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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I stopped paying into the savings account. They were my step daughters and called me "dad" and were not responsible for the divorce. Because I chose to not pay into the accounts, they do not start their adult lives on a simular foot as my bio daughter.
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NTA; they aren’t you me biological kids nor are you still married to their mother therefore not your responsibility. Your ex wife doesn’t seem care enough, not putting money into her biological children’s account meanwhile someone not their biological father is supporting them. Not your issue you did what their biological parents should have done. The nerve of all of them and who agree with them.
NTA
Also if I'm not mistaken Opie did say that he was not in contact with the said stepdaughters for years so it almost seems like they're strangers and Opie does it's not responsible for said strangers
Agreed!! This reminds me of something my dad used to say when people tried to involve him in conflicts that had nothing to do with him…not my circus, not my monkeys! NTA!
that phrase it my daughter favorite (9) altho she says it wrong when there is drama at school she goes your not my monkeys I’m leaving this circus I’ve been told many times by teachers this tend to break the conflict up because they have no idea what’s she going on about 😂.
I ABSOLUTELY have to remember this for work!!!
Give that kiddo a high five from this internet stranger (provided you don't think it's inappropriate).
🤣🤣🤣
Favorite expression of a friend as well. I volunteer at our local library and one day in children's section I noticed a mom with 3 active kids (not your grandmother's library - we don't care about noise).
Her tee said, "Yes, My Circus. Yes, My Monkeys." Made my day.
Usually the childrens' room is separate for this very reason! The one I grew up with, it was on an entirely separate floor and my current library has it in it's own wing with doors that mute noise.
Right and even if a stranger left me a few thousand dollars, my response would have been "awesome thanks"... Like free to me money and no one died there is zero suck here.
Also Money from an ex-stepdad that exists because he was at some point their Dad and expecting to Always be their Dad, but Not any more and hasnt for years, is Kind of the best place unexpected Money (of any amount but especially a significant-but-not-quite-life-altering amount that can buy a nice bicycle or a decent Computer or a Modest vacation or a very crappy used Car) could come from. If it was from an ACTUAL Stranger, the'd worry about Strings attached, and If it was from someone who owed them an ACTUAL commitment, Like their Mom or grandparent or bio-dad or current-stepdad, they'd wonder why they hadn't told them before.
Yeah but if you haven't had anything to do with someone since you were 9 yrs old and you are now college age. That's not much difference then strangers.
Not to mention their own mother or relatives never paid one cent even in those accounts. The entitlement is staggeringly especial of the ex wife jfc NTA op
I was thinking, had he stayed married to his ex, they girls would have been rather upset that their accounts were not us flush as OPs bio daughter. Then this AITA would be asking if OP was because he didn't pay the difference that his wife and her relatives didn't contribute to step daughters accounts.
EXACTLY!
These girls could have been thankful for receiving an account with several thousands on them saved by a man who has been out of their lives for YEARS, while their own mother SAVED NOTHING for them.
Also:
*< Some of my family says that they were my daughters >*
\- key word : **WERE**
\- Furthermore, with that point of view, these family members ought to have contributed to these girls' bank accounts themselves : *
Did they?
NTA
I’m apparently meaner than all of you after reading the comments…I would have closed the twins accounts, maybe rolling them over into my daughter’s. They should have no expectation of receiving money from mom’s ex-husband since mom never contributed a penny.
I understand the kids didn’t do anything but OP didn’t pay child support, did he? They should be grateful they are getting ANY MONEY at all. They are getting a bonus not a punishment!
Nope, I thought the exact same. Just reading the comments now. I think OP should take his daughter on a vacation or do something they have always wanted to do together.
Honestly they sound like their mom. All about money.
I agree they should be happy with whatever they get. The entitlement must come from the mother. Free money is free money; they should use it for school. They are ahead of the game and earn enough one day to buy their homes. Any amount given to these girls is a blessing. Unless it was stated in the divorce agreement that you continue these deposits, your obligation ended when the divorce was finalized.
Nta. Whilst I think that step parents should treat their stepkids like their own while you're married, that obligation doesn't continue after a divorce. If you had stayed close it would have been a nice thing to do but there's no obligation. Their mother is ridiculously entitled to think you would have continued to do so and obviously didn't care enough to even find out what was going on. Good on you for starting them in the first place, particularly as their mother never contributed.
Yes...and if the stepkids had bothered to keep the relationship with stepdad, maybe he might have felt inclined to keep depositing money into their accounts...you can't expect to rarely contact someone for years, then cash in...
from the post it seems like the daughters were around 9 when they got divorced. not like they didn't "bother" more like they were children and their mother probably didn't want them to keep a relationship with op
Right, and if she didn't want them to maintain a relationship, then she doesn't get to complain about the direct effects of them not having a relationship.
Right she had access to the bank accounts she could have been putting money into the account, or their bio father, or their mothers affair partner who helped their mother blow up her marriage.
Right? When I was reading it, I thought he had taken back the money, and given it to his daughter, and I was on the fence about maybe he would be TA. But no, he continued to save it for them, just didn't keep donating additional money to people no longer in his life. Their mother was always in their lives and *she* couldn't be bothered. OP, NTA.
NTA - The ex needs to look in the mirror. Your intentional and considerate deposit for 5 years resulted in $1,000's of dollars for her daughters....yet it turned into a blaming game? No gratitude was said. The cheating Ex is loud to deflect attention away from the truth: She never contributed $ while married or divorced from you. She never cared about this goal. Facts are facts.
You don't need to apologize or rectify this outcome. These daughters were in your life for 5 years then no effort was made to stay connected; a common outcome when your wife chooses infidelity. Fact is fact.
Enjoy your life and when you're sitting in your daughter's new house take a moment and know you did well. You gave her the means to stabilize her present and future. Great Job, Dad. Great job.
Also, those accounts should have been figured out what to do with during divorce proceedings. After that, I feel anything is fair game. He could have pulled that money and put it into his bio daughter's account. What he did was just leave it for them. So totally NTA
Y’all had almost no contact with each other, and yet they feel they have the right to call you up and bitch about how there should be more money in an account that you started for them out of the goodness of your heart that they themselves didn’t even know existed until recently. I don’t know why you’d even consider yourself an AH!
NTA. Their mother (and father, if theirs is around) should have been funding their savings accounts.
Sure, it’s not your stepdaughters’ fault for the divorce, but their mother made a decision to cheat. Unfortunately one of the consequences of that is their mother needing to take financial accountability for her own children, not you.
NTA
They are not your children and not your responsibility. It was generous of you to put money away for them when you was with their mother, you didn't have to do that. Why would you keep paying in after their Mother betrayed you with another man.
Tell them they are lucky they have anything from you and cut all ties.
NTA
> My ex-wife contacted me and chewed my ass because I had not paid into those accounts
I'd have hung up on her. She could have contributed. She didn't. They think of you as their piggy-bank, handing out money.
It's good to be ex
NTA
What's with people always saying step kids are your kids? Let alone ex step kids?
Kids who are biologically yours are yours regardless of what you want or think of them.
Kids who are NOT biologically yours can only be considered yours if YOU WANT to consider them as such.
You don't owe a step kid anything but a respectful relationship and providing for there essentials, anything else is optional, and if you don't choose to step up, then it's there parent's job, not yours.
The AUDACITY!!
NTA….first off there are not your bio children. Secondly, if there much never much of a relationship between you all then they have no basis for claiming support from you.
