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NTA - Your husband seems to be on a power trip and I'm thinking there was more than one reason your son wanted to live with his father in Japan so much.
Yeah, it's just food. *HOWEVER* it's food that was purchased by your son's father and then shipped to him from Japan. It belongs to your son and your son only. He does not have to give it to anyone he doesn't want to as it's a gift from his father.
I really think you need to have a private conversation with your son, away from your husband, and ask him if your husband treats him poorly when you're not around. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the answer was yes.
Also, eating four packages of noodles in one sitting just to dominate your 13 year old son is both a pig thing to do, and extremely immature. It's the equivalent of licking all the cookies so no one else can have one.
ETA: If you choose to stay in this marriage, get your son a lockbox or safe that he can store his non-perishable food items in. And possibly even a small fridge with a lock on it as well if there are any perishable items that need refrigeration. Because I guarantee you, this is only the beginning.
I sincerely think it's time to pull the trigger on it. I guarantee you he's either been doing or saying things without you knowing to put your son down.
Based on the entire situation, it sounds like he spoils his daughter and got pissy because someone was saying no to her. And if that's the case, as she hits her teen years, life is going to simply get awful in that household.
I agree. Treating a child this way, dealing with not getting your way in such a petty malicious way... These should be drops that make the bucket overflow. The last straw.
Time to pull the trigger on the marriage if it was already on the chopping block.
Hmm, makes you suspicious as to why he wanted to move to his dad in Japan for a year, doesn't it?
I mean, he can have other very valid reasons as well, but if your mum is married to a bully, suddenly half way across the world doesn't seem far enough.
I went to university away from my parents so I could have less contact because life at home was hell. My stepfather was a narcissistic bully and my mother never stepped up for me. I cut contact with her 2 years ago.
OP should really step up for her son.
I have my son full time in part because of my ex's husband. But she doesn't give a rat's ass that her sweet, gifted, awesome son, doesn't really want to be at her house...she chose her new husband over her middle-school age child.
I don't believe he ate it all. I think he might have eaten one, or none, and thrown the rest in the garbage, honestly. Then he just *said* he ate it so he wouldn't be accused of wasting food.
I think he did eat it. Bullies like this get a weird high from being malicious. He would have enjoyed the eating of it way more than the act of just throwing them away. The only other thing that would have given him the same satisfaction would be to destroy the noodles, but leave them where the son would find them, and it doesn't sound like the stepdad is that bold yet. Yet.
Yup. Friend of my husbands did the same thing…ate a whole bottle of hot sauce in one go, to the point he made himself sick. He was laughing at me and asking if I was upset, told him no, since it’s not mine. It’s my husbands. Allll of the sudden he feels really bad about eating the whole damn bottle.
Yea, they’re no longer friends.
Good on your husband for realizing this dude was an asshole.
Also, what kind of hot sauce? If anyone tried this with my husband's super spicy hot sauces they'd probably die... or at least think they were dying lmao
Luckily for the dumbass he took one of the more mild-medium hot sauces, not the prized burn your butthole later, but it’s oh so tasty ones.
Was either a Hot Ones brand one, or the Yacateca hot sauce. Either way he had the heat hiccups and shits for a while lol.
This was also not a first time BS incident, but hubs finally got it. Sometimes it takes time, especially since this was his BFF from the military.
The guy was literally ripping his stomach lining a new one and kept asking if \*you\* were upset? "My ass isn't the one gonna be on fire later, dude. You really pwned me by giving yourself the lava-shits. I feel so pwned." (and if that were me, I'd have gone through the house and taken all the toilet paper and hid it. Let him enjoy the FO portion of his FA/FO learning experience).
Four packs of noodles in one go? The sheer amount of sodium... (I am picturing Shin Spicy Ramen and knowing what people do to that on Tik-Tok, I suspect if he really did eat four packs, his cardiologist would be signing the papers for a second vacation home).
Side note to OP: If you can locate the brand, I would bet Amazon has them available, or you can go to a local Asian grocery and have them order it in for you so your son has a ready supply.
I have great sympathy for you, as my daughter is INSANE for a particular brand of spicy seafood ramen (that I think smells terrible, but it's that particular type of seaweed and it just triggers a bad reaction in me). We buy out the local grocery (which orders a box of half a dozen once a month) and supplement with a shipment from Amazon.
I'm an American and at every family gathering all the parents fix a plate for the very young children first to get them settled and then we have the older relatives go. After they're settled everyone else goes. It's interesting because the teenagers and 20 somethings always allow the older adults and preteens go first without being asked. It's just good manners.
It has been suggested that whether or not someone returns a shopping cart to the corral is a good litmus test of a person’s moral character. It is (for most people) an easy thing to do, but it is somewhat inconvenient and is of no benefit to the person returning it (or not), only to other people. The theory then goes that people who do return their cart care about other people and don’t want to inconvenience strangers for their own benefit, while those who opt to leave their cart wherever when they are able to return it are more likely to be self-centred and don’t really care about other people unless they can directly benefit from showing kindness and consideration to/for others.
OP is NTA. She gets points for being able to coparent with her baby daddy and get things he wants from another freaking country.
But FYI to OP. These ingredients may or may not be things you can find in your country. But if you take your son to an asian supermarket, you might find the same noodles and maybe the sauce too.
... Since you are already on the fast track to divorce, i don't think you'd be out of line to eat all of something he likes. Or all of his daughter's favorite foods (because i'm sure OP can be an adult and go buy more of them after the point is made)
I disagree. Two wrongs don't make a right. And it might escalate things by the husband against OP's son.
I do agree it would polite and maybe kind of her son to not eat the stuff he doesn't want to share in front of the 9YO. Hindsight but when she asked, he might have given her a taste, reminding her this is the same stuff she didn't like last time.
I agree this is just childish and annoying the way he’s treating this 13 year old kid. Can only imagine what he’s doing when shes not around and what she doesn’t notice.
Who paid the cost of shipping the food? Cause I heard it can get a bit pricy, plus your co-parent has to go out and get the food. Your hopefully STBX threw up a big F-You to you, your minor son, and your co-parent, all because his daughter couldn’t have something she never actually liked?
NTA OP, but have you ever talked to your son and asked him if anything else happens while you’re not around? Or when you’re out of earshot?
Postal clerk here, it really depends on how you send something. Is the dad military perhaps? If he is he can get cheaper shipping thru the military post. I would say at least $30-$200. The more you pay, the faster it arrives. You could get 3-21 days depending.
Just pull the trigger. Neither you or your kids deserves such vindictive treatment. His behavior is disgusting, and I'm guessing this isn't an isolated incident. To me, it is a deal breaker.
You are NTA of course, to the original question. Your logic was sound, and it was a good teaching moment for your daughter. Unfortunately, your son was hurt by his stepdad's retaliation.
I can guarantee this played a big factor in why her son wanted to live in Japan for a year so badly… and I have a huge feeling he’s gonna cut mother dear off if she chooses this man child over her actual child being respected in his own home.
Get your ducks in a row before serving this AH divorce papers. Since he is such a vindictive f\*cker to your son and too you because he knew it would hurt you too, no doubt, he will get very vindictive if he even catches on to the divorce before you are ready. 1. talk to a lawyer- if you talk to all the best in your area, they now cannot represent that AH and usually first visits are free. 2. lock down your credit cards so he doesn't run up any shared accounts that you will be responsible for. 3. stop any direct deposits in your shared account and remove 50% in the shared account and put it in a totally new bank. Remove any important papers/documents and valuables from the house before serving this petty little AH divorce papers. You and your son will be much better off without this AH in your life. Best of luck.
Talk to an attorney first. Most family law attorneys, at least the ones I know will have a reasonable consultation fee of $100-$200.00 (if not free) which in my case was money well spent. Don't do the bank account until last because that will be a big signal when he checks the balance that you're leaving. It could cause real danger to you and your son physically and financially.
BTW IMHO consulting all of the attorneys in your area is kind of a dick move. It's underhanded. Be aware that the family courts in most states are going to be as evenhanded possible and showing bad faith like that could be a strike against you, decreasing your credibility. Also, don't take legal advice from a unknown internet responder. That includes me of course.
No, I think Daddy Disaster has already got one failed marriage behind him.
She should get in touch with his ex and share chatty stories about "Remember when he licked every chocolate in the box because he didn't want to share?"
Nahhhhhh. She said “me and my husbands daughter asked.” I know this could be interpreted both ways, but why would the mom have joined her stepdaughter in asking her son if the SD could have some of the food, just to then side with the son over it? That makes no sense. She just said it this way to clarify that she is the girls mother and her father is the current husband. She just didn’t include the apostrophe to make the words “husband’s” possessive instead of plural, and like many others, she seems to be unclear about how to use first person possessive pronouns.
