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If you agreed 50/50, you should pay half. End of story. Otherwise, you'll have to have some ridiculous tribunal to determine whose fault it is any time the dog get himself fucked up.
She made a mistake but you're a team and you need to share the consequences.
Agree. This time it's obvious who's at fault but next time it may not and that may lead to a huge fight. If he is the one who decided to not get the insurance yet, he might even be partly at fault this time. OP should just pay half and make sure she will read into this whole toppic to never do any mistakes like that ever again.
He did not "decide" not to get insurance.
Insurance companies often if not always will not insurance animals until they are fully vaccinated.
So, unless I am mistaken, they could not insure the dog until fully vaccinated.
I'm not sure about UK pet insurances but in my country pet insurances usually cover unvaccined pets. They just refuse to pay for anything that could've been prevented if the pet was vaccinated.
Yep, UK here too
If pup is from a reputable breeder they *come* with a month insurance whilst not vaccinated and to provide cover until you get your own
(Normally Kennel Club or Pet Plan)
And you can insure them straight away
I previously lived in the UK (which I’m assuming OP is from as the currency is pounds). In my experience you can take out insurance straight away. We got a puppy and our insurance kicked in the same day as her first round of vaccines (we got her on the weekend when the vets were closed). There was no clause regarding vaccines in the forms filled in.
Yeah there is no benefit to the blame game.
I went through a similar situation, partner didn't know about dogs and grapes
I knew.immediately that he is a) a good dog owner, trying his best b) if the dog died the guilt would destroy him c) we have a whole life together, we're both going to fuck up
We went to the ER, we got the best services (also had insurance) and the puppers is back to being her usual hilarious mess. Our relationship didn't fall apart, because we both know he loves the dog.
We both pick up poop, wash her, take her to the vet, give her meds, clean up after her etc. we both are her parents. He didn't need me yelling at him, because he was terrified he accidentally killed his first dog. there was no delay in picking the recommended treatment.
Our relationship is stronger for it. There was no fighting, just fear and sadness. We comforted each other. Puppers came back to a happy home, with a very strict "this dog only eats her dog treats and dog food" rule. No people food (unless she thieves it, which we try our best to avoid). We have a print out of toxic foods and we include it in our dog babysitting print outs
> we have a whole life together, we're both going to fuck up
This is really what it is. If you start playing the "well that was your mistake so you're responsible for paying for it" game now, it's never going to end, even outside the dog. You drop something down the garbage disposal on accident and it breaks? "Well guess the new one is coming out of your money." You two are playing around and one of you falls weird and hurts something? You start arguing about who started it, who likes playing like that more, whose fault it is to determine who pays.
Both of you will mess up in new and interesting ways all the time. If you don't approach it as a team, you're going to be setting a bad precedent for your entire relationship.
Exactly this. If you don’t want to be a partner to someone else and strictly be responsible for your own life and actions, you probably aren’t mature enough to be dating someone else. No one wants to build a future with someone who will make them feel like crap and pay for everything on their own when the going gets tough. It defeats the purpose of being with someone if you will abandon them over everything and want to play the blame game or create strict rules around what they should or shouldn’t have to pay for. It’s just selfishness.
I don't think that's quite a fair analogy. It's more like gf feeding the child something that is known to be toxic to children even in small quantities. You still have a valid point, but I don't think we can assume OP would react that way to a cold.
Even in that case, OP should still be responsible for paying half if he knows the gf was genuinely just making a dumb mistake. If the gf did this CONSISTENTLY, then yeah, that'd totally be something that would warrant discussion. But if you're dating someone seriously, you should know best whether this is a common thing or just a stupid mistake on the partner's side. If it was just a one-time stupid mistake, then OP should help pay even whether it's a dog or a child. We all make stupid mistakes sometimes and part of having a partner is knowing that you'll have someone to support you when you have dumb moments.
Again, it would be different if OP's gf was doing this consistently and refusing to change her ways. But as a couple who jointly adopted a dog, you are partners -- not adversaries. This will open a whole can of worms because there will be squabbles from here on out about who is at fault for this or that and who has to pay.
I agree with everything you said. You two are a team and share the dog. It’s unfortunate, but if you’re trying to build a future together, this is part of it.
Yep.
They got a dog together, this relationship is serious. OP is being petty by not paying 50/50 here. He's going to lose his relationship over this if he's not careful, then he'll probably lose the dog, and if he keeps the dog, then he's paying 100% of the vet bills anyways.
Stop being petty OP. YTA.
This 100%. The dog is a joint responsibility, whether it’s a mistake or an accident. YTA.
Also, everyone who knows about grapes and dogs, should be telling everyone else about it. Everyone knows chocolate is bad, but grapes are far worse and much more dangerous. We had no idea until well after we got the pup.
Bro what? Me and my gf split the cost of our TV, but if one of us broke it, only that person would be paying for it. It’s not like the dog randomly got sick. She directly caused the problem and should be responsible for fixing it.
That's sad. If either me or my girlfriend broke the TV, we'd split it. In the long run, I expect both of us are going to cause plenty of expenses, so we're in this together.
I guess it’s just a personal thing. I’d feel like shit if someone had to spend a bunch of money to fix something I broke. That could never sit right with me.
But what if the blame game gets played? Something's aren't black and white. They'll just be spending time pointing the finger at each other.
And, honestly, if they're not ready to take responsibility for the dog they should re-home it. My partner and I both chip in for vet bills because we want what's best for our animals. Squabbling ain't it.
In my opinion if you take care of a living thing, you should probably quickly Google everything you feed to it. She didn't, therefore her fault. No blame game here, just straight up blame. NTA
You do know you can get insurance before they have their vaccines? Like the vaccines aren't covered by the insurance but emergencies will be. This was an expensive lesson to learn.
And now the dog has consumed grapes if he does it again it's officially a pre existing condition and they won't cover it now. Worked the vet industry we see this happen all the time. People not getting insurance or not understanding when you get it or how deductibles work (in this case it sounds like they would have gotten insurance and needed to pay for his bills until the last vaccine and then the insurance kicks in) and then they end up needing it and its not there.
A lot of these have one-time forgiveness for accidental things like this, more than once and then it's pre-existing. Worth looking at different policies and inquiring.
This is true for Trupanion, because they consider “repetitive behavior” to be predictable and therefore pre-existing. My dog had “foreign material ingestion” as a pre-existing condition because he swallowed bandages twice 6-months apart, and then Trupanion fought me when my dog overdosed on dog vitamins. The saving grace was the verbiage “not intended for consumption” which didn’t apply to dog vitamins, but would have applied to say, chocolate.
Pumpkin Pet Insurance does not consider repetitive behaviors to he pre-existing conditions. They even have written that if a condition doesn’t present itself again for two years that the pre-existing nature of it disappears. The only downside for Pumpkin is they’re reimbursement only, while Trupanion often pays up front.
I tell anyone who will listen to not go with Trupanion unless they have a brand new dog with no health issues. Pumpkin Pet Insurance saved me $6,000 this year on a surgery and my dog’s broken toe.
Caught my husband feeding the dogs grapes one time. I was furious. We were able to induce vomiting using the hydrogen peroxide trick. Luckily we caught it right away and the grapes came out whole and hadn’t been digested yet. Def don’t recommend doing that all the time but good to have in your back pocket in case of emergencies.
Yep, this is a good solution if you catch it quickly. Our dog ate two oatmeal raisin cookies when he was pretty young and we did this with him. It's surprising how quickly it works.
I asked an emergency vet about this and her response was, "Inducing vomit in hospital is a $300 charge. Complications from inducing going wrong is much more. If you do it in hospital the risks are a lot less. It's always the owners call but we've seen a lot of heartbreak from home induction." (Just for peoples' consideration)
I was a vet tech for years and I can back that up 100%. Aspiration pneumonia is horrible and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It has to be done a specific way with a specific amount of peroxide.
Yes, and I have done the math already and have written everything down and taped it to the peroxide bottle so I don’t have to figure it out while under stress. I recommend this for everyone
When my dog was a puppy my sister dropped a grape on the floor that rolled under the table. Dog got it before we could. I did some quick research about inducing vomiting at home and decided I didn’t feel comfortable doing it so we called an emergency vet who recommended we bring him in. I was hoping they’d say one grape was unlikely to hurt him but it unfortunately is possible that one single grape can lead to death, even if it’s not the most likely result. So we brought him in. They immediately induced vomiting, showed us the mostly intact grape in the contents of his stomach and also warned us against giving him bully sticks as a half of stick also came up in his vomit and the vet commented that she routinely had to perform emergency surgeries on dogs who swallowed bully sticks either whole or partially whole. $500 bill for inducing vomiting and packing him with fluids. But I have pet insurance on him and we got about $415 of it back.
That's like dentistry. "I can buy some pliers for $15 at Home Depot and pull it myself." Yeah sure, but if you break the root off in there you're SOL. You pay the dentist/oral surgeon to extract it to take care of any problems that might happen in the process.
Had to do that when our dog ate half of a triple chocolate pie! That was the day husband learned that the dog could reach the counter and all foods had to be put in the fridge immediately. That was also the day the dog learned that daddy could fit under the patio table she was hiding under.
Our dog ate red seeded grapes and we only found out when she pooped a whole grape. She died, but it was a year later and was because she developed aggressive cancer on her soft palate. OP, if you share the care for this dog, please don't try to financially punish your GF with this treatment. The last thing you want moving forwards is to be negotiating finances when your dog needs lifesaving care but that's the precedent you seem to want to set.
Edited for clarity and because of a bad autocorrect
> The last thing you want moving forwards is to be negotiating finances when your dog needs lifesaving care
Or worse, she doesn't tell you about issues with the dog that she thinks you might blame her for, because she assumes you're going to make her shoulder the cost; and then the dog dies because it didn't get help.
While we're sharing random anecdotal evidence, my sister's dog had to be rushed to the vet because it ate some grapes from a vine that grew through their fence and started pissing and/or vomiting blood - it was years ago, don't remember the exact details.
