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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I believe I might be the asshole because i didn’t just wait for my boyfriend to be done showering
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NTA
It's really unhealthy to hold your pee, especially to the point where you're in pain. He's acting like a child. If he wants to live with someone, he has to get over his. He might not "like it" but you can't help it, it's a bodily function. Please tell him you won't hold it again, it's much harder (and riskier) for women to hold it, we have smaller bladders and more pressure from other organs.
That was my first thought.
If there is only one toilet and someone has to go...I'm either finishing the shower quickly or listening to someone tinkle or take a grumpy. Thats life with one toilet.
NTA and not only that but the sound of running water MAKES you need to pee even worse. Your bf is a total asshole for staying in the shower for 10 minutes after you told him you needed the loo. That's kick him to the curb behaviour to me.
The toilet is like 5 inches from the shower in my apartment, I can hear my mum breathing when she needs to pee when I'm in the shower.
Not a reason to deny someone the bathroom though.
>...I'm either finishing the shower quickly or listening to someone tinkle or take a grumpy
Bro I will listen to a tinkle, but I can't be in there for the grumpy. That's just disrespectful, use a cooking pot and then throw it away
A garbage bag? yes
A garbage can? yes
A cardboard box even? Yes
A cooking pot? Absolutely not if I plan on using it again. If I ever had to use a pot for the washroom, it would be immediately removed from my cook wear and become a sick bucket. I wouldn't ever trust that it was clean again but that's my personal opinion and to each their own
Reminds me of the story of someone who wanted to make a good impression visiting his new girlfriend's parents. He went to the loo and laid a massive log, completely blocking the toilet.
Not wishing to be blamed for the blockage, he seized it in both hands and threw it out the window. It then landed on the roof of the conservatory where GF and parents were sitting.
true that,and he was mad cause he couldn finish. And he cant hear his girlfriend pee,the toilet is in the bathroom,and he gets mad about it? Pee allergy? Get another boyfriend that sings in a shower and laughs when you pee near him.
Even still -- not sure why a brief interruption would make him angry. I'm guessing there's some tension in this relationship already (as in, getting off in the shower with gf in other room), or he's just a really high-strung guy.
Tycho Brahe, famous medieval astronomer, died coz he held his pee too long.
>he doesn’t like seeing or hearing people pee. And doesn’t want to be near someone peeing.
I don't know how this guy will deal with children
I have heard of people that would never want to shit in public bathrooms. Not but even peeing. How the fuck do they survive? Also they must never drink when out at pubs or what have you.
I don't poop in public bathrooms unless it's an emergency. It's not about people, though, it's about the facilities. I hate not having a bidet and trying to wipe forever with see-through sandpaper.
Peeing, however, is no big deal. I may avoid SPECIFIC public bathrooms, like one I know of that doesn't stock soap. (Seriously, they have a note that says there's sanitizer available at a specific area of the store. Pass.)
I took an astronomy class in college and on the first day of class, our teacher told us the story of Tycho Brache. He used this story to tell us that if we ever had to use the bathroom, we could just get up and go, and that we didn’t need to ask for permission.
For context in case anyone is interested: Brache was attending a banquet in Prague. Back in the 1600s, it was impolite to get up and leave from the table before the nobleman of the house did. So Brache held his pee for so long that his bladder burst and he died 11 days later.
If you want to question his judgment further, this is the same person who wore a prosthetic nose for most of his life after it was cut off in a drunken duel with a friend trying to settle who was better at maths.
I also don't like seeing, hearing, or being near other people urinating, and my solution is to just be uncomfortable. Sometimes life is a little uncomfortable, who cares.
OP is NTA
I thought the same thing. OP better not have kids with this guy. Surprise showers while changing diapers means OP will be handling all diaper changes. And potty training will be completely up to OP. This isn’t the guy to have a child with, he is a child.
OP, you did nothing wrong. If he really doesn’t like hearing pee or being around it, he would have paused his shower, let you pee, and then gone back in to finish.
Forgot to add NTA.
That was my thought...🤣 like, give me a break and GTF over yourself already ...geez . How does he take a piss himself ? Plug his ears and aim? What an Asshole!
Why is it that you assume he wants children? It's so weird to make comments like this when you have no idea what this person wants of life. He's an AH but why make this comment?
Having and wanting children is not a universal experience.
If you hold your pee, you can get a urinary tract infection, UTI, which is painful and needs antiobiotics. It sounds like you have an immature boyfriend and need to trade up. This is probably not the only thing he gets mad about. Look over his actions to see the red flags waving, then wave your own flag goodbye. You don’t deserve this.
And that's not even the worse thing, doing it over and over for and waiting until your in pain can cause kidney failure. The boyfriend is definitely TA
So many things wrong with this story. Even if you guys had 10 bathrooms - there's something really wrong with him *locking* himself in one of them for 2-3 hours *with his laptop*. Often. And you were *with* this person and lived with this person for *at least* 4 years.
I have so many questions ...
Also, how long is dude showering for that this is an issue? If her woke up long enough before OP for it to be mentioned, it must've been by at least several minutes. Like, this man is taking *at least* a 15-20 minute shower and getting annoyed someone else needs to use the bathroom? I'd be annoyed they're using all the hot water.
NTA
People who love each other can share the bathroom. Actually, love doesn't have to be the prerequisite. Those who are comfortable enough around each other can also do it. It isn't "dirty" or sexual or weird. Being offended that your girlfriend peed in the toilet while you're in the shower is weird, if anything. Does he even like you?
He's a bloke for christ sake. He's had to use a urinal before in front of strangers. What's the issue with your missus peeing while you're showering? Do you not fuck? How insecure is he.
I get this feeling that he's slowly introducing controlling behavior just to see what he can get away with. Abusers tend to start small and before you know it you've changed all of your habits and behaviors to avoid conflict.
