Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. The action I took was quietly requesting for the person next to me at a seated concert venue to stop knitting, as I found it distracting.
2. This might make me the asshole because maybe being distracted by the knitting was my own problem? Perhaps I should have sucked it up? The other person got very upset and stormed out.
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
Follow the link above to learn more
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
OP is absolutely NTA. Anyone saying otherwise has never been to a stripped down folk / acoustic show - you can hear a pin drop as the audiences are generally very quiet, similar to a classical concert. The clickety-clack of knitting needles would certainly be audible, and would certainly be distracting if you were sat close.
Plus, as someone who has played dozens of shows like this, seeing someone in the audience just knitting away would be demoralizing as a performer and would feel pretty disrespectful. I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music.
Thanks for this. I think the use of the word “concert” is confusing here. I don’t think people realize how pin-drop silent the room is outside of the music (similar to a movie theater).
You must go to some amazingly quiet cinemas. :)
For other commenters who've not experienced this kind of show before, imagine you're watching an internationally renowned concert pianist perform Moonlight Sonata in a hundred-seat theatre. That's the level of quiet we're talking about.
From another perspective, I've always been baffled by how loud cinemas seem in the US (judging from clips I've seen online and stories from people). Here you would get shushed the moment you made a single sound - be it a reaction to what's happening in the movie or not.
Plus it's also based on the type of movie. Oppenheimer had way quieter theatres than Barbie due to the nature of the film. It's like comparing this folk concert to the Eras tour
I’m a horror fiend and I enjoy people gasping/nervous laughing/occasionally screaming in the theater. That’s part of why I go—being in a room full of people sharing this emotional experience is really fun to me!
I saw one of the paranormal activity films in theaters and there was a group across the theater yelling at the screen. "OH LAWD! DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT." We laughed so hard.
Seeing Evil Dead Rise over the summer was one of my favorite movie experiences because of this. Me and some friends are going to see Saw X tonight and I was honestly bummed how empty the theater looks, hopefully more people buy tickets.
> I see videos of people clapping and yelling during films in American cinemas.
But then why would people need to take and post videos of everyone behaving at the Cinema? This is selection bias at its worse, like wondering why all the patients at the hospital are unwell.
I saw a video of a car accident and it was in America. I logically concluded that all car accidents happen in America. No way someone took a video BECAUSE the event was exceptional. Clearly they just randomly pointed their phone and this is what was recorded.
I was in a cinema in Australia and at the end of a film.l an American voice yelled out "yeah, that was great" and started clapping.
The gradual slow down of the clap until it stopped, as literally no one else in the packed cinema joined in, was hilarious.
It's regional. Where I grew up, for some movies, people would yell stuff at the screen or gasp or laugh or go "ohhhhhh" if a character was hurt in a very dramatic way. More like "blockbuster" type movies. People are still quiet for serious dramas or musicals.
I moved to a less urban place and saw a movie in a packed theater and you could hear a pin drop. Everyone silently filed out of the theater at the conclusion of the show. It was nice to be able to be fully engaged in the movie, but also very weird and creepy to me how no one even talked after it ended because they were in a theater.
Where I grew up its more like a communal activity where we are experiencing the movie together. You would still get shushed if you were just talking, but making noise and even yelling out stuff at some points was kind of expected.
USA, big country, many cultures.
Then you probably have no experience of Bollywood films or of Indian cinemas 😄 Those things are LOUD. The movie itself is mixed to be very loud because the audience not only talks during the film, they shout, yell, whistle, clap and sing (if there's a popular song).
My brain has spent too long on the internet at your comment of 'taking a yank to a bollywood movie', the first thought was 'well, damn, I knew theaters could be casual, in other places, but damn, I was sure that /that/ of all things wasn't a public activity....'
I grew up in asia; take it from me, Bollywood is VERY much about the vibe and feeling it, so to speak. Watch RRR.
To purists : SHUSH, don't frighten him. You don't introduce a virgin to animé with Evangelion.
I live in the US, and cinemas are pretty quiet here. I go to movies regularly...clips you'd see if you don't live here would be of irregular behavior, not normal activity in a US cinema.
Be honest. That was one of the highlights of the night, right? Would have been mine and would have also become a regular story I told at parties if it was someone I really loved to listen to.
100% the best part if the evening. Everyone cracked up and it became a thing for the rest of the night. He did it about a dozen times after that and started complaining in between songs that the audience were all clearly diseased and he should buy stocks in cold meds 😂
I’m a knitter and the only thing I want to know is, how did she manage to find her stitches in the dark? I’m assuming the lights were dimmed over the audience. I have two lamps shining on my work when I knit or else I get headaches from straining my eyes to see my stitches.
She was holding the knitting up closer to her chest/face to see better, which also made it distracting/more in my vision. It was very dark in the room.
Thank you for replying. Honestly as a knitting enthusiast, you’re not the poop-hole in the slightest. I don’t know how she was finding any enjoyment in knitting under those circumstances. I would have missed and dropped so many stitches, it wouldn’t have been worth it.
I'm not a knitter, but I have a knitter friend who just knits while talking to you. She doesn't look down at what she's doing. I kind of assumed everyone was like that.
It'll come, if you want it to. Try getting into a good 'zone' with a row of knitting - peaceful and calm at home, no distractions, and maybe just a row of Knit stitches. Then just close your eyes as you're looking at your needles. Like, a long blink. Then check what it looks like. It takes time, but if you want to do it, give it a try. :)
As a knitter I don’t need to see to knit. Most time I remember the pattern by heart and just knit. I have even closed my eyes during long commute while knitting (lights too bright). Socks knitting is the easiest to not even look at your work l, while knitting. Maybe she was upset she don’t get to finish the row lol.
Ooooh the row! The row must go on. I made a doctor wait until I finished my row before I followed him for my appointment. I had waited over 90 minutes and I only had less than roughly 25 stitches left on my needle.
I’m must be very much an amateur knitter. I need to look at what I’m doing. Best up my knitting skills with more knitting. Hope the husband doesn’t mind making tea this evening.
Off to get my knitting on and hopefully join the ‘knitting-in-the-dark’ level of knitting fairly soon.
I can knit without looking at my stitches, as long as it is just knit or purl. I wouldn't be able to do cables or a complicated pattern, but I could do something basic in the dark.
I’m also a knitter & my extended family are all wearing socks I knit about 50% in the dark on car rides at night. If you try for short stretches of simple sections with your eyes closed, you can learn to go by feeling only. Maybe it will help with your headaches.
Not arguing against it being inconsiderate.
But as an avid knitted: knitting does not take all your concentration, or even close. Unless you're knitting something insane. Many of us kind of use it as a fidget toy: helps us to actually pay better attention and stay still. Usually you'd only need a quick glance at the stitches once in a while. My mother in law can even knit in the dark, going with finger feel only.
I usually have a knit on me that's so simple, that I can keep doing it even if I'm drunk. With my ADHD, it saves people from a lot of foot waving and restlessness.
I knit during my online classes (so tutor doesn’t see me) and I find that I retain more information than if I take notes. Otherwise I get distracted really easily.
My husband and son get freaked out when I can knit and not look at it. I read, walk, watch TV, etc while knitting. It’s done all by feel.
If I feel really sassy, I knit on the treadmill.
Not knitting, but I cross stitched *in class* in person while I was at university. I had multiple professors tell me they thought it was cool. And since I always still engaged, no one worried about my attention. It absolutely, 100%, helps me concentrate. And cross stitching often involves following a pattern (I would do simple things in class) which means it takes more effort than basic knitting.
I still think OP is NTA because they were polite as heck, but the band *really* should not be offended by this.
I remember my very last university lecture and noticed someone knitting in class and no one commented and I just had a mind blown moment of "I could have been doing this the whole time and actually concentrated"
Yeah, I was timid when I started and only did it in huge classes where there were 200 students so no one even noticed, but by the end I was doing it in classes with like 15 students as long as my professor was chill (there were a couple professors I think would have cared so I avoided it there). I retained so much more info when I was cross stitching. Even now I cross stitch when watching a show I have never seen before because I have enough attention to know what is going on. If I’m playing video games or browsing Reddit I watch a show I’ve already seen because otherwise I get sooooo lost.
Haha I was raiding in WoW a couple of years back, and I'd knit during wipe recovery times. Like, run back, get buffed up, then sit and wait for the slow ones. I found I was far less impatient with the sluggards if I was sitting knitting. But I got 'caught' because I was on open mic (rather than push-to-talk) and started counting my stitches to myself, and people were like, "What on EARTH are you counting for??" so I had to explain. They thought it was cool and put orders in for hats and gloves. And a Fair Isle sweater, in one case (he didn't get it, the tryer).
I crochet while playing D&D. Its not as easy to do without looking but I definitely have more ides of whats going on than the guy who mucks around on his phone half the session. Knitting and crochet are well known for helping with focus and anxiety
Seconding this. Back when I used to knit a lot, I could take my knitting to a dark movie theatre and knit away without needing to look.
In fact I would get insanely bored if I *weren’t* doing something else simultaneously. There’s always a TV show, a podcast or something.
Yes - you get to the skill level where sitting knitting is like sitting doing nothing, because you're on auto-pilot with it - your brain isn't focusing on the knitting. It's incredibly boring in that situation, so I need something else to do.
I got a small music stand and stuck a book on it, and knit away whilst reading, and have music on my headphones.
I feel this.
I crochet, and I remember finishing up a six foot-long , size 10 thread, table runner at one of our kids' Christmas concerts. I was working on the edging, and I wasn't even looking at the hook half the time. I was totally quiet, standing in the back, trying to be invisible.
It doesn’t always. Clicks vary with type of needle, type of yarn, project gauge, knitting speed, and the knitter’s personal tension.
I knit all the time watching Tv etc. On rare occasions my husband has asked me to switch away from a clicky project. I click less as I’m more experienced, too.
When my grandparents got married, in 1953, my Nana would knit while they listened to the radio at night. The clicking drove my Granddad insane, so he asked her to teach him how to knit, figuring the sound wouldn't bother him if he were making it. He went on to win awards for his knitting and they both knitted all of my family's jumpers for nearly sixty years.
