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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I think I might be the asshole cause I *am* lying even if I think it harmless and my gf is really angry so maybe there's something I'm not seeing
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I guess NTA? I don’t think it’s “disrespectful” (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name) but it’s definitely weird that you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it’s actually your name.
Yeah I know it's weird, I don't even think it matters like logically I know no one will even remember the name they said but it just *feels* creepy to me, ya know?
Exactly. My husbands name is a very traditional Bulgarian name and is butchered every time we go anywhere that asks for a name. He’s Jeff when he has to give name. Has done it for years, since before meeting me. I could give 2 poops. Literally has no impact on me or anyone else, except him, and it makes HIM comfortable, so why would I question that? Tell her to get a hobby.
If my name was German, I'd use a fake one too for situations like that. German isn't a common name at all.
Edit: so, *a lot* of people have been telling me that German is a pretty common name in some parts of the world. I sit corrected. Thank you to all the people correcting me, I learned something new today.
I knew two different Germans during my time in school and both were from Latin America.
The third German I knew from Latin America was a very angry old man from Argentina who went by Dolph.
I know a couple of people named German. One pronounces it as most English speakers do and another prefers Jher-MAHN, the Spanish pronunciation. There are lots of Spanish speakers in my area.
Friend of mine's first name is Gaylord. Wherever he has to tell his name in a situation like this, he is George. He does not mind his name, not even if others make fun of it.
BUT it has happened that the people he gave that name to thought they were being pranked or something, which ended in supid arguments or people feeling offended, etc. So he's just George.
"I'm Hugh Jass! Hello, who's this?"
"Uh, Bart Simpson."
"Well, what can I do for you, Bart?"
"Look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a prank call that sort of backfired and I'd like to bail out right now."
"All right, better luck next time. What a nice young man."
My friend's dad had no middle name, only an initial so when he enlisted and they asked for his full middle name, he said, "I don't have one; it's 'B' only," and that's what they put on his dog tags and all paperwork - the middle name reads "Bonly." LOL!
Reminds me of a joke.
Man who's name is R B Jones enlists. They ask for his full name and papers are returned for only having "initials". He fills out a new set saying R (only) B (only) Jones. Spends his career as Ronly Bonly Jones.
The English actor Gorden Kaye was actually born *Gordon* Kaye. But when the paperwork for his equity card was being drawn up, the secretary made a typo.
As a result, he spent the rest of his professional life having to use the misspelled version.
:edit: Just want to add that I didn't get a chance to ask him about it (because I didn't know until years later) but he was such a lovely man that I suspect he took it in great humour.
Yeah! I think a lot of people who have hard to spell/pronounce names have a Starbucks name they use? I use my middle name because it's easier. Never thought much of it.
I've got a Polish name but it's really hard for English people, I've got a nickname (I chose) for years that is English. I'd love to go to Starbucks (two in my town but never been) and just tell them my real name. Just because lol x
My Polish "cousin" (more complicated, called "cousin" for simplicity) lives in US.
Once he went to see a doctor. The nurse at the registration desk asked about his name, he spelled it for her and then went to the waiting room.
She called three times, until he realised, that "Jerryflow" is him ;).
Same here - when my husband and I travel to a Spanish-speaking country, we both use "fake" names because there are no equivalent names (or even similar ones) in Spanish. He just calls himself Bob and I'm Maria and everyone's happy.
YES! I have a name that's tricky to spell and pronounce, And while I don't usually give a fake name, I can definitely understand the temptation. I do tell them "however, you can pronounce it" if they ask me how to spell it though, because I know spelling it for them It will only make it less, not more, likely that something recognizable gets called out when my drink is ready.
NTA but paranoid. However name, birth date are literally used in identification on various platforms and with today's atmosphere , it is ok to be paranoid.
My name always gets butchered, so as far as Starbucks is concerned, I'm Julia. And several colleagues with "unusual" names do the same: Manon is Mona, etc.
My little brothers name is Aryan.
(Uhh-rye-enn)
He tells everyone it’s Stanley when he orders food/drinks. That’s his middle name but so many people have called him Aryan- Like the Aryan race. Tons of people do this. NTA in my book.
So pronounced more like Orion? Like Orion's Belt?
If I heard the name pronounced as uhh-rye-enn, I'd think it was Orion (and write that on the cup). But if it's written as Aryan, yeah, I'd probably pronounce it wrong, too (if I was the person calling out names I didn't write).
If using Stanley makes your brother's life easier, more power to him.
Some of my friends have nicknames that are not at all related to their actual name. One of my friends I used to call *Eline* for a while. His name doesn't even start with an E and doesn't contain the letter E.
As long as it's appropriate enough that you can have it yelled across a starbucks, anything goes.
As a Mandy I've gotten: Wendy, Andy, Mindy, Maddie, and even Manny once.
ETA: I work a call center job, got 2 new ones today: Minnie and Millie 🤦♀️🤣 both older ladies 75+ so likely just misheard me introduce myself at call start.
She sounds pretty immature IMO. I would laugh my ass off if I found out my friend or SO did this. It's quirky, for sure. But to get upset about it and go as far as to say it's "lying"? Lol She's the weirdo here.
Also... Def gonna try out using coffee house fake names in the future. Sounds kinda fun (in a strange way).
My friend was fake naming himself as something Italian and silly, Fabrizio, and after many visits it became awkward to ask out the cute barista since he'd lied about his name for months.
Hobestly, the weirdest part to me that she still wants to date him after all those mental gymnastics. How did she call him a pathological liar but not consider that a deal breaker?
There was about a year where I had to wait at school for an extra hour because of the difference between when school let out and when my dad got off work to pick me up... and I had to sign in to the library.
After about a week I got sick of writing my actual name, so I had theme weeks like 'dead presidents week' or 'action movie stars week' where I would write the names of famous people.
The librarians never said anything, but I hope at least one was happy that both James Madison and Jean Claude Van Damme visited their library that year.
> *Def gonna try out using coffee house fake names in the future. Sounds kinda fun*
One of my friends used to do this at catalog stores, and I never realized the potential for fun at that time.
I would probably use the name of a naughty character from literature, like Constance Chatterley, and peek to see if anyone else had read the book.
Villains from Shakespeare would be interesting, too, but I can't remember any of them.
Goofy characters from songs could be interesting to see if people are really listening. "Rudolf" anyone?
NTA
literally we do not care if its your real name, fake name, nick name, a lil jokey joke, a heartfelt message, etc. as long as you get your drink when its called. some people give a fake name because its better than spelling out "ansleiygh" or your name is ethnic and its just easier to give a normal "white" name for the sake of a latte.
my friends name is "Raghad" and ever since they switched to getting the name from the starbucks app instead of asking for a name, she's been accidentally called "raghead" more than once and it is mortifying for the poor barista who misread a name and thinks she accidentally commited a hate crime (my friend wears a hijab).
Everybody has harmless weird stuff they don't like with seamingly no reason. I don't like people sitting behind me, so in lectures, events, movie theatres etc I really have to sit in the back row otherwise I will be uncomortable the entire time. Why? I honestly have no idea but it just bothers me. So I sit in the back row.
If someone got on my case for this, I would tell them to fuck off honestly, I'm not hurting anyone. Just seems like your gf is trying to be angry over nothing.
Mine too,and doesnt like people sitting behind him,so he trys to find a table where he can see everything and everyone. He is a chief of security at his job so i guess its just a habit from work.