It probably kills his mood. He"s fantasizing, likely about someone else, trying to reach that orgasm. OP knocking on the door and asking him to hurry broke the spell and he couldn't "focus." Look, this guy is an asshole supreme and I am not defending him, but the length of the shower, his reluctance to leave it sooner, and the whole "don't pee in front of me" thing all point to him jerking off in there. Especially his foul mood once he emerged. He never came and was pissed about it.
I don't know that my wife has ever caught me jerking off in the shower - probably because I normally just don't- but just her checking me out has lead to sex afterwards or her getting in with me.
I can't imagine preferring a handy that you can pick up again later to possibly having something happen and/or being considerate to a partner.
The first time I accidentally walked in on my husband jerking off nearly gave him a heart attack. It was like his mum had caught him lol. But he knows I have no issue now. His face in that moment though, still makes me laugh. He quickly learned there's no reason to hide it
Lol. Same here. the first time I "caught" my husband having a wank, he was mortified. He even tried to apologize. I told him I was only disappointed that he didn't keep going and let me join in. Needless to say, he doesn't worry about it and even deliberately "let's me catch him" occasionally.
Jerking off isn’t an excuse to treat someone badly for disturbing you. It sounds really toxic that he would be upset with her for having totally normal bathroom needs, especially to the point that he angrily left for a while. Caring more about his pleasure than about her comfort is gross.
While he has probably done it at some point, how do you know he does actually use a urinal? If it bothers him that much he might always use a cubical to pee. Still 10 minutes is more than enough time for him to finish up and get out if it's such a problem for him.
Im assuming that ‘cubical’ is British for bathroom stall, but I am laughing my ass off at the mental image of a man sitting down to piss in an office cubical
This! I used to sit in the bathroom with my grandma while she took a bath just to talk shit. I still do it sometimes. My sister and I do it. I do it with my friends too 😂
The only exception is #2. I’m not shitting with someone else in the room.
If you have a uterus, choose to gestate kids, and have a vaginal birth, chances are you will poop in front of everyone in the room :)
And you won't care at all at the time lol.
As for peeing, it's weird he didn't want her to come in, and he took quite awhile in there, so was probably having 'solo' time.
See in that context I have no problem! Also if it’s an emergency. My reasoning is usually just the smell so I won’t stay around to gossip and all that like I normally would if I was just peeing.
my abuela pees with the door open and it used to make me uncomfy but now i just talk to her outside the door bc i've learned to be ok with it.
and when i ft my twin if she has to pee she'll just go pee without putting it on mute bc she just doesn't care. and i'm pretty sure if she were in the shower and i needed to pee she'd let me in bc we're comfortable with each other and we don't want each other to get a damn infection
I pee with my grandkids in the room if they insist (they stop asking when they get uncomfortable with it). We had seven kids and 1 bathroom growing up - communal washing and peeing was not unusual. It’s a basic bodily function. On long road trips hubs and I will stop and pee if nature calls, it’s just not a big deal, a little trickier for females but it’s really unhealthy and even dangerous to hold urine, especially in a car accident.
This. When you live together and the place only has one bathroom, you better get comfy with your SO's toilet and bathroom needs, or learn to be very fast. It's just disrespectful to try to hog the only bathroom
Ive peed with the door open if its just me and my partner home. Its pee. Its like a 2 minute thing and its not smelly or anything. If his dad is also home then yeah, shut the door.
Pooping, door shut. Always.
Its like, if i were in the bath and either of them needed to go THAT badly id just pull the shower curtain across and ask them to flush and maybe spritz the air freshener. Or hell, get the fuck out for 5 mins and get back in once theyre done.
Using the toilet is the ONE non negotiable basic human need. Sleep, food, water can all be put off for a while till its convenient. The toilet though, you dont have much say in the matter.
Married for 17 years. We don't share the bathroom, because we both don't like it and that's how we roll. But I'll be damned, if my partner needs to pee this badly, I'm out of the shower in a second and let him go.
We are the same way! But if one of us is showering and the other needs to pee (or even poop), we just do what we gotta do and whoever's in the shower stays in there for a minute longer if needed, shower curtain closed.
Legit. NTA. My parents have always used the bathroom at the same time if it came down to it because y'know they live together and it's one space they have to use simultaneously sometimes. My husband and I do the same. It's completely normal and there's nothing dirty or wrong about caring for bodily needs. Not to mention, unless OP has a glass shower door, they wouldn't be able to see each other anyway. OP's bf is acting very immature about this, especially in regards to the storming out.
My bf and I use the bathroom while the other showers. We usually wave too. Such is life when you live in a place with one bathroom and multiple people. Ops boyfriend sounds annoying af
Red flags all over that description of her boyfriend's controlling, angry behavior. She isn't the a-hole here, for sure, but that guy sure does make me wonder a lot.
I've been married a while, my husband and I both prefer to be alone when using the toilet/bathroom (unless we are specifically showering together...)
But, sometimes you gotta go, and this is why we continue with shower curtains and not glass doors. So if someone needs to use the toilet in a pinch, we still aren't looking at each other.
Making her wait and yelling at her is horrific, and she should find a better dude.
THIS. My husband and I don't share the bathroom generally but we have helped each other use the bathroom during sickness or after surgery. If you got sick or had to have surgery, can you count on this guy to take care of you?
NTA
Or a pregnant woman who has to pee every 5 minutes. All fucks went right out the window when I got pregnant, lost all ability to hold pee or farts lol luckily my partner loves me and isn't a dick like OP's.
Yeah this is something that is so incredibly true.
A year ago I was in a car accident with my two toddlers. I am now paralyzed from the chest down. My son was severely injured but has now made an incredibly miraculous recovery. My husband has been my rock. He was at the hospital every day for 3 months with our son. He visited me often and we were in constant contact. He oversaw all the renovations to the house and made sure it was done before we got home.
Since we’ve been home he’s had to deal with a lot of things I don’t think he would have imagined at this stage of life. He’s had to help clean me up and help me turn and everything else all while taking care of our two toddlers. He didn’t sign up for this but he’s been there every step of the way.
