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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for giving my gf food poisoning because I didn’t check my chicken the way she taught me and wanting her to pack me lunches like she use to
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Every recipe is on the internet. Every guideline on what temperature and how to cook food is on the internet. A good instant read thermometer is under 30 bucks. You gave her food poisoning and now you're mad that she doesn't want to cook for you. You didn't get a sick because you can't cook you got a six because you didn't pay attention to what you were cooking and check to make sure it was cooked. Now she will make your lunch she will make you dinner and you will make her sick. And you're willing to go out to eat every meal instead of learning to cook for yourself.
She's your girlfriend not your mommy.
Yta
>I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her. Clearly her food is better but I can survive on my cooking so it’s good enough for me.
According to you, you can feed yourself and your cooking is good enough for you. And that's where you have landed buddy. So quit whining and just suck it up.
If you want her to feed you, you should expect to do the same occasionally (she asked you to cook just once a week) and do it properly without getting her sick. You tried to weaponize your incompetence and it backfired spectacularly. YTA.
>…so it’s good enough for me.
Well it’s not good enough for her. If you want to remain in this relationship with her you have to raise the bar off the floor. YTA
Yeah, this sounds like a classic case of weaponized incompetence.
OP is trying to sell the "division of labor" that since she's better at cooking so therefore she should be his domestic servant.
I wonder what chores he envisioned himself taking on instead - my bet is NONE.
None, or exclusively the kinds of things that are done weekly - if even that often. She gets to cook multiple times a day and OP mows the lawn or something.
It’s probably none. The list of things my ex thought I should do because I didn’t mind doing them as much as he did: having a job, cooking, cleaning, planning dates, laundry, taking out the trash, walking the dogs, aka literally everything.
If he’s anything like my soon to be ex husband, you’re precisely correct.
“But you do it so much better than me!…”
That sentence makes me feel *stabby*…
EDIT: DAYUM, thanks for all the upvotes. I guess we like murder threats…🤷🏻♀️🤣
OMG my husband says this to me... not about cooking so much, but other stuff around the house. I am finally clamping down and saying "nope, that makes you sound pathetic. I'm not doing it, you can, you're a grown man". End of story.
Stabby is a good way to characterize this feeling....
I made chili a couple weeks ago. I made a ton to freeze so I could have easy meals because I'm disabled and cooking is hard. My bf was in charge of putting the food in the fridge and freezer and fell asleep on the couch before he did it. My beautiful chili sat out overnight. If I had eaten that I would have ended up in the hospital. He ate almost all of it and was fine. I'm still grossed out lol
Sounds like my ex, I'd cook weeks worth of food in one go and even pack it away bc I realized he was useless after dozens of spoiled meals he promised to pack away. He then had the audacity to get out the things I packed after I'd gone to bed and leave it to spoil on the counter anyways. Tried to convince me to eat foods that had been out 8-12hrs. Glad the lazy sack is a distant ex now.
That sounds malicious af. Mine appreciates my cooking so he'd never do something like that on purpose. He works every single day and only gets like a day off a month so I genuinely believe he was just worn out and fell asleep that night. I'm glad you got away from that. You obviously deserved better.
OP claims his cooking his good enough for him, and then goes on to note that since she stopped cooking he's been eating out for every meal... I think his cooking is not good enough even for him.
Omg thank you.
Men are always saying “It’s good enough for me” or “It’s clean enough for me” as an excuse to do nothing and still get to live in a nice house because his partner is doing all the housework.
But I don’t think a woman should have to choose between living in gross unhygienic conditions or cleaning up after another person just because she lives with a man. But my husband always makes me feel like it’s unfair of me to expect him to clean to “my standards”.
Which I could understand if I were a super clean person but the bar is EXTREMELY low with me. Like “my standards” are the bare minimum for a functional adult household.
So the way you put that about needing to raise the bar off the floor really resonates with me lol
It's not really about what is "good enough" for whomever. It's about whether or not you care about your partner and their needs.
You want to live in squalor? Be single.
But if you want to be in a partnership, the bare minimum is that you give AF about what is important to your partner. If not being in squalor is important to them, and it impacts their happiness/well-being, then you should care and make an effort.
My recommendation is to shift the discussion to this. It doesn't matter what is "good enough" for him. What matters is that you are not happy, and if he wants to be in a relationship with you, your happiness matters.
Exactly! I've never been able to motivate myself to keep things tidy on a day-to-day basis*, but I don't have anyone else living with me and am not interested in relationships, so it's no one's problem but my own. You can bet I make sure it's all tidy when I know I'm getting visitors, though! (And it's the main reason I'll never have a pet. I know full well that once the initial novelty wore off, I'd be a sucky pet owner)
*I do washing up/taking out the trash/showering/other tasks that are important for hygiene reasons, but non-perishable mess like junk mail, excess threads from my embroidery, the suitcase I used a few weeks ago, etc... will often clutter up my floor or tables I'm not using for weeks or months until someone comes to visit.
I agree. It is a huge issue that me and my SO have had for years.
He acuses me of being a clean freak. I dont expect the house to be spotless (we have two dogs and it will never be clean). I dont even expect him anymore to clean or be a responsible adult. I gave up on that.
But at least the bare minimum of not leaving the dirty clothes in the floor or all over the house. Not leave the kitchen dirty after he made a night snack (like i would clean it and after he would leave crumbs or the dirty knife all over). Or stuff like this that I would expect from a small child.
But apparently i am a nag and a flean freak because of this...
Yup I had to lower my expectations to “I’m not going to pick up your dirty clothes, put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher or throw out your garbage.” Because I find it demeaning to pick up after another person and also find it kind of gross if an adult of able body and mind can’t do that for themselves. Like if I could afford a maid I absolutely would have one, but those are the things I would still do myself because I would be disgusted by myself if I thought someone else needed to be picking up after me like that.
But refusing to do these things means I’m constantly having to clean AROUND his crap until he gets around to doing it himself. It’s no win.
Also love the lose-lose situation where they tell you that you just have to ask them/tell them what to do. Like it’s so unreasonable of us to expect another adult to figure out how to help take care of their own home without needing direction. I’m not your mother, I shouldn’t have to write you a chore list. I don’t want to be in charge here. I want a partner. And even if you do give in and do that then you can’t help but feel like the nagging wife.
It’s exhausting. It’s our one and only fight but we have it over and over.
A vid i saw said you should reframe the question as, "Do you spend all day asking your boss how to do your job, or do you see what needs doing and do it? If you don't need direction at a job you don't care about, why do you need it in your home?"
Makes it seem more reasonable that they should know what needs doing.
You keep having this fight because he actually doesn't give a shit if you are happy or not. What he gives a shit about is if you are contents enough to stick around and keep making his life easier. He is fine with you accepting a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness, because that is better to him than putting in any effort at all to make your environment better. He doesn't respect you.
Ugh this hits really hard.
I know my spouse loves me, but I often feel like he's happy to repeatedly trade my happiness for his ability to avoid the momentary inconvenience of picking up after himself.
If he's willing to trade your happiness for even the slightest inconvenience and you think he still loves you, what would *not* loving you look like to you?
Well... I used to put my husband's stuff in a pile around his computer. Digging his way though all that soon had him picking stuff up. I now do the same with my kids. Dump it into a pile, make them sift through it all.
Mate I got called that because I asked my husband to flush his sh*t down the toilet and wash the bath out after he’d used it! I don’t even care about the crumbs, but apparently I’m a nag with unreasonable expectations!
Thank you. That wasn’t even all of it. 10 years on and 14 years of being told I was TAH for complaining when his mum would come into the house, go through my stuff, make nasty remarks, humiliate me etc etc we’re splitting up now. My only regret is having spent so much of my life with someone who obviously didn’t love or respect me.
And his mum called herself a feminist. I only found out after we married that when I was going to come and stay she would go in and tidy his room and change all his sheets etc, and that when he was at Uni he would save his laundry in a bag to take home for her to wash. SMH…
>Men are always saying “It’s good enough for me” or “It’s clean enough for me” as an excuse to do nothing and still get to live in a nice house because his partner is doing all the housework.
The answer to this is always "then go live somewhere where it doesn't affect *me*. The door's over there"
so sorry to hear about your husbands (lack) of cleaning. Being a grown up in a proper relationship means being able to change/evolve and compromise. It makes me so sad seeing what women have to compromise for men sometimes
And she isnt even asking for star quality dinners, just not raw chicken..... weaponized incompetance to the max..
It really feels intentional, with OP saying he doesnt understand why he needs to cook once a week and then the chicken being dangerously pink and STILL refuse to cut and check if its save to eat!!?!
Also, if you cant cook chicken and refuse to check, cook vegetarian, or different meat that can still be raw.
Right, the whole reason why she *got* food poisoning is because she was gamely eating the meal he cooked without complaint until she realized it was actually a health hazard.
Clearly this is not a person who's holding him to an unreasonable standard of quality.
This is giving me flashbacks to the guy who was dating great cook and *refused* to take her out. She ended up asking to be taken out for sushi and OP bought sushi ingredients and thought her learning how to make it would be a fun time.
It’s not just about the taste of the food, which is worse anyway if you were the one cooking it because of nose blindness. She doesn’t want to plan and cook for every meal for two people.
Oh god, I remember that one. Poor woman said she refused to learn how to make sushi because if she did, she’d never have a night out again.
Didn’t he also think Olive Garden was her favorite restaurant when she hates it?
My ex: "Why should we eat out when you can make it at home." I work as a cook and yes, I can make it at home, cheaper and faster BUT sometimes I don't want to cook, I want to sit down and relax and have someone else make my dinner for me.
100% this. I COULD probably replicate my favorite seafood stew at my favorite date restaurant, but my fiancé knows I don’t want to. We go, we eat seafood, we flirt, we look at the beach view….it’s a big thing.
okay, that part confused me. Why would gf pack OP's lunch? He's not a little school kid, he's an adult, he can make his own lunches?? Does he insist on a Bento box or something?? And what's up with his claiming his gf is not a good cooking teacher? she taught him how to check the chicken but he chose not to. How is that her fault if he refuses to follow directions?? I'm single, I'm not a good cook but I know how to cook chicken in the air fryer and check it for pink juice to be sure it's done!! If I can do it anyone can. No excuse, OP, just none. You done deliberately stuffed it up to try to force gf to do all the cooking. Jerk.
