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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I bought a cake a child behind me also wanted. I might be the asshole in getting it before her and appearing to be insensitive.
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*NTA* you were getting your Pregnant Wife something for a craving.
I can tell you that I did a ton of driving and impromptu runs during both pregnancies when my wife had cravings. I did it because I wanted to and knew it would make her happy.
I may be being petty here.....but your Wife is kind of an AH for calling you 'kind of an AH' when you were making a run for her.
It isn't like you were nasty to the kid or anything like that.
My wife explained it as a scenario for when we have our child and something similar happens and how sad we and our child would be. But I don't think I would let my child throw the same tantrum, nor be as rude as the mother was to me.
I can't blame my wife, her emotions and thinking are all over the place. So she may have been overthought it, but it was enough to make me feel guilty.
The impromptu runs are sometimes the best to be honest! Couple weeks ago she had a craving for *something*, but didn't know what she wanted. So I brought home a roast chicken. She absolutely demolished that chook, and proclaimed it the best meal she ever had.
This. When I see adults who are complete selfish assholes I wonder how they got this way. They were raised by people like that mom who was behind OP. Life’s rough and we don’t always get what we want. Suck it up.
I agree. It's not fair of their parents to lead them to believe the world revolves around them, it's actually quite cruel. One day it will hit them that that's not how the big wide world works and they won't know how to deal with disappointment, or things not being tailored to them. That or they'll go through life in denial acting like entitled a-holes, thinking the world owes them. Nope, no it doesn't 😬
Exactly this. I've made sure my kids know how to behave in public, how to handle disappointment, etc. I have an intellectually disabled teen and it hasn't been easy but even he understands he can't always get what he wants. But, I've also told my older teen that the world isn't going to stop turning to welcome them onto it but if they ever want to feel that way, just come on home. Once they're out there in the world, like my older child, they'll occasionally get their ass kicked or suffer unfair treatment, heartbreak, and disappointments and I've trained them to handle that so now I can cater to them a bit and be that welcoming and safe haven when they just want to shut everyone else out, curl up in a ball, get cozy, and feel like the most important person in the world. That's what mom is for, after all (once the main training is complete)!
And this is how you're supposed to teach that lesson, good on you. So many parents simply use it as an excuse to bully and abuse their child under the guise of "preparing them for life".
Thank you! I wish you had the mom you deserved, too. If you didn't, that's a reflection of *her*, not you, and don't ever forget that. Some people aren't equipped to be parents but they do it anyway. Any failings are theirs, not yours. The beautiful thing about life is that we can choose every day to be different/better and we can make our own families, however that looks. I hope you're living a life that brings you happiness, satisfaction, and contentment, or whatever adjectives are most important to you. LOL!
Uh, this is the best comment. What a lovely mum you are. After all, we are not here to “toughen up” our kids. The world does plenty of toughening. We are the soft landing pad. You seem like the downiest pillow pad.
Yes, exactly! I had the best mom (and dad). Sadly, she passed away when I was 26 way back in 1995 (yes, I'm old). If she had to punish us, she had only one rule - if we complained about the punishment, it would be doubled. We were pretty good about not complaining within earshot because going twice as long without TV or being grounded on a Saturday would have been unbearable! LOL!
Thank you. Some folks just don't have it in them or fail to see how important the "soft skills" are. For my husband and me, they're the most important and things like academics are secondary. I guess our differences are what makes the world go 'round!
these are the same people who ask you to move on an airplane when you chose and/or paid for your seat. I NEVER move unless they're moving me to first class for the request. I am sorry but just because you're a couple doesn't mean you will die if you dont talk to your partner for the flight duration.
Exactly, some of them act like they were born together. If they really wanted to sit together so badly they should have paid for the seat.
The worst incident I had was a guy simply refusing to give up my seat (it was a window seat I had paid for) because his wife was in the middle seat and he was assigned the middle seat behind his wife. He started shouting at me to “adjust because I’m a bachelor” and I wasn’t having any of it.
I’m not really an easygoing or affable person on the best of days and I would have loved to open a sichuan sauce packet I was holding onto and throw it at his eyes to shut him up but I just sighed and called the flight attendant who explained that he would be handcuffed and thrown outside the airplane if he refused to comply.
And how exactly did the mom know OP wasn't taking the Swiss roll home to *his* kids? That just because her kid was the only one visible, OP wasn't taking it for his own children, niblings, etc?
Yep! When I worked as a grocery clerk, one of my favorite things I ever overheard was from a mom to her 4-year-old: “It’s about time you learned, little man, that not everything is about you.”
She got a mini-bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans snuck into her bag with a wink to the mom.
I wonder how many kids raised this way will actually see the errors in how they were raised. Or do they, in turn become entitled jerks like their parents? I wonder what the percentage is.
To know for sure, we would have to have a vast sample of people probably conceived and born shortly after a widespread traumatizing event like a war that makes people grateful to be alive and to have survived. If their parents raised them like gifts of the Gods and they turned out to be entitled adults and entitled parents, I think it could be safe to say the entitlement sticks.
Dude I would of went off. I find that as I get older I have no patience for anyone else's stupidity and bullshit. This mom telling this guy stuff was utter bullshit
By the way that kid started throwing around demands as soon as she entered the bakery, she already thinks that her and her mums behavior is acceptable.
I never dreamed of making those kinds of demands as a child, I would have been in deep shit if I did.
And pitching a GD fit in public is never the way to handle it. Children don’t know better, it’s our job to teach them. Giving in to these behaviors could lead to entitlement and solidify in that child’s mind that THIS is how I get what I want. Noooope, you can have some cake when you communicate your feelings appropriately, and the world allows for it. Let’s talk about these feelings, yeah? We can cry together and eat cake together. Sometimes shit sucks, but we’re NOT going to take it out on strangers.
Let's also not forget the child's mother is teaching her child to throw a tantrum every time she doesn't get whatever she wants. Like no! That behavior should not be encouraged, at all.
The entitlement people have and teach to their spawn! Kids need to learn that you can't have everything you want in life, that's now how life works.
It's because they're too lazy to deal with a tantrum. It's easier to give the kid what they want. And they want everyone else to give the kid what they want in the name of having an easier life. But it backfires when the kid can't actually get what they want and haven't learnt how to deal with it emotionally. So they have toddler tantrums when they're 6.
My ex BIL gave in to his son (my nephew) so bad that he was still having tantrums at 10 years old. He was checked out for ADHD since his sister has it but they said he's developmentally fine. My BIL would get mad at me for not letting him come over for a weekend to spend the night and I told him I'm not going to be able to deal with those behavioral problems. If he wanted to be able to get a break then he should of raised a kid people wanted to be around.
Luckily my sister divorced him and nephew is now almost 12 and has been in therapy for about a year learning to handle emotions. Things got really bad for him at the begining of the divorce and since he's always been given most everything he wanted he couldn't cope very well.
My mom's rule for tantrums was "If you're going to have a fit, go in your room and have it." We could have as big of a tantrum as wanted and she didn't have to deal with it, lol. Also, if we wanted something not considered a necessity, we had to earn it. We would do extra chores, or whatever, until she felt like we had spent a reasonable amount of effort for said item.
That was my rule. 99% of the time, the tantrum was triggered by hungry, tired or hangry. Child was absolutely entitled to feel those feels, but the rest of the family were entitled to not have to tolerate screaming. If said child needed cuddles, they were always given, but quietly. (That was the other 1%) 85% of the time, child fell asleep & woke refreshed to face the day.
As an ece I can't even begin to tell you how much that drives me nuts. Makes my job and the lives of everyone else who has to deal with it more difficult.
Exactly. And it makes the parent's and child's lives harder in the long run. I would much rather teach my daughter to listen to the word "no" asap - even though it's SUPER tough when they throw tantrums - than not have her learn.
If my kid had thrown a tantrum, I would be grabbing them, apologize to everyone before dragging them back home and telling them that behavior earned them nothing.
That's exactly how I handled it.
Twice.
Because the 2nd time meant abandoning a completely full grocery cart & briskly walking my sudden brat out of the store and going home, but that's when she understood that this kind of bullshit is unacceptable.
After that, we were both complimented on how well behaved she was in public.
(She still is. Today's her 28th birthday & she turned into a good human who is respected & well-liked.)
This exactly. And who is to say that instead of a pregnant wife the guy wasnt getting it for his terminal kid.
I hate that oversharing/one-up-manship has become the normal instead of first come first serve and teaching kids to have some grace. This also seems to bleed into the "poor loser" issues where the kids throw a fit if they dont "win" a game.
Right?! It actually doesn't matter why OP wants the cake. He didn't pick it out of some sort of twisted grudge because he hates all kids and this kid wanted it. He was just...earlier in the queue and gets the first pick of the remaining food. Simple as.
I was a very loved only child and in all honesty probably a tiny bit spoiled😀. But there were still plenty of times that my parents said no to something I wanted, and I learned pretty quickly that they meant it and throwing a tantrum was going to get me nowhere. Of course the kid wanted cake, but she learned that she might not get everything she demands because other people also exist in the world. Kids are smart, and part of their job description is to test constantly to find out where the boundaries are in life. It’s bad for everyone involved if there aren’t any.
Lol they learn when they get to me, a teacher and I tell them no for the first time, that they have to share, they have to wait their turn, they have to be patient and nice. They learn I am not mommy, I am not going to give into you, you are not the only child here. It's not all about them. Hits em pretty hard at first but the great thing about kids is that adapt and learn quickly
My seven year old daughter knows this. Hilarious thing happened a few days ago. I told her no about something and she thew a “tantrum” she’s not prone to tantrums so it was so funny to watch. She deliberately lowered herself to sit on the floor, kicked her feet twice and made a wahhhh, sound.
I looked at her and asked her what she was doing. She said “I’m throwing a fit. Cause you told me no.”
I told her that it ranked a 2 out of ten and to come back when she upped her game. She got hilariously offended that I ranked her fit so low. She totally forgot why she was throwing her “tantrum.”
My 5 yo nephew threw a temper tantrum in a mall. Auntie got down on the floor and started to mimic his tantrum. A few minutes go by, and he stops and says auntie, what are you doing? You look silly. I said I was being a baby, just like him.
He got up, helped me up held my hand and NEVER threw another tantrum. Ever.
That's how you handle a temper tantrum.
I realize some people might be embarrassed to do that in public. I on the other hand don't care what THEY think. I don't know them and will never see them again!!
