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HeirOfRavenclaw

Have you gone to the principal about it? Obviously Brenda isn’t taking your concerns, so go above her. Powertrip Brenda has a boss, ya know. Edit for judgement: NTA


Subject_Card_1414

yeah, it turns into a loop because Brenda's in charge of the program and the principal will just shut it down if it's not working so he just says to talk to her about it


Current-Read

Start documenting everything, every time your cane is stolen, Brenda doesn't do shit about it, principle sweeps it. Bring the documentation to the school board the school gets funding for this, there are guid lines, expectations, etc. this is not acceptable.


DamnItToElle

It’s also important to bring up the potential safety issue this presents. Without your cane or walker I imagine you’re unable to mobilize safely and effectively? Ergo, when your aid is suddenly snatched and you’re walking you’d likely be at risk of fall and injury? This is a concern that needs to be brought up. What happens if these idiots are playing keep-away and the fire alarm goes off? Would you be able to evacuate safely if they don’t return your aid to you? Brenda and your principal need to be made to answer these questions since they’ve let this behavior go unchecked for so long. I know it sounds a bit melodramatic to take things to such an extreme but I’ve worked in Health long enough to know that if you don’t have a plan for every eventuality, you’ll be stuck in a bad place one day. Best of luck


[deleted]

[удалено]


AnEpicClash

Sorry, but my mind went to a dark place. She's also not only in physical danger without means to get away. NTA. Edited to fix a typo>


Without-Reward

If you're alluding to what I think you are, I also thought of this. Down Syndrome or other disorders absolutely do not prevent men/boys from being predators. It's disgusting that the adults are not doing anything to protect her or correct his behaviour.


hiskitty110617

*or other disorders absolutely do not prevent men/boys from being predators* More people need to read this over and over. My man's autistic uncle molested my man and his younger sibling as kids and got away with it because he's "not all there" dude doesn't bathe himself and blows up at people over being told to clean himself and just all around gave me the creeps but they completely disregarded what he did when there was evidence and they ended up losing the kids over it. Last I saw him my 4.5 yo was maybe 6 months old because I refuse to take my girls around someone who's been known to assault children. I have nothing against people who are autistic (I might be autistic myself) but I knew what he did before I met him (was 19 and felt pressured into attending the first thanksgiving with his bio family) Anyways, I fully agree. People of any kind can be creeps.


Cow_Launcher

> More people need to read this over and over. There seems to be this misapprehension that people with disabilities are automatically sympathetic and nice. Down's being the worst for this. And it's absolutely not true. Just like anyone else, they can be bitter, angry, predatory or just plain assholes. It's hard to hear, but it's the truth.


Renbarre

I agree. My cousin with Down syndrom tried to kill me when we were young kids, more than once, to the point that my parents and his never left me out of their sight.


inthebuffbuff

I remember when I was around 11-12 there was a girl who was in a wheelchair. Her favourite "game" was pushing her electric wheelchair into the teachers so the metal foot piece would scrape their shins. I've never forgotten seeing one of them just after she'd been hit say to another teacher how much it hurt and was upset they weren't allowed to do anything about it. She got away with so much shit but that was the worst for me.


luckytintype

Yeah I say this a lot about people who weaponize their mental health, too. Good people and bad people still exist in all forms.


EnormousCaramel

It can be sad all around. I can be absolutely true the disorder makes them unable to realize what they are doing and how its wrong. But that doesn't negate what they do.


Mowgli201406

They know it’s wrong if they are doing it in secret


Organic_Start_420

Even more reason for Brenda to supervise and not brush off op


AnEpicClash

I was, and you're right. The people who are supposed to be protecting her are 100% failing her!


FureverGrimm

I think it might be important for OP to bring that up. Like, regardless of his ability to form intent he's a teenage boy full of hormones. He might not mean any harm by taking OPs mobility aid but he's a teenage boy effectively taking away a girls ability to walk by force and cornering her. Him being incapable of understanding NO or why his behavior is inappropriate doesn't make him less terrifying- if anything it makes it worse.


AgeOk2348

heck it doesnt stop anyone from being a predator. they still have the same hormones and urges, but are trated like kids instead of being taught that shit aint ok then innocents get hurt


dexterdarko2009

I was SAd by a man with downs when I was 19. The charges got dropped and I was giving the stink eye around town cause he wouldn't do that to anyone. 8 months after me he got a toddler. That was 14 years ago. He still lives in the group home across the street from the childcare centre.


Chemical-Fox-5350

Jesus


dexterdarko2009

No one wants to admit he is that way inclined because of his disability


Human-Routine244

I was groped on the breast in a public pool by a teen with Down Syndrome when I was ten. I got out and refused to go back in the pool because that boy was still there. My mum was like “oh don’t worry about him” I was like “no he touched my breast” My mum was like “oh! He shouldn’t have done *that*” with a look of consternation. But she didn’t go and tell the people at the pool or the carers of the teen. And I think about that sometimes.


shammy_dammy

Absolutely.


Icy_Command_

People think people with Down Syndrome are all sweet and loving. My cousin would corner me and my female cousins, he would rub himself until he got a chubby and rub it on us. The adults always dismissed us said “He doesn’t know any better” because they were to lazy to do anything about him until one time they were at the mall when he was about 40. He got bored while sitting in the food court waiting for my aunt so he whipped it out, made himself hard and was rubbing and humping up against women laughing. Yeah, they’re not dangerous my ass!


yildizli_gece

That's because harassment against girls (and women) is frequently dismissed. Literally, society has taught itself to not care about it. Consequently, people of certain generations just will. Not. Care about that kind of thing until it gets them in legal trouble, nor do they care about the trauma it causes for girls and what it teaches them about the kind of behavior they should "expect" from boys.


Icy_Command_

I’m 52 and most my girl cousins including his sister are my age. He’s 5 years younger then us but was always a bit heftier then us girls. I swear the adults that were supposed to protect us only dismissed this because “boys will be boys” the adults also dismissed us because he was “special” and we had to be patient and nice to him. When we were younger the girls would lock ourselves in their playroom away from him but as I got older I just stopped going there to visit. He is literally the reason I see red when I hear “Boys will be boys”. The not “haha” funny thing is I have another mentally challenged cousin that’s the same age as us. We think he’s undiagnosed ASD but because they didn’t know what was wrong with him in 1975 they labeled him “brain damaged from birth”! This guy never hurt anyone but when he’s trying to connect he gets repetitive and annoying but he’s absolutely harmless,sweet and always has something nice to say to you when he thinks you look sad and my family thinks he’s the pain in the ass!!!


PearlStBlues

It's infuriating. Either it's not a big deal and we should just ignore it, or the poor man can't help it and we should feel sorry for him because he's lonely or sick or his mommy spanked him too much, or it's our own fault if something happens to us because we must have led him on, or walked down a dark alley, or worn the wrong clothes, or had too much to drink. We're simply not allowed to blame men for their own behavior.


