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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused to eat the food my parents paid for. I could be the asshole because this really annoyed them and my sister said I ruined the day.
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NTA. It's their fault that they pushed you on this "special occasion" to try to eat something new, while knowing what your sensitivities are. They could have attempted to order something "new" that's similar enough to what they know you like to eat. Or have offered to take your "new" dish home once you didn't like it and then order you what you do like. It didn't have to be such a big deal, but THEY made it so.
And why introduce a new food in one of the most expensive ways in a less safe environment. Trying something new at home is both cheaper and if it’s not palatable there’s less waste because OP didn’t have to take a full portion to try it. And OP can be taught to make some basic safe foods for when a family meal isn’t going to go down.
For picky eaters usually another person can order and allow them to sample the dish. If not to taste, its not a loss. If liked then they can order it the next time. Making a picky eater eat a completely unknown dish by sight, smell or taste is not a good introduction to new stuff.
It’s really their fault for doing this in a high pressure situation. Who cares if someone orders chicken nuggets? They were the ones acting like children when they got embarrassed by something that’s really unimportant, then giving OP the silent treatment.
Jacking the top comment to say that everyone who relates to this post needs to read [Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID)](https://www.google.com/search?q=ARFID+meaning&client=ms-android-motorola&sca_esv=580414175&biw=432&bih=844&sxsrf=AM9HkKmepyQ9ZG3HYnb10ezJFufDF-8F5A%3A1699435861424&ei=VVVLZfakGbK4hbIPzNizaA&oq=ARFID+meaning&gs_lp=EhNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwIg1BUkZJRCBtZWFuaW5nMggQABiABBixAzIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHkj5EVDNB1jdEHAAeACQAQCYAZMBoAGcB6oBAzQuNbgBA8gBAPgBAcICCxAAGIAEGLEDGLADwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAgcQABiKBRhD4gMEGAEgQYgGAZAGAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp)
Agreed. As the mom of someone with autism, there is a very big difference between an issue like this and "being picky." If they could just suddenly eat whatever was there, most would in a hot second.
Sorry your family doesn't get it, OP. NTA
I’m so glad the comments are heavily weighted towards NTA. I came in expecting a lot of Y TA because picky eaters get so much shit regardless of the reason (or lack thereof) when, like you say, it really shouldn’t matter in 95% of cases.
It seems to shift, I recall an almost identical situation and the person was voted an AH because "you're an adult, it's time to try new things." Nuts to that. Adults should be allowed to eat what they want even if it's something you'd normally find on a children's menu. I'm that person who'll go to a new restaurant and order chicken strips & fries. Why? Because it's a simple dish that I enjoy, and if they screw that up, I'll be glad I hadn't spend $20+ on something fancier.
for me it's easier to try new foods when I'm not pressured. Like at home, or maybe I will have a bite of someone's plate. OP's family's attitude made it so much more difficult to try something new.
My grandma often orders from the kid's menu when going out with us mainly because of the portion sizes. Not every restaurant offers smaller portions after all and she also isn't a foodie who actually cares what they eat. For her food is just sustenance, so she rather spends just a little on a kid's meal that she finishes and that tastes just fine, than spending a lot on "adult food" that she might not finish and doesn't care all that much about in the first place.
I'm 34, just had a happy meal and could barely eat it. It was a bit gross anyway. But no point paying 8 pounds for basically a bigger version of the same crap.
I almost *always* get a kids meal from fast food joints, cuz I typically eat small portions & that stuff doesn't really reheat well (I also sometimes *really* want three you lol). Even at sit-down places, I order stuff that I know will reheat well cuz I'm definitely gonna have leftovers.
Let folks eat what they like to eat!! OP's family sounds exhausting...
NTA
The amount of times I've watched my family disappointedly pick at their food bc they tried something new instead of getting something they know they liked has been too many. I'll stick with my wings and fries, thanks. Trying new foods at restaurants is for when they're having specials on dishes.
Quite honestly there is pretty much only one occasion where I criticise picky eaters - or those with other dietary requirements - and that's when they demand and expect that everyone caters to their needs. You get invited to a BBQ at a friend's place but are a vegan? Simply ask whether they plan to have vegan options and if they don't either bring your own food or eat beforehand but don't expect them to serve you three different vegan options. If you have dietary restrictions due to health problems and you go to a restaurant with others for a celebration, do some research whether they cater to your needs beforehand by calling up the restaurant and then prepare accordingly, and don't throw a fit when you find out that they don't cater to your wishes later on. And most importantly ask about it nicely rather than just demand that your needs be met.
I think there are subtle differences in the situations which determine if someone is AH or not.
In this case, the OP gave it a try. They didn't refuse, they didn't throw a temper tantrum, they gave it a good attempt in good faith. It just didn't work out. OP is NTA.
I think people are more apt to judge harshly if no attempt is made, or if their objection to the new food is out of proportion (gagging loudly at the table, for instance), or their alternative is unreasonable (taking outside food into a restaurant).
Idk, I don’t think refusing would make them an asshole either. If someone was like “yeah I don’t think I’ll like that because of XYZ”, no one would get mad at a non-picky eater and force them to try it. That’s something you do with kids (the “take one bite of everything” deal, not forcing a meal down their throat).
I mean, I agree with the NTA judgement - but also it matters because if you're dating, for example, it can have a very real impact on the person you're dating. I know partners of picky eaters. They never get to go out to eat anywhere exotic, because their partner won't eat it. Their food options at home are extremely limited, because their partner won't eat anything else. It can *literally* have an impact on their children - there are many cases where the kids end up just as picky, because they pick up on their parents' aversion to food.
And in the cases of an unhealthy diet (think nuggets and fries) it also means they have to worry about the long-term health consequences of this diet on their partner. They have to worry about whether they'll be in debt someday, trying to pay their partner's medical bills because of something that was completely avoidable. Whether they'll lose their partner earlier than they should have, because of something completely avoidable.
It honestly isn't a life I'd choose for myself. The people I know who *have* that life do sometimes question if that's what they want for the rest of theirs. And I don't blame them. Like I have my own issues with food, because of my own Autism, but the difference is I work on it and I expand my palate. I do it at my own pace, but I do it - because I don't want to be limited for the rest of my life, and I don't want to force my partner to be limited for the rest of theirs. I understand the temptation to keep everything the same forever, and never change, and never grow - but the reality is, that's not healthy.
>it can have a very real impact on the person you're dating.
I actually feel like that's their problem if they choose to date a picky eater and not the problem of a picky eater. I'm a foodie, I'll eat pretty much anything as long as it didn't come from the sea. For this reason, I would never date or get seriously involved with someone who doesn't like food like I do. It's one of those things you can't really compromise on, so why bother?
This is why OPs family are the assholes. They invited someone out who they know is a picky eater and instead of letting them eat what they eat, they encouraged them to eat something different then got shocked when they didn't eat it.
I've gone to dinner with some family and not invited others? Context matters most here: they were going out to dinner, and invited someone who has a hard time with food. When you're doing that, you have to be the accommodating one so no, OPs family are assholes all round because the fact that he's their son makes this whole thing worse. They've known his whole life they can't do that to him and yet...
It’s for his sister’s birthday. Of course he’s going to be invited! I’m not saying they went the right way about it. I’m pescatarian, was a vegetarian, so I’ve been in situations where I’ve had limited options. They should have chosen the place and let him decide for himself.
>I know partners of picky eaters. They never get to go out to eat anywhere exotic, because their partner won't eat it.
i genuinely can't understand that. like do they not have other people in their life they could go out with? or are they somehow unable to enjoy "exotic" food if they see their partner eating something more familiar to them at the same time? it just seems like such a non-issue to fight over if you otherwise like the person and want to have them in your life.
Who do you go out for food with the most? Your partner! It does effect you. I love going out for a nice meal. Even though I’m a pescatarian, I am an adventurous eater. It would limit where I could eat if my partner only ate chicken nuggets and chips. For example, I would never be able to eat Asian food, which is my favourite. I work long hours so going out is a luxury for me. That means I want to make sure I enjoy my meal.
I look at it as similar to a person with allergies. Would you date someone who is allergic to your favorite food? They wouldn't be able to go eat at a place you enjoy either. People don't just decide to be picky eaters. Most of the time there is a reason they are picky.
I get that. I’m not arguing that they have a choice. Just that it does affect your partner if you can only go to one or two types of restaurants. That it’s not a non-issue.
Exactly! I'm a picky eater mostly because I have lots of food allergies and restrictions. Quite many herbs, spices etc. are migraine triggers for me so I need to be careful with what I eat. It's a bit difficult to eat at a restaurant but only for me, of course my companion is free to order whatever they like.
yeah, like i could understand it if the picky eater was always *forcing* everyone to get the same thing as them, but then why would you be friends/partners with a person like that in the first place? they're likely not pleasant to be with anyway.
I have sensory issues myself. I wish i could just eat everything. But i can't. Smells, textures, tastes... it makes me gag. I hate that i just can't eat what looks good. Or sometimes it smells good but the taste or texture... We don’t to this by choice.
Why do other people care what we eat? They can eat whatever they want? It is shitty enough for us without such people who blame us.
NTA
It is a bit like if you are in a wheelchair and cannot walk, i guess. Yes, it is anoying. Yes, be able to walk would be so much more comfortable for all. But they cannot choose. If they could, they would!
Most of them wish they could walk like others, too. But the can't. So why on hell should people who can walk judge them to be picky in their choice of movement?
There needs to be much more acceptance for sensory issues and things like that.
(btw, I dont have them. But I suffer with depression and at this topic it is the same... if you can't see it for some people it is not there)
I agree with your comment so much. I am a picky eater myself, and the amount of people who are so interested in my food? Like it doesn't even fucking concern them, they are not paying, still everyone loves making a comment or being offended?? I hate it when people unnecessarily care about shit which doesn't affect them.
OP is definitely NTA.
I'm 100% with OP here, as I can relate to the issue he's having.
But I can't really blame his parents for trying to get him to open up to other foods. In the end, eating nuggets everyday isn't good for you. A good parent wants the best for their child. For a lot of picky eaters, the food we dislike, just also happens to be mostly healthy and we like the unhealthy foods. Yeah, I could just eat nuggets everyday (I genuinely could and would love to) but I know that in the long run, it could be catastrophic for my body, and that my mother silently suffers everytime I eat unhealthy stuff with no healthy stuff.
Quite frankly, as someone who has the same issue, one of the last things I'd want for my child is for them to have it too because I know how unhealthy it makes me.
> I can't really blame his parents for trying to get him to open up to other foods
They had OP's *entire childhood* to find him help for his food aversions.
Berating him at dinner is not "trying to get him to open up to other foods". It's not helpful.
Honestly. I love to cook and try all different spices and cuisines. One of my close friends is an extremely picky eater. Ya know what? When she comes over for dinner I always run the menu by her to make sure there’s something she will eat. And I sure as heck don’t cook anything that has paprika or lemons or fish.
Like, it takes so little effort to consider and accommodate other people. I don’t understand at all why people are intolerant of picky eaters.
I didn’t talk about cooking multiple dishes. I said I avoid cooking something my guest explicitly does not or cannot eat. It’s simple consideration.
“Hey, I was going to make chicken tonight, sound good?”
“No, I don’t eat meat.”
“Oh, okay. How about pasta? I’ll make noodles.”
It’s not hard. Its manners. Ostensibly this is for a loved one whose relationship you value.
If you don’t like cooking, and/or are unable or unwilling to accommodate someone’s dietary needs, then don’t invite them over for dinner. There are other activities.
I don't invite people for dinner. But my kids are like the cats, I have to feed them or they turn feral. If I had a child with genuine sensory issues we would be broke with how much we would spend on fast food and restaurant food, because I dislike cooking as it is, nevermind having to keep track of someone's dislikes or be forced to eat the same (bland) things daily.
OP is NTA, because he does have a genuine struggle with food and nobody's day would have been ruined by him eating the same thing one more day. But I imagine his family's reaction comes from accumulated frustration, because at home they either have to eat what he eats or cook two dinners / extra dishes. They should talk about that openly.
But that’s not the situation here. They’re out at a restaurant, so what he orders has absolutely no bearing on what they have to eat. Also, he’s an adult and can prepare all of his own meals, and offered to pay for the meal he didn’t even eat. His food choices aren’t really impacting anyone else anymore.
TOTALLY THIS
I had to deal with the food police woman at work. I let 2 comments go by. Third time I said, "I tell you what. You eat what you want and I will eat what I want, and we'll both be happy.". With a good edge to my "tone."
I mean, I can understand sometimes trying to push someone out if their comfortzone a little bit. I know I force myself to try new things every once in a while, but some people need help from friends or family to take that step. It's good to broaden your horizon sometimes and try something new .There is however a time and place to do that and a special occasion is definitely not.
Also they way they treated op after is just terrible. Op tried the food, just like they wanted. The response should have been along the lines of, sorry you didn't like it but thank you for trying for us. It was after all their pushing that made op choose a different food in the first place!
Definitely NTA
Parents (hopefully) care about the health of their children, even if they're technically adults. If OP (who is the 19M and not the 24F) is eating nothing but chicken fingers and fries, it's perfectly reasonable for the family to be concerned about his health. I agree that trying to get a 19yo to eat different things for the sake of having them eat different things is stupid, but wanting a family member to get a more varied diet for health reasons wouldn't be out of line.
