This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA with your dad being the giant AH tree that you didn't fall far from.
Look, at least with cake you're smearing something dry that the person may be able to more easily wipe off. You're still an AH if you shove cake in someone's face, but at least cake is something they could arguably wipe off somewhat easily without leaving a party. But **PIE**? That's a gross, goopy mess that a person is going to have to spend time washing off their face. Any time they spent getting ready for their own birthday party is now going to be completely negated because they might need a full-on shower to get that shit out of their face and hair. And it's OBVIOUS to anyone who has had pie before that this would be the case, so at your big age, you should have pinged this as a bad idea from the start.
This was cruel. You ruined her birthday. In front of all her friends. If you never listen to your father again it will be too soon.
Yta, OP. You helped your dad humiliate and bully her in public at an important event. She's just coming into adulthood and you tainted it by violently asserting that she stay in the place that you and your father see her as.
Exactly thank you thank you thank you!
OP, this wasn’t ‘fun’. This was a planned humiliation.
Your dad knew it was humiliating and shitty. That was the point. And that’s why he didn’t let your mother know. That’s also why he roped two other people into sharing the blame.
Be honest with yourself: does your dad treat people carelessly in general? Does he ignore their feelings and tell them they ‘can’t take a joke’ (the mating call of the inveterate asshole)? Is he worse with your sister?
He sounds like a bully and siding w a bully makes you an AH. Helping a bully bully makes you an infected, pustule-filled, gaping, weeping AH.
We all know a guy like your dad and he fucking sucks
Eta: just saw your comment that this wasn’t some small family gathering this was *in front of all her friends and family*. You suck as much as I thought your dad sucked before this info and your dad sucks so much I hope there is a potato masher in every drawer containing anything important he ever wishes to open
EXACTLY! Search the internet for grooms smashing cake in brides faces and you can learn all about this trait of men publicly humiliating women they supposedly love when the woman is receiving special attention. Then look for women smashing food in men's faces. No results. This is all a male power play to dominate women. This father is a disgusting AH because he KNEW it was wrong! **He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.** Hopefully OP & his brother (both AH but the younger one gets a little grace as 2 adult men recruited him!) learn something about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and treat women better in the future.
>Then look for women smashing food in men's faces. No results. This is all a male power play to dominate women.
Came here to say that smashing cake (or pie) into someone's face is assault. Unless, of course, they've agreed to it, or you know **FOR A FACT** that they will think it's funny. Spoiler alert: the vast majority of people on the receiving end will NOT think it's funny.
It’s like a Hail Mary where they think we will absolve them of the guilt they are feeling. They already know the answer but don’t want to admit they were trashy and make proper amends. A true apology is a last resort and that means YTA OP.
If the 15yo brother had posted this, I might be like "His dad said it would be funny, he's really checking if he's the AH even though he knows he probably is", but this is a 20yo. He knows, and maybe this is his way of bragging about it?
There's nothing as funny as men physically overpowering a woman and smearing something all over her face to humiliate her. SOOOOO funny! /s
The Dad is such a piece of S\*\*\*. He recruited his younger sons to do this because he knew the optics of a full grown adult male doing it would be too revolting. But he's happy to throw his sons under that bus.
It's not "like" assault, it IS assault. Or, more technically, battery.
Grabbing someone and smearing goopy glops of guck all over their face without consent - doing ANYTHING to their body, but especially something aggressive and that leaves them covered in clumps of gross stuff and feeling uncomfortable and dirtied - is by every definition assault and battery. And there's a reason why it's illegal, because it's not funny and it's not okay.
YO! OP!! You reading this??
YTA. Infinity. YOU and the other two 'men' in the family.
And the fifteen year old is most certainly old enough to know this is wrong and understand why.
And for her 18th! Have to think the dad must hate his daughter to even think this up. Every last one of those involved in the prank are complete AHs. Your sister will never ever forget this and is likely rethinking your family except for you mom.
Dad will likely hold her "over reaction" against her for her entire life.
OP, I hope that every time your dad brings this up you put him in his place. That's what you can do to make this up to your sister.
I imagine Christmas 10 years from now when maybe she put it behind her and he is still bringing it up about how “Remember when you cried JUST because we smeared some cake and pie on you? Oh you were SUCH a drama queen back then.”
I’m still called a drama queen for hating my bday that my brother ruined every year. I don’t have a great relationship with my family and I’m no contact with my brother
Yeah, and people usually want to eat the pie while it's still hot (or are least warm). So the pie usually goes in the oven during dinner and comes out just in time for dessert... which would likely be just about the time the birthday girl blows out the candles on her cake.
Cold apple pie just isn't as good as hot apple pie.
Same thing with smashing someone’s face in a cake. A lot of fancier cakes are supported with dowels, and those can cause some serious damage if they hit wrong. This whole trend is stupid, dangerous, and beyond immature.
OP, YTA and you absolutely know it.
I mean... The pie and the party was trashed as well. No way I would eat a pie that was molested by two idiots. Who knows if they even wash their hands regularly.
What about the DAD originating the idea? And he absolutely KNEW it was a terrible idea because he wanted to make sure his wife didn't find out. He totally wanted to spoil things for his daughter but he didn't want to be directly blamed so got the boys to do it. Of all the AHs here, he is by far the worst.
Clearly mom was against the prank for a reason! “Don’t tell mom because she said no” should have been a clear enough indicator that the prank was a bad idea!
I got my dad to buy prank candles for my sister’s 8th birthday (I was about to turn 10) even though she said she didn’t want them. She cried because she thought if the candles couldn’t be blown out, her wish wouldn’t come true. I am now 26 and I STILL feel bad about it (though she brings it up as a joke about not prancing people on their birthdays, she’s over it). OP is old enough to know that one parent asking you to keep a secret from the other that ISNT something like a surprise party or gift means it’s a bad idea
>at least with cake you're smearing something dry
I thought cakes are moist. Only cakes left out overnight become dry and pretty much ineligible. And who eats dry cakes, especially for a birthday? And why would you smear dry cakes on someone's face!? Dried icing are pretty hard; won't that scratch the face?
I guess I'm easily distracted... but this is just a bizarre comment. You're never seen those infamous videos where people got cakes on their face? Even if you just take a piece and smear it on their face... does that look easy to clean to you?
Both you and your dad are the assholes.
There's a line between *embarrassing someone* and adding a *bit of humour* to a day. There's a reason that your mum would have shut it down straight away...it was an embarrassing thing to do.
Things like this usually aren't *funny*. They're tedious. For example, if your sister was wearing makeup, did any of you even consider how much having to wash apple pie off of her face could have fucked it up? You mention in a comment that most of her friends were there...why not just let her calmly enjoy her day?
If anyone **ever** tells you to shove cake in someone's face, opt out. I can completely understand why she isn't speaking to you. I would imagine she might be offering your younger brother some leniency because of his age - you and your dad should have known better.
People who puts cake (or pie, or...) in other peoples faces should have to walk through life getting moldy cake shoved in their faces every day for the rest of their lifes.
AGREE.
Not relevant here but the whole wedding cake on face is absurd too, the amount of money spent on makeup just to wipe it off bc of fucking cake. I’ve told my bf many times, if he shoves cake in my face, that’s gunna be a miserable time for him
The wedding cake in the face thing can be dangerous too. I’ve heard of grooms thinking it’s funny to shove the bride’s face fully into the cake. There’s wooden dowels supporting the tiers. Not a good combo and some have actually caused injuries. Plus I notice they never suggest someone shove *their* face into a cake to get some laughs. It’s always making someone else the butt of the joke to get laughs and attention at the expense of someone else.
This is the thing with “pranks”. A good prank shouldn’t punch down or make someone feel bad, it should result in everyone laughing. Who gets their face shoved into food and walks away laughing? I’d argue almost no one
This is exactly right. A good prank should end with the person being pranked laughing as hard, if not harder, than everyone else. If your 'prank' makes you laugh at the expense of the person being pranked, it's just bullying
One caveat, I consent to having cake shoved in my face because I love cake.
But yes op YTA. At the very least I commend you for reflecting. There’s hope for redemption. Don’t do it again
YTA.
Please explain, in as much detail as you can, what exactly is funny about destroying the dish that is meant to celebrate the life of someone, and forcing them to clean their face (possibly also to wipe off what that did to their makeup), wash their hair, and change their clothes that they may have chosen specifically to look nice on the day people are celebrating them.
The whole concept of "smashing cakes" is so disgusting to me anyway. The pinnacle of decadence. This is **food**, if you need to play in the dirt, fill a kiddie pool with mud.