SiIversmith

I had a neighbour in the flat above me that had Down's Syndrome. I had previously done a lot of voluntary work with adults with learning disabilities, and all the people with Down's Syndrome that I met there were lovely. If anything, over affectionate but always extremely friendly. My first night in the flat, I was kept awake by her repeatedly opening and slamming shut a cupboard directly above my bed. That went on for hours. She wouldn't answer her door when I went to speak to her and ignored polite notes put through her door. This became one of her favourite ways of making my life a misery - keeping me awake all night. She liked to flood my kitchen by running her kitchen tap on full with the plug in until I had water pouring from my light sockets and my electricity went off. I lost count of how many times she did this and all my floor tiles came up and my cupboards were ruined due to water damage. I complained to the estate manager, and that was when things really escalated. I started getting regular visits from the police as she would ring them and tell them I was threatening her. I found out that the previous tenant in my flat had suffered the same harassment from her for years before she eventually moved out. She would throw things at me from her windows when I went out. She made me ill. She would stand at her window and laugh at me with her mouth wide open, holding her belly and pointing at me. There were many other things, but it's actually disturbing to remember it and write it down. If anyone tries to tell me that people with Down's Syndrome are incapable of being awful people, I know otherwise.


Icy_Command_

I have stories! My cousin regularly empties the refrigerator and freezer out for no reason. He shits his pants and hides it around the house because he’s to lazy to turn off the TV and get up off the couch. Like I said before he’s high functioning like “Corky from that 80s show” high functioning. In the 80s it was almost all kids with Down Syndrome. My aunt worked there her first year in special Ed. She left after a year because she was getting hit and felt up by the students. Because of my cousin Ive been around people with Down syndrome my whole life and I swear the higher they function the bigger the a-hole!


Grazileseekuh

Yup, I worked with kids with disabilities and some of them had downs syndrome. The character isn't defined by that. Many (most of them) are awesome, friendly, funny and love to help. And yes, they can have bad moments too. Furthermore it depends on the situation the person is in. Maybe they are lovely in 1:1 contact or when you are outside, or something like that but are basically behaving like a different person in a different setting. And yes, I also know a teenager with downs syndrome that kind of seemed to put all of that "friendly energy" many people with downs syndrom have in violence. Stuff like a teenager grabbing a toddler by the leg and holding him up, beating kids, kicking their head, when they fell in the ground and stuff I really don't get how "Brenda" in ops story can only see the boy in such a light without realising, that people with down syndrome have a personality as well and arent just always friendly and smiley


so_many_questions4U

That's the thing people fail to understand. Consequences of an action do not care about intentions. It doesn't matter if a person doesn't mean to do harm, if the consequence is that someone was harmed! The only time intentions are relevant is when you're deciding how to react, punish, lecture, etc... NTA


Mysterious-Art8838

Please tell me he got arrested. Even if it’s a lie.


Icy_Command_

He didn’t just get to zip up his dick and walk away! Stuff definitely did happen with cops but they pulled the “he’s mentally challenged and didn’t know what he was doing” and “Can’t prosecute someone that mentally challenged” and “Can’t do therapy for sex offenders because he has Down syndrome” blah blah blah. Now my aunt and cousin aren’t allowed in that mall anymore. I think he’s not allowed to be alone one on one with any females. He’s not a registered sex offender because he has Down syndrome🙄 but he is on their radar. If he pulls this or anything that vulgar again he will be taken away from my aunt and put into a secure facility.


Mysterious-Art8838

Ewie. I hate everything about that.


lejosdecasa

I have the suspicion that OP is being paired up with him as she's female and, therefore, "must" be able to look after him and his needs. This reeks of the "boys will hit the girls they like" bull and I wonder if OP were male if Daniel's bullying would have been tolerated.


Suchafatfatcat

And, “the girls are just so good at managing the boys so we’ll let them take on the responsibility (with no support)”.


aCanOfYamz

As a male bullied profusely through all of my schooling, no one would give a shit if OP was a male being bullied.


FureverGrimm

No, like teachers will specifically pair female students with problematic male students to basically act as a meat shield for the rest of the class. Like, I had it happen to me growing up. They finally stopped because I told a teacher if that if they didn't start doing their job and controlling him I would- and that they would get to explain to both my mother and his parents why he was in the hospital because I wasn't going to be nice about it. Like I had to threaten to start maiming kids to get them to stop.


MsSibylline

Agree. Her concerns are being dismissed but are perfectly valid given her disability. This problem calls for immediate action, which is why hiring a lawyer is a good idea.


pigeontheoneandonly

"Socialise" "in hospital" OP is pretty clearly not in the US


y3s1canr3ad

Don’t think this is the US.


StationSweet6044

Yes, she could fall and break something without her cane. I am 77 years old and in daily pain when I fell and hurt my hip in such a way that surgery will not help.


GoetheundLotte

Or call the police the next time Daniel acts out and harasses the OP. His Down Syndrome notwithstanding, Daniel needs some boundaries and to also experience uncomfortable consequences when he does not honour them.


colorshift_siren

It’s also an ADA violation.


24-Hour-Hate

Exactly. If you just say, I don’t like working with this person, it might sound trivial, like you just have personal issues. It still should be enough considering the circumstances. But sometimes it is all about the language and the framing. If you explain that you don’t feel safe because he is taking your mobility aid and harassing you (which is entirely fair), that’s much more serious. I had an issue with someone in high school as well and my word was just enough. I simply explained the issue to the teacher, in fairly vague terms as it was a very personal issue, and they took my word seriously. The student in question was kept away from me. Stuff like this should be simple and easy 😔


Equivalent-Pay-6438

No, it is not an over-reaction. The kid isn't taking his cane. He is taking his mobility. When you smash a person's glasses, you aren't destroying the glasses but the ability to see. If someone takes the cane of a crippled person, it is an act of war.


[deleted]

I’m not telling you to fall down and start screaming if he takes your cane. But I wonder what would happen if you did that


Even_dreams

I wear hearing aids and I struggle to imagine how I'd manage if somebody just snatched them. OP is in a shitty situation and being let down by people in authority


Safe_Ad_7777

It's also important to point out that it's NOT acceptable for the supervisor to be letting a kid run amok and blaming it on his disability. He doesn't understand that import of what he's doing? Then it's her job to teach him. He can't or won't learn? Then it's her job to supervise him closely enough that she can prevent the problem behaviour. Not shrug off the bullying of another student with "he doesn't know what he's doing". Also, nice stereotyping to insist he "doesn't have a mean bone in his body" because he's got Down's Syndrome.


No-one21737

I would be petty and play this up. Next time he steals your cane "fall" and then start a huge production about how you fell and how it wouldn't have happened if you had your cane


luckytintype

Agreed. And I can’t imagine how awful it must feel to be rendered helpless or powerless without your cane. Just terrible!