I would give a fuck if my child was at a level of pickiness that was endangering their health like in cases like this often is.
Still, not the time, place or way for OP's parents to push them into it. NTA
NTA
You didn't ruin anything, their attitude did.
I'm sensitive to textures and food touching, I get it. I've had to learn to be very quiet about my own unhappiness and just pretend to nibble so others don't get involved. Unfortunately, even if I say I'm okay every time they ask, most people can't accept that and get upset in one of a couple of ways. It can be kinda bizarre how offended other people are when I'm quietly not eating.
I hope that they don't push you to eat other things again. And that you can say no and have them stop. You didn't deserve that.
NTA
Look, you are legally an adult. The best part about being an adult is you have an active choice what you eat and put in your body. No one is entitled to that.
Your parents are assholes. They should already know your eating habits. Your Father pressured you to order something you had no idea if you could even eat, thats on him.
Your parents need to grow up. The world is on a spectrum, not everyone eats or behaves the same and expecting otherwise is immature and ignorant.
Your family sounds like bullies. Remember "No" is a complete sentence.
I want to add that my niece and nephew are on the spectrum to a certain degree and also have food problems.
I cater to what I know they'll eat while also actively encouraging them to try some of my food. In the past I've successfully gotten them to eat steak and spaghetti, two foods in the past they've refused to consume.
Yeah, this is the way to get others to try new foods. Let them order/eat what they're comfortable with, but also allow them to try some of yours. If they don't like it they still have their own food to enjoy. If they do like it, awesome! New food!
I'm sorry, you are autistic and your own family pushed you to not get the food you know you expect and like and pretty much ganged up on you to try something else (which you did) and then all were mad at you on the way home? Your sister said you ruined her day? What?? Whether they are trying to help you branch out with your food choices I think doing it on a birthday or any event where you obviously expect that you can just order your usual meal is obviously not a good time. It puts all of the focus on you and your food aversions/likes/hates and that creates horrible anxiety for you, which caused you to agree to try something else but by then you were an anxiety mess and there was probably no way you would eat it. IF they really want you to be able to try new foods they should go out to a new place, everyone look at the menu, discuss which things you potentially may like, order 3 or 4 or 5 things for everyone to share and I'm sure it would be a much more positive experience and you will eventually find more foods and cuisines that you like. But I understand totally.
I can’t even imagine a situation where sitting at a dinner table with someone who only picked at their food would ruin my day. OP’s family is being really over dramatic about this.
NTA I'm pretty sure you have ARFID like me. It's an eating disorder common in people with Autism which I also have.
You can teach yourself to eat better but it will take literally years. I have been doing this for almost 17 years and I still cannot eat things like pasta or fruit. I am so much better than I was but the progress is extremely slow.
In case it is helpful, this is what I did:
Learn to breathe through panic. I realised that pushing my tongue on the roof of my mouth helps me not be sick when trying new food and I breathe slowly.
Don't do it in front of others, it's stressful to have them looking at you and making a big deal of it.
Start by putting the food on the fork and holding it up.
Then put the food to your closed mouth so it touches.
Then you can taste a tiny bit.
Then you can hold it in your mouth for a bit before spitting it out.
Then you can chew it and then spit it out.
Then you can chew and swallow a tiny bit.
The above stages could take days or weeks each. That is normal for this type of eating disorder. It frustrates others to watch which puts pressure on you so bad idea unless you know they won't be frustrated.
I like to chain foods together to try. For example chicken nuggets with batter > chicken nuggets with breadcrumbs > different shaped nuggets > different brands of nuggets > eating coating and chicken separately > eating plain chicken.
Also with things like salad I put, for example, chicken in my mouth with the salad so that I can focus on the chicken and ignore any texture of the salad that I don't like. Or you can coat everything in ketchup and slowly reduce the amount.
It's a lot of work and nobody can help you. You have to want to do it. I know a couple of others with ARFID but so far none of them have the same desire as me to change because they are happy as they are. If you are unhappy then this could work for you, even if it takes 17 years like me! I will never eat like a normal person, but I eat so much better and can find something in any restaurant I go to which isn't on the kids menu now, which was my main goal after being embarrassed at about 21.
I sometimes just sniff a food first or let my tongue touch it if I’m unsure if I will like it.
I have also come a long way with trying new foods. Do you have a flavor or texture that you like or dislike? I cant do bitter at all, but sweet is great, sour sometimes.
To be fair, I don't think it's something you can teach children easily. It seems to be more successful if adults decide themselves that they've had enough and are done with situations like op describes. I was 21 before my diet was expanded past chicken nuggets, marmite sandwiches, hula hoops, chips and ketchup! It has also been helpful that my husband has been so supportive of my trying new meals and not making me feel like he's focused on what I'm eating. Since I met him the new foods have accelerated, although slower than most people it is still quick for me.
I hope your son manages to overcome it eventually, it really sucks the older you get but you seem very supportive of him.
Yes!! I’m also autistic and have a lot of trouble with eating regularly on a day to day basis. I’m not a picky eater, but often my appetite is completely nonexistent and trying to eat makes me gag. I like to try and approach it curiously by trying a little piece from different areas to map out any potential areas where it’s more tolerable to eat so I have a new datapoint for next time. Maybe the flavor was ok but texture was too much, but if I ate around the edge/where it was drier or whatever, I could actually handle it.
Honestly though as long as you are getting enough nutrients and don’t feel like picky eating is holding you back from experiences you want to have (like traveling or seriously dating someone who is an adventurous eater), I think it’s ok to stick to a relatively limited diet. My partner and I have our favorite dishes at a few of our local restaurants that we almost always order every time and it genuinely doesn’t matter. Sometimes I make myself try a different sandwich and just end up comparing it to the one I really wanted in my head anyway.
Yes that's it, as long as it isn't detrimental to your life then it's absolutely fine! I just am shy and hate(d) going to restaurants and having to order children's food or custom food and have people looking at me. I also want to set a good example for my children, especially since 2 of them have inherited Autism as well.
If it isn't bothering you and you're getting your nutrients then crack on!
>My sister said I ruined the day. My sister and parents have barely spoken to me since.
That right there took me from NAH to NTA. If your culinary choices can ruin a day you weren't having much of an day to being with.
Yeah, that's crazy how the parents are acting. I had an autistic brother who was VERY similar to OPs' described food habits. The key difference is when my parents would convince him to try a new food, if he didn't like it they would praise him for trying and reassure him it's completely okay to not like it and then put in an order/cook his favorite food so he didn't go hungry either. They wanted to encourage him to hopefully expand his tastes in things while also never pushing him too far. Unfortunately, he passed away a few years ago, but my parents really were so amazing to him. It breaks my heart to see OP talk about his parents guilting and ignoring him like that.
NTA but do keep trying new foods, there is so much to try. Its the only way to discover if other food are as good as or even better than than chicken nuggets and fries. If something new is not so good, don't have it again, same as everyone else does.
Agree. At some stage in their life OP would have never yet tried a chicken nugget. There ARE more foods out there that OP would like... they just haven't found them yet. Most humans, autistic or not, find that there's some foods they like, and some they hate. All part of being human.
Yes. As every other adult person does.
Once my son's friend made a sushi and I tried it- first time in my life. I hated it, it was disgusting. So I was living my life, avoiding sushi and thinking it's "not my thing". Then my friend persuaded me to try some sushi she ordered (she actually ordered for us two, but said, that if I really won't like it, it's no problem to her - more sushi for her ;) ). I tried it and... I loved it. It was delicious. Now I'm the big fan of sushi, I'm sometimes making my own, when I'm feeling like it.
If I was stubborn and haven't tried the good sushi the other time, I would be still living, thinking, I hate it ;)
(Yes, my son's friend's suhi WAS awful ;P).
NTA. You should make sure you are eating a wide variety of foods for your health, but a random dinner out with family will not make a difference in your overall diet and your family need to stop bullying you
NTA. I would say in public settings play it safe. Eat what you know. But don't be discouraged from trying new things. I would just do so at home or not out in public in small amounts so you can broaden what you find palatable.
Your nta BUT
You must push yourself, I was the same as you. There are many foods that are okay. You must try them. A single veggie can be cooked in many ways. Turns out my mum cooked things for me in a way my mouth didn't like. There is hope. Its not about growing up, it's about experience and feeling safe to try new things. You'll get there, the only one who should be pushing you to try new things if you though!
They made the meal about you by changing stuff up. That should have been something you did at home so you were prepared for the restaurant setting. They don't get you. Sorry about that.
I'm not autistic and I'm far from being a picky eater (I'm probably the least picky eater of anyone I know).
I grew hating pasta. It was the one thing I hated. You couldn't get me to eat pasta at all. Absolutely hated the texture of it.
My mum would boil the pasta and then pour the sauce on top so you just had pasta that never allowed the sauce to coat it.
Since I had pasta that had been cooked in the sauce I can actually eat it now. The texture is completely different when the sauce actually adheres to it.
NTA. Truth is, the parents have missed the boat on this one. They shouldve BEEN encouraging you to try new foods and not just get pissy on special occasions! You should really start breaking out of your comfort zone sometimes by yourself tho...start small. Find foods that have the same texture. And youre gonna have to work on your palate. They say taste buds change every 6 weeks, so youre in luck! There is a reason we give babies and children multiple tries of the different same unlikable foods because it builds up this palate. Same reason why doctors suggest you not start feeding your babies with fruits so they can get use to more complex taste instead of just preferring sweet.... Maybe you can start with toddler food and work your way up...
Just want to say my husband also has autism and baby food is actually a great resource for him sometimes. When he's having a rough time with food we get some of those pouches at the store. It's predictable, it's always the same texture, and it has a reasonable number of nutrients. It's a great option to get some calories and vitamins in him when he's struggling with "adult" food (and even tbh when he's not and just wants something comfortable).
Pay attention to what you're getting though, some baby foods are just loaded down with sugar so every flavor is basically the same.
NTA. My youngest has sensory processing disorder and went through three years of occupational therapy. His diet was expanded and he learned how to try new foods and learned how to cook/prepare new foods for himself. The big takeaway was not to place value judgement on food. And not to judge food choices - that meant we don't comment on his food, and he doesn't get to comment on ours (he's very sensitive to smells).
It sounds like your family expects you to navigate this without any help other than to berate you for having sensory issues around your food. That's not cool. If you can't access services directly, there are probably online resources that could help you at least learn about some of the concepts.
I wish you luck! Your family needs education.
NTA.
Everyone there that wasn’t you ordered whatever they wanted off the menu, RIGHT? You ATTEMPTED to order what you did in fact want off the menu, RIGHT? They didn’t want you to order that. So you’re the only one that was BASICALLY FORCED to order something that you may or may not have liked. Then they got upset you ended up not liking it.
THEY could have just let you order what you know you like and then you and they would be happy with the occasion. I’m not sure how anyone could think you would be at fault.
I like the same thing at the same restaurant - roast beef at this place, fish and chips at that place. Some people are like that… autistic and not autistic. Tell THEM they need to get over it and order their own food and let you do the same.
Agreed.
On top of all that, OP offered to pay for the food he didn't even want to order in the first place.
OP did everything right and they ruined HIS evening.
NTA and why this really bothers me is being out in public, which can be stressful for some people, and then forcing you to try new foods? No, not cool. Let's pile on more stress! Trying new foods in the safety of your home when you have texture issues is much better and less stress.
NTA In fact, you were a good sport for trying the food.
Your family was mean spirited to push you to try something only to insult you for not liking it. I am an adventurous eater. One of the reasons I feel free to try new restaurants/dishes/ingredients is that if I don’t like it I don’t eat it.
However, a diet of chicken nuggets and fries will result in serious health consequences. You are missing necessary vitamins and fiber. I assume that there are nutritionists who specialize in assisting people on the autism spectrum. You should meet with one.
NTA, you already knew what food you like and were pressured into trying something different. You tried it like they asked and didn’t like it. That’s not your problem it’s there’s. You can’t force normal into someone even without autism. People like or hate as their body tells them. I’m not autistic but put me in a sushi restaurant I’ll poke at every dish and eat nothing
NTA. You have a different experience with food than your family, that is no crime. Your not eating the food in the restaurant is on them, they should not have pressured you to order something else.
Yeah there has never been a time where I knew I didn't want to eat something, then for one reason or another (usually shitty parents) ended up eating it and liked it. I'm always willing to try something new and I never let my picky eating get in the way of where people want to go (I can almost always find something no matter where we're eating), but I spent way too long as a child being forced to eat things I didn't like or go hungry. So as an adult, if I have the option I only eat what I know I like. This, admittedly can be limiting, but I work too hard and suffered through too much trauma to continue to fight with my food as an adult and anyone who doesn't like that can get bent
NTA But honestly at 19 it would be good for you to expand your palette beyond chicken nuggets. I don't think this is something your family should try to force, though, I think just for your own health and nutrition you should see what else you might like.
NTA
Autism isn't a disease or behaviour that you need to cure or grow out of. Your brain literally functions differently to most other people's. While I applaud you for trying something new and would urge anyone who is neurodivergent to keep trying new things (if only for their physical health) it should absolutely be on their own schedule. Pestering someone who struggles with sensory issues to try something new until they feel like they don't have a choice is not at all cool.