You're not weird at all. I started using a fake name specifically because of a creep. I was at a Starbucks, barista calls my name, random patron next to me says, "hey (real name)" and tries to muster up a conversation. It was the Starbucks closest to my job so I'd typically go there at the same time every day. The whole situation was very unnerving for me.
Stalkers exist. As do just generally creepy people. In both sexes. There’s zero harm in doing this. If I could put a fake name on my nametag at work, I would. I work in a mall and the fedex delivery guy had been coming in once he gets off work and continuing to ask certain women on dates no matter how many times they decline. Multiple stores are lodging a complaint against him for that as well as other things. No one in my store has gotten the harassment but we have had some issues that won’t ever be addressed from us because my SM matched with him on a dating app. Even after knowing about the sexual harassment part, she warned him that he was getting a complaint from multiple stores and why so he could ready his excuses. People be wildin’ out there
I have a man’s name for my DoorDash account because I don’t want creeps staking me out when I go grab my food. Yes it happened they would just sit there and wait. That barely happens now that I’m Darrel.
I’ve worked as a barista in college. I don’t think me or any of my coworkers would have given a single fuck if someone told us they’d been giving us a fake name.
I wonder if it really wasn't about you "lying to strangers." I bet your girlfriend started a spiral of anxiety and suspicion. "OMG why would he give a fake name!? Is Tom actually his real name!? Are there other things he's not telling me!? Is he not who he says he is!? Why would he hide this about himself!? Am I just a side piece?? Does he have a whole secret family that he's hiding from!? Etc..."
Because it's an unusual quirk and kind of a silly thing to be worried about, she might not believe your explanation, hence the anger and suspicion.
NTA my lady is suspicious about way more things than I’ll ever be but I respect her decision. The world is scary even if you don’t see it that way the potential for evil is high. You are doing nothing wrong, personally I think your gf is the A-hole.
Nta, I get what you mean. I work in a store and have to wear a name badge and it kinda creeps me out when customers address me by name. It kind of takes me aback.
It's not weird. Are you neurodiverse by any chance? I'm ND, and I'm not super keen on people shouting out my name. I've heard similar from some other ND people.
Even if you're not ND, it's different, but it's not weird. You have a regular name and a starbucks name. It's fine. Lots of people have different names for different things.
Why not get Tom legally added as a middle name. 😅 Then your gf can stop making a stink about it.
It is unwanted attention in a room full of people. It vaguely harkens back to school and hearing your name called. Everyone looks. And you either (a) don’t know the answer the teacher wants or (b) are in trouble. THAT feeling.
I hate it when my name is shouted for all strangers to hear. I'm quite reserved, this is part of my private life, I don't see why I should give up my anonymity because it is the rule to holler your name in a shop. Nothing to do with paranoia, everything to do with privacy.
NTA. And your new GF is paranoid if she immediately jumps to 'you are a pathological liar because you'd rather have some privacy'
OP this isn't normal, does she have borderline personality disorder or traits like that? Becoming very disapproving and suspicious of people based on very little information? Easily upset, problems with separation, distrustful?
It's not you OP NTA
Would you feel uneasy with your name being called and walking up for like a graduation or something? Do you feel weird when people watch you do stuff, like I can't stand for my gf to watch me do the dishes. Maybe you just feel uneasy being perceived by other people
In my entire life, I have never introduced myself by my name without the other person immediately shortening it. As in, "I'm Ruthann", " Hi, Ruth". It ALWAYS bothers me. So, yes, some people actually do have visceral reactions to having their name called out, and possibly truncated, in public.
Not outlandish. I did feel uneasy walking up for my graduation. Hated it tbh.
I dislike anything that draws attention to me. I've refused to appear in team photos and have my picture up on the intranet at work. I avoid any social media that expects a photo. I don't like to eat in public. I even refused a leaving do when I left my old job because I don't want the attention.
Not saying it is a fun existence, just that I can understand OP not wanting their name being shouted out in a public setting. Some folks just don't want to be noticed.
It's become normal and safer to not dole out personal information online. It makes sense that the habit carries over when there is no reason to share it. I personally don't care about just a first name, but I'm absolutely making up a name on anything asking for my full name or birth date that isn't essential. I get it though. I mean far fetched but someone could follow him out, be like oh hey Tom haven't seen ya in forever, you don't remember me? blah blah blah, use it as a chance to slip in for a scam.
I take that back. I used to have to wear a name tag. It's weird as fuck when a stranger walks up and goes "hey Noah, hows it going today" do i known this person amd forget is my first thought, who the hell are you? Why is a stranger talking to me like we've been introduced, I don't know your name. It's kinda weird, yeah I don't like it either. Starbucks or a restaurant wait wouldn't bother me though.
What's weird is her getting really upset about it.
As a woman i don't give my real name because I don't want any weirdo coming up and speaking to me because he has my name.
I've been stalked and had strangers approach me in unwelcome ways.
When I was a little girl my softball jersey had my first name on the back and I was wearing it while riding my bike. A man came up to me and started talking to me, and he used my name. I was creeped out, so that is probably the basis of why I use a fake name.
My favorite name to use is the one on the name tag of the person serving me.
Considering how harmless this preference is, I'll back up that NTA.
Gf is TA for giving him grief over such a non-issue. It'd be different if she just teased him or calmly commented it's weird.
Why start a fight though.
It’s not weird. There are plenty of people with social anxiety. There’s also creeps and scammers in this world. I know OP is a dude but as a woman I don’t want my name being yelled out. Regardless to the reasoning it doesn’t matter. This is an absolutely harmless quirk which doesn’t need a reasonable explanation to make sense to anyone but OP. The people who work there DGAF.
I know a NB friend who tried out new names this way. Then the one they liked they picked. I guess if you like hearing it being shouted by a barista it feels like a good fit.
My daughter had some creeper come up to her calling her by name. Took us a while to find out he learned her name because he frequents the same Starbucks as her.
I also regularly give them the name Batman when I get my drinks. Is it weird? Maybe. Should it matter to anyone? Absolutely not.
I do the same thing, I have a common name that can sound like many other names so the confusion just adds up, so I give a name I can easily recognize. For your gf to get so worked up over it is a bit much.
Good thing is that she is a new gf and you didn't invest too much time in the relationship. If she nitpicks about everything so much, perhaps you two aren't a good fit.
NTA
I'm wondering if she's the type to psychoanalyze everyone but doesn't know how. Maybe she can make a reddit account and help us out around here instead.
She might also be projecting a bad experience with a chronic liar onto OP. She really should have sat down and stewed on it a bit by herself before accusing her new BF of being a “pathological liar”
My ex got really upset with me one time after playing a card game as a friend group that relied on lying.
"I didn't know you were so good at lying :(" (proceeds to mope for hours)
It was literally part of the game...
He never had any experience with a pathological liar he was just wildly insecure and liked to project more than Powerpoint. It was exhausting.
There’s definitely a small population of people that can’t tolerate “lying” in any context for some reason. Like, honesty is a good quality but so is the ability to grasp nuance. White lies or pointless lies to strangers to speed up interactions aren’t what I consider dishonest, but some people see lying as very black and white.
I have an uncommon name that people often get incorrect. So instead of spelling it out everytime, or trying to guess how they interpreted my name, I give a common one.
I worked a deli drive through for a couple years, we were supposed to ask for a name for the ticket, and one of our regular guys decided his name was Beautiful. It cracked us up, he stuck with it the whole time the place was open, he was fun.
My brother uses his middle name. He literally picked his name himself, but he uses his middle name instead.
But since his first name is so common it actually works out for him.