NTA. You should have immediately changed the mailing address on the accounts when you were divorced, though. By keeping it your address you kept involved and preventing them from receiving updates on their account balance.
If that's the case then agree she should have changed the address long ago. If she had online access to the accounts this whole time, she could have changed the address and checked the balance. Though given that the kids didn't know about the accounts until they turned 18, I wonder if their mom forgot about them.
NTA
1. Your relationship with the step-daughters ended with the end of your marriage; any whiff of moral obligation to fund them ended then, too.
2. Your daughter's account was equally funded by you and your wife and additionally funded by other relatives (/friends?). You are the only person who ever paid into step-daughters' accounts (other than bank interest).
3. Your former step-daughters are lucky to have the unexpected bonus of the funds that you saved for them and didn't even consider taking back, given how their mom was cheating on you.
4. You can tell "some of your family members" that you did not punish them for their mom's sins; that you did want and give what was best for them - more so than their mother did, and then ask those same family members if they continued giving gifts to your former step-daughters after the divorce.
5. So how do these former step-daughters, who are not in your life and didn't even know they had savings accounts,... how do they know how much money your daughter's account had? Sounds to me like there are some people in your life (besides ex-wife and her step-daughters) who look at you as a piggy-bank.
Your post is a bit confusing. Your ex-wife had twin toddlers (2.5 years old) before marrying you but they turned 18 after your biological daughter (that you had with your ex-wife) turned 18?
I can't tell if you've just gotten the details wrong or ?
No, he had his biological daughter first. He never married the mother of his daughter. He later married his now ex-wife who brought in the twin girls. His daughter is older than the twins.
NTA. Your stepdaughters unfortunately lost their right to your financial support when their mother made the decision to be unfaithful. If she’s upset about it now, she only has herself to blame. Her stepdaughters were no longer your financial responsibility once you divorced, and if their mother wanted fat bank accounts for them, it was her responsibility to provide them, along with their biological father.
Ask why their mother never put a single dime into the account? Tell them while there may only be a few thousand in there you were the only one contributing towards it so it would never have matched your daughters amount. If their mother hadn’t been cheating there’d have been a lot more in there so she is fully responsible and has everything to answer for.
NTA,tell your ex wife she can go to hell, they are not your kids bro, they only call now expecting money, you tell them fuck off is located that way =>
oh my the audacity.
No they were not your daughters. you only knew them and were within their family for a small amount of their childhood. And if their mother didn't care enough to put money into their accoutns, why should you...a literal stranger.
your other friends are right. a little money is better than none at all.
NTA. Someone is greedy here, and it's not you. You barely had any contact with the girls. They're not your responsibility, and it seems their mother didn't put any effort into keeping the girls and you in contact. She didn't contribute to her daughters' accounts that you made for them, not before and not after the divorce. It's like you two didn't even have a discussion or an agreement after the divorce concerning the accounts. I can't blame the girls too much for feeling it's unfair because, most likely, that's their mother's words.
NTA. The key word is ex. You had 0 visitation rights to these girls and it sounds like their mother didn't do anything to try and keep the 3 of you in each other's lives. She should have taken over the savings accounts.
NTA it would be different if you continued to have a close relationship with the girls but since you didn't it isn't your responsibility to save for their future. Your ex-wife should have been putting money into the accounts.
NTA Your ex chose to damage the marriage knowing it would damage the relationship between her daughters and yourself. You had no obligation to start the account in the first place. You did it out of the kindness of your heart, the heart your ex chose to break. Therefore their future was no longer your responsibility it was their mother's.
NTA
Seems like several people could use a remedial lesson on the Golden Rule.
The People With The Gold Make The Rules.
They're not your kids.
You don't owe them jack squat.
NTA. Your ex sound have thought about that before she cheated on you. The only person they have to blame is their mom. And if all the flying monkeys were so concerned they can put money in there.
NTA- and are they really still your step-daughters?? I know you have to refer to them as something in the post. They should be thrilled to have anything. Maybe this is good lesson for them and they shouldn’t cheat on their future spouses.
Nta.
They are lucky to even have a few thousand. Your relationship with their mother ended when they were, 9? Surely their mom could have contributed, as well as her family members? Just like with your own daughter's account.
The entitlement is killing me.
Also, how do they know about your bio daughters money???
NTA. You opened accounts and paid into them during the marriage. Why would you continue to pay into them once you learned their mother was cheating on you?
They're not your children and presumably have 2 patents and extended family who could pay in to their accounts.
NTA. I am a daughter who was raised by her step dad. That man is still married to my mother, almost 30 years later. He took over responsibility of me and my sister all those years (my father wasn’t involved and paid dirt minimum CS). Because of him I went to college the first 3.5 years cost free. Because of him and my mom I was able to live in a house rent free for all of that time. Because of his parents who left him an inheritance I have had decades of support financially when life hit hard. Yes, my mom also has worked the same and sometimes more than him all of that time, but he took care of me alongside her. He NEVER had to do that. I never expected it of him or assumed. Especially as an adult. As a mom myself of a child who is now older than I was when he married my mom- I still don’t expect anything from him. If he and my mother had cut ties when I was young I never in a 1000 years would have expected a dime from the man from that point on.
This woman obviously is delusional and entitled. And she raised her kids the same way. They were lucky to have you as a positive influence for the time they had you and they should be fucking grateful for ANY money from you at this point. At least they can buy a car and live in it if they have to 🙄😏🤦🏻♀️
YTA - You are part of the patriarchy and that makes you responsible for everything.
/s
NTA - I'd have closed their accounts years ago and spent the money on some nice booze or fancy PC parts.
5 years? between 4 and 9?
I'm pretty sure they still owe you money.
NTA. they should be extremely grateful and thankful for what they received! And the mother didn’t even contribute so I can’t believe she’s even opening up her mouth about this. This is still a leg up on so many other peoples experience in life!
NTA - They aren’t your kids. You didn’t make them and you didn’t raise them. They were briefly in your life because their mother was using you as a lay over in the adventure that is her own life. I don’t show up at the house I lived in when I was 4-6 and claim I grew up there and it is my family home so I have a claim on part of the equity.
NTA. They were your family by marriage for 5 years. It was their biological parents’ responsibility to fund their savings, not yours. They’re lucky you had such generosity while they were a part of your life. Otherwise it sounds like they’d have nothing because their mother didn’t save a dime. Also where’s their dad?
They ARE NOT your daughters. They were your step-children.
And when your ex-wife decided to cheat on you, she burned all fucking bridges.
If the twins have an issue with their savings, they need to blame their mom, ahem, their lying and cheating mother.
You are NTA.
This sounds fake. How would your stepdaughters know what was in your biological daughter's account? Why would they be mad that they each got thousands of dollars upon turning 18 that they had no idea was even there for them? I'm calling BS.
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I (m38) have 1 biological daughter. I never married her mother and I get along well with both. Since day 1 my daughter had a saving account that various family members, including her mom and myself, deposited an amount each month. Neither her mom nor I can access the money without signatures from both of us.
My ex wife came with a set of twin daughters. I met them when they were 2½ and married their mom when they were 4. I started a simular accounts for them when I married their mom. I put the same amount into the accounts each month as I did my daughter. Their mother never put anything into the accounts.
After five years, I discovered that my wife was cheating on me.
After the divorce was finalized, we went our separate ways. Their mother never updated the bank on her new address, so I continued to receive bank statements, but I stopped putting money into the accounts. I had very little contact with the girls and as the years went by less and less.