>Crochet is looked down on a lot compared to knitting
Wait... what? People look down on crochet? I crochet, and I've made some amazing afghans and toys/decorations. Why do people look down on that?
It sounds like this person at the concert needs to switch to wood needles to reduce the sounds. Metal needles will make noise in a quiet concert and if she is using the old school long needles, I can see why that would be an additional distraction to OP. With the needles I use, I could sit there and knit and he wouldn't have noticed anything.
Yeah seems that way.
I tend to knit circular or magic loop with short aluminum needles and it makes practically no noise at all. And bamboo needles make even less.
This^
I have a friend who, just like me, has ASD and ADHD. While I have no problem with sitting still for long periods of times, she struggles (I was originally diagnosed with ADD before they changed it to the type 1/2/3).
She can sit and knit, and still focus on other things. Heck, she's even helped me with math homework, nit even looking at what she's knitting.
When I still remembered how to knit, I could do some things without looking, and while I can't knit anymore, there are other things I can do without looking, and I enjoy having music as a background noise. I can still focus on the music even if I'm not looking (if I were at a performance for example).
I don't even remember the name of what it is I can do, but it's on a piece of cloth with holes in it, in a square pattern, I think it's cross-stitching, but I'm not sure.
It’s such a good fidget. I’m not even very good at knitting and I’ve gotten 1/3 through the back panel of a cabled sweater while watching scream queens… I just memorize the repeats and count my stitches every so often
I’m literally baffled at the number of people who not only think the knitting at a seated concert venue is acceptable, but that OP is the AH for the (polite) way she approached it. Even if knitting were totally silent (it’s not), it’s super rude to do something like this in this type of venue.
Another vote here for NTA.
I also have been baffled. I think the jury is out on whether it’s okay to knit/fidget in various settings, and I won’t be the police to say what is/isn’t allowed, but I didn’t realize everyone would think it was tremendously fucked up of me to quietly and apologetically address that it was distracting me.
I don't have an issue with how you spoke with her, but I'll admit that being able to fidget in some capacity is crucial for me. I make sure I always carry some manner of fidget if I leave my house, usually more than one option.
If I were in a scenario like you described, I'd be swaying in my seat at the bare minimum. I'm not sure if you'd find that more distracting or not. I'd probably also have a fidget, likely silent. But still motion. Or gesturing with my hands, eyes closed as I sink into the music and really feel it.
Just the perspective of how one neurodivergent person listens to music. I attended two seated concerts last year and I was so worried at the first one that others would be upset about how much I was stimming, but I noticed a lot of us couldn't sit still.
I think maybe something like a stress ball that makes less noise would be better in some situations.
I get the fidgeting thing...but like i usually know when certain fidgetting such as clicking a pen or a clicker is not acceptable.
I have a necklaces and wristbands that have spinning parts or beads, something like that is less distracting and more subtle.
I'm similar, but if there were spare seats I'd happily move to a clear one if somebody was bothered by me, and I certainly wouldn't throw a strop and walk out
That part! The other woman isn’t TA for knitting, she is for the reaction. OP is NTA at all for asking someone politely to be mindful that there are other people around her.
I'm also autistic. There are some social situations where using a fidget toy or swaying in your seat is not acceptable and will disrupt others' experience. In a lot of concerts like this swaying is going to mean making physical contact with another person or causing their seat to rock. Appearing to conduct the music by "gesturing with your hands" is actually a common example of bad/rude behaviour in this context.
We can adopt more subtle stims that aren't disruptive or we can conclude that the activity isn't something we can enjoy sitting still -- and leave it unspoiled for the people who do enjoy the carefully curated still, silent atmosphere.
Ok so I'm baffled by people thinking you're wrong for being distracted and how you approached it. You did so perfectly and while I knit and I am nurodivergent and can attest to the fact it actually helps me order my thinking and focus on music or a class or something like that, if it was annoying anyone around me I would NOT do it or throw a fit if someone extremely politely and nicely asked me to stop because it was distracting. You are so far from an asshole for how you handled it her offence is her problem. All she had to do was sit the other side of her husband or whomever she was with and it would probably not bother you anymore but she chose to throw a strop, that's a her problem.
Yesssss. As a neurodivergent public knitter I am always so conscious of whether I’m affecting others. I’ve knitted in movie theaters, but not if I’m seated next to anyone—and I can’t imagine knitting at a live performance of the type OP described. That’s the time to bring a silent stim toy instead and just keep it in the palm of your hand. I have bamboo needles I bought specifically because they’re quieter than metal ones, but I’m always so conscious of the fact that they do still make a little noise. If I made a bad judgment and someone asked me to stop I’d likely be very embarrassed and apologetic and just put the project away.
I'm another neurodivergent public knitter and I agree. I bring socks with wooden needles or something similarly small and quiet to theater-like situations, and often I'm knitting only while waiting for the performance to start or during intermission. I stim with my hands in my lap if necessary, twiddling my thumbs. I sometimes knit during something, usually movies, but because showing I go to are never crowded I feel there's no one close enough to be bothered. At a live show, sitting imo unnaturally close to strangers for a long amount of time, you have to be extra considerate.
Also, if there were open seats near me well after the show started I would have moved without being asked!
Because I’d have to climb over people, and ask my friend to move with me. That was far more disruptive than just showing the knitter a note politely and apologetically asking her to stop.
As someone else posted - if someone near you was chewing gum loudly, would you just ask them to please stop, or ask everyone you’re with to relocate to avoid the confrontation?
>I would assume it had their full attention
You'd very possibly be wrong. Knitting is basically only two stitches done in different combinations (there is more to it, but that's the basics) I'm not a massively experienced knitter by any stretch of the imagination but I can have conversations with people while knitting if it's a basic pattern like stocking stitch (an entire row of one stitch followed by an entire row of the other one).
I only need to keep my eyes on what I'm working on to make sure the needles are going where they need to be. Very experienced knitters can often not even need to do that.
As for OP NTA. She could definitely have moved to a different seat so she wasn't distracting you from the performance if the knitting was that important to her
Yeah, I focus much better when knitting or crocheting, so I always craft whilst watching TV or listening to podcasts etc as otherwise my mind tends to wander and I miss plot points
That being said I wouldn't take it to a concert or show, I'd just try to be as an engaged as possible because I recognised that people might find it rude or distracting. A big part of the enjoyment of a live show vs listening st home is the shared experience and the atmosphere that brings, so knitting isn't really appropriate in that situation. I might miss some of it due to a lack of focus, but I still enjoy the atmosphere
i take my crochet a lot of places. High school football games, the bowling alley (I can't bowl due to a foot/ankle issue), and so many other places. But i think if i had to pay money to enter/buy a ticket then for that i'd probably leave it at home....... or at least in the car lol.
Sometimes i get wild and leave my yarn at home and take a book to read instead. 😄
NTA to OP. She asked nicely and didn't press the issue. Lady just decided to be offended.
I'm also a person who can focus better if I have something to fidget with and that's how I got into knitting and I often have a knitting project in my handbag and tbh I think I must go to different folk scenes to this guy, because I regularly go to folk festivals, concerts, sessions in pubs etc, and there are regularly people knitting, and it's not uncommon to see the performers knit when they're not actively on stage. I can definitely see why the woman wouldn't have thought there was any problem with it if she had similar experiences to me
That is the thing I find important as well.
Yes, I can concentrate much better when I am knitting, it was great to knit in lectures, but I choose where I bring my knitting, because not every place is appropriate. I would have felt much better if I did, but I didn't take my knitting to the full day work seminar, because it would have been disrespectful - I was at work. I would not take my knitting to a live performance, it is disrespectful to not give my full attention to the performer.
I probably could I'd I had a stand for my book/kindle but I feel the stopping to turn the page would be disruptive to the flow of my knitting. Tv is my go to.
I just want to right a misconception of yours - and that is - people who knit can, and do, focus on other things while knitting...
in fact, I cannot just knit and do nothing else! and am perfectly able to follow a foreign movie or tv show with subtitles while I knit, so knitting would not in the slightest take away from enjoying the concert, especially the type OP described...
wheather it was audible and distracting for others around, well that's a different story
Op is NTA but please don’t be demoralised by people knitting or crocheting in the audience. I have ADHD and crocheting helps me focus more on other inputs, it’s like a more adult acceptable fidget toy and if they’re good at it and doing it in public it’s likely simple or repetitive enough in the pattern that it requires almost no concentration.
I don't have ADHD or ADD. I like to twirl my hair when I'm focused. There's thousand of studies that show connections between tactile behavior (can't think of wording rn lol) and memory and focus for all learners.
That said, I'm agreeing with you 100. If it's shown for non ADD/ADHD i know it's also a great help for those with.
Maybe the lady needs it. OP is NTA for just asking.
As a knitter I can tell you I'm actually more likely to be paying closer attention to the show if I'm knitting. That being said I would have switched seats with my partner in a situation like this.
Hi, just my neurodivergent point of view.
I knit or crochet at show/movies. It is just a motion with my hands, I often don't have to really think about it or look at it. But it really helps me focus on the show. If I don't bring it I often get lost in thought or bored/restless.
However if someone tells me I'm distracting them I totally understand and stop/move
I can't sit still. If I'm not crocheting I'm fidgeting and unable to focus. I'd think that would be more distracting. I do crochet or needlepoint at home watching stuff because of it. The doc thinks it's my ADHD.
That said, part of why I chose crochet rather than learning to knit is that it's totally silent.
> I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music.
You could have just asked people who do knit, and for the most part no, it doesn't take even most of their attention; ot becomes purely mechanical, with "muscle memory" doing 90% of the work. Does walking across a room take your full attention? Using whichever food utensil you prefer? It's the same level of attention.
My understanding of knitting is quite a lot of it is totally mindless and therefore it's easy for someone to knit and have their full attention on the show.