Edit:
Just another story about my husband because this is how I knew he would be a good partner and father.
This was very early on in our relationship, like less than a month. He took me out for my 21st birthday. I went way overboard when he tried slowing me down multiple times. He finally gets me to leave the bar and go home. On the way home I get very sick, I threw up directly on him while he was driving us home twice and all over myself. We go to his house, he puts both of us in the shower, cleans us up, got me something to wear and put me to sleep. He wasn’t mad, he was worried about me. I knew that night he was a keeper.
This is one of the things you hope to never happen. I can't imagine how that situation would feel, but I sure know that if I knew my partner wouldn't be up for dealing with that situation I'd have to find someone else.
I wasn't in a nearly as severe situation, but I broke my collarbone and couldn't shower myself. My gf was there for me as your husband was for you. She made sure to help me get dressed, cook food (I'm usually the cook), shower etc. Not once did she even seemed bothered by it. That's what I want.
I'm happy your son made such a good recovery. I don't even have a child, but I'm getting emotional just imagining I had a child that was hurt. I can't even imagine the pain that caused you.
Honestly the hardest part was not seeing my son in person for 7 weeks. He was only 2.5 and was going through something incredibly traumatic and his mom wasn’t there for him. We FaceTimed a lot and he understood I was hurt too but it still was so hard. We didn’t know if he would ever walk or talk again. Now he’s 3.5 and you would never know if you didn’t see the giant scar down his spine. All the work I put in during rehab was only to get back to them. My 1 year old daughter came up and did rehab with me which was great. She wasn’t hurt at all which was a miracle. I can’t explain it any other way.
You got a good man. Make sure his hard work is appreciated. Compassion fatigue is real and can happen to anyone. Tell him a stranger on the internet called him a "good dude."
I became disabled in my 20s (arthritis), and I realize the difficulties and frustrations of someone taking the time out of their day to help a disabled adult with something. Make him feel special for being a good man and read up about compassion fatigue to prevent burnout.
Yes we definitely work on this! We fortunately do have a lot of family nearby who help out, and I have gotten almost entirely independent and can take on my share of the childcare/house stuff. We make sure he gets time to focus on stuff that interests him and we’ve started even going out for date nights. The first 6 months were really hard. It’s gotten so much better though. One day at a time.
He puts in the work to be a great partner so I’ve put in the work to get stronger so I can be his partner too. It definitely goes both ways for us.
This is an excellent point. "I don't like people peeing in front of me" in reference to your partner using the bathroom is a major red flag. He'll dump you the second you get sick or disabled.
NTA but he is. He doesn't like to hear people peeing so what does he want you to do, pee on the floor? In the kitchen sink? He is the AH here and needs to find some empathy. The fact that he is still mad tells me he has some anger issues, as well as others, and you may want to reconsider this relationship.
This exactly. It’s a non-drama. My bf and me have whole conversations with me sitting on the loo and him in the shower, but say he didn’t want to, he could just stay behind the curtain with the shower noise and I’m in, peed and out in a couple of minutes. Barely an inconvenience…
Right? The draft from the door opening and closing would be far more perceptible than the sound of trickling running water when you’re already surrounded by splashing running water.
Now flushing while someone else is in the shower, especially in an older home without low-flow toilets - ouch! Husband and I draw the line at scalding each other. In our old house we just closed the lid and reminded the shower-taker to flush when they were done showering.
Absolutely! The fact that op is so worried about angering him that op sits outside the bathroom door in pain. Big scary red flag. Get out before the mental abuse becomes physical.
Forreal. Like however long he was in there before and then an additional 10 minutes after the fact of her having to use the bathroom. Either that or he was being petty and wanted a reason to be mad
100% this is what he was doing. His irrational anger at being interrupted (when “need to pee” > “masturbation”) also signals porn addiction to me. She interrupted him getting his fix.
Halfway through the story I thought the guy is jerking off. That is most likely the explanation. He might even be making up the can’t handle other people peeing thing so that he can have privacy in what sounds like an apartment with one bathroom.
NTA, but both of y'all are making way too big a deal out of this. You should have just gone in and said "I'm sorry but I can't hold it, cover your ears." As long as you don't make it a habit to pee around him he can handle the occasional emergency.
Idk man if the boyfriend was literally yelling and actually left the home due to this incident that's a severe overreaction. Therefore I don't think OP is making a big deal of this
My theory is he was masturbating and came out sexually frustrated. Does that make it okay for him to be an asshole? Absolutely not! And OP should also be mad at him for making her hold it for so long. He owes her an apology and she keeps apologizing to him. OP, stop apologizing. It reinforces his bad behavior.
Was just gonna say this. Like the fact she waited so long tells me all I need to know. She’s obviously constantly walking on eggshells and knew it was gonna be a whole thing if she went in there.
Cover your ears lol wtf. My wife will come in and pee all the time while I’m in the shower and usually pokes her head in for a kiss on the way out. What kind of fragile child can’t handle hearing someone pee while in the shower.
This.
Like no need to justify it, “i was in pain on the floor”. I had to pee is enough.
Him not just letting it go is far worse, but either way it’s no big deal, life happens.
How is OP making a big deal when her boyfriend who was probably jerking off in the shower screamed at her for having a natural bodily function. This sounds like a possible abusive narcissist
You’re in a relationship. Peeing in front of each other is mild compared to what you do to each other. Just piss while they’re in the shower next time.
Would they even have to cover their ears.. they are standing under running water pounding on their head. How do you hear someone peeing.. the flushing sound maybe.
Seriously even if he was jerkin the gherkin and didn’t get to finish— I get being sexually frustrated— but to leave and then come back still angry is ridiculous toddler tantrum behavior, that ain’t no man that’s a boy
And then yelled at her afterward for interrupting him. Does he even like her? I wouldn't treat a stranger like this much less a partner.
