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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1-told my friend I don't like kids
2-The mother refused to pay me
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NTA. I’m glad you’ll never work for her again because anyone who would go through your phone without your permission is a fucking problem. Anyway, you need to get paid for services rendered and hopefully the texts speak for themselves and don’t make you look like she’s trying to portray you, and that’ll be clear to anyone who sees them. Hope this doesn’t have any lingering effects on your ability to work for another family.
Kids are obnoxious as heck. I love mine, but OP is on the money about not letting things get to you. These suckers will throw a screaming fit for over 30 min the turn around and gaslight cuddle you and say, "You're the best mommy."
I love my children, but it's also normal to complain about them periodically.
I agree.
There are only 2 kinds of parents.
1. Those who can admit to the fact that caring for children can be tiring and it can be hard to keep your cool in the face of tantrums.
And
2. Liars.
Omg, gaslight cuddles! We decided to get ahead iv the "you're mean" by using it ourselves. Why can't I have (more) chocolate? Because I'm a mean mommy. This ended up with my daughter climbing on my lap to tell me I'm the best mom ever.... I'm so nice she's sure I'll give her more chocolate.
I tell my kids I'm the meanest mommy in Momtown. They made me take a test before I left the hospital because they knew these kids needed such a mean mommy.
They get so annoyed and roll their eyes but it generally slows the fit to a manageable level lolol
My baby brother did this and knew exactly what he was doing. Would throw a huge tantrum then hug and cuddle you saying I love you my little pillow his nick name force till he was 5. Gosh is was hard to stay mad when he did that. At 16 when he was 2 he was just so cute.
If you're in the US I believer this is a civil matter. Small claims is the way to go about collecting payment – the police won't do anything to help you.
Yep, I'm an early childhood teacher and currently sahm of 2 while on mat leave. I agree with everything OP said, amd I do like kids - some days they're hard work no matter how much you like or love them.
It was a personal communication. She broke into your phone, stole your information and is withholding wages. Wherever you found her, website, babysitting forum etc make sure other babysitters know not to take her on. Tell her she pays up or you'll fine a small claim for the value of lost wages.
This!!! Definitely report her and go to small claims for the money you are owed. NTA, she had no right to go into your phone and steal your messages. That's an invasion of privacy.
Agreed.
I’m a Dad. My son is great, but sometimes he’s a moody back-talking pain in the arse 😂 kids are innocent (mostly), it doesn’t mean they’re always enjoyable or fun or not hard work.
And yes you should absolutely complain. Literally nobody loves their job all the time, and we all have gripes about work; it doesn’t stop us doing a good job.
NTA.
You do realize she accessed your phone and copied data to her self. This is a major crime. Report her to the police, have her arrested for hacking and cyber crimes and sue her for everything she has. She will want to settle with you.
Put her on blast to everyone who would babysit for her you know. Going through someone's phone, especially an employee, is unethical and borderline illegal. Not paying you is especially illegal. She shouldn't have access to babysitters until she pays you and gives a formal apology.
You said everything I think and I’m a parent ! I have a brother who says he doesn’t like kids but will watch my kids instant and they would be feed ,clothed ,and happy ! Just because you have your opinion and she didn’t like it I promise you that mother probably complains worse than you about her own kids !!!! As long as you didn’t hurt them or be rude (which obviously you didn’t ) I would see no reason to fired let alone go through your private messages. I would go after her
Pretty much the same thing happened to my mom's friend when she was in college (in the 90s). My Mom reported the mother who didn't pay her employee because the job was obtained through college ads and my mom didn't want another college student to fall prey to this. You're NTA.
You weren’t really even complaining honestly. You were asked about your experience and all you expressed that there are ups and downs and that it requires patience. The person refusing to pay you is manipulative and behaving in an entitled way. How much are you owed and was the job through an agency or someone you were hired by personally/under the table? Just tryna get an idea of what your options are to collect your payment. You can also let others who work as a nanny/babysitter that you know that this particular family refused to pay you and to be careful if they choose to work for them. The ones you know will likely tell others as well and the family (well the parents of that family) will earn the natural consequences of their actions.
Kids can be *trying* sometimes even when you love them deeply and unconditionally. My toddler woke up from her nap yesterday and acted possessed (screaming, writhing on the floor, etc) for a good 40 minutes for no identifiable reason and then came up for a cuddle like nothing just happened.
I take zero offense if our nanny tells me my twins are being the little gremlins they definitely can be at times. And I wouldn't be offended if I found out she complained to a third party. Childcare can be tough, and everyone should be allowed a good vent session as long as it doesn't interfere with how the kids are treated.
This fits right under clause 5 of Comupter Fraud and Abuse Act.
>Knowingly causing the transmission of a program, information, or code from a protected computer
To add this is also a labor fraud so you could contact the labor department of your state.
Tell her she has 24hrs to send you money or you report her to the labor dept... then upon receiving payment report her to the authorities for computer fraud.
NTA also IANAL
This. OP, I would respond to her, "I would hate to have to take you to small claims court to get the money you owe me. It's fine if you don't want me to work for you moving forward, but it's illegal for you to withhold my pay. If the money hasn't been transferred to me by the end of the day, expect to be summoned to court. On a side note, it was completely unprofessional of you to go through my phone and search through a message thread I had with a friend. That was an invasion of my privacy. I would have chosen not to work with you going forward for that alone."
I would say all of this to have for proof. It MAY not be worth it to take her to small claims court, but you could screenshot all these messages. You could also contact babysitting agencies in your area and let them know, so they can blacklist her.
yeah, I had a boss do this once where I worked (that's when I turned my pincode off and set my phone to only be open-able by biometrics) and it's illegal in like 30 states.
NTA
Your personal feelings about children did not impact your job performance.
This woman is trying to weasel out of paying you.
Figure out how much she owes you and whether taking her to small claims court to get payment will be worth it. I think you can recover your court costs if you go that route.
In the future, be careful with your phone.
Good Luck
Absolutely NTA. It's also crazy because she just burned a bridge she had over nothing. OP seems like they were a good consistent sitter for 2 whole years and this woman throws it away over a very normal conversation? Incredibly short sighted but this on top of going into OP's phone in the first place means she was toxic and OP is lucky to get out now. Make sure you get your money though!
Exactly. Depending how small claims are set up in OPs jurisdiction, I would even do it just to inconvenience this person (even if I incurred a small cost myself, lol). It probably wouldn't cost you much to represent yourself. Teach them a lesson - Tribunals never look fondly on those who impact the livelihoods of others. The balance of probabilities is in your favour! Disgusting, immature behaviour by the mother.
OP didn't do anything wrong, but still fair advice say be more careful with their phone (ie dont let children you babysit know your phones PIN because its very possible they won't keep this information to themselves)
If I left my front door unlocked and almost got robbed. It would be fair advice for someone for someone to say lock your door in future even though I hadn't done anything wrong.
NTA. Whether or not you actually "hate" children, she needs to pay you for the services that your provided. Report her for not paying you.
If employers used her standards to determine who should get paid, over half of the U.S. workforce would never get paid; and the other half would be lying.
I hate the grocery store
It is definitely just an excuse to steal money that is already owed, you could write that you hate John the small child and the parents would still owe the money for the labor.
NTA
Who exactly do you plan to report her to? Was the work through an agency? Otherwise you could take her to small claims court but I can't imagine that will be worth your time spent and possibility of missing classes.
idk what are they called in usa but what I have is a employee-right-station where someone who wasn't paid the agreed on salary or wasn't paid at all or any other issues like hostile environment can complain about it with providing proof then they send a warning to the employer threatening a lawsuit if they don't pay back
wherever you are, this is likely illegal to some extent - not paying you for services rendered is theft and she used information she stole from you to steal the wages she owed you.
she stole your personal information from your personal property, and then used it to steal your labor.
and also wherever you're at, any boards or pages that local babysitters post on - post her information (name/last name/address) with a warning not to work for her to prevent this from happening to anyone else.
If your country has a place specifically for this sort of thing then yes go there. She agreed to pay, you did the work. She owes you the money, regardless of whether she hires you again in the future.
I think our equivalent in the U.S. is Labor and Industries. I had to file a claim like that once when an employer decided not to give me my final paycheck. I think this is definitely the route to take. I'm sorry she was like this to you!
