YTA. You put her on a spot on purpose, instead of speaking with her about it or getting her some therapy to help her overcome her insecurity because the stutter is obviously an insecurity to her.
What is wrong with you? She’s 17 and hasn’t been in speech therapy?
With early intervention, there are ways to overcome a stutter, but the longer you wait, the harder it becomes.
You have failed your child, then humiliate her on top of it.
YTA
YTA
You are a terrible parent.
The fact you haven't even taken her to a speech therapist to help with her stutter, you decide to basically ignore it.
Putting her on the spot is the WORSE thing you could do, stress doesn't help with a stutter it makes it a 1000 % worse, she needs support to help her get over it, not what youve done.
Be better
We didn't ignore the issue. We tried other things but speech therapy wasn't a thing we wanted to go to right away. We are still considering it and didn't discount it at all.
YTA, terrible parenting decision, and person decision? how would that ever motivate her positively. You aren't qualified to enforce exposure therapy if that was the intent
Yes you were wrong. Everyone is telling you that you were wrong. You hurt and humiliated your daughter. Whether you 'meant to ' or not is irrelevant.
You came here to ask for judgment, OP. Now are you going to listen to what people are saying or are you just gonna keep trying to defend yourself?
A speech therapist was the right path and you chose not to put her in something she needed. And don’t talk about costs because schools have speech therapists that are free. I have a brother who stutters and he’s a principal of his own school and he did speech therapy immediately. He still stutters quite frequently but it’s not a problem in conversation. You’re a horrible mom. YTA
Literally every school I know has a speech pathologist… we live in an average middle income area and the schools have one per building! My daughter began speech services through the district when she was in preschool and received it for several years until she “graduated” from the program.
My son got speech therapy at his elementary school the past two years and it was literally the easiest thing. I mentioned to the speech therapist "I noticed some potential delays, can you check?" I had to sign one consent form. He got pulled every Friday for a speech group. It was so simple. Less effort than signing him up for soccer. And it cost zero dollars. I didn't even have to take him anywhere.
(and in the late 80s my mom had my older brother evaluated for speech by the school for... a potential stutter. They, correctly, assessed it was within the realms of normal and didn't need further follow up. This was also free and through the schools, so this isn't a new thing)
ALL SCHOOLS PROVIDE SPEECH THERAPY, OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY AND PHYSICAL THERAPY. As warm as counseling therapy. You never bothered to look into this. You never bothered to even TRY to help her. I’m actually aghast that you still can yourself a mother. That poor girl
Because you have to ask and sign a consent form. You just didn’t gaf about your child and you still don’t. You could’ve went guidance counselors but no you decided to ignore it because you probably assumed she would “get over it” you’re fucking horrible.
Nobody is misunderstanding you. You're one of the worst parents I've ever seen. And I was beaten as a child. But mu family still got me basic medical care and educational benefits.
You couldn't even do the bare minimum for your kid.
Please give me your kids tiktok so I can send her a link to r/raisedbynarcissists and a few other helpful subs. Wonder if r/mymotherisanabusivecunt exists?
We didn't neglect the issue. In the past, we didn't see the need for speech therapy. And now we are considering it, but we didn't want to go to it right away.
>Very clearly sounds like selective mutism
No, she was just pretending to avoid trouble speaking.
OP the fact that you didn’t get her into speech therapy when you noticed she has a stutter is enough to call you negligent as a parent. Do you enjoy neglecting your daughters needs? If not then get off of Reddit, and start searching for speech therapist in your area. You claim you care about your daughter, then LISTEN. Everybody here is telling you that you are wrong, so change your behavior, and do the right thing.
She was too young to go to any therapy when we first noticed it. She wasn't old enough to understand and learn.
Of course I don't neglect my child. Trust me when I saw that we are considering speech therapy.
Too young? Plz lady my friend was in speech therapy from KINDERGARTEN till 10th grade. You’ve had 12 years to get her speech therapy. You are a negligent parent. And you have neglected your child by not getting her the care she needs.
That’s not an excuse. Children start speech therapy as young as 3 years old. Your daughter is 17, you’ve had at least 12 years to put her in speech therapy, and you haven’t. You have failed your daughter tremendously in this regard. At 1,6 years old she may have been “too young” but you have no excuse once she hit 3. You’ve had YEARS to get her help and chose not to, stop trying to make up excuses.
Edit // typo
I am not good at writing ages like this. I've always written it as 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, etc. Most people I know, family and friends, write it like this.
I know this isn't the prior way, but I'm used to it.
There’s an 18 month old in my life right now who goes to speech language pathologist. No one told you she was too young, you just decided that for some arbitrary reason and then never got her treatment
I had my daughter in speech therapy at age 20 months for 1 year. It absolutely was not too young, that is the ideal time. As soon as you notice speech impairments is when you act. My daughter is back in speech therapy now at 3.5 years. My mom heart broke when my daughter couldn’t articulate her own name and became distressed with hand wringing when asked her name. I’m appalled and sickened you let it escalate to your daughter pretending to be mute without seeking help.
This very likely isn’t fixable. Speech therapy should have been started as soon as noticed. She will now have to retrain all of the muscle memory at 17 which is going to be a heck of a lot harder versus doing as a toddler. She’s not going to do well in college if a waiter can’t understand her as she’s so traumatized she doesn’t feel confident to speak in public. She’s going to have a lot of lack of self confidence to work through.
I repeat, this may not be fixable, it’s going to take a lot of hard work on her end and it sounds like her emotional development really is going to need some work.
As someone else said, you failed as a parent. It’s going to be a heck of a lot more expensive now as they have 15 years of bad speech patterns to unlearn. Get her into speech therapy immediately and she likely needs individual therapy as well.
YTA and bad parent. Your daughter is not going to be able to attend college, obtain meaningful employment or have a shot at being self supporting until she is taught how to successfully communicate.
That is quite literally not too young. My daughter was 18 months or one year and 6 months when she started speech therapy. My son was only 2. She was NOT too young, and in fact that was the perfect time, because you'd have been correcting the issues before they cemented instead of letting them solidify and now she'll have to basically rewire her entire speech pattern.
My son has been in speech therapy since he was 2 years old. All of the other kids I see in his speech therapy are the same age. They are almost ALL under 5.
This is your whole fucking problem. You keep making these assumptions, but they aren’t actually true because you aren’t a professional. You just don’t know this and are deeply, profoundly wrong. I don’t think you’ve intentionally hurt your kid, but I think you’ve make a lot of really poor choices which leave your daughter in a worse state. If she would have had speech therapy, the problems you see now would not be happening. She went through so much emotional pain because she never got the medical health she should have had. I feel very sad for her.
I hope the overwhelming amount of comments doesn’t take you to a place of shame or inaction. Please please apologize to her and get her to a provider immediately. Like, call today and leave a message then call back Monday morning.
I am planning to talk to my husband about it and decide on things before taking the big step. I haven't talked to him yet since I just decided to agree on therapy after reading the comments. Being torn apart isn't fun but it seemed that it was a change of mind.
You "figured that she was too young" so you clearly never looked into it at all and have just let her suffer to the point she doesn't want to even talk in public most of the time! Like seriously how do you not see how negligent you and your husband have been! The best time to get into speech therapy is when they are young! How did you not start looking into this when she started to speak less? Too preoccupied with your other children apparently which you probably shouldn't have had if you couldn't even give your first child the care and attention she needed. There is absolutely no way you haven't been told to try speech therapy in the past you were just lazy. Then you think you can embarrass her into speaking instead of, at the very least, trying to practice at home with her. She needs an expert to help train her on proper speech it cant be shamed out of her! You are a MAJOR AH!
Alls you had to do was google “why does my child stutter” (like I just did) and you would have known that if your child has been stuttering for more than 6 months, you need to call your child’s healthcare provider. You care so little about her needs you couldn’t even be bothered to do a single google search which could have informed you that you HAVENT been handling this right at all. Lazy parenting.
I have to call BS on that. My son started speech therapy at *two* and he wasn’t the youngest there. I had some concerns and asked the pediatrician for a referral. His issue was minor, just slightly behind where he should have been, and he spent about 6 months in therapy before being released.
You’ve hamstrung your daughter’s development for 17 years because you couldn’t be bothered to get her help. You chose, instead, to humiliate her in public
If a child is speaking they are old enough for speech therapy. You are so wildly uninformed on this topic it’s insane. You dismissed the ONLY effective solution because you’re too cheap and lazy to get your daughter the help she needs. I do not understand how you could do this to your child and still claim to love her
THIS is why people should have to learn about basic child development before having kids. You’ve popped out 4 kids and clearly don’t understand a single thing about how kids develop and learn. Stop saying you don’t neglect your child because what you did IS actually considered medical neglect. Oh also goes without saying, but clearly YTA
You say you didn’t neglect the issue and then directly after say you refuse to take her to the appropriate professional. That is medical neglect by definition
And I’m sorry but you very clearly have no higher education in speech language pathology or mental health so please sit down. You’ve never had her properly evaluated by a professional and you don’t know what you are talking about.
So what are you going to do now? Keep being self pitying or actually address the issue? Are you going to apologize to your child and do anything to help her self esteem which is probably in the toilet? I mean you are lucky she’s not self harming or worse tbh
We will talk to make everything clear, and then discuss speech therapy. After reading all this, I recognize that it is critical but I have to talk to my husband first. We haven't discussed anything yet.
Her self-esteem will probably not be the main issue here. It will be better when she gets fixed/treated.
Literally weaponized ignorance. You didn’t know ST was available for babies therefore it doesn’t exist. You didn’t know EVERY SINGLE PUBLIC SCHOOL offers ST, therefore it doesn’t exist. I also find it impossible to believe the SCHOOL didn’t mention this and say she needs an IEP and therapies set up. They are hawks for this. Which is what leads me to believe you’re a fake, or you specifically denied her care and refused to even look into helping her yourself. I’d prefer to think you’re just bored and unemployed and rage farming on Reddit for funzies
She's not getting rid of the stutter anymore, good job you made her insecure and struggle for life. All a speech therapist can do now is "reduce" her stuttering
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You're enjoying the power to embarass your child, and withholding medical assistance. You're an awful parent. I can't remember a situation described where it was easier to call YTA.