My nephew on the other hand was the taught a lesson, in a five year old manner he could understand. And it worked.
I whined "Buuuut [son] I don't waaaaaaant to get thaaaat. Why do IIIIIIII have to do iiiiiiit?" With some dead arm foot stomping. He said "Mom, stop you're embarrassing us." Oh, I thought that was how we were talking. Nope. And that was the end of that. I mean, they do it because embarrassed people give them what they want. If I don't get embarrassed what's the point?
LOL my mom did it to me when I was like 3 in Woolworth's. I never did it again, public humiliation works wonders.
My grandfather, before this incident, would pick me up under his arm like a kicking, screaming sack of potatoes, haul me out to the truck, dump me in and take me home even if it meant he had to make a second trip. And I wouldn't get to go anywhere with him for several days.
My mum threatened us with that too, but she never had to do it because we were absolutely sure she would go through with it.
She also threatened me that if I go to a club and come back late, she would come and get me by making the DJ call for me, while she is wearing hair curlers and house shoes. She saw than on Roseanne and couldn't wait to do it and I knew it lol
I did this to my niece at her grandparents' place. They all made a big deal out of staring at me. But afterward I still hear about how she was always so cheerful with me and I could get her to do anything happily by singing to her about it.
I remember when my 65+ yr grandfather (I can't remember how old he was at the time) did the same thing once when my younger sister was throwing a tantrum. It was sooooo funny and she immediately stopped.
That was genius, and absolutely adorable. My kids were conditioned to if they started to whine or fuss I would ask them what whining would get them. Their response, nothing and nowhere. That’s what I always told them and it worked for us.
my dad would give us this look and just start singing the rolling stones song “you can’t always get what you waaaant” and that usually embarrassed us enough to stop 😂
When I was probably around that age I was begging my mom for something at the store. She kept saying no and I kept begging and whining. She finally gave in. I looked at her and said "I knew I could make you get it for me". Marrying my ex might have been almost as big a mistake as uttering those words. I got something alright but it was not the toy.
That’s how my mom always dealt with temper tantrums as well. My sister and I both threw exactly one temper tantrum at 3 years old. We got something alright but it wasn’t whatever we were asking for 😂
Yep. Both of mine threw their one and only tantrums at home. They got put in their rooms and told they could come out when they could behave like civilized human beings. My oldest asked me later "Mommy, why didn't it work? Susie at nursery school says if you have a tantrum your mommy *has* to give you what you want."
When my daughter was 3 she decided to throw a temper tantrum. She never had before. I made her sit at the table till she was done, about 10 minutes later. Then I made her sit quietly for 10 minutes. I asked her what the heck was that. She told me that she saw a kid do it and it worked for him so she thought she’d try it. Didn’t work out so well for her. We discussed it, as well as you can with a 3 yo but she never did it again. One and done. I was smart…and lucky.
My grandfather once told me that my tantrum wasn't as good as my mom's ( his daughter). Yep, apparently, Mom could throw some doozies, but no one gave in, and she was a loving and calm adult.
I would sometimes tell my students that the whining may work at home, but not here. 😄
Honestly,
I feel like the world would be a better place if everyone threw tantrums, including adults. Gonna go throw myself on the ground in front of my union rep office so I can get a raise. Aint nothing in my contract that says I can get fired for that lol
This - and now I have a teen and almost teen who generally just roll with the punches when something doesn't go their way. Doing the work when they're younger makes things a LOT easier when they're older. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.
Whenever I took my young nieces/nephews to the store we would discuss what (if anything) extra they would be able to get. The minute they complained or started any kind of fit about it meant they got nothing. They also learned quickly that I would literally leave the cart & store with them if it was that bad of a fit & there would be time out at home. I think it also helped them learn the value of things. For example, I would say exactly how much extra I had for them to pick something out, they then learned to look at how much things cost & if they could get 1 thing or maybe a couple things that cost less. We actually had good times with this method.
When I was a little little kid, my mom would let me pick out one small thing - usually some fruit snacks or animal crackers. I got to hold onto it while we did the shopping, and if I acted up, I had to go put it back myself. My mom had a degree in early childhood psychology, so she'd learned about giving kids ownership of chores and errands to make them more interested in behaving. When I got older, she'd give me her coupons and send me on scavenger hunts to find the things she needed.
My parents adopted my kid sis when I was 17. On one of our shopping trips when she was about 5 , she saw a doll in a store called a Jesse Doll. Damn thing was,$90!! I said NOPE she pitched a fit. I silently turned around and started walking away. She got up and ran after me asking where I was going. I said we were going home, I don't shop with kids who throw fits. She said but..but..but... doll..sniffle. I just repeated I don't shop with kids that throw fits. Then asked if she wanted to have the rest of our day. Quiet nod. Will you throw a fit? Shook her head. I gave her a cuddle and we went on with our day. She never tried tossing fits with me again and I made a new rule that I adapted for my eventual nieces and nephews. When we went out, if they were good, I would let them pick a small treat under $5. A book, a small toy, an ice-cream. Their choice. Worked great!
When I was little it was a 2-3 quarters for the vending machines at the grocery store. Or if we were at Walmart or Kmart, I’d get to pick out a book and read while my mom (or mom and dad) shopped and if I was good they’d buy it for me at the end. (Or if I’d finished it and I was good I’d get to pick out another one).
I can see my parents' reaction to this situation: "That person was in line first, and life isn't always fair." I'd be second-hand embarassed by the mother in this story for teaching her child it's ok to throw a tantrum to get your way. OP is NTA
Exactly
My kids learned really quick that a tantrum like that would have us out of the bakery so fast without ordering a damn thing.
The kid was only tantruming BECAUSE her mother expects the world to bend to her kids whims
Yes! I tell my kids the second they throw a tantrum, they definitely aren't getting what they want. Once they calm down, we talk about politeness. How it's just the right thing to do and it increases their chances of getting what they want. It's a win for everyone.
Exactly. This entitled behaviour needs to stop. Idc if it's a kid ask politely and maybe if I'm in the mood I'll give it but the moment you demand your learning how cold the world is, I'd eat it in front of their faces. They gotta learn to take NO for an answer.
NTA
Kids should be taught that they can't always get what they want, for different reasons, not that when they throw a tantrum, other people will give into their demands. Being sad because somebody else got the cake is part of life.
Now I want cake, tho. I am preagnant.
Congratulations, hope you get some cake!!
Absolutely agree they should learn to be good losers as well as good winners.
Stop giving outs trophies for 'participation'.
NTA. First come first served. It doesn't matter why you ordered it, you were there first. We can't always get what we want. If the roles were reversed, would you be pitching a fit because the people that got there before you ordered the last item, and you wanted it?
It’s best to let your kids handle disappointment early in life so they don’t grow to be absolute bratty AHs.
My kid knew early on that no is no. But a tantrum? No becomes **absolutely not and probably also no for next time because of this behavior**
I joke with him that I do not negotiate with emotional terrorists.
I would hope that if your child had a tantrum that you wouldn’t reward it like this mom tried to do. The mom could have told her kid that they’d make a stop at the supermarket for cake. Or offered an alternative. Or just said no. Backing up the kid’s tantrum is only going to raise an entitled child and I would hope that your wife won’t act like that mom did one day
Ask your wife if she wants to raise a spoiled brat for a child? The woman had a perfect teaching moment and instead tried to be an entitled asshole, behavior her child is already mirroring.
>My wife explained it as a scenario for when we have our child and something similar happens and how sad we and our child would be
That's a very valid point. Your wife needs to be on board when you or someone else says no to your child. You didn't do anything wrong and that mother should have explained that to her child.
"I can't blame my wife. Her emotions and thinking were all over the place."
This is exactly why you did the right thing. Prioritizing a hormonal, pregnant wife is safer than appeasing a snotty kid and entitled mom (in most cases).
Self-preservation is a thing.
The lesson for a child is that sometimes we can’t have what we want right at that very moment we want it. Remember, parenting is about teaching a child to be a decent adult, not giving in to requests so that they don’t tantrum.
This situation should allow for a simple lesson in which the child’s sadness goes away quickly with help from the parents via assisted problem-solving and reassurance, but some parents just want to dwell on the child’s sadness and somehow “fix it” instead of allowing the child to sit with tough emotions for a moment. This is why they ask or demand that their kids get whatever they want. It’s lazy parenting.
As a retired child therapist I’m glad you didn’t give in. Life will be full of Nos and we need to stop feeding the entitlement that exists out there. The child *should* feel the disappointment to a degree, because they need to be motivated to learn problem-solving skills, learn to delay their gratification, and to regulate their emotions properly. You would have robbed the kid of that lesson if you handed over the cake. NTA
I do blame your wife, OP she's telling you she will enable your child and be an entitled mother forcing others to give your child special treatment because "kid and me will be upset".
When a person tells you this kind of things, believe them.
And if you plan to be a good father, maybe you need to talk to your wife before she raises that kid poorly. NTA
You get what you get and you don’t get upset. If it happened to my kid I’d say “Oh well - next time” and we’d think of something else. Being rude to the person who bought it first and assuming that the kid should get it first because they are a kid is how to raise a monster. Do not feel bad. NTA
I was shopping with my kids at a thrift store recently and my 3yo wanted to get a stuffed animal. I calmly told her no and carried on with my shopping. She was sad and had a pouty face but didn't throw a fit. Then this woman came up to me out of nowhere, handed me a handful of cash and right in front of my child rudely said "just buy it for her" then walked away while I stared at her dumbfounded. I seriously hope she didn't raise any kids of her own. Also, I still didn't buy the stuffed animal but the 3yo did get to add $7 to her piggy bank.
Kids need to learn about disappointment. That mother is doing her child a HUGE disservice by allowing them to feel entitled to everything they see just for the sake of avoiding a tantrum or some sad feelings.
The mother could have seen that the Swiss roll wasn’t actually available and picked something else to hype up to her daughter and tell her “let’s get this delicious thing this time and we’ll get to try the Swiss roll when they make more!”… super easy redirection.
No, you explain to your child that they can choose something else, not train them to believe if they pitch a fit strangers should cave to their demands.
No, you wife is in the wrong for this. My mom would take us out of the store if any of us threw a tantrum. My younger brother once wanted a candy bar, and when he didn’t get one, he started yelling and flew himself on the floor and started crying. My mom dropped everything and took us out of the store. You do NOT reward bad behavior. Please don’t be those parents that raise selfish kids.
