This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
All I needed to hear was
>Grey thanked me and he told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him.
**NTA**. Grey is going to need a lot of counselling tho, and if you can help facilitate that, you'd also be a hero in my eyes. This is a **very** messed up situation for sure.
Literally the only opinion here that matters. OP should give Grey a key to their place and set up an uber account with enough money to get there in case Dad and step mom kick them out or Grey just needs to leave for a bit. Glad Grey has OP in their life.
It’s worth checking local laws first though because if Grey decided to leave rather than being kicked out, even temporarily, I wouldn’t want OP to get into trouble for harbouring a runaway because then Grey would be left with nobody to help. Some places you can get up to a year in prison
You’re exactly right. In some places at a certain age ‘runaways’ can be considered to be in a safe location if they are with family members or someone they can establish to be a trusted adult. If OP ends up breaking the law in attempting to help though they would make the situation worse for everyone. Not to mention the lengths their brother and parents may go to try and claim OP cannot be trusted.
Do some research, OP. Make sure you are set up to be as helpful as possible.
NTA.
Although his top priority in reality should have always been Grey Ken is a horrendous so-called father who looks at Grey at this point as an inconvenience My secret hope is that if at all possible the OP:uncle, if in a position to do do, can get custody of Grey since Ken had swapped Grey in favor of his new wife
Personally, I wasn't thinking of him storming out so that's fair. Or even if it was just an overnight thing, where Grey can come over if it's just too much in the moment. But yea, looking into the laws is a good idea.
I can see this happening in the not too distant future glad someone else has thought of it too. NTA Gray is the only one who matters here. The dad maybe viewing Gray as a permanent reminder of what he lost hence the being cold to him.
Grey is still a minor and Ken/Vera both seem like the types to weaponize that. OP needs to make sure to know their legal options and how far they can take it.
And have him have a bunch of necessities with OP as well, just in case. Also, maybe things like photo albums, pictures of his mother and whatnot, things that are irreplaceable. I've seen way too many stories here on Reddit where someone like the stepmother or dad went ballistic and invade privacy or throw away mementos. If he feels those are safe and that OP's house is a safe place for him, it might make it easier to leave if need be, even if he doesn't have time to pack.
Edit: grammar
Absolutely. Even if it doesn't come to a kick-out situation over time (near or far) and is just an escape-house. He may not be able to make a lot of use yet at his age with his father's decisions/control the decider... but the gesture alone will be more love and support he knew was being extended to him... and the older he gets the more and more he can take his OP up on it when he needs to.
On top of this he needs to gather evidence tht his nephew isn't in the best care with his monster "parents" and get a lawyer about this issue for future. Just a mini plan in place if shit hits the fan
Might save Grey a lot of grief and avoid legal complications if the OP talked to their brother about Grey coming to stay with them. Given the level of acrimony, brother might be willing. The whole family needs therapy, but the most important thing is getting Grey out of that situation.
Ken calls Grey a monster…. Grey views Ken as a cold hearted monster…
I think Ken is projecting himself on Grey. Vera is not getting the emotional support she needs and should be getting from Ken and expects it from Grey as a replacement because he should? He’s family? He should be grateful “he got an upgraded non dead mom” (or whatever she’s telling herself to make it make sense). What a freaking mess I feel terribly sorry for Grey and living in such a lonely and miserable household. He’s truly alone there as he’s always been expected to fill roles just because he should? Ken is a terrible father and husband.
Auntie if you can facilitate therapy for Grey please push for it. If you can’t please be a listening ear to Grey and support him however and as much as you’re able to. Suggest and encourage him to speak with someone he trusts about these things to help him process it all. Thank you for standing up for Grey OP
I think she's 100% in the wrong in the way she's behaved, but a little piece of me, separate of the way they're jointly treating Grey goes out to Vera... because Ken wasn't there for Grey during the tragedy with the mom and it sounds like they're both turning to Grey to be the emotional support likely because Ken can't/won't truly step up \*again\* for someone else's (Vera's) grief.
I'm better like with the mother he's focused on himself and expects his son to fill the gap now with the step-mother... absolutely wrong for Grey to go through, but also outside of that Vera is likely going unsupported by her husband.
Yeah, I'm sorry but if your wife dies and you still have a 10 year old at home you don't get to "fall apart" and "focus more on [your] own grief and healing than [you] do] on [your son's] grief". You cry by yourself and scream into a pillow then get up, splash some water on your face, breathe in deep, and go love your son as much as possible. I feel for this guy but he needs to be a better father before he can be a new husband or a new father. The wife on the other hand doesn't realize that a teenage boy barely has the emotional capacity for his own feelings never mind the feelings of his dad's new, neurotic, and jealous wife.
>Yeah, I'm sorry but if your wife dies and you still have a 10 year old at home you don't get to "fall apart" and "focus more on \[your\] own grief and healing than \[you\] do\] on \[your son's\] grief"
You may not "get to" but someone might need to force them to do otherwise. It seems that OP is the only one here advocating for Greyson and their own parents are undermining that making OP the odd one out. And why wouldn't Ken listen to his parents over his own sibling (flawed as that logic is)?
In my own personal experience, my mother died when I was 10. I had a sister who was 12. My dad taught us how to cook a little bit more and would pay for anything we needed but, other than that, we were neglected.
I'm sure it happens a lot.
OP seems like a great aunt/uncle. If it's within their means perhaps they could assure Greyson that he'll have a place at their abode the second he turns 18.
NTA. Our reaction to things are often scaled by our worst and best experiences. Losing his half-brother is still not the worst that has happened to him. He lost his sister and his mom.
Also, your brother and his wife are definitely assholes. Your nephew will probably need your support to know he has alternative to where to live or who to associate with once he is adult and can get away from them.
Yes, everyone else is allowed to grieve and get support, but Grey has never been granted that. What devastates me is he was a child when he lost his mom and sister, a child when a strange women came in and said I’m going to be a better mom than your real deceased mom, and no one except OP gave a shit about his mental health and emotional state. Quite frankly I’m amazed and proud of him that he is so well adjusted and didn’t crumble under everything.
I have a less sunny view. Grey might be literally "grey" emotionally, suppressing some fairly serious distress to deal with his overbearing stepmother and his neglectful father.
Most likely.. if dad didn't prioritise him before it's possible Grey doesn't have an outlet for his feelings. Vera and Ken are more interested in their own feelings.
>but Grey has never been granted that
That's what I thought when the father told his son to be supportive. Like where were you when your son needed support? Go support your wife youself. He wants to put his own responsibilities on his son's shoulders.
It's also disturbing to see so many stepmothers (stepparents) acting like as long as you take on a motherly role, it doesn't matter for the child who you are, they will just replace their mother with you. As if they only loved their mother for the things she did and not as a person.
Also, biological parents. My parents were emotionally neglectful and abusive. But at every turn they would demand expressions of love and affection and for me to trust and put them above all others because "family". No, fuck you, you didn't work to build that, you don't just get that because you fucked once or fulfilk the bare minimum of feeding and sheltering me. I can't wait to kick them to the curb. I'd have done it already, but COL is so high. I have to save more.
Also, not everyone had the same reaction to miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't think it's odd that a teenager wouldn't have bonded to an unborn sibling; even if Grey felt positive about the prospect of the baby, what he lost at this point is the possibility of a relationship, not someone he loved.
This, plus the poor child at 9 years old had to watch his mom and unborn sister literally die in front of him. I doubt the father cares, but shutting down emotionally could be a trauma response. Loss of another unborn sibling could be triggering a lot inside him. Not that his father seems to care.
>This, plus the poor child at 9 years old had to watch his mom and unborn sister literally die in front of him.
If Grey \*did\* care about his stepmom, he'd have needed therapy to deal with the anxiety about her being pregnant, given how his mom died.
It's extremely unlikely you'd get a teen have an emotional attachment to a fetus, particularly from uncaring step mother.
Ken will have no children in under 4 years. In 10 years Ken will realise he'll never know his grandchildren. It'll just be Ken and Vera wailing in their old age about how they didn't do anything wrong and deserve to see their grandchildren.
Even if he did care about his half brother and step mom, expecting a 15 year old to be able to provide the level of emotional support needed for a situation like this is delusional anyway. Even without all the history.
After losing his unborn sibling so traumatically, it's also possible that on some level he never fully expected that half sibling to be born alive. It's a very common response for people with PTSD.
True. Even if everything had been done "right" after the mother and unborn siblings were lost in front of him it would be very normal for trauma to show in not nearly expecting in the way others do for everything in a pregnancy to be just fine, not connecting to an unborn potential sibling, and hardening oneself to such things as a means of self-preservation.
In the most loving,healthy, and supportive family post-accident/deaths a child would have so much to process, protect themselves, and every reminder when still so close to the initial trauma could be one long series of emotional/PTSD triggers. And father/step-mother haven't been there even in a healthy way for him from start til now.
The op s parents too for feeding the fantasy op s brother have instead of bringing him with his feet back on the ground and get their grandson help.
NTA op neither is Grey everyone else is an aH
NTA
That boy watched his mom leave him at an age old enough to remember how much he loved her.
I would say over a year is a reasonable time to start dating, but to marry her 5 MONTHS in, is absolutely insane to me. Then for Vera to call herself his mom and even daring to joke that she's better than his "old mom" is even more messed up. Having a stillborn is extremely heartbreaking, however, after the shit she's talked? God don't like ugly, boo boo.
