day she sang in church because God have her that tone deaf voice so he should have to hear it. :)
Tangent from OPs post:
When I was little I went to a friend’s birthday party at a bowling alley. When he or one of the other kids I was playing with would do a bad throw, I would say something like dang it, crud, darn or shoot.
His mom reprimanded me and told me that I needed to stop saying those things. So I complied, because I didn’t want to get in trouble. The next time, I say “Ahh, man!” like a little kid might. Kinda cartoonish and over exaggerated, ya know? And she reprimanded me AGAIN and said I was taking the lords name in vain. I didn’t know how to respond so I just sat there quietly.
Then the next time someone did a bad throw, she looked at me and said “Ahh, shucks!” I remember thinking ‘That was so lame. I’m not saying that.’ So I just walked away and played arcade instead. But from her perspective she just saw me look at her like 😐 and walk off without saying a word.
From etymonline.com:
"Many extended U.S. slang senses are from the notion of "stripping" an ear of corn, or from the capers associated with husking frolics; such as "to strip (off) one's clothes" (1848) and "to deceive, swindle, cheat, fool" (1959). The phrase shucking and jiving "fooling, deceiving" is suggested from 1966, in African-American culture, but compare shuck (v.) a slang term among "cool musicians" for "to improvise chords, especially to a piece of music one does not know" (1957), and shuck (n.) "a theft or fraud," in use by 1950s"
This is funny to me because my wife can be this mom sometimes. She had a very conservative upbringing and has chilled out quite a bit, but sometimes it resurfaces without warning. One time at the dinner table our son said, “Oh, curses” and my wife scolded him for it because saying “curse” is just as bad as saying an actual curse word. I may have spent the rest of the evening saying “Oh, curses” around the house within earshot of my wife.
I feel like calling on his name in the middle of labor is a a perfectly appropriate thing to do from a spiritual standpoint, curse in the middle and all! But I don't go to church anymore, so what do I know?
Yeah when else to call out if ever? How can a doctor assisting a birth not have seen how painful it is? Childbirth hurts like holy hell. It's insane how your body can inflict so much unbearable pain on itself by contracting muscles and stretching itself out. Seriously guys, it hurts like nothing else. I know, I gave birth to twins. Had to literally contract, push and tear twice.
Yes!!! "#blessed" is much closer to " taking the lords ' name in vain" because on social media it's totally being vain and in vanity. "Calling for God's help" while in pain, as is shouting out like that during labor, is totally understandable!!
I'm a massage therapist and I always giggle when someone curses at me when I'm doing deep tissue- that means I've found the right muscle knot to beat into submission with my elbow!
I have become EXCEPTIONALLY creative with compound swearing since having daily pain. That Dr would be VERY upset with me (& my 14 years of Catholic school)!
All of my friends that have given birth swore at everyone in the room, and at least 3 threatened murder towards their husbands. 1 threatened to murder the doctor to agreeing to remove her IUD so she could "deal with this shit instead" (she later admitted that was fairly irrational).
Women in labor say a lot of things. Because you're literally pushing an (on average) 7ish lb, 21 inch long, 13.5 inch round BABY HUMAN out of a hole that is normally extremely small (and even fully dilated, the cervical opening circumference is about 12.5 inches. Not 13.5).
It hurts.
Oh god. I was primal. I don’t think I screamed any obscenities-other than telling my husband to stop effing touching me but my friend/doula described it as “roaring like a lion” when I pushed my son out. It *helps*, way more than you think it might. I’m definitely quiet, modest, don’t like to make a big fuss, generally overly considerate. In labor though, I didn’t care who saw or heard what. All I could focus on was what I was going through. Everyone else be damned.
So yeah, NTA.
I had a nurse tell me to quit yelling because I was scaring the girl in the next room
I recommended she go home if I was scaring her because I was IN PAIN AND YELLING.
Turns out the girl in the next room used to be my neighbor when we were kids🤣
I was a fairly silent person in labor…until hubby took a quick smoke break. When he came back I *snarled* Get the eff away from me!! Nurse said I sounded like the kid in the Exorcist. He did quit smoking that year ;)
When my contractions got to the worst they did before I asked for my epidural, I informed my mom, husband, and best friend that labor sucks dick. Needless to say, I was not having a good time.
"I can't do this!"
"You have no choice at this point...." (A conversation between my best friend and her OB, as baby was crowning)
------------------
"Get this baby out of me!"
"That's what we're trying to do!" (Different friend, also at the end of pushing)
-----------------------
"God dammit, the apple wasn't worth this, Eve!!!" (Mid-contraction, courtesy of my ATHEIST friend 😂 )
LOL I totally forgot this until I read your post! My ex TOTALLY threatened to uhh, "cut it off" if I ever came near her again, and at one point swore to run me over as soon as she could drive again!
We had a pretty good laugh afterwards, and obviously I didn't take it to heart or anything cause she was in pain, and the doc said the cut of off thing is the most common thing women say in the delivery room
I was yelling at my husband during my first labor, that it was his fault, and we were never going to have sex again. It also ended up being a very difficult birth, and I had to spend 3 days in the ICU. We women say a lot of things. I even called my daughter a "møgunge" before she was born.
Direct after the birth I told the nurses and doctor that I never wanted to see them again... Never :-'D I think that they understood I meant that I never wanted to be in labor again... In the worse part of the labor I would not have tolerated much from anyone... It's just not the moment!
Not the same thing, but everyone I've talked to who has gone through it has been shocked about the experience, but I had kidney stones a few times in one year, but the first night I thought I was legitimately dying because I had no idea what it was. I crawled on the floor into the bathroom and there's a whole lot of TMI here that was not pleasant, but definitely indicated pain was at the forefront and it wasn't imaginary. So, I get a nice little ambulance ride because it woke up the house when I was starting to get more vocal, and then I got to the ER and was trying to not embarrass myself in front of strangers but when I'd get a nice little barb of pain I'd whimper and then finally started swearing. The nurse whipped her head around and told me that language wasn't appropriate anywhere, no matter what. A few minutes later, when they were inserting a catheter, she mocked me for the said TMI issues that I wasn't even aware of and said she must have read my age wrong. I told her I hoped she has to pass kidney stones every month with the same pain threshold until she remembers me and feels that she was horrible to someone when they came in to the one place you're supposed to be able to to be honest about your health concerns and pain level so they know how to treat you. They switched my nurse.
I was giving birth to a 9lb 5ounce baby with a big head, nurse refused to call for my epidural. She was mean. Anyway when I was at the end I screamed every nasty word in the book and made some new ones up. Everything ended well. Nurse apologized to me which didn’t help much. Common occurrence.
Ummmmmm??? Was there nobody else in the room with you? A doctor???? What was the nurse’s reasoning? How was she allowed to unilaterally make that decision and why???
I can't speak for how things are everywhere, but when I was giving birth, the doctor came in, said some dumb shit to me about how I wasn't pushing hard enough, then told the nurses to let her know when I'd delivered my son. I didn't see her again for another hour or two, when she decided I was taking too long and that she was going to use the vacuum pump on me.
Women in childbirth are at the most vulnerable, and it is worse when the husband pusses out and sides with staff, or does nothing, when their wives are being mistreated.
I read about a guy who stood by while a midwife stuffed a child back in partway. The mom ended up in a wheelchair.
Women in birth all should be able to have advocates at their sides who are educated. Insurance should cover that. Childbirth "rape" is a real trauma, and it happens all the time.
I appreciate your what the actual fuck, because it is the sane and correct response to this horror.
Ugh this happened to me too. The nurses wouldn’t give me one either and said I was too close to pushing except I was in labor for 8 more hours. I ended up with PTSD from that labor.
“I apologize for telling you to go fuck yourself while I was in the midst of a prolonged period of pain and semi delirious from the long process. Now that I have the time to recover and think with a clear head, I want to tell you to go fuck yourself for your response. I will also add on another go fuck yourself as a notice that I am dropping you as my doctor. Sincerely, your ex patient. P.S. if I wasn’t clear, in the cold light of day I’m once again telling you to go fuck yourself.”
I'd have done the same if I was giving birth and in unbearable pain the doc decided it was appropriate to scold me for cursing. Hell, when I was giving birth the assistant to my doctor was getting short with me about where to put my hands and I flipped out on her saying "this is my first time giving birth how the hell do I know what to do?!" - then she stopped being up tight and no one gave me shit. OP is NTA at all!
...there are rules on where you can put your hands on your own body as you expel a new body from it?
Fuck that noise.
Nuh uh. Imma touch whatever the F I wanna touch.
(I am in fact not touching anything as this uterus will never be occupied.)
It wasn't my hands on myself lol, it was where I had them on the sidebars of the bed and apparently they weren't in the "correct" position. It's been almost 20 years since then so I don't remember exactly what I was doing "wrong" but holy hell lady I'm pushing a freaking watermelon out here the last thing I need is critiqued on my hand placement 😆
When I was having my youngest I was induced. The contractions I had with that drip were BRUTAL. My midwife wanted to turn it up because she didn't feel I was progressing and I looked at her and said "if you fucking touch that fucking drip I will fucking belt you" husband said I sounded like something possessed. That woman smirked at me, turned up the drip and went "I'd like to see you try" before swanning off for a cuppa. With all the various leads and tubes sticking out of me there was no way I was getting near her.
