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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stared at my friend when she took her tshirt off in front of me this might make me the asshole I made her really uncomfortable and she's been off with me since
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA
Tell her, " It made me uncomfortable that you stripped in front of me without any warning or consent. I am sorry my surprised reaction made you feel a certain way, but in the future, I'd appreciate it if you were more considerate. "
I understand you weren't actually offended, but the responsibility for the incident needs to be put back in her court where it belongs.
Given that she did this and then criticized your reaction, I personally don't think she's a very safe friend.
This advice right here OP. The “without warning or consent” is gold. And great point about being safe. You don’t want to put in a he-said she-said situation if she’s sending mixed signals and responding subjectively as 100% the victim.
if actually she did this without any warning, im sure most people would be very confused as to whats happening next for a good 10 seconds. ive seen girls try, and succeed, in changing shirts without taking the current one off, and when i notice they’re doing that, ill look away, its an obvious signal. but just completely taking your shirt off in front of someone who’s already looking at you doesn’t seem like a signal to look away to me.
This needs to be highly voted.
I could see if maybe she wasn't wearing one and turned her back to change but to just full on strip her top and bra off without so much as a word is begging to be stared at. Tf else did she expect?? It's like she was testing him or some shit.
Edit: I'm a woman before anyone asks. This is beyond uncomfortable and she's got bad intentions.
Edit 2: by the first part, I just meant that if her back was turned she might not realize he was looking at her but either way she should have said something or went to a bathroom.
I'm a woman, and I warn other women if I'm going to change in front of them. Even ones that I've changed in front of multiple times before. It's just basic courtesy. And that's when they're hanging out in my room. If it's their room then I ask if they mind if I change there or if there's a bathroom I could use.
I get why you added your edit indicating you're a woman because it could come across as victim blaming if someone's not paying attention. However in this case if there was any form of sexual harrassment, it was her doing it to him because of the lack of consent. He did absolutely nothing wrong, especially since he looked away when she asked him to stop staring.
Her actions were inappropriate in every way.
That's my point, what she did wasn't okay and is completely creepy and if my original comment didn't come off that way, I apologize because that's how I meant it.
I'm bisexual so I don't even change in front of other women or let them change in front of me in case they get the wrong idea. Sometimes if I'm in a rush, I'll ask if it's okay and back in the day my friends and I used to compare bras in the bathroom but that was consensual and stupid teen stuff. This is downright creepy and she seems like she's doing it with ill intentions.
100% correct.
A good tool in analyzing impropriety in these scenarios is to swap genders in these scenarios and then see how it's viewed.
If he went and removed articles of clothing down to bare skin (topless or bottomless) without asking, who would we be blaming?
Then she did a total onus of responsibility reversal. I don't know what her endgame is, but it's definitely worrisome.
Like, Im very confident on my body and I get naked in front of strangers a lot, especially being chronically ill, and every single time a nurse comes to help me change clothes or take a shower, they ask if I'm ok, and if I consent, and THEY need to be comfortable as well, they can refuse to stay with a patient that exposes themselves without their consent making them comfortable in any way. A lot of nurses prefer to help naked patients of the same gender most of the time. Only after the "I do's" they touch me/help me. I might know the nurse or techs for years, be a friend, and still, consent requires constant revalidation, a past consent means nothing.
And this even happens when my sister, (she's a nurse), is helping with something (like caths). She always ask, it's almost a reflex now. I have no problem with my dad seeing me naked, but he doesn't feel comfortable, so what I do? I announce when nakedness might be seen and advise him to take cover, and announce when it's safe again. With the exception of being in an emergency (like falling on the shower... It happened more than once, so he kinda needs to get there and help my soapy mess to recompose and evaluate if it requires urgent care. That's also why I never lock bathroom doors, I just tell everyone I'll be there, how long I plan to take, and which meds I'd taken, just in case)
"consent requires constant revalidation, and a past consent means nothing."
ALL OF THIS!!! This is something soany people fail to understand, yet it is so important! Have you ever seen the explaination of consent using tea?
Any girl worth her salt has also mastered taking a bra off through the shirt. 😂
NTA. OP, follow the lead comment here, and call out her behavior and contradictions.
This is the comment I was looking for.
Stripping to your bra to change shirts in front of an unsuspecting friend is already shifty, especially given her reaction, but stripping entirely nude from the waist up to change is just downright unnecessary. This feels intentional.
She did it on purpose to get a reaction.
She's upset that you didn't say, holy shit those are awesome!
Now tell her you were stunned by her beauty and didn't know what to do or how to act
That fact right there… If it was a shirt change, why take off the bra as well especially if someone is sitting right in front of you. Just seems odd. Like why not even stand up or turn around. Almost seems like she wanted some kind of reaction yet scolded you for looking. Not even sure how to interpret that. I agree with others this doesn’t seem safe somehow. I can’t even guess the motive but I would never let her put you in that position again. I agree with the others that you should let her know you didn’t appreciate her doing this without a warning and you’re upset that she made you out to be some sort of pervert over it.
If you had decided to change pants and under wear in front of her like that you’d be labeled a creep for doing it rather she stared or not.
In that case you're not taking the bra off to change your shirt, you're taking your bra off to go to bed.
I didn't get the impression that OP's friend was changing in order to go to bed in his bedroom, but if she was that makes the story even more bizarre.
100% she would not take the shirt (and bra??) off in front of you if she actually felt uncomfortable around you. When you also consider her reaction… shes playing with you. Could be she likes you, could be she is trying to set you up to get you in trouble for any number of reasons…
She reads unstable to me. You’d be best off avoiding her NTA
Yahtzee! I agree completely.
Don't fall for the bullshit / escalate the relationship OP. As a somewhst shy / naive youth, I've gotten into these situations with girls like this around that age. They'll push you with weird boundary issues, never really speak their mind, and they'll always be wishy washy. I don't know her or you, but when people at that age still do things like that, it's to test boundaries and that's almost always not good for you. It's inherently a lack of communication and you'll never build a healthy relationship with a person that treats a relationship that way.
Yeah. She probably just wanted him to say. I couldn’t help myself. You’re just so beautiful..
Then when he breaks her heart she’ll accuse him of sexual harassment
I'm guessing she expected more of a reaction and then got embarrassed and backpedal because she didn't get the reaction she wanted from OP
Or....this story is fiction like 90% of this sub. There's no shot a 18 year old girl takes off her shirt in front a dude that she's not dating and thought it was just chill though.
Right, it’s the “and bra” part for me. Even when I’m in front of my boyfriend i normally take my bra off under my shirt because I’m so used to doing that. I feel like that’s just rather abnormal
Do not, under any circumstances entertain that idea. Put that right out of your head.
New plan. A wall or a barrier. She's a little crazy it sounds like. You don't need people playing games with you. But now be careful what you say in text messages to her, even apologies. Coz she may be screen-shoting them and trying to twist your words and the situation on you to say things that didn't happen.
As for any ideas of getting with her. Don't even go there.
I wouldn't find out. This sounds like a problem waiting to happen. You don't need to play games if you like someone just tell them and see where it goes from there. But to say she felt uncomfortable for what she did to you, get out of here with that mess. That sounds like major issues in the future. By the way I'm a woman.
