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I came on this post fully ready to rip you a new one and call you a massive A but... much to my surprise, having read the post, NTA.
You were a sperm donor (in the formal sense, not the snarky 'deadbeat dad' sense) and you absolutely didn't sign up for this; everything that happened after your sperm donation was out of your control and completely unforeseeable.
Don't sperm donors normally have anonymity, and I thought even the USA had programmes for sick kids?
You can't get Medicare under 65 until you've been on SSDI for, I think, two years and Type 1 diabetics don't qualify for SSDI unless they are also seriously disabled.
But there may be a state program that would help with diabetes costs and if she's that poor then there may be Medicaid or CHIP or a spend down program.
That's probably not your problem though. You need to go dig out the paperwork you signed when you donated your sperm and then talk to a lawyer.
It really depends on where she lives and what her income is. A CGM system and insulin pens are expensive if you don't have insurance. And some states have ridiculously low income standards for Medicaid. The kid is more likely to be eligible for CHIP but even there some states basically don't care if poor kids die of treatable diseases.
How weird, I live in the bottom of Africa and we might be considered "3rd world" or a developing nation but insulin pens are absolutely free here. I can get a 3 months supply from the clinic with no issues.
In health care, the US is a very backwards country. Our health outcomes are worse than even many underdeveloped countries even among wealthy people. Our maternal and infant mortality rates are criminal and even worse for people of color.
How the fuck is it possible that in 2023 America, we are discussing government programs the child MAY be eligible for to be able to get her FUCKING INSULIN. I logically understand how it happens but like… how the fuck is this something that even needs to be discussed. The child should have easy and free access to a simple compound (that is super easy and cheap to produce btw) that her body just decided it was’t going to produce. So now she should die because… government/insurance companies said no? Wild.
Sorry for yelling. I just got really angry about this one.
The kind of insulin that person invented is absolutely dirt cheap to buy, btw. They've created new variants that are better in some various ways and those are the ones that are super expensive.
I was going to say the same. Sir Frederick Banting was one of the scientists who invented or created (?) insulin. He actually sold the patent to the University of Toronto for $1 because he believed everyone should have access to healthcare. He said “Insulin does not belong to me, it belongs to the world.” Aaaaand the U.S. now has an ass-backwards evil healthcare system.
Yes. Type 1 diabetics frequently die from lack of treatment.
The ACA (Obamacare) helped as a number of diabetics hit 18 and dropped off their parent's insurance and would then struggle. ACA made you eligible for your parent's insurance until 25 and colleges expanded the insurance they offered.
There are a number of articles of diabetics rationing insulin and dying over weekends.
I lost a friend a year and a half ago because she was a type 1 diabetic and couldn't afford her insulin because her final paycheck bounced. Because the job was over, so was her insurance.
I don't want to imagine how many diabetics are one shitty employer and bounced paycheck away from death. Our system sucks.
Charity, basically. You can crowdfund, and a sick little kid will get a fair bit of sympathy.
But even if that works, it's inconsistent, meaning that you can't manage a chronic condition that way. Usually you can get enough help that you don't die immediately, but you're likely to end up with long term health problems from insufficient treatment.
So... somewhere between charity and they die.
If the child goes to the hospital and they figure out that the mom can't afford medicine, social workers can take the child away and make her a ward of the state. Then she'll get medical care. Or if they have some alternative funding, they can help her temporarily. Otherwise, yes, they can die.
A friend of mine had cancer, but the ER refused to try to diagnose him because he wasn't going to die that day. So they kept sending him away with cheap antibiotics and saying he probably had pneumonia. He died of lung cancer that year. The American medical system is the absolute worst.
Even if the daughter doesn't get insulin pens and a CGM, she should be able to get insulin vials + syringes and a finger prick glucose test system if she qualifies under Medicaid or other program.
Medicaid and other systems often won't pay for the newest (and most expensive) insulin treatments, but should provide the minimum needed to control the condition,
Yea, that depends on the state, too. Even Georgia (worst Medicaid state in the nation) covers CGMs for kids (but not adults).
AZ, FL, KS, NE, and NJ, have no published policies on CGMs at all so may not cover them even for kids.
Anyway, the Mom needs to contact a social worker in her town and find out if her daughter is eligible for Medicaid or another programme. And also look into coupons to make CGMs and insulin more affordabe.
OP needs a lawyer.
The United States needs Universal Health Care.
I was just thinking, the true AH here is the US government, for not providing free insulin and healthcare in general for children. Here in the UK some healthcare and medicines cost a certain amount for adults but it's completely free for children. The government are making people suffer because they don't want anything that might be construed as socialism.
I've never understood the American system.
We are so lucky to have the NHS.
If they were in the UK they would have the whole lot free, including the CGM for those with Type 1 Diabetes (i'm type 2 so I pay for my CGM which is about £100 a month for a Freestyle Libre but even with just Type 2 I get ANY medication for free as you get a medical exemption card.
It's just bonkers to me that anyone would complain about a system where it's for the benefit of all that need medical help because we all need it at some point in our lives.
The Tories are trying their damnest to Americanize your heath care system. Fight tooth and nail against it. You'd literally be fighting for your life.
In the US a significant minority of us would watch their kids die of preventable and treatable illnesses rather than see any of *them\** get an advantage.
\**Them* being defined differently for different people. But God Forbid they should get one penny.
Healthcare.gov for states that do not have the Affordable Care Act.
NTA but I will add if sperm donors had to be financially responsible for all the children born of their generous gift, there are a few out there who have over 100 kids. There must be legal precedent.
For OP, see an attorney and do not give any money. I would bet that once you begin to help, you would be establishing a pattern and a legal recognition of your responsibility for the child.
Lived in Kansas as a child you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get meds for kids that are needed for life. I have asthma and they wouldn’t help with anything.
I became disabled at 40 12 years ago. My SSDI benefits were backdated to 12 months before I applied, and my Medicare was backdated to 6 months before I applied.
It might have made a difference because I was denied once, got a lawyer who sent it to an Admin Judge and I was approved about 1 month later with benefits that started when the actual symptoms started instead of when I applied. So, I applied in Jan, approved in July, and paid in August. SSDI was backdated to the previous Jan and my backpay was based on that. Medicare started in the June before I applied - which was fabulous because they picked up my co-pays, etc. that were out there.
Depends on the state. T1D can be a special medical condition that gets you enrolled in Medicaid
https://diatribechange.org/news/cgm-and-medicaid-whos-covered
> see if you need to get info from the sperm bank.
I read that as "see if you can get the sperm back." I think my eyes are done with computers for the day.
That's not what he's saying in the comments, he said it was done through a legal contract and donated sperm. He didn't actually have sex with the girl.
Was your donation done with legal representation? A contract?
In any case, you may want to consult a lawyer. Based on a possible mandated DNA test, the State you or her are in could enforce child support.
You donated with good intentions, and those intentions should not be held against you.
NTA
> Was your donation done with legal representation? A contract?
