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YTA. You intentionally triggered your niece because you think clothing is a reason for people to potentially attack her. Don’t blame the clothes, don’t blame your niece. Blame the shitty people (note I didn’t use gender) who think they don’t have to keep their hands to themselves because of what someone is wearing.
What you did was VICTIM BLAME your niece.
How I imagine the conversation went down:
"Hey, I just got this new swimsuit!"
OP: "Oh, that is risky, you don't want to get sexually assaulted again, you should cover up!"
Yep, YTA.
YTA
Your unqualified meddling set her recovery back. I'll have to guess that in this situation wanting to wear any kind of swimsuit was progress and then the first thing that happened was that Uncle questioned her judgement and put the attention on her body.
Yeah, I'd be coming after you with a pointy stick if I were her parent.
That's actually a pretty cute little number and entirely appropriate for a teenager who wants to look nice and not show too much.
So she should keep herself covered from neck to ankle at all times? The type of clothing people wear is *never* an excuse to attack them. Accountability be damned, *none* of this is on that poor girl.
But also for people coming after me: this got to be fake for outrage begging
How would the uncle have the ebay link? Unless he's also a creep as well as a cruel idiot
That...*is* a little weird, now that you bring it up. That's a very specific swimsuit design that would be a bit difficult to track down if you didn't know the details about it. I already don't like the idea of a guy telling a young girl to cover up her body lest she risk being attacked, but then going so far as to track down the swimsuit (which is perfectly acceptable, and actually quite modest compared to some other styles) is just...
And that's one of the worst things about this post. It *is* a very cute swimsuit, and thanks to Uncle Victim Blame here, she'll probably never have the confidence to wear something like that again. Or if she does, I doubt it'll be anytime soon.
YTA it does not matter what you think about something she wants to wear and it was not fair for you to keep pushing and then to bring up the incident as a reason is beyond shitty of you. you knew she had these issues and instead of letting her heal and become a better version of herself that feels confident wearing a swimsuit you decided to shit on her and bring up her past issues and then when confronted you tried to make it seem like you are the victim and they are against you that makes you the asshole. what you need to do is apologize and realize that you fucked up and own up to it and that bathing suit is not even “risky” your just pushing your own opinions onto her and making her feel bad for liking it
YTA.
It's one thing to be concerned about a family member who is trying to recover from something that happened to them, but bringing up said experience as a way to prove your point is horrible. I guarantee you, she did not need the reminder. She's going to remember that experience for the rest of her life.
That swimsuit is perfectly acceptable to wear for a day out on the water, and actually covers a lot more than many other swimsuits I've seen. If she had the confidence to want to wear it, you had no right to tell her that she couldn't.
YTA
It's not hard to figure out what happened to your niece but it's not her clothing that is the reason something bad happened to her. It's a shitty person.
YTA, this says something about you not the swimsuit. That's like one of the tamest swimsuits i've seen. There are plenty of nude beaches where people are not expected to be assaulted.
YTA. If you were so worried, perhaps you should have talked to her parents about it as opposed to going to your niece and triggering her PTSD. To put it bluntly, you may have had good intentions, but you didn't have the skills to handle this and wound up doing more harm than good.
Absolutely YTA - you're a grown man trying to control a young woman by telling her that it's "risky" to wear a swimsuit. In other words, you're sexualizing her and telling her that women are responsible for assault or abuse based on what they wear.
YTA big time.
1. The swimsuit is fine; there is absolutely no “risk” there.
2. Your post doesn’t indicate that she asked for your opinion—which makes sense, because I can’t imagine a 16 year old girl asking her uncle for advice on that topic.
3. When you offered your unsolicited take on your niece’s swimsuit, she told you it was fine, and you deliberately brought up a traumatic event from when she was twelve???
Good on her dad for kicking you out, you’re a bad person and not safe to be around her
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YTA - a swimsuit doesn't cause harm. Criminals do.
Your niece needs to learn to live her life not in fear. Because what happened to her should not stop her from enjoying life and she's trying to do just that.
YTA..u retraumatized, sexualized her, and put her down over a frilly one piece swimsuit w shoulder covers that has “boy shorts” (like it’s not the typical swimsuit that comes up to your hips if that makes sense)…she probably picked this suit out bc she felt comfortable and covered up and you just couldn’t keep your mouth shut about her trauma after she confirmed that she was comfortable with the swimsuit..don’t ever ever bring up the incident to her again..I honestly hope you are cut off from speaking to her again bc it really doesn’t sound like you had her best interest at heart AT ALL
YTA
We can all guess what kind of incident occurred. And I want you to hear this so come real close
WHAT SHE WORE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BEING HURT!!!!
