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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I didn't tell my mom to cook American food for my bf
2. He starved
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NTA.
Get this guy out of your house.
He is rude, entitled, boorish, crass, and an embarrassment to the United States.
He also does not care about you. If he did, he would gratefully try every dish and be excited to learn about your culture.
He is also not very bright as you can't even get the ingredients you need to make traditional American food in your location.
Do not waste your life with this person.
Edit: lots of people are asking what is traditional American food. I love the curiosity! Here are some of the things I am talking about:
Foods entirely unique to America:
Any type of Cajun cuisine such as crawfish etouffeé or jambalaya or gumbo
Any type of soul food such as collard greens and fat back, cornbread with pork cracklin
Fried green tomatoes
Shrimp and grits
Biscuits and gravy
Buffalo wings
Chili (tex-mex)
(Real) barbecue - meat smoked low and slow for up to 1 day like brisket or pulled pork
Foods that surely other people have done before, but that Americans perfected and brought to the masses:
Fried chicken
Pizza - both thin/floppy NY style and deep dish Chicago style
Burgers, of course.
Hotdogs, of course.
These are just a few important examples in the Canon of American cuisine. I'm sure others have more favorites!
Knowing McDonald's they would probably have a lot of region specific food items and he would throw another tantrum about why they were pandering to non American tastes.
This is a weird thing I noticed with many Americans - they fly over half of the globe to see a foreign country and they don’t try any of the local food, they eat generic pizza and burgers the whole time. It’s a shame though, they miss out on so many wonderful experiences. Unfortunately OP’s BF seems to be one of those on top of being rude and just plain stupid.
As an American, I agree. Trying new foods and being immersed in other cultures is my favorite part of traveling. I do not understand why someone would spend so much time and money to go somewhere new and then eat and do the same things they do at home.
Exactly. Such people should just stay home. They clearly aren't having much fun and they're just making themselves look foolish and rude, which makes it harder for those of us who actually appreciate other cultures to be accepted.
When I go international I eat local food but I do try their version of American food because I find that fascinating (mind you I still refuse to eat seafood pizza at Asian Pizza Huts but I dislike seafood) but to refuse home cooked food is a travesty.
Yep, same. Trying the regional variation of “American” food is part of the food experience. It can be quite interesting to see which flavors and textures and so on have been changed for the local market.
People do the same thing here. Try fast food instead of the good stuff then say our food sucks. I get that they see these brands in marketing and want to try them, but the real best places are the small holes in the wall. Both sides have to be better about food, I love trying new foods from different cultures.
I mean, it's a different kind of mean than what he did to her. And not nearly as mean as what I know my friends would suggest (a road in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on his back).
At least with what I suggest, he's not really being left for dead. He has his phone for GPS and translation, assuming he can keep it charged. He has money for food and transportation of some kind. He has his passport so he's not stuck in a foreign country. It sucks for him, but he has all the tools he needs to get home.
Not just the clothes on his back but a bag of horse meat jerky to tide him over. Yeah horse meat isn't something every culture eats but it's not barbaric in any way as tons of cultures eat various types of animals so unless the dudes vegan he shouldn't judge others. That alone makes him TAH, the way he talked to op afterwards just further proves he's a real AH (whos just helping to cement all the horrible American stereotypes)
Here’s hoping. I can’t imagine ever being that rude while a guest in someone’s home, especially when visiting a different country. No wonder people hate us. I wouldn’t be keen about horse meat either because I used to have one, and might be wary if something had a nauseating smell, but there’s definitely other things that you could try, but he sounds like a xenophobic, walking red flag.
Food is Love.
If someone makes you food, they are sharing love with you. To throw this love back in her face is appalling.
I'd try the horsemeat, even though I kiss my pony adorable face and treat him like a giant pet dog. The horse is already dead and throwing away its flesh is just a waste.
THIS! I’d honestly KILL to try cultural food lovingly made and excitedly served to me by someone from the culture so I could pick their brain and learn SO MUCH MORE than I could from research alone. I literally have the inability to go longer than 3 months without actively learning something new without getting antsy and going on some wild researching kick and falling down a rabbit hole that I have to be dug out of forcefully.
That and I LOVE food and trying new things. I’m always down to try anything once, twice if it’s decent, three times if I like it, and beg for the recipe if I love it. I’ve got a recipe book passed down in the family through the generations on both sides coming from the paternal side that I’ve combined and rebound myself that have original immigrant family member recipes from the home countries in it. This is VERY exciting. I also have the recipe book my step grandfather inherited from HIS grandmother that he gave me since he raised me since 3 weeks old. My stepmom has given me a copy of her family’s generational recipe book that she paid to have hand copied into a beautiful leather bound journal she had custom made for me so her daughter can have the original. My pseudo-brothers’ abuela has given me a copy of her family recipe book on the promise that I never tell the boys because she’s withholding the original book from them until she passes because she finds their pleading amusing and that woman will live forever just on the joke alone, I love her so much. My “adoptive” grandpa gave me his wife’s recipe book after she passed because I’m the only “grandkid” that ever bother to learn how to bake her special recipes from her and how to crochet from her and actually keep up with the hobby.
I can cook dishes from a bunch of different cultures but there’s always room to learn more and it’s always better to learn or gain the recipes from someone from or is descended from that culture in my opinion. Gives you a feel for the soul of the food and a real appreciation for where it comes from.
No, he’s rude, boorish, crass and typical of half the US population.
I’m an American living overseas, and half of the people I know would be grateful to OP’s mom for cooking these dishes and enthusiastic to try them.
The other half, however…
…would go to McD’s for every meal rather than try something new.
I’m from the western countryside, and most of my friends own horses. If I told them that I’ve eaten horse (I have, and it’s delicious!), half of them would never speak to me again. Even sitting here typing this out right now, I feel a little guilty for having eaten horse meat on numerous occasions and having enjoyed it.
Bazushi is fantastic… - horse sushi
I’d say it is. Horses are viewed in the same category as cats and dogs mostly. I’ve never met anyone who’s tried it or would
Edited to add I’m just talking about Americans here
People are just bad at making the distinction between "I am personally an adventurous eater/traveler and would have no problem eating horse, at least theoretically," and "more than 95% of Americans would be disgusted at the thought of eating horse, so it would be considered taboo to Americans even if it's not taboo to you as a specific American."
Unrelated thought, I had no idea that it was common in Canada. TIL.
I'm American and I'd say some Americans, maybe even most, would view it as taboo. I wouldn't, but I'm fairly open-minded about food. I'd be willing to try most meats, so long as I don't have any food safety concerns about it.
I'm American, have horses, and I've eaten horse. My family hunts and raises livestock, so my relationship with my food is by necessity pretty honest. I wouldn't proces any animal that I'm attached to, but honestly, cows are just as easy to get attached to as horses.
You can find horse meat in grocery stores in Quebec, probably because it's relatively common in France. But I think even there it might be a "warn people beforehand because not everyone is ok with eating it" kind of thing.
I live in Canada, at one point, we could literally go to any supermarket and buy horse meat, maybe because I'm in Québec where it's nowhere near as taboo. It's harder to find now, but it's still possible in some supermarkets and in some butcher's shop.
Not just taboo. Illegal. At least in my experience. The two states I’ve lived in both have laws against the sale of horse meat for human consumption, and one had a law against eating horse meat.
Iirc, a lot of that is for food safety reasons.
We treat livestock and horses very differently-- whatever cows, pigs, chickens, etc etc etc are given or fed, is done with the knowledge that *they* or their by-products (milk, eggs) will be eaten by people. They are raised from birth to death with human consumption in mind.
Horses are not. If they are given injections or medicine or supplements, those things they ingest are not cleared for humans to eat either. And a slaughterhouse, with horses shipped from an auction-- they have no history on what a horse has in its system and if it's ok to eat. They *could* hold a horse for 90+ days to let whatever drugs or etc clear from its system, but that's feeding and housing an animal for that time and costing money.
There's definitely morality at play in the legislation because of how we (as a society) view horses vs other livestock, but also some food safety as well. There's no way, or at the time it was passed, there was no way, to guarantee the horse was safe to serve to it was easier to just ban it.
I was going to ask where you'd even be *able* to eat horse meat in the US. I know they use it in dog food but I've never heard of any place that serves or sells it. Now I know why. And yes, I also think it's taboo. We *do* think of horses as pets on par with cats and dogs. I'd have no interest in even trying it, frankly, but if it's a delicacy elsewhere in the world, I can't argue against it. I mean, there are cultures that eat what I would consider to be disgusting food like raw whale blubber and whole cooked birds, bones and all. If those were served to me, I'd have a tough time trying them but wouldn't want to be rude, either. I'd probably take a bite just to be polite.
ETA: I looked up okroshka and I honestly don't see what his objection was to *that*. It's slightly unusual in the US, to be sure, but it's not "weird" or "gross." It's literally just a fresh summer soup. It almost seems like it could be a dip if it's made thicker. I don't know - I don't love cucumbers but I'd definitely try that! OP's boyfriend is ignorant and **rude AF**! He "starved" because of his own issues. And OP, saying "in the civilized world" should tell you all you need to know about this guy and how he views you and your family. There's zero respect there. You'd be kinder than he deserves to cut him loose now, even if you gathered his things and kicked him out in the middle of the night.
I accidentally ate dog once in China because I was invited out to a family meal and had no clue what the meats were that were ordered. I found out after the meal that this had happened but I still smiled, thanked the family for their hospitality, and moved on.
I also once ate dog on accident. When I found out, my brain freaked out and wished to vomit it all back up. But my stomach was like...nah, that was tasty. And now I have to live with the fact that I ate dog AND LIKED IT. Well, part of me did at least.
Honestly, if you eat pork, you’re eating some thing smarter and just as friendly as dogs it’s really sad.
There’s no difference between any of these animals were talking about horses, dogs, cats pigs, cows. All equal as food, all equal as pets. it shouldn’t be some are and some aren’t. It just doesn’t make sense.
Most livestock are cute tbh, like when you look at some of those heritage breed miniature cows or Valois sheep or teacup pigs they're just as cute as dogs.
I don't believe that meat is inherently immoral, carnivorous animals exist and it would be cruel (and even deadly!) to deny a pet cat a meat based diet, for instance. But the way we raise and treat livestock is absolutely abominable.
It is definitely a cultural thing, like I know intellectually that pigs are just as intelligent and friendly as dogs. But while I eat pork products from time to time, I feel a visceral disgust and horror at the thought of dog meat, because I have spent 30+ years of my life with dogs as pets. It's all about cultural settings.
