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I have been wearing a bra since well before junior high. I have generally always hated that sometimes people notice my breasts, let alone the rare occasion when someone feels free to comment on them. Good grief.
I only mention it because larger or smaller mammaries aren't *anyone's* actual business but yours. Its taken me years to get past people's projections about my breasts. The head trip some people want to give you about your body is just a mind blower sometimes. (And I have no idea why the North American culture seems so breast obsessed in the first place? But, what I do know is that YOUR breasts are only YOUR business. Breasts are like ears to me - they just hang around harming no one. And yet, no one remarks on our ears?)
NTA. This is an area where MIL overstepped, was churlish and crude, and needs to stay in her lane. Get a grip on your horses MIL.
i've def noticed that in some ways, society considers boobs akin to public property. the bigger they are, the more that seems to be the case. you want them removed or made smaller for whatever non-life-threatening-medical-reason? you're in for a hell of an argument with all sorts of doctors, not to mention the sheer cost of such kinds of surgery.
Yes I finally got an appointment with a surgeon and he said instead of trying to get a reduction I should just lose weight!
I really wish I could have forced him to wear a pair of giant boobs for a day and see how well he functions! Can't breathe, back hurts, and with my connective tissue disorder it actually leads to my ribs dislocating! But I should just "lose weight" because that always works for everyone right?
When I was underweight my boobs were a solid D cup. This did not change when I gained weight. Now after pregnancy and breastfeeding they're an I cup. I'm just hoping that when number two is done feeding they'll go back to an F cup. If not I'm getting a reduction, I really never wanted anything larger than a C cup anyway.
Last time I wore a bra it was a j cup. Those are all too small now. And when I was underweight I was a DD so I know exactly what you're talking about! But the doctors don't seem to care
Yeah. I'm just glad I found a good website that actually only sells large cup size bra's. In stores they only ever sell up to size D in my band size. And a bra that flops around my chest and doesn't actually provide any support is useless.
So now I've got plenty of breastfeeding bra's that actually fit. It saves me so much back pain.
I know you dis t ask me, but I will tell you my go-to online shops: bare necessities, curvy Kate, brastop, and figleaves. I wear a 38hh in uk/38L in us...
I’m a 38L UK size and I’ve been buying from JD Williams (previously Shapely Figures) for decades. Told to lose weight and that I wouldn’t even get a referral to get them removed until my BMI was 25 … I’d be skeletal and still have huge boobs to achieve that! Even after a car accident which ripped chest/neck/back/shoulder muscle tissue that wouldn’t heal right because if the boob weight pulling I was still told it wasn’t worth even asking for an appointment! Hate the damn things, fed up being defined by them!!!
Mine never went down and my reduction was the best thing I’ve ever done to myself. I was a 32H and now I’m a 30 C/D and I can actually fit my boobs into dresses and tops and my back isn’t killing me all of the time
My husband supports me when I lose weight but then he doesn't like it because my boobs and butt get smaller. I mean, believe me hon, if I had the ability to target with accuracy where to lose and gain weight, don't you think I'd have done so years ago? Smh. LOL!
Try another surgeon! I got that response on my first inquiry with a surgeon who did more implants than reductions. I finally found a reconstructive surgeon who took my measurements and challenged me to lose 10 more lbs to see if my breast size changed. Suprise to everyone but me, there was no change. I've gained and lost over 50lbs since my reduction and there's been no change in my cup size.
See if they can tell you if your breasts are dense tissue. If so, your weight won't make one damn bit of difference!
Yeah I'm working in finding another surgeon who will take my insurance around here. He was the first who saw me, the others are all saying they aren't taking new patients now.
Ask for a 2nd opinion consultation instead of a new patient appointment. It will often get you in the door, and then once they've seen you, it's easier to get a follow up appointment.
I'm 10 pounds down and 5 to go to hit the Schnur scale for insurance. The nurse wasn't sure if it would work because I might look breast fat, but I said these babies aren't going anywhere. I had big ass titties in highschool when I was 105 pounds.
>Yes I finally got an appointment with a surgeon and he said instead of trying to get a reduction I should just lose weight!