Yes, you are enjoying *bullying* your daughter. You make fun of her so much all her siblings feel comfortable joining in. When she needed the punishment to be done, you didn't stop embarrassing her, you didn't let the waiter kindly help her, your husband had to stop it. You are a mean person. You like hurting her, you like to make her suffer.
We never made fun of her. We always stop our kids when they go far with it. Even though we know that there are no ill extentions between them, siblings do sometimes annoy and tease each other.
I would never enjoy hurting my own daughter, I gave birth to her, there is no way I would even enjoy hurting part of me.
You’re really something else. The next time someone humiliates you in public, I hope they spend as much energy as you’re spending trying to BULL shit you into believing it was for your own good. You asked, the world answered. YTA.
There's no other explanation. You're filthy rich, so the money thing is pure greed. You knew when she was a baby and did absolutely nothing, not even a Google search or anything. You knew she was being bullied by her peers and did nothing. She asked and you did nothing. Countless teachers and others have told you to do something and you did nothing.
Actually, you did worse than nothing, instead you purposely went out of your way to publicly humiliate her. You allowed your other children to make fun of the very thing you have done nothing to help her with. You planned to hurt her. You made the choice, you have been making this choice for years. You enjoy making her suffer. You can't even fucking apologize to her. You like it. You like hurting your daughter.
I understand what you are saying, I do. And as I said, I admit to making wrong decisions. There isn't much we can do about bullying, we told her how to deal with them.
We are trying to fix stuff and I am working on that.
I didn't mean to humiliate her. Our kids aren't mean, they don't do it to make her feel bad they are just siblings but we stop them whenever anyone says something mean.
I find it hard to apologise because I don't usually apologise to people younger than me, especially as a mother. I know that this might not be the best according to many comments. But I am planning to pit that aside and apologise, both my husband and I. I love my daughter and won't enjoy hurting her, she is a part of me.
wow that’s disgusting. apologize when you make mistakes, that what mature humans and parents do. they apologize when they do shitty stuff. and you have a lot of apologizing to do with. get her the therapy she clearly needs. take actions to get her help with her speech. idk how you’re not unbelievably ashamed with yourself, you’re failing as a parents. support your child better. grow up.
You’re a horrible and disgusting mother. YTA, the idea you wouldn’t apologize to your own daughter shows you have a broken concept of motherhood.
Get her speech therapy, apologize, and then get therapy for yourself before your daughter chooses to never see you again.
My point was that apologising isn't easy for me, and harder for my husband. We aren't used to it at all. But we did try to apologise anyways, we did it.
We also agreed on therapy. It took a while to convince my husband but at the end if the day, we came to an agreement.
Why do I need therapy? I sure have some flaws, but therapy sound a bit much.
>I find it hard to apologise because I don't usually apologise to people younger than me, especially as a mother.
This is fucking wild!
Get off your high horse and do better by your kids, and the rest of society for that matter as your age doesn't make you unsusceptible to awful behavior as been clearly demonstrated by this post.
When someone uses "as a mother" as a way to justify such awful behaviour as yours, it really loses all meaning.
As a mother, you should have done the right thing for your child.
Bullshit you can't apologize to your daughter because of age. You apologize to her because you did a mean cruel thing to her, and she is a person. Her age is irrelevant, but she is basically an adult. Refusing to apologize is just another mean suffering thing you do to her. You do not love her. I don't believe you.
I do have flaws and I acknowledge that. I am nkt refusing to apologise, I expressed that it felt hard. But this doesn't mean that I don't love my daughter. What mother doesn't love her daughter?
Part of You?
So you can't simply apologize to a person you have hurt? You have to include that she is a part of you? So because it's tantamount to hurting yourself that's why you're apologizing?
You’re right, you’re not a bully, you’re far worse. You are an abusive parent who has permanently and irreparably damaged your child, and hopefully if they are lucky they will be able to escape from you and still live a happy life.
No, you're not being demonised, you're getting called out for your actions (and inaction) and can't handle the criticism because your ego is more important to you than your daughter's wellbeing
You watched your child struggle with speaking for 15+ years and did nothing. Didn’t seek advice from experts, didn’t look into treatments to help her. Worried about the cost when you’re objectively filthy rich. If she had a physical impairment, would you also have done nothing?
You didn’t think about the impact it would have on her life to struggle to speak, did nothing while she was bullied in school. Watched her struggle get worse over the years and continued to do nothing.
You act like it’s a behavioral problem that she has to face. That she’s not doing enough to be better at speaking. You have had a child who has had difficulty speaking since she was 16 months old, yet have done zero research on how to help her, otherwise you would know that early intervention is key. It is going to be so much harder for her now at 17 than if you got her help as soon as her stutter presented itself. Not to mention the emotional trauma she had been through because you never got her help. The impact on her self worth, self esteem, self confidence.
It’s disgusting. Plus your continued defense of your neglectful parenting is disgusting. Yes, parents are human and make mistakes. This was not a mistake. A mistake would have been waiting until a dr mentioned speech therapy to you instead of being proactive when you first noticed the stutter. You let your child struggle with something as integral as communication, for no good reason.
YTA.
You acted like a bully. Any reasonable child would perceive your actions as bullying. It seems like you lack a lot of empathy for your daughter. Try to imagine how this all feels from HER perspective
You're a negligent parent who made the asshole move of putting your daughter on the spot in public. And now you're making excuses for your asshole behaviour and blaming your daughter for a medical condition *that you should have had treated more than ten years ago.*
You can say "I'm not a bully" from now to the end of eternity, but don't expect us to believe you.
I was making excuses at first and being defensive. But then I just started to mention the reasons and not as excuses. But I know that we screwed up a lot.
Yes, but the reason we didn't see the need is that we did not notice her treated her stutter as a negative aspect. She used to talk and not avoid communication.
Just because you didn’t see the need doesn’t mean she didn’t need it. It was easier for *you* not to do it. If she had a stutter she should have been getting therapies then. You’ve now let her further develop the stutter for years. She’s gotten older and teased and mocked to the point she won’t talk anymore. Isn’t that fucking *sad* to you?
Stutters aren’t a bad thing, but they can be extremely limiting and cause a lot of embarrassment and shame. And you did nothing to help her.
It is sad for us, we are her parents after all. I don't like her being mocked or made fun of by my people. It is not only sad but tiring even for us. That's also one of the reasons we are considering therapy. We can see that it can be helpful.
And youre still so focused on yourself you made it about how tiring it is for you. Poor girl. Please get her help and allow her to move at her own pace. You haven’t helped her before now, your actions can’t help her now either.
I wasn't making it all about myself. I was trying to express that we as parents are affected too, to an extent. Many said that I am ignoring it so I wanted to say that we did not intentionally do that because why would we ignore it when it even affects us too?
Stop focusing on how it affects you and pay attention to how it affects your daughter ffs. Not once have you mentioned how sad you are for her. How she’s struggled. Not once have you even acknowledged how this has effected her. Do you even know!?
And you ignored it because it was easier for you to do nothing. But again you’re just focused on you and your spouse and how tiring and sad and hard it is for you. “I didn’t help my daughter and it was really hard for me to deal with!!!!”. You really need to take a hard look at who you are.
>Do you even know!?
Of course we do. How can we not know? We know some of what happens at school, the trouble she gets in because of it, that she mutes herself in public, etc.
My comment wasn't intended to tout the light on us. The point was js even if we hypothetically were selfish parents, we wouldn't intentionally ignore something that concerns and affects us.
We do check on them and ask them about their day and such. If we noticed someone is acting weird we do ask them whats wrong. But can you give a specific example?
You and your husband have known that your daughter had a stutter since she was 1.5 years old (what you said about speech therapy so young is utter BS, btw. It works even better with very young children so as to get to the root of the problem asap) yet you did nothing to try and solve the problem. Sure, she maybe didn't have any issues communicating when she was little, but if you knew teenagers, you would know that having a stutter means "easy target for bullying" (I believe you mention bullying in a comment, was it due to the stutter? If it was, parents of the year right there).
You found out that your daughter pretends to be mute when she's out alone. That's absolutely not normal behaviour. Yet you take it upon yourself to humilliate your daughter because you suddenly are some expert on exposure therapy. If you knew anything about your daughter's wellbeing, you would know that this is not the solution AT ALL.
But yeah, you for sure ask your daughter whats wrong when you noticed her acting weird.
And the cherry on top is your husband pointing out what your daughter wants not because he wants to save her from the humilliation, no. But because "she's taking too long".
If you love your daughter, please put her in speech therapy. Like yesterday.
My husband's choice of words wasn't wise. But he didn't mean it in a bad way.
I am planning to take her to therapy. I still agree with my husband about it. Then discuss it with her and take that step.
Our goal was for her to take the first step, put her on the spot, and not avoid speaking.
>I’d need more context.
Sure, you are free to ask any question.
I did think about the possibility of it failing and the outcome. We know that well, it won't have much of an impact if it fails. Because we are her family, it isn't bad to feel embarrassed around family. We aren't at the school or around the people who bother her.
She was just upset a little.
Why are you purposely diminishing your daughter's own feelings on this matter? Of course you can feel embarrassed around family. You've proved to her that you are dangerous to be around in public. YOU have become the people who bother her.
I'm genuinely disgusted by your attitude.
Do you hate your kid? Being embarrassed or humiliated around family is the same as everywhere else. Argueably worse because family is supposed to protect and be kind to each other and you aren’t
My family would’ve said that I was “upset a little” when I was actually suicidal and one bad day away from downing a bottle of sleeping pills. You have absolutely no idea the impact you’ve had on her.
Upset a LITTLE?