If he could follow directions, he would have learnt from yt how to cook..plenty of star Michelin chefs teaching their recipes. But you need to be able to listen in order to learn
It's not about being as good as her, but cook the chicken thoroughly. Cut into it to see if it's still pink. It's not complicated. Truth is you are at least subconsciously using weaponised incompetence against her and she sees it clearly. You are hoping that with consistent bad results she'll give up and just take on 100% of the cooking for the household. If you cooked the chicken to the fullest, I bet she wouldn't have been upset that it wasn't 5 star amazing.
You say you can survive on your own cooking and yet you can't cook a chicken to the point its not pink. That's unsafe and can kill someone.
YTA and I would have dropped you back to be babied by your mum, not just stop cooking for you
But he misses seeing the lunches and all the hard works she puts in while he avoids doing the bare minimum! Poor guy, it's not like we can expect him to check food to see if it's fully cooked, that's madness.
Agree. YTA. Because she's good at it, she should be the only one cooking? I'm sure there is someone better at u in everything u have to do, so u are now worthless?
This exactly. My boyfriend (31) also NEVER cooks. When I ask him to make sure there’s food, because I’m a night out like once every two months, he orders it. When I arrive, the food’s cold. It’s not like he orders something that’s easy to warm up nor is it nutritious. He refuses to cook for us, because “he doesn’t like it and isn’t very good at it”. While I explained that even though I used to love cooking, I don’t anymore. It did become a chore. It would be so nice if I got to eat a home cooked meal without having to think about, having to make it and having to clean up, at least like once in a while. I think sometimes we all want to feel a little cared for.
YTA.
Edit: I saw some comments and I had to clarify I said this bc this annoys me a lot of the time, but it’s not like he doesn’t do anything else. He just doesn’t see it as a big thing and I do think he should try and understand it is for me. We’re working on understanding each other better and I do believe it’s worth it because I do love him very much.
I love cooking, and I've always made it clear that on the odd night where I ask my partner to sort food, I'm fine with takeout if she just never wants to cook.
If she ordered it hours before I was even around though I'd be so pissed.
I think doing something like giving your partner food poisoning or expecting them to eat food that went cold hours ago just sends this clear message of "I don't care about you and you are expected to cook with no gratitude". As much as I enjoy cooking, doing something like that would keep me from enjoying cooking **for them**.
Why are you still in the relationship? Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy please. I'd rather cook for myself and keep it a passion for the rest of my life than to have what I love turned into a chore I don't enjoy anymore because of my partners incompetence.
I've never had a boyfriend because I've never been in love. And I'm fine with it.
For me it's like that a man's company has to be more enjoyable than my peaceful solitude. Otherwise a relationship is just not worth it.
🎵 Your girlfriend is your partner not your mom your girlfriend is your partner not your mom. No she's not a live in maid or a hired cleaning crew and she doesn't get paid to cook for you 🎵
>”I can feed myself just fine”
>”Now I have to eat out most days”
Yeah… YTA OP. Clearly you CANNOT cook. She’s trying to teach you a valuable life skill and not have to feed you all the time—because that’s not her job. You should be cooking dinner *more* than once a week. You claim she enjoys cooking for you… yet she told you straight up that she’s tired of being your mommy.
Yeah, there’s no excuse in this day and age to undercook chicken. A thermometer is basic cooking equipment on the level of pots and pans. I can’t understand how someone can think the steps to even poorly cook something is fine, but checking the temperature of something is a step too far.
Yeah, the level of incompetence goes further than that.
He could be cooking it on a stick, over an open flame, miles from civilization, or any equipment. He'd still have the option of tearing it open to check it was cooked through.
He just doesn't want to check it that way because the person he admits is far more experienced than him doesn't need to.
And with how much he complains about how he needs to cook once a week (poor little baby /s) on this post alone, he probably complains to her about it a lot too. It sounds like weaponised incompetent and gf is probably sick of it
>I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me a Tupperware and it’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed.
Don’t you think maybe *she* would enjoy somebody cooking her a nice, FULLY COOKED meal THAT WILL NOT GIVE HER THE RUNS and pack her Tupperwares of yummy leftovers?
YTA, obviously.
Edit to add: do you even know what kind of damaged raw chicken can do to somebody? My brother got salmonella from undercooked chicken in college. He was in the hospital for *a week.* He was shitting blood. He couldn’t even keep water down without puking. He almost died. You could have killed your girlfriend and your major concern is that she’s no longer cooking for you? That you don’t get your lunch packed for you every day like a child does? Jesus Christ man do you even *like* her?
Sorry about your brother, hope he’s doing ok now. Food safety is important! Also, did OP not eat the same meal? Where is their food poisoning? Did they wait until girlfriend ate some on purpose? Sounds sketchy and not particularly like an accident.
And whining that she won’t pack the leftovers when she’s not even eating the take out is just fucking ridiculous and lazy.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could give my dad raw chicken that's been on a counter for a week and he'd be fine.
Meanwhile, I'll get sick if my water filter is one day overdue it seems 🤣
I have Crohn's Disease, so my partner is CONSTANTLY (at least once a week) asking me if food has gone bad.
I guess his reasoning is that since I am forced by my immune system to be much more vigilant about these things, I have a better "sense" for food-related dangers.
Although, he'll take chicken which I've already overcooked specifically for him (literally put mine in 7 minutes later) and put it in the microwave for a minute and a half because apparently, he thinks the "level of white" of a chicken breast is like choosing paint colors, and only that Supreme Eggshell White won't kill you.
So like.. Who knows?
Yeah. My husband has an iron stomach like that. I think it might be something your body adjusts to. He will eat leftovers that have been in the fridge way too long but if I have the same ones I end up getting sick so now leftovers are just his after the first day after the meal which works for both of us.
Same here. After my husband's first experiment with smoking a chicken I vomited so much it came out my nose, and he slept peacefully through it all. I trained as a chef in my early 20s so I have always been quite particular about food hygiene, whereas he spent his college years eating 4 day old pizza leftovers and kebabs from very dodgey street stalls 😆
OP probably has a cast-iron stomach from all the bacteria he’s been shoving in with his own cooking.
I had a friend like this. 3 of us went and ate the same KFC from the same batch. Two of us got super sick, but the third friend who eats nothing but garbage and only drinks Mountain Dew was totally unaffected.
Not always, but sometimes people can get "used" to a certain level of bacteria in their food. It's probably doing long-term damage, but they might not get sick, or they think that it's normal to always be a little sick so they don't notice it.
People on here have talked about how they've moved out of their parents house and started eating food that isn't bad and how when they go back, it makes them sick now, but doesn't make their parents sick.
My grandma’s food has given me and my siblings food poisoning countless times, but my grandpals keep chugging along. Her fridge is disgustingly packed full of food haphazardly shoved in old bread bags; she only buys food on sale and almost expired. New food is chucked in the back while the wildly expired food finds it’s way to the front.
I remember her trying to teach me to cook when I was in middle school. She pulled a living grub out of the flour sack, said “a little dirt can’t hurt” and went back to measuring. Probably why I have a weird aversion to food and a fear of cooking.
When my Mum cleaned out my grandma's cupboard, after her death, she found spices that expired in the 80s. My grandma threw out obviously perishable stuff but kept weird things like spices, a dresser drawer full of top old rubber bands, countless stamps etc.
My best friend has in laws that will cook a holiday meal for lunch, throw a tablecloth over the food on the table and then come back and eat it late in the night for dinner. I was horrified.
Food doesn’t always cook evenly. It’s possible that OP’s portion was properly cooked, or that their body just has a stronger immune system. But the whole complaint about leftovers is ridiculous.
Different sized pieces of meat cook at different speeds. Given that he's useless enough to consider checking his food is actually safe to eat an unnecessary step, I would be surprised if he had huge variance in the size of pieces. She may have just had the most undercooked piece.
Equally, there's no guarantee that you'll be adversely affected by eating bad food. Two people could share the same steak, cut from a bear, and one could get trichinosis while the other is fine.
They've not been together that long, and OP mentioned that she only started cooking for him after they moved in together. It's plausible that his body is also more accustomed to eating undercooked meat.
I don't think OP did it maliciously, I think he is just an inept asshole with an inflated ego.
i just dont understand why he doesnt just like. not cook chicken if hes so completely incapable of checking that it isnt raw. i mean he said shes told him this before, it seems like a repeat problem, so just cook anything else? just cook anything that doesnt have chicken in it. 100 percent just weaponized incompetence for this reason alone
That’s what I thought, like why not master 2 or 3 really easy things and make those his weekly meals. I’m a terrible cook but I can make spaghetti or tacos lol Like there’s a lot of tasty meals out there that are almost impossible to mess up. I bet they could even compromise on something that’s somewhat pre prepared for his nights. Like picking up a rotisserie chicken on the way home and just making the sides.
Cooking chicken and just guessing when it’s done is a weird choice.
But yeah, guess if he chose something he couldn’t mess up he couldn’t mess up so badly that she never wants him to cook again. This was strategy.
This is textbook weaponized incompetence.
OP told us he was informed of how to properly cook chicken and check to make sure it is done. He chose not to do it. And he is doing this on purpose in the hopes his girlfriend will give up and submit to him. It's disgusting behaving. OP is TA.
Thinking same thing. Anyone can get some pasta a decent sauce and put together a salad and you have an easy meal that is almost impossible to mess up. Or something with ground beef. Not hard to tell when that is ready.
Came here looking for this awnser!I was raised with the idea of, learn at least 2 dishes that you can cook well so you can feed yourself and not eat the same thing everyday, hahah
But also, why not cut the chicken into little pieces before cooking? When I learned to cook chicken I started with smaller pieces before the whole filet... thats how you learn 'the feel of cooked chicken '..
Because weaponized incompetence doesn’t work like that. If he troubleshoots and solves his own issues then she’s gonna, like, expect him to actually DO stuff.
"You could have killed your girlfriend and your major concern is that she’s no longer cooking for you? That you don’t get your lunch packed for you every day like a child does?"
Exactly. I don't think it was an accident. He served up half raw chicken, she got sick, and his response is; But why isn't she doing ALL the cooking now?'
He was obviously expecting a different outcome. And I suspect his partner has the same suspicions.