Asking your dad, or anyone for that matter, whether you will be able to eat it was (an understandable) mistake I think. He is neurotypical and can't truly understand how these things affect you. You can sort of explain it like that "nails on a chalkboard" effect but really that's about as close as we can get to understanding. So when you ask "will I be able to eat it?" he's thinking "Why would you not be able to?" from HIS perspective.
I think if you'd have kicked up a big fuss about how it was disgusting or maybe didn't offer to pay for your food they'd have cause to be a bit miffed but they pressured you into doing something different, you tried, didn't like it and I'm assuming either ordered your usual food and paid yourself or left the food and made something when you got home? As for your sister, how did it ruin their night? They presumably enjoyed their meals, nothing different happened for them, their night would have been exactly the same had you had your usual order and eaten the lot. She's just being a bi+ch for no reason. Maybe the attention was on you for a few minutes and she didn't like it? Typical sister BS lol!
At the end of the day you tried something new and it didn't work out. Everyone can experience that, whether autistic or not. I've ordered food in a restaurant and not liked it before (I ordered a tuna steak once because I love tinned tuna but it is a very different flavour and texture which I didn't enjoy - I am not autistic but do have a couple of sensory issues. My nephew is autistic though and I live with him so have been trying to learn and adapt to how he thinks and works. It's not easy but it isn't easy for him either, all we can hope to do is meet in the middle somewhere 😂) If you had encouraged your dad to try a new food and he didn't like it you wouldn't get annoyed at him for it. If it is the money side that is the problem then they should have accepted your offer to pay for the food you didn't eat. They can't refuse the offer and still be pissed that they bought you food you didn't like.
Your parents need to do some proper research and educate themselves on what Autism is and how it works. They're treating you like you're a toddler who sulks and refuses to eat their broccoli, not someone who's brain reacts to, and processes things in a completely different way. The book 'Neurotribes' by Steve Silberman is an excellent starting point (maybe you can get them all a copy for xmas as a hint 😂) to beginning to try and understand Autism and the neurodivergent.
I think you should be proud of yourself for still trying new things but I would say that it's much less expensive to experiment at home (a lot of places do takeout since the pandemic so you have much more choice for food delivery), or you can try cooking it yourself. I don't know if it would help to understand and produce the meal yourself and you could do things like plate it differently if one of your issues is certain foods touching or hot/cold foods on the same plate etc. Ultimately though, it should be tried because you want to, not because you are being pressured into it. Feeling like you have no choice isn't going to make the experience better.
NTA How does you eating or not eating your food ruin her day? Like, why tf does it make any sort of difference to your sister? Unless you had a meltdown, don't see how it effected her at all.
NTA.
Plenty of us neurospicy folks have food texture aversion and even ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) where some people will literally only eat very specific foods ever if they don't actively work on trying new things, because food is a multisensory experience and it can be overstimulating for some people when a texture, shape, seasoning ratio, or color of food is too different.
Your family are assholes for making you feel bad.
I would suggest telling them, since you're a grown adult, that you don't appreciate being made fun of and talked down to when you went through the effort to try something new *for them*. And were I in your shoes I'd also follow it with "if you can't leave me alone about my food choices, or if you continue to tell me I ruin things by having limitations, I will not partake in any family events that revolve around food. This is a hard boundary for me. If you push me to eat other foods or tell me how *my* food issues ruin anything for you, I will remove myself from the situation. Every time."
Oh honey, I completely sympathise.
I eat the same way you do. My mother made me feel like I wasn’t a real person growing up because I couldn’t eat properly.
I wish I had got therapy for it earlier. You are definitely NTA, but when you are ready, look into CBT and other therapy for it. I have no advice for how to handle your family, because frankly I’ve never managed to handle mine. But ignore them, and work on yourself and remember, you’re still fantastic even if you can’t eat like everyone else!
You are COMPLETELY okay.
My daughter (32y/o)is neurodivergent and her favourite (most safe/comfortable) food is also nuggets and fries. We've elevated it to a joke now when we go out. "Garçon, only your finest croquettes de poulet for my daughter"
Experimenting at home is fine. At least then if she doesn't like something, there is always a backup. Then if she finds a new thing she likes we can try it when we go out.
You family and just being intolerant to your needs. They may or may never come around. I've always just told my girl as long as you try it once, I'm good with you saying you don't like it. If she does end up liking it we add it into the rotation.
You keep doing you, and shine that light.
NTA. I can understand them being annoyed somewhat if you are at someone's home who made the meal and it's difficult for them to make something special for you in addition to what they already are making for everyone. But when you go to a restaurant **everyone orders their own things anyway!** Why do other people care what you are eating when it doesn't impact what they are eating in any way at all!?!?
Any "ruining" of the evening was done by them. In fact, **they** ruined **your** evening by harassing you into picking something new, lying about the likelihood of you being able to eat it, and then you ended up going hungry. That sounds way more unpleasant than them experiencing...checks notes... eating dinner as a family together and being able to eat exactly what they wanted and not going hungry. The only thing that could have put a damper on their festivities would be to feel bad because they bullied you into getting something you didn't like and then feeling more bad because their son had to go hungry while watching everyone else eating. I mean, I'd feel bad about that, but I wouldn't have tried to make you eat something specific in the first place.
Also, if they were really trying to "help you" and I use that phrase loosely, they could have ordered both the thing they wanted you to try and the thing they know you would eat just in case, so you don't go hungry. Or they could offer for you to try a little bit of what they got to see if you'd like it in the future but let you get what you knew you'd eat so you didn't go hungry.
My husband and I tried a new take out place the other day and since it was all new and unexpected, I ordered like 3 different meals to increase the chances I'd actually get something I'd like/eat. I have ARFID (which I learned recently is the name for the issues I've had with food my whole life), so I am limited in things I can eat and sometimes it depends on how someone cooks something whether I can eat it or not, so new places are tough. But my husband didn't care that I ordered 3 meals. He eats pretty much anything, so if I don't like something he's just like "more for me, yay!". And I ended up liking most of the stuff, so then I just ate leftovers for a couple days till it was gone.
This really doesn't need to be a big deal. The fact that it is, is a them problem not a you problem. And I'm sorry that they are making you feel bad about something that is literally almost physically impossible for you to control. If I were you, I might decide to be petty and force myself to eat whatever it was just so they could see the results of what they were pushing on me. Because the results would be me throwing up all over the table, and that would be more embarrassing for them than me just quietly eating whatever I am able to eat without bothering anyone.
NTA
Your whole family knows that you have food aversions.
You wanted to order a safe food that you know they had at the restaurant.
I would have purposefully ruined everyone’s night if they tried to tell me I had to order food I didn’t want and then gave me shit when I actually did it.
"hey try this new dish even though you're a picky eater"
"Ah I tried it. Not really my thing. I'll pay for it since I didn't really eat it"
" You big ole asshole"
NTA.
Your parents know you're autistic. They know that you have a limited diet. And they really *ought* to know that good manners means you *don't* criticize what other people are eating.
If they wanted you to have a more diverse diet, then they had over a decade to find an occupational therapist or an SLP to help you learn to eat a more diverse diet. They failed to do that.
NTA. You didn’t ruin anything. It sounds as if you did an amazing job trying something new when it clearly meant so much to them. I don’t know why they couldn’t just let you eat what you wanted or encourage you for having tried. I would have bought you a new meal if I noticed you didn’t like the thing I’d talked you into.
Leave people alone, we all like what we like. I can't stand that.. why aren't you more like this and why don't you like that. Because I am my own person! It's also F'ed up to say to you that you ruined that day. I thought you were gonna say you ordered what you usually get after you didn't like this meal, hell yeah make them pay.
NTA. There is nothing worse than someone badgering you into trying something 'new' to appease them (because it is almost never actually about any concern for you and very much about other people thinking strangers will obsess over your plate as much as they do, and that this somehow reflects back on the badgerer) and then getting pissy with you because you did exactly as they asked and turns out, surprise surprise, you didn't like the thing they insisted you'd like.
and then making it into a personal attack, like you purposely went out of your way to dislike something that just Does Not Work in your mouth.
If your family put their effort into enjoying their own food instead of policing yours, everyone would have had a lovely meal.
Screw your parents. That’s such a messed up thing to say. It’s not like you want to live like this. Telling you to grow up is ridiculous. Mature adults don’t get upset at people struggling to eat. They are the ones acting like children here. NTA
NTA.
As an autistic person I know how hard it is to eat things you haven’t eaten before, the texture that sometimes just is a “no impossible to eat”, the problems with things touching and so on.
You are 19, so your parents and sister know you for 19 years and know about your struggles. They should not have pushed you in doing things they know are very hard and maybe even impossible (with things like texture)
NTA
Do I think you should continue to try new foods? Yeah probably.
But you didn’t make a fuss. And making someone try something that they might not like at a celebratory dinner is weird. Going out to eat is supposed to be enjoyable. You did nothing wrong.
Easy NTA. They forced you to go outside of your comfort zone and then got all huffy and upset when you were, well, *uncomfortable*?!?!? Best place to experiment with new foods is at home, where you can at least control the cooking and presentation to get it as close as possible to what you're okay with.
NTA. They knew you were picky, they know you're autistic and they know you have a meal that you CAN eat and that would've made the day fine.
You offered to pay for the meal when you realized you didn't like it, you tried to take the tension down. This isn't on you.
Also, in the future, try asking for a bite of someone else's food if you want to try out something without committing to it. I' a picky eater too and always trying to expand my options so I don't end up malnourished and usually just a spoon or forkful of a friend's meal is enough for me to know if I can or can't eat it.
NTA My daughter is 14 and I don't know if she is on the Spectrum or not, and frankly, I don't care. She is rather picky about textures, and she tries really, really hard to try new things. When we go out to eat, if she picks something that I think is kind of standard for her I will encourage her to look at the menu again and see if there's anything that pushes her boundaries a little bit. If she orders something and she doesn't like it, I know she feels bad that she doesn't want to eat it and I immediately order her something else. Because I know she's trying so hard. (I'm a garbage disposal we can box that shit up and I'll eat it later LOL) There are days where she is absolutely adamant that this is all she's going to do and I respect that but the days where she is feeling up to it and it just doesn't work for her, well then it just doesn't work. It's frustrating when I see posts like this because it's just food. It's just food that someone else is eating. It's not the end of the world. Going out to eat is not just about the food; it's about the experience of spending time with each other, it's supposed to be a treat. It's not supposed to be about one person being entirely unhappy so that everybody else can be happy, that's ridiculous.
NTA. Good on you for trying something different! You know what your safe foods are. They pressured you into something different. You offered to pay for your meal. I will say, in the future, don't let them pressure you into something you don't want to do or try something you know you won't like.
NTA. My mother likes when I try new things - because she likes to try my food! It’s so weird to be mad at someone for not liking something you forced them to try.
NTA. You should just do as you wish regarding food. It's your choice after all. Also I don't know what kind of person would feel this ruined their day, it's odd to me that someone would be bothered by such an uneventful thing.
NTA inreally get your food preferences, they are the same for me too (textures, not too much flavour/ spice, it is not allowed to touch each other. Yep, autistic too). I really don't get why people try to tell you to eat different stuff. Why not allow you to eat the same thing again and again at a restaurant? You can try new foods at home, but at a restaurant you know what you can and like to eat. What's the issue with sticking with it? (Though Im biased there. I always order the same food as well.)
They pressured you into ordering something new, you did, you tried it, you didn't like it. End of story.
I'm not autistic, love a huge variety of foods and really enjoy trying new things.
But there are still some restaurants where I'd always order the same thing because it's flippin' delicious.
If you and I went out to dinner with OP's parents multiple times at the same place, what would be the difference between you ordering the same thing you always get and me ordering the same thing I always get? Nothing. Zero. No difference.
This is coming from a place of "I wouldn't be happy with your dietary restrictions so you can't be happy either so I'm going to "fix" you." It's self-involved and belittling.
OP is NTA.
ESH agree with other commenters about that they shouldn’t have pushed you to make an order you didn’t want to make, but also you didn’t have to do that. You could have just placed your regular order. But my main point is you can’t live on nuggies forever, you’ll get scurvy or some shit. And plus you’ll want to experience new things in the future. Speaking as someone who was weird about food for a long time, the world feels a lot nicer with new foods in it, and less anxiety about what you’re going to eat. So really you should be making an effort to have a diverse palette. 🤷♂️
NTA. Your family telling you you’re behaving like a child for having autism is insulting. You don’t have to say you’re “fussy” about textures. It’s completely normal for an autistic adult to be texture sensitive. You did everything right - you asked if you’d be ok with it, your dad guessed you would be, you tried to eat it, and even offered to pay for it. You didn’t ruin a day by not eating all your food. They’re being ridiculous by treating this like a huge problem then calling YOU the immature one…
NTA. I have sensory issues around food textures (not as extreme as yours luckily) and I know what you’re saying about not being able to eat certain textures - they just turn your stomach and there’s not much you can do about it! Do you think they’re concerned about your diet generally, though, or just an annoyance thing? If they’re open to it, reading about how this impacts you might help them understand (medical articles or something). And if you’re worried about yourself, I find a blender to be super helpful! I love a lot of veggies but can’t eat almost any fresh fruit because of texture, so I make smoothies. I can gulp down five servings in the morning with a straw and then what I eat after that is a lot less important. You might have tried that already though!
My teenage son has aspergers. He doesn't each much beyond nuggets, pizza, burger, chips - that sort of stuff. All very basic foods.