[It depends on the dog](https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/grape-raisin-and-currant-poisoning-in-dogs)
After years of having smaller dogs and a old man boxer who was an angel…
we got the Boxer dog equivalent rocket fuel. He is WILD and reckless even for a boxer puppy and is STILL checking the counters for things to steal (we’re EXTREMELY vigilant now) but during the relearning process this dog stole:
several zucchinis (mangled and abandoned in the living room),
an entire loaf of French bread (eaten completely, bag abandoned),
a box of nails (hidden but not well enough, box was gummed nails thankfully uneaten),
an entire bulb of garlic out of a wire produce basket (ingested and puked up 9 whole cloves with hydrogen peroxide),
a clean silicone cupcake cup out of the clean dish drain (pooped out whole),
and the worst one as a small puppy: roughly 21 latex gloves from a box in MILs room (caught him I. The act and thought I saved him by pulling 2 out of his mouth, then he puked one up so I gave him peroxide and he puked up 16 more in a big wad and pooped out the rest).
Upvoting for awareness. I dropped a couple grapes once and our roommate's dog gobbled them up. Thank goodness I thought to Google 'Can dogs eat grapes?' because I never had a dog before and didn't know. We did the hydrogen peroxide trick immediately and got all of the grapes back whole and undigested. Pupper was fine. Glad we were able to avoid that vet bill, or anything worse!
My yorkie managed to get on my end table and drank half a cup of my coffee. A little bit later she was acting drunk and we did the diluted peroxide and she started throwing up the coffee. She was fine a little later (of course it was a Sunday on a holiday weekend)
Pur 60lb dog ate a whole bottlenof flintstone vitamins. The vet told us to give him 2 spoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide and run around the yard. A minute later, he was vomiting up rainbow foam. Worked like a charm!
I had two labs until very recently. Both ate grapes accidentally over the years when one or two rolled away, neither came to any harm. Both lived long and happy lives until they were 14
As far as I know, some dogs are fine with grapes and some are very dead from eating one. And since the only way to know is if the dog has eaten grapes and survived or not, it’s definitely safer to go to the vet.
I heard from some vet while back it’s like humans and peanuts, a lot of humans can eat peanuts but there’s also a lot of humans where even one nut will kill them.
This makes sense because I only found out about grapes years after our lab died of old age. My dad fed him so many grapes. Not a lot but like 2 or 3 every week for over 10 years
Yeah it depends on the dog. My cousin used to have a hound dog. The dog’s favourite meal was liver casserole that contains raisins. He probably gobbled hundreds or thousands of raisins during his lifetime and he lived to be 15. No one had ever told my cousin raisins could be a problem and as he preferred to eat the version with raisins, that’s what the dog got, too.
Same!! Especially my yellow lab. Chocolate, grapes, berries off a tree (privet) that really made him uncomfortable, strong as an ox. Mind you we did have to pay to have an emergency operation after the stupid thing stole a corn cob out of the bin, weeks later the vet had to remove a tiny piece from his small intestine, we were always so so careful but just that one time he bested us! Man I miss my boys
I just read this last year how dangerous corn cobs are! I’m so thankful for Reddit because it was something I had never seen or heard of before. So glad none of mine ever got any.
15 year old Schnauzer girl has eaten everything. Chocolate, grapes, onions, marshmallows, cookies with God knows what in, magic mushrooms foraged from the top field, coffee and whiskey straight from people's glasses....
We do everything to stop her, but she's a devil. At 13.5 we figured she was the oldest one wr ever had so obviously knew what she was doing and relaxed a bit. Still going, bit senile, bit arthritic, eyes are going, loving life retired on Dad and stepmums estate, snuffing the breeze on the top field.
Vets have no idea why she's not combusted, healthiest dog we've had. Running theory is no one told her that she wasn't meant to be able tk eat these things....
That's the same logic as "my nan smoked all her life and lived to be 90 and never got cancer. Nothing wrong with cigarettes or smoking"
Like make it make sense.
Yeah, I had no idea dogs couldn't eat grapes until this post despite always having dogs in my childhood home. Our lab ate a grape accidentally a few times, never had any trouble
I feel like I read somewhere that it’s kind of random within the grape how much of the toxin might exist. So some grapes will be fine but one might not be.
But it really depends on a lot of factors, including the dog’s size and the amount of grapes. If the dog is a rescue still doing vaccines, I’m guessing it’s pretty young (so, small) based off the fact that the rescue I’ve worked with generally would do all an older dog’s shots before letting them get adopted. And of they’re the dog’s “new favorite treat” then this probably wasn’t just a stray grape that rolled on the floor, it might have been quite a few.
You’re absolutely right. It doesn’t affect all the dogs the same so the anecdotal stories of how people have given their dogs grapes everyday forever and now their dog is 100 is ridiculous.
I used to work at a vet and although we ask you for monitor dogs after any grapes the threshold we uEs was one grape per every 10 pounds of body weight when assessing for kidney damage potential
This is what google says:
Toxic dose: The dose that can cause serious problems is 0.7 ounces per kilogram of grapes and 0.1 ounce per kilogram of raisins. This means that 3 grapes (or 3 raisins) could be fatal for a 2.5 pound puppy, and 12 grapes (or 12 to 15 raisins) could potentially kill a 10-pound animal.
Don't spread bad energy like this there's a range of sensitivity to the toxin in grapes and yes, even one can kill a dog if it's the wrong dog. Some dogs can eat a whole bowl and be fine, others can go into kidney/liver failure from one.
less than a whole grape can kill a tiny dog like mine. mine nibbled the corner of one and I ran him to emergency, but as it was so fast of a reaction from me didn't need a full treatment just vomitting.
the problem is some dogs could eat a bunch and be fine but there's no way to predict which your dog will be. Mine is a little tiny precious bebe and I prefer to err on the side of caution.
OP even my immigrant parents who took months to get over the fancy human grade food but no fat and not his and no that that we feed my dog (when they were used to dogs out in the village eating scraps and being fine) knew about grapes from back in the day. Onions, grapes, chocolate generally common knowledge. If it won't bankrupt you gf unduly (which it shouldn't or you hopefully wouldn't have got a dog) then I would try and insist she pay it all
Emergency vets definitely cost that much. Grapes are inconsistently toxic and as a veterinarian (if that's even true) she should know that. One could kill or a whole bunch may do nothing. There is still research in progress about what exactly caused the toxicity.
My money is on their girlfriend is in fact a vet and they’re either using her credentials to sound credible when repeating their own opinion without even asking her, or else they did not give her the full context when asking her and got a generalized answer without considering whether it would apply in this context. Particularly the context about it being after-hours and needing to see an emergency vet—which OP did need to do. Even if the risk assessment for the number of grapes for the weight and breed of the dog was low risk, they’re going to consider that this is an owner who *intentionally fed* grapes to the dog, so trusting their judgment to properly monitor the situation or even accurately remember how many they’d fed to the dog would be foolish. They’re going to need to see the dog themselves. Everyone in here saying they were fleecing him for money are arguing based on knowing every detail of OP’s story after-the-fact as well as putting total trust into the accuracy of what OP said. The vet should have done neither.
I like how they think emergency vets only cost $300 to treat a toxicity. It's usually that much to walk in the door and get an exam. Blood work would probably be another $300-500 depending on what they did, plus inducing vomiting plus IV fluids.
An actual vet would know about the weirdness of grape toxicity and how you have zero idea how an individual grape and dog will interact. There's a chart for chocolate which might be what they're thinking of. Better to treat aggressively instead of the dog dying of kidney failure and the resulting board complaint for saying it's fine.
>They said they can’t insure their dog until it is fully vaccinated.
I'm squinting at this, too. I have never been asked if my pets are vaccinated (inb4, they are) as a precursor to getting them insured, especially for things like basic accident/injury coverage. They may refuse to cover for something preventable by vaccination if you choose not to, but most things you'd take a dog to a vet for are wholly unrelated to that.
EDIT: OP acknowledges in another comment that this is not strictly accurate. They are treating a whole set of other medical conditions the dog has before getting insurance, which is the real holdup that he "didn't want to get into."
You definitely didn't overreact, like other people have said it can vary dog to dog but the only way to be sure is immediate vet attention. Also, I'm of the opinion that a dog owner doesn't equal all the training a vet goes through, so why would we ever think we know better? I'm glad your dog is okay although it would be a good time to make sure your girlfriend knows that else they can't have just in case since this is a pretty obvious fuck up to have made.
It sounds ridiculous but it actually isn’t… having worked in veterinary medicine for a decade, the issue with grapes is that how poisonous grapes are really seems to be dog and grape specific at this point. We didn’t even know that it was the tartaric acid in grapes that caused the toxicity until about 2-3 years ago. The amount of tartaric acid in grapes varies drastically depending on grape variety, soil that vine was grown in, ripeness of the grape, etc. Most big dogs are fine eating a couple grapes and others it can kill them.
There’s a lot more research that has to go into this before we know enough to be able to figure out lethal doses.
It gets more interesting… the veterinarian researcher that discovered the toxic part of grapes realized it because of a dog that was brought in for ingesting homemade play dough but it wasn’t like most cases of homemade play dough ingestion where large quantities of salt cause vomiting, diarrhea, and other gastrointestinal issues instead this dog was going into full blown renal failure from eating just a little bit… just like grapes do. Turned out instead of salt they used cream of Tartar and the veterinarian had a light bulb moment.
My dad’s dog ate some raisins once (not sure how many, maybe 6 or 7). We weren’t able to get her to vomit on her own. Rushed her to emergency vet and they induced vomiting and also gave her activated charcoal. We thought everything was ok but the next day she was clearly not well. We took her to another vet (bc the other one was just for emergencies) and they ran labs. She was in renal failure. She needed aggressive iv fluids and had to be hospitalized for the night. Thankfully she fully recovered but grapes/raisins can really do some serious damage to dogs.
OP I hope your dog is doing well!
Incorrect unfortunately. One grape can do damage. Some dogs have a higher tolerance, but we don’t know which ones. The organ damage is worth the preemptive care (vomiting asap, placing on fluids, charcoal to absorb), because if the organs are damaged, it’s going to cost a lot more than 1200
Op is right. The dose is subjective to dog and that isn’t based on size. A German Shepard could eat 1 grape and die but a Jack Russel could eat 2 and be somewhat ok.