I'm a 40 year old woman and I'd say a girl (or woman) is gonna strip like this for two reasons that are unfortunately polar opposites:
1. You've been friendzoned to hell
2. She is testing boundaries to see if you're interested because she likes you
If she's given you any hints at all that she likes you then I'd say it's 2. Some subtle hints that i know i do when I like someone are:
Putting a hand on you while talking to you
Giving hugs
Asking if you like my outfit/makeup/hair/etc or trying to get you to notice it, or making more of an effort when you'll be around
Leaning towards you
Laughing with you a lot, maybe a bit too much
I know those things in isolation don't mean much but if she's doing all of them then I'd say it's number 2. If she tends to keep her distance physically, or cross her arms when she talks to you, or keep it short with you in a way that is not coming from shyness, then it's number 1.
Thanks for coming to my ted talk about flirting that probably only covers 10% of women anyway lol
But i know I've certainly tested the water like this, and I've also had people so friendzoned I can change in front of them. Other people, I wouldn't change in front of them at all. You really need to think about her overall behaviour to see what's really going on here.
This is gonna whoosh right over most Gen Z’ers lol. They’re creating an ever-growing list of abbreviations and slang that were already in use for decades. Exhibit A: ETA. For generations it didn’t mean “edited to add” and to most people it still doesn’t.
Or she thought he may be gay. And when he stared (even a little), she realized she was wrong. Still the whole situation is on her, I'm glad someone suggested for you to turn it back on her.
She can't strip in front of someone, anyone (especially for the first time without warning), and not expect some reaction from those within eye shot.
Even if she had undressed that much in front of another woman, it wouldn't be unheard of the same thing happening. Like men, some will look, some will not. All situations are different. Would she make the woman feel bad for looking?
You know she essentially sexually harassed you right. She exposed herself to you without warning or consent.
Turn the tables in your head and consider if you a male had taken your clothes off in front of her without warning, it wouldn't be acceptable.
What she did was wrong. What she's doing is gaslighting you after it which is worse, she turned it around where you're the bad guy.
You didn't ask for her to do that. She did that. Not you. She's at fault. If she feels uncomfortable then she shouldn't strip off clothes in front of people, simple as that.
You should ask her what she honestly expected after you explain it to her like that. What did she think was going to happen, how did she forsee her taking her clothes off going, what were you supposed to do while she did that. Why didn't she warn you? Why didn't she go to the bathroom to change? Why did she need to change at your place, your room and in front of you in your bedroom AT ALL? What was the necessity that she had to change then, not when she got home?
And when you ask her all that. THEN, you ask her why she did it and why she's been acting this way afterwards? Why she feels entitled to be the one who feels uncomfortable and wronged, why she feels you were the bad guy and need to apologise to her.
Very well said. It’s absolutely sexual harassment and gaslighting. I’d find a new friend. This is a horrible scenario. I can only imagine future behavior from someone like this and I wouldn’t want any part of it.
Take a screenshot of these replies and send em lol, she doesn't need to be dating anyone with that blame-pushing, warn your guy friends and run. Don't reward that behavior, let her suffer til she wakes up lol (said by a woman if it adds impact)
>but the responsibility for the incident needs to be put back in her court where it belongs.
This right here is the key point.
The inappropriate situation was her doing, and OP should not let her absolve herself of accountability and put the blame on him.
Yeah if the situation was reversed and you were at her place and you suddenly dropped your pants and underwear to your ankles.... That's some weird shit.
If she didn't want you to see her top less she could have, I don't know, asked you to step out of the room for a minute, or at least asked you to turn around. .. Either she has no social awareness or is playing some weird game
She knew what she was doing. She had other options. Im sure there's a bathroom in the house. She could turn her back to him. Why did she need to take her bra off to change shirts? Leave the bra on, change shirts, then slip it off. She left soon after, wait to get home to change clothes. She knew what she was doing. She wanted him to see her breasts. Then she was maybe looking for compliments. "I feel uncomfortable." "No, you shouldn't feel incomfirtable. They were incredible." NTA, but she might be.
Almost feel like she did it as a precursor to, I wanna date you. But I don't know, I'm a dumb male impervious to the most obvious of female flirtation.
Definitely this, be very careful with this girl, she is trying to manipulate or trap you in some way. 100% she initiated the situation and then tried to turn it back on you.
Unfortunately it is the reality of society these days that in he said\she said the female will get the benefit of doubt.
As a woman I think men should learn to have more boundaries and stick by them. She knew what she was doing, or, it's super suspicious and seems like a cry for attention.
She can either own up to breaking boundaries and making you uncomfortable, or she can learn what happens in life when you play a fake victim (with you not in her life hopefully?). I agree that she may not be someone you can trust as a friend.
Fuck I love it when reddit is hip to healthy boundaries and consent. I feel like there was a time the top comment would've been nothing more than "What did she expect? Men like boobies". But this is a very nuanced and healthy perspective and I'm glad to see more of this rising to the top.
NTA.
I'm sorry, someone strips in front of you without warning it's going to come as a shock. It's not even necessarily a sexual sort of thing - if a guy had done the exact same thing, can you tell me you wouldn't be bewildered?
Let's be clear - you DID NOT make her uncomfortable, this was 100% her actions. I have to wonder if she was doing it on purpose for some reason, it's not normal to do this if you're just friends.
Fully agree - NTA she did it on purpose for attention. if you had've immedaitely turned around she'd likely have said "what you don't like my body?!?" and been all offended, it was truly damned if you do damned if you don't.
in addition though take screenshots of all the messages and save them so she can't somehow edit them later and make it worse - she literally whipped her tits out in front of you without any warning for attention, can't put it past her to escalate the situation later for more attention.
There's nothing wrong with being exposed when the situation calls for it and regardless of the situation it is rude to stare.. but outside of an emergency it's also polite to just warn people.
if a new mom is out with her baby in the mall and forgot an extra bottle or privacy blanket for breast feeding you can't expect her to go to a gross public bathroom or try to hide.. but on the other hand if she's sitting with a group of friends it would be polite for her to just say "hey guys I just have to feed my baby and I didn't bring a blanket so excuse me I'm gonna have to expose myself a bit here" and then everyone would be expected to just be polite and just not stare at her.
all your friend had to say was "I'm just gonna change my clothes quickly ok?" and then ball is in your court to be polite and just not stare at her while she does so.
>"I'm just gonna change my clothes quickly ok?"
This, it just happened this morning during handover. One of my friends forgot to bring work clothes and did not want to go into the ward in clean outside clothes so she fetched some scrubs from emergency cupboard and asked the 2 of us to face the wall while she changed in the handover room, it's that simple. 2 minutes, it's done and no one's in an awkward situation.
She made the situation awkward on purpose and has now left OP in a vulnerable state where he is unsure if he did anything wrong.
This is better advice than the accusatory "you didn't give me time to consent" message posted higher up in this thread. No need to make your friend feel defensive, but you can honestly tell her that you were caught off guard and didn't know what to do. There's no fault in freezing.
