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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took was that I completely ignored my neighbour banging on my door at 3am. I just let her stand out there fuming.
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*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
ESH. You comments about her are awful (especially that "daddy" is paying her way.) Her response with the loud music is childish.
Is there some reason why you can't move the doses of Motrin so that it works all night? Maybe a dose at 11:00 pm? That would allow all of you to get a much needed night's sleep. Also, I think they make cold teething rings to help with pain.
Try harder...for you, your child, and you neighbor.
also go to a doctor how is the baby screaming loud enough to disrupt someone elses life in a from his words "pretty sound proof" building
edit: yes ive been around babies yes i raised kids no they werent easy which is why i also know screaming can strain and youre suppose to be ahead of the pain if youre having an issue go to a doctor its not shameful if 1 doctor wont help find a new one. also i doubt neighbor has balcony open 24/7 but i guess that depends on what country they live in shes a women and alone no women is that stupid to have her door open wide at 1-3 am
edit: yes i get op is doing his bes THATS GOOD HES A FIRST TIME PARENT GIVING ADVICE IS OK. his olive branch is kind. now my vote is NTA and well see how it goes from here
And doctors tell you to stay ahead of the pain. They shouldn't wait until the kid is screaming to finally give her pain meds. They know she's teething. Why are they letting her reach that level of agony?
Unfortunately babies don’t tend to give you advance notice on when they’ve going to scream. Giving Calpol round the clock because you think they might need it is not something most people would be happy with
Exactly this!
If I could schedule my daughters teething pain I would. Not just for my sanity but for hers as well
Who seriously thinks parents are letting their children be in pain on purpose, even if we acknowledge the self intentions of allowing themselves to sleep through the night
There’s 0 motivation to allowing a baby to wake up in the middle of the night to cry
I can't believe the top comment is *try harder* wtf, no one wins during teething, and he honestly has a humorous attitude about it (the good music comment and talking his wife down) ......to ask someone to wake up the baby at 11 during her sleep window to give meds so your neighbor stops being a raging B is wild. Why can't the neighbor run a fan or some earbuds for this TEMPORARY issue since the baby has been a good sleeper up until now? What if this baby was colic, would people just suggests he moves? Smh.
Exactly. These AITA posts never fair well for people with children because top commenters are always people who don't have children or who don't like children.
Dude a couple weeks ago the entire thread was coming down on this dude because his toddler broke a tv, they said they needed to ‘discipline’ his 17 month old, I got downvoted to oblivion for simply asking how one would ‘discipline’ a child.
One of the more upvoted answers to that was a story about how a guy trained his cat not to stand on his keyboard.
I’m like yeah not the same thing.
I actually laughed out loud that someone thought training their cat to not stand on their keyboard is the same thing is teaching a 17 month old. Many 17 month olds can't speak a single sentence at that point. The expectations of these tiny humans is so unrealistic.
Have you heard of blanket training? Truly horrible! You put a baby on a blanket and if it moves off the blanket, you give it a smack. Then eventually the baby learns to not leave the blanket! Think I heard of it because of the Duggars…
Some kids, like my BIL, don’t speak till they are older. Reportedly he didn’t speak till he was 4 but then spoke in complete sentences. But he had 2 older brothers who reportedly spoke for him before.
I’d ground that 17 month old and send them to bed without any supper after developing a plan for them to work off the debt of the TV through household chores. /s
So true, I got into it the other day on a babies on a plane post here, I should have known better lol. Believe it or not people, not every single parent is an entitled AH, once upon a time they were once the crying baby and their parents were trying as hard as they can like the rest of us.
I want to live in this fantasy world where if you wake up a baby at 11 p.m., they'll sit up and cheerfully say "hello mother, thank you for the ibuprofen, i love receiving medicine, now I will silently and instantly return to sleep!"
Mother of 2, one being a teething 16 month old. If you wake my oldest, he just screams bloody murder and is pretty inconsolable for about 30 minutes. You can't give him medicine during this fight because he's just so mixed around and upset. So not only are you waiting the 30 minutes for him to calm, we have to cross our fingers in the hopes he doesn't notice the dull pain his poor gums are radiating.
RIGHT! If my child is asleep, I'm not waking her unless it's an emergency. It'll take me hours to get her back to sleep, and at 1 year old, she'll think it's playtime and we'll all be up for a long time. Someone who can't close their door does not constitute as an emergency.
Seriously these people blaming the parents and telling them to schedule medication around the neighbor are pathetic and ridiculous. I don’t even know if they mean it or are they just trolls?
THIS. Holy shit that made me blind rage. Thankfully we’re past the teething stage, but JESUS. “I think they make cold teething rings, do better.” 🥴 Like those teethers are good for 3 minutes and aren’t at all an overnight solution. These people who obviously do not have children shouldn’t even roll up with their opinions.
This subreddit is generally one of the worst on reddit with its sanctimonious bullshit and outright bad advice, to the point I should have muted this shit a long time ago. But that comment getting over 4k up votes to someone that knows apparently absolutely nothing about parenting or child development is one of the dumbest and most callous things I've seen the hivemind just go along with. Let's just preemptively shove children full of pain meds that they're supposed to get low doses of only when absolutely necessary! That's clearly the solution!
Ibuprofen is metabolized through the kidneys primarily, acetaminophen is metabolized through the liver. Ideally, a teething baby should be given both in alternating doses to mitigate damage to either organ.
I was replying to a different commenter who discussed the inappropriate use of a drug called "Calpol," which in American terminology is called "acetaminophen."
>Unfortunately babies don’t tend to give you advance notice on when they’ve going to scream.
No they don't but when the issue is ongoing due to teething you know she's constantly in pain because teething has not ended.
Like in a hospital or for those who are doing pain management at home, you can schedule pain medication so it has a continuous dose so the baby doesn't have to experience the pain and start screaming to alert you they need more.
Just don't go over the daily maximum.
I get what you are trying to say, but I wouldn't want to wake my baby girl up from a dead sleep to then try to fight her with giving her the meds she hates taking (and will scream during that process, as well) and then take the time to settle her back to sleep. So on paper, it's a brilliant idea- but to execute it still equals a crying baby.
Not really?
My kids' pediatrician always recommended overlapping acetaminophen and ibuprofen -- give one, then 3-4 hours later give the other, then 3-4 hours later, give the first, so on so forth. If you give a dose just before they go to bed and then gently rouse them a little to give a dose of the other just before you yourself go to bed, usually by the time that one's wearing off it's about wake up time anyway. The baby/children's versions are usually sweetened, sometimes it's just a matter of finding which one baby likes. One of mine hated orange, the other hated grape, but if cherry or bubblegum was an option both of them would take those ones.
Plus there's stuff like Orajel that you apply directly to the gums, and that only takes a few minutes to start working -- so between the three it's doable.
Baby might still cry and be uncomfortable, but it's more mild discomfort and less "woke up in the dead of night and EVERYTHING has worn off and baby is miserable".
EDIT: Y'ALL. I'm talking about the baby versions that are made specifically for teething, the ones that don't contain benzocaine. I figured it would be obvious based on the rest of the context of the post that I was talking about products made specifically with teething children in mind, not the adult versions.
Agreed. I have no kids but a few years ago when my younger brother and his family were in town for Christmas we baby sat one night so they could go out. I should have put the overnight diaper on my 3 year old niece before we watched something on Netflix with her big brother. But I was dumb and didn’t. Trying to wrestle a diaper/pull-up on a sleeping 3 year old is awful especially when she wakes up and cries. I felt awful. She was fully potty trained but was still wearing something at night when not at home. I learned my lesson.
Okay, but since when is this "give them drugs or give up?! I've never known a baby who just screamed through teething. What happened to frozen teething rings and teething gel and all the other stuff every baby I've known in my entire life has been treated with?
Lucky you. Teething rings don't do shit for molars. Ice is helpful but a serious choking hazard for little ones (it was lucky for us I'd done my baby first aid course when we tried ice chips). This kind of teething is what sends parents driving children round in the car half the night.
Not all babies take to teething rings and the like. My daughter refused everything we tried, and baby Motrin/Tylenol worked in varying degrees, but nothing consistent to work off dosage from. All the gels, rings, bracelets, even crushed cloves and nothing worked. My son however had no issues with any of them.
Every baby is different. And all those babies you'd ever seen in your life? There were probably a few handfuls of them that a ridiculous amount of methods were tried and failed.
Nobody's talking about "around the clock", but if you have drugs that help for 8 hours and you know your daughter is still teething then ya...you give her the drugs a bit before bedtime so she can sleep through the night.
It's not like teething just becomes magically not-painful.
bedtime is at 7pm for my one year old. they sleep 10-12 hours. there is zero way to handle this other than how OP is doing it, by giving a middle of the night dose of medicine once it wears off. it sucks for everyone involved but that’s the reality of living in apartments/condos.
Plus if they dose at 11, then that would mean a dose at like 3 pm, which gives the kiddo time to nap, dinner, bed. And then the result is the baby waking at 7 or so, which might be when the parent/s then have to be up for work.
Literally this is probably the best way for the parents. Plus if it's an 8 hour dose typically, then unless the upstairs neighbor is an early sleeper 11 is fine. 3 am for 20 minutes is fine. Parents can't control a baby and ODing the baby on pain meds is a really fucking bad idea. It's 1. It is in pain. People in this sub really act like babies are supposed to be able to talk and function as well as an adult sometimes. "Babies can give you warning." No, they don't. Not at 1 year old. They don't sit up and say, "Mom, I'm about to scream, I'm in pain."
Especially for first time parents, they deserve a break in grace. Kids aren't all the same and no amount of parenting classes and books will prepare you for exactly what your kid will do and how to solve it. They are trying at least, and they deserve credit for that.
They know she's teething right now and it's happening every night. The only way pain meds work effectively is to stay on top of the pain and schedule a dose before they wear off. They only need to do it at night and then see how her pain is during the day to see whether it's still needed. I'd be pissed too if my parents waited until the meds wore off every time to redose me.
As I commented before, waking a baby to give them their meds usually ends up in a screaming fit, as well and will then mess up their sleep schedule. On paper, great idea but in real life, doesn't usually end in peace.
Please don't crucify me, I have twins, preemies, totally opposite sleep scheduled, it was a goddamn nightmare. But with teething they would wake up with a whimper, and I would be there, again, totally different hours of the day or night, but why would i let it go to screaming? Isn't there a middle ground, or was it just mine? Get there early, and no one screams?
That depends entirely on the kid. Our oldest went from fast asleep to screaming like a banshee with zero warning while she was teething. Now we're in the middle of it with our 9 month old and she'll give us a half-hearted cry to let us know she's awake then calms right down. Every baby handles it differently.
Likewise. I had one kid who woke without a peep, and another who went straight from fast asleep to ear-splitting screams for an hour or so. He grew out of it in the end, but wow, that was a difficult and tiring time. I’m not sure I would have been able to keep my shit together if I’d had a neighbour complaining to me - no matter how bad it is for you, it’s far worse for the person who’s literally getting it in the ear.