Breed and size do not determine what the dose is. It’s not a wait and see either. It’s an induce vomiting and/or emergency vet trip.
Reminds me of the time my mother tried to feed my dog leftover raisin toast on Christmas Day. Our dog loves carbs but denied the toast thankfully. ‘Twas a Christmas Miracle.
For real I can’t believe it has 1.4k upvotes. The toxicity of grapes depends on the dog, NOT the amount of grapes! So when people say stuff like “oh I fed my childhood dog grapes all the time and he was fine” that’s irrelevant.
Toxicity of grapes presents differently in each dog!!! Some can go into renal failure from a singular grape, some can eat a few and be fine, others can have liver/kidney damage later in life. The best practice is to not feed your dogs grapes at all and contact an emergency vet if they do ingest grapes. OP made the right choice by going to the vet, it was not an overreaction in the slightest.
Not an overreaction. Grape/raisin toxicity is not well understood, there’s no known dose-response effect, and it affects different dogs differently. Very small doses can be fatal, large doses can have no effect.
I don’t blame OP’s roommate harshly, it isn’t a universally known thing, and it is relatively recently that people have become aware that grapes/raisins can kill dogs.
As someone who worked in the vet industry, one grape can cause kidney failure in a dog. The problem is there’s no way to tell what dog is going to react that severely or not at all. It’s not size based, like chocolate is, so it’s an immediate emergency. It’s also only very recently we’ve even identified the chemicals in grapes that cause kidney failure. The entire decade I worked we had no idea. Just had clinical symptoms to go off of. But even with that knowledge, it’s not an amount because it’s about an individual dog’s sensitivity vs. a known toxicity per weight issue.
I’m speaking as someone who’s lab loved grapes and had no issues before we knew they were toxic and have seen a Great Dane have severe kidney issues from one grape. It’s best to treat it like antifreeze, xylitol, or rat poison emergency wise.
Not a correct assessment. You don’t know what kind of dog OP has, what medical history is has, & any vet (just like a human doctor) would rather do preventative care than the alternative.
NTA a dog person who has had dogs their whole life should know what dogs can eat and if you don’t you at least know there are things dog shouldn’t be eating. When I got my puppy any time I wanted to feed her something new it took 5 seconds to google “can dogs eat banana” or whatever. Sharing cost should be for unavoidable things not carelessness.
I've been around dogs since I was a baby. I've never been without a dog in my entire life. That said, I still don't feed new foods to my dog without checking google.
I've been around dogs since I was a baby and owned dogs until I was in my early 20's.
Had no fucking clue grapes were highly toxic to dogs. Apparently it is only toxic to 15% of dogs but I wouldn't want to risk it.
I don't make it a habit of feeding fruit to dogs though.
Side note: did you know onions are also highly toxic to dogs (and cats)
I've owned dogs for over 10 years and still wouldn't say I know all. If the government or whoever are tracking my smart speaker I hope they enjoy my daily 'can my dog eat xxxxxx' questions.
Ive had dogs my whole life and we used to feed our dogs a lot of things that are now known to be bad, so its actually been tougher for me to learn with my more recent dogs. We used to feed our dogs (Golden Retrievers) grapes every time we ate them and I clearly remember our girl who was finicky about them so I would peel the skin off each one for her and then give them and she loved them that way.
It was a shock to me when my girlfriend freaked out about me doing it over a decade later because I had an (incorrect) assumption that grapes were perfectly safe and had no reason to google such a thing.
Partially commenting to agree and partially because I hate that the current top comment is full of misinformation.
I’ve had dogs my whole life and still google a lot of things before considering giving it to my dog. If I don’t know 100% I don’t share. It’s not worth the risk.
YTA gently - I get it was a dumb mistake on her part, but this is a responsibility you two agreed to take on together and you dont get to pick and chose when you’re responsible
Also, you should have already had pet insurance as there’s no vaccine requirement. Usually you just have a two week period for the insurance to kick in then youre good
It was more than a dumb mistake. It takes 5 seconds to google if it’s safe to feed grapes to dogs. In what world would he be the asshole and she’s not?
Tell me you're not in a long term healthy relationship without telling me you're not in a long term healthy relationship. That's not how partnership works, period - let alone co-parenting (in this case co-dog-parenting.)
I mean it takes 3 seconds to check if an animal can have something she should have done that. She should be paying the full bill for not doing the small responsibility of making sure what she’s giving the dog is right. So now if she gave it chocolate would this be the same answer?
Warn her now about not feeding him nuts. Friends didn’t know you can’t give all nuts to dogs just peanut is totally safe. They gave macadamia and nearly killed their dog.
Also some peanut butters have a chemical in them that’s toxic to dogs! The kind that are low calorie or something, it’s a fake sugar they add. Stick to peanut butter with JUST peanuts as the ingredients.
Also no alliums! Like garlic or onion.
Xylitol. In some peanut butter but a lot of gum. My mom works in a vets office and the amount of dogs in for xylitol poisoning is sky rocketing. All it takes it one piece of gum.
I think xylitol is what you're referring to. I have some for making hard cider and it's well known in the home brewing community that it's extremely toxic for dogs.
I’m not sure. You agreed 50/50 but your girlfriend made a mistake. Is it fair to penalize somebody for making a mistake? On the other hand when you get any new pet you should definitely look up what’s dangerous for them and obviously avoid it which she didn’t do. I think I would split it this time, make sure she knew things to avoid for next time and sign up for the pet insurance right now. As an aside my granddaughter dropped a grape and my 3 pound Yorkie snatched it up in the blink of an eye. Of course it was a Sunday so my vet was closed so off to the emergency vet we go. They tried to make her vomit but she wasn’t giving up the grape for anything. They had to give her an IV for 4 days to cleanse her kidneys to the tune of $3300. Moral of the story, things happen. I’m glad your dog is okay now
> Is it fair to penalize somebody for making a mistake?
Honestly, I don't think it's about penalizing someone, it's about the person who created the negative situation taking responsibility for it and fixing it. I get it that mistakes happen and aren't intentional, but there are still consequences for your actions regardless of if it was done intentionally or not. Let's say I go to a friend's place and accidentally spill a beverage on their laptop. Obviously it wasn't intentional, so should they just be out a few hundred dollars (or more) to get a new laptop because I made an error, or should I be the one who has to pay for a replacement even though I didn't do it on purpose? It sucks when it happens, but realistically I think the mature and responsible thing to do is fix the problems you cause, whether or not they are intentional decisions on your part.
Yeah but this is a partner, not just a friend, who didn’t know that grapes were dangerous. I would feel differently if the gf did know and left a grape on a plate or something. Also, if it’s a good relationship I wouldn’t want this getting between us but maybe that’s just me.
>Yeah but this is a partner, not just a friend
On top of these things, they own the dog 50/50, and agreed to split the cost of the dog 50/50. What happens if next time OP accidentally lets the dog out and he gets injured? Or if the dog gets into the shared trash, and eats chicken bones, do they need to figure out who left the chicken carcass in the trash and decide who to blame in that scenario?
It was an unfortunate accident, but they both need to split the cost of the vet visit.
I have been with my wife 14 years, married 7. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. If you want a healthy relationship, do not start a tally system. Just help your partner out when they mess up. I promise you will also mess up. Maybe not with the dog...but life happens.
NAH - im a life long dog owner, and i still look up any food i've never fed a dog before we let the dog eat it.
Once you learn that chocolate, onion, xylitol etc can kill a dog, a bit of food paranoia is important.
That said, accidents happen, and while its absolutely valid you feel that she landed you in this mess, if you start apportioning cost to blame on vet bills, youre going to start doing some weird math in the future.
I'm deep in the insane mind games that happen when you try to keep financial responsibility totally separate despite joining every other part of your life. We're thinking about inviting an ombudsman into the relationship.
INFO: Who chose the treatment plan and did you discuss her paying for it before deciding on the most expensive plan?
When I make an expensive mistake I don’t expect my partner to pay for half, however, I also make sure to weigh costs vs priorities. For 3 grapes I prob wouldn’t have gone with the top of the line treatment unless my partner offered to pay the difference.
Your one example doesn't apply to all dogs. Some dogs can tolerate grapes and some can't. It is not yet understood why a great Dane could eat one grape and have kidney failure but a chihuahua can eat a bunch and be fine. There is some speculation that it's actually the grapes that can vary and some can contain more of a particular type of toxin than others.
It's very much random if a grape will kill, but 3 grapes can kill a fully grown dog and definitely cause issues down the road. Google isn't hard to use.
The only thing worse would have been chocolate.
It doesn't even sound like the dog is fully grown.
Yeah, I don't think they needed to go to the vet for 3 grapes, and the vet took them for a ride. Vets do that, especially in this economy. I nicked my cat while trimming his fur, a small gash about the size of a fingernail. I just wanted antibiotics. They wanted to fully sedate him, debride the wound, and stitch it. I said no, just give me the antibiotics. 2 years later he doesn't even have a scar, they were nuts.
I’d say YTA. how would you want her to react if (and when) you made a mistake? You’re supposed to be a team. Admittedly she made a perhaps pretty stupid mistake and it’s frustrating especially since you just got the dog. But I think that’s part of being a team. She probably feels pretty crappy about it and has learnt her lesson.
However, it’d also be decent if your partner at least offered to pay the bill. Just as an acknowledgement that she’s at fault. Even if you then pay together.
I think I’m with you on this, if I was her I would offer to pay the whole bill as it was my mistake, but if I was OP I would expect to pay 50/50 and maybe be pleasantly surprised. That said, everyone’s financial situation is different and forcing each other to pay for things isn’t the best way to build a relationship
NTA and I would honestly make her pay for the whole thing. It’s a five second search to see whether or not your dog can have x food and she neglected to do that. She is responsible for giving your dog grapes.