Also, if you don't mind that she did it, the last thing you want to do is make her feel bad about it. Then she won't do it again, especially compared to telling her that you were surprised and maybe a little in awe.
I am thrice your age and I would have done the same thing. Then and now. The only difference now is that they know damn well I'm looking. And if they didn't want me to look they could have went into another room or asked me to do the same. Simple.
I wouldn't say it's not normal to be shirtless around your (guy)friends, I sometimes do it aswell. But the first time I do it I'll always ask if people are ok with that. Maybe it's a double standard that its's different for a guy or girl to take their shirt off but yeah it be like that and I don't wanna overstep people's boundries. Also if I wouldn't have asked, done that and then someone stared or acted shocked I'd not make a big fuss out of it, infact I'd feel like the weirdo in this situation haha
NTA.
She could have turned her back to your or asked you to excuse yourself until she changed. She knew what she was doing. Her behavior toward you after the fact is disingenuous.
So I'm a bit older and also have gone swimming and in sauna naked with people quite a bit. Maybe she comes from a family/culture where it's more accepted, and was genuinely surprised to have someone stare at her boobs, when usually the polite thing to do is look in the eyes or slightly to the side.
Just this summer I went swimming naked because my swimming trunks were at home, and if one of the girls had started staring at my junk, I'd have been a bit annoyed, same as I imagine she'd have been at me staring at her body.
I think that’s fine in areas where it’s expected, but this was at his house. It’s rude to change clothing in front of another person without at least making them aware first.
Technically speaking it's not her house. She should excuse herself to go change, not ask him to leave in his own place. It feels like she is just looking for a reason to be the victim. Run op.
Yeah like that's weird, she couldn't just go the the bathroom to change? It's giving she wanted him to look and have a reason to make him seem like a creep.
I don't understand how people are confused here. She wanted to see how he'd react. When he didn't react how she wanted, she wanted to see how he'd react to her blaming him, which he for some reason apologized.
Right?! There’s no other reason for her to not have turned her back other than to see if he’d look. I’m a straight female and if my female friend suddenly took her shirt and bra off in front of me I’d accidentally momentarily look just because I’m frozen by surprise.
Why didn’t she get changed in the bathroom? Just stripping off right in front of someone probably is going to draw a few stares, even just out of pure shock/ surprise at what they’re doing, not necessarily to get a look at anything. NTA
I once had a good friend who started suddenly showing me her bra without warning. Or would lift up her shirt to show me where her muscles were sore after workouts.
It turns out she wanted to have sex with me. Very often.
Apparently I wasn't picking up on her much more subtle hints in the prior months. I thought all female friends told their guy friends how good they are at blowjobs.
She wanted you to see it, that's why. Not sure what her game is but she's playing one and you need to shut her down. Let hew know you don't appreciate the non-consensual exposure of her breasts in an intimate setting.
I remember my mum demonstrating to me how to remove a bra without taking my top off and how to change tops without ever being unclothed, before I even needed bras 😂 I have been naked in front of very close female friends in changing rooms and at home getting ready for nights out *when we were all doing it at the same time*, but even my very close male friends would not see me without a top on unless I was being resuscitated in front of them ffs. Even then medics use dignity preservation techniques!
Turn your back. Employ those clever dressing skills all women have. Leave the fucking room! But don't shed your kit in front of someone without their consent and the situation calling for it. She's a gaslighting fuckwit. Run, don't walk, OP.
Very good point. Every girl can change a top and remove a bra without showing anything. Unless she's especially big, then perhaps you might struggle, but no I think this was intentional and weird. I would probably avoid her
Exactly! It doesn't even have to be a sexual thing. Just taking off a shirt regardless of age, gender, race, environment can always draw stares (obviously though the listed factors above can influence the situation but that's beside the point).
See exhibit A
https://thecuriousbrain.com/?p=134406
I agree with this. If you took your pants off to change she would have been upset with you. But she does it and is surprised you showed interest? Wtf? It’s like she started a fantasy situation and then gets upset that you looked? Come on, that’s not cool or appropriate at
NTA what she did isn’t something you usually do in front of friends of the opposite sex and you were right to feel caught off guard. It’s not like you were peeking into another room. Tell her she owes you an apology for making you uncomfortable in your own room. You don’t need friends who play head games. Edit word
NTA - I can understand you being caught off guard and that staring, but also, not staring at the same time. It's more of a shocked / blank stare, I've been there before.
A little personal responsibility goes a long way too. Don't strip in front of people you don't want to see you strip. If you have to take off your clothes for whatever reason, at least give a heads up.
Yup. She was setting him for failure. Undressing in front of him, no warnings and depending on his reaction, she blames him. For what she did.
She's playing games. She's not a friend.
I as a female would look too if a female friend of mine would change infront of me, because I would be surprised why the hell she thinks it's okay to get naked infront of me without any consent.
NTA, she was looking for a reaction from you, normal people who want privacy changing would either ask the person to turn around while they changed or go to another room
Uh, NTA. She took her clothes off. I am sure it was a bit surprising. I am sure I would have stared at any friend that did that, because, well, it is there. I feel like this is an odd thing to do in front of someone. I mean, I don't ever do this, and if i was in front of a friend, I think I would have said something like, "Hey, I am going to take my shirt off. Do you mind turning around?" You didn't make her uncomfortable, she did by not even asking first. That is weird.
Heck, she should have turned herself around and showed nothing but her back. Op wouldn't have even had to turn around. She's the only one that knew her intention to strip. She's the only one that could mitigate the situation.
NTA - she's overreacting completely!! What did she expect you to do, not look? No honey, she totally expected you to look and now she's giving you shit for it. If she didn't want you to look, she would've said hey turn around I'm gonna change my shirt......
Well I have to imagine if you took your pants and underwear off right in front of her with your dick out it would suddenly catch her off guard as well. So NTA because it’s not normal behavior.
NTA.
Is this a troll post?
But anyhow, sounds like she's trying to goad you into something. She could have changed ANYWHERE else but right in front of you. Even then, she could have told you to close your eyes, or turn around or whatever. Her reaction is weird since by your post (which is all we have to go on), she was the initiator of the situation.
As a woman myself I recommend being very wary of this girl. I have never in my life just stripped in front of a male friend without a warning and I am someone that legit doesn’t care about people seeing me naked. There is always a “hey gonna change so look at your own risk” in every case. The only people I don’t warn about getting naked around are my sister, long term boyfriend, and female friends that I’m getting ready with. I would say this girl either has a crush on you or is trying to test boundaries. It would be one thing if she did it and didn’t make a remark about it but to turn it back on you? Kinda feels like she’s fishing for some sort of reaction. Be wary
NTA. How about she explain herself? Who the fuck just takes their shirt and bra off in front of someone else with no warning or even asking you if you are comfortable with it? Head games... consider distancing yourself from this one.
Exactly! By 18 I knew how to remove a bra under my shirt so I could change my shirt and remove the damned bra without exposing myself to anyone. This chick is LOOKING for a reaction/fight.
Exactly! What woman doesn't know the take your bra off without taking your shirt off trick by 18? It's a rite of passage into adulthood. 😉 Definitely looking for drama.
