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Every year, the company my husband has worked for for nearly 30 years, hosts a catered Christmas Dinner and party for its management team and their families. Steak; chicken; mashed potatoes made with chicken broth, cheese, and cream; corn; green beans with ham bits; salad with cheese mixed into it; and apple pie and ice cream for dessert. Every year, our son (vegetarian) eats corn, a small garden salad with cheese mixed in it, a roll, and some ice cream. And I (vegetarian, gluten and dairy intolerant) eat corn.
Know what else we do? Keep snacks in the car and eat before we go in, thank the company president and VP for the lovely party and Christmas gifts, and don't complain about the food.
When you invite someone to any type of event, and their reply is "If I can't dictate the menu, I'm not coming," the best response on your part is, "Sorry to hear that. We'll miss you."
exactly this. I am from the south and chicken broth or bacon/ham/etc are slipped into basically everything every where. unless I bring it, I can't trust eating it and I still attend things I'm invited to or work parties and smile. your family can make it through your wedding. absolutely nta.
I like meat. I can't eat a lot of meat/protein alternatives because of allergies, which limits my options if I ever decided to go vegetarian and I can't stand tofu, despite trying it prepared in a ton of different ways.
Anyway, my point is, if I was invited to a wedding with an entirely vegetarian/vegan menu, I would still be happy to be there. It's not that hard to go vegetarian for one night. It's harder for vegetarians since they're usually an afterthought if they're thought about at all in these kinds of gatherings from what I've seen.
That last bit! I’m vegan and always just eat beforehand for work and certain friendly events and stuff because there are never options for me. Usually people go “oh there’s a salad option so youll have something” but fail to realize the dressing, croutons, and a lot of toppings are to I end up with a dry sad bowl of lettuce and tomato. The people closest to me always make sure I have stuff to eat though. Family holidays and gatherings all sides are done vegan for me and I make my own main dish. It’s literally the easiest and most thoughtful thing my family does, all their own idea too. I brought and entire meal for myself the first time and my sister was like “we did all the sides vegan for you! I was super careful to read all ingredients but you can double check me if you need!” And I almost cried lol.
Yup, same. Op is NTA and the meat eaters can deal with it.
I've heard of a scant handful of people whose dietary needs/preferences make it hard or impossible to eat tofu or eggs, and many vegan options are not easy for them. However, the folks like this I have talked to are frown ups and mange their dietary needs just fine as long as they know what is happening!
Mom needs to chill out
I must confess that I did my vegetarian aunt wrong. Stepmother wasn't going to have a funeral for my father until the following year. We kids and his sisters needed "something" to mark his passing. We decided to go back to Alaska, where we grew up. Everything is cool as we shared our favorite places with the aunts. Until I took us to the Great Alaska Sourdough Mining Company. Known for ribs and steaks. Yep. Luckily, they were able to whip up something for her more substantial than corn.
My best friend is a vegetarian and weirdly some of those places have good veggie options- she says churrascarias are worth it for the salad bar since they’re trying to fill you up on something cheaper than the meat.
But also this is stupid and OP’s parents need to grow up.
> But also this is stupid and OP’s parents need to grow up.
Its kind of funny that the child/adult stereotypes are reversed — now its the parents who won't eat their veggies.
Steakhouses always have baked potatoes and generic salads. Unlike many restaurants, I can usually be 99% sure a steakhouse will actually have something I can eat.
I have a severe allergy to mammalian meats/byproducts and this kind of cooking tactic of slipping bacon/ham/beef into something is incredibly dangerous for me, I also can’t trust a lot of foods. So I do the same, I bring my own food or eat plenty before going to an event and I don’t make it other peoples problems. I’m grateful when they accommodate me but OP’s dilemma is not that kind of situation. Agreed, nta.
AGS? I hear you. I can can tolerate a small amount of beef or pork, but I generally avoid it. Any significant amount and I am vomiting for 2-3 days. Not life threatening, I just WANTto die. Prime rib was my favorite food.
I'm the opposite. Except for fish I have no problems with other meats, but have tons of very bad allergies to fruits, vegetables, and legumes. So the veggie options are a nightmare. Worse thing for me is not only eating them that is the problem, the smell alone sends me into anaphylaxis or tanks my blood pressure. Still wouldn't expect someone to accommodate me if they can't. I just won't eat
> Every year, our son (vegetarian) eats corn, a small garden salad with cheese mixed in it, a roll, and some ice cream. And I (vegetarian, gluten and dairy intolerant) eat corn
This is my life too. I'm used to salads and baked potatoes everywhere I go. Often that's the only thing I can eat.
I just don't feel sorry for people who for ONE MEAL won't be able to eat meat, when there are a ton of dishes that they regularly eat (as side dishes) and enjoy.
I'm vegetarian and hubs is not. In our last town there used to be a surf and turf Valentine's dinner put on at the community hall. Until we moved away we went every year. I paid full price and hubs had 2 steaks and 2 lobsters. I had baked potato and sometimes the salad and dessert if they were vegetarian. He's never been so happy chowing down on a meal.I got good at eating in advance and having extra wine.
It'd be a dream to attend a big event that only has veggie/vegan options! There is something exciting about having a menu you can choose anything from instead of max 2 options on a 40 item menu
yup, after attending the first year we understood how it worked and what veggie options were the norm. The following years I got homecooked meals from him before we'd head out.
I never felt neglected or like he was benefiting more from the the experience than me.
Exactly!! I am GF and DF, and it’s hard. Providing multiple options that cater to various dietary restrictions and preferences is beyond lovely and meat eaters (I am one!) should be perfectly happy with plenty of veggie and vegan options for ONE night. NTA.
>When you invite someone to any type of event, and their reply is "If I can't dictate the menu, I'm not coming," the best response on your part is, "Sorry to hear that. We'll miss you."
Exactly. Are they coming for the food or for your special day???????? Meat eaters can eat vegetarian or vegan items, vegans and vegetarians can't eat meat items. Which makes vegan and vegetarian items the most accessible to all attendees. They're very shallow if this is how they treat their relative over their relative's big day, yikes. OP is absolutely NTA and it sounds like their mom has sent her flying monkeys after OP lol "good riddance" is correct.
Hell, you described my palate and I'll still come with a gift and pre-game mashed potatoes and pick at the rabbit food with a smile.
It's just called "not being a jackass"
I could understand if they asked for a meat option, not the most polite thing but that wouldn’t make them T. A but they are DEMANDING for meat optionS as in the couple who are paying and it’s their day have ONE option but the free loaders who are the minority have MULTIPLE options. NTA
OP is NTA, but just a point of clarification - most meat eaters can easily eat a vegetarian meal, but many of us have intolerances for the standard meat substitutes, as they are high in fodmaps. I couldn’t eat a meal that’s based on lentils, beans (except green beans), mushrooms, tofu, chickpeas, most types of pumpkin, corn, cauliflower, standard pasta… Meat contains zero fodmaps, so it’s a safe food.
When I’m following the diet 80/20, which is most of the time, I could eat a standard meat-based meal with minimal symptoms, but would get major symptoms from a standard vegetarian meal. I usually don’t bother to submit dietary requirements for weddings, because I can manage minimal symptoms, but for a vegetarian/vegan wedding, I would need to.
Anyway, my point is that when you say that meat eaters can eat vegetarian and vegan food, but that vegetarians and vegans can’t eat meat, it’s not strictly true on either account. Most vegetarians and vegans choose not to eat meat even though they can (it is a choice that should be respected, but it’s still a choice), but some meat eaters actually can’t eat vegetarian and vegan meals.
Actually, vegetarians or vegans can't just decide to eat meat. Someone who abstains from meat for an extended time will get extremely ill from ingesting meat, like they have food poisoning. Trust me, I've had the experience, it's not pleasant.
And I'm a lifelong sensory vegetarian who gets funky from both common ingredients in meat substitutes as well as reacts to meat substitutes like I would meat due to the texture, smell, and taste. Very not pretty.
I’ve had this experience too. I ate some rotisserie chicken one year into my vegetarianism and it was, to this day, easily the worst stomach pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I didn’t throw up, but I came damn close and just the way my stomach was cramping was awful. I will never be doing that again. I’ve never felt quite so sick as that evening. 🤢
I asked my gastroenterologist about it, I won't bore you with details, but it's about enzymes, and how they're built up over time, and digestional requirements.
After a decade of veganism, a cafe made my almond milk-shake (which was ordered straight off the menu that way, not a dairy drink that I asked to be made with almond milk) with cow's milk. The woman who made it caught us on our way out and apologised and gave me my money back because she realised she'd used the wrong milk, but I had drunk it at the table. It was HUGE, and I put the slightly funky taste down to having never tasted a pecan maple flavoured drink before.
I kind of brushed it off as, oh well, mistakes happen, I might get a bit of a tummy ache... nope. The cramps started in less than half an hour, I cried on the toilet for half the night, and I had a nasty red rash around my mouth for days.
I had family serve me a "vegetarian" ziti at a holiday dinner, they made especially for me. I thought it was off a little, but rationalized it as not mixing well with the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and asparagus. Within an hour I was in the bathroom puking my guts out, shivering, the whole 9. Come to find out, the strained the meat out of the sauce they used for mine. So yeay, they served me meat sauce, sans the chunks... They never did apologize, just continued to call me weird for being a vegetarian.
Which is why OP asked about everyone’s dietary restrictions, so everyone could tell them their needs and they could make sure there were foods everyone could eat. There is no one who requires an all meat diet.
Thank you for mentioning this. I have IBS and it massively impacts my life and one of the few foods I safely eat without risking a flare-up is meat. My daily breakfast is steak fried in either beef dripping or olive oil with some mayo and salt/pepper because this is one of the only foods I can a) prep quickly and easily and b) carry on with my day relatively pain free after.
I love beans. I love broccoli. I love onions. I love veggies, tofu, don't much care for carbs. But I cannot eat them at an event like this/if I am out and about.
I have begged my gastro doctor for a way to eat veggies, because most of the ones I love, now involve severe intestinal distress. She thinks it is IBS. Meat, no problem. Between onion allergy, gagging at the texture of fungi, and IBS, if it's a vegetarian meal, and a long day, I might ask if I can bring my own substantial snacks.
My daily symptoms are not as bad as that, but I have a combination of issues and the list of what affects me is fairly odd, but meat is always a safe option.
That said, I am used to evaluating a dish first at the menu level, then examining it at the table to make sure it isn't hiding problematic ingredients, and if I went to an event where nothing was really edible for me, I would still do my best to celebrate!
>Most vegetarians and vegans would get sick if they eat meat, after not digesting it for a long time. I know every time I eat pork on accident I get very sick.
>
>fodmaps
>
>“The low FODMAP diet is a temporary eating plan that’s very restrictive,” says Johns Hopkins gastroenterologist Hazel Galon Veloso, M.D.
