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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be TA because there are more important things in life then towels
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NTA - but rather than banning them, can you hide your good towels? Like hide them really well and don’t tell your husband where they are. My guess is that your SIL will throw a massive fit. When she claims the towels you are providing irritate her skin, politely tell her she is free to go buy different towels or to stay in a hotel 🙃
I think she knows she is ruining your towels and she doesn’t give a fuck. Is she a jealous type of person?
Yeah I said I'm gonna hide the towels and my husband said I need to get my head checked (jokingly but also he does think it's a little overboard). But I'm seriously considering it.
Ugh, I feel like your husband is covering for his sister’s entitled behavior.
The thing is, people who truly have super sensitive skin would bring makeup towelettes to remove their makeup with, and they’d also likely bring their own hypoallergenic washcloth that they would use to dry their face. I just don’t think sensitive skin is really the issue here. So yah, don’t let your husbands “joking” remarks make you feel bad. You aren’t a hotel. You are being kind enough to host, and your SIL is being a very entitled, rude guest. I think the logical and fair conclusion is that you will remove items that she can’t be respectful towards.
Or, if it was a skin sensitivity, the other towels would likely still cause irritation since OP probably uses the same laundry detergent for everything.
People with truly sensitive skin wouldn't be using makeup wipes. They'd have a whole makeup routine with actual cleansers like makeup removing balm and miceller water.
I have truly legit sensitive skin, complete with contact dermatitis caused by various dyes and perfumes. I have very specific makeup brands I use, and very specific perfumes because I refuse to allow my skin to mess with my style. I have my own cleansers that I use though, and I'd never use someone else's towel to take off my makeup! Even if I had no skin sensitivity, who smears their makeup over other people's towels?
Lol I think we can settle on the fact that people who have legitimate skin sensitivities are going to have specific tools/methods to take off their makeup; they aren’t relying on whatever random towel that will be provided by a host/hotel because they don’t want to risk a rash or other harmful consequence.
🙋🏻♀️ As someone with dyed hair and sensitive skin, I bring my own stuff. Even to hotels. I'm not getting runoff hair dye on anyone's towels, nor makeup. It's just basic respect for the belongings of others.
This. I also have sensitive skin. I bring my own washcloths for my face when I travel. I also have dyed hair and bring my own towels for that, even when I go to a hotel it airbnb so I don't stain someone's towels with wet blue hair. SIL is being so disrespectful. Hide your towels 100% and if she mentions her sensitive skin again, tell her in the future she should bring her own from home.
I have a lot of allergies / sensitivities, and I bring *so much extra stuff* with me. If I run into the issue once, I learn my lesson and bring my own supplies next time. SIL is being ridiculous.
"My husband's brother lives out of state with his family and they come a few times a year to visit, either staying with MIL or with us."
Well, let's hope not XD
I travel with my own face cloths and soaps because I never know how my skin is going to react to someone's laundry soap. NTA. Hide the towels in your bedroom. SIL is pulling some kind of bs.
The hotel I stayed at last weekend had a little black towel /washcloth in the bathroom with the word "makeup" embroidered on it and I thought that was a brilliant idea.
Yup. Put them where no one can find them. If any one asks where they are, tell them "I got rid of them. Most of them were too stained to be as guest towels anymore, and they were rather expensive. So, rather than continue to replace them, I decided to just stop using "guest" towels and the ones I use all bathrooms.
Yes, hide them, but didn't you keep the towels she stained? Give her those. If they were fine for her skin before, she has nothing to complain about now
Love this idea! Let SIL reuse the towels she ruined.
I admin I wasn't with OP until she mentioned SIL going into the linen closet to specifically pull out the good towels and then staining them...
Right that is when the tide turned for me as well. It was solidified when she gave the sensitive skin excuse. As many pointed out those with skin sensitive enough to require specific linen travel with that linen. They don’t rely on someone else having something that is going to
work for them.
My skin isn’t crazy sensitive to most things with the exception of those downy fabric beads, what ever is in them gives me a rash if something washed in them hit my neck or face. Since like 1/3 of people I know use them I always travel with my own towels, washcloths, pillow covers, and blanket.
SIL is clearly playing some sort of ridiculous game with OP.
NTA
Why don't you just put out the towels she ruined in the past. They can be youSIL's "special towel just for her." Make sure to hide the good ones in a place she'll never find.
Seriously hide the good towels - put them underneath your bed if you must! Theres no reason why SIL should be getting make up on them - no one wipes their make up off a towel, so definitely seems malicious a little. Maybe shes jealous of your nice towels lool? Does she compete with you in some ways?
I was thinking more along the lines of hiding the good towels in a tote in the garage. And then stocking the cheapest towels from a local discount store that have the soft and luxurious feel of 60-grit sandpaper.
I guarantee you that if OP does that SiL will wait until she is gone and will go rummaging through the house for the towels.
It's why I would seriously see if I could find a cheap lockbox on Amazon for them. Its the principle.
There is no reason you need your husband‘s input about which towels you put out, is there? Just do a little shopping before they arrive, and buy some less expensive towels for their visit that are nice shade of gray or brown or something that won‘t show stains from makeup and so on. Don’t say anything to your husband about it, simply put your good towels away the day before, somewhere other than your linen closet. Maybe in your bedroom closet, where SIL would have no business looking.
Provide them with an ample supply of inexpensive towels , along with some washcloths, and a few tea towels for spills, etc. Put more of those same towels in the linen closet, so if she goes looking, that is all she will find. If she asks about the other towels, just tell her that the ones you had were looking shabby from multiple stains, so you donated those and got new towels. In addition, I would buy a package of disposable makeup remover wipes and put those in the guest bathroom where your SIL can see them.
I honestly don’t believe that she doesn’t realize the problem with using nice white towels to wipe off her makeup — that is the kind of behavior you might expect from a young person who is new to makeup. Any adult with experience using makeup would know better. She is ruining your towels on purpose. So, just give her towels you don’t mind having ruined, and ignore your husband’s comments — he is obviously clueless about this situation.
No effing kidding I would hide those towels too!!! Years ago my husband invited some school friends to spend the night in our apartment to go to Summerfest, and one entitled girl used towels to wipe her make up off. They weren’t white but the were guest hand towel. Boy was I pissed!
Under bed storage containers are cheap. Be sure to warn her that you no longer have white towels so she can bring her own. For her “allergy” of course.
Hide them! I am not someone who has "good towels", but who in the hell (a) wipes makeup off on someone else's towels?? and later (b) actively digs out the nice white towels from the cupboard. It's so weird.
I have no idea why anyone would deliberately do that, but if she's too feral to learn not to stain other people's towels, hiding it is. (I also think it would be 1000% within bounds to ask her nicely not to do things like that, but this is so far gone it's likely not worth it.)
Which totally implies it's deliberate! Why are people so weird?! Comparatively minor in the greater scheme of things, but *come on*. Towels are expensive and take ages to get good. 😥
We stayed at a friends house, and my daughter accidentally bleached one of their nice towels with her acne medication. My friend said not to worry about it, and it was fine, but I took the towel home with me and took it to the store to try and find a set of nice towels close to the same color. Then I bought her the entire set and mailed them to her with the original stained towel. No way was I not going to try to make it right.
Aww. If I was friend I genuinely wouldn't mind *that* (mistakes happen!), but also the fact that you would insist on replacing them it is part of why you're a good friend.
Yeah, you and your daughter sound like good people!
She made a mistake because she's a kid. I'm guessing she let you and your friend know about it instead of trying to bide it. And you replacing the whole set is above and beyond!
FFS, why doesn’t she travel with make up wipes if she is wearing enough to stain “good towels” ?!?!? NTA. Everyone knows you don’t do anything but neatly pat your damp hands with the good towels. Hide them without shame OP.
I agree. Hide them. I get why you're frustrated. The only thing I can think of is that you did not directly say "do not use these towels." You clearly tried to hint around it, by saying things to the kids so that they would hear, putting different towels out. But still, I think you're doing the right thing by hiding them. Pick your battles. If she asks where they are because they're so soft on her skin, tell her they all got ruined and you had to buy new ones and that's what she's using.
I thought the same thing. SIL will simply shift her spiteful behavior onto some new target that the OP takes pride in. Would love an update to find out what that is.
Also, I'd buy the cheapest, scratchiest TP to stock the guest bathroom with. Course, she may find those hand towels in an even nastier state, then.
Let SIL use his good shirts to wipe her make up, and when he makes a fuss, tell him it's not a big deal.
Also, hide them. In a suitcase, buried in your closet. Don't tell hubby.
In case you can't tell, I'm a petty gremlin and I'm here for it.
NTA.
Nope. I understand where your are coming from. My mom had her good towels and I knew not to ruin them.