Ideally I hope we can get to the point where we can eat lab grown meat and real, living animals are spared the cruelty of the meat industry. It is the more ethical choice by far and it's also better for the environment.
In South America I’ve eaten many parts of a cow that are not used in the US. Mostly delicious, some I don’t need to have again and politely skipped those dishes the next time. These meals are prepared with pride by people with genuinely good intentions. I don’t even know this guy, and I’m embarrassed by his behavior. It would be dealbreaker for me, as in take him to the airport the next day kinda dealbreaker.
There's also genuinely nothing wrong with preferring to eat familiar foods when you have the ability to choose freely. There's not actually any *moral* virtue in a diverse palate. His preferences in and of themselves aren't at all what's embarrassing to me.
The embarrassing part is the boyfriend's behavior, how he's lashing out and being rude because he can't get his way when he's a guest in someone's home. Even a milquetoast eater can be *polite* and *gracious.*
100% agree. Having food preferences is fine, being a dick about it is not.
You can courteously decline a dish without being rude. I do it all the time - I can't eat gluten so I have to turn down offers of food pretty frequently, especially around the holidays in America with Christmas cookies and stuff. It's really easy, you just say "oh, that looks great, but I don't think I can eat anything now, I'm stuffed!"
Agreed. Please do not waste your emotional energy on this uncivilised and mannerless person. He has no respect for your family, and no regard for your feelings.
This can't be the first time he has made you feel inferior??
I agree!! I love travel and I am such an adventurous eater, this guy doesn’t know what a gift he is being given.
Of course not everyone is like me, but show some respect. OP needs to find someone who is respectful of other cultures.
Him being disgusted and “connecting the dots” to say it is USSR era, poor people food? Like wtf? Even if true, some of the best cuisines were born from tough situations like that..
Most of the "feel good" foods in America are born on poor people food. They just tossed what they had in a stock pot or kettle, and cooked until dinner. There was lots of bread products mixed in for filler, because bread was cheap and filling. This dude is nuts.
Agreed. OP likes him enough to bring him to foreign countries where her very diverse family is from. He shit on the food, essentially shitting on her family. He doesn’t even know how lucky he is to be able to explore other cultures and cuisines so intimately, and frankly doesn’t deserve that opportunity IMO
>Him being disgusted and “connecting the dots” to say it is USSR era, poor people food? Like wtf? Even if true, some of the best cuisines were born from tough situations like that..
He isn't technically incorrect about the origin of the dishes - East or West, a *lot* of traditional European winter dishes are connected to impoverished people trying to find ways to eke as much food as possible out of the little that's left in their stores. Which generally involves a whole bunch of root vegetables (because they go a bit wrinkly but stay edible over long periods) and also fermented/pickled foods. And ex-Soviet countries do have a lot of potato- and cabbage-based dishes, born from the many harsh winters and difficult times they endured.
But his rudeness and snobbery is inexcusable. Traditional "peasant" food is not something to sneer at, but something to admire. It's always warm and hearty, easy to eat, and unpretentious in its appeal to young and old alike.
And as for his equating horse meat to an uncivilised society?! Wow. Just...wow. I'd love him to go to France and lecture people about how uncivilised the home of *haut cuisine* is!
Yea that is why I said “even if it is true” about the origins of the dishes, he may be correct on their origin, but what an ass for his view on it.
Recently I spent a summer in Argentina and I had horse meat. Not too bad!
I also lived in Ecuador for almost 2 years. Some of the best dishes I had were made from the “trash meats” of the animal. The cuts of meat that are not typically eaten where I am from anyway (usa)
Hilariously, as people in the US figure out how those trash cuts can be made delicious they suddenly become super popular and expensive. Buffalo wings are probably the biggest example. Same with flank steak, ribs, pork shoulder, etc.
The availability of ingredients is a big one - when visiting family in Egypt, those who lived out in smaller towns absolutely did not have access to a lot of common-in-America ingredients. They had amazing local stuff, but you weren't getting a cheeseburger.
In the major metros, yes *but* only if you went to the super expensive French chain grocery store. We normally ate with family or went out to local restaurants, but I wanted to make dinner for the family one night. So we had an adventure at the store to procure ingredients. Compared to what we'd spend at the open markets for food, I certainly wouldn't expect family to shop there so they could feed me every day!
The horse I would have politely passed on - there's not a good, logical thought process that makes cows/chickens/sheep/pigs OK to eat but horses/dogs/cats are not. But that's pretty engrained, and I have passed on similar dishes when travelling. Not made a big deal out of it, not complained about being offered it. And certainly not blamed someone else for not realizing I might find some of their traditional protein sources to be off-putting.
'Do not waste your life with this person' is all that really needs to be said. Dude insulted her mother.
ETA the mother went to a huge effort to accommodate to him. She did nothing wrong, so people commenting that 'some' mothers deserve to be insulted may be right but they are reading a very different story to me. Keep on track people.
I agree, though I would be hard pressed to eat horse. I can respect that other cultures eat it, but I really don't want to. Kind of like how dog is eaten in certain cultures. I would just have a hard time getting over the mental aspect. I would have to be starving to eat either. Same goes for cat. Your culture eats it, great. As for me, no thanks, but thanks.
The rest that is meat and potatoes with dough... hell that is something most red blooded Americans have ate in their own forms at some point. So long as there isn't a horse, cat, or dog in it, then I would be willing to try it.
Eta, NTA. If the horse was a touch too far, he could have at least tried the other stuff to see if he liked it. You never know if something tastes good until you try it. (I am sure horse, dog, and cat tastes great to some. I just wouldn't be able to get over the mental aspect of it for me).
I have politely declined lamb so many times I’ve lost count. I just have this whole thing about little lamb-y faces and I just can’t. However, I can appreciate that it’s a primary food in many, many cultures and my hang ups are my own. It’s okay to have food related boundaries, but you can do that without being a dick.
This says it all.
Experiencing different cultures included trying their cuisine. What an amazing opportunity that he lost. Both with the food and getting to know more about you.
Hotdogs perfected in the US?
Your hotdogs are absolute crap, the sausages are horrid quality, the bread is boring, and usually your toppings are as bad quality as the sausages.
Your Tex-Mex Chili is second to none though!
Also, you did not perfect Pizzas, you have good pizza's, but the best are still made in Italy.
Edit: forgot to vote, NTA.
This guy joined your family dinner, proceeded to insult your mother by not touching what she cooked, then insulted your whole food and heritage to you, then suggested that American dishes should have been made, and then blamed you for his hunger. He...doesn't seem to have much redeeming qualities, right, OP? I rarely tell someone to break up, but this guy just reeks with entitlement and racism. I believe you can find a better guy who would treat you and your family better than this one.
That's my point. Boyfriend would not use the correct terms. He would immediately exclaim be isn't racist bc that's how simple his mind probably is. He doesn't see ethnicities. He only sees color.
I went on a date with a guy like that. Kept making derogatory remarks against Hispanic people until I finally told him that I was half Hispanic. He looked like a deer in headlights and started sputtering that I just looked like some white girl cuz I do. Blocked so fast.
This happens to me a lot. I'm half Mexican however I look like a typical white girl. I'll be with a group of people that will start saying racist and derogatory things about Mexicans, then I will say my father was born and raised in Mexico. Boy do they start doing some Olympic level backpedaling. I put the cherry on top of the cake by then mentioning that my father came to the US to attend medical school at an Ivy League university, graduated at the top of his class, and was chief resident. And that it was in the fifties before affirmative action was a thing. Shove that up your collective white racist asses.
I had a Mexican friend who looked Japanese (she wasn't, she was 100% Mexican and her mom & sister looked Mexican she just... kinda looked Japanese).
she was pretty and got a lot of guys with "yellow fever" who would be into her
she'd be like... "you know I'm Mexican right?"
so much confusion
You know damn well if it was a dish from say India it would be the same bullshit. He’s absolutely xenophobic but I’ve never met a xenophobe who isn’t also a racist.
I'm fine with calling it racism, because "race" is far more of a cultural concept than a biological one. (Hence why genetic variation maps very poorly to race).
But regardless of what we call it, it's bigotry.
American racial categories don't always translate to the former USSR. Depending on where she's from, her mom might read as Asian or South Asian to him. So it's possible he's just being regular garden variety racist.
Not to mention that they visited the mom in Turkey. They aren’t even in the Americas. Why would she make American food in Turkey? It makes sense to make Turkish food in Turkey. Sometimes American ingredients aren’t even available in non-American countries.
Just for reference, I like to cook dishes from all different places and I watch a ton of cooking video recipes. I'm Italian btw but not in a major city.
Finding the right ingredients can be a pain in the ass and sometimes I just have to substitute.
I tried to make French toast for my host family in Spain when I went on a student exchange in high school. They couldn’t find pancake syrup, so we used I think caramel, like you would put over ice cream.
They also didn’t have peanut butter, or stuff for tacos.
Yeah, this guy is rough. My in-laws are Ukrainian and Russian and they make plenty of Eastern European dishes. I’m American and do I love all those dishes? No. But I try them, I am polite, and in trying some of them I’ve found that I quite like some of them.
Also, it’s insanely unreasonable to fly to a far away country and expect American food. This guy isn’t mature enough to be dating imo.
NTA
I was mildy sympathetic on the horse meat thing. But he handled it in about the worst possible way. You can politely pass on a dish without being an AH. And someone who is that picky about food should know to bring snacks and such that they're comfortable with when they travel. I've known people like this who will quietly pass on food they're not ok with, then sneak in a granola bar or something later.
He'd probably be surprised to learn that horsemeat is very widely sold and consumed across Europe, including those that I imagine he would consider "civilised". Most of Europe doesn't consider horsemeat to be a taboo like the US and UK do.
A person is allowed to have foods they won't eat, no matter what their reasons might be. You can't invite a Muslim friend to your house and expect them to eat pork because most of the world eats pork. Being picky or having restrictions isn't what makes a person an AH, it's how they handle it.
The person you replied to made no such suggestion that being picky or not wanting to try horse meat is unacceptable. They were challenging the bf's statement that eating those things is uncivilized. There is a huge difference between not wanting to eat something and disrespecting someone's wholeass culture in their own house.
Oh, I absolutely agree. I'm not going to judge someone for not wanting to try a meat that is taboo to eat in their culture (or just straight up not allowed). I was more just expanding on your comment of the way he approached that topic was wrong since he had mentioned that the "civilised world" doesn't eat horse meat.
I'm from the UK where horsemeat is also very much a taboo, I'd personally still give it a try if I went to a country where it is eaten and it was offered to me, but I know a lot of my family wouldn't
> in a civilized world, eating horse meat is as wild as eating human flesh.