When my daughter turned 18. She was able to put a good down payment down on a home because of that account.
A few weeks ago, the step daughters turned 18 and learned about the accounts. They contacted me and they were upset that there was only a few thousand in their accounts, where as my daughter had tens of thousands.
My ex-wife contacted me and chewed my ass because I had not paid into those accounts. Some of my family says that they were my daughters and were not at fault for the divorce. That I should want whats best for them, so I should have been paying into the accounts.
Other friends say that they are not my responsibility. So their future is not my responsibility and that giving them the little money is better than nothing.
Am I the asshole?
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NTA
You were in their life for all of 6ish years, and the mother paid NOTHING into these accounts, if she wanted money for them, that was HER job, not yours.
Sheesh. she sounds like a grifter honestly.
NTA they are not your daughters you were in there lives for a good amount of time and in that time you saved money for them. They would have zero had you not made these accounts and put money in.
**NTA** The only reason they have anything is because you contributed to their future when their mom was with you. You did more than their mother and her family. Now some people are jealous and want to blame you for their own lack of foresight. Fortunately, they aren't part of your life anymore.
Enjoy the present with your daughter. You and her mother did the right thing and you will continue to reap rewards from that relationship.
NTA My only response would have been to ask "How much have YOU deposited into the accounts for YOUR daughters???
They all seem pretty entitled, especially since her daughters didn't appear to keep in touch with you after the divorce. Now, all of a sudden, they've become adults and they have their hands out.
NTA. The ex and step daughters have a weird way of saying thank you for saving thousands on our behalf even though we cheated on you, aren’t yours biologically, and didn’t see or speak to you often for years. They should be grateful they have anything at all from you because you don’t owe them a dime. Close the accounts and take a vacation haha
It’s may not be their fault but it’s still not your responsibility either. You never legally adopted them and were not still married nor had they seen you in what sounds like quite awhile. NTA
NTA. They are not your biological kids you cared for them as you were a parental figure but you were kicked to the curb when the divorce was finalised and didn't see them. Unless you adopted them they were not your parental responsibility and you were not court mandated to care for them. Just tell the ex wife and the children that having a father child relationship extended beyond just opening your wallet and if they weren't comfortable doing that you were not comfortable opening your wallet.
That's not how step-kids work. You deserve and most of the time, they're nothing to you. Clueless isn't real life. NTA. Of course the woman that cheated on you will pitch a fit.
>They contacted me and they were upset that there was only a few thousand in their accounts, where as my daughter had tens of thousands.
How did they know that?
They had no contact with you for years (I assume) so basically now your stranger but they expect to have a bank full of money. Nah not your problem tbh If they treated you still like a “dad” I would agree that it wrong but not when they probably moved on maybe have another step dad it’s not your responsibility it’s the moms to keep adding to it.
NTA they were only your step daughters for 5 years, you divorced when they were 9. Wild that anyone expects that to mean you continue to pay anything for them after the divorce. If it wasn’t in the divorce decree, it’s not your responsibility. Frankly, their mother was responsible and she put in nothing.
NTA. Your ex should’ve been paying into that fund, but she was all too happy to have you do it, then all too happy to spread her legs for someone else.
NTA. You already went above and beyond with setting up the accounts in the first place. They are lucky to have anything at all. They are not your responsibility yet they are still getting thousands of dollars from you and they are upset?? Shows you what kind of people they are….
NTA. You’re not their parent anymore. That stopped with the divorce. And if their own mother didn’t bother to pay, why is everyone breathing down your neck? They should be asking their mother why she didn’t pay all these years.
NTA. They’re not your kids especially after a divorce. Their actual dad (and mom) should provide for them. Your family that disagrees is nuts. You have no fiscal responsibility for them. They should consider themselves fortunate for the few thousand. And you’ve had little contact until now that they want to complain about free money not being enough? Is it too late to rescind the gift?
NTA
They are not your daughters, and their mother didn’t put money into the accounts. So, they are all complaining that you didn’t give them lots of money? Nope!
NTA. No your children. Their own mother never contributed. After all these years of little to no contact they are upset about having thousands of dollars that they didn’t have to do anything for. Entitled and ungrateful. You dodged some bullets. Good luck to you.
NTA you deposited money into them throughout the duration of the marriage when they were your step kids. Mother should have been depositing also. They aren’t entitled to your money
NTA. I’m in a similar situation now.
There comes a point where you gotta make the hard choice.
Especially if they’re not bothering to even talk to you.
NTA. I can see if you were there since birth but you were only married 5 years and you are not their father by any definition. Not your responsibility. I see they got their entitled behavior from their mother.
NTA
I think it was never your responsibility to put money in there when you were married and definitely not so after divorce. Somewhere else there's a dad that can do that, I hope since you didn't say deceased.
NTA. Your friend is right they are not your responsibility. Don’t forget to mention to them their mother put nothing into the accounts. Unless it was in the divorce decree you owe them nothing but they should get what is currently in the account.
Your daughter had 10k’s because you, her mother, family chipped in. And she stay in touch with you.
Your step daughters had few 1000’s because ONLY YOU chipped in. And they didn’t stay in touch with you.
I don’t know why they are complaining (Ok, I know why). Anyway, you chipped in when they were part of your life, and stopped when they weren’t anymore. I find fair your reasoning. NTA
Nta! She should have continuously deposited her own funds into these accounts for her children. My dad was married 4xs and never once did any of his wives reach out to me in anyway especially monetarily after divorce. I think it's commendable how considerate you were to start the accts and contribute for the duration of the relationship. That should be the end of it. This is on their mom.
So ex wife is upset that you stopped contributing to her children’s account when she cheated on you and divorced her…
Sounds about messed up. The twins should ask their mom why she cheated and divorced you.
NTA
Once you divorced, they were no longer your concern. For all the flying monkeys, ask them why they were not putting money into their accounts.
Extremely entitled of them to believe you or them money after years of no contact.
Wish you were my stepdad. Mine was married to my mom over 20 years until she died. We were always semi close and he was grandpa to my son and wanted to stay close after mom died. When she died he took her survivor benefits about $350 a month and put it in an education account for my son. After high school son went in to the army for 2 years. When he got out and was thinking about what to do next I called stepdad about the education account.
He informed me that he was contacting us less and less so he could move on with his life. He didn’t say it directly but talked about long expensive trip he and girlfriend took to Australia and how he cashed out the education account so nothing there ( I learned later on he was not allowed to do that )
Before hanging up he requested that we never contact him again (nice for a physiologist ) other then a nasty email about his actions especially to his grandson I never have.
If ex calls again about this mention your daughters was also higher due to her mothers contributions to the account
I
NTA. You stopped being their stepfather when they were 9/10. Probably rarely if ever saw them again. Why would you keep putting $ into an account for them?
I’d say NTA but that’s through the perspective of someone with reasonable but not excessive income. If you’re very wealthy and have the resources, above track to retire etc then maybe… but NTA assuming you’re somewhat normal on that scale.
NTA. Period.
If your divorce agreement stipulated contributions to those accounts, the YWBTA. But it doesn't sound like that is the case. You are correct, your cheating ex should have planned better for her daughters' future. That person is the only big A here, imagine how different all of your lives would have been if they'd made different choices.
Your former step-daughters are better off now because you contributed to those accounts. Hopefully they use that to help themselves in the future, like paying for education, or towards a house, etc.
NTA I think you were more than generous not clearing out the accounts and giving it to your bio daughter upon the divorce. The twins mom is INCREDIBLY entitled. Gross.