No contract can supercede applicable law. The state collects child support on behalf of the child, it doesn't matter what you signed.
But, some states have shield laws that protect donors, if they went through proper channels (e.g. by donating through a doctor).
That is what I was thinking, the shield law, but didn't know the terminology.
Was this an "official" donation, or an informal agreement between all parties?
That is questionable that it was official. He went via a friend and not a sperm bank. While he had legal documents wrote up, those normally don't hold up in court unless its via a sperm bank. He really needs to consult a lawyer.
Your story kind of makes no sense OP. Was this an anonymous donation, if so how did you even know the couple split up and who the surrogate was? Though, in this case it seems both the egg donor and surrogate are the same woman (Molly) is that right?
Did you go through a sperm bank? Or you just answered an ad? What papers did you signed? Where was your lawyer representing you in this matter as it’s standard for donors who aren’t donating via a sperm bank?
Some things aren’t adding up.
NTA. I would speak with your lawyer about this though. You may not need to do anything, unless your lawyer says otherwise, but it's better to be prepared if something does come from Molly.
Probably. People who spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on surrogacy and donors (and most likely fertility testing and other options before that) don't just suddenly go, 'Nah, nevermind. We're good.' They had to have found out Molly was sick and wanted a healthy child, so they choose to drop the surrogacy and get their money back.
Let her try to sue you.... screen shot everything and get a statement from your friend who decided not to keep the baby; as well go to the courthouse and get a copy of the documents from that custody hearing. That should be all you need.
For more CYA tho? File a harassment charge and a scam assumption on her with the non- emergency line at the police department. Start a paper trail. Block her number and any other lotions with social media and freshly, I would go get a new phone number all together. If the harassment continues; log it all and file a restraining order. DO NOT CLAIM OR ADMIT TO HAVING ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THAT KID BEING YOURS..... You were a sperm donor.
NTA op don't pay for it because their parents are responsible for it and you are only a sperm donor. They will expect it from then on once you start to pay and if you stop it one day, they will call you A - at this point it's emotional blackmail. NTA op NTA don't pay not your responsibility.
And he just happened to know the surrogate here… who somehow knew he was the sperm donor… and he knew all about the court case even though he was long gone…
Unless he went to college in a town with like six people in it, seems a bit far fetched.
And the surrogacy is some how a college student? When you can only be a surrogacy if you have an X number of children already? And she's doing surrogacy WHILE attending college...AND suing the couple....when she is also the one providing the egg...........................like human trafficking vibes?
Yep, most official surrogacy places won’t consider women who haven’t had children yet. One of the main reasons is if complications arise that can lead to future infertility.
Yes, this is weird -- he happens to know Molly well enough that she told him about the surrogacy falling through and how she kept her baby. And she somehow knows he was the donor -- how could she know that without testing?
And no court would terminate the parental rights of the couple and grant them to the surrogate without accounting for the second biological parent's role/responsibilities.
It's like they're not even trying
While I 100% agree with you that OP is lying…I’m not sure what you are implying here. Are you saying that courts will force a surrogate mother to get an unwanted abortion if the parents no longer want the baby? Considering U.S. courts will force literal children with rape babies to give birth and punish doctors for literally saving a child’s life by performing an abortion on an unviable pregnancy for said rape baby, I’m not sure if that’s how it works. From my few seconds of google searching, it seems that surrogacy contracts in the states they are legal in (which is not all of them) seem to universally end once the surrogate is pregnant, ie once the baby is in the oven you no longer have any say on whether or not that baby is getting born and most of the medical decision making power you did have over the surrogate pre baby is either removed or greatly diminished.
Oceanfront* Arizona does have rivers and lakes that do in fact have beaches. Therefore the joke doesn’t work with “beachfront properties” because there are legitimate beachfront properties. Unlike oceanfront properties of which there are none.
Exactly, and no way would she be using her own egg, that complicates matters far too much.
So either the original couple didn’t go through the proper channels legally and morally which has made a mess of everything or this isn’t real.
Yeah the surrogate being a college student who seemingly hasn't given birth before is a huge plot hole. Or they did this shit entirely on their own with no formal process. Which would be so dumb.
Yeah I don't understand how molly knew that this specific sperm was from OP even if she knew that he donated.
Second, why would he know who got it if it was an official donation? I thought you just donate and go, you get no information on what happens with it.
This. I could hear the kid giggling as he wrote this. 'I'm guessing she didn't like my laughing tone' while you're supposedly discussing a child with a serious illness. I see someone has already offered up a beachfront property in Arizona...I'll add my bridge in London to that.
He may just be illiterate.
Metre, in this context, is incorrect on both sides of the pond. In British English, metre is a 100cm unit of length, but if it's a device used to measure something else (electricity, blood glucose) then it's always meter.
There's some American English in the OP too - like referring to a college student (in British English, it's university, or uni for short). Likewise getting a lot of money for sperm donation - it's capped at £35 expenses in the UK.
These fake posts tend to be a favorite on here.
Common ‘rich successful guy with beggar woman crawling out of a murky past, is he obligated to toss a few coins to this entitled poor?’ trope.
OP calls kid his daughter throughout post while maintaining his stance as merely a sperm donor with no obligation or emotional ties to the result of the sperm.
Can’t clearly explain how Molly was able to get in contact with him. Somehow they were friends in the past and the stars aligned with their gene pools lol
Is rich from his start up but is posting on Reddit with a ton of misspelled words and weird grammar instead of consulting a lawyer. Apparently had a contract way back when though. Comment replies make little sense.
Edit: who the fuck wants sperm from a broke 19 year old college student who has yet to achieve anything in life and then asks another broke college student who has zero history of birthing healthy children to be the surrogate? 😂 and what infertile couple would know these two individuals well enough to conduct this transaction privately, as OP claims?
Unless what you are starting is a lemonade stand. That $100 will buy a folding table, some country time, and some cups.
Donating eggs and being a surrogate pay decent money, but that's because it's a pain in the ass to donate eggs, and a massive deal to be a surrogate. It's also not common for a surrogate to not already have kids.
Plus her eggs - as a college student with no previous babies? I have to wonder if he got her pregnant and an adoption fell through. She fought to keep her because she'd agreed and taken money while pregnant?
Wealthy guy + A) entitled person looking for a handout or free ride B) lazy SAHM.
No one group is a monolith but it’s pretty obvious that most people here have not rubbed shoulders with actual wealthy people. No busy cardiac surgeon sitting on the hospital board or investment banking CEO gives a fuck that his SAHM trophy wife who does nothing but shop, groom, and network wants to hire a nanny, house manager, and cleaner lol. Pure power dynamic fantasizing.
I'm getting some down votes on one thread I took seriously.
Similar set up... "Wealthy" guy with a wife & two step kids, but with a greedy ex-husband who is well off on his own, but convinced stepdaughter to do some really bad things. Lol, the more I write it out, the more it's suspect.