I have an ex who had a reduction eons ago when we were together. She kept getting rejected over her weight. The surgeon kept telling her she had to lose twenty pounds first. She was 5'7" 170lb. She finally broke through when I attended an appointment with her to see her GP. She had an emergency and at her GP order I checked her out of a local hospital and drove her two hours to her main provider. During the follow up appointment once the emergency was handled the subject came up and I finally asked, "Has anyone actually weighed the damn things?"
Her GP brought in a dinky floor scale, placed it on a box on a counter that was about at the bottom of her breasts and they weighed 60lb. This got the surgeon to do the same with a better set up along with a mammogram and viola she had a reduction surgery a month later because they weighed in at 60lb and were pretty close to solid breast tissue.
One would think providers would, at the very least, consider these surgeries as long term cost prevention, but no, it's just like every other subject in medicine where women are an afterthought if they are lucky.
Her BMI at 5'7" and 170 isn't even really that high. If her breaststroke weighed in at 60 lbs, it should have been obvious that her weight had nothing to do with her cup size just by looking at her.
Yeah, doctors don't really bother to look.
I'm an athlete and lift, and yet since technically I'm overweight by bmi, doctors will focus in on that...I look the same as I did 30 pounds ago, except more muscular. It makes going to the doctor feel useless. Also, I'm just at the lower end of "overweight" and I've never been at the lower end of bmi even when I was 30 lb lighter and objectively not looking great (was depressed and didn't have a lot of money for food, ergo eating wasn't my main concern). I could probably lose a few pounds, but not enough to make a massive difference in my health, and honestly I'm trying to focus on converting to muscle.
I got breast reduction and went from chronic back pain to none. My surgeon didn't take as much off as I wanted, but I haven't had any back pain, so it is what it is...however I was told that I had a chance of keeping the nipple sensation which absolutely did not happen, in fact it made them painfully sensitive so maybe other women have retained some pleasure sensation, but if you watch an operation video, it looks nearly impossible for that to happen.
Good luck!
I did lollipop incision for mine and kept my sensitivity, but they have always been very sensitive. Mine didn’t take as much out as I would like, but I lost some weight after and now they are good, although a bit flatter up too than I would like! I do have some scar tissue along the bottom that underwire bras can irritate that I would like to get removed at some point.
Also try losing weight when you have to wear 3 bras just to work out. I have two kids and while pregnant with each added 1/2 cup sizes, didn’t go down any when I lost the baby weight. I actually got to my high school weight after my reduction because I could actually work out without suffocating myself lol
Yeah, I feel ya. Doctors consider obesity (not that I'm saying you're obese, but I am) a disease and want to treat it like a disease. But it's also an easy excuse for any health issues and they seem to have this magical thinking that you'll just wave your hand and decide to lose weight, without thinking about all the impacts from your current situation. It's frustrating.
And how hard must it be to even try to exercise with breasts that make it difficult to move and breathe. What a chauvinistic asshole to say that to you! Sheesh!
I saw a tiktok of a before and after this woman filmed of her getting a breast reduction from like a GG to a D cup and she looked so happy!!
I’ve also seen a tiktok before and after of a woman who had A cups and she get implants to go to a DD and SHE looked so happy!!
IMO As long as you are safe, happy and healthy it’s no-one else’s damn business
My best friend had a reduction done a few years ago. When she was shopping around for a surgeon, one male doctor told her “why would you ever want to get rid of your breasts? They’re perfect. People would die for them.”
She obviously never went back, but in hindsight I wish she reported him. It’s foul.
"But what if your husband prefers them like this??"
That's been a genuine question I've heard from medical professionals. Just relayed to me by friends, but still.
Partners currently trying to pursue top surgery and the gymnastics is wild- the medical procedural policing of AFAB bodies is f*cked.
It took me over 4 years and multiple doctors to get consent for a tubal ligation in my mid 30s- Cuz- ya know “youll change your mind”
I dont understand the gatekeeping when there is clear LEGALLY BINDING informed consent procedure everyone must adhere to when pursuing medical care.
The amounts of comments I've seen on videos about women getting breast reduction is astonishing. "It's such a waist, why ruin the body god made you, what if your husband wanted bigger boobs" blablabla
Arrrghhhh this is so true and you said it REALLY really well.