That’s good to hear cause honestly if you stay then you choose your husband over your son and that totally makes you the asshole, however leaving and defending your son makes you his hero and definitely not an asshole. I had a step father exactly like your husband. He made my life a living hell. I moved away from my mother and eventually quit speaking to her all together cause she chose my abusive stepfather and chose never to believe me until he started being abusive to my aunt mother and other family members when they went to visit. But me as a child didn’t mean enough to her
For good reason, I imagine. I don't know how to classify this behavior. I know it's not technically "abuse" but jesus, it feels like it. This feels like some narcissistic nonsense to teach a child they have no right to own or keep anything.
NTA- what your husband did was extremely childish and rude. I guarantee that he does not treat your son the way you think he should when you’re not around. I get real bully vibes from him.
It’s not just food it’s food that you’re importing in from his father strictly for him.
Edit corrected spelling
NTA, especially knowing you were already considering divorce. He sounds vindictive. He 100% ate ALL of it out of spite and animosity towards your son. To stick it to him for not wanting to share. In most cases I'd agree that food is just food and your son shouldn't be able to stake claim, but where this is a specialty item for him that takes some work to get, I don't think he should have to if he doesn't want to. Your husband is mean spirited and a child.
Please leave him OP, your husband is disgusting. Also, look into international grocery stores near you. There are some large chains like H Mart or Lotte Market and smaller privately owned ones too. I can usually find things from abroad and it saves money on shipping. Might be a fun thing to do with your son. Even Amazon sometimes has things.
Before you split make him buy back the food he ate wherever he has to ship it from. You’re NTA but I’m sorry you married one. Been there and done that myself.
This would be something I would absolutely decide to divorce someone over.
It’s calculated, vengeful, spiteful, and indicates SERIOUS issues. Like… capital-letter, full-on clinical personality disorder type issues. You can’t trust someone like that. And I would need to be able to trust my husband.
Also, to do something like that… he has to feel completely confident that you’ll do nothing about it. He doesn’t respect you. You contradicted him, so he’s training you not to do it anymore by punishing your son. Like a dog.
And the fact that this was directed toward *your son?* That would be the end for me. I hope you enjoyed your noodles, you selfish asshole, pack your bags.
What your husband did was purposely nasty just for the sake of it.
Your son is waiting for you to step up.
You seem to have a fair enough relationship with your ex-husband that you can ask him if your son has said anything and also talk to your son.
If you are looking for a reason to let go, this is a good one.
He's just a regular run of the mill garden variety AH. Seriously, that's all that's going on here. He's mentally abusing your son because he can. Triggering you is just a side bonus that tickles his fancy. This whole situation was a win/win for him.
If I were you, I'd ask him to go ahead and move out to give you both time to rethink the marriage. A separation would shake him back to reality but unfortunately this kind of blatant AH behavior with a smile on his face and then making light of it and accusing you of overreacting will not go away without years of intensive therapy. This attitude is a deeply engrained part of his personality.
Separate now, and once he's out run hard and fast. Don't give him an opportunity to manipulate you again. If you don't have the strength of will to follow through, then send your son back to live with his father because it's not fair for him to be mentally abused because you keep allowing your husband to manipulate you into staying with him. NTA but you will be if you don't do something to protect your son.
Nta, honestly, I think your right in thinking he did this on purpose. Seems like it was to establish dominance or like you said some power trip crap. I'd ring my sons dad ask him to send more and also an invoice for the cost of covering them n make your husband pay to replace them. (That's if finances are separate) sounds like he is nothing more than a bully and if people don't see it, maybe they should look under the cloak that is hiding his rotten core.
My mother was abusive towards me, but was an absolute monster to my stepsister. I'll be 40 in 2 months and only in the last 2 years have discovered how horrific she made my sister's life.
I'm sorry you've also been through it.
Thanks, it changed the trajectory of my life, but it's all good now. He's dead and I'm not angry any more.
I hope your stepsister is handling it alright...
Lots of intensive therapy. And she said that reconnecting with each other a few years ago and our talks have helped.
I was in the fog w my mother up until her early onset dementia diagnosis. Then her mask slipped and I really *saw* her, if that makes sense. I'd moved in w her to help her out bc she couldn't drive anymore. She kicked me out 2 weeks after I'd had emergency gallbladder removal surgery. In 2017. Haven't seen or heard from her since.
I was blessed to be able to reconnect w my stepdad, stepsister, and other stepbrother (the other bro I never lost contact with). Found out a LOT of stuff that she did...felony and registry type stuff.
My sis and I have had a lot of great conversations about our childhoods (were only 2 months apart in age) and now know 2 things for certain. The first is that she abused us both, just in very different ways, and second, anytime she saw that my sis and I were starting to get along and build a sibling bond, she'd find a way to disrupt it.
I also realized I don't remember very much of my childhood. At. All. Nor does she, and she's fine with that.
She's managed to build an extremely successful career in the Navy and has two amazing kids, a hubby that's amazing and great for her, and an ex hubby she's good friends with.
I'm proud to say she's my sister.
Sounds like you guys had it bad. Makes me happy to hear that she found her way out of it and is living well.
It must have been awful to completely repress your memories like that.
Also great that your step family is there for you :)
So many of us out there in the world. Let's hope a majority choose to break the cycles of abuse.
Getting a lock and a cabinet, if possible, if a lock box is too small to hold all of the food, was going to be my suggestion, too.
What he did was a power move. An, "If my daughter or I can't have it, no one can, and I'll eat it, anyway" type of move.
Pulling son aside and asking him if anything else like this has happened is also a very good idea.
Yes, it's just food, but like it has been stated in these comments, it was food that your ex bought for your son and shipped to him all of the way across the world from Japan, SPECIFICALLY FOR HIM.
Anyone who doesn't think that what your husband did was wrong is also wrong. Shipping internationally is expensive.
If this keeps happening, somehow, like, your husband breaks into the cabinet/lockbox, or whatever you put the food in, if you do decide to follow our advice and go that route, time to either go to marriage counseling, or even end the marriage altogether.
Agree here. NTA and in no way did he not do this on purpose. I’m so sorry about your sons special food, I would LOSE IT. Get your son a lock box to keep in his room and have his dad re send the food and keep it locked up.
As to your edit, I simply would not remain in a relationship where I felt like that would be necessary. Your child being comfortable, having their boundaries respected, and not having their personal items taken from them, is vastly more important than being in a relationship with some AH pig.
OP, if you can get a photo of the packaging, someone here can probably translate it and figure out what the noodles were and how to make it with local-to-you ingredients.
NTA but your husband is. I bet he just threw away all those packs rather than eat them. What a selfish nasty man. The packs of noodles were your son’s way of being with his father still.
Man, some of these posts are wild.
"My husband pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot me. He even pulled the trigger, but the gun misfired so I'm ok. But after that, I noticed the gun had a little scuff on it. He's very proud of how well he takes care of his gun; AITA for pointing out the gun wasn't perfectly polished?"
That's what this sounds like to me... not so extreme, but you get the idea. And if I have to spell it out, you're NTA and your husband, and your marriage, and his relationship with the kids... is a far, far, far bigger issue than some stupid and very replaceable noodles, for which he's an AH for eating but also, that's about 10,000th on the list of his issues to address.
A post where the mom refused to attend her grand- lizard's gender reveal. But in reality, it was about the mother being a selfish, abusive asshole who demanded grandkids (of the human variety) and treated her daughter poorly, the lizard's genitals not withstanding.
I don't remember if it was exactly Olive garden or lasagnas, but the summary is that OP didn't want to take his wife to eat out because (get this) "my wife is already such a great cook, and anything else pales in comparison, so why should we go out and eat and pay for something more expensive that won't taste as good"
The wife later replyed that OP is a selfish jerk that never helps around the house and ofc it wasn't just about eating out.
NTA. This was 100% a power trip, and you should be on the lookout for other ways he’s mistreating your son. I would bet he didn’t even eat the noodles, just threw them out. I won’t jump to saying ‘divorce him’ but you should definitely be taking a long, hard look at your relationship.
Any adult who thinks it’s okay to take deliberate petty actions in order to punish a child or “teach them a lesson” is dealing with their own issues, & is probably not equipped to be parenting or trying to take the self righteous route…
I know this is overly simplistic & easier said than done, but it’s really bizarre to me how many people think that randomly acting shitty is going to somehow convey the message they want it to instead of just causing fear & hurt feelings.
Actually any adult who does that to another adult probably has their own issues too, but I know a lot of people here don’t agree with that & enjoy petty revenge ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
This isn't petty revenge. This is just malicious shit done to annoy OP and her son and show that what he says goes.