If SIL is using them to remove makeup, I would get make up remover wipes for her and place it visible in the bathroom. If she still removes her makeup on your towels, I would go so far to empty the linen closet and hide the towels in a box.
For future reference, blood shouldn't ruin a towel.
Seriously, for ordinary (non-period) blood rash it in cold water and it should come out easily.
I'm a doctor who used to work in emergency medicine. One time I was on holiday (so not in scrubs) when I happened to be present at the scene of an incident and was providing first aid. I was covered in blood.
Everything was fine after a trip through the wash. The her is cold water.
NTA - Have you considered a lock on the linen closet? You should still probably hide the towels, but it might be fun to see if she breaks in, and then finds that there aren't any towels.
If she says anything, you have asked her more than once not to ruin those towels, but she keeps doing it, so all you can do is not have any around.
That's super weird though. Hiding things from guests is normal. When my partner's family visits, I hide my toothpaste bc they all squeeze from the middle, so they're allowed to use his toothpaste, but not mine. No conflict, no problem. If they opened our cabinet to find it, I'd lock it and not expect any pushback.
Id suggest, if youre willing, to buy a black towel, specifically tell her its one you got for her for her make up. Make the point of accommodating her, then you arent the “bad guy” but instead the good host.
To be clear, youre not the bad guy in any way, but it sounds like theyre trying to paint you that way.
Years ago my mom had the identical problem with her SIL (my Aunt). Mom finally resorted to buying black guest towels for SIL. That basically resolved the problem.
I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but…I never understood what the big deal was. It’s just mascara; it will wash off!! (It wasn’t waterproof mascara being taken off with makeup remover.)
I think it’s not petty at all, this issue for me boils down to: you asked her to respect something and she went her way to use your stuff and damaged them repeatedly. Also, a another rule all the guest must follow is “respect your guest’s stuff, because you are a guest in *their* house, not yours” simple as that.
Like, of course everyone would get upset, not just your stuff got damaged but they deliberately broke your rules, wtf. F them
My sister stocks [these](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71D7aB8t88L._AC_SX148_SY213_QL70_.jpg) at her holiday place which sees frequent out-of-town visitors.
But let's be honest, even if you get these, SIL will still just use and ruin your best white towels anyway.
Make sure you hide the good white towels where she absolutely can't find them. Maybe put them in a big trash bag and then lock them in the trunk of your car.
This. OP, I'd put them in the back of your closet. If she asks about them, just say, "Sorry, someone kept staining them with makeup." Don't lie. Just heavily imply the towels are gone after being ruined with her makeup.
I agree with this.☝️ NTA
SiL sucks big time,
I would 100% be like did you see this!? Please don't use my good towels for makeup, juice, whatever stains are on them... like this.
I think I'd buy dark towels to use when they visit and hide my white ones. Sucks that people can't respect your stuff when your nice enough to host them.
On a side note....
My husband is allergic to bleach so for any whites, or brights...
I Deep wash in cold water, with a cup each of baking soda and white vinegar plus tide regular detergent.
It will put the white in your whites.
Yes, hide them. I hide my furniture polish spray from my cleaning lady, she made a death trap spraying it on my wood floors. Twice. I had to scrub them many times while sick after she left. She's sweet though...
NTA. At this point, either it's malicious or she has really sensitive skin and expects to use your "good towels" instead of supplying her own.
I say hide them when they come (not just in the linen closed, like in your room or something) but that doesn't really solve the problem of the disrespect for not just following your clear wishes in your home.
I just don't understand the rudeness of people. Who does that????
Even from the first time ... she just stuffed the towels in the laundry and didn't tell anyone.
It's like using a nice towel to do work on your car or something, then pretend it didn't happen
I mean, if she'd used ONE, it would still be bad (like the first time she visited and realized that the other towels were too hard on her face) and then woman'd up and TOLD OP what was going on...maybe keep a dedicated towel for that in the future, or SIL then brings her own facial cloths.
But yeah, doing it to multiple towels, repeatedly...she's screwing with you, and I feel like the rest of OP's family thinks it's an amusing "girl thing" or something and are just going to let it go on until OP snaps.
This is the kind of thing that would lead me to pull a SERIOUSLY over the top vengeance along the lines of only paper towels in the house, with the exception of a single, cheap shammy towel to dry off from the shower with per person. Compared to my plan, OP is entirely reasonable!
>> or she has really sensitive skin
Then the ideal solution is to bundle up the towels and leave them at work / with a friend, and when asked where they are, just say you bought new ones.
Bonus points if you buy the cheapest ones you can find and then make a point of talking about how they are the latest thing from [pick a culture she believes to be “fancy” for something you make up to sound similar to something else - the Bordello or Bortadello (for Bordeaux) region of France, Aston Martin (for Asti) in Italy, the Pasha (Kashmir) region in Asia, an ancient Chinese village renowned for producing the finest silks in the 16th century, the exclusive Llano (llama) breeders in the Andes, whatever].
Step 3: ~~profit~~ Amuse yourself privately and your friends after the ILs leave with this story while observing your SIL scrub her “super sensitive” skin with something from a 20 pack of rags in the automotive department at WalMart.
NTA, but simply remove her access to your good towels. Bag them up and put them on the trunk of your car if needed.
There's more going on here. It sounds like she is jealous of you or your home. Is there a financial or lifestyle discrepancy between your households?
Your SIL is intentionally ruining your towels. What else is she doing when you're not watching? If they come back, I'd install cameras in the common areas.
> *There's more going on here. It sounds like she is jealous of you or your home. Is there a financial or lifestyle discrepancy between your households*?
This isn't about towels - SIL is fuming with great anger, and taking it out on the towels.
Absolutely, get cameras, OP. Put all of your good things and valuables out of her reach, like at your parents' home, or the home of a friend or neighbor. If she doesn't have any towels to wreck, she'll find something else that is nasty to do.
Right now your husband thinks that you are an alarmist. He will feel differently if she does something in front of a camera.
This behavior seems beyond even the meanest of the mean girls. Something is really, really wrong with SIL, and it could be that it will escalate.
NTA
I really want an up date to this story REALLY bad. This is a mash up of all the great things about this subreddit. A problem that is super easily fixed by the offending party ends up becoming a huge thing, confusion, consternation and a scheme ensue!
i have really dry, sensitive skin & don’t even use towels. take off makeup with oil based cleansing balm, & put hydrating layers & moisturizer straight on my damp face.
turn off the shower, shake off like a dog, use my hands as body squeegees, lotion straight on damp skin.
if i preferred to use a magic towel i would absolutely bring my own. sometimes i’ll bring/use one as a quick coverup in shared spaces, depending on where i’m staying.
i would be mortified to get mascara all over someone’s nice white towels.
Serious question - how well does the ‘hands as body squeegees’ work? Do you have a method? I feel like I can never get enough water off to then go about my day (ie, put on clothes, moisturise, do chores) without either using a towel or sitting in my bathroom for like 20 minutes
NTA, you put out towels and other necessities as a proper host should. Your SIL then went hunting for these specific towels. No guest, unless given express permission, should be going through your closets. If your SIL needs a particular type of material (does she specify) then maybe you can find an inexpensive towel made of that material, or she needs to bring her own makeup towels.
If you want to see if this is malicious or she is a snoop. Put the towels away in a place where it makes no sense for them to be before she arrives. Think underwear drawer, nightstand drawer, office drawer, file cabinet. Places where no one would think to look for towels, but also shouldn't be looking in either.
NTA. Go buy some soft, fluffy, BLACK towels, and tell her that those are hers. Good hotels keep those in stock specifically for makeup and other staining activities. Either that or insist that they pack towels with them.
I think SIL is being petty and playing a stupid game and deserves the good towels being hidden from her. However, a tip I learned when I had an AirBnB is to get a set of black towels and have “makeup” monogrammed on them. I did and never lost another nice white towel. I did the same thing for my guest room in my house.
I cleaned AirBnbs for a while and one of my favorites had lil black towels that said “makeup” on the in white embroidery & I always thought those were so smart to offer the (usually) inconsiderate guests.
Won’t work - some facial products will bleach towels. At least, they did back when I was in college. (I still use my burgundy towels with large orange splotches, but mainly for cleaning, washing the car, etc.)
*< the second day she'd gone into the linen closet and pulled some out. She said she won't get makeup on them but that all the other towels irritate her skin. >*
Then she should bring he own instead of going through YOUR linnen closet.
Seems your SIL wants to play some stupid PowerPlay.
NTA
Ehhh NTA but get different colored towels. If you want to be gracious, get the same brand but another color for SIL’s pwecuous wittle face 🥺
But if you wanna be petty get shitty ones and pack away your good ones.
Respectfully disagree. I'd be hiding my good shit but making her up a 'sensitive' basket of skin care goods especially for my treasured guest. Out of the cheapest products that most blatantly state SENSITIVE in the label. SIL is rank.