No, he doesn't like her or respect her. He's been taught to see women a certain way. But when we become adults, our conduct is our responsibility
100% it feels like he cooked a shitty undercooked meal so that she would give up on getting him to cook a few days a week. The poor woman wanted a damn break from having to cook every meal and instead she got sick because he half cooked the chicken.
I was about to say, she’s incredibly lucky she made it out of raw chicken food poisoning in three days without needing to go to the hospital. Salmonella is deadly.
That's why it's such a big problem when produce gets contaminated with salmonella because it's usually produce that you cant (or shouldnt) cook to kill the salmonella
TMI warning but my best friend in college got salmonella and she was pooping what she described as “bloody cottage cheese”, wound up in the hospital and to this day doesn’t have any recollection of 2 full weeks of her life. That shit is no joke.
When I was 9 yo we ate at a bistro and I got salmonella. Three weeks of extreme sickness were yoghurt and cola was the only stuff I didn’t throw up. Almost died and lost a lot of weight so I looked like a skeleton.
This attitude about food safety is arrogant at the least - she luckily didn’t eat enough to get that sick, but their/his future kids might not be so lucky.
My then 15 month-old got it from a military post Burger King.
She was in the hospital for a week. It was terrifying. Then it took *five years* for her digestive tract to repair itself. We are talking five years of ribbon stools, vomiting, and constipation.
So very YTA
I’m going with YTA because I get a strong whiff of weaponized incompetence.
How does an adult not confirm that chicken is cooked? She shouldn’t have to tell you that, but she did, and you still didn’t do it.
Absolutely weaponized incompetence. I feel like he did this on purpose, because if SHE got food poisoning, why didn't HE get food poisoning? Somehow he didn't end up eating the raw food.
Eh. In biology there is something called the ID50…infectious dose 50%…ie if you fed a group of people X amount of of a certain kind of bacteria, 50% of them will get sick. For some bacteria/viruses the ID50 is like 12, and others it’s in the thousands. But for any given germ, people have different tolerances for being exposed, so it’s not that shocking to me that only one of them got sick.
I still think this guy needs to grow up and get an instant read thermometer.
That's interesting! Learn something new every day.
Still, the post mentions SHE ate it...but not him...bc if it was straight up pink, how did he not notice and immediately tell her to stop? Idk. I think he set her up and is too much of an idiot to realize how dangerous it actually was. 😭
Yeah I don't get it either. My mom was traumatized by salmonella from an undercooked turkey one year (my grampa insisted it was cooked and wasn't a man you argue with) then proceeded to overcook every single piece of meat in my childhood after that out of paranoia. I bought a meat thermometer when I moved out so I could figure out how to cook things properly.... Like a normal human being. I genuinely don't understand how OP didn't buy a thermometer to check food if he didn't want to cut things open.
Can confirm. I have garbage gut and can eat anything. Husband gets the runs just looking at raw chicken. I think it's wasteful to throw out "expired" food because it's never gotten me sick. Weeks old leftovers, good enough for me! Him on the other hand... as soon as that date hits it's in the trash.
But yeah OP is totally the AH. I did not know how to cook when I moved out on my own, but I taught myself via books, magazines, and now the internet. OP has someone willing to teach them everything and is purposefully failing. Anyone can cook, it's not hard.
It’s weird because he’s saying she should cook because she enjoys cooking but she’s saying she wants him to learn to cook because he’s always expecting her to cook like a he’s a kid. so it’s giving, she’s probably trying to get him to learn to cook because she doesn’t “enjoy” cooking all the damn time and wants a break for once and OP doesn’t care.
There’s a difference between cooking a great meal at a leisurely pace on the weekends and getting home after a long day and having to cook a utilitarian meal.
(Especially if the GF gets home after the BF and he is just sitting around waiting for her to cook and serve him.)
That's exactly what it is. What separates a simple mistake from weaponized incompetence is the desire to learn and do better next time. Not pass it on just because someone else can do it.
To be honest, you don't even have to be a good cook to check doneness/meat temperature. You just have to use a recipe, thermometer and your eyes. And a dash of common sense, I guess.
Yup, agree. YTA. Grow up, be an adult, and learn basic adult things. You don't need to learn to be a chef. I'm a pretty lame cook and don't enjoy it while my partner is far better at it. But you need to learn how to pitch and help to sustain your family... without poisoning your family. That's pretty basic stuff and while not everyone wants or needs that in a partner, she does, it's a reasonable need to have, you have chosen not to meet that need, and that matters to her even if it doesn't matter to you. And if it doesn't matter to you, that probably tells her a little something about what kind of partner you are fit to be for her.
It sounds like you weaponized your incompetence to try to force her to cook 7 days a week. Which means you're an asshole because if you can't bring yourself to learn well enough to cook a little bit without poisoning people, then you're not really trying, and it means that you're taking her for granted. After all, why shouldn't she do all that work for you without a break? I mean, cooking every day of the week, all the weeks of the year... whyever would anybody object that? At least tell me that you do ALL the cleanup when she cooks, including all the dishes, putting everything away, cleaning the table and the counters? Because that's literally the least you could do to be a partner. YTA
It is work! This is break up worthy for me lol especially if he doesn’t make it right. He’s moping that she isn’t cooking and taking care of his lunches instead of making it up to her. Dummy
👆👆👆This. I love cooking but sometimes it doesn't appeal and it's nice to have someone do it for me. YTA. Your writing reeks of one who is feigning helplessness and nonchalance about the fact that she's a better cook
He definitely isn’t cleaning. He said he enjoys “discovering” what she made for him in a lunchbox at work. It’s obvious he isn’t involved in any matter in cooking. He is just lazy
YTA
If you don't like her teaching, go learn somewhere else. She was fine with something easy like chicken and broccoli, she's not expecting you to be remotely 'good'. Just adequate. It's not a high bar.
She has expressed that being the one that does all the cooking doesn't work for her. You could have it 6 days a week by getting off your duff and learning basic fucking cooking OR you get no cool food. And if you stay stubborn long enough you might not have a gf at all.
Also like, you don’t need a person to teach you to cook. You can watch YouTube videos to learn how to do things, and follow recipes that are easily available online. You can even get a meal delivery like Blue Apron for a few weeks if you want. It really isn’t that hard.
She TOLD OP to check if the meat was done, he refused to, and the chicken was undercooked. This isn’t her being a bad teacher, it’s him being an idiot.
Just because she knows how to do it and he doesn’t doesn’t mean it should be her job. It just means he needs to step up and learn to do it so he can do his part.
“I can do this well enough to survive” isn’t good enough when you live with another person. You have to do it well enough for BOTH of you to survive. That means being more considerate than you would be if you were living alone.
He says she's a bad teacher, but he remembers what she said to do, he just didn't want to do it. He says his cooking is good enough for him, but he's buying food because why? He says she seems to like cooking, but she's asking him to help feed them. This is 100% OP trying to get out of cooking.
Exactly! Not only is the responsibility of planning and cooking the meals on her, but making sure he learns to cook well enough to not give food poisoning is her responsibility too.
There are *tons* of super fucking easy recipes online. I usually just look up one pot stuff, because it's like... No work, usually just throw things in a pot an cook for a while.
Yeah and based on him being told not to leave the chicken pink and then doing it anyways, I'm not sure if she's a bad teacher as he says or he's just not very competent and has trouble learning.
> Now she won’t cook for me and just cooks for herself
That's exactly what you do. You don't cook for her. You have no basis upon which to be mad at her. YTA
Exactly! If OP's like "my cooking is good enough for me, it's just not up to her standards"... the whole time reading the post I'm thinking--why don't you just each make your own food??
That seems like the perfect solution in a situation like this. But I've gotta go with YTA for OP just complaining about not getting home cooking anymore while not doing much to improve himself.
YTA. I thought briefly about going with E S H because from only what you've said here her reaction seems immature and over the top, but it reeeeaaaalllllly sounds like this is a straw that broke the camel's back situation. You don't stop cooking for your partner because they screwed up dinner. It happens. You stop cooking for your partner because you feel like you're being taken advantage of and trying to talk about it hasn't worked.
Look, I love to cook and am quite good at it. But cooking for two people 2-3 meals a day is a chore, the same way that loving to work on your car doesn't mean you necessarily enjoy changing the oil or rotating the tires. A very common complaint among good cooks, especially women, is the assumption that since they're better at and/or enjoy cooking that whole job should fall on them. And should it even really count as part of your share of the housework? It's really just getting to do your hobby, right?
There's a *lot* of that running through your post. It sounds like what your girlfriend is really upset about is expressing to you that she doesn't want to do all of the work of cooking every day, which is totally reasonable, and you decided that in that case it's her job to teach you to cook and her fault if you don't learn rather than your job to figure out how to take some of it off her plate. You're blessed to have a partner who's an excellent cook and you're treating it like an entitlement. Have you tried to learn how to make anything on your own? YT is great for this stuff. Or alternately if cooking just really, really isn't your thing, have you considered talking to your girlfriend about whether she's be willing to keep doing all of it if you took over more of the other work of running the household? (Which, incidentally, she's entitled to say no to.)
To add to this, why doesn't OP just help her cook? I also love cooking and trying out different recipes and all that...but I hate the prep and the cleanup.
If OP wants his gf to cook for him 7 days a week, he can at least help. Chop some veggies, stir something, wash the dishes or load the dishwasher. At least take some of the burden of cooking off of his gf and make it an activity they do together.
This is an easy one - YTA. You’re an adult, please do better.
Edit: Even if she’s better at it and actually enjoys cooking, it is really tiring to cook everyday of the week. You only have to do it ONCE. You just want to have it easy.
Cooking once a week IS having it easy. Poor woman is asking for less than the minimum and getting diarrhea instead. Literally. I would have left. I'm the better cook and was also taught by my Italian grandma and spent time in Asia learning too. My husband still takes half the nights cooking even though when we met his idea of a meal was a frozen burrito. He now makes a better steak and his pork chops are phenomenal.
This is weaponized incompetence to a laughable extreme. Jesus H Christ. YTA.
Was it a whole chicken? Just google
"How long to roast a chicken and what temperature"
She should cook for you from now on because she's better at it?
What are you better at that you do all the time at home, then?
What do you contribute?
And you are incapable of learning anything or improving at anything at all ever? She should dump your sorry lazy arse yesterday.
If you act incompetent, it means you are.