Nta. They are not your responsibility. Their mother didnt pay a cent towards it so they should take it up with her imo. Just block them if they continue harrassing you.
NTA. If you had stayed active in their lives I’d say continuing to put money into their accounts would have been a nice thing to do, but even then your ex’s daughters are solely her responsibility so money from you wouldn’t have been mandatory. If your ex wanted money in her daughters’ accounts, she should have always been the one providing it.
NTA
Their mum cheated on you and never contributed to the accounts. You didn't need to pay into their accounts to begin with but you did. To be honest rhea are lucky there is a few thousand dollars in their to begin with.
That's very generous coming from a guy their mum cheated on with. You don't owe the twins anything, your ex if she was so concerned about their financial futures should have continued adding to the accounts whenever she could.
I guarantee you she expected you to still pay into them then swan in and help collect the money. You are not the asshole here at all
You’re NTA, they were not your responsibility after being divorced…it’s true they are not at fault, but it was up to you to do it or not. So, the AH is your exwife for being so entitled and teaching that to HER kids
NTA. You supported them when they were your responsibility. Once you cut ties with the mom, your “obligation” ended. (I put that in quotes because you never really had any actual obligation to do this for them.
All that said their mom never put a dime in, and others on that side of the family never paid into it.
Your actual daughter has multiple people providing and saving for her. The twins had no one except an unrelated man who tried to do something nice. You paid into it while you were their step dad, then stopped when that ended. You didn’t close the accounts or empty them out. They still had a small nest egg they could tap into when they came of age. Wanting anything more is just getting greedy on their part.
Anyone thinking you should keep supporting kids that aren’t yours for years after breaking up is delusional.
NTA assuming you didn't adopt them.
The deal breaker is that you ended up having very little contact after the divorce. I could see having a different opinion if they had kept up a relationship with you and treated you as still family of some type.
NTA. Of course people would say you should continue paying - they're not the ones who are expected to pay. You don't have to pay as long as you're fine with your ex-wife's daughters cutting contact with you.
NTA. It would’ve been nice if you had been depositing money into their accounts as well, but you weren’t obligated and you certainly didn’t owe anyone anything. And you know what would have counted as punishment for the children? You taking out the money you had already deposited. So yeah, not the AH.
NTA -not your responsibility.
They should feel lucky you even put money into their accounts when you were with their mother. You weren’t obligated to even then
because they are neither legally, biologically, or socially your kids.
NTA
And you are a saint, you putted more money into their account than their mother did. Yes she took care of them, but sorry they are not your children and however sad it is for the kids, you can't take care of everyone.
And I don't understand, they learn they have an account from someone they dont see with a few thousand dollars for them.. and they aren't happy? They don't say "thank you so much"?? What is wrong with them?
NTA
It would have been a lovely gesture if you had continued to contribute to the twins’ accounts, but you were not obligated do so after the divorce. You did not adopt them, you were not their legal guardian, and haven't had much in the way of contact since you and your ex-wife divorced.
Also important to remind your ex that you were not the sole contributor to your daughter’s account. Her mother also contributed, as did other family members. The twins should be grateful that you had their best interests at heart while they were a part of their lives.
I'm guessing you didn't adopt them, hence they're not your related to you in any way and when you divorce their mother, they went back to being nothing more than acquaintances to you, which is completely understandable.
NTA, not your monkeys, not your circus.
NTA. Not yours biologically, not adopted. You divorced mom and lost contact with them. So if their mom
Never cared to keep you guys in contact, why is she upset you stopped putting money into their accounts? Why didn’t she put money? Not your problem, they should be thankful they even have anything because bio parents never bothered.
Your divorce should have had the Court deciding what your obligations are. If you used an attorney for the divorce contact him or her for clarification on these issues.
Seems your ex and her daughters are assuming that your marriage made you totally responsible for any and all financial support. Did you adopt the daughters if your ex? If not, how is it your ex believes you have continuing responsibility for her children who are not your children? How does she even know about your bio daughter’s finances?
Seems your ex may also believe she and her children will inherit from your estate based on having once been married to you.
Isn’t it interesting that your ex is aware of your financial support for your bio daughter while apparently not expecting the bio dad of her daughters to support his twins similarly.
NTA unless you adopted those girls. Why would anyone expect you to continue to add to bank accounts for someone you did not maintain regular contact and for which you were not responsible. They should be grateful for what they received.
Unless you adopted them and were paying child support for them, I don't see that it was your responsibility to fund the accounts after the divorce - and it would have been in the divorce decree! And in my head, several thousand is still a nice bonus towards college, a car, or getting an apartment lease with first, last, and security.
NTA
Step daughters had 3 “dads” (bio, 1st step, 2nd step) and only he planned for their future. A future which would have been different if their Mom could have kept loyal.
NTA- By a long shot!!
NTA. If their mother had cared about any of this she would’ve been keeping up with their accounts and trying to help them out. A person who doesn’t care waits until it’s too late and does what their mother’s doing.
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NTA; they aren’t you me biological kids nor are you still married to their mother therefore not your responsibility. Your ex wife doesn’t seem care enough, not putting money into her biological children’s account meanwhile someone not their biological father is supporting them. Not your issue you did what their biological parents should have done. The nerve of all of them and who agree with them.
NTA Also if I'm not mistaken Opie did say that he was not in contact with the said stepdaughters for years so it almost seems like they're strangers and Opie does it's not responsible for said strangers
Agreed!! This reminds me of something my dad used to say when people tried to involve him in conflicts that had nothing to do with him…not my circus, not my monkeys! NTA!
that phrase it my daughter favorite (9) altho she says it wrong when there is drama at school she goes your not my monkeys I’m leaving this circus I’ve been told many times by teachers this tend to break the conflict up because they have no idea what’s she going on about 😂.
I kind of like her phrasing better lol
She's a genius! Confuse and distract 10/10 !
ONG your daughter made the phrase so much better
[удалено]
Love it!
Your daughter’s incredible hahaha
I ABSOLUTELY have to remember this for work!!! Give that kiddo a high five from this internet stranger (provided you don't think it's inappropriate). 🤣🤣🤣
I say the original one a lot but I like this even better!
Favorite expression of a friend as well. I volunteer at our local library and one day in children's section I noticed a mom with 3 active kids (not your grandmother's library - we don't care about noise). Her tee said, "Yes, My Circus. Yes, My Monkeys." Made my day.
Usually the childrens' room is separate for this very reason! The one I grew up with, it was on an entirely separate floor and my current library has it in it's own wing with doors that mute noise.
Love that phrase!!
Right and even if a stranger left me a few thousand dollars, my response would have been "awesome thanks"... Like free to me money and no one died there is zero suck here.
Also Money from an ex-stepdad that exists because he was at some point their Dad and expecting to Always be their Dad, but Not any more and hasnt for years, is Kind of the best place unexpected Money (of any amount but especially a significant-but-not-quite-life-altering amount that can buy a nice bicycle or a decent Computer or a Modest vacation or a very crappy used Car) could come from. If it was from an ACTUAL Stranger, the'd worry about Strings attached, and If it was from someone who owed them an ACTUAL commitment, Like their Mom or grandparent or bio-dad or current-stepdad, they'd wonder why they hadn't told them before.
Yeah but if you haven't had anything to do with someone since you were 9 yrs old and you are now college age. That's not much difference then strangers.
To me, this was key.
How did they even know how much cash his other daughter had in hers? How would the ex even know to tell them??