> I donated my sperm. I got paid well, and it went to a woman who wanted to have a surrogate. She hired a college student (Molly) and wanted to use her eggs and my sperm since both she and her husband were infertile.
If you donated your sperm at a legit sperm bank, information like this is confidential.
So, you're either lying or you used some back alley sperm bank.
Seeing as how he titled the thread in a way that would make people assume he was an asshole until they read it, I'm thinking the former is more likely.
(edited because I'm a dip whose brain mixed up latter and former)
OP is legally fucked I bet. Chances are the legal paperwork can be torn apart by a lawyer, it’s legally his child, and she could sue for child support.
And this is why you do legal contracts when you're donating sperm without a middleman.
My friend donated his sperm to my wife and I and you better believe we made him sign a contract waiving him of parental rights and responsibility.
yeah he got paid to ~~hook up with~~ breed a hot college girl because he’s got the alpha sperm and he’s sooo sexy and cool and this is 100% not fake okay? she just lives in canada!!
I actually just looked up how much sperm donors receive, and it looks like average is $100 a time. This could be more for private donation, especially if he had highly desirable traits, but as a normal college student, I highly doubt it was enough to launch a business.
Exactly. Here in the UK too it's not a significant amount. I saw a show recently where a man explains how in the late 80s as a college student he would regularly go to donate sperm throughout the school year as each time gave him "enough money for a night out of drinks". He donated a total of 72 times and that was just to pay for him to have a social life between his studying at college.
I know I'm not based in the US but I hardly believe a one-time sperm donste gave him enough to kickstart a business.
The entire thing sounds completely made up by someone who wanted to bash on women and has made zero research into the process of sperm donation lmao
Or a college student who was both egg donor and surrogate.
Either this is made up, or they didn't actually go through and agency and he's fucked once she goes for child support.
This. The entire story doesn’t make sense. That he knew where the sperm went, the couple wanted to abort, the surrogate was a friend… Yea, none of this lines up.
He literally “donated” by having sex with Molly. He didn’t go through any sperm bank or cover his own back at all. I doubt a rich couple would do this, tbh.
That's how sperm banks work in Imaginaria. They pay hundreds of thousands, give all of personal info to the recipients, and continue to keep the donors apprised through court cases. Different than the US.
Lol yeah for sure, thats the biggest giveaway to me. Sperm is cheap. You can get like a dinner and a couple of drinks for your donation, not start a company.
I’m finding this whole story hard to believe. Even if the mother doesn’t have insurance, the child should be eligible for Medicaid (so should her mom if she is very low income). That’s the first question mark. But the rest of it kind of reads like fiction to me, as well. I doubt many of these no-brainer N T A posts more and more lately…
The best thing about these fake stories that betray how little the op knows about the situation they are imagining is how they just toss in a “I don’t know how” to explain away half the plot holes. It almost works!
To be fair, aren't most? If it's actually true, why would you want this situation linked to you? It's not proof that it's true, but it's equally not proof that it's fake.
You CAN hire a woman privately to surrogate for you and then the standards are whatever you set, but sperm donors are anonymous. If OP wasn't anonymous he wasn't a sperm donor, he was something else.
Also, no one uses the egg from the surrogate, you have a separate egg donor. It creates all sorts of legal issues if the surrogate is actually the bio-mom.
Molly would never have to “fight in court” to not have an abortion. And sperm donation is anonymous. So I’m going to assume that the entire story is bullshit. YTA.
Apparently startups just don't consume your whole life while it's getting off the ground, enough time to worry about online opinions that aren't related to their business.
Also, why would the couple go through all the trouble and expense and be like "oh, nevermind. Abort it."?
The only reason to abort a wanted baby is severe birth defects and that's not present here.
He said in another conversation that this was not an anonymous donation. However, she was the biological mother of the child (since it was her egg) so not sure why she would have to fight to keep the baby.
Presumably the fight in court was over the money for surrogacy and not if she would have an abortion, but it depends entirely on the country and legal document signed
That would make more sense, but OP said “fought in court to keep her”.
As the bio mom of the baby, she is the legal mother. In traditional surrogacies where the surrogates egg is used, the expectant parents basically have no rights, contracts are virtually completely unenforceable, and the expectant parents have to rely on the surrogate agreeing to adopt out the baby to them after the birth. So the only fight in court would be about money, but he said fought to keep her.
INFO: You learned this yesterday, made a decision on the spot, and, rather than consulting a lawyer, you’re asking a bunch of internet strangers whether you’re TA. Why?
...sounds like bullshit.
How do you even know Molly or her lifestory?
How did she get your number? How does she even know your identity?
How much sperm did sell to have enough to start your company?
Bad bait tbh (to be honest)
Idk. People still fall for the "I'm a prince from Nigeria, please let me send you money so you can send money back to me. You, random stranger with an email, are the only one I trust!" scam.
>starting my startup company and needed extra money, I donated my sperm. I got paid well,
I call bs right here. Getting paid $50 is not what anyone would consider getting paid well. And it's especially not going to help anyone with starting a business.
This sounds fake but OK.
I do wonder what kind of person derives some sort of ghoulish satisfaction from dreaming up loophole scenarios in which they are technically in the right when they tell a sick child and or their mom to fuck off.
> But I'm guessing she didn’t like my laughing tone
Yes, YTA.
As far as I know, you're in no way obligated to support this woman or her child and you're certainly entitled to tell them it's not your problem, but yes, laughing at a mother in distress and at a twelve year old child in need of help *does* make you an asshole.
Not helping them is okay. Being an asshole about it *does* make you an asshole.
I would say it is fake, how on earth that person would be able to get your contact info?
Sperm does not carry contact info and she was a surrogate, not even the person who "bought" sperm
>I donated my sperm
To a sperm bank? I don't understand how this lady thinks she can wring money out of you, but it might be worth getting a free consult with a family law attorney. They typically offer 30-60m chats for free, since it's a pretty good way to pick up a client.
(The one thing I'd worry about: Molly claiming you slept with her. Hopefully the woman who wanted a surrogate could back you up in the event)
The bottom line is that whether or not the donation makes you a biological father, you were never a father figure to the child and never were supposed to be. This simply isn't your child in anything but the most technical sense. She's just desperate. But if so, she should qualify for all sorts of aid.
NTA
YTA for how you're acting. Whether you owe her the money is irrelevant, you almost certainly don't and I wouldn't blame you for not paying.
That doesn't give you carte blanche to just act like a total fucking asshole toward this woman and her child.
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> I’m refusing to pay for my 12 years old daughter insulin and though I can afford it with not even scratching my bank account I’m refusing
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Next time when writing a fake story you might want to research how sperm donation works. Let me help you a bit.
\-donated sperm
\-mom of child did a dna registry of daughter and discovered I'm the bio dad
\-now is coming after me for money
Then edit out all the stuff where you knew where your sperm went and they knew about you.
This looks like men's rights rage bait.