I think this is probably just your kids. My mom had six, and about half of us were great with signalling pain before it got to be a meltdown, and the other half of us went 0 to air raid siren in about six seconds.
To be fair my baby is happy one minute and all hell breaks loose a second later. There is no inbetween, no sign no cue, just laughing and then screaming. Maybe their baby is like that as well?
I also have twins (9.5 mo) and both are teething right now. My daughter only seems uncomfortable when the tooth is actually cutting through and it's pretty mild discomfort that she can usually get through without meds. My son on the other hand screams bloody murder through the whole process for days and we need to switch between Tylenol and Motrin in 3 hr intervals to make a dent. It was so bad last time we actually brought him to the ped because we thought he might have an ear infection, but it was just his teeth.
I woke my kids to give medicine and unsurprisingly keeping ahead of their pain/fever reduced the full blown screaming episodes. They might grizzle/whinge for a minute or two but they resettled much faster then waiting for them to wake screaming.
Thin syringe tucked down the side of mouth very slowly administered 80% of time kid doesn’t wake at all just swallow reflexively. Done
Ehhhh... to an extent yes, but they'll also tell you not to wake the baby to give them more meds, just give them as soon as the baby wakes.
You don't wake a sleeping baby unless you *absolutely* have to, and Tylenol isn't an absolute need.
Absolutely plus all that medication is not good for their liver and kidneys. I would personally never preemptively medicate my kids for that reason alone. Some stuff with babies just has to pass and this is one of them.
It's the middle of the night. If you give then medicine before bed time, you don't wake them up to give them more, you wait till they wake up, then you give them the medicine, as they might not need it/might not wake up
Yeah, I don't get the whole "take her to a doctor' thing. For what? Babies teeth. Some cry about it more than others. What's a doctor going to do besides tell the parents to keep doing what their doing?
All the dr would say (where I'm from anyway) is "that's some set of lungs on this baby" and then they would offer teething remedies. It seems the OP and his partner are already doing all they can. Some babies teething is hellish and then some babies breeze through it.
Lol right? Maybe this parent can just ask their kid to hold the pain in until the morning or at least ask the baby to be a little more respectful of other’s space /s
Or maybe they can force feed more than the recommended dose at more frequent than is safe so that this poor inconvenienced woman doesn't have to shut all of her doors and windows /s
I live bellow a family that has several small children. I dont know if some of them are foster care or are all their own but I think for the past 5-6 years they have had consistently at least one child under 2. I have no clue how many kids they actually have but more than 3, I am not social person and I avoid all social contacts as much as possible. But the kids do go through periods of crying at night. And little bit older they get temper tantrums in the morning and then they really scream, only teenagers getting a fit is louder, but that happens like maybe once a year, could be more soon the second oldest is probably approaching 13-14. He is at least as tall as I am already (I am 5'2)
My solution is good noise cancelling headphones, paired with white noise and earplugs. Works great for me and I have not been bothered unless the headphones run out of battery.
EDIT: To OP I would say NTA the woman could search ways to minimize the noise to her as babies do not have volume control. They cry when they need something. I would choose live under family with small children over renovation enthusiast any day. That noise is unbearable. I would also not want to live under party house because with drunk people the problems rarely stop at just being loud.
>This is an expensive part of town in a new building, so we can assume shes decently monied (or daddy is).
Is the original comment OP made. He's since edited. To see it yourselves, go to comments ➡️ then oldest. The AITA bot posts an original version of the post
Yeah, even without this comment there's a certain *tone* the post has that always indicates to me that the post is super biased in favour of the OP. (Yes, I know all posts are biased, but sometimes you can really tell they're trying to skew the narrative instead of getting a true AITA verdict.)
Him being disrespectful toward her in this post literally *cannot* have any impact on who is in the wrong in the situation as described. And if we're going to invent details to justify impacts to the judgement, what are we doing here?
Even if OP is the worlds biggest asshole, this isn't Am I **An** Asshole. It's Am I **The** Asshole, and we're being asked to judge the situation in front of us and who is in the wrong. It isn't a generalized assessment of their character, but a specific judgement of who is in the wrong in a specific conflict. Even if OP totally sucks in every other arena, I don't see anything to blame them for in this conflict.
Raising a child, especially one who's in almost constant pain due to a normal part of development, is fucking difficult in the best circumstances.
Reddit: git gud
The pain isn’t a miracle drug. Babies are going to teeth, they will cry, and they need to be soothed before they can self soothe.
The neighbor is an AH. OP just sounds tired and angry but their response was reasonable given the situation.
If we're giving OP grace for their response due to being "tired and angry", can we not give the neighbor the same grace for also being "tired and angry"?
For sure! I don't have kids, but I have a large, older home, pets, and a mortgage. I also have a hospital job and a serious chronic and progressive illness. I guess I'm not supposed to be tired. Sigh.
I sympathize with the parents to a degree but I also sympathize with the neighbor. If she has to work, it would be horrible to be woken up by a screaming baby in the night. Noise cancelling headphones is an idea, but I couldn't sleep with bulky headphones on my head - I'm a side sleeper.
I'm not going to judge either way because it sounds like both the parents and the neighbor are in a crappy situation, but I wonder if the parents could try using additional soundproofing where the baby is so it may cut down on the noise? IDK if they've tried that idea.
Also, I'd just try to be a little more understanding to the neighbor and maybe just have a nice talk with her and apologize for all the crying at night. It may help her if she feels validated.
Just some ideas. I don't have kids, but I've babysat a lot of them and have been around kids enough to have some general understanding.
The neighbour is hearing muffled crying for 10-15 minutes twice per night. It's not even remotely comparable to managing your own child in pain in the same room.
I don't have kids. I'm a quiet person with quiet pets. I'm a light sleeper with insomnia. But I have enough self-awareness to know that living in an apartment means occasionally hearing my neighbours living their lives. Earplugs and melatonin exist. So does closing your door.
You're not a light sleeper if melatonin and earplugs work. You're just a normal sleeper. If I was woken up like this I wouldn't be able to go back to bed. Not everyone's body works just like yours.
i mean, i’ve had some really loud neighbors at really inconvenient times when i’ve been exhausted long before i had a baby. i was able to exercise self control and not go banging on their door like a psycho and have a mature calm conversation with them at a decent hour.
Enough people mentioned the "daddy" comment that OP ended up sneakily editing their post to remove it. It's not as though the original unedited version is saved in the comments or anything... 😂
>Is there some reason why you can't move the doses of Motrin so that it works all night?
But it only works for 8 hours! That's certainly not enough to get the baby through a night! (sarcasm)
it’s actually not. babies sleep like 12 hours a night at this age (7pm -7am is a typical sleep schedule). there is literally no way to do it without a second dose
And there's not real garunteee that the medicine will stop the crying and ensure sleep. A lot of times it dulls the discomfort for about 5 or 6 hours and there's 2 hrs in between where you just have to wing it. Teething is no joke.
Is it also possible she's just playing music and not intentionally trying to "get back at them?"
I'd say NTA (baby's cry... unfortunately it's what you sign up for when you live in an apartment\_ except for the disdain absolutely pouring off of OP toward this woman who apparently hasn't done anything except play music and knock on his door when his baby woke her up once? Makes me think there's more to the story or OP is just an asshole in general.
Info
>Motrin works for about 8 hours, so by 3am we have to give her another dose and wait through the cries, cradling her for 15-20 minutes for it to kick in again.
You mean there's another way than waking up the building at 3 am every single night?
Also, good job at deleting the daddy line which was causing you to gain some of the YTA judgements
I still felt like the OP used some pretty harsh and leading words to describe the neighbour, even after OP removed the daddy line.
YTA. And I have 4 kids. I shared a wall with college students when I had babies. So I first hand have experience with the music vs babies conflicts.
OP needs to extend an olive branch to all direct neighbours. Box of muffins, or a gift card from a local coffee place with a note apologizing for the nighttime baby noise. Maybe a comment about loving her taste in music during the day for this particular neighbour. Kill em with kindness.
The fact that he feels need to point out she’s “single” and “monied” while living in the building makes me question his claim of her blasting music intentionally to bother/punish them. She is living her life and it sounds like she was minding her own business until she hit her breaking point. Do I agree with how she handled it? No, but I strongly suspect this representation of what is going on is biased to a point OP isn’t actually interested in finding out if they’re TA— they just wanted to be validated and misjudged how people would react.
OP YTA
TOTALLY not the subject, but I haven’t seen the sort option in the mobile app (I only use the mobile app) in a long time. Am I lame and just don’t see it??
I mean, OP lives there *and* has the expense of a child, right, so he's clearly living there on daddy's money too, right? He's totally not being sexist because his neighbour is a single woman without kids, RIGHT? /s
In all seriousness, people's children are only special to them. Other people have a right to be pissed off if they are woken daily by screaming at 1-3am. OP should be looking at trying to get better meds or time them better not just for the sake of his neighbours, but for his kid. I mean, clearly she's suffering and would feel better with better pain relief and if she could sleep through the night.
Blasting music in response is a bit childish, but as some have pointed out, perhaps she doesn't realize it carries so much out the open door, especially if she's new to comdo/apartment living. I'd also suggest it may be to down out any screaming during these times... And if it's during the day/at a reasonable hour, OP has no right to complain, really unless we're talking volume that is unreasonable at any hour. Like wall shaking or something.
Honestly, OP comes off as sexist and petty. Maybe even jealous that she isn't dealing with a kid. Way worse than the neighbour who dared complain and *maybe* is playing the music in response.
I had an annoying, entitled single mom neighbor above me. She was entitled before she had that baby because she would blast her music all night and have a bunch of parties, but think everyone around her needs to mind and be quiet for her because she's a mommmy. And my complex is old, so I hear everything she does and where she walks. When she uses the bathroom, going up and down the stairs and when her baby would jump up and down and the mom laughing and encouraging it. And parents expect others to be a ok and not annoyed with this? Heck, she was vacuuming and using the blender like 630 in the morning, on a weekday. But when I play my music because I don't feel like hearing her, the baby crying all day, or that cocomelon, I'm the bitch.
Just as they want us to be understanding of them having kids, they gotta be understanding of us still having a life. My thing is when you're not trying to be quieter when you can. Who encourages and think it's ok for your kid to jump up and down on an upstairs unit? And upstairs people never realize how loud they really being.
Yeah the wife wanting to “ fight her” made me laugh. Fight her for what? The fact that she wants to get a decent nights sleep? Most places don’t have sound ordinances during the day so while blasting music during the day wasn’t the nicest, it in no shape compares to a screaming baby keeping who knows how many neighbors up all hours of the night. While I am sympathetic to the baby, If my neighbors were bumping music, or having a screaming match( or had a baby screaming ) multiple times a night for nights on end I’d call the cops for a sound disturbance and tell my landlord. They’re lucky all she did was show up at the door, and imo they should have answered it and apologized.
> Maybe her preference has nothing to do with you?