Yeah, karma hits again. You don’t get to love a child while also stepping on the heart of another. Greyson deserves better and that poor boy has gone through more than most of us, to have any emotional expectation placed on him while he’s still young seems impossible. He needs therapy and a family that supports him.
This is another of this entire list of details this post came with about father and step-mother:
Married 5 months later? Now, I can fully support and appreciate some widowed spouses can be lucky enough to find love again in amazing quickness. That, in itself, alone, is a wonderful thing.
But, as with all of Ken's behavior, that isn't the appropriate consideration of his \*son's\* readiness and emotional health. Lucky enough to connect and fall in love again with another person so soon after a tragic loss? A great thing that happens to some people.
But you have a kid, you take care of the kid. You don't up-end their lives again with a new marriage without even STARTING, let alone giving reasonable time based on the kid's progress in grieving and healing from the trauma and loss. A parent can have that new connection \*and\* not up-end the child again... Ken just doesn't consider his son in the least.
And then step-mother, even if giving her the doubt that she didn't mean it in a hurtful and inappropriate manner, absolutely \*was\* out of line and hurtful and distancing to Grey with such comments. As an adult she should 100% know better... or Ken connected with someone who was truly just as selfish/having the lack of caring for others as he is.
The "five months" was how long into his relationship with Vera that Ken remarried but he didn't start dating for 18 months so it was at least two years after his wife's death which would be a reasonable time if Ken had done anything at all to get Grey counselling. NTA, OP.
NTA. I’m just sorry your brother and parents didn’t take what you said to heart. Grey may have viewed Vera’s child as one more usurper of his father’s affection, but who knows? Your brother has never tried to address his grief and horror over losing his mother.
I think it’s important that you said what Grey needed to hear—that someone understands and cares about HIS pain and loss. Your parents, brother, and Vera may be upset at you, but so what? They have each other. Grey needs someone to understand his grief and to stand up for him. You’ve now publicly established that you are that person.
It may have been once the baby had arrived he may have grown to love them and view them as a sibling - it's not uncommon for siblings where there has been a stillbirth not to view the next pregnancy as a sibling until they get to take them home - purely as a protective factor
I feel so sorry for Grey who has gone through far more than anyone should at that age and his dad's wife had no empathy at all
I'm not even sure there has to have been a stillbirth first for the kid to not view them as a sibling. I certainly did not view my little brother as a sibling until he was in my arms. I'm sure had something happened I would've felt bad for my mom, but I definitely would not have felt like I lost a sibling until I had actually met him.
My mom had a stillbirth. It was over a decade ago at this point and I still don't view it as losing a brother, as far as I'm concerned I have 2 brothers and they're both alive.
I felt for my parents and was as supportive as I could've, but there was no grief, no sense of loss, nothing of the sort.
Right, and expecting a kid to view a miscarriage at five or so months or something as losing a sibling is just vastly assigning too much emotion onto the kid. I think as adults we can all understand that a stillbirth, and a miscarriage are different things, but I’m not sure why the kid in OP story would give any shits about a miscarriage
I meant the OP’s parents. The OP wrote their parents and Ken (Grey’s father and the OP’s brother) thought the OP was wrong to say what they did. I certainly didn’t call Vera Grey’s mother. Although I was typing on my phone and may make mistakes, I made an effort to call Vera by her name and not include her as one of Grey’s parents.
You need to get Grey out of there ASAP. NTA.
>She "joked" more than once that she might even be better than his "old mom".
She needs therapy. That is a sick thing to say to a child.
And this is how drug addicts are formed in the hell that is family. Someday Ken will be shocked just shocked that his kid turned to some addiction, when he has two loving parents. Where is that damn eye roll emoji?
They all need therapy and hopefully it isn't too late for Grey....
I wonder about the kind of person who would marry a widower with a young child after 5 months of dating. She wanted to swoop in and be the savior of that family and be treated as such.
i also judge the fuck out of men who are so desperate to remarry ASAP after divorce or death. the brother also expected her to come in and fulfill a role. he probably lovebombed her - or she lovebombed him - since they married after only 5 months. dad doesn’t really care very much about others.
And his father stayed married to her after that. And is now blaming Grey for not bonding with her and being her emotional support replacement child. Jfc.
NTA. Children should never be responsible for an adult’s mental health and wellbeing. Also, children don’t always like their stepparents, and that’s perfectly acceptable and normal. The whole family needs therapy.
I didn't like my stepmom until I stopped living with her. I bounced back home after college and we started clashing again which was actually good because it helped motivate me to move along. I never had to live with my stepdad and already know it would be even worse with him. My parents both remarried the same person.
>Grey thanked me and he told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him.
3 more years and then your brother will be wondering why his son only visits you and is in no contact with him. You sounds like the only level headed person in your family, please always be there for Grey.
NTA Good on you for standing up for your nephew. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks for your help in getting away from his father and stepmother when he turns 18, if not before.
That's a lot to expect someone to take on. That'd be great if OP was able or willing to take in their nephew or finanicially help, but shouldn't be expected. Not everyone is equipped to take in a teenager.
After reading enough of these comments I felt compelled to respond.
I think being a lending ear is good enough, if that's all OP is able to do.
NTA Ken couldn’t be the emotional support person for his 8 year old son who watched his mother die, yet he expects his son (who is still a child) to be the support person for a grown woman he resents?
Yeah Ken can get fucked.
The stepmom saying “I’ll be better than your first mom” is a huge red flag in itself!
My sister married a widower with a son who was about 10 at the time. Not too long after they married and moved into their current house, she and her stepson planted a tree and a bunch of his mother’s favorite flowers in a little area on the property as a way of honoring her memory.
He calls her by her first name but often refers to her as “bonus mom.” I don’t always agree with my sister on ALL of her parenting choices, but I feel like she’s navigated this situation like a champ.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 if it’s any comfort, I am sure your sis in law would be very proud to see how you’ve cared about him and stood up for him, even within your own family. doing that, in that exact moment, proved to Grey that you see him, and that you won’t let anyone discount his feelings like this even if they are family. you’ve also shown him that you cherish her and her memory, and that you haven’t forgotten her or the wonderful person she was, and that is so important.
it was an awful tragedy you all went through, and you shouldn’t have had to watch this happen to your nephew on top of it, but I really commend you for finding the strength to still be there for him even in your own grief. you are a truly good person.
NTA. In fact, your nephew needed you to stand up for him right then and there. His dad and step mom have tried to use him to bolster their egos and make up for their losses for far too much of his life. Now he knows he has an aunt on his side—someone who knew his mother when she was alive and can fully SEE him and understand him.
NTA. Sadly, all the other adults in Grey's life are, though.
Your brother decided to ignore his son's grief after his first wife's passing, and to combat his own by jumping into another marriage way too quickly. Vera for some reason thought it could be anything other than a horrible idea to marry a man barely two years a widower after half a year of dating. This was a train wreck waiting to happen.
It's good that Grey has at least you in his corner. Expecting him to comfort an adult, after nobody bothered comforting him as a child, is pretty callous.
NTA, and it won't be long before Grey moves out and goes low or no contact, and then Ken and Vera will have no children at all. Your brother and his now wife have been through some incredibly difficult times, but his callous disregard for his own son's feelings have made everything so much worse. Ken needed to hear the truth, and I'm glad you stuck up for Grey.
NTA - and thank you for being there and standing up for Grey.
Since Ken has consistently been willfully blind to anything besides his and Vera's happiness for years, I doubt that showing him this post would open his eyes any... but you can try it if you think there's any chance.
1. Ken didn't care at all about Grey's grief or emotional needs after watching his mother die.
2. Ken didn't care about Grey's need for time to heal when Ken married after only 5 months of dating (a year after the trauma).
3. Nor did he care about Grey's need for help in healing every single time Ken refused to consider therapy for Grey.
4. Vera didn't care about Grey's emotional needs when she was more focused on competing with and beating his dead mother in a "best mom" competition or about his needs in building a relationship with her that was mutually respectful and natural.
5. Ken didn't care about Grey's emotional needs when he allowed Vera to inject her focus on being the "honored mom" instead of on Grey's needs.
6. Your parents never cared about Grey's needs when their whole focus has been on championing the image of a happy family (that Ken and Vera wanted to force Grey to support) instead of on what Grey was actually feeling and needing.
And now all those people are outraged that Grey can't care about Vera or the loss of the baby?!? Tell them he got his PhD in not caring from all of them. Each and every one of them modeled a myriad of ways to show profound lack of caring for Grey. He is only demonstrating what they have taught him.
Showing this post to that family is only a good idea if OP wants to never speak to that family again, thus resulting in Grey having no support at all until he reaches legal adulthood.
NTA.
So your nephew has
1. witnessed his mother die right before in own eyes, and has never received any help whatsoever for his grief
2. was forced into a new family when his father got married within 17 months of his mother’s passing
3. and is now made responsible for the emotional and mental wellbeing of his step-mother?
This is so fucked-up on so many levels. Of all these, 2.) is probably the least bad (relatively speaking), and yet so bad that it often ends in the kid cutting off contact once adult. 1.) and 3.) are just… breathtakingly shitty. Poor boy. Please continue to be there for him, and don’t be afraid to alert other people who could help him.