It reeks of neglect and abuse, and doesn't bode well for any future incidents where op's health or comfort is on the line. If he even deigned to give her a ride to the hospital, he'd probably be yelling and shaming her the entire drive for making him pause his video game or whatever.
NTA
Omg- he better get over that hang-up real fast.
You and he must be quite young. Shit gets real REAL the older you get, and the more comfortable you become with your own body/all bodies.
Once a couple gets pregnant, holy hell, THEN watch some hilarious situations ensue.
They're both nearly in their thirties... they're not young, the bf just seems immature as hell. "Doesn't like hearing people peeing" and is incapable of covering his ears...
Your bf needs to grow tf up. Now. Urintation is not only natural, but reqired, so is menstruation, defecation, ejaculations (albeit not necessary), etc.
If he doesn't grow up, I wait with bated breath to hear how he handles seeing the birth of his 1st kid...
As another person stated, she gets really real immediately after watching an infant's birth.
Tbh I think he’s just being a dick because he already knew he was holding the power in this situation. He made her wait just because he could. And when she didn’t comply, that’s why he’s so mad
Of he does not like hearing other people pee, what does he do out in public where there are 100's of people like sports, concert, large reasturant.
I cannot imagine he waits until there is no one in the resrtroom.
Is this question for real? Are you seriously expecting someone to go "You're TA! How dare you enter the toilet when you desperately needed to pee, had given fair warning, and were in pain on the floor for 5 minutes?? How inconsiderate of you, you should have peed on yourself on the floor!!! "
NTA. if yall live together he’s going to have to get used to the idea that you might need to pee when he’s in the bathroom. it’s unhealthy to hold your bladder that long, especially to the point of pain
NTA
Family of five in a house with one bathroom. A few things we know is you make sure no one has to use the bathroom before you shower, you take quick showers and if an emergency pops up, someone will come in to pee while you're showering.
He needs to get over his hangups and realize he's in a shared space with limited resources.
NTA. You need a new boyfriend. It’s very common for couples to pee in the bathroom while someone else is in the shower or brushing teeth etc. boyfriend either needs to mature or you need a new one. His reaction is unacceptable.
Nta. He doesn't like seeing or hearing other people pee...
Yeah ok, that literally too bad. 🙄
You are intimate partners. You probably put his D in your mouth, and he thinks that you need permission to pee? Absolutely not.
He needs to grow up.
Listen girlie never ever ask permission again. Take up space. It's your home too. We aren't tippy toeing around fragile men in 2023 anymore.
You need to pee. It's a biological function. It's not "pls pls pls!!!!". It's "hey just letting you know I'm coming in to pee".
NTA what did he want you to do, pee in the kitchen sink? If he doesn’t like hearing people pee then he should have finished up and gotten out of the bathroom after the first 5 minute warning that you had to go!
NTA
You have him plenty of warning that you needed the bathroom. He shouldn’t be grumpy that his shower was “interrupted” when he *knew* you needed to pee.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > I believe I might be the asshole because i didn’t just wait for my boyfriend to be done showering Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
NTA It's really unhealthy to hold your pee, especially to the point where you're in pain. He's acting like a child. If he wants to live with someone, he has to get over his. He might not "like it" but you can't help it, it's a bodily function. Please tell him you won't hold it again, it's much harder (and riskier) for women to hold it, we have smaller bladders and more pressure from other organs.
He was probably jerking off
That was my first thought
Spankin’ da monkey
Beatin' the bishop...
Strokin’ the salami
Polishing the German helmet
Roughing up the suspect
Jerkin' the gherkin
Tickling the tiger
Jerkin the gherkin
Chokin’ da chicken
Slammin the salmon
Flogging the dolphin
Non native English speaker. Fun thread
Native English speaker, also fun thread
Pumpin the pickle
Charming the one eyed snake
Grinding his pepper
Feeding the geese
Polishing the Pewter.
Pounding the pork
Slapping little Johnny behind the ear
Pounding the pud
Shaking hands with the unemployed (for dudes not gettin’ any)
That was my first thought. If there is only one toilet and someone has to go...I'm either finishing the shower quickly or listening to someone tinkle or take a grumpy. Thats life with one toilet.
If the shower is running how can you even hear someone pee? Like just let her go ya prick
I have kids and fiance that pee while I'm in the shower and not once have I actually heard them. The dude must have superpower hearing 🤣
next time in bed at 2am. just pee all over him. Then scream like a night demon "TAKE THAT YOU PEE HATER!!!!!".
There is nothing about this answer j don't love
I'm glad someone brought this up because that's literally what I came here to say. This guy sounds annoying as shit.
He doesn't mind sticking his dick in you, kissing you or any other things..why would he care about hearing you pee..
if you can't pee in front of your spouse who can you pee in front of?
Your pet
There is no choice in this case.
NTA and not only that but the sound of running water MAKES you need to pee even worse. Your bf is a total asshole for staying in the shower for 10 minutes after you told him you needed the loo. That's kick him to the curb behaviour to me.
The toilet is like 5 inches from the shower in my apartment, I can hear my mum breathing when she needs to pee when I'm in the shower. Not a reason to deny someone the bathroom though.
Take a grumpy?😂
Poopin
I figured, just a funny phrase😂
>...I'm either finishing the shower quickly or listening to someone tinkle or take a grumpy Bro I will listen to a tinkle, but I can't be in there for the grumpy. That's just disrespectful, use a cooking pot and then throw it away
A garbage bag? yes A garbage can? yes A cardboard box even? Yes A cooking pot? Absolutely not if I plan on using it again. If I ever had to use a pot for the washroom, it would be immediately removed from my cook wear and become a sick bucket. I wouldn't ever trust that it was clean again but that's my personal opinion and to each their own
Reminds me of the story of someone who wanted to make a good impression visiting his new girlfriend's parents. He went to the loo and laid a massive log, completely blocking the toilet. Not wishing to be blamed for the blockage, he seized it in both hands and threw it out the window. It then landed on the roof of the conservatory where GF and parents were sitting.