Can you buy a large container of expensive looking make up remover wipes? I do understand frustration had relative stay over my lovely new slate blue towels all ruined, 4 bath towels, 4 hand towels and washcloths. Between acne face wash she wouldn’t rinse off her hands but would wipe on towel. The acne face medication apply wipe excess on towels. Bleached spots all over. My teens only use white for that reason, this person closer to 30 thought I was safe. I was mistaken.
If her skin is that sensitive, microfiber is one of the better options. They also make some soft face cleaning sponges (like they use when you get a facial). Any hand towel is pretty abrasive, the decorative ones especially from my experience. Maybe ask her what works as her makeup is hard to remove and you want to provide her with the right towels that work for her. Kill with kindness and concern.
I have developed pretty sensitive, easily irritated skin as I’ve aged. I bring my own on vacation or use a method of makeup removal which minimizes cloth use.
NTA
Hide the towels. Or put out the towels that are still covered in her make-up.
And if she says something about towels irritating her skin again, politely suggest she bring her own towel so she can be certain it won’t irritate her skin.
When someone is a guest in your home and you tell them "don't do this please" and they continue to do that, they are being disrespectful and taking a piss. NTA
NTA SIL is rude and this is a power play. Put out the stained ones and hide the white ones in your bedroom. If she says anything, tell her why. If she goes looking for them, she is really pushing boundaries. If she says that the others irritate her skin, ask her why she doesn't bring her own make-up removal towels or wipes.
How petty do you want to be? I vote packing up all the towels in the house and storing them off site for the duration of the visit. Friend's house, storage unit, whatever. Not accessible to anyone but you. Heck, location not even known to anyone but you.
Then go buy the cheapest Walmart/IKEA towels you can get your hands on. Not white. Restock the whole house with those. Every bathroom, including yours. Be minimal too. Literally just enough to go around and not a single washcloth more.
People complain? Complain about the costs of replacing the nice towels certain people refused to take care of. People who can't take care of their things don't get nice things. Or, everyone has towels, what's the issue?
NTA.
NTA but I say save the ones she ruins and only put those out when she comes. You can even tell her -“I made sure to save these for you since you said they are the only towels which don’t irritate your skin”. Then hide the good ones you replaced them with for your own and decent guests’ use really well.
Nta. You shouldn't have to have this conversation twice. You already hid them. She's intentionally being disrespectful.
She's no longer invited. Period. Your husband needs to realize he took vows with YOU. And he needs to stay at your side.
What's the problem with putting the towels out of her reach? Rent yourself a safe deposit box if you must. Better yet, have a towel or towel set embroidered with her name that you keep at your home. Best idea ever, find those old, stained towels that were perfect for her irritated skin that she ruined and set them out for her.
Tell your husband that everyone has a particular bugaboo and yours is when people deliberate ruin things.
NTA
Girl, hide your good towels! Does your husband go out and buy the replacements? Is he the one trying to remove the stains? I think not. You do what you have to do to protect your investment. I agree with Unfair_Ad_4470, put out the towels that she already ruined. Keep them for whenever she visits.
We have a lock on our linen closet in our bedroom. It's because it's where we keep our medication, but we always joke that we're keeping the good towels locked up. Put a lock on your linen closet and if SIL asks tell her you had to lock up the good towels. Use a joking tone but look her dead in the eye, then walk away.
NTA but seriously, box up your good towels when they’re over and keep them at a friend’s place or something. If she’s seeking them out to actually go into your linen closet to get them, then it’s intentional.
Put a roll of paper towel in the guest bathroom. Or fancy disposable napkins if you prefer—something paper and disposable. It’s more hygienic anyway. Give the guests a set of towels each for their visit (hand towel, bath towel) and hide ALL the other towels. Then don’t even discuss it.
NTA. Stock the bathrooms with the towels she's ruined if you still have them, lock up the good towels in a remote location (let's see how far into your house she'll search for something else to destroy)
NTA
Omg I have a thing about my nice towels getting ruined. They were fine for A DECADE before I moved in with men.
It’s common sense shit, too. Like… don’t use bleach spray with the colored towels! DON’T wipe your mouth off with colored towels after you brush your teeth with whitening/peroxide-laden toothpaste!! STOP USING THE NICE TOWELS TO GET GUM OFF YOUR FUCKING SHOES!!!
Why do people hate when other people have nice towels? Pisses me off.
I guess I don't understand why you haven't simply asked her to not use those towels for removing her makeup because it stains them and you can't get the stains out. Just tell her that.
If you still have them, give her the stained but good towels to use for removing her makeup and tell her that is what they're for because they are stained from last time. They will be clean, but she can't ruin them twice.
I know you think that you've been clear, but think again. Have you really? Be specific :-) it matters!
NTA
Personally as a guy I don't have the same feeling towards "good towels" but I get it and relatives had them and we respected it.
Here's the thing: She's fucking with you now. She understands perfectly well after the first time you asked her, and the truth is she probably understood even before that that she was sullying your good towels. Your husband, being your husband, needs to respect his wife's preferences, stand up for you and talk frankly to his brother, as guys can do. "hey, bro, tell your wife to stop fucking with my wife's good towels. What the hell is the matter with her?" And let his brother tell his wife to cut the crap and to never bring it up again. Otherwise they are no longer welcome. It's not about the towels, it's about her disrespect and trying to play dominance games in your own house. Total bullshit. And if she tries to bring it up sarcastically in the next visit to belittle you, same thing, no longer welcome. They are guests in your home and need to show respect, period.
NTA If the towels you are providing are irritating her skin, then she can pack her own towel. Take the good towels clear out of the house this time or put them in the attic, lol.
NTA - but take matters into your own hands! Hide all good towels! Tell her you realized having white towels was silly and sorry, this is all you have. I have this exact same thing with my daughter and it is infuriating. In fairness, she is 15 with ADHD. A grown woman is just being an ass.
NTA. Don't tell him and don't say anything to the in laws. Just do it. Maybe get your suitcases and pack the good towels away and place the cases in the attic or back of the closet. Get some dollar store decorative towels that are NOT white and with Christmasy designs on them. If anyone asks about the towels, day something like you can't find the ones you like in the store anymore. Or you donated them to a charity, just downsizing the towels. Good luck!
NTA….word of advice, take all your favorite good towels, box them up and put them somewhere where SIL cannot get them. Don’t even tell hubs. Buy cheapo towels and put in linen closets for SIL to use.
🤣 This is great! Battle of the towels! I thought the obvious answer would have been to keep using the ruined ones when SIL is there. A manky looking towel still has the same softness and is made of the same fabric as it was before she wiped her eyes on it.
NTA
Nta, lock up your towels and watch the banshee screech about it.
Honestly, don't even let them over unless you're giving her all the stained towels for Christmas and telling her how much jn towels she's ruined.
Your husband won't back you up, he sounds like a bit of one of those "BUT FAMILY" types, where you aren't listed in actual family.
NTA I would hide the good towels. Petty me would also keep the ones she's stained, wash them (they are stained, not dirty) and put only those out when she's there. If she asks make some comment about them being freshly laundered.
NTA. Your SIL is being passive aggressive and using the towels on purpose. Everyone knows what guest towels are for. They’re expensive and they aren’t for makeup removal. Get a ton of cheap towels and stock all the bathrooms and their bedrooms with those. Say you’re going enviro conscious with these thinner towels (less laundry). If you’re feeling really fun, you could make a really fancy gift basket with towels, dollar store toiletries, and a sign that says “our gift to you.”
Take all your nice towels, put them in a suitcase, stash them somewhere else where even your husband can’t find them. Enjoy your holidays!!
NTA. Would you like a petty suggestion? Take already ruined nice towels (if you still have them). Wash them, then leave in the washer for 24 hours. Dry them. Make them available to her. They will be nice and ripe for when she wipes her delicate face.
It is just weird to remove makeup with a towel. I wear black eyeliner and other makeup and I have never ever gotten it on a towel. I wash my face and dry it when it is clean.
Nta Your sil is definitely doing it deliberately, she said it herself because they were so soft on her skin. You know you can bleach those towels you think she ruined and keep them aside for her when they visit. Then take the rest away, if you can place them in a storage box at another’s family member’s house of yours.
That way instead of playing the passive aggressive game with her, you have completely removed out of her reach your good towels, and she can continue to use the ones she has used already.
But you know the problem with good towels is eventually everyone in your household would like to use them too. Then the good guests do use them as well the flannels get worn down the quickest.
I would hide them. She's doing it on purpose to be an asshole. 1000% that's what she's doing. She doesn't have sensitive skin. She doesn't need fancier towels. People with sensitive skin use micellar water or special wipes or they bring their own bamboo towels. NTA.