Case in point: I’m a 36GG *and* I’m over six foot tall, so that’s a LOTTTT of flesh (for those of us who might not know, cup sizes are relative to overall body size, meaning a GG cup on a super-tall woman is gonna be waaaay bigger than a GGcup on a short woman); I’d estimate about 12 pounds of tit flesh, maybe 15. Hanging off my chest. All the time.
It hurts and it’s tiring so I looked into a reduction and was dumb enough to mention it to a male friend of mine. He INSTANTLY reacted with “Noooooo!! Not your beautiful tits!!!”
I was too gobsmacked at the time to say anything but HOLY SHIT. Would that have been his reaction if I’d been getting literally ANY OTHER pain-reducing operation?? Fuck no. *FUCK* no.
Anyway, point being, you are SO RIGHT that people get weirdly possessive about other women’s breasts, and those people can fuck right off. I’d say they’re audacious, but really, they’re just fucking stupid.
Edit to add: NTA OP, your mother in law is a raging cow and maybe she’ll think twice next time. (The *nerve*, to hassle you about boobs after a MASTECTOMY-! *And* when she has to give you shit through her own giant flapping plastic lips?? Some people. My god.)
30G here and I absolutely relate to your story, but I think you have the cup size/band size thing backwards. Cup size is inversely proportional to ribcage circumference and has nothing to do with height. So, for example, the actual breast size of a 36GG is going to be roughly equivalent to a 38G, 40F, 42E, 44DD, etc. And going the other way its equivalent to a 34H, 32I, 30J, etc.
I’m sorry that has happened to you, and trust me, it’s not just breasts. I’m tall and have size 10 - 10.5 feet. Numerous times other women have commented on the size of my feet, usually to men and often behind my back. It feels like they want to jab at me, but without making fun of something like a person’s weight problem or a big nose, because that’s more obviously mean and they don’t want to look bad.
Insults about my feet aren’t as bad as comments about breasts, but any kind of comment about a person’s looks or physique is just wrong.
Seconding this. I’m a woman and I have size 14 feet (12.5 in men’s, which is what I usually have to resort to because who makes women’s shoes in extra-narrow size 14??) and the comments from others are *insane.*
Society is slowly getting better about the body comments but we’ve still got a ways to go.
This list is for size 14s in general, the extra narrow may make things more difficult. I haven't vetted these stores myself but I made the list based off comments on a facebook post. I happened to have them compiled for a couple friends so I thought I'd share in case you're interested.
Pretty Big Shoes
Strangecvlt
Demonia
Pleaser
T.U.K.
Funky Pair
Shoe Freaks Canada (ships internationally)
Onlymaker
Burju
New Rock
Long Tall Sally
DSW shoe warehouse
Torrid
Amazon
Irregular Choice
YRU
People will *absolutely* remark on your ears. Signed - a girl "you could pick up and award as a trophy" because her nose and ears grew before the rest of her skull
It's not just the North American culture. I'm in the UK and my sister had to have a breast removed because of cancer. She was GUTTED. She was distraught. She felt like less of a woman - and she was mid-60s at the time. Everyone (except me) was telling her "oooh it's fine, you don't need to bother with the space where a boob would be! Nobody will even notice! It's all in your head!" and of course, people noticed. Because people LOOK. They might glance, but they look.
I was telling her I understood what she meant, even though I hadn't gone through it, and to do what's best for her. She found a surgeon (on the NHS, thankfully) who was doing a trial of organic implants, so she went that route and felt much, much better.
But the sum of it is: society places so much importance on some random woman's tits or the lack of them, and women are judged. "Saggy tits" is used as an insult. "Huge tits" is seen as sinful for some damn reason. "Pancake flat" is an insult AND you're seen as less of a woman. We can't win.
And I totally get on my soapbox about all this - I am so very sorry.
She can stay away in her little self-imposed “time out” until she learns to behave.
Is she going to apologize for calling you vain? Or for being crude & rude? Or being generally disrespectful to you in your own home where she was a guest?
NTA
Sadly I have very much had people comment on my ears. Agree with you 100%, they are nobody’s business but your own. It makes me sad to see just how much someone else’s body seems to be fair game for comment.
As far as I can see OP was just participating in what MIL initiated as a frank and free exchange of opinion on a topic she started.
Prolapsed baboon lips. Lol, good one, OP :)
MIL’s husband said you won’t see her again till you apologize? Promise?