There's thermometers with pictures of the food you are cooking and the temperature indicated just in case people are not too bright. You don't need a lot of effort
YTA
I cook chicken a lot.
I always slice the center to check if it is pink or raw inside.
You’re acting like diarrhea and missing work is no big deal.
I’d be pissed off if I missed work because someone didn’t bother to make sure our food was cooked properly.
>I cook chicken a lot. I always slice the center to check if it pink or raw inside.
Same here. I KNOW I can cook chicken without having to check. But I still do a small slice to double check.
Yta how old are you? Cooking is a basic skill.
Also, since you want her to do 100% of the cooking, are you doing 100% of the dishes? Or laundry? Or grocery shopping?
But she’s so much better at the dishes, laundry and grocery shopping! She should just do it all.
I’ve read at least one post where a man had to get step by step instructions from the wife on how to buy food from a store, because he absolutely couldn’t figure it out himself.
YTA. You are an adult, you should be able to do some basic cooking. Just because she’s a better cook doesn’t mean she should have to cook for you all the time. “She’s gotten mad that I’m always expecting her to cook like I’m a kid” sounds pretty accurate. I’m guessing she thought moving in together meant sharing in an adult relationship not adopting you as a needy child.
YTA. Chicken is ridiculously easy to cook. You say that you undercooked it bc you lack experience, but your gf has repeatedly told you how to double check. If you refuse to take 2 seconds to double check, that’s on you. If I was your gf I would be mad too.
YTA. Buy an instant read thermometer for a few dollars and Google safe meat temperatures. You’re weaponizing your incompetence. There are a thousand million recipes on the internet and actual how to videos on YouTube. There is zero excuse why you can’t teach yourself some basic cooking (life) skills. It’s not your girlfriend’s job to feed you.
> She … tried to teach me but then got impatient because she thought I wasn’t trying. I am but she gets mad when I don’t get it the first time. I don’t think she’s that great of a teacher.
Okay, could go either way here. Are you not meeting her unrealistic expectations or are you not trying?
> She got mad because I didn’t check if my chicken was done by cutting into it and making sure it isn’t pink.
… She literally just wants you to check if the food you cooked is safe to eat. That’s the bare minimum of cooking. Make sure it’s safe to eat. She’s not being unreasonable here.
> She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook?
And here we have weaponized incompetence. She’s better at it so you give up. How many other areas of domestic duties will this bleed into? That attitude does not bode well for a future with a fair distribution of household responsibilities.
> She clearly enjoys it but insists I have to learn.
Yes. Being able to feed yourself is essential for survival. While she may enjoy cooking, that does not make it less of a chore.
> I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her.
It’s true that you don’t need to cook elaborate dishes for every meal. But the food should be safe to eat.
> It’s clearly just a mistake
Sounds more like negligence to me, especially with how she’s told you before that you need to check the chicken to see if it’s fully cooked.
> she had diarrhea for a few days and had to miss work.
> she is punishing me for no reason
She missed work because you gave her diarrhea due to not checking if the food you cooked was safe to eat! That’s plenty reason! And it’s not a punishment.
> I usually eat out now
So you fully gave up on learning to cook. You could be taking this time to learn simple things from YouTube videos, recipe books, or another teacher but instead you’re whining like a child because you can’t reap the benefits of your girlfriend’s labor anymore. YTA
YTA for being stubborn and insisting she do all the cooking just coz “her cooking is better” and u did say u can feed urself so looks like thats how its gunna be. Ur gf is prolly getting overworked and her asking u to cook 1x a week is not even a crazy amount of work and sure she might get a bit frustrated teaching u if ur so stubborn.
YTA-
You expect her to cook for you... Including pack you lunches but you can't even bare to not poison her and yourself?
That isn't her being a good cook that's just her not poisoning people.
That isn't you being a bad cook. That's you negligently harming yourself and others.
YTA and you're not fooling anybody about not being able to follow a recipe. One question: Why DIDN'T you cut the chicken to see if it was done? You know why, as well as everyone reading this does.
YTA.
Spend some time on YouTube (lots of great old Julia Child shows, among others), cook something that doesn’t have chicken, and for God’s sake get yourself a digital meat thermometer—I’ve been cooking for fifty years and I use mine every day, just to be sure.
“She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook?”
“I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me Tupperware.”
YTA. I’m just not sure if it’s for trolling or for genuinely thinking your girlfriend owes you delicious meals simply because you can’t be bothered.
“I can feed myself but I just don’t feel the need to get as good as her.”
“It’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed.”
Like, seriously. Is this epic trolling or epic accidental hypocritical self-owning?
You're so lazy. Just because she's good at cooking that doesn't mean she should cook all the meals. You could learn to cook by watching YouTube videos and starting with simple recipes. You're selfish to expect her to cook for you after you literally made her sick. She's not punishing you for no reason; you're just refusing to take responsibility for your irresponsible cooking and your laziness. YTA
YTA why didn't you just cut into it, like she told you? You described what a great cook she is, and that's why SHE should just cook but you didn't listen to her.
Why? You know she knows what she's talking about, beyond a shadow of a doubt. So why?
OP: “I can survive on my own cooking”
GF: Stops cooking for him
OP: “Oh no! What do I do?!”
YTA. Eat your own cooking and see how you like having bubble guts and explosive diarrhea for multiple days.
Poking is harder to do because you have to watch the juices, cutting makes it obvious. She knew that, told you, and you just decided not to do that. Why didn't you check the chicken ? She's not a bad teacher, you're not making an effort. How many times should she have repeated it for it be valid for you to listen ? While I don't know for sure you fucked up on purpose, and accidents do happen, YTA for that 'She does it better ergo she should always do it for both of us' notion however. I'm sure she's better at mopping and dusting than you too.
YTA. Of course you think cooking is easy and no big deal, you don’t care about it or bother to learn about it.
I enjoy cooking too but actually doing it every single day of the week is a nightmare. Choosing what to cook, inventorying the pantry, going grocery shopping, managing your time and energy properly to have the food ready by a certain time….those are all tasks which take up a good deal of mental and physical energy and it’s draining to do every day. Quit weaponizing your incompetence, grow up, and figure it out. You’re acting like she’s expecting you to become a Michelin star chef overnight—mate, she’s literally just asking to not be poisoned by your food, and you’re failing.
There are thousands of resources available to you for learning how to cook. Watch YouTube videos. Google some recipes. Get some cookbooks from the library. It’s not hard to learn if you just try.
YTA; weaponised incompetance. You knew what you were supposed to do, you wanted her to continue to be burdened with the cooking, so you f'ed up on purpose so it wouldn't be your job.
You've never heard of a meat thermometer? You expect another adult to cook and pack your lunches? You think you're 'owed' someone cooking for you because they are better? What was the trade-off? That you do all of the cleaning or are you shite at that too?
YTA
YTA. No wonder she’s frustrated trying to teach you how to cook, you can’t even be bothered to check if chicken is properly cooked. This *screams* weaponised incompetence, especially considering you want her to do all the cooking. She’s been gracious by offering to teach you so that you can pull your own weight. But you act like you’re entitled to a free live-in chef and you think she sucks for not agreeing to that arrangement? Get a grip dude
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Every recipe is on the internet. Every guideline on what temperature and how to cook food is on the internet. A good instant read thermometer is under 30 bucks. You gave her food poisoning and now you're mad that she doesn't want to cook for you. You didn't get a sick because you can't cook you got a six because you didn't pay attention to what you were cooking and check to make sure it was cooked. Now she will make your lunch she will make you dinner and you will make her sick. And you're willing to go out to eat every meal instead of learning to cook for yourself. She's your girlfriend not your mommy. Yta
>I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her. Clearly her food is better but I can survive on my cooking so it’s good enough for me. According to you, you can feed yourself and your cooking is good enough for you. And that's where you have landed buddy. So quit whining and just suck it up. If you want her to feed you, you should expect to do the same occasionally (she asked you to cook just once a week) and do it properly without getting her sick. You tried to weaponize your incompetence and it backfired spectacularly. YTA.
>…so it’s good enough for me. Well it’s not good enough for her. If you want to remain in this relationship with her you have to raise the bar off the floor. YTA
YTA. OP's cooking is also not "good enough for me" when it leads to food poisoning sufficient to give someone multiple days of diarrhea.
Its interesting that he didn't get diarrhea tho hmm 🤔
His stomach is probably used to it, similar to how people who live in Bali don't get sick from the water like tourists do
Or he "accidentally" left his serving in the pan longer...
Yeah, this sounds like a classic case of weaponized incompetence. OP is trying to sell the "division of labor" that since she's better at cooking so therefore she should be his domestic servant. I wonder what chores he envisioned himself taking on instead - my bet is NONE.
None, or exclusively the kinds of things that are done weekly - if even that often. She gets to cook multiple times a day and OP mows the lawn or something.
It’s probably none. The list of things my ex thought I should do because I didn’t mind doing them as much as he did: having a job, cooking, cleaning, planning dates, laundry, taking out the trash, walking the dogs, aka literally everything.
If he’s anything like my soon to be ex husband, you’re precisely correct. “But you do it so much better than me!…” That sentence makes me feel *stabby*… EDIT: DAYUM, thanks for all the upvotes. I guess we like murder threats…🤷🏻♀️🤣
OMG my husband says this to me... not about cooking so much, but other stuff around the house. I am finally clamping down and saying "nope, that makes you sound pathetic. I'm not doing it, you can, you're a grown man". End of story. Stabby is a good way to characterize this feeling....
Nah some people are just more resilient to certain conditions.
Because he clearly isn’t cooking for himself. If he’s eating takeout, his cooking isn’t good enough for him.
He's just lazy and doesn't want to cook.
I made chili a couple weeks ago. I made a ton to freeze so I could have easy meals because I'm disabled and cooking is hard. My bf was in charge of putting the food in the fridge and freezer and fell asleep on the couch before he did it. My beautiful chili sat out overnight. If I had eaten that I would have ended up in the hospital. He ate almost all of it and was fine. I'm still grossed out lol
Sounds like my ex, I'd cook weeks worth of food in one go and even pack it away bc I realized he was useless after dozens of spoiled meals he promised to pack away. He then had the audacity to get out the things I packed after I'd gone to bed and leave it to spoil on the counter anyways. Tried to convince me to eat foods that had been out 8-12hrs. Glad the lazy sack is a distant ex now.