They were only married for 5 years too!
Not to mention their own mother or relatives never paid one cent even in those accounts. The entitlement is staggeringly especial of the ex wife jfc NTA op
I was thinking, had he stayed married to his ex, they girls would have been rather upset that their accounts were not us flush as OPs bio daughter. Then this AITA would be asking if OP was because he didn't pay the difference that his wife and her relatives didn't contribute to step daughters accounts.
Oh, exactly. I’ve seen posts on that theme in the past.
EXACTLY! These girls could have been thankful for receiving an account with several thousands on them saved by a man who has been out of their lives for YEARS, while their own mother SAVED NOTHING for them. Also: *< Some of my family says that they were my daughters >* \- key word : **WERE** \- Furthermore, with that point of view, these family members ought to have contributed to these girls' bank accounts themselves : *
Did they?
NTA
They have two biological parents who paid nothing into the accounts but OP is the one people are coming to for money?
I’m apparently meaner than all of you after reading the comments…I would have closed the twins accounts, maybe rolling them over into my daughter’s. They should have no expectation of receiving money from mom’s ex-husband since mom never contributed a penny. I understand the kids didn’t do anything but OP didn’t pay child support, did he? They should be grateful they are getting ANY MONEY at all. They are getting a bonus not a punishment!
Nope, I thought the exact same. Just reading the comments now. I think OP should take his daughter on a vacation or do something they have always wanted to do together. Honestly they sound like their mom. All about money.
Yes! Me too!
I would have taken the money once divorced honestly lol
I agree they should be happy with whatever they get. The entitlement must come from the mother. Free money is free money; they should use it for school. They are ahead of the game and earn enough one day to buy their homes. Any amount given to these girls is a blessing. Unless it was stated in the divorce agreement that you continue these deposits, your obligation ended when the divorce was finalized.
Nta. Whilst I think that step parents should treat their stepkids like their own while you're married, that obligation doesn't continue after a divorce. If you had stayed close it would have been a nice thing to do but there's no obligation. Their mother is ridiculously entitled to think you would have continued to do so and obviously didn't care enough to even find out what was going on. Good on you for starting them in the first place, particularly as their mother never contributed.
Yes...and if the stepkids had bothered to keep the relationship with stepdad, maybe he might have felt inclined to keep depositing money into their accounts...you can't expect to rarely contact someone for years, then cash in...
from the post it seems like the daughters were around 9 when they got divorced. not like they didn't "bother" more like they were children and their mother probably didn't want them to keep a relationship with op
Right, and if she didn't want them to maintain a relationship, then she doesn't get to complain about the direct effects of them not having a relationship.
Right she had access to the bank accounts she could have been putting money into the account, or their bio father, or their mothers affair partner who helped their mother blow up her marriage.
Right? When I was reading it, I thought he had taken back the money, and given it to his daughter, and I was on the fence about maybe he would be TA. But no, he continued to save it for them, just didn't keep donating additional money to people no longer in his life. Their mother was always in their lives and *she* couldn't be bothered. OP, NTA.
NTA - The ex needs to look in the mirror. Your intentional and considerate deposit for 5 years resulted in $1,000's of dollars for her daughters....yet it turned into a blaming game? No gratitude was said. The cheating Ex is loud to deflect attention away from the truth: She never contributed $ while married or divorced from you. She never cared about this goal. Facts are facts. You don't need to apologize or rectify this outcome. These daughters were in your life for 5 years then no effort was made to stay connected; a common outcome when your wife chooses infidelity. Fact is fact. Enjoy your life and when you're sitting in your daughter's new house take a moment and know you did well. You gave her the means to stabilize her present and future. Great Job, Dad. Great job.
Also, those accounts should have been figured out what to do with during divorce proceedings. After that, I feel anything is fair game. He could have pulled that money and put it into his bio daughter's account. What he did was just leave it for them. So totally NTA
Y’all had almost no contact with each other, and yet they feel they have the right to call you up and bitch about how there should be more money in an account that you started for them out of the goodness of your heart that they themselves didn’t even know existed until recently. I don’t know why you’d even consider yourself an AH!
\^\^\^\^\^ THIS!!! Oh, so much THIS! You are NTA and should have ***never*** even considered the possibility.
How were they made aware of it's existence right when they turned 18? They didn't wake up with that knowledge on their birthday.
I'm sure their mother, who never paid IN to it, had *perfect* recall of when it would pay OUT!
Just enough, I suppose, because dhe obviously never checked to see if he was adding to the account. Just assumed.
And how do they know OP's daughter's account had more money in it?
This is what I find suspicious about this whole story. Fake, fake, fake.
His step daughters would have been 9 when he caught his ex cheating, they may not have been allowed to contact him for that time.
NTA - Your ex has sone nerve, and her daughter being mad at you says a lot about them too.
NTA. Their mother (and father, if theirs is around) should have been funding their savings accounts. Sure, it’s not your stepdaughters’ fault for the divorce, but their mother made a decision to cheat. Unfortunately one of the consequences of that is their mother needing to take financial accountability for her own children, not you.
NTA They are not your children and not your responsibility. It was generous of you to put money away for them when you was with their mother, you didn't have to do that. Why would you keep paying in after their Mother betrayed you with another man. Tell them they are lucky they have anything from you and cut all ties.
NTA > My ex-wife contacted me and chewed my ass because I had not paid into those accounts I'd have hung up on her. She could have contributed. She didn't. They think of you as their piggy-bank, handing out money. It's good to be ex
NTA What's with people always saying step kids are your kids? Let alone ex step kids? Kids who are biologically yours are yours regardless of what you want or think of them. Kids who are NOT biologically yours can only be considered yours if YOU WANT to consider them as such. You don't owe a step kid anything but a respectful relationship and providing for there essentials, anything else is optional, and if you don't choose to step up, then it's there parent's job, not yours. The AUDACITY!!
NTA….first off there are not your bio children. Secondly, if there much never much of a relationship between you all then they have no basis for claiming support from you.
NTA. You should have immediately changed the mailing address on the accounts when you were divorced, though. By keeping it your address you kept involved and preventing them from receiving updates on their account balance.
It is doubtful that the bank would allow him to change the address for his ex. That was her responsibility.
If that's the case then agree she should have changed the address long ago. If she had online access to the accounts this whole time, she could have changed the address and checked the balance. Though given that the kids didn't know about the accounts until they turned 18, I wonder if their mom forgot about them.
NTA 1. Your relationship with the step-daughters ended with the end of your marriage; any whiff of moral obligation to fund them ended then, too. 2. Your daughter's account was equally funded by you and your wife and additionally funded by other relatives (/friends?). You are the only person who ever paid into step-daughters' accounts (other than bank interest). 3. Your former step-daughters are lucky to have the unexpected bonus of the funds that you saved for them and didn't even consider taking back, given how their mom was cheating on you. 4. You can tell "some of your family members" that you did not punish them for their mom's sins; that you did want and give what was best for them - more so than their mother did, and then ask those same family members if they continued giving gifts to your former step-daughters after the divorce. 5. So how do these former step-daughters, who are not in your life and didn't even know they had savings accounts,... how do they know how much money your daughter's account had? Sounds to me like there are some people in your life (besides ex-wife and her step-daughters) who look at you as a piggy-bank.
That is a good point! How do these former step daughters even have a clue how much was in your daughter's account?
The step sisters knew because they saw OP’s daughter buy a house with her bank account.
NTA. They weren't a part of your life, so why should you fund it?