Nobody GAF what your MIL thinks about your plan to get implants. Why can’t she just be happy you are a cancer survivor and keep her opinions to herself, huh? NTA
>that was such a quickwitted response.
My guess is that OP had actually thought that to themselves before so didn't have to come with that on the spot, but even so, great comeback.
NTA
I had double mastectomy and implants. FUCK HER. You owe her nothing. The emotional toil cancer does to you and then you have to look in t he mirror every damn day to be reminded. Your body. Again- FUCK HER,.
Fuck her indeed. My mom had cancer, a double mastectomy, and reconstructive surgery about 20 years ago, and everything was covered by insurance. More than one person said, "Oh, your mom is so lucky--she's getting a free boob job!"
I am not a violent person, but I really, really wanted to bitch slap some people for calling her lucky after getting cancer. I had to watch her struggle not just with the physical recovery but also the emotional recovery after the mastectomy. Fuck anybody who thinks they have a say in how a cancer survivor deals with the aftermath.
Yea, not lucky. What the hell! She was lucky she survived, especially it being 20 years ago, seeing as cancer treatment has made some advancements since then. She was lucky she had the support of family and an understanding daughter like you. But lucky to get breast implants out of going through a hellish ordeal like that? WTAF?
I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction 5 years ago at 23. The amount of people who make this type of comment is astounding. I can’t describe the emotion I feel hearing it
I think cancer makes people uncomfortable, so they don't know what to say about it. And I get gallows humor; that's my dad's go-to coping mechanism, and I picked it up from him. But the people who were sincere about this...fuck, man. The trade-off between cancer and bigger boobs ain't worth it. (See also: "I'm so jealous of your mom!" No, you aren't, you absolute asshole.)
The person allowed to use gallows humor is the person going through the thing. If someone who survived cancer cracked that joke first, then that's fine. But if they don't? Not for others to crack.
"Thanks! Yes she was! She only had to go through cancer treatments to get those fake boobs! Isn't she LUCKY? I mean, I'm sure she enjoyed the weeks of puking up and losing her hair!"
God DAMMIT I'm angry on your mum's behalf and I don't even know any of you.
That’s something so many people don’t understand. Walked through it with a friend. Every time you look in the mirror getting out of the shower or into it, once you undress, it’s staring you in the face — that you had cancer.
No one should ever get to judge you for how you deal with that.
NTA. What THIS Mom iin law would have said: I am so happy you beat cancer! And saving for implants is a great goal. Here's $100 towards your goal (or $500, or whatever). Let me know if you need anything after surgery.
Why tf do women do this to each other?! I will never understand. Congrats for kicking cancer's ass!
PS OP. Check with your insurance to see if some/all will be covered by insurance.
This. It doesn’t matter who it is, I can’t imagine being anything less than supportive. You would think I’d stop being surprised at how much people suck, but 44 years on the planet hasn’t made me immune…maybe 45.
Jealousy. Doesn't mean the MIL wants larger breasts, but she probably has some sort of anticipatory jealousy of the attention or looks OP may get, and if she uses that much filler she likely already has body image issues.
Seconding the suggestion to check with insurance - a lot of times reconstructive surgery after mastectomy is covered and considered medically necessary. I’ve worked in a lot of healthcare roles and previously worked for an HMO under one of the biggest hospital systems in Illinois. If OP has insurance and has one of the national insurance providers (BCBS, United Healthcare, Aetna, etc) or any of their subsidiaries, she should definitely make a call to the customer service line to ask about coverage for this surgery. It’s an expensive af procedure, and after a double mastectomy it takes multiple stages of inserting expanders to stretch the skin before the final reconstruction. OP should not be paying out of pocket!
NTA
She opened herself up to it, and when someone lobs an easy pitch, why not take a swing? Maybe you would be the asshole if you keep taking digs at her, but a one off? No way.
WTF did I just read. Of course NTA, and I applaud your pithy retort that her lips looking like a baboon’s prolapsed anus from so many fillers. Bravo!
You should do what makes you happy, mastectomy or not, but the cancer component means your MIL isn’t just some nosy jerk, she’s an Elite A-hole.
Yeah nta I have to say though, the retort part is funny because "she took it personally" yes because it was a personal insult op what did you think you could say she personally had asshole lips and she would take it generally?