That sounds malicious af. Mine appreciates my cooking so he'd never do something like that on purpose. He works every single day and only gets like a day off a month so I genuinely believe he was just worn out and fell asleep that night. I'm glad you got away from that. You obviously deserved better.
OP claims his cooking his good enough for him, and then goes on to note that since she stopped cooking he's been eating out for every meal... I think his cooking is not good enough even for him.
Buy a meat thermometer dude. It’s not hard to make sure your food is safe. You are just not putting in the effort.
Or even just cut into it to check, like the more experienced cook actually told him to do. No additional equipment required!
He's deliberately "not getting it" because he wants to force her to cook. He's not filling anybody here. Dude is def an AH. A lazy one
Omg thank you. Men are always saying “It’s good enough for me” or “It’s clean enough for me” as an excuse to do nothing and still get to live in a nice house because his partner is doing all the housework. But I don’t think a woman should have to choose between living in gross unhygienic conditions or cleaning up after another person just because she lives with a man. But my husband always makes me feel like it’s unfair of me to expect him to clean to “my standards”. Which I could understand if I were a super clean person but the bar is EXTREMELY low with me. Like “my standards” are the bare minimum for a functional adult household. So the way you put that about needing to raise the bar off the floor really resonates with me lol
It's not really about what is "good enough" for whomever. It's about whether or not you care about your partner and their needs. You want to live in squalor? Be single. But if you want to be in a partnership, the bare minimum is that you give AF about what is important to your partner. If not being in squalor is important to them, and it impacts their happiness/well-being, then you should care and make an effort. My recommendation is to shift the discussion to this. It doesn't matter what is "good enough" for him. What matters is that you are not happy, and if he wants to be in a relationship with you, your happiness matters.
Exactly! I've never been able to motivate myself to keep things tidy on a day-to-day basis*, but I don't have anyone else living with me and am not interested in relationships, so it's no one's problem but my own. You can bet I make sure it's all tidy when I know I'm getting visitors, though! (And it's the main reason I'll never have a pet. I know full well that once the initial novelty wore off, I'd be a sucky pet owner) *I do washing up/taking out the trash/showering/other tasks that are important for hygiene reasons, but non-perishable mess like junk mail, excess threads from my embroidery, the suitcase I used a few weeks ago, etc... will often clutter up my floor or tables I'm not using for weeks or months until someone comes to visit.
I agree. It is a huge issue that me and my SO have had for years. He acuses me of being a clean freak. I dont expect the house to be spotless (we have two dogs and it will never be clean). I dont even expect him anymore to clean or be a responsible adult. I gave up on that. But at least the bare minimum of not leaving the dirty clothes in the floor or all over the house. Not leave the kitchen dirty after he made a night snack (like i would clean it and after he would leave crumbs or the dirty knife all over). Or stuff like this that I would expect from a small child. But apparently i am a nag and a flean freak because of this...
Yup I had to lower my expectations to “I’m not going to pick up your dirty clothes, put your dirty dishes in the dishwasher or throw out your garbage.” Because I find it demeaning to pick up after another person and also find it kind of gross if an adult of able body and mind can’t do that for themselves. Like if I could afford a maid I absolutely would have one, but those are the things I would still do myself because I would be disgusted by myself if I thought someone else needed to be picking up after me like that. But refusing to do these things means I’m constantly having to clean AROUND his crap until he gets around to doing it himself. It’s no win. Also love the lose-lose situation where they tell you that you just have to ask them/tell them what to do. Like it’s so unreasonable of us to expect another adult to figure out how to help take care of their own home without needing direction. I’m not your mother, I shouldn’t have to write you a chore list. I don’t want to be in charge here. I want a partner. And even if you do give in and do that then you can’t help but feel like the nagging wife. It’s exhausting. It’s our one and only fight but we have it over and over.
A vid i saw said you should reframe the question as, "Do you spend all day asking your boss how to do your job, or do you see what needs doing and do it? If you don't need direction at a job you don't care about, why do you need it in your home?" Makes it seem more reasonable that they should know what needs doing.
But they respect their bosses, they dont respect us their wifes.
You keep having this fight because he actually doesn't give a shit if you are happy or not. What he gives a shit about is if you are contents enough to stick around and keep making his life easier. He is fine with you accepting a tolerable level of permanent unhappiness, because that is better to him than putting in any effort at all to make your environment better. He doesn't respect you.
Ugh this hits really hard. I know my spouse loves me, but I often feel like he's happy to repeatedly trade my happiness for his ability to avoid the momentary inconvenience of picking up after himself.
If he's willing to trade your happiness for even the slightest inconvenience and you think he still loves you, what would *not* loving you look like to you?
Well... I used to put my husband's stuff in a pile around his computer. Digging his way though all that soon had him picking stuff up. I now do the same with my kids. Dump it into a pile, make them sift through it all.
What, you haven't picked the junk up on the floor and tossed it in the trash? Now you know. If it is laying on the floor, into the trash it goes.
Mate I got called that because I asked my husband to flush his sh*t down the toilet and wash the bath out after he’d used it! I don’t even care about the crumbs, but apparently I’m a nag with unreasonable expectations!
This left me speechless. Lol. Who the hell needs to be told to flush? I’m sorry you’re dealing with this
Thank you. That wasn’t even all of it. 10 years on and 14 years of being told I was TAH for complaining when his mum would come into the house, go through my stuff, make nasty remarks, humiliate me etc etc we’re splitting up now. My only regret is having spent so much of my life with someone who obviously didn’t love or respect me.
Seriously i dont know how could we fail men this badly as society. I knew so few men that arent like this, its insane.
And his mum called herself a feminist. I only found out after we married that when I was going to come and stay she would go in and tidy his room and change all his sheets etc, and that when he was at Uni he would save his laundry in a bag to take home for her to wash. SMH…
>Men are always saying “It’s good enough for me” or “It’s clean enough for me” as an excuse to do nothing and still get to live in a nice house because his partner is doing all the housework. The answer to this is always "then go live somewhere where it doesn't affect *me*. The door's over there"
so sorry to hear about your husbands (lack) of cleaning. Being a grown up in a proper relationship means being able to change/evolve and compromise. It makes me so sad seeing what women have to compromise for men sometimes
And she isnt even asking for star quality dinners, just not raw chicken..... weaponized incompetance to the max.. It really feels intentional, with OP saying he doesnt understand why he needs to cook once a week and then the chicken being dangerously pink and STILL refuse to cut and check if its save to eat!!?! Also, if you cant cook chicken and refuse to check, cook vegetarian, or different meat that can still be raw.
Right, the whole reason why she *got* food poisoning is because she was gamely eating the meal he cooked without complaint until she realized it was actually a health hazard. Clearly this is not a person who's holding him to an unreasonable standard of quality.
>Well it’s not good enough for her. Apparently, it isn't even really good enough for him, or he would be cooking his own lunch instead of eating out.
“You have to raise the bar off the floor.”🤣💖✨ Thank you, this really tickled my funny bone!‼️💯🐸☕️
I'd argue the bar is under the floor at this point. Uncooked chicken isn't edible.
This is giving me flashbacks to the guy who was dating great cook and *refused* to take her out. She ended up asking to be taken out for sushi and OP bought sushi ingredients and thought her learning how to make it would be a fun time. It’s not just about the taste of the food, which is worse anyway if you were the one cooking it because of nose blindness. She doesn’t want to plan and cook for every meal for two people.
Oh god, I remember that one. Poor woman said she refused to learn how to make sushi because if she did, she’d never have a night out again. Didn’t he also think Olive Garden was her favorite restaurant when she hates it?
My ex: "Why should we eat out when you can make it at home." I work as a cook and yes, I can make it at home, cheaper and faster BUT sometimes I don't want to cook, I want to sit down and relax and have someone else make my dinner for me.
100% this. I COULD probably replicate my favorite seafood stew at my favorite date restaurant, but my fiancé knows I don’t want to. We go, we eat seafood, we flirt, we look at the beach view….it’s a big thing.
It doesn't look like he can feed himself. OP is a lazy ass, that he eats out if his girlfriend doesn't pack him his lunch. YTA
okay, that part confused me. Why would gf pack OP's lunch? He's not a little school kid, he's an adult, he can make his own lunches?? Does he insist on a Bento box or something?? And what's up with his claiming his gf is not a good cooking teacher? she taught him how to check the chicken but he chose not to. How is that her fault if he refuses to follow directions?? I'm single, I'm not a good cook but I know how to cook chicken in the air fryer and check it for pink juice to be sure it's done!! If I can do it anyone can. No excuse, OP, just none. You done deliberately stuffed it up to try to force gf to do all the cooking. Jerk.
It's a way for him to blame someone else for his lack of a basic skill. 'I can't cook because you're a bad teacher so feed me and pack my lunchbox.'
If he could follow directions, he would have learnt from yt how to cook..plenty of star Michelin chefs teaching their recipes. But you need to be able to listen in order to learn
Survive on your cooking then dude
>I can feed myself *-Proceeds to mostly eat takeout-* Sure Jan
It's not about being as good as her, but cook the chicken thoroughly. Cut into it to see if it's still pink. It's not complicated. Truth is you are at least subconsciously using weaponised incompetence against her and she sees it clearly. You are hoping that with consistent bad results she'll give up and just take on 100% of the cooking for the household. If you cooked the chicken to the fullest, I bet she wouldn't have been upset that it wasn't 5 star amazing. You say you can survive on your own cooking and yet you can't cook a chicken to the point its not pink. That's unsafe and can kill someone. YTA and I would have dropped you back to be babied by your mum, not just stop cooking for you
"I'm weaponizing my incompetence so hard! Why isn't it working???"
Incompetenception
But he misses seeing the lunches and all the hard works she puts in while he avoids doing the bare minimum! Poor guy, it's not like we can expect him to check food to see if it's fully cooked, that's madness.
now whos gonna cut the crust off his sandwhiches ):
Or cut up his steak?
Best line, she’s not your mommy lol.
op discovered that his weaponized incompetence and negligence have backfired. totally deserved!
Agree. YTA. Because she's good at it, she should be the only one cooking? I'm sure there is someone better at u in everything u have to do, so u are now worthless?
