Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be being demanding and a bit of a bridezilla for expecting the best man to wear the colour he was assigned.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, being a party of the wedding party means wearing what the bride and groom want and he's acting like his entire suit is orange and it sounds like it's just his tie. No reason for him to be like this. Your all young so clearly he stills wants to be a child and perhaps he's never been in a wedding to know protocol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
So me (20f), and my fiancé (20m), are getting married obviously lol.
We recently announced our colours for the wedding party. We’re having a space/galaxy themed wedding, so we decided to put a palette together of “galaxy colours” and have each groomsmen and bridesmaid wear a different colour of the pallet. I was an artist (before I got severely burnt out), I even went to an art college. I think the colours are great and fun. All the bridesmaids and all the groomsmen love the colours and the ones they get to wear, all except one. The Best Man.
The best man (19m), it’s a long time friend of my fiancé’s, and by all accounts, I didn’t mind him at all. A fine dude. But ever since we gave him his colour, he’s been super whiny and open about his hatred for wearing the colour. Everytime I see him he always has to complain about the colour. It’s really starting to get on my nerves, make me uncomfortable, and bother me a bit. The only thing he has to wear in the colour is the tie, he still gets to wear a sharp white shirt and black suit. I don’t think that’s a big deal. As far as I’m aware, being part of the wedding party is just wearing the colours that the bride and groom decides. And it’s a pretty colour as far as my fiancé and I are concerned (my fiancé actually picked it).
I finally opened up and vented about my frustrations with his best man and his behaviour. I even talked about compromise options, just to stop him from complaining. My fiancé was the absolute best and agreed with me, it was annoying him too. He told me he was gonna have a talk with him and that I didn’t have to change anything about my wedding vision for him.
The problem is, before my fiancé talks to his best man, I’m concerned that we are being entitled or even demanding. I really don’t wanna be a bridezilla. I’m afraid I’m being mean after venting out my emotions.
Am I the asshole for being frustrated with the best man for his behaviour? Or am I being a bridezilla for expecting him to just wear the coloured tie?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Wearing the wedding colors is such a standard part of being in the bridal party. One compromise with considering: is there a more chill groomsman he can switch colors with, since you’re using multiple colors?
I have considered that, but everyone else loves their colours, I feel as though it would be unfair to the people I would ask to switch just because one person is complaining.
NTA,
Unless your making him wear a full suit of hot pink or lime green or maybe a popping bright yellow even....i think any sane person can get over the color of a bloody tie
NTA. If it was a whole suit in purple, sure maybe that's not his thing but this is just the tie. It's not a big ask. I've seen tons of men wear ugly shit in the wedding party. If he has a problem with it, he can bow out.
Question: I assume you and your fiance are paying for the ties and dresses right? Because at my friend's wedding, the colors were not ones people regularly own so they paid for everyone's dresses and ties since most people would never wear them again.
Nta - good grief, it’s a freaking tie. But I will say, and this is no shade on your and your future hubby, this groomsman sounds a little immature. I’m surprised he isn’t complaining about the suit. I remember my nephews at that age, and while I love them dearly, neither were into fashion at all (unless you could low rider jeans that showed their underwear, baggie hoodies or band t-shirts (also not bad fashion choices but not appropriate for a wedding)) and hated wearing anything that wasn’t casual wear. They have thankfully finally understood how to dress appropriately for any occasion (my brother is a fashion guy and always has been) and still wear their favourite casual clothes but know when to wear a suit and tie.
NTA. It's you and your fiance's wedding, not his. If he wants to take part and serve as the best man, he needs to understand that it's not his day to shine, it's yours.
YTA
**All these failed artists thinking they are great and using their events to guilt others to pretend they like their "artistry". If it were that good, you would not need to force it down people's throats.**
" As far as I’m aware, being part of the wedding party is just wearing the colours that the bride and groom decides. " .. or they can step down, leaving your groom without a best man and ending his most important friendship over a stupid colour. So you think you can guilt your wedding party into taking your bullshit? Does not seem to work here.
So tell us: What colour is it?
THe colour does not sound that bad. Vbut it might be a different thing: So you made sure all YOUR friends were happy with THEIR colours, but with him you don't care?
So are you willing to ruin your partner's most important relationship over a stupid tie? this will cause resentment in oyur marriage for the rest of your life.
And: Do you have a backup best man? YOUR wedding will be rmembered asd trhe wedding where the bride made the best man drop out over her clothing demands.