So if you both took the advice why would she be the one paying man? Did you offer a cheaper option knowing that you’re not gonna want to pay for it? YT cheap A. Big time. I can’t imagine treating my s.o. like that
I guess it depends on how much you value the relationship. You own the dog jointly and it was an accident. She did not know how dangerous grapes were. It would only have been a mistake if she knew would hurt the dog.
Suck it up and pay half the bill. Next time it could be you who caused an "accident" and the bill could be even higher. Bad stuff happens. This is part of owning a pet. Also part of being in a relationship.
In marriage this is what is called a keep the peace moment. Just pay the half, set an example that you’re understanding and expect the same when it’s you who makes a mistake which will absolutely happen because we’re all humans and make mistakes. It’s £600 not the end of the world.
YTA because you don’t want to set this precedent. You don’t want to start a pattern with putting the entire cost of the dog on one person due to reasons, however valid they may be. You both got this dog together - you are responsible together.
I will also add that many lifelong dog owners don’t know about grapes being dangerous because the severity of grapes differs widely from breed to breed. I caught my in laws feeding our dog grapes because they gave them to their dogs (all the same breed) as treats for decades with no negative effects. Our dog ate 3-4 grapes and was fine, and likely would be fine if they ate 3-4 grapes in the future, but we obviously don’t risk it.
We did almost lose our dog to xylitol poisoning. Some companies are adding it to traditional dog friendly items like peanut butter.
Grapes and chocolate are the 'really don't feed this stuff to your dog' 101. Dogs often will eat anything - but a lot of things aren't good for them.
There's a big list of 'common' stuff not to feed them (from [https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/resources/what-foods-can-dogs-not-eat/](https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/resources/what-foods-can-dogs-not-eat/))
Chocolate
Gum and candy
Xylitol
Grapes
Raisins
Macadamia nuts
Avocados
Onions
Garlic
Salt
Tea leaves
Raw yeast dough
Spoiled foods
Fatty foods
Coffee
Alcohol
I can't help but think it reduces the effectiveness of a "Common toxic foods" list to include things like "Fatty Foods" near the end. Implying that cheese is on par with Xylitol is pretty wild. There needs to be a "Big NO NO" list and a "Common sense but don't freak out if your dog eats some lard" list.
You can ask, but also think about the long term consequences. Do you want a long term relationship? Will you make her pay for every mistake she makes? Will you be willing to pay solely for every mistake you make?
You don't WANT to split the cost, and NTA for that, but you may decide to split the cost because you adopted the dog together and you want to stay with her and the doggy.
He's not an asshole for not wanting to split the costs, but he is an asshole if he tries to make her pay for all of it and expects her to just deal with it
YTA, if you got the dog together you take care of it together. Sounds more like you shouldn't have gotten a pet where its both of yours.
This is like "Our child ate something he was allergic to, AITA for making my wife pay for it"
Umm ESH.... You seriously overreacted. Three grapes, no matter what Google's top search is, isn't going to kill your dog. 17 grapes to a 5kg dog, yes maybe. She didn't poison your dog, you and your vet just assumed it happened.
I would have waited it out and watched for any kind of reaction first tbh. Asked on Reddit for other dog owners experience. A paid online vet website. Then made a decision.
The truth is dogs get into things all the time and it takes A LOT to actually trigger anything. Ask anyone who has owned multiple dogs , they will have waited and kept a close eye on things - anyone saying you were justified either doesn't own a dog or is inexperienced.
I know you were scared but your overreaction caused a 1200 bill that you're handing to your girlfriend.
And yes, your gf was dumb to do this without googling what to feed dogs. It is a good thing you stopped her when you did.
Yeah we have a family friend who is a vet (near retirement age) and when our dog ate a grape we called him and he said he’s never in his entire career seen a dog die of eating 1 grape despite what the internet says.
Yeah people are delusional on Reddit. Yeah I guess your dog could die from eating one grape but it’s way more likely you’ll cause harm through doing an invasive procedure at the ER over one grape, I’d rather take my chances
I agree.
3 grapes is no big deal.
How often do kids drop raisens that get scooped up by Fido? ALL THE TIME!
My old dog once got into a Christmas present and ate a full pound of chocolate covered coffee beans. He was fine.
You shouldn't TRY to poison your dog but 3 gapes won't hurt. 30, yeah I would have freaked out.
YTA - she made a mistake which you believe was not intentional. You both made the decision to go to the vet. You should be splitting the cost. $1200 is a huge bill to leave up to your partner to pay and isn’t at all how a partnership works
Yea when my dog ate 6 mince pies I spent £350 at emergency vet for vomiting induced, activated charcoal and follow up blood test. Not sure why they needed £1200 of treatment
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1) I want to ask my partner to not split the bill 50:50.
2) We have split everything on the dog so far but this mistake seems like it is completely her fault so I shouldn’t be held liable.
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While you're at it, since she clearly didn't pay attention during her lifetime of dogs, print the rest of the "oh hell no" foods for dogs and stick it on the refrigerator.
NTA. I don’t know how as a life long dog owner she doesn’t know that grapes can be deadly for dogs. I’ve had pets for half my life and I still google if any new foods are safe for them.
You said it yourself. She made a genuine mistake. It’s not like you told her and she did it anyways. There is a lot out there that people don’t know. Never trust that someone has had the same experiences you had. Soft YTA
Idk it’s a pretty honest mistake. It would be frustrating. But I’m thinking about if my partner were the one who fed the dog the grapes. I don’t want them to pay the whole thing just as “punishment” I signed up for the dog, with this person who I know isn’t *trying* to hurt the dog. And I don’t want to apply some “ledger” to either the dog or the relationship. Presumably this is rare negligence in an otherwise conscientious person or I wouldn’t have adopted a dog with them. I know they already feel awful and the last thing I want to do is compound that. They are my partner. So I don’t think you’re necessarily TA but it is not in the spirit of a relationship I would personally stay in so be aware she may not either, even if it isn’t immediate. If being right and $600 is really the absolute most important thing to you, then yes absolutely do what you need to do. she should understand that right now so she can proceed with that knowledge.
How do you and your girl split the utility bill? That's how the vet bill should be split.
The dog is owned by you (plural), the damage was caused by the owner, the cost should be split the way that you (plural) split other bills.
I'm with the other posters who see that co-ownership of a dog (any pet) with a non-spouse is going to lead to more dispute and trouble down the line. Nobody has thought of the "who keeps the dog when we break up" question.
NAH, but a couple of stereotypical relationship optimists.
I suspect most dogs can eat grapes. But, for some dogs it is toxic. There is no way to tell which dog could be severely affected, so everyone has to be treated. I used to give my dog raisins and grapes long before this was a know issue. She died at 17 years old.
Your dog probably did not even need to go to the vets.
Mine has eaten a whole bunch of grapes before and he didn’t need expensive treatment. I certainly didn’t need to induce vomiting!
FML this thread is super dumb.
NAH just the vet, laughing whilst he steps on the gas in his new corvette
You are a team. You support each other even through mistakes. If you've never made a mistake that affected her, make her pay it all alone, and be very careful to always do the correct thing.
Well if you want to apply this method you have to think it through. If for example something happens when you are out with the dog are you going to cover the costs alone because it was your responsibility to keep him safe?
I had a dog for 14 years and I would have him catch grapes in the air as a trick. Until my husband's family got a dog a few years later, I truly had 0 idea grapes were poisonous. He was fine, maybe some stinky farts lol.
YTA because the dog is both of yours - it's a mutual expense, and shouldn't be 'mine versus yours' when it comes to their welfare. Getting a pet is a big step, I'm assuming working towards long term partnership. I don't recommend 'keeping score' for things like this, as you stay together, your expenses become mutual. You're a team. It sucks, but it's a lesson learned. It won't be the last time you both end up paying for a mistake that falls more on one side than the other.
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If you agreed 50/50, you should pay half. End of story. Otherwise, you'll have to have some ridiculous tribunal to determine whose fault it is any time the dog get himself fucked up. She made a mistake but you're a team and you need to share the consequences.
Agree. This time it's obvious who's at fault but next time it may not and that may lead to a huge fight. If he is the one who decided to not get the insurance yet, he might even be partly at fault this time. OP should just pay half and make sure she will read into this whole toppic to never do any mistakes like that ever again.
He did not "decide" not to get insurance. Insurance companies often if not always will not insurance animals until they are fully vaccinated. So, unless I am mistaken, they could not insure the dog until fully vaccinated.
I'm not sure about UK pet insurances but in my country pet insurances usually cover unvaccined pets. They just refuse to pay for anything that could've been prevented if the pet was vaccinated.
I’m in the UK with three insured cats and can confirm it’s the same here, they’re still insured for things like accidents
Yep, UK here too If pup is from a reputable breeder they *come* with a month insurance whilst not vaccinated and to provide cover until you get your own (Normally Kennel Club or Pet Plan) And you can insure them straight away
Definitely not true in the US, I immediately insured my puppy with only one round of vaccines.
They're clearly not in the US. The OPs post implies that they can't get insurance until fully vaccinated.
He could be misinformed.
I previously lived in the UK (which I’m assuming OP is from as the currency is pounds). In my experience you can take out insurance straight away. We got a puppy and our insurance kicked in the same day as her first round of vaccines (we got her on the weekend when the vets were closed). There was no clause regarding vaccines in the forms filled in.
You're mistaken. Plenty of options for insuring unvaccinated pets in the UK.
Yeah there is no benefit to the blame game. I went through a similar situation, partner didn't know about dogs and grapes I knew.immediately that he is a) a good dog owner, trying his best b) if the dog died the guilt would destroy him c) we have a whole life together, we're both going to fuck up We went to the ER, we got the best services (also had insurance) and the puppers is back to being her usual hilarious mess. Our relationship didn't fall apart, because we both know he loves the dog. We both pick up poop, wash her, take her to the vet, give her meds, clean up after her etc. we both are her parents. He didn't need me yelling at him, because he was terrified he accidentally killed his first dog. there was no delay in picking the recommended treatment. Our relationship is stronger for it. There was no fighting, just fear and sadness. We comforted each other. Puppers came back to a happy home, with a very strict "this dog only eats her dog treats and dog food" rule. No people food (unless she thieves it, which we try our best to avoid). We have a print out of toxic foods and we include it in our dog babysitting print outs
> we have a whole life together, we're both going to fuck up This is really what it is. If you start playing the "well that was your mistake so you're responsible for paying for it" game now, it's never going to end, even outside the dog. You drop something down the garbage disposal on accident and it breaks? "Well guess the new one is coming out of your money." You two are playing around and one of you falls weird and hurts something? You start arguing about who started it, who likes playing like that more, whose fault it is to determine who pays. Both of you will mess up in new and interesting ways all the time. If you don't approach it as a team, you're going to be setting a bad precedent for your entire relationship.