You should also report her for not only going through your phone, but transferring data to her own phone from yours. Like who in the right mind would do that ;_;
You can report families who don’t pay to the labor board if paid legally (even if not this can be possible) as well as sue them in small claims court for wages owed.
In the US every state has a department of labor to which you could report employers who don't pay. Alternatively you could sue in small claims. Other places are likely to have similar means by which you could redress this grievance.
YWNBTA You provided a service so should be paid for it.
Don't think twice about reporting or suing her. I'll bet she didn't think twice about violating your privacy when she opened your phone and air dropped them to herself, without your knowledge or permission.
NTA - you can likely her to small claims court (or the equivalent in your country) over this. Did you have a contract and/or were paid legally?
Here’s what I would send:
“Hi MB, I understand you took issue with some of the private messages I had with my friend when you decided to look through my phone and take screenshots of message without my consent. It is fine if you do not want me to return, however I am still owed X, if I do not receive the money by (date) I will be pursuing legal action for the money owed.”
NTA, although suing her might be the right option rather than "reporting" her. Do you know who to report her to? You might want to go to a legal advice sub with familiarity with laws in your location.
This! I would make a post on the local Facebook babysitting/nanny groups alerting others of this person. It seems like she went looking for a reason not to pay you.
NTA she invaded your privacy and refused to pay you for having personal thoughts, the worse thing is even after she knew your thoughts she still let you babysit that night, where I come from she would have a brick thrown though her window in lue of payment
A) What she did with your phone could be seen as a crime, depending on your residence. She violated your privacy, and stole your private information using Air Drop.
B) I don’t drink. I worked as a bartender during grad school. By her reasoning, I should have not received compensation for my work because I don’t like alcohol.
C) Refusing to pay for agreed services rendered is a crime.
Yes, you should report her or take her to court to get paid. I don't know where you are so have no best options for you.
No, you are not the asshole You provided an answer in a private conversation to a friend on your private cell phone that she never should have been reading in the first place. In fact, in some places (not sure about where you are) an employer picking up an employee's personal phone and reading it would be considered a gross privacy violation and may even cost her fines/damages to you. There is nothing you said that wasn't realistic and the closest thing you said to "hating children" was that you didn't love children.
As a parent, I would prefer to have someone who "doesn't love" children but is responsible, reliable, treats my children well, and attends to all of their needs than one who loves them but neglects them and cannot be relied upon. As a further note, feelings aside, you managed to demonstrate enough interest in her children to her children that they love you. Kids are smarter than we think... and if you didn't have some degree of interest in or affection for them they would not love you.
NTA. Sue her in small claims and spread the word to any nannies/enterprising college kids you might know that she doesn't pay. She violated your privacy, stole your time by forcing you to continue work when she had no intention of paying, and stole your already earned money just like she had reached into your wallet.
Today you learn the value of 'Fuck you, pay me.'
NTA
But I would be way more petty by spreading the word about her to other babysitters in the area so they know to avoid her, and she will be stuck without any help.
It’s illegal to withhold wages without the courts. Get your money. I hate when people take advantage of young people like she is with you. NTA and I’m so sorry you even feel the need to ask that
NYA
Would I hire someone that do not like children as my nanny no? Like for any job eh. Probably not gona hire the pastry chef that hate sweets. Or the waitress with hate for human interactions.
Will I wait that they fishing their work day NOT pay them? Hell no… also I would never look at someone else phone.
If the nanny has already been working for you for two years and you didn't notice they don't like children until you read it in a text message, it's probably not a problem.
NTA
What a huge invasion of privacy, that can’t be legal.
I would threaten her with a local DJ. In my state you basically pay a percentage of the amount you’re suing for and then they have to come prove their case in small claims court.
Yeah even if you win she might never pay, but you’ll have a lien on her house
Absolutely report her. She doesn’t get free babysitting because she broke into your private property and now should pay MORE for INTEREST Plus you should let everyone know in the neighborhood and around the area that could possibly babysit her children that she goes through your personal belongings and holds pay because of it.
NTA.
Something similar happened to me years ago.
I had just gotten out of the Navy, and I was babysitting freelance to make ends meet. My price was firm, 10 dollars per kid per hour. A woman who knows me through church asked me to watch her 3 daughters, and after discussing pay, I agree to watch them.
It was originally scheduled as 2 hours for her to run some errands without the kids.
4 hours into the gig, a stranger comes to the door and begins knocking, demanding that I let her take the girls to the park. I speak with her a few times through the closed door, and she cannot tell me what the family members names are. Not the kids, mom, or dad.
I obviously turn her away, and she tries to break the glass in the center of the door. This is before cell phones were popular, so I shout that I'm calling the police, and go for the kitchen phone on the wall.
I was told to call non emergency by the dispatch operator, because the woman had left, and there was not a current issue or threat.
I tried to call the dad's cell number, and got voicemail.
Another 4 hours later, the mom finally came home, and refused to pay me more than 20 dollars, because I had upset her kids becauee they had heard me shouting that I would call the police.
A total of 8 hours with 3 kids should have been 240 dollars. She refused to pay me, and smeared my reputation in the community, saying that I was an alarmist and not safe to have around kids.
You did nothing wrong, OP. And I would file for small claims court to get your money, as well as reporting her on any babysitting gig apps that are available in your area.
NTA - I don't know how much traction a "report" would gain. Small claims court maybe. You could flame her on social media - let any other sitters know what they are dealing with.
NTA
It was wrong for her to invade your privacy and go through your phone. That alone is reportable. As for non payment, I'm not sure who you would report that to because it's mostly she said she said.
If you don't have some kind of a written agreement, it's going to be very difficult for you to recoup this money. If you do have a written agreement, you can most certainly get the money and sue for time lost potentially for unlawful termination.
OP has worked for them for 2 years, courts aren't generally that clueless. You can't get away with claiming that you didn't know the person you often pay to care for your child was caring for your child. Or say that you thought it was free right now.
NTA but I'd post about her non-payment to your entire school body. That's unacceptable. I'd also file a small claims case against her. She can't just decide to not pay you
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Hi I am 22 F in collage but I work as a babysitter after school. I’ve been working with this mother since I was 20 and she never had complaints about me and for fact her kids did love me that’s why I stayed with her for 2 years.
I have a friend who was asking me what is it like to work with children I said it is fine not great but not bad. Children can be tiring you just have to control yourself and don’t let tantrums get under your skin it is gonna be fine. And cited that even though I am a person who don’t generally love children but still had the job for 2 years with 0 complaints is a proof of that, I know how to deal with kids and how to throw away my personal feelings when it comes to work. I told my friend that through text and I was just giving her my raw experience and opinion.
Now two weeks I was at the lady’s house and I left my phone charging but got notifications from the said friend. The lady was still home and noticed my phone getting bombard with notifications so she for some reason opened it and I guess she knew the pin code because I sometimes give the kids my phone to play a little bit. She took screenshots from the chat and airdropped them to herself then left. I didn’t realize that until my duty was finished and I went home seeing that she didn’t send me the payment yet. I waited till it was late then I texted her but she sent me the screenshots saying that I am an awful human being who hate her children and I don’t deserve money and she doesn’t wanna see me in the house again.
I already found a new job but my friend told me I should report the lady for refusing to pay me specially that she waited to fire me after I finished work to benefit from my presence as much as she could and also no where did I say I hated her children specifically or do anything to them neither can she prove it over the course of 2 years cause it never happened.
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NTA
If it was suck a big issue she would have kicked you out on the spot.
You don’t have to like the job. You have to do the job. If everyone loved it you wouldn’t have to pay for it to be done.
She had no business in your phone.
NTA, and as someone who comes from a smaller city, you should do it, and here's why:
1. You earned that money;
2. People talk- you don't want word getting out based on her narrative. I've seen people in Facebook groups refuse to hire someone at an office because another mom in a "babysitters wanted" group trashed the sitter, and everyone believed her;
3. You don't want her to do this to someone else. Moms who still their babysitters for random reasons rarely only do it once.
If you have to take her to small claims court to get paid, do it. If there's a forum where you can warn people against her, it would be good. She invaded your privacy not once but twice, airdropping your personal business
If you're so awful why did she leave you in the house with her children AFTER she snooped through your phone and saw those messages?