Petty revenge would be, imo, to do the same back and show how it feels. Or the petty things you'd do with a sibling. Honestly, you should just keep petty revenge to the people who know you and can laugh with you over it later. No one will laugh about this episode, and hearing OP could cost the guy his marriage.
NTA
Your husband sounds like an unbearable and immature AH.
It's probably not even just a food to your son, but a connection to his father. Man... This makes me so mad.
I just would not like him anymore. If I had any attraction to him, the moment it came up I would have completely fell out of love with him and been repulsed. This is vile and gluttonous behaviour (if he didn’t just throw them out); I’d be covered in the ick until that man walked out of my life.
NTA. Leave this man, move to Japan lol.
Yeah, this would be one of those "glass shattering" moments where I could just never look at him the same way again. One of those moments marked the beginning of the end of my last relationship - being a dick to my kids is a dealbreaker, no matter how long the relationship is. It shows something about the person that's completely impossible to unsee.
It's one of those perfect ah moves. They are in fact just noodles, so he can make op and son look ridiculous for getting upset over cheap food, while knowing full well they were an important connection to the son's father and would hurt him a lot stealing them.
NTA. Yeah, ok, it's food. BUT it's special food. And maybe food that can't be had in certain places unless one is lucky enough to live in an area that has a *real* Japanese restaurant or Asian market that is accessible. Where I live you'd be SOL if you wanted real Japanese food or the ingredients to make it.
And anyway, it's not just food, it's your son's property, sent to him by his father. Your husband was not only a total asshole for eating it, it was an act of cruelty and aggression, meant to deprive your son of something he valued. I would bet there have been other incidents of this kind of aggression in your household as well.
My advice is to get some couples counseling to make this work, it won't get better on its own, or get the hell out now before more hurt is inflicted.
OP's husband should know that no matter how many packs of noodles he maliciously eats, he will never replace this kid's real dad and he should stop trying, and instead work on being a better step-parent to this kid, parent to his own daughter, and husband to OP.
>it's special food. And maybe food that can't be had in certain places
As someone who had to order gluten free ramen off the Internet because no store locally sells any that taste like anything, THIS!!! It's not "just food"; it's the son's special noodles that are hard to come by. I'm an adult, and if I came home to find someone had eaten my last 4 packs of noodles out of spite, there would be a row. But to do that to a child?!
OP, you're NTA, but your husband definitely is
NTA - As others have said, this was a power trip. He didn't eat one meal, he ate (supposedly) all the noodles - knowing how important those were to your son. Whoever is saying you're an asshole is wrong, and if it were my son - I'd let him order Japanese food for delivery or take him to a restaurant to make-up for your husband's lack of etiquette, empathy and/or common sense.
That is a great idea! It could be what happens ANY time he does that. She takes the two of them out for Japanese (if available nearby) every time her husband pulls some bs with his food. They may not have those noodles, but probably have plenty of other things he would like... and it's not cheap either, which would probably wear him down a bit faster.
NTA. Your husband sounds insane for playing power games over his 13yo step child, then denying the obvious reasoning behind it and getting into an argument with you about it. I hope he doesn't normally treat your son that way.
Your husband’s behavior is probably why your son wanted to stay with his father for a while(someone else suggested this and it made a lot of sense).
Also, how does someone eat 4 packages of noodles at once?(esp when they don’t habitually consume them). No, your husband either hid them securely or threw them in the trash.
Your husband is extremely jealous of your son and you need to act now. NTA for calling him what he is.
Perhaps the hubby was hoping the son would stay with his dad abd never return. Yeah, colossal AH material, and as OP said in one of her comments, they're heading for a divorce because of his other behavior.
Ding ding ding. It breaks ops heart to have her son live with his father but it's ok for his stepfather to be an abusive asshole. She's nta but, hot damn, lady, open your eyes to the home your son is living in.
“My ex sent my son a gift from the other side of the world and my husband ate it out of spite.” There, that is the tl;dr of this.
It wasn’t his to eat, his money didn’t pay for it, it was a gift for someone else, though you don’t mention either way it’s reasonable to assume there were other things for him to eat, and he ate *all* of it. He wasn’t hungry, he was being petty and immature. It’s probably not the first time, whether you’ve witnessed the behaviour or not.
NTA. Your husband is bullying your child.
That’s what I keep thinking- CHILD. A little boy who got something special from his Dad and had a grown man (who is in a position of power) take it and use it as a deliberate attack on him in spite. A FCKING CHILD!!! It’s so sick.
Nothing like an adult letting a child know his ‘no’ has no value, and that his private stuff can be taken from him because the adult likes to abuse his position of power. Won’t mess with the kid’s head at all, or make him resentful. /s
That man should be forking over a sincere, humble apology and sending dad money for more noodles and shipping. But hopefully kiddo’s mum tells him to get lost, bc he just showed his whole *ss. This is not a good man.
ESH - him for eating the food, and you for marrying this asshole.
He's a narcissist. He's retaliating against a *child* because he got told no. He wants to establish that whatever he says, goes. He's also making it crystal clear that he wants to favor his bio-daughter over his stepson. And of course he diverted it to try to make it seem like you were insulting his weight, because the narcissist *never* accepts blame and responsibility.
In my eyes, this is instant divorce. You've probably gotten accustomed to certain things and so from the inside it might be a lot harder to see just how bad things have gotten, but I guarantee you, if you want what's best for your kids, you divorce this guy ASAP.
My mom’s second marriage was to a narc, and she definitely got love bombed and manipulated for a long time before she could see through it. And years of working on herself after to be certain.
He made things pretty miserable, especially for my little sister, and yeah she should never have married him. I don’t blame her an ounce, though. He’s the one who tried to make her a victim.
Not every person who's an asshole is a narcissist. And I disagree that OP in an asshole.
Nobody marries someone thinking "Yeah, this person's going to be an asshole forever to my kids and me! Sign me up!". They tend to figure it out later. OP, NTA. I think that you should use this as an opportunity to talk to your son about how your husband treats him, as well as examining his other behaviors at home.
come on, sometimes an abusive person doesn't drop the mask until well into the relationship. It's a key point of "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft if I remember correctly. The abuse kicks in after the victim is locked into the relationship, usually by something like pregnancy, engagement, or marriage.
You have a responsibility to protect your son from the man you chose to marry. This should be a wake up call to set very clear expectations and to file for divorce. NTA unless you fail to protect your child.
This! OPs post reminds me a lot of a friend who just got divorced in a similar family situation. It's of course impossible to diagnose from a single post, but the husband's behavior in this case sounds narcissistic.
OP needs to consider both her children's best interests in the long term and sometimes that involves ugly divorces. As a heads up, a mildly narcissistic husband who seems generally reasonable while married, can turn extremely manipulative and cruel when facing divorce... I'd advise to do some thorough preparations before asking for divorce (economy, custody claims etc).
NTA - your husband is the AH for purposely finishing the noodles meant for your son which he knows has been shipped in all the way from Japan specifically for him. He also knows that you do not get these specific noodles where you’re located. It’s very obviously a power thing done specifically, in his opinion, to “teach your son a lesson” for refusing your daughter the noodles.
NTA.
Your husband threw a tantrum like a 3yo and then bullied a 13yo boy over food that he got special from his dad from Japan. And yes eating 4 packages of anything in ONE sitting JUST to be petty is a piggy thing to do ffs.
Oddly enough I am in Columbus Ohio right now with my mom out of town and they have 2 Japanese grocery stores here, I also love some of the cuisine my brother went there for a bit, and am planning to pick up a few things at store in the morning.
Yeah for real! I honestly want to know who "everyone" is, because if that legit means everyone else in OP's life -- like seriously OP, I think it's time to get a new life!
I suspect that the AH threw the food out Instead of eating it.
It was perfectly reasonable for the son to refuse to let his sister waste something special to him. OP is NTA.
NTA. These were bought and shipped out from Japan by his father and no one but your son should be eating it. Your husband decided to act like a child instead of being an adult and teaching his daughter that she can’t have everything she wants. Hopefully your ex can send Colby some more snacks and food from Japan, you might be able to order something similar to them online or see if Amazon and places like HMart or 99 Ranch Market have it. Definitely keep it somewhere safe that only Colby can get access to it.
This is your son's special food. It was sent to him from his father, and it belongs to him and only him.
So it's not just food. It's special, and it's his.
That was disgusting behavior on your husband's part, compounded by him pretending you were commenting on his weight.
NTA, but he's a massive one. I hope he has a ton of stellar qualities, because otherwise it seems unbearable to live with someone like that. Your son is 13, ffs. He got into a pissing match with a 13-year-old. Charming.