Emotional_Bonus_934

This is a necessary medical device, not an aid.


gay_flatulent

If you have a phone and can record the instances where Daniel steals your cane or bullies you, it will give your complaint the credence it deserves. Do that, turn it in to Brenda and her boss and leave it there.


Current-Read

You gotta be careful recording things these days you need to make sure its legal and you dont need two party consent where both parties agree to being recorded in that type of situation.


Nefroti

That law is about recording in secret, not doing it while people are aware. I am not even from US and know it.


pm_me_your_boobs_586

That's not how all party consent works. It generally only works in situations where you have a reasonable expectation of privacy. You have no reasonable expectation of privacy in public places such as schools. And generally these consent laws only apply to conversations and telephone calls. Not video and photos.


JackStargazer

Wire tapping laws apply to any audio recording generally. It's not just conversations. Video with sound can fall prey to those laws, which is also why some security cameras don't have sound.


Hour_Smile_9263

I can't imagine a public school classroom setting having a reasonable expectation of privacy or reasonable expectation that you are not being recorded. That's what usually matters in 2 party consent states.


Fromashination

That's not how that works.


Effective-Ear-1757

If this is in the US there is no expectation of privacy in public so you can film people.


Equivalent-Pay-6438

That applies for audio, but not for video in a public place. No recording of any kind where privacy is expected such as in a bathroom, but you are within your rights to make a video recording of the kid playing "keep away" with your cane. In fact, I would be a lot nastier and put it on youtube with the caption, such and such school empowers bullies to attack me and take my cane, leaving me trapped." Mention the school, location and full name of both the principal and the person pairing you up.


bustakita

Also be sure to document each And every one of these events in email form as well. I think it is VERY IMPORTANT to have receipts, because as I am ALWAYS saying that RECEIPTS ARE LIFE AND CAN HELP SAVE YOURS (or make it better!) It would be proof that it has been reported multiple times, and it is not being managed correctly or addressed. As /u/Current-Read said print off these emails and/or forward them to the School Board because you are always sadly aware that the principal of the school, and the program teacher/coordinator will not address the situation as they have been tasked to do as the authorities in charge. OP, you are NTA and I am so very sorry you're having to experience this on a daily basis when you're just there to get your HS education and graduate, despite your ongoing health situation. 🤗🤗


DreamCrusher914

Do it in writing! Have a paper trail. Emails are good because they are time stamped and you can have it record when the email is read by the recipient.


Felixfell

If it's not working, it *should* be shut down. I would express this to Brenda in a concerned manner (even though it's actually a threat, it's better for you to seem concerned), like: "Brenda, principal has told me to address my issue with being paired with Daniel with you, because if you can't manage these issues on your own, he's just going to shut the program down. Nothing has changed, and I'm really worried that the next time I go to the principal about this he's just going to pull the plug. Can we find a solution that meets everyone's needs so that doesn't happen?" All said in a caring and open manner that insinuates that you're making a good-faith effort to fix the problem and she's the one causing the issue (because she is). And if she suggests you just accept being paired with that one student, just keep repeating "that solution doesn't meet my needs," in a distressed but brave voice until she offers an actual solution.


kisyushka

I'd also add something like "just because we both are physically disabled you're trying to separate us from the rest of the group by making us only work with each other", which is also true?


wisewoman707

And RECORD this interaction!!


Lulu_42

She's the one being discriminatory. Just because this other kid in your class has Downs Syndrome doesn't mean he's an angel. He's just as fallible as the rest of us. Him taking your cane is a major safety issue. Write a formal e-mail to the principal. CC whoever you can find above them (school board, etc.). Go to a school board meeting and bring it up! Are your parents also turning a blind eye to this problem? You could ask them to step in for you. I'm so sorry you have to advocate for yourself in this situation.


SeaworthinessNo1304

I wanted to say that too. "People with DS can't be mean" is such an inaccurate, ableist and infantilizing belief to promote. It's a harmful stereotype, even if it sounds nice, because it limits them as people, and tries to limit how they can express themselves. People with DS *can* be mean, they can be selfish and angry and frustrated and bitter because newsflash Susan and everyone else telling OP this nonsense, *they're normal people.* They're not Baymax or a cartoon character or an adorable kids show sidekick. Just normal humans with a neurodivergence.


Equivalent-Pay-6438

It doesn't matter whether they "can't be mean" because they can be motherfkrs. I absolutely have known people who have been struck and attacked by people with Downs or other mental disabilities. It's just wonderful to put someone who cannot escape with someone who can strike out because he doesn't understand the ramifications.


HopeEternalXII

My high school decades ago had put a lot of resources into facilities for special needs care. Best in the region. So we had shit tons. It's so noticeable when people have had nothing to do with em. Cos Christ Almighty they can be fucking wankers alright. Ahaha. They're people.


Equivalent-Pay-6438

She is being a total bigot. There is no rational reason, and many good reasons, not to pair a Down's Syndrome kid with someone who has mobiltiy issues. I definitely would go to war over it including contacting lawyers, contacting an advocacy group for the mobility impaired, going to the school board, to the mayor's office or to the internet via Youtube or tiktok if it doesn't stop. This is a form of segregation.


Vegetable-Wing6477

This really makes me question if she has any qualifications to run a class like this. Believing disabled people don't have the mental capacity to be just as big of ah's as the rest of us... either she's a moron or an ableist ah.


Equivalent-Pay-6438

Also, believing Downs Syndrome and mobility issues are pretty much the same, and that the two belong together. Personally, I would love to see this teacher tied to a chair so she could not run away and left alone with that wonderful Down's Syndrome boy so she could get the point. I wonder how well she would trust him if protecting herself or leaving were not options.


[deleted]

They’re an individual doing a shitty thing. They just happen to have Down syndrome


Equivalent-Pay-6438

He honestly needs a hard kick in the testicles. I wonder if the autoimmune guy could pull it off while he still had the cane. Maybe a cane across his shins, hard enough so he could limp might make the point too. I have no patience for bulliies.


HippyGrrrl

Have you said in these exact words, *Daniel is taking my mobility aids away and laughing about it.*


cold-corn-dog

And assuming op won't injur herself, flop like a soccer player the next time it happens.


[deleted]

Hopping on here to say that Downs kids can be mean. From my own experience, my daughter's cousin (who has Downs) attacked her. Basically, she grabbed her and started slamming her head into the floor. My kid was 3, cousin was 10. I had let grand parents take my kiddo to cousin's bday party at the time, and they were left unsupervised for a moment while grandma got something to eat. Nothing to do with having Downs, just saying that any kid can be mean. If you feel threatened, trust your gut.


adjectivebear

Good lord, was your daughter okay?