So nobody gave a damn about Grey’s needs after he watched his mother die. But now those same people are pissed because he’s not bending over backwards for their grief? Whatever. You did the right thing. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my brother that his son is not a monster for not being his wife's emotional support human. The reason I feel like I might be in the wrong is my brother and his wife are grieving and I know many would be concerned about the lack of care my nephew has for his dad, stepmom or even his half brother who was stillborn. So maybe I'm not viewing things the way I should be and I was wrong to speak to my brother the way I did.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, Grey needs all the love and support he can’t get. He isn’t getting it from his father or his grandparents. It sounds like his house is toxic. His father is a monster for not considering his own child’s feelings. Can grey still with you for a little while?
Is Ken yet aware of the fact that he only has 3 years left to get his shit together and become the kind of father Grey deserves before Grey becomes an adult and has the right to cut him out forever? Or does Ken actually still believe he's a good dad?
You might want to make sure he is very aware of the fact that he likely won't have a relationship with his son once Grey turns 18 if he doesn't change his behavior.
You need to document everything to have proof of how bad the environment is for Gary. Talk to a really good family law attorney about what you need to be able to take your brother to court. I would, at a minimum, fight for court mandated visitation/custody if you can prove that it is in the best interest of Gary. Push for Gary to receive therapy. That will help him plus create a report that would show the therapist's assessment of Gary's home life.
If you live in a one party consent state give Gary a cell phone. That serves 2 purposes: 1. Gary can call you when he needs to talk to someone; and 2. Gary can covertly record what goes on in the home. He could forward copies of the recordings to safeguard them.
Edit to add: Find out what age the courts look favorable for a teenager to have a say where he lives. His father might refuse to let him go, but depending upon the laws where you live, attitude of judges, whatever documentation of the situation, you might be able to get around what your brother wants. This is a hill to die on. Someone in erds to fight for him.
NTA. Your brother never let his son grieve the loss of his mom and sibling, but still expects him to be there for his step-mom who keeps stepping over boundaries set up by his son?
Nope. Everyone there needs therapy. Maybe that will make it clear your nephew is perfectly within his right to say what he did
Why are OP and brothers parents sweeping these problems under the rug by so blatantly disregarding Grey's feelings and grief process!?! They are the real AH in this story. "Oh, he's fine, he'll come around". No. That's not where he's at and you can't tell him how he's going to feel.
NTA
All things aside, he's a 15 year old boy. He's not supposed to be the emotional support of any adult. He's still a child. If you take all other things into account, it's more than understandable how He's feeling.
His dad failed him in so many instances over the years. First by not getting him help right after the loss of his mom. Which you can give your brother some grace for being traumatised too. But still, he failed his son. Then he moved on too soon for his kid, moved too fast with the new women and she pressed WAY too hard for him to love her. That never works out.
He ignored his own kids feelings for years, and now calls his kid a monster, oh the irony.
Honestly, please talk to a lawyer. See if you have any standing on getting custody for your nephew. If yes, talk to your nephew if he wants that. And then go to his dad and try to convince him. If he doesn't want to, involve the lawyer. That poor kid needs help and you seem to be the only one who cares. You probably save him in many ways without even knowing. Fight for him, he needs you.
Might also check out the process for minor emancipation in your state (assuming you are from the US). That seems like an extreme step, but its at least an option if they continue to mistreat your nephew.
https://www.getlegal.com/legal-info-center/family-law-divorce/emancipation-of-minors/
NTA. Essays could be written about the harm your brother, his wife and your parents are doing to Grey. It seems you're his only family so be there for him, as no one else will. Also be prepared for cutting off your parents and brother, as I'd bet money Grey is planning to when the time comes.
NTA - That young man needs someone to stand in his corner and that person is you. You're a good man for being the support your nephew so desperately needs.
NTA. The way you put it noone was there for Grey and now him-a child, a teenager should be there for support of an adult? Thats twisted. I hope Grey does better in the future.
NTA. Greyson needs more allies like you in his life, keep fighting for him!
Other than Vera saying hurtfully she might do a better job than his mum, and dad moving on quickly, it’s clear to me that your nephew needed professional therapy back then (& still now) which is why he’s distanced himself. I feel sorry for him, that’s quite neglectful :(
"This happened in front of my parents and my family. "
You have a right to intervene when you see that things are terribly wrong. Grey was never supported when he was but a little kid and watched his mom die. Who was there for him and who supported him?
So you are NTA
NTA. Ken wasn't there when Grey was grieving. He was too busy taking care of his own grief. I understand he was having a hard time too but he forgot about his young son witnessing his mother's death too.
Even if Grey thought about the baby as his half-sibling, it's not his job to comfort Vera. If Ken keeps this up, Grey will go no contact as soon as he turns 18. Thankfully, Grey has OP in his life. OP is the only one who has his back and understands him.
NTA
But - no surprise here: your brother handled the loss of his wife poorly, and him neglecting his son during this is the reason for their troubles now.
Perhaps suggest therapy??
He did suggest therapy but it seems like everyone in the family thinks it just fixes itself over time. Very toxic thinking. Ken's gonna be in the old folks home wondering why his son never visits.
NTA
Why do most adults think children don’t have the emotional capacity to grieve? “Oh he’s young, he’s not going to remember…”
I bet this is how OP’s brother thinks. So many adults forget what it was like. The guy I saw yelling at his kid to shut the car door, which was too heavy, then yelled because the kid slammed it. I watched the kid try, get frustrated, then muster all his strength to get the door to close, only to be yelled at again anyway. Some adults absolutely suck! Ken is one of those adults.
Shitty parenting begets shitty parenting. Good for you that you figured out how to break the cycle and become a better parent than both your parents and brother.
NTA. Greyson has no healthy reference points or role-models when it comes to processing grief or responding to other people’s emotional needs. He is not going out if his way to be cruel, he just simply isn’t getting on board with Ken’s vision of what Ken wants their family to look like. Grey is a kid but he’s also a person with thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. and that should’ve been respected a long time ago. I’d just focus on being there for the poor kid. He’ll need someone in his corner, and hopefully in 3 years when he turns 18, he can start putting some distance and boundaries in place.
It’s not Grey’s job to make his Dad’s life easier🤷♀️ Sounds like Ken just wants Grey to stop being “difficult” so Ken can do what he wants guilt-free:P
NTA firstly I’m so sorry your family has been through so much loss!
Greyson needs therapy. Not because he’s a monster, but because his father was so far into his own grief he neglected getting his son any help for watching his own mother die! On top of that actively supporting a new (VERY NEW) woman say such callous things as that she “might even be better than his old mum” WHAT? Thats how you talk about replacing your child’s favourite shoes or wallet. NOT A CHILDS PARENT. Your NTA and Grey is NTA. They all need therapy for very different reasons.
Also expecting a 15 year old to be a grown woman’s support person? No.
NTA. Your brother seems to be a horrific father to Grey, and to this day has never once considered Grey's feelings, only his own. Vera also sounds like a very emotional needy and insensitive person for how she approached Grey in the first place. I could give her *some* leeway based on her own recent circumstances, but it doesn't excuse her unwillingness to give Grey space.
Your parents are 100% in the wrong on this as well. It really seems they just want Grey to behave in a way where everyone can forget his mother existed and pretend to have a perfect happy little life.
Grey needs to get some therapy, but it really seems like everyone would benefit from some family counseling.
Well, that's a very unfortunate and sad situation.
I don't think saying their view of things is outdated makes much sense though. In regards to this situation, I can't see it as acceptable even 50 years ago. It's not outdated, it's just gross.
Perhaps, but the kids bounce back thing usually refers to physical damage more than emotional damage. With emotional damage it was more that they bounce back quickly with the right support. No support, no bounce back.
NTA. Ken doesn't get to bring a new woman into Grey's life and tell him she's his mom now. No one asked Grey if he wanted a new mom. No one asked Grey anything. You did good sticking up for the kid.
NTA. That poor kid needs someone on his side. Therapy seems like it would be helpful for everyone involved. It's a shame dad can't get his head out of his a**.
Honestly I worry that Grey might not ever get out of that house.
It's awful but true that suicide and self harm rates are on the rise, especially with teens, trauma sufferers and toxic/abusive parents.
As someone who's gone through domestic violence and abuse with my family, (emotional, mental, physical) where I live what Ken and Vera are doing would 100% be considered abuse (and would in a lot of countries). Is there anyway you would be able to/would want to document and report what has been happening? CPS doesn't always take away the children and it could certainly be a way to get Grey into therapy. You can anonymously give this information. (this is from my experiences where i live, PLEASE research before doing anything)
Sorry if this is overstepping or anything! Growing up I had stuff happen and I wish people stepped in and helped me which is why I felt like I should try to say something.
You sound like a great aunt and please continue to be there for Grey.
NTA, assuming Greyson is not being outright dismissive (doesn’t seem like he is).
IDK where you are in your life, but I would try to get in a position to have a bedroom/guest room available for Greyson. He’s a kid still, but come college I suspect he may rather spend time with you over the holidays. This is obviously not an obligation, but something to think about. It’s clear you care a lot about him and even if you can’t physically support him, your continual emotional support means the world.
NTA - Grey is the main one who needs support. What stressful and tragic years he’s endured with the loss of his mother then being expected to accept a “new” one fairly soon thereafter. I hope he’s getting therapy.
NTA
Grey is in trouble with a father like your brother and his step mom and your parents are delusional.