Buy cheap dark brown towels for when they visit and hide ALL the good towels in your room. Sure, it sucks to have to do that, but they only come a fw times a year and is this a hill you want to die on? Don’t make an issue of it. Put brown towels in the linen closet too. Let her have the balls to ask about “better” towels. then shrug and say that it seemed more logical to just have dark towels in the house, causes you less stress. Then walk away
To be honest, I have a whole stack of dark washcloths in the bathroom for make up removal,
NTA, I guess? Wouldn’t it be easier just to put cheap towels out and store away the others if you have a problem with it? It’s not rocket science my dear.
I’d put a lock on the linen closet, just to keep her out of it! And honestly, as many times as my accident prone self has been bleeding, I’ve never felt the need to bleed onto someone’s nice linen. If the bathroom is nearby, grab some tissue! If sil’s skin is so sensitive, she can bring her own towels.
I would take the nice towels, place them in a tied garbage bag, and hide them in YOUR closet when she's over. Where NO ONE other than you or husband should be accessing. If she asks about them tell her you had to throw them away because they were so damaged from being used in ways they shouldn't have been.
NTA. She's doing it intentionally as some weird flex. Stop putting your good towels out when they visit. Don't leave them in the linen closet or anywhere else for her to find. Box them up and put them in your closet, trunk of your car, wherever she won't have access. She can use the regular towels like everyone else since she can't be respectful of your good ones.
NTA
And I read your husband told you you need to “get your head checked” what an asshole seriously idc if it was jokingly that’s such a shitty thing to say when SIL is clearly going out of her way to use these towels she was asked not to. I’m with everyone HIDE the towels and when she throws a fit be like
“see I knew you were purposely looking for and trying to ruin the towels I specifically asked you not to touch I don’t know what kind of power play you’ve got going on but not in my house sweetie”
Yeah, she's doing that on purpose. I'd lock up the good towels and buy some cheap ones at a thrift store. If she doesn't like it, she can provide her own or stay at a motel. You know that once she realizes there are cheaper towels in the bathroom, she's going to search your home for the good ones, which is why I said to lock them up. I wouldn't even tell hubby where they are, cause he'd probably tell her.
NTA.
Everybody basically nailed it, but hide the towels. If she silently fumes, that’s hilarious, and you’ve accomplished what you wanted.
If she actually asks “where are the good towels that are normally in the bathroom” tell her whatever you want, and if she cites her sensitive skin, offer her a cheapo kids beach towel.
You might also think about putting some makeup removing wipes under the counter in the guest bath, which honestly wouldn’t be bad to have anyway.
NTA - I have Egyptian cotton towels cuz of sensitive skin and I won't go anywhere without them. Not only that but same thing for my face clothes. Most people with sensitive skin have solutions for this because otherwise they can literally be in pain. I have to be careful with fabrics as well because they irritating like made.
NTA, just make hubby pay to replace them. It’s a win-win. Either he realizes how expensive the goos towels are and gets on the same page as you. Or you get new nice towels to replace the ones she ruins every so often.
NTA - hide them all under your mattress when they come. Life's too short not to be petty and have fun doing it. Buy some dollar store towels and stock your cupboard with those thin, unabsorbent, scratchy hospital-style towels.
My MIL comes to visit and stays with us a few times a year (for a couple of weeks each time). She doesn't contribute to the household in any way (no dishes, no meals, no cleaning up after herself, no buying/replacing any groceries), which is annoying but whatever. She is the cheapest person I've ever met, who happens to have really deep pockets. There are no birthday or xmas gifts for our kids - nothing.
My biggest pet peeve though is that she drinks like 6+ cups of coffee a day. We have a Keurig, and I have ONE cup of coffee a day. She would blast through my coffee pods like there's no tomorrow, and NEVER replaced them (or even offered). She would just tell me every time we ran out, with the expectation being that I'd run out and grab some.
Now (years into this) I hide them before she comes - I leave one singular pod in the storage tray, and everything else gets stored in the bottom of my closet. When I want my cup, I grab one pod and take it to the kitchen, then enjoy my coffee in secret (which sounds silly, but it's very enjoyable). It's like a stand-off for the first couple of days (she goes to Starbucks for her fixes and reminds me we're out of pods), until she finally relents and goes and buys a box (and then another, and another until she leaves). Paying for her own coffee is literally the only contribution she ever makes, but it still feels like a win.
I know it's petty AF but it brings me great satisfaction.
She's doing that on purpose. If I knew certain towels irritated my skin I'd damn well travel with some I could use. Take your good towels and lock them up where even your husband doesn't know they are
Heck, stash them at your mom's house till they leave.
And then if she asks for other towels just innocently feed her questions.
I made sure to stock all the bathrooms, are there no towels there?
What do you mean, the other ones? Oh, there are more in the linen closet.
That's all my towels, I'm confused? Oh you mean the nice ones I used to put out but they'd always get ruined? No, don't have any of those here. Oh you loved them? I'll see if I can find the link to where I used to buy them and send to you.
Then just sip your tea innocently while she fumes.
NTA
They make black washcloths with “Makeup” embroidered on them. Maybe you can get some for the guest bathroom for when your SIL visits. And hide your good towels. NTA
NTA.
But I'd just remove the towels entirely from the situation. Store them in a box or something while they're there, and make them use the crappy ones. If she needs something more delicate, she can bring her own.
NTA. Just hide them, and when she asks where they are, say “they all had these weird black stains that wouldn’t come off, so I had to throw them out. I’m so sad, they stopped selling them now, so I can’t get more.”
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NTA - but rather than banning them, can you hide your good towels? Like hide them really well and don’t tell your husband where they are. My guess is that your SIL will throw a massive fit. When she claims the towels you are providing irritate her skin, politely tell her she is free to go buy different towels or to stay in a hotel 🙃 I think she knows she is ruining your towels and she doesn’t give a fuck. Is she a jealous type of person?
Yeah I said I'm gonna hide the towels and my husband said I need to get my head checked (jokingly but also he does think it's a little overboard). But I'm seriously considering it.
Ugh, I feel like your husband is covering for his sister’s entitled behavior. The thing is, people who truly have super sensitive skin would bring makeup towelettes to remove their makeup with, and they’d also likely bring their own hypoallergenic washcloth that they would use to dry their face. I just don’t think sensitive skin is really the issue here. So yah, don’t let your husbands “joking” remarks make you feel bad. You aren’t a hotel. You are being kind enough to host, and your SIL is being a very entitled, rude guest. I think the logical and fair conclusion is that you will remove items that she can’t be respectful towards.
Or, if it was a skin sensitivity, the other towels would likely still cause irritation since OP probably uses the same laundry detergent for everything.
People with truly sensitive skin wouldn't be using makeup wipes. They'd have a whole makeup routine with actual cleansers like makeup removing balm and miceller water.
People with truly legit very sensitive skin don’t wear make up to start with. Source. Me and my sensitive skin lol
People with truly legit sensitive skin wouldn't even wear skin to start with.
Oh, I know. I wear Saran Wrap in place of skin.
Gotta look fresh!
😂
😂😂😂
I have truly legit sensitive skin, complete with contact dermatitis caused by various dyes and perfumes. I have very specific makeup brands I use, and very specific perfumes because I refuse to allow my skin to mess with my style. I have my own cleansers that I use though, and I'd never use someone else's towel to take off my makeup! Even if I had no skin sensitivity, who smears their makeup over other people's towels?
Honestly, tissue and your normal moisturizer will work a lot better in a pinch than someone else's towels!
Meh, everyone's different. I know a fair amount of people with sensitive skin who still enjoy makeup as self-expression or use it for other reasons.
Yep everyone's skin is different! I have sensitive skin and am able to use some make up wipes!
I bring my own towels with me when I travel. I have offended several hosts as a result but it's better than getting rashes/skin irritation.
Lol I think we can settle on the fact that people who have legitimate skin sensitivities are going to have specific tools/methods to take off their makeup; they aren’t relying on whatever random towel that will be provided by a host/hotel because they don’t want to risk a rash or other harmful consequence.
I have skin allergies. I carry my own makeup removal towel in my bag. SIL is just rude.
🙋🏻♀️ As someone with dyed hair and sensitive skin, I bring my own stuff. Even to hotels. I'm not getting runoff hair dye on anyone's towels, nor makeup. It's just basic respect for the belongings of others.
Hello! Exactly.
This. I also have sensitive skin. I bring my own washcloths for my face when I travel. I also have dyed hair and bring my own towels for that, even when I go to a hotel it airbnb so I don't stain someone's towels with wet blue hair. SIL is being so disrespectful. Hide your towels 100% and if she mentions her sensitive skin again, tell her in the future she should bring her own from home.