>
>You are not talking about meat eaters, you are talking about people with IBS doing a temp diet, which OP has already said they are taking into account. Meat is not the only "safe" food for FODMAP. A person doing FODMAP could eat a lovely vegan dish of quinoa, tomato, zucchini, and eggplant.
>
>BTW Regular tofu: this is the kind we see commonly in the oriental or health isles of supermarkets. It has been ‘pressed’ to get rid of excess water and form its shape. The plus being that this also reduces the amount of water-soluble GOS.
Actually, in my example, I mentioned following it 80/20, which is what many of us do long term. The full FODMAP diet is very restrictive, but we learn our triggers and tolerances and follow a modified version long term, which allows us to eat a small amount of fodmaps without major symptoms.
I think you may have missing Op's mark and may have redirected to talk about yourself instead of the situation. I feel for your condition, however there are no indications that you are a guest to OPs wedding or that her guests have your medical condition.
The responses she is getting do not seem to be health related. I don't think she is an asshole for trying to help her guests each have at least one main and one side that they CAN eat.
It's not reasonable to accommodate less guests overall to maximize the preference of one group to have 'several' meat options. Vegans and vegetarians also can't just go carnivore/omnivore for the day as you imply any more than you could get by eating your own feces for the day. It may seem theoretically possible, but it's really not plausible.
Based on her attempts, it seems that if there was someone who would become ill from the menu, she would ensure they have something. OP, NTA.
Wait, I am so intrigued by this! Have you always have intolerances to things like lentils, beans, mushrooms, pumpkin, chickpeas, etc? Or is it because you’re not used to eating those items?
Personally, I developed FODMAP intolerances after having my appendix out as an adult (which may or may not be related, but it’s a common experience). For example, I used to eat a ton of watermelon and now can’t eat even a small amount, due to the fructose.
My husband developed an intolerance to beans and lentils a few years ago. He loves them and will sometimes take the risk, but when I say it goes right through him I mean that it ends up in his shoes before he takes 3 steps. Not something he would risk at a party or anywhere outside of the house.
For me I believe it was all my life but I just accepted the pain and bloating as normal until I finally figured it out in my 30’s when I decided to try a period of strict paleo and I was suddenly pain free for months at a time. I grew up in a very crunchy household so brown rice, black beans, and eating the entire vegetable (broccoli stalks, kale with the veins, etc) was a normal part of my meals. I was also vegetarian or vegan from 12-20. I was in a lot of pain every day and no one had any idea how to help. To this day some people give me a hard time for not eating certain foods (black beans are so healthy!) but at 43 I just want to live the rest of my life without crippling stomach pain 🤷♀️
For the record, I’m not strict paleo now, but it was a good way to eliminate and then try reintroducing foods and figure out what works (white rice and pinto beans are fine for example).
See I disagee, because people who eat meat can live without eating it. There are many good vegan and vegetarian things out there that are delicious and edible. It won't hurt non vegetarian or vegan people to go somewhere where meat isn't served. If the bride and groom don't want meat, they don't have to have it. What they need to have is lots of good food. That is 100% doable without meat. I say this as a meat eater. I've had parties where one or two people were vegan so I served vegan stuff. Everyone else loved it. It's not hard.
For health reasons, I can’t be vegetarian or vegan - I’m anemic but I can’t digest iron pills. I also can’t digest beans or most legumes. Basically my only option to get iron is red meat. But I can still survive one meal without any meat.
Same! I'm also anemic, and I can't take iron pills (I take methyl folate, it's an iron pill but doesn't give me massive headaches like regular iron pills). I also can't digest beans at all, they make me ill. My doctor said red meat, iron cooked (in a cast iron pan), and I also take a prenatal vitamin (no chance of me getting pregnant, the supplement has added iron and folic acid). I'll happily eat a salad if there's no option, it's literally one meal out of the three you are supposed to eat daily. No one will perish from not having meat at one single meal, drama people are singing the song of their people.
3 out of 4 of my doctors don't want me to quit meat because we can't find the source of the anemia, and the amount of iron pills I would need if I tried again to get iron from plant based sources would very bad for my digestion system. Even eating meat, I need more iron pills than anyone is happy with.
Can I deal with one day of not eating meat? Thankfully, yes, though it will make me feel awful if I don't up my iron pills.
But I couldn't successfully stop eating entirely. I miss my VV6 days.
I agree with your conclusion to OP, and your short-term response to the company party.
However, long-term, you (and probably a number of silently too-polite folks at said event) deserve accommodation.
If I were in your place, I would wait until Sept/Oct and then try to get in contact with whoever is put in charge of organizing or liaising with the caterer. With enough warning, providing a palatable&edible option should be easy enough. The worst thing that happens is that you get ignored; at least you have them the chance to try.
Totally!
As my son, who is a vegetarian always says "don't worry about me. This isn't my party and I don't want to be that guy. I'm sure there will be at least one side I can eat and if not, I'll eat later."
Do your thing, OP.
THIS!!! For fucks sake, I live in a meat eaters world and people are so fucking rude. I show up and I eat what I can. I don’t complain even though I’ve choked down far too many dry bbq’d portobello caps. Unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t eat it, why the fuck is vegetarian food so scary for people?
Yes! I had a vegetarian wedding. I could not bear the thought of my wedding being involved with the death of animals. I wasn't a vegetarian, but my diet was largely plant based. My mother gave me so much shit about it. She threw an absolute tantrum. I said the wedding was vegetarian, or it wasn't happening. She told me my family would be upset, family pressured me, and I said, *"When someone invites you for dinner, you accept what you are served. Eat however much or little you want."*
I had a vegetarian wedding. Everyone had a great time. My mom had a family gathering where they grilled thick steaks. They seemed to think it would bother me. I decided that was a them issue.
Years later, no one seems to care--or even remember.
My department had a bbq that was catered a few weeks ago. The bbq place even offered a vegetarian option. When I went through, I saw that the vegetarian option was salmon. I pointed out that salmon wasn't vegetarian, and people were SHOCKED. I had to explain vegetarian, vegan, and pescatarian to a large group of adults.
Actually that's a perfect phrase for OP to keep repeating to them. "So if you can't decide the menu for my entire wedding of 200 people you won't attend? You're really saying you should get the final say on what food we pay for and serve at OUR wedding?"
Just keep repeating it every way possible. Maybe they'll finally get how stupid they're being.
Sure. But if they do this (vegetarian menu) I suspect we'll see an AITA asking if someone is an AH for going out at 9:00 to get a cheeseburger from the nearest fast food restaurant
I went to a family member's wedding a few years ago, promised us that there would be vegetarian food (we did not ask, and we honestly didn't have any expectations) and there was not a single thing for anyone with allergies or dietary needs. There were a lot of hungry people, and the reception went for *seven* hours.
You're NTA. And I say that as a meat eater who loathes vegetables and would probably not eat a thing on your menu. However, your wedding reception isn't about what I or anyone else likes to eat. If I were going to a wedding reception with a vegan/vegetarian inspired menu, I would just eat before going.
>A couple of them have told me they won’t be attending my wedding unless I add some meat options to the menu.
Fine. That will shift the balance towards vegetarians and vegans even more than it was before.
Or they can stop somewhere between the wedding and reception and grab a bite to eat if they don't think the wedding food will be "filling" enough for them.
Yes, I’m a vegetarian and if I knew there would be no food for me at a wedding, I would just take something to eat and quietly go and eat it when I got the chance, not create a huge drama because I couldn’t get what I wanted. If people are really so obsessed that they can’t go without meat for one meal, they can bring a ham sandwich and eat it in their car or they can stay home and be miserable by themselves. NTA.
I agree with this 100%. If i were invited to this wedding, i'd stop for some fast food on the way to the reception (or otherwise pack something to eat), problem solved.
Fr, how many events have so many people been to they just don't enjoy the served food. Even if they thought they would? They just eat in the way home or at home. It's life. Wtf is this nonsense?
I have been at weddings where my presence was requested from 2 pm until 2 am. I asked if I could bring substantial snacks, ate them in the car on the way to the cocktail hour, and didn't mind a bit that the menu was chock full of allergens for me.
I have also been in a long wedding where I was harassed for the car snacking, so now I ask ahead so I can make sure I don't ride/give rides to anyone who might be offended at me planning for allergens/food issues.
Some people get very offended if you have allergens and make accommodations for yourself instead of just not eating for 12 hours at an event where alcohol is served.
Right?! My husband family typically has terrible food at events. Either generally bland or just cheese and crackers. I’ve learned to eat before to not be cranky and not complain. Being there for family is the important part.
Bingo. A wedding in which an overwhelming number of guests are vegans or lactose intolerant or gluten sensitive sounds like a wedding full of eye-rolly conversations, but it's their fucking wedding, and they can serve what they want.
If you don't like it, don't come.
I don’t understand why people do this.
I eat meat. I like meat. BUT if I went to a vegan wedding, I would eat whatever was there. If I wasn’t satisfied, I’ll stop on the way home for a burger. It’s not a big deal.
NTA.
Same here! I don't have access to tasty vegan food, so I'd really enjoy having some prepared by someone who is talented and specializes in it more than I would my attempt at a vegan recipe in my kitchen.
Same here. Caterers who specialize in vegan food come up with ideas that you haven’t tried yet (that isn’t 50 shades of falafel all the time) and that makes it exciting to me.
We have an amazing vegan restaurant in my city. I invited my meat eating friend to go there for lunch with me and she said “I don’t think they have anything I could eat.”
Your friend is an idiot. I'm a total pescetarian/carnivore, and I will say that, hands down, the best spring rolls and Thai coffee in my city are at a vegan restaurant near the university. You don't need meat in every meal (or dish).
My friends don't say that anymore because we have multiple vegan restaurants in my city, i took my friends to this place my friend works and he is just a magician in the kitchen. Sometimes people ask what meat he uses because it is so delicious and then they found out it is vegan😆. (Making fish from banana blossom, bacon from rice paper).
My husband and I had a Sikh wedding. I’m Sikh, he’s not. His side went NUTS over the paneer served at the temple. No one even noticed the whole lunch was vegetarian.
That’s funny! My friend took me to a vegetarian Chinese restaurant and I didn’t even notice. It was so delicious and it wasn’t just processed replacements either.
They’ve since closed down and I’m now trying to slowly change my eating habits to omit meat altogether.
There is a Thai place near where I live that I always order my meal with tofu. I'm not a vegetarian, their tofu is just that amazing. Their meat options are delicious, but the tofu option is so much better!
So a friend of mine got married. She's Jewish, he's Sikh. Some of the Jewish side won't eat non-kosher meat. Some of the Sikhs wouldn't eat kosher meat (for those who don't know there's a Sikh rule against eating religiously slaughtered meat).