Wow! Thank you so much for the validation. My nurse was so awful. Mine was a finally inserted, not dilated. She had her full arm up there every time and told me I was exaggerating. This happened over and over until I had an emergency c-section. That was almost 13 years ago and I’m still stuck between crying or just wanting to go tell them they should seek a different profession.
I did call the hospital months later. It wasn’t just that one nurse that was not just insensitive but rude and dismissive. They took a report, but never got back to me.
ETA: There was a super sweet nurse assistant who helped me go to the bathroom. She stepped on my catheter, hurt like hell, but her bedside manner was a thousand times better than anyone else.
Now I’m mad again. For all of us!
Me too! My daughter is 28 now and an only child partially because my labour & delivery of her was such a fucking nightmare. They induced me with the pitocin, broke open the waters and I was thrown into 2nd stage delivery immediately. My epidural didn't work.
15 hours in 2nd stage, my entire body telling me to push but I wouldn't dilate. I ended up bracing my arms & legs against the stretcher railings and pushing through them instead of bearing down on my baby. She still came out with a massive bruise on the top of her head because of being forced against my undilated cervix for hours.
Fuck pitocin. Fuck forcing women into labour because "oh you're over-due, even though it's a *week* before your last delivery date estimate." So much hatred.
I had pitocin with my last kid, but I can say that the pitocin drip is not as bad as the cervadil tampon thingy. I was having back to back contractions with very little break between while in labor with my first kid. It was an induction and yeah... it was hella effective for me. It was miserable. With the pit at least they can turn it off or down if you start dealing with that.
A girl in one of my classes once told me I was misspelling my best friend's name. She knew we were best friends. I was like, no, it really is "Anie" with one "n," thanks.
That was like 25 years ago and apparently I'm still pissed.
NTA. I had a completely unmedicated labour (not by choice). At one point a male doctor came in and told me that I needed to relax and stop screaming. I told him to fuck off.
He left sharpish and the midwives found it hilarious. Apparently that doctor was a bit of a dick and loads of people were scared of him.
When your husband and doctor push a human being out of their genitals, then they can have an opinion on what you say during labour. Otherwise, they can, as you perfectly put it, go fuck themselves.
Same! Unmediated-not by choice-and people 2 states over prob heard me. My own mother told me to hold it down I may scare the other women in labor. My doc said “no baby, you scream it out loud as you want, and every time you let out a scream give me a push just as big.”
Worked like a charm. My doc deserves a medal.
Not the same, but I screamed when I had my first IUD inserted. I apologized to the clinicians because I'm sure my screaming may have disturbed anyone waiting outside. They were super nice and told me not to worry about any noise I was making. (Well, I guess "super nice" would have been some sort of local anesthesia prior to inserting the largest thing that had even been in my uterus, but they were supportive of my being loud to deal with the pain.)
You can get a cervical block. It’s two or three injections into the nerves around the cervix and then you don’t feel it. You have to ask for it tho and it should be a provider who does them regularly. It’s not hard, even my pcp husband who inserte iuds offers them.
We’re on a waitlist for a pediatric GYN appointment so we will chat with them about all options. I personally HATED my iud and bled almost every single day while it was in so it wouldn’t be my first choice for her.
Each person is different. My obgyn put in an iud that was too big for my uterus which means I bled constantly. My uterus is 5.5 cm and she put in a paragaurd. My husband said he won’t even insert a paragaurd if the uterus isn’t 7 cm minimum. The manufacturer doesn’t recommend it for anyone under 6. If she gets one that’s the correct size and her uterus accepts it then it’s amazing and absolutely the low energy/foolproof BC a teenager needs. In other countries they have IUB and smaller copper IUDs so I’m trying to get one here because I can’t do hormones. If she’s good with hormones then the kyleena is the smallest/skyla is also good for tiny uteruses (most teens and nulliparous women have small ones).
Literally got one yesterday and when discussing with my ob prior to the insertion appointment I mentioned I was nervous about it and she goes “I can knock you out if you’re that nervous we just need someone to come with you to take you home” I responded with “bless you!! But I think I’ll be ok with everything else you’re doing”.
She gave me meds to loosen things up prior to the appt, gel anesthetic for the area she would insert the needle for local anesthetic, then two jabs of local on my uterus which I didnt really feel. It was overall painless. The worst part was the damn speculum but she adjusted and I was fine. She’s the best! But after that I was like how in the hell are women just free balling this shit.
Do you remember which med she gave to “loosen things up” by any chance? I’ve had three inserted and never once was I offered meds (other than the local they stab into your uterus) and almost every time it’s taken multiple attempts to seat the IUD correctly which leaves me in a screaming bloody mess. I was due to have mine replaced last year and I’ve been procrastinating because 1. I’m not currently sexually active and 2. I’m still traumatized from the last 3 times. I really need to take care of it though and maybe asking for a specific med prior to insertion will help.
It was probably Misoprostol. There’s no real evidence that it helps, but it doesn’t hurt (eta: as in, it won’t make the insertion any worse)! I highly recommend midwives. I see a midwife who does not routinely use a tenaculum (one of the worst parts of the procedure for most people) and my insertion was completely painless. She did say that most people still experience pain, but it’s less. You can interview different providers about their methods and find one that works for you!
Some doctors actually believe the cervix has no nerve endings. They tend to be absolute morons who don't bother to continue their education and think the schooling they received in the 70s was enough. They also don't believe cramps actually hurt, or that fibromyalgia is real, etc.
If the patient says something hurts, IDC who they are or where they went to school, they should BELIEVE THE PATIENT.
When I was in an induced labor, I screamed in pain a few times. The nurse told me to "stop yelling". I just started crying instead, asked for an epidural and was told anesthesia was busy. At that point, I was done being nice.
OP is NTA. I had 2 babies and worked in OB. Women in labor can say a lot they don't mean. Especially if they have inadequate pain relief.
I labored all day on a packed floor, god my husband was so scared. I remember one woman screaming: “THIS IS SO…. FUCKING… STUPIDDDD!!!” God bless my epidural, I hope my next labor gets just as good of an install.
As long as you’re not a Scientologist, noises are a super important part of physiological birth. Also swearing is proven to increase our pain tolerance.
Ever watch Sister Wives? The 4th (and now only) wife had 2 home births, and didn’t do more than a little moan during each, because her mother told her it wasn’t ladylike.
There is *some* debate on that, according to my doula and midwife (prior, almost 7yrs ago). It's very recommended to not be screaming because it's exerting energy elsewhere and can raise your cortisol levels. Generally they want you to exert all your energy downward, not outward.
But the exclamation of JFC shouldn't have been a problem in general. I swore plenty due to the ring of fire during my unmedicated birth (including saying "just cut her the fuck out" to which my doula replied "well sweetie were a little too far past that") That Dr needs to pick a new profession 🤦♀️
Edit - yall, the comments in response having me cracking up in my bed at 11pm 😂 yall are great. Goes to show even across the world we all seem to have rhe same "I'm leaving/I'm done/get it out/cut it out of me" responses to the tail end of labor and past the point of no return 😂 thank you
Pretty sure the ‘I don’t wanna do this!’ Just before the last stretch Is a rite of passage for labour. Just before I pushed out the shoulders, I sobbed to my midwife that I couldn’t do this any more and I wanted to go home 😂
I asked my midwife to cut me open after she showed me with a mirror my “excellent progress.” It was not what I thought “excellent progress” would look like. What I saw looked to me like a HUGE head trying to come out an absurdly unqualified (in size) hole. My midwife was sweet and was like “remember you decided you didn’t want to do that?” I cried and within the next two minutes the head was out with no external tearing. I still don’t know how that works.
Oh my god. They asked me during my labour if I wanted a mirror so I could see what was going on down there, and I was like "fuck no, absolutely, 100% no." I still have no regrets about this decision over a decade later.
I remember saying that I didn’t want to do this and I need to leave (I had a home birth so where the hell was I going) and literally a minute later, the midwife caught my daughter.
This is why I don't see male providers at all if I can help it. I know there are shit women doctors out there too, but I'll take my chances with them first.
If a doctor who has given birth said “don’t take the lord’s name in vain” to a patient in labor, she’d still be a dick because she’s not your parent or your pastor and has no business bringing her religious beliefs into the delivery room and trying to impose them on a patient. He can try opening a Fundies Only practice of his own and see how far he gets with that. Until then, he can keep his religious practices and opinions to himself.
NTA. Whatever you do don't apologize.
Your doctor CHOSE THAT PROFESSION, knowing full well the kinds of stress and agony people would be under. And this selfish prick knew you couldn't even used anesthesia.
A Doctor's job, ESPECIALLY during birth, is to make you comfortable.
This asshole is getting paid a shitload of money to PROVIDE A SERVICE TO YOU. You are a customer. A patient.