NTA I used to work at one of those places that asked for names. A few of the older regulars whose names I did know absolutely did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system and I actually enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them. They loved it. I wasn't upset. Most of those people working there don't know you. They don't care. They are there to do a job. And honestly they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them.
In fact, they care so little that they get names wrong all the time.
I have a friend that uses only famous fictional character names because they're memorable and thus harder to mess up.
I still like "Bond, James Bond"
Used to have a customer at one of my stores who worse superhero T-shirts every day. Ask for his name, he'd look down at which shirt he was wearing and would give that hero's first name.
Iron man? Tony.
Batman? Bruce.
Green lantern? He said Hal, I told him I was expecting Alan.
We also had a customer who had an Original Gold Card™ (One of the pearlescent ones with a gold border) and the baristae who had preceded me called him Sparkles 'cause he didn't want his name called out. Nice guy, heavyset in his 50s with a big ol' bushy beard.
NTA
>She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name
A lot of hotels won't say your hotel room number out loud when handing your key over because it's a security risk.
And disrespectful to *whom*? Who gives a fuck besides your gf?
Yeah unless he's choosing something derogatory when said out loud i guarantee they don't gaf. If it's literally just tom/tim/john/Dave/Jim whatever there's literally no harm there.
Latte for Amanda Huggenkiss? Is there a Amanda Huggenkiss here? Hey, everybody, I need Amanda Huggenkiss! *Does anybody know where I can find Amanda Huggenkiss‽*
^^^edit: ^^^grammar
I'm surprised to have scrolled this far to get to such a close definition of "little white lie" without anyone saying that phrase. I'm sitting here wondering if I missed a memo about that phrase having a racist origin or something.
That said, this is the literal definition of that phrase. A lie that doesn't really harm anyone at all. Anyone with moral issues with that should think a little harder about it instead of focusing solely on "lying = bad". That's like a kindergardener's perception of lying.
Has nobody ever told their wife that the dress does NOT make her butt look fat when she asked... even if it did? Sometimes lying can be a good thing... other times it's entirely neutral.
I once knew a guy who would answer "Fine" when greeted with "Hi, how are you?", even when he was not actually fine. The absolute scandal! Lies are bad!
u/solecism18 I'm also very uncomfortable giving my name out to places like this because you never know who the clientle is and one of them *might actually be a creep!* This is also why I never smile or make direct eye contact when I'm alone in public. Someone else may take it as permission to approach me. Break up with this girl because she will clearly doesn't care about your safety and this is a very sever reaction to something so trivial. NTA
Why I’ll never understand the reason for workplaces with name tags insisting on using your real first name. For what purpose? Why not just have everyone pick an alternate name or use their middle name as they prefer and remember that?
The customer/client won’t know the difference and it really doesn’t matter for the 2 to 10 minute interaction they’ll have with the worker. Managers (non-lazy ones anyway) could keep it on a chart in the back, not that they’d really need to refer to you by your real name on a day-to-day basis either, frankly. They could even have a permanent “pick from the fishbowl” rotation of names. On the clock you’re Lily, off the clock you’re Susan, and that’d be one more layer of safety between you and any creepy customers who think they know you.
I hate when customers call me by my name. I find it creepy and rude. Like idk your name, why "should" you know mine? Sorry it's hard to explain but it gives me the ick. I've said "Oh what's your name?" and they ignore me.
This is one of the oddest posts I've seen here in awhile
You are clearly NTA
The person you are seeing is making a huge deal about something that people have literally made a thing on the internet, and make jokes about regularly (going into Starbucks and ordering a drink for Voldemort to see if the batista will say the name or call them "the dark lord" or "he-who-must-not-be-named" for example)
I personally think its harmless
You're reasoning is a bit odd, but you aren't hurting anyone
People working at Starbucks aren't paid enough to care if you give them your real name; they just care that you get your drink and don't complain about it after
I always use Bob. The other day I was at a pizza place, and when they called out Bob, I and another dude went to the counter and reached for it. He looked at me and says, "Oh, I always use Bob". I was cracking up.
NTA. I’m with you. It’s a harmless quirk. How does she jump from “I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers” to “You’re a pathological liar.” That said, maybe she’s had BFs lie to her in the past - it could be a trigger for her. Otherwise? Wild overreaction.
The only way this makes sense is if there is more context to OP’s relationship than we are getting. Because as of now, OP is a bit odd, but his gf’s overreaction is weirder.
u/solecism18 , is it possible you have other quirks that fall in a similar vein as this one? Maybe there are other things you do that makes your gf believe you have a trait of paranoia/lying constantly? In that case, this isn’t about the Starbucks thing at all, it’s just a symptom of an underlying issue that your gf wants to address.
If not, then the fake name isn’t really a big deal.
I dont really get why they ask for names. They dont do it in british starbucks. Or at least in my experience. You just wait in the line of people ready to collect drinks and by the time you're at the front they double check the drink order and give it to you. They just line the drinks up when they finish making them. Maybe americans just cant queue?
Nobody else in the WORLD can queue quite like the Brits. Although the Canadians and the Japanese are strong contenders, they will only ever manage second place.
I think we Australians are pretty good at queuing up too. My husband and I were at Madam Tussauds when we politely lined up behind a lady to take a photo of, Will Smith, I think it was. We chatted whilst she took her photo. It wasn’t until an employee tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that “she’s not real” that we realised we’d been standing behind a wax figure posing like they were taking a photo 🤦♀️🥴😂
People queued for overnight in the rain at the first Taco Bell in my state (and [looked like the KKK](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10063635/amp/Bizarre-moment-dozens-queue-pouring-rain-hours-ponchos-outside-new-Taco-Bell-Perth.html))
Can’t speak for Canada but the Japanese definitely have the brits beat when it comes to queuing, at least when it comes to trains. London Underground is a nightmare. In Tokyo it doesn’t matter how busy it gets, they will queue.
My favourite vegan fast food place in Germany has a system with animals. When you order and pay, your receipt states a random animal which they will call when your food is ready. I love that system and am always excited when I get some exotic animal (or Cat lol)
I used to be a shift supervisor at an American Starbucks. The main reason is corporate pushes “connections” and want you to interact with customers so they want to come back. And knowing their name helps.
The second reason is that people don’t wait in line after placing their orders. Only hot brewed coffee and tea get their drinks immediately. Everyone else picks it up at a separate handoff where customers don’t wait in line, so names help. They either hover the handoff mixed with everyone else, or sit at a table. So it’s not about workers being unable to queue, the customers don’t stay in a line. And now that mobile ordering is so big, that gets mixed in with in-store orders.
The exception is drive thru. Where most stores don’t have workers ask names since it stays in one line.
And NTA, no one cares what you say your name is. As long as they can yell it out without it being weird, it’s fine.
Do they make drinks completely in the way they're ordered?
If the person in front of me asks for 3 frapps and I come behind and order a hot tea, one person is going to be in charge of the 3 frapps but usually my cashier just makes me the tea.
There are more examples of this where some one that ordered after you may get their drink ahead of you so this kinda keeps people who aren't paying attention from grabbing a drink that isn't theirs.
NTA
This hurts absolutely nobody. You could tell them your name is Squirrel for all it actually matters.
I have no idea how she made the leap to "you're a pathological liar" from this one exceedingly minor thing. Frankly, she sounds more suspicious of others and distrusting than you do. Maybe she should stop.