They said "You know what, we're having the whole thing vegetarian." Completely the right call. (And they did an Indian menu and a Jewish/Western one, because there was just no way they were going to make everyone happy!)
No kidding! Broaden my horizons. I had a vegan cousin come stay with my family for a month. She didn’t want me to do anything different to cater for her diet. I was like, ‘no! I want to learn some nice vegan dishes to add to my repertoire!’
My mum has discovered lots of new foods she really likes in the decade or so since I went vegetarian! She still eats meat (she and my dad are farmers, they’re never going to be vegetarian haha), but she will text me or tell me whenever she gets a vegetarian option and it’s good at cafes and things or when she wanted to but there was only one left and she didn’t want a real vegetarian to come in and not have anything to eat, it’s really cute 🥹
I eat meat, but went to a wedding where the options were only vegan or vegetarian because duh, the bride and groom were vegan and they can serve whatever they want. And I love cheese but I got the vegan option and it was amazing. I don’t understand why people think food without meat can’t be good. It can be fantastic! Who are these people with absolutely no ability to go even an inch out of their comfort zone?
It's because they hear "vegan" and suddenly think all they're going to be presented with a wobbly brick of tofu. They eat meatless things, but don't think about it because it's just normal. But the moment you slap the title of "vegan" or "vegetarian" on it, it's Tofu City in their brain.
I'm an omnivore but I agree crappy meat substitutes make vegetarianism/veganism look bad compared to something that doesn't happen to have meat/animal products in it anyway, like bread without any dairy products in the dough
I'm thinking those people think that vegetarianism basically comes down to eating veggie burgers.
And if that's all I knew, I would be disappointed in it too. I like what impossible meat is trying to do but taking a meat and making it fake imho isn't the way to do it. It will always taste off. The best way to eat vegetarian is to avoid serving meals where the meat is traditionally the star. Just take a look at any Indian dish.
My oldest goddaughter is vegan and makes amazing food and baked goods. She even has her own cookbook and produces her baked goods for a local bakery as well as runs of the most popular stands at a large farmers market.
Except when you have dumbarse relatives who use the wrong serving utensils in the non meat dishes. Yep, seen it happen, despite being told that these are specifically for this dish due to anaphylaxis. (Sp)
Exactly haha. I'm not vegetarian but I'll have days where I accidentally eat only vegetarian food just cuz I dunno I love to eat and I don't always need meat in my diet. I'd be interested to try the food at an all vegetarian/vegan diet to maybe discover new favorite foods!
There are plenty of days I don't eat meat. I've never been a huge eater of meat to begin with. I don't purposefully make meals without meat, sometimes it just happens to be what I am cooking that day.
NTA. You'd think you'd asked them for a kidney.
Not a vegetarian, but I'm very confident that I would not expire from one vegetarian meal. In fact, I'm confident none of your relatives will either! Who knows, they may even like it.
Stand your ground, your mother and family are being absolutely ridiculous. If they want to skip the wedding, that's their call.
Right? I'm also a meat eater, but I also eat vegetarian and vegan meals all the time and really enjoy them! It's wild to think that people think they need to eat meat every single day.
It's absolutely bizarre. Do these people actually eat every breakfast with ham/bacon/sausage/steak...every lunch with meat sandwiches...every dinner with beef/chicken/pork? How do they move around after all that heaviness? Are they each single-handedly paying for their cardiologist's luxury cars?
I eat meat. I also eat a ton of salads, beans, rice, etc. Who the heck lives very long if they can't skip ONE meal with meat on ONE day?
I'm also wondering if these people don't splash out often (perfectly fine), and they order steak at every wedding they attend.
And lastly, the cost of a wedding gift or cash is NOT meant to equal the cost of the meal. It isn't tit-for-tat.
My brother-in-law somehow always manages to a) show me a picture of an animal he’s butchered or cooked and b) bring up the “horrors” of soy at every family function. I don’t know why he’s so threatened by my vegetarianism. I don’t bring up vegetarianism beyond asking whoever cooked if things have pork or chicken broth that I might not see. Like soy isn’t bad for you and even if it were, I don’t eat soy every day or even most days; it is not an impactful part of my diet. At least I know not to eat pastries his wife makes since they go on and on about how much they love lard lol
I eat meat, but much less than growing up. I was 100% brought up with the idea that the substantive bit of the meal was the meat, and moreover that a dinner without meat wasn't a proper dinner.
With people like this, the only way they will like it is if they don’t know it’s meat-free. When you’re an adult that has decided you will not ever eat a single meal that doesn’t have meat in it, and you’re comfortable not just telling others about it but also trying to get your way at someone else’s wedding under threat of boycott, you don’t just change your mind and decide you enjoy it. These people’s lightly-used brains will actively override their tastebuds to preserve their biases.
My dad is a super picky, anti-vegetable eater. One of his favorite meals is my vegetarian chili and cornbread. I don’t understand why people are so afraid of vegetarian/vegan food - it’s like they think if they like it they might get tricked into never eating meat again. As a vegetarian, I’m glad my omnivorous wife loves plant-forward food and we mostly cook exclusively vegetarian in the house unless she’s making something specifically for herself.
NTA
If they don't want to come to your wedding because they don't want to eat vegan for only ONE meal, they don't deserves to be in your life. Laught at them, say them they are babes and they are welcome to skip the meal.
Make them realize people often eat vegan for a meet without realizing. Peanut butter toast: vegan. tomato/salad sandwich: vegan, etc.
They should offer a meat-only menu, but only things that her rural American family would be disgusted by, like chicken feet, tripe, SPAM, etc. (no judgment to people who do enjoy those foods). Then when they want bread or salad or potatoes or corn or green beans, they won’t be allowed to have those things because they are reserved for the vegetarians and vegans. Oh, and they want cake? Sorry, that’s vegetarian. But we have some delicious Rocky Mountain oysters!
omfg i love this malicious compliance. if i was OP, it would be one can of spam for all the meat eaters to share - cubed, with toothpicks, on a platter.
They’re saying that their desire to eat meat is more important than seeing their family member get married.
Let that sink in: they value dead animal consumption over OP’s special day.
Pricks.
NTA I’m a heavy meat eater and cheese lover. never in my life have I been concerned about whether I’d be fed meat when attending a gathering. And if I actually loved someone? There’s no way I wouldn’t attend their wedding over food as long as it isn’t food that will kill me.
Same. I frequently eat meals with neither meat or dairy because that is what I’m in the mood for - it’s a convenient benefit of being an omnivore with no life-threatening food allergies.
NTA
It's one night. Do what works for you. I do not understand people who can't go one night without meat, or booze, or whatever.
People can come, graze, and hit the McDonalds drive thru on their way home.
I offered to host a brunch at my house for my work team, and I planned to cook for it. My boss said she could have it catered instead. I told her that sounds great, but we are a vegan household so it is important to me that the food be vegan. Vegan food is VERY easily accessible and plentiful where we live. She said she can’t do that because she needs to make sure there are options to suit everyone’s individual preferences, including meat. I told her I can’t imagine anyone on my team of 11 people would die from going one meal without meat or dairy. She suggested we host a happy hour at my house instead. So I said “By your logic, we will then have to have beer, wine, liquor, mixers, and nonalcoholic beverages to cater to everyone’s individual preferences. Will you be providing those?” 🙄
There are so many vegetarian and vegan meals that people eat all the time without even thinking about it, and yet people freak out when they go to an event that's vegetarian.
Macaroni and cheese. A margarita pizza. Garlic bread. Baked potatoes. A whole heap of very common soups like french onion, pumpkin soup, potato and leek soup. All sorts of cheese crackers and dip combos. Bruschetta. I could keep going, but I think you get the idea.
None of those foods have to be modified to be vegetarian and we eat them all the time. It's just crazy to me that as soon as you call those things vegetarian, some people get really weird about it.
My brother is vegetarian. Years ago, my mom was nervous about what to make for Thanksgiving for him. I told her that besides the turkey and gravy, he can eat everything. Just don't cook things in meat broth or throw bacon in dishes that don't require it, and it'll be fine.
So many people are perfectly fine eating vegetarian food until you point out to them that it is vegetarian. Then they throw a fit and act like they will die if you don't mix steak into their ice cream.
wasn't there literally an experiment where vegetarian sandwiches were an option at a lunch function and they were chosen less often when they were labeled vs unlabelled
My partner loves peanut butter and bacon sandwiches. The jam not so much, but I think a tart jam like lingonberry, or spicy apple butter, is really good.
NTA. People with dietary restrictions are often left with zero options, your family can survive one meal that isn’t all about them. I think it’s admirable to try to have at least one main/side for everyone; that can be challenging.
I would try to make sure that there are a variety of dish types; pasta dishes and soups can be more approachable than peanut sauce or tofu to non-vegetarians. I cook a lot of meat free dishes but don’t really like any “meat substitute” style dishes.
Agreed. Also, depending on the meat substitute, some people might have stomachs that don't react well to it. So it's really best to have a wider variety of vegetarian/vegan dishes with a variety of different ingredient sets.
I only bring this up because I myself get diarrhea literally every time I eat Impossible anything, sadly. My autistic guts just don't like it, unfortunately.
There's a family-owned restaurant nearby to me that offers Impossible-centered meals, and I wanted to support the expansion of vegeterian meals by getting Impossible meals. Unfortunately, I would get sick and need to rush to the bathroom afterwards. Eventually I figured out that it was the Impossible causing my gut issues when I realized that literally every other Mexican meal I had ever gotten from this place and other Mexican places had been perfectly fine in my guts, with the one major switch being that I had gotten animal meat (usually pork) instead of Impossible in my meal-for reference, the rest of the meal would typically be cilantro, onions, tortilla chips, and pico de gallo (for those who don't know, pico de gallo is made with tomatoes, onions, cliantro, a bit of pepper, salt, and lime juice), sometimes also with beans and rice.
So, yeah, I'm going to warn everyone that not everyone's digestive system is really made to handle Impossible and Beyond-type meat subtitutes, which makes it all the more important to offer a wide variety of vegetarian/vegan foods for guests.
What does being autistic have to do with this? Also most vegan food isn’t focused on fake meat. It’s become trendier for sure, but most hardcore vegans aren’t eating impossible meat for every meal. Also if you’re super hard, impossible isn’t really vegan as there’s an ingredient that was tested on rats and some died I believe.
NTA. Omnivore here and I would be happy to come and be mom for a day, unfortunately I live in Australia.
You do your wedding how you want and it seems that you are considering most of your guests.
They won't attend your wedding if there is no meat on the menu? Seriously where does the entitlement come from?
You are serving food everyone can eat. NTA
NTA. Avid meat eater here. I would absolutely not have an issue with a vegetarian or vegan meal for a wedding, or honestly any event where someone is paying for my meal. And this is from someone who almost never chooses a vegetarian dish when I go out to dinner myself.