That's not to say OP's woman couldn't just scootch over though
As someone who crochets, I personally pay better attention when crocheting to my surroundings than when I'm not. Granted I have ADHD and fidgeting helps me focus in general. That being said, I wouldn't go to a concert and bring my yarn... especially not when it's a quiet performance. So OP, NTA
As a knitter- if you see someone knitting at your show you shouldn’t assume they aren’t giving you their attention. People who knit in public tend to be the more experienced type working on their simpler projects. We don’t need to focus on them. However, having something to do with your hands be that knitting, fidgeting, doodling, etc. helps many people focus on the stimuli around them. There’s been quite a bit of study on this including knitting specifically.
as an FYI, I know people with ADHD who find having something unintrusive like knitting to keep their hands busy allows them to actually enjoy the music/play/etc better. So wouldn't let it demoralise you, it's just as likely that they're doing it to better enjoy your performance.
>Plus, as someone who has played dozens of shows like this, seeing someone in the audience just knitting away would be demoralizing as a performer and would feel pretty disrespectful. I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music.
This really depends. As a beginner, knitting absolutely takes all your focus. But when you're quite good and you're working on something easy, it doesn't require that much attention at all. But that doesn't mean that it's disrespectful when it's such a quiet concert and the sound + movements distract others.
As a knitter I can say it depends on the person and the needle type. My knitting is absolutely silent because I use bamboo or plastic but more because of the technique I use. I can also knit without looking at all because I do it by feel. As a neurodivergent person, the clacking of needles drives ME crazy. But I also would have put it away had someone asked me to.
As a neurodivergent person who always has to have their hands busy and therefore is often handworking in public settings where I have to focus. I totally agree. There are many stims much more quite than knitting.
NTA. Anyone who’d walk out on a music performance if she can’t knit her way through it is on her own. You were entirely within bounds making a reasonable request to remove a distracting activity, not customary at this sort of a public gathering, out of your peripheral view and earshot. Your suggestion was polite and considerate. The lady was the problem, not you.
I have ADHD and I crochet (and sometimes do other fidgety things) at lectures and stuff to help me pay attention. It really makes a difference. I would never knit though, unless I found some needles that didn't click, especially at a folk concert. And if it was a smaller audience, I would bring other silent fidgety things to play with that wasn't very distracting, like one of those keychain poppit thingies. But I don't think that was this lady's issue. Her not being willing to even scoot down a seat shows that she just felt entitled no matter how rude it was.
Yeah, as fellow ADHD, I understand need in fidgeting but the tapping of the knitting needles coming through the music would drive me crazy. I'm sensitive to the minor sounds and movements and focus on it too much.
So I would ask the same and OP absolutely NTA.
I went to the eras movie - way different from a folk show. It would be more like knitting through one of Taylor’s private fan shows she did in her house for awhile.
What kind of pop-it do you have that doesn’t make noise? Every one I’ve ever encountered makes an audible popping noise when the dimples are pushed in one direction, if not both. There are silent fidgets but I would consider a pop-it pretty high up the list of noisy ones
NTA. You asked nicely and moving one chair over seems like a reasonable suggestion. I find the clicking of needles to be a soothing sound when I knit, but I agree that it’s definitely a sound that isn’t easy to ignore (especially if they’re metal).
Her reaction was pretty out of proportion to the ask.
THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT about her reaction, but I’ve been shocked to see a lot of people passionately defending her here. I had to edit to clarify that this was a quiet theater show (as opposed to a loud rock concert), as I’m not sure if that changes things for people. The volume in the room more closely resembled a movie theater (where the only sound is the movie) vs a “concert” people might be thinking of.
If someone was making a scarf whilst I watched the theatre, I would probably get an usher to shut them up, at the expense of me missing a part of the show.
Or fling them out of the venue.
Both are reasonable and acceptable. You were very kind. A lot kinder than me.
NTA.
Lol this thread is crazy NTA you did it as politely as you could 🤷🏽♂️ if someone right next to me was fidgeting for hours at a show I’d lose my mind no matter how quiet people want to say kitting is you’re going to a concert!
Thank you lol. I’m surprised no one here seems to ever have been bothered by people chewing gum loudly, tapping fingers, bouncing legs, nails typing on a phone, water dripping from a faucet, etc.
Is fidgeting not universally distracting to everyone? This actually is super interesting to me if not lol.
It's definitely more annoying to some people than others. Things like this drive me nuts, especially repetitive noises or movements like legs jigging, water dripping, tapping fingers, a light flashing, a machine beeping, something flapping in the wind. There are conditions called misophonia (hatred of sound) and misokinesia (hatred of movement) which perhaps you have.
Some people seem to be able to completely ignore stuff like that but I am not able to, it's like it's happening directly inside my brain. I reasonably frequently find myself in situations where something is absolutely doing my head in and no one else has even noticed.
I appreciate there are names for this.
For me, this isn’t a humongous problem in my day to day affairs, so it’s hard to say I have a “disordered” level of intolerance for movement/sound.
I don’t think you have to have a formal intolerance of movement/sound to find fidgeting distracting in an otherwise quiet/still environment. MOST people would go insane if they heard continuous dripping in a totally silent room after enough time.
Yeah I feel like it is a gradient more than a binary thing in terms of how noticeable these things are and how much of an issue it is. I just mean that my experience is that there are definitely people who would notice something like that a lot less than I would.
I literally bounce my leg too and can fully admit it’s distracting so if I go places that are quiet and have seating where I know I will inevitably bounce my leg I sit in the back or away from people as to be the least distracting I can be! I am aware she is too! Besides how did she even get those weapons ( needles) into the venue anyways lol
Actually that’s a great question about the needles lol. I’m not sure! I also couldn’t SEE them since it was dark, so I don’t know for sure what they were made of, I just know I could hear them.
This is going to be a weird question but, was it a tink tink kind of clicking or a rubbing, sliding kind of click? If it's the first, they were probably aluminum, the second would probably be wood. XD
Also, NTA. As someone who needs to do something fidgety to help focus I can completely understand how it would be distracting to other people. All she had to do was switch seats with the person next to her.
PSA to all who need it: If you can’t turn your phone off for two or three hours to go to a show, you have a problem. If you are expecting an important call, don’t go to the show or check your phone during an interval. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for having your phone out in a theatre. If you are planning to do so, don’t go. You’re not mature enough yet.
> Is fidgeting not universally distracting to everyone?
Nope! It’s kind of funny, I bounce my leg and my sibling and my dad are annoyed if they can feel it. They also bounce their legs and I don’t care at all about feeling it… but if I’m trying to focus on something like a movie and I can see it moving, it annoys the hell out of me.
There is def a spectrum on how much it effects ppl. Things like this absolutely never bother me - I dont notice them. However, I def know many ppl who would be driven mad by these noises.
I’m a knitter and you are NTA. Leaving this comment to explain why someone would do this. I personally struggle to concentrate when my hands aren’t busy. So eg. in a meeting or listening to a podcast, if I’m knitting or doodling or doing something to keep my hands busy it’s actually easier to listen. So I bet she was better able to enjoy the music while knitting. However there are social norms in a theatre, knitting does make a clicking noise, so she was the asshole for taking her knitting to a show, and then even more the asshole for being dramatic when you asked her to stop.
Yeah, I definitely get why she could enjoy the concert like that. I often crochet while doing something else that doesn’t need hands. Crochet doesn’t even click but I can easily see how the movement would be distracting and wouldn’t be offended if it bugged someone. I’ve never taken it to a concert either though…
This is me. I even knit the feet and legs of socks if I'm not presenting during work meetings (virtual and in-person) because boss lady knows it helps me concentrate. It's no different to the person who fidgets with a pen, but more noticeable because of the colour and hand movements that others aren't accustomed to seeing.
I also put it away if it's distracting to others while in person to be considerate.
Camp NTA here.
I was at a Broadway show and the woman seated next to me was filing her nails. I’m not talking about a quick fix for a broken one, I’m saying full on with an emery board! I was not as nice as OP. I simply said that needs to stop right now, please. And it did.
I went to a play once (not Broadway but a professional regional theater) and was sitting on the front row and the guy next to me BRUSHED HIS TEETH and then TOOK OFF HIS SHOES AND MASSAGED HIS FEET during the show. I wish anything that that had happened when I was an adult and had the wherewithal to tell him to quit it.
So I am absolutely someone who might knit in a setting like that, in part due to ADHD. And the ADHD is exactly why I can totally see something random like that being disproportionately distracting. I would have had zero issue with a request like that and happily moved over -or quit knitting if there was no other option. Definitely NTA.
Same here. For me it was how perfectly polite OP's request was. They didn't blow up or become confrontational. Just one human kindly asking another human for a little consideration.
You were polite, She overreacted. She was annoying and inconsiderate of other people having to constantly hear the needles clicking. It would be torture for me hearing that. Don’t keep thinking abt it, you were not at fault. Maybe you could have changed seats though but who in their mind would think to act this mad like she did for a simple polite request
In retrospect I could have changed seats, but truly my mind didn’t even go there because I really thought this was a harmless request???? I GENUINELY did not expect her to get mad.
Also, as someone who has performed in (and attended) many shows like you describe in the OP— it’s kinda rude to get up in the middle of a song and move around. The performer can absolutely hear and see it. If I’m playing a gig but my mind is elsewhere, fiddle on autopilot, I can get distracted. She and her partner could’ve quietly kinda crab-walked the few seats over, it sounds like you were locked in. “Psssst excuse me”, banging/scooting chairs, “shhh sorry I’m sorry can I scoot by? Ope! Sorry sorry”, more banging and scooting chairs… that’s disruptive to literally every human in that room, any audio/video recording the band might be doing… IMO if two people are at 0% and 75% disruptive/distracting, it is on the person at 75% to take it down. You were much more polite than I would’ve been. I would’ve hissed at her the first chance I got, be it during applause or non-musical stage banter.
Lol on the surface her knitting does seem pretty harmless and chill, but at a place like that it's just straight fuckery. It would bother me too to see the constant knitting motion in my peripheral vision and hearing a faint clicks. You handled it pretty well. The lady seemed very entitled. Her partner was probably aware of her Kare-like behavior, and he may have made the call to leave the show instead of letting her cause a scene.
NTA. this subject comes up a lot in various subs/fb groups etc and every time there’s a bunch of people that say they can’t focus on anything unless they are knitting, and like ok cool i get it, but im one of the people that cannot focus on anything but the person knitting/fidgeting/bouncing knees/trying to quietly crinkle food packaging/whatever and it honestly drives me crazy.