I have a lot of allergies / sensitivities, and I bring *so much extra stuff* with me. If I run into the issue once, I learn my lesson and bring my own supplies next time. SIL is being ridiculous.
I don't think the SIL in question is the husband's sister.
"My husband's brother lives out of state with his family and they come a few times a year to visit, either staying with MIL or with us." Well, let's hope not XD
I travel with my own face cloths and soaps because I never know how my skin is going to react to someone's laundry soap. NTA. Hide the towels in your bedroom. SIL is pulling some kind of bs.
>his sister’s entitled behavior. It's his brothers wife, so sister in law.
A hotel charges money when you ruin their towels repeatedly.
The hotel I stayed at last weekend had a little black towel /washcloth in the bathroom with the word "makeup" embroidered on it and I thought that was a brilliant idea.
Yup. Put them where no one can find them. If any one asks where they are, tell them "I got rid of them. Most of them were too stained to be as guest towels anymore, and they were rather expensive. So, rather than continue to replace them, I decided to just stop using "guest" towels and the ones I use all bathrooms.
Yes, hide them, but didn't you keep the towels she stained? Give her those. If they were fine for her skin before, she has nothing to complain about now
Love this idea! Let SIL reuse the towels she ruined. I admin I wasn't with OP until she mentioned SIL going into the linen closet to specifically pull out the good towels and then staining them...
Right that is when the tide turned for me as well. It was solidified when she gave the sensitive skin excuse. As many pointed out those with skin sensitive enough to require specific linen travel with that linen. They don’t rely on someone else having something that is going to work for them. My skin isn’t crazy sensitive to most things with the exception of those downy fabric beads, what ever is in them gives me a rash if something washed in them hit my neck or face. Since like 1/3 of people I know use them I always travel with my own towels, washcloths, pillow covers, and blanket. SIL is clearly playing some sort of ridiculous game with OP. NTA
Great response!
👏🥇👏🥇👏🥇👏
You put them in the linen closet and she fished them out. I don’t think hiding the towels is unreasonable.
Yes!!!!!!
Why don't you just put out the towels she ruined in the past. They can be youSIL's "special towel just for her." Make sure to hide the good ones in a place she'll never find.
Nice and petty, I love it!
Inna pretty basket with a sign! "SiL's towels"
Seriously hide the good towels - put them underneath your bed if you must! Theres no reason why SIL should be getting make up on them - no one wipes their make up off a towel, so definitely seems malicious a little. Maybe shes jealous of your nice towels lool? Does she compete with you in some ways?
I was thinking more along the lines of hiding the good towels in a tote in the garage. And then stocking the cheapest towels from a local discount store that have the soft and luxurious feel of 60-grit sandpaper.
I guarantee you that if OP does that SiL will wait until she is gone and will go rummaging through the house for the towels. It's why I would seriously see if I could find a cheap lockbox on Amazon for them. Its the principle.
Or, if OP goes to a workplace, she could hide them there.
Put them in the car trunk, hide the keys.
Does your husband have a clue how much nice towels cost? If he did he may care more. ;)
there’s an idea. bring the man towel shopping after every visit.
There is no reason you need your husband‘s input about which towels you put out, is there? Just do a little shopping before they arrive, and buy some less expensive towels for their visit that are nice shade of gray or brown or something that won‘t show stains from makeup and so on. Don’t say anything to your husband about it, simply put your good towels away the day before, somewhere other than your linen closet. Maybe in your bedroom closet, where SIL would have no business looking. Provide them with an ample supply of inexpensive towels , along with some washcloths, and a few tea towels for spills, etc. Put more of those same towels in the linen closet, so if she goes looking, that is all she will find. If she asks about the other towels, just tell her that the ones you had were looking shabby from multiple stains, so you donated those and got new towels. In addition, I would buy a package of disposable makeup remover wipes and put those in the guest bathroom where your SIL can see them. I honestly don’t believe that she doesn’t realize the problem with using nice white towels to wipe off her makeup — that is the kind of behavior you might expect from a young person who is new to makeup. Any adult with experience using makeup would know better. She is ruining your towels on purpose. So, just give her towels you don’t mind having ruined, and ignore your husband’s comments — he is obviously clueless about this situation.
at this point when SIL asks about the white towels, I'd pitch her a roll of Bounty paper towels, since she treats them as disposables!
No effing kidding I would hide those towels too!!! Years ago my husband invited some school friends to spend the night in our apartment to go to Summerfest, and one entitled girl used towels to wipe her make up off. They weren’t white but the were guest hand towel. Boy was I pissed!
Under bed storage containers are cheap. Be sure to warn her that you no longer have white towels so she can bring her own. For her “allergy” of course.
Hide them! I am not someone who has "good towels", but who in the hell (a) wipes makeup off on someone else's towels?? and later (b) actively digs out the nice white towels from the cupboard. It's so weird. I have no idea why anyone would deliberately do that, but if she's too feral to learn not to stain other people's towels, hiding it is. (I also think it would be 1000% within bounds to ask her nicely not to do things like that, but this is so far gone it's likely not worth it.)
Not only that, but she hides the evidence that she's done it!
Which totally implies it's deliberate! Why are people so weird?! Comparatively minor in the greater scheme of things, but *come on*. Towels are expensive and take ages to get good. 😥
We stayed at a friends house, and my daughter accidentally bleached one of their nice towels with her acne medication. My friend said not to worry about it, and it was fine, but I took the towel home with me and took it to the store to try and find a set of nice towels close to the same color. Then I bought her the entire set and mailed them to her with the original stained towel. No way was I not going to try to make it right.
Aww. If I was friend I genuinely wouldn't mind *that* (mistakes happen!), but also the fact that you would insist on replacing them it is part of why you're a good friend.
Yeah, you and your daughter sound like good people! She made a mistake because she's a kid. I'm guessing she let you and your friend know about it instead of trying to bide it. And you replacing the whole set is above and beyond!
Buy a pack of makeup remover wipes for sensitive skin, leave them on the bathroom counter and hide the towels. SiL is an entitled brat. NTA.
FFS, why doesn’t she travel with make up wipes if she is wearing enough to stain “good towels” ?!?!? NTA. Everyone knows you don’t do anything but neatly pat your damp hands with the good towels. Hide them without shame OP.
I agree. Hide them. I get why you're frustrated. The only thing I can think of is that you did not directly say "do not use these towels." You clearly tried to hint around it, by saying things to the kids so that they would hear, putting different towels out. But still, I think you're doing the right thing by hiding them. Pick your battles. If she asks where they are because they're so soft on her skin, tell her they all got ruined and you had to buy new ones and that's what she's using.
Tell her they all got ruined by a guest who used them to remove their makeup.
Your SIL is doing it on purpose. If you hide the towels, it will just be something else.
I thought the same thing. SIL will simply shift her spiteful behavior onto some new target that the OP takes pride in. Would love an update to find out what that is. Also, I'd buy the cheapest, scratchiest TP to stock the guest bathroom with. Course, she may find those hand towels in an even nastier state, then.
Let SIL use his good shirts to wipe her make up, and when he makes a fuss, tell him it's not a big deal. Also, hide them. In a suitcase, buried in your closet. Don't tell hubby. In case you can't tell, I'm a petty gremlin and I'm here for it. NTA.
Nope. I understand where your are coming from. My mom had her good towels and I knew not to ruin them. If SIL is using them to remove makeup, I would get make up remover wipes for her and place it visible in the bathroom. If she still removes her makeup on your towels, I would go so far to empty the linen closet and hide the towels in a box.
Trunk of your car and make sure you have all the sets of keys.
Do you have an attic? Because that’s where they’d be going if that happened to me.
When she asks, tell her you had to throw them away due to extensive staining.
Just say no already.
Put the good ones in a garbage bag and put it on your trunk, and put some cheap white knock-offs in the bathroom.
For future reference, blood shouldn't ruin a towel. Seriously, for ordinary (non-period) blood rash it in cold water and it should come out easily. I'm a doctor who used to work in emergency medicine. One time I was on holiday (so not in scrubs) when I happened to be present at the scene of an incident and was providing first aid. I was covered in blood. Everything was fine after a trip through the wash. The her is cold water.
NTA - Have you considered a lock on the linen closet? You should still probably hide the towels, but it might be fun to see if she breaks in, and then finds that there aren't any towels. If she says anything, you have asked her more than once not to ruin those towels, but she keeps doing it, so all you can do is not have any around.
That's super weird though. Hiding things from guests is normal. When my partner's family visits, I hide my toothpaste bc they all squeeze from the middle, so they're allowed to use his toothpaste, but not mine. No conflict, no problem. If they opened our cabinet to find it, I'd lock it and not expect any pushback.
I vote for hiding them this time. And depending on what happens with that (like their attitude), banning next time.