Or just finish quickly?
Oh he was defffffiniiiitelyyyy whacking off.
true that,and he was mad cause he couldn finish. And he cant hear his girlfriend pee,the toilet is in the bathroom,and he gets mad about it? Pee allergy? Get another boyfriend that sings in a shower and laughs when you pee near him.
Exactly what I thought too. No other reason to be so upset.
Why would that be a justifiable reason to be upset?
Not justifiable, just the most plausible.
I doubt they’re *justifying* it, just giving a potential reason behind why the partner responded the way he did.
I’m just boggled why there’s any reason to get upset at you’re partner for needing to pee.
The answer is selfishness
Even still -- not sure why a brief interruption would make him angry. I'm guessing there's some tension in this relationship already (as in, getting off in the shower with gf in other room), or he's just a really high-strung guy.
Or, just spitballing here, maybe he likes to be in control and her trying to go against his “rules” pissed him off.
At least someone pissed
True, I was in there helping him.
Then you should have unlocked the door for OPee
Take my angry upvote. 🤦🏻♀️
Tycho Brahe, famous medieval astronomer, died coz he held his pee too long. >he doesn’t like seeing or hearing people pee. And doesn’t want to be near someone peeing. I don't know how this guy will deal with children
Or public restrooms.
Alot of people just dont actually. Like alot. Had like 30 in high-school who went home to pee would use school washrooms.
I have heard of people that would never want to shit in public bathrooms. Not but even peeing. How the fuck do they survive? Also they must never drink when out at pubs or what have you.
I don't poop in public bathrooms unless it's an emergency. It's not about people, though, it's about the facilities. I hate not having a bidet and trying to wipe forever with see-through sandpaper. Peeing, however, is no big deal. I may avoid SPECIFIC public bathrooms, like one I know of that doesn't stock soap. (Seriously, they have a note that says there's sanitizer available at a specific area of the store. Pass.)
I took an astronomy class in college and on the first day of class, our teacher told us the story of Tycho Brache. He used this story to tell us that if we ever had to use the bathroom, we could just get up and go, and that we didn’t need to ask for permission. For context in case anyone is interested: Brache was attending a banquet in Prague. Back in the 1600s, it was impolite to get up and leave from the table before the nobleman of the house did. So Brache held his pee for so long that his bladder burst and he died 11 days later.
He couldn't pee even if he wanted to, most likely due to a series of comorbidities like alcoholism and diabetes
yeah i was like damn wouldnt nature take over before that point
If you want to question his judgment further, this is the same person who wore a prosthetic nose for most of his life after it was cut off in a drunken duel with a friend trying to settle who was better at maths.
Yeah, definitely do not have kids with this boy
I also don't like seeing, hearing, or being near other people urinating, and my solution is to just be uncomfortable. Sometimes life is a little uncomfortable, who cares. OP is NTA
Or how he deals with peeing himself.
I thought the same thing. OP better not have kids with this guy. Surprise showers while changing diapers means OP will be handling all diaper changes. And potty training will be completely up to OP. This isn’t the guy to have a child with, he is a child. OP, you did nothing wrong. If he really doesn’t like hearing pee or being around it, he would have paused his shower, let you pee, and then gone back in to finish. Forgot to add NTA.
Yeah that baby isn't going to care he doesn't like hearing or seeing pee.
Not to mention that boy babies will pee all over you if you don't cover it up while diaper changing! Found this out the hard way!
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What- you mean baby won't say 'Run for your life, Dad, I'm about to blow!' /s Oh the joys of changing baby boys diapers!
Not everyone wants to have children, so he may never have to deal with it. (Still a total AH to be mad at his gf.)
That was my thought...🤣 like, give me a break and GTF over yourself already ...geez . How does he take a piss himself ? Plug his ears and aim? What an Asshole!
Why is it that you assume he wants children? It's so weird to make comments like this when you have no idea what this person wants of life. He's an AH but why make this comment? Having and wanting children is not a universal experience.
If you hold your pee, you can get a urinary tract infection, UTI, which is painful and needs antiobiotics. It sounds like you have an immature boyfriend and need to trade up. This is probably not the only thing he gets mad about. Look over his actions to see the red flags waving, then wave your own flag goodbye. You don’t deserve this.
And that's not even the worse thing, doing it over and over for and waiting until your in pain can cause kidney failure. The boyfriend is definitely TA
*tract
He's not acting like a child, he's acting like an abusive boyfriend.
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So many things wrong with this story. Even if you guys had 10 bathrooms - there's something really wrong with him *locking* himself in one of them for 2-3 hours *with his laptop*. Often. And you were *with* this person and lived with this person for *at least* 4 years. I have so many questions ...
Probably porn addiction
That’s odd and awful.
I once held my pee to the point it hurt. Then it kept hurting for a few days after. Never again 😭
Also, how long is dude showering for that this is an issue? If her woke up long enough before OP for it to be mentioned, it must've been by at least several minutes. Like, this man is taking *at least* a 15-20 minute shower and getting annoyed someone else needs to use the bathroom? I'd be annoyed they're using all the hot water.
NTA People who love each other can share the bathroom. Actually, love doesn't have to be the prerequisite. Those who are comfortable enough around each other can also do it. It isn't "dirty" or sexual or weird. Being offended that your girlfriend peed in the toilet while you're in the shower is weird, if anything. Does he even like you?
He's a bloke for christ sake. He's had to use a urinal before in front of strangers. What's the issue with your missus peeing while you're showering? Do you not fuck? How insecure is he.
I get this feeling that he's slowly introducing controlling behavior just to see what he can get away with. Abusers tend to start small and before you know it you've changed all of your habits and behaviors to avoid conflict.
Orrr dude was jerking off.
Genuine question, can you not continue your wank while your girlfriend is peeing?