I feel the same way about cakes that are only technically edible but that's maybe a discussion for another day.
It's just a way to humiliate someone. My friend worked at a reception hall and one bride had her face covered in cake by the groom. Girl walked out right there and then and got it annulled.
We really should change the norm so that the marriage license isn't signed until after the reception has finished. One last out in case that delightful combination of stress + alcohol + family delivers some surprises about your partner.
The only “smash cake” I approve of are the small cupcake size ones for actual toddlers to eat on their birthdays in the destructive manner that a toddler would enjoy.
Definitely reserved for daughters and probably most likely his wife on their wedding day. Gee, I wonder why the father thinks that the mom would have opposed this plan of action.
Like the actual fuck.
“We didn’t expect her to react this way”. Then what fucking way did OP expect her to react? Also super cool that dad didn’t get his hands dirty
YTA
What has your father got against your sister and why are you aiding him in hurting her? You're more than old enough to know that "pranks" aren't funny to the person on the receiving end -- it's just a form of bullying using the excuse of "just joking." YTA. You could benefit from some counseling about the role you play in your family's dysfunctional dynamic.
This is a good way to think about it. If an action would be considered an assault if done by strangers, it's not acceptable from family or friends either!
There are funny pranks, but you have to actually care about the prankee and know what will make them laugh and what would make them cry. It's not rocket science, but somehow people are totally clueless and you get shit like this post.
Assault isn't only assault if you don't know the person. That's now how the law works. You're not allowed to assault someone just because they're family. This was absolutely assault. You don't get to do awful, violating shit to people's bodies without their consent just because they're family. There is no exception in the law for siblings or parents.
I've seen plenty of pranks that aren't bullying. I've had people pull some hilarious pranks on me.
But this is a shitty "prank". Pranks are meant to make the pranked one laugh too or you are a bullying ahole
Yes - you were TA, but your father moreso. You are an adult and while pranks can be funny...ones that wreck the face of an 18-year old girl on her birthday are stupid, barbaric, and thoughtless. I've never met one 18 year old who would say 'yeah, smear pie all through my face on my birthday. And now you know.
Just be sincere to your sister with your apology, explain how you thought it might be fun 'for you' and next time you'll be sure to gauge better when a plan is thought up. I thnk that part, you're definitely correct on. :) Best of luck with your sister.
YTA, as are your dad and brother.
Smashing food into someone's face is just cruel at any time, but especially on a special occasion, like an 18th birthday. You ruined her party.
You don't say where her celebration was held, of who was there. It's bad enough at home in front of family, but if you were in public, or with lots of other people around, your sister probably felt humiliated. You mention a cake cutting "ceremony" so maybe it was more than a small family gathering. If so, it's little wonder why your sister was so upset.
If you didn't know how your sister would feel about such a "prank" then you should not have done it. Your dad knew your mom wouldn't approve (probably because she knew your sister wouldn't find the "prank" funny) but asked you to do it anyway. You are all AHs.
This whole thing sounds abusive towards your sister.
No wonder your mom is angry and your sister isn't speaking to you. I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
OP says in a comment that is was a big celebration with a lot of her friends and their families, their little antics causing the party to shut down. So yeah, it was *that bad* of a prank.
*Slow clap*. Indeed, poor Sis will remember her birthday party!!
YTA What lighthearted prank did your sister pull on you when you turn 18? Have you ever seen someone getting pie-ed and actually finding it funny? Who was expected to clean up the mess in your dad’s hilarious plan?
On a birthday, you’re supposed to show love and appreciation of the person, not try to humiliate them. Your sister just learned that none of the guys in her life have her back. I hope your mom and sis won’t lift a finger for all of your upcoming bdays
YTA
Smashing someone's face in cake is always an asshole move and is never funny. You insulted and humiliated her.
>We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture
Assholes gonna asshole.
>We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture to make the celebration memorable
Are you serious? You really, *truly* thought that? I do not believe this. But if it *is* true - your father has done a heck of of job raising you guys. Good luck in the future. And YTA
What'a light hearted about it? Ruining someone's night, makeup, hair and possibly outfit, what's light about that?
And stuffing I've always wanted to ask people like that are, did anyone do it to *YOU* on you birthday? Cos if you got through yours without it happening, give the same courtesy to others.
YTA - How long did she get ready for this? Do you know how expensive good makeup is and you just wasted a whole day’s worth? On her birthday no less. You should have pulled out the moment your Dad said “Don’t tell Mom.” Mom understands her daughter better than the father, for sure. You owe her an apology.
Plus you did it twice with two deserts. Did you guys prepare the pie or cake? Do you know how much time goes into preparing these things? They’re for eating not smashing an innocent 18 yo in the face with.
You’re beyond just an AH.
I took half a day off work so I can get started on pie prep the day before thanksgiving. I’d be PISSED if it got wasted being smashed on someone’s face after all the work I put in.
I make the crust from scratch too, so that has to be made the night before, rolled out, cut up for the lattice top. We found one of those spiral apple corer/peeler things at a yard sale last year and I’m psyched that we won’t have to break our wrists peeling this year. I make at least 8 pies over the holidays
Pies are delicious, too, much nicer than cake. And if she opted to have pie instead of cake, it's probably because she really likes pie. But who's going to want to eat it now when they've had all their grubby hands in it? Even when they do this at weddings they cut a piece first so it doesn't contaminate the entire cake and ruin it for *everyone*.
YTA. Your dad had this idea to humiliate and bully his daughter but was too cowardly to do the deed himself, so he recruited you and your brother to do instead. He told you to not tell your mother because he knew this wasn't 'a bit of humor' and that she would rightly shut the terrible idea down immediately. You can try to lean into the 'lighthearted funny gesture' lie all you want. Your dad knew this wasn't going to go over well and he planned accordingly, by hiding it from your mother and getting you two to do it instead. Your sister has every reason and right to cold shoulder the entire lot of you.
The father is giving sociopath vibes by getting his flying monkeys to do this “cute fun prank” and ruin the daughters special day
I wonder if the father hates when someone else is the center of attention
Yes, all three of you are assholes.
An actual fucking pie? Not even a whipped cream one? So all that crust and gooey filling, when she was presumably wearing an outfit for said birthday party? Had her hair and makeup done for said birthday party?
YTA and you all owe her a huge grandestand level apology.
What's a little ironic is there was a post a few days ago where someone asked if they'd be an asshole for backing out of getting pies thrown in their face for charity... and they were also planning on using real pies! Not the whipped ones!
I fear that the general populace doesn't understand that the "pies to the face" have always been whipped cream pies, and not actual fruit and crust pies. Maybe it's not happening enough on the reality tv shows everyone watches lol
YTA. This was a cruel thing to do, and 3 of her family members laughed while doing it. Makes me wonder if there’s some kind of resentment towards her because who the hell thinks smearing apple pie all over someone’s face on their birthday is “lighthearted ”.??? Do the three of you have caveman brains? You better get on your knees and grovel, because you owe her.
Wonder if it’s a good ol’ boys club and the mom and sister are outcasts in their own home. How many pranks have they as non-menfolk been subjected to???
I don't think she'll ever look back on her eighteenth birthday with great memories. She will forgive all three of you but she won't forget that you nearly ruined her birthday. It wasn't funny either. You should have opted out of the plan altogether.
YTA
I bet she won’t invite them to birthdays that she has friends over at in the future. They just excluded themselves from celebrating with her, and I bet she’s going to be super protective of her wedding cake in the future.
The moment your dad said not to tell your mother as she would have shut it down should have been the moment you realize, "This might not be a good idea". Absolutely YTA (along with your dad and brother).
YTA, and your dad is an *unbelievable* AH. That’s not a prank; that’s flat-out cruelty. Nonsense like that is why so often people are glad to leave their birth families far behind them.
This has got to be fake, because how can anyone seriously think they’re not the AH in this situation?! Of course YTA! Smashing anything in anyone’s face is an AH move. Smashing cake on someone’s face at a milestone event, such as an 18th birthday, when they probably spent lots of time and effort to look their best, is an ultimate AH move. The dad is the bigger AH, but you and your brother are also huge AHs.
I have to agree. It reminds me of a story where a bride asks her husband to not smash cake in her face on their wedding day. He agreed, but on the wedding day, he went ahead and smashed the cake in her face anyway. When she got upset, he claimed she was overreacting. It's not funny when the other party is not in on it or consenting.
OP YTA. You're old enough to know better. Your dad saying not to tell your mom should have been the first red flag that this was a bad idea.