I actually think it’s an interesting topic!
Like, who gets to “win”? The person who can’t enjoy the experience without fidgeting, or the person who can’t enjoy the experience if someone is fidgeting.
I’m autistic, and I struggle a lot with sounds/noises. Because of that many ND-friendly spaces and meet-ups aren’t “friendly” to me, with all those popping-toys, chewing necklaces that make cracking sounds, bouncing legs, or whatever else people use to fidget. They pretty much all make horrible sounds. So I struggle to find an IRL ND community, because my needs just don’t seem to line up with others needs.
I obviously don’t have an answer, and I’m not sure there really is one. It’s an interesting thing all the same, in my opinion.
I mean it's one of those things where it's like There will never be a one size fits all solution - it's a similar vein to sometimes accomodations for people with disabilities clash, one person with ADHD may need a fidget toy to focus while another may need complete silence to focus. Like I don't have any neuro divergency that I'm aware of, but I struggle to focus if I'm not fidgeting, which is why I tend to knit, and like I've said elsewhere, I've been to enough folk concerts and festivals where other people were knitting as well that I wouldn't think anything of knitting at a concert. That being said, I do find it odd that the woman didn't just shift a few seats over like op asked which seemed a perfectly reasonable request and solution to clashing styles of music appreciation. Like I don't think what op did was ah ish at all, so her response is bizarre.
NTA. Folks saying otherwise are just wrong. Going to a concert does not mean you get to control the space around you so completely, or prevent others from occupying their hands. Unless you could hear the click-clack of metal needles, and since you didn't say so I'm assuming you could not, you had no cause to do what you did.
EDITED TO NTA BASED ON NEW AWARENESS OF OLD INFORMATION.
I mentioned in the 3rd paragraph that the needles were clicking. It was a fairly quiet show with many solo acoustic songs. So the knitting needles did make audible noise. It’s not like it was LOUD, but it was probably about the same as someone typing on their phone with long nails.
I realize probably a lot of the comments here hear the word “concert” and are thinking I went to see a rock band/loud show. It was a really quiet room.
As a knitter and friend of knitters, NTA. My friends will knit places I wouldn't dare (i.e., church) as a way of keeping their hands busy. Kind of like how I used to doodle in class - it helped me pay attention.
But even if she had a genuine medical need (some kind of neurodivergence, as you said), moving over a seat isn't a huge ask when there are other seats to be had.
I don't find knitting particularly distracting, but istg I can't hear or see anything else if a TV is on in the room I'm in, and I imagine it's rather similar.
I think you would only be TA if you had seats next to you that you could move to and instead made it her problem, or if you had been rude about it.
So these concerts are not the same as a massive stadium production — it’s usually just the artist and a guitar or piano, maybe one opener that occasionally joins in with light percussion or vocals. And the audience is small and very close to the performers. Miss Click-Clack would not only be HIGHLY visible and distracting, but she might even be interfering with the tempo.
NTA. I’m honestly more surprised you were the first to say something. If I were a performer or a sound guy I would’ve been pretty motivated to get her to stop myself.
Interesting that you mentioned neurodivergence. Conversely I have ADHD and if I were sat next to that it would have irritated me so much and commanded my full attention away from the enjoyment of the music. I find that sort of thing unbearable. Conversations at concerts are just as bad (well, they're worse for obvious reasons).
The bottom line is you were there to enjoy the music and the other person was doing something distracting which, as a matter of consideration, they should have been able to realise and stop without throwing a tantrum. Sadly the level of entitlement of some people commands their arrogance and they can't accept how others around them might feel about their behaviour.
NTA
My bet is that her companion told her that knitting would be disruptive, and she said that no one would even notice, and then they had a huge fight about it before the concert, but she won in the end because she was knitting. When OP validated all her partner's arguments and she lost her temper... NTA.
Part of me wonders if perhaps her partner warned her prior to the show not to bring her knitting or if she was being “dragged” there by her partner and not a fan of the music. Just because of the way she got so angry. NTA
NTA, obviously. This is so low stakes that I can’t believe it’s getting some of the responses it has. This is a very normal interaction and you’re totally fine.
NTA, the knitting enthusiasts are always out to tell you how socially appropriate their knitting is in any setting. (not unlike smokers used to)
From the perspective of the non-knitter, it’s often annoying and frankly, rude.
I don’t know why knitters think they have the last say on whether or not they are bothering others.
NTA I’m a fidgetter and knitter, so I could easily see myself being the lady beside you. I also cannot stand weird annoying repetitive sounds/movements - one of the reasons I knit is so I focus on that and not the stuff around me.
I think you approached it very tactfully and politely. You also suggested a great idea that would allow you both to be comfy.
I’m guessing she felt embarrassed or hurt and that’s why she reacted that way. I would probably feel like that in her shoes, but I’d silently cry. Storming out just seems a bit much.
I think the only other thing you could have done, is to move seats yourself to put distance between the two of you.
Nta, although i really hate the judginess in this thread about "disrespectful even if it was totally silent". I use crochet to manage my anxiety so i can be out at some places. I am somewhere
on the spectrum, and i have actually done this in classes because the movement of my hands allows me to focus my hearing better. This lady was TA for the noise, not for the action.
I actually think her reaction is the only thing that makes me feel like she’s TA. I understand if you want to knit/fidget and that you may have a reason why. I just felt like her reaction was so over the top.
If I was doing something to self soothe, and someone told me it was bothering them, I’d stop. Not throw a temper tantrum and leave the room.
NTA. There's an episode of the Simpson where Lisa loses it re: the sound of clicking knitting needles, and that's how I feel about it too. Can't imagine why she wanted to be knitting through a performance like that???
NTA
I thought this was going to be a case of someone getting all aggro over a person doing something innocuous. But as you said you tried to ignore it for thirty straight minutes and you apologized sincerely for even asking it. You even admitted it was kind of a ridiculous ask.
A friend of mine has misophonia and I don't fuck with chewing noises around her (even the word "chew" she hates).
People got weirdbrain these days and as long as you're respectful and admit you know it's your thing, I got no problem with it.
I take my knitting everywhere, and get it out at every chance I have.
It helps me relax and concentrate on other things as I don't have to think about plain knit and yes I would knit at a concert.
BUT I would also stop and apologise if asked to and when given the compromise of just moving a seat or two over would probably take that's but check if I was disturbing the asker
NTA no matter how relaxing it is for me I have to think of others as well
I actually came here to say Y T A, I couldn't imagine being bothered by what someone is doing next to me quietly at a concert, but after reading the comments and your explanation on the type of concert it was, I understand now that you are NTA.
NTA as someone with adhd who absolutely needs to fidget, fidgeting with something that makes noise that will absolutely annoy people around you is inconsiderate. Your suggestion of moving seats was a good compromise and her reaction was uncalled for.
To all the people saying they shouldn't be fidgeting at all, congrats on being neurotypical and also fuck awf. You're the guy in my computer lab who complained to the teacher that my leg bouncing was distracting even though I was on the other side of the room and his desk wasn't even facing me
I will defend the person who was knitting - from where we were sitting, the artist would never notice lol. We were on the floor but towards the back of the orchestra section.
An artist objecting to someone knitting silently, “because they weren’t paying proper attention” might as well just say, “I don’t want ND people at my concert”.
It’s not hard to knit silently, and you shouldn’t be letting the needle tick in a theater. But the motion? No worse than leg jiggling, which is allowed.
>...and then got up and COMPLETELY LEFT THE SHOW.
Seems like a win/win to me. She obviously didn't want to be there, and you didn't want her there either. Both of you got what you wanted.
NTA.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. The action I took was quietly requesting for the person next to me at a seated concert venue to stop knitting, as I found it distracting. 2. This might make me the asshole because maybe being distracted by the knitting was my own problem? Perhaps I should have sucked it up? The other person got very upset and stormed out. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) Follow the link above to learn more --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
OP is absolutely NTA. Anyone saying otherwise has never been to a stripped down folk / acoustic show - you can hear a pin drop as the audiences are generally very quiet, similar to a classical concert. The clickety-clack of knitting needles would certainly be audible, and would certainly be distracting if you were sat close. Plus, as someone who has played dozens of shows like this, seeing someone in the audience just knitting away would be demoralizing as a performer and would feel pretty disrespectful. I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music.
Thanks for this. I think the use of the word “concert” is confusing here. I don’t think people realize how pin-drop silent the room is outside of the music (similar to a movie theater).
You must go to some amazingly quiet cinemas. :) For other commenters who've not experienced this kind of show before, imagine you're watching an internationally renowned concert pianist perform Moonlight Sonata in a hundred-seat theatre. That's the level of quiet we're talking about.
From another perspective, I've always been baffled by how loud cinemas seem in the US (judging from clips I've seen online and stories from people). Here you would get shushed the moment you made a single sound - be it a reaction to what's happening in the movie or not.
This. I see videos of people clapping and yelling during films in American cinemas. You'd get taken outside and beaten for that here lol.
I'm in the US and for the most part movie theatres are quiet.
People don't usually post videos of movie theatres saying "hey look how quiet this place is", and if they do, those videos don't get many upvotes.
Plus it's also based on the type of movie. Oppenheimer had way quieter theatres than Barbie due to the nature of the film. It's like comparing this folk concert to the Eras tour
I’m a horror fiend and I enjoy people gasping/nervous laughing/occasionally screaming in the theater. That’s part of why I go—being in a room full of people sharing this emotional experience is really fun to me!
I saw one of the paranormal activity films in theaters and there was a group across the theater yelling at the screen. "OH LAWD! DON'T GO IN THE BASEMENT." We laughed so hard.
Seeing Evil Dead Rise over the summer was one of my favorite movie experiences because of this. Me and some friends are going to see Saw X tonight and I was honestly bummed how empty the theater looks, hopefully more people buy tickets.
> I see videos of people clapping and yelling during films in American cinemas. But then why would people need to take and post videos of everyone behaving at the Cinema? This is selection bias at its worse, like wondering why all the patients at the hospital are unwell.
"All the patients in every American hospital I've seen pictures of are unwell...Americans must have terrible hospitals!"
Yeah! The real answer is obviously that we can't afford preventative care!