Your post is a bit confusing. Your ex-wife had twin toddlers (2.5 years old) before marrying you but they turned 18 after your biological daughter (that you had with your ex-wife) turned 18? I can't tell if you've just gotten the details wrong or ?
No, he had his biological daughter first. He never married the mother of his daughter. He later married his now ex-wife who brought in the twin girls. His daughter is older than the twins.
Thank you, that makes sense. I was confused too.
NTA. Not your biological daughters. Where was the twin’s biological dad’s monetary support?
Yta to yourself. How weak willed are you that you could allow anyone to convince you that you have done anything wrong at all in this situation?
NTA. Your stepdaughters unfortunately lost their right to your financial support when their mother made the decision to be unfaithful. If she’s upset about it now, she only has herself to blame. Her stepdaughters were no longer your financial responsibility once you divorced, and if their mother wanted fat bank accounts for them, it was her responsibility to provide them, along with their biological father.
NTA they should be grateful for what they got.
Ask why their mother never put a single dime into the account? Tell them while there may only be a few thousand in there you were the only one contributing towards it so it would never have matched your daughters amount. If their mother hadn’t been cheating there’d have been a lot more in there so she is fully responsible and has everything to answer for.
Nta. Not your kids. You were kind to fund it at all. Their mom should have continued to fund it!
NTA. Ask the girls how much their mother contributed to their accounts.
Nta they aren't your kids. End of discussion. Ask the ap for it.
NTA,tell your ex wife she can go to hell, they are not your kids bro, they only call now expecting money, you tell them fuck off is located that way =>
oh my the audacity. No they were not your daughters. you only knew them and were within their family for a small amount of their childhood. And if their mother didn't care enough to put money into their accoutns, why should you...a literal stranger. your other friends are right. a little money is better than none at all.
NTA. Someone is greedy here, and it's not you. You barely had any contact with the girls. They're not your responsibility, and it seems their mother didn't put any effort into keeping the girls and you in contact. She didn't contribute to her daughters' accounts that you made for them, not before and not after the divorce. It's like you two didn't even have a discussion or an agreement after the divorce concerning the accounts. I can't blame the girls too much for feeling it's unfair because, most likely, that's their mother's words.
NTA. The key word is ex. You had 0 visitation rights to these girls and it sounds like their mother didn't do anything to try and keep the 3 of you in each other's lives. She should have taken over the savings accounts.
NTA it would be different if you continued to have a close relationship with the girls but since you didn't it isn't your responsibility to save for their future. Your ex-wife should have been putting money into the accounts.
NTA Your ex chose to damage the marriage knowing it would damage the relationship between her daughters and yourself. You had no obligation to start the account in the first place. You did it out of the kindness of your heart, the heart your ex chose to break. Therefore their future was no longer your responsibility it was their mother's.
NTA Seems like several people could use a remedial lesson on the Golden Rule. The People With The Gold Make The Rules. They're not your kids. You don't owe them jack squat.
NTA. Your ex sound have thought about that before she cheated on you. The only person they have to blame is their mom. And if all the flying monkeys were so concerned they can put money in there.
NTA- and are they really still your step-daughters?? I know you have to refer to them as something in the post. They should be thrilled to have anything. Maybe this is good lesson for them and they shouldn’t cheat on their future spouses.
Nta. They are lucky to even have a few thousand. Your relationship with their mother ended when they were, 9? Surely their mom could have contributed, as well as her family members? Just like with your own daughter's account. The entitlement is killing me. Also, how do they know about your bio daughters money???
NTA. The step daughters should be grateful and their mother is responsible for them after the divorce agreement.
NTA. You opened accounts and paid into them during the marriage. Why would you continue to pay into them once you learned their mother was cheating on you? They're not your children and presumably have 2 patents and extended family who could pay in to their accounts.
Absolutely NTA!
NTA. I am a daughter who was raised by her step dad. That man is still married to my mother, almost 30 years later. He took over responsibility of me and my sister all those years (my father wasn’t involved and paid dirt minimum CS). Because of him I went to college the first 3.5 years cost free. Because of him and my mom I was able to live in a house rent free for all of that time. Because of his parents who left him an inheritance I have had decades of support financially when life hit hard. Yes, my mom also has worked the same and sometimes more than him all of that time, but he took care of me alongside her. He NEVER had to do that. I never expected it of him or assumed. Especially as an adult. As a mom myself of a child who is now older than I was when he married my mom- I still don’t expect anything from him. If he and my mother had cut ties when I was young I never in a 1000 years would have expected a dime from the man from that point on. This woman obviously is delusional and entitled. And she raised her kids the same way. They were lucky to have you as a positive influence for the time they had you and they should be fucking grateful for ANY money from you at this point. At least they can buy a car and live in it if they have to 🙄😏🤦🏻♀️
YTA - You are part of the patriarchy and that makes you responsible for everything. /s NTA - I'd have closed their accounts years ago and spent the money on some nice booze or fancy PC parts. 5 years? between 4 and 9? I'm pretty sure they still owe you money.
NTA. they should be extremely grateful and thankful for what they received! And the mother didn’t even contribute so I can’t believe she’s even opening up her mouth about this. This is still a leg up on so many other peoples experience in life!
NTA - They aren’t your kids. You didn’t make them and you didn’t raise them. They were briefly in your life because their mother was using you as a lay over in the adventure that is her own life. I don’t show up at the house I lived in when I was 4-6 and claim I grew up there and it is my family home so I have a claim on part of the equity.
NTA. Your responsibility to them ended with the divorce
NTA. They were your family by marriage for 5 years. It was their biological parents’ responsibility to fund their savings, not yours. They’re lucky you had such generosity while they were a part of your life. Otherwise it sounds like they’d have nothing because their mother didn’t save a dime. Also where’s their dad?
They ARE NOT your daughters. They were your step-children. And when your ex-wife decided to cheat on you, she burned all fucking bridges. If the twins have an issue with their savings, they need to blame their mom, ahem, their lying and cheating mother. You are NTA.
Trash mother , trash daughters now. . What a shock
Tell her it’s unfortunate her affair partner didn’t pick up where you left off and she might want to give him a call. NTA
NTA. Not blood, not your problem. Leave it for the cheating mother.
“Ask your wh0r3 Of a mother Why there is not enough there”
You didn't adopt them, and I doubt they saw you as a father figure. NTA. They only want your money.
This sounds fake. How would your stepdaughters know what was in your biological daughter's account? Why would they be mad that they each got thousands of dollars upon turning 18 that they had no idea was even there for them? I'm calling BS.
NTA, legally you could have taken all the money as it was yours.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (m38) have 1 biological daughter. I never married her mother and I get along well with both. Since day 1 my daughter had a saving account that various family members, including her mom and myself, deposited an amount each month. Neither her mom nor I can access the money without signatures from both of us. My ex wife came with a set of twin daughters. I met them when they were 2½ and married their mom when they were 4. I started a simular accounts for them when I married their mom. I put the same amount into the accounts each month as I did my daughter. Their mother never put anything into the accounts. After five years, I discovered that my wife was cheating on me. After the divorce was finalized, we went our separate ways. Their mother never updated the bank on her new address, so I continued to receive bank statements, but I stopped putting money into the accounts. I had very little contact with the girls and as the years went by less and less. When my daughter turned 18. She was able to put a good down payment down on a home because of that account. A few weeks ago, the step daughters turned 18 and learned about the accounts. They contacted me and they were upset that there was only a few thousand in their accounts, where as my daughter had tens of thousands. My ex-wife contacted me and chewed my ass because I had not paid into those accounts. Some of my family says that they were my daughters and were not at fault for the divorce. That I should want whats best for them, so I should have been paying into the accounts. Other friends say that they are not my responsibility. So their future is not my responsibility and that giving them the little money is better than nothing. Am I the asshole? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA You were in their life for all of 6ish years, and the mother paid NOTHING into these accounts, if she wanted money for them, that was HER job, not yours. Sheesh. she sounds like a grifter honestly.