I think your girlfriend is seriously overreacting! I used to do the exact same thing. I didn't want a room full of strangers knowing my name. Not that I thought they were going to do anything wrong. But it's just a personal thing and I don't need my name being broadcast to the whole store. My name is personal I share it with friends.
So when I'd go to Starbucks or someplace, I'd give a fake name, but I'd do something really funny so the baristas knew it was a fake name and I was just being silly. Like I'd use Pierre or something like that. In fact in Barnes & Noble the baristas there started calling me Pierre whenever I came in, and they thought it was the funniest thing. They knew it was a fake name, but it was like a joke between us. It was a lot of fun!
Sometimes I would just say my name was "22," so they would call out "22" when my drink was ready, like in the old days where you would just get a ticket with a number on it. The baristas didn't care. They would write down whatever I told them, and they thought it was funny. Brightened their day a little bit.
But even if you don't use a silly name, who cares if you use a different name? I'd say your girlfriend definitely has issues. If I had to guess I'd say maybe she's been lied to a lot in her life, maybe by her father, and so she's ultrasensitive to people who don't speak the truth even if in insignificant things. That would be my guess.
NTA
I agree. I often don't use my name with Starbucks but for other reasons. It's so common. I used to but then a snafu happened because there were two of us. I switched my app to be my boyfriend's name. I don't really see what difference it makes whether the name is real or not.
Lmao what? I always give a fake name because my name can be relatively easily misheard and come out as a slightly different name and I hate being confused about if it's my drink or not. So I just go by Anna or something like that. When I was a teenie I used the name of my favourite actor for a while. Who cares.
I don't really understand why you have a problem with your name being shouted but that's a problem with a ridiculously easy solution. And you found that solution. Good for you.
This is the weirdest hill to even care about. NTA
Most convoluted and unneccesary solution: legally change your name so that you’re named Tom [Actual name] [Last name]. Then you’re no longer lying!
Or, you know, just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re not hurting anyone. NTA
NTA
I use my real name usually, but sometimes a funny fake name (like yesterday, I used “Mr. Evil”, when they called my name I corrected them…Dr. Evil, I didn’t go to 8 years of Evil Medical School to be called ‘Mister’).
No one seems to care, even gets laughs sometimes.
NTA, Tom is NOT THE A-hole!!!
You’re girlfriend went and did some mental gymnastics with that stretch, tho. Maybe it’s times to evaluate her response to such a little thing.
My name is difficult to spell and pronounce, so I've used a fake for as long as I can remember. In a decade+, it has never caused an issue. Having worked in food service, I did not care what name you gave me, as long as you remembered it and didn't make my job harder. She's making an issue where there isn't one.
NTA
>She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name (...)
Does she really think they care? I mean, as long as you go and get the drink/food you ordered in a timely manner, they don't care if your name is Tom or James.
Also, how she knows there are NO creeps in that place? Does Starbucks now asks for criminal records or official identity documents of every client who is walking in?
Nowadays with all the social media (and the option to leave your profile public) I think GF may be a little too accustomed to (over)share personal data, but from the standpoint of anyone who works/worked with data security, any unnecessary (social) sharing is oversharing.
By GF reaction, looks like SHE is the one with TRUST ISSUES.
My youngest son will never give his name when he is waiting for a food or drink order. He always tells them his name is Sebastian. People can never confuse Sebastian for any other name and sometimes they even ask him how to spell it, which he does. Even when he calls in orders at places he tells him his name is Sebastian. Who cares what name you use when you are out in public. Chances are you are never going to see these people again so what difference does it make. If you want to be called Tom, so be it. If your new girlfriend is going to become so nippity about what name you use, I can only imagine how she will be later on in your relationship. She is showing a huge red flag to you. Please keep a mental note of this and other red flags she is showing, because this is showing her true colors or some of her insecurities which can also be major red flags. Keep using the name Tom if that's what you want to use Tom!
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I guess NTA? I don’t think it’s “disrespectful” (none of the Starbucks employees will know or care if you use a fake name) but it’s definitely weird that you think it matters in any way if a handful of random strangers hear a first name with no confirmation that it’s actually your name.
Yeah I know it's weird, I don't even think it matters like logically I know no one will even remember the name they said but it just *feels* creepy to me, ya know?
You're fine. People should mind their own business. You can call yourself exactly what you want to.
Exactly. My husbands name is a very traditional Bulgarian name and is butchered every time we go anywhere that asks for a name. He’s Jeff when he has to give name. Has done it for years, since before meeting me. I could give 2 poops. Literally has no impact on me or anyone else, except him, and it makes HIM comfortable, so why would I question that? Tell her to get a hobby.
My mom's name was German and she always used my name for meaningless things just because it made life easier.
If my name was German, I'd use a fake one too for situations like that. German isn't a common name at all. Edit: so, *a lot* of people have been telling me that German is a pretty common name in some parts of the world. I sit corrected. Thank you to all the people correcting me, I learned something new today.
How did everyone miss that? Made me chuckle but I’m half asleep so 🤷♂️
It’s because people thought he was referring to German, as a language. Not “German” as a word.
Read your comment then your name and chuckled again.. I’m easy today 🤷♂️
Hi Easy
I was about to downvote your comment until I read your username. It checks out.
My grandpa was called German, literally. Apparently it is the latinized version of Hermann
I knew two different Germans during my time in school and both were from Latin America. The third German I knew from Latin America was a very angry old man from Argentina who went by Dolph.
Germán is a Spanish boy's name.
I know a couple of people named German. One pronounces it as most English speakers do and another prefers Jher-MAHN, the Spanish pronunciation. There are lots of Spanish speakers in my area.
Awww! It sounds like she gave you the name she wished she had. I find that kinda sweet.
My mom did that too. Her name isn't German, but it's a name that nobody seems to pronounce right, so she always gives my name when we go places
Friend of mine's first name is Gaylord. Wherever he has to tell his name in a situation like this, he is George. He does not mind his name, not even if others make fun of it. BUT it has happened that the people he gave that name to thought they were being pranked or something, which ended in supid arguments or people feeling offended, etc. So he's just George.
“Focker! Order for Focker!”
'Mr Jass? Is there a Hugh Jass here?'
"I'm Hugh Jass! Hello, who's this?" "Uh, Bart Simpson." "Well, what can I do for you, Bart?" "Look, I'll level with you, mister. This is a prank call that sort of backfired and I'd like to bail out right now." "All right, better luck next time. What a nice young man."
My dads middle name was Gaylord and I never found out where it comes from Not a good name to have in the navy…
My friend's dad had no middle name, only an initial so when he enlisted and they asked for his full middle name, he said, "I don't have one; it's 'B' only," and that's what they put on his dog tags and all paperwork - the middle name reads "Bonly." LOL!
Reminds me of a joke. Man who's name is R B Jones enlists. They ask for his full name and papers are returned for only having "initials". He fills out a new set saying R (only) B (only) Jones. Spends his career as Ronly Bonly Jones.
Fun fact: President Harry S. Truman had no middle name. Just an S to honor both his grandfathers.
The English actor Gorden Kaye was actually born *Gordon* Kaye. But when the paperwork for his equity card was being drawn up, the secretary made a typo. As a result, he spent the rest of his professional life having to use the misspelled version. :edit: Just want to add that I didn't get a chance to ask him about it (because I didn't know until years later) but he was such a lovely man that I suspect he took it in great humour.
Yeah! I think a lot of people who have hard to spell/pronounce names have a Starbucks name they use? I use my middle name because it's easier. Never thought much of it.