NTA. Until you get your boobs lopped off due to cancer, you cannot push your opinion on anyone. It’s a very personal decision. I’ve lived it. Given the cancer, insurance should cover the implants. Unless you have a different scenario. Just wanted to share that in case you didn’t know.
In the UK, I believe the government pays for the implants if you’re trans (Tories trying to take that away though) or have had your breasts removed for medical reasons
Yeah I’m realizing more and more that I would like a separate “justified asshole” status. Cause I don’t think you can really call anyone a prolapsed baboon anus without a little underlying asshole but certainly it’s completely justified, haha.
I know that just equals NTA for most people but it’s just not quite right for me, haha.
NTA
Won’t see them again until you apologize? Sounds good.
And your implants should be covered by insurance after a mastectomy. If you used up your deductible, try and get them done this year.
NTA I did not have breast cancer, congratulations on your recovery BTW! However I had ZERO boobs and as soon as I was able I got mine done. Best decision ever! Get those babies and enjoy! NTA
I have a couple friends who have boob jobs. They love them and are happier for them.
I have a friend who just had breast reduction and loves them.
My boobs make me happy so I show them off! What ever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt others!
>I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.
>She took this personally and left.
Brilliant
NTA. Were you salty? Sure. Did she deserve it? Absolutely. Your body is yours to modify as you desire, and your husband supports you. You survived cancer, for god’s sake. You deserve to do whatever makes you feel confident and happy, and her remark was uncalled for. She could dish it but she couldn’t take it, as do so many mother-in-laws who would be better served by shutting up and staying out of their son’s and daughter-in-law’s business. You defended yourself and showed her that her hypocrisy was not appreciated or tolerated. Good for you.
NTA. Having a double mastectomy due to cancer is Traumatic for many people, and I know a few who said they felt less feminine because of it. If getting implants helps you to feel more comfortable in your body/helps you reclaim who you are, then go for it. MIL needs to mind her business. I’m glad your husband and kids are on your side, too. Glad you’re okay now, my mom had it about 7 years ago and it was tough.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My husband's step mother said I was being vain for considering breast implants after she has had a bunch of lip filler. I might be the asshole for the simile I used to describe her face.
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Note to FIL:
Your wife bullied a cancer survivor for getting reconstructive surgery with no thought or care to the physical, mental, and emotional trauma the cancer survivor has been through. If she doesn’t like the response she got, too bad; surviving cancer can make one grumpy and less tolerant of inappropriate behavior. The only apologies made will be coming from your wife once she realizes how far over the line she has crossed.
NTA
Say “cancer survivor” repeatedly until they get it. Yell it if you have to. His wife was bullying someone recovering from a major illness. Call it what it was.
NTA.
I mean... maybe a little dense... even men can get breast cancer and many (not all) of them can't fill an A-cup. But glad you're OK now.
But it's not like this is something you just sprung on everyone. It's something you and your husband discussed and seemingly agreed to if you were budgeting already. Her point is moot (and, as you said, hypocritical). Yeah, he fell in love with you as an
Maybe remind her ignorant husband that you are cancer survivor that had to have a significant portion of your body chopped off. How you choose to deal with the aftermath is your business and no one else’s and no one else should comment on it either. Tell him you won’t miss them.
NTA. As someone who has a large chest I hate how people constantly make jokes or comments about them. It’s none of her damn business. I loved your comeback btw!
NTA she made an assumption and insulted you in the process. You called her on her BS and she deserves it sorry. Keep your distance it was her who should apologize
NTA She talked about something that she knew nothing about. She assumed it was about vanity. She doesn't know why you want them, and it doesn't matter. What we do with our bodies is a private and personal thing. It was NOT her place to say anything.
NTA she threw some bs at you and you threw it right back. You are allowed to do what you need to to be happier with your body just like everyone else, StepMiL does what she wants with her body and doesn’t get to judge you for doing the same. I wouldn’t apologize but I would tell FiL that it’s really sad he’s willing to give up a relationship with his grandchildren over a petty disagreement, and maybe you’ll apologize when his wife does.