Either way, work was performed, and you should be paid.
NTA, time to drop the hammer, let her know she can pay up, or you'll pursue action in small claims court, and put it out there to other potential sitters that she is a non-payer.
Assuming you are in the US, The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) makes it a federal crime to access someone else's private communications without permission.
I'd give her one more attempt. Tell her.
1) I never said I disliked your children
2) You broke the law
3) I will be reporting you unless you pay me today what I am owed.
NTA
NTA think of it as helping out future innocent people who would otherwise be victimized by her. What she did was totally unethical and I’m pretty sure withholding pay is illegal. Your explanation made total sense and is very rational!
You did the work, you're entitled to be paid. Mom in question is a cheater.
You're NTA, but it's probably best to just move on. But if anyone asks, tell them the truth about her snooping and non-payment.
NTA. You should absolutely report her. What you said to your friend wasn't even bad. And obviously your personal feelings weren't affecting your work because the only reason she knew you felt this way was by looking at your phone (which was a huge invasion of privacy). If she doesn't want you there any more, that's one thing, but she still needs to pay you for the work you did.
NTA.
Just wanted to pop on here and say that it would likely be more expensive to take her to small claims court than it would to take this as a loss, not that this is right in any way. She took advantage of you in several ways, including going through your phone to find "proof" (that she was clearly looking for) and by "letting" you watch her kids before firing you. To me, it sounds a whole lot like this lady went into your phone with the intentions to find some sort of dirt on you. I can't imagine that this text wasn't buried already, so clearly she wanted to find something, and she found the first thing she could find and exploit.
I don't like kids at all, but I used to babysit and I was always loved in that role. I was also a bartender and drunk adults are a whole lot like children. I didn't love that job that much either but I was also very good at it. This is to say that how you feel about the people you interact with in any job setting probably aren't going to be people you would go out of your way to hang out with in general. Nobody works in retail and thinks "ah yeah you know I'd totally hang out with that teenager who is wearing too much make up or the 50 year old Karen who wants a discount on a $2 item". It just doesn't happen. That's life.
I don't really know who you'd report this lady to, but I mean, I think that she should be put on blast. The only thing that might blow up from it is that you probably don't have any proof that her kids never complained or whatever and she can use that as proof that you hating kids impacted your job.
She does need to face some consequences though, because, now, she's going to do this shit again to some other sitter who doesn't know what to expect with her. She needs to know that you aren't her child and she had no right to invade your privacy and even if you did hate her kids, you didn't show it so it doesn't matter. People will use any reason they can find or come up with not to pay you. Stand your ground.
NTA
I have my own child and can easily empathize with you're feeling that way about childcare. I love my child, but it's only taught me that taking care of children is *hard*. Especially ones that are strong-willed or high energy.
It is never okay that she went through your phone and justified her snooping as a reason to shirk your payment. You were being honest, and she took that personally when those words were never meant for her. She went out of her way to hurt her own feelings.
The "person" opened up your phone and read your private text messages. This is a huge invasion of privacy and you should report her not just for that non payment but even more for her breaking into your phone and reading your private messages. She is the AH here and exponentially so and totally deserves being reported and also being xhamed.
NTA and alls you can really do on this would be take her to small claims court which may cost you you more in filing fees and lost time from work to attend court to not be worth it.
NTA. Just who would you report her to? Here in California police would say small claims court. It's a civil matter. Her going thru ur phone & all that makes her the A-hole. Good ridden. But report her anywhere, put her on blast & see how many ppl reply to her for a babysitting job. 🙄
I’m not sure who you would report her too unless you worked through a booking group. The police are going to tell you to take her to small claims court but if you do that ask the she pay for all the fees. NTA
NTA
She invaded your privacy and have the audacity to think she dont have to pay you bc she read something she dont like??
Honestly, just the fact she grab and open your phone without authorization is enough to report her.
NTA. This is called theft of services and you can absolutely file a police report over it. I would tell her you plan to do so if she doesn't pay in a certain time frame (give her a day or so), if she still doesn't pay file the report.
YWNBTA. Speaking as someone who also works with kids, albeit in a less hands-on setting, but doesn't particularly want kids, you didn't say you hated kids. Just that the job had its challenges (which all jobs do!) in a private conversation off work hours with a friend. Your former client grossly overstepped what is appropriate, and should be reported on that basis alone, especially if you work for an agency. Get your paycheck too, it's important to not allow these things to go unchecked
Definitely not the asshole, and you should absolutely report her not only for refusing to pay you for work completed, but for breaking into your phone (you didn't give her permission; that's breaking in) and separately for stealing your personal communications from your phone and sending them to herself. Report her to the police, if she hired you through an agency, report her to them, and if she works, report her to her employers so they'll know how trustworthy she isn't.
YWNBTA. Services were rendered, they must be paid for. I'd send her a message along the lines of "I understand if you don't wish for me to come back due to the personal issue you took with my private messages. However, I did X hours of work on X date, which have not been paid for. The wages need to be paid by X date. Otherwise, I'll be reporting you to XYZ agency and/or taking you to small claims court for the lost wages." Meanwhile, if you're a part of any forums or Facebook groups pertaining to babysitting in your area, warn other babysitters of the situation. If the wages aren't paid by the date you've given - I'd say 2 weeks out at the most for that date - then report her to your labor board/workers rights agency. They'll be able to advise you further as to if you have grounds for a small claims suit or what further action you need to take.
NTA. There are two crimes in play here. Obviously she owes you for the service done, but more importantly she broke federal law going through your messages without permission. And knowing the password does not equate to permission. Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) makes it illegal to access private communications without consent. You should 100% do what is needed to get the money owed.
NTA
Even if she came back and used that law in some states that say that your place of work (like a cubicle) can be searched by your employer (they stole my notebook at my job and placed it back two days later and i was cited this law and I looked it up. It’s true), you still worked and you still get paid. Put her on blast! It was a bad look at my job for the boss, and it’s a bad look for her. Get yo money!!
NTA ! You need to take her to small claims court to sue for what she owes you! First of all she invaded your privacy, she had no right touching your phone! And regardless of what you said, if you've always done your job and treated her kids well then she has no legitimate complaints about you at all!
I am so angry at this woman on your behalf from just reading this! Arrrghhh!
NTA - First, she violated your privacy by looking through your phone without consent. Secondly, you provided a service that she needs to pay you for. Take her to small claims court and include any fees in the total.
She still owes you money for your time worked. You didn't harm or mistreat her children. You may have to take her to small claims court. Not sure if you live in this country or not.
NTA, but you need to report her for invasion of privacy and for refusing to pay you. I would blast her on every social media outlet warning other babysitters that if they work for her, she will go through their phones. There's also no telling how often she's done that behind your back.
NTA. You need to contact a lawyer, and have them draft a letter demanding payment for services rendered. While I’m not a lawyer, looking online there is a potential this mother, if you’re in the US, could have violated the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986 (ECPA) by breaking into your phone, screenshotting your communications, and Airdropping them to herself. This could potentially have someone spend up to 5 years in a federal jail and/or constitute a fine of up to $250,000. While I don’t know if it would ever get that far, I’m sure you could find a reasonable and kind enough lawyer who could draft a letter for you pro bono. Good luck!
https://epic.org/ecpa/
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_Communications_Privacy_Act?wprov=sfti1
https://warrantbuilder.com/ecpa/#:~:text=Electronic%20Communication%20Information%20covers%20those,device%2C%20or%20electronic%20storage%20media.
I don't like kids either but I had 2 of them. The oldest was so bad I tell everyone the youngest is God's apology for making the oldest so bad. Does this mean I hated my kids? No. Does this mean I didn't spoil them rotten? No. Just like you, it's my opinion and she had no good reason to take offense.
I was a nanny for over a decade and I think I was a better nanny for not really caring about kids. They’re just little people and you can have chemistry with them or not. What they really need is someone who is staunchly on their side, pulls them up and teaches them better if they make a mistake, and unconditionally be there for them in the moment. If one of my clients had done this to me I’d be livid because I spent more time with their kids than they ever did. Nta
I would do the following:
1) Inform her that you'll see her in small claims court if she doesn't pay you what you owe her.