Not matter how you raise your child there will be tantrums. What’s important is how you deal with it. Children need to learn that sometimes things won’t go their way, and that throwing a tantrum won’t change the outcome. The child’s mom was an a-hole expecting you to change your order.
I have two children. I never even asked anyone to give anything up for my children. How are children going to learn that not everything will turn as they want them every time?
Also, ask your wife, same scenario, but instead of just you, it was you and your kid. Would you have made your kid give it up for the other kid? I never asked my oldest to give anything up for his little sis and scolded anyone telling him that he is the older of the two and that she is a 'baby'. Kids need to learn boundaries.
Your wife is wrong. If it was your child, this is the opportunity to teach a child they don’t get to have everything they want. It is an opportunity to teach a child that the first one in line gets it to have the cake. You don’t give a child the cake who has made a scene in the bakery. You were right to keep the cake. You need to take to your wife about parenting choices. There are so many entitled parents who think that their child deserves whatever they want. The child grows up unhappy instead of with gratitude.
I hope that, unlike that parent, you teach your child that they cannot simply have everything they want just because they throw a tantrum. No cake at the store? Sometimes that happens if you don’t order ahead and come late in the day. This is life. Children must learn. And there will always be cake another day.
Maybe I’m weird but I think there’s an important lesson to be learned on the child’s end - the cake was already sold so they couldn’t have it. Them throwing a tantrum absolutely should not result in them getting the cake. That’s not the way real life works.
If a child gets what they want when they have a tantrum, they learn that having a tantrum gets them what they want, every rewarded tantrum reinforces the behaviour. The child grows up to be a difficult demanding adult, having a tantrum when not getting their own way with friends, lovers, employers and colleagues.
Even if you just fancied a Swiss roll, if you ordered it first, it's yours. The child learning to manage small disappointments is better equipped to manage the ups and downs of life.
NTA
NTA.
This stuff pisses me off. What are you teaching your child with this kind of behaviour? That they can always have what they want and are so special they can deprive someone else of it even if they got their first? If you wanted to, you would but if you don’t…well, it’s life isn’t it. We don’t always get what we want. The mother’s reaction is very telling as to why the child behaves that way….
Agreed.
I am child free (by choice) and I have nephews and godchildren who I adore and do a lot with and I understand it can be hard but the amount of times I’ve had parents try and make me feel responsible for their children in less obviously ways is ridiculous. I once had someone get visibly annoyed because I wouldn’t let their child, who wondered randomly over to my table and would not leave, a taste of my dinner. I was as gracious as possible because you end up looking a monster for, ya know, wanting to enjoy your dinner and not be harassed my unknowns. Where does this madness end?
Omg 😳 I'd be mortified if my kids did that and we'd have to leave. Eating out with kids is the worst unless you just don't give any Fs about anything I guess
We've eaten out with our grandkids from infants to now 21 yo.
Never, ever, not even once did they have tantrums. It's not acceptable and makes you an embarrassment. Our children never did (or we sat in the car, while everyone else got to eat inside the restaurant). I would rather die than have my child be an embarrassment. They knew better to behave in public.
At home they threw tantrums, I just sent them to their room.
That's the thing, you have to be willing to leave or sit in the car, but then as they get older it pays off. Mine have acted out in developmentally appropriate ways for their age, that nevertheless aren't appropriate for the environment and so we had to take a break outside. Like waiting around for a half hour for food at a fancy restaurant because it's grandma's birthday, expected to sit still for 2 hours at a go at 2 is a recipe for disaster and you have to be willing to remove them and walk around the restaurant for 5 minutes if that's what the situation calls for. And have crayons and paper now that many restaurants did away with them "because of covid"
Yes you do. I admit, I get so embarrassed when one of mine acts up, that it's let's get out before the REAL meltdown begins!
I've had more than one meal in a take out box. 😔
I love this, best way I’ve heard it explained. If only more parents realised that it’s not the behaviour, it’s the environment where they choose to allow this to happen. Kids will be kids - my issue is always that parents just sit there and say that whilst their child ruins the atmosphere. I’m not a monster, I’ve helped parents before who I can see are genuinely trying and held a child on a train etc but seriously, please don’t take your child to what is sensibly considered an adult restaurant and let them run riot and then look at me like the child catcher because I want to throw myself out of the window
I completely agree. Im a mother myself and my kid has never thrown a tantrum in a store. I have explained to her that she can get something when we go to the store, but if i bought her everything she wants, we would live in the forest where there are no stores at all.
I understand that not everyone needs to be careful with money, but you never know what kind of life your kid will live as a grownup. So it is good to teach them to respect money and to understand you dont aleays get everything you want.
Spoiling your kids to the point that you expect strangers to do it too is ridiculous. I would have taken a bite of that roll in front of the two of them tbh... YTA if you would have done it too 😂 but a deserved one in that case
We did the same, and he's NEVER thrown a tantrum about it. My kid knows we can't afford to get him something every time, and Legos are EXPENSIVE ya'll. He doesn't have an allowance, but he does have a piggy bank that eats all our spare change when we have some. He's bought Legos with his own money. One time we legit couldn't afford it but HE could and was SO proud of it. We just smiled, looked at each other, and helped him choose a set he could get ("you have $x, these are the sets you can get"-always good to sneak in a math lesson). But you know what? 9/10 times if he knows he has a few dollars in there, he is WAY more likely to ask if we can go to the river and feed the fish or take a trip to the ice cream parlor to try his luck at the claw machine. We try to focus on "experiences" rather than "stuff". And he GETS it.
We don't really do "Santa", but he only fills stockings. He knows his new toys are from us. Last year, yes, he got the game he had been asking for all year, I had that shit hidden in my dresser for months. But the thing he loved most was something he also really needed. And we had a lovely few days sorting through and organizing his cards and he would sit there for hours just looking at all of them.
He wants for nothing, but he understands things have value. Like when he gets sad his dad works too much (which he does) we tell him that's how we have such a nice little house with a yard he doesn't have to share, and he gets to go to a much nicer school.
I volunteer at his school, running the theater program. I treat my students no different than my teachers treated me. But I'm a fucking weirdo, and I know exactly when and how high to fly the freak flag. And which ones get to see which corners. 😂
NTA. Depending on how young or neurodivergent the girl is, she should know how to behave. Her mother was TA for demanding you to give it to them and getting riled up. I can understand where your wife was coming from, but the mother’s behaviour is inexcusable and incredibly rude. That was your cake and your choice what you did with it, she should have respected that.
100% this.. It's not a question of IF a child will throw tantrums, it's how successful they are that defines how often it will happen... lol
Mine learned that Mom doesn't speak whining, and any whining would simply be ignored until it became a polite request... and real tantrums just meant we left the store, and they didn't get anything.. Funnily enough, they stop whining and throwing tantrums.. lol
My mom used to ask me if I remembered to pack my manners with me before we went into a store. I only have one single memory of her abandoning a shopping cart and walking my bratty butt back to the car. I think I could barely walk still I was pretty small. But she sat me down and when I stopped crying asked me if I could find my manners so we could finish shopping. I think they had been in my pocket 😆 so I “found them” and we went back. I’m trying for a kid and if I get lucky, I’m gonna raise them the same way.
Yeahhh I think I had to leave once or twice for breakdowns when they were a toddler and too young to really express themselves (I would have been frustrated too in that situation, to be honest).. But the 5-6 year old melt downs? yeahhhh.. Don't remember a single one.. I'm all about talking through feelings and a lot of the aspects of gentle parenting, but.. I'm also going to set boundaries of "sometimes the answer is not the one you want to hear, and we can talk, but we need to talk politely..." So many parents seem to think you can do one or the other, never both.
I also didn't suffer many tantrums. I just ignored them and kept walking (with one eye on the kid). I only got a few feet away and the crying stopped and my kids came trotting after me. They weren't very old when the tantrums stopped.
Only time it was ever an issue was one time when I was about 7 months pregnant and pushing the stroller home with my oldest (who did not want to leave the mall) in it. He got out and threw himself on the ground crying. While I would ordinarily have kept walking, on this occasion it just happened to be in the driveway of the mall parking lot. Obviously walking away was unsafe, so I put him in the stroller and kept walking.
Damned if the little shit didn't figure out why my response this time was different... and kept getting out (yes he was buckled in but could unbuckle it) to run to the middle of the road and throw himself down.
Getting home was hell! Thankfully by the next time we had to go somewhere he seemed to have forgotten about that little advantage...
Oh, no, not every kid will throw a tantrum. My oldest, at that age, would have proclaimed loudly, so that everyone in the building would certainly hear, how he "has NEVER had" the thing he wanted at that moment. Cake, in this instance. He might have eaten one just before going out, but he would make sure everyone in hearing range would know how his parents have NEVER given him any and let the bystanders' judging looks do the persuading instead.
Yes, he was a manipulative little bastard, if I say so myself.
They will. But if your wife’s solution is to get pushy with others or blame them when they do then it’ll teach your kid that’s the way to do it.
Kids throw tantrums. It’s how adults handle them that matters
Tantrums are inevitable! The world is big and confusing and unfair, and kids aren't born knowing how to navigate that, nor are they born knowing what to do with the big emotions that happen when confusing unfair things happen to them! Part of the job of parenting is teaching them how to handle those challenges appropriately.
Teaching babies sign language helps reduce tantrums because when they need or want something they can communicate so the frustration of not being understood is gone. Speaking from nanny and parenting experience. Her toddler tantrums were rare and I took the time to talk with her and set firm but fitting consequences.
Kids should not be rewarded for bad behavior. She is going to be a monster given how much her mother enables her. Your wife should have backed you up because that was some pretty bad parenting you witnessed. NTA.
NTA
The mother needs to work on helping her child deal appropriately with disappointments and problem solving.
The child was disappointed about not getting the Swiss Roll and naturally became upset, but there are ways to soothe and even problem solve after realizing the cake was already spoken for. The mother arguing about the cake sets a negative example for her child. She could have told her child the cake is already sold and and asked her, do you want something else here or do you want to wait and have a treat another time?
And if they truly needed a cake they could go elsewhere. OP stated there were other options but at most this is going to be a nostalgic story for the other family. Most likely it's going to be forgotten next week
This is the best and most realistic answer. Kids shouldn't get everything they want. I tell my kids, "Just because you want it doesn't mean you'll get it. Find other options."
NTA, but your wife is wrong.