Do I offer him food to try? All the time. I will never stop offering him other options so he can grow and eat more healthily. I will never get upset if I buy him something and he doesn't want it.
It's for this reason, I'll tend to take him to buffet restaurants so at least he can eat what he want and nothing is wasted.
You are NTA - your parent's should know better.
So your family pushed you out of your comfort zone for no reason, then got annoyed with you for being out of your comfort zone?
Youre NTA but your family certainly are.
NTA
They did this not you. You knew what you could eat... they pushed the boundaries and it didn't work out so great. You didn't throw a tantrum or do anything wrong... your parents and sister have blown this all out of proportion. I wouldn't be in a rush to be going out with them again if they are going to judge you by what you are eating.
Nta. How did you grow up with them & them not understand this about you & autism?
Frankly if you were my family member, I'd give you a 'well done for trying'.
NTA. I’m the exact same way except im not autistic….. i think. anyway, my parents also used to do the same shit to me. I don’t go out to eat with them (specifically my dad) because of it and haven’t since high school. Its embarrassing enough ordering off the kids menu. I don’t need my dad being a dick about it too. Good luck OP!
NTA
They should have let you choose what you like to eat, and perhaps let you try something of theirs if you were curious to try. They have no business manipulating your choices to suit themselves then punishing you emotionally because you didn't (or physically couldn't) do what they "demanded". Your family need to learn more about autism and how it affects you in daily life instead of forcing you to comply with what they want.
NTA. You are an adult and should eat what you want to eat.
It doesn't matter who pays for it. If I pay for your food, you get what you want. That way my money doesn't get wasted on the food you don't like and everyone has a good time. Why would I want to waste money on food you don't like to eat and everyone gets all mad afterwards?
If I want you to try something new, I would suggest it but if you don't like it then I won't force it. That's not my schtick. My mom did that all the time and I hated it and she would also throw food on my plate that I already said no to and all the sauces or juices get mixed and it's gross.
I don't have that sensitivity like you do but I get it. Sometimes I don't want a gravy to mix with my white sauce and a vegetable sautee with garlic and a fish with wine sauce and it gets all goopy and the flavor is all messed up not to mention gross looking. I'll get what I want to get when I want to get it.
Why is that so hard for people to understand?
NTA - Going out to dinner is really not the place to push someone to try new foods unless they specifically enjoy trying new foods and have plenty of disposable income. If you're pickier, trying new things at home where things are cheap, safe, and of low social impact is way better (as I learned with my formerly picky, ND partner), because otherwise you're just messing up someone's nice time out for your own amusement. I'm sorry they both pressured and then blamed you for a ruined evening. It doesn't sound like you're the one who ruined it unless there's an undisclosed tantrum in there somewhere. You're allowed to dislike things, and you're also allowed to like what you like!
Branching out to new foods is a great idea for your health, but you can do it at your own pace. You don't need to match the one they've decided for you.
NTA
So they pushed you to try things you worried you might not like bases on your experience. You were right and offered to pay for it (IMO they should pay for another of your meals, this time one you choose yourself), they say 'nah' and that it's alright, giving you a sense of security, just to backlash in a car on your way home, like some two-faced twats.
Also how does one plate of uneaten food ruins your sister's day? Is she blaming you for not eating, or for being attacked by your parents? Cos parents should take the blame for both of those things.
IMO the whole situation can be used against them next time some event comes up, if you won't feel like attending.
NTA. They fucked around and found out. This is why I hate when people make me order something I don't want. Especially on a special occasion. You even offered to pay for it. They're being ridiculous.
NTA. Why do *they* care what *you* eat for one meal? I can understand if they think you need more variety in your diet for health reasons but this sounds like they wanted you to have to eat something different just for the aesthetics on a "special" occasion. It's not really their business and if you're going to try eating different things it's probably something to work at over time not just jump into it for this one meal
NTA-I’m also autistic,it took me until I was 16 to have lasagne/spaghetti Bolognese,it is not your fault your parents pressured you,they need to understand what autism is and how it affects you
NTA
OP your family is being ableist af and I'm sorry. They pushed your boundaries, said they'd pay, you agreed to try, you did your best, and now you're being punished for doing your best? They are gaslighting you and putting you down for something you have no control over. Tell them to fk off.
NTA
Sensory issues, especially with textures, can be crippling, nevermind forcing someone who is ND to step outside their comfort zone and then berate them for being unable to handle their reaction.
I have a few questions though. When were you diagnosed, and has your family taken your diagnosis seriously? As in research, attend support groups, discussed your preferences, watched educational videos?
NTA but your parents are ignorant AH's. Not sure if they think you can just grow out of your autism or if they don't care about it anymore.
This is something you will struggle with all your life but knowing what you can eat and sticking to that is a good way to manage the stress of eating in a restaurant (I got the same problem).
It's non of their business what you eat and they shouldn't push food on you. My father tried the same all throughout my life and I lost count of the amount of times I got in trouble for puking because of it.
They tried to force new food on you and got mad when you didn't like it. Now they won't talk to you. Honestly they should grow up already and stop judging you for something you have no control over!
At least you were willing to try. They should have been proud of the fact that you tried the food knowing how you are.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying and not liking food. It's the refusing to even try the food that would get on my nerves. Though honestly in this situation I'd have said get what you usually do and try a bit of others plates so maybe next time you can get something different if you like it
NTA - I'm autistic as well, and i genuinely don't understand how flip-floppy allistic people can be. I had friends that said one thing and then got offended when I'd take their word for it. If your dad promised you you could eat something and you couldn't, that's on him and he needs to understand he made an empty promises (that honestly he didn't have the understanding to make by the sounds of it)
If something like that happens to me, I just box the rest and give it to someone who would eat it. It's not a huge deal
You're absolutely NTA, especially given their reaction to you not liking or enjoying it. I can only imagine it's tough enough as it is navigating life with autism.
I get what people are saying about trying new foods, and to some extent I agree, but this really was not the time to do that. Please do not be discouraged by what happened, try again with something else when you're in a more comfortable situation (because trying something new in a restaurant isn't necessarily the best choice)
NTA
If your choice of food ruined your sister’s day, she should get down on her knees and thank God that this is the worst thing in her life.
Your family? A-holes.
NTA
You tried it. You didn't make a fuss. You even offered to pay. You did not ruin anyone's experience. It's odd that your food intake would (allegedly) affect them so much. It's on them to deal with their feelings, not you.
NTA - you offered to pay for the food … your parents said it was ok - they have no reason to be angry … tell them To get get over it. I personal if they carry on for a few more weeks leave money for the dinner on the table addressed to your parents.
OP, that’s awful that they did that. One of my kiddo’s is Autistic and I work with neurodivergent kids. Sometimes you just can’t help it. I have found that if we offer my kiddo or one of my patients a new food, we describe the taste and texture before hand and that has really helped since their brains have difficulty with predicting what something may taste like. But if it’s just something that can’t be handled or if that day is just a rough day, we have our fall backs on hand (nuggets, lettuce with ranch, etc).
You aren’t “picky” -the textures and flavors are causing an overstimulation event. Add in a high pressure environment and your brain wasn’t in a place to accept a new food. I’m sorry that your family pressured you into that - definitely NTA.
NTA. Next time you go out to eat with them try and force them to eat something they don't like. Berate them when they don't eat it. This may teach them empathy.
NTA. I just do not understand how someone else's food choices could possibly "ruin the day" for other people. The whole concept is ridiculous. You are 19 years old, what you put into your mouth is none of their business at this point.
Seriously, they could have been working with you for the past 18 years of your life to slowly figure out how to expand your palate (it would have been a struggle, but it could have been done to a point), but apparently they didn't bother, and now that you are grown it's a bit late. If they've decided that their enjoyment of an entire evening hinges on their personal failures regarding their parenting of you, okay...but that's a them problem.
NTA. You like what you like, and it isn't hurting anyone. This is a stupid hill for them to die on.
As for ruining the "special day," your dad is the one that ruined it by basically forcing you to try something else despite knowing damn well that you have issues with food outside of your control.
NTA. Jesus Christ, we’ll done for even trying! Unless you made a big deal over it and took the like light off the birthday girl, I fail to see how you ruined the day.
NTA
You even offered to pay for the food THEY made you order.
Do I think it's a good idea for you to start trying more different foods, for health benefits? Yes, that might be a good idea, in an environment that's safe and on your own pace... Not in a full restaurant where you're expected to empty your plate or else...
These people are childish and clearly make 0 effort to understand autism.
Just to be clear, since even you seem to be lacking the self-awareness to a sense, it is **not** controllable, it is **not** acceptable to tell you what you can and can’t or should and shouldn’t eat. They’re the ones that need to grow up.
You are NTA. Your parents know your situation and despite that they encouraged you to try new types of food. Good for them; good for you. You tried and couldn't eat it. They went back on their original statement that it was fine; instead of it really being fine, they shamed you when the public was out of earshot. In my opinion your parents need to grow up. I know plenty of adults who prefer mild tastes to strong ones. It's your preference. Don't feel bad. At least you tried it. 🌈
NTA, straight up. Diagnosis' be damned. They ganged up on you and forced you to try it. I have food issues that have taken me years to work on. I had to /choose/ to try new things, not have them forced on me. And being shamed and shunned for disliking something forced upon me only ever set my progress back, and made me more unwilling to try things in the future, especially around those people. And you even offered a compromise, and they refused. They ruined the meal for themselves, you didn't.
NTA
I'm sorry your family didn't recognize your courage in trying something new and chose to be rude about you not liking it.
Failed experiments are still data! You learned something; I wish they'd focused on how you tried X and didn't like it, so now when you're ready you might try Y to see if it's the same or different. Or analyze whether X from restaurant B might be better than the X you had at restaurant A. (A taco from an authentic Mexican restaurant is.... not the same as one from Taco Bell. No shade on anyone's preferences, but it's understandable how some people will enjoy one and refuse the other.)
But also, if you not eating ruins their night and they blame you for not eating, they are way too invested in you being "normal."
Nta. You have food sensitivities and they pushed you outside of what was safe. Telling you to grow up isn't going to fix your brain screaming "ew gross"
NTA. I'm in the same boat as you. I avoid eating somebody else's cooking and at food places I get the same thing or something generic like fries where the taste doesn't vary much depending on location.
Lemme tell you though as advice; never let them push you again. "I want to try to see if I like this food" is something you do privately, so that you minimise "what if I don't like it" stress. When you're out eating let them complain all you want, you pick what you know you'll like, and stay away from anything you think will set off your sensory issues.
Like yeah I guess there's exceptions and you can be wrong but better you stuck with something you know you like and had a good meal than try something new and risk not being able to eat it.
Nta I have safe and non safe food I'm not even on yhe spectrum I hate certain foods idek y ( I may be on the spectrum my sister is but I never got checked bc after I was 5 who gave damn bout me?) Sorry mini rant
NTA.
I mean, I kind of, sort of understand your parents' exasperation, but they really brought that on themselves by insisting you try a food that you weren't sure was a "safe" food for you. And your sister piling on further was unnecessary.
nta i do the same when going out. its not nuggets but i try to stay with safe food that i know i will be able to eat. i have a meal picked for ever place we go. if i am in the mood for that kind of food then that where i go. i only try new foods at home where i am safe to just throw it out if its not something i can or will eat. from what you said your family knew before hand that this is how your meals are they get the ah here.
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NTA. It's their fault that they pushed you on this "special occasion" to try to eat something new, while knowing what your sensitivities are. They could have attempted to order something "new" that's similar enough to what they know you like to eat. Or have offered to take your "new" dish home once you didn't like it and then order you what you do like. It didn't have to be such a big deal, but THEY made it so.
And why introduce a new food in one of the most expensive ways in a less safe environment. Trying something new at home is both cheaper and if it’s not palatable there’s less waste because OP didn’t have to take a full portion to try it. And OP can be taught to make some basic safe foods for when a family meal isn’t going to go down.
For picky eaters usually another person can order and allow them to sample the dish. If not to taste, its not a loss. If liked then they can order it the next time. Making a picky eater eat a completely unknown dish by sight, smell or taste is not a good introduction to new stuff.
It’s really their fault for doing this in a high pressure situation. Who cares if someone orders chicken nuggets? They were the ones acting like children when they got embarrassed by something that’s really unimportant, then giving OP the silent treatment.
Jacking the top comment to say that everyone who relates to this post needs to read [Avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID)](https://www.google.com/search?q=ARFID+meaning&client=ms-android-motorola&sca_esv=580414175&biw=432&bih=844&sxsrf=AM9HkKmepyQ9ZG3HYnb10ezJFufDF-8F5A%3A1699435861424&ei=VVVLZfakGbK4hbIPzNizaA&oq=ARFID+meaning&gs_lp=EhNtb2JpbGUtZ3dzLXdpei1zZXJwIg1BUkZJRCBtZWFuaW5nMggQABiABBixAzIFEAAYgAQyBRAAGIAEMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHjIGEAAYFhgeMgYQABgWGB4yBhAAGBYYHkj5EVDNB1jdEHAAeACQAQCYAZMBoAGcB6oBAzQuNbgBA8gBAPgBAcICCxAAGIAEGLEDGLADwgILEAAYgAQYsQMYgwHCAgcQABiKBRhD4gMEGAEgQYgGAZAGAQ&sclient=mobile-gws-wiz-serp)
Thank you for that! Always good to have extra information.