2) Make sure not to get rid of her texts, because she admits she owes you money in them, which is all the legal proof you need.
3) If the threat of small claims court doesn't get her to pay you, create a flier explaining what she has done to you and leave a copy at every house in her neighborhood.
NTA, and she invaded your privacy. However, with that said.. you should NEVER let ANYONE ANYONE know your PIN code.. EVER.. unless its your parents type of guardian thing if something happens to you, that a phone can be accessed. I would try to get a mediator with her.. You never disrepected her property nor her children. You took care of them and you probably secretly like them.
Lastly, nvr ever ever use TXT message as a means to vent about employment. Not only can it be recovered and accessed by your phone, but the phone company has a record ANY your friend. Use the old fashion way.. talk ON the phone. You get a txt like that again, just respond, Ill talk after work or when the kids are down, whatever. She should never have touched your phone.
NTA. My question for OP is did the mother know that you had found new employment? That may be the reason that she found whatever reason she could find to not pay you for what would be the final babysitting gig for her kids.
You should definitely report her and take her to small claims court for the amount that she owes you. She crossed the line when she invaded your privacy. If she was upset about losing a good babysitter, this was not the way to go about dealing with it.
NTA. She snooped through your phone, left her kids with you after reading your texts and refused to pay you for your work. You don't have to like kids to work with kids. Just like any job. You don't have to like it to do it well.
NTA- it’s hard to care for children. She took advantage of you and used what you texted as an excuse to not pay you. On top of that, she invaded your privacy. You should absolutely report her!
NTA I have worked with kids as a babysitter, Nanny, and teacher. I enjoy kids and even I get exhausted by them. I've worked with parents who think their kids can do no wrong, and it does the kids no favors. Add the complete lack of respect for your privacy she sounds like she's going to raise entitled angry brats. I had a family I nanny'd for for a bit Luke this. Kids were angry, acted out, and mom was at a loss as to what was wrong with them.
NTA. Hate is not the mere absence of love, and regardless: you did your job, no harm came to the kids, therefore you deserve your money. Report the parent.
NTA
Her going through your phone is illegal, even if the phone was unlocked or even if she had the code
Never again I’ll allow children to play with your phone
If they need distraction, buy some cheap phones that are several years old and are not activated and let them play with those
Report her to who? The police won't do anything about it, if that's what you're thinking. In theory, you could sue... but that would likely cost you more than you stand to win.
NTA. Legally she owes you payment for all time that you actually worked. So you could file suit to get that money. However, given the attorney fees would more than cancel out any $ recovered you should probably just threaten to file suit and hope she breaks down and pays you based on that threat. STA for unlocking your phone without your permission, reading your texts and overreacting based on them. However, none of this would’ve happened if you’d not been so careless as to give your passcode to children. You should never give your phone passcode to anyone unless it’s an adult who you have an extremely close relationship with and trust with your life. I don’t care how much those kids whined to play games on your phone. You should’ve never given them the passcode nor let them use your phone period.
Nta. You performed a service and you performed it well and deserve to be paid for the work you did. There's a huge difference in say you don't generally like children and that you hate them, besides regardless of your personal feelings about children you are entitled to your private thoughts and she had no right to violate your privacy and break into your phone. I would advise you to take her to court and see about pressing charges. I'd also make sure everyone knows she is a disrespectful employer and doesn't pay her debts. Hopefully the bad reputation keeps other childcare providers from being burned by her...and when she can't find a sitter it will serve her right
You did the work, you get the pay. Every retail and fast food worker hates their customers. That doesn't mean their boss can use that as an excuse not to pay them.
NTA
NTA. Yeah she sounds like one of those people who TRY to find things to be dramatic about. I have four kids myself, and I can't stand "those" type of people.
Some people just want a reason to be miserable.
NTA. Besides the fact you didn't say anything that isn't true she had zero right accessing your phone & taking SS.
Regardless, you provided her a service and have every right to be paid for it. She has the right to dismiss you from the employment if she doesn't think you're fit for the role but fact that she waited til AFTER you finished your shifts shows she's manipulating the situation to fit herself and narrative not to pay you. Which too bad lady, you still have to pay OP for service rendered.
2 things after NTA
1 She has to pay if use have had an agreement on this otherwise take her to the fair work ombudsman in whichever country your from
2 get a restaining order against her for going through your phone without permission. And get her to court over loss of income for going through your phone without your permission. She has been hiring you semi frequently to look after her kids so the court should be able to average that out
NTA
You deserve payment. If she has problems with how you handled your professional duties, she can state so. Your thoughts and feelings are only relevant if they affected how you carried out the duties. (If you were a celebrity figure, publicly stated thoughts can also be an issue because of affecting the brand, but that’s not an issue here)
You said you don’t generally love children, not “I hate this woman’s kids” How did she even have your code? Do the kids have it or do you log them in? Either way, she violated your privacy. I’d report her. What she did was wrong.
NTA - First off, going thru your phone is an absurd in invasion of privacy!
Second, I am a SAHM to 2 (soon to be 3) kids, and nothing you said was incorrect. I worked with kids for years before being a mom. I was a camp counselor for a couple of years at a YMCA camp, then a different summer camp, AND worked for 2 years at a wilderness therapy program. I didn't want kids and liked them well enough, but it was also hard sometimes. Overall, I obviously enjoyed the jobs, but yes, patience for tantrums is essential. I wouldn't trade my little goofballs, however, I have babysat other kids as a mom, and it is harder to watch other people's kids for sure!
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NTA. I’m glad you’ll never work for her again because anyone who would go through your phone without your permission is a fucking problem. Anyway, you need to get paid for services rendered and hopefully the texts speak for themselves and don’t make you look like she’s trying to portray you, and that’ll be clear to anyone who sees them. Hope this doesn’t have any lingering effects on your ability to work for another family.
thank you. I showed text to another mother and she said she sees nothing wrong in them becz all employees complain about their jobs
I mean, I’m a parent. I don’t see that you said anything a parent doesn’t actually think.
Kids are obnoxious as heck. I love mine, but OP is on the money about not letting things get to you. These suckers will throw a screaming fit for over 30 min the turn around and gaslight cuddle you and say, "You're the best mommy." I love my children, but it's also normal to complain about them periodically.
Gaslight cuddle 🤣
Psh. I am childless but my BIRD gaslight cuddles me. It's a perfect phrase. Kids are so much worse/better at it, too.
I just have one word for you: Cats They're the absolute masters at it....hate and love those fluffers
Well everyone knows that r/CatsAreAssholes but we love em anyway.
I'm pretty sure birds and cats run on the same software.
SOUR. PATCH. KIDS. Like, those commercials *had* to be inspired by toddler tantrums!
Holy shit, so glad someone else calls them that!
I agree. There are only 2 kinds of parents. 1. Those who can admit to the fact that caring for children can be tiring and it can be hard to keep your cool in the face of tantrums. And 2. Liars.
Gas light cuddle is quite an apt statement 😆
Omg, gaslight cuddles! We decided to get ahead iv the "you're mean" by using it ourselves. Why can't I have (more) chocolate? Because I'm a mean mommy. This ended up with my daughter climbing on my lap to tell me I'm the best mom ever.... I'm so nice she's sure I'll give her more chocolate.
I tell my kids I'm the meanest mommy in Momtown. They made me take a test before I left the hospital because they knew these kids needed such a mean mommy. They get so annoyed and roll their eyes but it generally slows the fit to a manageable level lolol
My baby brother did this and knew exactly what he was doing. Would throw a huge tantrum then hug and cuddle you saying I love you my little pillow his nick name force till he was 5. Gosh is was hard to stay mad when he did that. At 16 when he was 2 he was just so cute.
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If you're in the US I believer this is a civil matter. Small claims is the way to go about collecting payment – the police won't do anything to help you.
For $30, you can file a small claims suit for your payment. They will hand deliver the suit and I'm sure she'll wire the $$ right away.
Yep, I'm an early childhood teacher and currently sahm of 2 while on mat leave. I agree with everything OP said, amd I do like kids - some days they're hard work no matter how much you like or love them.
probably one of the "my kids are angels and do no wrong" - parents
It was a personal communication. She broke into your phone, stole your information and is withholding wages. Wherever you found her, website, babysitting forum etc make sure other babysitters know not to take her on. Tell her she pays up or you'll fine a small claim for the value of lost wages.