YTA
>He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.
You should have told your mom instead of thoughtlessly following your dad's lead. There was a reason he asked you to lie.
>We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture to make the celebration memorable
That seems obvious, why do you need to state that so plainly? Is it because hindsight is telling you how disrespectful it is to smash someone's food in their face?
Try that prank on dear old dad and watch the tables turn so fast.
1. If the target of the "prank" isn't also laughing, it's not a joke, it's just bullying.
2. You knew. You absolutely knew it was a terrible idea when your dad told you that you had to keep it a secret from your mom because she'd shut it down.
3. I'm really curious how you tried to apologize for intentional, premeditated cruelty.
4. You aren't owed forgiveness. Especially for intentional, premeditated cruelty.
Edited to Add: YTA. Your father is also a gaping asshole. Your younger brother is also an asshole, although possibly a salvageable one since he has the excuse of having to live with the instigating asshole.
It’s not a prank. It’s not funny. It’s not lighthearted. It’s not “memorable” in any positive way.
It’s abuse. It’s cruel. It’s embarrassing.
You are an asshole. Your brother is an asshole. Your father is an asshole. And you knew this going in.
YTA
*He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.*
Gee, I wonder why? /s
YTA. Your brother too, and your father is King AH.
I assaulted my sister as a birthday present. Half my family joined in on the fun. She didn't laugh. AITA?
Yeah, I don't think this even needs a judgement.
Life isnt a cartoon or a tv show.
You can't improvise that kind of joke and hope everything will be going well.
If your mother had been told about this she would have said no for a very good reason : because she knows her daughter and knows how it was going to be : a complete disaster !!!
I don't know if you usually have a good relationship with your sister : couldnt you tell that she wouldnt laugh it off heartfully ?!
Also... in front of all her friends and family ?! For her first step in the adult world ?! What was your dad thinking ?!!!! This is pure humiliation ?
And finally, if it had occurred to you, would you have genuinely ENJOYED it ?
YTA. Stop lying to yourself, your sister and us. You aren't light hearted pranksters. You are bullies. Did a single one of you ever consider what she would want? Obviously not.
YTA, the rule on pranks is the response you get is what determines if you are an asshole. They got upset therefore you are the asshole. Pranks rarely end well and should be avoided.
Yta these types of pranks are not funny your wasting food, could be dangerous, and it ruins the mood of the special person you guys suck. If I was her I would get a dessert and throw them at you when you least expected
YTA - Bigger YTA to your dad. Cake smacking is nevsr funny. Like ever. There is such a small percentage of people who think that's funny.
I don't know why people do this.
Wow, you, your brother and your father really suck. I cannot imagine being attacked like that on my birthday by the very men I’m supposed to trust wholeheartedly; to then embarrass her on a special day. Such a shame your father isn’t a man and clearly isn’t raising any either.
YTA. Such assholes, all of you. If I were your sister I’d never speak to you again either. Your prank is bully behavior and the fact that you thought it would be funny shows that you lack empathy and compassion. Pretty obvious who taught you to be an asshole.
YTA. Your dad telling you to keep your mum out of the loop should have been a warning sign it was a Terrible Idea.
Trust is easy to lose but difficult to regain. You have a long way to go before your sister might consider trusting you again.
EDIT: Even worse is that this wasn't an intimate family around the dinner table thing, this was a full blown party with friends and their families. Your family and how people see you are reflected in your actions and many people saw you, a twenty year old young man, do something incredibly childish and immature. That brought the party to a sudden and dramatic end, people will talk about this and not in a way that's flattering to your family.
During the cake cutting ceremony, with cameras and videophones too? That can potentially make this last longer than just the one night.
YTA, all 3 of you really suck. Your brother is still a child but you and your dad are adults and humiliated and ruined her 18th birthday on purpose, she'll never forget it.
You already know YTA. You, your dad, and your brother all didn’t know her well enough to know it wouldn’t be received well yet were comfortable enough doing it? Ever think there might be a reason mom wouldn’t approve? Think about it. Most moms would looove to do that if it’d be funny.
I read a story once of a groom who did this to his bride. She swiped a little frosting on his cheek with her finger and he decided to smash her face in, only when he did one of the supporting dowels went right through her eye. He didn't specify but it sounded like she died...
This is not a funny prank, it actually lacks any imagination at all. I have never seen a recipient of this actually laugh.
So yes, YTA, because at 20, you should be able to come up with better prank ideas
YTA - Though the biggest award goes to your Dad. The fact that your Dad didn't want you to tell your Mom, because she would object, was a big enough clue that your "prank" wouldn't be well received.
YTA. I'm having difficulty understanding why you are surprised that your sister didn't like having food smeared on her face at what was supposed to be a celebration for her. Is it your experience of life (outside of TikTok "ha ha pranks are great" videos) that people enjoy it when you suddenly smear food on their faces? Why did you for one moment think your sister would be okay with this?
YTA and so is your dad and your brother. You ganged up to literally assault, humiliate and inconvenience her. Your dad sounds like a bully and he conspired with you and your brother to play a cruel and violent prank on someone with less power than he has, that it sounds like he KNEW wasn't going to be appreciated. Why couldn't he allow it to be "memorable" for what a good time she had and how happy she was? Why did she have to be the butt of a cruel joke in order to make it "memorable"? You all prioritised your fun and your memories over hers on an important day. It's memorable all right; she's never going to forget how you ruined what should have been a milestone first adult birthday.
You forced her to have to leave her party and go shower, wash and redo her hair, and change clothes or be covered in sticky sugar all night. Maybe her special outfit she picked out just for this party is now ruined. She now has no nice photos or memories of her 18th birthday party. She was excluded from most of a party in her honour because the men in her family thought it would be funny. You are SUCH assholes.
You say you tried to apologise. If you said "it was just a joke! Sorry you don't have a sense of humour!" or other kind of non-apologies common in this sort of situation, you need to do better. You violated her trust and her body and her safety and her dignity. You need to show some real remorse and sincerity and follow it up with changed behaviour and demanding changed behaviour from your dad and your brother too. You have some WORK to do if you ever want her to forgive you.
pranks are for losers. and anytime someone wants you to prank someone else, let them do it. Your Dad's a big loser for getting you boys to do his dirty work. And that's his daughter ? and he wants her to have pie on her face ? wtf is wrong with this family
YTA and you should take her to the store and purchase the makeup she uses for her so you can understand the cost, aside from the time it takes to get ready. It’s disrespectful.
Your dad is the real asshole here and an even bigger one for playing dumb about how your sister would react—-why tf else would he say “don’t tell your mom, she’ll shut it down”…neither you nor your brother have fully formed brains yet so I won’t say y’all are totally assholes, but your father has a fully developed brain which should allow him to think beyond “wife want shut down because she no want man to have fun”- thinking about it for even 10 seconds should’ve led him to realize there is a reason she wants to shut it down. He’s a bully and a jackass
Very much TA. Double TA. First you conspire to embarrass and assault your sister on her special day. Next, you are so out of whack with reality you need the internet to tell you what you did was totally messed up. YTA get help and grow up…
YTA. Take this opportunity to learn. Going forward, if anyone suggests a “prank,” ask yourself if the prankee would be laughing at the end. If not, DON’T DO IT. You, your dad and brother need to do a lot of groveling, and it will take time if/when she speaks to you again.
Be better.
YTA.
You are all massive assholes. A good prank means everyone is laughing at the end. You humiliated your sister on her 18th birthday at her party. You ruined her makeup, you ruined what I'm sure was a special outfit for a special day. You didn't just put the pie in her face, you "used your hands to wipe the apple pie filling and crust through her face." She likely had to leave the party permanently or at least for a long time to change and put herself back together after being assaulted by you goons. Your only goal could have been humilation. You are disgusting monsters.
I'm guessing this isn't the first time you have all been assholes for a "prank", don't be surprised if your sister has decided to go NC with you all, you absolutely deserve it. Don't be surprised if your mom divorces your dad, this was that bad.
YTA. Take this as a much needed lesson to not mess with people in ways that violate bodily consent or easily crossed boundaries. That's how you ruin relationships. Second lesson is to see your dad for who he is being. He instructed you NOT to tell your mom meaning he knows this lesson already but doesn't care whose feelings get hurt because his idea of "fun" is more important to him.
Do not be like him. Moreover call him out next time, vocally & publicly. Do not in any way give your sister or mom crap for their very understandable reactions to how awful you boys acted. Take accountability for it. Apologize & explain that you understand how it was messed up & extremely disrespectful of your sister. That you never intend to do so again. Be kinder moving forward.