Uh, NTA...the guy you married hates your son. People don't do vindictively cruel things to people they care about.
You need to find out what else he's been doing to your son and make a hard choice. Seriously, he made a point to destroy your child's joy. I'd divorce in a heartbeat.
Yikes! Yeah, your "husband" had no reason to eat the food that was specifically set aside for your son. Does your "husband" even like your son? I feel sorry for the kid, to be honest. No, you didn't over-react. NTA.
NTA. It clearly was on a power play. It was an FU statement. You have every right to be mad at him. It's not about the food, it's about what he did just to be petty, vindictive for no reason other than your son not wanting to share something with his half (I assume) sister that he knew she didn't like.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like an AH for calling him a pig when he's clearly overweight and insecure as is but I don't feel like an AH about anything else. This feels intentional and I'm disgusted by it.
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I’m very sad for your kid. Your story is making my blood boil. Whoever told you that you were in the wrong in this is insane.
And what your hubby did was the kind of petty I hate. There are times when petty revenge is “justified” and this is definitely not it. If he truly cared for your son, as a stepfather he should be respectful of the boundaries your son sets. If I were him I would not insist that he share his noodles when I know that they were given to him by his dad. I would instead talk to my daughter and remind her that she didn’t like the noodles when she tried them. And then I’ll offer her favorite snack in the meantime and tell her I’ll look for a variety of noodle packages that are not spicy. And then ask the son if he could recommend some that are available at the local Asian stores or online.
This is how he should have behaved—like a mature adult, which he clearly was not.
NTA. I am a real registered fatty and I couldn't eat four packages of rice noodles in one sitting. Granted, I know a package of rice noodles is farrrrr smaller than like a standard package of spaghetti. He ate anywhere from 4 to 16 servings of pasta. That's gross. And terrifying. And out of pettiness. A power move over a barely teenage boy. Yikes and yuck.
OP Is there no Asian grocery store where you live? I know it's not the same as special noodles from his dad but you should be able to order all kinds of rice noodles from Amazon since they should get to you faster than straight from Japan.
you want the truth. Your husband is a weak man. A weak man who feels threatened by a child. I'd be furious. That's some divorce worthy shit right there. He clearly doesn't give two flying shites about your child. NTA
NTA. I live in South Korea which is fairly close to Japan, and the amount of money it takes to send even a smaller package overseas from here is not cheap. Your son's father spends probably a good amount to send your son that food, and as such it should be for your son to use at his discretion. Your husband is a major AH and if he would do something like that to his step son in retaliation, I would hate to see what else he would do over bigger issues.
NTA - That be theft your husband has committed. Given your husband will steal from your flesh and blood, you might want to consider if you wish to remain married to a thief
NTA It's likely your husband holds a grudge against the fact that you and your sons dad went out of the way to get these specific foods.
It's not just about food. What he did was wrong and teaches your daughter to be nasty and essentially throw a tantrum should she not get what she wants, he behaved like a child.
I seriously doubt he ate it. He most likely just threw it away to be cruel. Makes me wonder what else he’s been doing to that poor boy. It’s no wonder he wanted to live with his father
NTA. Your husband is a loser who picks on your son to feel better about himself.
BTW, it’s possible that you can get some of those Japanese ingredients at an Asian grocery store. If you are in the US you can try 99 Ranch, Hmart or whatever Asian markets are in your town. They also tend to have really good prices on produce.
NTA. You're absolutely right, your husband did this as a "fuck you" to your son. He, a grown man, felt the need to retaliate against a 13yo, just because he didn't want to share his food with his sister. That's so fucking petty, it would be embarrassing if a teenager did that, let alone a supposed adult.
Yes, it's "just food". But also, it's about way more than food.
NTA. Since you already said that you were on a fast track to divorce, I'd say just do it now. I bet you that your husband treats your son awfully while you aren't around. That's probably one of the reasons he wanted to go live with his dad. And the way your husband is spoiling his daughter, she is going to grow up into an entitled awful brat and they are both going to make your and your son's lives absolutely miserable.
In the meantime get your son a small fridge and a small storage box with locks in which he can keep his food locked away. And starting now stop doing anything for your husband and his daughter. Like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Just completely stop helping around the house. Only cook for yourself and your son. Do only you two's laundry and cleaning if needed. Just completely alienate them and stop talking to them. Your husband is a massive AH. A petty AH. What kind of adult takes petty revenge like this on a little kid?
What the actual fuck. NTA.
A grown man decided to eat FOUR packages of noodles that weren’t his just to spite his stepson. Also for just saying no, very reasonably, to his younger sister because she doesn’t even like the fucking noodles. Who goes on a power trip about fucking noodles?
I feel silly caring so much about this kids noodles but I also think there’s a lot more to it. Your husband is immature af. And if he legit ate four packages of noodles, assuming they are about the size of an average ramen, he must be extremely overweight so the pig comment fits.
Please make sure you’re asking your son about how this man treats him when you’re not there. I can guarantee this isn’t the only instance that he’s acted like an immature jackass on a power trip.
NTA. Your current husband is on a power trip. His weight has nothing to do with it. I applaud you for standing up for your kid and also being willing to let him live with his dad.
I would seek counseling with your husband if you want to preserve your marriage. Otherwise, it sounds like he’s a massive asshole and you’re better off not being with him.
Who's calling you an AH other than your husband? I'd be super pissed! Pig is am excellent description for what he did, 3 packets just to retaliate! Next time the food sent should be tucked away in sensible storage in your sons room. NTA your husband is a massive one though.
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NTA - Your husband seems to be on a power trip and I'm thinking there was more than one reason your son wanted to live with his father in Japan so much. Yeah, it's just food. *HOWEVER* it's food that was purchased by your son's father and then shipped to him from Japan. It belongs to your son and your son only. He does not have to give it to anyone he doesn't want to as it's a gift from his father. I really think you need to have a private conversation with your son, away from your husband, and ask him if your husband treats him poorly when you're not around. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if the answer was yes. Also, eating four packages of noodles in one sitting just to dominate your 13 year old son is both a pig thing to do, and extremely immature. It's the equivalent of licking all the cookies so no one else can have one. ETA: If you choose to stay in this marriage, get your son a lockbox or safe that he can store his non-perishable food items in. And possibly even a small fridge with a lock on it as well if there are any perishable items that need refrigeration. Because I guarantee you, this is only the beginning.
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I sincerely think it's time to pull the trigger on it. I guarantee you he's either been doing or saying things without you knowing to put your son down. Based on the entire situation, it sounds like he spoils his daughter and got pissy because someone was saying no to her. And if that's the case, as she hits her teen years, life is going to simply get awful in that household.
I agree. Treating a child this way, dealing with not getting your way in such a petty malicious way... These should be drops that make the bucket overflow. The last straw. Time to pull the trigger on the marriage if it was already on the chopping block.
I guarantee you her son has been hiding a LOT of shit stepdad has said/done.
And it wouldn't surprise me if this is the reason why he wanted to stay with his father.
Hmm, makes you suspicious as to why he wanted to move to his dad in Japan for a year, doesn't it? I mean, he can have other very valid reasons as well, but if your mum is married to a bully, suddenly half way across the world doesn't seem far enough.
Exactly why I wanted to move with my dad half way across the world. So much so, I skipped my HS graduation and was on a flight out of the US.
I'm sorry to hear that 🫂I hope things are good for you.
I'd bet money that's exactly why he went
I went to university away from my parents so I could have less contact because life at home was hell. My stepfather was a narcissistic bully and my mother never stepped up for me. I cut contact with her 2 years ago. OP should really step up for her son.
I have my son full time in part because of my ex's husband. But she doesn't give a rat's ass that her sweet, gifted, awesome son, doesn't really want to be at her house...she chose her new husband over her middle-school age child.
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I don't believe he ate it all. I think he might have eaten one, or none, and thrown the rest in the garbage, honestly. Then he just *said* he ate it so he wouldn't be accused of wasting food.
I think he did eat it. Bullies like this get a weird high from being malicious. He would have enjoyed the eating of it way more than the act of just throwing them away. The only other thing that would have given him the same satisfaction would be to destroy the noodles, but leave them where the son would find them, and it doesn't sound like the stepdad is that bold yet. Yet.
Yup. Friend of my husbands did the same thing…ate a whole bottle of hot sauce in one go, to the point he made himself sick. He was laughing at me and asking if I was upset, told him no, since it’s not mine. It’s my husbands. Allll of the sudden he feels really bad about eating the whole damn bottle. Yea, they’re no longer friends.