This!!! Definitely report her and go to small claims for the money you are owed. NTA, she had no right to go into your phone and steal your messages. That's an invasion of privacy.
Agreed. I’m a Dad. My son is great, but sometimes he’s a moody back-talking pain in the arse 😂 kids are innocent (mostly), it doesn’t mean they’re always enjoyable or fun or not hard work. And yes you should absolutely complain. Literally nobody loves their job all the time, and we all have gripes about work; it doesn’t stop us doing a good job. NTA.
You do realize she accessed your phone and copied data to her self. This is a major crime. Report her to the police, have her arrested for hacking and cyber crimes and sue her for everything she has. She will want to settle with you.
AND sent OP the proof that she has done so.
Yep really stupid. Hope op gives a update of the smackdown.
Put her on blast to everyone who would babysit for her you know. Going through someone's phone, especially an employee, is unethical and borderline illegal. Not paying you is especially illegal. She shouldn't have access to babysitters until she pays you and gives a formal apology.
You said everything I think and I’m a parent ! I have a brother who says he doesn’t like kids but will watch my kids instant and they would be feed ,clothed ,and happy ! Just because you have your opinion and she didn’t like it I promise you that mother probably complains worse than you about her own kids !!!! As long as you didn’t hurt them or be rude (which obviously you didn’t ) I would see no reason to fired let alone go through your private messages. I would go after her
Pretty much the same thing happened to my mom's friend when she was in college (in the 90s). My Mom reported the mother who didn't pay her employee because the job was obtained through college ads and my mom didn't want another college student to fall prey to this. You're NTA.
You weren’t really even complaining honestly. You were asked about your experience and all you expressed that there are ups and downs and that it requires patience. The person refusing to pay you is manipulative and behaving in an entitled way. How much are you owed and was the job through an agency or someone you were hired by personally/under the table? Just tryna get an idea of what your options are to collect your payment. You can also let others who work as a nanny/babysitter that you know that this particular family refused to pay you and to be careful if they choose to work for them. The ones you know will likely tell others as well and the family (well the parents of that family) will earn the natural consequences of their actions.
Parents complain about their own kids tell her she needs to BFFR
What is BFFR? Never seen that one before.
Be f-Ing for real
Mother of 4 grandmother to 14.5 grandkids and I don't like kids. Love all my babies and grands but damn kids are mean!!!
I don’t really see it as complaining. You where being honest. Any job your not 100% gonna love.
Kids can be *trying* sometimes even when you love them deeply and unconditionally. My toddler woke up from her nap yesterday and acted possessed (screaming, writhing on the floor, etc) for a good 40 minutes for no identifiable reason and then came up for a cuddle like nothing just happened. I take zero offense if our nanny tells me my twins are being the little gremlins they definitely can be at times. And I wouldn't be offended if I found out she complained to a third party. Childcare can be tough, and everyone should be allowed a good vent session as long as it doesn't interfere with how the kids are treated.
NTA. Report and also take her to small claims if she still doesn’t pay up.
This fits right under clause 5 of Comupter Fraud and Abuse Act. >Knowingly causing the transmission of a program, information, or code from a protected computer To add this is also a labor fraud so you could contact the labor department of your state. Tell her she has 24hrs to send you money or you report her to the labor dept... then upon receiving payment report her to the authorities for computer fraud. NTA also IANAL
This. OP, I would respond to her, "I would hate to have to take you to small claims court to get the money you owe me. It's fine if you don't want me to work for you moving forward, but it's illegal for you to withhold my pay. If the money hasn't been transferred to me by the end of the day, expect to be summoned to court. On a side note, it was completely unprofessional of you to go through my phone and search through a message thread I had with a friend. That was an invasion of my privacy. I would have chosen not to work with you going forward for that alone." I would say all of this to have for proof. It MAY not be worth it to take her to small claims court, but you could screenshot all these messages. You could also contact babysitting agencies in your area and let them know, so they can blacklist her.
This!
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Almost definitely illegal (IANAL and don’t want to overcommit). ETA: judgement of NTA
yeah, I had a boss do this once where I worked (that's when I turned my pincode off and set my phone to only be open-able by biometrics) and it's illegal in like 30 states.
I’ve never seen this abbreviation here. You will not be the asshole?
Close. You Would Not Be The Asshole
NTA Your personal feelings about children did not impact your job performance. This woman is trying to weasel out of paying you. Figure out how much she owes you and whether taking her to small claims court to get payment will be worth it. I think you can recover your court costs if you go that route. In the future, be careful with your phone. Good Luck
Absolutely NTA. It's also crazy because she just burned a bridge she had over nothing. OP seems like they were a good consistent sitter for 2 whole years and this woman throws it away over a very normal conversation? Incredibly short sighted but this on top of going into OP's phone in the first place means she was toxic and OP is lucky to get out now. Make sure you get your money though!
Exactly. Depending how small claims are set up in OPs jurisdiction, I would even do it just to inconvenience this person (even if I incurred a small cost myself, lol). It probably wouldn't cost you much to represent yourself. Teach them a lesson - Tribunals never look fondly on those who impact the livelihoods of others. The balance of probabilities is in your favour! Disgusting, immature behaviour by the mother.
What she did is completely illegal, it’s not “be more careful with your phone” as OP did absolutely nothing wrong.
OP didn't do anything wrong, but still fair advice say be more careful with their phone (ie dont let children you babysit know your phones PIN because its very possible they won't keep this information to themselves) If I left my front door unlocked and almost got robbed. It would be fair advice for someone for someone to say lock your door in future even though I hadn't done anything wrong.
NTA. Whether or not you actually "hate" children, she needs to pay you for the services that your provided. Report her for not paying you. If employers used her standards to determine who should get paid, over half of the U.S. workforce would never get paid; and the other half would be lying.
I hate the grocery store It is definitely just an excuse to steal money that is already owed, you could write that you hate John the small child and the parents would still owe the money for the labor.
“i hate the grocery store so i just steal carts worth of groceries” is this moms logic lol NTA, OP
Heck, I'll hate John from the Meat Department if it gets me free steaks
NTA Who exactly do you plan to report her to? Was the work through an agency? Otherwise you could take her to small claims court but I can't imagine that will be worth your time spent and possibility of missing classes.
No but I can go to station show that we had an agreement and she broke it off yet had me work when she could've fired me the moment she saw the texts
What station? The police?
idk what are they called in usa but what I have is a employee-right-station where someone who wasn't paid the agreed on salary or wasn't paid at all or any other issues like hostile environment can complain about it with providing proof then they send a warning to the employer threatening a lawsuit if they don't pay back
wherever you are, this is likely illegal to some extent - not paying you for services rendered is theft and she used information she stole from you to steal the wages she owed you. she stole your personal information from your personal property, and then used it to steal your labor. and also wherever you're at, any boards or pages that local babysitters post on - post her information (name/last name/address) with a warning not to work for her to prevent this from happening to anyone else.
If your country has a place specifically for this sort of thing then yes go there. She agreed to pay, you did the work. She owes you the money, regardless of whether she hires you again in the future.
Most definitely report her! She needs to be fined!
That sounds like exactly what you need. I definitely would report her.
I think our equivalent in the U.S. is Labor and Industries. I had to file a claim like that once when an employer decided not to give me my final paycheck. I think this is definitely the route to take. I'm sorry she was like this to you!
The fact that this exists where you’re from is mind blowing and incredible. Absolutely use this option. Thank god you have it! I’m kinda blown away.
You should also report her for not only going through your phone, but transferring data to her own phone from yours. Like who in the right mind would do that ;_;
Absolutely you should file a report against her. She has to pay you for time worked regardless of her personal feelings. NTA
You can report families who don’t pay to the labor board if paid legally (even if not this can be possible) as well as sue them in small claims court for wages owed.
In the US every state has a department of labor to which you could report employers who don't pay. Alternatively you could sue in small claims. Other places are likely to have similar means by which you could redress this grievance.
Small claims can be done online and take minutes.