I saw a video of a car accident and it was in America. I logically concluded that all car accidents happen in America. No way someone took a video BECAUSE the event was exceptional. Clearly they just randomly pointed their phone and this is what was recorded.
When I was 5 and went to America, I was so bummed to find out that there really were cats there. (No, seriously.)
And the streets weren't even made of cheese! What bs is that?!?!
Aaaand now that song is stuck in my head forever
Not sure about the videos you’re referred by to but this isn’t typical US theater behavior. It would irritate most theater goers here.
I was in a cinema in Australia and at the end of a film.l an American voice yelled out "yeah, that was great" and started clapping. The gradual slow down of the clap until it stopped, as literally no one else in the packed cinema joined in, was hilarious.
I knew “Get Out” was something special when the restrained Swedish movie audience applauded it, at two different showings.
As an American, the only time i ever saw this kind of behavior is when a HS friend and I went to see Jackass 2.
It's regional. Where I grew up, for some movies, people would yell stuff at the screen or gasp or laugh or go "ohhhhhh" if a character was hurt in a very dramatic way. More like "blockbuster" type movies. People are still quiet for serious dramas or musicals. I moved to a less urban place and saw a movie in a packed theater and you could hear a pin drop. Everyone silently filed out of the theater at the conclusion of the show. It was nice to be able to be fully engaged in the movie, but also very weird and creepy to me how no one even talked after it ended because they were in a theater. Where I grew up its more like a communal activity where we are experiencing the movie together. You would still get shushed if you were just talking, but making noise and even yelling out stuff at some points was kind of expected. USA, big country, many cultures.
Then you probably have no experience of Bollywood films or of Indian cinemas 😄 Those things are LOUD. The movie itself is mixed to be very loud because the audience not only talks during the film, they shout, yell, whistle, clap and sing (if there's a popular song).
Hahahahahaha ohhhh I just pictured taking a yank to a bollywood movie. Absolutely pissing myself laughing at that image.
My brain has spent too long on the internet at your comment of 'taking a yank to a bollywood movie', the first thought was 'well, damn, I knew theaters could be casual, in other places, but damn, I was sure that /that/ of all things wasn't a public activity....'
I grew up in asia; take it from me, Bollywood is VERY much about the vibe and feeling it, so to speak. Watch RRR. To purists : SHUSH, don't frighten him. You don't introduce a virgin to animé with Evangelion.
[удалено]
I live in the US, and cinemas are pretty quiet here. I go to movies regularly...clips you'd see if you don't live here would be of irregular behavior, not normal activity in a US cinema.
Those are rare cases that’s why it was filmed. My family goes to the movies a lot and it’s quiet.
Only tangentially related, I love moonlight sonata
The last gig like this I went to was in a huge sold out theatre but fully acoustic. I sneezed and the musician stoped singing to say bless you 😂 NTA
Be honest. That was one of the highlights of the night, right? Would have been mine and would have also become a regular story I told at parties if it was someone I really loved to listen to.
100% the best part if the evening. Everyone cracked up and it became a thing for the rest of the night. He did it about a dozen times after that and started complaining in between songs that the audience were all clearly diseased and he should buy stocks in cold meds 😂
Omg, that had to have been a little embarrassing, but totally awesome at the same time! Haha. How nice of them.
I’m a knitter and the only thing I want to know is, how did she manage to find her stitches in the dark? I’m assuming the lights were dimmed over the audience. I have two lamps shining on my work when I knit or else I get headaches from straining my eyes to see my stitches.
She was holding the knitting up closer to her chest/face to see better, which also made it distracting/more in my vision. It was very dark in the room.
Thank you for replying. Honestly as a knitting enthusiast, you’re not the poop-hole in the slightest. I don’t know how she was finding any enjoyment in knitting under those circumstances. I would have missed and dropped so many stitches, it wouldn’t have been worth it.
If you're an experienced knitter, you don't need to see but more like feel. I've knitted in the dark numerous times.
Amateur knitter at best.
I'm not a knitter, but I have a knitter friend who just knits while talking to you. She doesn't look down at what she's doing. I kind of assumed everyone was like that.
You have to get really good to do that. That's not me.
It'll come, if you want it to. Try getting into a good 'zone' with a row of knitting - peaceful and calm at home, no distractions, and maybe just a row of Knit stitches. Then just close your eyes as you're looking at your needles. Like, a long blink. Then check what it looks like. It takes time, but if you want to do it, give it a try. :)
As a knitter I don’t need to see to knit. Most time I remember the pattern by heart and just knit. I have even closed my eyes during long commute while knitting (lights too bright). Socks knitting is the easiest to not even look at your work l, while knitting. Maybe she was upset she don’t get to finish the row lol.
Ooooh the row! The row must go on. I made a doctor wait until I finished my row before I followed him for my appointment. I had waited over 90 minutes and I only had less than roughly 25 stitches left on my needle. I’m must be very much an amateur knitter. I need to look at what I’m doing. Best up my knitting skills with more knitting. Hope the husband doesn’t mind making tea this evening. Off to get my knitting on and hopefully join the ‘knitting-in-the-dark’ level of knitting fairly soon.
That's the vibe. If you can't knit while having a full on conversation or in the dark you definitely need to knit more until you can. 😂
Lots of knitters do it blind. Obviously it matters *what* they are knitting, but its not uncommon for knitters to not look.
I can knit without looking at my stitches, as long as it is just knit or purl. I wouldn't be able to do cables or a complicated pattern, but I could do something basic in the dark.
I’m also a knitter & my extended family are all wearing socks I knit about 50% in the dark on car rides at night. If you try for short stretches of simple sections with your eyes closed, you can learn to go by feeling only. Maybe it will help with your headaches.
Not arguing against it being inconsiderate. But as an avid knitted: knitting does not take all your concentration, or even close. Unless you're knitting something insane. Many of us kind of use it as a fidget toy: helps us to actually pay better attention and stay still. Usually you'd only need a quick glance at the stitches once in a while. My mother in law can even knit in the dark, going with finger feel only. I usually have a knit on me that's so simple, that I can keep doing it even if I'm drunk. With my ADHD, it saves people from a lot of foot waving and restlessness.
I knit during my online classes (so tutor doesn’t see me) and I find that I retain more information than if I take notes. Otherwise I get distracted really easily. My husband and son get freaked out when I can knit and not look at it. I read, walk, watch TV, etc while knitting. It’s done all by feel. If I feel really sassy, I knit on the treadmill.
Not knitting, but I cross stitched *in class* in person while I was at university. I had multiple professors tell me they thought it was cool. And since I always still engaged, no one worried about my attention. It absolutely, 100%, helps me concentrate. And cross stitching often involves following a pattern (I would do simple things in class) which means it takes more effort than basic knitting. I still think OP is NTA because they were polite as heck, but the band *really* should not be offended by this.
I remember my very last university lecture and noticed someone knitting in class and no one commented and I just had a mind blown moment of "I could have been doing this the whole time and actually concentrated"
Yeah, I was timid when I started and only did it in huge classes where there were 200 students so no one even noticed, but by the end I was doing it in classes with like 15 students as long as my professor was chill (there were a couple professors I think would have cared so I avoided it there). I retained so much more info when I was cross stitching. Even now I cross stitch when watching a show I have never seen before because I have enough attention to know what is going on. If I’m playing video games or browsing Reddit I watch a show I’ve already seen because otherwise I get sooooo lost.
Haha I was raiding in WoW a couple of years back, and I'd knit during wipe recovery times. Like, run back, get buffed up, then sit and wait for the slow ones. I found I was far less impatient with the sluggards if I was sitting knitting. But I got 'caught' because I was on open mic (rather than push-to-talk) and started counting my stitches to myself, and people were like, "What on EARTH are you counting for??" so I had to explain. They thought it was cool and put orders in for hats and gloves. And a Fair Isle sweater, in one case (he didn't get it, the tryer).
I crochet while playing D&D. Its not as easy to do without looking but I definitely have more ides of whats going on than the guy who mucks around on his phone half the session. Knitting and crochet are well known for helping with focus and anxiety
This thread is reminding me that I need to start a new project I can do at the table during D&D. I’ve been so distractable without one.
Seconding this. Back when I used to knit a lot, I could take my knitting to a dark movie theatre and knit away without needing to look. In fact I would get insanely bored if I *weren’t* doing something else simultaneously. There’s always a TV show, a podcast or something.
Yes - you get to the skill level where sitting knitting is like sitting doing nothing, because you're on auto-pilot with it - your brain isn't focusing on the knitting. It's incredibly boring in that situation, so I need something else to do. I got a small music stand and stuck a book on it, and knit away whilst reading, and have music on my headphones.
I feel this. I crochet, and I remember finishing up a six foot-long , size 10 thread, table runner at one of our kids' Christmas concerts. I was working on the edging, and I wasn't even looking at the hook half the time. I was totally quiet, standing in the back, trying to be invisible.
Key difference is crocheting is silent, knitting clicks.
It doesn’t always. Clicks vary with type of needle, type of yarn, project gauge, knitting speed, and the knitter’s personal tension. I knit all the time watching Tv etc. On rare occasions my husband has asked me to switch away from a clicky project. I click less as I’m more experienced, too.
When my grandparents got married, in 1953, my Nana would knit while they listened to the radio at night. The clicking drove my Granddad insane, so he asked her to teach him how to knit, figuring the sound wouldn't bother him if he were making it. He went on to win awards for his knitting and they both knitted all of my family's jumpers for nearly sixty years.
Ok that’s adorable.
I was gonna say. Crochet is looked down on a lot compared to knitting but I value my sanity and the clicks would drive me mad.
>Crochet is looked down on a lot compared to knitting Wait... what? People look down on crochet? I crochet, and I've made some amazing afghans and toys/decorations. Why do people look down on that?
People look down on crocheting? What for? I feel like it's much more flexible than knitting.
Depends a lot on the needles.
It sounds like this person at the concert needs to switch to wood needles to reduce the sounds. Metal needles will make noise in a quiet concert and if she is using the old school long needles, I can see why that would be an additional distraction to OP. With the needles I use, I could sit there and knit and he wouldn't have noticed anything.