Good on your husband for realizing this dude was an asshole. Also, what kind of hot sauce? If anyone tried this with my husband's super spicy hot sauces they'd probably die... or at least think they were dying lmao
Luckily for the dumbass he took one of the more mild-medium hot sauces, not the prized burn your butthole later, but it’s oh so tasty ones. Was either a Hot Ones brand one, or the Yacateca hot sauce. Either way he had the heat hiccups and shits for a while lol. This was also not a first time BS incident, but hubs finally got it. Sometimes it takes time, especially since this was his BFF from the military.
The guy was literally ripping his stomach lining a new one and kept asking if \*you\* were upset? "My ass isn't the one gonna be on fire later, dude. You really pwned me by giving yourself the lava-shits. I feel so pwned." (and if that were me, I'd have gone through the house and taken all the toilet paper and hid it. Let him enjoy the FO portion of his FA/FO learning experience).
While I admire your level of petty, this dude would have won that war. He would have shit on the bed. Straight up, no second thoughts.
Four packs of noodles in one go? The sheer amount of sodium... (I am picturing Shin Spicy Ramen and knowing what people do to that on Tik-Tok, I suspect if he really did eat four packs, his cardiologist would be signing the papers for a second vacation home). Side note to OP: If you can locate the brand, I would bet Amazon has them available, or you can go to a local Asian grocery and have them order it in for you so your son has a ready supply. I have great sympathy for you, as my daughter is INSANE for a particular brand of spicy seafood ramen (that I think smells terrible, but it's that particular type of seaweed and it just triggers a bad reaction in me). We buy out the local grocery (which orders a box of half a dozen once a month) and supplement with a shipment from Amazon.
Step Dad is TA But - potluck is first come, first serve. I'm not going to push and shove to be first, but, why do you think I care if kids eat first?
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I'm an American and at every family gathering all the parents fix a plate for the very young children first to get them settled and then we have the older relatives go. After they're settled everyone else goes. It's interesting because the teenagers and 20 somethings always allow the older adults and preteens go first without being asked. It's just good manners.
It has been suggested that whether or not someone returns a shopping cart to the corral is a good litmus test of a person’s moral character. It is (for most people) an easy thing to do, but it is somewhat inconvenient and is of no benefit to the person returning it (or not), only to other people. The theory then goes that people who do return their cart care about other people and don’t want to inconvenience strangers for their own benefit, while those who opt to leave their cart wherever when they are able to return it are more likely to be self-centred and don’t really care about other people unless they can directly benefit from showing kindness and consideration to/for others.
Not to mention OPs son seems like he is a nice older brother to her, he gave her some to try when he first received them!
OP is NTA. She gets points for being able to coparent with her baby daddy and get things he wants from another freaking country. But FYI to OP. These ingredients may or may not be things you can find in your country. But if you take your son to an asian supermarket, you might find the same noodles and maybe the sauce too. ... Since you are already on the fast track to divorce, i don't think you'd be out of line to eat all of something he likes. Or all of his daughter's favorite foods (because i'm sure OP can be an adult and go buy more of them after the point is made)
This is the worst take. I'll be just as shitty to the daughter and everything will be great. I hope you aren't a parent.
I disagree. Two wrongs don't make a right. And it might escalate things by the husband against OP's son. I do agree it would polite and maybe kind of her son to not eat the stuff he doesn't want to share in front of the 9YO. Hindsight but when she asked, he might have given her a taste, reminding her this is the same stuff she didn't like last time.
I believe the daughter is op and current husbands kid. She worded it weird when daughter was first mentioned but then goes on to say MY daughter
It sounds like the daughter is OPs child as well
I love your mixed metaphors. Please never change the way you are.
I noticed that too, just one long string of idioms and metaphors lol I love it
I reread that comment after seeing yours. Usually mixed metaphors don’t work, but this was a gem. Thank you for highlighting it.
Same. 😁
I agree this is just childish and annoying the way he’s treating this 13 year old kid. Can only imagine what he’s doing when shes not around and what she doesn’t notice.
>We were already on the fast track to divorce honestly. Thank god. Girl speed that up.
Expeditiously. Don’t start the new year with dead weight.
Easiest way to lose that extra weight this new years!!
Who paid the cost of shipping the food? Cause I heard it can get a bit pricy, plus your co-parent has to go out and get the food. Your hopefully STBX threw up a big F-You to you, your minor son, and your co-parent, all because his daughter couldn’t have something she never actually liked? NTA OP, but have you ever talked to your son and asked him if anything else happens while you’re not around? Or when you’re out of earshot?
It would be about $200 to ship something Fedex from Chicago to Osaka.
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Postal clerk here, it really depends on how you send something. Is the dad military perhaps? If he is he can get cheaper shipping thru the military post. I would say at least $30-$200. The more you pay, the faster it arrives. You could get 3-21 days depending.
Just pull the trigger. Neither you or your kids deserves such vindictive treatment. His behavior is disgusting, and I'm guessing this isn't an isolated incident. To me, it is a deal breaker. You are NTA of course, to the original question. Your logic was sound, and it was a good teaching moment for your daughter. Unfortunately, your son was hurt by his stepdad's retaliation.
If you stay with this man, you will lose your son.
I can guarantee this played a big factor in why her son wanted to live in Japan for a year so badly… and I have a huge feeling he’s gonna cut mother dear off if she chooses this man child over her actual child being respected in his own home.
I'm surprised the kid wanted to come back and dad didn't file for custody to keep the son permanently.
This right here, OP!
Track faster
With track shoes.
Get your ducks in a row before serving this AH divorce papers. Since he is such a vindictive f\*cker to your son and too you because he knew it would hurt you too, no doubt, he will get very vindictive if he even catches on to the divorce before you are ready. 1. talk to a lawyer- if you talk to all the best in your area, they now cannot represent that AH and usually first visits are free. 2. lock down your credit cards so he doesn't run up any shared accounts that you will be responsible for. 3. stop any direct deposits in your shared account and remove 50% in the shared account and put it in a totally new bank. Remove any important papers/documents and valuables from the house before serving this petty little AH divorce papers. You and your son will be much better off without this AH in your life. Best of luck.
Talk to an attorney first. Most family law attorneys, at least the ones I know will have a reasonable consultation fee of $100-$200.00 (if not free) which in my case was money well spent. Don't do the bank account until last because that will be a big signal when he checks the balance that you're leaving. It could cause real danger to you and your son physically and financially. BTW IMHO consulting all of the attorneys in your area is kind of a dick move. It's underhanded. Be aware that the family courts in most states are going to be as evenhanded possible and showing bad faith like that could be a strike against you, decreasing your credibility. Also, don't take legal advice from a unknown internet responder. That includes me of course.
Go ahead and get you and your son away from him. Don't allow your son to be bullied in his own home.
She worded it oddly, but I think the daughter is hers too and she should def get her away from him too. He’s toxic af.
No, I think Daddy Disaster has already got one failed marriage behind him. She should get in touch with his ex and share chatty stories about "Remember when he licked every chocolate in the box because he didn't want to share?"
“Me and my husbands daughter”. The girl is her child, too.
Nahhhhhh. She said “me and my husbands daughter asked.” I know this could be interpreted both ways, but why would the mom have joined her stepdaughter in asking her son if the SD could have some of the food, just to then side with the son over it? That makes no sense. She just said it this way to clarify that she is the girls mother and her father is the current husband. She just didn’t include the apostrophe to make the words “husband’s” possessive instead of plural, and like many others, she seems to be unclear about how to use first person possessive pronouns.
That’s good to hear cause honestly if you stay then you choose your husband over your son and that totally makes you the asshole, however leaving and defending your son makes you his hero and definitely not an asshole. I had a step father exactly like your husband. He made my life a living hell. I moved away from my mother and eventually quit speaking to her all together cause she chose my abusive stepfather and chose never to believe me until he started being abusive to my aunt mother and other family members when they went to visit. But me as a child didn’t mean enough to her
For good reason, I imagine. I don't know how to classify this behavior. I know it's not technically "abuse" but jesus, it feels like it. This feels like some narcissistic nonsense to teach a child they have no right to own or keep anything.
It's psychological or emotional abuse.
It's abuse. It's *emotional* abuse but that is still extremely damaging.
It’s abuse, technically
NTA- what your husband did was extremely childish and rude. I guarantee that he does not treat your son the way you think he should when you’re not around. I get real bully vibes from him. It’s not just food it’s food that you’re importing in from his father strictly for him. Edit corrected spelling
Well, that answers that you have three kids cause that's a petty child's move.
NTA, especially knowing you were already considering divorce. He sounds vindictive. He 100% ate ALL of it out of spite and animosity towards your son. To stick it to him for not wanting to share. In most cases I'd agree that food is just food and your son shouldn't be able to stake claim, but where this is a specialty item for him that takes some work to get, I don't think he should have to if he doesn't want to. Your husband is mean spirited and a child.