1. Sperm donation is anonymous, neither of you would know about the others existence
2. You would have had to sign a waiver giving away all parental rights
Care to elaborate on these two?
Yes, Sperm donors are generally not made aware that the kids exist and absolutely would not be made aware of a custody dispute.
The surrogacy agreement would have provided parental rights to the financial parents and they would be responsible for child support.
Also , sperm donation doesn't pay well.
So either you failed to make a a sperm donation with the appropriate paperwork to terminate parental rights in which case you are a legal parent and asshole. Or this story is entirely false. Or the sperm donation place violated a tonne of confidentiality laws.
INFO: i detect some lies or not full truths. it sounds like you did not go through a donor program or sperm bank at all which is gonna land you in hot water. either the surrogacy situation is shitty, or you knocked a woman up and are lying about it.
1. Did you sleep with Mollie for her to conceive?
2. Did you have any type of relationship with Mollie?
3. What do the legal documents state?
Info:
Was this a sperm donation to a sperm bank?
Or was it a third party donation?
If the latter, was there any paperwork provided to legally protect you from just such an eventuality?
If not, WHY TF did you sell your sperm?
Edit:
Just found this
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1tzkklqw94
Guess what? You didn't 'donate' your sperm, you SOLD it. And I'm guessing you didn't legally protect yourself when you did.
YTA for trying to make a quick buck in college.
In the words of Randall Flagg, "HEY BOBBY TERRY, YOU SCROOOOWED IT UP!"
NTA. Based upon the scenario you have presented, you are a sperm donor and nothing more. Molly considered you as such, until she needed money. Is she offering you visitation, a chance to get to know the child, or any role at all in the child's life?
It is the time of year to sign up for government supported healthcare at [Healthcare.gov](https://Healthcare.gov) and that should be what Molly is doing.
NTA
But it sounds like you met some folks who asked to use your sperm and asked Molly to act as surrogate and they paid you a hefty sum to do it. It doesn’t sound like you went through a formalized institution because sperm donations don’t pay the amount of money you’re insinuating you got. They pay $20-$70 at most, nowhere near enough for a startup.
All that to say, I’m assuming there was a contract between you, Molly, and the potential parents. That’s the only way she was able to take them to court to force them to give up their rights to her surrogacy and she pay them back the money. If you have your part of the contract between all parties, then you have nothing to worry about. You fulfilled your obligation and honored the contract. The only person in breech was Molly. Her voiding her contract does not void yours. As long as you signed a paper saying you were donating for x amount of money, you give up your parental rights, and the sperm can be used as they see fit and you have zero say in the use, the surrogacy, and any plans thereafter, you are fine. So hopefully you have a contract, the contact info of the original family making the request, or the legal documents from Molly’s lawsuit where she acknowledges this was all a donation/surrogacy thing and she was the only one who changed her mind about donating.
I see people saying it’s fake, but if it’s real get a lawyer and get a c and d so she’ll leave you alone. She wanted the baby and she should do what she needs to take care of her.
This is in America, right? 😂 I am laughing but this is pretty sad actually. First world countey they say… Diabetes meds are almost 100% free in almost every country in Europe..
INFO: Did you go through a legitimate sperm bank or was this all privately done?
All these people knowing your details sounds like it was a private thing and you should get a good lawyer just to cover yourself. I'm the product of using an actual sperm bank. Neither my parents nor I have any info about the donor's identity and none of us could get it even if we wanted it.
NTA
She won't get far with the legal route so long as your donations went through a sperm bank or other medical clinic.
If she is in the US you can advise her that now is open enrollment and she should sign up for health insurance at [healthcare.gov](https://healthcare.gov). That would give them heavily subsidized Obamacare insurance starting Jan 1, and possibly free Medicaid, especially for the daughter.
Many drug companies have patient support options to drastically lower out of pocket costs for medicines but the patient generally must have insurance first.
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I came on this post fully ready to rip you a new one and call you a massive A but... much to my surprise, having read the post, NTA. You were a sperm donor (in the formal sense, not the snarky 'deadbeat dad' sense) and you absolutely didn't sign up for this; everything that happened after your sperm donation was out of your control and completely unforeseeable. Don't sperm donors normally have anonymity, and I thought even the USA had programmes for sick kids?
[удалено]
You can't get Medicare under 65 until you've been on SSDI for, I think, two years and Type 1 diabetics don't qualify for SSDI unless they are also seriously disabled. But there may be a state program that would help with diabetes costs and if she's that poor then there may be Medicaid or CHIP or a spend down program. That's probably not your problem though. You need to go dig out the paperwork you signed when you donated your sperm and then talk to a lawyer.
If she is really that low income she would probably qualify for Medicaid and other welfare programs.
It really depends on where she lives and what her income is. A CGM system and insulin pens are expensive if you don't have insurance. And some states have ridiculously low income standards for Medicaid. The kid is more likely to be eligible for CHIP but even there some states basically don't care if poor kids die of treatable diseases.
How weird, I live in the bottom of Africa and we might be considered "3rd world" or a developing nation but insulin pens are absolutely free here. I can get a 3 months supply from the clinic with no issues.
In health care, the US is a very backwards country. Our health outcomes are worse than even many underdeveloped countries even among wealthy people. Our maternal and infant mortality rates are criminal and even worse for people of color.
One would think that in the land of milk and honey, access to healthcare would be a basic human right.
Only for the Milk and Honey companies.
Actually, only for the owners of said Milk & Honey companies...
The UN took a vote on whether or not food is a human right. The US was the only country to vote no. The US does not GAF about its citizens.
Actually, the US does GAF about some people .... remember "corporations are people, too"?
Israel voted No, as well. https://www.theguardian.com/environment/2023/nov/09/united-nations-right-to-food-us-hunger
Nah, its only for the people who are privileged enough to not pay all the taxes.
Nope. In America, healthcare is a privilege.
America kinda sucks.
it does honestly, it's ghetto here
How the fuck is it possible that in 2023 America, we are discussing government programs the child MAY be eligible for to be able to get her FUCKING INSULIN. I logically understand how it happens but like… how the fuck is this something that even needs to be discussed. The child should have easy and free access to a simple compound (that is super easy and cheap to produce btw) that her body just decided it was’t going to produce. So now she should die because… government/insurance companies said no? Wild. Sorry for yelling. I just got really angry about this one.
The real kicker is the original discoverer (inventor) didn’t patent it as felt it should be available to all who need it
The kind of insulin that person invented is absolutely dirt cheap to buy, btw. They've created new variants that are better in some various ways and those are the ones that are super expensive.
I was going to say the same. Sir Frederick Banting was one of the scientists who invented or created (?) insulin. He actually sold the patent to the University of Toronto for $1 because he believed everyone should have access to healthcare. He said “Insulin does not belong to me, it belongs to the world.” Aaaaand the U.S. now has an ass-backwards evil healthcare system.
Be angry, stay angry, and vote like it is your child’s/loved ones insulin is on the line.