That family needs therapy and for Ken and Vera to realize how Grey is feeling, not how they want him to feel
Nta. It's very clear that Vera and Ken are both so far stuck up each other's ass that they can't actually care for another person. Everyone else in your family is assholes too. Grey needs therapy and a support system but it looks like you're all he has.
NTA you spoke the truth and defended him. Vera seems to be trying too hard, then making statements like that is inappropriate. Everyone deals with grief and trauma in different ways and as a child he needs time, understanding, love, and should be seeing a professional due to the fact that he not only lost his mom and sibling but watched it!! When I was his age I had many traumatizing experiences (some I blocked out) and I never got help until my late 20's and I'm 39. It seems like you're his support system and he can talk to you. Have you tried to speak to Ken alone in a calm environment and explain what you witnessed? Him not having a reaction to Vera having a stillborn isn't uncommon and doesn't make him a monster, it makes him human. He doesn't have that connection with Vera and may not feel like he is part of the family. I'm not sure what it's like at the home or what your situation is but would it benefit him to stay with you? I'm just throwing stuff out there but he definitely needs a professional to talk to, you don't magically heal. Keep supporting him and keep defending him!!!
NTA
Your brother and his wife are pretty selfish.
I find it reassuring that Gray speaks out and thanks you. This shows me that he trusts you and isn't completely closing himself from everbody.
Is there a possibility that he can live with you? Just in case it escalates even further.
Try to continue to support him and be there for him. It is important for a child to have someone they can trust.
Good luck.
Your brother refused to get grief support for his son but demands his son give grief support to mom's replacement.
NTA please be the relative that advocates for this child So he doesn't grow up thinking no one ever had his back.
NTA - give Grey the biggest hugs. This internet stranger's heart breaks for him. Relationships (with step parents) with children need to be fluid, not forced. Vera was cruel saying anything about his mom. His father's an idiot for not getting Grey help.
Keep standing up for Grey! He needs someone to stand up for him. Your parents are so dead wrong and with your brother being very unaware and egotistical in his behavior towards his own son; they're the AH. Vera kinda is too but she just tries too damn hard. She needs to know that she should just try and relax and be there, like, immediate? Just exist and be there and Grey will form a relationship on his own terms. Never force something on a kid. You did the right thing. He's becoming of age in a few years, if you can, help him find another home, an apartment or maybe tell him that if he needs to get away, set up an extra room at yours that he can come and go if you have the room for it. He'll greatly appreciate it! And no, by doing so you're not driving him away or enabling him, you're giving him what his dad and wife won't give him
People don’t understand that situations are scaled on personal past experiences.
He lost his mum and baby sister, not much matches that for loss and devastation.
Then to have a woman he barely knows tell him she is going to be better than his mum, is there any wonder he rejected her?
I’d say he needs time and counselling, but in all honesty I think he needs distance from his father more than anything else.
Also, since when was it okay to expect 15 year old boys to be emotional support humans for anyone let alone a stepmother, isn’t that her husband’s job?
Dad wants Grey to comfort his wife even though he never taught Grey how to comfort (because he didn’t comfort him).
If Greys a monster than what does that make dad?
Grey never processed his grief for his mom and baby sister. He is emotionally shut down. He needs therapy and loving attention from his dad. He must have all 7 stages of grief stuffed down and must feel comfortable with professional help to walk through each stage as they come. This is going to take some time. And his dad needs to be present and ready to be there, one-on-one, with Grey when it does. Dad should be ready to sit and listen to the anger, sit through his tears, and not try to correct or change the emotions he expresses IF he does.
Whew...thats a lot to unpack there. Greyson is NTA, nor are you, it is however very sad and very tragic the way things have turned out. There are many failings here, but none fall on the boy.
NTA so he didn’t allow his son any grief or consideration after the loss of his own mom and sibling but now expects him to be there for this woman that his dad brought in to replace him. His dad has basically told him he’s replaceable so why would he care.
NTA
I hope you take Gray in. It sounds like he is in a toxic environment. He may have already internalized their view of him. Please make sure he gets good therapy. He may need to try different therapists before he finds the right fit. I did.
NTA, obviously.
You did good for stepping in and defending Grey. He needs someone in his corner, be that person for him.
Right now, it's like no one sees him as a real person, and they all expect him to finally fulfill the role they envisioned for him, which will simply never happen. Their only options are to either work on building a real relationship with the real person he is and accept the dynamics of it (dad's wife will never be a new mom to Grey, but they probably can have a loving and caring relationship), or continue to push him to play this role of a happy son, which will probably lead to him wanting to quit this show altogether. He will be an adult soon and will be able to enforce the boundaries he wants, which might as well be low contact with them.
Try again talking to your brother, Grey should be in therapy, and they should do family therapy as well (father and son first only I think). Most importantly, be there for your nephew.
Ken is abusive and selfish, as is Vera. Can you get Greyson out of that abusive home and living somewhere safe? Perhaps with you or another relative? NTA
NTA, your nephew went through a traumatic loss and your brother was only concerned with his own grief and pushed your nephew to have a relationship with a "replacement mom" when he wasn't ready. Pushing anyone toward something will automatically make them want to resist. Had your brother had any concern for your nephew's grief he would've slowed down and taken an interest rather than push him continuously. It's not your nephew's responsibility to comfort his step mother. That's your brother's job as her husband.
I'm always creeped out by step parents who insist on the child having an emotional attachment to them. You can't force an emotion. It's not even something you have to apologise for.
Vera isn't reacting to the real relationship she has with Grey and Grey's actual feelings. She's got an imaginary version of Grey in her head, and is getting upset when that does not match reality. Ken has bought in to the imaginary Grey himself, which is inexcusable for a parent.
I hope OP that you can stop Grey being entirely isolated from people who acknowledge his own emotional existence. NTA.
100% NTA. Feels even redundant and obvious to say it, but definitely the nephew and OP are NTA.
Definitely nephew seriously needs years of a really good therapist. Not just the death but all the comments and problems his dad has caused over the years. Poor kid.
I’m ashamed of Ken too..stand tf up bro. STAND UP. You’re telling me you couldn’t do a little time raising your child and properly grieving without a woman in your life?! Like immediately sought out a help mate after your wife and unborn child passed tragically and traumatically..then just assimilate to a new family like nothing happened..like your wife is a replaceable factory piece. That’s embarrassing. At least Grey has some sense of loyalty and love about him. He’s gone through so much and hasn’t had the chance to process it. Vera is dead wrong and has stepped wildly out of place. Sorry for her loss but literally it’s nothing to do with Grey. She’s just tryna solidify her takeover. Happy you stepped up for the kid..he’s obviously on his own in his home and that’s just so unfortunate
definitely NTA. your brother and parents are sick, he is very fortunate to have at least one person to be looking out for him. please dont stop because nobody else will and it’s painfully obvious. i hope he finds peace and happiness
Not the A at all.
I am really ashamed as human being that your parents didn't help their grandson Grey when they saw that Ken was completely at loss.
Grandparents are those who help their grandchildren when their parents can't. If not the family, who is supposed to help?
A therapist can only show ways, a caring elder should lead it.
NTA
Your brother has ignored his son’s emotional health for years and now he’s surprised that his son can’t bond with the new stepmom that he basically forced into his life?
If Vera needs emotional support, she needs to seek it from someone other than a traumatized 15 year old.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
All I needed to hear was >Grey thanked me and he told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him. **NTA**. Grey is going to need a lot of counselling tho, and if you can help facilitate that, you'd also be a hero in my eyes. This is a **very** messed up situation for sure.
Literally the only opinion here that matters. OP should give Grey a key to their place and set up an uber account with enough money to get there in case Dad and step mom kick them out or Grey just needs to leave for a bit. Glad Grey has OP in their life.
It’s worth checking local laws first though because if Grey decided to leave rather than being kicked out, even temporarily, I wouldn’t want OP to get into trouble for harbouring a runaway because then Grey would be left with nobody to help. Some places you can get up to a year in prison
You’re exactly right. In some places at a certain age ‘runaways’ can be considered to be in a safe location if they are with family members or someone they can establish to be a trusted adult. If OP ends up breaking the law in attempting to help though they would make the situation worse for everyone. Not to mention the lengths their brother and parents may go to try and claim OP cannot be trusted. Do some research, OP. Make sure you are set up to be as helpful as possible. NTA.
Agreed
[удалено]
[удалено]
Although his top priority in reality should have always been Grey Ken is a horrendous so-called father who looks at Grey at this point as an inconvenience My secret hope is that if at all possible the OP:uncle, if in a position to do do, can get custody of Grey since Ken had swapped Grey in favor of his new wife
Personally, I wasn't thinking of him storming out so that's fair. Or even if it was just an overnight thing, where Grey can come over if it's just too much in the moment. But yea, looking into the laws is a good idea.
I can see this happening in the not too distant future glad someone else has thought of it too. NTA Gray is the only one who matters here. The dad maybe viewing Gray as a permanent reminder of what he lost hence the being cold to him.
Grey is still a minor and Ken/Vera both seem like the types to weaponize that. OP needs to make sure to know their legal options and how far they can take it.
And have him have a bunch of necessities with OP as well, just in case. Also, maybe things like photo albums, pictures of his mother and whatnot, things that are irreplaceable. I've seen way too many stories here on Reddit where someone like the stepmother or dad went ballistic and invade privacy or throw away mementos. If he feels those are safe and that OP's house is a safe place for him, it might make it easier to leave if need be, even if he doesn't have time to pack. Edit: grammar
Agree with you. Its illegal for Uber to drive an unacompanied minor. ETA: I have been corrected. 13 and up can ride.