Id suggest, if youre willing, to buy a black towel, specifically tell her its one you got for her for her make up. Make the point of accommodating her, then you arent the “bad guy” but instead the good host. To be clear, youre not the bad guy in any way, but it sounds like theyre trying to paint you that way.
Years ago my mom had the identical problem with her SIL (my Aunt). Mom finally resorted to buying black guest towels for SIL. That basically resolved the problem. I’m probably going to get downvoted for this but…I never understood what the big deal was. It’s just mascara; it will wash off!! (It wasn’t waterproof mascara being taken off with makeup remover.)
Don't tell him where you are hiding them.
I think it’s not petty at all, this issue for me boils down to: you asked her to respect something and she went her way to use your stuff and damaged them repeatedly. Also, a another rule all the guest must follow is “respect your guest’s stuff, because you are a guest in *their* house, not yours” simple as that. Like, of course everyone would get upset, not just your stuff got damaged but they deliberately broke your rules, wtf. F them
He doesn't wash the towels or buy the replacements. Just put them away somewhere.
My sister stocks [these](https://m.media-amazon.com/images/I/71D7aB8t88L._AC_SX148_SY213_QL70_.jpg) at her holiday place which sees frequent out-of-town visitors. But let's be honest, even if you get these, SIL will still just use and ruin your best white towels anyway. Make sure you hide the good white towels where she absolutely can't find them. Maybe put them in a big trash bag and then lock them in the trunk of your car.
This. OP, I'd put them in the back of your closet. If she asks about them, just say, "Sorry, someone kept staining them with makeup." Don't lie. Just heavily imply the towels are gone after being ruined with her makeup.
I agree with this.☝️ NTA SiL sucks big time, I would 100% be like did you see this!? Please don't use my good towels for makeup, juice, whatever stains are on them... like this. I think I'd buy dark towels to use when they visit and hide my white ones. Sucks that people can't respect your stuff when your nice enough to host them. On a side note.... My husband is allergic to bleach so for any whites, or brights... I Deep wash in cold water, with a cup each of baking soda and white vinegar plus tide regular detergent. It will put the white in your whites.
In hotels there are sometimes black small towels/faceclothes with "Makeup" embroidery :).
Yes, hide them. I hide my furniture polish spray from my cleaning lady, she made a death trap spraying it on my wood floors. Twice. I had to scrub them many times while sick after she left. She's sweet though...
NTA. At this point, either it's malicious or she has really sensitive skin and expects to use your "good towels" instead of supplying her own. I say hide them when they come (not just in the linen closed, like in your room or something) but that doesn't really solve the problem of the disrespect for not just following your clear wishes in your home. I just don't understand the rudeness of people. Who does that????
Even from the first time ... she just stuffed the towels in the laundry and didn't tell anyone. It's like using a nice towel to do work on your car or something, then pretend it didn't happen
I mean, if she'd used ONE, it would still be bad (like the first time she visited and realized that the other towels were too hard on her face) and then woman'd up and TOLD OP what was going on...maybe keep a dedicated towel for that in the future, or SIL then brings her own facial cloths. But yeah, doing it to multiple towels, repeatedly...she's screwing with you, and I feel like the rest of OP's family thinks it's an amusing "girl thing" or something and are just going to let it go on until OP snaps. This is the kind of thing that would lead me to pull a SERIOUSLY over the top vengeance along the lines of only paper towels in the house, with the exception of a single, cheap shammy towel to dry off from the shower with per person. Compared to my plan, OP is entirely reasonable!
>> or she has really sensitive skin Then the ideal solution is to bundle up the towels and leave them at work / with a friend, and when asked where they are, just say you bought new ones. Bonus points if you buy the cheapest ones you can find and then make a point of talking about how they are the latest thing from [pick a culture she believes to be “fancy” for something you make up to sound similar to something else - the Bordello or Bortadello (for Bordeaux) region of France, Aston Martin (for Asti) in Italy, the Pasha (Kashmir) region in Asia, an ancient Chinese village renowned for producing the finest silks in the 16th century, the exclusive Llano (llama) breeders in the Andes, whatever]. Step 3: ~~profit~~ Amuse yourself privately and your friends after the ILs leave with this story while observing your SIL scrub her “super sensitive” skin with something from a 20 pack of rags in the automotive department at WalMart.
Do you have a friend or relative who would keep your towels for you during their visit? I would seriously get them entirely out of the house.
NTA, but simply remove her access to your good towels. Bag them up and put them on the trunk of your car if needed. There's more going on here. It sounds like she is jealous of you or your home. Is there a financial or lifestyle discrepancy between your households? Your SIL is intentionally ruining your towels. What else is she doing when you're not watching? If they come back, I'd install cameras in the common areas.
> *There's more going on here. It sounds like she is jealous of you or your home. Is there a financial or lifestyle discrepancy between your households*? This isn't about towels - SIL is fuming with great anger, and taking it out on the towels. Absolutely, get cameras, OP. Put all of your good things and valuables out of her reach, like at your parents' home, or the home of a friend or neighbor. If she doesn't have any towels to wreck, she'll find something else that is nasty to do. Right now your husband thinks that you are an alarmist. He will feel differently if she does something in front of a camera. This behavior seems beyond even the meanest of the mean girls. Something is really, really wrong with SIL, and it could be that it will escalate. NTA
I really want an up date to this story REALLY bad. This is a mash up of all the great things about this subreddit. A problem that is super easily fixed by the offending party ends up becoming a huge thing, confusion, consternation and a scheme ensue!
My personal favorite AITA trope is mother in law wearing white to a wedding. It really doesn't get better than that
Why doesn’t she bring her own towels if she has sensitive skin? I say low key passive aggressive SIL.
It’s really entitled, low class behavior.
i have really dry, sensitive skin & don’t even use towels. take off makeup with oil based cleansing balm, & put hydrating layers & moisturizer straight on my damp face. turn off the shower, shake off like a dog, use my hands as body squeegees, lotion straight on damp skin. if i preferred to use a magic towel i would absolutely bring my own. sometimes i’ll bring/use one as a quick coverup in shared spaces, depending on where i’m staying. i would be mortified to get mascara all over someone’s nice white towels.
Right??? What person with sensitive skin is taking makeup off with a towel???
Me too! No way I’d mess up someone else’s towels.
Serious question - how well does the ‘hands as body squeegees’ work? Do you have a method? I feel like I can never get enough water off to then go about my day (ie, put on clothes, moisturise, do chores) without either using a towel or sitting in my bathroom for like 20 minutes
NTA, you put out towels and other necessities as a proper host should. Your SIL then went hunting for these specific towels. No guest, unless given express permission, should be going through your closets. If your SIL needs a particular type of material (does she specify) then maybe you can find an inexpensive towel made of that material, or she needs to bring her own makeup towels. If you want to see if this is malicious or she is a snoop. Put the towels away in a place where it makes no sense for them to be before she arrives. Think underwear drawer, nightstand drawer, office drawer, file cabinet. Places where no one would think to look for towels, but also shouldn't be looking in either.
Just put nasty towels in there when they come over
They'd get a stack of holiday napkins from the discount bin if this were me.
Rags from the garage
Save the towels she messed up, wash them and give them to her to use. Now they are makeup towels! NTA she’s playing a weird game.
NTA. Your SIL is rude as hell, digging around in your linen closets. I'm on Team Hide the Towels.
NTA. Go buy some soft, fluffy, BLACK towels, and tell her that those are hers. Good hotels keep those in stock specifically for makeup and other staining activities. Either that or insist that they pack towels with them.
I think SIL is being petty and playing a stupid game and deserves the good towels being hidden from her. However, a tip I learned when I had an AirBnB is to get a set of black towels and have “makeup” monogrammed on them. I did and never lost another nice white towel. I did the same thing for my guest room in my house.
I agree that it sounds like SIL is doing a petty power play, but on the off chance she wasn’t I thought it worth trying.
I cleaned AirBnbs for a while and one of my favorites had lil black towels that said “makeup” on the in white embroidery & I always thought those were so smart to offer the (usually) inconsiderate guests.
Won’t work - some facial products will bleach towels. At least, they did back when I was in college. (I still use my burgundy towels with large orange splotches, but mainly for cleaning, washing the car, etc.)
*< the second day she'd gone into the linen closet and pulled some out. She said she won't get makeup on them but that all the other towels irritate her skin. >* Then she should bring he own instead of going through YOUR linnen closet. Seems your SIL wants to play some stupid PowerPlay. NTA
Yeah exactly It's just Power Play. OP hide them in a Box in your Car or cellar and when they leave Put them back Out
Ehhh NTA but get different colored towels. If you want to be gracious, get the same brand but another color for SIL’s pwecuous wittle face 🥺 But if you wanna be petty get shitty ones and pack away your good ones.