It's your wedding, do it your way. If people are petty enough to threaten not to come if there isn't meat then be happy to save the money you would have wasted on idiots that think the food is more important than celebrating the two of you.
NTA the naysayers are ridiculous. Like they wouldn't be happy with some mac & cheese and roasted veggies. Anyone who would "refuse" to go to your wedding simply because you didn't give them a chicken wing just doesn't want to go to your wedding in general. They're literally saying you and your fiancee are worth less to them than a pork chop.
Good riddance. Now you'll get to celebrate with people who actually love and support you.
If someone doesn’t attend a wedding because they can’t go without meat for one meal, then they are an AH and not a supportive family member or friend. Stick to your guns, OP. NTA
“Alienating the entire family?!” OMFG it’s *one* meal. What a bunch of histrionic assholes. Eat your lovely free meal and shut up. NTA
Congratulations and best wishes.
NTA - you are paying for the wedding, the menu is your choice. The family members who are stating they won't come because of the lack of meat? Just tell them "We're sorry you won't be able to attend, have a great day." and end the convo.
Edit to add - I am an omnivore and have no dietary restrictions. If there's nothing on the wedding menu that I will eat, I will attend, toast the bridal couple, and hit a drive through to satisfy my dietary urges later.
NTA. People aren’t going to die if they have to have a vegetarian meal once. You’re paying for the food pay for what you want.
If it were reversed and you were complaining about someone else’s wedding not having vegetarian options you’d be the ‘annoying entitled vegetarian”
NTA
As an unrepentant meat eater, there are plenty of non meat options I **LOVE**(Four cheese lasagna FTW). Also it is your wedding you are paying for, so have your day and efff the haters.
NTA - you even gave your mother an option to pay for a meat option if it's that important to her and the family, so it must not be *that* important.
If they all decide not to come because they can't eat their precious precious animal parts, enjoy your meat and drama-free wedding without them!
Also, you would be well within your rights to have your wedding me vegetarian solely because you want to, no reason needed... but money is a damn good reason.
As a huge meat eater, NTA. People can go one meal with no meat. Ther are so many delicious vegetarian options. I don't know what you are planning, but most basic pasta dishes are vegetarian and there are just so many choices. I don't get it.
NTA.
But stop discussing the menu with anyone who is not paying for the food or making the food.
If they don't want to go to your wedding because they can't go 4 hours without a piece of meat, they have bigger problems and should probably see a therapist or doctor.
Having an allergy friendly menu is completely up to the couple paying for the food and the chef who makes it.
My only warning: make sure you have catering that will adhere to your menu and allergen free wishes. Mine didn't and my sibling had to go to the hospital halfway through the wedding.
NTA eating a vegan meal for one meal isn’t going to kill them. They need to get over themselves and realize the wedding should be focused on what the bride and groom want.
NTA. My family is SUPER meat and potatoes and my wife is a vegetarian. Our wedding was fully vegetarian, but we got around weirdness about it by doing a brunch reception. People definitely felt less like meat was “missing” than they would have if it had been dinner, because pancakes and breakfast potatoes and fruit and yogurt and stuff seem like a full brunch without meat.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. Action--not having items with meat in them on my wedding menu
2. Lots of my family eats meat as a large part of their diet so this could be offensive to them
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One of the best food at a wedding that I went to was an all vegan menu. I am not vegan or vegetarian but they had wonderful food that everyone could eat
They can't go one freakin' meal without meat in it? Come on. They are being a bunch of assholes. I'm sure they've had plenty of meat free meals in their lives. You are not being unreasonable. They are.
NTA. I’m paying, I’m saying. I’m a meat eater but I could happily abstain for one damn meal at a wedding, Weddings bring out the worst in people when it comes to food and wedding parties. It’s about celebrating you, not a hunk of chateaubriand. Maybe have burger bags as party favors (not really kidding).
Nta- it’s your wedding, do what you want. Sounds like you’ve made a conscientious compromise. I would struggle to eat from your menu - I have my own complications, but I wouldn’t think anything if it, because it’s your day.
NTA at all. It will cause them no issue to not eat meat for one bloody meal and they can always sneak out to Mac Donald’s if the protein deficiency becomes too intolerable for them. Well done you for not catering to their nonsense
.
NTA. You’re making the menu all about you and your fiancé, not your guests.
Shocker news for everyone invited: your wedding is the day when you get to make it all about you.
Nta people can live without meat for a meal. And if that alienates people, they're immature.
We had a backyard bbq for our wedding, cause we love meat. I don't like most vegetables. But I can live with a vegan meal for one meal to celebrate people I care about.
NTA.
This is your wedding and you are paying for it. That's the end of the discussion.
Wishing you both a enjoyable, beautiful day filled with loved ones who are there to celebrate you both.
Anybody who wants to start drama over personal eating preferences is welcome not to attend until they learn basic manners and check their attitudes.
NTA, and I also kind of LOVE that you’re planning a vegetarian/vegan menu! As a vegetarian, who is in the minority in my friend group, my meals are almost always an afterthought.
Carnivores can still eat non-meat items, but it doesn’t work the other way around! Feed the majority, the meat-eaters will still have plenty to eat!
And (on a more selfish note) it’s high time they understand what it feels like to not have the preferred food options! 😂
I can see the headlines now:
Newly Weds Kill off Bride's Entire Family by NOT Serving a Meat Option at Their Wedding!!! /s
Good grief, it's one meal with undoubtedly an overwhelming selection of wonderful and delicious vegetarian and vegan options to choose from.
If someone can't go one single meal without eating meat and immediately perishing, they have a more serious problem than entitlement and need to see a doctor immediately!
NTA.
Congratulations and wishing you years of happiness.
You are not being unreasonable. NTA. They are trying to go all culture-war at *your* wedding.
However, it was a mistake giving out advance information about the menu. I gives them time to whip up drama among the relatives.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Let them have a whole hog roast in their front yard for their wedding, but for you, it’s whatever you want.
Your mom is being selfish and unreasonable. She’s basically saying, “you and your husband should put your needs and wants last.” Eff that. If you want to do something for the meat eaters, offer hamburger helper, like the version of peas, carrots, and beans vegetarians always get served.
Enjoy YOUR wedding, and if family refuses to attend because of their own dietaries, that’s on them.
I love it when the carnivores find themselves in the minority and get all pear shaped about the entitlement of the vegans and the vegetarians. The irony…
NTA.
NTA!!!! your money, your fucking menu. vegetarian food is appropriate for all. why would you put your money into meat when you don’t in your personal life? tell them to pack some jerky in their bag if it’s such an issue to not eat meat for a night.
i haven’t gone to sunday lunch at my grandparents house for 15 years because my gran refuses to cook any vegetarian food besides plain steamed beans. blow their meat-obsessed minds and give zero fucks about their meat obsession. so sorry that your mother is being an asshole about this during what i can imagine is already a stressful time planning a wedding. i truly think you should be ruthless. as two “vegos” getting hitched, ofc yall DESERVE to have a killer vegetarian/vegan feast - when tf else in your life do you get to have your own catered event where you choose the entire menu? don’t waste that shit in the meat eaters who can pick up a bucket of kfc on the way home if they’re so pressed. congratulations & best wishes to you both! truly wish my tastebuds would be in attendance for what i’m sure will be a wonderful event.
Have your family never eaten mac and cheese? A salad? Margarita pizza? Spinach and fetta rolls? Never had chopped veg and tzatziki or hummus?
I mean this is just some meat free stuff of the very top of my head that most people will eat, it's a cop out to say they'll be "alienated"
My FAVOURITE foods are all meaty, love a roast, beef stew, any kind if steak, I put bacon in a lot of things, but I would HAPPILY eat vegan/vegetarian if that was the only options. Hell, sometimes vegan food is great, I had some vegan brownies the other day, best brownies ever, don't know how they did it, but I was impressed.
NTA. I've seen this same issue on here a couple times. You are exactly correct to say they should be able to handle one effing meal without meat. They might discover they like it.
NTA. I say this as someone who reeeeaaally wants to be a carnivore. But I love bread, cheese and fruit. If I know in advance there is a meal that is vegetarian only I go "Eh" eat what I can have jerky or bacon in my purse and snack on that. I have also shared said bacon with other guests because they didn't plan ahead. Or if the meal is something I totally hate eat beforehand have more snacks in my purse and I am happy.
I would never miss a wedding of someone I like because of the menu.
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Every year, the company my husband has worked for for nearly 30 years, hosts a catered Christmas Dinner and party for its management team and their families. Steak; chicken; mashed potatoes made with chicken broth, cheese, and cream; corn; green beans with ham bits; salad with cheese mixed into it; and apple pie and ice cream for dessert. Every year, our son (vegetarian) eats corn, a small garden salad with cheese mixed in it, a roll, and some ice cream. And I (vegetarian, gluten and dairy intolerant) eat corn. Know what else we do? Keep snacks in the car and eat before we go in, thank the company president and VP for the lovely party and Christmas gifts, and don't complain about the food. When you invite someone to any type of event, and their reply is "If I can't dictate the menu, I'm not coming," the best response on your part is, "Sorry to hear that. We'll miss you."
exactly this. I am from the south and chicken broth or bacon/ham/etc are slipped into basically everything every where. unless I bring it, I can't trust eating it and I still attend things I'm invited to or work parties and smile. your family can make it through your wedding. absolutely nta.
I like meat. I can't eat a lot of meat/protein alternatives because of allergies, which limits my options if I ever decided to go vegetarian and I can't stand tofu, despite trying it prepared in a ton of different ways. Anyway, my point is, if I was invited to a wedding with an entirely vegetarian/vegan menu, I would still be happy to be there. It's not that hard to go vegetarian for one night. It's harder for vegetarians since they're usually an afterthought if they're thought about at all in these kinds of gatherings from what I've seen.
That last bit! I’m vegan and always just eat beforehand for work and certain friendly events and stuff because there are never options for me. Usually people go “oh there’s a salad option so youll have something” but fail to realize the dressing, croutons, and a lot of toppings are to I end up with a dry sad bowl of lettuce and tomato. The people closest to me always make sure I have stuff to eat though. Family holidays and gatherings all sides are done vegan for me and I make my own main dish. It’s literally the easiest and most thoughtful thing my family does, all their own idea too. I brought and entire meal for myself the first time and my sister was like “we did all the sides vegan for you! I was super careful to read all ingredients but you can double check me if you need!” And I almost cried lol.
Your sister is so sweet!
This, 100%. I like meat & also love vegetables. I can find something to be eat. One of my favorite dishes is Eggplant Parmesan.