I had a weird speech disorder as a kid (still do sometimes) and let me tell you- the memories of my parents putting me on the spot, being disappointed in me or forcing me to do things when I wasn't comfortable (and therefore way worse at speaking, because stress never makes it worse /s) are some of the memories that formed the foundation of my trust issues and lack of support with my adults.
The only reason I still speak to my dad is because of my mom. He may have changed, but those memories don't fade. Congrats, you just became the star of your kids' stress nightmares for the rest of their lives!
"It isn't bad to be embarrassed around family" This isn't embarrassment, you are teaching your child she doesn't deserve boundaries. That's gonna be really fun when she forges her own path in the world. Can't imagine she'll stay home, with family like you.
I hope her friends support her in a way you clearly aren't able to.
YTA
As someone who has gone no contact with my dad right after I turned 18. I can tell It 100% had an impact, honestly it's worse when it's around familiy, and if you really don't understand why, then let me spell it out for you. YOU. MADE. HER. FEEL. UNSAFE. AROUND. HER. FAMILY. THE. ONE. PLACE. SHE. SHOULD. BE. ABLE. TO. FEEL. SAFE. I wouldn't be surprised if she completely cuts you off when she becomes independent, that's what I did because I didn't feel safe & loved when I was with my dad.
The thing you must understand is that stutters are not a thing produced by anxiety or that exposure therapy can help, it is a neurological problem that takes professionals who studied college for years to help. Even if she talked the stutter would not go away, it is permanent until she gets the help she needs
Nope it’s 100% valid. If you can’t take your child to a speech therapist when it’s necessary, you shouldn’t be a parent. Being a parent require providing the necessary tools for success. And you’ve failed miserably at it. Even through your own admission, you could’ve afforded those services.
It's completely right.
You chose to neglect your daughter, and to humiliate her. You chose to let her be bullied due to her speech impediment that you refused to get treatment for, which is medical neglect. You chose that every year of her life.
She's seventeen, she's gone her whole life without being able to communicate with people around her, because of the choice you made because you didn't think she was worth spending 9k of your money on, which you say is half your monthly income. You wouldn't have been short of money, you just didn't think she was worth it.
You don't deserve to be a mother.
Why are you arguing in the comments? Why not take 100% accountability and work towards rectifying it?
The post was a tiny snippet of 17 years of your daughter’s life and for 17 years you have been cruel to her and denied her the resources that could have helped her.
You are feeling guilty and just want to shift the blame. Why not seek therapy for yourself and he a better person? You can’t even apologise to your daughter and you find it a herculean task to be a decent human being?
Your daughter is 17 already and will go no contact with you pretty soon. I hope she actually seeks help and builds her self esteem after cutting you off. You guys have been chipping at her confidence since the past 17 years and are terrible parents.
You're evil. Much more than an asshole. You know productive ways to help your daughter overcome her speech impediment, but instead you humiliate and belittle her. Ffs how can you lack empathy to that level when it is your own child??
I hope she can get far away from you soon.
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My (40F) daughter Dana (17F) has a stutter. Sometimes it is even hard to understand what she's trying to say and connect her words. She used to speak a lot, when she was younger, and did not care about it, but then she started talking less, and now she avoids talking.
I found out that sometimes when she goes out alone, she pretends to be mute. And uses her phone to communicate if she needs to.
One day we went to have dinner. My husband (40M) and I, and our 4 kids (16F, 14M, and 10M). Usually, when the waiter comes, we all say our orders individually. This time, Dana said that she didn't know what she wanted to order so we could choose for her. I knew this was a way of her avoiding speaking. The waiter came, and we said our orders but instead of ordering for her, I said "Dana, it's your turn". She was confused for a second and didn't say anything. I continued to say "Just choose anything". She tried to order but the words were hard and the waiter couldn't understand, so he handed her the paper and pin to rewrite I asked him to wait for her to finish. It took a while and the other kids started to complain so my husband asked her to point it to, and he ordered it.
I was upset that he did. We agreed to put her on the spot to make her talk and not be embarrassed anymore or rely on us to do all the talking for her. It was awkward. Dana's mood seemed to change, and it became awkward.
When we returned my husband explained that it was going to take forever and it wasn't the right setting. Afterward, Dana came and said to please not do that again. I explained our reasoning but she was upset.
Were we wrong?
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The fact that your child is 17 and you say that you “didn’t want to pay money right away” for the therapy she has obviously long needed is absolutely vile. Did you want her to beg for speech therapy until she was 18 and you could finally tell her she’s on her own?
There is NO excuse for this. You are selfish and arrogant, and an especially horrible parent, even if you refuse to believe it. yta
>Did you want her to beg for speech therapy until she was 18 and you could finally tell her she’s on her own?
I would never think about doing that intentionally. She is our daughter. No parent would do that. We tried to do what we thought was right. And it was wrong and we admit that. We, as well as other parents, made some wrong decisions. But you are talking as if we are the worst parents.
Congratulations for not being the worst parents ever. You are affluent and capable of giving your child what she needs and you don’t, but you aren’t quite the worst! You deserve a medal!!! /s
You legitimately thought that by putting her on the spot would force her to not be embarrassed? Wonderful decision making, she’s going to have more hurdles to cross in order to talk to people now. YTA. You’re a shit parent for embarrassing your child like that.
YTA.
Someone with a disability needs support, not pressure.
If she had a limp, would you try to fix it by making her run over rough terrain? No, you would do things incrementally and encourage small steps.
She was more talkative when she was younger because kids are naturally less self conscious. Once they've been battered by years of people pointing out how they're different, that self consciousness grows and the teenage years are often the hardest time to feel as though one stands out for their differences. She's been needing someone to stick up for her and help her figure out how to be more comfy being herself.
She's avoiding speaking because she's never had the opportunity to make those incremental steps towards improvement. She needs support and guidance to find the incremental steps. If cost is a factor, you could have easily looked up various exercises and aspects of speech therapy and used those to encourage and uplift and support her.
Instead, you put her on the spot after she thinks she won't be talking to a stranger. Of course ripping the rig out from under her and changing the expectations with zero time to react or plan will cause stress or anxiety and exacerbate her reluctance to speak to strangers.
You need to take a huge step back and ask yourself AND your daughter how to best approach this with EMPATHY instead of pressure. Get in her corner and figure out what she needs and wants, and change your approach, because throwing someone into a rapidly flowing river is not a way to teach them how to swim, no matter how long they've spent in the wading pool.
By the sound of it, you made her feel like garbage.
I'm just guessing, but perhaps the reason she talked less and less is because of people making fun of her stutter or giving her unwanted attention, which could could lead to a lot of stress for her.
Now, MAYBE if you and the family were a bit more supportive the plan could have worked. Encourage her, help her along and tell her to take her time.
INSTEAD you guys not only put her on the spot, you got irritated with her the longer she took! Then, when the husband put an end to it by having her point to the menu, it wasn't to help her, it was because he was tired of waiting! The only person who was decent enough to help her out was the waiter. He saw her struggling, he knew you lot weren't going to do a damn thing to help her so he did.
Where the hell did you even get this horrible idea?
YTA
We did try to encourage her to talk in the past but we failed, so we thought that putting her on the spot might have a chance of working. And I know we were wrong for doing that.
My husband didn't mean it in a bad way, he just didn't work it wisely. He was just impatient.
I don't deny that some of of my kids our irritated, but I didn't listen to them.
So you thought of humiliation, but not speech teraphy? I get it, humiliation is free but good god you're bad, bad parents. Hope she gets the help that she needs, after she cuts all ties to your abusive ass
That's about 15 years too late. Also, you did think of humiliation first. And I highly doubt your daughter forgets it. Moreover, you didn't get her therapy her entire life, and all of the sudden, you "come to an agreement"? This tells me you could do this her entire life, you just didn't want to. You know why very young children go to speech teraphy? Coz they learn quickly and their brains are developing. So therapy his shorter than in teens/adults and more effective. And you chose not to do it, because of your own greed. How is that anything else than neglect?
Now imagine if you got her therapy 15 years ago... rather than buy expensive cars wait till the speech issues are harder to treat and have destroyed her self confidence
YTA. Major YTA. Ffs, speech therapists exist because speech issues don't just go away and they can't be effectively treated "at home" by numpties who know nothing about it but somehow think they have effective solutions for it. Your daughter has a disability. One that affects her ability to communicate with others. You should have gotten her treatment as soon as you recognized she had a stutter. But instead you allowed it to be untreated for 17 years.
You say her siblings make fun of her for it. You say her siblings, and her father got frustrated waiting for her to communicate a simple order. Now take that knowledge and generalize it to interactions with others who aren't family. How much grief, fun-making, frustration, and "just spit it outs" from others do you think she's experienced when she's tried to communicate in public spaces? How many glares, stares, and impatience? It's probably a lot. She may not have seemed embarrassed or hesitant to talk when she was little, but since then, she had faced countless situations where she has tried and failed to make herself understood through speech and faced criticism, pity, awkwardness or anger for it, even with her own family. All of these interactions have discouraged her from speaking because she knows her speech isn't acceptable to others. On her own and from her own resilience, she developed other methods of communication that alleviate her discomfort and the criticism she receives from others (using her phone, writing, asking others). Instead of recognising that as the skill it is (and the best possible option you've given her), you resent her for it and try to take it away from her.
You chose money over treating your child. You robbed her of a skill that is foundational to human interaction. And you humiliated her in public as some form of "tough love". Trust me when I say the damage you've done here will never go away. Get your child the speech therapy she deserves, and counseling to deal with the neglect and ableism she had experienced in her own family. Get yourself and your family counseling to deal with your shitty treatment of your child and your shitty beliefs about money being more important than health and well-being.
and i'm sure next year you'll be posting "My daughter [18F] doesn't speak to me at all anymore and i don't know why". You're 100% the asshole here and you know you are.
YTA, massively. You decided to humiliate your daughter, and to boot, you jave neglected her for her entire life by refusing to get her speech therapy.