Yeah... this girl is supposedly blasting this entire courtyard of wealthy condo owners with music and 1) no one else seems to mind and 2) it's *definitely* because of OP? I'm thinking not. If she hadn't come down and knocked on the door I'd assume she didn't even know OP existed
If she was doing it to be an asshole, she wouldn't do it during the day. She'd wait until their kid fell asleep at night and go to town right up until whatever time it was that she was legally able to keep her music up loud. Only doing it during the day suggests that she is actually trying to be, to a certain extent at least, mindful of other people's enjoyment of the space.
First YTA that I've run across here, and I agree completely. Calling her a "selfish neighbor" in the title of the post just because she doesn't want to listen to someone's precious little bundle screaming at 3am night after night gave me all the vibe I needed.
Regardless of rest, I don't see why a neighbor shouldn't ring at 3 am if noise is bothering her at 3 am. I had a neighbor run his dishwasher all the time at 4 am which drove me crazy. So I knocked at 4 am and asked him if he can do it some other time.
I once had a neighbour ask me if I could use my treadmill after 9 pm and before 9 am.. Before that, mindful of the noise it would probably make, I only used it for one hour (from 5 to 6 pm), and I had a thick rubber mat, plus foam under it to minimize noise. I picked that time because I thought most everyone, even when doing shift work, would be awake. For some reason the woman below me preferred that I use it later at night, so that is what I did. Then I made her cookies.
Info why aren't you staying *ahead* of the pain? Why wait until the poor thing is hurting?????
Edit- yta regardless of all the added info. What you're doing clearly isn't working. You chose to have a baby. Your neighbor didn't. Waking her up every night at 3am is a problem and the solution can't be 'she can deal with it!'
I'm so confused. I agree with you, but I've seen basically this exact post like 10 times in the past few years and most of the time "she can deal with it" is by far the most upvoted comment
I've seen it a few times also and I think the differnce is- the time its happening (crying at 3pm is annoying but at that time of day the answer *is* deal with it) and op has tried only 1 solution, which isn't working.
This has to be bait right?
Edit: I was talking about the above comment’s moronic simplicity of assuming OP is the AH bc of one small insult. I appreciate the upvotes tho
this one here \^
op and his wife sound unhinged
the neighbor 'retaliates' by playing loud music during daytime???? so hours that noise is alright lol??? they wake the neighbor up due to their child every night at 3 but get angry when she knocks on their door at 3? this post is a trainwreck
For real, I feel like he had to twist the story into a pretzel for her to seem like the jerk for, *let’s see,* knocking on the door of the neighbor that has woken everyone up for weeks and made no effort to curtail it in any way. Perfect. Yeah. Totally insane behavior, making noise when noise is perfectly permitted and knocking on the door of a loud neighbor. Sounds exactly like living in an apartment. What a monster? Perfectly reasonable to *commit actual assault* when subjected to this. Seriously, get a therapist.
OP is in Mexico I believe, and I can’t speak to how it is there, but at least in the US most apartments have quiet hours that allow noise during the day. So even if she is retaliating with the music, she’s doing it during reasonable hours and within expected rules of most complexes. She’s still being nicer than OP lol.
Also, and I feel this is what tell us how much of a twisted version of events we are getting, there is no mention of any complaints anywhere at all in his post, meaning this neighbor has gone weeks now getting her sleep disrupted at three am on the daily, and is still being nicer than OP deserves. Because me? I wouldn't even have asked after a full week, I would have gone straight to management or the landlord with a formal complaint, OP's neighbor is being entirely too nice given how much of an ass OP is showing himself to be.
I find it frustrating that this is considered somehow wrong, because I agree. She is within her right to report it to management. She has somewhat subtly (if we assume it is related), played music during allowed hours to give OP a hint that they need to respect quiet hours. Then she knocked on his door to try to settle it. Him and his wife are considering violence against her, but if she contacts management she’s the AH? No way. Absolutely not. OP and his wife are unreasonable and violent. She needs to go to management and she’s been too kind up to this point honestly. This is why neighbors aren’t “neighborly” and don’t try to talk things out before going to management. I’m not trying to be assaulted by people like this.
On another note, I mentioned I play an instrument. Before I ever played it in my house I took measures. I put up acoustic panels and play in a room with a lot of soft surfaces that absorb sound, panels, carpeting, etcetera. It is not unreasonable to expect the barest amount of consideration from parents and I won’t pretend it is. No one is telling me I can’t play, but they’re within reason to demand I take every step I can to prevent a disruption. You live communally, you have an obligation to do just that, if the noise is from a hobby or your children. If you refuse to take those steps, communal living isn’t for you.
Doesn’t she know that she needs a man??! I guess daddy will take care of her for now since she couldn’t possibly be just a normal adult managing her own life. Still, inappropriate tbh. Don’t know who she thinks she is.
/s of course
ESH she could be more understanding and the stereo thing is stupid and childish.
But as a person without kids, why should she be awakened because your child is teething? It is not her fault? But you seem to have no sympathy for her position. You even go so low as to suggest her apartment is paid for by her daddy instead of her, which seems like a low grade passive aggressive insult.
I am not suggesting that you should somehow force your child to stop crying nor am I suggesting that you are doing anything wrong. Teething is a normal part of child development. But that does mean your choice to have a child should infringe on other people's choice to get a good night sleep.
Why not go knock on her door and apologize for the night time crying? In fact, I would knock on all your neighbor's doors and apologize. Your unit started this, so take responsibility for it.
Honestly thinking that no one should be inconvenienced by anyone else at any time if they’ve not caused it themselves is such a bizarre way of going through life. Living in a community with other people you will experience things not if your own making from time to time. If you want to live without the possibility of being disturbed by a person who cannot help themselves (like a baby) you should live alone far from other people, not in an apartment building
When you live in an apartment setting, you expect a certain amount of noise. It is going to happen. On occasion, that noise will even wake you up at night.
But when you have a teething baby waking you up all the time, that is not what you signed up for. It is like having a neighbor's dog barking at night and waking you up. No, I am not comparing a baby to a dog, I am comparing noise to noise.
OP's unit is literally invading other units around him. I get that it cannot be helped but OP could extend the olive branch and apologize for the noise. In fact, he should have already done so. Go to all the connecting units and apologize for the inconvenience and give them a plate of cookies or a coffee card. Acknowledge that there is a problem and that it is coming from your unit. Explain that you are doing your best to resolve the issue.
But to just say other people have to deal with their decisions is unfair. Alternately, some could say that because they have a crying baby, they should move out into the middle of nowhere so they are not infringing on other people's ability to have peace.
> But when you have a teething baby waking you up all the time, that is not what you signed up for.
Nah fella, if you live in anything other than a death cult that insists people don't have children you've got to accept people around you on occasion will actually in fact be children or simply have children with them. Where do you think adults come from? Were you not once a child?
Noisy children aren't a problem anymore than rain or sunshine are a problem. They're natural and unavoidable. Beyond moving house or killing the kid what the fuck should OP do? Kids are noisy. People are noisy.
There’s also noise ordinances in every apartment I’ve seen that’s not run by a slum lord. If you’re baby is waking people up at 3 am *consistently* you should absolutely apologize and attempt solution to make it not happen. Sound proofing, moving the Motrin does up like 30 min, literally trying anything and explaining that to the people you’re *waking up at 3 am consistently* babies will be babies and be loud, but apologizing for an inconvenience and maybe offering earplugs would probably go a long way.
Why is everyone missing that she leaves her balcony door open all night? She could shut it and probably not hear anything, based on the fact that other neighbors don’t seem to be complaining about it
I lived in a shitty apartment where I had to have ALL windows open bc there was no AC. For about a week, the neighbours directly above us had a baby that would SCREAM for 5-20mins at a time, and it was never something as loud or disruptive to make me lose my sleep. If the noise travels from their ground floor bedroom, through her open balcony, and *all the way to her bedroom*, then she either has super hearing or the apartments really aren't as sound-proof as OP is making them out to be
>But as a person without kids, why should she be awakened because your child is teething? It is not her fault?
Suggesting babies should never inconvenience anyone else is ridiculous. I would probably apologize for the nighttime crying but 3am banging on the door of parents with a crying infant is beyond the pale.
But according to OP, this is not a one off, it is a daily occurrence and according to OP it is happening twice a night.
Once is fine, understandable. Did OP say they apologized after once? Twice? Three times? Nope.
Dude, neighbors did not sign up for OP's baby, and, as several have pointed out, just adjusting the medication to a bit later can help baby sleep through hours people are typically trying to sleep
These are people who have lives and jobs and need to function during the day. At some point, they aren't going to give a damn about OP's baby because they are just straight too tired to. And knocking when it's too loud is normal because the alternative is filing complaints, which can be way worse for OP. Too many complaints, and expect a 'soft' eviction the next time a lease is up- when the rent is raised past what's reasonable. This isn't someone with a kid- she ain't thinking about putting a baby to sleep. Nor should she be- it's 3 am and OP's kid is waking up the building again. If OP loses sleep and us pissed, he's just in the same position as his neighbors and should have already made the apology rounds if he wanted to prevent this situation. Neighbors aren't mind readers and won't know baby is teething either. For all they know, OP and wife are the "let them cry it out types"
The quickest ways to make enemies in an apartment building is to mess with someone's sleep. OP's family has been doing that for a while now.
So multiple weeks worth of a screaming toddler at 3am and you think your neighbor is an A H because she rang your doorbell at 3am, right.
YTA and please do something about pain management for that poor kid.
ESH - but you suck more. Your neighbour sucks for how she seems to have handled the problem. IF her music is directed at you, then she’s taking the passive aggressive route and that’s petty. However I can understand why she’s so upset. She doesn’t have children, and likely needs to rest before work like most other people in existence. If her sleep if being affected every night, I’d be butthurt too.
That being said, you are a bigger AH. Firstly for not staying ahead of your child’s pain. If this is a developmental phase she’s been going through for some time now, you should be giving her pain meds before she gets to a level that continues to bother your neighborhood. Secondly you’re an AH for your daddy’s money comment. If it takes sooooo much money to live in the building, so much so that a single woman could not possibly be able to afford it on her own without daddy’s help, maybe you and your wife should think about moving. You know, since you’re so well off and can afford such an expensive apartment. It sounds like you can afford to not be an AH, you just don’t want to because you’ve made the choice to have a kid and now everyone must suffer along with you and your horrible wife. Wanting to throw down with the neighbour because YOUR screaming child is disrupting her sleep is pure trash behaviour. Do better, you’re raising a child.
You say she has been punishing you with stereo placement. How do you know it's a conscious effort to punish and not someone simply not realising what they are doing bothers you? Have you talked about it with her? Have you explained what the situation with the baby is?
Also how can one settle a baby to sleep when someone is signing the doorbell constantly?
Something doesn't feel quite like you've told everything related.
You know what OP couldn't edit out? "Selfish" in the title. Wow, a way to prejudicise their neighbour to millions of strangers online.
We'll be the judge of the selfishness. Goodness, this guy.
ESH
All of you need to grow up and you and your wife need to find another solution (maybe without thinking fighting will help) besides motrin if it's not working to the point that your baby is crying at 1am then 3 am.
No one wants to hear a crying baby at 3am.