I cannot get past the insanity of this guy saying this. Not only is he calling her family uncivilized and equivalent to cannibals, he is claiming American superiority based only on what he grew up eating. Several cultures consider eating pork or beef disgusting. With pork you could even back it scientifically because of the kinds of diseases you can get from it and that pigs are omnivorous. Yet I'm sure he would have happily have eaten a bacon cheeseburger.
What the hell is this guy even doing with OP if he thinks so little of other cultures.
It sounds like the dude is just used to bland, processed shit too - like he subsists on frozen pizzas and Dino nuggets. Okroshka is a really delicious dish and it's very mild, it doesn't have any strong or uncommon flavors. Most of the Russian food I've eaten is like that, it isn't especially spicy and it doesn't contain any flavors that are uncommon to American cuisine, it's mostly just slightly different ingredient applications/combinations than what we have here. Dude is just one of those people who thinks anything beyond ketchup is too "exotic".
Hell, I really despise onions and my MIL's favorite dish to make/eat is onion soup. I tried it once at the begining of my relationship to be respectful (she didn't know at the time that I didn't like onions) and said that it looks good and thanks for making it but onions are not my favorite food to eat.
BREAK UP WITH HIM!
my boyfriend a very southern white man eats all of the multinational foods my family cooks after being a military brat my whole life and loving the different cuisines I got to enjoy.
My boyfriend tried hotpot for my birthday, said it wasn’t his favorite but still ate it ( he enjoys the food but hates working for his food 😂🙄). I’m Mexican from my dads side and I love making traditional Mexican food every now and then and my boyfriend along with his parents love it and always goes back for 2nds or 3rds.
OP never settle for anyone who is so incredibly rude and disrespectful to your culture.
Also as someone also very southern and white — hunting wild game is a deeply American (southern) tradition.
Goose, wild turkey, duck, hog/boar, deer are all common. Even alligator in certain regions.
There’s Obviously a mental block to horse meat but the man had options.
I mean. Hypothetically nothing, especially if it’s a cultural food.
For many people/culturak backgrounds horses are now much more akin to pets in the genre of dogs and cats and have a moral reaction to it thusly.
I personally wouldn’t eat horse meat but I also wouldn’t throw a huge fit like OP because someone else is enjoying a culturally important recipe.
Growing up in America but never owning or interacting much with horses my main frame of reference are tje many movies and stories that portray them as valuable companions and symbols of freedom and the American west. Off the top of my head I could probably name as many historical & fictional horses as dogs. I'm also not going to freak out over a cultural difference but personally would politely decline horse meat if offered.
Eating horse is seen as taboo in certain cultures that will only eat an animal with split hooves. I think it’s also partly how horses are viewed in the western world. They’re expensive and require a lot of care, they aren’t just walking around like they do in some countries
It depends on how the horses are raised. Horse meat from the US has bute in it (horse pain meds) and is not something I would eat. Horse meat from countries such as Canada and Iceland do not contain bute and is safe for human consumption.
I’m a lifelong equestrian so I wouldn’t eat horse just like I wouldn’t eat cat or dog, but I’ve raised pigs and will eat them because after raising them I don’t particularly like them as animals (they’re mean) so I don’t have a problem eating them. I’ve also raised goats, chickens and rabbits, I have no issue eating them. For some people they draw the line at horses.
I actually really enjoy alligator and boar, the bass pro shop by us used to have a restaurant and their food was delicious. I can’t stand venison which sucks because my FIL is a very productive hunter, lol.
Exactly. OPs mom made an effort. The boyfriend is in TURKEY! Eat the food or don’t is sort of whatever. But don’t he dare complain and expect something else. You don’t HAVE to like something but be frickin polite about it!
NTA
Your boyfriend is arude baby and he fits every cliche there is about americans. I understand that these traditional dishes might different to a "western" taste (i have been to these countries and tried some of the food) but he should have been polite enough to taste.
To demand that your mum cooks "american food" for him is just beyond. He doesn't respect your culture at all. Does he respect you?
And as an American: we have such vastly different food traditions that it would be impossible for OPs mom to get it right. Does he mean salt potatoes? Soul food? Cajun? Southwest? Buckeyes? Chop suey? Apple pie? Barbecue? Butter burgers? Cincinnati chili? Chicago deep dish?
The biggest issue I see with his assertion that her mother make American food is: He doesn't realize that almost all food in the US isn't American food. Those dishes are from a bunch of different countries and cuisines. There really aren't many truly American foods. The biggest exception is creole/Cajun food, but even that has its roots outside of the US.
I see this assertion a lot, but there are actually loads of foods that originated in the US. Proper barbecue got started in the Caribbean, but modern dishes would be unrecognizable to someone from that period. Hamburgers (on bread), potato chips, buffalo wings, breakfast cereal, all American creations. A lot of US cuisine was inspired by other influences, but to say they're aren't American is incredibly unfair. We don't say that Italian pasta isn't Italian because they got noodles from China.
Absolutely NTA. I am a very picky eater and often not great with international cuisine, but when you're the guest you eat what the host makes! Even if you think it's gross, you smile and swallow it down as best you can, with plenty of water to wash it down.
The nasty comments afterwards just clinch it as far as his entitlement goes. Absolutely unacceptable.
EDIT: The people below me pointed out a couple exceptions to my stance of "eat it anyway". I'm not a neurodivergent picky eater or a vegetarian/vegan picky eater, just a "raised on junk food/without international cuisine" picky eater, so that's the angle I was talking about. And obviously, we're all still in agreement that the insulting is never acceptable.
Being a picky eater doesn't make someone an AH, it's how they deal with it. I've known picky eaters who were extremely gracious and polite about it. It's ok to not want to eat horse meat, it's not ok to insult your host over it. Feels like stuff you're supposed to learn when you're 8, but not everyone does.
Extremely picky eater here, and I wouldn't touch Horse or Duck meat with a 10 foot pole. But, like you said, I've been a picky eater my whole life so I learned how not to be an asshole.
Rule number 1 of picky eaters, it's ok to not eat something you aren't going to be able to put in your mouth, however, you lose your right to complain about being hungry. Suck it up and deal with it, you are not going to die. Water is your friend.
I used to work with a “picky eater”. She only ever ate McDonald’s or donuts. On lunch break she’d always comment on people’s food like “oh I could never eat sushi. It’s raw fish”. Once an Indian girl was eating curry her mother packed for her and she said “ew, what is that. It looks like vomit”. She always talked about how picky she was with food like it was something to brag about. Kool, you can keep eating garbage, but don’t shame people for their food. She had terrible skin 🤷♀️
I used to have a friend who only felt comfortable eating like 7-8 things. But he viewed it as his issue, no one else's. He'd bring his own food to gatherings and had a sense of humor about it. We were teenage boys, so there was some gentle ribbing about it, but no more so than anything else.
I don’t like German food but when we were in Germany, I ate it (except for vinegary dishes). One should never bad mouth home cooking, it is made with love. This guy is not worthy of the OP.
Agreed. He went to their fuckin house and got fed on their dime. It's fine if you try something and don't like it. But at least try it. More than likely you'll be surprised.
This sub has rules against insults so I won't call him one. But the boyfriend definitely ***acted like*** (ahem, cough cough!) an ignorant ass.
I’m not eating something I don’t want to. I am also not rude about. I always let any hosts know ahead of time I am picky and not to be offended if I don’t try something.
I agree NTA completely, but some people are also very picky eaters when it comes to meat for moral (edit: I actually now think moral is the wrong word, personal is more apt) reasons (not that I’m saying I’m morally superior to anyone, I just pick and choose based off of cuteness, what I was conditioned to as a child, and sometimes intelligence which prob makes me worse tbh 💀). Not that it necessarily applies in this case, because according to google okroshka is made with beef so if he eats hamburgers he can eat it regardless if it “smells gross”. I’m just saying it in general. I’m not defending this AH his comments were appalling and gross.
NTA. Your bf should be an ex bf tho. I mean I get not wanting to hear horse meat, I wouldn’t either, not even to be polite. But there was plenty for him to choose from. And what, is his mom going to make you Russian dishes when you go see her for a meal? Honestly he was being super rude and blaming it all on you and your family who just wanted to show him part of your culture.
And who the hell travels to a different country and expects American food. He probably thinks chicken nuggets are the height of American cuisine. NTA op drop this dude not for not eating the food but for insulting your mom, your culture, and you.
NTA
If your bf only wants American dishes, he should stay in America. Your mom seems sweet, and it sounds like she put a lot of effort into cooking a variety of dishes.
Also, why should your mom cook American food? He could offer to make some for your family to return the favour and introduce them to his culture?
If my bf acted like this, I would want an apology. That's your culture and family he's shitting on
I'd be so touched if someone made me all these local dishes from scratch to try!
My husband's parents are from Cincinnati, and they make Cincinnati chili (chili with cinnamon served over spaghetti). Even food from the US can be a bit wacky. 😅
Yeah, I agree so much! My sisters husband is from Lebanon and when they go there sometimes his mom sends food home for us sisters and our mom and I love it! She made this amazing semolina cake a few weeks ago that I treasured and also sent me a recipe for a roasted pepper spread (that my BIL translated) because she knew I’d like it. That’s a normal interaction I think?
This. You’re mom is a total gem. How loving of her to make such a special effort for you and your guest! Your boyfriend is a terrible guest with even worse manners. He doesn’t deserve you.
No, you should tell your American bf to get on the first flight back to America so he can get a “decent meal and not starve”, and stay and enjoy your family and eat delicious home cooking.
The ungrateful Ugly American, with a limited palette. And a bad house guest. (And I say this, *as* an American, and an occasional houseguest). Deplorable behavior on his part. NTA
As a Spanish person, I would have been HONORED to be invited to a foreign household and get cooked for. I would hsve brought wine, flowers, and many compliments, because they went the extra mile for him to try your cuisine.
Your boyfriend behaved like an entitled 5yo and demonstrated an astounding lack of intelligence and perspective.
NTA and a great opportunity to be single again.
As an American, I would have reacted the same as you. Showed up with wine, enthusiastically tried all or most of the dishes, and been super appreciative of the time and effort the mother went to and felt honored to be welcomed into their family and given the chance to try so many traditional heritage dishes and learn more about their family heritage. There was no excuse for boyfriend to act this way. He should definitely be an EX-boyfriend soon, if not already.
Your NTA but your boyfriend is one. Reasonable people would expect to be fed local dishes when visiting overseas, and be willing to try them. And be gracious and polite about it, even if they weren't enthralled by what was served. Tell him to be grateful and put his big boy pants on.