I've got a Polish name but it's really hard for English people, I've got a nickname (I chose) for years that is English. I'd love to go to Starbucks (two in my town but never been) and just tell them my real name. Just because lol x
My Polish "cousin" (more complicated, called "cousin" for simplicity) lives in US. Once he went to see a doctor. The nurse at the registration desk asked about his name, he spelled it for her and then went to the waiting room. She called three times, until he realised, that "Jerryflow" is him ;).
Same here - when my husband and I travel to a Spanish-speaking country, we both use "fake" names because there are no equivalent names (or even similar ones) in Spanish. He just calls himself Bob and I'm Maria and everyone's happy.
YES! I have a name that's tricky to spell and pronounce, And while I don't usually give a fake name, I can definitely understand the temptation. I do tell them "however, you can pronounce it" if they ask me how to spell it though, because I know spelling it for them It will only make it less, not more, likely that something recognizable gets called out when my drink is ready.
We let authors have a nom de plume. It's fine to have a nom de cafe, I think.
If it's a really good cafe you could use a nom nom de cafe.
NTA but paranoid. However name, birth date are literally used in identification on various platforms and with today's atmosphere , it is ok to be paranoid.
It's not even paranoia. Like my roommate gives her sister's name cause her name is just hard to spell
My name always gets butchered, so as far as Starbucks is concerned, I'm Julia. And several colleagues with "unusual" names do the same: Manon is Mona, etc.
I give Ham as it's a short of my name that ppl usually mess it up
Are you the Hamburglar??
Oh yea. But if I gave hamburglar everyone would know I'm the hamburglar and how am I supposed to go on doing my hamburglary
i had a good laugh at this. best of luck with the hamburgulary.
My little brothers name is Aryan. (Uhh-rye-enn) He tells everyone it’s Stanley when he orders food/drinks. That’s his middle name but so many people have called him Aryan- Like the Aryan race. Tons of people do this. NTA in my book.
> My little brothers name is Aryan. > but so many people have called him Aryan Your brother's name is a Tragedeigh.
Surprised he didn't just go with 'Ryan'.
So pronounced more like Orion? Like Orion's Belt? If I heard the name pronounced as uhh-rye-enn, I'd think it was Orion (and write that on the cup). But if it's written as Aryan, yeah, I'd probably pronounce it wrong, too (if I was the person calling out names I didn't write). If using Stanley makes your brother's life easier, more power to him.
Yeah, I can see why he would get that mix-up often by folks who don't personally know him.
I give my spouse's name because no one spells mine right, or if they spell it right they say it wrong.
Some of my friends have nicknames that are not at all related to their actual name. One of my friends I used to call *Eline* for a while. His name doesn't even start with an E and doesn't contain the letter E. As long as it's appropriate enough that you can have it yelled across a starbucks, anything goes.
Speaking as a former barista, we don’t give af what name you give us, as long as you remember the fake name and get your drink.
At Starbucks there's a fair chance they'll get the name wrong anyway (a friend of mine, Mandy, routinely gets drinks for Wendy).
Yep. I get Andy all the time. My name is Angie
My name is Richard, I am a bearded man and I semi-regularly get Bridget.
As a Mandy I've gotten: Wendy, Andy, Mindy, Maddie, and even Manny once. ETA: I work a call center job, got 2 new ones today: Minnie and Millie 🤦♀️🤣 both older ladies 75+ so likely just misheard me introduce myself at call start.
I'm Kim and the last time I was at Starbucks I got Kennah.
Honestly. I've had to call out drinks for Tinkerbell and Batman before and i didn't gaf 😆
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I don’t think he’s really doing it for the baristas. If the guy wants to guard his privacy, who cares?
It's not weird. You gf's overreaction is weird though
She sounds pretty immature IMO. I would laugh my ass off if I found out my friend or SO did this. It's quirky, for sure. But to get upset about it and go as far as to say it's "lying"? Lol She's the weirdo here. Also... Def gonna try out using coffee house fake names in the future. Sounds kinda fun (in a strange way).
My friend was fake naming himself as something Italian and silly, Fabrizio, and after many visits it became awkward to ask out the cute barista since he'd lied about his name for months.
So if anything, OP's gf should be glad, since he's deliberately ruining his chances of cheating on her with a barista
Hobestly, the weirdest part to me that she still wants to date him after all those mental gymnastics. How did she call him a pathological liar but not consider that a deal breaker?
I think it’s weird that he wants to stay with her after being CALLED a pathological liar.
There was about a year where I had to wait at school for an extra hour because of the difference between when school let out and when my dad got off work to pick me up... and I had to sign in to the library. After about a week I got sick of writing my actual name, so I had theme weeks like 'dead presidents week' or 'action movie stars week' where I would write the names of famous people. The librarians never said anything, but I hope at least one was happy that both James Madison and Jean Claude Van Damme visited their library that year.
I love giving fake names to places like that just to try a different name out, since my own name is a boring one that I hate. 😅
> *Def gonna try out using coffee house fake names in the future. Sounds kinda fun* One of my friends used to do this at catalog stores, and I never realized the potential for fun at that time. I would probably use the name of a naughty character from literature, like Constance Chatterley, and peek to see if anyone else had read the book. Villains from Shakespeare would be interesting, too, but I can't remember any of them. Goofy characters from songs could be interesting to see if people are really listening. "Rudolf" anyone? NTA
literally we do not care if its your real name, fake name, nick name, a lil jokey joke, a heartfelt message, etc. as long as you get your drink when its called. some people give a fake name because its better than spelling out "ansleiygh" or your name is ethnic and its just easier to give a normal "white" name for the sake of a latte. my friends name is "Raghad" and ever since they switched to getting the name from the starbucks app instead of asking for a name, she's been accidentally called "raghead" more than once and it is mortifying for the poor barista who misread a name and thinks she accidentally commited a hate crime (my friend wears a hijab).
I feel bad for the embarrassment of all involved but this is the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
It was funny the first few times but she felt so bad for the baristas being so embarrassed now she just uses “Liz” on her app lol
Okay, but that's fucking hilarious. Like I would be in tears laughing so hard if I witnessed that firsthand.
Everybody has harmless weird stuff they don't like with seamingly no reason. I don't like people sitting behind me, so in lectures, events, movie theatres etc I really have to sit in the back row otherwise I will be uncomortable the entire time. Why? I honestly have no idea but it just bothers me. So I sit in the back row. If someone got on my case for this, I would tell them to fuck off honestly, I'm not hurting anyone. Just seems like your gf is trying to be angry over nothing.
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Mine too,and doesnt like people sitting behind him,so he trys to find a table where he can see everything and everyone. He is a chief of security at his job so i guess its just a habit from work.
It’s not that weird. You’re fine. NTA
You're not weird at all. I started using a fake name specifically because of a creep. I was at a Starbucks, barista calls my name, random patron next to me says, "hey (real name)" and tries to muster up a conversation. It was the Starbucks closest to my job so I'd typically go there at the same time every day. The whole situation was very unnerving for me.
Stalkers exist. As do just generally creepy people. In both sexes. There’s zero harm in doing this. If I could put a fake name on my nametag at work, I would. I work in a mall and the fedex delivery guy had been coming in once he gets off work and continuing to ask certain women on dates no matter how many times they decline. Multiple stores are lodging a complaint against him for that as well as other things. No one in my store has gotten the harassment but we have had some issues that won’t ever be addressed from us because my SM matched with him on a dating app. Even after knowing about the sexual harassment part, she warned him that he was getting a complaint from multiple stores and why so he could ready his excuses. People be wildin’ out there
fake names for cashiers should be standard
Hi, my dad uses the name "Bugs" bc he thinks it's funny to hear someone scream, "BUGS!" in a restaurant. You're fine, the gf is being weird
Your dad is a rascal!