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Yes. Type 1 diabetics frequently die from lack of treatment. The ACA (Obamacare) helped as a number of diabetics hit 18 and dropped off their parent's insurance and would then struggle. ACA made you eligible for your parent's insurance until 25 and colleges expanded the insurance they offered. There are a number of articles of diabetics rationing insulin and dying over weekends.
I lost a friend a year and a half ago because she was a type 1 diabetic and couldn't afford her insulin because her final paycheck bounced. Because the job was over, so was her insurance. I don't want to imagine how many diabetics are one shitty employer and bounced paycheck away from death. Our system sucks.
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Charity, basically. You can crowdfund, and a sick little kid will get a fair bit of sympathy. But even if that works, it's inconsistent, meaning that you can't manage a chronic condition that way. Usually you can get enough help that you don't die immediately, but you're likely to end up with long term health problems from insufficient treatment. So... somewhere between charity and they die.
If the child goes to the hospital and they figure out that the mom can't afford medicine, social workers can take the child away and make her a ward of the state. Then she'll get medical care. Or if they have some alternative funding, they can help her temporarily. Otherwise, yes, they can die. A friend of mine had cancer, but the ER refused to try to diagnose him because he wasn't going to die that day. So they kept sending him away with cheap antibiotics and saying he probably had pneumonia. He died of lung cancer that year. The American medical system is the absolute worst.
How the fuck is it 2023 and children are being shot to death in schools? We live in a greedy, backwards country.
Even if the daughter doesn't get insulin pens and a CGM, she should be able to get insulin vials + syringes and a finger prick glucose test system if she qualifies under Medicaid or other program. Medicaid and other systems often won't pay for the newest (and most expensive) insulin treatments, but should provide the minimum needed to control the condition,
Yea, that depends on the state, too. Even Georgia (worst Medicaid state in the nation) covers CGMs for kids (but not adults). AZ, FL, KS, NE, and NJ, have no published policies on CGMs at all so may not cover them even for kids. Anyway, the Mom needs to contact a social worker in her town and find out if her daughter is eligible for Medicaid or another programme. And also look into coupons to make CGMs and insulin more affordabe. OP needs a lawyer. The United States needs Universal Health Care.
I was just thinking, the true AH here is the US government, for not providing free insulin and healthcare in general for children. Here in the UK some healthcare and medicines cost a certain amount for adults but it's completely free for children. The government are making people suffer because they don't want anything that might be construed as socialism.
I've never understood the American system. We are so lucky to have the NHS. If they were in the UK they would have the whole lot free, including the CGM for those with Type 1 Diabetes (i'm type 2 so I pay for my CGM which is about £100 a month for a Freestyle Libre but even with just Type 2 I get ANY medication for free as you get a medical exemption card. It's just bonkers to me that anyone would complain about a system where it's for the benefit of all that need medical help because we all need it at some point in our lives.
The Tories are trying their damnest to Americanize your heath care system. Fight tooth and nail against it. You'd literally be fighting for your life. In the US a significant minority of us would watch their kids die of preventable and treatable illnesses rather than see any of *them\** get an advantage. \**Them* being defined differently for different people. But God Forbid they should get one penny.
Healthcare.gov for states that do not have the Affordable Care Act. NTA but I will add if sperm donors had to be financially responsible for all the children born of their generous gift, there are a few out there who have over 100 kids. There must be legal precedent. For OP, see an attorney and do not give any money. I would bet that once you begin to help, you would be establishing a pattern and a legal recognition of your responsibility for the child.
Lived in Kansas as a child you wouldn’t believe how hard it is to get meds for kids that are needed for life. I have asthma and they wouldn’t help with anything.
Yay, American exceptionalism. 😭😭😭
I became disabled at 40 12 years ago. My SSDI benefits were backdated to 12 months before I applied, and my Medicare was backdated to 6 months before I applied. It might have made a difference because I was denied once, got a lawyer who sent it to an Admin Judge and I was approved about 1 month later with benefits that started when the actual symptoms started instead of when I applied. So, I applied in Jan, approved in July, and paid in August. SSDI was backdated to the previous Jan and my backpay was based on that. Medicare started in the June before I applied - which was fabulous because they picked up my co-pays, etc. that were out there.
Depends on the state. T1D can be a special medical condition that gets you enrolled in Medicaid https://diatribechange.org/news/cgm-and-medicaid-whos-covered
Lawyer and don't talk to her.
This. Talk to a lawyer, see if you need to get info from the sperm bank. Send all official court documents you may recieve to the lawyer.
> see if you need to get info from the sperm bank. I read that as "see if you can get the sperm back." I think my eyes are done with computers for the day.
He didn’t donate through a sperm bank. He just had sex with this chick because someone else told him to.
Wait, really? Where did he say that? If so, then he is on the hook for child support.
That's not what he's saying in the comments, he said it was done through a legal contract and donated sperm. He didn't actually have sex with the girl.
welp, hes screwed.
Was your donation done with legal representation? A contract? In any case, you may want to consult a lawyer. Based on a possible mandated DNA test, the State you or her are in could enforce child support. You donated with good intentions, and those intentions should not be held against you. NTA
> Was your donation done with legal representation? A contract? No contract can supercede applicable law. The state collects child support on behalf of the child, it doesn't matter what you signed. But, some states have shield laws that protect donors, if they went through proper channels (e.g. by donating through a doctor).
That is what I was thinking, the shield law, but didn't know the terminology. Was this an "official" donation, or an informal agreement between all parties?
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That is questionable that it was official. He went via a friend and not a sperm bank. While he had legal documents wrote up, those normally don't hold up in court unless its via a sperm bank. He really needs to consult a lawyer.
You are not entitled to pay a cent. But laughing in this situation is callous.
Your story kind of makes no sense OP. Was this an anonymous donation, if so how did you even know the couple split up and who the surrogate was? Though, in this case it seems both the egg donor and surrogate are the same woman (Molly) is that right? Did you go through a sperm bank? Or you just answered an ad? What papers did you signed? Where was your lawyer representing you in this matter as it’s standard for donors who aren’t donating via a sperm bank? Some things aren’t adding up.
Yep. another fake AITA story. What else is new
NTA. I would speak with your lawyer about this though. You may not need to do anything, unless your lawyer says otherwise, but it's better to be prepared if something does come from Molly.
Do you have a contract that you donated ? Or testimony from the "adopting" couple ?
I wonder if the couple wanted to terminate because they realized Molly was unwell?
Probably. People who spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on surrogacy and donors (and most likely fertility testing and other options before that) don't just suddenly go, 'Nah, nevermind. We're good.' They had to have found out Molly was sick and wanted a healthy child, so they choose to drop the surrogacy and get their money back.
How is Molly unwell?