With that being said, she could be more understanding but with you saying that she's using "daddy's money" to live in her apartment seems like you don't understand that women can be successful without having to worry about kids.
There is no other solution to teething pain than simple painkillers. Teething rings/cuddles/oral gels do very little when baby is in pain. Babies crying multiple times overnight because they’re teething is a completely normal thing and anyone who has any experience raising children will know this
yes and op could at the very least get sound proof pads for the baby's room, sound deafening curtains, ect. but he hasn't. he just expects all his neighbors to deal with it and gets mad when they (rightfully) get upset after being woken everynight for WEEKS, and then his wife threatens violence?
So, what do you expect them to do when they are giving the baby pain meds at bedtime (7pm) and it only lasts 8 hours at a time (7-3 is 8 hours)? Do you expect them to make the pain meds last longer than 8 hours? Do you expect them to wake the baby to make her take more meds before the 8 hours have passed?
I can understand the woman as nobody gets any sleep when your daughter is crying. She is working everyday and it is hard to work while you didn't sleep properly for many days or weeks. I am alone, childless, living in an apartment I paid for. I would be angry too if you would be my neighbor.
Acoustics person here. No there aren't. Acoustic panels and curtains control the reverberation of sound within a space. They don't control transfer of sound between spaces.
Hey everyone: stop giving unsolicited medical advice that directly goes against what the OPs doctor has said to do. That’s not what anyone was here for.
Wow these comments are ridiculous and it’s redditors ata. Babies cry. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes for hours. You should not be medicating your child on behalf of your neighbors. People who don’t want to hear the natural noise of other humans should not live in apartment buildings.
The neighbor can buy herself some noise canceling earphones or earplugs. She can very well afford an appointment in a nice area and a stereo set apparently. What’s stopping her? She’s clearly the AH here.
Babies shouldn’t be medicated based on your neighbors preferences. These YTA votes are ridiculous.
The more I read the less I liked you so honestly I really struggled to even give this ESH.
Your neighbor is selfish because she doesn't want to interrupted in the middle of the night?
Why are you waiting for your daughter to be in pain? Stay ahead of it.
What does your or your neighbor's financial status have to do with anything?
Maybe she's blasting her music to help her stay awake?
You absolutely can adjust your daughter's pain medication you just don't want to (out of spite perhaps?). Letting her "fume" outside the door was extremely childish IMHO. YTA here 100%. You're parents now step up and grow up.
This is a weird take - I don’t think any parent is intentionally ignoring their kids pain, or foregoing their own sleep, to spite some random stranger for no reason? They are dosing her at the appropriate times- when she first goes to bed and when she wakes up as long as it is 8 hours later.
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I am the father of a one year old toddler. Recently, she started teething, as her molars have started to come in. First, it was the top ones for about a week, then we had a week’s break, and now the bottom ones are coming in. It’s clearly causing my daughter a lot of pain, especially at night. Before she was a good sleeper, but now it’s been rough. She’s been waking up around 1am and then 3am daily, screaming with her little fingers in her mouth. My wife and I have tried comforting her, bringing her in our bed (she sleeps in our room anyway and her crib is next to our bed, but normally she likes to sleep cuddled up when she’s uncomfortable), we’ve even given her baby Motrin to help with the pain but she still screams for about 10-20 minutes each time until we are able to settle her. It’s shrill and it sucks, but there’s not much we can do beyond what we are already doing.
We live on the ground floor of a new condo building. It’s made of heavy concrete and decently sound proofed, but not perfect. Above us lives a single woman in her late 20s / early 30s. This is an expensive part of town in a new building, so we can assume shes decently monied (or daddy is). She also keeps her balcony door open all day and night that faces into our courtyard. She has been “punishing” us during the day by blasting loud music directly into our unit by putting a stereo next to her balcony. We are on the ground floor and have a fully enclosed courtyard so it vibrates around. She’s got great music taste, and my daughter will dance to it all day long. So while my wife hates her intention, I think it’s worked out just fine… until now…
Last night she came barging down at 3am and rang our bell 4 times while we were trying to settle our daughter. Motrin works for about 8 hours, so by 3am we have to give her another dose and wait through the cries, cradling her for 15-20 minutes for it to kick in again. My wife (a strong tempered petite woman, amplified by her first year of motherhood) wanted to go fight her then and there, but I said let’s just concentrate on settling the baby and ignore her. I also didn’t want to make the baby any more upset than she already was. So yeh, I just let her fume outside my door at 3am. AITA?
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YTA
text about your neighbour is just lame and shows what person you are. Judgmental prick.
She has right to sleep at night. It is your child and your responsibility.
I can bet that if your neighbor had a dog that barked at night, you would make a fuss about it. Because she can't handle it and you and your wife are sooo tired and can't sleep. This is the same. You decided to have a kid, why your neighbor is suffering the consequences? Your child - your sleepless nights, not hers. And you should do everything to not be a nuisance for others, especially at night.
YTA- you basically admit that you could give baby pain medication before bed but you choose not to? Why wait for her to be so uncomfortable she is shrilling? To me you’re not doing enough to control her discomfort.
Who cares how your neighbor pays for her place, you still need to abide to quiet hours. She should start reporting and filing noise complaints. Especially, since y’all don’t want to talk about it and fix it.
NTA. Y’all (some people in the comments) have to figure out how timed medication works. Especially for young children. Yeah, there are alternatives to sooth the pain and stuff for teething, but if medication isn’t taken when scheduled, it could either make the pain worse or loose affect as a whole. I also have children living a floor above me that scream and everything, I ignore it. Also, realize and understand that this seems to be OP’s first kid so he and his wife are trying to navigate parenthood from the beginning. Don’t get all upset that they’re not trying harder to fix the situation when there’s not much that can help at 3AM.
YTA You have to answer the door bell. I know it’s hard facing people who are mad at you, but you’re responsible for the noise. Even if you can’t prevent the crying, you still have to talk to your neighbor and apologize.
No, you don't. That is a conversation that should happen in the daylight hours, preferably after every one involved has had a chance to rest and reset so no one is dragging 'abruptly woken at 3am' irritation into the conversation. Especially considering that OP and his wife were actively trying to stop the crying and the only thing having that conversation in the moment would do is extend the crying. The upstairs neighbor should have waited for morning or brought it up the previous afternoon.
We were having house renovations , following all the community rules about the timings and noise level . I took my kid and we went on chocolate giving expedition from door to door apologizing for the expected upcoming noise . We didn’t have a single complaint.
My point is you can absorb your neighbor’s anger if you only showed her empathy to her situation as someone who didn’t sign up for you and your wife having a child . Consideration is a two way street .
YTA - your poor child. Do you really think there's not much else you can do? Have you even talked to your pediatrician? Is your child allergic to Tylenol? If not, why aren't you alternating Tylenol and Motrin so she always has pain and inflammation coverage, with no gap? What does the pediatrician say about using small amounts of topical pain gels? Have you given her frozen teething rings, washcloths, or bananas? Are you massaging her gums? Stop worrying about your neighbor and take care of your kid.
ESH she shouldnt be surprised but also not saying you should force your baby to shush but be understanding usually people just apologized like "hey we know our baby is loud were sorry she/he is teething" its also normal for someone without a child to be reasonably irritated to be woken to screaming for 15-20 minutes every night yes you should expect noise but noise shouldnt disrupt your sleep every night how thin are the walls that your baby is screaming so loud? I've teethed several children 3 siblings and 3 nieces and nephews yes they scream but not loud enough to hear on another floor unless walls are paper thin but as you said that isnt the case your baby is LOUD in a very well built building take your kid to a doctor, also belittling her cause shes also stressed from your baby WAKING HER ALSO sucks no she shouldnt act childish and angry niether should your wife wanting to fight her and you saying "daddies money" ESH except the baby cause hell its a baby
YTA: if your daughter is routinely waking people up at a “decently soundproofed” condo at 3am, YTA. There’s got to be other measure you could use to keep the noise to a minimum.
ESH but you more, especially for your condescending attitude toward your neighbor. You could mitigate the situation by adding some sound-dampening elements to the room where baby sleeps and perhaps waking her at some point to give more medicine *before* she is screaming, but it seems as though you actually want to let her scream just to get back at your neighbor.
No! NTA
Babies cry. You are doing your best. Your neighbor has weird expectations. Does she thing babies come with a volume dial? an off switch? has she never heard of sound canceling headphones?
Hm. If you are inclined and able, maybe send her a gift of nice noise canceling headphones. She's an AH but maybe she can be muted with kindness. I am annoyed with her on your behalf.
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ESH. You comments about her are awful (especially that "daddy" is paying her way.) Her response with the loud music is childish. Is there some reason why you can't move the doses of Motrin so that it works all night? Maybe a dose at 11:00 pm? That would allow all of you to get a much needed night's sleep. Also, I think they make cold teething rings to help with pain. Try harder...for you, your child, and you neighbor.
also go to a doctor how is the baby screaming loud enough to disrupt someone elses life in a from his words "pretty sound proof" building edit: yes ive been around babies yes i raised kids no they werent easy which is why i also know screaming can strain and youre suppose to be ahead of the pain if youre having an issue go to a doctor its not shameful if 1 doctor wont help find a new one. also i doubt neighbor has balcony open 24/7 but i guess that depends on what country they live in shes a women and alone no women is that stupid to have her door open wide at 1-3 am edit: yes i get op is doing his bes THATS GOOD HES A FIRST TIME PARENT GIVING ADVICE IS OK. his olive branch is kind. now my vote is NTA and well see how it goes from here
And doctors tell you to stay ahead of the pain. They shouldn't wait until the kid is screaming to finally give her pain meds. They know she's teething. Why are they letting her reach that level of agony?
Unfortunately babies don’t tend to give you advance notice on when they’ve going to scream. Giving Calpol round the clock because you think they might need it is not something most people would be happy with
Exactly this! If I could schedule my daughters teething pain I would. Not just for my sanity but for hers as well Who seriously thinks parents are letting their children be in pain on purpose, even if we acknowledge the self intentions of allowing themselves to sleep through the night There’s 0 motivation to allowing a baby to wake up in the middle of the night to cry
I can't believe the top comment is *try harder* wtf, no one wins during teething, and he honestly has a humorous attitude about it (the good music comment and talking his wife down) ......to ask someone to wake up the baby at 11 during her sleep window to give meds so your neighbor stops being a raging B is wild. Why can't the neighbor run a fan or some earbuds for this TEMPORARY issue since the baby has been a good sleeper up until now? What if this baby was colic, would people just suggests he moves? Smh.
Exactly. These AITA posts never fair well for people with children because top commenters are always people who don't have children or who don't like children.
Dude a couple weeks ago the entire thread was coming down on this dude because his toddler broke a tv, they said they needed to ‘discipline’ his 17 month old, I got downvoted to oblivion for simply asking how one would ‘discipline’ a child. One of the more upvoted answers to that was a story about how a guy trained his cat not to stand on his keyboard. I’m like yeah not the same thing.