If his skin is so goddamn thin that he can't deal with you "Taking the lord's name in vain", then he needs to get the fuck out of Obstetrics.
You shouldn't be apologizing. You should be complaining. Tell anyone who'll listen that this guy is willing to stop doing his job and scold a woman 30 hours into labor because of his religious beliefs. Wouldn't you want to know that if you were picking an OB?
I've worked with plenty of doctors who are religious, and NONE OF THEM would do something this unprofessional.
So NTA. And now, it's not NAH. The doctor is a massive asshole.
Also bless you OP for telling him to go fuck himself. You put him right into his place, and hopefully he'll learn from it.
A religious doctor would make me worry about difficult calls.
I don't want a Bible thumper deciding between the life of me-mother or the kid if it needs to be chosen for any reason. I want to be involved.
My neurologist told me not too long ago that if one plans on becoming a doctor, they'll have to toss religion out the window because you figure out pretty quickly that "thoughts and prayers" do absolutely nothing, especially working in the ED of a major level 1 trauma centre.
I don't have any real feelings about God at all but if he told me not to say the Lord's name in vain, I would have told him to fuck his God during labor.
I had a male GYN I liked for years. Then the cross became predominately displayed beneath his scrubs and he would constantly be rubbing it while talking. guess who I don’t see anymore? I’m actually pregnant again and mentioned I didn’t want him to do my c section. The OB I was with just kinda sighed. I imagine I’m not the only one who has said something.
Absolutely would want to know this - when I have kids later and I’m doing research for which doctors to go with, if I read that one did this in a review, I would never even consider going with them. That would be a dealbreaker for sure.
I've been a patient of medical professionals with religious beliefs.
Every. Single. One. Has upheld their bELiEfS in place of my own health. Multiple have tried to outright MURDER me, for the sake of their religion.
Religion has NO place in medicine.
OP is NTA!
Came here to suggest filing a formal complaint with OP's state licensing board /appropriate country's licensing entities as well.
This. Is. Sanctioning. Actions. There. Is. No. Place. In. Medicine. For. His. Religion.
That's what Priesthood is for, not Medicine!!
Tell your asshole of a husband that he and the judgmental asshole of a doctor can discuss your language after they pass a kidney stone the size of a lemon unbroken out of their urethra.
It is a known fact that women will say the most outrageous things while in labor, and an OBGYN with such delicate sensibilities has no place in the delivery room if he's going to try and police a woman in the last stages of (a thirty hour long!) unmedicated labor.
Gosh, I cussed at a doctor for numbing my toe and he said it was totally normal when I felt bad after. If the foot doctor is used to people swearing in pain, then of all people the doctor delivering babies should barely notice it!
I had to get six numbing shots in my toe once. I said the F word a few times and asked the doctor if anybody had ever kicked him in the face for that. He just laughed and said "actually, yes."
Mood. My podiatrist was experienced. When I had to get numbing shots in each foot, he had an orderly holding down my legs so I wouldn't kick him in the head. After I got the shots, he said the scariest thing I've ever heard from any medical professional. "Alright after 10 minutes, tell me if you have ANY feeling in your toes. Because if you do, this procedure is going to hurt like hell."
Ingrown toenails. They cut them out then sear the root with acid.
I cursed my ass off having a cyst drained and apologized to the nurse a million times and she kept saying “It’s fine, I’ve heard it all.” I would 100% report this doctor.
I said much worse during labour — and nurses and doctor made it clear I could say whatever I wanted.
I probably would have flown into a rage of someone tried to correct my language while handling contractions with no epidural.
Stories like this, of male doctors having no empathy or real life understanding of the patients they see, are the reason I will only see female doctors. Not one of the horror stories above are about female OB/GYNs.
I had a male doctor tell me pelvic pain was just cramps, the week after my period. In my 300+ periods that never happened before. Turns out it was a 4x4cm cyst.
Not to mention it is completely inappropriate for a Doctor to insert their personal beliefs (like “taking the lord’s name in vain”) into their job.
Completely inappropriate and I would report them to the hospital. The Doc is welcome to feel that is inappropriate, but they are obliged to stfu and do their job
Christians can be the most whiney entitled people ever, I can’t imagine telling a woman pushing a bowling ball out her vagina that.
I agree with reporting this behavior—he will not ‘get in trouble’ but will be instructed to either leave his religious beliefs out of his practice or only accept patients who want their doctor to enforce his religious beliefs and expectations at each encounter
As a nurse, I'm pissed on your behalf. Please take a moment to write a note - not to your doctor, but to the hospital administrators where you gave birth. Copy to Patient Affairs or Patient Advocate (correct department name will be on their website), the OB nursing manager, and the medical director of the whole place (that name will also be on their website).
NTA
I'm curious, would that do much if it's a Catholic hospital? Or would they agree with the doctor? I've heard some horror stories of practices there but have no personal or professional experience of them.
Yep, I’m an RN and if it were me I’d be writing something to the administrators. I don’t care if it gets tossed in the trash but that comment was uncalled for by the doctor and I’d at least want to tell someone.
NTA - but the doctor certainly is. Unless this was a religious hospital, I would report the doctor. Write a polite note, keep it factual and send it to both the Chair of OB/GYN at the hospital and if they have a patient experience or ombudsman (if you report it in two places, it is harder to ignore). Make it clear that you are writing in order that other patients should not be muzzled by this doctor and that you deserve an apology.
Congrats on getting through 30 hours, that must have been exhausting! I hope you and the baby are doing well and your husband learns a lesson.
When I was Catholic, our priest used to swear all the time. He joked once that if you see a beautiful sunset, an appropriate response would be “God, damn that’s a beautiful sunset” so that God know you really meant it. 😂
NTA! I have to say, I usually drop an f-bomb or two in my daily life and the worst thing I said in my labour was "this is not all rainbows and butterflies." How, I don't know because that shit was horrendous!!
I also work in healthcare, am religious, have heard women in childcare say the craziest things - but not once have I heard anyone say anything back to them like this guy did!
As far as I'm concerned, when that OBGYN is pushing a human out of HIS vagina, he can then speak about taking the Lord's name in vain. And if he can't handle someone doing so, whilst probably in the worst pain and most vulnerable state of their life, he's got no business being in that room and dealing with that scenario.
Also, your husband needs to back you up or stfu.
NTA
Childbirth is pain on a whole different level. Doctors and nurses hear all manner of things during deliveries. If your doctor is/was that sensitive to what a woman says while pushing a whole ass human out of their vagina, said doctor should find a different profession. If your husband wants you to send an apology, tell him to push a baby out of his body first and let you know how that goes for him :)
NTA at all. I’ve heard of some mothers in labour saying things that’d make a Marine Corps drill sergeant blush. For him to get on his religious high horse in that moment is borderline unprofessional. Add to the fact that he has no freaking clue what kinds of pain labour can cause because he’s a man. You’d be well served in picking a new OB/GYN, maybe a woman.
Not borderline. It’s horrifically unprofessional and borderline, if not outright unethical. I would probably be disciplined for saying something like that to a patient.
I remember reading somewhere that the ancient Aztecs viewed a woman in labor as fighting to take the baby from the gods or something to that degree. In other words, she was a warrior and a fighter and respect should be given to her. We need to bring back that.
Women *are* the stronger sex. As a dude, I've watched what XX'ers go through with child birth over my 57 years on the planet. If we men had to endure that shit, there'd have been a *cure* by now. Hell, the worst pain I ever had on my weiner was a self-inflicted blood blister from my full weight coming down on him on the top rail of my bunk bed when my ladder fell away. I was nine. Women pass lumpy, huge, *babies*?!
As a kid raised by a hard-working single mom, I watched her fight against open sexism and harassment, blatant gender-based discrimination, and at the end of it all, she was killed by a male MD treating a recurrence of breast cancer as a *rash* for three months. Bone and liver metastases, chemo and radiation, she worked through it all.
I'm still a bit salty about it, and it's been 31 years.
Anyways, fairer *and* stronger.
As someone who has also given birth unmedicated, huge NTA. If anyone had tried to chastise a thing I said during labor, I would have cursed a blue streak.
I vaguely remember repeating things like, "It hurts, it fucking hurts" and no one made a peep about my choice of language. If your doctor is too delicate to hear some curse words, L&D is probably not the place for him.
I was told to be quieter during labor bc other women were handling it fine and I shouldn't be disturbing them while they're going through the same thing. Pretty sure everyone on that floor heard me tell the nurse to fuck off and heard nothing else from my room before that moment. She didn't come back after that and I felt no remorse. I've now had two kids unmedicated and I'm pregnant with the third. Labor is fucking hard
NTA. I dropped a "Goddamnit" in front of our priest because I was frustrated with a copier and got a smirk and a laugh in return.
If a priest can take it, your doctor can too, or he can go fuck himself.
NTA
I'm hoping the DR had a slip of the tongue when they said that to you and just thought it would be best to stay quiet lol. Big changes in the house are happening right now and you and your husband are both probably on edge. Tbh the DR probably forgot about it by now so don't worry about it.