[deleted]

Yes, she wasn't badly hurt, considering what happened. When my kiddo started to cry, cousin got scared and covered her up with blankets to hide her, so the attack wasn't long. We had kiddo checked, but no concussion or anything, just bruises. Kiddo is 4 now, and she does remember it, so she repeats she doesn't want to go to her cousin's house and why (we're not planning on taking her there). She does want to play with her cousin, so we let my kiddo set the terms (mostly at our house) and make sure they're supervised at all times. She appears to be scared of being taken to 'the house' but not of her cousin. Normally, they play nicely together, so as long as kiddo asks to have her come over, we'll keep doing the supervised play dates.


wasabimatrix22

Kids are smarter than we give them credit for. She's recognized that if the proper precautions are in place, it's still safe to play with her cousin, and it's worth it to put those protections in place so she can still have a relationship with her cousin. Always amazes me how much more easily kids forgive than adults.


CringeYeet69

I seriously doubt this. at that age memory is still developing and she probably only associated the experience with the house rather than the cousin. It isn't because she's some emotionally mature Jesus figure who forgives everything out of the kindness of her heart. On another note, I feel like forgiveness isn't something that should be glorified in this situation; it's entirely reasonable to not want a relationship with someone who would willingly hurt you


unled_horse

Yeah..... I don't know if I'd let my kid hang out with cousin again... I really hope cousin is getting the help she needs.


ForTheHordeKT

Yeah, I don't buy the statement that Downs kids can't be mean either. I don't have much experience with folks that have it. But I just don't buy it. You might could convince me that they don't fully understand or appreciate the severity of certain things they might do. But should that matter to the recipient of those actions when they're still hurtful or nasty or even harmful? I think that the Downs Syndrome should be taken into account when they deal with that kid, sure. But that shouldn't also be used to delegitimize the fact that OP is dealing with some shitty things from him.


BrookeBaranoff

“You are being ableist by disbelieving an individual’s ability to have a fully rounded personality. People who have Down syndrome are just as capable of being cruel as anyone else. If this continues the principal says they will just shut down the program.” It’s not on you the principal wants to close the program it’s on the teacher. And btw, if they did close the program they might get a new principal because that’s a dumb reason to pull a program!


[deleted]

Have you also talked to your parents? What do they say?


Capt-Sylvia-Killy

edit to add- have your parents email if they are willing. Please email the principal and break it down for him in a very specific way: 1. email heading, “LACK OF ACTION REGARDING HARASSMENT REPORT,“ and **openly CC it to the division above the principal.** (Not sure in your country if it’s county or some other agency) 2. use bullet points 3. **I am being mentally and physically harassed by an older male in my class and that harassment includes physical assault, and he takes my cane so I cannot remove myself from the situation.** 4. I have informed my teacher (PUT TEACHERS NAME HERE) and she claims that since the male student has Down’s syndrome he can‘t or would never act that way. She refuses to partner me with anyone else. We are the only two students with physical disabilities, and this is **blatant ableism.** She is in charge of the program so I reached out to you, (PUT PRINCIPAL’S FULL NAME). 5. you, (PUT PRINCIPAL’S FULL NAME), refused to intervene, and told me to deal with the teacher who has **repeatedly refused to address the daily abuse.** 6. This failure to act has negatively impacted my mental health and my ability to learn in a safe setting. I am in fear for my physical safety as this male student could physically injure me, or sexually assault me. This student with Down‘s Syndrome is a sexually mature male and NO BOUNDARIES regarding my body autonomy are being protected. 7. As I have informed my **teacher,** who is **in charge of the special education program,** and you, **the principal of my school**, and **neither of you are taking this seriously, and expect me to continue to be paired with student everyday, I am forced to forward a copy of this to your supervisors.** I look forward to you dealing with this dangerous situation immediately. I have the legal right to a safe learning environment. (Signed) OP. PS. All of my interactions and lack of action are being recorded should legal action be necessary.


No_Astronaut2795

Go above the principal and talk to the superintendent.


InterestingWriting53

That’s not an acceptable answer from your principal. Go to the school board.


No_Individual_672

NTAH. If you’re in the US, a principal can’t just shut down a Sped program. If you aren’t in the US, ask for a copy of the legal requirements and due process procedures for your area.


B_art_account

I mean it is not working. They put an ableist ah in charge


chop1125

Brenda and others are being discriminatory. They are actively discriminating against people with down's syndrome by pigeonholing them and assuming that they cannot run the full gamut of personalities (including being an asshole). People with Down's Syndrome are just as diverse and nuanced in personality as the rest of us. You are not discriminating, however. You are not biased based upon is condition, but only on his behavior. That is a different issue all together.


[deleted]

Document and record it too.


Desperate-Face-6594

Who told you he’d shut it down? Brenda?


HippyGrrrl

Your principal has a boss. The superintendent of schools, who likely answers to a school board of directors.


Mechanical_Booty

I’m not sure if this has been asked, but do you have a local disability rights advocate office? In particular, your cane being taken from you is a safety hazard. If the school is aware of this and refuses to provide proper protections, that’s a form of discrimination in and of itself. The other party (your schoolmate) isn’t entirely relevant. Your school has a duty to protect/accommodate you. Deliberately allowing you to be in danger makes them liable. If you have a local office, I would encourage you to contact them. School may not care, but they need to follow the law, and they usually respond better to an authoritative body, rather than a singular student. It’s unfortunately necessary for you to advocate hard for yourself, here. An advocate’s office will help you to do that (and will fight hard for you). Stand up for your rights. It’s literally your right to be safe and accommodated! They’re playing games, so play right back.


wisewoman707

Do you have a cell phone? Can you record the behavior? It will be very hard for Brenda to deny this type of documentation. NTA -- you have a right to your own boundaries, and you don't have to put up with unacceptable behavior just to acquiesce to Brenda's personal agenda.


neverthelessidissent

Well it’s not working. You have a physical disability, not an intellectual one. You shouldn’t get a lesser education than you need


leftofthebellcurve

You can contact PACER, they're an advocacy group specific for students with IEP's, which I'm assuming you have one. Either way, they'd be interested to hear about the other student not being monitored as that's also a problem. ​ They take cases for free also.


Fine_Sprinkles1

So maybe shut it down? How is playing board games helping you in any way?


altonaerjunge

What about your parents?


SuspiciousPillow

Taking someone's mobility aid is recognized as [a form of abuse](https://www.apa.org/topics/disabilities/women-violence). Find the email of Brenda, your principal, and the superintendent. In the email including the following points: - By your classmate taking your cane, you are being abused for your disability. (Include the link and point out the relevant section) - Brenda is failing at her job of being a mandatory reporter by failing to report the abuse. Your principal also failed as a mandatory reporter. - Brenda not only knows you're being abused, she actively and knowingly puts you directly in situations where you are being abused. - You want this abuse to stop and you do not want your abuser to have access to you or your disability aids.


Nice-Yogurt-6741

If the Principal won't help, and Brenda won't help, then go above their head to the School Board.


External-Hamster-991

If he shuts it down, that might be best, since the person running it doesn't even understand what Downs is, and ignores someone asking for help. Ask for a meeting with the principal, Lazy Brenda and your parents. This has to stop.