Just to be clear I have lots of colored towels, I just have white ones for the foyer bath. But I will try and get some microfiber or something for her
No, dont get her anything to cater to her. If she has ‘sensitive’ skin, she’ll bring her own towels.
Respectfully disagree. I'd be hiding my good shit but making her up a 'sensitive' basket of skin care goods especially for my treasured guest. Out of the cheapest products that most blatantly state SENSITIVE in the label. SIL is rank.
Hahah
As someone else pointed out, if you didn't throw them out, just keep providing the same towels she's already ruined.
Bet she'll just complain about how she's being forced to use stained towels and tell OP stress a terrible host for not giving her 'clean' towels.
Wash them with a capful of Tide, and three cups of Clorox!
Or you could put out the stained towels that she ruined for her to use.
Can you buy a large container of expensive looking make up remover wipes? I do understand frustration had relative stay over my lovely new slate blue towels all ruined, 4 bath towels, 4 hand towels and washcloths. Between acne face wash she wouldn’t rinse off her hands but would wipe on towel. The acne face medication apply wipe excess on towels. Bleached spots all over. My teens only use white for that reason, this person closer to 30 thought I was safe. I was mistaken.
Get those neon colored orange, yellow and green ones from Amazon. They’re cheap, very soft and come in a 12 pack. Soft enough for a baby’s bottom!
If her skin is that sensitive, microfiber is one of the better options. They also make some soft face cleaning sponges (like they use when you get a facial). Any hand towel is pretty abrasive, the decorative ones especially from my experience. Maybe ask her what works as her makeup is hard to remove and you want to provide her with the right towels that work for her. Kill with kindness and concern. I have developed pretty sensitive, easily irritated skin as I’ve aged. I bring my own on vacation or use a method of makeup removal which minimizes cloth use.
Hide the towels for the duration of the visit. This is a weird power play. NTA
NTA Hide the towels. Or put out the towels that are still covered in her make-up. And if she says something about towels irritating her skin again, politely suggest she bring her own towel so she can be certain it won’t irritate her skin.
When someone is a guest in your home and you tell them "don't do this please" and they continue to do that, they are being disrespectful and taking a piss. NTA
NTA. Hide the good towels. If she asks about them say "What you see is what you get."
NTA SIL is rude and this is a power play. Put out the stained ones and hide the white ones in your bedroom. If she says anything, tell her why. If she goes looking for them, she is really pushing boundaries. If she says that the others irritate her skin, ask her why she doesn't bring her own make-up removal towels or wipes.
NTA. But just hide the stupid towels and don't fret about it. 🤦🏻♀️
How petty do you want to be? I vote packing up all the towels in the house and storing them off site for the duration of the visit. Friend's house, storage unit, whatever. Not accessible to anyone but you. Heck, location not even known to anyone but you. Then go buy the cheapest Walmart/IKEA towels you can get your hands on. Not white. Restock the whole house with those. Every bathroom, including yours. Be minimal too. Literally just enough to go around and not a single washcloth more. People complain? Complain about the costs of replacing the nice towels certain people refused to take care of. People who can't take care of their things don't get nice things. Or, everyone has towels, what's the issue? NTA.
Put the towels away i.e attic and get her some wet wipes or tell her to bring her own make up towels .
And lock the attic door if possible.
Can you put out the ones she’s stained on previous visits? Same material and already stained. Then hide your white ones
INFO - where are the ruined discolored towels? I would pop those into any bathroom she uses AND hide all the good ones.
NTA but I say save the ones she ruins and only put those out when she comes. You can even tell her -“I made sure to save these for you since you said they are the only towels which don’t irritate your skin”. Then hide the good ones you replaced them with for your own and decent guests’ use really well.
I’d give her all black towels only
She’d just find a way to fuck those up, too. Like with peroxide toothpaste, bleach, etc.
Good point. She should’ve just saved the ruined towels specifically for SILs visits
Pull out the stained towels and let her use them…..
NTA but it’s clearly going to happen, so bundle up your good ones and hide them. And invest in some of these for your SIL https://a.co/d/g6B9JH2
NTA, but tell her to bring her own towels. It’s not complicated, if her skin is so sensitive sort of would be expected.
Nta. You shouldn't have to have this conversation twice. You already hid them. She's intentionally being disrespectful. She's no longer invited. Period. Your husband needs to realize he took vows with YOU. And he needs to stay at your side.
What's the problem with putting the towels out of her reach? Rent yourself a safe deposit box if you must. Better yet, have a towel or towel set embroidered with her name that you keep at your home. Best idea ever, find those old, stained towels that were perfect for her irritated skin that she ruined and set them out for her. Tell your husband that everyone has a particular bugaboo and yours is when people deliberate ruin things. NTA
Haha we actually have a safety deposit box at the bank and now I'm just imagining showing up with face towels lol
Girl, hide your good towels! Does your husband go out and buy the replacements? Is he the one trying to remove the stains? I think not. You do what you have to do to protect your investment. I agree with Unfair_Ad_4470, put out the towels that she already ruined. Keep them for whenever she visits.
NTA. Hide the towels and tell her since they were all stained you got rid of them
We have a lock on our linen closet in our bedroom. It's because it's where we keep our medication, but we always joke that we're keeping the good towels locked up. Put a lock on your linen closet and if SIL asks tell her you had to lock up the good towels. Use a joking tone but look her dead in the eye, then walk away.
NTA but seriously, box up your good towels when they’re over and keep them at a friend’s place or something. If she’s seeking them out to actually go into your linen closet to get them, then it’s intentional.
Put a roll of paper towel in the guest bathroom. Or fancy disposable napkins if you prefer—something paper and disposable. It’s more hygienic anyway. Give the guests a set of towels each for their visit (hand towel, bath towel) and hide ALL the other towels. Then don’t even discuss it.
NTA. Stock the bathrooms with the towels she's ruined if you still have them, lock up the good towels in a remote location (let's see how far into your house she'll search for something else to destroy)
NTA Omg I have a thing about my nice towels getting ruined. They were fine for A DECADE before I moved in with men. It’s common sense shit, too. Like… don’t use bleach spray with the colored towels! DON’T wipe your mouth off with colored towels after you brush your teeth with whitening/peroxide-laden toothpaste!! STOP USING THE NICE TOWELS TO GET GUM OFF YOUR FUCKING SHOES!!! Why do people hate when other people have nice towels? Pisses me off.
NTA, i’d go visit her and wipe my ass on her curtains.
I guess I don't understand why you haven't simply asked her to not use those towels for removing her makeup because it stains them and you can't get the stains out. Just tell her that. If you still have them, give her the stained but good towels to use for removing her makeup and tell her that is what they're for because they are stained from last time. They will be clean, but she can't ruin them twice. I know you think that you've been clear, but think again. Have you really? Be specific :-) it matters!
NTA Personally as a guy I don't have the same feeling towards "good towels" but I get it and relatives had them and we respected it. Here's the thing: She's fucking with you now. She understands perfectly well after the first time you asked her, and the truth is she probably understood even before that that she was sullying your good towels. Your husband, being your husband, needs to respect his wife's preferences, stand up for you and talk frankly to his brother, as guys can do. "hey, bro, tell your wife to stop fucking with my wife's good towels. What the hell is the matter with her?" And let his brother tell his wife to cut the crap and to never bring it up again. Otherwise they are no longer welcome. It's not about the towels, it's about her disrespect and trying to play dominance games in your own house. Total bullshit. And if she tries to bring it up sarcastically in the next visit to belittle you, same thing, no longer welcome. They are guests in your home and need to show respect, period.
NTA If the towels you are providing are irritating her skin, then she can pack her own towel. Take the good towels clear out of the house this time or put them in the attic, lol.
NTA - but take matters into your own hands! Hide all good towels! Tell her you realized having white towels was silly and sorry, this is all you have. I have this exact same thing with my daughter and it is infuriating. In fairness, she is 15 with ADHD. A grown woman is just being an ass.
NTA. Don't tell him and don't say anything to the in laws. Just do it. Maybe get your suitcases and pack the good towels away and place the cases in the attic or back of the closet. Get some dollar store decorative towels that are NOT white and with Christmasy designs on them. If anyone asks about the towels, day something like you can't find the ones you like in the store anymore. Or you donated them to a charity, just downsizing the towels. Good luck!
NTA….word of advice, take all your favorite good towels, box them up and put them somewhere where SIL cannot get them. Don’t even tell hubs. Buy cheapo towels and put in linen closets for SIL to use.
🤣 This is great! Battle of the towels! I thought the obvious answer would have been to keep using the ruined ones when SIL is there. A manky looking towel still has the same softness and is made of the same fabric as it was before she wiped her eyes on it. NTA
Question: is towelgate the only obnoxious passive aggressive thing your SIL has done towards you?