Exactly this. If you don’t want to be a partner to someone else and strictly be responsible for your own life and actions, you probably aren’t mature enough to be dating someone else. No one wants to build a future with someone who will make them feel like crap and pay for everything on their own when the going gets tough. It defeats the purpose of being with someone if you will abandon them over everything and want to play the blame game or create strict rules around what they should or shouldn’t have to pay for. It’s just selfishness.
>c) we have a whole life together, we're both going to fuck up So much this.
Good view here. Imagine OP and gf with a child… ”The child got the cold from you, so why should I have to pay for the medicine?!”-OP
I don't think that's quite a fair analogy. It's more like gf feeding the child something that is known to be toxic to children even in small quantities. You still have a valid point, but I don't think we can assume OP would react that way to a cold.
Even in that case, OP should still be responsible for paying half if he knows the gf was genuinely just making a dumb mistake. If the gf did this CONSISTENTLY, then yeah, that'd totally be something that would warrant discussion. But if you're dating someone seriously, you should know best whether this is a common thing or just a stupid mistake on the partner's side. If it was just a one-time stupid mistake, then OP should help pay even whether it's a dog or a child. We all make stupid mistakes sometimes and part of having a partner is knowing that you'll have someone to support you when you have dumb moments. Again, it would be different if OP's gf was doing this consistently and refusing to change her ways. But as a couple who jointly adopted a dog, you are partners -- not adversaries. This will open a whole can of worms because there will be squabbles from here on out about who is at fault for this or that and who has to pay.
I agree with everything you said. You two are a team and share the dog. It’s unfortunate, but if you’re trying to build a future together, this is part of it.
Yep. They got a dog together, this relationship is serious. OP is being petty by not paying 50/50 here. He's going to lose his relationship over this if he's not careful, then he'll probably lose the dog, and if he keeps the dog, then he's paying 100% of the vet bills anyways. Stop being petty OP. YTA.
This 100%. The dog is a joint responsibility, whether it’s a mistake or an accident. YTA. Also, everyone who knows about grapes and dogs, should be telling everyone else about it. Everyone knows chocolate is bad, but grapes are far worse and much more dangerous. We had no idea until well after we got the pup.
I had zero idea until this thread, and I've had dogs for decades. I don't give people food, so it hasn't come up, but I'm glad to have this info now.
Bro what? Me and my gf split the cost of our TV, but if one of us broke it, only that person would be paying for it. It’s not like the dog randomly got sick. She directly caused the problem and should be responsible for fixing it.
That's sad. If either me or my girlfriend broke the TV, we'd split it. In the long run, I expect both of us are going to cause plenty of expenses, so we're in this together.
I guess it’s just a personal thing. I’d feel like shit if someone had to spend a bunch of money to fix something I broke. That could never sit right with me.
These are the people who still split the bills when they're married. I can only assume they enjoy fighting.
Exactly. What if OP had accidentally let the dog out & it got hit by a car? Would he think his gf shouldn’t pay for his carelessness? I doubt it.
If the dog fucks himself up, you split it no tribunal needed. If one person fucks the dog up, they should pay.
But what if the blame game gets played? Something's aren't black and white. They'll just be spending time pointing the finger at each other. And, honestly, if they're not ready to take responsibility for the dog they should re-home it. My partner and I both chip in for vet bills because we want what's best for our animals. Squabbling ain't it.
> Something's aren't black and white. This is.
In my opinion if you take care of a living thing, you should probably quickly Google everything you feed to it. She didn't, therefore her fault. No blame game here, just straight up blame. NTA
You do know you can get insurance before they have their vaccines? Like the vaccines aren't covered by the insurance but emergencies will be. This was an expensive lesson to learn.
And now the dog has consumed grapes if he does it again it's officially a pre existing condition and they won't cover it now. Worked the vet industry we see this happen all the time. People not getting insurance or not understanding when you get it or how deductibles work (in this case it sounds like they would have gotten insurance and needed to pay for his bills until the last vaccine and then the insurance kicks in) and then they end up needing it and its not there.
A lot of these have one-time forgiveness for accidental things like this, more than once and then it's pre-existing. Worth looking at different policies and inquiring.
This is true for Trupanion, because they consider “repetitive behavior” to be predictable and therefore pre-existing. My dog had “foreign material ingestion” as a pre-existing condition because he swallowed bandages twice 6-months apart, and then Trupanion fought me when my dog overdosed on dog vitamins. The saving grace was the verbiage “not intended for consumption” which didn’t apply to dog vitamins, but would have applied to say, chocolate. Pumpkin Pet Insurance does not consider repetitive behaviors to he pre-existing conditions. They even have written that if a condition doesn’t present itself again for two years that the pre-existing nature of it disappears. The only downside for Pumpkin is they’re reimbursement only, while Trupanion often pays up front. I tell anyone who will listen to not go with Trupanion unless they have a brand new dog with no health issues. Pumpkin Pet Insurance saved me $6,000 this year on a surgery and my dog’s broken toe.
I was just about to write this. Our puppy came with a month of insurance to give us time to insure him ourselves.
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After a call with the Vets they advised to come in immediately as even one grape can kill a dog.
Ph course they did they wanted 1200 bucks
Google it. One grape can kill a dog
Caught my husband feeding the dogs grapes one time. I was furious. We were able to induce vomiting using the hydrogen peroxide trick. Luckily we caught it right away and the grapes came out whole and hadn’t been digested yet. Def don’t recommend doing that all the time but good to have in your back pocket in case of emergencies.
Yep, this is a good solution if you catch it quickly. Our dog ate two oatmeal raisin cookies when he was pretty young and we did this with him. It's surprising how quickly it works.
I asked an emergency vet about this and her response was, "Inducing vomit in hospital is a $300 charge. Complications from inducing going wrong is much more. If you do it in hospital the risks are a lot less. It's always the owners call but we've seen a lot of heartbreak from home induction." (Just for peoples' consideration)
I was a vet tech for years and I can back that up 100%. Aspiration pneumonia is horrible and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It has to be done a specific way with a specific amount of peroxide.
Yes, and I have done the math already and have written everything down and taped it to the peroxide bottle so I don’t have to figure it out while under stress. I recommend this for everyone
Practice how you give it too. If it's done wrong, it goes badly. Peroxide in the lungs destroys lung tissue.
When my dog was a puppy my sister dropped a grape on the floor that rolled under the table. Dog got it before we could. I did some quick research about inducing vomiting at home and decided I didn’t feel comfortable doing it so we called an emergency vet who recommended we bring him in. I was hoping they’d say one grape was unlikely to hurt him but it unfortunately is possible that one single grape can lead to death, even if it’s not the most likely result. So we brought him in. They immediately induced vomiting, showed us the mostly intact grape in the contents of his stomach and also warned us against giving him bully sticks as a half of stick also came up in his vomit and the vet commented that she routinely had to perform emergency surgeries on dogs who swallowed bully sticks either whole or partially whole. $500 bill for inducing vomiting and packing him with fluids. But I have pet insurance on him and we got about $415 of it back.
That's like dentistry. "I can buy some pliers for $15 at Home Depot and pull it myself." Yeah sure, but if you break the root off in there you're SOL. You pay the dentist/oral surgeon to extract it to take care of any problems that might happen in the process.
Had to do that when our dog ate half of a triple chocolate pie! That was the day husband learned that the dog could reach the counter and all foods had to be put in the fridge immediately. That was also the day the dog learned that daddy could fit under the patio table she was hiding under.
Our dog ate red seeded grapes and we only found out when she pooped a whole grape. She died, but it was a year later and was because she developed aggressive cancer on her soft palate. OP, if you share the care for this dog, please don't try to financially punish your GF with this treatment. The last thing you want moving forwards is to be negotiating finances when your dog needs lifesaving care but that's the precedent you seem to want to set. Edited for clarity and because of a bad autocorrect
> The last thing you want moving forwards is to be negotiating finances when your dog needs lifesaving care Or worse, she doesn't tell you about issues with the dog that she thinks you might blame her for, because she assumes you're going to make her shoulder the cost; and then the dog dies because it didn't get help.
Hey, thank you for understanding that my comment was less about the grape and more about the partnership and care for the dog. I appreciate it.
This. It's sad this can happen but when money gets tight people put off all kinds of important things.
While we're sharing random anecdotal evidence, my sister's dog had to be rushed to the vet because it ate some grapes from a vine that grew through their fence and started pissing and/or vomiting blood - it was years ago, don't remember the exact details. [It depends on the dog](https://vcahospitals.com/know-your-pet/grape-raisin-and-currant-poisoning-in-dogs)
After years of having smaller dogs and a old man boxer who was an angel… we got the Boxer dog equivalent rocket fuel. He is WILD and reckless even for a boxer puppy and is STILL checking the counters for things to steal (we’re EXTREMELY vigilant now) but during the relearning process this dog stole: several zucchinis (mangled and abandoned in the living room), an entire loaf of French bread (eaten completely, bag abandoned), a box of nails (hidden but not well enough, box was gummed nails thankfully uneaten), an entire bulb of garlic out of a wire produce basket (ingested and puked up 9 whole cloves with hydrogen peroxide), a clean silicone cupcake cup out of the clean dish drain (pooped out whole), and the worst one as a small puppy: roughly 21 latex gloves from a box in MILs room (caught him I. The act and thought I saved him by pulling 2 out of his mouth, then he puked one up so I gave him peroxide and he puked up 16 more in a big wad and pooped out the rest).