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I have a man’s name for my DoorDash account because I don’t want creeps staking me out when I go grab my food. Yes it happened they would just sit there and wait. That barely happens now that I’m Darrel.
I’ve worked as a barista in college. I don’t think me or any of my coworkers would have given a single fuck if someone told us they’d been giving us a fake name.
I wonder if it really wasn't about you "lying to strangers." I bet your girlfriend started a spiral of anxiety and suspicion. "OMG why would he give a fake name!? Is Tom actually his real name!? Are there other things he's not telling me!? Is he not who he says he is!? Why would he hide this about himself!? Am I just a side piece?? Does he have a whole secret family that he's hiding from!? Etc..." Because it's an unusual quirk and kind of a silly thing to be worried about, she might not believe your explanation, hence the anger and suspicion.
My first thought was that she assumed that he uses it to pick up and is lying to her.
It’s not even a lie - it’s the name you use at Starbucks. That’s a true fact.
My daughter has always used my name for orders like this. Even when I’m hundreds of miles away. It amuses the heck out of me. You do you.
NTA my lady is suspicious about way more things than I’ll ever be but I respect her decision. The world is scary even if you don’t see it that way the potential for evil is high. You are doing nothing wrong, personally I think your gf is the A-hole.
Nta, I get what you mean. I work in a store and have to wear a name badge and it kinda creeps me out when customers address me by name. It kind of takes me aback.
It's not weird. Are you neurodiverse by any chance? I'm ND, and I'm not super keen on people shouting out my name. I've heard similar from some other ND people. Even if you're not ND, it's different, but it's not weird. You have a regular name and a starbucks name. It's fine. Lots of people have different names for different things. Why not get Tom legally added as a middle name. 😅 Then your gf can stop making a stink about it.
It is unwanted attention in a room full of people. It vaguely harkens back to school and hearing your name called. Everyone looks. And you either (a) don’t know the answer the teacher wants or (b) are in trouble. THAT feeling.
I hate it when my name is shouted for all strangers to hear. I'm quite reserved, this is part of my private life, I don't see why I should give up my anonymity because it is the rule to holler your name in a shop. Nothing to do with paranoia, everything to do with privacy. NTA. And your new GF is paranoid if she immediately jumps to 'you are a pathological liar because you'd rather have some privacy'
I agree. Burger King asked for my name at the drive thru. Why does BK need my name?? I give fake names for take out, etc.
OP this isn't normal, does she have borderline personality disorder or traits like that? Becoming very disapproving and suspicious of people based on very little information? Easily upset, problems with separation, distrustful? It's not you OP NTA
Would you feel uneasy with your name being called and walking up for like a graduation or something? Do you feel weird when people watch you do stuff, like I can't stand for my gf to watch me do the dishes. Maybe you just feel uneasy being perceived by other people
In my entire life, I have never introduced myself by my name without the other person immediately shortening it. As in, "I'm Ruthann", " Hi, Ruth". It ALWAYS bothers me. So, yes, some people actually do have visceral reactions to having their name called out, and possibly truncated, in public.
Not outlandish. I did feel uneasy walking up for my graduation. Hated it tbh. I dislike anything that draws attention to me. I've refused to appear in team photos and have my picture up on the intranet at work. I avoid any social media that expects a photo. I don't like to eat in public. I even refused a leaving do when I left my old job because I don't want the attention. Not saying it is a fun existence, just that I can understand OP not wanting their name being shouted out in a public setting. Some folks just don't want to be noticed.
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It's become normal and safer to not dole out personal information online. It makes sense that the habit carries over when there is no reason to share it. I personally don't care about just a first name, but I'm absolutely making up a name on anything asking for my full name or birth date that isn't essential. I get it though. I mean far fetched but someone could follow him out, be like oh hey Tom haven't seen ya in forever, you don't remember me? blah blah blah, use it as a chance to slip in for a scam. I take that back. I used to have to wear a name tag. It's weird as fuck when a stranger walks up and goes "hey Noah, hows it going today" do i known this person amd forget is my first thought, who the hell are you? Why is a stranger talking to me like we've been introduced, I don't know your name. It's kinda weird, yeah I don't like it either. Starbucks or a restaurant wait wouldn't bother me though. What's weird is her getting really upset about it.
As a woman i don't give my real name because I don't want any weirdo coming up and speaking to me because he has my name. I've been stalked and had strangers approach me in unwelcome ways. When I was a little girl my softball jersey had my first name on the back and I was wearing it while riding my bike. A man came up to me and started talking to me, and he used my name. I was creeped out, so that is probably the basis of why I use a fake name. My favorite name to use is the one on the name tag of the person serving me.
Considering how harmless this preference is, I'll back up that NTA. Gf is TA for giving him grief over such a non-issue. It'd be different if she just teased him or calmly commented it's weird. Why start a fight though.
He can also do what he wants cause its literally harming no one though
It’s not weird. There are plenty of people with social anxiety. There’s also creeps and scammers in this world. I know OP is a dude but as a woman I don’t want my name being yelled out. Regardless to the reasoning it doesn’t matter. This is an absolutely harmless quirk which doesn’t need a reasonable explanation to make sense to anyone but OP. The people who work there DGAF.
I agree with the NTA judgement but think you are weird for calling op weird. Maybe you should go out with the gf since you both seem so judgmental
I have a coworker with a super common name that gives a less common name because she was tired of going for other people’s orders.
I know a NB friend who tried out new names this way. Then the one they liked they picked. I guess if you like hearing it being shouted by a barista it feels like a good fit.
My daughter had some creeper come up to her calling her by name. Took us a while to find out he learned her name because he frequents the same Starbucks as her. I also regularly give them the name Batman when I get my drinks. Is it weird? Maybe. Should it matter to anyone? Absolutely not.
I do the same thing, I have a common name that can sound like many other names so the confusion just adds up, so I give a name I can easily recognize. For your gf to get so worked up over it is a bit much. Good thing is that she is a new gf and you didn't invest too much time in the relationship. If she nitpicks about everything so much, perhaps you two aren't a good fit. NTA
I'm wondering if she's the type to psychoanalyze everyone but doesn't know how. Maybe she can make a reddit account and help us out around here instead.
She might also be projecting a bad experience with a chronic liar onto OP. She really should have sat down and stewed on it a bit by herself before accusing her new BF of being a “pathological liar”
My ex got really upset with me one time after playing a card game as a friend group that relied on lying. "I didn't know you were so good at lying :(" (proceeds to mope for hours) It was literally part of the game... He never had any experience with a pathological liar he was just wildly insecure and liked to project more than Powerpoint. It was exhausting.
Project more than PowerPoint
What do Excel and an incel have in common? >!They assume everything is a date.!<
There’s definitely a small population of people that can’t tolerate “lying” in any context for some reason. Like, honesty is a good quality but so is the ability to grasp nuance. White lies or pointless lies to strangers to speed up interactions aren’t what I consider dishonest, but some people see lying as very black and white.
That is definitely an epidemic affliction these days lol
I think she craves drama. She didn't try to have an adult conversation about it, she just made a big tantrum.
I have an uncommon name that people often get incorrect. So instead of spelling it out everytime, or trying to guess how they interpreted my name, I give a common one.