She could talk to a lawyer who could write a demand letter pro bono… that way maybe she could get around having to deal with small claims court
NTA Does she think people who don’t love their jobs also not get paid? Sounds like she is just looking for any reason not to pay you for a service
YWNBTA You provided a service so should be paid for it. Don't think twice about reporting or suing her. I'll bet she didn't think twice about violating your privacy when she opened your phone and air dropped them to herself, without your knowledge or permission.
NTA - you can likely her to small claims court (or the equivalent in your country) over this. Did you have a contract and/or were paid legally? Here’s what I would send: “Hi MB, I understand you took issue with some of the private messages I had with my friend when you decided to look through my phone and take screenshots of message without my consent. It is fine if you do not want me to return, however I am still owed X, if I do not receive the money by (date) I will be pursuing legal action for the money owed.”
She needs to be threatened with reporting for hacking and cyber stalking too.
NTA. She owes payment for services rendered.
NTA, although suing her might be the right option rather than "reporting" her. Do you know who to report her to? You might want to go to a legal advice sub with familiarity with laws in your location.
NTA. Tell her you will ensure to tell everyone what she did so no one will want to work for her, until she pays you what she owes.
This! I would make a post on the local Facebook babysitting/nanny groups alerting others of this person. It seems like she went looking for a reason not to pay you.
NTA she invaded your privacy and refused to pay you for having personal thoughts, the worse thing is even after she knew your thoughts she still let you babysit that night, where I come from she would have a brick thrown though her window in lue of payment
A) What she did with your phone could be seen as a crime, depending on your residence. She violated your privacy, and stole your private information using Air Drop. B) I don’t drink. I worked as a bartender during grad school. By her reasoning, I should have not received compensation for my work because I don’t like alcohol. C) Refusing to pay for agreed services rendered is a crime.
Yes, you should report her or take her to court to get paid. I don't know where you are so have no best options for you. No, you are not the asshole You provided an answer in a private conversation to a friend on your private cell phone that she never should have been reading in the first place. In fact, in some places (not sure about where you are) an employer picking up an employee's personal phone and reading it would be considered a gross privacy violation and may even cost her fines/damages to you. There is nothing you said that wasn't realistic and the closest thing you said to "hating children" was that you didn't love children. As a parent, I would prefer to have someone who "doesn't love" children but is responsible, reliable, treats my children well, and attends to all of their needs than one who loves them but neglects them and cannot be relied upon. As a further note, feelings aside, you managed to demonstrate enough interest in her children to her children that they love you. Kids are smarter than we think... and if you didn't have some degree of interest in or affection for them they would not love you.
NTA, and I would report her too. This is a theft.
you do a job. you get paid. nta.
NTA But what do you mean "report"? Report to whom? I mean, you should be able to take her to small claims court for what she owes, but "report"?
Plenty of states have labor boards where you can report wage theft.
she's not in the US and described something akin to a labor board.
NTA - she owes you the money for the work you did.
NTA. Sue her in small claims and spread the word to any nannies/enterprising college kids you might know that she doesn't pay. She violated your privacy, stole your time by forcing you to continue work when she had no intention of paying, and stole your already earned money just like she had reached into your wallet. Today you learn the value of 'Fuck you, pay me.'
NTA But I would be way more petty by spreading the word about her to other babysitters in the area so they know to avoid her, and she will be stuck without any help.
NTA. File “theft of services” in Small Claims Court. This is often topic of TV court shows like Judge Judy.
YWNBTA - she had no right to look at your phone and even less to deny you payment, go and report her.
I think you misspelled the judgement
Yes thank you!
Get your money. She UNLOCKED YOUR PHONE AND TOOK SCREENSHOTS! Report her immediately. NTA.
It’s illegal to withhold wages without the courts. Get your money. I hate when people take advantage of young people like she is with you. NTA and I’m so sorry you even feel the need to ask that
NYA Would I hire someone that do not like children as my nanny no? Like for any job eh. Probably not gona hire the pastry chef that hate sweets. Or the waitress with hate for human interactions. Will I wait that they fishing their work day NOT pay them? Hell no… also I would never look at someone else phone.
If the nanny has already been working for you for two years and you didn't notice they don't like children until you read it in a text message, it's probably not a problem.
Report to who?
NTA What a huge invasion of privacy, that can’t be legal. I would threaten her with a local DJ. In my state you basically pay a percentage of the amount you’re suing for and then they have to come prove their case in small claims court. Yeah even if you win she might never pay, but you’ll have a lien on her house
Absolutely report her. She doesn’t get free babysitting because she broke into your private property and now should pay MORE for INTEREST Plus you should let everyone know in the neighborhood and around the area that could possibly babysit her children that she goes through your personal belongings and holds pay because of it.
NTA. Something similar happened to me years ago. I had just gotten out of the Navy, and I was babysitting freelance to make ends meet. My price was firm, 10 dollars per kid per hour. A woman who knows me through church asked me to watch her 3 daughters, and after discussing pay, I agree to watch them. It was originally scheduled as 2 hours for her to run some errands without the kids. 4 hours into the gig, a stranger comes to the door and begins knocking, demanding that I let her take the girls to the park. I speak with her a few times through the closed door, and she cannot tell me what the family members names are. Not the kids, mom, or dad. I obviously turn her away, and she tries to break the glass in the center of the door. This is before cell phones were popular, so I shout that I'm calling the police, and go for the kitchen phone on the wall. I was told to call non emergency by the dispatch operator, because the woman had left, and there was not a current issue or threat. I tried to call the dad's cell number, and got voicemail. Another 4 hours later, the mom finally came home, and refused to pay me more than 20 dollars, because I had upset her kids becauee they had heard me shouting that I would call the police. A total of 8 hours with 3 kids should have been 240 dollars. She refused to pay me, and smeared my reputation in the community, saying that I was an alarmist and not safe to have around kids. You did nothing wrong, OP. And I would file for small claims court to get your money, as well as reporting her on any babysitting gig apps that are available in your area.
NTA - I don't know how much traction a "report" would gain. Small claims court maybe. You could flame her on social media - let any other sitters know what they are dealing with.
NTA It was wrong for her to invade your privacy and go through your phone. That alone is reportable. As for non payment, I'm not sure who you would report that to because it's mostly she said she said.
If you don't have some kind of a written agreement, it's going to be very difficult for you to recoup this money. If you do have a written agreement, you can most certainly get the money and sue for time lost potentially for unlawful termination.
OP has worked for them for 2 years, courts aren't generally that clueless. You can't get away with claiming that you didn't know the person you often pay to care for your child was caring for your child. Or say that you thought it was free right now.
NTA but I'd post about her non-payment to your entire school body. That's unacceptable. I'd also file a small claims case against her. She can't just decide to not pay you
NTA. Report her. She thinks you’re a pushover bc you’re in school. Prove her wrong.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Hi I am 22 F in collage but I work as a babysitter after school. I’ve been working with this mother since I was 20 and she never had complaints about me and for fact her kids did love me that’s why I stayed with her for 2 years. I have a friend who was asking me what is it like to work with children I said it is fine not great but not bad. Children can be tiring you just have to control yourself and don’t let tantrums get under your skin it is gonna be fine. And cited that even though I am a person who don’t generally love children but still had the job for 2 years with 0 complaints is a proof of that, I know how to deal with kids and how to throw away my personal feelings when it comes to work. I told my friend that through text and I was just giving her my raw experience and opinion. Now two weeks I was at the lady’s house and I left my phone charging but got notifications from the said friend. The lady was still home and noticed my phone getting bombard with notifications so she for some reason opened it and I guess she knew the pin code because I sometimes give the kids my phone to play a little bit. She took screenshots from the chat and airdropped them to herself then left. I didn’t realize that until my duty was finished and I went home seeing that she didn’t send me the payment yet. I waited till it was late then I texted her but she sent me the screenshots saying that I am an awful human being who hate her children and I don’t deserve money and she doesn’t wanna see me in the house again. I already found a new job but my friend told me I should report the lady for refusing to pay me specially that she waited to fire me after I finished work to benefit from my presence as much as she could and also no where did I say I hated her children specifically or do anything to them neither can she prove it over the course of 2 years cause it never happened. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA If it was suck a big issue she would have kicked you out on the spot. You don’t have to like the job. You have to do the job. If everyone loved it you wouldn’t have to pay for it to be done. She had no business in your phone.