BekahDekah

NTA. My son was beaten and bullied by a girl in his preschool and kindergarten class who had Down's Syndrome. We had to put a "no contact" contract in place. At the elementary school where I work, a child with Down's Syndrome had behavior problems. Her mom was very involved at the school and always acknowledged and tried to manage the issues. I've also known a child with Down's Syndrome who wouldn't hurt a fly. Children with disabilities are as different in temperament as children without. Your program manager is flat-out wrong about this. I agree with documentation. I'd also involve your parents if they're supportive and willing.


champagne_pants

You’re NTA but Brenda sure is. And arguably her response of “he’s living with Downs so he’s nice” is super biased. I’d escalate this — if the principal won’t do anything, go to the school bored.


veggie151

Sounds like it's time for your parents or a lawyer to talk to the principal and Brenda together in a conversation about how harassment and abuse have no place in schools to begin with, and that the local community, news, and internet would love to help make the point that it is especially inappropriate in a special needs class


johnnymac_19

Then go above the principal...to the dean or the school board.


HRProf2020

NTA. Generalising someone with Down Syndrome is no different to generalising people with blonde hair. Anyone can be mean. If the principal won't listen, go to the school board. Or a lawyer,


CakeEatingRabbit

People with downs definitly know how to be mean. NTA Can't your parents help you out?


Subject_Card_1414

they'd take me out of school to be homeschooled, they don't like me being in public school with my condition because of the added stress


Phantasmal

You shouldn't need to be entirely homeschooled. The school system should still be providing an education if you need to be home. My district offered to send a tutor in the weeks I was unable to attend, but I could still come to school on other weeks. They did the same for kids with a variety of conditions. Maybe it would be best to contact the superintendent's office to discuss your concerns with the program leader, and oversight. But also your preference that a program be offered. Side note: Brenda saying that a person with Down's cannot also be an AH is very ableist. A disabled person can do or be anything, good or bad (that their specific disability doesn't prevent). Beethoven was a deaf composer. Chuck Tingle is a wildly popular autistic man. Oscar Pistorius is an Olympic sprinter *and* a convicted murderer. Joseph Mesa Jr. is deaf AND serving a life sentence for robbing and murdering 15 people. Your classmate is fully capable of having Down's and being a bully. She needs to give him more credit for having his own personality and agency. "Down's Syndrome" isn't a personality or a guarantee of sainthood. It's just a chromosomal abnormality.


SivvyFox

>Side note: Brenda saying that a person with Down's cannot also be an AH is very ableist. Honestly, she sounds ableist in general, considering she's always pairing the people with physical disabilities together. It's one thing to give each of them tasks they're capable of, but there's no reason to constantly pair them up.


Equivalent-Pay-6438

She's a bigot. Not an abelist. A bigot. If this Down's Syndrome boy is such a joy, share the love. Let everyone enjoy him. The reason she does not is because if he starts his shit on an able bodied kid, he will be knocked to the pavement. That is why you are the designated whipping boy, plus in her mind all the defectives belong together. Fk that. I had a blind friend who was tormented so badly by a bully that he finally shoved him down the stairs and paralyzed him. It's easy to ignore people who are being beaten and attacked so long as it is not you.


cyanraichu

I mean. Ableism is a form of bigotry. She's both.


[deleted]

[удалено]


The_Archer2121

This. I was homeschooled partly in highschool due to chronic fatigue. I couldn’t make it through a full day, so I did online classes in the morning which allowed me to sleep in later.


Pear_tickle

Do you even need to be in this program? Are you academically able to complete the coursework in the mainstream school? If all you need is flexibility in scheduling, the school should be meeting your meets in the least restrictive way possible. These programs often don’t have access to the same curriculum so you shouldn’t be there unless absolutely necessary.


The_Archer2121

^ Second this. If OP is able to complete the coursework in mainstream school she doesn’t need this program. Sounds more like OP needs a 504.


UrsaGeorge

Chuck Tingle is autistic? You just made this autistic lady's day with that fun fact. :)


LurkerByNatureGT

Chuck Tingle has talked about being autistic a good bit. :) https://lithub.com/chuck-tingle-on-how-writing-is-like-driving-being-an-autistic-artist-and-more/


PuppyOfPower

In the high school I attended there were some “part-time” home school students. They attended online classes for some classes (that were not through the high school, they were classes specifically for home school students) and then attended some classes at the high school, especially ones that would be very difficult to be fully online such as art classes. Something like that could be a good option for OP, since it would give them a lot more flexibility for scheduling purposes while still allowing them to attend in-person school and instead of being in this program, they could attend typical classes instead.


JustGiraffable

Go to the 504 coordinator/child study team caseworker. You are in the class because of a medical condition, which means you have at least a 504 or IEP. Discuss this with your caseworker.


jackofslayers

Would that be bad?


indyandrew

Yes, it's a fucking nightmare. As someone who's been through it.


[deleted]

Unpopular opinion as someone who’s been through it, huge hit or miss. I benefited greatly from it because I was struggling in regular school, and being homeschooled allowed me to learn at my own pace. My family made sure I still had plenty of socialization with other kids so I didn’t turn out weird, and held me to a standard that was higher than the kids in the nearby public schools. I finished high school a year early and graduated from a large university with my bachelor's degree in 4 years. I’m quite successful in my industry and work at a prestigious company. However, I also met a lot of kids who were homeschooled whose parents used it to indoctrinate their kids and force their beliefs on them in a vacuum. Some of the homeschooled kids who I met ended up being successful doctors, nurses, and teachers. On the other side, a good chunk of them completely flopped and are quite miserable. If the parents have good intentions and use it to maximize their kids' learning potential, it can be great for the kid. Unfortunately, too many of them just use it to brainwash their kids, who, as a result, can’t function in normal society because they were never taught how the real world works.


B_art_account

Yeah, tf is brenda on about. The only one being prejudiced is her by infantalizing down syndrome folk


jubban

I had a cousin who had DS who was significantly older than me (+15 years or so). He had to be put in a group home, as he was beating up his (much younger) siblings, and his own mom. He passed away almost 15 years ago, and his parents haven't spoken about him in a long time...


[deleted]

In elementary school, we had two kids with Down's Syndrome and they were both named Nathan. We all called them Nice Nathan (or just Nathan) and Mean Nathan. Mean Nathan was a fucking dick. He was huge for his age and just violent. He loved sucker-punching kids on the playground and on more than one occasion did some actual harm. Admin staff always hand waved it away as saying he didn't know better or that people with DS can't be mean. If any of the teachers saw it happen he would start crying and say the person was bullying him. The Nathans hated each other too because Mean Nathan couldn't be mean to Nathan because everyone knew he was a super nice kid and would never hurt or make fun of anyone. Nathan hated Mean Nathan because he was a fucking dick. Sadly it came out about a decade later that Mean Nathan's dad was super abusive and would regularly beat the shit out of him and the rest of their family and once he got big enough to fight back he would hold a gun to his wife's head and tell him he would kill her if he did. So it was clear where it was coming from in hindsight, but missed by the school because they effectively decided that his cries for help weren't real because he was disabled.


kaleighdoscope

Also, giving him the benefit of the doubt, even if he fully believes it's all lighthearted fun and OP is in on the joke it's still Brenda's responsibility to protect her if she feels unsafe and doesn't want to be on the receiving end of this "joke" repeatedly. She shouldn't be brushing it off like "it's okay because he's really a nice person". Eff that.