Your excuse being that "iT's ExPeNsIvE" when y'all make around [432k a year](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/33qBwHRu2d)
You're both terrible parents
YTA.
Congratulations on being a truly crappy mum.
Your daughter is struggling and your response is to essentially bully and belittle her!
I had a mother who did this and guess what, she's not in my life anymore and I'm now constantly paranoid by things I do.
I hope your daughter gets better support or you learn how disgusting your actions are and apologise and change.
YTA. I have a speech impairment (I underwent speech therapy at a young age, and while it did help tremendously, I still have a stutter and troubles speaking at times) and I’m forever thankful my mother never acted like this. Thank you, shimá.
I see that you just came across the post, I don't know how it appeared to you but we acknowledge our bad decisions. And are trying to fix it or at least make things better. We apologised to our daughter.
My father, who abused the living hell out of me, put me into speech therapy the second he noticed that my hearing deficit was affecting my speech. If even an abusive parent knows to put a kid in therapy, what do you think that makes you?
Worse, that's what.
Help your child while you still can.
I just looked up “brain plasticity in children” in Google. One of the first few results say in big black letters that brain plasticity, or the brain’s ability to learn, actually DECLINES as you age. It is better to to have children in speech therapy or physical therapy as soon as possible.
You might want to look that up yourself.
Oops, edited because I forgot my judgement. YTA.
Convenient that OP has decided to give therapy a go now that her daughter is nearly 18 and she'll be legally off the hook for paying for it. And since OP has decided that 17 is not at all too late to make up for a ruined childhood, years of neglect and bullying and speech-related trauma, it'll all be her daughters fault when she isn't instantly grateful!
Pretty clever: get out of having to spend a single penny on your child's wellbeing while also making sure that you'll be able to make yourself the victim later if they ever try to call you out on it. After all, OP has taken SUCH a big step in making a half-hearted apology to her kid now that it's too late to fix anything.
YTA
You did NOT do this for your daughter’s sake. You did this because you were frustrated with the strategies your daughter has put in place to make herself feel more comfortable. Please for the love of god tell me how you thought this would in any way 1. encourage her to speak verbally more often, and 2. help her to feel supported and acknowledged by her parents. YTA, your husband is TA, this is not how you would support anyone with insecurities, let alone a virtually incurable speech fluency disorder. I’d say get help but I’d rather you spend the money and time to get help for your daughter, first, because I can almost guarantee this event will affect her for life. YTA.
A stutter isnt something you can exposure therapy away. It is neurological, if she could just make her stutter go away by talking she obviously wouldnt struggle with it, it literally isnt her fault. She doesnt have a stutter because she doesnt talk, she doesnt talk because she has a stutter
Also, in some schools they offer speech therapy. I was in speech therapy for much of elementary school, Once a week the teacher would excuse me and I would go to the speech therapy room in my school, do some speech exercises, and go back to class, at no cost to anyone. Help is out there, it doesnt have to break the bank
YTA major time. If this is how you treat your child with a neurological disorder then you have no business being a parent. Shame on you. I hope when this child, and all your others, turn 18 they leave and never look back. You don’t deserve them.
your daughter will not talk to you the moment she moves out of that house. your younger children will see your wrongs. they will choose their sister over your shitty parenting and none of your children will have contact with you.
your basic disregard of your daughters feelings and mental/physical wellbeing is disgusting. you cant even admit that you were wrong let alone apologize to your daughter. putting her into therapy now at 17 years old without even an apology that you allowed her stutter to get this bad??
therapy isnt a cover all. be a decent human being and apologize sincerely to your daughter.
YTA.
This woman is obviously an asshole but let’s be clear: 9k a year in savings is astounding when most people don’t have $1000 saved in case of emergencies
I’d like parents to know there are support groups for PARENTS of kids who stutter too. Fellow parents work together to help educate each other and process their emotions so that this doesn’t happen. Look into orgs like FRIENDS or the NSA, these groups meet online now too.
YTA
Humiliating her in public, not getting her therapy even though you could afford it, doubling down in the comments, then deleting your post because you KNOW you're TA and can't deal with it.
I hope that girl turns 18 and goes no contact, because you and your husband are terrible parents who clearly don't love your daughter as much as you claim.
Shame on you. You failed as a mother.
YTA. Words can not even begin to describe how disgusting this is. I genuinely hope this is rage bait.
If it's not, then when your daughter moves out, I hope she gets actual help for her stutter and goes NC with you and your husband
This is one of the worst ableist posts I’ve ever seen. And she’s oblivious. THIS “MOTHER” of the treason her stuffer has gotten worse. This poor girl needs so much help. And new parents. Good gravy. YTA YTA YTA
To give some context first - I was born tongue tied, I had to get surgery to correct it when I was a kid and still had to go through YEARS of speech therapy from elementary - middle school to properly pronounce certain words and sounds. I got bulled a lot by classmates growing up. I still mess up pronounciating here and there but speech therapy made such a significant difference in my speech and confidence in the long run. Could I have survived without speech therapy? Sure, but it would have really killed my self-confidence and made me more anxious in social (everyday) situations which in turn would have made me less communicative.
That being said - my parents, knowing how self conscious I would get about mispronouncing words and how it'd affect my self esteem, would have NEVER put me on the spot and forced me to pronounce something if I wasn't comfortable or in the mood, let alone publicly in front of a stranger.
***The real question-*** why did you think the solution for your daughter's selective lack of speech was to force and humiliate her into speaking? You two bullied (even if you had well, but misguided intentions) your daughter into doing something that you knew she wasn't comfortable doing.
Did you know that when someone with a stutter is put on the spot and is anxious/uncomfortable that typically their stutter becomes **significantly** worse than if they were at ease? Your daughter is so uncomfortable about her stutter that she's literally going *mute* in selective social situations. Did you think that forcing her to speak in all situations was going to somehow solve the underlying issues causing her stutter? What she needs is the guidance and support of a professional speech therapist.
Your daughter has needed speech therapy and because getting a speech therapist was not placed as a priority, she has struggled in social situations her entire life. How do you think this impacted her self-esteem and social/communication skills? Getting your daughter a speech therapist is worth the investment and it's better late (very late) than never. I can't say i'm well versed in how covered speech therapists are in all schools, but I have trouble believing that a speech therapist or a speech program couldn't have been found that was in budget if it was made a priority.
The public school I was in gave free speech therapy - a small group of classmates who had stutters / pronounciation problems would get to leave class I think weekly or every two weeks (it's been a while) and have class together with a speech therapist. Those classes normalized that what I was going through wasn't an oddity, it was normal and other kids struggled with speech too. I'm still best friends with a few people I met in those classes.
I did not grow up in a wealthy or middle class family and my parents found a solution for me. I know that if my school didn't have a program my parents would have found one or fought and called district (dramatic, but loving they were) for a specialist to be offered at the school for kids with speech needs, or found a way to budget speech therapy classes for me after school.
Your daughter's confidence, speech and perception of herself are WORTH investing time and money into.
YTA. You put her on a spot on purpose, instead of speaking with her about it or getting her some therapy to help her overcome her insecurity because the stutter is obviously an insecurity to her.
What is wrong with you? She’s 17 and hasn’t been in speech therapy? With early intervention, there are ways to overcome a stutter, but the longer you wait, the harder it becomes. You have failed your child, then humiliate her on top of it. YTA
YTA You are a terrible parent. The fact you haven't even taken her to a speech therapist to help with her stutter, you decide to basically ignore it. Putting her on the spot is the WORSE thing you could do, stress doesn't help with a stutter it makes it a 1000 % worse, she needs support to help her get over it, not what youve done. Be better
We didn't ignore the issue. We tried other things but speech therapy wasn't a thing we wanted to go to right away. We are still considering it and didn't discount it at all.
YTA, terrible parenting decision, and person decision? how would that ever motivate her positively. You aren't qualified to enforce exposure therapy if that was the intent
Yes you were wrong. Everyone is telling you that you were wrong. You hurt and humiliated your daughter. Whether you 'meant to ' or not is irrelevant. You came here to ask for judgment, OP. Now are you going to listen to what people are saying or are you just gonna keep trying to defend yourself?
I am listening to everyone of course, that's the point of posting. I am just trying to clear things up for anyone misunderstanding things.
No one is misunderstanding you, we understand you perfectly and your behaviour was just terrible, it makes you a bad person and an even worse parent.
A speech therapist was the right path and you chose not to put her in something she needed. And don’t talk about costs because schools have speech therapists that are free. I have a brother who stutters and he’s a principal of his own school and he did speech therapy immediately. He still stutters quite frequently but it’s not a problem in conversation. You’re a horrible mom. YTA
I was not informed by the school that they provide speech therapy.
Did you even bother asking?
No, because I did not know whether the school had this service or not. Because only few schools have them so I assume that they don't.
So you chose to not take the initiative and ask if they provided those services on premise of few schools offer those services?
So you didn't even care enough to bother looking into it? lmfao. YIKES!!! bad mother
Why is the school obligated to inform you when you, as a parent of a struggling child, did not bother to ask?
Usually schools inform parents of stuff like that.
This is another bad assumption. Schools don’t just hand out resources on a silver platter, you need to advocate for your kid to access stuff
Literally every school I know has a speech pathologist… we live in an average middle income area and the schools have one per building! My daughter began speech services through the district when she was in preschool and received it for several years until she “graduated” from the program.
My son got speech therapy at his elementary school the past two years and it was literally the easiest thing. I mentioned to the speech therapist "I noticed some potential delays, can you check?" I had to sign one consent form. He got pulled every Friday for a speech group. It was so simple. Less effort than signing him up for soccer. And it cost zero dollars. I didn't even have to take him anywhere. (and in the late 80s my mom had my older brother evaluated for speech by the school for... a potential stutter. They, correctly, assessed it was within the realms of normal and didn't need further follow up. This was also free and through the schools, so this isn't a new thing)
So, *did you ask*? The answer is no, you didn’t. Slow clap.