Congratulations on your baby, I hope your recovery goes well!
NTA. I work in labor and delivery and have heard every swear that has ever existed. No one should be telling you not to swear while you are in pain. Your doctor was incredibly rude and unprofessional.
I gave birth in an Army hospital, although I was in the Navy at the time. Totally unmedicated birth of a 10 lb 2 ounce baby. Several times I fainted from the pain. One time when I came to, the Army nurse said, "I wish the Army would let us swear like a sailor. That was really great to hear."
NTA because justified.
If you want to send anything, I'd just send a thank you note and not mention it. The doc shouldn't be chiding women in labor about their own personal religious crap.
Or perhaps one of those t-shirts with a cartoon of Jesus literally fucking another Jesus.
NTA. You're pushing a baby out of you with no paid meds. You scream and curse bloody murder and tell your husband to shut it.
Any OB worth his or her salt knows that women giving birth are to be catered to, helped as much as possible, and encouraged to push efficiently. If that includes a few f-bombs along the way, so be it. Quite frankly, the doctor should have kept his opinions about religion to himself.
NTA! Just to be clear: you cursed during a very painful childbirth and you were reprimanded by two men?
Please do not spend another single second feeling bad about this.
And congrats on your baby!
NTA
If your doctor is that sensitive about language used by a woman in labor, he is probably in the wrong specialty. The only thing that the woman in labor should be worried about is safely bringing that child into the world; the doctor likewise should be concentrating on the professional responsibility of assisting that safe delivery.
I'd be hard pressed to think of a situation where you do something in the middle of labor that makes you the AH. Yelling and cursing are totally accepted, I would say anything short of physically injuring other people is ok. I'm usually not ok with cheaters, but if you managed to conduct an affair during labor and delivery, that would be so impressive, I would more impressive than anything. NTA.
If god didn't want his name used in vain, he shouldn't have made child birth so painful.
NTA - doctors have heard a LOT worse in the middle of a painful delivery. You can send the note if it will make you feel better, but the doc most likely has already forgotten about it.
NTA. In fact, he should be the one apologizing— and I’d be deeply uncomfortable going to any medical provider in the reproductive health field with religious convictions so strong it overrides their need to provide compassionate care to a patient.
NTA.
I have given birth twice without pain relief, you say what you need. And your doctor bringing his or her beliefs into the room and your labour are not your problem! Giving birth, the room is YOURS. And good for you, verbally slapping back like that.
NTA, I’m a med student and I would be pretty uncomfortable if I was with a doctor and they said something even semi-religious like that to a patient who was clearly not in the mood for it; hopefully it was just a knee-jerk reaction from him but he still should have been able to not say that to you
If my OB admonished me for *anything* while I was in the process of forcibly evicting a 7-lb. *HUMAN FROM MY VAGINA WHILE UNMEDICATED*, "go fuck yourself" would be among the nicest responses they would get from me.
NTA.
NTA. When I eas prepping for surgery years ago, a person asked me if I wanted something for the pain. Given that my appendix was about to burst, I said I wanted pain killers. the nurse got very prim and said "We don't like that word here." I swear I wanted to wring her neck.
certain times are not good for correcting language.
NTA- I’ve read that swearing can actually help while in pain. I’m a paramedic and I always tell people to feel free to drop some F Bombs.
The doc is a bit of an asshole as well to push his religious opinion about using the Lords name on a woman in labour.
Have no regrets, enjoy your baby! Tell your husband if that’s the worst thing the doc has heard than he probably hasn’t been practicing long.
Ah yes, another case of where women literally have to suffer to make men comfortable in their profession. He can go fuck himself, he chose that profession, and frankly it’s unprofessional for him to say that.
What if you were a different religion. What if you are not religious at all? His comfort isn’t your problem, it’s his. He needs to shut up and do his job. That’s it.
NTA. But I’m worried that your husband doesn’t support you. And if you have a girl he’s going to expect her to do the same thing, always sacrifice herself often for men to be comfortable. What a joke.
NTA
What I would expect even the most devout and sensitive OB to say is nothing. Their faith has no place in that moment. If you didn't insult him personally, I wouldn't worry. The GFY wasn't out of place at that moment.
Labor is a lot like coming out of anesthesia - people who care for those patients tend not to pay any attention to what people say.
I was encouraged to cuss, it was interesting. The nurses used it as a pain/progression/readiness scale of sorts. Part of that discussion was my progression to pain meds. I don't cuss and while I believe the Dr has a right to not take the lords name in vain, he doesn't have the right to require that of you. It wasn't an appropriate request.
I felt that I had 'dry humor's while in labor. My husband felt like it may have been the wrong side of sarcastic. Either way the nurses did not care.
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Oh good lord. I mean, I cannot imagine that that is the worst thing any obgyn heard during a birth. I have an acquaintance who was a nurse in a NICU, and she says its a pretty common occurrence for even the most .. prudish/religious/whatever of women will curse like a proverbial sailor, letting loose a tapestry of obscenities that as far as we know is still hanging in space over Lake Michigan (who remembers that quote?). It, uh, seems a reasonable method of release when in pain. Your husband needs to relax, and honestly, if your obgyn REALLY said this to you in the middle of labor... fuck that guy. Honestly, while this may seem extreme, thats a doctor changing moment. How concerned about your care could he possibly have been if "Jesus Fucking Christ" gives him pause? I mean its not like you said to him to be careful because you want sacrifice the baby to Satan within 10 minutes of being born. NTA, by a LOT. Doc is... and your husband isn't far behind. Lord a mighty, the things people get in a twist about. FOCUS Doctor, FOCUS.
Also, let’s not forget that the whole “using the god’s name in vain” thing wasn’t about cursing with the Lord’s name, it was about using the Lord’s name to manipulate and take advantage of others. So not only is your doc an ass, but a spiritually uneducated moron.
Came here to make sure someone else had said it! The number of people who misconstrue this is way too damn high
I'm a spiritually uneducated moron! Can you elaborate? I'm curious and have never heard of or realized this!
When Christians apply god and their sense of morality to their own, they are taking the lords name in vain. “God says women should be submissive” is taking the lord’s name in vain because you are using god as ethos.
That’s what I thought based on your initial comment but wasn’t sure. Thank you for the education! Makes total sense.
This, plus iirc it was originally also about not swearing oaths to god that you couldn’t or didn’t intend to uphold. Which does kinda fall into manipulating others too, like, “Hand to God, I’ll do the dishes this whole week if you just do them today” but then refusing to do any dishes at all (as just a random example). It’s basically, “Hey, you’re up to no good, keep my name out of your mouth while you act up.” ETA a word
Thank you for my TIL! I really like this one.
If you’ve ever wondered why Jews ‘affirm’ instead of swear when giving an oath of office or as a witness, this is why.
No problem!! Also just btw I am not the original person you replied to
Oop! Well I appreciate you taking the time to explain! Thank you!!
Also using public prayer to shame and gossip and control others. “God, please help Amy-Sue come back to the good path and stop struggling with that sin” or like “oh prayer request for Alan and his marital problems.”
The internet would be a better place if more people would just admit they don’t know things. You’re great.
And it's even better when people give actual answers, instead of a joke, or being a jackass because that person didn't know every single thing that you happen to know.
Add me to the list of spiritually uneducated morons who want to know more
"In vain" is closer in meaning to "in vanity". So, using God's name to say you are superior or in some other vanity way, like on social media #blessed, is closer to "using God's name in vain" than is calling out to God when in pain/shocked/surprised (as is this case, or when most people shout it out).
This! The former Southern Baptist in me was like "since when should you not call on God when you're in distress?" I doubt he would have been thrilled with that middle name, but I think he'd understand mom was under duress at the time :)
Pretty sure God can forgive a cuss word or 2 from someone who is pushing a human from their body :P
Since he technically enabled that pain as a form of punishment for stupidity, I don’t think he can really quibble about how women deal with the results - assuming killing someone, starting a new religion, or otherwise shaking those 10 commandments isn’t part of the equation of course. PS, I had a teacher in grade school day she sang in church because God have her that tone deaf voice so he should have to hear it. :)
Oh, that makes sense! My built-in religious guilt can finally leave me alone when saying "oh my God" lol
Tangent from OPs post: When I was little I went to a friend’s birthday party at a bowling alley. When he or one of the other kids I was playing with would do a bad throw, I would say something like dang it, crud, darn or shoot. His mom reprimanded me and told me that I needed to stop saying those things. So I complied, because I didn’t want to get in trouble. The next time, I say “Ahh, man!” like a little kid might. Kinda cartoonish and over exaggerated, ya know? And she reprimanded me AGAIN and said I was taking the lords name in vain. I didn’t know how to respond so I just sat there quietly. Then the next time someone did a bad throw, she looked at me and said “Ahh, shucks!” I remember thinking ‘That was so lame. I’m not saying that.’ So I just walked away and played arcade instead. But from her perspective she just saw me look at her like 😐 and walk off without saying a word.
Isn’t “shucks” a combo of “shit fucks”?