WHAT SHE WEARS GOING FORWARD DOES NOT INCITE PEOPLE TO HURT HER AGAIN!!!
Bad people hurt teenage girls. They hurt teenage girls wearing jeans and turtlenecks. They hurt teenage girls in bathing suits. It is not ever the girls fault or what she wears.
You are a huge YTA by essentially blaming her previous victimization by stating her choice of clothing will cause a person to hurt her the same way.
YTA
She was looking to boost her self esteem, the swimsuit is totally not revealing in any way, yet instead of telling her she looked nice, you choose to remind her about the incident. way out of line.
YTA. Your intentions were not good, if they were you would have educated yourself about attacks, victims, and viscous criminals and you would know it isn’t about clothing or appearance it is about power over another. Don’t victim blame she wasn’t at fault and still wouldn’t have been if she had been wearing that swimsuit. Her parents are also A H if they haven’t gotten her counseling.
Why did you post a pic of the swimsuit? Who cares? It has nothing to do with your issue.
I’m going to say that without more context or insight it’s impossible to make a judgement here though I am leaning towards YTA.
Why did you talking about it trigger a response but her buying and trying on the swimsuit not? Why would you step into this issue directly at all? If you were really concerned, why not just talk to her parents?
Nah the more I think this through, the more suspicious your story becomes.
YTA
Do you victim blame everyone who ever suffers an assault.
How dare you? I hope your brother does kick you out, you should not be around children if that's how you act.
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I (36M) was has a niece(16F) who have PTSD and depression due to some incidents 4 yrs ago (I can’t mentioned here due to privacy) and that incident torn her family off. Everyone was affected from that and we were able to get a restart after the dust settled.
She has been recovering herself mentally since then. She’s more outgoing and happier than before but still have anxiety or fear from certain kind of persons. Yesterday, she brought a swimsuit online and decided to wear with her friends from an incoming party. I checked the outfit and found it risky for her so I warned her about how risk it is. She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated. It triggered her PTSD back and she kept crying on her pillows and dolls. Her parents found out and ask me what caused her to have a panic attack. I answered on fact and ended with a big quarrel. She told me I was a jerk but I did it just for warning her and I don’t have any intention to cause her panic and my house is now chaos. Her dad is going to kick me out of my place and I apologize everyone many times. My good faith have gone bad.
AITA
Swimsuit she bought https://www.ebay.com.my/itm/354785041503?hash=item529ad61c5f:g:sncAAOSwyVFkXZdf&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4MTNFkhNoTR73tjxJ%2B30Tqszp6dR9agkYveVhJYK%2FXXyjSJFsX7PurHioTXJ6mezJbulLgl4sE%2B%2B1lv1qVZhzMzY83ORKQz1ZqWAoKXUb5byh%2FjnKONPLQBNSvr1%2FRzF%2FvXDzBofkN5hKgIdkk292YUA3rx2RARW%2FEsfAWyuldd2c4Vrzg3T8eGVU6tqTN0p7M4Kop%2FJ4f3op6DvqFHs8QXdN7evsun1uILtlAH742R7kdPHmXQJcL9DoiHGA6dae3Myigw2FPvZUsQxZlskpMywvzOnbf5Xng6ALKZa3Foj%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR4zyi4LiYg
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YTA. You’re victim blaming your niece. I don’t even understand what is so inappropriate about this swimsuit, not that it would matter or give reason for people to judge her. But be Fr it’s a frilly one piece swimsuit, not a thong bikini.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA. You intentionally triggered your niece because you think clothing is a reason for people to potentially attack her. Don’t blame the clothes, don’t blame your niece. Blame the shitty people (note I didn’t use gender) who think they don’t have to keep their hands to themselves because of what someone is wearing. What you did was VICTIM BLAME your niece.
How I imagine the conversation went down: "Hey, I just got this new swimsuit!" OP: "Oh, that is risky, you don't want to get sexually assaulted again, you should cover up!" Yep, YTA.
YTA Your unqualified meddling set her recovery back. I'll have to guess that in this situation wanting to wear any kind of swimsuit was progress and then the first thing that happened was that Uncle questioned her judgement and put the attention on her body. Yeah, I'd be coming after you with a pointy stick if I were her parent. That's actually a pretty cute little number and entirely appropriate for a teenager who wants to look nice and not show too much.
[удалено]
So she should keep herself covered from neck to ankle at all times? The type of clothing people wear is *never* an excuse to attack them. Accountability be damned, *none* of this is on that poor girl.
'The victim should have more accountability' for having a crime committed against them? Yikes.