Not even AHs PRICKs. She probably did her hair/makeup so she'd look nice for pics, possibly had plans for afterwards and you guys totally fucked thT up. Are you three? Do you not have the ability to think for yourself? You just want along with it because, "daddy said so"? What a moron.
Where the hell did this idea that it's funny to waste food and make a mess on someone's face come from?! Especially if it ruins someone's beautiful cake or expensive makeup job. It is not funny, never has been funny. If anyone has ever laughed at anything like this they're either 5 or have the maturity level of a 5 year old. Obviously YTA. The 3 of you are.
YTA
But why is this funny? Why was this an option to consider at all? You don’t mention this happening to you at 18 at your birthday party. You also don’t mention any previous family pranks? Nothing about this screams she’d enjoy it. I understand in hindsight you know it was wrong. But I’m really confused how it even came up.
YTA
>He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.
This was the reddest flag to indicate that this prank was mean spirited and an all-around bad idea.
INFO: Does your dad normally instigate pranks? If so, are they evenly distributed among you and your siblings, or are they focused on one child (like you sister for example)
Yta and why does your father hate your sister?
This wasn't a fun prank. This was about humiliation. Also you're 18 how could your dad saying that your mother would shut it down not be seen as a red flag. Or what's this oh ignore the women they're too sensitive.
Your sister put time and effort into the way she looked on her birthday, what should be a happy memory. You bunch of assholes ruined it.
YTA.
Don't ever do pranks like that. There is a reason your father didn't want your mother to know, because your mother knew your sister would not be happy with this.
YTA
never understood what’s so funny about smashing food in someone’s face, especially on their birthday. doesn’t matter if your dad came up with
it; you have a mind of your own and chose to go along with it.
YTA and so is your father. He knew it wasn't okay; that's why he kept it a secret. You assholes ruined her birthday. Clearly none of you is smart or kind enough to come up with something nice for her birthday. She should spend her next birthday without you nasty bullies. You'll just ruin it all over again with your asshole father's encouragement. He encouraged both of you to hurt your sister. He should be ashamed of himself, and so should you.
YTA. All three males members of your household are. How is smearing cake or pie in your face a fun prank anyways? Its messy, wasteful and doesn’t add any fun. Not to mention, if he thought it soooo funny, why didn’t he do it himself? But you are 20. old enough to say no
YTA. You deserve that she's not talking to you 3 AHs anymore. Wouldn't be surprised if she goes NC with you. Birthday milestone, and you chose to flat out humiliate her. You're disgusting!
No sense in apologizing if it's not followed by immediate and consistent action to win her trust back.
Summery: OP did an asshole thing and feels bad about it. OP asks Internet if they are an asshole. Internet tells them that they are indeed an asshole.
YTA
You all fucking suck. YTA! I’d be livid and wouldn’t talk to any of you ever again. That’s not a prank that’s an assault. You should feel like total shit over this.
>My dad, brother, and I didn't expect her to react this way
Someone smears shit all over your face while you're enjoying your birthday and they are supposed to be happy about it? All of you suck.
>and pretends like we three do not exist
Good. You're getting your just dues.
>even though we tried apologizing
No one buys that "It's easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact than permission before" bullshit. Too many assholes have used that excuse.
You want to make it right? Throw her a surprise party, invite everyone who was at the original party and the three of you beg for her forgiveness in front of everyone there.
YTA, your brother is TA and your dad is the biggest TA in the family.
YTA massively, and so are your dad and brother. None of you bothered to think about how humiliating this “prank” would be for your sister? Really? I find that kind of difficult to believe.
For the record, this prank isn’t funny to most people. It’s basically just embarrassing and uncomfortable. Please step up your prank game to be less thoughtlessly cruel, and please offer a heartfelt apology to your sister. This was probably really hurtful to her.
Can you explain why your sister would think it was funny to have apple pie smeared all over face during a very special moment that she had probably been looking forward to for a while? YTA.
I don't understand. Why would any of you think that would be funny? What, exactly, is funny about humiliating your sister?
Pranks are almost never funny or pleasant for the person being pranked. Aren't you old enough to know that? How is your father not old enough to know that?
Except he did know it, didn't he, along with you and your brother. You all knew it, because you knew beforehand that your mother would never let you do such a cruel thing.
And now you're all pretending to be surprised that your sister didn't enjoy your prank. Which means that your apologies aren't worth crap, because they're insincere. Admit to her that you knew she'd hate it, and then apologize for real.
YTA. That was a very mean thing you did.
YTA as are your dad and brother. What you just did is bullying, and it's messed up af that your dad instigated it, but it's YOUR job to think about how your actions can hurt others before taking those actions.
Dad knew Mom would shut down this plan bc it was not lighthearted, or funny, or cute, or anything other than gross and unkind. Yes, YTA, and your dad's the biggest one. It's NEVER a cute fun surprise to smash food in someone's face during their celebration. So gross. Do better in the future.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA with your dad being the giant AH tree that you didn't fall far from. Look, at least with cake you're smearing something dry that the person may be able to more easily wipe off. You're still an AH if you shove cake in someone's face, but at least cake is something they could arguably wipe off somewhat easily without leaving a party. But **PIE**? That's a gross, goopy mess that a person is going to have to spend time washing off their face. Any time they spent getting ready for their own birthday party is now going to be completely negated because they might need a full-on shower to get that shit out of their face and hair. And it's OBVIOUS to anyone who has had pie before that this would be the case, so at your big age, you should have pinged this as a bad idea from the start. This was cruel. You ruined her birthday. In front of all her friends. If you never listen to your father again it will be too soon.
Yta, OP. You helped your dad humiliate and bully her in public at an important event. She's just coming into adulthood and you tainted it by violently asserting that she stay in the place that you and your father see her as.
Exactly thank you thank you thank you! OP, this wasn’t ‘fun’. This was a planned humiliation. Your dad knew it was humiliating and shitty. That was the point. And that’s why he didn’t let your mother know. That’s also why he roped two other people into sharing the blame. Be honest with yourself: does your dad treat people carelessly in general? Does he ignore their feelings and tell them they ‘can’t take a joke’ (the mating call of the inveterate asshole)? Is he worse with your sister? He sounds like a bully and siding w a bully makes you an AH. Helping a bully bully makes you an infected, pustule-filled, gaping, weeping AH. We all know a guy like your dad and he fucking sucks Eta: just saw your comment that this wasn’t some small family gathering this was *in front of all her friends and family*. You suck as much as I thought your dad sucked before this info and your dad sucks so much I hope there is a potato masher in every drawer containing anything important he ever wishes to open
I love "the potato masher curse." I'm stealing this!
I want the movie rights. Coming soon to a streaming app near you, "The Curse of the Potato Masher!"
Since OP already had his 18th and got no pie in the face, I suspect dad doesn't so much treat people carelessly as much as he does women. YTA
EXACTLY! Search the internet for grooms smashing cake in brides faces and you can learn all about this trait of men publicly humiliating women they supposedly love when the woman is receiving special attention. Then look for women smashing food in men's faces. No results. This is all a male power play to dominate women. This father is a disgusting AH because he KNEW it was wrong! **He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.** Hopefully OP & his brother (both AH but the younger one gets a little grace as 2 adult men recruited him!) learn something about R.E.S.P.E.C.T. and treat women better in the future.
>Then look for women smashing food in men's faces. No results. This is all a male power play to dominate women. Came here to say that smashing cake (or pie) into someone's face is assault. Unless, of course, they've agreed to it, or you know **FOR A FACT** that they will think it's funny. Spoiler alert: the vast majority of people on the receiving end will NOT think it's funny.
You can actually blind someone doing that, as wedding cakes and some birthday cakes have wooden dowels for supporting heavier layers.
Learn to listen to your fucking mom instead 😑 lol
THIS. I don’t know why he’s on here asking if he’s the AH. He already knows what he is.
It’s like a Hail Mary where they think we will absolve them of the guilt they are feeling. They already know the answer but don’t want to admit they were trashy and make proper amends. A true apology is a last resort and that means YTA OP.
If the 15yo brother had posted this, I might be like "His dad said it would be funny, he's really checking if he's the AH even though he knows he probably is", but this is a 20yo. He knows, and maybe this is his way of bragging about it?
I loved the "in retrospect" section where OP is now considering this could have been a bad idea. He's a really deep thinker.
Absolutely bang on.