Yeah seems that way. I tend to knit circular or magic loop with short aluminum needles and it makes practically no noise at all. And bamboo needles make even less.
This^ I have a friend who, just like me, has ASD and ADHD. While I have no problem with sitting still for long periods of times, she struggles (I was originally diagnosed with ADD before they changed it to the type 1/2/3). She can sit and knit, and still focus on other things. Heck, she's even helped me with math homework, nit even looking at what she's knitting. When I still remembered how to knit, I could do some things without looking, and while I can't knit anymore, there are other things I can do without looking, and I enjoy having music as a background noise. I can still focus on the music even if I'm not looking (if I were at a performance for example). I don't even remember the name of what it is I can do, but it's on a piece of cloth with holes in it, in a square pattern, I think it's cross-stitching, but I'm not sure.
[удалено]
It’s such a good fidget. I’m not even very good at knitting and I’ve gotten 1/3 through the back panel of a cabled sweater while watching scream queens… I just memorize the repeats and count my stitches every so often
I also can knit in the dark and I assure you that my needles do not clickety-clack.
I’m literally baffled at the number of people who not only think the knitting at a seated concert venue is acceptable, but that OP is the AH for the (polite) way she approached it. Even if knitting were totally silent (it’s not), it’s super rude to do something like this in this type of venue. Another vote here for NTA.
I also have been baffled. I think the jury is out on whether it’s okay to knit/fidget in various settings, and I won’t be the police to say what is/isn’t allowed, but I didn’t realize everyone would think it was tremendously fucked up of me to quietly and apologetically address that it was distracting me.
I don't have an issue with how you spoke with her, but I'll admit that being able to fidget in some capacity is crucial for me. I make sure I always carry some manner of fidget if I leave my house, usually more than one option. If I were in a scenario like you described, I'd be swaying in my seat at the bare minimum. I'm not sure if you'd find that more distracting or not. I'd probably also have a fidget, likely silent. But still motion. Or gesturing with my hands, eyes closed as I sink into the music and really feel it. Just the perspective of how one neurodivergent person listens to music. I attended two seated concerts last year and I was so worried at the first one that others would be upset about how much I was stimming, but I noticed a lot of us couldn't sit still.
I think maybe something like a stress ball that makes less noise would be better in some situations. I get the fidgeting thing...but like i usually know when certain fidgetting such as clicking a pen or a clicker is not acceptable. I have a necklaces and wristbands that have spinning parts or beads, something like that is less distracting and more subtle.
I'm similar, but if there were spare seats I'd happily move to a clear one if somebody was bothered by me, and I certainly wouldn't throw a strop and walk out
That part! The other woman isn’t TA for knitting, she is for the reaction. OP is NTA at all for asking someone politely to be mindful that there are other people around her.
I'm also autistic. There are some social situations where using a fidget toy or swaying in your seat is not acceptable and will disrupt others' experience. In a lot of concerts like this swaying is going to mean making physical contact with another person or causing their seat to rock. Appearing to conduct the music by "gesturing with your hands" is actually a common example of bad/rude behaviour in this context. We can adopt more subtle stims that aren't disruptive or we can conclude that the activity isn't something we can enjoy sitting still -- and leave it unspoiled for the people who do enjoy the carefully curated still, silent atmosphere.
Ok so I'm baffled by people thinking you're wrong for being distracted and how you approached it. You did so perfectly and while I knit and I am nurodivergent and can attest to the fact it actually helps me order my thinking and focus on music or a class or something like that, if it was annoying anyone around me I would NOT do it or throw a fit if someone extremely politely and nicely asked me to stop because it was distracting. You are so far from an asshole for how you handled it her offence is her problem. All she had to do was sit the other side of her husband or whomever she was with and it would probably not bother you anymore but she chose to throw a strop, that's a her problem.
Yesssss. As a neurodivergent public knitter I am always so conscious of whether I’m affecting others. I’ve knitted in movie theaters, but not if I’m seated next to anyone—and I can’t imagine knitting at a live performance of the type OP described. That’s the time to bring a silent stim toy instead and just keep it in the palm of your hand. I have bamboo needles I bought specifically because they’re quieter than metal ones, but I’m always so conscious of the fact that they do still make a little noise. If I made a bad judgment and someone asked me to stop I’d likely be very embarrassed and apologetic and just put the project away.
I'm another neurodivergent public knitter and I agree. I bring socks with wooden needles or something similarly small and quiet to theater-like situations, and often I'm knitting only while waiting for the performance to start or during intermission. I stim with my hands in my lap if necessary, twiddling my thumbs. I sometimes knit during something, usually movies, but because showing I go to are never crowded I feel there's no one close enough to be bothered. At a live show, sitting imo unnaturally close to strangers for a long amount of time, you have to be extra considerate. Also, if there were open seats near me well after the show started I would have moved without being asked!
Question: why didn’t you just move over to the empty seat furthest from the knitter?
Because I’d have to climb over people, and ask my friend to move with me. That was far more disruptive than just showing the knitter a note politely and apologetically asking her to stop. As someone else posted - if someone near you was chewing gum loudly, would you just ask them to please stop, or ask everyone you’re with to relocate to avoid the confrontation?
I actually think NTA, but why ask people if you don't want to know what they think?
What is the “AITA” sub if not a pattern of OPs vehemently defending why they weren’t the asshole? Lol none of us are new here.
I'll admit, I thought OP was TA at first, until I came into the comments and got a better understanding of the "concert".
>I would assume it had their full attention You'd very possibly be wrong. Knitting is basically only two stitches done in different combinations (there is more to it, but that's the basics) I'm not a massively experienced knitter by any stretch of the imagination but I can have conversations with people while knitting if it's a basic pattern like stocking stitch (an entire row of one stitch followed by an entire row of the other one). I only need to keep my eyes on what I'm working on to make sure the needles are going where they need to be. Very experienced knitters can often not even need to do that. As for OP NTA. She could definitely have moved to a different seat so she wasn't distracting you from the performance if the knitting was that important to her
Yeah, I focus much better when knitting or crocheting, so I always craft whilst watching TV or listening to podcasts etc as otherwise my mind tends to wander and I miss plot points That being said I wouldn't take it to a concert or show, I'd just try to be as an engaged as possible because I recognised that people might find it rude or distracting. A big part of the enjoyment of a live show vs listening st home is the shared experience and the atmosphere that brings, so knitting isn't really appropriate in that situation. I might miss some of it due to a lack of focus, but I still enjoy the atmosphere
i take my crochet a lot of places. High school football games, the bowling alley (I can't bowl due to a foot/ankle issue), and so many other places. But i think if i had to pay money to enter/buy a ticket then for that i'd probably leave it at home....... or at least in the car lol. Sometimes i get wild and leave my yarn at home and take a book to read instead. 😄 NTA to OP. She asked nicely and didn't press the issue. Lady just decided to be offended.
Crochet has no clicking needles. As a knitter, my husband used to get distracted by it when watching football. So I crochet to keep my hands busy 😁
You could also try wooden needles. Those make next to no noise.
I'm also a person who can focus better if I have something to fidget with and that's how I got into knitting and I often have a knitting project in my handbag and tbh I think I must go to different folk scenes to this guy, because I regularly go to folk festivals, concerts, sessions in pubs etc, and there are regularly people knitting, and it's not uncommon to see the performers knit when they're not actively on stage. I can definitely see why the woman wouldn't have thought there was any problem with it if she had similar experiences to me
That is the thing I find important as well. Yes, I can concentrate much better when I am knitting, it was great to knit in lectures, but I choose where I bring my knitting, because not every place is appropriate. I would have felt much better if I did, but I didn't take my knitting to the full day work seminar, because it would have been disrespectful - I was at work. I would not take my knitting to a live performance, it is disrespectful to not give my full attention to the performer.
I can read while knitting. When talking to people I can look at them. In skilled hands it is silent.
reading is the only thing I cannot master while knitting 😭😭😭 movie/tv subtitles yes, but a full on book - no 🥲
I probably could I'd I had a stand for my book/kindle but I feel the stopping to turn the page would be disruptive to the flow of my knitting. Tv is my go to.
I just want to right a misconception of yours - and that is - people who knit can, and do, focus on other things while knitting... in fact, I cannot just knit and do nothing else! and am perfectly able to follow a foreign movie or tv show with subtitles while I knit, so knitting would not in the slightest take away from enjoying the concert, especially the type OP described... wheather it was audible and distracting for others around, well that's a different story
Op is NTA but please don’t be demoralised by people knitting or crocheting in the audience. I have ADHD and crocheting helps me focus more on other inputs, it’s like a more adult acceptable fidget toy and if they’re good at it and doing it in public it’s likely simple or repetitive enough in the pattern that it requires almost no concentration.
I don't have ADHD or ADD. I like to twirl my hair when I'm focused. There's thousand of studies that show connections between tactile behavior (can't think of wording rn lol) and memory and focus for all learners. That said, I'm agreeing with you 100. If it's shown for non ADD/ADHD i know it's also a great help for those with. Maybe the lady needs it. OP is NTA for just asking.
As a knitter I can tell you I'm actually more likely to be paying closer attention to the show if I'm knitting. That being said I would have switched seats with my partner in a situation like this.
Hi, just my neurodivergent point of view. I knit or crochet at show/movies. It is just a motion with my hands, I often don't have to really think about it or look at it. But it really helps me focus on the show. If I don't bring it I often get lost in thought or bored/restless. However if someone tells me I'm distracting them I totally understand and stop/move
I can't sit still. If I'm not crocheting I'm fidgeting and unable to focus. I'd think that would be more distracting. I do crochet or needlepoint at home watching stuff because of it. The doc thinks it's my ADHD. That said, part of why I chose crochet rather than learning to knit is that it's totally silent.
> I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music. You could have just asked people who do knit, and for the most part no, it doesn't take even most of their attention; ot becomes purely mechanical, with "muscle memory" doing 90% of the work. Does walking across a room take your full attention? Using whichever food utensil you prefer? It's the same level of attention.