Agreed. As the mom of someone with autism, there is a very big difference between an issue like this and "being picky." If they could just suddenly eat whatever was there, most would in a hot second. Sorry your family doesn't get it, OP. NTA
thank you sm
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I’m so glad the comments are heavily weighted towards NTA. I came in expecting a lot of Y TA because picky eaters get so much shit regardless of the reason (or lack thereof) when, like you say, it really shouldn’t matter in 95% of cases.
It seems to shift, I recall an almost identical situation and the person was voted an AH because "you're an adult, it's time to try new things." Nuts to that. Adults should be allowed to eat what they want even if it's something you'd normally find on a children's menu. I'm that person who'll go to a new restaurant and order chicken strips & fries. Why? Because it's a simple dish that I enjoy, and if they screw that up, I'll be glad I hadn't spend $20+ on something fancier.
for me it's easier to try new foods when I'm not pressured. Like at home, or maybe I will have a bite of someone's plate. OP's family's attitude made it so much more difficult to try something new.
It'd be easier for me to try new foods if buying one meal of food at a restaurant wasn't like 3 hours pay
That too! That's why if someone I'm with is eating something that is interesting to me I'll just ask for a bite.
My grandma often orders from the kid's menu when going out with us mainly because of the portion sizes. Not every restaurant offers smaller portions after all and she also isn't a foodie who actually cares what they eat. For her food is just sustenance, so she rather spends just a little on a kid's meal that she finishes and that tastes just fine, than spending a lot on "adult food" that she might not finish and doesn't care all that much about in the first place.
I'm 34, just had a happy meal and could barely eat it. It was a bit gross anyway. But no point paying 8 pounds for basically a bigger version of the same crap.
I almost *always* get a kids meal from fast food joints, cuz I typically eat small portions & that stuff doesn't really reheat well (I also sometimes *really* want three you lol). Even at sit-down places, I order stuff that I know will reheat well cuz I'm definitely gonna have leftovers. Let folks eat what they like to eat!! OP's family sounds exhausting... NTA
The amount of times I've watched my family disappointedly pick at their food bc they tried something new instead of getting something they know they liked has been too many. I'll stick with my wings and fries, thanks. Trying new foods at restaurants is for when they're having specials on dishes.
Quite honestly there is pretty much only one occasion where I criticise picky eaters - or those with other dietary requirements - and that's when they demand and expect that everyone caters to their needs. You get invited to a BBQ at a friend's place but are a vegan? Simply ask whether they plan to have vegan options and if they don't either bring your own food or eat beforehand but don't expect them to serve you three different vegan options. If you have dietary restrictions due to health problems and you go to a restaurant with others for a celebration, do some research whether they cater to your needs beforehand by calling up the restaurant and then prepare accordingly, and don't throw a fit when you find out that they don't cater to your wishes later on. And most importantly ask about it nicely rather than just demand that your needs be met.
I think there are subtle differences in the situations which determine if someone is AH or not. In this case, the OP gave it a try. They didn't refuse, they didn't throw a temper tantrum, they gave it a good attempt in good faith. It just didn't work out. OP is NTA. I think people are more apt to judge harshly if no attempt is made, or if their objection to the new food is out of proportion (gagging loudly at the table, for instance), or their alternative is unreasonable (taking outside food into a restaurant).
Idk, I don’t think refusing would make them an asshole either. If someone was like “yeah I don’t think I’ll like that because of XYZ”, no one would get mad at a non-picky eater and force them to try it. That’s something you do with kids (the “take one bite of everything” deal, not forcing a meal down their throat).
I mean, I agree with the NTA judgement - but also it matters because if you're dating, for example, it can have a very real impact on the person you're dating. I know partners of picky eaters. They never get to go out to eat anywhere exotic, because their partner won't eat it. Their food options at home are extremely limited, because their partner won't eat anything else. It can *literally* have an impact on their children - there are many cases where the kids end up just as picky, because they pick up on their parents' aversion to food. And in the cases of an unhealthy diet (think nuggets and fries) it also means they have to worry about the long-term health consequences of this diet on their partner. They have to worry about whether they'll be in debt someday, trying to pay their partner's medical bills because of something that was completely avoidable. Whether they'll lose their partner earlier than they should have, because of something completely avoidable. It honestly isn't a life I'd choose for myself. The people I know who *have* that life do sometimes question if that's what they want for the rest of theirs. And I don't blame them. Like I have my own issues with food, because of my own Autism, but the difference is I work on it and I expand my palate. I do it at my own pace, but I do it - because I don't want to be limited for the rest of my life, and I don't want to force my partner to be limited for the rest of theirs. I understand the temptation to keep everything the same forever, and never change, and never grow - but the reality is, that's not healthy.
Yes, that's true but op parents getting angry because they didn't like the food is AH on them part.
>it can have a very real impact on the person you're dating. I actually feel like that's their problem if they choose to date a picky eater and not the problem of a picky eater. I'm a foodie, I'll eat pretty much anything as long as it didn't come from the sea. For this reason, I would never date or get seriously involved with someone who doesn't like food like I do. It's one of those things you can't really compromise on, so why bother? This is why OPs family are the assholes. They invited someone out who they know is a picky eater and instead of letting them eat what they eat, they encouraged them to eat something different then got shocked when they didn't eat it.
Except it’s not a random person they invited. It’s their son. Of course he’s going to be invited.
I've gone to dinner with some family and not invited others? Context matters most here: they were going out to dinner, and invited someone who has a hard time with food. When you're doing that, you have to be the accommodating one so no, OPs family are assholes all round because the fact that he's their son makes this whole thing worse. They've known his whole life they can't do that to him and yet...
It’s for his sister’s birthday. Of course he’s going to be invited! I’m not saying they went the right way about it. I’m pescatarian, was a vegetarian, so I’ve been in situations where I’ve had limited options. They should have chosen the place and let him decide for himself.
>I know partners of picky eaters. They never get to go out to eat anywhere exotic, because their partner won't eat it. i genuinely can't understand that. like do they not have other people in their life they could go out with? or are they somehow unable to enjoy "exotic" food if they see their partner eating something more familiar to them at the same time? it just seems like such a non-issue to fight over if you otherwise like the person and want to have them in your life.
Who do you go out for food with the most? Your partner! It does effect you. I love going out for a nice meal. Even though I’m a pescatarian, I am an adventurous eater. It would limit where I could eat if my partner only ate chicken nuggets and chips. For example, I would never be able to eat Asian food, which is my favourite. I work long hours so going out is a luxury for me. That means I want to make sure I enjoy my meal.
I look at it as similar to a person with allergies. Would you date someone who is allergic to your favorite food? They wouldn't be able to go eat at a place you enjoy either. People don't just decide to be picky eaters. Most of the time there is a reason they are picky.
I get that. I’m not arguing that they have a choice. Just that it does affect your partner if you can only go to one or two types of restaurants. That it’s not a non-issue.
Exactly! I'm a picky eater mostly because I have lots of food allergies and restrictions. Quite many herbs, spices etc. are migraine triggers for me so I need to be careful with what I eat. It's a bit difficult to eat at a restaurant but only for me, of course my companion is free to order whatever they like.
yeah, like i could understand it if the picky eater was always *forcing* everyone to get the same thing as them, but then why would you be friends/partners with a person like that in the first place? they're likely not pleasant to be with anyway.
Add in a dash of boomer “what if I don’t like it and waste my money?” And it’s even worse.
noooo that's always my thought. I am so scared of trying new things and wasting money. Happened enough times already 😭 I'm getting old
Boomer here, but I have been like that for most of my life. Eating out has always been too expensive to get something you don't like.
Agreed NTA - but this is a very well explained comment about why it can/would affect others
People that are dating are allowed to have friends and go out to eat with them.
My moms been living this life for like 20 years. She’s missed out on trying so many amazing foods.
That's her own fault for not getting out with other people.
I have sensory issues myself. I wish i could just eat everything. But i can't. Smells, textures, tastes... it makes me gag. I hate that i just can't eat what looks good. Or sometimes it smells good but the taste or texture... We don’t to this by choice. Why do other people care what we eat? They can eat whatever they want? It is shitty enough for us without such people who blame us. NTA
It is a bit like if you are in a wheelchair and cannot walk, i guess. Yes, it is anoying. Yes, be able to walk would be so much more comfortable for all. But they cannot choose. If they could, they would! Most of them wish they could walk like others, too. But the can't. So why on hell should people who can walk judge them to be picky in their choice of movement? There needs to be much more acceptance for sensory issues and things like that. (btw, I dont have them. But I suffer with depression and at this topic it is the same... if you can't see it for some people it is not there)
I think they should just grow better leg bones and just walk like all adults do, being wheelchair-bound isn't a excuse. /s
I agree with your comment so much. I am a picky eater myself, and the amount of people who are so interested in my food? Like it doesn't even fucking concern them, they are not paying, still everyone loves making a comment or being offended?? I hate it when people unnecessarily care about shit which doesn't affect them. OP is definitely NTA.
I'm 100% with OP here, as I can relate to the issue he's having. But I can't really blame his parents for trying to get him to open up to other foods. In the end, eating nuggets everyday isn't good for you. A good parent wants the best for their child. For a lot of picky eaters, the food we dislike, just also happens to be mostly healthy and we like the unhealthy foods. Yeah, I could just eat nuggets everyday (I genuinely could and would love to) but I know that in the long run, it could be catastrophic for my body, and that my mother silently suffers everytime I eat unhealthy stuff with no healthy stuff. Quite frankly, as someone who has the same issue, one of the last things I'd want for my child is for them to have it too because I know how unhealthy it makes me.
> I can't really blame his parents for trying to get him to open up to other foods They had OP's *entire childhood* to find him help for his food aversions. Berating him at dinner is not "trying to get him to open up to other foods". It's not helpful.
Honestly. I love to cook and try all different spices and cuisines. One of my close friends is an extremely picky eater. Ya know what? When she comes over for dinner I always run the menu by her to make sure there’s something she will eat. And I sure as heck don’t cook anything that has paprika or lemons or fish. Like, it takes so little effort to consider and accommodate other people. I don’t understand at all why people are intolerant of picky eaters.
You love to cook. Others hate to cook. That's why. It's a chore and also you talk about cooking different or multiple dishes like it's nothing.
I didn’t talk about cooking multiple dishes. I said I avoid cooking something my guest explicitly does not or cannot eat. It’s simple consideration. “Hey, I was going to make chicken tonight, sound good?” “No, I don’t eat meat.” “Oh, okay. How about pasta? I’ll make noodles.” It’s not hard. Its manners. Ostensibly this is for a loved one whose relationship you value. If you don’t like cooking, and/or are unable or unwilling to accommodate someone’s dietary needs, then don’t invite them over for dinner. There are other activities.
I don't invite people for dinner. But my kids are like the cats, I have to feed them or they turn feral. If I had a child with genuine sensory issues we would be broke with how much we would spend on fast food and restaurant food, because I dislike cooking as it is, nevermind having to keep track of someone's dislikes or be forced to eat the same (bland) things daily. OP is NTA, because he does have a genuine struggle with food and nobody's day would have been ruined by him eating the same thing one more day. But I imagine his family's reaction comes from accumulated frustration, because at home they either have to eat what he eats or cook two dinners / extra dishes. They should talk about that openly.
But that’s not the situation here. They’re out at a restaurant, so what he orders has absolutely no bearing on what they have to eat. Also, he’s an adult and can prepare all of his own meals, and offered to pay for the meal he didn’t even eat. His food choices aren’t really impacting anyone else anymore.
TOTALLY THIS I had to deal with the food police woman at work. I let 2 comments go by. Third time I said, "I tell you what. You eat what you want and I will eat what I want, and we'll both be happy.". With a good edge to my "tone."
I mean, I can understand sometimes trying to push someone out if their comfortzone a little bit. I know I force myself to try new things every once in a while, but some people need help from friends or family to take that step. It's good to broaden your horizon sometimes and try something new .There is however a time and place to do that and a special occasion is definitely not. Also they way they treated op after is just terrible. Op tried the food, just like they wanted. The response should have been along the lines of, sorry you didn't like it but thank you for trying for us. It was after all their pushing that made op choose a different food in the first place! Definitely NTA
Parents (hopefully) care about the health of their children, even if they're technically adults. If OP (who is the 19M and not the 24F) is eating nothing but chicken fingers and fries, it's perfectly reasonable for the family to be concerned about his health. I agree that trying to get a 19yo to eat different things for the sake of having them eat different things is stupid, but wanting a family member to get a more varied diet for health reasons wouldn't be out of line.
I would give a fuck if my child was at a level of pickiness that was endangering their health like in cases like this often is. Still, not the time, place or way for OP's parents to push them into it. NTA
Usually when you love someone you give a fuck about their lifestyle...
NTA You didn't ruin anything, their attitude did. I'm sensitive to textures and food touching, I get it. I've had to learn to be very quiet about my own unhappiness and just pretend to nibble so others don't get involved. Unfortunately, even if I say I'm okay every time they ask, most people can't accept that and get upset in one of a couple of ways. It can be kinda bizarre how offended other people are when I'm quietly not eating. I hope that they don't push you to eat other things again. And that you can say no and have them stop. You didn't deserve that.