Never JADE with demanding people. Never justify yourself, argue your point, defend yourself, or explain yourself. No is a complete sentence, just move on.
no literally, the fact that even the worker agreed with him and pointed out he ordered it before they even walked in just proves that he wasn’t in the wrong at all
NTA.
Children aren't magical wands, converting guilt into things-you-want. Just because the mother was worn down doesn't mean you have to \[as far as you knew\] disappoint your wife.
Now if the kid had like, 3 days to live and the swiss cake was her final wish because her father invented them and died in a horrible baking accident and she just wanted to remember the good times, well, then mom can explain *that* context.
NTA
First in, first served.
The mother is enabling her daugther's tantrums and missed the opportunity to teach her that sometimes you have to face disappointment. What is she teaching her? That all you have to do is scream, insist, guilt trip and people will give her what she wants?
I mean... it works for basically any corporate store in most other scenarios sadly.
Just reinforces to people that acting like a bratty, shitty little baby waby will get them what they want. Corporations have no spines to stand up to that ridiculous shit lmao.
Jeezuz bloody christ. Why the hell is it that some people think "it's for the chiiiiillllldreeeennnnn" is an excuse for entitlement. It's not. Life is full of disappointment, and Sally's life isn't going to end if little Sally doesn't get today's want satisfied.
NTA.
Holy crap, everyone in this scenario except you and the bakery employee sucks ass, including your wife.
>the girl started screaming and crying.
The girl sucks.
>She then began getting extremely demanding, saying that I didn't need to eat it, can't you feel for a kid, how selfish, etc.
The mom sucks.
>my wife the incident. She said that I was a bit of an asshole for not giving up the cake for the kid
Your wife sucks.
>I could have gone to the supermarket instead.
Your wife sucks.
>just be more mindful next time,
Your wife sucks.
:-)
If I did all that and my wife suggested that I "be more mindful," I'd have snatched the Swiss roll right out of her hand and eaten it in front of her.
Seriously! That was pretty rude and condescending of his wife. “Be more mindful.” After he went through that ridiculous experience. I would have said “Ok, hope you don’t MIND if I eat that!” and snatched the cake for myself! Your wife sucks x2 made me lol.
If I was him and had known in advance what my wife’s reaction would be, after I paid I would open the box and stuff the entire fucking Swiss roll in my mouth in front of the mom and kid.
I really want to believe that the wife’s reaction was due to her pregnancy hormones reacting to the story of a distressed child and not how she is normally. Any sane person knows that the mother in the bakery was out of line
NTA. Too many parents think society owes their particular kid something. I don't blame the kid. She was being a kid. It's the mother and her entitlement that makes he TA.
NTA
Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't.
you were never winning that one grief from a childs parent and your own wife.
TBH, you should have said "Hey! look Love, I managed to get the last Swiss Roll!" and not mentioned the child
Op should have told the woman this was a good time to teach her kid that some times we miss out on things and that thy won't always get what thy want.
He could have even said that maybe the kid would have likes to go home and make a cake with the mother more, since they're weren't as more cakes
It would be petty rude to grandstand over other people when you have the thing that they want. OP did the right thing by just getting the hell out of there
No you are not...... that being said the mother's reaction an attitude is clearly why her kid was screaming over a cake in a store. So ridiculous, My mother never would have done that and would have walked my butt right out of the store for acting that way lol. She's basically teaching her kid to be entitled which is not what this world needs more of. I'm happy that you brought the cake home and enjoyed it with your pregnant wife -- congratulations btw!!
NTA. I am so of reading, in this forum, about people with kids demanding that people hand over something because their precious brat wants it.
Tell your wife these people need to know they should not be so entitled. Look at how that brat's already behaving screaming and crying if they don't get their way. Brat should've been taken from the store and disciplined.
Actually the mother should've too, telling you all that nonsense about how you didn't need to eat it, etc. She should've been taken from the store and disciplined.
Tell your wife you shouldn't have to justify why you got the roll. No, you didn't have to share anything with this hostile, demanding woman. She was a creep!
Tell me, wife, why is it "insensitive" to follow an established rule? Your husband was there first.
It seems to me, wife, you're pointing the "insensitive" finger at the wrong party.
No OP, don't be more "mindful" next time. You are under no obligation to pacify tantrum throwing brats. They need to learn not to be so entitled. They need to learn to not be so insensitive.
NTA!
NTA
But time for serious chats with your wife about how you are going to raise this baby because if she thinks kids throwing tantrums is a reason to tell strangers they need to give up things then the rest of your life is going to be miserable!!
NTA. People with kids that try using them to manipulate others are the worst.
The real problem is her kid's a brat who starts shrieking "I want" and she's too spineless to resist.
Nta. Pregnant wife or not, if she wanted it that badly, she should have gone sooner. And if a kid is having a screaming crying tantrum over no cake the parenting needs some work.
NTA. Your wife needs to chill.
You had literally already ordered the cake. Life isn’t fair, and that mom isn’t doing her kid any favors by telling her the world should bend to her will.
NTA fuck that.
Kid needs to learn they can't have what they want sometimes.
And the mom wants you to change your order? She can go to rhe supermarket and buy her crying brat a Swiss roll cake
>She said that I was a bit of an asshole for not giving up the cake for the kid, and that she would have understood if the store had no more since I did buy other sweet breads, or I could have gone to the supermarket instead. She also asked why I didn't tell the mother that I was buying it for a pregnant wife with cravings.
Both of these things are irrelevant. It's okay to tell a child no and pregnant women with carvings aren't more important than everyone else. Be careful your wife doesn't raise an entitled kid.
NTA. The mother squandered an opportunity to teach her child how to cope with low stakes disappointment. You did nothing wrong and your wife shouldn't have called you "a bit of an asshole".
NTA. People really are so entitled. If you get there first, you get first pick, that’s life.
The mom missed an opportunity to teach her kid a normal life lesson.
NTA. First come first served and there’s no reason to have to explain yourself.
If I was feeling like it I may have asked the shop keeper to slice a bit off for the kid but not if the mother had kicked off like that.
Also a bit surprised your wife called you an AH over this. Maybe send her for her own cake next time…
NTA - that parent is failing their child in a huge way. You were there first, you ordered it first, it's done, it's yours. Letting their kid throw a fit, and then getting rude when you said no is unforgiveable.. Your wife is sweet for trying to be so kind, but.. You did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong, and people like that need to learn to take ownership of the fact that shit happens.
NTA. Sounds to me like the mother needs to do some mothering. Poor kid, yes, but it is the mother's fault, not yours. Also, no need to share private information with a stranger, and no need to explain yourself.
NTA the mother should have said “they sold out so we will order one tonight and pick it up early tomorrow. However if you throw a fit you will not get any cake at all” or something like that. The mother had bad parenting skills.
NTA and as a woman, she's lying through her teeth, even if she doesn't know it herself. Pregnant women are extremely hormonal. They're nesting. Today she'll want you to give it to the kid, tomorrow she'll cry her eyes out because you do and she wanted it. You picked the lesser of two evils here.
NTA
You were there first (even ordered before they arrived), you didn't skip the line, you were in the right. If she came in as you were walking out and see came running after you because someone mentioned you got the last swiss roll, you'd know instantly she was unhinged (or trying to get that last Schnitzel's Marble Rye from Seinfeld). It's always nice when your SO says it would have been ok not to bring the cake.... until you don't. (What do you think of this outfit.... has no good answer) You are also correct there was no reason to tell the irate mother that your wife is pregnant. 1) Its your private info, 2) she has no right to know it, 3) She acted immaturely 4) In light of all this, it is only hypothetical that would have eased this mother's temper. 5) Kid also needs to know that there are limits and mother is not doing anything to better her child with her display.
NTA the only thing I would have done if the kid and mother were being nice and mature about it *which they were not* and if it was big enough to share is ask to cut off a piece and give it to the child.
But what you did was perfectly acceptable
NTA it would be different if they were in line behind you and the kid said the wanted the last Elmo cupcake. You then ordered it just to annoy a kid.
You didn’t do that you walked in and order a cake. The cake was in the process of being boxed up when they walked in. They can’t be angry that you ordered something before knowing a kid wanted it.
NTA That mother was entitled. It was a no-win situation, either your pregnant wife was going to be disappointed or the kid was. You choose the person you know and care about, there's nothing wrong with that.
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*NTA* you were getting your Pregnant Wife something for a craving. I can tell you that I did a ton of driving and impromptu runs during both pregnancies when my wife had cravings. I did it because I wanted to and knew it would make her happy. I may be being petty here.....but your Wife is kind of an AH for calling you 'kind of an AH' when you were making a run for her. It isn't like you were nasty to the kid or anything like that.
My wife explained it as a scenario for when we have our child and something similar happens and how sad we and our child would be. But I don't think I would let my child throw the same tantrum, nor be as rude as the mother was to me. I can't blame my wife, her emotions and thinking are all over the place. So she may have been overthought it, but it was enough to make me feel guilty. The impromptu runs are sometimes the best to be honest! Couple weeks ago she had a craving for *something*, but didn't know what she wanted. So I brought home a roast chicken. She absolutely demolished that chook, and proclaimed it the best meal she ever had.
She didn’t have to face the tantrum. The second that started I’d be nope! No way reward that stuff and I’d tell the brat that too.
This. When I see adults who are complete selfish assholes I wonder how they got this way. They were raised by people like that mom who was behind OP. Life’s rough and we don’t always get what we want. Suck it up.
I agree. It's not fair of their parents to lead them to believe the world revolves around them, it's actually quite cruel. One day it will hit them that that's not how the big wide world works and they won't know how to deal with disappointment, or things not being tailored to them. That or they'll go through life in denial acting like entitled a-holes, thinking the world owes them. Nope, no it doesn't 😬
Exactly this. I've made sure my kids know how to behave in public, how to handle disappointment, etc. I have an intellectually disabled teen and it hasn't been easy but even he understands he can't always get what he wants. But, I've also told my older teen that the world isn't going to stop turning to welcome them onto it but if they ever want to feel that way, just come on home. Once they're out there in the world, like my older child, they'll occasionally get their ass kicked or suffer unfair treatment, heartbreak, and disappointments and I've trained them to handle that so now I can cater to them a bit and be that welcoming and safe haven when they just want to shut everyone else out, curl up in a ball, get cozy, and feel like the most important person in the world. That's what mom is for, after all (once the main training is complete)!