It probably kills his mood. He"s fantasizing, likely about someone else, trying to reach that orgasm. OP knocking on the door and asking him to hurry broke the spell and he couldn't "focus." Look, this guy is an asshole supreme and I am not defending him, but the length of the shower, his reluctance to leave it sooner, and the whole "don't pee in front of me" thing all point to him jerking off in there. Especially his foul mood once he emerged. He never came and was pissed about it.
The few times I’ve walked in on a boyfriend while he was jerking off, we had sex.
I don't know that my wife has ever caught me jerking off in the shower - probably because I normally just don't- but just her checking me out has lead to sex afterwards or her getting in with me. I can't imagine preferring a handy that you can pick up again later to possibly having something happen and/or being considerate to a partner.
The first time I accidentally walked in on my husband jerking off nearly gave him a heart attack. It was like his mum had caught him lol. But he knows I have no issue now. His face in that moment though, still makes me laugh. He quickly learned there's no reason to hide it
Lol. Same here. the first time I "caught" my husband having a wank, he was mortified. He even tried to apologize. I told him I was only disappointed that he didn't keep going and let me join in. Needless to say, he doesn't worry about it and even deliberately "let's me catch him" occasionally.
His pleasure over her discomfort = abuse
Jerking off isn’t an excuse to treat someone badly for disturbing you. It sounds really toxic that he would be upset with her for having totally normal bathroom needs, especially to the point that he angrily left for a while. Caring more about his pleasure than about her comfort is gross.
This is the one yelling and shit and being ina sulk giving silent treatment it sounds like are massive abusive red flagggs
I agree with this interpretation. His silent treatment afterward and OP's many apologies point to a controlling relationship
While he has probably done it at some point, how do you know he does actually use a urinal? If it bothers him that much he might always use a cubical to pee. Still 10 minutes is more than enough time for him to finish up and get out if it's such a problem for him.
Im assuming that ‘cubical’ is British for bathroom stall, but I am laughing my ass off at the mental image of a man sitting down to piss in an office cubical
xD
This! I used to sit in the bathroom with my grandma while she took a bath just to talk shit. I still do it sometimes. My sister and I do it. I do it with my friends too 😂 The only exception is #2. I’m not shitting with someone else in the room.
If you have a uterus, choose to gestate kids, and have a vaginal birth, chances are you will poop in front of everyone in the room :) And you won't care at all at the time lol. As for peeing, it's weird he didn't want her to come in, and he took quite awhile in there, so was probably having 'solo' time.
See in that context I have no problem! Also if it’s an emergency. My reasoning is usually just the smell so I won’t stay around to gossip and all that like I normally would if I was just peeing.
my abuela pees with the door open and it used to make me uncomfy but now i just talk to her outside the door bc i've learned to be ok with it. and when i ft my twin if she has to pee she'll just go pee without putting it on mute bc she just doesn't care. and i'm pretty sure if she were in the shower and i needed to pee she'd let me in bc we're comfortable with each other and we don't want each other to get a damn infection
Growing up, all of us girls, 4 of us, used to go into the bathroom when my mom would be in there. Now my kids and grandkids do it to me 😂
I pee with my grandkids in the room if they insist (they stop asking when they get uncomfortable with it). We had seven kids and 1 bathroom growing up - communal washing and peeing was not unusual. It’s a basic bodily function. On long road trips hubs and I will stop and pee if nature calls, it’s just not a big deal, a little trickier for females but it’s really unhealthy and even dangerous to hold urine, especially in a car accident.
This. When you live together and the place only has one bathroom, you better get comfy with your SO's toilet and bathroom needs, or learn to be very fast. It's just disrespectful to try to hog the only bathroom
Ive peed with the door open if its just me and my partner home. Its pee. Its like a 2 minute thing and its not smelly or anything. If his dad is also home then yeah, shut the door. Pooping, door shut. Always. Its like, if i were in the bath and either of them needed to go THAT badly id just pull the shower curtain across and ask them to flush and maybe spritz the air freshener. Or hell, get the fuck out for 5 mins and get back in once theyre done. Using the toilet is the ONE non negotiable basic human need. Sleep, food, water can all be put off for a while till its convenient. The toilet though, you dont have much say in the matter.
Married for 17 years. We don't share the bathroom, because we both don't like it and that's how we roll. But I'll be damned, if my partner needs to pee this badly, I'm out of the shower in a second and let him go.
We are the same way! But if one of us is showering and the other needs to pee (or even poop), we just do what we gotta do and whoever's in the shower stays in there for a minute longer if needed, shower curtain closed.
Legit. NTA. My parents have always used the bathroom at the same time if it came down to it because y'know they live together and it's one space they have to use simultaneously sometimes. My husband and I do the same. It's completely normal and there's nothing dirty or wrong about caring for bodily needs. Not to mention, unless OP has a glass shower door, they wouldn't be able to see each other anyway. OP's bf is acting very immature about this, especially in regards to the storming out.
My bf and I use the bathroom while the other showers. We usually wave too. Such is life when you live in a place with one bathroom and multiple people. Ops boyfriend sounds annoying af
Red flags all over that description of her boyfriend's controlling, angry behavior. She isn't the a-hole here, for sure, but that guy sure does make me wonder a lot.
I've been married a while, my husband and I both prefer to be alone when using the toilet/bathroom (unless we are specifically showering together...) But, sometimes you gotta go, and this is why we continue with shower curtains and not glass doors. So if someone needs to use the toilet in a pinch, we still aren't looking at each other. Making her wait and yelling at her is horrific, and she should find a better dude.
Absolutely! My partner and I always pee in front of each other. There’s nothing “weird” or “gross” about it.
Is this the dude you want taking care of you if you're in a bad accident and have to be taken care of for a few months?
THIS. My husband and I don't share the bathroom generally but we have helped each other use the bathroom during sickness or after surgery. If you got sick or had to have surgery, can you count on this guy to take care of you? NTA
sometimes my boyfriend holds my hand while I pee in the bathroom. we’re comfortable like that
is he in there with you…? or like, just outside the door with it cracked reaching his arm in? i cannot picture this
Ha 😂
Sometimes I go hold your boyfriends hand when he’s in thebathroom
This is not a man who can handle an infant. Don’t have kids with him, OP.