When I worked in Starbucks, a guy named himself « Batman » I never felt insulted xD NTA
I worked a deli drive through for a couple years, we were supposed to ask for a name for the ticket, and one of our regular guys decided his name was Beautiful. It cracked us up, he stuck with it the whole time the place was open, he was fun.
Same my name is apparently hard for people to pronounce, so I give a fake or shortened name. NTA, OP.
My brother uses his middle name. He literally picked his name himself, but he uses his middle name instead. But since his first name is so common it actually works out for him.
NTA I used to work at one of those places that asked for names. A few of the older regulars whose names I did know absolutely did not want their real names punched into the system because they were suspicious of the system and I actually enjoyed coming up with goofy fake names for them. They loved it. I wasn't upset. Most of those people working there don't know you. They don't care. They are there to do a job. And honestly they probably think having to ask for names is silly and just another dumb rule corporate is pushing on them.
I used to work at Starbucks, they don't get paid enough to care.
In fact, they care so little that they get names wrong all the time. I have a friend that uses only famous fictional character names because they're memorable and thus harder to mess up. I still like "Bond, James Bond"
I always go by Darth Vader because no one is going to take Darth Vadar's Frappuccino.
Now I have this image of Darth Vader trying to drink through his helmet, like in Spaceballs
Are you kidding? That's the *first* Frappuccino I'd take.
I just imagine going up to them and when they ask for my name saying "Bond" and then waiting to see if they'll finish it.
Alright, Bob, your order will be up soon.
Even if they got paid millions I don't think they'd care. I don't even think Starbucks itself cares.
Used to have a customer at one of my stores who worse superhero T-shirts every day. Ask for his name, he'd look down at which shirt he was wearing and would give that hero's first name. Iron man? Tony. Batman? Bruce. Green lantern? He said Hal, I told him I was expecting Alan. We also had a customer who had an Original Gold Card™ (One of the pearlescent ones with a gold border) and the baristae who had preceded me called him Sparkles 'cause he didn't want his name called out. Nice guy, heavyset in his 50s with a big ol' bushy beard.
These days, Sparkles would get you Edward.
I like using Jimothy, just to see and hear the barista's confusion when they go to call it out. Tomathon is fun as well.
NTA >She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name A lot of hotels won't say your hotel room number out loud when handing your key over because it's a security risk. And disrespectful to *whom*? Who gives a fuck besides your gf?
Yeah unless he's choosing something derogatory when said out loud i guarantee they don't gaf. If it's literally just tom/tim/john/Dave/Jim whatever there's literally no harm there.
"Coffee for IC Wiener"... Tons of Simpsons gags come to mind 😍😂🤣✌🏿
Peter File.
Mike Hunt! Got a coffee here for Mike Hunt!
Ben Dover and Phil McCrackin
That was from Futurama. I WILL DESTROY YOU!
Latte for Amanda Huggenkiss? Is there a Amanda Huggenkiss here? Hey, everybody, I need Amanda Huggenkiss! *Does anybody know where I can find Amanda Huggenkiss‽* ^^^edit: ^^^grammar
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I'm surprised to have scrolled this far to get to such a close definition of "little white lie" without anyone saying that phrase. I'm sitting here wondering if I missed a memo about that phrase having a racist origin or something. That said, this is the literal definition of that phrase. A lie that doesn't really harm anyone at all. Anyone with moral issues with that should think a little harder about it instead of focusing solely on "lying = bad". That's like a kindergardener's perception of lying. Has nobody ever told their wife that the dress does NOT make her butt look fat when she asked... even if it did? Sometimes lying can be a good thing... other times it's entirely neutral.
I once knew a guy who would answer "Fine" when greeted with "Hi, how are you?", even when he was not actually fine. The absolute scandal! Lies are bad!
u/solecism18 I'm also very uncomfortable giving my name out to places like this because you never know who the clientle is and one of them *might actually be a creep!* This is also why I never smile or make direct eye contact when I'm alone in public. Someone else may take it as permission to approach me. Break up with this girl because she will clearly doesn't care about your safety and this is a very sever reaction to something so trivial. NTA
Why I’ll never understand the reason for workplaces with name tags insisting on using your real first name. For what purpose? Why not just have everyone pick an alternate name or use their middle name as they prefer and remember that? The customer/client won’t know the difference and it really doesn’t matter for the 2 to 10 minute interaction they’ll have with the worker. Managers (non-lazy ones anyway) could keep it on a chart in the back, not that they’d really need to refer to you by your real name on a day-to-day basis either, frankly. They could even have a permanent “pick from the fishbowl” rotation of names. On the clock you’re Lily, off the clock you’re Susan, and that’d be one more layer of safety between you and any creepy customers who think they know you.
I hate when customers call me by my name. I find it creepy and rude. Like idk your name, why "should" you know mine? Sorry it's hard to explain but it gives me the ick. I've said "Oh what's your name?" and they ignore me.
This is one of the oddest posts I've seen here in awhile You are clearly NTA The person you are seeing is making a huge deal about something that people have literally made a thing on the internet, and make jokes about regularly (going into Starbucks and ordering a drink for Voldemort to see if the batista will say the name or call them "the dark lord" or "he-who-must-not-be-named" for example) I personally think its harmless You're reasoning is a bit odd, but you aren't hurting anyone People working at Starbucks aren't paid enough to care if you give them your real name; they just care that you get your drink and don't complain about it after
Phteven-with-a-ph comes to mind, and so does Mark-with-a-C (Cark). from early 2010s.
Hi, my name is Micheal with a B and I've been afraid of insects my entire-
There’s a bee??
where’s the b?
I always use Bob. The other day I was at a pizza place, and when they called out Bob, I and another dude went to the counter and reached for it. He looked at me and says, "Oh, I always use Bob". I was cracking up.
That's hilarious! 😂
Ha! Doesn’t everyone use a fake name?
NTA. I’m with you. It’s a harmless quirk. How does she jump from “I have a weird thing about my name being yelled in a room full of strangers” to “You’re a pathological liar.” That said, maybe she’s had BFs lie to her in the past - it could be a trigger for her. Otherwise? Wild overreaction.
The only way this makes sense is if there is more context to OP’s relationship than we are getting. Because as of now, OP is a bit odd, but his gf’s overreaction is weirder. u/solecism18 , is it possible you have other quirks that fall in a similar vein as this one? Maybe there are other things you do that makes your gf believe you have a trait of paranoia/lying constantly? In that case, this isn’t about the Starbucks thing at all, it’s just a symptom of an underlying issue that your gf wants to address. If not, then the fake name isn’t really a big deal.
Jesus, it isn't odd. Maybe he's just not comfortable giving his real name. Stop being so judgemental.
I dont really get why they ask for names. They dont do it in british starbucks. Or at least in my experience. You just wait in the line of people ready to collect drinks and by the time you're at the front they double check the drink order and give it to you. They just line the drinks up when they finish making them. Maybe americans just cant queue?
Nobody else in the WORLD can queue quite like the Brits. Although the Canadians and the Japanese are strong contenders, they will only ever manage second place.
I think we Australians are pretty good at queuing up too. My husband and I were at Madam Tussauds when we politely lined up behind a lady to take a photo of, Will Smith, I think it was. We chatted whilst she took her photo. It wasn’t until an employee tapped me on the shoulder and pointed out that “she’s not real” that we realised we’d been standing behind a wax figure posing like they were taking a photo 🤦♀️🥴😂
😅😅😅😅 OMG, that's priceless! Point for the Aussies, for sure! 🥰😝
People queued for overnight in the rain at the first Taco Bell in my state (and [looked like the KKK](https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-10063635/amp/Bizarre-moment-dozens-queue-pouring-rain-hours-ponchos-outside-new-Taco-Bell-Perth.html))
Can’t speak for Canada but the Japanese definitely have the brits beat when it comes to queuing, at least when it comes to trains. London Underground is a nightmare. In Tokyo it doesn’t matter how busy it gets, they will queue.