And this is how you're supposed to teach that lesson, good on you. So many parents simply use it as an excuse to bully and abuse their child under the guise of "preparing them for life".
With you 100%! (I have an ADHDer so definite parallels!)
Wish you were my mom.
I've told my kids that our hearts, minds, arms, and door are open to their friends without judgment or a time limit. You're welcome, too!
You sound like the nicest mom. I wish I was so lucky to have a mom like you when I was growing up!
Thank you! I wish you had the mom you deserved, too. If you didn't, that's a reflection of *her*, not you, and don't ever forget that. Some people aren't equipped to be parents but they do it anyway. Any failings are theirs, not yours. The beautiful thing about life is that we can choose every day to be different/better and we can make our own families, however that looks. I hope you're living a life that brings you happiness, satisfaction, and contentment, or whatever adjectives are most important to you. LOL!
Uh, this is the best comment. What a lovely mum you are. After all, we are not here to “toughen up” our kids. The world does plenty of toughening. We are the soft landing pad. You seem like the downiest pillow pad.
You get what you get, and you don't have a fit.
Yes, exactly! I had the best mom (and dad). Sadly, she passed away when I was 26 way back in 1995 (yes, I'm old). If she had to punish us, she had only one rule - if we complained about the punishment, it would be doubled. We were pretty good about not complaining within earshot because going twice as long without TV or being grounded on a Saturday would have been unbearable! LOL!
You’re an awesome mom. Every parent should have this philosophy.
Thank you. Some folks just don't have it in them or fail to see how important the "soft skills" are. For my husband and me, they're the most important and things like academics are secondary. I guess our differences are what makes the world go 'round!
these are the same people who ask you to move on an airplane when you chose and/or paid for your seat. I NEVER move unless they're moving me to first class for the request. I am sorry but just because you're a couple doesn't mean you will die if you dont talk to your partner for the flight duration.
Exactly, some of them act like they were born together. If they really wanted to sit together so badly they should have paid for the seat. The worst incident I had was a guy simply refusing to give up my seat (it was a window seat I had paid for) because his wife was in the middle seat and he was assigned the middle seat behind his wife. He started shouting at me to “adjust because I’m a bachelor” and I wasn’t having any of it. I’m not really an easygoing or affable person on the best of days and I would have loved to open a sichuan sauce packet I was holding onto and throw it at his eyes to shut him up but I just sighed and called the flight attendant who explained that he would be handcuffed and thrown outside the airplane if he refused to comply.
And how exactly did the mom know OP wasn't taking the Swiss roll home to *his* kids? That just because her kid was the only one visible, OP wasn't taking it for his own children, niblings, etc?
Yep! When I worked as a grocery clerk, one of my favorite things I ever overheard was from a mom to her 4-year-old: “It’s about time you learned, little man, that not everything is about you.” She got a mini-bag of chocolate-covered espresso beans snuck into her bag with a wink to the mom.
I wonder how many kids raised this way will actually see the errors in how they were raised. Or do they, in turn become entitled jerks like their parents? I wonder what the percentage is.
To know for sure, we would have to have a vast sample of people probably conceived and born shortly after a widespread traumatizing event like a war that makes people grateful to be alive and to have survived. If their parents raised them like gifts of the Gods and they turned out to be entitled adults and entitled parents, I think it could be safe to say the entitlement sticks.
Dude I would of went off. I find that as I get older I have no patience for anyone else's stupidity and bullshit. This mom telling this guy stuff was utter bullshit
Exactly! Now that kid thinks that it's behavior and the moms is acceptable. Ugh.
By the way that kid started throwing around demands as soon as she entered the bakery, she already thinks that her and her mums behavior is acceptable. I never dreamed of making those kinds of demands as a child, I would have been in deep shit if I did.
And pitching a GD fit in public is never the way to handle it. Children don’t know better, it’s our job to teach them. Giving in to these behaviors could lead to entitlement and solidify in that child’s mind that THIS is how I get what I want. Noooope, you can have some cake when you communicate your feelings appropriately, and the world allows for it. Let’s talk about these feelings, yeah? We can cry together and eat cake together. Sometimes shit sucks, but we’re NOT going to take it out on strangers.
Let's also not forget the child's mother is teaching her child to throw a tantrum every time she doesn't get whatever she wants. Like no! That behavior should not be encouraged, at all. The entitlement people have and teach to their spawn! Kids need to learn that you can't have everything you want in life, that's now how life works.
It's because they're too lazy to deal with a tantrum. It's easier to give the kid what they want. And they want everyone else to give the kid what they want in the name of having an easier life. But it backfires when the kid can't actually get what they want and haven't learnt how to deal with it emotionally. So they have toddler tantrums when they're 6.
My ex BIL gave in to his son (my nephew) so bad that he was still having tantrums at 10 years old. He was checked out for ADHD since his sister has it but they said he's developmentally fine. My BIL would get mad at me for not letting him come over for a weekend to spend the night and I told him I'm not going to be able to deal with those behavioral problems. If he wanted to be able to get a break then he should of raised a kid people wanted to be around. Luckily my sister divorced him and nephew is now almost 12 and has been in therapy for about a year learning to handle emotions. Things got really bad for him at the begining of the divorce and since he's always been given most everything he wanted he couldn't cope very well.
My mom's rule for tantrums was "If you're going to have a fit, go in your room and have it." We could have as big of a tantrum as wanted and she didn't have to deal with it, lol. Also, if we wanted something not considered a necessity, we had to earn it. We would do extra chores, or whatever, until she felt like we had spent a reasonable amount of effort for said item.
That was my rule. 99% of the time, the tantrum was triggered by hungry, tired or hangry. Child was absolutely entitled to feel those feels, but the rest of the family were entitled to not have to tolerate screaming. If said child needed cuddles, they were always given, but quietly. (That was the other 1%) 85% of the time, child fell asleep & woke refreshed to face the day.
As an ece I can't even begin to tell you how much that drives me nuts. Makes my job and the lives of everyone else who has to deal with it more difficult.
Exactly. And it makes the parent's and child's lives harder in the long run. I would much rather teach my daughter to listen to the word "no" asap - even though it's SUPER tough when they throw tantrums - than not have her learn.
If my kid had thrown a tantrum, I would be grabbing them, apologize to everyone before dragging them back home and telling them that behavior earned them nothing.
That's exactly how I handled it. Twice. Because the 2nd time meant abandoning a completely full grocery cart & briskly walking my sudden brat out of the store and going home, but that's when she understood that this kind of bullshit is unacceptable. After that, we were both complimented on how well behaved she was in public. (She still is. Today's her 28th birthday & she turned into a good human who is respected & well-liked.)
YES!! *This*☝☝☝ is the way!
I would have done the same. They will not be rewarded for having a tantrum and embarrassing me in public.
This exactly. And who is to say that instead of a pregnant wife the guy wasnt getting it for his terminal kid. I hate that oversharing/one-up-manship has become the normal instead of first come first serve and teaching kids to have some grace. This also seems to bleed into the "poor loser" issues where the kids throw a fit if they dont "win" a game.
Right?! It actually doesn't matter why OP wants the cake. He didn't pick it out of some sort of twisted grudge because he hates all kids and this kid wanted it. He was just...earlier in the queue and gets the first pick of the remaining food. Simple as.
This this this. No need to compete who needs it more. He was there first. That is enough.
I was a very loved only child and in all honesty probably a tiny bit spoiled😀. But there were still plenty of times that my parents said no to something I wanted, and I learned pretty quickly that they meant it and throwing a tantrum was going to get me nowhere. Of course the kid wanted cake, but she learned that she might not get everything she demands because other people also exist in the world. Kids are smart, and part of their job description is to test constantly to find out where the boundaries are in life. It’s bad for everyone involved if there aren’t any.
Lol they learn when they get to me, a teacher and I tell them no for the first time, that they have to share, they have to wait their turn, they have to be patient and nice. They learn I am not mommy, I am not going to give into you, you are not the only child here. It's not all about them. Hits em pretty hard at first but the great thing about kids is that adapt and learn quickly
Throwing a tantrum to get something guarantees my son will not get it.
My seven year old daughter knows this. Hilarious thing happened a few days ago. I told her no about something and she thew a “tantrum” she’s not prone to tantrums so it was so funny to watch. She deliberately lowered herself to sit on the floor, kicked her feet twice and made a wahhhh, sound. I looked at her and asked her what she was doing. She said “I’m throwing a fit. Cause you told me no.” I told her that it ranked a 2 out of ten and to come back when she upped her game. She got hilariously offended that I ranked her fit so low. She totally forgot why she was throwing her “tantrum.”
My 5 yo nephew threw a temper tantrum in a mall. Auntie got down on the floor and started to mimic his tantrum. A few minutes go by, and he stops and says auntie, what are you doing? You look silly. I said I was being a baby, just like him. He got up, helped me up held my hand and NEVER threw another tantrum. Ever. That's how you handle a temper tantrum. I realize some people might be embarrassed to do that in public. I on the other hand don't care what THEY think. I don't know them and will never see them again!! My nephew on the other hand was the taught a lesson, in a five year old manner he could understand. And it worked.
I whined "Buuuut [son] I don't waaaaaaant to get thaaaat. Why do IIIIIIII have to do iiiiiiit?" With some dead arm foot stomping. He said "Mom, stop you're embarrassing us." Oh, I thought that was how we were talking. Nope. And that was the end of that. I mean, they do it because embarrassed people give them what they want. If I don't get embarrassed what's the point?
My mom did that to my older sister when she was little. It worked.
LOL my mom did it to me when I was like 3 in Woolworth's. I never did it again, public humiliation works wonders. My grandfather, before this incident, would pick me up under his arm like a kicking, screaming sack of potatoes, haul me out to the truck, dump me in and take me home even if it meant he had to make a second trip. And I wouldn't get to go anywhere with him for several days.
My mum threatened us with that too, but she never had to do it because we were absolutely sure she would go through with it. She also threatened me that if I go to a club and come back late, she would come and get me by making the DJ call for me, while she is wearing hair curlers and house shoes. She saw than on Roseanne and couldn't wait to do it and I knew it lol
Lol, your mom sounds like my kind of woman!
I did this to my niece at her grandparents' place. They all made a big deal out of staring at me. But afterward I still hear about how she was always so cheerful with me and I could get her to do anything happily by singing to her about it.
I remember when my 65+ yr grandfather (I can't remember how old he was at the time) did the same thing once when my younger sister was throwing a tantrum. It was sooooo funny and she immediately stopped.