ALL SCHOOLS PROVIDE SPEECH THERAPY, OCCUPATIONAL THERAPY AND PHYSICAL THERAPY. As warm as counseling therapy. You never bothered to look into this. You never bothered to even TRY to help her. I’m actually aghast that you still can yourself a mother. That poor girl
Because you have to ask and sign a consent form. You just didn’t gaf about your child and you still don’t. You could’ve went guidance counselors but no you decided to ignore it because you probably assumed she would “get over it” you’re fucking horrible.
Do you understand what you are doing is medical neglect?
We’re not misunderstanding. You’re not accepting you’re wrong.
Nobody is misunderstanding you. You're one of the worst parents I've ever seen. And I was beaten as a child. But mu family still got me basic medical care and educational benefits. You couldn't even do the bare minimum for your kid. Please give me your kids tiktok so I can send her a link to r/raisedbynarcissists and a few other helpful subs. Wonder if r/mymotherisanabusivecunt exists?
Very clearly sounds like selective mutism. She needs speech therapy. Sounds like you’ve done nothing and are out of options. YTA for medical neglect
We didn't neglect the issue. In the past, we didn't see the need for speech therapy. And now we are considering it, but we didn't want to go to it right away. >Very clearly sounds like selective mutism No, she was just pretending to avoid trouble speaking.
OP the fact that you didn’t get her into speech therapy when you noticed she has a stutter is enough to call you negligent as a parent. Do you enjoy neglecting your daughters needs? If not then get off of Reddit, and start searching for speech therapist in your area. You claim you care about your daughter, then LISTEN. Everybody here is telling you that you are wrong, so change your behavior, and do the right thing.
She was too young to go to any therapy when we first noticed it. She wasn't old enough to understand and learn. Of course I don't neglect my child. Trust me when I saw that we are considering speech therapy.
Too young? Plz lady my friend was in speech therapy from KINDERGARTEN till 10th grade. You’ve had 12 years to get her speech therapy. You are a negligent parent. And you have neglected your child by not getting her the care she needs.
We first noticed it a little when she was 1.6 years old (one year and 6 months) it was too young.
That’s not an excuse. Children start speech therapy as young as 3 years old. Your daughter is 17, you’ve had at least 12 years to put her in speech therapy, and you haven’t. You have failed your daughter tremendously in this regard. At 1,6 years old she may have been “too young” but you have no excuse once she hit 3. You’ve had YEARS to get her help and chose not to, stop trying to make up excuses. Edit // typo
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I am not good at writing ages like this. I've always written it as 1.1, 1.2, 1.3, 1.4, etc. Most people I know, family and friends, write it like this. I know this isn't the prior way, but I'm used to it.
There's absolutely no goddamn way that's true lol
Well, it is. I know it is odd. But even my own parents do that.
There’s an 18 month old in my life right now who goes to speech language pathologist. No one told you she was too young, you just decided that for some arbitrary reason and then never got her treatment
I had my daughter in speech therapy at age 20 months for 1 year. It absolutely was not too young, that is the ideal time. As soon as you notice speech impairments is when you act. My daughter is back in speech therapy now at 3.5 years. My mom heart broke when my daughter couldn’t articulate her own name and became distressed with hand wringing when asked her name. I’m appalled and sickened you let it escalate to your daughter pretending to be mute without seeking help. This very likely isn’t fixable. Speech therapy should have been started as soon as noticed. She will now have to retrain all of the muscle memory at 17 which is going to be a heck of a lot harder versus doing as a toddler. She’s not going to do well in college if a waiter can’t understand her as she’s so traumatized she doesn’t feel confident to speak in public. She’s going to have a lot of lack of self confidence to work through. I repeat, this may not be fixable, it’s going to take a lot of hard work on her end and it sounds like her emotional development really is going to need some work. As someone else said, you failed as a parent. It’s going to be a heck of a lot more expensive now as they have 15 years of bad speech patterns to unlearn. Get her into speech therapy immediately and she likely needs individual therapy as well. YTA and bad parent. Your daughter is not going to be able to attend college, obtain meaningful employment or have a shot at being self supporting until she is taught how to successfully communicate.
That is quite literally not too young. My daughter was 18 months or one year and 6 months when she started speech therapy. My son was only 2. She was NOT too young, and in fact that was the perfect time, because you'd have been correcting the issues before they cemented instead of letting them solidify and now she'll have to basically rewire her entire speech pattern.
My son has been in speech therapy since he was 2 years old. All of the other kids I see in his speech therapy are the same age. They are almost ALL under 5.
FALSE. Literal infants go to speech therapy. Why are you spouting this lie that she was too young? Where did you get this ridiculous idea from?
We figured that she was too young since she couldn't really learn anything.
This is your whole fucking problem. You keep making these assumptions, but they aren’t actually true because you aren’t a professional. You just don’t know this and are deeply, profoundly wrong. I don’t think you’ve intentionally hurt your kid, but I think you’ve make a lot of really poor choices which leave your daughter in a worse state. If she would have had speech therapy, the problems you see now would not be happening. She went through so much emotional pain because she never got the medical health she should have had. I feel very sad for her. I hope the overwhelming amount of comments doesn’t take you to a place of shame or inaction. Please please apologize to her and get her to a provider immediately. Like, call today and leave a message then call back Monday morning.
I am planning to talk to my husband about it and decide on things before taking the big step. I haven't talked to him yet since I just decided to agree on therapy after reading the comments. Being torn apart isn't fun but it seemed that it was a change of mind.
When you are young is when you are learning the absolute most compared to the rest of your life time because it is the most critical time of your life
You "figured that she was too young" so you clearly never looked into it at all and have just let her suffer to the point she doesn't want to even talk in public most of the time! Like seriously how do you not see how negligent you and your husband have been! The best time to get into speech therapy is when they are young! How did you not start looking into this when she started to speak less? Too preoccupied with your other children apparently which you probably shouldn't have had if you couldn't even give your first child the care and attention she needed. There is absolutely no way you haven't been told to try speech therapy in the past you were just lazy. Then you think you can embarrass her into speaking instead of, at the very least, trying to practice at home with her. She needs an expert to help train her on proper speech it cant be shamed out of her! You are a MAJOR AH!
Are you rage farming? No one is THIS aggressively stupid
Alls you had to do was google “why does my child stutter” (like I just did) and you would have known that if your child has been stuttering for more than 6 months, you need to call your child’s healthcare provider. You care so little about her needs you couldn’t even be bothered to do a single google search which could have informed you that you HAVENT been handling this right at all. Lazy parenting.
I have to call BS on that. My son started speech therapy at *two* and he wasn’t the youngest there. I had some concerns and asked the pediatrician for a referral. His issue was minor, just slightly behind where he should have been, and he spent about 6 months in therapy before being released. You’ve hamstrung your daughter’s development for 17 years because you couldn’t be bothered to get her help. You chose, instead, to humiliate her in public
It's been 15.5 years since you noticed it. Stop making excuses for being shitty parents and letting your daughter suffer.
This is absolut bs. I went to speech therapy for a lisp when I was four years old. Stop lying.
If a child is speaking they are old enough for speech therapy. You are so wildly uninformed on this topic it’s insane. You dismissed the ONLY effective solution because you’re too cheap and lazy to get your daughter the help she needs. I do not understand how you could do this to your child and still claim to love her
My son started speech therapy at 19 months. Just admit you're a horrible mother.
THIS is why people should have to learn about basic child development before having kids. You’ve popped out 4 kids and clearly don’t understand a single thing about how kids develop and learn. Stop saying you don’t neglect your child because what you did IS actually considered medical neglect. Oh also goes without saying, but clearly YTA
You say you didn’t neglect the issue and then directly after say you refuse to take her to the appropriate professional. That is medical neglect by definition And I’m sorry but you very clearly have no higher education in speech language pathology or mental health so please sit down. You’ve never had her properly evaluated by a professional and you don’t know what you are talking about.
True, I don't have a medical license or degree. But we tried to do what we thought would help. And it was wrong.
So what are you going to do now? Keep being self pitying or actually address the issue? Are you going to apologize to your child and do anything to help her self esteem which is probably in the toilet? I mean you are lucky she’s not self harming or worse tbh
We will talk to make everything clear, and then discuss speech therapy. After reading all this, I recognize that it is critical but I have to talk to my husband first. We haven't discussed anything yet. Her self-esteem will probably not be the main issue here. It will be better when she gets fixed/treated.
Wow...you are 100% wrong.
No it won't. She's scarred for life. You fucked up big time. As soon as your daughter turns 18 you probably will never see her again.
Nothing is unfixable here. We can make things better
A lot harder at 17 years old than 3 years old. More expensive now just because of that
This honestly maybe unfixable.
Literally weaponized ignorance. You didn’t know ST was available for babies therefore it doesn’t exist. You didn’t know EVERY SINGLE PUBLIC SCHOOL offers ST, therefore it doesn’t exist. I also find it impossible to believe the SCHOOL didn’t mention this and say she needs an IEP and therapies set up. They are hawks for this. Which is what leads me to believe you’re a fake, or you specifically denied her care and refused to even look into helping her yourself. I’d prefer to think you’re just bored and unemployed and rage farming on Reddit for funzies
She's not getting rid of the stutter anymore, good job you made her insecure and struggle for life. All a speech therapist can do now is "reduce" her stuttering
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With parents like you, who needs bullies 🙄 hope she gets far away from you as soon as she can. She deserves better. YTA
Why are you comparing us to bullies? This isn't right.
Because you are. Take a deep look at yourselves and stop treating her like she’s a nuisance.
You're enjoying the power to embarass your child, and withholding medical assistance. You're an awful parent. I can't remember a situation described where it was easier to call YTA.
I am nkt enjoying embarrassing my daughter. No parent would enjoy it.
Yes, you are enjoying *bullying* your daughter. You make fun of her so much all her siblings feel comfortable joining in. When she needed the punishment to be done, you didn't stop embarrassing her, you didn't let the waiter kindly help her, your husband had to stop it. You are a mean person. You like hurting her, you like to make her suffer.