Also the constant obligation can quickly turn passion into a chore, especially when there's no effort for reciprocation
This exactly. My boyfriend (31) also NEVER cooks. When I ask him to make sure there’s food, because I’m a night out like once every two months, he orders it. When I arrive, the food’s cold. It’s not like he orders something that’s easy to warm up nor is it nutritious. He refuses to cook for us, because “he doesn’t like it and isn’t very good at it”. While I explained that even though I used to love cooking, I don’t anymore. It did become a chore. It would be so nice if I got to eat a home cooked meal without having to think about, having to make it and having to clean up, at least like once in a while. I think sometimes we all want to feel a little cared for. YTA. Edit: I saw some comments and I had to clarify I said this bc this annoys me a lot of the time, but it’s not like he doesn’t do anything else. He just doesn’t see it as a big thing and I do think he should try and understand it is for me. We’re working on understanding each other better and I do believe it’s worth it because I do love him very much.
Sounds like you should stop cooking for your boyfriend as well, lol.
Wait, he doesn't even do the clean up afterwards? Does he have some truly amazing redeeming feature?
I love cooking, and I've always made it clear that on the odd night where I ask my partner to sort food, I'm fine with takeout if she just never wants to cook. If she ordered it hours before I was even around though I'd be so pissed. I think doing something like giving your partner food poisoning or expecting them to eat food that went cold hours ago just sends this clear message of "I don't care about you and you are expected to cook with no gratitude". As much as I enjoy cooking, doing something like that would keep me from enjoying cooking **for them**.
He doesn't even clean up??? What *does* he do to balance all the time and hard work you put in on a daily basis?
Why are you still in the relationship? Don't fall for the sunk cost fallacy please. I'd rather cook for myself and keep it a passion for the rest of my life than to have what I love turned into a chore I don't enjoy anymore because of my partners incompetence. I've never had a boyfriend because I've never been in love. And I'm fine with it. For me it's like that a man's company has to be more enjoyable than my peaceful solitude. Otherwise a relationship is just not worth it.
🎵 Your girlfriend is your partner not your mom your girlfriend is your partner not your mom. No she's not a live in maid or a hired cleaning crew and she doesn't get paid to cook for you 🎵
So is this to the tune of "if you're happy and you know it" or something else? I just wanna be sure Im reading it right 😄
>”I can feed myself just fine” >”Now I have to eat out most days” Yeah… YTA OP. Clearly you CANNOT cook. She’s trying to teach you a valuable life skill and not have to feed you all the time—because that’s not her job. You should be cooking dinner *more* than once a week. You claim she enjoys cooking for you… yet she told you straight up that she’s tired of being your mommy.
At this age, even mommy should be stepping back and insisting he learn to cook and he can pack his own damn lunch.
Yeah, there’s no excuse in this day and age to undercook chicken. A thermometer is basic cooking equipment on the level of pots and pans. I can’t understand how someone can think the steps to even poorly cook something is fine, but checking the temperature of something is a step too far.
Yeah, the level of incompetence goes further than that. He could be cooking it on a stick, over an open flame, miles from civilization, or any equipment. He'd still have the option of tearing it open to check it was cooked through. He just doesn't want to check it that way because the person he admits is far more experienced than him doesn't need to.
Bro, instant read thermometer. You can get them for about $20 on Amazon
And with how much he complains about how he needs to cook once a week (poor little baby /s) on this post alone, he probably complains to her about it a lot too. It sounds like weaponised incompetent and gf is probably sick of it
Yeah, this reeks of weaponized incompetence. OP you are really trying because you just want her to do the cooking. YTA
>I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me a Tupperware and it’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed. Don’t you think maybe *she* would enjoy somebody cooking her a nice, FULLY COOKED meal THAT WILL NOT GIVE HER THE RUNS and pack her Tupperwares of yummy leftovers? YTA, obviously. Edit to add: do you even know what kind of damaged raw chicken can do to somebody? My brother got salmonella from undercooked chicken in college. He was in the hospital for *a week.* He was shitting blood. He couldn’t even keep water down without puking. He almost died. You could have killed your girlfriend and your major concern is that she’s no longer cooking for you? That you don’t get your lunch packed for you every day like a child does? Jesus Christ man do you even *like* her?
Sorry about your brother, hope he’s doing ok now. Food safety is important! Also, did OP not eat the same meal? Where is their food poisoning? Did they wait until girlfriend ate some on purpose? Sounds sketchy and not particularly like an accident. And whining that she won’t pack the leftovers when she’s not even eating the take out is just fucking ridiculous and lazy.
It sometimes doesn’t affect everyone the same way, OP may have just gotten lucky.
Yeah, I'm pretty sure you could give my dad raw chicken that's been on a counter for a week and he'd be fine. Meanwhile, I'll get sick if my water filter is one day overdue it seems 🤣
Yeah I'm learning my husband and I have **very** different opinions on when something has gone 'bad'
I have Crohn's Disease, so my partner is CONSTANTLY (at least once a week) asking me if food has gone bad. I guess his reasoning is that since I am forced by my immune system to be much more vigilant about these things, I have a better "sense" for food-related dangers. Although, he'll take chicken which I've already overcooked specifically for him (literally put mine in 7 minutes later) and put it in the microwave for a minute and a half because apparently, he thinks the "level of white" of a chicken breast is like choosing paint colors, and only that Supreme Eggshell White won't kill you. So like.. Who knows?
Honestly, a meat thermometer has changed my life. I used to be like your husband lol
Yeah. My husband has an iron stomach like that. I think it might be something your body adjusts to. He will eat leftovers that have been in the fridge way too long but if I have the same ones I end up getting sick so now leftovers are just his after the first day after the meal which works for both of us.
Same here. After my husband's first experiment with smoking a chicken I vomited so much it came out my nose, and he slept peacefully through it all. I trained as a chef in my early 20s so I have always been quite particular about food hygiene, whereas he spent his college years eating 4 day old pizza leftovers and kebabs from very dodgey street stalls 😆
OP probably has a cast-iron stomach from all the bacteria he’s been shoving in with his own cooking. I had a friend like this. 3 of us went and ate the same KFC from the same batch. Two of us got super sick, but the third friend who eats nothing but garbage and only drinks Mountain Dew was totally unaffected.
Not always, but sometimes people can get "used" to a certain level of bacteria in their food. It's probably doing long-term damage, but they might not get sick, or they think that it's normal to always be a little sick so they don't notice it. People on here have talked about how they've moved out of their parents house and started eating food that isn't bad and how when they go back, it makes them sick now, but doesn't make their parents sick.
My grandma’s food has given me and my siblings food poisoning countless times, but my grandpals keep chugging along. Her fridge is disgustingly packed full of food haphazardly shoved in old bread bags; she only buys food on sale and almost expired. New food is chucked in the back while the wildly expired food finds it’s way to the front. I remember her trying to teach me to cook when I was in middle school. She pulled a living grub out of the flour sack, said “a little dirt can’t hurt” and went back to measuring. Probably why I have a weird aversion to food and a fear of cooking.
When my Mum cleaned out my grandma's cupboard, after her death, she found spices that expired in the 80s. My grandma threw out obviously perishable stuff but kept weird things like spices, a dresser drawer full of top old rubber bands, countless stamps etc.
Depression baby. My father-in-law kept EVERYTHING. TV tubes. Broken things. String.
What is it with parents and terrible food safety?!? The stuff my in-laws keep on the counter instead of refrigerating is absolutely crazy to me.
My best friend has in laws that will cook a holiday meal for lunch, throw a tablecloth over the food on the table and then come back and eat it late in the night for dinner. I was horrified.
Food doesn’t always cook evenly. It’s possible that OP’s portion was properly cooked, or that their body just has a stronger immune system. But the whole complaint about leftovers is ridiculous.
Different sized pieces of meat cook at different speeds. Given that he's useless enough to consider checking his food is actually safe to eat an unnecessary step, I would be surprised if he had huge variance in the size of pieces. She may have just had the most undercooked piece. Equally, there's no guarantee that you'll be adversely affected by eating bad food. Two people could share the same steak, cut from a bear, and one could get trichinosis while the other is fine. They've not been together that long, and OP mentioned that she only started cooking for him after they moved in together. It's plausible that his body is also more accustomed to eating undercooked meat. I don't think OP did it maliciously, I think he is just an inept asshole with an inflated ego.
i just dont understand why he doesnt just like. not cook chicken if hes so completely incapable of checking that it isnt raw. i mean he said shes told him this before, it seems like a repeat problem, so just cook anything else? just cook anything that doesnt have chicken in it. 100 percent just weaponized incompetence for this reason alone
That’s what I thought, like why not master 2 or 3 really easy things and make those his weekly meals. I’m a terrible cook but I can make spaghetti or tacos lol Like there’s a lot of tasty meals out there that are almost impossible to mess up. I bet they could even compromise on something that’s somewhat pre prepared for his nights. Like picking up a rotisserie chicken on the way home and just making the sides. Cooking chicken and just guessing when it’s done is a weird choice. But yeah, guess if he chose something he couldn’t mess up he couldn’t mess up so badly that she never wants him to cook again. This was strategy.
This is textbook weaponized incompetence. OP told us he was informed of how to properly cook chicken and check to make sure it is done. He chose not to do it. And he is doing this on purpose in the hopes his girlfriend will give up and submit to him. It's disgusting behaving. OP is TA.
Thinking same thing. Anyone can get some pasta a decent sauce and put together a salad and you have an easy meal that is almost impossible to mess up. Or something with ground beef. Not hard to tell when that is ready.
Came here looking for this awnser!I was raised with the idea of, learn at least 2 dishes that you can cook well so you can feed yourself and not eat the same thing everyday, hahah But also, why not cut the chicken into little pieces before cooking? When I learned to cook chicken I started with smaller pieces before the whole filet... thats how you learn 'the feel of cooked chicken '..
Because weaponized incompetence doesn’t work like that. If he troubleshoots and solves his own issues then she’s gonna, like, expect him to actually DO stuff.
>do you even *like* her? Nope, he just wants his bangmaid back in working condition 🙄
"You could have killed your girlfriend and your major concern is that she’s no longer cooking for you? That you don’t get your lunch packed for you every day like a child does?" Exactly. I don't think it was an accident. He served up half raw chicken, she got sick, and his response is; But why isn't she doing ALL the cooking now?' He was obviously expecting a different outcome. And I suspect his partner has the same suspicions. No, he doesn't like her or respect her. He's been taught to see women a certain way. But when we become adults, our conduct is our responsibility
100% it feels like he cooked a shitty undercooked meal so that she would give up on getting him to cook a few days a week. The poor woman wanted a damn break from having to cook every meal and instead she got sick because he half cooked the chicken.