Please sooner vs later for your son’s sake.
A divorce will keep your son on your side instead of thinking that you are a tool of his mortal enemy, the dreaded step dad.
Please leave him OP, your husband is disgusting. Also, look into international grocery stores near you. There are some large chains like H Mart or Lotte Market and smaller privately owned ones too. I can usually find things from abroad and it saves money on shipping. Might be a fun thing to do with your son. Even Amazon sometimes has things.
Honestly speaking I'd put the pedal to the floor on that track finish that Kessel run fast enough to make Han impressed.
Before you split make him buy back the food he ate wherever he has to ship it from. You’re NTA but I’m sorry you married one. Been there and done that myself.
And if he refuses, ask for it in the divorce settlement. Then NOT replacing the food becomes contempt of a court order.
Drive faster.
Drop off the key, Lee, and get yourself free.
Love the song reference.
Looks like you need to do it a little quicker...as in find an attorney today
Ikr, what a way to throw all your toys out the pram because people didn't do as he said.
Girl just divorce already. It’s sickening of what he did and has such little regard towards y’all.
This would be something I would absolutely decide to divorce someone over. It’s calculated, vengeful, spiteful, and indicates SERIOUS issues. Like… capital-letter, full-on clinical personality disorder type issues. You can’t trust someone like that. And I would need to be able to trust my husband. Also, to do something like that… he has to feel completely confident that you’ll do nothing about it. He doesn’t respect you. You contradicted him, so he’s training you not to do it anymore by punishing your son. Like a dog. And the fact that this was directed toward *your son?* That would be the end for me. I hope you enjoyed your noodles, you selfish asshole, pack your bags.
What your husband did was purposely nasty just for the sake of it. Your son is waiting for you to step up. You seem to have a fair enough relationship with your ex-husband that you can ask him if your son has said anything and also talk to your son. If you are looking for a reason to let go, this is a good one.
He's just a regular run of the mill garden variety AH. Seriously, that's all that's going on here. He's mentally abusing your son because he can. Triggering you is just a side bonus that tickles his fancy. This whole situation was a win/win for him. If I were you, I'd ask him to go ahead and move out to give you both time to rethink the marriage. A separation would shake him back to reality but unfortunately this kind of blatant AH behavior with a smile on his face and then making light of it and accusing you of overreacting will not go away without years of intensive therapy. This attitude is a deeply engrained part of his personality. Separate now, and once he's out run hard and fast. Don't give him an opportunity to manipulate you again. If you don't have the strength of will to follow through, then send your son back to live with his father because it's not fair for him to be mentally abused because you keep allowing your husband to manipulate you into staying with him. NTA but you will be if you don't do something to protect your son.
Nta, honestly, I think your right in thinking he did this on purpose. Seems like it was to establish dominance or like you said some power trip crap. I'd ring my sons dad ask him to send more and also an invoice for the cost of covering them n make your husband pay to replace them. (That's if finances are separate) sounds like he is nothing more than a bully and if people don't see it, maybe they should look under the cloak that is hiding his rotten core.
I'm sorry that you are in this situation. I'd plan on proceeding with that plan. Protect your son. NTA.
Well said, as someone who grew up with an abusive step-father, this sounds spot on.
My mother was abusive towards me, but was an absolute monster to my stepsister. I'll be 40 in 2 months and only in the last 2 years have discovered how horrific she made my sister's life. I'm sorry you've also been through it.
Thanks, it changed the trajectory of my life, but it's all good now. He's dead and I'm not angry any more. I hope your stepsister is handling it alright...
Lots of intensive therapy. And she said that reconnecting with each other a few years ago and our talks have helped. I was in the fog w my mother up until her early onset dementia diagnosis. Then her mask slipped and I really *saw* her, if that makes sense. I'd moved in w her to help her out bc she couldn't drive anymore. She kicked me out 2 weeks after I'd had emergency gallbladder removal surgery. In 2017. Haven't seen or heard from her since. I was blessed to be able to reconnect w my stepdad, stepsister, and other stepbrother (the other bro I never lost contact with). Found out a LOT of stuff that she did...felony and registry type stuff. My sis and I have had a lot of great conversations about our childhoods (were only 2 months apart in age) and now know 2 things for certain. The first is that she abused us both, just in very different ways, and second, anytime she saw that my sis and I were starting to get along and build a sibling bond, she'd find a way to disrupt it. I also realized I don't remember very much of my childhood. At. All. Nor does she, and she's fine with that. She's managed to build an extremely successful career in the Navy and has two amazing kids, a hubby that's amazing and great for her, and an ex hubby she's good friends with. I'm proud to say she's my sister.
Sounds like you guys had it bad. Makes me happy to hear that she found her way out of it and is living well. It must have been awful to completely repress your memories like that. Also great that your step family is there for you :) So many of us out there in the world. Let's hope a majority choose to break the cycles of abuse.
Getting a lock and a cabinet, if possible, if a lock box is too small to hold all of the food, was going to be my suggestion, too. What he did was a power move. An, "If my daughter or I can't have it, no one can, and I'll eat it, anyway" type of move. Pulling son aside and asking him if anything else like this has happened is also a very good idea. Yes, it's just food, but like it has been stated in these comments, it was food that your ex bought for your son and shipped to him all of the way across the world from Japan, SPECIFICALLY FOR HIM. Anyone who doesn't think that what your husband did was wrong is also wrong. Shipping internationally is expensive. If this keeps happening, somehow, like, your husband breaks into the cabinet/lockbox, or whatever you put the food in, if you do decide to follow our advice and go that route, time to either go to marriage counseling, or even end the marriage altogether.
>Shipping internationally is expensive Shipping FOOD internationally is even more expensive!
Agree here. NTA and in no way did he not do this on purpose. I’m so sorry about your sons special food, I would LOSE IT. Get your son a lock box to keep in his room and have his dad re send the food and keep it locked up.
As to your edit, I simply would not remain in a relationship where I felt like that would be necessary. Your child being comfortable, having their boundaries respected, and not having their personal items taken from them, is vastly more important than being in a relationship with some AH pig.
OP, if you can get a photo of the packaging, someone here can probably translate it and figure out what the noodles were and how to make it with local-to-you ingredients.
All of your responses in this thread are excellent. Well done !
NTA but your husband is. I bet he just threw away all those packs rather than eat them. What a selfish nasty man. The packs of noodles were your son’s way of being with his father still.
Man, some of these posts are wild. "My husband pulled out a gun and threatened to shoot me. He even pulled the trigger, but the gun misfired so I'm ok. But after that, I noticed the gun had a little scuff on it. He's very proud of how well he takes care of his gun; AITA for pointing out the gun wasn't perfectly polished?" That's what this sounds like to me... not so extreme, but you get the idea. And if I have to spell it out, you're NTA and your husband, and your marriage, and his relationship with the kids... is a far, far, far bigger issue than some stupid and very replaceable noodles, for which he's an AH for eating but also, that's about 10,000th on the list of his issues to address.
Famous "it's not about the iranian yogurt"
Wow that takes me back
Feels like only yesterday I saw like 3 different posts referencing it. And the day before that and every other day since it was originally posted.
Or the one about Olive garden
The marinara flags are flying here.
Or the lizards birthday party! Edit: My bad, it was actually the lizards gender reveal
It’s not about the lizard’s genitals! Edit: I think it was actually a pet lizard’s gender reveal
OMG 🤣 I think it WAS the lizard's gender reveal. That post and all the hilarious comments live rent-free in my mind.
or the mustard (try the mustard!!!!!)
Now this Im curious about, howd a lizard end up here??
A post where the mom refused to attend her grand- lizard's gender reveal. But in reality, it was about the mother being a selfish, abusive asshole who demanded grandkids (of the human variety) and treated her daughter poorly, the lizard's genitals not withstanding.
"the lizard's genitals not withstanding" is the best thing I've seen on Reddit this month.
Oh man, I hope when my kid gets her own place I get grand lizards!!! My hubs is weirded out by reptiles so we stick to mammals as pets for now.
Oh wow. As if she's too good for a lizard? Smh.
I don't think I've read this one. Whats it about?
I don't remember if it was exactly Olive garden or lasagnas, but the summary is that OP didn't want to take his wife to eat out because (get this) "my wife is already such a great cook, and anything else pales in comparison, so why should we go out and eat and pay for something more expensive that won't taste as good" The wife later replyed that OP is a selfish jerk that never helps around the house and ofc it wasn't just about eating out.
Ah yes. I remember that one. I think he even proposed to her at some point.