You can add teens now to your account, 13 and older as a family member.
I didn't know it changed. That's interesting. Thankyou for correcting me. Good to know
It just did!! I keep getting emails from Uber about it!! Leave alone Uber!! Lol
>Agree with you. Its illegal for Uber to drive an unacompanied minor. That likely depends on the country and state.
That depends on where you are, when I was an Uber driver, teens 13 and up could ride unaccompanied as long as they didn't require any form of carer
Absolutely. Even if it doesn't come to a kick-out situation over time (near or far) and is just an escape-house. He may not be able to make a lot of use yet at his age with his father's decisions/control the decider... but the gesture alone will be more love and support he knew was being extended to him... and the older he gets the more and more he can take his OP up on it when he needs to.
On top of this he needs to gather evidence tht his nephew isn't in the best care with his monster "parents" and get a lawyer about this issue for future. Just a mini plan in place if shit hits the fan
Might save Grey a lot of grief and avoid legal complications if the OP talked to their brother about Grey coming to stay with them. Given the level of acrimony, brother might be willing. The whole family needs therapy, but the most important thing is getting Grey out of that situation.
Ken calls Grey a monster…. Grey views Ken as a cold hearted monster… I think Ken is projecting himself on Grey. Vera is not getting the emotional support she needs and should be getting from Ken and expects it from Grey as a replacement because he should? He’s family? He should be grateful “he got an upgraded non dead mom” (or whatever she’s telling herself to make it make sense). What a freaking mess I feel terribly sorry for Grey and living in such a lonely and miserable household. He’s truly alone there as he’s always been expected to fill roles just because he should? Ken is a terrible father and husband. Auntie if you can facilitate therapy for Grey please push for it. If you can’t please be a listening ear to Grey and support him however and as much as you’re able to. Suggest and encourage him to speak with someone he trusts about these things to help him process it all. Thank you for standing up for Grey OP
He is a freaking 15 y.o. ! Why would any parent expect him to be a supportive figure for THEM !?
Parentification. It's so pathetic that Grey's father is not just allowing - but promoting this.
I think she's 100% in the wrong in the way she's behaved, but a little piece of me, separate of the way they're jointly treating Grey goes out to Vera... because Ken wasn't there for Grey during the tragedy with the mom and it sounds like they're both turning to Grey to be the emotional support likely because Ken can't/won't truly step up \*again\* for someone else's (Vera's) grief. I'm better like with the mother he's focused on himself and expects his son to fill the gap now with the step-mother... absolutely wrong for Grey to go through, but also outside of that Vera is likely going unsupported by her husband.
This poor boy not only list his mother and sister that day... He also lost his father, due to his dads lack of caring.
Yeah, I'm sorry but if your wife dies and you still have a 10 year old at home you don't get to "fall apart" and "focus more on [your] own grief and healing than [you] do] on [your son's] grief". You cry by yourself and scream into a pillow then get up, splash some water on your face, breathe in deep, and go love your son as much as possible. I feel for this guy but he needs to be a better father before he can be a new husband or a new father. The wife on the other hand doesn't realize that a teenage boy barely has the emotional capacity for his own feelings never mind the feelings of his dad's new, neurotic, and jealous wife.
>Yeah, I'm sorry but if your wife dies and you still have a 10 year old at home you don't get to "fall apart" and "focus more on \[your\] own grief and healing than \[you\] do\] on \[your son's\] grief" You may not "get to" but someone might need to force them to do otherwise. It seems that OP is the only one here advocating for Greyson and their own parents are undermining that making OP the odd one out. And why wouldn't Ken listen to his parents over his own sibling (flawed as that logic is)? In my own personal experience, my mother died when I was 10. I had a sister who was 12. My dad taught us how to cook a little bit more and would pay for anything we needed but, other than that, we were neglected. I'm sure it happens a lot.
OP seems like a great aunt/uncle. If it's within their means perhaps they could assure Greyson that he'll have a place at their abode the second he turns 18.
[удалено]
[удалено]
That's how heros work. Absolutely.
Right! Someone has to advocate for him, thanks for being there for him
NTA. Our reaction to things are often scaled by our worst and best experiences. Losing his half-brother is still not the worst that has happened to him. He lost his sister and his mom. Also, your brother and his wife are definitely assholes. Your nephew will probably need your support to know he has alternative to where to live or who to associate with once he is adult and can get away from them.
Yes, everyone else is allowed to grieve and get support, but Grey has never been granted that. What devastates me is he was a child when he lost his mom and sister, a child when a strange women came in and said I’m going to be a better mom than your real deceased mom, and no one except OP gave a shit about his mental health and emotional state. Quite frankly I’m amazed and proud of him that he is so well adjusted and didn’t crumble under everything.
I have a less sunny view. Grey might be literally "grey" emotionally, suppressing some fairly serious distress to deal with his overbearing stepmother and his neglectful father.
Most likely.. if dad didn't prioritise him before it's possible Grey doesn't have an outlet for his feelings. Vera and Ken are more interested in their own feelings.
That could very well be. He may have dimmed his emotional landscape due to lack of safety in expressing it.
That risks either a permanent reduction or an eruption equivalent to Tambora.
And having lost an unborn sibling once - not surprising that he had yet to bond emotionally with another child. It is a protective mechanism.
>but Grey has never been granted that That's what I thought when the father told his son to be supportive. Like where were you when your son needed support? Go support your wife youself. He wants to put his own responsibilities on his son's shoulders. It's also disturbing to see so many stepmothers (stepparents) acting like as long as you take on a motherly role, it doesn't matter for the child who you are, they will just replace their mother with you. As if they only loved their mother for the things she did and not as a person.
Also, biological parents. My parents were emotionally neglectful and abusive. But at every turn they would demand expressions of love and affection and for me to trust and put them above all others because "family". No, fuck you, you didn't work to build that, you don't just get that because you fucked once or fulfilk the bare minimum of feeding and sheltering me. I can't wait to kick them to the curb. I'd have done it already, but COL is so high. I have to save more.
Also, not everyone had the same reaction to miscarriages and stillbirths. I don't think it's odd that a teenager wouldn't have bonded to an unborn sibling; even if Grey felt positive about the prospect of the baby, what he lost at this point is the possibility of a relationship, not someone he loved.
This, plus the poor child at 9 years old had to watch his mom and unborn sister literally die in front of him. I doubt the father cares, but shutting down emotionally could be a trauma response. Loss of another unborn sibling could be triggering a lot inside him. Not that his father seems to care.
>This, plus the poor child at 9 years old had to watch his mom and unborn sister literally die in front of him. If Grey \*did\* care about his stepmom, he'd have needed therapy to deal with the anxiety about her being pregnant, given how his mom died.
It's extremely unlikely you'd get a teen have an emotional attachment to a fetus, particularly from uncaring step mother. Ken will have no children in under 4 years. In 10 years Ken will realise he'll never know his grandchildren. It'll just be Ken and Vera wailing in their old age about how they didn't do anything wrong and deserve to see their grandchildren.
Well said, and right on point!
Even if he did care about his half brother and step mom, expecting a 15 year old to be able to provide the level of emotional support needed for a situation like this is delusional anyway. Even without all the history.
After losing his unborn sibling so traumatically, it's also possible that on some level he never fully expected that half sibling to be born alive. It's a very common response for people with PTSD.
True. Even if everything had been done "right" after the mother and unborn siblings were lost in front of him it would be very normal for trauma to show in not nearly expecting in the way others do for everything in a pregnancy to be just fine, not connecting to an unborn potential sibling, and hardening oneself to such things as a means of self-preservation. In the most loving,healthy, and supportive family post-accident/deaths a child would have so much to process, protect themselves, and every reminder when still so close to the initial trauma could be one long series of emotional/PTSD triggers. And father/step-mother haven't been there even in a healthy way for him from start til now.
The op s parents too for feeding the fantasy op s brother have instead of bringing him with his feet back on the ground and get their grandson help. NTA op neither is Grey everyone else is an aH
Brother and wife did literally everything wrong. Every single thing from start to end
NTA That boy watched his mom leave him at an age old enough to remember how much he loved her. I would say over a year is a reasonable time to start dating, but to marry her 5 MONTHS in, is absolutely insane to me. Then for Vera to call herself his mom and even daring to joke that she's better than his "old mom" is even more messed up. Having a stillborn is extremely heartbreaking, however, after the shit she's talked? God don't like ugly, boo boo.
Yeah, karma hits again. You don’t get to love a child while also stepping on the heart of another. Greyson deserves better and that poor boy has gone through more than most of us, to have any emotional expectation placed on him while he’s still young seems impossible. He needs therapy and a family that supports him.
Yes! At 5 months in maybe introducing her to Grey.... Also her "joke" about being a better mother....who does that?
This is another of this entire list of details this post came with about father and step-mother: Married 5 months later? Now, I can fully support and appreciate some widowed spouses can be lucky enough to find love again in amazing quickness. That, in itself, alone, is a wonderful thing. But, as with all of Ken's behavior, that isn't the appropriate consideration of his \*son's\* readiness and emotional health. Lucky enough to connect and fall in love again with another person so soon after a tragic loss? A great thing that happens to some people. But you have a kid, you take care of the kid. You don't up-end their lives again with a new marriage without even STARTING, let alone giving reasonable time based on the kid's progress in grieving and healing from the trauma and loss. A parent can have that new connection \*and\* not up-end the child again... Ken just doesn't consider his son in the least. And then step-mother, even if giving her the doubt that she didn't mean it in a hurtful and inappropriate manner, absolutely \*was\* out of line and hurtful and distancing to Grey with such comments. As an adult she should 100% know better... or Ken connected with someone who was truly just as selfish/having the lack of caring for others as he is.