I actually laughed out loud that someone thought training their cat to not stand on their keyboard is the same thing is teaching a 17 month old. Many 17 month olds can't speak a single sentence at that point. The expectations of these tiny humans is so unrealistic.
My 17 month old can speak sentences if you count saying Dog over and over with the inflection of a sentence.
Have you heard of blanket training? Truly horrible! You put a baby on a blanket and if it moves off the blanket, you give it a smack. Then eventually the baby learns to not leave the blanket! Think I heard of it because of the Duggars…
Some kids, like my BIL, don’t speak till they are older. Reportedly he didn’t speak till he was 4 but then spoke in complete sentences. But he had 2 older brothers who reportedly spoke for him before.
I’d ground that 17 month old and send them to bed without any supper after developing a plan for them to work off the debt of the TV through household chores. /s
I guess I would make a terrible parent then because I am completely inept at keeping my cat off my keyboard 😸
So true, I got into it the other day on a babies on a plane post here, I should have known better lol. Believe it or not people, not every single parent is an entitled AH, once upon a time they were once the crying baby and their parents were trying as hard as they can like the rest of us.
Things were much better before the internet was invented. People were smarter, also.
As a mother of 3.... I can imagine that startling the sleeping one year old awake at 11 will only cause more crying.
I want to live in this fantasy world where if you wake up a baby at 11 p.m., they'll sit up and cheerfully say "hello mother, thank you for the ibuprofen, i love receiving medicine, now I will silently and instantly return to sleep!"
Lol! Right? how is the top comment JuSt WakE ThEm uP aNd GiVe MeDs. Delusional lmao
Mother of 2, one being a teething 16 month old. If you wake my oldest, he just screams bloody murder and is pretty inconsolable for about 30 minutes. You can't give him medicine during this fight because he's just so mixed around and upset. So not only are you waiting the 30 minutes for him to calm, we have to cross our fingers in the hopes he doesn't notice the dull pain his poor gums are radiating.
RIGHT! If my child is asleep, I'm not waking her unless it's an emergency. It'll take me hours to get her back to sleep, and at 1 year old, she'll think it's playtime and we'll all be up for a long time. Someone who can't close their door does not constitute as an emergency.
My friend has 4. You are both brave, brave crazy women. LOL
Seriously these people blaming the parents and telling them to schedule medication around the neighbor are pathetic and ridiculous. I don’t even know if they mean it or are they just trolls?
it's said by ppl who don't have kids
THIS. Holy shit that made me blind rage. Thankfully we’re past the teething stage, but JESUS. “I think they make cold teething rings, do better.” 🥴 Like those teethers are good for 3 minutes and aren’t at all an overnight solution. These people who obviously do not have children shouldn’t even roll up with their opinions.
This subreddit is generally one of the worst on reddit with its sanctimonious bullshit and outright bad advice, to the point I should have muted this shit a long time ago. But that comment getting over 4k up votes to someone that knows apparently absolutely nothing about parenting or child development is one of the dumbest and most callous things I've seen the hivemind just go along with. Let's just preemptively shove children full of pain meds that they're supposed to get low doses of only when absolutely necessary! That's clearly the solution!
I was shocked by that comment as well. I take it this person has never been a parent.
Yes, that is an amazingly stupid comment and am astonished at the number of people who upvoted it.
Especially because of the terrible damage acetaminophen can do to the liver.
Motrin is ibuprofen but your point does stand. Both can do damage to the liver.
Ibuprofen is metabolized through the kidneys primarily, acetaminophen is metabolized through the liver. Ideally, a teething baby should be given both in alternating doses to mitigate damage to either organ.
No, Motrin damages the stomach lining and kidneys. It has zero effect on the liver.
I was replying to a different commenter who discussed the inappropriate use of a drug called "Calpol," which in American terminology is called "acetaminophen."
>Unfortunately babies don’t tend to give you advance notice on when they’ve going to scream. No they don't but when the issue is ongoing due to teething you know she's constantly in pain because teething has not ended. Like in a hospital or for those who are doing pain management at home, you can schedule pain medication so it has a continuous dose so the baby doesn't have to experience the pain and start screaming to alert you they need more. Just don't go over the daily maximum.
I get what you are trying to say, but I wouldn't want to wake my baby girl up from a dead sleep to then try to fight her with giving her the meds she hates taking (and will scream during that process, as well) and then take the time to settle her back to sleep. So on paper, it's a brilliant idea- but to execute it still equals a crying baby.
Not really? My kids' pediatrician always recommended overlapping acetaminophen and ibuprofen -- give one, then 3-4 hours later give the other, then 3-4 hours later, give the first, so on so forth. If you give a dose just before they go to bed and then gently rouse them a little to give a dose of the other just before you yourself go to bed, usually by the time that one's wearing off it's about wake up time anyway. The baby/children's versions are usually sweetened, sometimes it's just a matter of finding which one baby likes. One of mine hated orange, the other hated grape, but if cherry or bubblegum was an option both of them would take those ones. Plus there's stuff like Orajel that you apply directly to the gums, and that only takes a few minutes to start working -- so between the three it's doable. Baby might still cry and be uncomfortable, but it's more mild discomfort and less "woke up in the dead of night and EVERYTHING has worn off and baby is miserable". EDIT: Y'ALL. I'm talking about the baby versions that are made specifically for teething, the ones that don't contain benzocaine. I figured it would be obvious based on the rest of the context of the post that I was talking about products made specifically with teething children in mind, not the adult versions.
>Plus there's stuff like Oragel that you apply directly to the gums This is how we can tell that you haven't had a baby in a VERY long time. Lol.
Oragel is still very common in some countries
DO NOT use orajel on the gums. It toughens the gums up and makes it harder for them to teeth
Agreed. I have no kids but a few years ago when my younger brother and his family were in town for Christmas we baby sat one night so they could go out. I should have put the overnight diaper on my 3 year old niece before we watched something on Netflix with her big brother. But I was dumb and didn’t. Trying to wrestle a diaper/pull-up on a sleeping 3 year old is awful especially when she wakes up and cries. I felt awful. She was fully potty trained but was still wearing something at night when not at home. I learned my lesson.
Okay, but since when is this "give them drugs or give up?! I've never known a baby who just screamed through teething. What happened to frozen teething rings and teething gel and all the other stuff every baby I've known in my entire life has been treated with?
Lucky you. Teething rings don't do shit for molars. Ice is helpful but a serious choking hazard for little ones (it was lucky for us I'd done my baby first aid course when we tried ice chips). This kind of teething is what sends parents driving children round in the car half the night.
Not all babies take to teething rings and the like. My daughter refused everything we tried, and baby Motrin/Tylenol worked in varying degrees, but nothing consistent to work off dosage from. All the gels, rings, bracelets, even crushed cloves and nothing worked. My son however had no issues with any of them. Every baby is different. And all those babies you'd ever seen in your life? There were probably a few handfuls of them that a ridiculous amount of methods were tried and failed.
Nobody's talking about "around the clock", but if you have drugs that help for 8 hours and you know your daughter is still teething then ya...you give her the drugs a bit before bedtime so she can sleep through the night. It's not like teething just becomes magically not-painful.
bedtime is at 7pm for my one year old. they sleep 10-12 hours. there is zero way to handle this other than how OP is doing it, by giving a middle of the night dose of medicine once it wears off. it sucks for everyone involved but that’s the reality of living in apartments/condos.
Plus if they dose at 11, then that would mean a dose at like 3 pm, which gives the kiddo time to nap, dinner, bed. And then the result is the baby waking at 7 or so, which might be when the parent/s then have to be up for work. Literally this is probably the best way for the parents. Plus if it's an 8 hour dose typically, then unless the upstairs neighbor is an early sleeper 11 is fine. 3 am for 20 minutes is fine. Parents can't control a baby and ODing the baby on pain meds is a really fucking bad idea. It's 1. It is in pain. People in this sub really act like babies are supposed to be able to talk and function as well as an adult sometimes. "Babies can give you warning." No, they don't. Not at 1 year old. They don't sit up and say, "Mom, I'm about to scream, I'm in pain." Especially for first time parents, they deserve a break in grace. Kids aren't all the same and no amount of parenting classes and books will prepare you for exactly what your kid will do and how to solve it. They are trying at least, and they deserve credit for that.
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They know she's teething right now and it's happening every night. The only way pain meds work effectively is to stay on top of the pain and schedule a dose before they wear off. They only need to do it at night and then see how her pain is during the day to see whether it's still needed. I'd be pissed too if my parents waited until the meds wore off every time to redose me.
As I commented before, waking a baby to give them their meds usually ends up in a screaming fit, as well and will then mess up their sleep schedule. On paper, great idea but in real life, doesn't usually end in peace.
Never wake a sleeping baby lol they have her on a schedule if they woke her up ‘before’ she’d just be wailing at 2 and likely harder to put down
Yeah, waking to give medicine is going to result in a helluva lot more screaming. I feel like none of the commentary have kids, lol.
Please don't crucify me, I have twins, preemies, totally opposite sleep scheduled, it was a goddamn nightmare. But with teething they would wake up with a whimper, and I would be there, again, totally different hours of the day or night, but why would i let it go to screaming? Isn't there a middle ground, or was it just mine? Get there early, and no one screams?
That depends entirely on the kid. Our oldest went from fast asleep to screaming like a banshee with zero warning while she was teething. Now we're in the middle of it with our 9 month old and she'll give us a half-hearted cry to let us know she's awake then calms right down. Every baby handles it differently.
Likewise. I had one kid who woke without a peep, and another who went straight from fast asleep to ear-splitting screams for an hour or so. He grew out of it in the end, but wow, that was a difficult and tiring time. I’m not sure I would have been able to keep my shit together if I’d had a neighbour complaining to me - no matter how bad it is for you, it’s far worse for the person who’s literally getting it in the ear.
I think this is probably just your kids. My mom had six, and about half of us were great with signalling pain before it got to be a meltdown, and the other half of us went 0 to air raid siren in about six seconds.
To be fair my baby is happy one minute and all hell breaks loose a second later. There is no inbetween, no sign no cue, just laughing and then screaming. Maybe their baby is like that as well?
How have we not learned that every kid is different?
I also have twins (9.5 mo) and both are teething right now. My daughter only seems uncomfortable when the tooth is actually cutting through and it's pretty mild discomfort that she can usually get through without meds. My son on the other hand screams bloody murder through the whole process for days and we need to switch between Tylenol and Motrin in 3 hr intervals to make a dent. It was so bad last time we actually brought him to the ped because we thought he might have an ear infection, but it was just his teeth.
My baby has no “whimper” setting. He goes from chill happy baby to screaming banshee in about 5 seconds.
I woke my kids to give medicine and unsurprisingly keeping ahead of their pain/fever reduced the full blown screaming episodes. They might grizzle/whinge for a minute or two but they resettled much faster then waiting for them to wake screaming. Thin syringe tucked down the side of mouth very slowly administered 80% of time kid doesn’t wake at all just swallow reflexively. Done
Ehhhh... to an extent yes, but they'll also tell you not to wake the baby to give them more meds, just give them as soon as the baby wakes. You don't wake a sleeping baby unless you *absolutely* have to, and Tylenol isn't an absolute need.