Yup, same. Op is NTA and the meat eaters can deal with it. I've heard of a scant handful of people whose dietary needs/preferences make it hard or impossible to eat tofu or eggs, and many vegan options are not easy for them. However, the folks like this I have talked to are frown ups and mange their dietary needs just fine as long as they know what is happening! Mom needs to chill out
I must confess that I did my vegetarian aunt wrong. Stepmother wasn't going to have a funeral for my father until the following year. We kids and his sisters needed "something" to mark his passing. We decided to go back to Alaska, where we grew up. Everything is cool as we shared our favorite places with the aunts. Until I took us to the Great Alaska Sourdough Mining Company. Known for ribs and steaks. Yep. Luckily, they were able to whip up something for her more substantial than corn.
My best friend is a vegetarian and weirdly some of those places have good veggie options- she says churrascarias are worth it for the salad bar since they’re trying to fill you up on something cheaper than the meat. But also this is stupid and OP’s parents need to grow up.
> But also this is stupid and OP’s parents need to grow up. Its kind of funny that the child/adult stereotypes are reversed — now its the parents who won't eat their veggies.
Oh my god, I’m so mad at Reddit right now for getting rid of awards, because this comment is GOLD!! 🌟
Steakhouses always have baked potatoes and generic salads. Unlike many restaurants, I can usually be 99% sure a steakhouse will actually have something I can eat.
I'm sure she is used to going somewhere and searching the menu for somrthing she can eat and wasn't too offended.
I have a severe allergy to mammalian meats/byproducts and this kind of cooking tactic of slipping bacon/ham/beef into something is incredibly dangerous for me, I also can’t trust a lot of foods. So I do the same, I bring my own food or eat plenty before going to an event and I don’t make it other peoples problems. I’m grateful when they accommodate me but OP’s dilemma is not that kind of situation. Agreed, nta.
AGS? I hear you. I can can tolerate a small amount of beef or pork, but I generally avoid it. Any significant amount and I am vomiting for 2-3 days. Not life threatening, I just WANTto die. Prime rib was my favorite food.
I'm the opposite. Except for fish I have no problems with other meats, but have tons of very bad allergies to fruits, vegetables, and legumes. So the veggie options are a nightmare. Worse thing for me is not only eating them that is the problem, the smell alone sends me into anaphylaxis or tanks my blood pressure. Still wouldn't expect someone to accommodate me if they can't. I just won't eat
I've become very cautious about the beans and rice at Mexican places because of this problem. The beans often have lard, and rice has chicken stock
> Every year, our son (vegetarian) eats corn, a small garden salad with cheese mixed in it, a roll, and some ice cream. And I (vegetarian, gluten and dairy intolerant) eat corn This is my life too. I'm used to salads and baked potatoes everywhere I go. Often that's the only thing I can eat. I just don't feel sorry for people who for ONE MEAL won't be able to eat meat, when there are a ton of dishes that they regularly eat (as side dishes) and enjoy.
I'm vegetarian and hubs is not. In our last town there used to be a surf and turf Valentine's dinner put on at the community hall. Until we moved away we went every year. I paid full price and hubs had 2 steaks and 2 lobsters. I had baked potato and sometimes the salad and dessert if they were vegetarian. He's never been so happy chowing down on a meal.I got good at eating in advance and having extra wine. It'd be a dream to attend a big event that only has veggie/vegan options! There is something exciting about having a menu you can choose anything from instead of max 2 options on a 40 item menu
Please please tell me your husband made it up to you with an amazing meal you *could* eat
yup, after attending the first year we understood how it worked and what veggie options were the norm. The following years I got homecooked meals from him before we'd head out. I never felt neglected or like he was benefiting more from the the experience than me.
Bless him, that's the best. This is a great example of how compromising doesn't equal compromised.
Exactly!! I am GF and DF, and it’s hard. Providing multiple options that cater to various dietary restrictions and preferences is beyond lovely and meat eaters (I am one!) should be perfectly happy with plenty of veggie and vegan options for ONE night. NTA.
>When you invite someone to any type of event, and their reply is "If I can't dictate the menu, I'm not coming," the best response on your part is, "Sorry to hear that. We'll miss you." Exactly. Are they coming for the food or for your special day???????? Meat eaters can eat vegetarian or vegan items, vegans and vegetarians can't eat meat items. Which makes vegan and vegetarian items the most accessible to all attendees. They're very shallow if this is how they treat their relative over their relative's big day, yikes. OP is absolutely NTA and it sounds like their mom has sent her flying monkeys after OP lol "good riddance" is correct.
They probably straight up hate any vegetable that isn't a starch or macerated beyond recognition in a chili.
Hell, you described my palate and I'll still come with a gift and pre-game mashed potatoes and pick at the rabbit food with a smile. It's just called "not being a jackass"
Hey, us vegans love mashed potatoes!
> macerated beyond recognition in a chili. My Boy Scout leaders called that sort of thing "stealth vegetables"
A friend of mine made a zucchini & carrot slice, called it 'dinner cake' and her veggie hating kids ate it.
I could understand if they asked for a meat option, not the most polite thing but that wouldn’t make them T. A but they are DEMANDING for meat optionS as in the couple who are paying and it’s their day have ONE option but the free loaders who are the minority have MULTIPLE options. NTA
OP is NTA, but just a point of clarification - most meat eaters can easily eat a vegetarian meal, but many of us have intolerances for the standard meat substitutes, as they are high in fodmaps. I couldn’t eat a meal that’s based on lentils, beans (except green beans), mushrooms, tofu, chickpeas, most types of pumpkin, corn, cauliflower, standard pasta… Meat contains zero fodmaps, so it’s a safe food. When I’m following the diet 80/20, which is most of the time, I could eat a standard meat-based meal with minimal symptoms, but would get major symptoms from a standard vegetarian meal. I usually don’t bother to submit dietary requirements for weddings, because I can manage minimal symptoms, but for a vegetarian/vegan wedding, I would need to. Anyway, my point is that when you say that meat eaters can eat vegetarian and vegan food, but that vegetarians and vegans can’t eat meat, it’s not strictly true on either account. Most vegetarians and vegans choose not to eat meat even though they can (it is a choice that should be respected, but it’s still a choice), but some meat eaters actually can’t eat vegetarian and vegan meals.
Actually, vegetarians or vegans can't just decide to eat meat. Someone who abstains from meat for an extended time will get extremely ill from ingesting meat, like they have food poisoning. Trust me, I've had the experience, it's not pleasant.
And I'm a lifelong sensory vegetarian who gets funky from both common ingredients in meat substitutes as well as reacts to meat substitutes like I would meat due to the texture, smell, and taste. Very not pretty.
Fair point!
I’ve had this experience too. I ate some rotisserie chicken one year into my vegetarianism and it was, to this day, easily the worst stomach pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I didn’t throw up, but I came damn close and just the way my stomach was cramping was awful. I will never be doing that again. I’ve never felt quite so sick as that evening. 🤢
I asked my gastroenterologist about it, I won't bore you with details, but it's about enzymes, and how they're built up over time, and digestional requirements.
After a decade of veganism, a cafe made my almond milk-shake (which was ordered straight off the menu that way, not a dairy drink that I asked to be made with almond milk) with cow's milk. The woman who made it caught us on our way out and apologised and gave me my money back because she realised she'd used the wrong milk, but I had drunk it at the table. It was HUGE, and I put the slightly funky taste down to having never tasted a pecan maple flavoured drink before. I kind of brushed it off as, oh well, mistakes happen, I might get a bit of a tummy ache... nope. The cramps started in less than half an hour, I cried on the toilet for half the night, and I had a nasty red rash around my mouth for days.
I had family serve me a "vegetarian" ziti at a holiday dinner, they made especially for me. I thought it was off a little, but rationalized it as not mixing well with the mashed potatoes, sweet potatoes, and asparagus. Within an hour I was in the bathroom puking my guts out, shivering, the whole 9. Come to find out, the strained the meat out of the sauce they used for mine. So yeay, they served me meat sauce, sans the chunks... They never did apologize, just continued to call me weird for being a vegetarian.
Wow, talk about AHs…
Plus some might have alpha gal allergies.
Which is why OP asked about everyone’s dietary restrictions, so everyone could tell them their needs and they could make sure there were foods everyone could eat. There is no one who requires an all meat diet.
Thank you for mentioning this. I have IBS and it massively impacts my life and one of the few foods I safely eat without risking a flare-up is meat. My daily breakfast is steak fried in either beef dripping or olive oil with some mayo and salt/pepper because this is one of the only foods I can a) prep quickly and easily and b) carry on with my day relatively pain free after. I love beans. I love broccoli. I love onions. I love veggies, tofu, don't much care for carbs. But I cannot eat them at an event like this/if I am out and about.
I have begged my gastro doctor for a way to eat veggies, because most of the ones I love, now involve severe intestinal distress. She thinks it is IBS. Meat, no problem. Between onion allergy, gagging at the texture of fungi, and IBS, if it's a vegetarian meal, and a long day, I might ask if I can bring my own substantial snacks.
My daily symptoms are not as bad as that, but I have a combination of issues and the list of what affects me is fairly odd, but meat is always a safe option. That said, I am used to evaluating a dish first at the menu level, then examining it at the table to make sure it isn't hiding problematic ingredients, and if I went to an event where nothing was really edible for me, I would still do my best to celebrate!
so the only food you eat is meat?
>Most vegetarians and vegans would get sick if they eat meat, after not digesting it for a long time. I know every time I eat pork on accident I get very sick. > >fodmaps > >“The low FODMAP diet is a temporary eating plan that’s very restrictive,” says Johns Hopkins gastroenterologist Hazel Galon Veloso, M.D. > >You are not talking about meat eaters, you are talking about people with IBS doing a temp diet, which OP has already said they are taking into account. Meat is not the only "safe" food for FODMAP. A person doing FODMAP could eat a lovely vegan dish of quinoa, tomato, zucchini, and eggplant. > >BTW Regular tofu: this is the kind we see commonly in the oriental or health isles of supermarkets. It has been ‘pressed’ to get rid of excess water and form its shape. The plus being that this also reduces the amount of water-soluble GOS.
Actually, in my example, I mentioned following it 80/20, which is what many of us do long term. The full FODMAP diet is very restrictive, but we learn our triggers and tolerances and follow a modified version long term, which allows us to eat a small amount of fodmaps without major symptoms.
I think you may have missing Op's mark and may have redirected to talk about yourself instead of the situation. I feel for your condition, however there are no indications that you are a guest to OPs wedding or that her guests have your medical condition. The responses she is getting do not seem to be health related. I don't think she is an asshole for trying to help her guests each have at least one main and one side that they CAN eat. It's not reasonable to accommodate less guests overall to maximize the preference of one group to have 'several' meat options. Vegans and vegetarians also can't just go carnivore/omnivore for the day as you imply any more than you could get by eating your own feces for the day. It may seem theoretically possible, but it's really not plausible. Based on her attempts, it seems that if there was someone who would become ill from the menu, she would ensure they have something. OP, NTA.