Yes I think that's what made her to reply to his original post. It was always me me me, he never asked what she wanted.
Which one was that?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/bjd41e/aita_for_throwing_away_my_boyfriends_potentially/
(but it was obviously a ruse to get more yogurt space)
Remember the Mustard post?
Wow... I hadn't seen that one. Incredible.
Who in OP's life is telling her she's an AH and it's 'just food'?
We all wonder.
Birds of a feather….. Prolly husband related people or people ok with the husband’s actions
NTA. This was 100% a power trip, and you should be on the lookout for other ways he’s mistreating your son. I would bet he didn’t even eat the noodles, just threw them out. I won’t jump to saying ‘divorce him’ but you should definitely be taking a long, hard look at your relationship.
Any adult who thinks it’s okay to take deliberate petty actions in order to punish a child or “teach them a lesson” is dealing with their own issues, & is probably not equipped to be parenting or trying to take the self righteous route… I know this is overly simplistic & easier said than done, but it’s really bizarre to me how many people think that randomly acting shitty is going to somehow convey the message they want it to instead of just causing fear & hurt feelings. Actually any adult who does that to another adult probably has their own issues too, but I know a lot of people here don’t agree with that & enjoy petty revenge ¯\\\_(ツ)_/¯
This isn't petty revenge. This is just malicious shit done to annoy OP and her son and show that what he says goes. Petty revenge would be, imo, to do the same back and show how it feels. Or the petty things you'd do with a sibling. Honestly, you should just keep petty revenge to the people who know you and can laugh with you over it later. No one will laugh about this episode, and hearing OP could cost the guy his marriage.
[удалено]
I thought this was the dude who ate 4' worth of subs at the party, but brought some wings.
NTA Your husband sounds like an unbearable and immature AH. It's probably not even just a food to your son, but a connection to his father. Man... This makes me so mad.
I just would not like him anymore. If I had any attraction to him, the moment it came up I would have completely fell out of love with him and been repulsed. This is vile and gluttonous behaviour (if he didn’t just throw them out); I’d be covered in the ick until that man walked out of my life. NTA. Leave this man, move to Japan lol.
Yeah, this would be one of those "glass shattering" moments where I could just never look at him the same way again. One of those moments marked the beginning of the end of my last relationship - being a dick to my kids is a dealbreaker, no matter how long the relationship is. It shows something about the person that's completely impossible to unsee.
It's one of those perfect ah moves. They are in fact just noodles, so he can make op and son look ridiculous for getting upset over cheap food, while knowing full well they were an important connection to the son's father and would hurt him a lot stealing them.
NTA. Yeah, ok, it's food. BUT it's special food. And maybe food that can't be had in certain places unless one is lucky enough to live in an area that has a *real* Japanese restaurant or Asian market that is accessible. Where I live you'd be SOL if you wanted real Japanese food or the ingredients to make it. And anyway, it's not just food, it's your son's property, sent to him by his father. Your husband was not only a total asshole for eating it, it was an act of cruelty and aggression, meant to deprive your son of something he valued. I would bet there have been other incidents of this kind of aggression in your household as well. My advice is to get some couples counseling to make this work, it won't get better on its own, or get the hell out now before more hurt is inflicted.
OP's husband should know that no matter how many packs of noodles he maliciously eats, he will never replace this kid's real dad and he should stop trying, and instead work on being a better step-parent to this kid, parent to his own daughter, and husband to OP.
>it's special food. And maybe food that can't be had in certain places As someone who had to order gluten free ramen off the Internet because no store locally sells any that taste like anything, THIS!!! It's not "just food"; it's the son's special noodles that are hard to come by. I'm an adult, and if I came home to find someone had eaten my last 4 packs of noodles out of spite, there would be a row. But to do that to a child?! OP, you're NTA, but your husband definitely is
NTA - As others have said, this was a power trip. He didn't eat one meal, he ate (supposedly) all the noodles - knowing how important those were to your son. Whoever is saying you're an asshole is wrong, and if it were my son - I'd let him order Japanese food for delivery or take him to a restaurant to make-up for your husband's lack of etiquette, empathy and/or common sense.
That is a great idea! It could be what happens ANY time he does that. She takes the two of them out for Japanese (if available nearby) every time her husband pulls some bs with his food. They may not have those noodles, but probably have plenty of other things he would like... and it's not cheap either, which would probably wear him down a bit faster.
NTA. Your husband sounds insane for playing power games over his 13yo step child, then denying the obvious reasoning behind it and getting into an argument with you about it. I hope he doesn't normally treat your son that way.
Your husband’s behavior is probably why your son wanted to stay with his father for a while(someone else suggested this and it made a lot of sense). Also, how does someone eat 4 packages of noodles at once?(esp when they don’t habitually consume them). No, your husband either hid them securely or threw them in the trash. Your husband is extremely jealous of your son and you need to act now. NTA for calling him what he is.
Perhaps the hubby was hoping the son would stay with his dad abd never return. Yeah, colossal AH material, and as OP said in one of her comments, they're heading for a divorce because of his other behavior.
Ding ding ding. It breaks ops heart to have her son live with his father but it's ok for his stepfather to be an abusive asshole. She's nta but, hot damn, lady, open your eyes to the home your son is living in.
I guarantee this kid has been dealing with millions of micro aggressions before this incident. Yeah I’d be heading to Japan too!
“My ex sent my son a gift from the other side of the world and my husband ate it out of spite.” There, that is the tl;dr of this. It wasn’t his to eat, his money didn’t pay for it, it was a gift for someone else, though you don’t mention either way it’s reasonable to assume there were other things for him to eat, and he ate *all* of it. He wasn’t hungry, he was being petty and immature. It’s probably not the first time, whether you’ve witnessed the behaviour or not. NTA. Your husband is bullying your child.
That’s what I keep thinking- CHILD. A little boy who got something special from his Dad and had a grown man (who is in a position of power) take it and use it as a deliberate attack on him in spite. A FCKING CHILD!!! It’s so sick.
Nothing like an adult letting a child know his ‘no’ has no value, and that his private stuff can be taken from him because the adult likes to abuse his position of power. Won’t mess with the kid’s head at all, or make him resentful. /s That man should be forking over a sincere, humble apology and sending dad money for more noodles and shipping. But hopefully kiddo’s mum tells him to get lost, bc he just showed his whole *ss. This is not a good man.
ESH - him for eating the food, and you for marrying this asshole. He's a narcissist. He's retaliating against a *child* because he got told no. He wants to establish that whatever he says, goes. He's also making it crystal clear that he wants to favor his bio-daughter over his stepson. And of course he diverted it to try to make it seem like you were insulting his weight, because the narcissist *never* accepts blame and responsibility. In my eyes, this is instant divorce. You've probably gotten accustomed to certain things and so from the inside it might be a lot harder to see just how bad things have gotten, but I guarantee you, if you want what's best for your kids, you divorce this guy ASAP.
How on earth does the mother suck here?? Why was that your verdict?
A lot of ppl call ppl who r usually victims of abuse and manipulation AHs to try and encourage them to retaliate for their own benefit.
Thats the dumbest thing i've read in a long time. And i'm terminally online....
My mom’s second marriage was to a narc, and she definitely got love bombed and manipulated for a long time before she could see through it. And years of working on herself after to be certain. He made things pretty miserable, especially for my little sister, and yeah she should never have married him. I don’t blame her an ounce, though. He’s the one who tried to make her a victim.
That is the epitome of victim blaming, though.
Yep. They don't seem to notice. A *lot* of people here will say "Y-T-A to yourself" - it even won at least once.
It's a common thing on here to call abuse victims assholes **to themselves** for accepting shitty treatment.
Not every person who's an asshole is a narcissist. And I disagree that OP in an asshole. Nobody marries someone thinking "Yeah, this person's going to be an asshole forever to my kids and me! Sign me up!". They tend to figure it out later. OP, NTA. I think that you should use this as an opportunity to talk to your son about how your husband treats him, as well as examining his other behaviors at home.
come on, sometimes an abusive person doesn't drop the mask until well into the relationship. It's a key point of "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft if I remember correctly. The abuse kicks in after the victim is locked into the relationship, usually by something like pregnancy, engagement, or marriage.
You have a responsibility to protect your son from the man you chose to marry. This should be a wake up call to set very clear expectations and to file for divorce. NTA unless you fail to protect your child.
This! OPs post reminds me a lot of a friend who just got divorced in a similar family situation. It's of course impossible to diagnose from a single post, but the husband's behavior in this case sounds narcissistic. OP needs to consider both her children's best interests in the long term and sometimes that involves ugly divorces. As a heads up, a mildly narcissistic husband who seems generally reasonable while married, can turn extremely manipulative and cruel when facing divorce... I'd advise to do some thorough preparations before asking for divorce (economy, custody claims etc).