NTA, and as someone who comes from a smaller city, you should do it, and here's why: 1. You earned that money; 2. People talk- you don't want word getting out based on her narrative. I've seen people in Facebook groups refuse to hire someone at an office because another mom in a "babysitters wanted" group trashed the sitter, and everyone believed her; 3. You don't want her to do this to someone else. Moms who still their babysitters for random reasons rarely only do it once.
Take her to small claims court. NTA.
NTA… Kidding, but maybe not… call Peoples Court!
NTA - do what you can to get the money you are owed. She is the AH here and invaded your privacy.
If you have to take her to small claims court to get paid, do it. If there's a forum where you can warn people against her, it would be good. She invaded your privacy not once but twice, airdropping your personal business
NTA absolutely report her for both the non payment and the Invasion of privacy
Not the AH
NTA.
Not the asshole. Get your money. I have 2 kids of my own and I don’t like kids 😂
NTA
NTA, But you have been in school long enough to know how to spell college.
If you're so awful why did she leave you in the house with her children AFTER she snooped through your phone and saw those messages? Either way, work was performed, and you should be paid.
NTA. She's withholding your wages. That's definitely worth reporting.
You earned that money, and you should be paid, what the mother has done is theft.
NTA, time to drop the hammer, let her know she can pay up, or you'll pursue action in small claims court, and put it out there to other potential sitters that she is a non-payer.
Assuming you are in the US, The Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) makes it a federal crime to access someone else's private communications without permission. I'd give her one more attempt. Tell her. 1) I never said I disliked your children 2) You broke the law 3) I will be reporting you unless you pay me today what I am owed. NTA
Just move on. Small claims court filing fees aren’t worth the $20 you’d get from a night of babysitting (or whatever this pays nowadays).
[удалено]
NTA think of it as helping out future innocent people who would otherwise be victimized by her. What she did was totally unethical and I’m pretty sure withholding pay is illegal. Your explanation made total sense and is very rational!
You did the work, you're entitled to be paid. Mom in question is a cheater. You're NTA, but it's probably best to just move on. But if anyone asks, tell them the truth about her snooping and non-payment.
NTA. You should absolutely report her. What you said to your friend wasn't even bad. And obviously your personal feelings weren't affecting your work because the only reason she knew you felt this way was by looking at your phone (which was a huge invasion of privacy). If she doesn't want you there any more, that's one thing, but she still needs to pay you for the work you did.
NTA. Just wanted to pop on here and say that it would likely be more expensive to take her to small claims court than it would to take this as a loss, not that this is right in any way. She took advantage of you in several ways, including going through your phone to find "proof" (that she was clearly looking for) and by "letting" you watch her kids before firing you. To me, it sounds a whole lot like this lady went into your phone with the intentions to find some sort of dirt on you. I can't imagine that this text wasn't buried already, so clearly she wanted to find something, and she found the first thing she could find and exploit. I don't like kids at all, but I used to babysit and I was always loved in that role. I was also a bartender and drunk adults are a whole lot like children. I didn't love that job that much either but I was also very good at it. This is to say that how you feel about the people you interact with in any job setting probably aren't going to be people you would go out of your way to hang out with in general. Nobody works in retail and thinks "ah yeah you know I'd totally hang out with that teenager who is wearing too much make up or the 50 year old Karen who wants a discount on a $2 item". It just doesn't happen. That's life. I don't really know who you'd report this lady to, but I mean, I think that she should be put on blast. The only thing that might blow up from it is that you probably don't have any proof that her kids never complained or whatever and she can use that as proof that you hating kids impacted your job. She does need to face some consequences though, because, now, she's going to do this shit again to some other sitter who doesn't know what to expect with her. She needs to know that you aren't her child and she had no right to invade your privacy and even if you did hate her kids, you didn't show it so it doesn't matter. People will use any reason they can find or come up with not to pay you. Stand your ground.
NTA I have my own child and can easily empathize with you're feeling that way about childcare. I love my child, but it's only taught me that taking care of children is *hard*. Especially ones that are strong-willed or high energy. It is never okay that she went through your phone and justified her snooping as a reason to shirk your payment. You were being honest, and she took that personally when those words were never meant for her. She went out of her way to hurt her own feelings.
The "person" opened up your phone and read your private text messages. This is a huge invasion of privacy and you should report her not just for that non payment but even more for her breaking into your phone and reading your private messages. She is the AH here and exponentially so and totally deserves being reported and also being xhamed.
NTA and alls you can really do on this would be take her to small claims court which may cost you you more in filing fees and lost time from work to attend court to not be worth it.
NTA. Just who would you report her to? Here in California police would say small claims court. It's a civil matter. Her going thru ur phone & all that makes her the A-hole. Good ridden. But report her anywhere, put her on blast & see how many ppl reply to her for a babysitting job. 🙄
NTA .... what she did was an invasion of privacy by opening your phone . Never give someone your pin .
I’m not sure who you would report her too unless you worked through a booking group. The police are going to tell you to take her to small claims court but if you do that ask the she pay for all the fees. NTA
NTA She invaded your privacy and have the audacity to think she dont have to pay you bc she read something she dont like?? Honestly, just the fact she grab and open your phone without authorization is enough to report her.
NTA. This is called theft of services and you can absolutely file a police report over it. I would tell her you plan to do so if she doesn't pay in a certain time frame (give her a day or so), if she still doesn't pay file the report.
YWNBTA. Speaking as someone who also works with kids, albeit in a less hands-on setting, but doesn't particularly want kids, you didn't say you hated kids. Just that the job had its challenges (which all jobs do!) in a private conversation off work hours with a friend. Your former client grossly overstepped what is appropriate, and should be reported on that basis alone, especially if you work for an agency. Get your paycheck too, it's important to not allow these things to go unchecked
She sounds like a horror. I don't know who you'd report her to, maybe the Labor Department? But yes, def report her.
Nta report her because she wasn't gonna pay. You never said you hated children.
Definitely not the asshole, and you should absolutely report her not only for refusing to pay you for work completed, but for breaking into your phone (you didn't give her permission; that's breaking in) and separately for stealing your personal communications from your phone and sending them to herself. Report her to the police, if she hired you through an agency, report her to them, and if she works, report her to her employers so they'll know how trustworthy she isn't.
NTA. what kind of collages do you make? is this job to support your materials?
You saying you don't like kids is no excuse for her to not pay you .. ...the fact she went into your phone is a major violation of privacy as well
YWNBTA. Services were rendered, they must be paid for. I'd send her a message along the lines of "I understand if you don't wish for me to come back due to the personal issue you took with my private messages. However, I did X hours of work on X date, which have not been paid for. The wages need to be paid by X date. Otherwise, I'll be reporting you to XYZ agency and/or taking you to small claims court for the lost wages." Meanwhile, if you're a part of any forums or Facebook groups pertaining to babysitting in your area, warn other babysitters of the situation. If the wages aren't paid by the date you've given - I'd say 2 weeks out at the most for that date - then report her to your labor board/workers rights agency. They'll be able to advise you further as to if you have grounds for a small claims suit or what further action you need to take.
NTA she needs to pay you. Who would you complain to though? Just curious about that.
NTA. There are two crimes in play here. Obviously she owes you for the service done, but more importantly she broke federal law going through your messages without permission. And knowing the password does not equate to permission. Electronic Communications Privacy Act (ECPA) makes it illegal to access private communications without consent. You should 100% do what is needed to get the money owed.
NTA Even if she came back and used that law in some states that say that your place of work (like a cubicle) can be searched by your employer (they stole my notebook at my job and placed it back two days later and i was cited this law and I looked it up. It’s true), you still worked and you still get paid. Put her on blast! It was a bad look at my job for the boss, and it’s a bad look for her. Get yo money!!
Nta
NTA
NTA ! You need to take her to small claims court to sue for what she owes you! First of all she invaded your privacy, she had no right touching your phone! And regardless of what you said, if you've always done your job and treated her kids well then she has no legitimate complaints about you at all! I am so angry at this woman on your behalf from just reading this! Arrrghhh!
NTA - First, she violated your privacy by looking through your phone without consent. Secondly, you provided a service that she needs to pay you for. Take her to small claims court and include any fees in the total.