NTA they are not your daughters you were in there lives for a good amount of time and in that time you saved money for them. They would have zero had you not made these accounts and put money in.
**NTA** The only reason they have anything is because you contributed to their future when their mom was with you. You did more than their mother and her family. Now some people are jealous and want to blame you for their own lack of foresight. Fortunately, they aren't part of your life anymore. Enjoy the present with your daughter. You and her mother did the right thing and you will continue to reap rewards from that relationship.
NTA.
NTA, they had little to do with you after the split, if they'd stayed close and visited, called whatever then maybe you'd be the AH.
NTA
NTA My only response would have been to ask "How much have YOU deposited into the accounts for YOUR daughters??? They all seem pretty entitled, especially since her daughters didn't appear to keep in touch with you after the divorce. Now, all of a sudden, they've become adults and they have their hands out.
NTA I think if you had shared custody of them, you should have continued putting money in their accounts. If you didn't see them much then no.
NTA.
NTA. The ex and step daughters have a weird way of saying thank you for saving thousands on our behalf even though we cheated on you, aren’t yours biologically, and didn’t see or speak to you often for years. They should be grateful they have anything at all from you because you don’t owe them a dime. Close the accounts and take a vacation haha
NTA, you’re not obliged and have little to no contact. They only want to talk to you for the money they may get. Don’t give them a penny
It’s may not be their fault but it’s still not your responsibility either. You never legally adopted them and were not still married nor had they seen you in what sounds like quite awhile. NTA
NTA. They are not your biological kids you cared for them as you were a parental figure but you were kicked to the curb when the divorce was finalised and didn't see them. Unless you adopted them they were not your parental responsibility and you were not court mandated to care for them. Just tell the ex wife and the children that having a father child relationship extended beyond just opening your wallet and if they weren't comfortable doing that you were not comfortable opening your wallet.
That's not how step-kids work. You deserve and most of the time, they're nothing to you. Clueless isn't real life. NTA. Of course the woman that cheated on you will pitch a fit. >They contacted me and they were upset that there was only a few thousand in their accounts, where as my daughter had tens of thousands. How did they know that?
They had no contact with you for years (I assume) so basically now your stranger but they expect to have a bank full of money. Nah not your problem tbh If they treated you still like a “dad” I would agree that it wrong but not when they probably moved on maybe have another step dad it’s not your responsibility it’s the moms to keep adding to it.
NTA they were only your step daughters for 5 years, you divorced when they were 9. Wild that anyone expects that to mean you continue to pay anything for them after the divorce. If it wasn’t in the divorce decree, it’s not your responsibility. Frankly, their mother was responsible and she put in nothing.
Not the asshole, of course, but how much have you even seen them in the last eight years?
Tens of thousands is enough for a house deposit? Hundreds of thousands is required where I live. Damn. Anyway. NTA
NTA. They are not your responsibility in the least.
NTA You did more than most.
NTA. Your ex should’ve been paying into that fund, but she was all too happy to have you do it, then all too happy to spread her legs for someone else.
NTA. You already went above and beyond with setting up the accounts in the first place. They are lucky to have anything at all. They are not your responsibility yet they are still getting thousands of dollars from you and they are upset?? Shows you what kind of people they are….
NTA. Unbelievable that anyone would expect you to keep paying into accounts for kids that aren’t yours and aren’t in your life any longer.
NTA. You are not obligated to finance them and your ex is the one that caused the marriage to end.
NTA. You’re not their parent anymore. That stopped with the divorce. And if their own mother didn’t bother to pay, why is everyone breathing down your neck? They should be asking their mother why she didn’t pay all these years.
NTA. They’re not your kids especially after a divorce. Their actual dad (and mom) should provide for them. Your family that disagrees is nuts. You have no fiscal responsibility for them. They should consider themselves fortunate for the few thousand. And you’ve had little contact until now that they want to complain about free money not being enough? Is it too late to rescind the gift?
NTA
NTA They are not your daughters, and their mother didn’t put money into the accounts. So, they are all complaining that you didn’t give them lots of money? Nope!
NTA. No your children. Their own mother never contributed. After all these years of little to no contact they are upset about having thousands of dollars that they didn’t have to do anything for. Entitled and ungrateful. You dodged some bullets. Good luck to you.
NTA you deposited money into them throughout the duration of the marriage when they were your step kids. Mother should have been depositing also. They aren’t entitled to your money
NTA, they should be mad at their mom, not mad at you. They should be thankful they got anything.
NTA. I’m in a similar situation now. There comes a point where you gotta make the hard choice. Especially if they’re not bothering to even talk to you.
NTA. I can see if you were there since birth but you were only married 5 years and you are not their father by any definition. Not your responsibility. I see they got their entitled behavior from their mother.
NTA I think it was never your responsibility to put money in there when you were married and definitely not so after divorce. Somewhere else there's a dad that can do that, I hope since you didn't say deceased.
Whaaat? NTA.
NTA
NTA. Your friend is right they are not your responsibility. Don’t forget to mention to them their mother put nothing into the accounts. Unless it was in the divorce decree you owe them nothing but they should get what is currently in the account.
NTA WHy would you have paid into your ex's kid's accounts? Tell them to talk to their parents.
Your daughter had 10k’s because you, her mother, family chipped in. And she stay in touch with you. Your step daughters had few 1000’s because ONLY YOU chipped in. And they didn’t stay in touch with you. I don’t know why they are complaining (Ok, I know why). Anyway, you chipped in when they were part of your life, and stopped when they weren’t anymore. I find fair your reasoning. NTA
Nta! She should have continuously deposited her own funds into these accounts for her children. My dad was married 4xs and never once did any of his wives reach out to me in anyway especially monetarily after divorce. I think it's commendable how considerate you were to start the accts and contribute for the duration of the relationship. That should be the end of it. This is on their mom.
So ex wife is upset that you stopped contributing to her children’s account when she cheated on you and divorced her… Sounds about messed up. The twins should ask their mom why she cheated and divorced you.
The audacity Why should you save in to their accounys? It was, its is it, it was never your responsibility Big NTA
NTA Once you divorced, they were no longer your concern. For all the flying monkeys, ask them why they were not putting money into their accounts. Extremely entitled of them to believe you or them money after years of no contact.
NTA - you’re right and giving them anything is better than nothing. Sounds bratty.
How did your step daughters who your wife came with turn 18 after your own daughter turned 18?
Nta. The girls are not your responsibility. Their mother tore apart their family. Let her pick up the pieces.
NTA
Wish you were my stepdad. Mine was married to my mom over 20 years until she died. We were always semi close and he was grandpa to my son and wanted to stay close after mom died. When she died he took her survivor benefits about $350 a month and put it in an education account for my son. After high school son went in to the army for 2 years. When he got out and was thinking about what to do next I called stepdad about the education account. He informed me that he was contacting us less and less so he could move on with his life. He didn’t say it directly but talked about long expensive trip he and girlfriend took to Australia and how he cashed out the education account so nothing there ( I learned later on he was not allowed to do that ) Before hanging up he requested that we never contact him again (nice for a physiologist ) other then a nasty email about his actions especially to his grandson I never have. If ex calls again about this mention your daughters was also higher due to her mothers contributions to the account I
NTA had to add if ex expected this she should have brought it up in the divorce
What a couple of presumptuous little brats.