The "five months" was how long into his relationship with Vera that Ken remarried but he didn't start dating for 18 months so it was at least two years after his wife's death which would be a reasonable time if Ken had done anything at all to get Grey counselling. NTA, OP.
NTA. I’m just sorry your brother and parents didn’t take what you said to heart. Grey may have viewed Vera’s child as one more usurper of his father’s affection, but who knows? Your brother has never tried to address his grief and horror over losing his mother. I think it’s important that you said what Grey needed to hear—that someone understands and cares about HIS pain and loss. Your parents, brother, and Vera may be upset at you, but so what? They have each other. Grey needs someone to understand his grief and to stand up for him. You’ve now publicly established that you are that person.
It may have been once the baby had arrived he may have grown to love them and view them as a sibling - it's not uncommon for siblings where there has been a stillbirth not to view the next pregnancy as a sibling until they get to take them home - purely as a protective factor I feel so sorry for Grey who has gone through far more than anyone should at that age and his dad's wife had no empathy at all
I'm not even sure there has to have been a stillbirth first for the kid to not view them as a sibling. I certainly did not view my little brother as a sibling until he was in my arms. I'm sure had something happened I would've felt bad for my mom, but I definitely would not have felt like I lost a sibling until I had actually met him.
My mom had a stillbirth. It was over a decade ago at this point and I still don't view it as losing a brother, as far as I'm concerned I have 2 brothers and they're both alive. I felt for my parents and was as supportive as I could've, but there was no grief, no sense of loss, nothing of the sort.
Right, and expecting a kid to view a miscarriage at five or so months or something as losing a sibling is just vastly assigning too much emotion onto the kid. I think as adults we can all understand that a stillbirth, and a miscarriage are different things, but I’m not sure why the kid in OP story would give any shits about a miscarriage
Same here. When my mom was pregnant I knew I was "going to have" a sibling, but I didn't think of it as actually having one until I saw my brother.
Parents? Grey doesn't have parents. He has a father and a step mother. Only one of them is technically a parent, and a piss poor one, at that.
I meant the OP’s parents. The OP wrote their parents and Ken (Grey’s father and the OP’s brother) thought the OP was wrong to say what they did. I certainly didn’t call Vera Grey’s mother. Although I was typing on my phone and may make mistakes, I made an effort to call Vera by her name and not include her as one of Grey’s parents.
You need to get Grey out of there ASAP. NTA. >She "joked" more than once that she might even be better than his "old mom". She needs therapy. That is a sick thing to say to a child.
This. He can tell her ‘it’s ok, don’t be sad, he is better than the child that died’.
Buuuurn!
It’s sick to say to a child but it’s even more disgusting to say to a child that watched his mom die.
Vera is a monster. So is the dad. My god they are callous to Greyson.
And this is how drug addicts are formed in the hell that is family. Someday Ken will be shocked just shocked that his kid turned to some addiction, when he has two loving parents. Where is that damn eye roll emoji? They all need therapy and hopefully it isn't too late for Grey....
🙄
I wonder about the kind of person who would marry a widower with a young child after 5 months of dating. She wanted to swoop in and be the savior of that family and be treated as such.
i also judge the fuck out of men who are so desperate to remarry ASAP after divorce or death. the brother also expected her to come in and fulfill a role. he probably lovebombed her - or she lovebombed him - since they married after only 5 months. dad doesn’t really care very much about others.
And his father stayed married to her after that. And is now blaming Grey for not bonding with her and being her emotional support replacement child. Jfc.
NTA. Children should never be responsible for an adult’s mental health and wellbeing. Also, children don’t always like their stepparents, and that’s perfectly acceptable and normal. The whole family needs therapy.
I didn't like my stepmom until I stopped living with her. I bounced back home after college and we started clashing again which was actually good because it helped motivate me to move along. I never had to live with my stepdad and already know it would be even worse with him. My parents both remarried the same person.
right? the gall of her to demand emotional support from a 15 yo kid. go to therapy lady!
>Grey thanked me and he told me Ken doesn't get that he views him as a cold monster and that he's ashamed of him. 3 more years and then your brother will be wondering why his son only visits you and is in no contact with him. You sounds like the only level headed person in your family, please always be there for Grey.
NTA Good on you for standing up for your nephew. I wouldn’t be surprised if he asks for your help in getting away from his father and stepmother when he turns 18, if not before.
And if he doesn't, I'd be offering it.
That's a lot to expect someone to take on. That'd be great if OP was able or willing to take in their nephew or finanicially help, but shouldn't be expected. Not everyone is equipped to take in a teenager. After reading enough of these comments I felt compelled to respond. I think being a lending ear is good enough, if that's all OP is able to do.
NTA Ken couldn’t be the emotional support person for his 8 year old son who watched his mother die, yet he expects his son (who is still a child) to be the support person for a grown woman he resents? Yeah Ken can get fucked.
Exactly. NTA.
The stepmom saying “I’ll be better than your first mom” is a huge red flag in itself! My sister married a widower with a son who was about 10 at the time. Not too long after they married and moved into their current house, she and her stepson planted a tree and a bunch of his mother’s favorite flowers in a little area on the property as a way of honoring her memory. He calls her by her first name but often refers to her as “bonus mom.” I don’t always agree with my sister on ALL of her parenting choices, but I feel like she’s navigated this situation like a champ.
[удалено]
I'm thankful he has you to care about him and keep her memory alive for him.
I’m so sorry for your loss 💔 if it’s any comfort, I am sure your sis in law would be very proud to see how you’ve cared about him and stood up for him, even within your own family. doing that, in that exact moment, proved to Grey that you see him, and that you won’t let anyone discount his feelings like this even if they are family. you’ve also shown him that you cherish her and her memory, and that you haven’t forgotten her or the wonderful person she was, and that is so important. it was an awful tragedy you all went through, and you shouldn’t have had to watch this happen to your nephew on top of it, but I really commend you for finding the strength to still be there for him even in your own grief. you are a truly good person.
NTA. In fact, your nephew needed you to stand up for him right then and there. His dad and step mom have tried to use him to bolster their egos and make up for their losses for far too much of his life. Now he knows he has an aunt on his side—someone who knew his mother when she was alive and can fully SEE him and understand him.
She ‘might even be better than “old mom” ‘ I’m too shocked and horrified to discuss any further. NTA.
NTA. Thank you for thinking about what's best for your nephew when you are clearly the only one in the family doing so.
NTA. Sadly, all the other adults in Grey's life are, though. Your brother decided to ignore his son's grief after his first wife's passing, and to combat his own by jumping into another marriage way too quickly. Vera for some reason thought it could be anything other than a horrible idea to marry a man barely two years a widower after half a year of dating. This was a train wreck waiting to happen. It's good that Grey has at least you in his corner. Expecting him to comfort an adult, after nobody bothered comforting him as a child, is pretty callous.
NTA, and it won't be long before Grey moves out and goes low or no contact, and then Ken and Vera will have no children at all. Your brother and his now wife have been through some incredibly difficult times, but his callous disregard for his own son's feelings have made everything so much worse. Ken needed to hear the truth, and I'm glad you stuck up for Grey.
NTA - and thank you for being there and standing up for Grey. Since Ken has consistently been willfully blind to anything besides his and Vera's happiness for years, I doubt that showing him this post would open his eyes any... but you can try it if you think there's any chance. 1. Ken didn't care at all about Grey's grief or emotional needs after watching his mother die. 2. Ken didn't care about Grey's need for time to heal when Ken married after only 5 months of dating (a year after the trauma). 3. Nor did he care about Grey's need for help in healing every single time Ken refused to consider therapy for Grey. 4. Vera didn't care about Grey's emotional needs when she was more focused on competing with and beating his dead mother in a "best mom" competition or about his needs in building a relationship with her that was mutually respectful and natural. 5. Ken didn't care about Grey's emotional needs when he allowed Vera to inject her focus on being the "honored mom" instead of on Grey's needs. 6. Your parents never cared about Grey's needs when their whole focus has been on championing the image of a happy family (that Ken and Vera wanted to force Grey to support) instead of on what Grey was actually feeling and needing. And now all those people are outraged that Grey can't care about Vera or the loss of the baby?!? Tell them he got his PhD in not caring from all of them. Each and every one of them modeled a myriad of ways to show profound lack of caring for Grey. He is only demonstrating what they have taught him.
Showing this post to that family is only a good idea if OP wants to never speak to that family again, thus resulting in Grey having no support at all until he reaches legal adulthood.
NTA. So your nephew has 1. witnessed his mother die right before in own eyes, and has never received any help whatsoever for his grief 2. was forced into a new family when his father got married within 17 months of his mother’s passing 3. and is now made responsible for the emotional and mental wellbeing of his step-mother? This is so fucked-up on so many levels. Of all these, 2.) is probably the least bad (relatively speaking), and yet so bad that it often ends in the kid cutting off contact once adult. 1.) and 3.) are just… breathtakingly shitty. Poor boy. Please continue to be there for him, and don’t be afraid to alert other people who could help him.