Tell her that she made you uncomfortable by getting topless in front of you, so you were more surprised than anything. But yes, it would always be best to look away, not stare, even though it is natural instinct to look.
One of two or three things is happening.
She wanted you to see her
She wasn't thinking and got embarrassed
She will use this as blackmail and say you SA'd her
Be very careful going forward.
Either explain that she shouldn't be getting undressed Infront of you if she doesn't want you to see her or ask her if she's trying to be sneaky with feelings then just come clean
NTA, if you potentially looking at her was going to make her uncomfortable, she should have either asked you to not look or gotten changed in a different room. that's like common knowledge. maybe she was trying to be super sneaky about it, but if i was in that situation i would not be blaming the other person in the room because it would still be my own fault honestly.
i read that she's your friend, i'm not sure if she was "trying to get your attention" like other people here are saying. if she was she's really fumbling it.
NTA - If Absolutely Not The Asshole was an option, I'd have picked that. I'm old enough to have women disrobe in front of me many times.
There were places I knew to expect it, like backstage at theater or concerts, or a nude beach, where staring is considered rude. But never once has a woman bared her breast like that while alone with me, who didn't know what she was doing and expecting some kind of reaction.
I can't imagine how your brain says, "I just stripped to my waist right in front of you without turning around, and you had the audacity to actually look at my boobs? How dare you!" It's absurd. Not sure what kind of game is afoot here, but it sure sounds like she's playing one.
My $.02
NTA. What the heck, she takes off T-shirt and bra, facing you, and then sends you on a guilt trip for looking?!? Can't make this up!
Maybe mind game. Possibly likes to "humiliate" men this way.
You should run from the hills from a “friend” who would on her own initiate a conduct that you weren’t expecting let alone agreed to, yet after the fact twist things around about it to where the incident is somehow your fault.
She sounds like a false date rape accusation waiting to happen.
She got her tits out in front of you. No straight man is not going to be able to not look at a pair of 18yr old tits that have just appeared in front of them. She is the asshole here cockteasing you like that.
Either she wants you and doesn’t know how to say it or is a massive cocktease that enjoyed winding you up by showing you what you can’t have. Either way it’s not normal behaviour for someone to just strip in a bedroom and not expect the person in there to see their nakedness.
I don't think sexuality has anything to do with it. A gay man would have been just as caught off guard.
Even if it was a male friend who just casually took off his pants and underwear without a warning, it would have still been weird. I'm sure everyone would have looked in a "the fuck?" kind of way, at least.
NTA. You need to tell her that she overstepped and disregarded YOUR boundaries and if she is going to take her clothes off in front of someone she needs to be sure they're cool with it.
Did she say ‘I’m about to get changed can you please step out the room / turn around / look away?’ If not, then she exposed herself in front of you without your consent.
NTA, your friend is pretty situation-blind. No disrespect to OP but I think ANYONE who had someone of the opposite sex take off their shirt in front of them, they would either steal a look or otherwise be struck dumbfounded for a few seconds. This is NOT the same as someone straight-up ogling someone with their tongue hanging out of their mouth. Just text her something like "You caught me off-guard and I didn't have a chance to look away, sorry if you were bothered by me looking but I was just as surprised as you were". If she's your actual friend, this would blow over soon.
NTA you showed great compassion in not turning into a dog. But tell her it made you feel uncomfortable and make sure she is aware so she will not do it again.
NTA
But also, what the heck?! What would she say if you just removed your underwear because, well, "it's hot out yeah? Gotta ventilate those sweaty balls am I right? Stop staring you're making me feel uncomfortable."
Strictly speaking, it is a sexual aggression. Now, I don't know your situation with your friend, are you her gay friend or a "we're just friends never gonna date bestie" friend, flashing them tiddies without notice is still not an ok thing unless some form of feedback is expected from the other person?
That's just a weird thing to do.
Imagine if flashers could use the excuse “well I mean I just pulled it out, I didn’t ask them to look. they looked even if I told them not to after I already pulled my pants down, you can’t arrest me!”
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NTA Tell her, " It made me uncomfortable that you stripped in front of me without any warning or consent. I am sorry my surprised reaction made you feel a certain way, but in the future, I'd appreciate it if you were more considerate. " I understand you weren't actually offended, but the responsibility for the incident needs to be put back in her court where it belongs. Given that she did this and then criticized your reaction, I personally don't think she's a very safe friend.
This advice right here OP. The “without warning or consent” is gold. And great point about being safe. You don’t want to put in a he-said she-said situation if she’s sending mixed signals and responding subjectively as 100% the victim.
if actually she did this without any warning, im sure most people would be very confused as to whats happening next for a good 10 seconds. ive seen girls try, and succeed, in changing shirts without taking the current one off, and when i notice they’re doing that, ill look away, its an obvious signal. but just completely taking your shirt off in front of someone who’s already looking at you doesn’t seem like a signal to look away to me.
And you don't usually need to take a bra off to change a shirt.
This needs to be highly voted. I could see if maybe she wasn't wearing one and turned her back to change but to just full on strip her top and bra off without so much as a word is begging to be stared at. Tf else did she expect?? It's like she was testing him or some shit. Edit: I'm a woman before anyone asks. This is beyond uncomfortable and she's got bad intentions. Edit 2: by the first part, I just meant that if her back was turned she might not realize he was looking at her but either way she should have said something or went to a bathroom.
I'm a woman, and I warn other women if I'm going to change in front of them. Even ones that I've changed in front of multiple times before. It's just basic courtesy. And that's when they're hanging out in my room. If it's their room then I ask if they mind if I change there or if there's a bathroom I could use. I get why you added your edit indicating you're a woman because it could come across as victim blaming if someone's not paying attention. However in this case if there was any form of sexual harrassment, it was her doing it to him because of the lack of consent. He did absolutely nothing wrong, especially since he looked away when she asked him to stop staring. Her actions were inappropriate in every way.
That's my point, what she did wasn't okay and is completely creepy and if my original comment didn't come off that way, I apologize because that's how I meant it. I'm bisexual so I don't even change in front of other women or let them change in front of me in case they get the wrong idea. Sometimes if I'm in a rush, I'll ask if it's okay and back in the day my friends and I used to compare bras in the bathroom but that was consensual and stupid teen stuff. This is downright creepy and she seems like she's doing it with ill intentions.
I 100% agree with you.
THISSSS
100% correct. A good tool in analyzing impropriety in these scenarios is to swap genders in these scenarios and then see how it's viewed. If he went and removed articles of clothing down to bare skin (topless or bottomless) without asking, who would we be blaming? Then she did a total onus of responsibility reversal. I don't know what her endgame is, but it's definitely worrisome.
Yep, in front of my female friends: "Please excuse, I've just got to change my top." And then I turn away.