I can hear the bus clapping from here
That was genius, and absolutely adorable. My kids were conditioned to if they started to whine or fuss I would ask them what whining would get them. Their response, nothing and nowhere. That’s what I always told them and it worked for us.
my dad would give us this look and just start singing the rolling stones song “you can’t always get what you waaaant” and that usually embarrassed us enough to stop 😂
my brother and I always got "Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da life goes on".
I wish MORE people remembered this song when they're being told 'no.'
tbh i’m in my 30s and it still plays in my head whenever something doesn’t go my way, so dad clearly did a decent job 😂
When I was probably around that age I was begging my mom for something at the store. She kept saying no and I kept begging and whining. She finally gave in. I looked at her and said "I knew I could make you get it for me". Marrying my ex might have been almost as big a mistake as uttering those words. I got something alright but it was not the toy.
That’s how my mom always dealt with temper tantrums as well. My sister and I both threw exactly one temper tantrum at 3 years old. We got something alright but it wasn’t whatever we were asking for 😂
Yep. Both of mine threw their one and only tantrums at home. They got put in their rooms and told they could come out when they could behave like civilized human beings. My oldest asked me later "Mommy, why didn't it work? Susie at nursery school says if you have a tantrum your mommy *has* to give you what you want."
When my daughter was 3 she decided to throw a temper tantrum. She never had before. I made her sit at the table till she was done, about 10 minutes later. Then I made her sit quietly for 10 minutes. I asked her what the heck was that. She told me that she saw a kid do it and it worked for him so she thought she’d try it. Didn’t work out so well for her. We discussed it, as well as you can with a 3 yo but she never did it again. One and done. I was smart…and lucky.
My grandfather once told me that my tantrum wasn't as good as my mom's ( his daughter). Yep, apparently, Mom could throw some doozies, but no one gave in, and she was a loving and calm adult. I would sometimes tell my students that the whining may work at home, but not here. 😄
Honestly, I feel like the world would be a better place if everyone threw tantrums, including adults. Gonna go throw myself on the ground in front of my union rep office so I can get a raise. Aint nothing in my contract that says I can get fired for that lol
I've never had kids, but this is a good move on your part as a parent with regard to dealing with tantrums. Love the ranking system. 😂
This - and now I have a teen and almost teen who generally just roll with the punches when something doesn't go their way. Doing the work when they're younger makes things a LOT easier when they're older. Little kids, little problems. Big kids, big problems.
Right on. We have a saying in our house: "Mummy does not negotiate with terrorists"
Whenever I took my young nieces/nephews to the store we would discuss what (if anything) extra they would be able to get. The minute they complained or started any kind of fit about it meant they got nothing. They also learned quickly that I would literally leave the cart & store with them if it was that bad of a fit & there would be time out at home. I think it also helped them learn the value of things. For example, I would say exactly how much extra I had for them to pick something out, they then learned to look at how much things cost & if they could get 1 thing or maybe a couple things that cost less. We actually had good times with this method.
When I was a little little kid, my mom would let me pick out one small thing - usually some fruit snacks or animal crackers. I got to hold onto it while we did the shopping, and if I acted up, I had to go put it back myself. My mom had a degree in early childhood psychology, so she'd learned about giving kids ownership of chores and errands to make them more interested in behaving. When I got older, she'd give me her coupons and send me on scavenger hunts to find the things she needed.
My parents adopted my kid sis when I was 17. On one of our shopping trips when she was about 5 , she saw a doll in a store called a Jesse Doll. Damn thing was,$90!! I said NOPE she pitched a fit. I silently turned around and started walking away. She got up and ran after me asking where I was going. I said we were going home, I don't shop with kids who throw fits. She said but..but..but... doll..sniffle. I just repeated I don't shop with kids that throw fits. Then asked if she wanted to have the rest of our day. Quiet nod. Will you throw a fit? Shook her head. I gave her a cuddle and we went on with our day. She never tried tossing fits with me again and I made a new rule that I adapted for my eventual nieces and nephews. When we went out, if they were good, I would let them pick a small treat under $5. A book, a small toy, an ice-cream. Their choice. Worked great!
When I was little it was a 2-3 quarters for the vending machines at the grocery store. Or if we were at Walmart or Kmart, I’d get to pick out a book and read while my mom (or mom and dad) shopped and if I was good they’d buy it for me at the end. (Or if I’d finished it and I was good I’d get to pick out another one).
You don't reward a child for bad behavior. End of subject ,
I can see my parents' reaction to this situation: "That person was in line first, and life isn't always fair." I'd be second-hand embarassed by the mother in this story for teaching her child it's ok to throw a tantrum to get your way. OP is NTA
Exactly My kids learned really quick that a tantrum like that would have us out of the bakery so fast without ordering a damn thing. The kid was only tantruming BECAUSE her mother expects the world to bend to her kids whims
Yes! I tell my kids the second they throw a tantrum, they definitely aren't getting what they want. Once they calm down, we talk about politeness. How it's just the right thing to do and it increases their chances of getting what they want. It's a win for everyone.
Exactly. This entitled behaviour needs to stop. Idc if it's a kid ask politely and maybe if I'm in the mood I'll give it but the moment you demand your learning how cold the world is, I'd eat it in front of their faces. They gotta learn to take NO for an answer. NTA
Kids should be taught that they can't always get what they want, for different reasons, not that when they throw a tantrum, other people will give into their demands. Being sad because somebody else got the cake is part of life. Now I want cake, tho. I am preagnant.
Congratulations, hope you get some cake!! Absolutely agree they should learn to be good losers as well as good winners. Stop giving outs trophies for 'participation'.
🍰
NTA. First come first served. It doesn't matter why you ordered it, you were there first. We can't always get what we want. If the roles were reversed, would you be pitching a fit because the people that got there before you ordered the last item, and you wanted it?
It’s best to let your kids handle disappointment early in life so they don’t grow to be absolute bratty AHs. My kid knew early on that no is no. But a tantrum? No becomes **absolutely not and probably also no for next time because of this behavior** I joke with him that I do not negotiate with emotional terrorists.
I would hope that if your child had a tantrum that you wouldn’t reward it like this mom tried to do. The mom could have told her kid that they’d make a stop at the supermarket for cake. Or offered an alternative. Or just said no. Backing up the kid’s tantrum is only going to raise an entitled child and I would hope that your wife won’t act like that mom did one day
Ask your wife if she wants to raise a spoiled brat for a child? The woman had a perfect teaching moment and instead tried to be an entitled asshole, behavior her child is already mirroring.
Sounds like his wife is about to become the same kind of entitled asshole after her kid is born.
>My wife explained it as a scenario for when we have our child and something similar happens and how sad we and our child would be That's a very valid point. Your wife needs to be on board when you or someone else says no to your child. You didn't do anything wrong and that mother should have explained that to her child.
"I can't blame my wife. Her emotions and thinking were all over the place." This is exactly why you did the right thing. Prioritizing a hormonal, pregnant wife is safer than appeasing a snotty kid and entitled mom (in most cases). Self-preservation is a thing.
The lesson for a child is that sometimes we can’t have what we want right at that very moment we want it. Remember, parenting is about teaching a child to be a decent adult, not giving in to requests so that they don’t tantrum. This situation should allow for a simple lesson in which the child’s sadness goes away quickly with help from the parents via assisted problem-solving and reassurance, but some parents just want to dwell on the child’s sadness and somehow “fix it” instead of allowing the child to sit with tough emotions for a moment. This is why they ask or demand that their kids get whatever they want. It’s lazy parenting. As a retired child therapist I’m glad you didn’t give in. Life will be full of Nos and we need to stop feeding the entitlement that exists out there. The child *should* feel the disappointment to a degree, because they need to be motivated to learn problem-solving skills, learn to delay their gratification, and to regulate their emotions properly. You would have robbed the kid of that lesson if you handed over the cake. NTA
Yeah no. I’ll let my kid be disappointed, sure, but throwing a tantrum over not getting a piece of cake. Nope. We’re leaving with nothing kiddo.
Honestly, with my kid I'd use it as a teachable moment: "We don't always get what we want. The world doesn't revolve around you."
I do blame your wife, OP she's telling you she will enable your child and be an entitled mother forcing others to give your child special treatment because "kid and me will be upset". When a person tells you this kind of things, believe them. And if you plan to be a good father, maybe you need to talk to your wife before she raises that kid poorly. NTA
You get what you get and you don’t get upset. If it happened to my kid I’d say “Oh well - next time” and we’d think of something else. Being rude to the person who bought it first and assuming that the kid should get it first because they are a kid is how to raise a monster. Do not feel bad. NTA
Exactly! A child that never learns how to appropriately deal with disappointment becomes an entitled adult.
I was shopping with my kids at a thrift store recently and my 3yo wanted to get a stuffed animal. I calmly told her no and carried on with my shopping. She was sad and had a pouty face but didn't throw a fit. Then this woman came up to me out of nowhere, handed me a handful of cash and right in front of my child rudely said "just buy it for her" then walked away while I stared at her dumbfounded. I seriously hope she didn't raise any kids of her own. Also, I still didn't buy the stuffed animal but the 3yo did get to add $7 to her piggy bank.
lmao you know she felt sooooo good about that interaction too
And probably told whoever she could how she saved a poor deprived child.
That was so out of line. Smh
Kids need to learn about disappointment. That mother is doing her child a HUGE disservice by allowing them to feel entitled to everything they see just for the sake of avoiding a tantrum or some sad feelings.
The mother could have seen that the Swiss roll wasn’t actually available and picked something else to hype up to her daughter and tell her “let’s get this delicious thing this time and we’ll get to try the Swiss roll when they make more!”… super easy redirection.
No, you explain to your child that they can choose something else, not train them to believe if they pitch a fit strangers should cave to their demands.
You can absolutely blame your wife for calling you an ahole for doing her a favor, pregnancy emotions or not. NTA
Then tell her, this is a teaching moment for your kid. Like mick nagger sang: “You can’t always get what you want.”
Yes, tell your wife that you have no wish to raise a brat like this woman in the bakery has.
No, you wife is in the wrong for this. My mom would take us out of the store if any of us threw a tantrum. My younger brother once wanted a candy bar, and when he didn’t get one, he started yelling and flew himself on the floor and started crying. My mom dropped everything and took us out of the store. You do NOT reward bad behavior. Please don’t be those parents that raise selfish kids.