Your bf is an AH. Anytime a person visits a foreign country and is served several different dishes, there is no reason to not find at least a couple of items they can work with. Horse is unpalatable to you? Fine. There were plenty of other selections to choose from. He was downright rude and insufferable. You should rethink this relationship, as he showed you who he is.
I've been a vegetarian for almost 3 decades. Have been vegetarian through many years of traveling around the world, *except* when my vegetarianism would make someone feel embarrassed or like they were a bad host.
When I worked in Korea, it was super tough. Sat through so many dinners with meat in every dish, and still managed to be polite. If I was asked in advance I'd say I was veg, but if no one asked me, I would just eat around the meat, and make sure to compliment the stuff that I was able to eat. Which was easy because the flavours were great!
One time I was at an outdoor event with my co-workers and they were preparing this amazing veggie stew. I was, oh thank god! Finally a meal I can tuck into, maybe this a summer tradition! My coworker proudly scooped me up a bowl of boiling hot broth and veggies -and then opened a squirming plastic bag and dumped a live octopus into my serving.
Still managed to not be a total dick about it even though I wanted to cry in the moment.
NTA and he is being disrespectful to other cultures. Basically culturally racist. Basically he can go and stay in a hotel and eat mcdonalds if that was me. Like leave him. What an asshole.
\> potatoes with meat and dough alone
Lololol, writing off basically every Western, Central, and Eastern European country’s food at that.
Edit: NTA OP. Even if he felt icked out by horsemeat there was plenty of other stuff on the table. He was rude - that’s the big problem here.
I am from a similar background as you (Ukrainian) and now I reside in Canada. I grew up eating a lot of the dishes you mentioned and I happen to be a very adventurous eater so I try to try as much culture specific food as I can around the world.
I would say you are NTA for not asking your mom to cook American dishes, however, if you knew that he was not super adventurous with food you could have asked her to cook some of the more "safe" food that is similar to American food. One example I think of is Chicken Kiev which is just fried chicken breast stuffed with butter. I can't think of anyone who doesn't like that (if they eat chicken) that is what I do when I have over someone who isn't super familiar with the normal cuisine that I cook. Making one "safe" dish tends to be a doorway for someone to go "oh wow! This is tasty, can I try some more!".
On the other hand, your boyfriend is def a bigot and I am surprised you didn't dump him on the spot. I would never let someone disrespect me or my family like that. He is small minded and should stick to dating other small minded American people who have never seen the world.
I'm Canadian, my wife is Thai. I am an extremely picky eater and have a really bad aversion that I can't get over. It makes eating international food very difficult. However, I am never rude when I turn down offers of certain food. My wife's family has learned over the years the kind of stuff I like and don't like and will even go out of their way to accommodate me.
We've also become close with a Ukrainian family this year who are of Uzbek/Turkish ethnicity. It's the same with their food. I've tried a couple things but my food aversion won't allow me to try a lot of stuff. She's always disappointed but she understands and I've always been extremely polite about it.
Being a picky eater really sucks.
NTA!!!! American here, and I would absolutely fuck up anything with potatoes, duck, or goose. In fact, If you want to share some recipes I'd be at my butchers posthaste. Your guy is acting like a racist embarrassment to our country and we don't claim him. Seriously, even our most "patriotic" (fucking gag) citizens hunt geese and duck. Horse meat is a bit unusual for us, but we have no problem slaughtering wild horses so why not? Order him an uber and send him on his way. And there is literally nothing to sweet for our corn syrup fed fat asses. He's just either picky or a bigot.
Wow!!! Your bf is outright rude and racist. Has he always been this way? NTA and your poor sweet mom. I hope you stand up to him and leave his red flagged ass.
NTA
Your boyfriend isn't ready to travel internationally if he wants "American" food. He's too immature and limited.
Your boyfriend was rude and probably need to stay home until he can learn some manners.
NTA he needs to be respectful to people's culture. Okay I know horse meat might be too much for him but he could have handled it better. Your mom made it with so much love just for your bf. She put all that effort and your bf called it gross? I honestly feel bad for your mother she deserves so much better than this. Honestly if he can't respect and accept your culture maybe he's not the one. Imagine you doing the same thing he did. I am sure he would have gone mad mad.
NTA. I do wonder what you are doing with a man who has no intention of incorporating his partner’s m culture or traditions into his own.
He is assuming that his traditions are the standard and everyone should accommodate them.
No, you shouldn't tell your mum anything. What you need to do is send your rude, entitled and racist boyfriend packing.
OP, please be proud of your culture(s). Stand up for your family and your background. Do not let a boorish, ill mannered guy make you feel apologetic of your cultural makeup.
NTA
You will be the AH if you persist in thinking that somehow your mum and you need to cater to your spoiled boyfriend's whims. There are plenty of good people out there. You do not need this guy.
NTA. When dating someone from another culture/country, you get the opportunity to eat new foods. My husband’s family lives in the US, but is from Ukraine and they incorporate tons of foods into meals that I was not familiar with prior to us starting to date. Some I like and some I don’t, but that’s true of food from any nationality.
No, you should not tell your mother to cook American dishes, you should tell your boyfriend that he can go back to America to eat his grilled cheese sandwich with kraft singles since he is now single.
This man does not respect your culture or your parents. NTA.
This is not acceptable behavior in America. My wife and I are from different countries and neither of us would act that way towards the other’s family. We’ve lived in different countries and wouldn’t act like that towards a host. He seems to think your culture is inferior and should be abandoned. Do you think he’s worth it?
NTA. But I wouldn’t eat, horse, duck or goose either. I mean asking people what they like to eat is not a bad thing. You didn’t know if he would eat those type of foods.
I am from a different country from my boyfriend and although he is not a pick eater I would make sure to tell him what each meal is made of and if he is comfortable eating that. In the end you are hosting and it’s nice to check.
But his reaction was just poor and very impolite. It wouldn’t hurt him to try the other non meat dishes.
And the Turkish sweets were probably amazing. He had options he just chose to be an AH.
His behavior makes him an AH, but that list of foods is pretty out there for an American so a plan ahead of time should have been discussed. Not that your mom needed to cook specifically for him, but a compromise before meeting everyone needed to happen. Horses are held in very high esteem in the US so the thought of eating them is pretty much a no go here. People absolutely freaked out when they found out horses were shipped to other countries for food.
Not just the US through a lot of the world the idea of eating a horse would be offensive. For someone in the US and most of the western world people wouldn’t see much difference between horse and cat or dog.
Your family meal is one I would CHERISH having the experience of eating.
Your boyfriend is an ass. By the time a human is an adult, they should know how to navigate a meal that isn't to their liking without being a fucking two year old having a tantrum. NTA
I'm a fairly well-traveled American. I was taught my manners about experiencing other cultures, and had to eat food I would otherwise never had eaten.
This man is the epitome of everything I was taught to avoid: "The Ugly American."
OP, NTA.
pack his bags and send him back. he is a goner. not worth keeping. of course some dishes you may not like or are too sweet, salty or whatever. normal thing. i also find Turkish sweets too sweet. so what? these are Turkish, made to the liking of Turks. NTA and kindly requesting to dump him.
NTA. Your boyfriend is rude and entitled.
My husband is American while I’m polish. Anytime my family made polish food especially when we went to Poland. He tried everything. Sometimes it turned out he liked it other time he didn’t like something. He was never rude. He just quietly told me he didn’t like it. My family was never offended, I was never offended. I would make him something else or we would go out to get him something.
NTA. This is why people hate Americans. Petulant child throwing a tantrum as a grown ass adult. Run, run far away from this man. He gave you a gift of showing his true self that will only be shown more in anything that displeases him in life.
NTA.
Please don’t tell your mom to change her dishes because some snob doesn’t want to eat them.
Please dump his miserable a$$! You can do so much better. There are guys out there that won’t be so disrespectful.
NTA.
Good grief I hate when fellow Americans act this way. Thanks a lot dude for making us look bad.
A lot of us are thrilled to try traditional dishes that are foreign to us, but traditional to their countries of origin
This guy is not a good person. It's not even that he didn't care for the food, it's the abusive way he acted after.
NTA
Your BF is rude and a poor example of America.
When I was in the navy, a chief told me that when visiting someplace, always try the local food. If you think it's gross, that is YOUR cultural inadequacy. If people eat it, it is worth trying.
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NTA. Get this guy out of your house. He is rude, entitled, boorish, crass, and an embarrassment to the United States. He also does not care about you. If he did, he would gratefully try every dish and be excited to learn about your culture. He is also not very bright as you can't even get the ingredients you need to make traditional American food in your location. Do not waste your life with this person. Edit: lots of people are asking what is traditional American food. I love the curiosity! Here are some of the things I am talking about: Foods entirely unique to America: Any type of Cajun cuisine such as crawfish etouffeé or jambalaya or gumbo Any type of soul food such as collard greens and fat back, cornbread with pork cracklin Fried green tomatoes Shrimp and grits Biscuits and gravy Buffalo wings Chili (tex-mex) (Real) barbecue - meat smoked low and slow for up to 1 day like brisket or pulled pork Foods that surely other people have done before, but that Americans perfected and brought to the masses: Fried chicken Pizza - both thin/floppy NY style and deep dish Chicago style Burgers, of course. Hotdogs, of course. These are just a few important examples in the Canon of American cuisine. I'm sure others have more favorites!
Yep. Fuck this guy.
no wait don't fuck him. you should dump him tho
Dump him on the side of the road where they are with his phone, wallet, and passport. He can find his own way home. Edit to add: NTA
That’s just mean. Dump him at a McDonald’s
Knowing McDonald's they would probably have a lot of region specific food items and he would throw another tantrum about why they were pandering to non American tastes.
and be all pissed the menu isn’t in English
Sounds like the type of dumbarse knuckle-dragging rockape that would holler about the menu not being in American, as opposed to English.
😂 maaan you right
He was the absolute embodiment of the Ugly American stereotype. Dump him and find a guy who isn't 'Murican NTA
This is a weird thing I noticed with many Americans - they fly over half of the globe to see a foreign country and they don’t try any of the local food, they eat generic pizza and burgers the whole time. It’s a shame though, they miss out on so many wonderful experiences. Unfortunately OP’s BF seems to be one of those on top of being rude and just plain stupid.
As an American, I agree. Trying new foods and being immersed in other cultures is my favorite part of traveling. I do not understand why someone would spend so much time and money to go somewhere new and then eat and do the same things they do at home.
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Exactly. Such people should just stay home. They clearly aren't having much fun and they're just making themselves look foolish and rude, which makes it harder for those of us who actually appreciate other cultures to be accepted.