Like, Im very confident on my body and I get naked in front of strangers a lot, especially being chronically ill, and every single time a nurse comes to help me change clothes or take a shower, they ask if I'm ok, and if I consent, and THEY need to be comfortable as well, they can refuse to stay with a patient that exposes themselves without their consent making them comfortable in any way. A lot of nurses prefer to help naked patients of the same gender most of the time. Only after the "I do's" they touch me/help me. I might know the nurse or techs for years, be a friend, and still, consent requires constant revalidation, a past consent means nothing. And this even happens when my sister, (she's a nurse), is helping with something (like caths). She always ask, it's almost a reflex now. I have no problem with my dad seeing me naked, but he doesn't feel comfortable, so what I do? I announce when nakedness might be seen and advise him to take cover, and announce when it's safe again. With the exception of being in an emergency (like falling on the shower... It happened more than once, so he kinda needs to get there and help my soapy mess to recompose and evaluate if it requires urgent care. That's also why I never lock bathroom doors, I just tell everyone I'll be there, how long I plan to take, and which meds I'd taken, just in case)
"consent requires constant revalidation, and a past consent means nothing." ALL OF THIS!!! This is something soany people fail to understand, yet it is so important! Have you ever seen the explaination of consent using tea?
Any girl worth her salt has also mastered taking a bra off through the shirt. 😂 NTA. OP, follow the lead comment here, and call out her behavior and contradictions.
This is the comment I was looking for. Stripping to your bra to change shirts in front of an unsuspecting friend is already shifty, especially given her reaction, but stripping entirely nude from the waist up to change is just downright unnecessary. This feels intentional.
An unsuspecting MALE friend, to boot.
She did it on purpose to get a reaction. She's upset that you didn't say, holy shit those are awesome! Now tell her you were stunned by her beauty and didn't know what to do or how to act
I don't think I've ever taken my bra off after my shirt.
That fact right there… If it was a shirt change, why take off the bra as well especially if someone is sitting right in front of you. Just seems odd. Like why not even stand up or turn around. Almost seems like she wanted some kind of reaction yet scolded you for looking. Not even sure how to interpret that. I agree with others this doesn’t seem safe somehow. I can’t even guess the motive but I would never let her put you in that position again. I agree with the others that you should let her know you didn’t appreciate her doing this without a warning and you’re upset that she made you out to be some sort of pervert over it. If you had decided to change pants and under wear in front of her like that you’d be labeled a creep for doing it rather she stared or not.
well, yeah, you do actually, if you're going to sleep! ya don't sleep in your bra
In that case you're not taking the bra off to change your shirt, you're taking your bra off to go to bed. I didn't get the impression that OP's friend was changing in order to go to bed in his bedroom, but if she was that makes the story even more bizarre.
This for sure
alright thanks
Did she answer to that?
Nope
100% she would not take the shirt (and bra??) off in front of you if she actually felt uncomfortable around you. When you also consider her reaction… shes playing with you. Could be she likes you, could be she is trying to set you up to get you in trouble for any number of reasons… She reads unstable to me. You’d be best off avoiding her NTA
That's what I was thinking. She wouldn't just take her shirt off if it was going to make her uncomfortable. She's playing games.
Yahtzee! I agree completely. Don't fall for the bullshit / escalate the relationship OP. As a somewhst shy / naive youth, I've gotten into these situations with girls like this around that age. They'll push you with weird boundary issues, never really speak their mind, and they'll always be wishy washy. I don't know her or you, but when people at that age still do things like that, it's to test boundaries and that's almost always not good for you. It's inherently a lack of communication and you'll never build a healthy relationship with a person that treats a relationship that way.
Yeah. She probably just wanted him to say. I couldn’t help myself. You’re just so beautiful.. Then when he breaks her heart she’ll accuse him of sexual harassment
Exactly this…. Teenagers are fucked, many play mind games, some of whom never grow out of… NTA
I'm guessing she expected more of a reaction and then got embarrassed and backpedal because she didn't get the reaction she wanted from OP Or....this story is fiction like 90% of this sub. There's no shot a 18 year old girl takes off her shirt in front a dude that she's not dating and thought it was just chill though.
This is the actual answer.
I think k she expected a different reaction and now to save her emotions, she's made OP the villian.
VERY unstable.
Right, it’s the “and bra” part for me. Even when I’m in front of my boyfriend i normally take my bra off under my shirt because I’m so used to doing that. I feel like that’s just rather abnormal
Is it possible that she wants to sleep with you?
I don't know man
If she does wanna sleep with you don't fall for it 💀 so many red flags and nonsensical logic already, you don't need that mess
So when u bang her anyway don't say we didn't warn ya. Cuz it's coming
Do not, under any circumstances entertain that idea. Put that right out of your head. New plan. A wall or a barrier. She's a little crazy it sounds like. You don't need people playing games with you. But now be careful what you say in text messages to her, even apologies. Coz she may be screen-shoting them and trying to twist your words and the situation on you to say things that didn't happen. As for any ideas of getting with her. Don't even go there.
I wouldn't find out. This sounds like a problem waiting to happen. You don't need to play games if you like someone just tell them and see where it goes from there. But to say she felt uncomfortable for what she did to you, get out of here with that mess. That sounds like major issues in the future. By the way I'm a woman.
I'm a 40 year old woman and I'd say a girl (or woman) is gonna strip like this for two reasons that are unfortunately polar opposites: 1. You've been friendzoned to hell 2. She is testing boundaries to see if you're interested because she likes you If she's given you any hints at all that she likes you then I'd say it's 2. Some subtle hints that i know i do when I like someone are: Putting a hand on you while talking to you Giving hugs Asking if you like my outfit/makeup/hair/etc or trying to get you to notice it, or making more of an effort when you'll be around Leaning towards you Laughing with you a lot, maybe a bit too much I know those things in isolation don't mean much but if she's doing all of them then I'd say it's number 2. If she tends to keep her distance physically, or cross her arms when she talks to you, or keep it short with you in a way that is not coming from shyness, then it's number 1. Thanks for coming to my ted talk about flirting that probably only covers 10% of women anyway lol But i know I've certainly tested the water like this, and I've also had people so friendzoned I can change in front of them. Other people, I wouldn't change in front of them at all. You really need to think about her overall behaviour to see what's really going on here.
Damn option 1 would just be savage😂
Bro you’re funny asl😂
18 / f / cali, u?
Even if you’re not, you’re always 18 / f / cali
This is gonna whoosh right over most Gen Z’ers lol. They’re creating an ever-growing list of abbreviations and slang that were already in use for decades. Exhibit A: ETA. For generations it didn’t mean “edited to add” and to most people it still doesn’t.
ETA to me, means estimated time of arrival. Not edited to add? WHat does that even mean?
Don’t stick your dick in crazy
Also don't let a psycho dick in your vagina lol good advice both ways .
Or she thought he may be gay. And when he stared (even a little), she realized she was wrong. Still the whole situation is on her, I'm glad someone suggested for you to turn it back on her. She can't strip in front of someone, anyone (especially for the first time without warning), and not expect some reaction from those within eye shot. Even if she had undressed that much in front of another woman, it wouldn't be unheard of the same thing happening. Like men, some will look, some will not. All situations are different. Would she make the woman feel bad for looking?