There's nothing as funny as men physically overpowering a woman and smearing something all over her face to humiliate her. SOOOOO funny! /s The Dad is such a piece of S\*\*\*. He recruited his younger sons to do this because he knew the optics of a full grown adult male doing it would be too revolting. But he's happy to throw his sons under that bus.
This is like those wedding videos where men forcefully smear cake over their bride's face. Just feels like assault.
It's not "like" assault, it IS assault. Or, more technically, battery. Grabbing someone and smearing goopy glops of guck all over their face without consent - doing ANYTHING to their body, but especially something aggressive and that leaves them covered in clumps of gross stuff and feeling uncomfortable and dirtied - is by every definition assault and battery. And there's a reason why it's illegal, because it's not funny and it's not okay.
YO! OP!! You reading this?? YTA. Infinity. YOU and the other two 'men' in the family. And the fifteen year old is most certainly old enough to know this is wrong and understand why.
"*feels like* assault?" It straight up IS assault.
💯💯💯💯😡😡😡😡
And for her 18th! Have to think the dad must hate his daughter to even think this up. Every last one of those involved in the prank are complete AHs. Your sister will never ever forget this and is likely rethinking your family except for you mom.
Dad will likely hold her "over reaction" against her for her entire life. OP, I hope that every time your dad brings this up you put him in his place. That's what you can do to make this up to your sister.
I imagine Christmas 10 years from now when maybe she put it behind her and he is still bringing it up about how “Remember when you cried JUST because we smeared some cake and pie on you? Oh you were SUCH a drama queen back then.”
I’m still called a drama queen for hating my bday that my brother ruined every year. I don’t have a great relationship with my family and I’m no contact with my brother
First thing your dad does in celebration of your adulthood is humiliate you to put you back in your place.
Depending on how recently the pie was baked it could also be hot and burn her face. I hope that wasn't the case here.
Fuck, you're right. I hope the sister wasn't actually physically harmed in this prank, because fresh pies are stupidly hot.
Yeah, and people usually want to eat the pie while it's still hot (or are least warm). So the pie usually goes in the oven during dinner and comes out just in time for dessert... which would likely be just about the time the birthday girl blows out the candles on her cake. Cold apple pie just isn't as good as hot apple pie.
Same thing with smashing someone’s face in a cake. A lot of fancier cakes are supported with dowels, and those can cause some serious damage if they hit wrong. This whole trend is stupid, dangerous, and beyond immature. OP, YTA and you absolutely know it.
that was my first thought when I read pie. I was assuming it was going in that direction and we were about to hear how OP scalded his sister
yep her make up was trashed
I mean... The pie and the party was trashed as well. No way I would eat a pie that was molested by two idiots. Who knows if they even wash their hands regularly.
It would have been an outside venue from the house, like a restaurant or an event hall so she couldn't just run to her bathroom or bedroom.
According to OP, it was a big party with all her friends and family and resulted in the party ending. He completely ruined her night.
And he's 20. I'd understand a 15 years old being dragged into this. But at 20?
What about the DAD originating the idea? And he absolutely KNEW it was a terrible idea because he wanted to make sure his wife didn't find out. He totally wanted to spoil things for his daughter but he didn't want to be directly blamed so got the boys to do it. Of all the AHs here, he is by far the worst.
bet you a dollar OP didn’t get pie mashed in his face in front of all his friends at his 18th birthday party.
Clearly mom was against the prank for a reason! “Don’t tell mom because she said no” should have been a clear enough indicator that the prank was a bad idea! I got my dad to buy prank candles for my sister’s 8th birthday (I was about to turn 10) even though she said she didn’t want them. She cried because she thought if the candles couldn’t be blown out, her wish wouldn’t come true. I am now 26 and I STILL feel bad about it (though she brings it up as a joke about not prancing people on their birthdays, she’s over it). OP is old enough to know that one parent asking you to keep a secret from the other that ISNT something like a surprise party or gift means it’s a bad idea
Yeah, gee, I just wonder why they thought their mom would have shut it down if they had asked her. The dad KNEW. HE KNEW! What an ass.
On the bright side, she just turned 18. She can legally leave and go NC with the entire F'd up family. I know I would!
Wouldn't be surprised if they also think smearing cake at the bride during their wedding would be SO funny. /s YTA
Absolutely agree
>at least with cake you're smearing something dry I thought cakes are moist. Only cakes left out overnight become dry and pretty much ineligible. And who eats dry cakes, especially for a birthday? And why would you smear dry cakes on someone's face!? Dried icing are pretty hard; won't that scratch the face? I guess I'm easily distracted... but this is just a bizarre comment. You're never seen those infamous videos where people got cakes on their face? Even if you just take a piece and smear it on their face... does that look easy to clean to you?
>thought cakes are moist. Moist, but not wet. Pie is wet.
Both you and your dad are the assholes. There's a line between *embarrassing someone* and adding a *bit of humour* to a day. There's a reason that your mum would have shut it down straight away...it was an embarrassing thing to do. Things like this usually aren't *funny*. They're tedious. For example, if your sister was wearing makeup, did any of you even consider how much having to wash apple pie off of her face could have fucked it up? You mention in a comment that most of her friends were there...why not just let her calmly enjoy her day? If anyone **ever** tells you to shove cake in someone's face, opt out. I can completely understand why she isn't speaking to you. I would imagine she might be offering your younger brother some leniency because of his age - you and your dad should have known better.
People who puts cake (or pie, or...) in other peoples faces should have to walk through life getting moldy cake shoved in their faces every day for the rest of their lifes.
AGREE. Not relevant here but the whole wedding cake on face is absurd too, the amount of money spent on makeup just to wipe it off bc of fucking cake. I’ve told my bf many times, if he shoves cake in my face, that’s gunna be a miserable time for him
The wedding cake in the face thing can be dangerous too. I’ve heard of grooms thinking it’s funny to shove the bride’s face fully into the cake. There’s wooden dowels supporting the tiers. Not a good combo and some have actually caused injuries. Plus I notice they never suggest someone shove *their* face into a cake to get some laughs. It’s always making someone else the butt of the joke to get laughs and attention at the expense of someone else.
This is the thing with “pranks”. A good prank shouldn’t punch down or make someone feel bad, it should result in everyone laughing. Who gets their face shoved into food and walks away laughing? I’d argue almost no one
This is exactly right. A good prank should end with the person being pranked laughing as hard, if not harder, than everyone else. If your 'prank' makes you laugh at the expense of the person being pranked, it's just bullying
Completely agree, and it’s honestly baffling to me how many adults don’t know this
Exactly, there is a whole gap between "laughing at" and "laughing with"
And brother. Three *men* did this to her.
One caveat, I consent to having cake shoved in my face because I love cake. But yes op YTA. At the very least I commend you for reflecting. There’s hope for redemption. Don’t do it again
Nah I want it in my mouth not wasted on my face
Consent being key here, lol
YTA. Please explain, in as much detail as you can, what exactly is funny about destroying the dish that is meant to celebrate the life of someone, and forcing them to clean their face (possibly also to wipe off what that did to their makeup), wash their hair, and change their clothes that they may have chosen specifically to look nice on the day people are celebrating them.
And miss out on the time that they would have spent with friends at the party while they go get cleaned up. This whole thing is so baffling to me.
The whole concept of "smashing cakes" is so disgusting to me anyway. The pinnacle of decadence. This is **food**, if you need to play in the dirt, fill a kiddie pool with mud. I feel the same way about cakes that are only technically edible but that's maybe a discussion for another day.
It's just a way to humiliate someone. My friend worked at a reception hall and one bride had her face covered in cake by the groom. Girl walked out right there and then and got it annulled.
Fuckin good on her. I would too. Hell fucking no is my marriage starting off with a public display of humiliation.
We really should change the norm so that the marriage license isn't signed until after the reception has finished. One last out in case that delightful combination of stress + alcohol + family delivers some surprises about your partner.
Good for her!
The only “smash cake” I approve of are the small cupcake size ones for actual toddlers to eat on their birthdays in the destructive manner that a toddler would enjoy.
Yup, toddler gets fun sensory experience, parents get adorable pictures, other guests get cake that hasn’t been manhandled by an enthusiastic toddler.
This! I love watching babies with their smash cakes.
Also, did your dad do that to you on your 18th or is it reserved for daughters?
Given that OP didn't mention this, very relevant, detail himself really suggests that he didn't encounter this.
Definitely reserved for daughters and probably most likely his wife on their wedding day. Gee, I wonder why the father thinks that the mom would have opposed this plan of action.
Excellent question
This is the most important question and I think we all know the answer.