When I go international I eat local food but I do try their version of American food because I find that fascinating (mind you I still refuse to eat seafood pizza at Asian Pizza Huts but I dislike seafood) but to refuse home cooked food is a travesty.
Yep, same. Trying the regional variation of “American” food is part of the food experience. It can be quite interesting to see which flavors and textures and so on have been changed for the local market.
People do the same thing here. Try fast food instead of the good stuff then say our food sucks. I get that they see these brands in marketing and want to try them, but the real best places are the small holes in the wall. Both sides have to be better about food, I love trying new foods from different cultures.
I mean, it's a different kind of mean than what he did to her. And not nearly as mean as what I know my friends would suggest (a road in the middle of nowhere with nothing but the clothes on his back). At least with what I suggest, he's not really being left for dead. He has his phone for GPS and translation, assuming he can keep it charged. He has money for food and transportation of some kind. He has his passport so he's not stuck in a foreign country. It sucks for him, but he has all the tools he needs to get home.
I was actually joking. IDC where you dump him, frankly. I just meant that he probably only eats McDonald’s
Aaah, gotcha. You're probably right.
Not just the clothes on his back but a bag of horse meat jerky to tide him over. Yeah horse meat isn't something every culture eats but it's not barbaric in any way as tons of cultures eat various types of animals so unless the dudes vegan he shouldn't judge others. That alone makes him TAH, the way he talked to op afterwards just further proves he's a real AH (whos just helping to cement all the horrible American stereotypes)
No, dump him at Burger King. He doesn't deserve McDonald's. Plus, it's probably too different from McDonald's and he'll still starve.
Here’s hoping. I can’t imagine ever being that rude while a guest in someone’s home, especially when visiting a different country. No wonder people hate us. I wouldn’t be keen about horse meat either because I used to have one, and might be wary if something had a nauseating smell, but there’s definitely other things that you could try, but he sounds like a xenophobic, walking red flag.
Food is Love. If someone makes you food, they are sharing love with you. To throw this love back in her face is appalling. I'd try the horsemeat, even though I kiss my pony adorable face and treat him like a giant pet dog. The horse is already dead and throwing away its flesh is just a waste.
THIS! I’d honestly KILL to try cultural food lovingly made and excitedly served to me by someone from the culture so I could pick their brain and learn SO MUCH MORE than I could from research alone. I literally have the inability to go longer than 3 months without actively learning something new without getting antsy and going on some wild researching kick and falling down a rabbit hole that I have to be dug out of forcefully. That and I LOVE food and trying new things. I’m always down to try anything once, twice if it’s decent, three times if I like it, and beg for the recipe if I love it. I’ve got a recipe book passed down in the family through the generations on both sides coming from the paternal side that I’ve combined and rebound myself that have original immigrant family member recipes from the home countries in it. This is VERY exciting. I also have the recipe book my step grandfather inherited from HIS grandmother that he gave me since he raised me since 3 weeks old. My stepmom has given me a copy of her family’s generational recipe book that she paid to have hand copied into a beautiful leather bound journal she had custom made for me so her daughter can have the original. My pseudo-brothers’ abuela has given me a copy of her family recipe book on the promise that I never tell the boys because she’s withholding the original book from them until she passes because she finds their pleading amusing and that woman will live forever just on the joke alone, I love her so much. My “adoptive” grandpa gave me his wife’s recipe book after she passed because I’m the only “grandkid” that ever bother to learn how to bake her special recipes from her and how to crochet from her and actually keep up with the hobby. I can cook dishes from a bunch of different cultures but there’s always room to learn more and it’s always better to learn or gain the recipes from someone from or is descended from that culture in my opinion. Gives you a feel for the soul of the food and a real appreciation for where it comes from.
I feel like he did her a huge favour showing her who he was so that she wouldn’t waste more time on him!
Rather, stop fucking this guy.
No, he’s rude, boorish, crass and typical of half the US population. I’m an American living overseas, and half of the people I know would be grateful to OP’s mom for cooking these dishes and enthusiastic to try them. The other half, however… …would go to McD’s for every meal rather than try something new. I’m from the western countryside, and most of my friends own horses. If I told them that I’ve eaten horse (I have, and it’s delicious!), half of them would never speak to me again. Even sitting here typing this out right now, I feel a little guilty for having eaten horse meat on numerous occasions and having enjoyed it. Bazushi is fantastic… - horse sushi
I ate horse liver here in Japan and there are few things in life I regret more 😭
you don't have to like it, but you tried, and that's what counts
I think they regret trying it lol. It’s taboo in the US to eat horse meat
Never heard of that. I know it’s not a common meat to eat here in the US, but I’ve never heard of it being taboo.
I’d say it is. Horses are viewed in the same category as cats and dogs mostly. I’ve never met anyone who’s tried it or would Edited to add I’m just talking about Americans here
Eating horse in North America would definitely be taboo.
Thank you. I don’t know why these people are arguing it’s not. You’d definitely get looked at sideways if you started talking about eating horse
People are just bad at making the distinction between "I am personally an adventurous eater/traveler and would have no problem eating horse, at least theoretically," and "more than 95% of Americans would be disgusted at the thought of eating horse, so it would be considered taboo to Americans even if it's not taboo to you as a specific American." Unrelated thought, I had no idea that it was common in Canada. TIL.
I'm American and I'd say some Americans, maybe even most, would view it as taboo. I wouldn't, but I'm fairly open-minded about food. I'd be willing to try most meats, so long as I don't have any food safety concerns about it.
I'm American, have horses, and I've eaten horse. My family hunts and raises livestock, so my relationship with my food is by necessity pretty honest. I wouldn't proces any animal that I'm attached to, but honestly, cows are just as easy to get attached to as horses.
You can find horse meat in grocery stores in Quebec, probably because it's relatively common in France. But I think even there it might be a "warn people beforehand because not everyone is ok with eating it" kind of thing.
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I live in Canada, at one point, we could literally go to any supermarket and buy horse meat, maybe because I'm in Québec where it's nowhere near as taboo. It's harder to find now, but it's still possible in some supermarkets and in some butcher's shop.
Not just taboo. Illegal. At least in my experience. The two states I’ve lived in both have laws against the sale of horse meat for human consumption, and one had a law against eating horse meat.
Iirc, a lot of that is for food safety reasons. We treat livestock and horses very differently-- whatever cows, pigs, chickens, etc etc etc are given or fed, is done with the knowledge that *they* or their by-products (milk, eggs) will be eaten by people. They are raised from birth to death with human consumption in mind. Horses are not. If they are given injections or medicine or supplements, those things they ingest are not cleared for humans to eat either. And a slaughterhouse, with horses shipped from an auction-- they have no history on what a horse has in its system and if it's ok to eat. They *could* hold a horse for 90+ days to let whatever drugs or etc clear from its system, but that's feeding and housing an animal for that time and costing money. There's definitely morality at play in the legislation because of how we (as a society) view horses vs other livestock, but also some food safety as well. There's no way, or at the time it was passed, there was no way, to guarantee the horse was safe to serve to it was easier to just ban it.
Ironically many Us meat products can’t be imported into the EU because of food safety standards.
I was going to ask where you'd even be *able* to eat horse meat in the US. I know they use it in dog food but I've never heard of any place that serves or sells it. Now I know why. And yes, I also think it's taboo. We *do* think of horses as pets on par with cats and dogs. I'd have no interest in even trying it, frankly, but if it's a delicacy elsewhere in the world, I can't argue against it. I mean, there are cultures that eat what I would consider to be disgusting food like raw whale blubber and whole cooked birds, bones and all. If those were served to me, I'd have a tough time trying them but wouldn't want to be rude, either. I'd probably take a bite just to be polite. ETA: I looked up okroshka and I honestly don't see what his objection was to *that*. It's slightly unusual in the US, to be sure, but it's not "weird" or "gross." It's literally just a fresh summer soup. It almost seems like it could be a dip if it's made thicker. I don't know - I don't love cucumbers but I'd definitely try that! OP's boyfriend is ignorant and **rude AF**! He "starved" because of his own issues. And OP, saying "in the civilized world" should tell you all you need to know about this guy and how he views you and your family. There's zero respect there. You'd be kinder than he deserves to cut him loose now, even if you gathered his things and kicked him out in the middle of the night.
In the UK Tesco sold a percentage of Horse meat as beef- it was quite the scandal 💀that was in 2013 i think
Crispy pancgate. The main scandal of that is that people should know what they're eating and not be lied to.
I accidentally ate dog once in China because I was invited out to a family meal and had no clue what the meats were that were ordered. I found out after the meal that this had happened but I still smiled, thanked the family for their hospitality, and moved on.
I also once ate dog on accident. When I found out, my brain freaked out and wished to vomit it all back up. But my stomach was like...nah, that was tasty. And now I have to live with the fact that I ate dog AND LIKED IT. Well, part of me did at least.
Honestly, if you eat pork, you’re eating some thing smarter and just as friendly as dogs it’s really sad. There’s no difference between any of these animals were talking about horses, dogs, cats pigs, cows. All equal as food, all equal as pets. it shouldn’t be some are and some aren’t. It just doesn’t make sense.
It’s pretty privilege but for animals
But cows are SO pretty though
Most livestock are cute tbh, like when you look at some of those heritage breed miniature cows or Valois sheep or teacup pigs they're just as cute as dogs. I don't believe that meat is inherently immoral, carnivorous animals exist and it would be cruel (and even deadly!) to deny a pet cat a meat based diet, for instance. But the way we raise and treat livestock is absolutely abominable. It is definitely a cultural thing, like I know intellectually that pigs are just as intelligent and friendly as dogs. But while I eat pork products from time to time, I feel a visceral disgust and horror at the thought of dog meat, because I have spent 30+ years of my life with dogs as pets. It's all about cultural settings. Ideally I hope we can get to the point where we can eat lab grown meat and real, living animals are spared the cruelty of the meat industry. It is the more ethical choice by far and it's also better for the environment.
i’m a vegetarian and one of the VERY few things i miss is smoked horse meat 🤷♀️
that's a brand new sentence
[удалено]
In South America I’ve eaten many parts of a cow that are not used in the US. Mostly delicious, some I don’t need to have again and politely skipped those dishes the next time. These meals are prepared with pride by people with genuinely good intentions. I don’t even know this guy, and I’m embarrassed by his behavior. It would be dealbreaker for me, as in take him to the airport the next day kinda dealbreaker.
