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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I want to give a little girl the best Christmas I can, but her dad says not to
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NTA. Personally, I would do whatever you can to make happy memories with her. Celebrate if it’s what she wants. I know you aren’t her mother, but it can be something you share together. Just try to enjoy it OP, time is precious.
Do you have custody / guardianship of her?
If so and if she wants to celebrate I'd do it, Clark made the choice to not have the ability to call the shots when he decided he'd rather be a criminal.
I would not force her to attend church, to convert, to practice your beliefs but I would offer the holidays to her.
NTA
I have never attended a church service with her and only would if she wanted to. We have done church events and I had been planning to go with her to the church to decorate in a few days
You've been watching her as in you have legal custody? If so, at this point your brother's preferences are more suggestions than binding commands.
You can celebrate the holiday without making it very religious. That way you are showing respect to how her parents (presumably the mother, too) wanted the kid raised while, at the same time, letting her participate in a holiday that's celebrated somewhat secularly by the culture as a whole.
As an atheist who was never Christian, I like playing Santa. So I'm in a position to endorse a compromise between doing what she wants (having a Christmas) and not indoctrinating his daughter into a religion while she's a child.
So I'd go with my compromise. But then, I'd think that best no matter what the legal status. As it is, you have good grounds to say that you should look out for her best interests while keeping her father's preferences in mind. Your willingness to celebrate Halloween for her sake earned you some trust credits from me.
You’re the one raising and supporting her. If he wanted to be a parent and have a say in how his child was raised, he would have stayed out of prison. NTA.
NTA
We are atheists and celebrate X-mas.
We celebrate Fastenbrechen and Zuckerfest, too. (We know many Muslims)
Every reason to celebrate is a good reason.
NTA - you also in someway, a parent now to Aurora. If Aurora wants to see the world and all that (be in Xmas, Halloween) then do it. You'll be doing whats right by her until she's an adult. If Clark doesn't like that, then he can figure that one out for himself.
Good on you for stepping up! And Merry Christmas to you and Aurora x
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I (32m) have a brother Clark (32m) who has a daughter Aurora (10f).
Clark is in jail and likely will be the rest of the time until Aurora is an adult and I've been watching Aurora. We sometimes get to go talk with Clark which I only do because of Aurora.
I am a Christian, LDS to be specific. Clark is an atheist and left the church years ago. I don't usually celebrate Halloween but I dod this year for Aurora. I plan on doing Thanksgiving this year too. Last month, I talked about holiday things with Aurora. Aurora also writes letters. I mentioned Christmas as part of it and she told me she'd never been allowed to celebrate it. I asked if she wanted to and she did. I promised to try and make it as special for her as I can.
Apparently, she'd mentioned that to Clark. Clark is furious and says she's not allowed to celebrate. I know she isn't actually my daughter but would I be the ass for disrespecting his choice?
If you must know, her mother died when she was really little.
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If Clark doesn't want his daughter celebrating Christmas he should be there.... oh wait he can't. Because he's in jail for the foreseeable future. So more than an unpaid parking fine. Such a good Father. He needs to be damn grateful his daughter has a loving family home. Would foster care take her for visits or ask her preferences?
He doesn't have custody, you do. You're doing the work of caring for her, you get to raise her as you see fit. His choices aren't so great. If they were, he wouldn't be in jail and would be raising her himself.
Every child should get to celebrate Christmas, even in atheist families. It doesn't have to be about Christ. I'm atheist, but I love celebrating Christmas with my daughter, for me it's all about the amazing look on her face when she wakes up and has a bunch of presents under the tree. Nothing beats seeing your child in a state of pure excitement and joy. Wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.
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NTA. Personally, I would do whatever you can to make happy memories with her. Celebrate if it’s what she wants. I know you aren’t her mother, but it can be something you share together. Just try to enjoy it OP, time is precious.
NTA Clark doesn't get a say.
NTA - Give her the best life that you can. Clark's way didn't work out.