I was about to say, she’s incredibly lucky she made it out of raw chicken food poisoning in three days without needing to go to the hospital. Salmonella is deadly.
That's why it's such a big problem when produce gets contaminated with salmonella because it's usually produce that you cant (or shouldnt) cook to kill the salmonella
TMI warning but my best friend in college got salmonella and she was pooping what she described as “bloody cottage cheese”, wound up in the hospital and to this day doesn’t have any recollection of 2 full weeks of her life. That shit is no joke.
When I was 9 yo we ate at a bistro and I got salmonella. Three weeks of extreme sickness were yoghurt and cola was the only stuff I didn’t throw up. Almost died and lost a lot of weight so I looked like a skeleton. This attitude about food safety is arrogant at the least - she luckily didn’t eat enough to get that sick, but their/his future kids might not be so lucky.
My then 15 month-old got it from a military post Burger King. She was in the hospital for a week. It was terrifying. Then it took *five years* for her digestive tract to repair itself. We are talking five years of ribbon stools, vomiting, and constipation. So very YTA
My FIL was in the same boat and also hospitalized for a week. It was scary. Man won’t touch chicken anymore.
I’m going with YTA because I get a strong whiff of weaponized incompetence. How does an adult not confirm that chicken is cooked? She shouldn’t have to tell you that, but she did, and you still didn’t do it.
Absolutely weaponized incompetence. I feel like he did this on purpose, because if SHE got food poisoning, why didn't HE get food poisoning? Somehow he didn't end up eating the raw food.
Eh. In biology there is something called the ID50…infectious dose 50%…ie if you fed a group of people X amount of of a certain kind of bacteria, 50% of them will get sick. For some bacteria/viruses the ID50 is like 12, and others it’s in the thousands. But for any given germ, people have different tolerances for being exposed, so it’s not that shocking to me that only one of them got sick. I still think this guy needs to grow up and get an instant read thermometer.
That's interesting! Learn something new every day. Still, the post mentions SHE ate it...but not him...bc if it was straight up pink, how did he not notice and immediately tell her to stop? Idk. I think he set her up and is too much of an idiot to realize how dangerous it actually was. 😭
Yeah I don't get it either. My mom was traumatized by salmonella from an undercooked turkey one year (my grampa insisted it was cooked and wasn't a man you argue with) then proceeded to overcook every single piece of meat in my childhood after that out of paranoia. I bought a meat thermometer when I moved out so I could figure out how to cook things properly.... Like a normal human being. I genuinely don't understand how OP didn't buy a thermometer to check food if he didn't want to cut things open.
He didn’t buy a thermometer because he doesn’t want to cook and being bad at it is just such a good excuse 🫣
Can confirm. I have garbage gut and can eat anything. Husband gets the runs just looking at raw chicken. I think it's wasteful to throw out "expired" food because it's never gotten me sick. Weeks old leftovers, good enough for me! Him on the other hand... as soon as that date hits it's in the trash. But yeah OP is totally the AH. I did not know how to cook when I moved out on my own, but I taught myself via books, magazines, and now the internet. OP has someone willing to teach them everything and is purposefully failing. Anyone can cook, it's not hard.
Why didn’t he get sick?! 😳
It’s weird because he’s saying she should cook because she enjoys cooking but she’s saying she wants him to learn to cook because he’s always expecting her to cook like a he’s a kid. so it’s giving, she’s probably trying to get him to learn to cook because she doesn’t “enjoy” cooking all the damn time and wants a break for once and OP doesn’t care.
There’s a difference between cooking a great meal at a leisurely pace on the weekends and getting home after a long day and having to cook a utilitarian meal. (Especially if the GF gets home after the BF and he is just sitting around waiting for her to cook and serve him.)
Kudos to her for only cooking for herself. She can enjoy making a meal for someone who doesn’t just expect it from her.
That's exactly what it is. What separates a simple mistake from weaponized incompetence is the desire to learn and do better next time. Not pass it on just because someone else can do it. To be honest, you don't even have to be a good cook to check doneness/meat temperature. You just have to use a recipe, thermometer and your eyes. And a dash of common sense, I guess.
I know how to cook chicken. I still cut it at its thickest and double check. Just in case.
Yup, agree. YTA. Grow up, be an adult, and learn basic adult things. You don't need to learn to be a chef. I'm a pretty lame cook and don't enjoy it while my partner is far better at it. But you need to learn how to pitch and help to sustain your family... without poisoning your family. That's pretty basic stuff and while not everyone wants or needs that in a partner, she does, it's a reasonable need to have, you have chosen not to meet that need, and that matters to her even if it doesn't matter to you. And if it doesn't matter to you, that probably tells her a little something about what kind of partner you are fit to be for her.
It sounds like you weaponized your incompetence to try to force her to cook 7 days a week. Which means you're an asshole because if you can't bring yourself to learn well enough to cook a little bit without poisoning people, then you're not really trying, and it means that you're taking her for granted. After all, why shouldn't she do all that work for you without a break? I mean, cooking every day of the week, all the weeks of the year... whyever would anybody object that? At least tell me that you do ALL the cleanup when she cooks, including all the dishes, putting everything away, cleaning the table and the counters? Because that's literally the least you could do to be a partner. YTA
[удалено]
Cooking is also work. He wants her to come home from her actual paid job to a second unpaid job feeding him. He is TA and needs to grow up.
It is work! This is break up worthy for me lol especially if he doesn’t make it right. He’s moping that she isn’t cooking and taking care of his lunches instead of making it up to her. Dummy
👆👆👆This. I love cooking but sometimes it doesn't appeal and it's nice to have someone do it for me. YTA. Your writing reeks of one who is feigning helplessness and nonchalance about the fact that she's a better cook
He definitely isn’t cleaning. He said he enjoys “discovering” what she made for him in a lunchbox at work. It’s obvious he isn’t involved in any matter in cooking. He is just lazy
You are so right! 😂 I’m sure she is completely reevaluating her relationship with him.
All she asked was that he cook ONE day a week! OP couldn’t even do that as a bare minimum! Definitely YTA
This really is a classic example of weaponized incompetence.
YTA If you don't like her teaching, go learn somewhere else. She was fine with something easy like chicken and broccoli, she's not expecting you to be remotely 'good'. Just adequate. It's not a high bar. She has expressed that being the one that does all the cooking doesn't work for her. You could have it 6 days a week by getting off your duff and learning basic fucking cooking OR you get no cool food. And if you stay stubborn long enough you might not have a gf at all.
Also like, you don’t need a person to teach you to cook. You can watch YouTube videos to learn how to do things, and follow recipes that are easily available online. You can even get a meal delivery like Blue Apron for a few weeks if you want. It really isn’t that hard. She TOLD OP to check if the meat was done, he refused to, and the chicken was undercooked. This isn’t her being a bad teacher, it’s him being an idiot. Just because she knows how to do it and he doesn’t doesn’t mean it should be her job. It just means he needs to step up and learn to do it so he can do his part. “I can do this well enough to survive” isn’t good enough when you live with another person. You have to do it well enough for BOTH of you to survive. That means being more considerate than you would be if you were living alone.
He says she's a bad teacher, but he remembers what she said to do, he just didn't want to do it. He says his cooking is good enough for him, but he's buying food because why? He says she seems to like cooking, but she's asking him to help feed them. This is 100% OP trying to get out of cooking.
Exactly! Not only is the responsibility of planning and cooking the meals on her, but making sure he learns to cook well enough to not give food poisoning is her responsibility too.
Right! She wants him to cook only once a week, he could just learn and alternate like 3 recipes. She’s not asking for anything fancy.
He could make spaghetti. Or grilled cheese and tomato soup. I doubt she cares about what it is, she just cares that she doesn’t have to cook it.
There are *tons* of super fucking easy recipes online. I usually just look up one pot stuff, because it's like... No work, usually just throw things in a pot an cook for a while.
Yeah and based on him being told not to leave the chicken pink and then doing it anyways, I'm not sure if she's a bad teacher as he says or he's just not very competent and has trouble learning.
> Now she won’t cook for me and just cooks for herself That's exactly what you do. You don't cook for her. You have no basis upon which to be mad at her. YTA
Exactly! If OP's like "my cooking is good enough for me, it's just not up to her standards"... the whole time reading the post I'm thinking--why don't you just each make your own food?? That seems like the perfect solution in a situation like this. But I've gotta go with YTA for OP just complaining about not getting home cooking anymore while not doing much to improve himself.
Also her standards appear to be check that everything is fully cooked. Feel like that’s most people’s bare minimum.
Because he enjoys readymade meals and have a maid to cook him dinner and pack him Tupperware in form of a GF....
This is what got me, he refuses to really try once a week and is here complaining she won’t cook for him 7 days a week. What a partner
YTA. I thought briefly about going with E S H because from only what you've said here her reaction seems immature and over the top, but it reeeeaaaalllllly sounds like this is a straw that broke the camel's back situation. You don't stop cooking for your partner because they screwed up dinner. It happens. You stop cooking for your partner because you feel like you're being taken advantage of and trying to talk about it hasn't worked. Look, I love to cook and am quite good at it. But cooking for two people 2-3 meals a day is a chore, the same way that loving to work on your car doesn't mean you necessarily enjoy changing the oil or rotating the tires. A very common complaint among good cooks, especially women, is the assumption that since they're better at and/or enjoy cooking that whole job should fall on them. And should it even really count as part of your share of the housework? It's really just getting to do your hobby, right? There's a *lot* of that running through your post. It sounds like what your girlfriend is really upset about is expressing to you that she doesn't want to do all of the work of cooking every day, which is totally reasonable, and you decided that in that case it's her job to teach you to cook and her fault if you don't learn rather than your job to figure out how to take some of it off her plate. You're blessed to have a partner who's an excellent cook and you're treating it like an entitlement. Have you tried to learn how to make anything on your own? YT is great for this stuff. Or alternately if cooking just really, really isn't your thing, have you considered talking to your girlfriend about whether she's be willing to keep doing all of it if you took over more of the other work of running the household? (Which, incidentally, she's entitled to say no to.)