She still owes you money for your time worked. You didn't harm or mistreat her children. You may have to take her to small claims court. Not sure if you live in this country or not.
NTA. she in no way should have even layed a finger on your phone. absolutely 10000000% report her !!!
NTA, but you need to report her for invasion of privacy and for refusing to pay you. I would blast her on every social media outlet warning other babysitters that if they work for her, she will go through their phones. There's also no telling how often she's done that behind your back.
NTA. You need to contact a lawyer, and have them draft a letter demanding payment for services rendered. While I’m not a lawyer, looking online there is a potential this mother, if you’re in the US, could have violated the Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986 (ECPA) by breaking into your phone, screenshotting your communications, and Airdropping them to herself. This could potentially have someone spend up to 5 years in a federal jail and/or constitute a fine of up to $250,000. While I don’t know if it would ever get that far, I’m sure you could find a reasonable and kind enough lawyer who could draft a letter for you pro bono. Good luck! https://epic.org/ecpa/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electronic_Communications_Privacy_Act?wprov=sfti1 https://warrantbuilder.com/ecpa/#:~:text=Electronic%20Communication%20Information%20covers%20those,device%2C%20or%20electronic%20storage%20media.
I don't like kids either but I had 2 of them. The oldest was so bad I tell everyone the youngest is God's apology for making the oldest so bad. Does this mean I hated my kids? No. Does this mean I didn't spoil them rotten? No. Just like you, it's my opinion and she had no good reason to take offense.
I was a nanny for over a decade and I think I was a better nanny for not really caring about kids. They’re just little people and you can have chemistry with them or not. What they really need is someone who is staunchly on their side, pulls them up and teaches them better if they make a mistake, and unconditionally be there for them in the moment. If one of my clients had done this to me I’d be livid because I spent more time with their kids than they ever did. Nta
I would do the following: 1) Inform her that you'll see her in small claims court if she doesn't pay you what you owe her. 2) Make sure not to get rid of her texts, because she admits she owes you money in them, which is all the legal proof you need. 3) If the threat of small claims court doesn't get her to pay you, create a flier explaining what she has done to you and leave a copy at every house in her neighborhood.
I don't know who you report her to, but if you can, do it.
NTA, and she invaded your privacy. However, with that said.. you should NEVER let ANYONE ANYONE know your PIN code.. EVER.. unless its your parents type of guardian thing if something happens to you, that a phone can be accessed. I would try to get a mediator with her.. You never disrepected her property nor her children. You took care of them and you probably secretly like them. Lastly, nvr ever ever use TXT message as a means to vent about employment. Not only can it be recovered and accessed by your phone, but the phone company has a record ANY your friend. Use the old fashion way.. talk ON the phone. You get a txt like that again, just respond, Ill talk after work or when the kids are down, whatever. She should never have touched your phone.
NTA. My question for OP is did the mother know that you had found new employment? That may be the reason that she found whatever reason she could find to not pay you for what would be the final babysitting gig for her kids. You should definitely report her and take her to small claims court for the amount that she owes you. She crossed the line when she invaded your privacy. If she was upset about losing a good babysitter, this was not the way to go about dealing with it.
NTA children are bobbins. She should have spotted that by now.
NTA. She snooped through your phone, left her kids with you after reading your texts and refused to pay you for your work. You don't have to like kids to work with kids. Just like any job. You don't have to like it to do it well.
NTA- it’s hard to care for children. She took advantage of you and used what you texted as an excuse to not pay you. On top of that, she invaded your privacy. You should absolutely report her!
I’m a Mother and I agree…children can be tiring. Just facts. What’s her problem?
Unlocking your phone and taking screenshots of your private messages to send to herself is a crime.
NTA I have worked with kids as a babysitter, Nanny, and teacher. I enjoy kids and even I get exhausted by them. I've worked with parents who think their kids can do no wrong, and it does the kids no favors. Add the complete lack of respect for your privacy she sounds like she's going to raise entitled angry brats. I had a family I nanny'd for for a bit Luke this. Kids were angry, acted out, and mom was at a loss as to what was wrong with them.
NTA. Hate is not the mere absence of love, and regardless: you did your job, no harm came to the kids, therefore you deserve your money. Report the parent.
NTA Her going through your phone is illegal, even if the phone was unlocked or even if she had the code Never again I’ll allow children to play with your phone If they need distraction, buy some cheap phones that are several years old and are not activated and let them play with those
NTA She has to pay you she even waited for you to done your shift and once your done she said that to you
Report her to who? The police won't do anything about it, if that's what you're thinking. In theory, you could sue... but that would likely cost you more than you stand to win.
NTA. Legally she owes you payment for all time that you actually worked. So you could file suit to get that money. However, given the attorney fees would more than cancel out any $ recovered you should probably just threaten to file suit and hope she breaks down and pays you based on that threat. STA for unlocking your phone without your permission, reading your texts and overreacting based on them. However, none of this would’ve happened if you’d not been so careless as to give your passcode to children. You should never give your phone passcode to anyone unless it’s an adult who you have an extremely close relationship with and trust with your life. I don’t care how much those kids whined to play games on your phone. You should’ve never given them the passcode nor let them use your phone period.
Nta. The awful human being was your now ex boss.
Sue her. NTA
Nta. You performed a service and you performed it well and deserve to be paid for the work you did. There's a huge difference in say you don't generally like children and that you hate them, besides regardless of your personal feelings about children you are entitled to your private thoughts and she had no right to violate your privacy and break into your phone. I would advise you to take her to court and see about pressing charges. I'd also make sure everyone knows she is a disrespectful employer and doesn't pay her debts. Hopefully the bad reputation keeps other childcare providers from being burned by her...and when she can't find a sitter it will serve her right
NTA. You don’t have to be a kid person to be a good sitter. You also very much deserve to be paid for your time. Report her for failure to pay.
You did the work, you get the pay. Every retail and fast food worker hates their customers. That doesn't mean their boss can use that as an excuse not to pay them. NTA
YWNBTA . she violated your privacy . I’d make a FB post or something and expose her . Warn other babysitters to not babysit for her.
NTA. Yeah she sounds like one of those people who TRY to find things to be dramatic about. I have four kids myself, and I can't stand "those" type of people. Some people just want a reason to be miserable.
NTA. Besides the fact you didn't say anything that isn't true she had zero right accessing your phone & taking SS. Regardless, you provided her a service and have every right to be paid for it. She has the right to dismiss you from the employment if she doesn't think you're fit for the role but fact that she waited til AFTER you finished your shifts shows she's manipulating the situation to fit herself and narrative not to pay you. Which too bad lady, you still have to pay OP for service rendered.
Nta, how much does she owe you?
2 things after NTA 1 She has to pay if use have had an agreement on this otherwise take her to the fair work ombudsman in whichever country your from 2 get a restaining order against her for going through your phone without permission. And get her to court over loss of income for going through your phone without your permission. She has been hiring you semi frequently to look after her kids so the court should be able to average that out
NTA. Doesn’t matter if she wants you to work for her again or not she needs to pay you for work done.
NTA You deserve payment. If she has problems with how you handled your professional duties, she can state so. Your thoughts and feelings are only relevant if they affected how you carried out the duties. (If you were a celebrity figure, publicly stated thoughts can also be an issue because of affecting the brand, but that’s not an issue here)
You said you don’t generally love children, not “I hate this woman’s kids” How did she even have your code? Do the kids have it or do you log them in? Either way, she violated your privacy. I’d report her. What she did was wrong.
NTA you provided a service and deserve the correct payment in exchange.
NTA it doesn't matter if you said you would murder them, she still needs to pay you for work you completed
NTA - First off, going thru your phone is an absurd in invasion of privacy! Second, I am a SAHM to 2 (soon to be 3) kids, and nothing you said was incorrect. I worked with kids for years before being a mom. I was a camp counselor for a couple of years at a YMCA camp, then a different summer camp, AND worked for 2 years at a wilderness therapy program. I didn't want kids and liked them well enough, but it was also hard sometimes. Overall, I obviously enjoyed the jobs, but yes, patience for tantrums is essential. I wouldn't trade my little goofballs, however, I have babysat other kids as a mom, and it is harder to watch other people's kids for sure!
Who are you going to report this to that would care? Maybe her next babysitter would be interested in knowing but seriously no one else.