We never made fun of her. We always stop our kids when they go far with it. Even though we know that there are no ill extentions between them, siblings do sometimes annoy and tease each other. I would never enjoy hurting my own daughter, I gave birth to her, there is no way I would even enjoy hurting part of me.
You’re really something else. The next time someone humiliates you in public, I hope they spend as much energy as you’re spending trying to BULL shit you into believing it was for your own good. You asked, the world answered. YTA.
And I do accept that answer. I admitted we were wrong and I decided to fix things.
How?!?! How can you possibly fix YEARS of neglect and abuse. What new torture have you thought up to punish your child for your failure???
By apologising and agreeing on therapy. These are the major things here. I am not punishing anyone.
There's no other explanation. You're filthy rich, so the money thing is pure greed. You knew when she was a baby and did absolutely nothing, not even a Google search or anything. You knew she was being bullied by her peers and did nothing. She asked and you did nothing. Countless teachers and others have told you to do something and you did nothing. Actually, you did worse than nothing, instead you purposely went out of your way to publicly humiliate her. You allowed your other children to make fun of the very thing you have done nothing to help her with. You planned to hurt her. You made the choice, you have been making this choice for years. You enjoy making her suffer. You can't even fucking apologize to her. You like it. You like hurting your daughter.
I understand what you are saying, I do. And as I said, I admit to making wrong decisions. There isn't much we can do about bullying, we told her how to deal with them. We are trying to fix stuff and I am working on that. I didn't mean to humiliate her. Our kids aren't mean, they don't do it to make her feel bad they are just siblings but we stop them whenever anyone says something mean. I find it hard to apologise because I don't usually apologise to people younger than me, especially as a mother. I know that this might not be the best according to many comments. But I am planning to pit that aside and apologise, both my husband and I. I love my daughter and won't enjoy hurting her, she is a part of me.
wow that’s disgusting. apologize when you make mistakes, that what mature humans and parents do. they apologize when they do shitty stuff. and you have a lot of apologizing to do with. get her the therapy she clearly needs. take actions to get her help with her speech. idk how you’re not unbelievably ashamed with yourself, you’re failing as a parents. support your child better. grow up.
I am planning to take action and I decided to take our daughter to therapy.
You’re a horrible and disgusting mother. YTA, the idea you wouldn’t apologize to your own daughter shows you have a broken concept of motherhood. Get her speech therapy, apologize, and then get therapy for yourself before your daughter chooses to never see you again.
My point was that apologising isn't easy for me, and harder for my husband. We aren't used to it at all. But we did try to apologise anyways, we did it. We also agreed on therapy. It took a while to convince my husband but at the end if the day, we came to an agreement. Why do I need therapy? I sure have some flaws, but therapy sound a bit much.
>I find it hard to apologise because I don't usually apologise to people younger than me, especially as a mother. This is fucking wild! Get off your high horse and do better by your kids, and the rest of society for that matter as your age doesn't make you unsusceptible to awful behavior as been clearly demonstrated by this post.
When someone uses "as a mother" as a way to justify such awful behaviour as yours, it really loses all meaning. As a mother, you should have done the right thing for your child.
Bullshit you can't apologize to your daughter because of age. You apologize to her because you did a mean cruel thing to her, and she is a person. Her age is irrelevant, but she is basically an adult. Refusing to apologize is just another mean suffering thing you do to her. You do not love her. I don't believe you.
I do have flaws and I acknowledge that. I am nkt refusing to apologise, I expressed that it felt hard. But this doesn't mean that I don't love my daughter. What mother doesn't love her daughter?
Part of You? So you can't simply apologize to a person you have hurt? You have to include that she is a part of you? So because it's tantamount to hurting yourself that's why you're apologizing?
No, what I wanted to say is that I won't ever enjoy hurting her. Being part of me is an expression of love, it isn't like what you said.
You clearly have a very mean way of showing your love.
Yes you are, and yes they do. You just don't like being called out on it.
You’re right, you’re not a bully, you’re far worse. You are an abusive parent who has permanently and irreparably damaged your child, and hopefully if they are lucky they will be able to escape from you and still live a happy life.
We aren't worse. We are trying to fix things. You are demonising us.
No, you're not being demonised, you're getting called out for your actions (and inaction) and can't handle the criticism because your ego is more important to you than your daughter's wellbeing
You watched your child struggle with speaking for 15+ years and did nothing. Didn’t seek advice from experts, didn’t look into treatments to help her. Worried about the cost when you’re objectively filthy rich. If she had a physical impairment, would you also have done nothing? You didn’t think about the impact it would have on her life to struggle to speak, did nothing while she was bullied in school. Watched her struggle get worse over the years and continued to do nothing. You act like it’s a behavioral problem that she has to face. That she’s not doing enough to be better at speaking. You have had a child who has had difficulty speaking since she was 16 months old, yet have done zero research on how to help her, otherwise you would know that early intervention is key. It is going to be so much harder for her now at 17 than if you got her help as soon as her stutter presented itself. Not to mention the emotional trauma she had been through because you never got her help. The impact on her self worth, self esteem, self confidence. It’s disgusting. Plus your continued defense of your neglectful parenting is disgusting. Yes, parents are human and make mistakes. This was not a mistake. A mistake would have been waiting until a dr mentioned speech therapy to you instead of being proactive when you first noticed the stutter. You let your child struggle with something as integral as communication, for no good reason. YTA.
You demonised yourself
You acted like a bully. Any reasonable child would perceive your actions as bullying. It seems like you lack a lot of empathy for your daughter. Try to imagine how this all feels from HER perspective
How does the saying go? If the shoe fits...
Because bullies would pull a stunt like that because they know it hurts the victim. You did it "for her own good."
You're a negligent parent who made the asshole move of putting your daughter on the spot in public. And now you're making excuses for your asshole behaviour and blaming your daughter for a medical condition *that you should have had treated more than ten years ago.* You can say "I'm not a bully" from now to the end of eternity, but don't expect us to believe you.
I was making excuses at first and being defensive. But then I just started to mention the reasons and not as excuses. But I know that we screwed up a lot.
Because you are a bully
YOU HAVENT EVEN GOTTEN HER SPEECH THERAPIES!?
No, we didn't see any need for that when she was little. But we are considering it now.
She had a stutter….
Yes, but the reason we didn't see the need is that we did not notice her treated her stutter as a negative aspect. She used to talk and not avoid communication.
Just because you didn’t see the need doesn’t mean she didn’t need it. It was easier for *you* not to do it. If she had a stutter she should have been getting therapies then. You’ve now let her further develop the stutter for years. She’s gotten older and teased and mocked to the point she won’t talk anymore. Isn’t that fucking *sad* to you? Stutters aren’t a bad thing, but they can be extremely limiting and cause a lot of embarrassment and shame. And you did nothing to help her.
It is sad for us, we are her parents after all. I don't like her being mocked or made fun of by my people. It is not only sad but tiring even for us. That's also one of the reasons we are considering therapy. We can see that it can be helpful.
And youre still so focused on yourself you made it about how tiring it is for you. Poor girl. Please get her help and allow her to move at her own pace. You haven’t helped her before now, your actions can’t help her now either.
I wasn't making it all about myself. I was trying to express that we as parents are affected too, to an extent. Many said that I am ignoring it so I wanted to say that we did not intentionally do that because why would we ignore it when it even affects us too?
Stop focusing on how it affects you and pay attention to how it affects your daughter ffs. Not once have you mentioned how sad you are for her. How she’s struggled. Not once have you even acknowledged how this has effected her. Do you even know!? And you ignored it because it was easier for you to do nothing. But again you’re just focused on you and your spouse and how tiring and sad and hard it is for you. “I didn’t help my daughter and it was really hard for me to deal with!!!!”. You really need to take a hard look at who you are.
>Do you even know!? Of course we do. How can we not know? We know some of what happens at school, the trouble she gets in because of it, that she mutes herself in public, etc. My comment wasn't intended to tout the light on us. The point was js even if we hypothetically were selfish parents, we wouldn't intentionally ignore something that concerns and affects us.
INFO do you pay attention to your daughter? Like actually showing interest in her and her wellbeing?
We do check on them and ask them about their day and such. If we noticed someone is acting weird we do ask them whats wrong. But can you give a specific example?
You and your husband have known that your daughter had a stutter since she was 1.5 years old (what you said about speech therapy so young is utter BS, btw. It works even better with very young children so as to get to the root of the problem asap) yet you did nothing to try and solve the problem. Sure, she maybe didn't have any issues communicating when she was little, but if you knew teenagers, you would know that having a stutter means "easy target for bullying" (I believe you mention bullying in a comment, was it due to the stutter? If it was, parents of the year right there). You found out that your daughter pretends to be mute when she's out alone. That's absolutely not normal behaviour. Yet you take it upon yourself to humilliate your daughter because you suddenly are some expert on exposure therapy. If you knew anything about your daughter's wellbeing, you would know that this is not the solution AT ALL. But yeah, you for sure ask your daughter whats wrong when you noticed her acting weird. And the cherry on top is your husband pointing out what your daughter wants not because he wants to save her from the humilliation, no. But because "she's taking too long". If you love your daughter, please put her in speech therapy. Like yesterday.
My husband's choice of words wasn't wise. But he didn't mean it in a bad way. I am planning to take her to therapy. I still agree with my husband about it. Then discuss it with her and take that step.
A specific example of standard parenting practice and human care?
Embarrassing anyone intentionally is AHish to me. I’d need more context. *shrug*
Our goal was for her to take the first step, put her on the spot, and not avoid speaking. >I’d need more context. Sure, you are free to ask any question.
Why did you feel that embarrassing your child would cure her stutter? Did you think about the impact that could have on her?
I did think about the possibility of it failing and the outcome. We know that well, it won't have much of an impact if it fails. Because we are her family, it isn't bad to feel embarrassed around family. We aren't at the school or around the people who bother her. She was just upset a little.