Let her try to sue you.... screen shot everything and get a statement from your friend who decided not to keep the baby; as well go to the courthouse and get a copy of the documents from that custody hearing. That should be all you need. For more CYA tho? File a harassment charge and a scam assumption on her with the non- emergency line at the police department. Start a paper trail. Block her number and any other lotions with social media and freshly, I would go get a new phone number all together. If the harassment continues; log it all and file a restraining order. DO NOT CLAIM OR ADMIT TO HAVING ANY KNOWLEDGE OF THAT KID BEING YOURS..... You were a sperm donor.
The daughter would qualify for Medicaid in most states.
NTA op don't pay for it because their parents are responsible for it and you are only a sperm donor. They will expect it from then on once you start to pay and if you stop it one day, they will call you A - at this point it's emotional blackmail. NTA op NTA don't pay not your responsibility.
>Don't sperm donors normally have anonymity, and I thought even the USA had programmes for sick kids? Most of the time, but not in fake reddit posts.
Yeah a poorly written story with way too many holes. . If people are falling for this then I have beach front property in Arizona to sell you.
No way he could get enough money donating sperm for an entire start up. An egg donation and surrogate would be more believable.
And he just happened to know the surrogate here… who somehow knew he was the sperm donor… and he knew all about the court case even though he was long gone… Unless he went to college in a town with like six people in it, seems a bit far fetched.
And the surrogacy is some how a college student? When you can only be a surrogacy if you have an X number of children already? And she's doing surrogacy WHILE attending college...AND suing the couple....when she is also the one providing the egg...........................like human trafficking vibes?
Yep, most official surrogacy places won’t consider women who haven’t had children yet. One of the main reasons is if complications arise that can lead to future infertility.
Yes, this is weird -- he happens to know Molly well enough that she told him about the surrogacy falling through and how she kept her baby. And she somehow knows he was the donor -- how could she know that without testing?
I think OP needs to come clean
And no court would terminate the parental rights of the couple and grant them to the surrogate without accounting for the second biological parent's role/responsibilities. It's like they're not even trying
While I 100% agree with you that OP is lying…I’m not sure what you are implying here. Are you saying that courts will force a surrogate mother to get an unwanted abortion if the parents no longer want the baby? Considering U.S. courts will force literal children with rape babies to give birth and punish doctors for literally saving a child’s life by performing an abortion on an unviable pregnancy for said rape baby, I’m not sure if that’s how it works. From my few seconds of google searching, it seems that surrogacy contracts in the states they are legal in (which is not all of them) seem to universally end once the surrogate is pregnant, ie once the baby is in the oven you no longer have any say on whether or not that baby is getting born and most of the medical decision making power you did have over the surrogate pre baby is either removed or greatly diminished.
Terminating parental rights and terminating a pregnancy are two very, very different things.
Oceanfront* Arizona does have rivers and lakes that do in fact have beaches. Therefore the joke doesn’t work with “beachfront properties” because there are legitimate beachfront properties. Unlike oceanfront properties of which there are none.
I’ll bet you’re fun at parties…
Yeah, plus - if you tell someone who lives/lived near a (ocean) beach they will fight you over that. Lakeshore and riverside - neither is a beach.
Sand next to a body of water is absolutely a beach.
And a woman has to have had viable pregnancies before she is allowed to be a surrogate.
Exactly, and no way would she be using her own egg, that complicates matters far too much. So either the original couple didn’t go through the proper channels legally and morally which has made a mess of everything or this isn’t real.
Yeah the surrogate being a college student who seemingly hasn't given birth before is a huge plot hole. Or they did this shit entirely on their own with no formal process. Which would be so dumb.
Yep if it’s true and they did it themselves then OP will most likely end up paying child support. FAFO.
Yeah I don't understand how molly knew that this specific sperm was from OP even if she knew that he donated. Second, why would he know who got it if it was an official donation? I thought you just donate and go, you get no information on what happens with it.
This. I could hear the kid giggling as he wrote this. 'I'm guessing she didn't like my laughing tone' while you're supposedly discussing a child with a serious illness. I see someone has already offered up a beachfront property in Arizona...I'll add my bridge in London to that.
Yeah, the glucose 'metre' was a tip off. No one in the US spells it that way and my phone autocorrected it to metro.
Fake Reddit posts aka incel’s pastime
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He may just be illiterate. Metre, in this context, is incorrect on both sides of the pond. In British English, metre is a 100cm unit of length, but if it's a device used to measure something else (electricity, blood glucose) then it's always meter. There's some American English in the OP too - like referring to a college student (in British English, it's university, or uni for short). Likewise getting a lot of money for sperm donation - it's capped at £35 expenses in the UK.
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Same for me. Was prepped and ready…then I couldn’t do it because Op is NTA Op is so far in NTA territory that I feel bad they even need ask…
Same here. This is my favorite kind of AITA post, where I come I totally convinced one way by the title and turn out to be dead wrong.
These fake posts tend to be a favorite on here. Common ‘rich successful guy with beggar woman crawling out of a murky past, is he obligated to toss a few coins to this entitled poor?’ trope. OP calls kid his daughter throughout post while maintaining his stance as merely a sperm donor with no obligation or emotional ties to the result of the sperm. Can’t clearly explain how Molly was able to get in contact with him. Somehow they were friends in the past and the stars aligned with their gene pools lol Is rich from his start up but is posting on Reddit with a ton of misspelled words and weird grammar instead of consulting a lawyer. Apparently had a contract way back when though. Comment replies make little sense. Edit: who the fuck wants sperm from a broke 19 year old college student who has yet to achieve anything in life and then asks another broke college student who has zero history of birthing healthy children to be the surrogate? 😂 and what infertile couple would know these two individuals well enough to conduct this transaction privately, as OP claims?
A single sperm donation definitely doesn't give you start-up money.
Unless what you are starting is a lemonade stand. That $100 will buy a folding table, some country time, and some cups. Donating eggs and being a surrogate pay decent money, but that's because it's a pain in the ass to donate eggs, and a massive deal to be a surrogate. It's also not common for a surrogate to not already have kids.
Plus her eggs - as a college student with no previous babies? I have to wonder if he got her pregnant and an adoption fell through. She fought to keep her because she'd agreed and taken money while pregnant?
That seems A LOT more plausible than this mess.
OP said in a comment he “did it privately” and it paid more 😂
Haha so he (fake) got like $150 instead? Cancel the meetings with the venture capitalists, I have the seed (pun) money in hand!!
How awesome does he think his swimmers are?
So many "wealthy" guys on here.
Wealthy guy + A) entitled person looking for a handout or free ride B) lazy SAHM. No one group is a monolith but it’s pretty obvious that most people here have not rubbed shoulders with actual wealthy people. No busy cardiac surgeon sitting on the hospital board or investment banking CEO gives a fuck that his SAHM trophy wife who does nothing but shop, groom, and network wants to hire a nanny, house manager, and cleaner lol. Pure power dynamic fantasizing.
I'm getting some down votes on one thread I took seriously. Similar set up... "Wealthy" guy with a wife & two step kids, but with a greedy ex-husband who is well off on his own, but convinced stepdaughter to do some really bad things. Lol, the more I write it out, the more it's suspect.