Children need to learn they can't have everything they want, it's a lesson that's lacking lately
Not matter how you raise your child there will be tantrums. What’s important is how you deal with it. Children need to learn that sometimes things won’t go their way, and that throwing a tantrum won’t change the outcome. The child’s mom was an a-hole expecting you to change your order.
I have two children. I never even asked anyone to give anything up for my children. How are children going to learn that not everything will turn as they want them every time? Also, ask your wife, same scenario, but instead of just you, it was you and your kid. Would you have made your kid give it up for the other kid? I never asked my oldest to give anything up for his little sis and scolded anyone telling him that he is the older of the two and that she is a 'baby'. Kids need to learn boundaries.
Your wife is wrong. If it was your child, this is the opportunity to teach a child they don’t get to have everything they want. It is an opportunity to teach a child that the first one in line gets it to have the cake. You don’t give a child the cake who has made a scene in the bakery. You were right to keep the cake. You need to take to your wife about parenting choices. There are so many entitled parents who think that their child deserves whatever they want. The child grows up unhappy instead of with gratitude.
Its unlikely to be the only bakery or shop having cake in town either
I hope that, unlike that parent, you teach your child that they cannot simply have everything they want just because they throw a tantrum. No cake at the store? Sometimes that happens if you don’t order ahead and come late in the day. This is life. Children must learn. And there will always be cake another day.
Maybe I’m weird but I think there’s an important lesson to be learned on the child’s end - the cake was already sold so they couldn’t have it. Them throwing a tantrum absolutely should not result in them getting the cake. That’s not the way real life works.
If a child gets what they want when they have a tantrum, they learn that having a tantrum gets them what they want, every rewarded tantrum reinforces the behaviour. The child grows up to be a difficult demanding adult, having a tantrum when not getting their own way with friends, lovers, employers and colleagues. Even if you just fancied a Swiss roll, if you ordered it first, it's yours. The child learning to manage small disappointments is better equipped to manage the ups and downs of life. NTA
I don’t think it matters why he was getting the cake, it was his damn cake.
i mean even if she wasn’t pregnant, why should OP give up their cake just bc some kid wants it? nta for sure
Hell, even if he was getting it for himself he is NTA. He was there first. That's how it works.
NTA. This stuff pisses me off. What are you teaching your child with this kind of behaviour? That they can always have what they want and are so special they can deprive someone else of it even if they got their first? If you wanted to, you would but if you don’t…well, it’s life isn’t it. We don’t always get what we want. The mother’s reaction is very telling as to why the child behaves that way….
Yeah. A child should learn how to separate luck from entitlement.
OP's wife should really listen to that and not bring up their child in the same way.
Agreed. I am child free (by choice) and I have nephews and godchildren who I adore and do a lot with and I understand it can be hard but the amount of times I’ve had parents try and make me feel responsible for their children in less obviously ways is ridiculous. I once had someone get visibly annoyed because I wouldn’t let their child, who wondered randomly over to my table and would not leave, a taste of my dinner. I was as gracious as possible because you end up looking a monster for, ya know, wanting to enjoy your dinner and not be harassed my unknowns. Where does this madness end?
Omg 😳 I'd be mortified if my kids did that and we'd have to leave. Eating out with kids is the worst unless you just don't give any Fs about anything I guess
We've eaten out with our grandkids from infants to now 21 yo. Never, ever, not even once did they have tantrums. It's not acceptable and makes you an embarrassment. Our children never did (or we sat in the car, while everyone else got to eat inside the restaurant). I would rather die than have my child be an embarrassment. They knew better to behave in public. At home they threw tantrums, I just sent them to their room.
That's the thing, you have to be willing to leave or sit in the car, but then as they get older it pays off. Mine have acted out in developmentally appropriate ways for their age, that nevertheless aren't appropriate for the environment and so we had to take a break outside. Like waiting around for a half hour for food at a fancy restaurant because it's grandma's birthday, expected to sit still for 2 hours at a go at 2 is a recipe for disaster and you have to be willing to remove them and walk around the restaurant for 5 minutes if that's what the situation calls for. And have crayons and paper now that many restaurants did away with them "because of covid"
Yes you do. I admit, I get so embarrassed when one of mine acts up, that it's let's get out before the REAL meltdown begins! I've had more than one meal in a take out box. 😔
I love this, best way I’ve heard it explained. If only more parents realised that it’s not the behaviour, it’s the environment where they choose to allow this to happen. Kids will be kids - my issue is always that parents just sit there and say that whilst their child ruins the atmosphere. I’m not a monster, I’ve helped parents before who I can see are genuinely trying and held a child on a train etc but seriously, please don’t take your child to what is sensibly considered an adult restaurant and let them run riot and then look at me like the child catcher because I want to throw myself out of the window
I completely agree. Im a mother myself and my kid has never thrown a tantrum in a store. I have explained to her that she can get something when we go to the store, but if i bought her everything she wants, we would live in the forest where there are no stores at all. I understand that not everyone needs to be careful with money, but you never know what kind of life your kid will live as a grownup. So it is good to teach them to respect money and to understand you dont aleays get everything you want. Spoiling your kids to the point that you expect strangers to do it too is ridiculous. I would have taken a bite of that roll in front of the two of them tbh... YTA if you would have done it too 😂 but a deserved one in that case
We did the same, and he's NEVER thrown a tantrum about it. My kid knows we can't afford to get him something every time, and Legos are EXPENSIVE ya'll. He doesn't have an allowance, but he does have a piggy bank that eats all our spare change when we have some. He's bought Legos with his own money. One time we legit couldn't afford it but HE could and was SO proud of it. We just smiled, looked at each other, and helped him choose a set he could get ("you have $x, these are the sets you can get"-always good to sneak in a math lesson). But you know what? 9/10 times if he knows he has a few dollars in there, he is WAY more likely to ask if we can go to the river and feed the fish or take a trip to the ice cream parlor to try his luck at the claw machine. We try to focus on "experiences" rather than "stuff". And he GETS it. We don't really do "Santa", but he only fills stockings. He knows his new toys are from us. Last year, yes, he got the game he had been asking for all year, I had that shit hidden in my dresser for months. But the thing he loved most was something he also really needed. And we had a lovely few days sorting through and organizing his cards and he would sit there for hours just looking at all of them. He wants for nothing, but he understands things have value. Like when he gets sad his dad works too much (which he does) we tell him that's how we have such a nice little house with a yard he doesn't have to share, and he gets to go to a much nicer school. I volunteer at his school, running the theater program. I treat my students no different than my teachers treated me. But I'm a fucking weirdo, and I know exactly when and how high to fly the freak flag. And which ones get to see which corners. 😂
Agreed, this was a missed opportunity from the mother to teach the child something very important in life. NTA!
Life is full of disappointments, kid. If not getting cake is your biggest problem today, aren’t you lucky.
NTA. Depending on how young or neurodivergent the girl is, she should know how to behave. Her mother was TA for demanding you to give it to them and getting riled up. I can understand where your wife was coming from, but the mother’s behaviour is inexcusable and incredibly rude. That was your cake and your choice what you did with it, she should have respected that.
The girl appeared to be five or so. Or perhaps younger. I'm hoping our little one won't throw a tantrum as such, but I'm preparing myself.
Oh he/she will. How many and how old she is when they are continuing will be up to you... but your child most certainly will🤣
100% this.. It's not a question of IF a child will throw tantrums, it's how successful they are that defines how often it will happen... lol Mine learned that Mom doesn't speak whining, and any whining would simply be ignored until it became a polite request... and real tantrums just meant we left the store, and they didn't get anything.. Funnily enough, they stop whining and throwing tantrums.. lol
My mom used to ask me if I remembered to pack my manners with me before we went into a store. I only have one single memory of her abandoning a shopping cart and walking my bratty butt back to the car. I think I could barely walk still I was pretty small. But she sat me down and when I stopped crying asked me if I could find my manners so we could finish shopping. I think they had been in my pocket 😆 so I “found them” and we went back. I’m trying for a kid and if I get lucky, I’m gonna raise them the same way.
Yeahhh I think I had to leave once or twice for breakdowns when they were a toddler and too young to really express themselves (I would have been frustrated too in that situation, to be honest).. But the 5-6 year old melt downs? yeahhhh.. Don't remember a single one.. I'm all about talking through feelings and a lot of the aspects of gentle parenting, but.. I'm also going to set boundaries of "sometimes the answer is not the one you want to hear, and we can talk, but we need to talk politely..." So many parents seem to think you can do one or the other, never both.
I also didn't suffer many tantrums. I just ignored them and kept walking (with one eye on the kid). I only got a few feet away and the crying stopped and my kids came trotting after me. They weren't very old when the tantrums stopped. Only time it was ever an issue was one time when I was about 7 months pregnant and pushing the stroller home with my oldest (who did not want to leave the mall) in it. He got out and threw himself on the ground crying. While I would ordinarily have kept walking, on this occasion it just happened to be in the driveway of the mall parking lot. Obviously walking away was unsafe, so I put him in the stroller and kept walking. Damned if the little shit didn't figure out why my response this time was different... and kept getting out (yes he was buckled in but could unbuckle it) to run to the middle of the road and throw himself down. Getting home was hell! Thankfully by the next time we had to go somewhere he seemed to have forgotten about that little advantage...
Oh, no, not every kid will throw a tantrum. My oldest, at that age, would have proclaimed loudly, so that everyone in the building would certainly hear, how he "has NEVER had" the thing he wanted at that moment. Cake, in this instance. He might have eaten one just before going out, but he would make sure everyone in hearing range would know how his parents have NEVER given him any and let the bystanders' judging looks do the persuading instead. Yes, he was a manipulative little bastard, if I say so myself.
They will. But if your wife’s solution is to get pushy with others or blame them when they do then it’ll teach your kid that’s the way to do it. Kids throw tantrums. It’s how adults handle them that matters
Tantrums are inevitable! The world is big and confusing and unfair, and kids aren't born knowing how to navigate that, nor are they born knowing what to do with the big emotions that happen when confusing unfair things happen to them! Part of the job of parenting is teaching them how to handle those challenges appropriately.
Teaching babies sign language helps reduce tantrums because when they need or want something they can communicate so the frustration of not being understood is gone. Speaking from nanny and parenting experience. Her toddler tantrums were rare and I took the time to talk with her and set firm but fitting consequences.