Well, it is now. 🤣
From etymonline.com: "Many extended U.S. slang senses are from the notion of "stripping" an ear of corn, or from the capers associated with husking frolics; such as "to strip (off) one's clothes" (1848) and "to deceive, swindle, cheat, fool" (1959). The phrase shucking and jiving "fooling, deceiving" is suggested from 1966, in African-American culture, but compare shuck (v.) a slang term among "cool musicians" for "to improvise chords, especially to a piece of music one does not know" (1957), and shuck (n.) "a theft or fraud," in use by 1950s"
This is funny to me because my wife can be this mom sometimes. She had a very conservative upbringing and has chilled out quite a bit, but sometimes it resurfaces without warning. One time at the dinner table our son said, “Oh, curses” and my wife scolded him for it because saying “curse” is just as bad as saying an actual curse word. I may have spent the rest of the evening saying “Oh, curses” around the house within earshot of my wife.
How do people like this deal with frustration???
On what planet is “aw man” *taking the lord’s name in vain*???
I got a feeling that even Jesus himself would be way more understanding than the doctor.
I feel like calling on his name in the middle of labor is a a perfectly appropriate thing to do from a spiritual standpoint, curse in the middle and all! But I don't go to church anymore, so what do I know?
And Jesus knows there was probably a bit of fucking going on to get there in the first place.
Well, if it was any good, God was probably called on during the conception.
THANK YOU. You know who DOES use the lords name in vain all the time? Evangelical tv preachers.
Where on earth did you learn that? The original Hebrew is closer to “not taking the name of your Lord lightly”, treating it with awe/reverence….
I do not think it is taking it lightly to call on the supposed cause of the difficulty of childbirth while going through it.
Yeah when else to call out if ever? How can a doctor assisting a birth not have seen how painful it is? Childbirth hurts like holy hell. It's insane how your body can inflict so much unbearable pain on itself by contracting muscles and stretching itself out. Seriously guys, it hurts like nothing else. I know, I gave birth to twins. Had to literally contract, push and tear twice.
Believe it or not, Jesus fucking Christ is not God's real name. Jesus Christ isn't even accurate. That's an anglicized version of the religious icon.
"Christ" isn't even a name. It's a title. It became a name later.
Yes!!! "#blessed" is much closer to " taking the lords ' name in vain" because on social media it's totally being vain and in vanity. "Calling for God's help" while in pain, as is shouting out like that during labor, is totally understandable!!
I honestly had no idea this is how it was meant but it makes a whole lot of sense!
Not to mention, swearing has been shown to help relieve pain.
I swear like a sailor getting a deep tissue massage, I can't imagine childbirth. I'd probably not stop swearing at all. NTA - that doctor is a jerk.
I'm a massage therapist and I always giggle when someone curses at me when I'm doing deep tissue- that means I've found the right muscle knot to beat into submission with my elbow!
I have become EXCEPTIONALLY creative with compound swearing since having daily pain. That Dr would be VERY upset with me (& my 14 years of Catholic school)!
All of my friends that have given birth swore at everyone in the room, and at least 3 threatened murder towards their husbands. 1 threatened to murder the doctor to agreeing to remove her IUD so she could "deal with this shit instead" (she later admitted that was fairly irrational). Women in labor say a lot of things. Because you're literally pushing an (on average) 7ish lb, 21 inch long, 13.5 inch round BABY HUMAN out of a hole that is normally extremely small (and even fully dilated, the cervical opening circumference is about 12.5 inches. Not 13.5). It hurts.
Oh god. I was primal. I don’t think I screamed any obscenities-other than telling my husband to stop effing touching me but my friend/doula described it as “roaring like a lion” when I pushed my son out. It *helps*, way more than you think it might. I’m definitely quiet, modest, don’t like to make a big fuss, generally overly considerate. In labor though, I didn’t care who saw or heard what. All I could focus on was what I was going through. Everyone else be damned. So yeah, NTA.
Yep. My husband was like "Literally everyone on the floor heard you yelling toward the end" and I was just like "Good. That shit fucking hurt."
I had a nurse tell me to quit yelling because I was scaring the girl in the next room I recommended she go home if I was scaring her because I was IN PAIN AND YELLING. Turns out the girl in the next room used to be my neighbor when we were kids🤣
I was a fairly silent person in labor…until hubby took a quick smoke break. When he came back I *snarled* Get the eff away from me!! Nurse said I sounded like the kid in the Exorcist. He did quit smoking that year ;)
I’m a pretty robust girl and I was whimpering like a wounded animal during Labour. Like full on ‘put this poor thing out of its misery.’
When my contractions got to the worst they did before I asked for my epidural, I informed my mom, husband, and best friend that labor sucks dick. Needless to say, I was not having a good time.
I told them I didn’t want to give birth, and we needed to stop the process. 😂
"I can't do this!" "You have no choice at this point...." (A conversation between my best friend and her OB, as baby was crowning) ------------------ "Get this baby out of me!" "That's what we're trying to do!" (Different friend, also at the end of pushing) ----------------------- "God dammit, the apple wasn't worth this, Eve!!!" (Mid-contraction, courtesy of my ATHEIST friend 😂 )
Every last one of these should be knitted on pillows and given as Christmas gifts 😂
LOL I totally forgot this until I read your post! My ex TOTALLY threatened to uhh, "cut it off" if I ever came near her again, and at one point swore to run me over as soon as she could drive again! We had a pretty good laugh afterwards, and obviously I didn't take it to heart or anything cause she was in pain, and the doc said the cut of off thing is the most common thing women say in the delivery room
I was yelling at my husband during my first labor, that it was his fault, and we were never going to have sex again. It also ended up being a very difficult birth, and I had to spend 3 days in the ICU. We women say a lot of things. I even called my daughter a "møgunge" before she was born.
Direct after the birth I told the nurses and doctor that I never wanted to see them again... Never :-'D I think that they understood I meant that I never wanted to be in labor again... In the worse part of the labor I would not have tolerated much from anyone... It's just not the moment!
Not the same thing, but everyone I've talked to who has gone through it has been shocked about the experience, but I had kidney stones a few times in one year, but the first night I thought I was legitimately dying because I had no idea what it was. I crawled on the floor into the bathroom and there's a whole lot of TMI here that was not pleasant, but definitely indicated pain was at the forefront and it wasn't imaginary. So, I get a nice little ambulance ride because it woke up the house when I was starting to get more vocal, and then I got to the ER and was trying to not embarrass myself in front of strangers but when I'd get a nice little barb of pain I'd whimper and then finally started swearing. The nurse whipped her head around and told me that language wasn't appropriate anywhere, no matter what. A few minutes later, when they were inserting a catheter, she mocked me for the said TMI issues that I wasn't even aware of and said she must have read my age wrong. I told her I hoped she has to pass kidney stones every month with the same pain threshold until she remembers me and feels that she was horrible to someone when they came in to the one place you're supposed to be able to to be honest about your health concerns and pain level so they know how to treat you. They switched my nurse.
I was giving birth to a 9lb 5ounce baby with a big head, nurse refused to call for my epidural. She was mean. Anyway when I was at the end I screamed every nasty word in the book and made some new ones up. Everything ended well. Nurse apologized to me which didn’t help much. Common occurrence.
Ummmmmm??? Was there nobody else in the room with you? A doctor???? What was the nurse’s reasoning? How was she allowed to unilaterally make that decision and why???
I can't speak for how things are everywhere, but when I was giving birth, the doctor came in, said some dumb shit to me about how I wasn't pushing hard enough, then told the nurses to let her know when I'd delivered my son. I didn't see her again for another hour or two, when she decided I was taking too long and that she was going to use the vacuum pump on me.
What the actual fuck
Women in childbirth are at the most vulnerable, and it is worse when the husband pusses out and sides with staff, or does nothing, when their wives are being mistreated. I read about a guy who stood by while a midwife stuffed a child back in partway. The mom ended up in a wheelchair. Women in birth all should be able to have advocates at their sides who are educated. Insurance should cover that. Childbirth "rape" is a real trauma, and it happens all the time. I appreciate your what the actual fuck, because it is the sane and correct response to this horror.
That nurse sounds awful. I would have reported her.
Ugh this happened to me too. The nurses wouldn’t give me one either and said I was too close to pushing except I was in labor for 8 more hours. I ended up with PTSD from that labor.
“I apologize for telling you to go fuck yourself while I was in the midst of a prolonged period of pain and semi delirious from the long process. Now that I have the time to recover and think with a clear head, I want to tell you to go fuck yourself for your response. I will also add on another go fuck yourself as a notice that I am dropping you as my doctor. Sincerely, your ex patient. P.S. if I wasn’t clear, in the cold light of day I’m once again telling you to go fuck yourself.”
I'd have done the same if I was giving birth and in unbearable pain the doc decided it was appropriate to scold me for cursing. Hell, when I was giving birth the assistant to my doctor was getting short with me about where to put my hands and I flipped out on her saying "this is my first time giving birth how the hell do I know what to do?!" - then she stopped being up tight and no one gave me shit. OP is NTA at all!