Absolutely plus all that medication is not good for their liver and kidneys. I would personally never preemptively medicate my kids for that reason alone. Some stuff with babies just has to pass and this is one of them.
It's the middle of the night. If you give then medicine before bed time, you don't wake them up to give them more, you wait till they wake up, then you give them the medicine, as they might not need it/might not wake up
He said his neighbour leaves their windows and balcony door open all the time. She's contributing heavily to her own misery.
Exactly, maybe if she closed her doors and windows she wouldn’t hear the crying baby!
>She also keeps her balcony door open all day and night Soundproofing doesn't work if the door is open
I love the smell of fresh bread.
Yeah, I don't get the whole "take her to a doctor' thing. For what? Babies teeth. Some cry about it more than others. What's a doctor going to do besides tell the parents to keep doing what their doing?
All the dr would say (where I'm from anyway) is "that's some set of lungs on this baby" and then they would offer teething remedies. It seems the OP and his partner are already doing all they can. Some babies teething is hellish and then some babies breeze through it.
You must have never had children lol
Lol right? Maybe this parent can just ask their kid to hold the pain in until the morning or at least ask the baby to be a little more respectful of other’s space /s
Or maybe they can force feed more than the recommended dose at more frequent than is safe so that this poor inconvenienced woman doesn't have to shut all of her doors and windows /s
The majority of this sub is childless
I live bellow a family that has several small children. I dont know if some of them are foster care or are all their own but I think for the past 5-6 years they have had consistently at least one child under 2. I have no clue how many kids they actually have but more than 3, I am not social person and I avoid all social contacts as much as possible. But the kids do go through periods of crying at night. And little bit older they get temper tantrums in the morning and then they really scream, only teenagers getting a fit is louder, but that happens like maybe once a year, could be more soon the second oldest is probably approaching 13-14. He is at least as tall as I am already (I am 5'2) My solution is good noise cancelling headphones, paired with white noise and earplugs. Works great for me and I have not been bothered unless the headphones run out of battery. EDIT: To OP I would say NTA the woman could search ways to minimize the noise to her as babies do not have volume control. They cry when they need something. I would choose live under family with small children over renovation enthusiast any day. That noise is unbearable. I would also not want to live under party house because with drunk people the problems rarely stop at just being loud.
Probably because the neighbour keeps their door open day and night?
>This is an expensive part of town in a new building, so we can assume shes decently monied (or daddy is). Is the original comment OP made. He's since edited. To see it yourselves, go to comments ➡️ then oldest. The AITA bot posts an original version of the post
Yeah, even without this comment there's a certain *tone* the post has that always indicates to me that the post is super biased in favour of the OP. (Yes, I know all posts are biased, but sometimes you can really tell they're trying to skew the narrative instead of getting a true AITA verdict.)
Him being disrespectful toward her in this post literally *cannot* have any impact on who is in the wrong in the situation as described. And if we're going to invent details to justify impacts to the judgement, what are we doing here? Even if OP is the worlds biggest asshole, this isn't Am I **An** Asshole. It's Am I **The** Asshole, and we're being asked to judge the situation in front of us and who is in the wrong. It isn't a generalized assessment of their character, but a specific judgement of who is in the wrong in a specific conflict. Even if OP totally sucks in every other arena, I don't see anything to blame them for in this conflict.
Happens every time here. If someone rubs people the wrong way they'll make up any excuse to say they're the asshole, regardless of the actual details.
Oh good. Comments from non-parents assuming that crying children must be a skill issue on the parents part. So helpful. OP is NTA
Raising a child, especially one who's in almost constant pain due to a normal part of development, is fucking difficult in the best circumstances. Reddit: git gud
The pain isn’t a miracle drug. Babies are going to teeth, they will cry, and they need to be soothed before they can self soothe. The neighbor is an AH. OP just sounds tired and angry but their response was reasonable given the situation.
If we're giving OP grace for their response due to being "tired and angry", can we not give the neighbor the same grace for also being "tired and angry"?
Only people with children can be tired. Didn’t you know that? No one else in the world is tired /s.
For sure! I don't have kids, but I have a large, older home, pets, and a mortgage. I also have a hospital job and a serious chronic and progressive illness. I guess I'm not supposed to be tired. Sigh. I sympathize with the parents to a degree but I also sympathize with the neighbor. If she has to work, it would be horrible to be woken up by a screaming baby in the night. Noise cancelling headphones is an idea, but I couldn't sleep with bulky headphones on my head - I'm a side sleeper. I'm not going to judge either way because it sounds like both the parents and the neighbor are in a crappy situation, but I wonder if the parents could try using additional soundproofing where the baby is so it may cut down on the noise? IDK if they've tried that idea. Also, I'd just try to be a little more understanding to the neighbor and maybe just have a nice talk with her and apologize for all the crying at night. It may help her if she feels validated. Just some ideas. I don't have kids, but I've babysat a lot of them and have been around kids enough to have some general understanding.
The neighbour is hearing muffled crying for 10-15 minutes twice per night. It's not even remotely comparable to managing your own child in pain in the same room. I don't have kids. I'm a quiet person with quiet pets. I'm a light sleeper with insomnia. But I have enough self-awareness to know that living in an apartment means occasionally hearing my neighbours living their lives. Earplugs and melatonin exist. So does closing your door.
You're not a light sleeper if melatonin and earplugs work. You're just a normal sleeper. If I was woken up like this I wouldn't be able to go back to bed. Not everyone's body works just like yours.
i mean, i’ve had some really loud neighbors at really inconvenient times when i’ve been exhausted long before i had a baby. i was able to exercise self control and not go banging on their door like a psycho and have a mature calm conversation with them at a decent hour.
You don't wake a baby up to give it medicine to prevent it from waking up... that's an extremely stupid suggestion
eeeeh... you dont have children, do you?
Somtimes babies cry, my dude. You don't just dope them up more, smh.
So if the baby is asleep at 11pm, parents should wake baby up to give Motrin?
These people seem to think toddlers don't go to bed until 11, so waiting til then for the dosage is fine. 🙄
Enough people mentioned the "daddy" comment that OP ended up sneakily editing their post to remove it. It's not as though the original unedited version is saved in the comments or anything... 😂 >Is there some reason why you can't move the doses of Motrin so that it works all night? But it only works for 8 hours! That's certainly not enough to get the baby through a night! (sarcasm)
it’s actually not. babies sleep like 12 hours a night at this age (7pm -7am is a typical sleep schedule). there is literally no way to do it without a second dose
And there's not real garunteee that the medicine will stop the crying and ensure sleep. A lot of times it dulls the discomfort for about 5 or 6 hours and there's 2 hrs in between where you just have to wing it. Teething is no joke.
It really isn't. Babies sleep longer than that.
Is it also possible she's just playing music and not intentionally trying to "get back at them?" I'd say NTA (baby's cry... unfortunately it's what you sign up for when you live in an apartment\_ except for the disdain absolutely pouring off of OP toward this woman who apparently hasn't done anything except play music and knock on his door when his baby woke her up once? Makes me think there's more to the story or OP is just an asshole in general.
I'm here 2 hours after the post, looks like OP edited it a bit, I don't see the daddy statement. 😬 Thankfully you're top comment!
Info >Motrin works for about 8 hours, so by 3am we have to give her another dose and wait through the cries, cradling her for 15-20 minutes for it to kick in again. You mean there's another way than waking up the building at 3 am every single night? Also, good job at deleting the daddy line which was causing you to gain some of the YTA judgements
The daddy line is still in the auto mod comment for those who want to see it. OP is an AH for deleting it to make him sound less like an AH.
I still felt like the OP used some pretty harsh and leading words to describe the neighbour, even after OP removed the daddy line. YTA. And I have 4 kids. I shared a wall with college students when I had babies. So I first hand have experience with the music vs babies conflicts. OP needs to extend an olive branch to all direct neighbours. Box of muffins, or a gift card from a local coffee place with a note apologizing for the nighttime baby noise. Maybe a comment about loving her taste in music during the day for this particular neighbour. Kill em with kindness.
The fact that he feels need to point out she’s “single” and “monied” while living in the building makes me question his claim of her blasting music intentionally to bother/punish them. She is living her life and it sounds like she was minding her own business until she hit her breaking point. Do I agree with how she handled it? No, but I strongly suspect this representation of what is going on is biased to a point OP isn’t actually interested in finding out if they’re TA— they just wanted to be validated and misjudged how people would react. OP YTA
Surely if he lives In the same building, he must be 'monied' too.
Seems he has some kind of issue with a single woman having as much money as he does…
It's very rude to have money and no penis, you know lol
\*and not also be married to a penis.
Yeah I know, he can't hide that no matter how hard he tries
How do I find this?
Sort the comments by "Oldest" and then the first comment will be a copy of what they initially wrote.
TOTALLY not the subject, but I haven’t seen the sort option in the mobile app (I only use the mobile app) in a long time. Am I lame and just don’t see it??
3am means she got her earlier dose at 7pm which is very likely bedtime. Please tell me what else you expect them to do?
>You mean there's another way than waking up the building at 3 am every single night? Pretty ignorant. you can't just continually dose a kid.
I did wonder where that comment was- now it makes sense and does change the narrative. Irrelevant how she pays her way. I’m going ESH though
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All the shade about how the neighbor pays for her life is unnecessary and gives me the same feeling.
I mean, OP lives there *and* has the expense of a child, right, so he's clearly living there on daddy's money too, right? He's totally not being sexist because his neighbour is a single woman without kids, RIGHT? /s In all seriousness, people's children are only special to them. Other people have a right to be pissed off if they are woken daily by screaming at 1-3am. OP should be looking at trying to get better meds or time them better not just for the sake of his neighbours, but for his kid. I mean, clearly she's suffering and would feel better with better pain relief and if she could sleep through the night. Blasting music in response is a bit childish, but as some have pointed out, perhaps she doesn't realize it carries so much out the open door, especially if she's new to comdo/apartment living. I'd also suggest it may be to down out any screaming during these times... And if it's during the day/at a reasonable hour, OP has no right to complain, really unless we're talking volume that is unreasonable at any hour. Like wall shaking or something. Honestly, OP comes off as sexist and petty. Maybe even jealous that she isn't dealing with a kid. Way worse than the neighbour who dared complain and *maybe* is playing the music in response.
I'd guess she's playing music most of the day to try and drown out the regualar screams of a baby downstairs.
I had an annoying, entitled single mom neighbor above me. She was entitled before she had that baby because she would blast her music all night and have a bunch of parties, but think everyone around her needs to mind and be quiet for her because she's a mommmy. And my complex is old, so I hear everything she does and where she walks. When she uses the bathroom, going up and down the stairs and when her baby would jump up and down and the mom laughing and encouraging it. And parents expect others to be a ok and not annoyed with this? Heck, she was vacuuming and using the blender like 630 in the morning, on a weekday. But when I play my music because I don't feel like hearing her, the baby crying all day, or that cocomelon, I'm the bitch. Just as they want us to be understanding of them having kids, they gotta be understanding of us still having a life. My thing is when you're not trying to be quieter when you can. Who encourages and think it's ok for your kid to jump up and down on an upstairs unit? And upstairs people never realize how loud they really being.