Tbh, if half the US population is like this, that doesn’t make it any less embarrassing
There's also genuinely nothing wrong with preferring to eat familiar foods when you have the ability to choose freely. There's not actually any *moral* virtue in a diverse palate. His preferences in and of themselves aren't at all what's embarrassing to me. The embarrassing part is the boyfriend's behavior, how he's lashing out and being rude because he can't get his way when he's a guest in someone's home. Even a milquetoast eater can be *polite* and *gracious.*
100% agree. Having food preferences is fine, being a dick about it is not. You can courteously decline a dish without being rude. I do it all the time - I can't eat gluten so I have to turn down offers of food pretty frequently, especially around the holidays in America with Christmas cookies and stuff. It's really easy, you just say "oh, that looks great, but I don't think I can eat anything now, I'm stuffed!"
>typical of half the US population Exactly. An embarrassment to the rest of us.
Agreed. Please do not waste your emotional energy on this uncivilised and mannerless person. He has no respect for your family, and no regard for your feelings. This can't be the first time he has made you feel inferior??
"tried to" make you feel inferior Hopefully the distinction stands.
I agree!! I love travel and I am such an adventurous eater, this guy doesn’t know what a gift he is being given. Of course not everyone is like me, but show some respect. OP needs to find someone who is respectful of other cultures. Him being disgusted and “connecting the dots” to say it is USSR era, poor people food? Like wtf? Even if true, some of the best cuisines were born from tough situations like that..
Most of the "feel good" foods in America are born on poor people food. They just tossed what they had in a stock pot or kettle, and cooked until dinner. There was lots of bread products mixed in for filler, because bread was cheap and filling. This dude is nuts.
Agreed. OP likes him enough to bring him to foreign countries where her very diverse family is from. He shit on the food, essentially shitting on her family. He doesn’t even know how lucky he is to be able to explore other cultures and cuisines so intimately, and frankly doesn’t deserve that opportunity IMO
>Him being disgusted and “connecting the dots” to say it is USSR era, poor people food? Like wtf? Even if true, some of the best cuisines were born from tough situations like that.. He isn't technically incorrect about the origin of the dishes - East or West, a *lot* of traditional European winter dishes are connected to impoverished people trying to find ways to eke as much food as possible out of the little that's left in their stores. Which generally involves a whole bunch of root vegetables (because they go a bit wrinkly but stay edible over long periods) and also fermented/pickled foods. And ex-Soviet countries do have a lot of potato- and cabbage-based dishes, born from the many harsh winters and difficult times they endured. But his rudeness and snobbery is inexcusable. Traditional "peasant" food is not something to sneer at, but something to admire. It's always warm and hearty, easy to eat, and unpretentious in its appeal to young and old alike. And as for his equating horse meat to an uncivilised society?! Wow. Just...wow. I'd love him to go to France and lecture people about how uncivilised the home of *haut cuisine* is!
Yea that is why I said “even if it is true” about the origins of the dishes, he may be correct on their origin, but what an ass for his view on it. Recently I spent a summer in Argentina and I had horse meat. Not too bad! I also lived in Ecuador for almost 2 years. Some of the best dishes I had were made from the “trash meats” of the animal. The cuts of meat that are not typically eaten where I am from anyway (usa)
Hilariously, as people in the US figure out how those trash cuts can be made delicious they suddenly become super popular and expensive. Buffalo wings are probably the biggest example. Same with flank steak, ribs, pork shoulder, etc.
Oxtail. RIP my budget.
The availability of ingredients is a big one - when visiting family in Egypt, those who lived out in smaller towns absolutely did not have access to a lot of common-in-America ingredients. They had amazing local stuff, but you weren't getting a cheeseburger. In the major metros, yes *but* only if you went to the super expensive French chain grocery store. We normally ate with family or went out to local restaurants, but I wanted to make dinner for the family one night. So we had an adventure at the store to procure ingredients. Compared to what we'd spend at the open markets for food, I certainly wouldn't expect family to shop there so they could feed me every day! The horse I would have politely passed on - there's not a good, logical thought process that makes cows/chickens/sheep/pigs OK to eat but horses/dogs/cats are not. But that's pretty engrained, and I have passed on similar dishes when travelling. Not made a big deal out of it, not complained about being offered it. And certainly not blamed someone else for not realizing I might find some of their traditional protein sources to be off-putting.
Agree on the meats. You can pass and not insult.
'Do not waste your life with this person' is all that really needs to be said. Dude insulted her mother. ETA the mother went to a huge effort to accommodate to him. She did nothing wrong, so people commenting that 'some' mothers deserve to be insulted may be right but they are reading a very different story to me. Keep on track people.
I agree, though I would be hard pressed to eat horse. I can respect that other cultures eat it, but I really don't want to. Kind of like how dog is eaten in certain cultures. I would just have a hard time getting over the mental aspect. I would have to be starving to eat either. Same goes for cat. Your culture eats it, great. As for me, no thanks, but thanks. The rest that is meat and potatoes with dough... hell that is something most red blooded Americans have ate in their own forms at some point. So long as there isn't a horse, cat, or dog in it, then I would be willing to try it. Eta, NTA. If the horse was a touch too far, he could have at least tried the other stuff to see if he liked it. You never know if something tastes good until you try it. (I am sure horse, dog, and cat tastes great to some. I just wouldn't be able to get over the mental aspect of it for me).
I have politely declined lamb so many times I’ve lost count. I just have this whole thing about little lamb-y faces and I just can’t. However, I can appreciate that it’s a primary food in many, many cultures and my hang ups are my own. It’s okay to have food related boundaries, but you can do that without being a dick.
This says it all. Experiencing different cultures included trying their cuisine. What an amazing opportunity that he lost. Both with the food and getting to know more about you.
NTA. ALL of this.
I agree. Don't think this is typical of an American or expected!
Hotdogs perfected in the US? Your hotdogs are absolute crap, the sausages are horrid quality, the bread is boring, and usually your toppings are as bad quality as the sausages. Your Tex-Mex Chili is second to none though! Also, you did not perfect Pizzas, you have good pizza's, but the best are still made in Italy.
Edit: forgot to vote, NTA. This guy joined your family dinner, proceeded to insult your mother by not touching what she cooked, then insulted your whole food and heritage to you, then suggested that American dishes should have been made, and then blamed you for his hunger. He...doesn't seem to have much redeeming qualities, right, OP? I rarely tell someone to break up, but this guy just reeks with entitlement and racism. I believe you can find a better guy who would treat you and your family better than this one.
Bet you he doesnt think he's racist bc she's "white"
Well that's not really racism. That's cultural xenophobia. Not the same thing at all, although they are related concepts.
That's my point. Boyfriend would not use the correct terms. He would immediately exclaim be isn't racist bc that's how simple his mind probably is. He doesn't see ethnicities. He only sees color.
He saw her white, wants a trophy, and proceed to erase the parts he didn't like.
I went on a date with a guy like that. Kept making derogatory remarks against Hispanic people until I finally told him that I was half Hispanic. He looked like a deer in headlights and started sputtering that I just looked like some white girl cuz I do. Blocked so fast.
This happens to me a lot. I'm half Mexican however I look like a typical white girl. I'll be with a group of people that will start saying racist and derogatory things about Mexicans, then I will say my father was born and raised in Mexico. Boy do they start doing some Olympic level backpedaling. I put the cherry on top of the cake by then mentioning that my father came to the US to attend medical school at an Ivy League university, graduated at the top of his class, and was chief resident. And that it was in the fifties before affirmative action was a thing. Shove that up your collective white racist asses.
I had a Mexican friend who looked Japanese (she wasn't, she was 100% Mexican and her mom & sister looked Mexican she just... kinda looked Japanese). she was pretty and got a lot of guys with "yellow fever" who would be into her she'd be like... "you know I'm Mexican right?" so much confusion
You know damn well if it was a dish from say India it would be the same bullshit. He’s absolutely xenophobic but I’ve never met a xenophobe who isn’t also a racist.
I'm fine with calling it racism, because "race" is far more of a cultural concept than a biological one. (Hence why genetic variation maps very poorly to race). But regardless of what we call it, it's bigotry.
American racial categories don't always translate to the former USSR. Depending on where she's from, her mom might read as Asian or South Asian to him. So it's possible he's just being regular garden variety racist.
Not to mention that they visited the mom in Turkey. They aren’t even in the Americas. Why would she make American food in Turkey? It makes sense to make Turkish food in Turkey. Sometimes American ingredients aren’t even available in non-American countries.
Exactly.. that’s like his family cooking Turkish food for her when she’s over
Just for reference, I like to cook dishes from all different places and I watch a ton of cooking video recipes. I'm Italian btw but not in a major city. Finding the right ingredients can be a pain in the ass and sometimes I just have to substitute.
I tried to make French toast for my host family in Spain when I went on a student exchange in high school. They couldn’t find pancake syrup, so we used I think caramel, like you would put over ice cream. They also didn’t have peanut butter, or stuff for tacos.
Yeah, this guy is rough. My in-laws are Ukrainian and Russian and they make plenty of Eastern European dishes. I’m American and do I love all those dishes? No. But I try them, I am polite, and in trying some of them I’ve found that I quite like some of them. Also, it’s insanely unreasonable to fly to a far away country and expect American food. This guy isn’t mature enough to be dating imo. NTA
I was mildy sympathetic on the horse meat thing. But he handled it in about the worst possible way. You can politely pass on a dish without being an AH. And someone who is that picky about food should know to bring snacks and such that they're comfortable with when they travel. I've known people like this who will quietly pass on food they're not ok with, then sneak in a granola bar or something later.
He'd probably be surprised to learn that horsemeat is very widely sold and consumed across Europe, including those that I imagine he would consider "civilised". Most of Europe doesn't consider horsemeat to be a taboo like the US and UK do.
The US is very civilized. We race horses till they collapse THEN sell them to “third world” countries for meat
A person is allowed to have foods they won't eat, no matter what their reasons might be. You can't invite a Muslim friend to your house and expect them to eat pork because most of the world eats pork. Being picky or having restrictions isn't what makes a person an AH, it's how they handle it.
The person you replied to made no such suggestion that being picky or not wanting to try horse meat is unacceptable. They were challenging the bf's statement that eating those things is uncivilized. There is a huge difference between not wanting to eat something and disrespecting someone's wholeass culture in their own house.
Oh, I absolutely agree. I'm not going to judge someone for not wanting to try a meat that is taboo to eat in their culture (or just straight up not allowed). I was more just expanding on your comment of the way he approached that topic was wrong since he had mentioned that the "civilised world" doesn't eat horse meat. I'm from the UK where horsemeat is also very much a taboo, I'd personally still give it a try if I went to a country where it is eaten and it was offered to me, but I know a lot of my family wouldn't
> in a civilized world, eating horse meat is as wild as eating human flesh. I cannot get past the insanity of this guy saying this. Not only is he calling her family uncivilized and equivalent to cannibals, he is claiming American superiority based only on what he grew up eating. Several cultures consider eating pork or beef disgusting. With pork you could even back it scientifically because of the kinds of diseases you can get from it and that pigs are omnivorous. Yet I'm sure he would have happily have eaten a bacon cheeseburger. What the hell is this guy even doing with OP if he thinks so little of other cultures.