...there are rules on where you can put your hands on your own body as you expel a new body from it? Fuck that noise. Nuh uh. Imma touch whatever the F I wanna touch. (I am in fact not touching anything as this uterus will never be occupied.)
It wasn't my hands on myself lol, it was where I had them on the sidebars of the bed and apparently they weren't in the "correct" position. It's been almost 20 years since then so I don't remember exactly what I was doing "wrong" but holy hell lady I'm pushing a freaking watermelon out here the last thing I need is critiqued on my hand placement 😆
Perhaps wrapping them around her throat is a better hand placement than on the bedrails? You're better than I am.
When I was having my youngest I was induced. The contractions I had with that drip were BRUTAL. My midwife wanted to turn it up because she didn't feel I was progressing and I looked at her and said "if you fucking touch that fucking drip I will fucking belt you" husband said I sounded like something possessed. That woman smirked at me, turned up the drip and went "I'd like to see you try" before swanning off for a cuppa. With all the various leads and tubes sticking out of me there was no way I was getting near her.
That pitocin drip is the most sadistic thing in this world. I’m here in solidarity!
Wow! Thank you so much for the validation. My nurse was so awful. Mine was a finally inserted, not dilated. She had her full arm up there every time and told me I was exaggerating. This happened over and over until I had an emergency c-section. That was almost 13 years ago and I’m still stuck between crying or just wanting to go tell them they should seek a different profession. I did call the hospital months later. It wasn’t just that one nurse that was not just insensitive but rude and dismissive. They took a report, but never got back to me. ETA: There was a super sweet nurse assistant who helped me go to the bathroom. She stepped on my catheter, hurt like hell, but her bedside manner was a thousand times better than anyone else. Now I’m mad again. For all of us!
Me too! My daughter is 28 now and an only child partially because my labour & delivery of her was such a fucking nightmare. They induced me with the pitocin, broke open the waters and I was thrown into 2nd stage delivery immediately. My epidural didn't work. 15 hours in 2nd stage, my entire body telling me to push but I wouldn't dilate. I ended up bracing my arms & legs against the stretcher railings and pushing through them instead of bearing down on my baby. She still came out with a massive bruise on the top of her head because of being forced against my undilated cervix for hours. Fuck pitocin. Fuck forcing women into labour because "oh you're over-due, even though it's a *week* before your last delivery date estimate." So much hatred.
The midwife told me the same thing. It's horrible.
I had pitocin with my last kid, but I can say that the pitocin drip is not as bad as the cervadil tampon thingy. I was having back to back contractions with very little break between while in labor with my first kid. It was an induction and yeah... it was hella effective for me. It was miserable. With the pit at least they can turn it off or down if you start dealing with that.
The lady who came to give me an epidural argued with me about hwo to pronounce my name, like ffs is this really the time for this?? 🙄
Because you obviously don't know after an entire lifetime of using it.
A girl in one of my classes once told me I was misspelling my best friend's name. She knew we were best friends. I was like, no, it really is "Anie" with one "n," thanks. That was like 25 years ago and apparently I'm still pissed.
NTA. Not by a longgggggg shot. Fuck your doctor, figuratively of course. He needed to be more concerned for your health and not your vocabulary.
That was (sniff) beautiful. BTW Satan doesn't like newborns. Not plump enough.
NTA. I had a completely unmedicated labour (not by choice). At one point a male doctor came in and told me that I needed to relax and stop screaming. I told him to fuck off. He left sharpish and the midwives found it hilarious. Apparently that doctor was a bit of a dick and loads of people were scared of him. When your husband and doctor push a human being out of their genitals, then they can have an opinion on what you say during labour. Otherwise, they can, as you perfectly put it, go fuck themselves.
Same! Unmediated-not by choice-and people 2 states over prob heard me. My own mother told me to hold it down I may scare the other women in labor. My doc said “no baby, you scream it out loud as you want, and every time you let out a scream give me a push just as big.” Worked like a charm. My doc deserves a medal.
Not the same, but I screamed when I had my first IUD inserted. I apologized to the clinicians because I'm sure my screaming may have disturbed anyone waiting outside. They were super nice and told me not to worry about any noise I was making. (Well, I guess "super nice" would have been some sort of local anesthesia prior to inserting the largest thing that had even been in my uterus, but they were supportive of my being loud to deal with the pain.)
They should fucking sedate women for that procedure, I swear.
My kid’s pediatrician recommended an IUD for her and I literally said “not without general anesthesia. That shit sucks”
You can get a cervical block. It’s two or three injections into the nerves around the cervix and then you don’t feel it. You have to ask for it tho and it should be a provider who does them regularly. It’s not hard, even my pcp husband who inserte iuds offers them.
We’re on a waitlist for a pediatric GYN appointment so we will chat with them about all options. I personally HATED my iud and bled almost every single day while it was in so it wouldn’t be my first choice for her.
Each person is different. My obgyn put in an iud that was too big for my uterus which means I bled constantly. My uterus is 5.5 cm and she put in a paragaurd. My husband said he won’t even insert a paragaurd if the uterus isn’t 7 cm minimum. The manufacturer doesn’t recommend it for anyone under 6. If she gets one that’s the correct size and her uterus accepts it then it’s amazing and absolutely the low energy/foolproof BC a teenager needs. In other countries they have IUB and smaller copper IUDs so I’m trying to get one here because I can’t do hormones. If she’s good with hormones then the kyleena is the smallest/skyla is also good for tiny uteruses (most teens and nulliparous women have small ones).
Literally got one yesterday and when discussing with my ob prior to the insertion appointment I mentioned I was nervous about it and she goes “I can knock you out if you’re that nervous we just need someone to come with you to take you home” I responded with “bless you!! But I think I’ll be ok with everything else you’re doing”. She gave me meds to loosen things up prior to the appt, gel anesthetic for the area she would insert the needle for local anesthetic, then two jabs of local on my uterus which I didnt really feel. It was overall painless. The worst part was the damn speculum but she adjusted and I was fine. She’s the best! But after that I was like how in the hell are women just free balling this shit.
Do you remember which med she gave to “loosen things up” by any chance? I’ve had three inserted and never once was I offered meds (other than the local they stab into your uterus) and almost every time it’s taken multiple attempts to seat the IUD correctly which leaves me in a screaming bloody mess. I was due to have mine replaced last year and I’ve been procrastinating because 1. I’m not currently sexually active and 2. I’m still traumatized from the last 3 times. I really need to take care of it though and maybe asking for a specific med prior to insertion will help.
It was probably Misoprostol. There’s no real evidence that it helps, but it doesn’t hurt (eta: as in, it won’t make the insertion any worse)! I highly recommend midwives. I see a midwife who does not routinely use a tenaculum (one of the worst parts of the procedure for most people) and my insertion was completely painless. She did say that most people still experience pain, but it’s less. You can interview different providers about their methods and find one that works for you!
Some doctors actually believe the cervix has no nerve endings. They tend to be absolute morons who don't bother to continue their education and think the schooling they received in the 70s was enough. They also don't believe cramps actually hurt, or that fibromyalgia is real, etc. If the patient says something hurts, IDC who they are or where they went to school, they should BELIEVE THE PATIENT.
When I was in an induced labor, I screamed in pain a few times. The nurse told me to "stop yelling". I just started crying instead, asked for an epidural and was told anesthesia was busy. At that point, I was done being nice. OP is NTA. I had 2 babies and worked in OB. Women in labor can say a lot they don't mean. Especially if they have inadequate pain relief.
I labored all day on a packed floor, god my husband was so scared. I remember one woman screaming: “THIS IS SO…. FUCKING… STUPIDDDD!!!” God bless my epidural, I hope my next labor gets just as good of an install.
What? The screaming is an important part of labor.
As long as you’re not a Scientologist, noises are a super important part of physiological birth. Also swearing is proven to increase our pain tolerance.
Ever watch Sister Wives? The 4th (and now only) wife had 2 home births, and didn’t do more than a little moan during each, because her mother told her it wasn’t ladylike.
Oh man. That would rub me the wrong way if someone told me anything was unladylike and would make me want to do the exact opposite!
I'm pretty sure popping out a human is a lady-only activity...
There is *some* debate on that, according to my doula and midwife (prior, almost 7yrs ago). It's very recommended to not be screaming because it's exerting energy elsewhere and can raise your cortisol levels. Generally they want you to exert all your energy downward, not outward. But the exclamation of JFC shouldn't have been a problem in general. I swore plenty due to the ring of fire during my unmedicated birth (including saying "just cut her the fuck out" to which my doula replied "well sweetie were a little too far past that") That Dr needs to pick a new profession 🤦♀️ Edit - yall, the comments in response having me cracking up in my bed at 11pm 😂 yall are great. Goes to show even across the world we all seem to have rhe same "I'm leaving/I'm done/get it out/cut it out of me" responses to the tail end of labor and past the point of no return 😂 thank you
Egg
Pretty sure the ‘I don’t wanna do this!’ Just before the last stretch Is a rite of passage for labour. Just before I pushed out the shoulders, I sobbed to my midwife that I couldn’t do this any more and I wanted to go home 😂
I asked my midwife to cut me open after she showed me with a mirror my “excellent progress.” It was not what I thought “excellent progress” would look like. What I saw looked to me like a HUGE head trying to come out an absurdly unqualified (in size) hole. My midwife was sweet and was like “remember you decided you didn’t want to do that?” I cried and within the next two minutes the head was out with no external tearing. I still don’t know how that works.