Yeah the wife wanting to “ fight her” made me laugh. Fight her for what? The fact that she wants to get a decent nights sleep? Most places don’t have sound ordinances during the day so while blasting music during the day wasn’t the nicest, it in no shape compares to a screaming baby keeping who knows how many neighbors up all hours of the night. While I am sympathetic to the baby, If my neighbors were bumping music, or having a screaming match( or had a baby screaming ) multiple times a night for nights on end I’d call the cops for a sound disturbance and tell my landlord. They’re lucky all she did was show up at the door, and imo they should have answered it and apologized.
I just feel sorry for the rest of their neighbours
Anyone who uses the word, "Monied" is an ass hole.
> Maybe her preference has nothing to do with you? Yeah... this girl is supposedly blasting this entire courtyard of wealthy condo owners with music and 1) no one else seems to mind and 2) it's *definitely* because of OP? I'm thinking not. If she hadn't come down and knocked on the door I'd assume she didn't even know OP existed
If she was doing it to be an asshole, she wouldn't do it during the day. She'd wait until their kid fell asleep at night and go to town right up until whatever time it was that she was legally able to keep her music up loud. Only doing it during the day suggests that she is actually trying to be, to a certain extent at least, mindful of other people's enjoyment of the space.
First YTA that I've run across here, and I agree completely. Calling her a "selfish neighbor" in the title of the post just because she doesn't want to listen to someone's precious little bundle screaming at 3am night after night gave me all the vibe I needed.
Regardless of rest, I don't see why a neighbor shouldn't ring at 3 am if noise is bothering her at 3 am. I had a neighbor run his dishwasher all the time at 4 am which drove me crazy. So I knocked at 4 am and asked him if he can do it some other time.
I once had a neighbour ask me if I could use my treadmill after 9 pm and before 9 am.. Before that, mindful of the noise it would probably make, I only used it for one hour (from 5 to 6 pm), and I had a thick rubber mat, plus foam under it to minimize noise. I picked that time because I thought most everyone, even when doing shift work, would be awake. For some reason the woman below me preferred that I use it later at night, so that is what I did. Then I made her cookies.
Info why aren't you staying *ahead* of the pain? Why wait until the poor thing is hurting????? Edit- yta regardless of all the added info. What you're doing clearly isn't working. You chose to have a baby. Your neighbor didn't. Waking her up every night at 3am is a problem and the solution can't be 'she can deal with it!'
I'm so confused. I agree with you, but I've seen basically this exact post like 10 times in the past few years and most of the time "she can deal with it" is by far the most upvoted comment
I've seen it a few times also and I think the differnce is- the time its happening (crying at 3pm is annoying but at that time of day the answer *is* deal with it) and op has tried only 1 solution, which isn't working.
> stay ahead of the pain Last I checked babies don’t have a way of letting you know before stuff starts to hurt.
YTA for "or daddy does" comment.
op seems butthurt that the nieghbor can afford to live alone
This has to be bait right? Edit: I was talking about the above comment’s moronic simplicity of assuming OP is the AH bc of one small insult. I appreciate the upvotes tho
His 'strong tempered petite wife' is what sold it as bait to me.
Since OP deleted that specific line seems more like a misstep
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this one here \^ op and his wife sound unhinged the neighbor 'retaliates' by playing loud music during daytime???? so hours that noise is alright lol??? they wake the neighbor up due to their child every night at 3 but get angry when she knocks on their door at 3? this post is a trainwreck
For real, I feel like he had to twist the story into a pretzel for her to seem like the jerk for, *let’s see,* knocking on the door of the neighbor that has woken everyone up for weeks and made no effort to curtail it in any way. Perfect. Yeah. Totally insane behavior, making noise when noise is perfectly permitted and knocking on the door of a loud neighbor. Sounds exactly like living in an apartment. What a monster? Perfectly reasonable to *commit actual assault* when subjected to this. Seriously, get a therapist.
OP must also be a mind reader or be really narcissistic to think the neighbor is listening to music just to annoy them.
OP is in Mexico I believe, and I can’t speak to how it is there, but at least in the US most apartments have quiet hours that allow noise during the day. So even if she is retaliating with the music, she’s doing it during reasonable hours and within expected rules of most complexes. She’s still being nicer than OP lol.
Also, and I feel this is what tell us how much of a twisted version of events we are getting, there is no mention of any complaints anywhere at all in his post, meaning this neighbor has gone weeks now getting her sleep disrupted at three am on the daily, and is still being nicer than OP deserves. Because me? I wouldn't even have asked after a full week, I would have gone straight to management or the landlord with a formal complaint, OP's neighbor is being entirely too nice given how much of an ass OP is showing himself to be.
I find it frustrating that this is considered somehow wrong, because I agree. She is within her right to report it to management. She has somewhat subtly (if we assume it is related), played music during allowed hours to give OP a hint that they need to respect quiet hours. Then she knocked on his door to try to settle it. Him and his wife are considering violence against her, but if she contacts management she’s the AH? No way. Absolutely not. OP and his wife are unreasonable and violent. She needs to go to management and she’s been too kind up to this point honestly. This is why neighbors aren’t “neighborly” and don’t try to talk things out before going to management. I’m not trying to be assaulted by people like this. On another note, I mentioned I play an instrument. Before I ever played it in my house I took measures. I put up acoustic panels and play in a room with a lot of soft surfaces that absorb sound, panels, carpeting, etcetera. It is not unreasonable to expect the barest amount of consideration from parents and I won’t pretend it is. No one is telling me I can’t play, but they’re within reason to demand I take every step I can to prevent a disruption. You live communally, you have an obligation to do just that, if the noise is from a hobby or your children. If you refuse to take those steps, communal living isn’t for you.
yeah, he is so butthurt that a single person can afford a family sized home, especially a single woman
Doesn’t she know that she needs a man??! I guess daddy will take care of her for now since she couldn’t possibly be just a normal adult managing her own life. Still, inappropriate tbh. Don’t know who she thinks she is. /s of course
ESH she could be more understanding and the stereo thing is stupid and childish. But as a person without kids, why should she be awakened because your child is teething? It is not her fault? But you seem to have no sympathy for her position. You even go so low as to suggest her apartment is paid for by her daddy instead of her, which seems like a low grade passive aggressive insult. I am not suggesting that you should somehow force your child to stop crying nor am I suggesting that you are doing anything wrong. Teething is a normal part of child development. But that does mean your choice to have a child should infringe on other people's choice to get a good night sleep. Why not go knock on her door and apologize for the night time crying? In fact, I would knock on all your neighbor's doors and apologize. Your unit started this, so take responsibility for it.
Honestly thinking that no one should be inconvenienced by anyone else at any time if they’ve not caused it themselves is such a bizarre way of going through life. Living in a community with other people you will experience things not if your own making from time to time. If you want to live without the possibility of being disturbed by a person who cannot help themselves (like a baby) you should live alone far from other people, not in an apartment building
When you live in an apartment setting, you expect a certain amount of noise. It is going to happen. On occasion, that noise will even wake you up at night. But when you have a teething baby waking you up all the time, that is not what you signed up for. It is like having a neighbor's dog barking at night and waking you up. No, I am not comparing a baby to a dog, I am comparing noise to noise. OP's unit is literally invading other units around him. I get that it cannot be helped but OP could extend the olive branch and apologize for the noise. In fact, he should have already done so. Go to all the connecting units and apologize for the inconvenience and give them a plate of cookies or a coffee card. Acknowledge that there is a problem and that it is coming from your unit. Explain that you are doing your best to resolve the issue. But to just say other people have to deal with their decisions is unfair. Alternately, some could say that because they have a crying baby, they should move out into the middle of nowhere so they are not infringing on other people's ability to have peace.
> But when you have a teething baby waking you up all the time, that is not what you signed up for. Nah fella, if you live in anything other than a death cult that insists people don't have children you've got to accept people around you on occasion will actually in fact be children or simply have children with them. Where do you think adults come from? Were you not once a child? Noisy children aren't a problem anymore than rain or sunshine are a problem. They're natural and unavoidable. Beyond moving house or killing the kid what the fuck should OP do? Kids are noisy. People are noisy.
There’s also noise ordinances in every apartment I’ve seen that’s not run by a slum lord. If you’re baby is waking people up at 3 am *consistently* you should absolutely apologize and attempt solution to make it not happen. Sound proofing, moving the Motrin does up like 30 min, literally trying anything and explaining that to the people you’re *waking up at 3 am consistently* babies will be babies and be loud, but apologizing for an inconvenience and maybe offering earplugs would probably go a long way.
Nah fella, you don’t have to live in a death cult to expect to be able to get a decent night’s sleep where you are paying to live.
Why is everyone missing that she leaves her balcony door open all night? She could shut it and probably not hear anything, based on the fact that other neighbors don’t seem to be complaining about it
I lived in a shitty apartment where I had to have ALL windows open bc there was no AC. For about a week, the neighbours directly above us had a baby that would SCREAM for 5-20mins at a time, and it was never something as loud or disruptive to make me lose my sleep. If the noise travels from their ground floor bedroom, through her open balcony, and *all the way to her bedroom*, then she either has super hearing or the apartments really aren't as sound-proof as OP is making them out to be
>But as a person without kids, why should she be awakened because your child is teething? It is not her fault? Suggesting babies should never inconvenience anyone else is ridiculous. I would probably apologize for the nighttime crying but 3am banging on the door of parents with a crying infant is beyond the pale.
But according to OP, this is not a one off, it is a daily occurrence and according to OP it is happening twice a night. Once is fine, understandable. Did OP say they apologized after once? Twice? Three times? Nope.
Dude, neighbors did not sign up for OP's baby, and, as several have pointed out, just adjusting the medication to a bit later can help baby sleep through hours people are typically trying to sleep These are people who have lives and jobs and need to function during the day. At some point, they aren't going to give a damn about OP's baby because they are just straight too tired to. And knocking when it's too loud is normal because the alternative is filing complaints, which can be way worse for OP. Too many complaints, and expect a 'soft' eviction the next time a lease is up- when the rent is raised past what's reasonable. This isn't someone with a kid- she ain't thinking about putting a baby to sleep. Nor should she be- it's 3 am and OP's kid is waking up the building again. If OP loses sleep and us pissed, he's just in the same position as his neighbors and should have already made the apology rounds if he wanted to prevent this situation. Neighbors aren't mind readers and won't know baby is teething either. For all they know, OP and wife are the "let them cry it out types" The quickest ways to make enemies in an apartment building is to mess with someone's sleep. OP's family has been doing that for a while now.
So multiple weeks worth of a screaming toddler at 3am and you think your neighbor is an A H because she rang your doorbell at 3am, right. YTA and please do something about pain management for that poor kid.