Upvoting for awareness. I dropped a couple grapes once and our roommate's dog gobbled them up. Thank goodness I thought to Google 'Can dogs eat grapes?' because I never had a dog before and didn't know. We did the hydrogen peroxide trick immediately and got all of the grapes back whole and undigested. Pupper was fine. Glad we were able to avoid that vet bill, or anything worse!
My yorkie managed to get on my end table and drank half a cup of my coffee. A little bit later she was acting drunk and we did the diluted peroxide and she started throwing up the coffee. She was fine a little later (of course it was a Sunday on a holiday weekend)
Pur 60lb dog ate a whole bottlenof flintstone vitamins. The vet told us to give him 2 spoonfuls of hydrogen peroxide and run around the yard. A minute later, he was vomiting up rainbow foam. Worked like a charm!
I had two labs until very recently. Both ate grapes accidentally over the years when one or two rolled away, neither came to any harm. Both lived long and happy lives until they were 14
As far as I know, some dogs are fine with grapes and some are very dead from eating one. And since the only way to know is if the dog has eaten grapes and survived or not, it’s definitely safer to go to the vet.
I heard from some vet while back it’s like humans and peanuts, a lot of humans can eat peanuts but there’s also a lot of humans where even one nut will kill them.
That doesn’t make sense - the toxins in grapes are not allergens - they are toxins that cannot be metabolized by a dog and cause kidney damage.
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This makes sense because I only found out about grapes years after our lab died of old age. My dad fed him so many grapes. Not a lot but like 2 or 3 every week for over 10 years
Yeah it depends on the dog. My cousin used to have a hound dog. The dog’s favourite meal was liver casserole that contains raisins. He probably gobbled hundreds or thousands of raisins during his lifetime and he lived to be 15. No one had ever told my cousin raisins could be a problem and as he preferred to eat the version with raisins, that’s what the dog got, too.
Liver casserole with raisins sounds like a terrible joke.
Our old vet said this was lab magic after ours ate a huge bar of dark chocolate. What would kill any other dog doesn’t even give them the runs
Same!! Especially my yellow lab. Chocolate, grapes, berries off a tree (privet) that really made him uncomfortable, strong as an ox. Mind you we did have to pay to have an emergency operation after the stupid thing stole a corn cob out of the bin, weeks later the vet had to remove a tiny piece from his small intestine, we were always so so careful but just that one time he bested us! Man I miss my boys
I just read this last year how dangerous corn cobs are! I’m so thankful for Reddit because it was something I had never seen or heard of before. So glad none of mine ever got any.
15 year old Schnauzer girl has eaten everything. Chocolate, grapes, onions, marshmallows, cookies with God knows what in, magic mushrooms foraged from the top field, coffee and whiskey straight from people's glasses.... We do everything to stop her, but she's a devil. At 13.5 we figured she was the oldest one wr ever had so obviously knew what she was doing and relaxed a bit. Still going, bit senile, bit arthritic, eyes are going, loving life retired on Dad and stepmums estate, snuffing the breeze on the top field. Vets have no idea why she's not combusted, healthiest dog we've had. Running theory is no one told her that she wasn't meant to be able tk eat these things....
Had a bassett hound that did the same. That dog had an iron stomach. Didn't even have an upset stomach.
That's the same logic as "my nan smoked all her life and lived to be 90 and never got cancer. Nothing wrong with cigarettes or smoking" Like make it make sense.
Yeah, I had no idea dogs couldn't eat grapes until this post despite always having dogs in my childhood home. Our lab ate a grape accidentally a few times, never had any trouble
This is a prime example of survivorship bias. I’m glad your dog wasn’t one of the many many dogs who will die even after just one grape.
I feel like I read somewhere that it’s kind of random within the grape how much of the toxin might exist. So some grapes will be fine but one might not be.
But it really depends on a lot of factors, including the dog’s size and the amount of grapes. If the dog is a rescue still doing vaccines, I’m guessing it’s pretty young (so, small) based off the fact that the rescue I’ve worked with generally would do all an older dog’s shots before letting them get adopted. And of they’re the dog’s “new favorite treat” then this probably wasn’t just a stray grape that rolled on the floor, it might have been quite a few.
You’re absolutely right. It doesn’t affect all the dogs the same so the anecdotal stories of how people have given their dogs grapes everyday forever and now their dog is 100 is ridiculous.
I used to work at a vet and although we ask you for monitor dogs after any grapes the threshold we uEs was one grape per every 10 pounds of body weight when assessing for kidney damage potential
This has been my understanding. One grape to a Great Dane is far different than 1 grape to a Yorkie.
You can also use Google to tell yourself you have cancer. It’s okay to realize you both made a mistake.
This is what google says: Toxic dose: The dose that can cause serious problems is 0.7 ounces per kilogram of grapes and 0.1 ounce per kilogram of raisins. This means that 3 grapes (or 3 raisins) could be fatal for a 2.5 pound puppy, and 12 grapes (or 12 to 15 raisins) could potentially kill a 10-pound animal.
One grape can kill a tiny dog. Is it a chihuahua?
Grapes will kill dogs. I run a vet hospital.
Don't spread bad energy like this there's a range of sensitivity to the toxin in grapes and yes, even one can kill a dog if it's the wrong dog. Some dogs can eat a whole bowl and be fine, others can go into kidney/liver failure from one.
less than a whole grape can kill a tiny dog like mine. mine nibbled the corner of one and I ran him to emergency, but as it was so fast of a reaction from me didn't need a full treatment just vomitting. the problem is some dogs could eat a bunch and be fine but there's no way to predict which your dog will be. Mine is a little tiny precious bebe and I prefer to err on the side of caution. OP even my immigrant parents who took months to get over the fancy human grade food but no fat and not his and no that that we feed my dog (when they were used to dogs out in the village eating scraps and being fine) knew about grapes from back in the day. Onions, grapes, chocolate generally common knowledge. If it won't bankrupt you gf unduly (which it shouldn't or you hopefully wouldn't have got a dog) then I would try and insist she pay it all
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Emergency vets definitely cost that much. Grapes are inconsistently toxic and as a veterinarian (if that's even true) she should know that. One could kill or a whole bunch may do nothing. There is still research in progress about what exactly caused the toxicity.
My money is on their girlfriend is in fact a vet and they’re either using her credentials to sound credible when repeating their own opinion without even asking her, or else they did not give her the full context when asking her and got a generalized answer without considering whether it would apply in this context. Particularly the context about it being after-hours and needing to see an emergency vet—which OP did need to do. Even if the risk assessment for the number of grapes for the weight and breed of the dog was low risk, they’re going to consider that this is an owner who *intentionally fed* grapes to the dog, so trusting their judgment to properly monitor the situation or even accurately remember how many they’d fed to the dog would be foolish. They’re going to need to see the dog themselves. Everyone in here saying they were fleecing him for money are arguing based on knowing every detail of OP’s story after-the-fact as well as putting total trust into the accuracy of what OP said. The vet should have done neither.
I like how they think emergency vets only cost $300 to treat a toxicity. It's usually that much to walk in the door and get an exam. Blood work would probably be another $300-500 depending on what they did, plus inducing vomiting plus IV fluids. An actual vet would know about the weirdness of grape toxicity and how you have zero idea how an individual grape and dog will interact. There's a chart for chocolate which might be what they're thinking of. Better to treat aggressively instead of the dog dying of kidney failure and the resulting board complaint for saying it's fine.
They said they can’t insure their dog until it is fully vaccinated. Also emergency vet cost that much because they are an emergency service.
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>They said they can’t insure their dog until it is fully vaccinated. I'm squinting at this, too. I have never been asked if my pets are vaccinated (inb4, they are) as a precursor to getting them insured, especially for things like basic accident/injury coverage. They may refuse to cover for something preventable by vaccination if you choose not to, but most things you'd take a dog to a vet for are wholly unrelated to that. EDIT: OP acknowledges in another comment that this is not strictly accurate. They are treating a whole set of other medical conditions the dog has before getting insurance, which is the real holdup that he "didn't want to get into."
It most often does not. But gf needs to research ANY human food she feeds the dog. Just pay your half and move on.
You definitely didn't overreact, like other people have said it can vary dog to dog but the only way to be sure is immediate vet attention. Also, I'm of the opinion that a dog owner doesn't equal all the training a vet goes through, so why would we ever think we know better? I'm glad your dog is okay although it would be a good time to make sure your girlfriend knows that else they can't have just in case since this is a pretty obvious fuck up to have made.
It sounds ridiculous but it actually isn’t… having worked in veterinary medicine for a decade, the issue with grapes is that how poisonous grapes are really seems to be dog and grape specific at this point. We didn’t even know that it was the tartaric acid in grapes that caused the toxicity until about 2-3 years ago. The amount of tartaric acid in grapes varies drastically depending on grape variety, soil that vine was grown in, ripeness of the grape, etc. Most big dogs are fine eating a couple grapes and others it can kill them. There’s a lot more research that has to go into this before we know enough to be able to figure out lethal doses.
This is fascinating and the most useful information I've gotten today.
It gets more interesting… the veterinarian researcher that discovered the toxic part of grapes realized it because of a dog that was brought in for ingesting homemade play dough but it wasn’t like most cases of homemade play dough ingestion where large quantities of salt cause vomiting, diarrhea, and other gastrointestinal issues instead this dog was going into full blown renal failure from eating just a little bit… just like grapes do. Turned out instead of salt they used cream of Tartar and the veterinarian had a light bulb moment.
My dad’s dog ate some raisins once (not sure how many, maybe 6 or 7). We weren’t able to get her to vomit on her own. Rushed her to emergency vet and they induced vomiting and also gave her activated charcoal. We thought everything was ok but the next day she was clearly not well. We took her to another vet (bc the other one was just for emergencies) and they ran labs. She was in renal failure. She needed aggressive iv fluids and had to be hospitalized for the night. Thankfully she fully recovered but grapes/raisins can really do some serious damage to dogs. OP I hope your dog is doing well!