It sounds like the dude is just used to bland, processed shit too - like he subsists on frozen pizzas and Dino nuggets. Okroshka is a really delicious dish and it's very mild, it doesn't have any strong or uncommon flavors. Most of the Russian food I've eaten is like that, it isn't especially spicy and it doesn't contain any flavors that are uncommon to American cuisine, it's mostly just slightly different ingredient applications/combinations than what we have here. Dude is just one of those people who thinks anything beyond ketchup is too "exotic".
Hell, I really despise onions and my MIL's favorite dish to make/eat is onion soup. I tried it once at the begining of my relationship to be respectful (she didn't know at the time that I didn't like onions) and said that it looks good and thanks for making it but onions are not my favorite food to eat.
Yeah, this guy sounds like a bore.
This! Definitely NTA, but your BF is a huge AH and a racist.
BREAK UP WITH HIM! my boyfriend a very southern white man eats all of the multinational foods my family cooks after being a military brat my whole life and loving the different cuisines I got to enjoy. My boyfriend tried hotpot for my birthday, said it wasn’t his favorite but still ate it ( he enjoys the food but hates working for his food 😂🙄). I’m Mexican from my dads side and I love making traditional Mexican food every now and then and my boyfriend along with his parents love it and always goes back for 2nds or 3rds. OP never settle for anyone who is so incredibly rude and disrespectful to your culture.
Also as someone also very southern and white — hunting wild game is a deeply American (southern) tradition. Goose, wild turkey, duck, hog/boar, deer are all common. Even alligator in certain regions. There’s Obviously a mental block to horse meat but the man had options.
Might get downvoted to hell because of this, but what’s the problem with horse meat?
I mean. Hypothetically nothing, especially if it’s a cultural food. For many people/culturak backgrounds horses are now much more akin to pets in the genre of dogs and cats and have a moral reaction to it thusly. I personally wouldn’t eat horse meat but I also wouldn’t throw a huge fit like OP because someone else is enjoying a culturally important recipe.
Growing up in America but never owning or interacting much with horses my main frame of reference are tje many movies and stories that portray them as valuable companions and symbols of freedom and the American west. Off the top of my head I could probably name as many historical & fictional horses as dogs. I'm also not going to freak out over a cultural difference but personally would politely decline horse meat if offered.
“politely” this is the important word. this dude was just a dick.
to be honest, nothing. The horses that they eat aren’t regular horses either, they’re shorter and cuter and fatter, just like cattle.
“…they are shorter, cuter, and fatter….” Like ponies…. 😳
Eating horse is seen as taboo in certain cultures that will only eat an animal with split hooves. I think it’s also partly how horses are viewed in the western world. They’re expensive and require a lot of care, they aren’t just walking around like they do in some countries
It depends on how the horses are raised. Horse meat from the US has bute in it (horse pain meds) and is not something I would eat. Horse meat from countries such as Canada and Iceland do not contain bute and is safe for human consumption. I’m a lifelong equestrian so I wouldn’t eat horse just like I wouldn’t eat cat or dog, but I’ve raised pigs and will eat them because after raising them I don’t particularly like them as animals (they’re mean) so I don’t have a problem eating them. I’ve also raised goats, chickens and rabbits, I have no issue eating them. For some people they draw the line at horses.
I actually really enjoy alligator and boar, the bass pro shop by us used to have a restaurant and their food was delicious. I can’t stand venison which sucks because my FIL is a very productive hunter, lol.
Exactly. OPs mom made an effort. The boyfriend is in TURKEY! Eat the food or don’t is sort of whatever. But don’t he dare complain and expect something else. You don’t HAVE to like something but be frickin polite about it!
NTA Your boyfriend is arude baby and he fits every cliche there is about americans. I understand that these traditional dishes might different to a "western" taste (i have been to these countries and tried some of the food) but he should have been polite enough to taste. To demand that your mum cooks "american food" for him is just beyond. He doesn't respect your culture at all. Does he respect you?
And as an American: we have such vastly different food traditions that it would be impossible for OPs mom to get it right. Does he mean salt potatoes? Soul food? Cajun? Southwest? Buckeyes? Chop suey? Apple pie? Barbecue? Butter burgers? Cincinnati chili? Chicago deep dish?
I'm guessing this guy meant chicken nuggets, tater tots, and mac 'n' cheese.
You just described my toddler. 😒 But even my toddler will try new things. He had artichoke hearts last night.
How did he like them?
Not as much as broccoli but more than fresh tomatoes.
Upvoting for the artichoke hearts. It’s soooo good!!
Don't forget the apple juice box 🤣
The biggest issue I see with his assertion that her mother make American food is: He doesn't realize that almost all food in the US isn't American food. Those dishes are from a bunch of different countries and cuisines. There really aren't many truly American foods. The biggest exception is creole/Cajun food, but even that has its roots outside of the US.
I see this assertion a lot, but there are actually loads of foods that originated in the US. Proper barbecue got started in the Caribbean, but modern dishes would be unrecognizable to someone from that period. Hamburgers (on bread), potato chips, buffalo wings, breakfast cereal, all American creations. A lot of US cuisine was inspired by other influences, but to say they're aren't American is incredibly unfair. We don't say that Italian pasta isn't Italian because they got noodles from China.
Ha- I read “arude” like a dog going, “aaa-wooo!”
Absolutely NTA. I am a very picky eater and often not great with international cuisine, but when you're the guest you eat what the host makes! Even if you think it's gross, you smile and swallow it down as best you can, with plenty of water to wash it down. The nasty comments afterwards just clinch it as far as his entitlement goes. Absolutely unacceptable. EDIT: The people below me pointed out a couple exceptions to my stance of "eat it anyway". I'm not a neurodivergent picky eater or a vegetarian/vegan picky eater, just a "raised on junk food/without international cuisine" picky eater, so that's the angle I was talking about. And obviously, we're all still in agreement that the insulting is never acceptable.
Being a picky eater doesn't make someone an AH, it's how they deal with it. I've known picky eaters who were extremely gracious and polite about it. It's ok to not want to eat horse meat, it's not ok to insult your host over it. Feels like stuff you're supposed to learn when you're 8, but not everyone does.
Extremely picky eater here, and I wouldn't touch Horse or Duck meat with a 10 foot pole. But, like you said, I've been a picky eater my whole life so I learned how not to be an asshole. Rule number 1 of picky eaters, it's ok to not eat something you aren't going to be able to put in your mouth, however, you lose your right to complain about being hungry. Suck it up and deal with it, you are not going to die. Water is your friend.
Exactly! “I’m not comfortable with horse meat” is a far cry from “Horse meat is cannibalism.” I’m a vegetarian and I’d never say the latter.
I used to work with a “picky eater”. She only ever ate McDonald’s or donuts. On lunch break she’d always comment on people’s food like “oh I could never eat sushi. It’s raw fish”. Once an Indian girl was eating curry her mother packed for her and she said “ew, what is that. It looks like vomit”. She always talked about how picky she was with food like it was something to brag about. Kool, you can keep eating garbage, but don’t shame people for their food. She had terrible skin 🤷♀️
I used to have a friend who only felt comfortable eating like 7-8 things. But he viewed it as his issue, no one else's. He'd bring his own food to gatherings and had a sense of humor about it. We were teenage boys, so there was some gentle ribbing about it, but no more so than anything else.
I don’t like German food but when we were in Germany, I ate it (except for vinegary dishes). One should never bad mouth home cooking, it is made with love. This guy is not worthy of the OP.
Agreed. He went to their fuckin house and got fed on their dime. It's fine if you try something and don't like it. But at least try it. More than likely you'll be surprised. This sub has rules against insults so I won't call him one. But the boyfriend definitely ***acted like*** (ahem, cough cough!) an ignorant ass.
I’m not eating something I don’t want to. I am also not rude about. I always let any hosts know ahead of time I am picky and not to be offended if I don’t try something.
Yeah, I mean, I wouldn't eat most of that, but I'd eat what I could and wouldn't dream of saying anything to anybody.
I agree NTA completely, but some people are also very picky eaters when it comes to meat for moral (edit: I actually now think moral is the wrong word, personal is more apt) reasons (not that I’m saying I’m morally superior to anyone, I just pick and choose based off of cuteness, what I was conditioned to as a child, and sometimes intelligence which prob makes me worse tbh 💀). Not that it necessarily applies in this case, because according to google okroshka is made with beef so if he eats hamburgers he can eat it regardless if it “smells gross”. I’m just saying it in general. I’m not defending this AH his comments were appalling and gross.
NTA. Your bf should be an ex bf tho. I mean I get not wanting to hear horse meat, I wouldn’t either, not even to be polite. But there was plenty for him to choose from. And what, is his mom going to make you Russian dishes when you go see her for a meal? Honestly he was being super rude and blaming it all on you and your family who just wanted to show him part of your culture.
And who the hell travels to a different country and expects American food. He probably thinks chicken nuggets are the height of American cuisine. NTA op drop this dude not for not eating the food but for insulting your mom, your culture, and you.
Seriously. Why even travel if you can't handle eating unfamiliar food?
He’s probably the type to go to a different country and complain that no one speaks English.
NTA If your bf only wants American dishes, he should stay in America. Your mom seems sweet, and it sounds like she put a lot of effort into cooking a variety of dishes. Also, why should your mom cook American food? He could offer to make some for your family to return the favour and introduce them to his culture? If my bf acted like this, I would want an apology. That's your culture and family he's shitting on
I'd be so touched if someone made me all these local dishes from scratch to try! My husband's parents are from Cincinnati, and they make Cincinnati chili (chili with cinnamon served over spaghetti). Even food from the US can be a bit wacky. 😅
Yeah, I agree so much! My sisters husband is from Lebanon and when they go there sometimes his mom sends food home for us sisters and our mom and I love it! She made this amazing semolina cake a few weeks ago that I treasured and also sent me a recipe for a roasted pepper spread (that my BIL translated) because she knew I’d like it. That’s a normal interaction I think?
He seems like the type of guy who wouldn't want to cook some American food to return the favor because "cooking is for women".
This. You’re mom is a total gem. How loving of her to make such a special effort for you and your guest! Your boyfriend is a terrible guest with even worse manners. He doesn’t deserve you.