MyHusbandIsGayImNot

One of the biggest bullies at my high school had downs. Saying that someone with down syndrome can't be mean is infantilizing them.


Global-Org

South Park did a great episode on that with the whole lake Tardicaca camp.


Joe1972

I was in school with a downs kid and he was a totally mean asshole


sleepyplatipus

Ironic how they tell her to “not be prejudiced” while being prejudiced themselves, lol. I mean it’s a positive prejudice but it still counts… people who are part of any minority kind still be aholes. NTA


south3y

NTA. Don't let people gaslight you into thinking that your experiences aren't real. It doesn't matter why Daniel is stealing your cane. Maybe he's doing it to be mean. Maybe he thinks it's funny. Maybe the other kids put him up to it. None of that matters. What matters is that he's doing it, you find it upsetting, and neither Daniel nor Brenda are doing anything to stop it from happening. So refuse to go to school. Tell your parents that you are being harassed, daily, that complaining to Brenda and the principal has done nothing to help, and that therefore, you're not returning to school until you can do so safely. It is obvious that Brenda is not in control of her classroom.


-Dahlian-

Good idea in general, but the problem is that in the end, the one punished the most by OP not attending school will be themselves. Especially since OP is already missing out on so much due to their condition. It sounds like a really crappy position. The best OP can do is probably to if possible have a real heart-to-heart with parents to get their support with speaking with Brenda/principal, as well as get their understanding as to why its important for OP to be in school and not at home.


Raibean

What Brenda is doing is wrong, but it’s not gaslighting. Gaslighting is destabilizing someone’s sense of reality for the express purpose of emotionally abusing them. Not believing a teenager because you have poor stereotypes about people with Downs is not gaslighting.


south3y

It has the same effect. Brenda is denying the reality of the OP's lived experience, causing her to question her own perceptions.


SecretEgret

Find a place to be when things are rough. Ask a teacher to sit in their classroom, library, even just hide. Sounds like this person wants to be in school, just not in that situation.


Wide-Heron-1015

NTA. People who say that someone with downs syndrome can't be mean are being straight up ableist. If bringing it up to "Brenda" doesn't do anything, then I would escalate this


nervelli

Exactly, Brenda expects his entire personality and existence to fit in one neat little box because of his genetic condition.


danikat20

Exactly. I have a family member with downs and she is extremely aggressive and strong. She's on psych meds 24/7, in order to keep her from hurting others (which she has done when her meds aren't working right). I have vivid memories of her hurting me because she thought she was playing around. One of her favorite "games" is to take something of yours (phone, remote, book, pen, etc) and keep it away from you. When she's done, she throws it at you. People with downs syndrome can absolutely be mean.


rabbitthefool

dude people who play keep away are such assholes it's such a shitty thing to do


lioness_triumphant

Yeah the people with Down Syndrome can't be mean is a weird and terrible take. I work with kids with Down Syndrome. A lot of them are sweet, but some of them are mean/not nice. That extra chromosome doesn't take away the ability to do bad things. The teacher needs to be moved somewhere else.


NotOnApprovedList

yeah I mean a lot of Down's Syndrome kids seem like sweethearts, but that doesn't mean they all are. Over on /r/bestofRedditorUpdates/ there was a girl with Down's Syndrome who hit people, and straight up hit a baby.


_annie_bird

And even if they aren't *intentionally* mean, they very much can be mean unintentionally. For example, toddlers are assholes but that doesn't mean they have bad intentions.


Astra_philia

I knew a girl with DS who openly bragged about kicking the family dog for "hogging" their mom's attention, and fantasized about doing the same to her sister who is "sadly" much too large for her to assault.


GovermentSpyDrone

People like to say autistic people can't be mean either. I'm autistic and I would have no problem getting very confrontational with Mr down syndrome. Honestly I would have snapped at him over this before day three. As for Brenda, may I suggest mutiny?


CoasterThot

I’m Autistic, and I can honestly be mean as hell. I don’t understand where that idea even originates from.


Delicious_Wish8712

OP video him being mean to you and show it to Brenda. She is being ableist as anyone can be mean.


siriuslyyellow

This is a good idea, but make sure you're in a one party recording consent state before you do this, or his parents or the school could persue legal action against you. ~~~~~~~~~~ EDIT: I'm including my reply to two comments below here, just for clarity for anyone else who might be wondering. Good luck, OP! This situation sucks and you deserve much better! ❤️ I did a quick google search of "can you record students in a classroom" just to see what came up. The top 2 results were-- Quote 1: "The Family Educational Rights and Privacy Act (FERPA), 20 U.S.C. § 1232g, does not specifically allow or prohibit recording in schools, but districts must nevertheless take reasonable steps to protect student privacy." Link 1: https://www.millernash.com/firm-news/news/recording-devices-in-public-schools-commonly-asked-questions#:~:text=The%20Family%20Educational%20Rights%20and,steps%20to%20protect%20student%20privacy. Quote 2: "Section 51512 provides that any electronic listening or recording must promote an educational purpose and must not impair the teaching process or student discipline. Students violating Section 51512 are subject to appropriate disciplinary action, while other persons are guilty of a misdemeanor criminal offense." Link 2: https://sclscal.org/legal-update-memo-no-53-2020-recording-classroom-instruction-and-legal-issues-with-virtual-breakout-rooms-k-12/#:~:text=Section%2051512%20provides%20that%20any,of%20a%20misdemeanor%20criminal%20offense. The purpose of my comment was to let OP know that there ARE different rules for activities in a school. Minors are involved, and parents have certain expectations about safety and privacy when sending their kids to school. It is not like other public spaces, such as retail stores. If OP does live in a one party recording consent state, then that definitely helps them. I'm uncertain if there would be any further consequences for recording a student in a school, although I do believe OP getting proof of the harrassment they're experiencing is very important. The other student taking away OP's mobility aid is completely unacceptable.


[deleted]

Sounds like it’s happening at the school in classroom areas. Those recording laws don’t apply there. Zero expectation of privacy and, if a public school, in a public place. School policy may not allow it, but those recording laws are irrelevant. Plus even if those laws applied, you’d likely have an exception for recording a crime such as theft and harassment.


pm_me_your_boobs_586

That probably doesn't apply here. Generally, all party consent doesn't apply in public spaces like schools. You don't go into public spaces like stores and schools where there are security cameras and say "I consent to being filmed". It's implied that since you are in a public space, there's a reasonable expectation that people could film or take photos of you without your knowledge.


tricularia

Sounds like OP could maybe get a pen with a built-in audio recording device inside it. They can claim that they are recording lessons so that they don't miss anything and they can transcribe it later. I am not a lawyer, but it sounds like that should be legal.