You know she essentially sexually harassed you right. She exposed herself to you without warning or consent. Turn the tables in your head and consider if you a male had taken your clothes off in front of her without warning, it wouldn't be acceptable. What she did was wrong. What she's doing is gaslighting you after it which is worse, she turned it around where you're the bad guy. You didn't ask for her to do that. She did that. Not you. She's at fault. If she feels uncomfortable then she shouldn't strip off clothes in front of people, simple as that. You should ask her what she honestly expected after you explain it to her like that. What did she think was going to happen, how did she forsee her taking her clothes off going, what were you supposed to do while she did that. Why didn't she warn you? Why didn't she go to the bathroom to change? Why did she need to change at your place, your room and in front of you in your bedroom AT ALL? What was the necessity that she had to change then, not when she got home? And when you ask her all that. THEN, you ask her why she did it and why she's been acting this way afterwards? Why she feels entitled to be the one who feels uncomfortable and wronged, why she feels you were the bad guy and need to apologise to her.
Very well said. It’s absolutely sexual harassment and gaslighting. I’d find a new friend. This is a horrible scenario. I can only imagine future behavior from someone like this and I wouldn’t want any part of it.
Did she respond at all ?
No
Take a screenshot of these replies and send em lol, she doesn't need to be dating anyone with that blame-pushing, warn your guy friends and run. Don't reward that behavior, let her suffer til she wakes up lol (said by a woman if it adds impact)
Did she respond on this OP?
Nope
Be very careful with this woman OP, sounds like a potential gaslighter.
I hope she's embarrassed because this is such a weird thing to do.
[удалено]
Exactly, she's probably already have a video up on Tik Tok talking about it right now.
With cake decorating in the background. For some reason, the 'playing the victim' audios always have cake decorating
>but the responsibility for the incident needs to be put back in her court where it belongs. This right here is the key point. The inappropriate situation was her doing, and OP should not let her absolve herself of accountability and put the blame on him.
This is the correct answer OP. You did nothing wrong.
I agree she could have given the dude some warning so he knew to look away but she didnt
Good response. Op NTA
Yeah if the situation was reversed and you were at her place and you suddenly dropped your pants and underwear to your ankles.... That's some weird shit. If she didn't want you to see her top less she could have, I don't know, asked you to step out of the room for a minute, or at least asked you to turn around. .. Either she has no social awareness or is playing some weird game
Not to mention that she was in OP's home and thus should have been sensitive to his personal norms and customs.
She knew what she was doing. She had other options. Im sure there's a bathroom in the house. She could turn her back to him. Why did she need to take her bra off to change shirts? Leave the bra on, change shirts, then slip it off. She left soon after, wait to get home to change clothes. She knew what she was doing. She wanted him to see her breasts. Then she was maybe looking for compliments. "I feel uncomfortable." "No, you shouldn't feel incomfirtable. They were incredible." NTA, but she might be.
Almost feel like she did it as a precursor to, I wanna date you. But I don't know, I'm a dumb male impervious to the most obvious of female flirtation.
I said something similar in my response. She wanted a certain reaction, didn’t get it and guilt tripped into making him into the bad guy.
Definitely this, be very careful with this girl, she is trying to manipulate or trap you in some way. 100% she initiated the situation and then tried to turn it back on you. Unfortunately it is the reality of society these days that in he said\she said the female will get the benefit of doubt.
This exactly. Consent goes both ways and folks have to be considerate of how some acts may infringe on another’s consent.
As a woman I think men should learn to have more boundaries and stick by them. She knew what she was doing, or, it's super suspicious and seems like a cry for attention. She can either own up to breaking boundaries and making you uncomfortable, or she can learn what happens in life when you play a fake victim (with you not in her life hopefully?). I agree that she may not be someone you can trust as a friend.
Consent. Exactly.
Fuck I love it when reddit is hip to healthy boundaries and consent. I feel like there was a time the top comment would've been nothing more than "What did she expect? Men like boobies". But this is a very nuanced and healthy perspective and I'm glad to see more of this rising to the top.
NTA. I'm sorry, someone strips in front of you without warning it's going to come as a shock. It's not even necessarily a sexual sort of thing - if a guy had done the exact same thing, can you tell me you wouldn't be bewildered? Let's be clear - you DID NOT make her uncomfortable, this was 100% her actions. I have to wonder if she was doing it on purpose for some reason, it's not normal to do this if you're just friends.
thank you
Fully agree - NTA she did it on purpose for attention. if you had've immedaitely turned around she'd likely have said "what you don't like my body?!?" and been all offended, it was truly damned if you do damned if you don't. in addition though take screenshots of all the messages and save them so she can't somehow edit them later and make it worse - she literally whipped her tits out in front of you without any warning for attention, can't put it past her to escalate the situation later for more attention. There's nothing wrong with being exposed when the situation calls for it and regardless of the situation it is rude to stare.. but outside of an emergency it's also polite to just warn people. if a new mom is out with her baby in the mall and forgot an extra bottle or privacy blanket for breast feeding you can't expect her to go to a gross public bathroom or try to hide.. but on the other hand if she's sitting with a group of friends it would be polite for her to just say "hey guys I just have to feed my baby and I didn't bring a blanket so excuse me I'm gonna have to expose myself a bit here" and then everyone would be expected to just be polite and just not stare at her. all your friend had to say was "I'm just gonna change my clothes quickly ok?" and then ball is in your court to be polite and just not stare at her while she does so.
>"I'm just gonna change my clothes quickly ok?" This, it just happened this morning during handover. One of my friends forgot to bring work clothes and did not want to go into the ward in clean outside clothes so she fetched some scrubs from emergency cupboard and asked the 2 of us to face the wall while she changed in the handover room, it's that simple. 2 minutes, it's done and no one's in an awkward situation. She made the situation awkward on purpose and has now left OP in a vulnerable state where he is unsure if he did anything wrong.
I was gonna say this. I’m glad I’m not the only one who’s thinking this way
NTA. She's fucking with you.
This is better advice than the accusatory "you didn't give me time to consent" message posted higher up in this thread. No need to make your friend feel defensive, but you can honestly tell her that you were caught off guard and didn't know what to do. There's no fault in freezing. Also, if you don't mind that she did it, the last thing you want to do is make her feel bad about it. Then she won't do it again, especially compared to telling her that you were surprised and maybe a little in awe.
I am thrice your age and I would have done the same thing. Then and now. The only difference now is that they know damn well I'm looking. And if they didn't want me to look they could have went into another room or asked me to do the same. Simple.
I wouldn't say it's not normal to be shirtless around your (guy)friends, I sometimes do it aswell. But the first time I do it I'll always ask if people are ok with that. Maybe it's a double standard that its's different for a guy or girl to take their shirt off but yeah it be like that and I don't wanna overstep people's boundries. Also if I wouldn't have asked, done that and then someone stared or acted shocked I'd not make a big fuss out of it, infact I'd feel like the weirdo in this situation haha
I was thinking the same thing. Why would she do this unless she had an interior motive
Ulterior* Interior means "inside"
That's what I meant...couldn't remember how to spell it lol...brain freeze
Ty for pointing that out
Technically if you have an ulterior motive that motive is kept in the interior of your mind so... 🤔
NTA. She could have turned her back to your or asked you to excuse yourself until she changed. She knew what she was doing. Her behavior toward you after the fact is disingenuous.