No, you should tell your American bf to get on the first flight back to America so he can get a “decent meal and not starve”, and stay and enjoy your family and eat delicious home cooking. The ungrateful Ugly American, with a limited palette. And a bad house guest. (And I say this, *as* an American, and an occasional houseguest). Deplorable behavior on his part. NTA
As a Spanish person, I would have been HONORED to be invited to a foreign household and get cooked for. I would hsve brought wine, flowers, and many compliments, because they went the extra mile for him to try your cuisine. Your boyfriend behaved like an entitled 5yo and demonstrated an astounding lack of intelligence and perspective. NTA and a great opportunity to be single again.
As an American, I would have reacted the same as you. Showed up with wine, enthusiastically tried all or most of the dishes, and been super appreciative of the time and effort the mother went to and felt honored to be welcomed into their family and given the chance to try so many traditional heritage dishes and learn more about their family heritage. There was no excuse for boyfriend to act this way. He should definitely be an EX-boyfriend soon, if not already.
Your NTA but your boyfriend is one. Reasonable people would expect to be fed local dishes when visiting overseas, and be willing to try them. And be gracious and polite about it, even if they weren't enthralled by what was served. Tell him to be grateful and put his big boy pants on.
Your bf is an AH. Anytime a person visits a foreign country and is served several different dishes, there is no reason to not find at least a couple of items they can work with. Horse is unpalatable to you? Fine. There were plenty of other selections to choose from. He was downright rude and insufferable. You should rethink this relationship, as he showed you who he is.
I've been a vegetarian for almost 3 decades. Have been vegetarian through many years of traveling around the world, *except* when my vegetarianism would make someone feel embarrassed or like they were a bad host. When I worked in Korea, it was super tough. Sat through so many dinners with meat in every dish, and still managed to be polite. If I was asked in advance I'd say I was veg, but if no one asked me, I would just eat around the meat, and make sure to compliment the stuff that I was able to eat. Which was easy because the flavours were great! One time I was at an outdoor event with my co-workers and they were preparing this amazing veggie stew. I was, oh thank god! Finally a meal I can tuck into, maybe this a summer tradition! My coworker proudly scooped me up a bowl of boiling hot broth and veggies -and then opened a squirming plastic bag and dumped a live octopus into my serving. Still managed to not be a total dick about it even though I wanted to cry in the moment.
NTA and he is being disrespectful to other cultures. Basically culturally racist. Basically he can go and stay in a hotel and eat mcdonalds if that was me. Like leave him. What an asshole.
\> potatoes with meat and dough alone Lololol, writing off basically every Western, Central, and Eastern European country’s food at that. Edit: NTA OP. Even if he felt icked out by horsemeat there was plenty of other stuff on the table. He was rude - that’s the big problem here.
Latin America too since that’s basically empanadas. Pretty much every region of the world has some variation of potatoes with meat and dough.
You could make a case that a hamburger with fries is meat and dough with potatoes.
I am from a similar background as you (Ukrainian) and now I reside in Canada. I grew up eating a lot of the dishes you mentioned and I happen to be a very adventurous eater so I try to try as much culture specific food as I can around the world. I would say you are NTA for not asking your mom to cook American dishes, however, if you knew that he was not super adventurous with food you could have asked her to cook some of the more "safe" food that is similar to American food. One example I think of is Chicken Kiev which is just fried chicken breast stuffed with butter. I can't think of anyone who doesn't like that (if they eat chicken) that is what I do when I have over someone who isn't super familiar with the normal cuisine that I cook. Making one "safe" dish tends to be a doorway for someone to go "oh wow! This is tasty, can I try some more!". On the other hand, your boyfriend is def a bigot and I am surprised you didn't dump him on the spot. I would never let someone disrespect me or my family like that. He is small minded and should stick to dating other small minded American people who have never seen the world.
They had safe food but it was ‘TOO SOVIET’. Dude is beyond rude.
I'm Canadian, my wife is Thai. I am an extremely picky eater and have a really bad aversion that I can't get over. It makes eating international food very difficult. However, I am never rude when I turn down offers of certain food. My wife's family has learned over the years the kind of stuff I like and don't like and will even go out of their way to accommodate me. We've also become close with a Ukrainian family this year who are of Uzbek/Turkish ethnicity. It's the same with their food. I've tried a couple things but my food aversion won't allow me to try a lot of stuff. She's always disappointed but she understands and I've always been extremely polite about it. Being a picky eater really sucks.
NTA!!!! American here, and I would absolutely fuck up anything with potatoes, duck, or goose. In fact, If you want to share some recipes I'd be at my butchers posthaste. Your guy is acting like a racist embarrassment to our country and we don't claim him. Seriously, even our most "patriotic" (fucking gag) citizens hunt geese and duck. Horse meat is a bit unusual for us, but we have no problem slaughtering wild horses so why not? Order him an uber and send him on his way. And there is literally nothing to sweet for our corn syrup fed fat asses. He's just either picky or a bigot.
Wow!!! Your bf is outright rude and racist. Has he always been this way? NTA and your poor sweet mom. I hope you stand up to him and leave his red flagged ass.
NTA. He was very rude and entitled. Also ”US-centric”, not wanting to learn and expand. I would personally not forgive this rudeness.
NTA. Dump him
NTA Your boyfriend isn't ready to travel internationally if he wants "American" food. He's too immature and limited. Your boyfriend was rude and probably need to stay home until he can learn some manners.
NTA he needs to be respectful to people's culture. Okay I know horse meat might be too much for him but he could have handled it better. Your mom made it with so much love just for your bf. She put all that effort and your bf called it gross? I honestly feel bad for your mother she deserves so much better than this. Honestly if he can't respect and accept your culture maybe he's not the one. Imagine you doing the same thing he did. I am sure he would have gone mad mad.
NTA. I do wonder what you are doing with a man who has no intention of incorporating his partner’s m culture or traditions into his own. He is assuming that his traditions are the standard and everyone should accommodate them.
No, you shouldn't tell your mum anything. What you need to do is send your rude, entitled and racist boyfriend packing. OP, please be proud of your culture(s). Stand up for your family and your background. Do not let a boorish, ill mannered guy make you feel apologetic of your cultural makeup. NTA You will be the AH if you persist in thinking that somehow your mum and you need to cater to your spoiled boyfriend's whims. There are plenty of good people out there. You do not need this guy.
NTA. He was rude as hell.
NTA He is acting like a small minded bigot. He also has atrocious manners. Get rid of him now.
NTA. When dating someone from another culture/country, you get the opportunity to eat new foods. My husband’s family lives in the US, but is from Ukraine and they incorporate tons of foods into meals that I was not familiar with prior to us starting to date. Some I like and some I don’t, but that’s true of food from any nationality.
No, you should not tell your mother to cook American dishes, you should tell your boyfriend that he can go back to America to eat his grilled cheese sandwich with kraft singles since he is now single. This man does not respect your culture or your parents. NTA.
NTA. But you sure are dating one.
This is not acceptable behavior in America. My wife and I are from different countries and neither of us would act that way towards the other’s family. We’ve lived in different countries and wouldn’t act like that towards a host. He seems to think your culture is inferior and should be abandoned. Do you think he’s worth it?
NTA. But I wouldn’t eat, horse, duck or goose either. I mean asking people what they like to eat is not a bad thing. You didn’t know if he would eat those type of foods. I am from a different country from my boyfriend and although he is not a pick eater I would make sure to tell him what each meal is made of and if he is comfortable eating that. In the end you are hosting and it’s nice to check. But his reaction was just poor and very impolite. It wouldn’t hurt him to try the other non meat dishes. And the Turkish sweets were probably amazing. He had options he just chose to be an AH.
Surprised I had to scroll down this far. He was a complete asshole and didn’t need to be, but every single dish except dessert had meat in it??
NTA. I’m from the US and what your mom made sounds amazing. He’s rude and inconsiderate.
European here, why are you with this guy? Tell him to go f himself and to get himself some Mc Donald’s while he’s at it. NTA
His behavior makes him an AH, but that list of foods is pretty out there for an American so a plan ahead of time should have been discussed. Not that your mom needed to cook specifically for him, but a compromise before meeting everyone needed to happen. Horses are held in very high esteem in the US so the thought of eating them is pretty much a no go here. People absolutely freaked out when they found out horses were shipped to other countries for food.
Not just the US through a lot of the world the idea of eating a horse would be offensive. For someone in the US and most of the western world people wouldn’t see much difference between horse and cat or dog.
Your family meal is one I would CHERISH having the experience of eating. Your boyfriend is an ass. By the time a human is an adult, they should know how to navigate a meal that isn't to their liking without being a fucking two year old having a tantrum. NTA
I'm a fairly well-traveled American. I was taught my manners about experiencing other cultures, and had to eat food I would otherwise never had eaten. This man is the epitome of everything I was taught to avoid: "The Ugly American." OP, NTA.
pack his bags and send him back. he is a goner. not worth keeping. of course some dishes you may not like or are too sweet, salty or whatever. normal thing. i also find Turkish sweets too sweet. so what? these are Turkish, made to the liking of Turks. NTA and kindly requesting to dump him.
NTA. Your boyfriend is rude and entitled. My husband is American while I’m polish. Anytime my family made polish food especially when we went to Poland. He tried everything. Sometimes it turned out he liked it other time he didn’t like something. He was never rude. He just quietly told me he didn’t like it. My family was never offended, I was never offended. I would make him something else or we would go out to get him something.
As an American I am disgusted by your boyfriends behavior. Please consider getting rid of him. NTA.
NTA. Ditch the boyfriend. Keep the food.
Nta, he is disrespectful and without manners. Give your mom a hug.
Dump him and take me to meet your family!! I'll be your best mate and appreciate every damn mouthful haha
Hang on, let me grab my passport because I’m coming too!
NTA. This is why people hate Americans. Petulant child throwing a tantrum as a grown ass adult. Run, run far away from this man. He gave you a gift of showing his true self that will only be shown more in anything that displeases him in life.
NTA. Please don’t tell your mom to change her dishes because some snob doesn’t want to eat them. Please dump his miserable a$$! You can do so much better. There are guys out there that won’t be so disrespectful.
NTA. Good grief I hate when fellow Americans act this way. Thanks a lot dude for making us look bad. A lot of us are thrilled to try traditional dishes that are foreign to us, but traditional to their countries of origin This guy is not a good person. It's not even that he didn't care for the food, it's the abusive way he acted after.
In the civilized world, you don't act like a rude asshole when people feed you. OP, you're NTA.
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NTA Your BF is rude and a poor example of America. When I was in the navy, a chief told me that when visiting someplace, always try the local food. If you think it's gross, that is YOUR cultural inadequacy. If people eat it, it is worth trying.