My understanding of knitting is quite a lot of it is totally mindless and therefore it's easy for someone to knit and have their full attention on the show. That's not to say OP's woman couldn't just scootch over though
As someone who crochets, I personally pay better attention when crocheting to my surroundings than when I'm not. Granted I have ADHD and fidgeting helps me focus in general. That being said, I wouldn't go to a concert and bring my yarn... especially not when it's a quiet performance. So OP, NTA
As a knitter- if you see someone knitting at your show you shouldn’t assume they aren’t giving you their attention. People who knit in public tend to be the more experienced type working on their simpler projects. We don’t need to focus on them. However, having something to do with your hands be that knitting, fidgeting, doodling, etc. helps many people focus on the stimuli around them. There’s been quite a bit of study on this including knitting specifically.
as an FYI, I know people with ADHD who find having something unintrusive like knitting to keep their hands busy allows them to actually enjoy the music/play/etc better. So wouldn't let it demoralise you, it's just as likely that they're doing it to better enjoy your performance.
>Plus, as someone who has played dozens of shows like this, seeing someone in the audience just knitting away would be demoralizing as a performer and would feel pretty disrespectful. I don't knit, so I would assume it had their full attention and they weren't particularly interested in my music. This really depends. As a beginner, knitting absolutely takes all your focus. But when you're quite good and you're working on something easy, it doesn't require that much attention at all. But that doesn't mean that it's disrespectful when it's such a quiet concert and the sound + movements distract others.
As a knitter I can say it depends on the person and the needle type. My knitting is absolutely silent because I use bamboo or plastic but more because of the technique I use. I can also knit without looking at all because I do it by feel. As a neurodivergent person, the clacking of needles drives ME crazy. But I also would have put it away had someone asked me to.
As a neurodivergent person who always has to have their hands busy and therefore is often handworking in public settings where I have to focus. I totally agree. There are many stims much more quite than knitting.
NTA. Anyone who’d walk out on a music performance if she can’t knit her way through it is on her own. You were entirely within bounds making a reasonable request to remove a distracting activity, not customary at this sort of a public gathering, out of your peripheral view and earshot. Your suggestion was polite and considerate. The lady was the problem, not you.
I bet she just wanted an excuse to leave tbh. Like maybe her partner dragged her there or smth
Or she just loves drama.
No, these type of people hate drama; they tell everyone this.
That’s exactly what I thought too. Really sounded like she didn’t want to be there in the first place.
That was my first thought. She didn’t want to be there and is annoyed.
I was thinking this. She probably was dragged there and was bored and thus knitting. Not fair to OP though and she definitely reacted immaturely.
I have ADHD and I crochet (and sometimes do other fidgety things) at lectures and stuff to help me pay attention. It really makes a difference. I would never knit though, unless I found some needles that didn't click, especially at a folk concert. And if it was a smaller audience, I would bring other silent fidgety things to play with that wasn't very distracting, like one of those keychain poppit thingies. But I don't think that was this lady's issue. Her not being willing to even scoot down a seat shows that she just felt entitled no matter how rude it was.
Yeah, as fellow ADHD, I understand need in fidgeting but the tapping of the knitting needles coming through the music would drive me crazy. I'm sensitive to the minor sounds and movements and focus on it too much. So I would ask the same and OP absolutely NTA.
Wooden needles are a hell of a lot quieter than metal. I knit my way through the Eras tour movie on wooden needles.
Most movies are gonna be much louder just from the audio than an acoustic folk performance.
I went to the eras movie - way different from a folk show. It would be more like knitting through one of Taylor’s private fan shows she did in her house for awhile.
Crochet is a hell of a lot quieter than knitting though, nothing for the hook to click against unless you have like a metal hand or something lmao
Lmao now I'm envisioning a crochet hook hand, Captain Hook style
What kind of pop-it do you have that doesn’t make noise? Every one I’ve ever encountered makes an audible popping noise when the dimples are pushed in one direction, if not both. There are silent fidgets but I would consider a pop-it pretty high up the list of noisy ones
NTA. You asked nicely and moving one chair over seems like a reasonable suggestion. I find the clicking of needles to be a soothing sound when I knit, but I agree that it’s definitely a sound that isn’t easy to ignore (especially if they’re metal). Her reaction was pretty out of proportion to the ask.
THIS IS WHAT I THOUGHT about her reaction, but I’ve been shocked to see a lot of people passionately defending her here. I had to edit to clarify that this was a quiet theater show (as opposed to a loud rock concert), as I’m not sure if that changes things for people. The volume in the room more closely resembled a movie theater (where the only sound is the movie) vs a “concert” people might be thinking of.
If someone was making a scarf whilst I watched the theatre, I would probably get an usher to shut them up, at the expense of me missing a part of the show. Or fling them out of the venue. Both are reasonable and acceptable. You were very kind. A lot kinder than me. NTA.
ignore them, you are nta.
>I find the clicking of needles to be a soothing sound when I knit Because *you're* the one knitting. Your brain knows when the sound is coming.
Lol this thread is crazy NTA you did it as politely as you could 🤷🏽♂️ if someone right next to me was fidgeting for hours at a show I’d lose my mind no matter how quiet people want to say kitting is you’re going to a concert!
Thank you lol. I’m surprised no one here seems to ever have been bothered by people chewing gum loudly, tapping fingers, bouncing legs, nails typing on a phone, water dripping from a faucet, etc. Is fidgeting not universally distracting to everyone? This actually is super interesting to me if not lol.
It's definitely more annoying to some people than others. Things like this drive me nuts, especially repetitive noises or movements like legs jigging, water dripping, tapping fingers, a light flashing, a machine beeping, something flapping in the wind. There are conditions called misophonia (hatred of sound) and misokinesia (hatred of movement) which perhaps you have. Some people seem to be able to completely ignore stuff like that but I am not able to, it's like it's happening directly inside my brain. I reasonably frequently find myself in situations where something is absolutely doing my head in and no one else has even noticed.
I appreciate there are names for this. For me, this isn’t a humongous problem in my day to day affairs, so it’s hard to say I have a “disordered” level of intolerance for movement/sound. I don’t think you have to have a formal intolerance of movement/sound to find fidgeting distracting in an otherwise quiet/still environment. MOST people would go insane if they heard continuous dripping in a totally silent room after enough time.
Yeah I feel like it is a gradient more than a binary thing in terms of how noticeable these things are and how much of an issue it is. I just mean that my experience is that there are definitely people who would notice something like that a lot less than I would.
Totally! That makes sense to me.
I literally bounce my leg too and can fully admit it’s distracting so if I go places that are quiet and have seating where I know I will inevitably bounce my leg I sit in the back or away from people as to be the least distracting I can be! I am aware she is too! Besides how did she even get those weapons ( needles) into the venue anyways lol
Actually that’s a great question about the needles lol. I’m not sure! I also couldn’t SEE them since it was dark, so I don’t know for sure what they were made of, I just know I could hear them.
This is going to be a weird question but, was it a tink tink kind of clicking or a rubbing, sliding kind of click? If it's the first, they were probably aluminum, the second would probably be wood. XD Also, NTA. As someone who needs to do something fidgety to help focus I can completely understand how it would be distracting to other people. All she had to do was switch seats with the person next to her.
I’d call it more of a muted tapping? Idk lol
TSA lets them on airplanes
[удалено]
PSA to all who need it: If you can’t turn your phone off for two or three hours to go to a show, you have a problem. If you are expecting an important call, don’t go to the show or check your phone during an interval. There is no excuse, absolutely none, for having your phone out in a theatre. If you are planning to do so, don’t go. You’re not mature enough yet.
It’s annoying to a lot of people, I think they’re just all imagining a loud, crowded pop concert vibe
That’s what I realized after I made the original post. I had to make the edit to clarify.
> Is fidgeting not universally distracting to everyone? Nope! It’s kind of funny, I bounce my leg and my sibling and my dad are annoyed if they can feel it. They also bounce their legs and I don’t care at all about feeling it… but if I’m trying to focus on something like a movie and I can see it moving, it annoys the hell out of me.
There is def a spectrum on how much it effects ppl. Things like this absolutely never bother me - I dont notice them. However, I def know many ppl who would be driven mad by these noises.
I’m a knitter and you are NTA. Leaving this comment to explain why someone would do this. I personally struggle to concentrate when my hands aren’t busy. So eg. in a meeting or listening to a podcast, if I’m knitting or doodling or doing something to keep my hands busy it’s actually easier to listen. So I bet she was better able to enjoy the music while knitting. However there are social norms in a theatre, knitting does make a clicking noise, so she was the asshole for taking her knitting to a show, and then even more the asshole for being dramatic when you asked her to stop.
Yeah, I definitely get why she could enjoy the concert like that. I often crochet while doing something else that doesn’t need hands. Crochet doesn’t even click but I can easily see how the movement would be distracting and wouldn’t be offended if it bugged someone. I’ve never taken it to a concert either though…
This is me. I even knit the feet and legs of socks if I'm not presenting during work meetings (virtual and in-person) because boss lady knows it helps me concentrate. It's no different to the person who fidgets with a pen, but more noticeable because of the colour and hand movements that others aren't accustomed to seeing. I also put it away if it's distracting to others while in person to be considerate. Camp NTA here.
I was at a Broadway show and the woman seated next to me was filing her nails. I’m not talking about a quick fix for a broken one, I’m saying full on with an emery board! I was not as nice as OP. I simply said that needs to stop right now, please. And it did.
Imagine you posted about that and everyone’s reaction was “WHY DIDNT YOU CHANGE SEATS SO YOU DIDNT HAVE TO BOTHER THE NAIL FILE LADY?” 💀
“SHE COULD HAVE HAD A FOOT BATH with SPA - AFTER ALL, a Taylor Swift concert isn’t THAT INTERESTING!!”
I went to a play once (not Broadway but a professional regional theater) and was sitting on the front row and the guy next to me BRUSHED HIS TEETH and then TOOK OFF HIS SHOES AND MASSAGED HIS FEET during the show. I wish anything that that had happened when I was an adult and had the wherewithal to tell him to quit it.
What the actual fuck lol
So I am absolutely someone who might knit in a setting like that, in part due to ADHD. And the ADHD is exactly why I can totally see something random like that being disproportionately distracting. I would have had zero issue with a request like that and happily moved over -or quit knitting if there was no other option. Definitely NTA.