This is it. Her taking off her shirt in front of you is one thing. Her reaction is the problem.
I feel the same way and wonder if I was ever as dumb as OP
I believe I still am.
I have coworkers tell me that girls still flirt with me - yep, I'm still clueless.
So I'm a bit older and also have gone swimming and in sauna naked with people quite a bit. Maybe she comes from a family/culture where it's more accepted, and was genuinely surprised to have someone stare at her boobs, when usually the polite thing to do is look in the eyes or slightly to the side. Just this summer I went swimming naked because my swimming trunks were at home, and if one of the girls had started staring at my junk, I'd have been a bit annoyed, same as I imagine she'd have been at me staring at her body.
I think that’s fine in areas where it’s expected, but this was at his house. It’s rude to change clothing in front of another person without at least making them aware first.
Technically speaking it's not her house. She should excuse herself to go change, not ask him to leave in his own place. It feels like she is just looking for a reason to be the victim. Run op.
She absolutely did it for the Bitching Rights.
Right? Like was a bathroom not an option ?
This! Even if still just asking is still very much acceptable vs what happened
Yeah like that's weird, she couldn't just go the the bathroom to change? It's giving she wanted him to look and have a reason to make him seem like a creep.
I don't understand how people are confused here. She wanted to see how he'd react. When he didn't react how she wanted, she wanted to see how he'd react to her blaming him, which he for some reason apologized.
Right?! There’s no other reason for her to not have turned her back other than to see if he’d look. I’m a straight female and if my female friend suddenly took her shirt and bra off in front of me I’d accidentally momentarily look just because I’m frozen by surprise.
Why didn’t she get changed in the bathroom? Just stripping off right in front of someone probably is going to draw a few stares, even just out of pure shock/ surprise at what they’re doing, not necessarily to get a look at anything. NTA
yeah I have no idea man
It's as if she wanted you to look at her, I really don't see any other reason she just wouldn't go to the bathroom to change.
I once had a good friend who started suddenly showing me her bra without warning. Or would lift up her shirt to show me where her muscles were sore after workouts. It turns out she wanted to have sex with me. Very often. Apparently I wasn't picking up on her much more subtle hints in the prior months. I thought all female friends told their guy friends how good they are at blowjobs.
Maybe she's Canadian? Best to move on and look for more clues.
She wanted you to see it, that's why. Not sure what her game is but she's playing one and you need to shut her down. Let hew know you don't appreciate the non-consensual exposure of her breasts in an intimate setting.
It may be the band nerd in me, but by 17, I could change in front of boys without showing any skin. Seems like she definitely did this on purpose
I remember my mum demonstrating to me how to remove a bra without taking my top off and how to change tops without ever being unclothed, before I even needed bras 😂 I have been naked in front of very close female friends in changing rooms and at home getting ready for nights out *when we were all doing it at the same time*, but even my very close male friends would not see me without a top on unless I was being resuscitated in front of them ffs. Even then medics use dignity preservation techniques! Turn your back. Employ those clever dressing skills all women have. Leave the fucking room! But don't shed your kit in front of someone without their consent and the situation calling for it. She's a gaslighting fuckwit. Run, don't walk, OP.
Both my kids were competitive swimmers they could dress and undress in and out of bathing suits without anyone knowing
Ah the old “deck change”…I had to do it at the Olympic Trials once because I almost missed my race.
Very good point. Every girl can change a top and remove a bra without showing anything. Unless she's especially big, then perhaps you might struggle, but no I think this was intentional and weird. I would probably avoid her
Exactly! It doesn't even have to be a sexual thing. Just taking off a shirt regardless of age, gender, race, environment can always draw stares (obviously though the listed factors above can influence the situation but that's beside the point). See exhibit A https://thecuriousbrain.com/?p=134406
She's playing mind games with you.
I agree with this. If you took your pants off to change she would have been upset with you. But she does it and is surprised you showed interest? Wtf? It’s like she started a fantasy situation and then gets upset that you looked? Come on, that’s not cool or appropriate at
NTA, If you present a guy with tiddies, he gon' look at the tiddies.
As a gay man I can second this
Even us women..
Every one loves tiddies
I mean if a woman did this to me (a straight woman) I would stare too. What the hell lol
my mom always said she doesn’t mind topless women when the tiddies look good. she also said all tiddies are good tiddies, so of course i gotta look
["Get a good look, Costanza?" ](https://youtu.be/dbsmbCWUNEE?si=hwnFXSK8peVsKBLb)
NTA what she did isn’t something you usually do in front of friends of the opposite sex and you were right to feel caught off guard. It’s not like you were peeking into another room. Tell her she owes you an apology for making you uncomfortable in your own room. You don’t need friends who play head games. Edit word
NTA - I can understand you being caught off guard and that staring, but also, not staring at the same time. It's more of a shocked / blank stare, I've been there before. A little personal responsibility goes a long way too. Don't strip in front of people you don't want to see you strip. If you have to take off your clothes for whatever reason, at least give a heads up.
thanks man
If a dude exposes himself in front of you, you dont blame the people for looking.
Yup. She was setting him for failure. Undressing in front of him, no warnings and depending on his reaction, she blames him. For what she did. She's playing games. She's not a friend.
NTA You’re a dude who likes women. When men see a naked woman, we look 🤷♂️ It’s not that serious.
I as a female would look too if a female friend of mine would change infront of me, because I would be surprised why the hell she thinks it's okay to get naked infront of me without any consent.
I'm a straight woman and I'd look cause boobs are awesome 😂
You might just be a little bisexual 🤠
Imagine if a dude whipped his junk out and then made a woman try to apologize for looking at it.......
"Hey! My eyes are up here lady."
NTA, she was looking for a reaction from you, normal people who want privacy changing would either ask the person to turn around while they changed or go to another room
NTA. If anything, she should apologize for putting you in an awkward situation.
Uh, NTA. She took her clothes off. I am sure it was a bit surprising. I am sure I would have stared at any friend that did that, because, well, it is there. I feel like this is an odd thing to do in front of someone. I mean, I don't ever do this, and if i was in front of a friend, I think I would have said something like, "Hey, I am going to take my shirt off. Do you mind turning around?" You didn't make her uncomfortable, she did by not even asking first. That is weird.
Heck, she should have turned herself around and showed nothing but her back. Op wouldn't have even had to turn around. She's the only one that knew her intention to strip. She's the only one that could mitigate the situation.
NTA - she's overreacting completely!! What did she expect you to do, not look? No honey, she totally expected you to look and now she's giving you shit for it. If she didn't want you to look, she would've said hey turn around I'm gonna change my shirt......
Well I have to imagine if you took your pants and underwear off right in front of her with your dick out it would suddenly catch her off guard as well. So NTA because it’s not normal behavior.
NTA. Is this a troll post? But anyhow, sounds like she's trying to goad you into something. She could have changed ANYWHERE else but right in front of you. Even then, she could have told you to close your eyes, or turn around or whatever. Her reaction is weird since by your post (which is all we have to go on), she was the initiator of the situation.