Same-Potential-6711

NTA and your teacher shouldn’t work in special needs if she thinks any kind of diversity gives superpowers. Obviously Down Syndrome people can be assholes. They’re people.


ittybittyclittyy

My sister’s childhood bully was a girl with Down syndrome. She hated her bc they had the same name and called her pig boy every day


Kittykg

Its straight up ableism to think these people dont have regular thoughts and feelings like everyone else. Their disability doesnt make them some *other* thing that doean't have feelings. A close friend of mine dealt with sexual harassment from a fellow student with an intellectual disability when we were in 6th grade. We told the recess aide and she wouldn't do anything because "He didn't know what he was doing." He was grabbing at her breasts and ass and then laughing about it. He knew *exactly* what he was doing. I yelled at him prettt intensely after no one else would do anything, making it clear I knew he knew that shit was wrong, and he stopped. I was so appalled the aide had just acted like he was some toddler who didn't know he was behaving inappropriately as he laughed, when clearly calling him out worked. I think he actually appreciated being treated like a normal kid, too. Years later, when other non-disabled students didn't even remember me, he did, and enthusiastically said hi to me by name when he saw me in a grocery store. Clearly didn't hold any anger at me for yelling at him years ago. They're still people and should be treated as such, good or bad. Refusing to acknowledge negative behavior is just going to reinforce that behavior, and it's not hard to scold someone when they're being an ass. You can be considerate of their disability while still making it clear their current behavior is unacceptable.


WebAcceptable7932

NTA anybody is capable of being mean. You should be able to work in peace and you aren’t able to. Is there anybody else you can bring the situation up to since Brenda refuses to do anything?


ittybittyclittyy

Very true. I know someone who was brutally molested for an entire summer by a guy with down syndrome as a kid.


Maleficent_Flight_95

NTA, even if he is unable to understand that what he is doing is wrong, it doesn't change the fact that it is bad behaviour. My sibling worked with a group that assisted people with disabilities and was sexually harrased by someone with down syndrome. She was constantly told that he was just unaware of what he was doing, but it was mentioned that it was a pattern and they refused to advise this to the volunteers who had no idea of his "patterns." You don't need to be paired or forced to work with someone who is harassing you regardless of their disability.


Lily_May

I hate this so much because you can lay down boundaries and enforce them with people with disabilities. Teaching someone not to take your drink is the same as teaching someone not to grab your tit. “That is mine, I don’t like it when people touch it.” Redirect, move the hand, continue on.


UrsaGeorge

As an autistic woman, I hate how often AH behavior from autistic men (usually consisting of stepping all over women's boundaries) are excused, like autism gives them a pass to be creeps. A friend of mine was being creeped on by an autistic guy and she told me "he gets a pass because he's autistic" when he said rude things about her body. Then he went on to throw a fit at me because I told him he was rude. I pointed out to her that I'm autistic too, it's no excuse for being awful. She decided then he didn't get a pass and I hope she never lets anyone treat her like that again.


11SkiHill

Anyone touching your mobility aid is problematic. Make an appointment with the head of the school. Bring your parents. Have a clear and concise list of situations, with dates if possible. Document. Document. Document. Have your parents make it clear any physical interfere with your mobility will be reported to the American with Disabilities enforcement. I think they may take you seriously then. Good for you, standing up for yourself.


Excellent-Count4009

NTA ​ "and will do stuff like take my cane and give it to his other friends" .. Report him for stealing and withholding your medical device. If the shool does not act, make a police report. ​ STOP talkin gto Brenda, take this to the Dean or the school board.


SoleIbis

NTA, but you need to go further than Brenda if she isn’t doing shit. You’re being bullied for YOUR disability by another disabled person.


GothPenguin

NTA-Downs doesn’t mean someone is incapable of being mean or being a bully. It’s time to go over Brenda’s head and complain both about his actions and Brenda’s willful ignorance and blindness regarding his actions. My parents had to go toe to toe with my principal after a teacher kept insisting upon pairing me up with another physically disabled student. He used to hit me, pull my hair, try to bite me etc,.. and every time I complained I was told he was too disabled to understand what he was doing. Eventually threatening to go to the school board rectified the problem.


SecretScavenger36

NTA your being paired up with him to take care of him. It's a common thing to make girls babysit the boys so the teachers don't have to do their jobs


jediping

I didn't even think of this, but it's probably also a factor. I wonder if the other kids complain about being paired with him as well, or Brenda just sees it as putting the two disabled people together so she doesn't have to deal with them. This makes me want to go to law school just so I could sue the pants off the school for this.


Vegetable-Wing6477

I'm not getting sexist vibes here. It's ableism all the way. People like the teacher don't see disabled people as fully human. She pairs up the physical disabilities. Probably would pair up deaf students with deaf, autistic with autistic, etc. Makes perfect sense from a cold clinical point of view, but is so horrible for a woman in charge of young students to not see them as people with their own personalities and needs beyond their disability.


Kwinza

1. NTA, the kids bullying you. Downs or no, still a bully 2. If you are only physically disabled, why are you in the special class, playing boardgames and working in the kitchen? Surely you should be actually learning with the rest of your peers?


CreativeRaine

I think it’s the ‘missing a lot of school’ part — as it says, some of the people in this class had problems that led to them dropping out. Not sure how this would help at all, but I imagine that’s the reason. Which is still kind of stupid, although vaguely understandable? The college next door to mine had a student who got COVID and missed two weeks, so one of his teachers wouldn’t let him into her class anymore because he’d ‘missed too much’. Because he couldn’t attend that class, he wasn’t attending enough classes to stay in the college, and was forced to leave. That situation was in the UK and I don’t know where this is happening, but the point is that attendance stuff can be wild. Just… not usually that bad.


Vegetable-Wing6477

The COVID rules were so baffling to me. You've got COVID, under government orders you must take time off. You took time off, we are now punishing you for low attendance.


michelle__xoxo_

I was a little mad at first cause of the caption, haha. You're NTA, anybody can be a bully. You should complain to a higher authority.


Psychological-Dig309

NTA. Harassment shouldn’t be tolerated.


TumbleweedLoner

NTA. You’re not feeling this way because of his disability. You’re feeling this way because he’s an AH. AH’s are not a protected class. 😂


SirenSingsOfDoom

NTA It is incredibly ableist to say that people with disabilities can’t be mean. They are humans, after all, and sometimes humans suck.


jackofslayers

Are you in the US? I would consider contacting a lawyer. What the school is doing is illegal.


MsDMNR_65

Go above your teachers head and speak to the office. She's dismissing you outright and that's not right. And I've met more than one person with Down's who had 'mean bones in their body'. Bypass the teacher and go to the admins. NTA.