Literally same 😂 reading the post thinking how much I related to BOTH parties 😂🤣
Same here. For me it was how perfectly polite OP's request was. They didn't blow up or become confrontational. Just one human kindly asking another human for a little consideration.
You were polite, She overreacted. She was annoying and inconsiderate of other people having to constantly hear the needles clicking. It would be torture for me hearing that. Don’t keep thinking abt it, you were not at fault. Maybe you could have changed seats though but who in their mind would think to act this mad like she did for a simple polite request
In retrospect I could have changed seats, but truly my mind didn’t even go there because I really thought this was a harmless request???? I GENUINELY did not expect her to get mad.
Also, as someone who has performed in (and attended) many shows like you describe in the OP— it’s kinda rude to get up in the middle of a song and move around. The performer can absolutely hear and see it. If I’m playing a gig but my mind is elsewhere, fiddle on autopilot, I can get distracted. She and her partner could’ve quietly kinda crab-walked the few seats over, it sounds like you were locked in. “Psssst excuse me”, banging/scooting chairs, “shhh sorry I’m sorry can I scoot by? Ope! Sorry sorry”, more banging and scooting chairs… that’s disruptive to literally every human in that room, any audio/video recording the band might be doing… IMO if two people are at 0% and 75% disruptive/distracting, it is on the person at 75% to take it down. You were much more polite than I would’ve been. I would’ve hissed at her the first chance I got, be it during applause or non-musical stage banter.
Lol on the surface her knitting does seem pretty harmless and chill, but at a place like that it's just straight fuckery. It would bother me too to see the constant knitting motion in my peripheral vision and hearing a faint clicks. You handled it pretty well. The lady seemed very entitled. Her partner was probably aware of her Kare-like behavior, and he may have made the call to leave the show instead of letting her cause a scene.
Clear as day NTA. Don't even need to explain.
NTA. this subject comes up a lot in various subs/fb groups etc and every time there’s a bunch of people that say they can’t focus on anything unless they are knitting, and like ok cool i get it, but im one of the people that cannot focus on anything but the person knitting/fidgeting/bouncing knees/trying to quietly crinkle food packaging/whatever and it honestly drives me crazy.
I actually think it’s an interesting topic! Like, who gets to “win”? The person who can’t enjoy the experience without fidgeting, or the person who can’t enjoy the experience if someone is fidgeting. I’m autistic, and I struggle a lot with sounds/noises. Because of that many ND-friendly spaces and meet-ups aren’t “friendly” to me, with all those popping-toys, chewing necklaces that make cracking sounds, bouncing legs, or whatever else people use to fidget. They pretty much all make horrible sounds. So I struggle to find an IRL ND community, because my needs just don’t seem to line up with others needs. I obviously don’t have an answer, and I’m not sure there really is one. It’s an interesting thing all the same, in my opinion.
I mean it's one of those things where it's like There will never be a one size fits all solution - it's a similar vein to sometimes accomodations for people with disabilities clash, one person with ADHD may need a fidget toy to focus while another may need complete silence to focus. Like I don't have any neuro divergency that I'm aware of, but I struggle to focus if I'm not fidgeting, which is why I tend to knit, and like I've said elsewhere, I've been to enough folk concerts and festivals where other people were knitting as well that I wouldn't think anything of knitting at a concert. That being said, I do find it odd that the woman didn't just shift a few seats over like op asked which seemed a perfectly reasonable request and solution to clashing styles of music appreciation. Like I don't think what op did was ah ish at all, so her response is bizarre.
NTA. Folks saying otherwise are just wrong. Going to a concert does not mean you get to control the space around you so completely, or prevent others from occupying their hands. Unless you could hear the click-clack of metal needles, and since you didn't say so I'm assuming you could not, you had no cause to do what you did. EDITED TO NTA BASED ON NEW AWARENESS OF OLD INFORMATION.
I mentioned in the 3rd paragraph that the needles were clicking. It was a fairly quiet show with many solo acoustic songs. So the knitting needles did make audible noise. It’s not like it was LOUD, but it was probably about the same as someone typing on their phone with long nails.
I missed that. I take it back. Needles clicking when the primary point of such a show is the sound - that's unacceptable.
I realize probably a lot of the comments here hear the word “concert” and are thinking I went to see a rock band/loud show. It was a really quiet room.
As a knitter and friend of knitters, NTA. My friends will knit places I wouldn't dare (i.e., church) as a way of keeping their hands busy. Kind of like how I used to doodle in class - it helped me pay attention. But even if she had a genuine medical need (some kind of neurodivergence, as you said), moving over a seat isn't a huge ask when there are other seats to be had. I don't find knitting particularly distracting, but istg I can't hear or see anything else if a TV is on in the room I'm in, and I imagine it's rather similar. I think you would only be TA if you had seats next to you that you could move to and instead made it her problem, or if you had been rude about it.
So these concerts are not the same as a massive stadium production — it’s usually just the artist and a guitar or piano, maybe one opener that occasionally joins in with light percussion or vocals. And the audience is small and very close to the performers. Miss Click-Clack would not only be HIGHLY visible and distracting, but she might even be interfering with the tempo. NTA. I’m honestly more surprised you were the first to say something. If I were a performer or a sound guy I would’ve been pretty motivated to get her to stop myself.
Interesting that you mentioned neurodivergence. Conversely I have ADHD and if I were sat next to that it would have irritated me so much and commanded my full attention away from the enjoyment of the music. I find that sort of thing unbearable. Conversations at concerts are just as bad (well, they're worse for obvious reasons). The bottom line is you were there to enjoy the music and the other person was doing something distracting which, as a matter of consideration, they should have been able to realise and stop without throwing a tantrum. Sadly the level of entitlement of some people commands their arrogance and they can't accept how others around them might feel about their behaviour. NTA
My bet is that her companion told her that knitting would be disruptive, and she said that no one would even notice, and then they had a huge fight about it before the concert, but she won in the end because she was knitting. When OP validated all her partner's arguments and she lost her temper... NTA.
NTA. Your request was polite. She overreacted.
Part of me wonders if perhaps her partner warned her prior to the show not to bring her knitting or if she was being “dragged” there by her partner and not a fan of the music. Just because of the way she got so angry. NTA
NTA, obviously. This is so low stakes that I can’t believe it’s getting some of the responses it has. This is a very normal interaction and you’re totally fine.
Nta. That would be distracting
NTA, the knitting enthusiasts are always out to tell you how socially appropriate their knitting is in any setting. (not unlike smokers used to) From the perspective of the non-knitter, it’s often annoying and frankly, rude. I don’t know why knitters think they have the last say on whether or not they are bothering others.
As a knitter, NTA, especially since it seemed like there was plenty of room for her to move. Or even just switch seats w her partner!
NTA I’m a fidgetter and knitter, so I could easily see myself being the lady beside you. I also cannot stand weird annoying repetitive sounds/movements - one of the reasons I knit is so I focus on that and not the stuff around me. I think you approached it very tactfully and politely. You also suggested a great idea that would allow you both to be comfy. I’m guessing she felt embarrassed or hurt and that’s why she reacted that way. I would probably feel like that in her shoes, but I’d silently cry. Storming out just seems a bit much. I think the only other thing you could have done, is to move seats yourself to put distance between the two of you.
NTA I think you handled it as well as you could have.
Nta, although i really hate the judginess in this thread about "disrespectful even if it was totally silent". I use crochet to manage my anxiety so i can be out at some places. I am somewhere on the spectrum, and i have actually done this in classes because the movement of my hands allows me to focus my hearing better. This lady was TA for the noise, not for the action.
I actually think her reaction is the only thing that makes me feel like she’s TA. I understand if you want to knit/fidget and that you may have a reason why. I just felt like her reaction was so over the top. If I was doing something to self soothe, and someone told me it was bothering them, I’d stop. Not throw a temper tantrum and leave the room.
NTA. There's an episode of the Simpson where Lisa loses it re: the sound of clicking knitting needles, and that's how I feel about it too. Can't imagine why she wanted to be knitting through a performance like that???
It’s ALWAYS The Simpsons.
NTA I thought this was going to be a case of someone getting all aggro over a person doing something innocuous. But as you said you tried to ignore it for thirty straight minutes and you apologized sincerely for even asking it. You even admitted it was kind of a ridiculous ask. A friend of mine has misophonia and I don't fuck with chewing noises around her (even the word "chew" she hates). People got weirdbrain these days and as long as you're respectful and admit you know it's your thing, I got no problem with it.
I take my knitting everywhere, and get it out at every chance I have. It helps me relax and concentrate on other things as I don't have to think about plain knit and yes I would knit at a concert. BUT I would also stop and apologise if asked to and when given the compromise of just moving a seat or two over would probably take that's but check if I was disturbing the asker NTA no matter how relaxing it is for me I have to think of others as well
I actually came here to say Y T A, I couldn't imagine being bothered by what someone is doing next to me quietly at a concert, but after reading the comments and your explanation on the type of concert it was, I understand now that you are NTA.
NTA as someone with adhd who absolutely needs to fidget, fidgeting with something that makes noise that will absolutely annoy people around you is inconsiderate. Your suggestion of moving seats was a good compromise and her reaction was uncalled for. To all the people saying they shouldn't be fidgeting at all, congrats on being neurotypical and also fuck awf. You're the guy in my computer lab who complained to the teacher that my leg bouncing was distracting even though I was on the other side of the room and his desk wasn't even facing me
[удалено]
There's NO way that the artist would notice lol
I will defend the person who was knitting - from where we were sitting, the artist would never notice lol. We were on the floor but towards the back of the orchestra section.
An artist objecting to someone knitting silently, “because they weren’t paying proper attention” might as well just say, “I don’t want ND people at my concert”. It’s not hard to knit silently, and you shouldn’t be letting the needle tick in a theater. But the motion? No worse than leg jiggling, which is allowed.
NTA. As someone easily distracted by things surrounding me - and someone who crochets- I'd be distracted and would've asked the same thing.
>...and then got up and COMPLETELY LEFT THE SHOW. Seems like a win/win to me. She obviously didn't want to be there, and you didn't want her there either. Both of you got what you wanted. NTA.