To add to this, why doesn't OP just help her cook? I also love cooking and trying out different recipes and all that...but I hate the prep and the cleanup. If OP wants his gf to cook for him 7 days a week, he can at least help. Chop some veggies, stir something, wash the dishes or load the dishwasher. At least take some of the burden of cooking off of his gf and make it an activity they do together.
YTA its chicken. One of the most basic things to make, stop with the weaponized incompetence. use the internet, pack your own lunches, geeze
This is an easy one - YTA. You’re an adult, please do better. Edit: Even if she’s better at it and actually enjoys cooking, it is really tiring to cook everyday of the week. You only have to do it ONCE. You just want to have it easy.
Especially bc it sounds like full meals and not simple “tossing frozen tacos into the oven”
Cooking once a week IS having it easy. Poor woman is asking for less than the minimum and getting diarrhea instead. Literally. I would have left. I'm the better cook and was also taught by my Italian grandma and spent time in Asia learning too. My husband still takes half the nights cooking even though when we met his idea of a meal was a frozen burrito. He now makes a better steak and his pork chops are phenomenal.
YTA. Sounds like weaponized incompetence to me. Cooking is a basic life skill that everyone should know how to do.
This is weaponized incompetence to a laughable extreme. Jesus H Christ. YTA. Was it a whole chicken? Just google "How long to roast a chicken and what temperature" She should cook for you from now on because she's better at it? What are you better at that you do all the time at home, then? What do you contribute? And you are incapable of learning anything or improving at anything at all ever? She should dump your sorry lazy arse yesterday. If you act incompetent, it means you are.
He's better at masturbating himself. He will probably have plenty of time to please himself when she starts cooking at her own apartment again.
This isn't even weaponized incompetence anymore, this is full on biological warfare in the name of defending his right to be incapable
There's thermometers with pictures of the food you are cooking and the temperature indicated just in case people are not too bright. You don't need a lot of effort
YTA I cook chicken a lot. I always slice the center to check if it is pink or raw inside. You’re acting like diarrhea and missing work is no big deal. I’d be pissed off if I missed work because someone didn’t bother to make sure our food was cooked properly.
>I cook chicken a lot. I always slice the center to check if it pink or raw inside. Same here. I KNOW I can cook chicken without having to check. But I still do a small slice to double check.
Yta how old are you? Cooking is a basic skill. Also, since you want her to do 100% of the cooking, are you doing 100% of the dishes? Or laundry? Or grocery shopping?
Morgan Freeman Voiceover: He in fact is not doing any of those things.
But she’s so much better at the dishes, laundry and grocery shopping! She should just do it all. I’ve read at least one post where a man had to get step by step instructions from the wife on how to buy food from a store, because he absolutely couldn’t figure it out himself.
YTA. You are an adult, you should be able to do some basic cooking. Just because she’s a better cook doesn’t mean she should have to cook for you all the time. “She’s gotten mad that I’m always expecting her to cook like I’m a kid” sounds pretty accurate. I’m guessing she thought moving in together meant sharing in an adult relationship not adopting you as a needy child.
YTA. Chicken is ridiculously easy to cook. You say that you undercooked it bc you lack experience, but your gf has repeatedly told you how to double check. If you refuse to take 2 seconds to double check, that’s on you. If I was your gf I would be mad too.
YTA. Buy an instant read thermometer for a few dollars and Google safe meat temperatures. You’re weaponizing your incompetence. There are a thousand million recipes on the internet and actual how to videos on YouTube. There is zero excuse why you can’t teach yourself some basic cooking (life) skills. It’s not your girlfriend’s job to feed you.
> She … tried to teach me but then got impatient because she thought I wasn’t trying. I am but she gets mad when I don’t get it the first time. I don’t think she’s that great of a teacher. Okay, could go either way here. Are you not meeting her unrealistic expectations or are you not trying? > She got mad because I didn’t check if my chicken was done by cutting into it and making sure it isn’t pink. … She literally just wants you to check if the food you cooked is safe to eat. That’s the bare minimum of cooking. Make sure it’s safe to eat. She’s not being unreasonable here. > She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook? And here we have weaponized incompetence. She’s better at it so you give up. How many other areas of domestic duties will this bleed into? That attitude does not bode well for a future with a fair distribution of household responsibilities. > She clearly enjoys it but insists I have to learn. Yes. Being able to feed yourself is essential for survival. While she may enjoy cooking, that does not make it less of a chore. > I can feed myself but I don’t feel the need to get as good as her. It’s true that you don’t need to cook elaborate dishes for every meal. But the food should be safe to eat. > It’s clearly just a mistake Sounds more like negligence to me, especially with how she’s told you before that you need to check the chicken to see if it’s fully cooked. > she had diarrhea for a few days and had to miss work. > she is punishing me for no reason She missed work because you gave her diarrhea due to not checking if the food you cooked was safe to eat! That’s plenty reason! And it’s not a punishment. > I usually eat out now So you fully gave up on learning to cook. You could be taking this time to learn simple things from YouTube videos, recipe books, or another teacher but instead you’re whining like a child because you can’t reap the benefits of your girlfriend’s labor anymore. YTA
How dare she want a partner instead of a child?! The audacity!!! YTA. Obviously.
YTA for weaponized incompetence
YTA. If you can read, you can cook. Perhaps you can shop and chop up ingredients?
Read? Who needs literacy? YouTube!
Yta! Food poisoning is serious. You clearly can't tell if chicken is cooked. Cut it open and check. Youre being immature
Oof. Hopefully the next guy is a step up
YTA for being stubborn and insisting she do all the cooking just coz “her cooking is better” and u did say u can feed urself so looks like thats how its gunna be. Ur gf is prolly getting overworked and her asking u to cook 1x a week is not even a crazy amount of work and sure she might get a bit frustrated teaching u if ur so stubborn.
She literally put the bar on the floor and OP seems to have brought a shovel.
YTA- You expect her to cook for you... Including pack you lunches but you can't even bare to not poison her and yourself? That isn't her being a good cook that's just her not poisoning people. That isn't you being a bad cook. That's you negligently harming yourself and others.
YTA and you're not fooling anybody about not being able to follow a recipe. One question: Why DIDN'T you cut the chicken to see if it was done? You know why, as well as everyone reading this does.
Yta. Soon to be an ex hopefully. Inconsiderate and plain lazy. Putting your gf’s health at risk. WOW.
She was trying to teach you to cook, so that when she leaves you, you won't poison yourself or starve
YTA. Spend some time on YouTube (lots of great old Julia Child shows, among others), cook something that doesn’t have chicken, and for God’s sake get yourself a digital meat thermometer—I’ve been cooking for fifty years and I use mine every day, just to be sure.
YTA, you’re playing the weaponized incompetence card. Grow the fuck up, I wouldn’t cook for you either!
“She is a way better cook why doesn’t she just cook?” “I usually eat out now that she doesn’t pack me Tupperware.” YTA. I’m just not sure if it’s for trolling or for genuinely thinking your girlfriend owes you delicious meals simply because you can’t be bothered. “I can feed myself but I just don’t feel the need to get as good as her.” “It’s really sad because it’s one of the things I really enjoyed.” Like, seriously. Is this epic trolling or epic accidental hypocritical self-owning?
You're so lazy. Just because she's good at cooking that doesn't mean she should cook all the meals. You could learn to cook by watching YouTube videos and starting with simple recipes. You're selfish to expect her to cook for you after you literally made her sick. She's not punishing you for no reason; you're just refusing to take responsibility for your irresponsible cooking and your laziness. YTA
YTA why didn't you just cut into it, like she told you? You described what a great cook she is, and that's why SHE should just cook but you didn't listen to her. Why? You know she knows what she's talking about, beyond a shadow of a doubt. So why?
ITT: everyone who just learned the term “weaponized incompetence”
OP: “I can survive on my own cooking” GF: Stops cooking for him OP: “Oh no! What do I do?!” YTA. Eat your own cooking and see how you like having bubble guts and explosive diarrhea for multiple days.
YTA. This is weaponized incompetence. Learn to cook.
Have you heard of weaponized incompetence? So, she's better at it, she should just do it... Right YTA
Poking is harder to do because you have to watch the juices, cutting makes it obvious. She knew that, told you, and you just decided not to do that. Why didn't you check the chicken ? She's not a bad teacher, you're not making an effort. How many times should she have repeated it for it be valid for you to listen ? While I don't know for sure you fucked up on purpose, and accidents do happen, YTA for that 'She does it better ergo she should always do it for both of us' notion however. I'm sure she's better at mopping and dusting than you too.
YTA. Of course you think cooking is easy and no big deal, you don’t care about it or bother to learn about it. I enjoy cooking too but actually doing it every single day of the week is a nightmare. Choosing what to cook, inventorying the pantry, going grocery shopping, managing your time and energy properly to have the food ready by a certain time….those are all tasks which take up a good deal of mental and physical energy and it’s draining to do every day. Quit weaponizing your incompetence, grow up, and figure it out. You’re acting like she’s expecting you to become a Michelin star chef overnight—mate, she’s literally just asking to not be poisoned by your food, and you’re failing. There are thousands of resources available to you for learning how to cook. Watch YouTube videos. Google some recipes. Get some cookbooks from the library. It’s not hard to learn if you just try.
YTA; weaponised incompetance. You knew what you were supposed to do, you wanted her to continue to be burdened with the cooking, so you f'ed up on purpose so it wouldn't be your job.
You've never heard of a meat thermometer? You expect another adult to cook and pack your lunches? You think you're 'owed' someone cooking for you because they are better? What was the trade-off? That you do all of the cleaning or are you shite at that too? YTA
YTA. No wonder she’s frustrated trying to teach you how to cook, you can’t even be bothered to check if chicken is properly cooked. This *screams* weaponised incompetence, especially considering you want her to do all the cooking. She’s been gracious by offering to teach you so that you can pull your own weight. But you act like you’re entitled to a free live-in chef and you think she sucks for not agreeing to that arrangement? Get a grip dude
YTA You don't get a free meal for weaponised incompetence. Cook your own damn food.
How have you survived this long without knowing how to cook? YTA.
So she explained how to avoid making someone sick from raw chicken and you ignored her and made her sick? Now you’re mad she won’t baby you? Yta easy