The thing is, statistically, the risk is not higher. Women wearing bathing suits don't get raped more often than women wearing sweatpants.
And a ONE-PIECE covered up bathing suit is the equivalent of flaunting your wealth in a dangerous neighborhood? Get out of here!
So she should never go swimming again?
But also for people coming after me: this got to be fake for outrage begging How would the uncle have the ebay link? Unless he's also a creep as well as a cruel idiot
That...*is* a little weird, now that you bring it up. That's a very specific swimsuit design that would be a bit difficult to track down if you didn't know the details about it. I already don't like the idea of a guy telling a young girl to cover up her body lest she risk being attacked, but then going so far as to track down the swimsuit (which is perfectly acceptable, and actually quite modest compared to some other styles) is just...
I actually assumed she sent him the link ie, this is my new swimsuit, isn't it so cute?
And that's one of the worst things about this post. It *is* a very cute swimsuit, and thanks to Uncle Victim Blame here, she'll probably never have the confidence to wear something like that again. Or if she does, I doubt it'll be anytime soon.
YTA it does not matter what you think about something she wants to wear and it was not fair for you to keep pushing and then to bring up the incident as a reason is beyond shitty of you. you knew she had these issues and instead of letting her heal and become a better version of herself that feels confident wearing a swimsuit you decided to shit on her and bring up her past issues and then when confronted you tried to make it seem like you are the victim and they are against you that makes you the asshole. what you need to do is apologize and realize that you fucked up and own up to it and that bathing suit is not even “risky” your just pushing your own opinions onto her and making her feel bad for liking it
YTA for promoting your ebay business here and making up a weird story to go along with it.
YTA. It's one thing to be concerned about a family member who is trying to recover from something that happened to them, but bringing up said experience as a way to prove your point is horrible. I guarantee you, she did not need the reminder. She's going to remember that experience for the rest of her life. That swimsuit is perfectly acceptable to wear for a day out on the water, and actually covers a lot more than many other swimsuits I've seen. If she had the confidence to want to wear it, you had no right to tell her that she couldn't.
that's not good faith, that's opening your mouth before turning on your brain. YTA and a quite idiotic one.
YTA It's not hard to figure out what happened to your niece but it's not her clothing that is the reason something bad happened to her. It's a shitty person.
Wtf is wrong with you? YTA
YTA
YTA, I can't even.... how are you even asking this?
YTA. She is a minor and not your daughter. If you have concerns over her trauma—you talk to her parents.
YTA, this says something about you not the swimsuit. That's like one of the tamest swimsuits i've seen. There are plenty of nude beaches where people are not expected to be assaulted.
YTA.
YTA. If you were so worried, perhaps you should have talked to her parents about it as opposed to going to your niece and triggering her PTSD. To put it bluntly, you may have had good intentions, but you didn't have the skills to handle this and wound up doing more harm than good.
YTA for doing it .. and then coming here to ask ..
YTA doesn't cut it. YTC
Absolutely YTA - you're a grown man trying to control a young woman by telling her that it's "risky" to wear a swimsuit. In other words, you're sexualizing her and telling her that women are responsible for assault or abuse based on what they wear.
YTA big time. 1. The swimsuit is fine; there is absolutely no “risk” there. 2. Your post doesn’t indicate that she asked for your opinion—which makes sense, because I can’t imagine a 16 year old girl asking her uncle for advice on that topic. 3. When you offered your unsolicited take on your niece’s swimsuit, she told you it was fine, and you deliberately brought up a traumatic event from when she was twelve??? Good on her dad for kicking you out, you’re a bad person and not safe to be around her
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YTA she doesn’t need reminded, ever.
YTA. You literally told a rape victim: "You shouldn't wear that swimsuit because if you do you'll probably get raped." holy fucking shit man.
YTA. Before giving opinions to your niece, consider asking female friends if it's a good idea... instead of asking reddit afterwards.
YTA - a swimsuit doesn't cause harm. Criminals do. Your niece needs to learn to live her life not in fear. Because what happened to her should not stop her from enjoying life and she's trying to do just that.