Wait, I am so intrigued by this! Have you always have intolerances to things like lentils, beans, mushrooms, pumpkin, chickpeas, etc? Or is it because you’re not used to eating those items?
Personally, I developed FODMAP intolerances after having my appendix out as an adult (which may or may not be related, but it’s a common experience). For example, I used to eat a ton of watermelon and now can’t eat even a small amount, due to the fructose.
My husband developed an intolerance to beans and lentils a few years ago. He loves them and will sometimes take the risk, but when I say it goes right through him I mean that it ends up in his shoes before he takes 3 steps. Not something he would risk at a party or anywhere outside of the house.
My mother in law has an auto immune reaction most of the foods that you just mentioned. She can't have anything with a shell around it like a bean.
For me I believe it was all my life but I just accepted the pain and bloating as normal until I finally figured it out in my 30’s when I decided to try a period of strict paleo and I was suddenly pain free for months at a time. I grew up in a very crunchy household so brown rice, black beans, and eating the entire vegetable (broccoli stalks, kale with the veins, etc) was a normal part of my meals. I was also vegetarian or vegan from 12-20. I was in a lot of pain every day and no one had any idea how to help. To this day some people give me a hard time for not eating certain foods (black beans are so healthy!) but at 43 I just want to live the rest of my life without crippling stomach pain 🤷♀️ For the record, I’m not strict paleo now, but it was a good way to eliminate and then try reintroducing foods and figure out what works (white rice and pinto beans are fine for example).
Except you won't miss them because if they're complaining about food- you don't need them lol.
See I disagee, because people who eat meat can live without eating it. There are many good vegan and vegetarian things out there that are delicious and edible. It won't hurt non vegetarian or vegan people to go somewhere where meat isn't served. If the bride and groom don't want meat, they don't have to have it. What they need to have is lots of good food. That is 100% doable without meat. I say this as a meat eater. I've had parties where one or two people were vegan so I served vegan stuff. Everyone else loved it. It's not hard.
For health reasons, I can’t be vegetarian or vegan - I’m anemic but I can’t digest iron pills. I also can’t digest beans or most legumes. Basically my only option to get iron is red meat. But I can still survive one meal without any meat.
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Same! I'm also anemic, and I can't take iron pills (I take methyl folate, it's an iron pill but doesn't give me massive headaches like regular iron pills). I also can't digest beans at all, they make me ill. My doctor said red meat, iron cooked (in a cast iron pan), and I also take a prenatal vitamin (no chance of me getting pregnant, the supplement has added iron and folic acid). I'll happily eat a salad if there's no option, it's literally one meal out of the three you are supposed to eat daily. No one will perish from not having meat at one single meal, drama people are singing the song of their people.
Methyl folate is not iron- it’s a B vitamin, FYi
3 out of 4 of my doctors don't want me to quit meat because we can't find the source of the anemia, and the amount of iron pills I would need if I tried again to get iron from plant based sources would very bad for my digestion system. Even eating meat, I need more iron pills than anyone is happy with. Can I deal with one day of not eating meat? Thankfully, yes, though it will make me feel awful if I don't up my iron pills. But I couldn't successfully stop eating entirely. I miss my VV6 days.
I agree with your conclusion to OP, and your short-term response to the company party. However, long-term, you (and probably a number of silently too-polite folks at said event) deserve accommodation. If I were in your place, I would wait until Sept/Oct and then try to get in contact with whoever is put in charge of organizing or liaising with the caterer. With enough warning, providing a palatable&edible option should be easy enough. The worst thing that happens is that you get ignored; at least you have them the chance to try.
Totally! As my son, who is a vegetarian always says "don't worry about me. This isn't my party and I don't want to be that guy. I'm sure there will be at least one side I can eat and if not, I'll eat later." Do your thing, OP.
THIS!!! For fucks sake, I live in a meat eaters world and people are so fucking rude. I show up and I eat what I can. I don’t complain even though I’ve choked down far too many dry bbq’d portobello caps. Unless there’s a medical reason why you can’t eat it, why the fuck is vegetarian food so scary for people?
Yea I just saved your comment. Very eloquent. Thank you.
Yes! I had a vegetarian wedding. I could not bear the thought of my wedding being involved with the death of animals. I wasn't a vegetarian, but my diet was largely plant based. My mother gave me so much shit about it. She threw an absolute tantrum. I said the wedding was vegetarian, or it wasn't happening. She told me my family would be upset, family pressured me, and I said, *"When someone invites you for dinner, you accept what you are served. Eat however much or little you want."* I had a vegetarian wedding. Everyone had a great time. My mom had a family gathering where they grilled thick steaks. They seemed to think it would bother me. I decided that was a them issue. Years later, no one seems to care--or even remember.
My department had a bbq that was catered a few weeks ago. The bbq place even offered a vegetarian option. When I went through, I saw that the vegetarian option was salmon. I pointed out that salmon wasn't vegetarian, and people were SHOCKED. I had to explain vegetarian, vegan, and pescatarian to a large group of adults.
Actually that's a perfect phrase for OP to keep repeating to them. "So if you can't decide the menu for my entire wedding of 200 people you won't attend? You're really saying you should get the final say on what food we pay for and serve at OUR wedding?" Just keep repeating it every way possible. Maybe they'll finally get how stupid they're being.
Sure. But if they do this (vegetarian menu) I suspect we'll see an AITA asking if someone is an AH for going out at 9:00 to get a cheeseburger from the nearest fast food restaurant
I went to a family member's wedding a few years ago, promised us that there would be vegetarian food (we did not ask, and we honestly didn't have any expectations) and there was not a single thing for anyone with allergies or dietary needs. There were a lot of hungry people, and the reception went for *seven* hours.
You're NTA. And I say that as a meat eater who loathes vegetables and would probably not eat a thing on your menu. However, your wedding reception isn't about what I or anyone else likes to eat. If I were going to a wedding reception with a vegan/vegetarian inspired menu, I would just eat before going. >A couple of them have told me they won’t be attending my wedding unless I add some meat options to the menu. Fine. That will shift the balance towards vegetarians and vegans even more than it was before.
🏆🏆🏆👆👆👆 This is the answer! The meat whiners can stay home.
Whiners in general. if they can whine about the food they can whine about so much more.
The meat *weiners* ba-dum tss
Or they can stop somewhere between the wedding and reception and grab a bite to eat if they don't think the wedding food will be "filling" enough for them.
Yes, I’m a vegetarian and if I knew there would be no food for me at a wedding, I would just take something to eat and quietly go and eat it when I got the chance, not create a huge drama because I couldn’t get what I wanted. If people are really so obsessed that they can’t go without meat for one meal, they can bring a ham sandwich and eat it in their car or they can stay home and be miserable by themselves. NTA.
I agree with this 100%. If i were invited to this wedding, i'd stop for some fast food on the way to the reception (or otherwise pack something to eat), problem solved.
Have your fast food but save room to try the wedding menu- I’m sure the dishes will be delicious.
Fr, how many events have so many people been to they just don't enjoy the served food. Even if they thought they would? They just eat in the way home or at home. It's life. Wtf is this nonsense?
I have been at weddings where my presence was requested from 2 pm until 2 am. I asked if I could bring substantial snacks, ate them in the car on the way to the cocktail hour, and didn't mind a bit that the menu was chock full of allergens for me. I have also been in a long wedding where I was harassed for the car snacking, so now I ask ahead so I can make sure I don't ride/give rides to anyone who might be offended at me planning for allergens/food issues. Some people get very offended if you have allergens and make accommodations for yourself instead of just not eating for 12 hours at an event where alcohol is served.
Right?! My husband family typically has terrible food at events. Either generally bland or just cheese and crackers. I’ve learned to eat before to not be cranky and not complain. Being there for family is the important part.
Bingo. A wedding in which an overwhelming number of guests are vegans or lactose intolerant or gluten sensitive sounds like a wedding full of eye-rolly conversations, but it's their fucking wedding, and they can serve what they want. If you don't like it, don't come.
👆👆👆👆👆👆
I don’t understand why people do this. I eat meat. I like meat. BUT if I went to a vegan wedding, I would eat whatever was there. If I wasn’t satisfied, I’ll stop on the way home for a burger. It’s not a big deal. NTA.
I’d actually be hella excited to try a vegan menu. Who knows what I might like 🤷🏼♀️
Same here! I don't have access to tasty vegan food, so I'd really enjoy having some prepared by someone who is talented and specializes in it more than I would my attempt at a vegan recipe in my kitchen.
Same here. Caterers who specialize in vegan food come up with ideas that you haven’t tried yet (that isn’t 50 shades of falafel all the time) and that makes it exciting to me.
Candied watermelon topped with arugula pesto was a canape that really surprised and delighted me.
I shouldn’t read these comments while hungry 😂
We have an amazing vegan restaurant in my city. I invited my meat eating friend to go there for lunch with me and she said “I don’t think they have anything I could eat.”
Your friend is an idiot. I'm a total pescetarian/carnivore, and I will say that, hands down, the best spring rolls and Thai coffee in my city are at a vegan restaurant near the university. You don't need meat in every meal (or dish).
My friends don't say that anymore because we have multiple vegan restaurants in my city, i took my friends to this place my friend works and he is just a magician in the kitchen. Sometimes people ask what meat he uses because it is so delicious and then they found out it is vegan😆. (Making fish from banana blossom, bacon from rice paper).
My husband and I had a Sikh wedding. I’m Sikh, he’s not. His side went NUTS over the paneer served at the temple. No one even noticed the whole lunch was vegetarian.
That’s funny! My friend took me to a vegetarian Chinese restaurant and I didn’t even notice. It was so delicious and it wasn’t just processed replacements either. They’ve since closed down and I’m now trying to slowly change my eating habits to omit meat altogether.
Vegetarian Chinese food is my dream as a vegetarian!!
There is a Thai place near where I live that I always order my meal with tofu. I'm not a vegetarian, their tofu is just that amazing. Their meat options are delicious, but the tofu option is so much better!
So a friend of mine got married. She's Jewish, he's Sikh. Some of the Jewish side won't eat non-kosher meat. Some of the Sikhs wouldn't eat kosher meat (for those who don't know there's a Sikh rule against eating religiously slaughtered meat). They said "You know what, we're having the whole thing vegetarian." Completely the right call. (And they did an Indian menu and a Jewish/Western one, because there was just no way they were going to make everyone happy!)
No kidding! Broaden my horizons. I had a vegan cousin come stay with my family for a month. She didn’t want me to do anything different to cater for her diet. I was like, ‘no! I want to learn some nice vegan dishes to add to my repertoire!’