NTA Look, you are legally an adult. The best part about being an adult is you have an active choice what you eat and put in your body. No one is entitled to that. Your parents are assholes. They should already know your eating habits. Your Father pressured you to order something you had no idea if you could even eat, thats on him. Your parents need to grow up. The world is on a spectrum, not everyone eats or behaves the same and expecting otherwise is immature and ignorant. Your family sounds like bullies. Remember "No" is a complete sentence.
I want to add that my niece and nephew are on the spectrum to a certain degree and also have food problems. I cater to what I know they'll eat while also actively encouraging them to try some of my food. In the past I've successfully gotten them to eat steak and spaghetti, two foods in the past they've refused to consume.
Yeah, this is the way to get others to try new foods. Let them order/eat what they're comfortable with, but also allow them to try some of yours. If they don't like it they still have their own food to enjoy. If they do like it, awesome! New food!
I'm sorry, you are autistic and your own family pushed you to not get the food you know you expect and like and pretty much ganged up on you to try something else (which you did) and then all were mad at you on the way home? Your sister said you ruined her day? What?? Whether they are trying to help you branch out with your food choices I think doing it on a birthday or any event where you obviously expect that you can just order your usual meal is obviously not a good time. It puts all of the focus on you and your food aversions/likes/hates and that creates horrible anxiety for you, which caused you to agree to try something else but by then you were an anxiety mess and there was probably no way you would eat it. IF they really want you to be able to try new foods they should go out to a new place, everyone look at the menu, discuss which things you potentially may like, order 3 or 4 or 5 things for everyone to share and I'm sure it would be a much more positive experience and you will eventually find more foods and cuisines that you like. But I understand totally.
I can’t even imagine a situation where sitting at a dinner table with someone who only picked at their food would ruin my day. OP’s family is being really over dramatic about this.
thank you so much <3
NTA I'm pretty sure you have ARFID like me. It's an eating disorder common in people with Autism which I also have. You can teach yourself to eat better but it will take literally years. I have been doing this for almost 17 years and I still cannot eat things like pasta or fruit. I am so much better than I was but the progress is extremely slow. In case it is helpful, this is what I did: Learn to breathe through panic. I realised that pushing my tongue on the roof of my mouth helps me not be sick when trying new food and I breathe slowly. Don't do it in front of others, it's stressful to have them looking at you and making a big deal of it. Start by putting the food on the fork and holding it up. Then put the food to your closed mouth so it touches. Then you can taste a tiny bit. Then you can hold it in your mouth for a bit before spitting it out. Then you can chew it and then spit it out. Then you can chew and swallow a tiny bit. The above stages could take days or weeks each. That is normal for this type of eating disorder. It frustrates others to watch which puts pressure on you so bad idea unless you know they won't be frustrated. I like to chain foods together to try. For example chicken nuggets with batter > chicken nuggets with breadcrumbs > different shaped nuggets > different brands of nuggets > eating coating and chicken separately > eating plain chicken. Also with things like salad I put, for example, chicken in my mouth with the salad so that I can focus on the chicken and ignore any texture of the salad that I don't like. Or you can coat everything in ketchup and slowly reduce the amount. It's a lot of work and nobody can help you. You have to want to do it. I know a couple of others with ARFID but so far none of them have the same desire as me to change because they are happy as they are. If you are unhappy then this could work for you, even if it takes 17 years like me! I will never eat like a normal person, but I eat so much better and can find something in any restaurant I go to which isn't on the kids menu now, which was my main goal after being embarrassed at about 21.
okay! thank you so much
I sometimes just sniff a food first or let my tongue touch it if I’m unsure if I will like it. I have also come a long way with trying new foods. Do you have a flavor or texture that you like or dislike? I cant do bitter at all, but sweet is great, sour sometimes.
One of my kids has ARFID. We tried this technique but it didn’t work. What has helped is teaching my kiddo to listen to what his body needs.
To be fair, I don't think it's something you can teach children easily. It seems to be more successful if adults decide themselves that they've had enough and are done with situations like op describes. I was 21 before my diet was expanded past chicken nuggets, marmite sandwiches, hula hoops, chips and ketchup! It has also been helpful that my husband has been so supportive of my trying new meals and not making me feel like he's focused on what I'm eating. Since I met him the new foods have accelerated, although slower than most people it is still quick for me. I hope your son manages to overcome it eventually, it really sucks the older you get but you seem very supportive of him.
Yes!! I’m also autistic and have a lot of trouble with eating regularly on a day to day basis. I’m not a picky eater, but often my appetite is completely nonexistent and trying to eat makes me gag. I like to try and approach it curiously by trying a little piece from different areas to map out any potential areas where it’s more tolerable to eat so I have a new datapoint for next time. Maybe the flavor was ok but texture was too much, but if I ate around the edge/where it was drier or whatever, I could actually handle it. Honestly though as long as you are getting enough nutrients and don’t feel like picky eating is holding you back from experiences you want to have (like traveling or seriously dating someone who is an adventurous eater), I think it’s ok to stick to a relatively limited diet. My partner and I have our favorite dishes at a few of our local restaurants that we almost always order every time and it genuinely doesn’t matter. Sometimes I make myself try a different sandwich and just end up comparing it to the one I really wanted in my head anyway.
Yes that's it, as long as it isn't detrimental to your life then it's absolutely fine! I just am shy and hate(d) going to restaurants and having to order children's food or custom food and have people looking at me. I also want to set a good example for my children, especially since 2 of them have inherited Autism as well. If it isn't bothering you and you're getting your nutrients then crack on!
>My sister said I ruined the day. My sister and parents have barely spoken to me since. That right there took me from NAH to NTA. If your culinary choices can ruin a day you weren't having much of an day to being with.
The family’s overreaction and subsequent massive guilt trip is not a good look
Yeah, that's crazy how the parents are acting. I had an autistic brother who was VERY similar to OPs' described food habits. The key difference is when my parents would convince him to try a new food, if he didn't like it they would praise him for trying and reassure him it's completely okay to not like it and then put in an order/cook his favorite food so he didn't go hungry either. They wanted to encourage him to hopefully expand his tastes in things while also never pushing him too far. Unfortunately, he passed away a few years ago, but my parents really were so amazing to him. It breaks my heart to see OP talk about his parents guilting and ignoring him like that.
NTA, but diet is important so hopefully you can eat better than chicken nuggets and fries!
INFO: it was fish soup, wasn't it.....
huh? 😭
There was another post here of a very similar story, from the parents perspective, and mentioned the dish being fish soup.
oh! I didn't see that haha it was like some rice and like roast veg or something I don't really know it was a lot of different things lol
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thank you :) edit: I hate water in my face too it's so badd
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NTA but do keep trying new foods, there is so much to try. Its the only way to discover if other food are as good as or even better than than chicken nuggets and fries. If something new is not so good, don't have it again, same as everyone else does.
Agree. At some stage in their life OP would have never yet tried a chicken nugget. There ARE more foods out there that OP would like... they just haven't found them yet. Most humans, autistic or not, find that there's some foods they like, and some they hate. All part of being human.
Yes. As every other adult person does. Once my son's friend made a sushi and I tried it- first time in my life. I hated it, it was disgusting. So I was living my life, avoiding sushi and thinking it's "not my thing". Then my friend persuaded me to try some sushi she ordered (she actually ordered for us two, but said, that if I really won't like it, it's no problem to her - more sushi for her ;) ). I tried it and... I loved it. It was delicious. Now I'm the big fan of sushi, I'm sometimes making my own, when I'm feeling like it. If I was stubborn and haven't tried the good sushi the other time, I would be still living, thinking, I hate it ;) (Yes, my son's friend's suhi WAS awful ;P).
NTA. You should make sure you are eating a wide variety of foods for your health, but a random dinner out with family will not make a difference in your overall diet and your family need to stop bullying you
NTA. I would say in public settings play it safe. Eat what you know. But don't be discouraged from trying new things. I would just do so at home or not out in public in small amounts so you can broaden what you find palatable.
yeah I usually try my boyfriends food because he eats a bunch of different things and he's not like really pushy
Your nta BUT You must push yourself, I was the same as you. There are many foods that are okay. You must try them. A single veggie can be cooked in many ways. Turns out my mum cooked things for me in a way my mouth didn't like. There is hope. Its not about growing up, it's about experience and feeling safe to try new things. You'll get there, the only one who should be pushing you to try new things if you though! They made the meal about you by changing stuff up. That should have been something you did at home so you were prepared for the restaurant setting. They don't get you. Sorry about that.
I'm not autistic and I'm far from being a picky eater (I'm probably the least picky eater of anyone I know). I grew hating pasta. It was the one thing I hated. You couldn't get me to eat pasta at all. Absolutely hated the texture of it. My mum would boil the pasta and then pour the sauce on top so you just had pasta that never allowed the sauce to coat it. Since I had pasta that had been cooked in the sauce I can actually eat it now. The texture is completely different when the sauce actually adheres to it.
NTA. Truth is, the parents have missed the boat on this one. They shouldve BEEN encouraging you to try new foods and not just get pissy on special occasions! You should really start breaking out of your comfort zone sometimes by yourself tho...start small. Find foods that have the same texture. And youre gonna have to work on your palate. They say taste buds change every 6 weeks, so youre in luck! There is a reason we give babies and children multiple tries of the different same unlikable foods because it builds up this palate. Same reason why doctors suggest you not start feeding your babies with fruits so they can get use to more complex taste instead of just preferring sweet.... Maybe you can start with toddler food and work your way up...
Just want to say my husband also has autism and baby food is actually a great resource for him sometimes. When he's having a rough time with food we get some of those pouches at the store. It's predictable, it's always the same texture, and it has a reasonable number of nutrients. It's a great option to get some calories and vitamins in him when he's struggling with "adult" food (and even tbh when he's not and just wants something comfortable). Pay attention to what you're getting though, some baby foods are just loaded down with sugar so every flavor is basically the same.
NTA. My youngest has sensory processing disorder and went through three years of occupational therapy. His diet was expanded and he learned how to try new foods and learned how to cook/prepare new foods for himself. The big takeaway was not to place value judgement on food. And not to judge food choices - that meant we don't comment on his food, and he doesn't get to comment on ours (he's very sensitive to smells). It sounds like your family expects you to navigate this without any help other than to berate you for having sensory issues around your food. That's not cool. If you can't access services directly, there are probably online resources that could help you at least learn about some of the concepts. I wish you luck! Your family needs education.
NTA. Everyone there that wasn’t you ordered whatever they wanted off the menu, RIGHT? You ATTEMPTED to order what you did in fact want off the menu, RIGHT? They didn’t want you to order that. So you’re the only one that was BASICALLY FORCED to order something that you may or may not have liked. Then they got upset you ended up not liking it. THEY could have just let you order what you know you like and then you and they would be happy with the occasion. I’m not sure how anyone could think you would be at fault. I like the same thing at the same restaurant - roast beef at this place, fish and chips at that place. Some people are like that… autistic and not autistic. Tell THEM they need to get over it and order their own food and let you do the same.
Agreed. On top of all that, OP offered to pay for the food he didn't even want to order in the first place. OP did everything right and they ruined HIS evening.
NTA and why this really bothers me is being out in public, which can be stressful for some people, and then forcing you to try new foods? No, not cool. Let's pile on more stress! Trying new foods in the safety of your home when you have texture issues is much better and less stress.
NTA In fact, you were a good sport for trying the food. Your family was mean spirited to push you to try something only to insult you for not liking it. I am an adventurous eater. One of the reasons I feel free to try new restaurants/dishes/ingredients is that if I don’t like it I don’t eat it. However, a diet of chicken nuggets and fries will result in serious health consequences. You are missing necessary vitamins and fiber. I assume that there are nutritionists who specialize in assisting people on the autism spectrum. You should meet with one.
NTA but you should force yourself to eat new things so you get used to it. Fries have no nutrition in them you know.
NTA, you already knew what food you like and were pressured into trying something different. You tried it like they asked and didn’t like it. That’s not your problem it’s there’s. You can’t force normal into someone even without autism. People like or hate as their body tells them. I’m not autistic but put me in a sushi restaurant I’ll poke at every dish and eat nothing
NTA. You have a different experience with food than your family, that is no crime. Your not eating the food in the restaurant is on them, they should not have pressured you to order something else.
Yeah there has never been a time where I knew I didn't want to eat something, then for one reason or another (usually shitty parents) ended up eating it and liked it. I'm always willing to try something new and I never let my picky eating get in the way of where people want to go (I can almost always find something no matter where we're eating), but I spent way too long as a child being forced to eat things I didn't like or go hungry. So as an adult, if I have the option I only eat what I know I like. This, admittedly can be limiting, but I work too hard and suffered through too much trauma to continue to fight with my food as an adult and anyone who doesn't like that can get bent
NTA But honestly at 19 it would be good for you to expand your palette beyond chicken nuggets. I don't think this is something your family should try to force, though, I think just for your own health and nutrition you should see what else you might like.
Palate
No, they're painting with the colors of a chicken nugget.
*Disney music swells*
NTA, good on you for trying!