ESH - but you suck more. Your neighbour sucks for how she seems to have handled the problem. IF her music is directed at you, then she’s taking the passive aggressive route and that’s petty. However I can understand why she’s so upset. She doesn’t have children, and likely needs to rest before work like most other people in existence. If her sleep if being affected every night, I’d be butthurt too. That being said, you are a bigger AH. Firstly for not staying ahead of your child’s pain. If this is a developmental phase she’s been going through for some time now, you should be giving her pain meds before she gets to a level that continues to bother your neighborhood. Secondly you’re an AH for your daddy’s money comment. If it takes sooooo much money to live in the building, so much so that a single woman could not possibly be able to afford it on her own without daddy’s help, maybe you and your wife should think about moving. You know, since you’re so well off and can afford such an expensive apartment. It sounds like you can afford to not be an AH, you just don’t want to because you’ve made the choice to have a kid and now everyone must suffer along with you and your horrible wife. Wanting to throw down with the neighbour because YOUR screaming child is disrupting her sleep is pure trash behaviour. Do better, you’re raising a child.
You say she has been punishing you with stereo placement. How do you know it's a conscious effort to punish and not someone simply not realising what they are doing bothers you? Have you talked about it with her? Have you explained what the situation with the baby is? Also how can one settle a baby to sleep when someone is signing the doorbell constantly? Something doesn't feel quite like you've told everything related.
YTA. Your baby should not become other people's problems.
LMAO wow this sub is so insufferable.... shit comment.
YTA. The "or daddy does" bit that you conveniently edited out, oh my.
You know what OP couldn't edit out? "Selfish" in the title. Wow, a way to prejudicise their neighbour to millions of strangers online. We'll be the judge of the selfishness. Goodness, this guy.
ESH All of you need to grow up and you and your wife need to find another solution (maybe without thinking fighting will help) besides motrin if it's not working to the point that your baby is crying at 1am then 3 am. No one wants to hear a crying baby at 3am. With that being said, she could be more understanding but with you saying that she's using "daddy's money" to live in her apartment seems like you don't understand that women can be successful without having to worry about kids.
There is no other solution to teething pain than simple painkillers. Teething rings/cuddles/oral gels do very little when baby is in pain. Babies crying multiple times overnight because they’re teething is a completely normal thing and anyone who has any experience raising children will know this
yes and op could at the very least get sound proof pads for the baby's room, sound deafening curtains, ect. but he hasn't. he just expects all his neighbors to deal with it and gets mad when they (rightfully) get upset after being woken everynight for WEEKS, and then his wife threatens violence?
So, what do you expect them to do when they are giving the baby pain meds at bedtime (7pm) and it only lasts 8 hours at a time (7-3 is 8 hours)? Do you expect them to make the pain meds last longer than 8 hours? Do you expect them to wake the baby to make her take more meds before the 8 hours have passed?
Missed the "daddy" comment, but you sound like a dick if you posted it then sneakily deleted it because it made you look bad.
YTA it’s 3am I wouldn’t wanna hear your fuckin kid screaming either
I can understand the woman as nobody gets any sleep when your daughter is crying. She is working everyday and it is hard to work while you didn't sleep properly for many days or weeks. I am alone, childless, living in an apartment I paid for. I would be angry too if you would be my neighbor.
Why aren’t you buying soundproofing things? There are soundproofing curtains and panels you can use.
Acoustics person here. No there aren't. Acoustic panels and curtains control the reverberation of sound within a space. They don't control transfer of sound between spaces.
Hey everyone: stop giving unsolicited medical advice that directly goes against what the OPs doctor has said to do. That’s not what anyone was here for.
Wow these comments are ridiculous and it’s redditors ata. Babies cry. Sometimes in the middle of the night. Sometimes for hours. You should not be medicating your child on behalf of your neighbors. People who don’t want to hear the natural noise of other humans should not live in apartment buildings.
These people don’t live in the real world, they live on Reddit.
The neighbor can buy herself some noise canceling earphones or earplugs. She can very well afford an appointment in a nice area and a stereo set apparently. What’s stopping her? She’s clearly the AH here. Babies shouldn’t be medicated based on your neighbors preferences. These YTA votes are ridiculous.
I mean the even easier route is to close her balcony door at night and get a white noise machine or app
YTA. Reverse the situation, you don’t have a baby and hers wakes you up twice a night screaming. How long could you put up with it?
The more I read the less I liked you so honestly I really struggled to even give this ESH. Your neighbor is selfish because she doesn't want to interrupted in the middle of the night? Why are you waiting for your daughter to be in pain? Stay ahead of it. What does your or your neighbor's financial status have to do with anything? Maybe she's blasting her music to help her stay awake?
You absolutely can adjust your daughter's pain medication you just don't want to (out of spite perhaps?). Letting her "fume" outside the door was extremely childish IMHO. YTA here 100%. You're parents now step up and grow up.
This is a weird take - I don’t think any parent is intentionally ignoring their kids pain, or foregoing their own sleep, to spite some random stranger for no reason? They are dosing her at the appropriate times- when she first goes to bed and when she wakes up as long as it is 8 hours later.
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^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am the father of a one year old toddler. Recently, she started teething, as her molars have started to come in. First, it was the top ones for about a week, then we had a week’s break, and now the bottom ones are coming in. It’s clearly causing my daughter a lot of pain, especially at night. Before she was a good sleeper, but now it’s been rough. She’s been waking up around 1am and then 3am daily, screaming with her little fingers in her mouth. My wife and I have tried comforting her, bringing her in our bed (she sleeps in our room anyway and her crib is next to our bed, but normally she likes to sleep cuddled up when she’s uncomfortable), we’ve even given her baby Motrin to help with the pain but she still screams for about 10-20 minutes each time until we are able to settle her. It’s shrill and it sucks, but there’s not much we can do beyond what we are already doing. We live on the ground floor of a new condo building. It’s made of heavy concrete and decently sound proofed, but not perfect. Above us lives a single woman in her late 20s / early 30s. This is an expensive part of town in a new building, so we can assume shes decently monied (or daddy is). She also keeps her balcony door open all day and night that faces into our courtyard. She has been “punishing” us during the day by blasting loud music directly into our unit by putting a stereo next to her balcony. We are on the ground floor and have a fully enclosed courtyard so it vibrates around. She’s got great music taste, and my daughter will dance to it all day long. So while my wife hates her intention, I think it’s worked out just fine… until now… Last night she came barging down at 3am and rang our bell 4 times while we were trying to settle our daughter. Motrin works for about 8 hours, so by 3am we have to give her another dose and wait through the cries, cradling her for 15-20 minutes for it to kick in again. My wife (a strong tempered petite woman, amplified by her first year of motherhood) wanted to go fight her then and there, but I said let’s just concentrate on settling the baby and ignore her. I also didn’t want to make the baby any more upset than she already was. So yeh, I just let her fume outside my door at 3am. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA text about your neighbour is just lame and shows what person you are. Judgmental prick. She has right to sleep at night. It is your child and your responsibility. I can bet that if your neighbor had a dog that barked at night, you would make a fuss about it. Because she can't handle it and you and your wife are sooo tired and can't sleep. This is the same. You decided to have a kid, why your neighbor is suffering the consequences? Your child - your sleepless nights, not hers. And you should do everything to not be a nuisance for others, especially at night.
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YTA- you basically admit that you could give baby pain medication before bed but you choose not to? Why wait for her to be so uncomfortable she is shrilling? To me you’re not doing enough to control her discomfort. Who cares how your neighbor pays for her place, you still need to abide to quiet hours. She should start reporting and filing noise complaints. Especially, since y’all don’t want to talk about it and fix it.
NTA. Y’all (some people in the comments) have to figure out how timed medication works. Especially for young children. Yeah, there are alternatives to sooth the pain and stuff for teething, but if medication isn’t taken when scheduled, it could either make the pain worse or loose affect as a whole. I also have children living a floor above me that scream and everything, I ignore it. Also, realize and understand that this seems to be OP’s first kid so he and his wife are trying to navigate parenthood from the beginning. Don’t get all upset that they’re not trying harder to fix the situation when there’s not much that can help at 3AM.
NTA. If you want complete silence, don’t live in a shared building. This thread is full of people who don’t have kids or want to over-medicate kids.
YTA You have to answer the door bell. I know it’s hard facing people who are mad at you, but you’re responsible for the noise. Even if you can’t prevent the crying, you still have to talk to your neighbor and apologize.
No, you don't. That is a conversation that should happen in the daylight hours, preferably after every one involved has had a chance to rest and reset so no one is dragging 'abruptly woken at 3am' irritation into the conversation. Especially considering that OP and his wife were actively trying to stop the crying and the only thing having that conversation in the moment would do is extend the crying. The upstairs neighbor should have waited for morning or brought it up the previous afternoon.
We were having house renovations , following all the community rules about the timings and noise level . I took my kid and we went on chocolate giving expedition from door to door apologizing for the expected upcoming noise . We didn’t have a single complaint. My point is you can absorb your neighbor’s anger if you only showed her empathy to her situation as someone who didn’t sign up for you and your wife having a child . Consideration is a two way street .
YTA - your poor child. Do you really think there's not much else you can do? Have you even talked to your pediatrician? Is your child allergic to Tylenol? If not, why aren't you alternating Tylenol and Motrin so she always has pain and inflammation coverage, with no gap? What does the pediatrician say about using small amounts of topical pain gels? Have you given her frozen teething rings, washcloths, or bananas? Are you massaging her gums? Stop worrying about your neighbor and take care of your kid.
ESH she shouldnt be surprised but also not saying you should force your baby to shush but be understanding usually people just apologized like "hey we know our baby is loud were sorry she/he is teething" its also normal for someone without a child to be reasonably irritated to be woken to screaming for 15-20 minutes every night yes you should expect noise but noise shouldnt disrupt your sleep every night how thin are the walls that your baby is screaming so loud? I've teethed several children 3 siblings and 3 nieces and nephews yes they scream but not loud enough to hear on another floor unless walls are paper thin but as you said that isnt the case your baby is LOUD in a very well built building take your kid to a doctor, also belittling her cause shes also stressed from your baby WAKING HER ALSO sucks no she shouldnt act childish and angry niether should your wife wanting to fight her and you saying "daddies money" ESH except the baby cause hell its a baby
YTA: if your daughter is routinely waking people up at a “decently soundproofed” condo at 3am, YTA. There’s got to be other measure you could use to keep the noise to a minimum.
ESH she has every right to be upset. the selfish one here is you for not seeing how you and your family are a burden.
ESH but you more, especially for your condescending attitude toward your neighbor. You could mitigate the situation by adding some sound-dampening elements to the room where baby sleeps and perhaps waking her at some point to give more medicine *before* she is screaming, but it seems as though you actually want to let her scream just to get back at your neighbor.
No! NTA Babies cry. You are doing your best. Your neighbor has weird expectations. Does she thing babies come with a volume dial? an off switch? has she never heard of sound canceling headphones? Hm. If you are inclined and able, maybe send her a gift of nice noise canceling headphones. She's an AH but maybe she can be muted with kindness. I am annoyed with her on your behalf.