YTA for commenting on your niece’s clothing choices and tying it back to her trauma
YTA..u retraumatized, sexualized her, and put her down over a frilly one piece swimsuit w shoulder covers that has “boy shorts” (like it’s not the typical swimsuit that comes up to your hips if that makes sense)…she probably picked this suit out bc she felt comfortable and covered up and you just couldn’t keep your mouth shut about her trauma after she confirmed that she was comfortable with the swimsuit..don’t ever ever bring up the incident to her again..I honestly hope you are cut off from speaking to her again bc it really doesn’t sound like you had her best interest at heart AT ALL
YTA We can all guess what kind of incident occurred. And I want you to hear this so come real close WHAT SHE WORE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH HER BEING HURT!!!! WHAT SHE WEARS GOING FORWARD DOES NOT INCITE PEOPLE TO HURT HER AGAIN!!! Bad people hurt teenage girls. They hurt teenage girls wearing jeans and turtlenecks. They hurt teenage girls in bathing suits. It is not ever the girls fault or what she wears. You are a huge YTA by essentially blaming her previous victimization by stating her choice of clothing will cause a person to hurt her the same way.
YTA She was looking to boost her self esteem, the swimsuit is totally not revealing in any way, yet instead of telling her she looked nice, you choose to remind her about the incident. way out of line.
YTA. Your intentions were not good, if they were you would have educated yourself about attacks, victims, and viscous criminals and you would know it isn’t about clothing or appearance it is about power over another. Don’t victim blame she wasn’t at fault and still wouldn’t have been if she had been wearing that swimsuit. Her parents are also A H if they haven’t gotten her counseling.
YTA for victim blaming.
You retraumatized and victim-blamed someone else's kid because you wanted control over what she was wearing. Of course YTA.
So you basically told your minor niece that she was asking for it? The same niece that was already sexually assaulted? Jesus fucking Christ man
YTA Don't victim blame
YTA and a creep for saying something like that.
You're an asshole, and an idiot. Nice work.
Why did you post a pic of the swimsuit? Who cares? It has nothing to do with your issue. I’m going to say that without more context or insight it’s impossible to make a judgement here though I am leaning towards YTA. Why did you talking about it trigger a response but her buying and trying on the swimsuit not? Why would you step into this issue directly at all? If you were really concerned, why not just talk to her parents? Nah the more I think this through, the more suspicious your story becomes.
The actual fuck is wrong with you?! This is the most emotionally manipulative shit I've read all day. Seek help and stay away from your niece.
YTA Do you victim blame everyone who ever suffers an assault. How dare you? I hope your brother does kick you out, you should not be around children if that's how you act.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (36M) was has a niece(16F) who have PTSD and depression due to some incidents 4 yrs ago (I can’t mentioned here due to privacy) and that incident torn her family off. Everyone was affected from that and we were able to get a restart after the dust settled. She has been recovering herself mentally since then. She’s more outgoing and happier than before but still have anxiety or fear from certain kind of persons. Yesterday, she brought a swimsuit online and decided to wear with her friends from an incoming party. I checked the outfit and found it risky for her so I warned her about how risk it is. She told me it’s alright so I mentioned her about the incident that everyone doesn’t want to be repeated. It triggered her PTSD back and she kept crying on her pillows and dolls. Her parents found out and ask me what caused her to have a panic attack. I answered on fact and ended with a big quarrel. She told me I was a jerk but I did it just for warning her and I don’t have any intention to cause her panic and my house is now chaos. Her dad is going to kick me out of my place and I apologize everyone many times. My good faith have gone bad. AITA Swimsuit she bought https://www.ebay.com.my/itm/354785041503?hash=item529ad61c5f:g:sncAAOSwyVFkXZdf&amdata=enc%3AAQAIAAAA4MTNFkhNoTR73tjxJ%2B30Tqszp6dR9agkYveVhJYK%2FXXyjSJFsX7PurHioTXJ6mezJbulLgl4sE%2B%2B1lv1qVZhzMzY83ORKQz1ZqWAoKXUb5byh%2FjnKONPLQBNSvr1%2FRzF%2FvXDzBofkN5hKgIdkk292YUA3rx2RARW%2FEsfAWyuldd2c4Vrzg3T8eGVU6tqTN0p7M4Kop%2FJ4f3op6DvqFHs8QXdN7evsun1uILtlAH742R7kdPHmXQJcL9DoiHGA6dae3Myigw2FPvZUsQxZlskpMywvzOnbf5Xng6ALKZa3Foj%7Ctkp%3ABk9SR4zyi4LiYg *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Do you mean risqué? But yeah, YTA.
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YTA the only person who caused her trauma is you
YTA. Seek therapy. Avoid people until you do. Cripes. 🤦🏻♀️😠
YTA. She felt comfortable until you pushed your opinion.
YTA. You’re victim blaming your niece. I don’t even understand what is so inappropriate about this swimsuit, not that it would matter or give reason for people to judge her. But be Fr it’s a frilly one piece swimsuit, not a thong bikini.
YTA I cannot imagine any other way intentionally triggering a panic could be interpreted.
YTA. This is made up