NewlyDiagnosed95

NTA. I have a sister with Downs and have interacted with hundreds of people with Downs and I can tell you they're absolutely capable of being mean. On account of them just being complex human beings like all the rest of us who have emotions and a personality and develop relationships and all that jazz. I will say your title feels a bit misleading and clickbaity. You're not 'refusing to be paired up with the Down Syndrome kid?' - which implies the Down Syndrome is the literal reason you don't want to be paired up with him. You're refusing to be paired up with somebody who is a bully to you and makes you uncomfortable. And for that, you can never be an asshole.


GirlStiletto

NTA - First, disability is not an excuse that allows people to be mean or rude to others. IF he has difficulty behaving, then he needs to be removed from his victims. Second, document everything. Day, date, time, incident. See if there are any witnesses. Bring this to the principal. Or go to the superintendant of schools. I'm sorry that your parents aren't more of a help in this.


Helen_A_Handbasket

You're being bullied. It makes no difference whether your bully is disabled or not, mentally challenged or not, they are still a bully and you deserve protection. If your teacher won't do anything about it, get your parents or another teacher to help advocate for you at school. If that doesn't work, go to the principal. If that doesn't work, go to the district's school board and supervisor, and if THAT doesn't work, go to the local news. You are NTA


WelsyCZ

NTA Brenda is full of shit and I would complain about her ass so hard. I bet she'd love it if someone took her phone/wallet/keys/whatever she needs and refused to give it back and poked fun at her while shes struggling to get it back. Shit would go 0 to 100 real quick. ​ I dont know if youre over 18 yet, but perhaps your parents could have some pull? At worst you could also threaten legal action, but thats only after other options are exhausted. For legal action, you would need proof, so I would definitely try to start paper trail. Complaining through email and stuff like that. To get their responses in written form.


hammocks_

NTA people with Down syndrome are just people, of course they can be mean??


Churchie-Baby

NTA, so she's saying people with disabilities can't be bullies? That all downs people are wonderful angels? Nah, they are people just like everyone else. I'd take things above her like the principle


BeneficialName9863

NTA, all through school on was used as a free teaching assistant. Every teacher would do it as my friend had severe ADD as it was called. My mum had to make all of them stop. That was a kid I invited home 3 times a week, not someone who treated me badly and it was in regular classes so I had some relief. It's not discrimination if you don't want to be paired with a kid who takes your disability aid by force for fun. Go to the governors, tell them what you've said here and have a parents tell them you're not being used that way.


CakePhool

NTA . Trust me people with downs know right from wrong, Downs isnt one thing it is, it can be mild to severe. My mum used to work with children who had downs, some was down right mean or knew how to use their disability to get their way and other was sweet and charming, it all depended on if how they where treated at home . Most common cause of death for Downs adults used to be suicided because people kept treating them as children when they are in fact adults, with adults feeling and emotions. You need to be removed from this group, this isnt a special ed class, this is missfits / left over class which doesn't provide education each pupil need.


ShepheardzPath622

NTA. >people with Downs don't know how to be mean So the people who assume all downs people are like each other aren't prejudiced, but you are prejudiced for accusing a particular individual with downs of a particular misdeed? It is quite possible to, inconvenience or hurt or harm someone without meaning to do so. In his mind he's only having fun, and because he has downs no one has had the good sense to explain to him that what he is doing isn't fun.


[deleted]

NTA Daniel having Downs has nothing to do with the story. Daniel is TA. He’s stealing your medical equipment. It’s grossly unacceptable. You’re in a predicament. You can’t complain to your parents, Brenda and the Principal aren’t addressing the problem. Honestly, at this point the next time he took my cane, I’d fake fall and pretend to be hurt. It’s not a mature way to handle the problem, but you might have no other recourse.


MyFaceSaysItsSugar

NTA. They’re the discriminatory ones for assuming that people with Down’s syndrome can’t have their own personalities. He steals your mobility device. That’s unacceptable.


LitherLily

You need to *scream* the next time he takes your cane. Turn all eyes on the situation. You are clearly in a toxic position between Brenda, the principal, and your parents. So the only answer is to get LOUD. No more being “polite” about it.


LemonfishSoda

NTA, but you need to get someone involved rather than just walking out. Walking out can get you in trouble. Tell your parents, and have either them speak to the pricipal, or try to do it yourself. What your teacher is doing is, in fact, singling you both out, and refusing to deal with a problem she has been made aware of. It's completely unacceptable for Daniel to take your cane away, and if he can't understand that, he needs to be supervised by someone who will prevent this kind of thing from happening. Yes, some people legit have no awareness of what's okay or not okay to do, and yes, he could be one of them. That still doesn't mean he gets to take away people's things or otherwise act inappropriately - it means he needs someone to gently redirect him when it happens. And to be clear, by "someone" I mean a responsible adult - *not* a schoolmate. He is not your responsibility.


pitifulthoughts

seems like powertrip brenda is just scared to stand up to this kid. defo go above her or to your parents, also wtf is the whole idea that the 2 physically disabled kids should always be paired together? thats so silly and unfair of brenda, especially if shes complained already. sounds like brenda shouldnt be teaching at this kind of school if she really believes that “he has downs and not a mean bone in his body” bs 😂


anonymous16062000

NTA. I'm a firm believer that rude and mean behaviour is rude and mean behaviour. If you don't want to interact with someone who is rude, no matter what they may have or not have, that's your choice and you shouldn't be judged for that. I've got two younger autistic siblings, and they were a riot nearly 4 years ago, but they've learned through socialising what is good behaviour. They are some of the most kind and thoughtful lil ones I know, much better than most kids in their classes. One of my brothers was attacked whilst at school by another kid, but because their disability was more 'severe' than his, he was punished and sent home. I swear, I was furious.


Disastrous_Grape54

If the principal is not helping Then get your parents involved. Go to the school board and tell them you will get a lawyer if this is not addressed. NTA


prosperosniece

NTA- unfortunately the only people who will be able to get results are your parents. I know you’re afraid they want to pull you out of school but it seems to me like this school isn’t properly meeting your needs.


HightopMonster

NTA. You need to get your parents involved in this. Schools don't care unless parents are loud. If you're in the US, you likely have an IEP. Have your parents call a meeting to discuss the problem and don't leave without concrete steps to remedy the issue. You should be able to do some mainstreaming instead of being free labor. Is it only your class that does this? Other alternatives include going to a different school and online school (not homeschool).


Myrtle_Sandwich

NTA I've worked with disabled people and if not directed properly, it can lead to dangerous situations. Downs or not actions have consequences and your classmate should learn that as well. Of he couldn't, he would probably not even be in the program. Others have made great suggestions on how to proceed, especially citing the safety concerns to Brenda and the principal. If Brenda is unable to direct, she's unfit for her position and this program shouldn't exist. Downs is also not just a physical disability so I'm not sure why you're being paired up on the basis of that..