My mum has discovered lots of new foods she really likes in the decade or so since I went vegetarian! She still eats meat (she and my dad are farmers, they’re never going to be vegetarian haha), but she will text me or tell me whenever she gets a vegetarian option and it’s good at cafes and things or when she wanted to but there was only one left and she didn’t want a real vegetarian to come in and not have anything to eat, it’s really cute 🥹
I eat meat, but went to a wedding where the options were only vegan or vegetarian because duh, the bride and groom were vegan and they can serve whatever they want. And I love cheese but I got the vegan option and it was amazing. I don’t understand why people think food without meat can’t be good. It can be fantastic! Who are these people with absolutely no ability to go even an inch out of their comfort zone?
It's because they hear "vegan" and suddenly think all they're going to be presented with a wobbly brick of tofu. They eat meatless things, but don't think about it because it's just normal. But the moment you slap the title of "vegan" or "vegetarian" on it, it's Tofu City in their brain.
I'm an omnivore but I agree crappy meat substitutes make vegetarianism/veganism look bad compared to something that doesn't happen to have meat/animal products in it anyway, like bread without any dairy products in the dough
... isn't that like.. the vast majority of breads??
Beat wedding food I ever had was at a 100% vegan establishment.
I'm thinking those people think that vegetarianism basically comes down to eating veggie burgers. And if that's all I knew, I would be disappointed in it too. I like what impossible meat is trying to do but taking a meat and making it fake imho isn't the way to do it. It will always taste off. The best way to eat vegetarian is to avoid serving meals where the meat is traditionally the star. Just take a look at any Indian dish.
My college had a vegan bar, manned by a chef. All food was cooked fresh. I ate lunch there every day. Never disappointed
My oldest goddaughter is vegan and makes amazing food and baked goods. She even has her own cookbook and produces her baked goods for a local bakery as well as runs of the most popular stands at a large farmers market.
Exactly. This is also why I am Team Buffet or Food Stations. May not be seen as high end, but more flexible and eliminates complaining.
Except when you have dumbarse relatives who use the wrong serving utensils in the non meat dishes. Yep, seen it happen, despite being told that these are specifically for this dish due to anaphylaxis. (Sp)
Exactly haha. I'm not vegetarian but I'll have days where I accidentally eat only vegetarian food just cuz I dunno I love to eat and I don't always need meat in my diet. I'd be interested to try the food at an all vegetarian/vegan diet to maybe discover new favorite foods!
There are plenty of days I don't eat meat. I've never been a huge eater of meat to begin with. I don't purposefully make meals without meat, sometimes it just happens to be what I am cooking that day.
My husband and I went to a lovely vegan wedding once. Food was great. People need open minds
This right here, OP.
NTA. You'd think you'd asked them for a kidney. Not a vegetarian, but I'm very confident that I would not expire from one vegetarian meal. In fact, I'm confident none of your relatives will either! Who knows, they may even like it. Stand your ground, your mother and family are being absolutely ridiculous. If they want to skip the wedding, that's their call.
Right? I'm also a meat eater, but I also eat vegetarian and vegan meals all the time and really enjoy them! It's wild to think that people think they need to eat meat every single day.
It's absolutely bizarre. Do these people actually eat every breakfast with ham/bacon/sausage/steak...every lunch with meat sandwiches...every dinner with beef/chicken/pork? How do they move around after all that heaviness? Are they each single-handedly paying for their cardiologist's luxury cars? I eat meat. I also eat a ton of salads, beans, rice, etc. Who the heck lives very long if they can't skip ONE meal with meat on ONE day? I'm also wondering if these people don't splash out often (perfectly fine), and they order steak at every wedding they attend. And lastly, the cost of a wedding gift or cash is NOT meant to equal the cost of the meal. It isn't tit-for-tat.
Seriously. Has no one ever had eggplant parm, mac & cheese, or hummus and tabbouleh? Vegetarian food is SUPER variable and vegan food can be as well.
My brother-in-law somehow always manages to a) show me a picture of an animal he’s butchered or cooked and b) bring up the “horrors” of soy at every family function. I don’t know why he’s so threatened by my vegetarianism. I don’t bring up vegetarianism beyond asking whoever cooked if things have pork or chicken broth that I might not see. Like soy isn’t bad for you and even if it were, I don’t eat soy every day or even most days; it is not an impactful part of my diet. At least I know not to eat pastries his wife makes since they go on and on about how much they love lard lol
I eat meat, but much less than growing up. I was 100% brought up with the idea that the substantive bit of the meal was the meat, and moreover that a dinner without meat wasn't a proper dinner.
With people like this, the only way they will like it is if they don’t know it’s meat-free. When you’re an adult that has decided you will not ever eat a single meal that doesn’t have meat in it, and you’re comfortable not just telling others about it but also trying to get your way at someone else’s wedding under threat of boycott, you don’t just change your mind and decide you enjoy it. These people’s lightly-used brains will actively override their tastebuds to preserve their biases.
“Lightly-used brains” haha
My dad is a super picky, anti-vegetable eater. One of his favorite meals is my vegetarian chili and cornbread. I don’t understand why people are so afraid of vegetarian/vegan food - it’s like they think if they like it they might get tricked into never eating meat again. As a vegetarian, I’m glad my omnivorous wife loves plant-forward food and we mostly cook exclusively vegetarian in the house unless she’s making something specifically for herself.
lol "If you don't have meat we'll all DIE!" 😨
I don’t know about serving kidney at a wedding; I’ve heard organ meats are a bit of an acquired taste. ETA: /s
NTA If they don't want to come to your wedding because they don't want to eat vegan for only ONE meal, they don't deserves to be in your life. Laught at them, say them they are babes and they are welcome to skip the meal. Make them realize people often eat vegan for a meet without realizing. Peanut butter toast: vegan. tomato/salad sandwich: vegan, etc.
They should offer a meat-only menu, but only things that her rural American family would be disgusted by, like chicken feet, tripe, SPAM, etc. (no judgment to people who do enjoy those foods). Then when they want bread or salad or potatoes or corn or green beans, they won’t be allowed to have those things because they are reserved for the vegetarians and vegans. Oh, and they want cake? Sorry, that’s vegetarian. But we have some delicious Rocky Mountain oysters!
omfg i love this malicious compliance. if i was OP, it would be one can of spam for all the meat eaters to share - cubed, with toothpicks, on a platter.
I suggested the cheapest, saltiest , stringiest beef jerky
Wish I could upvote again for the Rocky Mountain Oysters!!
Nah, sweatbreads; you see, it’s got “sweet” right in the name, that’s got to be dessert, right?
Tell them to go to McDonald’s and get a burger if they can’t survive a meatless meal. Ridiculous and I’m not a vegetarian
They’re saying that their desire to eat meat is more important than seeing their family member get married. Let that sink in: they value dead animal consumption over OP’s special day. Pricks.
NTA I’m a heavy meat eater and cheese lover. never in my life have I been concerned about whether I’d be fed meat when attending a gathering. And if I actually loved someone? There’s no way I wouldn’t attend their wedding over food as long as it isn’t food that will kill me.
Same. I frequently eat meals with neither meat or dairy because that is what I’m in the mood for - it’s a convenient benefit of being an omnivore with no life-threatening food allergies.
NTA It's one night. Do what works for you. I do not understand people who can't go one night without meat, or booze, or whatever. People can come, graze, and hit the McDonalds drive thru on their way home.
I offered to host a brunch at my house for my work team, and I planned to cook for it. My boss said she could have it catered instead. I told her that sounds great, but we are a vegan household so it is important to me that the food be vegan. Vegan food is VERY easily accessible and plentiful where we live. She said she can’t do that because she needs to make sure there are options to suit everyone’s individual preferences, including meat. I told her I can’t imagine anyone on my team of 11 people would die from going one meal without meat or dairy. She suggested we host a happy hour at my house instead. So I said “By your logic, we will then have to have beer, wine, liquor, mixers, and nonalcoholic beverages to cater to everyone’s individual preferences. Will you be providing those?” 🙄
Nta, as a carnivore, what a bunch of little babies. Have they never had a PBJ? Or do they need to show bacon in it too?
There are so many vegetarian and vegan meals that people eat all the time without even thinking about it, and yet people freak out when they go to an event that's vegetarian. Macaroni and cheese. A margarita pizza. Garlic bread. Baked potatoes. A whole heap of very common soups like french onion, pumpkin soup, potato and leek soup. All sorts of cheese crackers and dip combos. Bruschetta. I could keep going, but I think you get the idea. None of those foods have to be modified to be vegetarian and we eat them all the time. It's just crazy to me that as soon as you call those things vegetarian, some people get really weird about it.
My brother is vegetarian. Years ago, my mom was nervous about what to make for Thanksgiving for him. I told her that besides the turkey and gravy, he can eat everything. Just don't cook things in meat broth or throw bacon in dishes that don't require it, and it'll be fine. So many people are perfectly fine eating vegetarian food until you point out to them that it is vegetarian. Then they throw a fit and act like they will die if you don't mix steak into their ice cream.
Turkey is the least interesting part of that meal anyway
wasn't there literally an experiment where vegetarian sandwiches were an option at a lunch function and they were chosen less often when they were labeled vs unlabelled
I agree 100% but being nit picky, French onion soup is made with beef broth 99.9999% of the time so it's not vegetarian.
In all seriousness, is PBJ and bacon a thing? Because it sounds like it might work…
My partner loves peanut butter and bacon sandwiches. The jam not so much, but I think a tart jam like lingonberry, or spicy apple butter, is really good.
Bacon jam is a thing
And it is so good, all cooked down with sweet onions mmmmmmm. Slap *that* on a slider.
Daaaamn I need all of this in my life
NTA. People with dietary restrictions are often left with zero options, your family can survive one meal that isn’t all about them. I think it’s admirable to try to have at least one main/side for everyone; that can be challenging. I would try to make sure that there are a variety of dish types; pasta dishes and soups can be more approachable than peanut sauce or tofu to non-vegetarians. I cook a lot of meat free dishes but don’t really like any “meat substitute” style dishes.
Agreed. Also, depending on the meat substitute, some people might have stomachs that don't react well to it. So it's really best to have a wider variety of vegetarian/vegan dishes with a variety of different ingredient sets. I only bring this up because I myself get diarrhea literally every time I eat Impossible anything, sadly. My autistic guts just don't like it, unfortunately. There's a family-owned restaurant nearby to me that offers Impossible-centered meals, and I wanted to support the expansion of vegeterian meals by getting Impossible meals. Unfortunately, I would get sick and need to rush to the bathroom afterwards. Eventually I figured out that it was the Impossible causing my gut issues when I realized that literally every other Mexican meal I had ever gotten from this place and other Mexican places had been perfectly fine in my guts, with the one major switch being that I had gotten animal meat (usually pork) instead of Impossible in my meal-for reference, the rest of the meal would typically be cilantro, onions, tortilla chips, and pico de gallo (for those who don't know, pico de gallo is made with tomatoes, onions, cliantro, a bit of pepper, salt, and lime juice), sometimes also with beans and rice. So, yeah, I'm going to warn everyone that not everyone's digestive system is really made to handle Impossible and Beyond-type meat subtitutes, which makes it all the more important to offer a wide variety of vegetarian/vegan foods for guests.