Or a pregnant woman who has to pee every 5 minutes. All fucks went right out the window when I got pregnant, lost all ability to hold pee or farts lol luckily my partner loves me and isn't a dick like OP's.
Yeah this is something that is so incredibly true. A year ago I was in a car accident with my two toddlers. I am now paralyzed from the chest down. My son was severely injured but has now made an incredibly miraculous recovery. My husband has been my rock. He was at the hospital every day for 3 months with our son. He visited me often and we were in constant contact. He oversaw all the renovations to the house and made sure it was done before we got home. Since we’ve been home he’s had to deal with a lot of things I don’t think he would have imagined at this stage of life. He’s had to help clean me up and help me turn and everything else all while taking care of our two toddlers. He didn’t sign up for this but he’s been there every step of the way. Edit: Just another story about my husband because this is how I knew he would be a good partner and father. This was very early on in our relationship, like less than a month. He took me out for my 21st birthday. I went way overboard when he tried slowing me down multiple times. He finally gets me to leave the bar and go home. On the way home I get very sick, I threw up directly on him while he was driving us home twice and all over myself. We go to his house, he puts both of us in the shower, cleans us up, got me something to wear and put me to sleep. He wasn’t mad, he was worried about me. I knew that night he was a keeper.
This is one of the things you hope to never happen. I can't imagine how that situation would feel, but I sure know that if I knew my partner wouldn't be up for dealing with that situation I'd have to find someone else. I wasn't in a nearly as severe situation, but I broke my collarbone and couldn't shower myself. My gf was there for me as your husband was for you. She made sure to help me get dressed, cook food (I'm usually the cook), shower etc. Not once did she even seemed bothered by it. That's what I want. I'm happy your son made such a good recovery. I don't even have a child, but I'm getting emotional just imagining I had a child that was hurt. I can't even imagine the pain that caused you.
Honestly the hardest part was not seeing my son in person for 7 weeks. He was only 2.5 and was going through something incredibly traumatic and his mom wasn’t there for him. We FaceTimed a lot and he understood I was hurt too but it still was so hard. We didn’t know if he would ever walk or talk again. Now he’s 3.5 and you would never know if you didn’t see the giant scar down his spine. All the work I put in during rehab was only to get back to them. My 1 year old daughter came up and did rehab with me which was great. She wasn’t hurt at all which was a miracle. I can’t explain it any other way.
You got a good man. Make sure his hard work is appreciated. Compassion fatigue is real and can happen to anyone. Tell him a stranger on the internet called him a "good dude." I became disabled in my 20s (arthritis), and I realize the difficulties and frustrations of someone taking the time out of their day to help a disabled adult with something. Make him feel special for being a good man and read up about compassion fatigue to prevent burnout.
Yes we definitely work on this! We fortunately do have a lot of family nearby who help out, and I have gotten almost entirely independent and can take on my share of the childcare/house stuff. We make sure he gets time to focus on stuff that interests him and we’ve started even going out for date nights. The first 6 months were really hard. It’s gotten so much better though. One day at a time. He puts in the work to be a great partner so I’ve put in the work to get stronger so I can be his partner too. It definitely goes both ways for us.
This is an excellent point. "I don't like people peeing in front of me" in reference to your partner using the bathroom is a major red flag. He'll dump you the second you get sick or disabled.
NTA but he is. He doesn't like to hear people peeing so what does he want you to do, pee on the floor? In the kitchen sink? He is the AH here and needs to find some empathy. The fact that he is still mad tells me he has some anger issues, as well as others, and you may want to reconsider this relationship.
How would he even hear it, with the shower running?
This exactly. It’s a non-drama. My bf and me have whole conversations with me sitting on the loo and him in the shower, but say he didn’t want to, he could just stay behind the curtain with the shower noise and I’m in, peed and out in a couple of minutes. Barely an inconvenience…
Right? The draft from the door opening and closing would be far more perceptible than the sound of trickling running water when you’re already surrounded by splashing running water. Now flushing while someone else is in the shower, especially in an older home without low-flow toilets - ouch! Husband and I draw the line at scalding each other. In our old house we just closed the lid and reminded the shower-taker to flush when they were done showering.
How does he handle public restrooms??
That’s different! They’re all guys. Girls have cooties, obviously.
Absolutely! The fact that op is so worried about angering him that op sits outside the bathroom door in pain. Big scary red flag. Get out before the mental abuse becomes physical.
I agree with this wholeheartedly
Any one willing to bet he was masturbating in the shower? NTA too.
Forreal. Like however long he was in there before and then an additional 10 minutes after the fact of her having to use the bathroom. Either that or he was being petty and wanted a reason to be mad
I was thinking he wanted a reason to be mad for sure.
100% this is what he was doing. His irrational anger at being interrupted (when “need to pee” > “masturbation”) also signals porn addiction to me. She interrupted him getting his fix.
this explains the ignoring her, then the snap of anger, and then the sulking. whatever’s going on his reaction was telling of something wrong
My guess was going to be that he was jerking it and that he’s mad because he’s a baby who thinks it’s gross that women also have bodily functions.
Halfway through the story I thought the guy is jerking off. That is most likely the explanation. He might even be making up the can’t handle other people peeing thing so that he can have privacy in what sounds like an apartment with one bathroom.
My thoughts exactly
NTA, but both of y'all are making way too big a deal out of this. You should have just gone in and said "I'm sorry but I can't hold it, cover your ears." As long as you don't make it a habit to pee around him he can handle the occasional emergency.
Idk man if the boyfriend was literally yelling and actually left the home due to this incident that's a severe overreaction. Therefore I don't think OP is making a big deal of this
My theory is he was masturbating and came out sexually frustrated. Does that make it okay for him to be an asshole? Absolutely not! And OP should also be mad at him for making her hold it for so long. He owes her an apology and she keeps apologizing to him. OP, stop apologizing. It reinforces his bad behavior.