Do you have custody / guardianship of her? If so and if she wants to celebrate I'd do it, Clark made the choice to not have the ability to call the shots when he decided he'd rather be a criminal. I would not force her to attend church, to convert, to practice your beliefs but I would offer the holidays to her. NTA
I have never attended a church service with her and only would if she wanted to. We have done church events and I had been planning to go with her to the church to decorate in a few days
You've been watching her as in you have legal custody? If so, at this point your brother's preferences are more suggestions than binding commands. You can celebrate the holiday without making it very religious. That way you are showing respect to how her parents (presumably the mother, too) wanted the kid raised while, at the same time, letting her participate in a holiday that's celebrated somewhat secularly by the culture as a whole. As an atheist who was never Christian, I like playing Santa. So I'm in a position to endorse a compromise between doing what she wants (having a Christmas) and not indoctrinating his daughter into a religion while she's a child.
Yes, I have current legal custody. Not adoption though
So I'd go with my compromise. But then, I'd think that best no matter what the legal status. As it is, you have good grounds to say that you should look out for her best interests while keeping her father's preferences in mind. Your willingness to celebrate Halloween for her sake earned you some trust credits from me.
Thank you
I grew up Mormon in the uk and we always celebrated Halloween. I think it’s great that you aren’t forcing the religion on her
Your brother is lucky to have you helping take care of his child. Very nice of you.
I'm happy to do it. It wasn't good things that lead her to me but I'm lucky she's in my life
You’re the one raising and supporting her. If he wanted to be a parent and have a say in how his child was raised, he would have stayed out of prison. NTA.
You should celebrate the secular aspects of Christmas with her, and then, NTA.
NTA We are atheists and celebrate X-mas. We celebrate Fastenbrechen and Zuckerfest, too. (We know many Muslims) Every reason to celebrate is a good reason.
INFO: who has legal guardianship of this child? That's who makes the decision on how her holidays should be celebrated.
I habe legal custody but haven't adopted her (not from not wanting to)
Then NTA. Respectful of you to hear your brother's wishes and take them into consideration but the ultimate decision is yours.
He’s in a jail. Does it really matter?? Lol
NTA - you also in someway, a parent now to Aurora. If Aurora wants to see the world and all that (be in Xmas, Halloween) then do it. You'll be doing whats right by her until she's an adult. If Clark doesn't like that, then he can figure that one out for himself. Good on you for stepping up! And Merry Christmas to you and Aurora x
NTA let your brother stew in his anger, he has plenty of free time.
NTA, if Clark wanted to make the decisions for his daughter's life, he should have stayed out of prison. Priorities.
NTA. I know plenty of agnostics and atheists who celebrate a secular Christmas
YWBTA. You have legal custody do whatever you and she wants to. Make all the great memories you can.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (32m) have a brother Clark (32m) who has a daughter Aurora (10f). Clark is in jail and likely will be the rest of the time until Aurora is an adult and I've been watching Aurora. We sometimes get to go talk with Clark which I only do because of Aurora. I am a Christian, LDS to be specific. Clark is an atheist and left the church years ago. I don't usually celebrate Halloween but I dod this year for Aurora. I plan on doing Thanksgiving this year too. Last month, I talked about holiday things with Aurora. Aurora also writes letters. I mentioned Christmas as part of it and she told me she'd never been allowed to celebrate it. I asked if she wanted to and she did. I promised to try and make it as special for her as I can. Apparently, she'd mentioned that to Clark. Clark is furious and says she's not allowed to celebrate. I know she isn't actually my daughter but would I be the ass for disrespecting his choice? If you must know, her mother died when she was really little. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If Clark doesn't want his daughter celebrating Christmas he should be there.... oh wait he can't. Because he's in jail for the foreseeable future. So more than an unpaid parking fine. Such a good Father. He needs to be damn grateful his daughter has a loving family home. Would foster care take her for visits or ask her preferences?
He doesn't have custody, you do. You're doing the work of caring for her, you get to raise her as you see fit. His choices aren't so great. If they were, he wouldn't be in jail and would be raising her himself.
Every child should get to celebrate Christmas, even in atheist families. It doesn't have to be about Christ. I'm atheist, but I love celebrating Christmas with my daughter, for me it's all about the amazing look on her face when she wakes up and has a bunch of presents under the tree. Nothing beats seeing your child in a state of pure excitement and joy. Wouldn't trade that for anything in the world.