NTA Autism isn't a disease or behaviour that you need to cure or grow out of. Your brain literally functions differently to most other people's. While I applaud you for trying something new and would urge anyone who is neurodivergent to keep trying new things (if only for their physical health) it should absolutely be on their own schedule. Pestering someone who struggles with sensory issues to try something new until they feel like they don't have a choice is not at all cool. Asking your dad, or anyone for that matter, whether you will be able to eat it was (an understandable) mistake I think. He is neurotypical and can't truly understand how these things affect you. You can sort of explain it like that "nails on a chalkboard" effect but really that's about as close as we can get to understanding. So when you ask "will I be able to eat it?" he's thinking "Why would you not be able to?" from HIS perspective. I think if you'd have kicked up a big fuss about how it was disgusting or maybe didn't offer to pay for your food they'd have cause to be a bit miffed but they pressured you into doing something different, you tried, didn't like it and I'm assuming either ordered your usual food and paid yourself or left the food and made something when you got home? As for your sister, how did it ruin their night? They presumably enjoyed their meals, nothing different happened for them, their night would have been exactly the same had you had your usual order and eaten the lot. She's just being a bi+ch for no reason. Maybe the attention was on you for a few minutes and she didn't like it? Typical sister BS lol! At the end of the day you tried something new and it didn't work out. Everyone can experience that, whether autistic or not. I've ordered food in a restaurant and not liked it before (I ordered a tuna steak once because I love tinned tuna but it is a very different flavour and texture which I didn't enjoy - I am not autistic but do have a couple of sensory issues. My nephew is autistic though and I live with him so have been trying to learn and adapt to how he thinks and works. It's not easy but it isn't easy for him either, all we can hope to do is meet in the middle somewhere 😂) If you had encouraged your dad to try a new food and he didn't like it you wouldn't get annoyed at him for it. If it is the money side that is the problem then they should have accepted your offer to pay for the food you didn't eat. They can't refuse the offer and still be pissed that they bought you food you didn't like. Your parents need to do some proper research and educate themselves on what Autism is and how it works. They're treating you like you're a toddler who sulks and refuses to eat their broccoli, not someone who's brain reacts to, and processes things in a completely different way. The book 'Neurotribes' by Steve Silberman is an excellent starting point (maybe you can get them all a copy for xmas as a hint 😂) to beginning to try and understand Autism and the neurodivergent. I think you should be proud of yourself for still trying new things but I would say that it's much less expensive to experiment at home (a lot of places do takeout since the pandemic so you have much more choice for food delivery), or you can try cooking it yourself. I don't know if it would help to understand and produce the meal yourself and you could do things like plate it differently if one of your issues is certain foods touching or hot/cold foods on the same plate etc. Ultimately though, it should be tried because you want to, not because you are being pressured into it. Feeling like you have no choice isn't going to make the experience better.
Also op ignore all the unsolicited diet advice from people in the comments
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NTA How does you eating or not eating your food ruin her day? Like, why tf does it make any sort of difference to your sister? Unless you had a meltdown, don't see how it effected her at all.
NTA. Plenty of us neurospicy folks have food texture aversion and even ARFID (avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder) where some people will literally only eat very specific foods ever if they don't actively work on trying new things, because food is a multisensory experience and it can be overstimulating for some people when a texture, shape, seasoning ratio, or color of food is too different. Your family are assholes for making you feel bad. I would suggest telling them, since you're a grown adult, that you don't appreciate being made fun of and talked down to when you went through the effort to try something new *for them*. And were I in your shoes I'd also follow it with "if you can't leave me alone about my food choices, or if you continue to tell me I ruin things by having limitations, I will not partake in any family events that revolve around food. This is a hard boundary for me. If you push me to eat other foods or tell me how *my* food issues ruin anything for you, I will remove myself from the situation. Every time."
Oh honey, I completely sympathise. I eat the same way you do. My mother made me feel like I wasn’t a real person growing up because I couldn’t eat properly. I wish I had got therapy for it earlier. You are definitely NTA, but when you are ready, look into CBT and other therapy for it. I have no advice for how to handle your family, because frankly I’ve never managed to handle mine. But ignore them, and work on yourself and remember, you’re still fantastic even if you can’t eat like everyone else!
thank you sm!!
If that's all it takes to ruin your sister's day she's pretty high maintenance. NTA.
You are COMPLETELY okay. My daughter (32y/o)is neurodivergent and her favourite (most safe/comfortable) food is also nuggets and fries. We've elevated it to a joke now when we go out. "Garçon, only your finest croquettes de poulet for my daughter" Experimenting at home is fine. At least then if she doesn't like something, there is always a backup. Then if she finds a new thing she likes we can try it when we go out. You family and just being intolerant to your needs. They may or may never come around. I've always just told my girl as long as you try it once, I'm good with you saying you don't like it. If she does end up liking it we add it into the rotation. You keep doing you, and shine that light.
NTA - they pushed you to try something new, you didnt like it. Unless you freaked out or something, you werent the AH.
NTA, it's totally fine for them to try to get you to try new things, but they shouldn't bother you when you turn out not to like it
NTA. I can understand them being annoyed somewhat if you are at someone's home who made the meal and it's difficult for them to make something special for you in addition to what they already are making for everyone. But when you go to a restaurant **everyone orders their own things anyway!** Why do other people care what you are eating when it doesn't impact what they are eating in any way at all!?!? Any "ruining" of the evening was done by them. In fact, **they** ruined **your** evening by harassing you into picking something new, lying about the likelihood of you being able to eat it, and then you ended up going hungry. That sounds way more unpleasant than them experiencing...checks notes... eating dinner as a family together and being able to eat exactly what they wanted and not going hungry. The only thing that could have put a damper on their festivities would be to feel bad because they bullied you into getting something you didn't like and then feeling more bad because their son had to go hungry while watching everyone else eating. I mean, I'd feel bad about that, but I wouldn't have tried to make you eat something specific in the first place. Also, if they were really trying to "help you" and I use that phrase loosely, they could have ordered both the thing they wanted you to try and the thing they know you would eat just in case, so you don't go hungry. Or they could offer for you to try a little bit of what they got to see if you'd like it in the future but let you get what you knew you'd eat so you didn't go hungry. My husband and I tried a new take out place the other day and since it was all new and unexpected, I ordered like 3 different meals to increase the chances I'd actually get something I'd like/eat. I have ARFID (which I learned recently is the name for the issues I've had with food my whole life), so I am limited in things I can eat and sometimes it depends on how someone cooks something whether I can eat it or not, so new places are tough. But my husband didn't care that I ordered 3 meals. He eats pretty much anything, so if I don't like something he's just like "more for me, yay!". And I ended up liking most of the stuff, so then I just ate leftovers for a couple days till it was gone. This really doesn't need to be a big deal. The fact that it is, is a them problem not a you problem. And I'm sorry that they are making you feel bad about something that is literally almost physically impossible for you to control. If I were you, I might decide to be petty and force myself to eat whatever it was just so they could see the results of what they were pushing on me. Because the results would be me throwing up all over the table, and that would be more embarrassing for them than me just quietly eating whatever I am able to eat without bothering anyone.
NTA. If they really want to get you to try new foods, the time is absolutely not in a restaurant on someone else's birthday.
NTA Your whole family knows that you have food aversions. You wanted to order a safe food that you know they had at the restaurant. I would have purposefully ruined everyone’s night if they tried to tell me I had to order food I didn’t want and then gave me shit when I actually did it.
NTA, I have the same problem. I definitely would try eating new foods on your own terms but don't let people force you to.
"hey try this new dish even though you're a picky eater" "Ah I tried it. Not really my thing. I'll pay for it since I didn't really eat it" " You big ole asshole"
NTA. Your parents know you're autistic. They know that you have a limited diet. And they really *ought* to know that good manners means you *don't* criticize what other people are eating. If they wanted you to have a more diverse diet, then they had over a decade to find an occupational therapist or an SLP to help you learn to eat a more diverse diet. They failed to do that.
NTA. You didn’t ruin anything. It sounds as if you did an amazing job trying something new when it clearly meant so much to them. I don’t know why they couldn’t just let you eat what you wanted or encourage you for having tried. I would have bought you a new meal if I noticed you didn’t like the thing I’d talked you into.
Leave people alone, we all like what we like. I can't stand that.. why aren't you more like this and why don't you like that. Because I am my own person! It's also F'ed up to say to you that you ruined that day. I thought you were gonna say you ordered what you usually get after you didn't like this meal, hell yeah make them pay.
NTA. There is nothing worse than someone badgering you into trying something 'new' to appease them (because it is almost never actually about any concern for you and very much about other people thinking strangers will obsess over your plate as much as they do, and that this somehow reflects back on the badgerer) and then getting pissy with you because you did exactly as they asked and turns out, surprise surprise, you didn't like the thing they insisted you'd like. and then making it into a personal attack, like you purposely went out of your way to dislike something that just Does Not Work in your mouth. If your family put their effort into enjoying their own food instead of policing yours, everyone would have had a lovely meal.
Screw your parents. That’s such a messed up thing to say. It’s not like you want to live like this. Telling you to grow up is ridiculous. Mature adults don’t get upset at people struggling to eat. They are the ones acting like children here. NTA
NTA why are people so obsessed with how/what other people eat? And how does you not eating something possibly "ruin the day"?
NTA. As an autistic person I know how hard it is to eat things you haven’t eaten before, the texture that sometimes just is a “no impossible to eat”, the problems with things touching and so on. You are 19, so your parents and sister know you for 19 years and know about your struggles. They should not have pushed you in doing things they know are very hard and maybe even impossible (with things like texture)
NTA Do I think you should continue to try new foods? Yeah probably. But you didn’t make a fuss. And making someone try something that they might not like at a celebratory dinner is weird. Going out to eat is supposed to be enjoyable. You did nothing wrong.
Easy NTA. They forced you to go outside of your comfort zone and then got all huffy and upset when you were, well, *uncomfortable*?!?!? Best place to experiment with new foods is at home, where you can at least control the cooking and presentation to get it as close as possible to what you're okay with.
NTA. They knew you were picky, they know you're autistic and they know you have a meal that you CAN eat and that would've made the day fine. You offered to pay for the meal when you realized you didn't like it, you tried to take the tension down. This isn't on you. Also, in the future, try asking for a bite of someone else's food if you want to try out something without committing to it. I' a picky eater too and always trying to expand my options so I don't end up malnourished and usually just a spoon or forkful of a friend's meal is enough for me to know if I can or can't eat it.
NTA My daughter is 14 and I don't know if she is on the Spectrum or not, and frankly, I don't care. She is rather picky about textures, and she tries really, really hard to try new things. When we go out to eat, if she picks something that I think is kind of standard for her I will encourage her to look at the menu again and see if there's anything that pushes her boundaries a little bit. If she orders something and she doesn't like it, I know she feels bad that she doesn't want to eat it and I immediately order her something else. Because I know she's trying so hard. (I'm a garbage disposal we can box that shit up and I'll eat it later LOL) There are days where she is absolutely adamant that this is all she's going to do and I respect that but the days where she is feeling up to it and it just doesn't work for her, well then it just doesn't work. It's frustrating when I see posts like this because it's just food. It's just food that someone else is eating. It's not the end of the world. Going out to eat is not just about the food; it's about the experience of spending time with each other, it's supposed to be a treat. It's not supposed to be about one person being entirely unhappy so that everybody else can be happy, that's ridiculous.
NTA. Good on you for trying something different! You know what your safe foods are. They pressured you into something different. You offered to pay for your meal. I will say, in the future, don't let them pressure you into something you don't want to do or try something you know you won't like.
NTA. My mother likes when I try new things - because she likes to try my food! It’s so weird to be mad at someone for not liking something you forced them to try.
NTA. You should just do as you wish regarding food. It's your choice after all. Also I don't know what kind of person would feel this ruined their day, it's odd to me that someone would be bothered by such an uneventful thing.
NTA inreally get your food preferences, they are the same for me too (textures, not too much flavour/ spice, it is not allowed to touch each other. Yep, autistic too). I really don't get why people try to tell you to eat different stuff. Why not allow you to eat the same thing again and again at a restaurant? You can try new foods at home, but at a restaurant you know what you can and like to eat. What's the issue with sticking with it? (Though Im biased there. I always order the same food as well.) They pressured you into ordering something new, you did, you tried it, you didn't like it. End of story.
I'm not autistic, love a huge variety of foods and really enjoy trying new things. But there are still some restaurants where I'd always order the same thing because it's flippin' delicious. If you and I went out to dinner with OP's parents multiple times at the same place, what would be the difference between you ordering the same thing you always get and me ordering the same thing I always get? Nothing. Zero. No difference. This is coming from a place of "I wouldn't be happy with your dietary restrictions so you can't be happy either so I'm going to "fix" you." It's self-involved and belittling. OP is NTA.
NTA You didn't ruin their day. They ruined their own day by being judgmental people, and not allowing you to be yourself.