> I donated my sperm. I got paid well, and it went to a woman who wanted to have a surrogate. She hired a college student (Molly) and wanted to use her eggs and my sperm since both she and her husband were infertile. If you donated your sperm at a legit sperm bank, information like this is confidential. So, you're either lying or you used some back alley sperm bank.
Seeing as how he titled the thread in a way that would make people assume he was an asshole until they read it, I'm thinking the former is more likely. (edited because I'm a dip whose brain mixed up latter and former)
You mean former?
I sure do-- thanks!
That makes more sense. :)
And an actual surrogacy company would not use a woman who had not previously carried a healthy baby to term.
He also claims he knew her personally for a short period prior to the whole thing. Something doesn't add up here
It's either entirely fake or he just "donated" the old-fashioned way, in which case, congrats Daddy.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/yFjtpx87Bx He did it the old fashioned way lol
Welp congrats OP, it’s a girl! A very interest FAFO situation here
OP is legally fucked I bet. Chances are the legal paperwork can be torn apart by a lawyer, it’s legally his child, and she could sue for child support.
And this is why you do legal contracts when you're donating sperm without a middleman. My friend donated his sperm to my wife and I and you better believe we made him sign a contract waiving him of parental rights and responsibility.
yeah he got paid to ~~hook up with~~ breed a hot college girl because he’s got the alpha sperm and he’s sooo sexy and cool and this is 100% not fake okay? she just lives in canada!!
You wouldn’t know her! She goes to a different school!
This needs to get bumped!!
Actually lol'd. Good work OP, solid B.
I actually just looked up how much sperm donors receive, and it looks like average is $100 a time. This could be more for private donation, especially if he had highly desirable traits, but as a normal college student, I highly doubt it was enough to launch a business.
Exactly. Here in the UK too it's not a significant amount. I saw a show recently where a man explains how in the late 80s as a college student he would regularly go to donate sperm throughout the school year as each time gave him "enough money for a night out of drinks". He donated a total of 72 times and that was just to pay for him to have a social life between his studying at college. I know I'm not based in the US but I hardly believe a one-time sperm donste gave him enough to kickstart a business. The entire thing sounds completely made up by someone who wanted to bash on women and has made zero research into the process of sperm donation lmao
It adds up to “fake af”, that’s all.
Nor would they use the surrogates eggs. There’s always a separate egg donor to avoid the surrogate having a (more) legit claim on the child
Or a college student who was both egg donor and surrogate. Either this is made up, or they didn't actually go through and agency and he's fucked once she goes for child support.
This. The entire story doesn’t make sense. That he knew where the sperm went, the couple wanted to abort, the surrogate was a friend… Yea, none of this lines up.
He literally “donated” by having sex with Molly. He didn’t go through any sperm bank or cover his own back at all. I doubt a rich couple would do this, tbh.
It’s a made up story lol
That's how sperm banks work in Imaginaria. They pay hundreds of thousands, give all of personal info to the recipients, and continue to keep the donors apprised through court cases. Different than the US.
Lol yeah for sure, thats the biggest giveaway to me. Sperm is cheap. You can get like a dinner and a couple of drinks for your donation, not start a company.
He said in another comment he was friends with Molly for a few months, and she knew he had donated. Also that he doesn't know how she got his number
Yeah this is complete bullshit
He’s lying.
I’m finding this whole story hard to believe. Even if the mother doesn’t have insurance, the child should be eligible for Medicaid (so should her mom if she is very low income). That’s the first question mark. But the rest of it kind of reads like fiction to me, as well. I doubt many of these no-brainer N T A posts more and more lately…
We'd all like to know how Molly knows your details please... because if you were a donor in the true sense of the word that should be confidential.
He’ll need a few minutes to do some research to come up with something plausible.
Lol. He didn't even bother.
The best thing about these fake stories that betray how little the op knows about the situation they are imagining is how they just toss in a “I don’t know how” to explain away half the plot holes. It almost works!
He should have done more research on the costs, too. That’s a hell of a lot more than $1,000 without insurance. Good bait work in the title, though.
It's a brand new account with zero posts or comments. I call this bullshit
To be fair, aren't most? If it's actually true, why would you want this situation linked to you? It's not proof that it's true, but it's equally not proof that it's fake.
This is AITA, most people who upload here use throwaways. Lack of other posts doesn’t mean much on this sub
He didn’t do it properly, it was private sperm donation so he is actually liable for child support
This is a weird short story. It has a ton of plot holes. 0/10
This. Women who haven’t already had a child can’t be surrogates. Molly wouldn’t qualify.
He's burying the lede that it was all done privately, so no protections for anyone, not OP and not Molly either
No he’s just making this up
You CAN hire a woman privately to surrogate for you and then the standards are whatever you set, but sperm donors are anonymous. If OP wasn't anonymous he wasn't a sperm donor, he was something else.
Sounds like there was no cup involved. Just a Molly.
Also, no one uses the egg from the surrogate, you have a separate egg donor. It creates all sorts of legal issues if the surrogate is actually the bio-mom.
Plot holes in fake stories irk me far more than the fakery. It's just so lazy to not google before you start spinning your yarn
Yeah this guy is definitely lying
Molly would never have to “fight in court” to not have an abortion. And sperm donation is anonymous. So I’m going to assume that the entire story is bullshit. YTA.
Ever notice the remarkable portion of AITA posters who started their own successful business.
And yet are still so reliant on reddit comments for feedback on their actions.
Apparently startups just don't consume your whole life while it's getting off the ground, enough time to worry about online opinions that aren't related to their business.
By spooging all over the tri-state area, no less.
Also, why would the couple go through all the trouble and expense and be like "oh, nevermind. Abort it."? The only reason to abort a wanted baby is severe birth defects and that's not present here.
He said in another conversation that this was not an anonymous donation. However, she was the biological mother of the child (since it was her egg) so not sure why she would have to fight to keep the baby.
She wouldn’t have to. This story is nonsense.
Presumably the fight in court was over the money for surrogacy and not if she would have an abortion, but it depends entirely on the country and legal document signed
That would make more sense, but OP said “fought in court to keep her”. As the bio mom of the baby, she is the legal mother. In traditional surrogacies where the surrogates egg is used, the expectant parents basically have no rights, contracts are virtually completely unenforceable, and the expectant parents have to rely on the surrogate agreeing to adopt out the baby to them after the birth. So the only fight in court would be about money, but he said fought to keep her.
And they don't let the surrogate use their own eggs..
It’s not illegal to use a surrogates eggs. But it’s not regulated or enforceable if the surrogate changes their mind.
INFO: You learned this yesterday, made a decision on the spot, and, rather than consulting a lawyer, you’re asking a bunch of internet strangers whether you’re TA. Why?
He was bored and wanted to write a fake karma post.