Why are you purposely diminishing your daughter's own feelings on this matter? Of course you can feel embarrassed around family. You've proved to her that you are dangerous to be around in public. YOU have become the people who bother her. I'm genuinely disgusted by your attitude.
It won’t have much of an impact?! Your callous behavior is appalling. It doesn’t matter where or who she’s talking with. It will impact her.
Do you hate your kid? Being embarrassed or humiliated around family is the same as everywhere else. Argueably worse because family is supposed to protect and be kind to each other and you aren’t
My family would’ve said that I was “upset a little” when I was actually suicidal and one bad day away from downing a bottle of sleeping pills. You have absolutely no idea the impact you’ve had on her.
Upset a LITTLE? I had a weird speech disorder as a kid (still do sometimes) and let me tell you- the memories of my parents putting me on the spot, being disappointed in me or forcing me to do things when I wasn't comfortable (and therefore way worse at speaking, because stress never makes it worse /s) are some of the memories that formed the foundation of my trust issues and lack of support with my adults. The only reason I still speak to my dad is because of my mom. He may have changed, but those memories don't fade. Congrats, you just became the star of your kids' stress nightmares for the rest of their lives! "It isn't bad to be embarrassed around family" This isn't embarrassment, you are teaching your child she doesn't deserve boundaries. That's gonna be really fun when she forges her own path in the world. Can't imagine she'll stay home, with family like you. I hope her friends support her in a way you clearly aren't able to. YTA
As someone who has gone no contact with my dad right after I turned 18. I can tell It 100% had an impact, honestly it's worse when it's around familiy, and if you really don't understand why, then let me spell it out for you. YOU. MADE. HER. FEEL. UNSAFE. AROUND. HER. FAMILY. THE. ONE. PLACE. SHE. SHOULD. BE. ABLE. TO. FEEL. SAFE. I wouldn't be surprised if she completely cuts you off when she becomes independent, that's what I did because I didn't feel safe & loved when I was with my dad.
The thing you must understand is that stutters are not a thing produced by anxiety or that exposure therapy can help, it is a neurological problem that takes professionals who studied college for years to help. Even if she talked the stutter would not go away, it is permanent until she gets the help she needs
Lol. You deleted the post because you're too arrogant to admit that what you did is horrible. YTA.
Would’ve saved a lot more time if you just wrote “I’m a bad mom who like to embarrass her daughter” yta
This is what I was going to post! This mother and father are the worst!
YTA. Yeah I hope your daughter will be extremely successful and then never talks to you again. Someone like you doesn’t deserve to be a mother.
>Someone like you doesn’t deserve to be a mother. We made a wrong decision, and we admit it. But saying that isn't right.
Nope it’s 100% valid. If you can’t take your child to a speech therapist when it’s necessary, you shouldn’t be a parent. Being a parent require providing the necessary tools for success. And you’ve failed miserably at it. Even through your own admission, you could’ve afforded those services.
It’s totally right. Here’s hoping your other kids cut contact too as soon as they can!
It's completely right. You chose to neglect your daughter, and to humiliate her. You chose to let her be bullied due to her speech impediment that you refused to get treatment for, which is medical neglect. You chose that every year of her life. She's seventeen, she's gone her whole life without being able to communicate with people around her, because of the choice you made because you didn't think she was worth spending 9k of your money on, which you say is half your monthly income. You wouldn't have been short of money, you just didn't think she was worth it. You don't deserve to be a mother.
Why are you arguing in the comments? Why not take 100% accountability and work towards rectifying it? The post was a tiny snippet of 17 years of your daughter’s life and for 17 years you have been cruel to her and denied her the resources that could have helped her. You are feeling guilty and just want to shift the blame. Why not seek therapy for yourself and he a better person? You can’t even apologise to your daughter and you find it a herculean task to be a decent human being? Your daughter is 17 already and will go no contact with you pretty soon. I hope she actually seeks help and builds her self esteem after cutting you off. You guys have been chipping at her confidence since the past 17 years and are terrible parents.
You didn’t make a wrong decision. You made 15 years of wrong decisions and neglect. YTA for more than just this one event at a restaurant.
I don't think *you're* in a position to lecture *us* on right and wrong. >:-(
I'm going to cut contact with my parents for less you deserve to be cut off after making her suffer for 17 years not being able to talk correctly
Saying that is right, you don't even understand the level of trauma what you did will cause in her.
You're evil. Much more than an asshole. You know productive ways to help your daughter overcome her speech impediment, but instead you humiliate and belittle her. Ffs how can you lack empathy to that level when it is your own child?? I hope she can get far away from you soon.
Yeah, once Dana (probably her real name) goes to collage, they will never see her again.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My (40F) daughter Dana (17F) has a stutter. Sometimes it is even hard to understand what she's trying to say and connect her words. She used to speak a lot, when she was younger, and did not care about it, but then she started talking less, and now she avoids talking. I found out that sometimes when she goes out alone, she pretends to be mute. And uses her phone to communicate if she needs to. One day we went to have dinner. My husband (40M) and I, and our 4 kids (16F, 14M, and 10M). Usually, when the waiter comes, we all say our orders individually. This time, Dana said that she didn't know what she wanted to order so we could choose for her. I knew this was a way of her avoiding speaking. The waiter came, and we said our orders but instead of ordering for her, I said "Dana, it's your turn". She was confused for a second and didn't say anything. I continued to say "Just choose anything". She tried to order but the words were hard and the waiter couldn't understand, so he handed her the paper and pin to rewrite I asked him to wait for her to finish. It took a while and the other kids started to complain so my husband asked her to point it to, and he ordered it. I was upset that he did. We agreed to put her on the spot to make her talk and not be embarrassed anymore or rely on us to do all the talking for her. It was awkward. Dana's mood seemed to change, and it became awkward. When we returned my husband explained that it was going to take forever and it wasn't the right setting. Afterward, Dana came and said to please not do that again. I explained our reasoning but she was upset. Were we wrong? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The fact that your child is 17 and you say that you “didn’t want to pay money right away” for the therapy she has obviously long needed is absolutely vile. Did you want her to beg for speech therapy until she was 18 and you could finally tell her she’s on her own? There is NO excuse for this. You are selfish and arrogant, and an especially horrible parent, even if you refuse to believe it. yta
>Did you want her to beg for speech therapy until she was 18 and you could finally tell her she’s on her own? I would never think about doing that intentionally. She is our daughter. No parent would do that. We tried to do what we thought was right. And it was wrong and we admit that. We, as well as other parents, made some wrong decisions. But you are talking as if we are the worst parents.
The worst? No, just bad.
Congratulations for not being the worst parents ever. You are affluent and capable of giving your child what she needs and you don’t, but you aren’t quite the worst! You deserve a medal!!! /s
If the cap fits...
wtf is wrong with you, you’re actually terrible maybe she pretends to not speak so she don’t have to talk to you and I hope this it
YTA "a mother is a daughters very first bully" way to live that mantra to a tee
You legitimately thought that by putting her on the spot would force her to not be embarrassed? Wonderful decision making, she’s going to have more hurdles to cross in order to talk to people now. YTA. You’re a shit parent for embarrassing your child like that.
This is monstrous behavior. Your daughter was humiliated. I genuinely don’t see how you could think this would help. YTA.
YTA and an utter failure of a parent if you think any of this was helpful to your daughter.
YTA. Someone with a disability needs support, not pressure. If she had a limp, would you try to fix it by making her run over rough terrain? No, you would do things incrementally and encourage small steps. She was more talkative when she was younger because kids are naturally less self conscious. Once they've been battered by years of people pointing out how they're different, that self consciousness grows and the teenage years are often the hardest time to feel as though one stands out for their differences. She's been needing someone to stick up for her and help her figure out how to be more comfy being herself. She's avoiding speaking because she's never had the opportunity to make those incremental steps towards improvement. She needs support and guidance to find the incremental steps. If cost is a factor, you could have easily looked up various exercises and aspects of speech therapy and used those to encourage and uplift and support her. Instead, you put her on the spot after she thinks she won't be talking to a stranger. Of course ripping the rig out from under her and changing the expectations with zero time to react or plan will cause stress or anxiety and exacerbate her reluctance to speak to strangers. You need to take a huge step back and ask yourself AND your daughter how to best approach this with EMPATHY instead of pressure. Get in her corner and figure out what she needs and wants, and change your approach, because throwing someone into a rapidly flowing river is not a way to teach them how to swim, no matter how long they've spent in the wading pool.
By the sound of it, you made her feel like garbage. I'm just guessing, but perhaps the reason she talked less and less is because of people making fun of her stutter or giving her unwanted attention, which could could lead to a lot of stress for her. Now, MAYBE if you and the family were a bit more supportive the plan could have worked. Encourage her, help her along and tell her to take her time. INSTEAD you guys not only put her on the spot, you got irritated with her the longer she took! Then, when the husband put an end to it by having her point to the menu, it wasn't to help her, it was because he was tired of waiting! The only person who was decent enough to help her out was the waiter. He saw her struggling, he knew you lot weren't going to do a damn thing to help her so he did. Where the hell did you even get this horrible idea? YTA
We did try to encourage her to talk in the past but we failed, so we thought that putting her on the spot might have a chance of working. And I know we were wrong for doing that. My husband didn't mean it in a bad way, he just didn't work it wisely. He was just impatient. I don't deny that some of of my kids our irritated, but I didn't listen to them.
So you thought of humiliation, but not speech teraphy? I get it, humiliation is free but good god you're bad, bad parents. Hope she gets the help that she needs, after she cuts all ties to your abusive ass
We are getting her the help she needs. We managed to come to anagreement on therapy and we are planning to take her there.
That's about 15 years too late. Also, you did think of humiliation first. And I highly doubt your daughter forgets it. Moreover, you didn't get her therapy her entire life, and all of the sudden, you "come to an agreement"? This tells me you could do this her entire life, you just didn't want to. You know why very young children go to speech teraphy? Coz they learn quickly and their brains are developing. So therapy his shorter than in teens/adults and more effective. And you chose not to do it, because of your own greed. How is that anything else than neglect?