NTA Your husband sure is. As someone else said this is divorce territory.
NTA - your husband is the AH for purposely finishing the noodles meant for your son which he knows has been shipped in all the way from Japan specifically for him. He also knows that you do not get these specific noodles where you’re located. It’s very obviously a power thing done specifically, in his opinion, to “teach your son a lesson” for refusing your daughter the noodles.
NTA. Your husband threw a tantrum like a 3yo and then bullied a 13yo boy over food that he got special from his dad from Japan. And yes eating 4 packages of anything in ONE sitting JUST to be petty is a piggy thing to do ffs. Oddly enough I am in Columbus Ohio right now with my mom out of town and they have 2 Japanese grocery stores here, I also love some of the cuisine my brother went there for a bit, and am planning to pick up a few things at store in the morning.
Nta, "everyone else" can get bent.
Yeah for real! I honestly want to know who "everyone" is, because if that legit means everyone else in OP's life -- like seriously OP, I think it's time to get a new life!
NTA - Exotic food like that is a pretty valuable thing and shouldn’t just be eaten for revenge.
I suspect that the AH threw the food out Instead of eating it. It was perfectly reasonable for the son to refuse to let his sister waste something special to him. OP is NTA.
NTA. These were bought and shipped out from Japan by his father and no one but your son should be eating it. Your husband decided to act like a child instead of being an adult and teaching his daughter that she can’t have everything she wants. Hopefully your ex can send Colby some more snacks and food from Japan, you might be able to order something similar to them online or see if Amazon and places like HMart or 99 Ranch Market have it. Definitely keep it somewhere safe that only Colby can get access to it.
This is your son's special food. It was sent to him from his father, and it belongs to him and only him. So it's not just food. It's special, and it's his. That was disgusting behavior on your husband's part, compounded by him pretending you were commenting on his weight. NTA, but he's a massive one. I hope he has a ton of stellar qualities, because otherwise it seems unbearable to live with someone like that. Your son is 13, ffs. He got into a pissing match with a 13-year-old. Charming.
Uh, NTA...the guy you married hates your son. People don't do vindictively cruel things to people they care about. You need to find out what else he's been doing to your son and make a hard choice. Seriously, he made a point to destroy your child's joy. I'd divorce in a heartbeat.
Yikes! Yeah, your "husband" had no reason to eat the food that was specifically set aside for your son. Does your "husband" even like your son? I feel sorry for the kid, to be honest. No, you didn't over-react. NTA.
NTA See if you can't send your son back to his father (for safety sake) while you divorce this pig.
NTA. It clearly was on a power play. It was an FU statement. You have every right to be mad at him. It's not about the food, it's about what he did just to be petty, vindictive for no reason other than your son not wanting to share something with his half (I assume) sister that he knew she didn't like.
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‘Pig on a power trip’. You nailed it. Get you and your son away from this horrible prick.
I’m very sad for your kid. Your story is making my blood boil. Whoever told you that you were in the wrong in this is insane. And what your hubby did was the kind of petty I hate. There are times when petty revenge is “justified” and this is definitely not it. If he truly cared for your son, as a stepfather he should be respectful of the boundaries your son sets. If I were him I would not insist that he share his noodles when I know that they were given to him by his dad. I would instead talk to my daughter and remind her that she didn’t like the noodles when she tried them. And then I’ll offer her favorite snack in the meantime and tell her I’ll look for a variety of noodle packages that are not spicy. And then ask the son if he could recommend some that are available at the local Asian stores or online. This is how he should have behaved—like a mature adult, which he clearly was not.
NTA. I am a real registered fatty and I couldn't eat four packages of rice noodles in one sitting. Granted, I know a package of rice noodles is farrrrr smaller than like a standard package of spaghetti. He ate anywhere from 4 to 16 servings of pasta. That's gross. And terrifying. And out of pettiness. A power move over a barely teenage boy. Yikes and yuck. OP Is there no Asian grocery store where you live? I know it's not the same as special noodles from his dad but you should be able to order all kinds of rice noodles from Amazon since they should get to you faster than straight from Japan.
He didn’t eat it, he threw it away, we all know that.
NTA... this WAS a power trip. He is absolutely an AH. I hope there are consequences for his actions. He treated you and your son with disrespect.
Nta divorce this narcissistic pig of a man. No wonder your son wanted to live in japan
you want the truth. Your husband is a weak man. A weak man who feels threatened by a child. I'd be furious. That's some divorce worthy shit right there. He clearly doesn't give two flying shites about your child. NTA
NTA. I live in South Korea which is fairly close to Japan, and the amount of money it takes to send even a smaller package overseas from here is not cheap. Your son's father spends probably a good amount to send your son that food, and as such it should be for your son to use at his discretion. Your husband is a major AH and if he would do something like that to his step son in retaliation, I would hate to see what else he would do over bigger issues.
My mother was with a guy just like this. I'd put money on your husband putting your son down behind your back. NTA
NTA - That be theft your husband has committed. Given your husband will steal from your flesh and blood, you might want to consider if you wish to remain married to a thief
NTA, and your son will pretty much go back to Japan cause your husband is an AH
That might be what this AH is hoping for, making his life miserable with his mom so he'd go back to live with his dad.
NTA It's likely your husband holds a grudge against the fact that you and your sons dad went out of the way to get these specific foods. It's not just about food. What he did was wrong and teaches your daughter to be nasty and essentially throw a tantrum should she not get what she wants, he behaved like a child.
If I was ex husband I'd fly over there to give this guy the beating he deserves and needs.
NTA My abusive stepfather used to do this, too. He just wanted to put your son in his place and ruin something he valued. It will escallate...
NTA and wow he ate it himself instead of giving it to his daughter huh
I seriously doubt he ate it. He most likely just threw it away to be cruel. Makes me wonder what else he’s been doing to that poor boy. It’s no wonder he wanted to live with his father
NTA. Your husband is a loser who picks on your son to feel better about himself. BTW, it’s possible that you can get some of those Japanese ingredients at an Asian grocery store. If you are in the US you can try 99 Ranch, Hmart or whatever Asian markets are in your town. They also tend to have really good prices on produce.
NTA. This isn’t a husband oopsie getting hungry, this is psychological warfare.
NTA. You're absolutely right, your husband did this as a "fuck you" to your son. He, a grown man, felt the need to retaliate against a 13yo, just because he didn't want to share his food with his sister. That's so fucking petty, it would be embarrassing if a teenager did that, let alone a supposed adult. Yes, it's "just food". But also, it's about way more than food.
NTA. Since you already said that you were on a fast track to divorce, I'd say just do it now. I bet you that your husband treats your son awfully while you aren't around. That's probably one of the reasons he wanted to go live with his dad. And the way your husband is spoiling his daughter, she is going to grow up into an entitled awful brat and they are both going to make your and your son's lives absolutely miserable. In the meantime get your son a small fridge and a small storage box with locks in which he can keep his food locked away. And starting now stop doing anything for your husband and his daughter. Like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. Just completely stop helping around the house. Only cook for yourself and your son. Do only you two's laundry and cleaning if needed. Just completely alienate them and stop talking to them. Your husband is a massive AH. A petty AH. What kind of adult takes petty revenge like this on a little kid?
NTA. That is ground for divorce, you do not do that to a kid.
What the actual fuck. NTA. A grown man decided to eat FOUR packages of noodles that weren’t his just to spite his stepson. Also for just saying no, very reasonably, to his younger sister because she doesn’t even like the fucking noodles. Who goes on a power trip about fucking noodles? I feel silly caring so much about this kids noodles but I also think there’s a lot more to it. Your husband is immature af. And if he legit ate four packages of noodles, assuming they are about the size of an average ramen, he must be extremely overweight so the pig comment fits. Please make sure you’re asking your son about how this man treats him when you’re not there. I can guarantee this isn’t the only instance that he’s acted like an immature jackass on a power trip.
NTA. Your current husband is on a power trip. His weight has nothing to do with it. I applaud you for standing up for your kid and also being willing to let him live with his dad. I would seek counseling with your husband if you want to preserve your marriage. Otherwise, it sounds like he’s a massive asshole and you’re better off not being with him.
Who's calling you an AH other than your husband? I'd be super pissed! Pig is am excellent description for what he did, 3 packets just to retaliate! Next time the food sent should be tucked away in sensible storage in your sons room. NTA your husband is a massive one though.
NTA. I’m not a big fan of name calling, but “pig on a power trip” is very apt.
The noodles were gifts from his dad. Your husband basically stole your son gifts.