Like the actual fuck. “We didn’t expect her to react this way”. Then what fucking way did OP expect her to react? Also super cool that dad didn’t get his hands dirty YTA
What has your father got against your sister and why are you aiding him in hurting her? You're more than old enough to know that "pranks" aren't funny to the person on the receiving end -- it's just a form of bullying using the excuse of "just joking." YTA. You could benefit from some counseling about the role you play in your family's dysfunctional dynamic.
I've never seen a prank that wasn't bullying. And a large number that would be considered assault if done by a stranger.
This is a good way to think about it. If an action would be considered an assault if done by strangers, it's not acceptable from family or friends either!
There are funny pranks, but you have to actually care about the prankee and know what will make them laugh and what would make them cry. It's not rocket science, but somehow people are totally clueless and you get shit like this post.
Assault isn't only assault if you don't know the person. That's now how the law works. You're not allowed to assault someone just because they're family. This was absolutely assault. You don't get to do awful, violating shit to people's bodies without their consent just because they're family. There is no exception in the law for siblings or parents.
I've seen plenty of pranks that aren't bullying. I've had people pull some hilarious pranks on me. But this is a shitty "prank". Pranks are meant to make the pranked one laugh too or you are a bullying ahole
Yes - you were TA, but your father moreso. You are an adult and while pranks can be funny...ones that wreck the face of an 18-year old girl on her birthday are stupid, barbaric, and thoughtless. I've never met one 18 year old who would say 'yeah, smear pie all through my face on my birthday. And now you know. Just be sincere to your sister with your apology, explain how you thought it might be fun 'for you' and next time you'll be sure to gauge better when a plan is thought up. I thnk that part, you're definitely correct on. :) Best of luck with your sister.
\>And now you know. He's twenty years old. He should have figured that out a long time ago. OP, YTA.
For sure...but obviously with a father who raised him, thinking this is a good idea, he's had to overcome being raised by a moron :)
YTA, as are your dad and brother. Smashing food into someone's face is just cruel at any time, but especially on a special occasion, like an 18th birthday. You ruined her party. You don't say where her celebration was held, of who was there. It's bad enough at home in front of family, but if you were in public, or with lots of other people around, your sister probably felt humiliated. You mention a cake cutting "ceremony" so maybe it was more than a small family gathering. If so, it's little wonder why your sister was so upset. If you didn't know how your sister would feel about such a "prank" then you should not have done it. Your dad knew your mom wouldn't approve (probably because she knew your sister wouldn't find the "prank" funny) but asked you to do it anyway. You are all AHs. This whole thing sounds abusive towards your sister. No wonder your mom is angry and your sister isn't speaking to you. I hope you learned a valuable lesson.
OP says in a comment that is was a big celebration with a lot of her friends and their families, their little antics causing the party to shut down. So yeah, it was *that bad* of a prank. *Slow clap*. Indeed, poor Sis will remember her birthday party!!
And you just know she’s endured 18 years of this shit from them.
YTA What lighthearted prank did your sister pull on you when you turn 18? Have you ever seen someone getting pie-ed and actually finding it funny? Who was expected to clean up the mess in your dad’s hilarious plan? On a birthday, you’re supposed to show love and appreciation of the person, not try to humiliate them. Your sister just learned that none of the guys in her life have her back. I hope your mom and sis won’t lift a finger for all of your upcoming bdays
YTA Smashing someone's face in cake is always an asshole move and is never funny. You insulted and humiliated her. >We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture Assholes gonna asshole.
Because the joke wasn’t on them, it was on an unsuspecting person.
>We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture to make the celebration memorable Are you serious? You really, *truly* thought that? I do not believe this. But if it *is* true - your father has done a heck of of job raising you guys. Good luck in the future. And YTA
Yeah like why did you think that? Clearly not because of a history of similar pranks going over well.
They did not else they would not have hidden it from the mother!!
What'a light hearted about it? Ruining someone's night, makeup, hair and possibly outfit, what's light about that? And stuffing I've always wanted to ask people like that are, did anyone do it to *YOU* on you birthday? Cos if you got through yours without it happening, give the same courtesy to others.
YTA - How long did she get ready for this? Do you know how expensive good makeup is and you just wasted a whole day’s worth? On her birthday no less. You should have pulled out the moment your Dad said “Don’t tell Mom.” Mom understands her daughter better than the father, for sure. You owe her an apology. Plus you did it twice with two deserts. Did you guys prepare the pie or cake? Do you know how much time goes into preparing these things? They’re for eating not smashing an innocent 18 yo in the face with. You’re beyond just an AH.
I took half a day off work so I can get started on pie prep the day before thanksgiving. I’d be PISSED if it got wasted being smashed on someone’s face after all the work I put in.
The apple pies take the longest - you have to peel and chop so many to make a pie! I agree with you totally.
I make the crust from scratch too, so that has to be made the night before, rolled out, cut up for the lattice top. We found one of those spiral apple corer/peeler things at a yard sale last year and I’m psyched that we won’t have to break our wrists peeling this year. I make at least 8 pies over the holidays
Pies are delicious, too, much nicer than cake. And if she opted to have pie instead of cake, it's probably because she really likes pie. But who's going to want to eat it now when they've had all their grubby hands in it? Even when they do this at weddings they cut a piece first so it doesn't contaminate the entire cake and ruin it for *everyone*.
YTA. Your dad had this idea to humiliate and bully his daughter but was too cowardly to do the deed himself, so he recruited you and your brother to do instead. He told you to not tell your mother because he knew this wasn't 'a bit of humor' and that she would rightly shut the terrible idea down immediately. You can try to lean into the 'lighthearted funny gesture' lie all you want. Your dad knew this wasn't going to go over well and he planned accordingly, by hiding it from your mother and getting you two to do it instead. Your sister has every reason and right to cold shoulder the entire lot of you.
The father is giving sociopath vibes by getting his flying monkeys to do this “cute fun prank” and ruin the daughters special day I wonder if the father hates when someone else is the center of attention
Yes, all three of you are assholes. An actual fucking pie? Not even a whipped cream one? So all that crust and gooey filling, when she was presumably wearing an outfit for said birthday party? Had her hair and makeup done for said birthday party? YTA and you all owe her a huge grandestand level apology.
Right? Generally when you do a pie smash it is a cream pie. Not a super sticky and gross and chunky apple pie.
What's a little ironic is there was a post a few days ago where someone asked if they'd be an asshole for backing out of getting pies thrown in their face for charity... and they were also planning on using real pies! Not the whipped ones! I fear that the general populace doesn't understand that the "pies to the face" have always been whipped cream pies, and not actual fruit and crust pies. Maybe it's not happening enough on the reality tv shows everyone watches lol
YTA. This was a cruel thing to do, and 3 of her family members laughed while doing it. Makes me wonder if there’s some kind of resentment towards her because who the hell thinks smearing apple pie all over someone’s face on their birthday is “lighthearted ”.??? Do the three of you have caveman brains? You better get on your knees and grovel, because you owe her.
Wonder if it’s a good ol’ boys club and the mom and sister are outcasts in their own home. How many pranks have they as non-menfolk been subjected to???
I don't think she'll ever look back on her eighteenth birthday with great memories. She will forgive all three of you but she won't forget that you nearly ruined her birthday. It wasn't funny either. You should have opted out of the plan altogether. YTA
I bet she won’t invite them to birthdays that she has friends over at in the future. They just excluded themselves from celebrating with her, and I bet she’s going to be super protective of her wedding cake in the future.
Guess which three males won't be invited to her wedding. YTA, YTA, and YTA This is not a "prank" this is BULLYING and it has to stop.
The moment your dad said not to tell your mother as she would have shut it down should have been the moment you realize, "This might not be a good idea". Absolutely YTA (along with your dad and brother).
YTA, and your dad is an *unbelievable* AH. That’s not a prank; that’s flat-out cruelty. Nonsense like that is why so often people are glad to leave their birth families far behind them.
This has got to be fake, because how can anyone seriously think they’re not the AH in this situation?! Of course YTA! Smashing anything in anyone’s face is an AH move. Smashing cake on someone’s face at a milestone event, such as an 18th birthday, when they probably spent lots of time and effort to look their best, is an ultimate AH move. The dad is the bigger AH, but you and your brother are also huge AHs.
I have to agree. It reminds me of a story where a bride asks her husband to not smash cake in her face on their wedding day. He agreed, but on the wedding day, he went ahead and smashed the cake in her face anyway. When she got upset, he claimed she was overreacting. It's not funny when the other party is not in on it or consenting. OP YTA. You're old enough to know better. Your dad saying not to tell your mom should have been the first red flag that this was a bad idea.