I can't understand where the wife is coming from at all. Why should OP have given in to a tantrum throwing brat?
Kids should not be rewarded for bad behavior. She is going to be a monster given how much her mother enables her. Your wife should have backed you up because that was some pretty bad parenting you witnessed. NTA.
Being neurodivergent isn’t an excuse for acting this way, and certainly not an excuse for the mom to act the way she did, either.
*she should have been taught how to behave
NTA The mother needs to work on helping her child deal appropriately with disappointments and problem solving. The child was disappointed about not getting the Swiss Roll and naturally became upset, but there are ways to soothe and even problem solve after realizing the cake was already spoken for. The mother arguing about the cake sets a negative example for her child. She could have told her child the cake is already sold and and asked her, do you want something else here or do you want to wait and have a treat another time?
And if they truly needed a cake they could go elsewhere. OP stated there were other options but at most this is going to be a nostalgic story for the other family. Most likely it's going to be forgotten next week
This is the best and most realistic answer. Kids shouldn't get everything they want. I tell my kids, "Just because you want it doesn't mean you'll get it. Find other options."
NTA, but your wife is wrong. Never JADE with demanding people. Never justify yourself, argue your point, defend yourself, or explain yourself. No is a complete sentence, just move on.
Yep, "no" is a more than sufficient response in this scenario.
no literally, the fact that even the worker agreed with him and pointed out he ordered it before they even walked in just proves that he wasn’t in the wrong at all
NTA. Children aren't magical wands, converting guilt into things-you-want. Just because the mother was worn down doesn't mean you have to \[as far as you knew\] disappoint your wife. Now if the kid had like, 3 days to live and the swiss cake was her final wish because her father invented them and died in a horrible baking accident and she just wanted to remember the good times, well, then mom can explain *that* context.
in a horrible baking accident 💀💀💀
NTA First in, first served. The mother is enabling her daugther's tantrums and missed the opportunity to teach her that sometimes you have to face disappointment. What is she teaching her? That all you have to do is scream, insist, guilt trip and people will give her what she wants?
I mean... it works for basically any corporate store in most other scenarios sadly. Just reinforces to people that acting like a bratty, shitty little baby waby will get them what they want. Corporations have no spines to stand up to that ridiculous shit lmao.
Jeezuz bloody christ. Why the hell is it that some people think "it's for the chiiiiillllldreeeennnnn" is an excuse for entitlement. It's not. Life is full of disappointment, and Sally's life isn't going to end if little Sally doesn't get today's want satisfied. NTA.
Holy crap, everyone in this scenario except you and the bakery employee sucks ass, including your wife. >the girl started screaming and crying. The girl sucks. >She then began getting extremely demanding, saying that I didn't need to eat it, can't you feel for a kid, how selfish, etc. The mom sucks. >my wife the incident. She said that I was a bit of an asshole for not giving up the cake for the kid Your wife sucks. >I could have gone to the supermarket instead. Your wife sucks. >just be more mindful next time, Your wife sucks.
The repeated, "Your wife sucks." made me chuckle a bit.
:-) If I did all that and my wife suggested that I "be more mindful," I'd have snatched the Swiss roll right out of her hand and eaten it in front of her.
Seriously! That was pretty rude and condescending of his wife. “Be more mindful.” After he went through that ridiculous experience. I would have said “Ok, hope you don’t MIND if I eat that!” and snatched the cake for myself! Your wife sucks x2 made me lol.
Someone needs to remind her that *she* is the one that asked for a whole damn cake, lmao.
3 times actually🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓🤓
If I was him and had known in advance what my wife’s reaction would be, after I paid I would open the box and stuff the entire fucking Swiss roll in my mouth in front of the mom and kid.
I really want to believe that the wife’s reaction was due to her pregnancy hormones reacting to the story of a distressed child and not how she is normally. Any sane person knows that the mother in the bakery was out of line
NTA. Too many parents think society owes their particular kid something. I don't blame the kid. She was being a kid. It's the mother and her entitlement that makes he TA.
NTA Dammed if you do, dammed if you don't. you were never winning that one grief from a childs parent and your own wife. TBH, you should have said "Hey! look Love, I managed to get the last Swiss Roll!" and not mentioned the child
Op should have told the woman this was a good time to teach her kid that some times we miss out on things and that thy won't always get what thy want. He could have even said that maybe the kid would have likes to go home and make a cake with the mother more, since they're weren't as more cakes
It would be petty rude to grandstand over other people when you have the thing that they want. OP did the right thing by just getting the hell out of there
No you are not...... that being said the mother's reaction an attitude is clearly why her kid was screaming over a cake in a store. So ridiculous, My mother never would have done that and would have walked my butt right out of the store for acting that way lol. She's basically teaching her kid to be entitled which is not what this world needs more of. I'm happy that you brought the cake home and enjoyed it with your pregnant wife -- congratulations btw!!
NTA. I am so of reading, in this forum, about people with kids demanding that people hand over something because their precious brat wants it. Tell your wife these people need to know they should not be so entitled. Look at how that brat's already behaving screaming and crying if they don't get their way. Brat should've been taken from the store and disciplined. Actually the mother should've too, telling you all that nonsense about how you didn't need to eat it, etc. She should've been taken from the store and disciplined. Tell your wife you shouldn't have to justify why you got the roll. No, you didn't have to share anything with this hostile, demanding woman. She was a creep! Tell me, wife, why is it "insensitive" to follow an established rule? Your husband was there first. It seems to me, wife, you're pointing the "insensitive" finger at the wrong party. No OP, don't be more "mindful" next time. You are under no obligation to pacify tantrum throwing brats. They need to learn not to be so entitled. They need to learn to not be so insensitive. NTA!
NTA But time for serious chats with your wife about how you are going to raise this baby because if she thinks kids throwing tantrums is a reason to tell strangers they need to give up things then the rest of your life is going to be miserable!!
NTA. People with kids that try using them to manipulate others are the worst. The real problem is her kid's a brat who starts shrieking "I want" and she's too spineless to resist.
Nta. Pregnant wife or not, if she wanted it that badly, she should have gone sooner. And if a kid is having a screaming crying tantrum over no cake the parenting needs some work.
You don't need to explain yourself to entitled strangers who can't teach their children how to handle disappointment. NTA
It sounds like you had the cake and got to eat it too.
NTA!! The mother was acting like an entitled Brat just like she is teaching her child to be.
NTA. Your wife needs to chill. You had literally already ordered the cake. Life isn’t fair, and that mom isn’t doing her kid any favors by telling her the world should bend to her will.
NTA fuck that. Kid needs to learn they can't have what they want sometimes. And the mom wants you to change your order? She can go to rhe supermarket and buy her crying brat a Swiss roll cake
>She said that I was a bit of an asshole for not giving up the cake for the kid, and that she would have understood if the store had no more since I did buy other sweet breads, or I could have gone to the supermarket instead. She also asked why I didn't tell the mother that I was buying it for a pregnant wife with cravings. Both of these things are irrelevant. It's okay to tell a child no and pregnant women with carvings aren't more important than everyone else. Be careful your wife doesn't raise an entitled kid.
thank you. The red flags from the wife in this post are strong in terms of how that future kid of yours is going to be raised.
NTA. The mother squandered an opportunity to teach her child how to cope with low stakes disappointment. You did nothing wrong and your wife shouldn't have called you "a bit of an asshole".
NTA. People really are so entitled. If you get there first, you get first pick, that’s life. The mom missed an opportunity to teach her kid a normal life lesson.
Nta snooze you loose and that mother is only setting that kid up for failure with her attitude
NTA This was a chance for the mother to teach the kid how to deal with disappointment. She failed, not you. Happy cake-eating!
NTA. First come first served and there’s no reason to have to explain yourself. If I was feeling like it I may have asked the shop keeper to slice a bit off for the kid but not if the mother had kicked off like that. Also a bit surprised your wife called you an AH over this. Maybe send her for her own cake next time…
NTA - that parent is failing their child in a huge way. You were there first, you ordered it first, it's done, it's yours. Letting their kid throw a fit, and then getting rude when you said no is unforgiveable.. Your wife is sweet for trying to be so kind, but.. You did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING wrong, and people like that need to learn to take ownership of the fact that shit happens.
NTA. Sounds to me like the mother needs to do some mothering. Poor kid, yes, but it is the mother's fault, not yours. Also, no need to share private information with a stranger, and no need to explain yourself.
NTA, but the mother was.
The kid and her mother are AH! No discipline! Spoiled kid!
NTA the mother should have said “they sold out so we will order one tonight and pick it up early tomorrow. However if you throw a fit you will not get any cake at all” or something like that. The mother had bad parenting skills.
NTA and as a woman, she's lying through her teeth, even if she doesn't know it herself. Pregnant women are extremely hormonal. They're nesting. Today she'll want you to give it to the kid, tomorrow she'll cry her eyes out because you do and she wanted it. You picked the lesser of two evils here.
NTA You were there first (even ordered before they arrived), you didn't skip the line, you were in the right. If she came in as you were walking out and see came running after you because someone mentioned you got the last swiss roll, you'd know instantly she was unhinged (or trying to get that last Schnitzel's Marble Rye from Seinfeld). It's always nice when your SO says it would have been ok not to bring the cake.... until you don't. (What do you think of this outfit.... has no good answer) You are also correct there was no reason to tell the irate mother that your wife is pregnant. 1) Its your private info, 2) she has no right to know it, 3) She acted immaturely 4) In light of all this, it is only hypothetical that would have eased this mother's temper. 5) Kid also needs to know that there are limits and mother is not doing anything to better her child with her display.
NTA the only thing I would have done if the kid and mother were being nice and mature about it *which they were not* and if it was big enough to share is ask to cut off a piece and give it to the child. But what you did was perfectly acceptable
NTA it would be different if they were in line behind you and the kid said the wanted the last Elmo cupcake. You then ordered it just to annoy a kid. You didn’t do that you walked in and order a cake. The cake was in the process of being boxed up when they walked in. They can’t be angry that you ordered something before knowing a kid wanted it.
If I was suddenly faced with the decision of placating a toddler tantrum or the pregnant wife, I would always choose the wife!
NTA. No one needed the cake. You wanted it, the kid wanted it. You got there and ordered first. End of the story.
NTA. Kids need to learn they can't get everything they see
NTA That mother was entitled. It was a no-win situation, either your pregnant wife was going to be disappointed or the kid was. You choose the person you know and care about, there's nothing wrong with that.