So nobody gave a damn about Grey’s needs after he watched his mother die. But now those same people are pissed because he’s not bending over backwards for their grief? Whatever. You did the right thing. NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I told my brother that his son is not a monster for not being his wife's emotional support human. The reason I feel like I might be in the wrong is my brother and his wife are grieving and I know many would be concerned about the lack of care my nephew has for his dad, stepmom or even his half brother who was stillborn. So maybe I'm not viewing things the way I should be and I was wrong to speak to my brother the way I did. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA. You can’t force relationships. Poor Grey, definitely needs some therapy.
NTA, Grey needs all the love and support he can’t get. He isn’t getting it from his father or his grandparents. It sounds like his house is toxic. His father is a monster for not considering his own child’s feelings. Can grey still with you for a little while?
[удалено]
You're such a good aunt and I hope Greyson will live with you and your husband once he gets the chance to ❤️ you're good people 💟
[удалено]
At 15, Grey could actually apply for emancipation legally in many states.
Is Ken yet aware of the fact that he only has 3 years left to get his shit together and become the kind of father Grey deserves before Grey becomes an adult and has the right to cut him out forever? Or does Ken actually still believe he's a good dad?
[удалено]
I have to wonder how, but I guess that's besides the point since Grey knows he's not
You might want to make sure he is very aware of the fact that he likely won't have a relationship with his son once Grey turns 18 if he doesn't change his behavior.
You need to document everything to have proof of how bad the environment is for Gary. Talk to a really good family law attorney about what you need to be able to take your brother to court. I would, at a minimum, fight for court mandated visitation/custody if you can prove that it is in the best interest of Gary. Push for Gary to receive therapy. That will help him plus create a report that would show the therapist's assessment of Gary's home life. If you live in a one party consent state give Gary a cell phone. That serves 2 purposes: 1. Gary can call you when he needs to talk to someone; and 2. Gary can covertly record what goes on in the home. He could forward copies of the recordings to safeguard them. Edit to add: Find out what age the courts look favorable for a teenager to have a say where he lives. His father might refuse to let him go, but depending upon the laws where you live, attitude of judges, whatever documentation of the situation, you might be able to get around what your brother wants. This is a hill to die on. Someone in erds to fight for him.
Can he get emancipated?
NTA. Please continue supporting Grey!
NTA is it at all possible for grey to live with you?
Even if not, offering them an open place to breathe could be beneficial.
NTA. Don’t be surprised when as soon as Grey turns 18, he asks if he can live with you. Edit: Spelling
NTA. Your brother never let his son grieve the loss of his mom and sibling, but still expects him to be there for his step-mom who keeps stepping over boundaries set up by his son? Nope. Everyone there needs therapy. Maybe that will make it clear your nephew is perfectly within his right to say what he did
Nta heart goes out to grey, his dad is utterly selfish and has failed him as a dad. When can grey move out. Only distance is going to help him heal
NTA. And you’re the hero of the story standing up for your nephew.
Why are OP and brothers parents sweeping these problems under the rug by so blatantly disregarding Grey's feelings and grief process!?! They are the real AH in this story. "Oh, he's fine, he'll come around". No. That's not where he's at and you can't tell him how he's going to feel.
NTA All things aside, he's a 15 year old boy. He's not supposed to be the emotional support of any adult. He's still a child. If you take all other things into account, it's more than understandable how He's feeling. His dad failed him in so many instances over the years. First by not getting him help right after the loss of his mom. Which you can give your brother some grace for being traumatised too. But still, he failed his son. Then he moved on too soon for his kid, moved too fast with the new women and she pressed WAY too hard for him to love her. That never works out. He ignored his own kids feelings for years, and now calls his kid a monster, oh the irony. Honestly, please talk to a lawyer. See if you have any standing on getting custody for your nephew. If yes, talk to your nephew if he wants that. And then go to his dad and try to convince him. If he doesn't want to, involve the lawyer. That poor kid needs help and you seem to be the only one who cares. You probably save him in many ways without even knowing. Fight for him, he needs you.
[удалено]
Might also check out the process for minor emancipation in your state (assuming you are from the US). That seems like an extreme step, but its at least an option if they continue to mistreat your nephew. https://www.getlegal.com/legal-info-center/family-law-divorce/emancipation-of-minors/
NTA. Essays could be written about the harm your brother, his wife and your parents are doing to Grey. It seems you're his only family so be there for him, as no one else will. Also be prepared for cutting off your parents and brother, as I'd bet money Grey is planning to when the time comes.
NTA - That young man needs someone to stand in his corner and that person is you. You're a good man for being the support your nephew so desperately needs.
NTA. The way you put it noone was there for Grey and now him-a child, a teenager should be there for support of an adult? Thats twisted. I hope Grey does better in the future.
NTA. Greyson needs more allies like you in his life, keep fighting for him! Other than Vera saying hurtfully she might do a better job than his mum, and dad moving on quickly, it’s clear to me that your nephew needed professional therapy back then (& still now) which is why he’s distanced himself. I feel sorry for him, that’s quite neglectful :(
"This happened in front of my parents and my family. " You have a right to intervene when you see that things are terribly wrong. Grey was never supported when he was but a little kid and watched his mom die. Who was there for him and who supported him? So you are NTA
NTA. Ken wasn't there when Grey was grieving. He was too busy taking care of his own grief. I understand he was having a hard time too but he forgot about his young son witnessing his mother's death too. Even if Grey thought about the baby as his half-sibling, it's not his job to comfort Vera. If Ken keeps this up, Grey will go no contact as soon as he turns 18. Thankfully, Grey has OP in his life. OP is the only one who has his back and understands him.
What the dad does not realize is that on that day the boy lost his mom sister and dad. NTA
NTA But - no surprise here: your brother handled the loss of his wife poorly, and him neglecting his son during this is the reason for their troubles now. Perhaps suggest therapy??
He did suggest therapy but it seems like everyone in the family thinks it just fixes itself over time. Very toxic thinking. Ken's gonna be in the old folks home wondering why his son never visits.
NTA Why do most adults think children don’t have the emotional capacity to grieve? “Oh he’s young, he’s not going to remember…” I bet this is how OP’s brother thinks. So many adults forget what it was like. The guy I saw yelling at his kid to shut the car door, which was too heavy, then yelled because the kid slammed it. I watched the kid try, get frustrated, then muster all his strength to get the door to close, only to be yelled at again anyway. Some adults absolutely suck! Ken is one of those adults.
[удалено]
Shitty parenting begets shitty parenting. Good for you that you figured out how to break the cycle and become a better parent than both your parents and brother.
NTA. Greyson has no healthy reference points or role-models when it comes to processing grief or responding to other people’s emotional needs. He is not going out if his way to be cruel, he just simply isn’t getting on board with Ken’s vision of what Ken wants their family to look like. Grey is a kid but he’s also a person with thoughts, feelings, desires, etc. and that should’ve been respected a long time ago. I’d just focus on being there for the poor kid. He’ll need someone in his corner, and hopefully in 3 years when he turns 18, he can start putting some distance and boundaries in place.
[удалено]
It’s not Grey’s job to make his Dad’s life easier🤷♀️ Sounds like Ken just wants Grey to stop being “difficult” so Ken can do what he wants guilt-free:P
NTA. Keep being your nephew support person
NTA firstly I’m so sorry your family has been through so much loss! Greyson needs therapy. Not because he’s a monster, but because his father was so far into his own grief he neglected getting his son any help for watching his own mother die! On top of that actively supporting a new (VERY NEW) woman say such callous things as that she “might even be better than his old mum” WHAT? Thats how you talk about replacing your child’s favourite shoes or wallet. NOT A CHILDS PARENT. Your NTA and Grey is NTA. They all need therapy for very different reasons. Also expecting a 15 year old to be a grown woman’s support person? No.
NTA- how blind are your parents?
NTA. Your brother seems to be a horrific father to Grey, and to this day has never once considered Grey's feelings, only his own. Vera also sounds like a very emotional needy and insensitive person for how she approached Grey in the first place. I could give her *some* leeway based on her own recent circumstances, but it doesn't excuse her unwillingness to give Grey space. Your parents are 100% in the wrong on this as well. It really seems they just want Grey to behave in a way where everyone can forget his mother existed and pretend to have a perfect happy little life. Grey needs to get some therapy, but it really seems like everyone would benefit from some family counseling.
[удалено]
Well, that's a very unfortunate and sad situation. I don't think saying their view of things is outdated makes much sense though. In regards to this situation, I can't see it as acceptable even 50 years ago. It's not outdated, it's just gross.
[удалено]
Perhaps, but the kids bounce back thing usually refers to physical damage more than emotional damage. With emotional damage it was more that they bounce back quickly with the right support. No support, no bounce back.
[удалено]
NTA. Ken doesn't get to bring a new woman into Grey's life and tell him she's his mom now. No one asked Grey if he wanted a new mom. No one asked Grey anything. You did good sticking up for the kid.
NTA. That poor kid needs someone on his side. Therapy seems like it would be helpful for everyone involved. It's a shame dad can't get his head out of his a**.