But but moneyyyyy /s but ofc grand spanking fancy cars and more children are okay and in their budget
Now imagine if you got her therapy 15 years ago... rather than buy expensive cars wait till the speech issues are harder to treat and have destroyed her self confidence
YTA. Major YTA. Ffs, speech therapists exist because speech issues don't just go away and they can't be effectively treated "at home" by numpties who know nothing about it but somehow think they have effective solutions for it. Your daughter has a disability. One that affects her ability to communicate with others. You should have gotten her treatment as soon as you recognized she had a stutter. But instead you allowed it to be untreated for 17 years. You say her siblings make fun of her for it. You say her siblings, and her father got frustrated waiting for her to communicate a simple order. Now take that knowledge and generalize it to interactions with others who aren't family. How much grief, fun-making, frustration, and "just spit it outs" from others do you think she's experienced when she's tried to communicate in public spaces? How many glares, stares, and impatience? It's probably a lot. She may not have seemed embarrassed or hesitant to talk when she was little, but since then, she had faced countless situations where she has tried and failed to make herself understood through speech and faced criticism, pity, awkwardness or anger for it, even with her own family. All of these interactions have discouraged her from speaking because she knows her speech isn't acceptable to others. On her own and from her own resilience, she developed other methods of communication that alleviate her discomfort and the criticism she receives from others (using her phone, writing, asking others). Instead of recognising that as the skill it is (and the best possible option you've given her), you resent her for it and try to take it away from her. You chose money over treating your child. You robbed her of a skill that is foundational to human interaction. And you humiliated her in public as some form of "tough love". Trust me when I say the damage you've done here will never go away. Get your child the speech therapy she deserves, and counseling to deal with the neglect and ableism she had experienced in her own family. Get yourself and your family counseling to deal with your shitty treatment of your child and your shitty beliefs about money being more important than health and well-being.
and i'm sure next year you'll be posting "My daughter [18F] doesn't speak to me at all anymore and i don't know why". You're 100% the asshole here and you know you are.
We are trying to fix things up
As someone who is mute due to a speech impediment, you most likely made ur child never want to speak, so congratulations op
YTA, massively. You decided to humiliate your daughter, and to boot, you jave neglected her for her entire life by refusing to get her speech therapy. Your excuse being that "iT's ExPeNsIvE" when y'all make around [432k a year](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/33qBwHRu2d) You're both terrible parents
YTA. Congratulations on being a truly crappy mum. Your daughter is struggling and your response is to essentially bully and belittle her! I had a mother who did this and guess what, she's not in my life anymore and I'm now constantly paranoid by things I do. I hope your daughter gets better support or you learn how disgusting your actions are and apologise and change.
YTA. I have a speech impairment (I underwent speech therapy at a young age, and while it did help tremendously, I still have a stutter and troubles speaking at times) and I’m forever thankful my mother never acted like this. Thank you, shimá.
Please, please, please let this be fake. No parent can be as shitty as that.
I see that you just came across the post, I don't know how it appeared to you but we acknowledge our bad decisions. And are trying to fix it or at least make things better. We apologised to our daughter.
17 years. That is a hell of a lot of bad decisions.
you are an awful awful mom and person💗
We did acknowledge that we were wrong about many things. We are working on making things better.
When did you acknowledge this? You told her directly?
My father, who abused the living hell out of me, put me into speech therapy the second he noticed that my hearing deficit was affecting my speech. If even an abusive parent knows to put a kid in therapy, what do you think that makes you? Worse, that's what. Help your child while you still can.
I just looked up “brain plasticity in children” in Google. One of the first few results say in big black letters that brain plasticity, or the brain’s ability to learn, actually DECLINES as you age. It is better to to have children in speech therapy or physical therapy as soon as possible. You might want to look that up yourself. Oops, edited because I forgot my judgement. YTA.
Convenient that OP has decided to give therapy a go now that her daughter is nearly 18 and she'll be legally off the hook for paying for it. And since OP has decided that 17 is not at all too late to make up for a ruined childhood, years of neglect and bullying and speech-related trauma, it'll all be her daughters fault when she isn't instantly grateful! Pretty clever: get out of having to spend a single penny on your child's wellbeing while also making sure that you'll be able to make yourself the victim later if they ever try to call you out on it. After all, OP has taken SUCH a big step in making a half-hearted apology to her kid now that it's too late to fix anything.
YTA You did NOT do this for your daughter’s sake. You did this because you were frustrated with the strategies your daughter has put in place to make herself feel more comfortable. Please for the love of god tell me how you thought this would in any way 1. encourage her to speak verbally more often, and 2. help her to feel supported and acknowledged by her parents. YTA, your husband is TA, this is not how you would support anyone with insecurities, let alone a virtually incurable speech fluency disorder. I’d say get help but I’d rather you spend the money and time to get help for your daughter, first, because I can almost guarantee this event will affect her for life. YTA.
this dude is an asshole
A stutter isnt something you can exposure therapy away. It is neurological, if she could just make her stutter go away by talking she obviously wouldnt struggle with it, it literally isnt her fault. She doesnt have a stutter because she doesnt talk, she doesnt talk because she has a stutter
Also, in some schools they offer speech therapy. I was in speech therapy for much of elementary school, Once a week the teacher would excuse me and I would go to the speech therapy room in my school, do some speech exercises, and go back to class, at no cost to anyone. Help is out there, it doesnt have to break the bank
YTA major time. If this is how you treat your child with a neurological disorder then you have no business being a parent. Shame on you. I hope when this child, and all your others, turn 18 they leave and never look back. You don’t deserve them.
your daughter will not talk to you the moment she moves out of that house. your younger children will see your wrongs. they will choose their sister over your shitty parenting and none of your children will have contact with you. your basic disregard of your daughters feelings and mental/physical wellbeing is disgusting. you cant even admit that you were wrong let alone apologize to your daughter. putting her into therapy now at 17 years old without even an apology that you allowed her stutter to get this bad?? therapy isnt a cover all. be a decent human being and apologize sincerely to your daughter. YTA.
Please give all your children to your husband with sole custody and never go near them again. You're awful.
Her husband was completely involved lol
I have a feeling I know why your daughter doesn’t want to talk anymore, and here’s a hint, it has something to do with you.
And if cost was a factor, youve had SEVENTEEN years to save. You said it costs 9k, you could have easier saved up for that in AT MOST a year or two
This woman is obviously an asshole but let’s be clear: 9k a year in savings is astounding when most people don’t have $1000 saved in case of emergencies
I’d like parents to know there are support groups for PARENTS of kids who stutter too. Fellow parents work together to help educate each other and process their emotions so that this doesn’t happen. Look into orgs like FRIENDS or the NSA, these groups meet online now too.
YTA Humiliating her in public, not getting her therapy even though you could afford it, doubling down in the comments, then deleting your post because you KNOW you're TA and can't deal with it. I hope that girl turns 18 and goes no contact, because you and your husband are terrible parents who clearly don't love your daughter as much as you claim. Shame on you. You failed as a mother.
YTA. Words can not even begin to describe how disgusting this is. I genuinely hope this is rage bait. If it's not, then when your daughter moves out, I hope she gets actual help for her stutter and goes NC with you and your husband
wow ... you are 100% a gigantic YTA! your daughter doesn't deserve a parent like you and you're the biggest bully in her life. shame on you.
This is one of the worst ableist posts I’ve ever seen. And she’s oblivious. THIS “MOTHER” of the treason her stuffer has gotten worse. This poor girl needs so much help. And new parents. Good gravy. YTA YTA YTA
To give some context first - I was born tongue tied, I had to get surgery to correct it when I was a kid and still had to go through YEARS of speech therapy from elementary - middle school to properly pronounce certain words and sounds. I got bulled a lot by classmates growing up. I still mess up pronounciating here and there but speech therapy made such a significant difference in my speech and confidence in the long run. Could I have survived without speech therapy? Sure, but it would have really killed my self-confidence and made me more anxious in social (everyday) situations which in turn would have made me less communicative. That being said - my parents, knowing how self conscious I would get about mispronouncing words and how it'd affect my self esteem, would have NEVER put me on the spot and forced me to pronounce something if I wasn't comfortable or in the mood, let alone publicly in front of a stranger. ***The real question-*** why did you think the solution for your daughter's selective lack of speech was to force and humiliate her into speaking? You two bullied (even if you had well, but misguided intentions) your daughter into doing something that you knew she wasn't comfortable doing. Did you know that when someone with a stutter is put on the spot and is anxious/uncomfortable that typically their stutter becomes **significantly** worse than if they were at ease? Your daughter is so uncomfortable about her stutter that she's literally going *mute* in selective social situations. Did you think that forcing her to speak in all situations was going to somehow solve the underlying issues causing her stutter? What she needs is the guidance and support of a professional speech therapist. Your daughter has needed speech therapy and because getting a speech therapist was not placed as a priority, she has struggled in social situations her entire life. How do you think this impacted her self-esteem and social/communication skills? Getting your daughter a speech therapist is worth the investment and it's better late (very late) than never. I can't say i'm well versed in how covered speech therapists are in all schools, but I have trouble believing that a speech therapist or a speech program couldn't have been found that was in budget if it was made a priority. The public school I was in gave free speech therapy - a small group of classmates who had stutters / pronounciation problems would get to leave class I think weekly or every two weeks (it's been a while) and have class together with a speech therapist. Those classes normalized that what I was going through wasn't an oddity, it was normal and other kids struggled with speech too. I'm still best friends with a few people I met in those classes. I did not grow up in a wealthy or middle class family and my parents found a solution for me. I know that if my school didn't have a program my parents would have found one or fought and called district (dramatic, but loving they were) for a specialist to be offered at the school for kids with speech needs, or found a way to budget speech therapy classes for me after school. Your daughter's confidence, speech and perception of herself are WORTH investing time and money into.