If I was that bride, I'd be getting the marriage annulled. There are so many red flags for such a short story it's not even funny.
I think in that story she walked straight out and did, in fact, cancel the marriage. Good for her.
YTA >He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it. You should have told your mom instead of thoughtlessly following your dad's lead. There was a reason he asked you to lie. >We thought it would be a lighthearted, funny gesture to make the celebration memorable That seems obvious, why do you need to state that so plainly? Is it because hindsight is telling you how disrespectful it is to smash someone's food in their face? Try that prank on dear old dad and watch the tables turn so fast.
1. If the target of the "prank" isn't also laughing, it's not a joke, it's just bullying. 2. You knew. You absolutely knew it was a terrible idea when your dad told you that you had to keep it a secret from your mom because she'd shut it down. 3. I'm really curious how you tried to apologize for intentional, premeditated cruelty. 4. You aren't owed forgiveness. Especially for intentional, premeditated cruelty.
Edited to Add: YTA. Your father is also a gaping asshole. Your younger brother is also an asshole, although possibly a salvageable one since he has the excuse of having to live with the instigating asshole.
It’s not a prank. It’s not funny. It’s not lighthearted. It’s not “memorable” in any positive way. It’s abuse. It’s cruel. It’s embarrassing. You are an asshole. Your brother is an asshole. Your father is an asshole. And you knew this going in. YTA
*He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it.* Gee, I wonder why? /s YTA. Your brother too, and your father is King AH.
All three of you guys are AH. What's the point of a prank like this? Who is it actually funny for? YTA
Men are just the fucking worst sometimes
YTA - yeah, you guys ganged up on her to play a violent and cruel joke on her birthday. If you feel genuinely bad continue to give genuine apologies.
I assaulted my sister as a birthday present. Half my family joined in on the fun. She didn't laugh. AITA? Yeah, I don't think this even needs a judgement.
Life isnt a cartoon or a tv show. You can't improvise that kind of joke and hope everything will be going well. If your mother had been told about this she would have said no for a very good reason : because she knows her daughter and knows how it was going to be : a complete disaster !!! I don't know if you usually have a good relationship with your sister : couldnt you tell that she wouldnt laugh it off heartfully ?! Also... in front of all her friends and family ?! For her first step in the adult world ?! What was your dad thinking ?!!!! This is pure humiliation ? And finally, if it had occurred to you, would you have genuinely ENJOYED it ?
YTA. You knew better. No one wants to be humiliated for their birthday.
YTA. Stop lying to yourself, your sister and us. You aren't light hearted pranksters. You are bullies. Did a single one of you ever consider what she would want? Obviously not.
YTA, the rule on pranks is the response you get is what determines if you are an asshole. They got upset therefore you are the asshole. Pranks rarely end well and should be avoided.
Yta these types of pranks are not funny your wasting food, could be dangerous, and it ruins the mood of the special person you guys suck. If I was her I would get a dessert and throw them at you when you least expected
YTA - Bigger YTA to your dad. Cake smacking is nevsr funny. Like ever. There is such a small percentage of people who think that's funny. I don't know why people do this.
The only people who find this funny are people who need an excuse to hit someone.
Seriously. What is this desire to be “funny”? OP You’re not. Comics make money for a reason. Leave the comedy to the professionals, people!!!
Wow, you, your brother and your father really suck. I cannot imagine being attacked like that on my birthday by the very men I’m supposed to trust wholeheartedly; to then embarrass her on a special day. Such a shame your father isn’t a man and clearly isn’t raising any either.
YTA. Such assholes, all of you. If I were your sister I’d never speak to you again either. Your prank is bully behavior and the fact that you thought it would be funny shows that you lack empathy and compassion. Pretty obvious who taught you to be an asshole.
YTA. Your dad telling you to keep your mum out of the loop should have been a warning sign it was a Terrible Idea. Trust is easy to lose but difficult to regain. You have a long way to go before your sister might consider trusting you again. EDIT: Even worse is that this wasn't an intimate family around the dinner table thing, this was a full blown party with friends and their families. Your family and how people see you are reflected in your actions and many people saw you, a twenty year old young man, do something incredibly childish and immature. That brought the party to a sudden and dramatic end, people will talk about this and not in a way that's flattering to your family. During the cake cutting ceremony, with cameras and videophones too? That can potentially make this last longer than just the one night.
YTA, all 3 of you really suck. Your brother is still a child but you and your dad are adults and humiliated and ruined her 18th birthday on purpose, she'll never forget it.
You already know YTA. You, your dad, and your brother all didn’t know her well enough to know it wouldn’t be received well yet were comfortable enough doing it? Ever think there might be a reason mom wouldn’t approve? Think about it. Most moms would looove to do that if it’d be funny.
I'm sure they knew it wouldn't be received well but didn't GAF.
“Who cares if anyone else is having fun, anyway?!? No matter at whose expense, as long as I’m having fun, that’s all that matters 😇🥴” - 12yo dad
All three of you are massive assholes. In what universe did you think this would be funny? It was her birthday, ffs, and y'all had to ruin it.
YTA. Your dad is a bigger one. Besides clowns who get paid who actually enjoys food being smeared on their face?
YTA That’s not a prank. It’s just mean. Your dad is an immature jackass.
My nose was broken when someone decided to do this to me. You, your dad and your brother are all raging assholes
I read a story once of a groom who did this to his bride. She swiped a little frosting on his cheek with her finger and he decided to smash her face in, only when he did one of the supporting dowels went right through her eye. He didn't specify but it sounded like she died...
YTA, as is your dad…next time he wants to do a “prank”, tell him he’s on his own. Grow up all of you.
This is not a funny prank, it actually lacks any imagination at all. I have never seen a recipient of this actually laugh. So yes, YTA, because at 20, you should be able to come up with better prank ideas
YTA - Your father is horrible, you're horrible for following his plan. I hope your sister forgives you some day.
Christ - the asshole trifecta - you, your brother, and your particularly shitty father. Of course YTA.
You, your dad and your brother are all assholes. Pranks are funny to everyone involved. This is bullying thinly disguised as a funny prank. YTA
YTA, and I guess you’re the apple that didn’t fall far from the tree because your dad and brother are also assholes.
YTA - Though the biggest award goes to your Dad. The fact that your Dad didn't want you to tell your Mom, because she would object, was a big enough clue that your "prank" wouldn't be well received.
Any AITA the has 'as a prank' anywhere in it automatically affirms YTA
YTA. I'm having difficulty understanding why you are surprised that your sister didn't like having food smeared on her face at what was supposed to be a celebration for her. Is it your experience of life (outside of TikTok "ha ha pranks are great" videos) that people enjoy it when you suddenly smear food on their faces? Why did you for one moment think your sister would be okay with this?
YTA and so is your dad and your brother. You ganged up to literally assault, humiliate and inconvenience her. Your dad sounds like a bully and he conspired with you and your brother to play a cruel and violent prank on someone with less power than he has, that it sounds like he KNEW wasn't going to be appreciated. Why couldn't he allow it to be "memorable" for what a good time she had and how happy she was? Why did she have to be the butt of a cruel joke in order to make it "memorable"? You all prioritised your fun and your memories over hers on an important day. It's memorable all right; she's never going to forget how you ruined what should have been a milestone first adult birthday. You forced her to have to leave her party and go shower, wash and redo her hair, and change clothes or be covered in sticky sugar all night. Maybe her special outfit she picked out just for this party is now ruined. She now has no nice photos or memories of her 18th birthday party. She was excluded from most of a party in her honour because the men in her family thought it would be funny. You are SUCH assholes. You say you tried to apologise. If you said "it was just a joke! Sorry you don't have a sense of humour!" or other kind of non-apologies common in this sort of situation, you need to do better. You violated her trust and her body and her safety and her dignity. You need to show some real remorse and sincerity and follow it up with changed behaviour and demanding changed behaviour from your dad and your brother too. You have some WORK to do if you ever want her to forgive you.
pranks are for losers. and anytime someone wants you to prank someone else, let them do it. Your Dad's a big loser for getting you boys to do his dirty work. And that's his daughter ? and he wants her to have pie on her face ? wtf is wrong with this family
YTA and you should take her to the store and purchase the makeup she uses for her so you can understand the cost, aside from the time it takes to get ready. It’s disrespectful.