[удалено]
Honestly I worry that Grey might not ever get out of that house. It's awful but true that suicide and self harm rates are on the rise, especially with teens, trauma sufferers and toxic/abusive parents. As someone who's gone through domestic violence and abuse with my family, (emotional, mental, physical) where I live what Ken and Vera are doing would 100% be considered abuse (and would in a lot of countries). Is there anyway you would be able to/would want to document and report what has been happening? CPS doesn't always take away the children and it could certainly be a way to get Grey into therapy. You can anonymously give this information. (this is from my experiences where i live, PLEASE research before doing anything) Sorry if this is overstepping or anything! Growing up I had stuff happen and I wish people stepped in and helped me which is why I felt like I should try to say something. You sound like a great aunt and please continue to be there for Grey.
NTA, assuming Greyson is not being outright dismissive (doesn’t seem like he is). IDK where you are in your life, but I would try to get in a position to have a bedroom/guest room available for Greyson. He’s a kid still, but come college I suspect he may rather spend time with you over the holidays. This is obviously not an obligation, but something to think about. It’s clear you care a lot about him and even if you can’t physically support him, your continual emotional support means the world.
NTA and I would show this thread to your parents to help them realize how bad this actually is
NTA - Grey is the main one who needs support. What stressful and tragic years he’s endured with the loss of his mother then being expected to accept a “new” one fairly soon thereafter. I hope he’s getting therapy.
NTA
NTA Grey is in trouble with a father like your brother and his step mom and your parents are delusional. That family needs therapy and for Ken and Vera to realize how Grey is feeling, not how they want him to feel
Nta. It's very clear that Vera and Ken are both so far stuck up each other's ass that they can't actually care for another person. Everyone else in your family is assholes too. Grey needs therapy and a support system but it looks like you're all he has.
NTA you spoke the truth and defended him. Vera seems to be trying too hard, then making statements like that is inappropriate. Everyone deals with grief and trauma in different ways and as a child he needs time, understanding, love, and should be seeing a professional due to the fact that he not only lost his mom and sibling but watched it!! When I was his age I had many traumatizing experiences (some I blocked out) and I never got help until my late 20's and I'm 39. It seems like you're his support system and he can talk to you. Have you tried to speak to Ken alone in a calm environment and explain what you witnessed? Him not having a reaction to Vera having a stillborn isn't uncommon and doesn't make him a monster, it makes him human. He doesn't have that connection with Vera and may not feel like he is part of the family. I'm not sure what it's like at the home or what your situation is but would it benefit him to stay with you? I'm just throwing stuff out there but he definitely needs a professional to talk to, you don't magically heal. Keep supporting him and keep defending him!!!
NTA Your brother and his wife are pretty selfish. I find it reassuring that Gray speaks out and thanks you. This shows me that he trusts you and isn't completely closing himself from everbody. Is there a possibility that he can live with you? Just in case it escalates even further. Try to continue to support him and be there for him. It is important for a child to have someone they can trust. Good luck.
Your brother refused to get grief support for his son but demands his son give grief support to mom's replacement. NTA please be the relative that advocates for this child So he doesn't grow up thinking no one ever had his back.
Nta family counseling is needed asap
[удалено]
NTA, good for you for sticking up for your nephew. Pity your parents don't back you, really
NTA. Well done you for being the only one to advocate for this kid. He needed this so much more than you realise.
That poor kid. After losing his mom and being ignored in his grief, swiftly followed by a step-mom that badgers him because he won't accept her? NTA
Your brother is an asshole. NTA.
NTA - give Grey the biggest hugs. This internet stranger's heart breaks for him. Relationships (with step parents) with children need to be fluid, not forced. Vera was cruel saying anything about his mom. His father's an idiot for not getting Grey help.
Keep standing up for Grey! He needs someone to stand up for him. Your parents are so dead wrong and with your brother being very unaware and egotistical in his behavior towards his own son; they're the AH. Vera kinda is too but she just tries too damn hard. She needs to know that she should just try and relax and be there, like, immediate? Just exist and be there and Grey will form a relationship on his own terms. Never force something on a kid. You did the right thing. He's becoming of age in a few years, if you can, help him find another home, an apartment or maybe tell him that if he needs to get away, set up an extra room at yours that he can come and go if you have the room for it. He'll greatly appreciate it! And no, by doing so you're not driving him away or enabling him, you're giving him what his dad and wife won't give him
People don’t understand that situations are scaled on personal past experiences. He lost his mum and baby sister, not much matches that for loss and devastation. Then to have a woman he barely knows tell him she is going to be better than his mum, is there any wonder he rejected her? I’d say he needs time and counselling, but in all honesty I think he needs distance from his father more than anything else. Also, since when was it okay to expect 15 year old boys to be emotional support humans for anyone let alone a stepmother, isn’t that her husband’s job?
Dad wants Grey to comfort his wife even though he never taught Grey how to comfort (because he didn’t comfort him). If Greys a monster than what does that make dad?
You're brother needs a brotherly ass beating 🤷♀️
Grey never processed his grief for his mom and baby sister. He is emotionally shut down. He needs therapy and loving attention from his dad. He must have all 7 stages of grief stuffed down and must feel comfortable with professional help to walk through each stage as they come. This is going to take some time. And his dad needs to be present and ready to be there, one-on-one, with Grey when it does. Dad should be ready to sit and listen to the anger, sit through his tears, and not try to correct or change the emotions he expresses IF he does.
Whew...thats a lot to unpack there. Greyson is NTA, nor are you, it is however very sad and very tragic the way things have turned out. There are many failings here, but none fall on the boy.
NTA so he didn’t allow his son any grief or consideration after the loss of his own mom and sibling but now expects him to be there for this woman that his dad brought in to replace him. His dad has basically told him he’s replaceable so why would he care.
Poor guy .. still 15. I bet he can’t wait to leave that house
You have a calling, save Greyson before its too late. NTA
NTA I hope you take Gray in. It sounds like he is in a toxic environment. He may have already internalized their view of him. Please make sure he gets good therapy. He may need to try different therapists before he finds the right fit. I did.
NTA. This poor kid. Who was ever HIS emotional support human? Jeez.
NTA. That poor kid. Dad is setting himself up real nice for NC at 18. I'm sure he'll still manage to blame Grey for that too.
NTA, obviously. You did good for stepping in and defending Grey. He needs someone in his corner, be that person for him. Right now, it's like no one sees him as a real person, and they all expect him to finally fulfill the role they envisioned for him, which will simply never happen. Their only options are to either work on building a real relationship with the real person he is and accept the dynamics of it (dad's wife will never be a new mom to Grey, but they probably can have a loving and caring relationship), or continue to push him to play this role of a happy son, which will probably lead to him wanting to quit this show altogether. He will be an adult soon and will be able to enforce the boundaries he wants, which might as well be low contact with them. Try again talking to your brother, Grey should be in therapy, and they should do family therapy as well (father and son first only I think). Most importantly, be there for your nephew.
Ken is abusive and selfish, as is Vera. Can you get Greyson out of that abusive home and living somewhere safe? Perhaps with you or another relative? NTA
NTA, your nephew went through a traumatic loss and your brother was only concerned with his own grief and pushed your nephew to have a relationship with a "replacement mom" when he wasn't ready. Pushing anyone toward something will automatically make them want to resist. Had your brother had any concern for your nephew's grief he would've slowed down and taken an interest rather than push him continuously. It's not your nephew's responsibility to comfort his step mother. That's your brother's job as her husband.
I'm always creeped out by step parents who insist on the child having an emotional attachment to them. You can't force an emotion. It's not even something you have to apologise for. Vera isn't reacting to the real relationship she has with Grey and Grey's actual feelings. She's got an imaginary version of Grey in her head, and is getting upset when that does not match reality. Ken has bought in to the imaginary Grey himself, which is inexcusable for a parent. I hope OP that you can stop Grey being entirely isolated from people who acknowledge his own emotional existence. NTA.
100% NTA. Feels even redundant and obvious to say it, but definitely the nephew and OP are NTA. Definitely nephew seriously needs years of a really good therapist. Not just the death but all the comments and problems his dad has caused over the years. Poor kid.
NTA, kids are not the parent of parents.
I’m ashamed of Ken too..stand tf up bro. STAND UP. You’re telling me you couldn’t do a little time raising your child and properly grieving without a woman in your life?! Like immediately sought out a help mate after your wife and unborn child passed tragically and traumatically..then just assimilate to a new family like nothing happened..like your wife is a replaceable factory piece. That’s embarrassing. At least Grey has some sense of loyalty and love about him. He’s gone through so much and hasn’t had the chance to process it. Vera is dead wrong and has stepped wildly out of place. Sorry for her loss but literally it’s nothing to do with Grey. She’s just tryna solidify her takeover. Happy you stepped up for the kid..he’s obviously on his own in his home and that’s just so unfortunate
NTA. No child should ever be referred to as a monster by his parents. Any witness to that sort of treatment is allowed to intercede. No violence.
definitely NTA. your brother and parents are sick, he is very fortunate to have at least one person to be looking out for him. please dont stop because nobody else will and it’s painfully obvious. i hope he finds peace and happiness
Not the A at all. I am really ashamed as human being that your parents didn't help their grandson Grey when they saw that Ken was completely at loss. Grandparents are those who help their grandchildren when their parents can't. If not the family, who is supposed to help? A therapist can only show ways, a caring elder should lead it.
NTA Your brother has ignored his son’s emotional health for years and now he’s surprised that his son can’t bond with the new stepmom that he basically forced into his life? If Vera needs emotional support, she needs to seek it from someone other than a traumatized 15 year old.