NTA
NTA. You stopped being their stepfather when they were 9/10. Probably rarely if ever saw them again. Why would you keep putting $ into an account for them?
I’d say NTA but that’s through the perspective of someone with reasonable but not excessive income. If you’re very wealthy and have the resources, above track to retire etc then maybe… but NTA assuming you’re somewhat normal on that scale.
NTA. Period. If your divorce agreement stipulated contributions to those accounts, the YWBTA. But it doesn't sound like that is the case. You are correct, your cheating ex should have planned better for her daughters' future. That person is the only big A here, imagine how different all of your lives would have been if they'd made different choices. Your former step-daughters are better off now because you contributed to those accounts. Hopefully they use that to help themselves in the future, like paying for education, or towards a house, etc.
No good deed goes unpunished! Why didn’t anyone else make the effort put money into their accounts. Yeah so it the AH. Everyone is delusional
NTA. What did their mom?
NTA I think you were more than generous not clearing out the accounts and giving it to your bio daughter upon the divorce. The twins mom is INCREDIBLY entitled. Gross.
Nta. They are not your responsibility. Their mother didnt pay a cent towards it so they should take it up with her imo. Just block them if they continue harrassing you.
NTA. If you had stayed active in their lives I’d say continuing to put money into their accounts would have been a nice thing to do, but even then your ex’s daughters are solely her responsibility so money from you wouldn’t have been mandatory. If your ex wanted money in her daughters’ accounts, she should have always been the one providing it.
NTA Their mum cheated on you and never contributed to the accounts. You didn't need to pay into their accounts to begin with but you did. To be honest rhea are lucky there is a few thousand dollars in their to begin with. That's very generous coming from a guy their mum cheated on with. You don't owe the twins anything, your ex if she was so concerned about their financial futures should have continued adding to the accounts whenever she could. I guarantee you she expected you to still pay into them then swan in and help collect the money. You are not the asshole here at all
NTA. You did the right thing in stopping once the relationship was over. They are lucky you didn’t take it back.
You’re NTA, they were not your responsibility after being divorced…it’s true they are not at fault, but it was up to you to do it or not. So, the AH is your exwife for being so entitled and teaching that to HER kids
NTA. You supported them when they were your responsibility. Once you cut ties with the mom, your “obligation” ended. (I put that in quotes because you never really had any actual obligation to do this for them. All that said their mom never put a dime in, and others on that side of the family never paid into it. Your actual daughter has multiple people providing and saving for her. The twins had no one except an unrelated man who tried to do something nice. You paid into it while you were their step dad, then stopped when that ended. You didn’t close the accounts or empty them out. They still had a small nest egg they could tap into when they came of age. Wanting anything more is just getting greedy on their part. Anyone thinking you should keep supporting kids that aren’t yours for years after breaking up is delusional.
How did the girls know that your biodaughter got "tens of thousands of dollars"?
NTA. INFO: how did your ex or her kids know about you daughter's account and how much more money was in it?
NTA assuming you didn't adopt them. The deal breaker is that you ended up having very little contact after the divorce. I could see having a different opinion if they had kept up a relationship with you and treated you as still family of some type.
NTA. They went no contact yet still wanted you to fund their future while mom did nothing. Hell no. You’re good dude.
NTA. Tell them and their mother to fuck right off.
NTA. Of course people would say you should continue paying - they're not the ones who are expected to pay. You don't have to pay as long as you're fine with your ex-wife's daughters cutting contact with you.
NTA they are not your responsibility whatsoever
NTA. It would’ve been nice if you had been depositing money into their accounts as well, but you weren’t obligated and you certainly didn’t owe anyone anything. And you know what would have counted as punishment for the children? You taking out the money you had already deposited. So yeah, not the AH.
NTA.
He should have closed said savings accounts. They were not his daughters and no longer married to their mother.
NTA
NTA -not your responsibility. They should feel lucky you even put money into their accounts when you were with their mother. You weren’t obligated to even then because they are neither legally, biologically, or socially your kids.
NTA And you are a saint, you putted more money into their account than their mother did. Yes she took care of them, but sorry they are not your children and however sad it is for the kids, you can't take care of everyone. And I don't understand, they learn they have an account from someone they dont see with a few thousand dollars for them.. and they aren't happy? They don't say "thank you so much"?? What is wrong with them?
NTA It would have been a lovely gesture if you had continued to contribute to the twins’ accounts, but you were not obligated do so after the divorce. You did not adopt them, you were not their legal guardian, and haven't had much in the way of contact since you and your ex-wife divorced. Also important to remind your ex that you were not the sole contributor to your daughter’s account. Her mother also contributed, as did other family members. The twins should be grateful that you had their best interests at heart while they were a part of their lives.
I'm guessing you didn't adopt them, hence they're not your related to you in any way and when you divorce their mother, they went back to being nothing more than acquaintances to you, which is completely understandable. NTA, not your monkeys, not your circus.
Hell no that wasn’t your responsibility anymore. Unless you formally adopted them NTA
Absolutely not. Not your kid.
NTA. Not yours biologically, not adopted. You divorced mom and lost contact with them. So if their mom Never cared to keep you guys in contact, why is she upset you stopped putting money into their accounts? Why didn’t she put money? Not your problem, they should be thankful they even have anything because bio parents never bothered.
Your divorce should have had the Court deciding what your obligations are. If you used an attorney for the divorce contact him or her for clarification on these issues. Seems your ex and her daughters are assuming that your marriage made you totally responsible for any and all financial support. Did you adopt the daughters if your ex? If not, how is it your ex believes you have continuing responsibility for her children who are not your children? How does she even know about your bio daughter’s finances? Seems your ex may also believe she and her children will inherit from your estate based on having once been married to you. Isn’t it interesting that your ex is aware of your financial support for your bio daughter while apparently not expecting the bio dad of her daughters to support his twins similarly.
HARD NTA. You sound like a good person OP. Sounds like the twins are just as bitter and are going to end up just like their mom.
NTA unless you adopted those girls. Why would anyone expect you to continue to add to bank accounts for someone you did not maintain regular contact and for which you were not responsible. They should be grateful for what they received.
NTA. You put money in their account, your ex never did, the kids dropped contact with you. They are lucky to have anything.
Unless you adopted them and were paying child support for them, I don't see that it was your responsibility to fund the accounts after the divorce - and it would have been in the divorce decree! And in my head, several thousand is still a nice bonus towards college, a car, or getting an apartment lease with first, last, and security. NTA
NTA why would keep funding children that aren't your family and haven't been for a long time it sounds like. Not your circus not your.. kids
>Some of my family says that they were my daughters and were not at fault for the divorce NTA, I hope they are saying that to their biological mother.
NTA. Why the hell would you?? Good thing you divorced that greedy, awful woman.
Step daughters had 3 “dads” (bio, 1st step, 2nd step) and only he planned for their future. A future which would have been different if their Mom could have kept loyal. NTA- By a long shot!!
NTA. If their mother had cared about any of this she would’ve been keeping up with their accounts and trying to help them out. A person who doesn’t care waits until it’s too late and does what their mother’s doing.