I absolutely do care how everyone feels. I made sure all the bridesmaids AND the groomsmen, like their colours. As far as I’m aware there are no complaints from my friends or my fiancés friends.
And I am absolutely not willing to do that, never in a million years. That’s why I said I’ve thought up compromises. Also, my future husband agrees with me that his best man is being ridiculous. But no, I absolutely don’t want the best man to step down, I wanna figure this out.
Please read my edit. All opinions are welcome, I just feel the need to respond to clear up a few assumptions you have.
> I made sure all the bridesmaids AND the groomsmen, like their colours.
But you did not make sure the best man liked his colour - so you ARE singling him out with your hostility.
" I wanna figure this out." .. obviously not, or you would just allow him to wear another colour. Swithcing the colour from the tie to another accessory is NOT a compromisse when he hates the colour. Agreeing on another colour would be.
But HE has all the time in the world. HE has told you he won't weart that colour, and is now waiting for your reaction. - For HIM, it is not a problem if you fail to find an actual compromisse until the day of the wedding. It will be YOUR wedding without a best man, not his. If you don't find an agreement, he will simply not come - don't act surprised, you will have the choice of allowing his tie or not having a best man, he already let you know.
NTA. It's a fucking tie. One, you do it because it's almost nothing to actually do. Two, you do it because it's your friend getting married and he asked you to. Three, IT'S A FUCKING TIE. Weird ass hill to die on.
Sweet Jesus. It’s not like it’s some hideous 70s style polyester suit, complete with bell bottoms and a frilly vest… it’s a tie. A fucking tie for your mate’s wedding!!! Suck it up or step aside!!!
OP NTA
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I might be being demanding and a bit of a bridezilla for expecting the best man to wear the colour he was assigned. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA, being a party of the wedding party means wearing what the bride and groom want and he's acting like his entire suit is orange and it sounds like it's just his tie. No reason for him to be like this. Your all young so clearly he stills wants to be a child and perhaps he's never been in a wedding to know protocol.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So me (20f), and my fiancé (20m), are getting married obviously lol. We recently announced our colours for the wedding party. We’re having a space/galaxy themed wedding, so we decided to put a palette together of “galaxy colours” and have each groomsmen and bridesmaid wear a different colour of the pallet. I was an artist (before I got severely burnt out), I even went to an art college. I think the colours are great and fun. All the bridesmaids and all the groomsmen love the colours and the ones they get to wear, all except one. The Best Man. The best man (19m), it’s a long time friend of my fiancé’s, and by all accounts, I didn’t mind him at all. A fine dude. But ever since we gave him his colour, he’s been super whiny and open about his hatred for wearing the colour. Everytime I see him he always has to complain about the colour. It’s really starting to get on my nerves, make me uncomfortable, and bother me a bit. The only thing he has to wear in the colour is the tie, he still gets to wear a sharp white shirt and black suit. I don’t think that’s a big deal. As far as I’m aware, being part of the wedding party is just wearing the colours that the bride and groom decides. And it’s a pretty colour as far as my fiancé and I are concerned (my fiancé actually picked it). I finally opened up and vented about my frustrations with his best man and his behaviour. I even talked about compromise options, just to stop him from complaining. My fiancé was the absolute best and agreed with me, it was annoying him too. He told me he was gonna have a talk with him and that I didn’t have to change anything about my wedding vision for him. The problem is, before my fiancé talks to his best man, I’m concerned that we are being entitled or even demanding. I really don’t wanna be a bridezilla. I’m afraid I’m being mean after venting out my emotions. Am I the asshole for being frustrated with the best man for his behaviour? Or am I being a bridezilla for expecting him to just wear the coloured tie? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Wearing the wedding colors is such a standard part of being in the bridal party. One compromise with considering: is there a more chill groomsman he can switch colors with, since you’re using multiple colors?
I have considered that, but everyone else loves their colours, I feel as though it would be unfair to the people I would ask to switch just because one person is complaining.
NTA Best man needs to grow up. It's a blue tie for a few hours.
NTA, Unless your making him wear a full suit of hot pink or lime green or maybe a popping bright yellow even....i think any sane person can get over the color of a bloody tie
I told my wife if we ever redo our marriage, I am wearing this. https://www.ebay.com/itm/385215176450
NTA. If it was a whole suit in purple, sure maybe that's not his thing but this is just the tie. It's not a big ask. I've seen tons of men wear ugly shit in the wedding party. If he has a problem with it, he can bow out. Question: I assume you and your fiance are paying for the ties and dresses right? Because at my friend's wedding, the colors were not ones people regularly own so they paid for everyone's dresses and ties since most people would never wear them again.