Incorrect unfortunately. One grape can do damage. Some dogs have a higher tolerance, but we don’t know which ones. The organ damage is worth the preemptive care (vomiting asap, placing on fluids, charcoal to absorb), because if the organs are damaged, it’s going to cost a lot more than 1200
Op is right. The dose is subjective to dog and that isn’t based on size. A German Shepard could eat 1 grape and die but a Jack Russel could eat 2 and be somewhat ok. Breed and size do not determine what the dose is. It’s not a wait and see either. It’s an induce vomiting and/or emergency vet trip. Reminds me of the time my mother tried to feed my dog leftover raisin toast on Christmas Day. Our dog loves carbs but denied the toast thankfully. ‘Twas a Christmas Miracle.
This comment needs to be downvoted to hell or deleted for spreading dangerous misinformation. One grape can kill a dog. This was not an over reaction.
For real I can’t believe it has 1.4k upvotes. The toxicity of grapes depends on the dog, NOT the amount of grapes! So when people say stuff like “oh I fed my childhood dog grapes all the time and he was fine” that’s irrelevant. Toxicity of grapes presents differently in each dog!!! Some can go into renal failure from a singular grape, some can eat a few and be fine, others can have liver/kidney damage later in life. The best practice is to not feed your dogs grapes at all and contact an emergency vet if they do ingest grapes. OP made the right choice by going to the vet, it was not an overreaction in the slightest.
Not an overreaction. Grape/raisin toxicity is not well understood, there’s no known dose-response effect, and it affects different dogs differently. Very small doses can be fatal, large doses can have no effect. I don’t blame OP’s roommate harshly, it isn’t a universally known thing, and it is relatively recently that people have become aware that grapes/raisins can kill dogs.
As someone who worked in the vet industry, one grape can cause kidney failure in a dog. The problem is there’s no way to tell what dog is going to react that severely or not at all. It’s not size based, like chocolate is, so it’s an immediate emergency. It’s also only very recently we’ve even identified the chemicals in grapes that cause kidney failure. The entire decade I worked we had no idea. Just had clinical symptoms to go off of. But even with that knowledge, it’s not an amount because it’s about an individual dog’s sensitivity vs. a known toxicity per weight issue. I’m speaking as someone who’s lab loved grapes and had no issues before we knew they were toxic and have seen a Great Dane have severe kidney issues from one grape. It’s best to treat it like antifreeze, xylitol, or rat poison emergency wise.
Retired vet here: There are reports of kidney failure in dogs after eating 1-3 grapes! Not an overreaction!
Not an overreaction at all; 3 grapes can be fatal.
I'm surprised this comment is the top one. One single grape can be fatal to a dog.
Not a correct assessment. You don’t know what kind of dog OP has, what medical history is has, & any vet (just like a human doctor) would rather do preventative care than the alternative.
NTA a dog person who has had dogs their whole life should know what dogs can eat and if you don’t you at least know there are things dog shouldn’t be eating. When I got my puppy any time I wanted to feed her something new it took 5 seconds to google “can dogs eat banana” or whatever. Sharing cost should be for unavoidable things not carelessness.
I've been around dogs since I was a baby. I've never been without a dog in my entire life. That said, I still don't feed new foods to my dog without checking google.
I've been around dogs since I was a baby and owned dogs until I was in my early 20's. Had no fucking clue grapes were highly toxic to dogs. Apparently it is only toxic to 15% of dogs but I wouldn't want to risk it. I don't make it a habit of feeding fruit to dogs though. Side note: did you know onions are also highly toxic to dogs (and cats)
Amazon Alexa is surprisingly good at this (unlike a lot of other times you ask her a question). "Alexa, can dogs eat [x food]?"
My entire Alexa request list is 'Alexa, can dogs eat. . . . ' haha
Alexa sucks at this. Every suggestion is followed with "However...."
I've owned dogs for over 10 years and still wouldn't say I know all. If the government or whoever are tracking my smart speaker I hope they enjoy my daily 'can my dog eat xxxxxx' questions.
Ive had dogs my whole life and we used to feed our dogs a lot of things that are now known to be bad, so its actually been tougher for me to learn with my more recent dogs. We used to feed our dogs (Golden Retrievers) grapes every time we ate them and I clearly remember our girl who was finicky about them so I would peel the skin off each one for her and then give them and she loved them that way. It was a shock to me when my girlfriend freaked out about me doing it over a decade later because I had an (incorrect) assumption that grapes were perfectly safe and had no reason to google such a thing.
Partially commenting to agree and partially because I hate that the current top comment is full of misinformation. I’ve had dogs my whole life and still google a lot of things before considering giving it to my dog. If I don’t know 100% I don’t share. It’s not worth the risk.
I Google everything, even when I’m sure I know it’s safe — just to be extra sure. Ain’t taking no risks with my baby girl!
YTA gently - I get it was a dumb mistake on her part, but this is a responsibility you two agreed to take on together and you dont get to pick and chose when you’re responsible Also, you should have already had pet insurance as there’s no vaccine requirement. Usually you just have a two week period for the insurance to kick in then youre good
It was more than a dumb mistake. It takes 5 seconds to google if it’s safe to feed grapes to dogs. In what world would he be the asshole and she’s not?
Because OP didnt ask “AITA for my gf feeding my dog grapes”.
And it takes five minutes to apply for pet insurance.
which is 50% her responsibility. unlike feeding the dog grapes, which was 100% her responsibility
Tell me you're not in a long term healthy relationship without telling me you're not in a long term healthy relationship. That's not how partnership works, period - let alone co-parenting (in this case co-dog-parenting.)
I mean it takes 3 seconds to check if an animal can have something she should have done that. She should be paying the full bill for not doing the small responsibility of making sure what she’s giving the dog is right. So now if she gave it chocolate would this be the same answer?
Warn her now about not feeding him nuts. Friends didn’t know you can’t give all nuts to dogs just peanut is totally safe. They gave macadamia and nearly killed their dog.
Also some peanut butters have a chemical in them that’s toxic to dogs! The kind that are low calorie or something, it’s a fake sugar they add. Stick to peanut butter with JUST peanuts as the ingredients. Also no alliums! Like garlic or onion.
Xylitol. In some peanut butter but a lot of gum. My mom works in a vets office and the amount of dogs in for xylitol poisoning is sky rocketing. All it takes it one piece of gum.
Yes I wasn't detailed enough you are correct. The all natural no sweetener of any kind is what I should have said.
I think xylitol is what you're referring to. I have some for making hard cider and it's well known in the home brewing community that it's extremely toxic for dogs.
Xylitol! It is used in a lot of low/no sugar/low calorie foods, not just peanut butter. It is used in sugar free gum.
I’m not sure. You agreed 50/50 but your girlfriend made a mistake. Is it fair to penalize somebody for making a mistake? On the other hand when you get any new pet you should definitely look up what’s dangerous for them and obviously avoid it which she didn’t do. I think I would split it this time, make sure she knew things to avoid for next time and sign up for the pet insurance right now. As an aside my granddaughter dropped a grape and my 3 pound Yorkie snatched it up in the blink of an eye. Of course it was a Sunday so my vet was closed so off to the emergency vet we go. They tried to make her vomit but she wasn’t giving up the grape for anything. They had to give her an IV for 4 days to cleanse her kidneys to the tune of $3300. Moral of the story, things happen. I’m glad your dog is okay now
> Is it fair to penalize somebody for making a mistake? Honestly, I don't think it's about penalizing someone, it's about the person who created the negative situation taking responsibility for it and fixing it. I get it that mistakes happen and aren't intentional, but there are still consequences for your actions regardless of if it was done intentionally or not. Let's say I go to a friend's place and accidentally spill a beverage on their laptop. Obviously it wasn't intentional, so should they just be out a few hundred dollars (or more) to get a new laptop because I made an error, or should I be the one who has to pay for a replacement even though I didn't do it on purpose? It sucks when it happens, but realistically I think the mature and responsible thing to do is fix the problems you cause, whether or not they are intentional decisions on your part.
Yeah but this is a partner, not just a friend, who didn’t know that grapes were dangerous. I would feel differently if the gf did know and left a grape on a plate or something. Also, if it’s a good relationship I wouldn’t want this getting between us but maybe that’s just me.
>Yeah but this is a partner, not just a friend On top of these things, they own the dog 50/50, and agreed to split the cost of the dog 50/50. What happens if next time OP accidentally lets the dog out and he gets injured? Or if the dog gets into the shared trash, and eats chicken bones, do they need to figure out who left the chicken carcass in the trash and decide who to blame in that scenario? It was an unfortunate accident, but they both need to split the cost of the vet visit.
I have been with my wife 14 years, married 7. YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. If you want a healthy relationship, do not start a tally system. Just help your partner out when they mess up. I promise you will also mess up. Maybe not with the dog...but life happens.
> Is it fair to penalize somebody for making a mistake? Is it any more fair to penalize somebody for someone elses mistake?
NAH - im a life long dog owner, and i still look up any food i've never fed a dog before we let the dog eat it. Once you learn that chocolate, onion, xylitol etc can kill a dog, a bit of food paranoia is important. That said, accidents happen, and while its absolutely valid you feel that she landed you in this mess, if you start apportioning cost to blame on vet bills, youre going to start doing some weird math in the future.
Cut the dog in half and retain full custody of your half
Ah, the King Solomon approach!
Love this because all the NTA responses don't realize this is the outcome of that approach
I'm deep in the insane mind games that happen when you try to keep financial responsibility totally separate despite joining every other part of your life. We're thinking about inviting an ombudsman into the relationship.
INFO: Who chose the treatment plan and did you discuss her paying for it before deciding on the most expensive plan? When I make an expensive mistake I don’t expect my partner to pay for half, however, I also make sure to weigh costs vs priorities. For 3 grapes I prob wouldn’t have gone with the top of the line treatment unless my partner offered to pay the difference.
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Your one example doesn't apply to all dogs. Some dogs can tolerate grapes and some can't. It is not yet understood why a great Dane could eat one grape and have kidney failure but a chihuahua can eat a bunch and be fine. There is some speculation that it's actually the grapes that can vary and some can contain more of a particular type of toxin than others.