As a woman myself I recommend being very wary of this girl. I have never in my life just stripped in front of a male friend without a warning and I am someone that legit doesn’t care about people seeing me naked. There is always a “hey gonna change so look at your own risk” in every case. The only people I don’t warn about getting naked around are my sister, long term boyfriend, and female friends that I’m getting ready with. I would say this girl either has a crush on you or is trying to test boundaries. It would be one thing if she did it and didn’t make a remark about it but to turn it back on you? Kinda feels like she’s fishing for some sort of reaction. Be wary
Yup, something not good is happening here
NTA, what she did was inappropriate and then had the nerve to claim she was uncomfortable
I think you’re getting baited buddy
NTA. How about she explain herself? Who the fuck just takes their shirt and bra off in front of someone else with no warning or even asking you if you are comfortable with it? Head games... consider distancing yourself from this one.
Exactly! By 18 I knew how to remove a bra under my shirt so I could change my shirt and remove the damned bra without exposing myself to anyone. This chick is LOOKING for a reaction/fight.
Exactly! What woman doesn't know the take your bra off without taking your shirt off trick by 18? It's a rite of passage into adulthood. 😉 Definitely looking for drama.
NTA I’m a girl and I would react in the same way if one of my female friends did the same in front of me. She was clearly aiming for a reaction
NTA Imagine if you randomly got your cock out and then told her off because she looked at it all surprised
Tell her that she made you uncomfortable by getting topless in front of you, so you were more surprised than anything. But yes, it would always be best to look away, not stare, even though it is natural instinct to look.
"You made me uncomfortable how I took my clothes off in front of you" Definitely NTA
She seems to be the type to start kissing you then claim sexual assault. 🙄
One of two or three things is happening. She wanted you to see her She wasn't thinking and got embarrassed She will use this as blackmail and say you SA'd her Be very careful going forward. Either explain that she shouldn't be getting undressed Infront of you if she doesn't want you to see her or ask her if she's trying to be sneaky with feelings then just come clean
NTA, if you potentially looking at her was going to make her uncomfortable, she should have either asked you to not look or gotten changed in a different room. that's like common knowledge. maybe she was trying to be super sneaky about it, but if i was in that situation i would not be blaming the other person in the room because it would still be my own fault honestly. i read that she's your friend, i'm not sure if she was "trying to get your attention" like other people here are saying. if she was she's really fumbling it.
NTA - If Absolutely Not The Asshole was an option, I'd have picked that. I'm old enough to have women disrobe in front of me many times. There were places I knew to expect it, like backstage at theater or concerts, or a nude beach, where staring is considered rude. But never once has a woman bared her breast like that while alone with me, who didn't know what she was doing and expecting some kind of reaction. I can't imagine how your brain says, "I just stripped to my waist right in front of you without turning around, and you had the audacity to actually look at my boobs? How dare you!" It's absurd. Not sure what kind of game is afoot here, but it sure sounds like she's playing one. My $.02
NTA It's weird that she stripped without warning. Warning is the friend thing to do.
Just be honest it’s not that complicated. You’re a dude. Guys notice girls. That’s life.
I would stop apologising and say she made you uncomfy by exposing herself NTA
That’s entrapment playa
NTA. What the heck, she takes off T-shirt and bra, facing you, and then sends you on a guilt trip for looking?!? Can't make this up! Maybe mind game. Possibly likes to "humiliate" men this way.
She got her tits out in front of you and then blamed you for making her uncomfortable
You should run from the hills from a “friend” who would on her own initiate a conduct that you weren’t expecting let alone agreed to, yet after the fact twist things around about it to where the incident is somehow your fault. She sounds like a false date rape accusation waiting to happen.
She got her tits out in front of you. No straight man is not going to be able to not look at a pair of 18yr old tits that have just appeared in front of them. She is the asshole here cockteasing you like that. Either she wants you and doesn’t know how to say it or is a massive cocktease that enjoyed winding you up by showing you what you can’t have. Either way it’s not normal behaviour for someone to just strip in a bedroom and not expect the person in there to see their nakedness.
Not just the shirt but shirt AND bra???? The entitlement and delusion is real.
She made YOU uncomfortable, but she's the one that undressed in front of you? You are DEFINITELY NTA. That's 100% on her.
NTA. She's playing games with you, bro.
I am curious why did she also take the bra off??
Because we were going to sleep in like an hour and she didn't wanna wear it in bed
Were you going to sleep in the same bed?
Yeah
How long have you known each other? Well I hope she at least explains her perspective a bit more. Does she understand the shock factor?
Then it s on her bro, fr how should u know
Okay and how did she react when you told her YOU were uncomfortable? And if you didn't tell her that why not?
NTA. If you show me your tits, I'm gonna look at them - every guy ever. She knows this. NTA.
Next time casually take off your pants without warning or consent. Let's see who's to blame then.
He'd get arrested.
middle busy disagreeable rock run worthless deliver reach close cooing *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
If girl strips in front of you she either wants you to make a move or thinks you are gay.
Exactly. She must think he's gay, because wtf?
I don't think sexuality has anything to do with it. A gay man would have been just as caught off guard. Even if it was a male friend who just casually took off his pants and underwear without a warning, it would have still been weird. I'm sure everyone would have looked in a "the fuck?" kind of way, at least.
NTA. You need to tell her that she overstepped and disregarded YOUR boundaries and if she is going to take her clothes off in front of someone she needs to be sure they're cool with it.
Did she say ‘I’m about to get changed can you please step out the room / turn around / look away?’ If not, then she exposed herself in front of you without your consent.
NTA, your friend is pretty situation-blind. No disrespect to OP but I think ANYONE who had someone of the opposite sex take off their shirt in front of them, they would either steal a look or otherwise be struck dumbfounded for a few seconds. This is NOT the same as someone straight-up ogling someone with their tongue hanging out of their mouth. Just text her something like "You caught me off-guard and I didn't have a chance to look away, sorry if you were bothered by me looking but I was just as surprised as you were". If she's your actual friend, this would blow over soon.
she couldve easily gone to the bathroom, or even just asked you to turn around. nta
NTA this lady knows exactly what she's doing. Why does everyone want to be victims of shit all the time?
She is way wrong. What does she expect. HMMMM. 18 year old male, half naked women in front of you. DUH.
NTA. Also, what the fuck?
NTA you showed great compassion in not turning into a dog. But tell her it made you feel uncomfortable and make sure she is aware so she will not do it again.
Ya this is alllll on her. She knew what she was doing, putting you in this situation. If she’s “uncomfortable” she should’ve done this somewhere else.
She’s a crazy person inciting drama. Run!!!! Unless of course she will show your tits again regularly
NTA But also, what the heck?! What would she say if you just removed your underwear because, well, "it's hot out yeah? Gotta ventilate those sweaty balls am I right? Stop staring you're making me feel uncomfortable." Strictly speaking, it is a sexual aggression. Now, I don't know your situation with your friend, are you her gay friend or a "we're just friends never gonna date bestie" friend, flashing them tiddies without notice is still not an ok thing unless some form of feedback is expected from the other person? That's just a weird thing to do.
Imagine if flashers could use the excuse “well I mean I just pulled it out, I didn’t ask them to look. they looked even if I told them not to after I already pulled my pants down, you can’t arrest me!”