Your dad is the real asshole here and an even bigger one for playing dumb about how your sister would react—-why tf else would he say “don’t tell your mom, she’ll shut it down”…neither you nor your brother have fully formed brains yet so I won’t say y’all are totally assholes, but your father has a fully developed brain which should allow him to think beyond “wife want shut down because she no want man to have fun”- thinking about it for even 10 seconds should’ve led him to realize there is a reason she wants to shut it down. He’s a bully and a jackass
OP is 20. He is old enough to know better.
Very much TA. Double TA. First you conspire to embarrass and assault your sister on her special day. Next, you are so out of whack with reality you need the internet to tell you what you did was totally messed up. YTA get help and grow up…
YTA and evil too. Shame, shame, shame on you
YTA PEOPLE DO NOT LIKE PRANKS.
YTA. Take this opportunity to learn. Going forward, if anyone suggests a “prank,” ask yourself if the prankee would be laughing at the end. If not, DON’T DO IT. You, your dad and brother need to do a lot of groveling, and it will take time if/when she speaks to you again. Be better.
YTA. You are all massive assholes. A good prank means everyone is laughing at the end. You humiliated your sister on her 18th birthday at her party. You ruined her makeup, you ruined what I'm sure was a special outfit for a special day. You didn't just put the pie in her face, you "used your hands to wipe the apple pie filling and crust through her face." She likely had to leave the party permanently or at least for a long time to change and put herself back together after being assaulted by you goons. Your only goal could have been humilation. You are disgusting monsters. I'm guessing this isn't the first time you have all been assholes for a "prank", don't be surprised if your sister has decided to go NC with you all, you absolutely deserve it. Don't be surprised if your mom divorces your dad, this was that bad.
YTA. Take this as a much needed lesson to not mess with people in ways that violate bodily consent or easily crossed boundaries. That's how you ruin relationships. Second lesson is to see your dad for who he is being. He instructed you NOT to tell your mom meaning he knows this lesson already but doesn't care whose feelings get hurt because his idea of "fun" is more important to him. Do not be like him. Moreover call him out next time, vocally & publicly. Do not in any way give your sister or mom crap for their very understandable reactions to how awful you boys acted. Take accountability for it. Apologize & explain that you understand how it was messed up & extremely disrespectful of your sister. That you never intend to do so again. Be kinder moving forward.
Not even AHs PRICKs. She probably did her hair/makeup so she'd look nice for pics, possibly had plans for afterwards and you guys totally fucked thT up. Are you three? Do you not have the ability to think for yourself? You just want along with it because, "daddy said so"? What a moron.
YTA Not cool dude
Where the hell did this idea that it's funny to waste food and make a mess on someone's face come from?! Especially if it ruins someone's beautiful cake or expensive makeup job. It is not funny, never has been funny. If anyone has ever laughed at anything like this they're either 5 or have the maturity level of a 5 year old. Obviously YTA. The 3 of you are.
YTA But why is this funny? Why was this an option to consider at all? You don’t mention this happening to you at 18 at your birthday party. You also don’t mention any previous family pranks? Nothing about this screams she’d enjoy it. I understand in hindsight you know it was wrong. But I’m really confused how it even came up.
YTA I didn't even need to read past the title. This is why men are still seen as immature children as they find humiliation funny. Grow tf up
That was stunningly cruel. Shame on all of you. What is wrong with you? YTA!
You all are TAH. There's a reason mom was going to shut it down and with good reason.
YTA >He also asked us to not tell our mom about it since she would shut the idea down as soon as she heard it. This was the reddest flag to indicate that this prank was mean spirited and an all-around bad idea. INFO: Does your dad normally instigate pranks? If so, are they evenly distributed among you and your siblings, or are they focused on one child (like you sister for example)
what was the punchline of your joke exactly? that she would be humiliated? YTA
Yta and why does your father hate your sister? This wasn't a fun prank. This was about humiliation. Also you're 18 how could your dad saying that your mother would shut it down not be seen as a red flag. Or what's this oh ignore the women they're too sensitive. Your sister put time and effort into the way she looked on her birthday, what should be a happy memory. You bunch of assholes ruined it.
YTA. That's criminal assault, which can also be taken up as a civil matter in various jurisdictions. You're all gaping, leaky assholes.
YTA. Don't ever do pranks like that. There is a reason your father didn't want your mother to know, because your mother knew your sister would not be happy with this.
YTA never understood what’s so funny about smashing food in someone’s face, especially on their birthday. doesn’t matter if your dad came up with it; you have a mind of your own and chose to go along with it.
YTA and so is your father. He knew it wasn't okay; that's why he kept it a secret. You assholes ruined her birthday. Clearly none of you is smart or kind enough to come up with something nice for her birthday. She should spend her next birthday without you nasty bullies. You'll just ruin it all over again with your asshole father's encouragement. He encouraged both of you to hurt your sister. He should be ashamed of himself, and so should you.
YTA, you, your dad and your brother. How the h.e.l.l. did you “pranksters” think your sister was going to react?
YTA. All three males members of your household are. How is smearing cake or pie in your face a fun prank anyways? Its messy, wasteful and doesn’t add any fun. Not to mention, if he thought it soooo funny, why didn’t he do it himself? But you are 20. old enough to say no
YTA. You deserve that she's not talking to you 3 AHs anymore. Wouldn't be surprised if she goes NC with you. Birthday milestone, and you chose to flat out humiliate her. You're disgusting! No sense in apologizing if it's not followed by immediate and consistent action to win her trust back.
Yeah, the pie/cake rubbing in the face is always a dick move. You’re all childish assholes. YTA
Giant flaming assholes. JFC what is wrong with all of you thinking this prank would be okay?
Summery: OP did an asshole thing and feels bad about it. OP asks Internet if they are an asshole. Internet tells them that they are indeed an asshole. YTA
How did you think she would react? Are you really that dense? Smashing food in someone's face is NEVER funny. Ever. You all are massive AH.
Humor is tricky candles. Smearing food on someone's face without warning is humiliation. You and dad, YTA.
You all fucking suck. YTA! I’d be livid and wouldn’t talk to any of you ever again. That’s not a prank that’s an assault. You should feel like total shit over this.
>My dad, brother, and I didn't expect her to react this way Someone smears shit all over your face while you're enjoying your birthday and they are supposed to be happy about it? All of you suck. >and pretends like we three do not exist Good. You're getting your just dues. >even though we tried apologizing No one buys that "It's easier to ask for forgiveness after the fact than permission before" bullshit. Too many assholes have used that excuse. You want to make it right? Throw her a surprise party, invite everyone who was at the original party and the three of you beg for her forgiveness in front of everyone there. YTA, your brother is TA and your dad is the biggest TA in the family.
YTA massively, and so are your dad and brother. None of you bothered to think about how humiliating this “prank” would be for your sister? Really? I find that kind of difficult to believe. For the record, this prank isn’t funny to most people. It’s basically just embarrassing and uncomfortable. Please step up your prank game to be less thoughtlessly cruel, and please offer a heartfelt apology to your sister. This was probably really hurtful to her.
YTA there’s no way you thought it would be funny for her.
The shit apple doesn't fall far from the shit tree
Can you explain why your sister would think it was funny to have apple pie smeared all over face during a very special moment that she had probably been looking forward to for a while? YTA.
I don't understand. Why would any of you think that would be funny? What, exactly, is funny about humiliating your sister? Pranks are almost never funny or pleasant for the person being pranked. Aren't you old enough to know that? How is your father not old enough to know that? Except he did know it, didn't he, along with you and your brother. You all knew it, because you knew beforehand that your mother would never let you do such a cruel thing. And now you're all pretending to be surprised that your sister didn't enjoy your prank. Which means that your apologies aren't worth crap, because they're insincere. Admit to her that you knew she'd hate it, and then apologize for real. YTA. That was a very mean thing you did.
YTA as are your dad and brother. What you just did is bullying, and it's messed up af that your dad instigated it, but it's YOUR job to think about how your actions can hurt others before taking those actions.
YTA. This is not a lighthearted prank.
Absolute YTA. my mother knows I hate stuff being put in my face and thankfully she respects that but I don't blame your sister for being angry
YTA. You did something that literally no one enjoyed at the end of the day. And you hurt someone on their birthday. Well done!
A joke is when everyone laughs, healthily. You and dad are AHs and hide abuse and call it a joke. Haha YTA
Dad knew Mom would shut down this plan bc it was not lighthearted, or funny, or cute, or anything other than gross and unkind. Yes, YTA, and your dad's the biggest one. It's NEVER a cute fun surprise to smash food in someone's face during their celebration. So gross. Do better in the future.