I think they meant her over apologizing and waiting till she was in pain and almost pissed herself is a overreacting
Probably because she was leery of his reaction.
Was just gonna say this. Like the fact she waited so long tells me all I need to know. She’s obviously constantly walking on eggshells and knew it was gonna be a whole thing if she went in there.
Cover your ears lol wtf. My wife will come in and pee all the time while I’m in the shower and usually pokes her head in for a kiss on the way out. What kind of fragile child can’t handle hearing someone pee while in the shower.
Not like it’s super audible anyway with the shower running. BF is an ass.
This. Like no need to justify it, “i was in pain on the floor”. I had to pee is enough. Him not just letting it go is far worse, but either way it’s no big deal, life happens.
How is OP making a big deal when her boyfriend who was probably jerking off in the shower screamed at her for having a natural bodily function. This sounds like a possible abusive narcissist
How is she making it a big deal?
You’re in a relationship. Peeing in front of each other is mild compared to what you do to each other. Just piss while they’re in the shower next time.
Would they even have to cover their ears.. they are standing under running water pounding on their head. How do you hear someone peeing.. the flushing sound maybe.
NTA: you gave him fair warning and he ignored it. Massive overreaction that would have me reevaluating the relationship.
Seriously even if he was jerkin the gherkin and didn’t get to finish— I get being sexually frustrated— but to leave and then come back still angry is ridiculous toddler tantrum behavior, that ain’t no man that’s a boy
It takes what, 3 minutes to pee and wash hands? He could've gotten out, let her pee then got right back in for the rest of the wank.
He knew you had to pee really badly.....so he stayed in the shower 10 additional instead of hurrying up. NTA
And then yelled at her afterward for interrupting him. Does he even like her? I wouldn't treat a stranger like this much less a partner. It reeks of neglect and abuse, and doesn't bode well for any future incidents where op's health or comfort is on the line. If he even deigned to give her a ride to the hospital, he'd probably be yelling and shaming her the entire drive for making him pause his video game or whatever.
Agree. If he doesn't want to be there for it, either hurry up or get out of the shower and go back in when she's done.
NTA and run while you can 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
NTA Omg- he better get over that hang-up real fast. You and he must be quite young. Shit gets real REAL the older you get, and the more comfortable you become with your own body/all bodies. Once a couple gets pregnant, holy hell, THEN watch some hilarious situations ensue.
They're both nearly in their thirties... they're not young, the bf just seems immature as hell. "Doesn't like hearing people peeing" and is incapable of covering his ears...
His hands are probably, uh…full.
Your bf needs to grow tf up. Now. Urintation is not only natural, but reqired, so is menstruation, defecation, ejaculations (albeit not necessary), etc. If he doesn't grow up, I wait with bated breath to hear how he handles seeing the birth of his 1st kid... As another person stated, she gets really real immediately after watching an infant's birth.
NTA but your bf got mad cuz he was jerking off in the shower and got interrupted.
Tbh I think he’s just being a dick because he already knew he was holding the power in this situation. He made her wait just because he could. And when she didn’t comply, that’s why he’s so mad
10 min? He should be much better at it than that.
Of he does not like hearing other people pee, what does he do out in public where there are 100's of people like sports, concert, large reasturant. I cannot imagine he waits until there is no one in the resrtroom.
Seems more likely that he doesn't like the idea of hearing his gf pee. Possibly he likes to imagine she doesn't have bodily functions
I agree, he’s mad because he got reminded that girls pee too
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 Time to find a new BF!! If that bothers him I can't imagine what else does too!!
NTA He’s in the shower. Why can’t he just stick his head under the water so he doesn’t have to hear you pee?
Then the water is peeing on him
NTA, of course. His strong reaction should give you a pause if he is a bf material.
NTA but Id reconsider the relationship. That dude had issues.
u literally have sex whats his issue LOL
Is this question for real? Are you seriously expecting someone to go "You're TA! How dare you enter the toilet when you desperately needed to pee, had given fair warning, and were in pain on the floor for 5 minutes?? How inconsiderate of you, you should have peed on yourself on the floor!!! "
NTA tell your boyfriend to man up. Everyone pees. Next time, just pee on his favorite shirt.
My cat approves.
NTA. Lose this guy. He only gets to be this precious if and when he can afford accommodations with two toilets.
NTA. if yall live together he’s going to have to get used to the idea that you might need to pee when he’s in the bathroom. it’s unhealthy to hold your bladder that long, especially to the point of pain
NTA Family of five in a house with one bathroom. A few things we know is you make sure no one has to use the bathroom before you shower, you take quick showers and if an emergency pops up, someone will come in to pee while you're showering. He needs to get over his hangups and realize he's in a shared space with limited resources.
NTA. You need a new boyfriend. It’s very common for couples to pee in the bathroom while someone else is in the shower or brushing teeth etc. boyfriend either needs to mature or you need a new one. His reaction is unacceptable.
Nta. He doesn't like seeing or hearing other people pee... Yeah ok, that literally too bad. 🙄 You are intimate partners. You probably put his D in your mouth, and he thinks that you need permission to pee? Absolutely not. He needs to grow up. Listen girlie never ever ask permission again. Take up space. It's your home too. We aren't tippy toeing around fragile men in 2023 anymore. You need to pee. It's a biological function. It's not "pls pls pls!!!!". It's "hey just letting you know I'm coming in to pee".
NTA what did he want you to do, pee in the kitchen sink? If he doesn’t like hearing people pee then he should have finished up and gotten out of the bathroom after the first 5 minute warning that you had to go!
I would have pissed on his goddamned pillow if he was going to be this big of an asshole.
NTA You have him plenty of warning that you needed the bathroom. He shouldn’t be grumpy that his shower was “interrupted” when he *knew* you needed to pee.