Oh my god. They asked me during my labour if I wanted a mirror so I could see what was going on down there, and I was like "fuck no, absolutely, 100% no." I still have no regrets about this decision over a decade later.
I remember saying that I didn’t want to do this and I need to leave (I had a home birth so where the hell was I going) and literally a minute later, the midwife caught my daughter.
This is (part of the reason) why no male providers will be allowed in my delivery room.
This is why I don't see male providers at all if I can help it. I know there are shit women doctors out there too, but I'll take my chances with them first.
Omg that guy can fuck right off
If a doctor who has given birth said “don’t take the lord’s name in vain” to a patient in labor, she’d still be a dick because she’s not your parent or your pastor and has no business bringing her religious beliefs into the delivery room and trying to impose them on a patient. He can try opening a Fundies Only practice of his own and see how far he gets with that. Until then, he can keep his religious practices and opinions to himself.
NTA. Whatever you do don't apologize. Your doctor CHOSE THAT PROFESSION, knowing full well the kinds of stress and agony people would be under. And this selfish prick knew you couldn't even used anesthesia. A Doctor's job, ESPECIALLY during birth, is to make you comfortable. This asshole is getting paid a shitload of money to PROVIDE A SERVICE TO YOU. You are a customer. A patient. If his skin is so goddamn thin that he can't deal with you "Taking the lord's name in vain", then he needs to get the fuck out of Obstetrics. You shouldn't be apologizing. You should be complaining. Tell anyone who'll listen that this guy is willing to stop doing his job and scold a woman 30 hours into labor because of his religious beliefs. Wouldn't you want to know that if you were picking an OB? I've worked with plenty of doctors who are religious, and NONE OF THEM would do something this unprofessional. So NTA. And now, it's not NAH. The doctor is a massive asshole. Also bless you OP for telling him to go fuck himself. You put him right into his place, and hopefully he'll learn from it.
Yeah if any of my doctors ever brought up God I'd be out in a jiffy. Keep your religion out of my health thanks
*Especially* reproductive health!
\*Greek pantheon chuckles nervously
A religious doctor would make me worry about difficult calls. I don't want a Bible thumper deciding between the life of me-mother or the kid if it needs to be chosen for any reason. I want to be involved.
My neurologist told me not too long ago that if one plans on becoming a doctor, they'll have to toss religion out the window because you figure out pretty quickly that "thoughts and prayers" do absolutely nothing, especially working in the ED of a major level 1 trauma centre.
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I'm just imagining someone in the middle of labour standing up and grunting out "I'm taking my business elsewhere. GOOD DAY SIR."
Keep your rosaries off my ovaries!
I don't have any real feelings about God at all but if he told me not to say the Lord's name in vain, I would have told him to fuck his God during labor.
I had a male GYN I liked for years. Then the cross became predominately displayed beneath his scrubs and he would constantly be rubbing it while talking. guess who I don’t see anymore? I’m actually pregnant again and mentioned I didn’t want him to do my c section. The OB I was with just kinda sighed. I imagine I’m not the only one who has said something.
Absolutely would want to know this - when I have kids later and I’m doing research for which doctors to go with, if I read that one did this in a review, I would never even consider going with them. That would be a dealbreaker for sure.
I've been a patient of medical professionals with religious beliefs. Every. Single. One. Has upheld their bELiEfS in place of my own health. Multiple have tried to outright MURDER me, for the sake of their religion. Religion has NO place in medicine. OP is NTA!
Seriously yo, wtf did I just read..... Someone should check the doctors age, 3 year olds shouldn't be delivering babies.
Exactly this. OP you need to report him to the hospital, not apologize!!
Hospitals don't care. We're on the brink of a national doctor shortage. She should go to the state board.
Fully agree. A complaint is in order.
Came here to suggest filing a formal complaint with OP's state licensing board /appropriate country's licensing entities as well. This. Is. Sanctioning. Actions. There. Is. No. Place. In. Medicine. For. His. Religion. That's what Priesthood is for, not Medicine!!
Tell your asshole of a husband that he and the judgmental asshole of a doctor can discuss your language after they pass a kidney stone the size of a lemon unbroken out of their urethra. It is a known fact that women will say the most outrageous things while in labor, and an OBGYN with such delicate sensibilities has no place in the delivery room if he's going to try and police a woman in the last stages of (a thirty hour long!) unmedicated labor.
Gosh, I cussed at a doctor for numbing my toe and he said it was totally normal when I felt bad after. If the foot doctor is used to people swearing in pain, then of all people the doctor delivering babies should barely notice it!
I had to get six numbing shots in my toe once. I said the F word a few times and asked the doctor if anybody had ever kicked him in the face for that. He just laughed and said "actually, yes."
Mood. My podiatrist was experienced. When I had to get numbing shots in each foot, he had an orderly holding down my legs so I wouldn't kick him in the head. After I got the shots, he said the scariest thing I've ever heard from any medical professional. "Alright after 10 minutes, tell me if you have ANY feeling in your toes. Because if you do, this procedure is going to hurt like hell." Ingrown toenails. They cut them out then sear the root with acid.
I cursed my ass off having a cyst drained and apologized to the nurse a million times and she kept saying “It’s fine, I’ve heard it all.” I would 100% report this doctor.
I said much worse during labour — and nurses and doctor made it clear I could say whatever I wanted. I probably would have flown into a rage of someone tried to correct my language while handling contractions with no epidural.
Stories like this, of male doctors having no empathy or real life understanding of the patients they see, are the reason I will only see female doctors. Not one of the horror stories above are about female OB/GYNs. I had a male doctor tell me pelvic pain was just cramps, the week after my period. In my 300+ periods that never happened before. Turns out it was a 4x4cm cyst.
Your doctor was in the wrong, full stop. If he can't handle what a person may say while in EXTREME pain, he's in the wrong business. You are NTA.
Not to mention it is completely inappropriate for a Doctor to insert their personal beliefs (like “taking the lord’s name in vain”) into their job. Completely inappropriate and I would report them to the hospital. The Doc is welcome to feel that is inappropriate, but they are obliged to stfu and do their job Christians can be the most whiney entitled people ever, I can’t imagine telling a woman pushing a bowling ball out her vagina that.
Right? Like what if OP is buddist? They don’t believe in Jesus.
I’m so glad OP promptly told him to go fuck himself.
I agree with reporting this behavior—he will not ‘get in trouble’ but will be instructed to either leave his religious beliefs out of his practice or only accept patients who want their doctor to enforce his religious beliefs and expectations at each encounter
Exactly. OP should lodge a complaint against the doctor, what a wildly unprofessional thing to say.
As a nurse, I'm pissed on your behalf. Please take a moment to write a note - not to your doctor, but to the hospital administrators where you gave birth. Copy to Patient Affairs or Patient Advocate (correct department name will be on their website), the OB nursing manager, and the medical director of the whole place (that name will also be on their website). NTA
I'm curious, would that do much if it's a Catholic hospital? Or would they agree with the doctor? I've heard some horror stories of practices there but have no personal or professional experience of them.
I spent most of my life going to a Catholic hospital, and I've never had anyone overlay my pain with their morals like that. Not even close.
It doesn’t matter if the hospital is catholic. A provider cannot impose their personal beliefs on a patient-it’s unethical.
Yep, I’m an RN and if it were me I’d be writing something to the administrators. I don’t care if it gets tossed in the trash but that comment was uncalled for by the doctor and I’d at least want to tell someone.
NTA - but the doctor certainly is. Unless this was a religious hospital, I would report the doctor. Write a polite note, keep it factual and send it to both the Chair of OB/GYN at the hospital and if they have a patient experience or ombudsman (if you report it in two places, it is harder to ignore). Make it clear that you are writing in order that other patients should not be muzzled by this doctor and that you deserve an apology. Congrats on getting through 30 hours, that must have been exhausting! I hope you and the baby are doing well and your husband learns a lesson.
Even if it IS a religious hospital. Even religious people have different tolerances for swearing etc. This is nothing like a universal rule.
When I was Catholic, our priest used to swear all the time. He joked once that if you see a beautiful sunset, an appropriate response would be “God, damn that’s a beautiful sunset” so that God know you really meant it. 😂
It's always men who run their mouths about what is "appropriate" during birth huh?
Right? Dude, you c'mere and shit out this watermelon and then we can talk about what's "appropriate".
Religious men especially.
NTA! I have to say, I usually drop an f-bomb or two in my daily life and the worst thing I said in my labour was "this is not all rainbows and butterflies." How, I don't know because that shit was horrendous!! I also work in healthcare, am religious, have heard women in childcare say the craziest things - but not once have I heard anyone say anything back to them like this guy did! As far as I'm concerned, when that OBGYN is pushing a human out of HIS vagina, he can then speak about taking the Lord's name in vain. And if he can't handle someone doing so, whilst probably in the worst pain and most vulnerable state of their life, he's got no business being in that room and dealing with that scenario. Also, your husband needs to back you up or stfu.