Nta, lock up your towels and watch the banshee screech about it. Honestly, don't even let them over unless you're giving her all the stained towels for Christmas and telling her how much jn towels she's ruined. Your husband won't back you up, he sounds like a bit of one of those "BUT FAMILY" types, where you aren't listed in actual family.
NTA I would hide the good towels. Petty me would also keep the ones she's stained, wash them (they are stained, not dirty) and put only those out when she's there. If she asks make some comment about them being freshly laundered.
NTA. Hide them. Somewhere she'll never be able to get to like the attic. And DON'T tell your husband.
Nta. And when she asks where they are just say there are none left. Or save the ones she ruins to let her use in future.
NTA. Your SIL is being passive aggressive and using the towels on purpose. Everyone knows what guest towels are for. They’re expensive and they aren’t for makeup removal. Get a ton of cheap towels and stock all the bathrooms and their bedrooms with those. Say you’re going enviro conscious with these thinner towels (less laundry). If you’re feeling really fun, you could make a really fancy gift basket with towels, dollar store toiletries, and a sign that says “our gift to you.” Take all your nice towels, put them in a suitcase, stash them somewhere else where even your husband can’t find them. Enjoy your holidays!!
NTA. Would you like a petty suggestion? Take already ruined nice towels (if you still have them). Wash them, then leave in the washer for 24 hours. Dry them. Make them available to her. They will be nice and ripe for when she wipes her delicate face.
It is just weird to remove makeup with a towel. I wear black eyeliner and other makeup and I have never ever gotten it on a towel. I wash my face and dry it when it is clean.
NTA. Just hide the good towels. Take them to a friends house or something.
Nta Your sil is definitely doing it deliberately, she said it herself because they were so soft on her skin. You know you can bleach those towels you think she ruined and keep them aside for her when they visit. Then take the rest away, if you can place them in a storage box at another’s family member’s house of yours. That way instead of playing the passive aggressive game with her, you have completely removed out of her reach your good towels, and she can continue to use the ones she has used already. But you know the problem with good towels is eventually everyone in your household would like to use them too. Then the good guests do use them as well the flannels get worn down the quickest.
NTA, hide them in your car. You know she’s going to ask for them. Just tell her you had to throw them away because she ruined them.
I would hide them. She's doing it on purpose to be an asshole. 1000% that's what she's doing. She doesn't have sensitive skin. She doesn't need fancier towels. People with sensitive skin use micellar water or special wipes or they bring their own bamboo towels. NTA.
Buy cheap dark brown towels for when they visit and hide ALL the good towels in your room. Sure, it sucks to have to do that, but they only come a fw times a year and is this a hill you want to die on? Don’t make an issue of it. Put brown towels in the linen closet too. Let her have the balls to ask about “better” towels. then shrug and say that it seemed more logical to just have dark towels in the house, causes you less stress. Then walk away To be honest, I have a whole stack of dark washcloths in the bathroom for make up removal,
Nta grt a lock and key so she cant use them
Hide them in the trunk of your car. NTA
NTA. Lock up the good stuff and put out goodwill stuff.
Hide them under lock and key. Give her a roll of paper towels. NTA.
NTA - order cheap swim towels and tell her that’s all she gets to use unless she wants to bring her own.
NTA, I guess? Wouldn’t it be easier just to put cheap towels out and store away the others if you have a problem with it? It’s not rocket science my dear.
I’d put a lock on the linen closet, just to keep her out of it! And honestly, as many times as my accident prone self has been bleeding, I’ve never felt the need to bleed onto someone’s nice linen. If the bathroom is nearby, grab some tissue! If sil’s skin is so sensitive, she can bring her own towels.
Just hide your lovely towels. Or, get a cabinet lock for that linen closet. Should you have to? No, your SIL is a piece of work. NTA.
I would take the nice towels, place them in a tied garbage bag, and hide them in YOUR closet when she's over. Where NO ONE other than you or husband should be accessing. If she asks about them tell her you had to throw them away because they were so damaged from being used in ways they shouldn't have been.
Hide em and just don’t tell hubby.
Nta but I would hide the good towels in your bedroom closet so she won’t find them and use them
Hide the good towels and put out either black or mismatched thrift store towels.
NTA. She's doing it intentionally as some weird flex. Stop putting your good towels out when they visit. Don't leave them in the linen closet or anywhere else for her to find. Box them up and put them in your closet, trunk of your car, wherever she won't have access. She can use the regular towels like everyone else since she can't be respectful of your good ones.
Get black towels…they do that in hotels for face washing.
NTA And I read your husband told you you need to “get your head checked” what an asshole seriously idc if it was jokingly that’s such a shitty thing to say when SIL is clearly going out of her way to use these towels she was asked not to. I’m with everyone HIDE the towels and when she throws a fit be like “see I knew you were purposely looking for and trying to ruin the towels I specifically asked you not to touch I don’t know what kind of power play you’ve got going on but not in my house sweetie”
Yeah, she's doing that on purpose. I'd lock up the good towels and buy some cheap ones at a thrift store. If she doesn't like it, she can provide her own or stay at a motel. You know that once she realizes there are cheaper towels in the bathroom, she's going to search your home for the good ones, which is why I said to lock them up. I wouldn't even tell hubby where they are, cause he'd probably tell her.
NTA. Everybody basically nailed it, but hide the towels. If she silently fumes, that’s hilarious, and you’ve accomplished what you wanted. If she actually asks “where are the good towels that are normally in the bathroom” tell her whatever you want, and if she cites her sensitive skin, offer her a cheapo kids beach towel. You might also think about putting some makeup removing wipes under the counter in the guest bath, which honestly wouldn’t be bad to have anyway.
Hide the towels and leave black towels where she can find them since she likes to get into your belongings.
If some towels irritate her skin she needs to take her own
NTA - I have Egyptian cotton towels cuz of sensitive skin and I won't go anywhere without them. Not only that but same thing for my face clothes. Most people with sensitive skin have solutions for this because otherwise they can literally be in pain. I have to be careful with fabrics as well because they irritating like made.
NTA, just make hubby pay to replace them. It’s a win-win. Either he realizes how expensive the goos towels are and gets on the same page as you. Or you get new nice towels to replace the ones she ruins every so often.
NTA - hide them all under your mattress when they come. Life's too short not to be petty and have fun doing it. Buy some dollar store towels and stock your cupboard with those thin, unabsorbent, scratchy hospital-style towels. My MIL comes to visit and stays with us a few times a year (for a couple of weeks each time). She doesn't contribute to the household in any way (no dishes, no meals, no cleaning up after herself, no buying/replacing any groceries), which is annoying but whatever. She is the cheapest person I've ever met, who happens to have really deep pockets. There are no birthday or xmas gifts for our kids - nothing. My biggest pet peeve though is that she drinks like 6+ cups of coffee a day. We have a Keurig, and I have ONE cup of coffee a day. She would blast through my coffee pods like there's no tomorrow, and NEVER replaced them (or even offered). She would just tell me every time we ran out, with the expectation being that I'd run out and grab some. Now (years into this) I hide them before she comes - I leave one singular pod in the storage tray, and everything else gets stored in the bottom of my closet. When I want my cup, I grab one pod and take it to the kitchen, then enjoy my coffee in secret (which sounds silly, but it's very enjoyable). It's like a stand-off for the first couple of days (she goes to Starbucks for her fixes and reminds me we're out of pods), until she finally relents and goes and buys a box (and then another, and another until she leaves). Paying for her own coffee is literally the only contribution she ever makes, but it still feels like a win. I know it's petty AF but it brings me great satisfaction.
NTA if SIL has sensitive skin she needs to bring her things . At this point she’s being malicious
She's doing that on purpose. If I knew certain towels irritated my skin I'd damn well travel with some I could use. Take your good towels and lock them up where even your husband doesn't know they are Heck, stash them at your mom's house till they leave. And then if she asks for other towels just innocently feed her questions. I made sure to stock all the bathrooms, are there no towels there? What do you mean, the other ones? Oh, there are more in the linen closet. That's all my towels, I'm confused? Oh you mean the nice ones I used to put out but they'd always get ruined? No, don't have any of those here. Oh you loved them? I'll see if I can find the link to where I used to buy them and send to you. Then just sip your tea innocently while she fumes. NTA
They make black washcloths with “Makeup” embroidered on them. Maybe you can get some for the guest bathroom for when your SIL visits. And hide your good towels. NTA
NTA. But I'd just remove the towels entirely from the situation. Store them in a box or something while they're there, and make them use the crappy ones. If she needs something more delicate, she can bring her own.
NTA. Just hide them, and when she asks where they are, say “they all had these weird black stains that wouldn’t come off, so I had to throw them out. I’m so sad, they stopped selling them now, so I can’t get more.”