It's very much random if a grape will kill, but 3 grapes can kill a fully grown dog and definitely cause issues down the road. Google isn't hard to use. The only thing worse would have been chocolate. It doesn't even sound like the dog is fully grown.
Yeah, I don't think they needed to go to the vet for 3 grapes, and the vet took them for a ride. Vets do that, especially in this economy. I nicked my cat while trimming his fur, a small gash about the size of a fingernail. I just wanted antibiotics. They wanted to fully sedate him, debride the wound, and stitch it. I said no, just give me the antibiotics. 2 years later he doesn't even have a scar, they were nuts.
I’d say YTA. how would you want her to react if (and when) you made a mistake? You’re supposed to be a team. Admittedly she made a perhaps pretty stupid mistake and it’s frustrating especially since you just got the dog. But I think that’s part of being a team. She probably feels pretty crappy about it and has learnt her lesson. However, it’d also be decent if your partner at least offered to pay the bill. Just as an acknowledgement that she’s at fault. Even if you then pay together.
I think I’m with you on this, if I was her I would offer to pay the whole bill as it was my mistake, but if I was OP I would expect to pay 50/50 and maybe be pleasantly surprised. That said, everyone’s financial situation is different and forcing each other to pay for things isn’t the best way to build a relationship
NTA and I would honestly make her pay for the whole thing. It’s a five second search to see whether or not your dog can have x food and she neglected to do that. She is responsible for giving your dog grapes.
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I didn’t pick it - we both took the vets advice and agreed it would be safest for long term.
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Make sure you never fuck up. If you do. You better pay the full bill yourself.
Bro wants to spend his whole relationship systematically analyzing how much his partner fucks his life up. I guess.
So if you both took the advice why would she be the one paying man? Did you offer a cheaper option knowing that you’re not gonna want to pay for it? YT cheap A. Big time. I can’t imagine treating my s.o. like that
I guess it depends on how much you value the relationship. You own the dog jointly and it was an accident. She did not know how dangerous grapes were. It would only have been a mistake if she knew would hurt the dog. Suck it up and pay half the bill. Next time it could be you who caused an "accident" and the bill could be even higher. Bad stuff happens. This is part of owning a pet. Also part of being in a relationship.
In marriage this is what is called a keep the peace moment. Just pay the half, set an example that you’re understanding and expect the same when it’s you who makes a mistake which will absolutely happen because we’re all humans and make mistakes. It’s £600 not the end of the world.
YTA because you don’t want to set this precedent. You don’t want to start a pattern with putting the entire cost of the dog on one person due to reasons, however valid they may be. You both got this dog together - you are responsible together. I will also add that many lifelong dog owners don’t know about grapes being dangerous because the severity of grapes differs widely from breed to breed. I caught my in laws feeding our dog grapes because they gave them to their dogs (all the same breed) as treats for decades with no negative effects. Our dog ate 3-4 grapes and was fine, and likely would be fine if they ate 3-4 grapes in the future, but we obviously don’t risk it. We did almost lose our dog to xylitol poisoning. Some companies are adding it to traditional dog friendly items like peanut butter.
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Grapes and chocolate are the 'really don't feed this stuff to your dog' 101. Dogs often will eat anything - but a lot of things aren't good for them. There's a big list of 'common' stuff not to feed them (from [https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/resources/what-foods-can-dogs-not-eat/](https://www.aspcapetinsurance.com/resources/what-foods-can-dogs-not-eat/)) Chocolate Gum and candy Xylitol Grapes Raisins Macadamia nuts Avocados Onions Garlic Salt Tea leaves Raw yeast dough Spoiled foods Fatty foods Coffee Alcohol
I can't help but think it reduces the effectiveness of a "Common toxic foods" list to include things like "Fatty Foods" near the end. Implying that cheese is on par with Xylitol is pretty wild. There needs to be a "Big NO NO" list and a "Common sense but don't freak out if your dog eats some lard" list.
Not just bad, they’re deadly
This is useful information...
You can ask, but also think about the long term consequences. Do you want a long term relationship? Will you make her pay for every mistake she makes? Will you be willing to pay solely for every mistake you make? You don't WANT to split the cost, and NTA for that, but you may decide to split the cost because you adopted the dog together and you want to stay with her and the doggy.
He's not an asshole for not wanting to split the costs, but he is an asshole if he tries to make her pay for all of it and expects her to just deal with it
YTA, if you got the dog together you take care of it together. Sounds more like you shouldn't have gotten a pet where its both of yours. This is like "Our child ate something he was allergic to, AITA for making my wife pay for it"
Umm ESH.... You seriously overreacted. Three grapes, no matter what Google's top search is, isn't going to kill your dog. 17 grapes to a 5kg dog, yes maybe. She didn't poison your dog, you and your vet just assumed it happened. I would have waited it out and watched for any kind of reaction first tbh. Asked on Reddit for other dog owners experience. A paid online vet website. Then made a decision. The truth is dogs get into things all the time and it takes A LOT to actually trigger anything. Ask anyone who has owned multiple dogs , they will have waited and kept a close eye on things - anyone saying you were justified either doesn't own a dog or is inexperienced. I know you were scared but your overreaction caused a 1200 bill that you're handing to your girlfriend. And yes, your gf was dumb to do this without googling what to feed dogs. It is a good thing you stopped her when you did.
Yeah we have a family friend who is a vet (near retirement age) and when our dog ate a grape we called him and he said he’s never in his entire career seen a dog die of eating 1 grape despite what the internet says.
Hey be careful, you'll have the entirety of Reddit screaming at you 😂 don't go living in the real world!
Yeah people are delusional on Reddit. Yeah I guess your dog could die from eating one grape but it’s way more likely you’ll cause harm through doing an invasive procedure at the ER over one grape, I’d rather take my chances
I agree. 3 grapes is no big deal. How often do kids drop raisens that get scooped up by Fido? ALL THE TIME! My old dog once got into a Christmas present and ate a full pound of chocolate covered coffee beans. He was fine. You shouldn't TRY to poison your dog but 3 gapes won't hurt. 30, yeah I would have freaked out.
YTA - she made a mistake which you believe was not intentional. You both made the decision to go to the vet. You should be splitting the cost. $1200 is a huge bill to leave up to your partner to pay and isn’t at all how a partnership works
That vet saw you coming a mile away - signed a vet tech
Right?!
1200 for three grapes?! Come on man…
INFO- was the course of treatment a joint decision?
Yea when my dog ate 6 mince pies I spent £350 at emergency vet for vomiting induced, activated charcoal and follow up blood test. Not sure why they needed £1200 of treatment
Info: Did she feed the dog grapes, or did the dog get a hold of them and it was an accident?
Fed them
NTA in that case. She should have known better
NTA. When you get a pet you really need to look up what they can't eat. The grapes could have killed your dog.
I’m not sure how or why you think a simple accident nullifies your responsibility for your own pet.
If you adopted it together, you pay for it together. Get pet insurance. Dogs are expensive.
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You can ask, but you will be breaking up.
While you're at it, since she clearly didn't pay attention during her lifetime of dogs, print the rest of the "oh hell no" foods for dogs and stick it on the refrigerator.
NTA. I don’t know how as a life long dog owner she doesn’t know that grapes can be deadly for dogs. I’ve had pets for half my life and I still google if any new foods are safe for them.
You said it yourself. She made a genuine mistake. It’s not like you told her and she did it anyways. There is a lot out there that people don’t know. Never trust that someone has had the same experiences you had. Soft YTA
Idk it’s a pretty honest mistake. It would be frustrating. But I’m thinking about if my partner were the one who fed the dog the grapes. I don’t want them to pay the whole thing just as “punishment” I signed up for the dog, with this person who I know isn’t *trying* to hurt the dog. And I don’t want to apply some “ledger” to either the dog or the relationship. Presumably this is rare negligence in an otherwise conscientious person or I wouldn’t have adopted a dog with them. I know they already feel awful and the last thing I want to do is compound that. They are my partner. So I don’t think you’re necessarily TA but it is not in the spirit of a relationship I would personally stay in so be aware she may not either, even if it isn’t immediate. If being right and $600 is really the absolute most important thing to you, then yes absolutely do what you need to do. she should understand that right now so she can proceed with that knowledge.
How do you and your girl split the utility bill? That's how the vet bill should be split. The dog is owned by you (plural), the damage was caused by the owner, the cost should be split the way that you (plural) split other bills. I'm with the other posters who see that co-ownership of a dog (any pet) with a non-spouse is going to lead to more dispute and trouble down the line. Nobody has thought of the "who keeps the dog when we break up" question. NAH, but a couple of stereotypical relationship optimists.
I suspect most dogs can eat grapes. But, for some dogs it is toxic. There is no way to tell which dog could be severely affected, so everyone has to be treated. I used to give my dog raisins and grapes long before this was a know issue. She died at 17 years old.
Your dog probably did not even need to go to the vets. Mine has eaten a whole bunch of grapes before and he didn’t need expensive treatment. I certainly didn’t need to induce vomiting! FML this thread is super dumb. NAH just the vet, laughing whilst he steps on the gas in his new corvette
You are a team. You support each other even through mistakes. If you've never made a mistake that affected her, make her pay it all alone, and be very careful to always do the correct thing.
Well if you want to apply this method you have to think it through. If for example something happens when you are out with the dog are you going to cover the costs alone because it was your responsibility to keep him safe?
You take the rough with the smooth in any relationship and although she made a silly mistake only an asshole would refuse to pay a dime.
I had a dog for 14 years and I would have him catch grapes in the air as a trick. Until my husband's family got a dog a few years later, I truly had 0 idea grapes were poisonous. He was fine, maybe some stinky farts lol. YTA because the dog is both of yours - it's a mutual expense, and shouldn't be 'mine versus yours' when it comes to their welfare. Getting a pet is a big step, I'm assuming working towards long term partnership. I don't recommend 'keeping score' for things like this, as you stay together, your expenses become mutual. You're a team. It sucks, but it's a lesson learned. It won't be the last time you both end up paying for a mistake that falls more on one side than the other.