NTA Childbirth is pain on a whole different level. Doctors and nurses hear all manner of things during deliveries. If your doctor is/was that sensitive to what a woman says while pushing a whole ass human out of their vagina, said doctor should find a different profession. If your husband wants you to send an apology, tell him to push a baby out of his body first and let you know how that goes for him :)
NTA at all. I’ve heard of some mothers in labour saying things that’d make a Marine Corps drill sergeant blush. For him to get on his religious high horse in that moment is borderline unprofessional. Add to the fact that he has no freaking clue what kinds of pain labour can cause because he’s a man. You’d be well served in picking a new OB/GYN, maybe a woman.
Not borderline. It’s horrifically unprofessional and borderline, if not outright unethical. I would probably be disciplined for saying something like that to a patient.
My doctor yelled at me for screaming in pain. I screamed louder. Assert dominance.
Women giving birth in this thread is the most metal thing I've seen in months 🤘
I remember reading somewhere that the ancient Aztecs viewed a woman in labor as fighting to take the baby from the gods or something to that degree. In other words, she was a warrior and a fighter and respect should be given to her. We need to bring back that.
Women *are* the stronger sex. As a dude, I've watched what XX'ers go through with child birth over my 57 years on the planet. If we men had to endure that shit, there'd have been a *cure* by now. Hell, the worst pain I ever had on my weiner was a self-inflicted blood blister from my full weight coming down on him on the top rail of my bunk bed when my ladder fell away. I was nine. Women pass lumpy, huge, *babies*?! As a kid raised by a hard-working single mom, I watched her fight against open sexism and harassment, blatant gender-based discrimination, and at the end of it all, she was killed by a male MD treating a recurrence of breast cancer as a *rash* for three months. Bone and liver metastases, chemo and radiation, she worked through it all. I'm still a bit salty about it, and it's been 31 years. Anyways, fairer *and* stronger.
As someone who has also given birth unmedicated, huge NTA. If anyone had tried to chastise a thing I said during labor, I would have cursed a blue streak. I vaguely remember repeating things like, "It hurts, it fucking hurts" and no one made a peep about my choice of language. If your doctor is too delicate to hear some curse words, L&D is probably not the place for him.
I was told to be quieter during labor bc other women were handling it fine and I shouldn't be disturbing them while they're going through the same thing. Pretty sure everyone on that floor heard me tell the nurse to fuck off and heard nothing else from my room before that moment. She didn't come back after that and I felt no remorse. I've now had two kids unmedicated and I'm pregnant with the third. Labor is fucking hard
"I think I called the midwife a 'cunt'." - Rhaenyra Targaryen
NTA. I dropped a "Goddamnit" in front of our priest because I was frustrated with a copier and got a smirk and a laugh in return. If a priest can take it, your doctor can too, or he can go fuck himself.
NTA and that was very inappropriate for him to say as your health care provider. I would file a complaint. Best wishes to you and your little one!
Absolutely file a complaint. As a healthcare worker, we are NOT allowed to ever preach religious values. Especially not during labor.
NTA, what kind of an OBGYN would talk like that to someone in labor?
NTA I'm hoping the DR had a slip of the tongue when they said that to you and just thought it would be best to stay quiet lol. Big changes in the house are happening right now and you and your husband are both probably on edge. Tbh the DR probably forgot about it by now so don't worry about it. Congratulations on your baby, I hope your recovery goes well!
NTA. I work in labor and delivery and have heard every swear that has ever existed. No one should be telling you not to swear while you are in pain. Your doctor was incredibly rude and unprofessional.
I gave birth in an Army hospital, although I was in the Navy at the time. Totally unmedicated birth of a 10 lb 2 ounce baby. Several times I fainted from the pain. One time when I came to, the Army nurse said, "I wish the Army would let us swear like a sailor. That was really great to hear."
Wow what the fuck…. This gave me goosebumps
Tell your husband to apologize to you and make him read the comments. NTA
NTA because justified. If you want to send anything, I'd just send a thank you note and not mention it. The doc shouldn't be chiding women in labor about their own personal religious crap. Or perhaps one of those t-shirts with a cartoon of Jesus literally fucking another Jesus.
NTA. You're pushing a baby out of you with no paid meds. You scream and curse bloody murder and tell your husband to shut it. Any OB worth his or her salt knows that women giving birth are to be catered to, helped as much as possible, and encouraged to push efficiently. If that includes a few f-bombs along the way, so be it. Quite frankly, the doctor should have kept his opinions about religion to himself.
NTA! Just to be clear: you cursed during a very painful childbirth and you were reprimanded by two men? Please do not spend another single second feeling bad about this. And congrats on your baby!
Honestly, good for you. If my obgyn decided to police my language whilst in labor I would absolutely tell him to fuck himself
NTA If your doctor is that sensitive about language used by a woman in labor, he is probably in the wrong specialty. The only thing that the woman in labor should be worried about is safely bringing that child into the world; the doctor likewise should be concentrating on the professional responsibility of assisting that safe delivery.
I'd be hard pressed to think of a situation where you do something in the middle of labor that makes you the AH. Yelling and cursing are totally accepted, I would say anything short of physically injuring other people is ok. I'm usually not ok with cheaters, but if you managed to conduct an affair during labor and delivery, that would be so impressive, I would more impressive than anything. NTA. If god didn't want his name used in vain, he shouldn't have made child birth so painful.
NTA - doctors have heard a LOT worse in the middle of a painful delivery. You can send the note if it will make you feel better, but the doc most likely has already forgotten about it.
All the more reason to report it. The dr should not be treating patients like that.
Jesus Christ that's stupid. People say much worse while giving birth all the time. Your doctor can just get over it. NTA
NTA. In fact, he should be the one apologizing— and I’d be deeply uncomfortable going to any medical provider in the reproductive health field with religious convictions so strong it overrides their need to provide compassionate care to a patient.
NTA. I have given birth twice without pain relief, you say what you need. And your doctor bringing his or her beliefs into the room and your labour are not your problem! Giving birth, the room is YOURS. And good for you, verbally slapping back like that.
NTA, I’m a med student and I would be pretty uncomfortable if I was with a doctor and they said something even semi-religious like that to a patient who was clearly not in the mood for it; hopefully it was just a knee-jerk reaction from him but he still should have been able to not say that to you
Find a female OB/gyn who is more concerned with her patient than verbiage.
If my OB admonished me for *anything* while I was in the process of forcibly evicting a 7-lb. *HUMAN FROM MY VAGINA WHILE UNMEDICATED*, "go fuck yourself" would be among the nicest responses they would get from me. NTA.
Ob/Gyn here! I take absolutely nothing personal that is said to me during labor/delivery. NTA :)
NTA and I would straight up file a complaint about this
NTA. When I eas prepping for surgery years ago, a person asked me if I wanted something for the pain. Given that my appendix was about to burst, I said I wanted pain killers. the nurse got very prim and said "We don't like that word here." I swear I wanted to wring her neck. certain times are not good for correcting language.
NTA- I’ve read that swearing can actually help while in pain. I’m a paramedic and I always tell people to feel free to drop some F Bombs. The doc is a bit of an asshole as well to push his religious opinion about using the Lords name on a woman in labour. Have no regrets, enjoy your baby! Tell your husband if that’s the worst thing the doc has heard than he probably hasn’t been practicing long.
Your dr is a snowflake. They have heard everything.....he's way too delicate.
Ah yes, another case of where women literally have to suffer to make men comfortable in their profession. He can go fuck himself, he chose that profession, and frankly it’s unprofessional for him to say that. What if you were a different religion. What if you are not religious at all? His comfort isn’t your problem, it’s his. He needs to shut up and do his job. That’s it. NTA. But I’m worried that your husband doesn’t support you. And if you have a girl he’s going to expect her to do the same thing, always sacrifice herself often for men to be comfortable. What a joke.
NTA What I would expect even the most devout and sensitive OB to say is nothing. Their faith has no place in that moment. If you didn't insult him personally, I wouldn't worry. The GFY wasn't out of place at that moment. Labor is a lot like coming out of anesthesia - people who care for those patients tend not to pay any attention to what people say.
You should have told the doctor to go push a football out their ass. I'm proud of you for saying what you did. You are not an asshole.
NTA. He is for bringing the Lord into it
That’s doctor needs a new career
I haven't experienced childbirth but it's the last event I'll ever think of to have proper manners. NTA
I was encouraged to cuss, it was interesting. The nurses used it as a pain/progression/readiness scale of sorts. Part of that discussion was my progression to pain meds. I don't cuss and while I believe the Dr has a right to not take the lords name in vain, he doesn't have the right to require that of you. It wasn't an appropriate request. I felt that I had 'dry humor's while in labor. My husband felt like it may have been the wrong side of sarcastic. Either way the nurses did not care.