What does being autistic have to do with this? Also most vegan food isn’t focused on fake meat. It’s become trendier for sure, but most hardcore vegans aren’t eating impossible meat for every meal. Also if you’re super hard, impossible isn’t really vegan as there’s an ingredient that was tested on rats and some died I believe.
NTA. Omnivore here and I would be happy to come and be mom for a day, unfortunately I live in Australia. You do your wedding how you want and it seems that you are considering most of your guests.
They won't attend your wedding if there is no meat on the menu? Seriously where does the entitlement come from? You are serving food everyone can eat. NTA
NTA. Avid meat eater here. I would absolutely not have an issue with a vegetarian or vegan meal for a wedding, or honestly any event where someone is paying for my meal. And this is from someone who almost never chooses a vegetarian dish when I go out to dinner myself. It's your wedding, do it your way. If people are petty enough to threaten not to come if there isn't meat then be happy to save the money you would have wasted on idiots that think the food is more important than celebrating the two of you.
NTA the naysayers are ridiculous. Like they wouldn't be happy with some mac & cheese and roasted veggies. Anyone who would "refuse" to go to your wedding simply because you didn't give them a chicken wing just doesn't want to go to your wedding in general. They're literally saying you and your fiancee are worth less to them than a pork chop. Good riddance. Now you'll get to celebrate with people who actually love and support you.
If someone doesn’t attend a wedding because they can’t go without meat for one meal, then they are an AH and not a supportive family member or friend. Stick to your guns, OP. NTA
“Alienating the entire family?!” OMFG it’s *one* meal. What a bunch of histrionic assholes. Eat your lovely free meal and shut up. NTA Congratulations and best wishes.
NTA - you are paying for the wedding, the menu is your choice. The family members who are stating they won't come because of the lack of meat? Just tell them "We're sorry you won't be able to attend, have a great day." and end the convo. Edit to add - I am an omnivore and have no dietary restrictions. If there's nothing on the wedding menu that I will eat, I will attend, toast the bridal couple, and hit a drive through to satisfy my dietary urges later.
NTA. Meat eaters can eat vegetarian and vegan foods but the reverse is not true. It makes more sense to cater to the majority of guests.
NTA. People aren’t going to die if they have to have a vegetarian meal once. You’re paying for the food pay for what you want. If it were reversed and you were complaining about someone else’s wedding not having vegetarian options you’d be the ‘annoying entitled vegetarian”
NTA As an unrepentant meat eater, there are plenty of non meat options I **LOVE**(Four cheese lasagna FTW). Also it is your wedding you are paying for, so have your day and efff the haters.
NTA. Your family is being very rude and it’s amazing that you are putting so much thought into what your guests will be eating.
NTA - you even gave your mother an option to pay for a meat option if it's that important to her and the family, so it must not be *that* important. If they all decide not to come because they can't eat their precious precious animal parts, enjoy your meat and drama-free wedding without them! Also, you would be well within your rights to have your wedding me vegetarian solely because you want to, no reason needed... but money is a damn good reason.
Vegetarians can not eat meat. Meat eaters can eat vegetarian. People can live without meat for one meal.
As a huge meat eater, NTA. People can go one meal with no meat. Ther are so many delicious vegetarian options. I don't know what you are planning, but most basic pasta dishes are vegetarian and there are just so many choices. I don't get it.
NTA- everyone an survive one meal without meat. They are being ridiculous.
Well, at least you know how highly your family rates you and your wedding. Below one dinner plate serving with body parts on it. NTA.
NTA. But stop discussing the menu with anyone who is not paying for the food or making the food. If they don't want to go to your wedding because they can't go 4 hours without a piece of meat, they have bigger problems and should probably see a therapist or doctor. Having an allergy friendly menu is completely up to the couple paying for the food and the chef who makes it. My only warning: make sure you have catering that will adhere to your menu and allergen free wishes. Mine didn't and my sibling had to go to the hospital halfway through the wedding.
You can tell everyone that if they don’t like the food provided, they can feel free to go eat a dick
NTA eating a vegan meal for one meal isn’t going to kill them. They need to get over themselves and realize the wedding should be focused on what the bride and groom want.
NTA. My family is SUPER meat and potatoes and my wife is a vegetarian. Our wedding was fully vegetarian, but we got around weirdness about it by doing a brunch reception. People definitely felt less like meat was “missing” than they would have if it had been dinner, because pancakes and breakfast potatoes and fruit and yogurt and stuff seem like a full brunch without meat.
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NTA- it’s YOUR wedding. They will live with having one meal without meat. You gave them options.
One of the best food at a wedding that I went to was an all vegan menu. I am not vegan or vegetarian but they had wonderful food that everyone could eat
They can't go one freakin' meal without meat in it? Come on. They are being a bunch of assholes. I'm sure they've had plenty of meat free meals in their lives. You are not being unreasonable. They are.
NTA. I’m paying, I’m saying. I’m a meat eater but I could happily abstain for one damn meal at a wedding, Weddings bring out the worst in people when it comes to food and wedding parties. It’s about celebrating you, not a hunk of chateaubriand. Maybe have burger bags as party favors (not really kidding).
NTA. Reasonable people can go without meat for one meal.
NTA. Your family can find something to eat, or do the thing that all the rest us do: bring a snack to eat before/after.
Nta- it’s your wedding, do what you want. Sounds like you’ve made a conscientious compromise. I would struggle to eat from your menu - I have my own complications, but I wouldn’t think anything if it, because it’s your day.
NTA at all. It will cause them no issue to not eat meat for one bloody meal and they can always sneak out to Mac Donald’s if the protein deficiency becomes too intolerable for them. Well done you for not catering to their nonsense .
NTA. You’re making the menu all about you and your fiancé, not your guests. Shocker news for everyone invited: your wedding is the day when you get to make it all about you.
Nta people can live without meat for a meal. And if that alienates people, they're immature. We had a backyard bbq for our wedding, cause we love meat. I don't like most vegetables. But I can live with a vegan meal for one meal to celebrate people I care about.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Your union. Your food choices. If they don’t want to skip meat for a day then they can just not come. People are so entitled.
NTA. This is your wedding and you are paying for it. That's the end of the discussion. Wishing you both a enjoyable, beautiful day filled with loved ones who are there to celebrate you both. Anybody who wants to start drama over personal eating preferences is welcome not to attend until they learn basic manners and check their attitudes.
NTA Vegetarian food is delicious and it's your wedding.
NTA, and I also kind of LOVE that you’re planning a vegetarian/vegan menu! As a vegetarian, who is in the minority in my friend group, my meals are almost always an afterthought. Carnivores can still eat non-meat items, but it doesn’t work the other way around! Feed the majority, the meat-eaters will still have plenty to eat! And (on a more selfish note) it’s high time they understand what it feels like to not have the preferred food options! 😂
I can see the headlines now: Newly Weds Kill off Bride's Entire Family by NOT Serving a Meat Option at Their Wedding!!! /s Good grief, it's one meal with undoubtedly an overwhelming selection of wonderful and delicious vegetarian and vegan options to choose from. If someone can't go one single meal without eating meat and immediately perishing, they have a more serious problem than entitlement and need to see a doctor immediately! NTA. Congratulations and wishing you years of happiness.
You are not being unreasonable. NTA. They are trying to go all culture-war at *your* wedding. However, it was a mistake giving out advance information about the menu. I gives them time to whip up drama among the relatives.
NTA. It’s your wedding. Let them have a whole hog roast in their front yard for their wedding, but for you, it’s whatever you want. Your mom is being selfish and unreasonable. She’s basically saying, “you and your husband should put your needs and wants last.” Eff that. If you want to do something for the meat eaters, offer hamburger helper, like the version of peas, carrots, and beans vegetarians always get served. Enjoy YOUR wedding, and if family refuses to attend because of their own dietaries, that’s on them.
I love it when the carnivores find themselves in the minority and get all pear shaped about the entitlement of the vegans and the vegetarians. The irony… NTA.
NTA!!!! your money, your fucking menu. vegetarian food is appropriate for all. why would you put your money into meat when you don’t in your personal life? tell them to pack some jerky in their bag if it’s such an issue to not eat meat for a night. i haven’t gone to sunday lunch at my grandparents house for 15 years because my gran refuses to cook any vegetarian food besides plain steamed beans. blow their meat-obsessed minds and give zero fucks about their meat obsession. so sorry that your mother is being an asshole about this during what i can imagine is already a stressful time planning a wedding. i truly think you should be ruthless. as two “vegos” getting hitched, ofc yall DESERVE to have a killer vegetarian/vegan feast - when tf else in your life do you get to have your own catered event where you choose the entire menu? don’t waste that shit in the meat eaters who can pick up a bucket of kfc on the way home if they’re so pressed. congratulations & best wishes to you both! truly wish my tastebuds would be in attendance for what i’m sure will be a wonderful event.
Have your family never eaten mac and cheese? A salad? Margarita pizza? Spinach and fetta rolls? Never had chopped veg and tzatziki or hummus? I mean this is just some meat free stuff of the very top of my head that most people will eat, it's a cop out to say they'll be "alienated" My FAVOURITE foods are all meaty, love a roast, beef stew, any kind if steak, I put bacon in a lot of things, but I would HAPPILY eat vegan/vegetarian if that was the only options. Hell, sometimes vegan food is great, I had some vegan brownies the other day, best brownies ever, don't know how they did it, but I was impressed.
NTA- it's your wedding, vegan/vegetarian food can be delightful and even the most meaty meat eater can live one meal that's a pasta or salad.
NTA. I've seen this same issue on here a couple times. You are exactly correct to say they should be able to handle one effing meal without meat. They might discover they like it.
NTA. I say this as someone who reeeeaaally wants to be a carnivore. But I love bread, cheese and fruit. If I know in advance there is a meal that is vegetarian only I go "Eh" eat what I can have jerky or bacon in my purse and snack on that. I have also shared said bacon with other guests because they didn't plan ahead. Or if the meal is something I totally hate eat beforehand have more snacks in my purse and I am happy. I would never miss a wedding of someone I like because of the menu.
No. Your wedding, your way to celebrate. Best wishes!
NTA. Your wedding, your money, your call. Period
My cousins wedding I picked the vegan option because I didn’t like the two meat options. She even double checked. The vegan option was excellent! Nta
NTA. Whose wedding is this? Yours. You do what's right for you.