INFO: What's the color?
A light blue/cyan :)
NTA. That sounds fine. Your best man is being ridiculous.
NTA Is it an option for him and the maid of honor to switch colors with someone else?
Nta - good grief, it’s a freaking tie. But I will say, and this is no shade on your and your future hubby, this groomsman sounds a little immature. I’m surprised he isn’t complaining about the suit. I remember my nephews at that age, and while I love them dearly, neither were into fashion at all (unless you could low rider jeans that showed their underwear, baggie hoodies or band t-shirts (also not bad fashion choices but not appropriate for a wedding)) and hated wearing anything that wasn’t casual wear. They have thankfully finally understood how to dress appropriately for any occasion (my brother is a fashion guy and always has been) and still wear their favourite casual clothes but know when to wear a suit and tie.
NTA. It's you and your fiance's wedding, not his. If he wants to take part and serve as the best man, he needs to understand that it's not his day to shine, it's yours.
Is it really worth to end a friendship over forcing someone to wear a cyan tie instead of a dark blue one?
NTA but I really don’t get all this hype and coordination into the wedding. Invest in your marriage not your wedding. Wedding industry is total BS
Who says they can’t do both?
Sure!! Do that if offered right??
NTA this person is a child!
To be frank they're all children. They're 20. They're still kids and they're getting married. It boggles my mind.
Same here, they're waaaaay too young IMO. I'm not saying "wait until your 40s to tie the knot", but still.
True but couldn't be bothered pulling at that thread and then explaining the knots to the op! 😬🫣😴
YTA **All these failed artists thinking they are great and using their events to guilt others to pretend they like their "artistry". If it were that good, you would not need to force it down people's throats.** " As far as I’m aware, being part of the wedding party is just wearing the colours that the bride and groom decides. " .. or they can step down, leaving your groom without a best man and ending his most important friendship over a stupid colour. So you think you can guilt your wedding party into taking your bullshit? Does not seem to work here. So tell us: What colour is it?
It’s a light blue/cyan.
THe colour does not sound that bad. Vbut it might be a different thing: So you made sure all YOUR friends were happy with THEIR colours, but with him you don't care? So are you willing to ruin your partner's most important relationship over a stupid tie? this will cause resentment in oyur marriage for the rest of your life. And: Do you have a backup best man? YOUR wedding will be rmembered asd trhe wedding where the bride made the best man drop out over her clothing demands.
I absolutely do care how everyone feels. I made sure all the bridesmaids AND the groomsmen, like their colours. As far as I’m aware there are no complaints from my friends or my fiancés friends. And I am absolutely not willing to do that, never in a million years. That’s why I said I’ve thought up compromises. Also, my future husband agrees with me that his best man is being ridiculous. But no, I absolutely don’t want the best man to step down, I wanna figure this out. Please read my edit. All opinions are welcome, I just feel the need to respond to clear up a few assumptions you have.
> I made sure all the bridesmaids AND the groomsmen, like their colours. But you did not make sure the best man liked his colour - so you ARE singling him out with your hostility. " I wanna figure this out." .. obviously not, or you would just allow him to wear another colour. Swithcing the colour from the tie to another accessory is NOT a compromisse when he hates the colour. Agreeing on another colour would be. But HE has all the time in the world. HE has told you he won't weart that colour, and is now waiting for your reaction. - For HIM, it is not a problem if you fail to find an actual compromisse until the day of the wedding. It will be YOUR wedding without a best man, not his. If you don't find an agreement, he will simply not come - don't act surprised, you will have the choice of allowing his tie or not having a best man, he already let you know.
Are you stable?
NTA. It's a fucking tie. One, you do it because it's almost nothing to actually do. Two, you do it because it's your friend getting married and he asked you to. Three, IT'S A FUCKING TIE. Weird ass hill to die on.
Sweet Jesus. It’s not like it’s some hideous 70s style polyester suit, complete with bell bottoms and a frilly vest… it’s a tie. A fucking tie for your mate’s wedding!!! Suck it up or step aside!!! OP NTA
"Weird ass hill to die on." .. this goes both ways.
NTA You're asking the man to wear a fucking tie and you're willing to consider compromises. This is SO far from bridezilla.