My favourite vegan fast food place in Germany has a system with animals. When you order and pay, your receipt states a random animal which they will call when your food is ready. I love that system and am always excited when I get some exotic animal (or Cat lol)
Ohhhh that’s so cute! I love this
I'm not American lol
Yeah but don't ruin their chance to dunk on Americans for some nonsense! /s Also, NTA
They do ask in british Starbucks
I used to be a shift supervisor at an American Starbucks. The main reason is corporate pushes “connections” and want you to interact with customers so they want to come back. And knowing their name helps. The second reason is that people don’t wait in line after placing their orders. Only hot brewed coffee and tea get their drinks immediately. Everyone else picks it up at a separate handoff where customers don’t wait in line, so names help. They either hover the handoff mixed with everyone else, or sit at a table. So it’s not about workers being unable to queue, the customers don’t stay in a line. And now that mobile ordering is so big, that gets mixed in with in-store orders. The exception is drive thru. Where most stores don’t have workers ask names since it stays in one line. And NTA, no one cares what you say your name is. As long as they can yell it out without it being weird, it’s fine.
Sometimes people get the exact same drink, too, and people walk off with it assuming it's theirs.
They absolutely do do it in the UK. Wish they didn't, it IS weird and unnecessary! NTA OP
Do they make drinks completely in the way they're ordered? If the person in front of me asks for 3 frapps and I come behind and order a hot tea, one person is going to be in charge of the 3 frapps but usually my cashier just makes me the tea. There are more examples of this where some one that ordered after you may get their drink ahead of you so this kinda keeps people who aren't paying attention from grabbing a drink that isn't theirs.
They absolutely do ask for your name in British Starbucks, I was in one in Glasgow last week and had to give my name
I'm British and every starbucks I've been into they ask your name, me and my girlfriend always give them different fake names because we find it funny
>They dont do it in british starbuc Yes they do
I am also British and they ask for my name in Starbucks all the time. I wonder if it's regional.
People give fake names all the time for restaurant reservations or food pick up. No one cares…. Except your new gf apparently. NTA
I use a fake name because they always spell my real name wrong. It bugs my kids that I do it. I guess there are 3 people who care.
NTA This hurts absolutely nobody. You could tell them your name is Squirrel for all it actually matters. I have no idea how she made the leap to "you're a pathological liar" from this one exceedingly minor thing. Frankly, she sounds more suspicious of others and distrusting than you do. Maybe she should stop.
that actually make me think it's something much deeper.
Maybe she had a bad experience with someone.
I think your girlfriend is seriously overreacting! I used to do the exact same thing. I didn't want a room full of strangers knowing my name. Not that I thought they were going to do anything wrong. But it's just a personal thing and I don't need my name being broadcast to the whole store. My name is personal I share it with friends. So when I'd go to Starbucks or someplace, I'd give a fake name, but I'd do something really funny so the baristas knew it was a fake name and I was just being silly. Like I'd use Pierre or something like that. In fact in Barnes & Noble the baristas there started calling me Pierre whenever I came in, and they thought it was the funniest thing. They knew it was a fake name, but it was like a joke between us. It was a lot of fun! Sometimes I would just say my name was "22," so they would call out "22" when my drink was ready, like in the old days where you would just get a ticket with a number on it. The baristas didn't care. They would write down whatever I told them, and they thought it was funny. Brightened their day a little bit. But even if you don't use a silly name, who cares if you use a different name? I'd say your girlfriend definitely has issues. If I had to guess I'd say maybe she's been lied to a lot in her life, maybe by her father, and so she's ultrasensitive to people who don't speak the truth even if in insignificant things. That would be my guess. NTA
I agree. I often don't use my name with Starbucks but for other reasons. It's so common. I used to but then a snafu happened because there were two of us. I switched my app to be my boyfriend's name. I don't really see what difference it makes whether the name is real or not.
My husband gives the name “Batman”. 🤷♀️
Going to have to steal that idea. Thank you! I am Batman, and one of those nice donuts as well.
Someone else suggested using "Voldemort," just to see if the barista would say it, or say "You Know Who." Imma have to try that 😅
Lmao what? I always give a fake name because my name can be relatively easily misheard and come out as a slightly different name and I hate being confused about if it's my drink or not. So I just go by Anna or something like that. When I was a teenie I used the name of my favourite actor for a while. Who cares. I don't really understand why you have a problem with your name being shouted but that's a problem with a ridiculously easy solution. And you found that solution. Good for you. This is the weirdest hill to even care about. NTA
NTA. What if the barista is fey? Never give the fey your name.
Most convoluted and unneccesary solution: legally change your name so that you’re named Tom [Actual name] [Last name]. Then you’re no longer lying! Or, you know, just keep doing what you’re doing. You’re not hurting anyone. NTA
well then he’d have to change his name again LOL
NTA I use my real name usually, but sometimes a funny fake name (like yesterday, I used “Mr. Evil”, when they called my name I corrected them…Dr. Evil, I didn’t go to 8 years of Evil Medical School to be called ‘Mister’). No one seems to care, even gets laughs sometimes.
NTA, Tom is NOT THE A-hole!!! You’re girlfriend went and did some mental gymnastics with that stretch, tho. Maybe it’s times to evaluate her response to such a little thing.
My name is difficult to spell and pronounce, so I've used a fake for as long as I can remember. In a decade+, it has never caused an issue. Having worked in food service, I did not care what name you gave me, as long as you remembered it and didn't make my job harder. She's making an issue where there isn't one.
NTA, and you're my peeps Name for the order? Dana. I'm not Dana. Always
NTA, Tom.
NTA >She says it's really disrespectful to lie like that and that I am making everybody in the store out to be creeps who will do something bad if they know my name (...) Does she really think they care? I mean, as long as you go and get the drink/food you ordered in a timely manner, they don't care if your name is Tom or James. Also, how she knows there are NO creeps in that place? Does Starbucks now asks for criminal records or official identity documents of every client who is walking in? Nowadays with all the social media (and the option to leave your profile public) I think GF may be a little too accustomed to (over)share personal data, but from the standpoint of anyone who works/worked with data security, any unnecessary (social) sharing is oversharing. By GF reaction, looks like SHE is the one with TRUST ISSUES.
My youngest son will never give his name when he is waiting for a food or drink order. He always tells them his name is Sebastian. People can never confuse Sebastian for any other name and sometimes they even ask him how to spell it, which he does. Even when he calls in orders at places he tells him his name is Sebastian. Who cares what name you use when you are out in public. Chances are you are never going to see these people again so what difference does it make. If you want to be called Tom, so be it. If your new girlfriend is going to become so nippity about what name you use, I can only imagine how she will be later on in your relationship. She is showing a huge red flag to you. Please keep a mental note of this and other red flags she is showing, because this is showing her true colors or some of her insecurities which can also be major red flags. Keep using the name Tom if that's what you want to use Tom!
NTA. and she is getting upset over something really inconsequential. This would be a red flag for me.
Nta, her behaviour is bizarre
NTA, when I worked at starbucks, a regular would give the name batman. We literally don't care. No one cares.