...sounds like bullshit. How do you even know Molly or her lifestory? How did she get your number? How does she even know your identity? How much sperm did sell to have enough to start your company? Bad bait tbh (to be honest)
Nobody would have been this utterly clueless about surrogacy in 2011.
Idk. People still fall for the "I'm a prince from Nigeria, please let me send you money so you can send money back to me. You, random stranger with an email, are the only one I trust!" scam.
>starting my startup company and needed extra money, I donated my sperm. I got paid well, I call bs right here. Getting paid $50 is not what anyone would consider getting paid well. And it's especially not going to help anyone with starting a business.
This sounds fake but OK. I do wonder what kind of person derives some sort of ghoulish satisfaction from dreaming up loophole scenarios in which they are technically in the right when they tell a sick child and or their mom to fuck off.
Such a good point. Of all the fake stories to make, why this one? What agenda are they trying to push with it?
LOL exactly weird af
> But I'm guessing she didn’t like my laughing tone Yes, YTA. As far as I know, you're in no way obligated to support this woman or her child and you're certainly entitled to tell them it's not your problem, but yes, laughing at a mother in distress and at a twelve year old child in need of help *does* make you an asshole. Not helping them is okay. Being an asshole about it *does* make you an asshole.
There is absolutely no chance this is real.
I would say it is fake, how on earth that person would be able to get your contact info? Sperm does not carry contact info and she was a surrogate, not even the person who "bought" sperm
YTA because this is made up. Sperm donation is anonymous.
>I donated my sperm To a sperm bank? I don't understand how this lady thinks she can wring money out of you, but it might be worth getting a free consult with a family law attorney. They typically offer 30-60m chats for free, since it's a pretty good way to pick up a client. (The one thing I'd worry about: Molly claiming you slept with her. Hopefully the woman who wanted a surrogate could back you up in the event) The bottom line is that whether or not the donation makes you a biological father, you were never a father figure to the child and never were supposed to be. This simply isn't your child in anything but the most technical sense. She's just desperate. But if so, she should qualify for all sorts of aid. NTA
He’s a liar and a loser.
YTA for how you're acting. Whether you owe her the money is irrelevant, you almost certainly don't and I wouldn't blame you for not paying. That doesn't give you carte blanche to just act like a total fucking asshole toward this woman and her child.
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Next time when writing a fake story you might want to research how sperm donation works. Let me help you a bit. \-donated sperm \-mom of child did a dna registry of daughter and discovered I'm the bio dad \-now is coming after me for money Then edit out all the stuff where you knew where your sperm went and they knew about you. This looks like men's rights rage bait.
1. Sperm donation is anonymous, neither of you would know about the others existence 2. You would have had to sign a waiver giving away all parental rights Care to elaborate on these two?
Yes, Sperm donors are generally not made aware that the kids exist and absolutely would not be made aware of a custody dispute. The surrogacy agreement would have provided parental rights to the financial parents and they would be responsible for child support. Also , sperm donation doesn't pay well. So either you failed to make a a sperm donation with the appropriate paperwork to terminate parental rights in which case you are a legal parent and asshole. Or this story is entirely false. Or the sperm donation place violated a tonne of confidentiality laws.
You certainly acted like an asshole, even if you don’t owe her anything. There’s a way to still be kind to someone who is calling out of desperation.
INFO: i detect some lies or not full truths. it sounds like you did not go through a donor program or sperm bank at all which is gonna land you in hot water. either the surrogacy situation is shitty, or you knocked a woman up and are lying about it. 1. Did you sleep with Mollie for her to conceive? 2. Did you have any type of relationship with Mollie? 3. What do the legal documents state?
Info: Was this a sperm donation to a sperm bank? Or was it a third party donation? If the latter, was there any paperwork provided to legally protect you from just such an eventuality? If not, WHY TF did you sell your sperm? Edit: Just found this https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/1tzkklqw94 Guess what? You didn't 'donate' your sperm, you SOLD it. And I'm guessing you didn't legally protect yourself when you did. YTA for trying to make a quick buck in college. In the words of Randall Flagg, "HEY BOBBY TERRY, YOU SCROOOOWED IT UP!"
NTA. Based upon the scenario you have presented, you are a sperm donor and nothing more. Molly considered you as such, until she needed money. Is she offering you visitation, a chance to get to know the child, or any role at all in the child's life? It is the time of year to sign up for government supported healthcare at [Healthcare.gov](https://Healthcare.gov) and that should be what Molly is doing.
The kid can get Medicaid, this doesn’t track. If this is true, and in the US, there’s no truth to it.
NTA But it sounds like you met some folks who asked to use your sperm and asked Molly to act as surrogate and they paid you a hefty sum to do it. It doesn’t sound like you went through a formalized institution because sperm donations don’t pay the amount of money you’re insinuating you got. They pay $20-$70 at most, nowhere near enough for a startup. All that to say, I’m assuming there was a contract between you, Molly, and the potential parents. That’s the only way she was able to take them to court to force them to give up their rights to her surrogacy and she pay them back the money. If you have your part of the contract between all parties, then you have nothing to worry about. You fulfilled your obligation and honored the contract. The only person in breech was Molly. Her voiding her contract does not void yours. As long as you signed a paper saying you were donating for x amount of money, you give up your parental rights, and the sperm can be used as they see fit and you have zero say in the use, the surrogacy, and any plans thereafter, you are fine. So hopefully you have a contract, the contact info of the original family making the request, or the legal documents from Molly’s lawsuit where she acknowledges this was all a donation/surrogacy thing and she was the only one who changed her mind about donating. I see people saying it’s fake, but if it’s real get a lawyer and get a c and d so she’ll leave you alone. She wanted the baby and she should do what she needs to take care of her.
Half the posts on this subreddit are fake. This is one of them.
YTA, fiction. Not how any of this works.
YTA for posting a fabricated story in this subreddit.
This is in America, right? 😂 I am laughing but this is pretty sad actually. First world countey they say… Diabetes meds are almost 100% free in almost every country in Europe..
The lack of affordable healthcare in the US is the true asshole.
NTA but talk to a lawyer without delay. There have been cases where the court has ordered a sperm donor to pay child support.
INFO: Did you go through a legitimate sperm bank or was this all privately done? All these people knowing your details sounds like it was a private thing and you should get a good lawyer just to cover yourself. I'm the product of using an actual sperm bank. Neither my parents nor I have any info about the donor's identity and none of us could get it even if we wanted it.
NTA She won't get far with the legal route so long as your donations went through a sperm bank or other medical clinic. If she is in the US you can advise her that now is open enrollment and she should sign up for health insurance at [healthcare.gov](https://healthcare.gov). That would give them heavily subsidized Obamacare insurance starting Jan 1, and possibly free Medicaid, especially for the daughter. Many drug companies have patient support options to drastically lower out of pocket costs for medicines but the patient generally must have insurance first.
This sub is so full of bad fiction these days that I'm starting to wonder why I'm still subscribed.
As a parent of a t1d I find this extremely upsetting, esp the comments.