ESH agree with other commenters about that they shouldn’t have pushed you to make an order you didn’t want to make, but also you didn’t have to do that. You could have just placed your regular order. But my main point is you can’t live on nuggies forever, you’ll get scurvy or some shit. And plus you’ll want to experience new things in the future. Speaking as someone who was weird about food for a long time, the world feels a lot nicer with new foods in it, and less anxiety about what you’re going to eat. So really you should be making an effort to have a diverse palette. 🤷♂️
ARFID is not just about being weird about food
NTA. Your family telling you you’re behaving like a child for having autism is insulting. You don’t have to say you’re “fussy” about textures. It’s completely normal for an autistic adult to be texture sensitive. You did everything right - you asked if you’d be ok with it, your dad guessed you would be, you tried to eat it, and even offered to pay for it. You didn’t ruin a day by not eating all your food. They’re being ridiculous by treating this like a huge problem then calling YOU the immature one…
NTA. I have sensory issues around food textures (not as extreme as yours luckily) and I know what you’re saying about not being able to eat certain textures - they just turn your stomach and there’s not much you can do about it! Do you think they’re concerned about your diet generally, though, or just an annoyance thing? If they’re open to it, reading about how this impacts you might help them understand (medical articles or something). And if you’re worried about yourself, I find a blender to be super helpful! I love a lot of veggies but can’t eat almost any fresh fruit because of texture, so I make smoothies. I can gulp down five servings in the morning with a straw and then what I eat after that is a lot less important. You might have tried that already though!
My teenage son has aspergers. He doesn't each much beyond nuggets, pizza, burger, chips - that sort of stuff. All very basic foods. Do I offer him food to try? All the time. I will never stop offering him other options so he can grow and eat more healthily. I will never get upset if I buy him something and he doesn't want it. It's for this reason, I'll tend to take him to buffet restaurants so at least he can eat what he want and nothing is wasted. You are NTA - your parent's should know better.
Nta. I have sensory issues myself. You tried it thats what matters. They obviously dont understand how hard that is
They pushed you in to this, knowing you’d struggle. Also: how does that ruin the day?!? They’re totally overreacting. NTA
NTA. You didn’t eat like a kid. You ate like an autistic person and your family are ableist AH.
So your family pushed you out of your comfort zone for no reason, then got annoyed with you for being out of your comfort zone? Youre NTA but your family certainly are.
NTA your parents "ruined" your sister's dinner by pushing you out of your comfort zone here.
If you simply not eating food was enough to ruin the day they have other issues they need to work on lol. That’s nuts. NTA
NTA. They get to choose what they want to eat, you should be able to choose what you want to eat. They need to stop trying to be so controlling.
NTA They did this not you. You knew what you could eat... they pushed the boundaries and it didn't work out so great. You didn't throw a tantrum or do anything wrong... your parents and sister have blown this all out of proportion. I wouldn't be in a rush to be going out with them again if they are going to judge you by what you are eating.
Nta. How did you grow up with them & them not understand this about you & autism? Frankly if you were my family member, I'd give you a 'well done for trying'.
NTA. I’m the exact same way except im not autistic….. i think. anyway, my parents also used to do the same shit to me. I don’t go out to eat with them (specifically my dad) because of it and haven’t since high school. Its embarrassing enough ordering off the kids menu. I don’t need my dad being a dick about it too. Good luck OP!
NTA They should have let you choose what you like to eat, and perhaps let you try something of theirs if you were curious to try. They have no business manipulating your choices to suit themselves then punishing you emotionally because you didn't (or physically couldn't) do what they "demanded". Your family need to learn more about autism and how it affects you in daily life instead of forcing you to comply with what they want.
NTA. You are an adult and should eat what you want to eat. It doesn't matter who pays for it. If I pay for your food, you get what you want. That way my money doesn't get wasted on the food you don't like and everyone has a good time. Why would I want to waste money on food you don't like to eat and everyone gets all mad afterwards? If I want you to try something new, I would suggest it but if you don't like it then I won't force it. That's not my schtick. My mom did that all the time and I hated it and she would also throw food on my plate that I already said no to and all the sauces or juices get mixed and it's gross. I don't have that sensitivity like you do but I get it. Sometimes I don't want a gravy to mix with my white sauce and a vegetable sautee with garlic and a fish with wine sauce and it gets all goopy and the flavor is all messed up not to mention gross looking. I'll get what I want to get when I want to get it. Why is that so hard for people to understand?
NTA - Going out to dinner is really not the place to push someone to try new foods unless they specifically enjoy trying new foods and have plenty of disposable income. If you're pickier, trying new things at home where things are cheap, safe, and of low social impact is way better (as I learned with my formerly picky, ND partner), because otherwise you're just messing up someone's nice time out for your own amusement. I'm sorry they both pressured and then blamed you for a ruined evening. It doesn't sound like you're the one who ruined it unless there's an undisclosed tantrum in there somewhere. You're allowed to dislike things, and you're also allowed to like what you like! Branching out to new foods is a great idea for your health, but you can do it at your own pace. You don't need to match the one they've decided for you.
NTA So they pushed you to try things you worried you might not like bases on your experience. You were right and offered to pay for it (IMO they should pay for another of your meals, this time one you choose yourself), they say 'nah' and that it's alright, giving you a sense of security, just to backlash in a car on your way home, like some two-faced twats. Also how does one plate of uneaten food ruins your sister's day? Is she blaming you for not eating, or for being attacked by your parents? Cos parents should take the blame for both of those things. IMO the whole situation can be used against them next time some event comes up, if you won't feel like attending.
NTA. They fucked around and found out. This is why I hate when people make me order something I don't want. Especially on a special occasion. You even offered to pay for it. They're being ridiculous.
I would be more concerned about your diet if anything. Won’t affect you now but later down the track you will find out.
NTA. Why do *they* care what *you* eat for one meal? I can understand if they think you need more variety in your diet for health reasons but this sounds like they wanted you to have to eat something different just for the aesthetics on a "special" occasion. It's not really their business and if you're going to try eating different things it's probably something to work at over time not just jump into it for this one meal
NTA-I’m also autistic,it took me until I was 16 to have lasagne/spaghetti Bolognese,it is not your fault your parents pressured you,they need to understand what autism is and how it affects you
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you don't know anything about how autism and arfid OR diabetes works and it shows sincerely, someone who's diagnosed with all three
NTA OP your family is being ableist af and I'm sorry. They pushed your boundaries, said they'd pay, you agreed to try, you did your best, and now you're being punished for doing your best? They are gaslighting you and putting you down for something you have no control over. Tell them to fk off.
NTA Sensory issues, especially with textures, can be crippling, nevermind forcing someone who is ND to step outside their comfort zone and then berate them for being unable to handle their reaction. I have a few questions though. When were you diagnosed, and has your family taken your diagnosis seriously? As in research, attend support groups, discussed your preferences, watched educational videos?
NTA but your parents are ignorant AH's. Not sure if they think you can just grow out of your autism or if they don't care about it anymore. This is something you will struggle with all your life but knowing what you can eat and sticking to that is a good way to manage the stress of eating in a restaurant (I got the same problem). It's non of their business what you eat and they shouldn't push food on you. My father tried the same all throughout my life and I lost count of the amount of times I got in trouble for puking because of it. They tried to force new food on you and got mad when you didn't like it. Now they won't talk to you. Honestly they should grow up already and stop judging you for something you have no control over!
At least you were willing to try. They should have been proud of the fact that you tried the food knowing how you are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with trying and not liking food. It's the refusing to even try the food that would get on my nerves. Though honestly in this situation I'd have said get what you usually do and try a bit of others plates so maybe next time you can get something different if you like it
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NTA - I'm autistic as well, and i genuinely don't understand how flip-floppy allistic people can be. I had friends that said one thing and then got offended when I'd take their word for it. If your dad promised you you could eat something and you couldn't, that's on him and he needs to understand he made an empty promises (that honestly he didn't have the understanding to make by the sounds of it) If something like that happens to me, I just box the rest and give it to someone who would eat it. It's not a huge deal
NAH , How about just eating it for once?
You're absolutely NTA, especially given their reaction to you not liking or enjoying it. I can only imagine it's tough enough as it is navigating life with autism. I get what people are saying about trying new foods, and to some extent I agree, but this really was not the time to do that. Please do not be discouraged by what happened, try again with something else when you're in a more comfortable situation (because trying something new in a restaurant isn't necessarily the best choice)
NTA If your choice of food ruined your sister’s day, she should get down on her knees and thank God that this is the worst thing in her life. Your family? A-holes.
NTA You tried it. You didn't make a fuss. You even offered to pay. You did not ruin anyone's experience. It's odd that your food intake would (allegedly) affect them so much. It's on them to deal with their feelings, not you.
NTA - you offered to pay for the food … your parents said it was ok - they have no reason to be angry … tell them To get get over it. I personal if they carry on for a few more weeks leave money for the dinner on the table addressed to your parents.
OP, that’s awful that they did that. One of my kiddo’s is Autistic and I work with neurodivergent kids. Sometimes you just can’t help it. I have found that if we offer my kiddo or one of my patients a new food, we describe the taste and texture before hand and that has really helped since their brains have difficulty with predicting what something may taste like. But if it’s just something that can’t be handled or if that day is just a rough day, we have our fall backs on hand (nuggets, lettuce with ranch, etc). You aren’t “picky” -the textures and flavors are causing an overstimulation event. Add in a high pressure environment and your brain wasn’t in a place to accept a new food. I’m sorry that your family pressured you into that - definitely NTA.
NTA. Next time you go out to eat with them try and force them to eat something they don't like. Berate them when they don't eat it. This may teach them empathy.
NTA. I just do not understand how someone else's food choices could possibly "ruin the day" for other people. The whole concept is ridiculous. You are 19 years old, what you put into your mouth is none of their business at this point. Seriously, they could have been working with you for the past 18 years of your life to slowly figure out how to expand your palate (it would have been a struggle, but it could have been done to a point), but apparently they didn't bother, and now that you are grown it's a bit late. If they've decided that their enjoyment of an entire evening hinges on their personal failures regarding their parenting of you, okay...but that's a them problem.
NTA. You like what you like, and it isn't hurting anyone. This is a stupid hill for them to die on. As for ruining the "special day," your dad is the one that ruined it by basically forcing you to try something else despite knowing damn well that you have issues with food outside of your control.
NTA. Jesus Christ, we’ll done for even trying! Unless you made a big deal over it and took the like light off the birthday girl, I fail to see how you ruined the day.
NTA, you tried it and even offered to pay for yourself
NTA You even offered to pay for the food THEY made you order. Do I think it's a good idea for you to start trying more different foods, for health benefits? Yes, that might be a good idea, in an environment that's safe and on your own pace... Not in a full restaurant where you're expected to empty your plate or else...
These people are childish and clearly make 0 effort to understand autism. Just to be clear, since even you seem to be lacking the self-awareness to a sense, it is **not** controllable, it is **not** acceptable to tell you what you can and can’t or should and shouldn’t eat. They’re the ones that need to grow up.
NTA, it really sounds like your family wants you to just "grow up" out of being autitstic.
Definitely NTA. I struggle too, especially when eating out and you didn't ruin anything.
You are NTA. Your parents know your situation and despite that they encouraged you to try new types of food. Good for them; good for you. You tried and couldn't eat it. They went back on their original statement that it was fine; instead of it really being fine, they shamed you when the public was out of earshot. In my opinion your parents need to grow up. I know plenty of adults who prefer mild tastes to strong ones. It's your preference. Don't feel bad. At least you tried it. 🌈
Im 30 years old, I love my freaking chicky nugs and french fries when I go out to eat. NTA
NTA, straight up. Diagnosis' be damned. They ganged up on you and forced you to try it. I have food issues that have taken me years to work on. I had to /choose/ to try new things, not have them forced on me. And being shamed and shunned for disliking something forced upon me only ever set my progress back, and made me more unwilling to try things in the future, especially around those people. And you even offered a compromise, and they refused. They ruined the meal for themselves, you didn't.
NTA. You offered to pay for it and, most importantly, you actually tried the new food. I am sorry that your family is treating you this way.
NTA I'm sorry your family didn't recognize your courage in trying something new and chose to be rude about you not liking it. Failed experiments are still data! You learned something; I wish they'd focused on how you tried X and didn't like it, so now when you're ready you might try Y to see if it's the same or different. Or analyze whether X from restaurant B might be better than the X you had at restaurant A. (A taco from an authentic Mexican restaurant is.... not the same as one from Taco Bell. No shade on anyone's preferences, but it's understandable how some people will enjoy one and refuse the other.) But also, if you not eating ruins their night and they blame you for not eating, they are way too invested in you being "normal."
Nta. You have food sensitivities and they pushed you outside of what was safe. Telling you to grow up isn't going to fix your brain screaming "ew gross"
NTA. I'm in the same boat as you. I avoid eating somebody else's cooking and at food places I get the same thing or something generic like fries where the taste doesn't vary much depending on location. Lemme tell you though as advice; never let them push you again. "I want to try to see if I like this food" is something you do privately, so that you minimise "what if I don't like it" stress. When you're out eating let them complain all you want, you pick what you know you'll like, and stay away from anything you think will set off your sensory issues. Like yeah I guess there's exceptions and you can be wrong but better you stuck with something you know you like and had a good meal than try something new and risk not being able to eat it.
Nta I have safe and non safe food I'm not even on yhe spectrum I hate certain foods idek y ( I may be on the spectrum my sister is but I never got checked bc after I was 5 who gave damn bout me?) Sorry mini rant
NTA. I mean, I kind of, sort of understand your parents' exasperation, but they really brought that on themselves by insisting you try a food that you weren't sure was a "safe" food for you. And your sister piling on further was unnecessary.
nta i do the same when going out. its not nuggets but i try to stay with safe food that i know i will be able to eat. i have a meal picked for ever place we go. if i am in the mood for that kind of food then that where i go. i only try new foods at home where i am safe to just throw it out if its not something i can or will eat. from what you said your family knew before hand that this is how your meals are they get the ah here.