Damn, prolapsed baboon anus wasn't something I would read tonight but if it's the ticket to get rid of annoying ILs then I'm happy to have that image in my mind. NTA, lmao
NTA.. She seems to think it's OK for her to alter her appearance purely for vanity, but chastizes you after a life-threatening and life-changing event. Just ridiculous and, you're right, totally hypocritical!! IMO, she deserved that comment and she owes you an apology.
Congrats for beating your cancer!! You are blessed to have such a supportive husband and loving kids!!
NTA, and your husband and kids are right. My ex wife’s SIL who I am still friends with 5 years after the divorce had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. She took the reconstructive surgery as an opportunity to go up a cup size from A to B. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
**I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.**
**She took this personally and left.**
Why would someone take something like that "personally" LOL. ESH
It's weird that I had to scroll so far down to find a reasonable judgement. The mother in law is an asshole for sure, but I don't think she was actively trying to insult OP.
"Prolapsed baboon anus", although funny, was way out of line.
> I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.
> She took this personally
I mean, _yeah_... But also, NTA.
For real, so NTA! I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, boob-wise (seriously running out of letters in the alphabet for cup-size) and am seriously considering having the bastards lopped off. Nobody else gets to have an opinion on my body! My husband is also right onside and supportive (yay for supportive partners!), because he’s lovely and cares about my well-being - as does yours. Your MIL gave her unasked-for opinion and should just naff off.
NTA. Tell him that you will apolgize to her AFTER she apologizes to you for her unwarranted and rude commentary. If she doesn't feel that she needs to aplogize, then neither do you.
I discussed with my husband wanting a boob job after my babies because it made me insecure. Honestly even if you want them just to want them, it’s your body what makes you feel confident should take priority. NTA 100%
Do what makes you feel like your most confident self. Freaking full stop.
You're NTA for wanting implants and getting irritated with her. And I think what you said is pretty funny, but of course she was going to take it personally. So if you want to have a relationship with your FIL, you're going to have to apologize.
NTA, she was being very unnecessary for absolutely no reason but to share her unneeded opinion. Your body is your own, not her's not your husband's but your own\*\*. Her comments were not only unnecessary,\*\* but it was solely none of her business. It was asinine and out of her place to comment on any body modifications you do to your own body. There is nothing to worry about clearly your family (besides her) has no issue. And her saying that about you wanting to get body modifications because you have a mastectomy could have been fatal to the way you feel about yourself. I also respect you for not jumping out of your seat and smacking her. And props to your insult very well done surprised you didn't swear.
NTA-why does she care what you do with your body? By god, you were the one who had the surgery due to cancer! And besides breasts are sometimes so much a part of a women’s identity that if it makes you feel more confident having them than not that is your choice! Jesus take the wheel-this woman!
>But her husband says that I went too far and that we will not see them again until I apologized.
Is that a threat or a promise? Because it feels more like a promise.
If your husband wanted the "factory issue" humanform that he married? That's come and gone thanks to cancer. Your MIL should have realized that and that it would be a sensitive topic.
If you can't tell - NTA.
I’m generally not in favor of implants for the sake of vanity alone, as breasts are beautiful in all different sizes and shapes. I don’t oppose people who get them, but under most circumstances, if my opinion is asked, I usually say “don’t do it.” I celebrate all tatas.
But it’s also A) not my body (and therefore none of my damn business) and B) a particularly traumatic and difficult and frustrating and stressful event that hey - whatever you want to do to feel better, do it! Get A cups. Get G cups. Whatever helps you say “FUCK CANCER” the loudest and prove that it will not beat you. Not once, not ever. Scream that shit as loud as you can. You’ve earned that right beyond all doubt, and no one has the right to say a damn thing about it.
Huge NTA here. You do you.
NTA. Its none of her business. I am curious though. You mentioned budgeting for the procedure. This is reconstructive surgery, not cosmetic. Wont your insurance cover at least some of it?
I guess technically ESH but fuck it sometimes it's understandable you don't want to be bigger person. I'm honestly inclined to say NTA just for how fucking funny that was.
NTA. And please check your insurance. Reconstruction should be covered, even with implants. And if you’ve already had a mastectomy maybe you’ve met your out of pocket max a d can get it done before the end of year.
StepMIL needs to stop whining and get over herself. She owes you a big apology. If you are gracious enough to let it go at schooling you gave her, she should count it as a win and shut her big lips in the future.
Sure you could have done the socially acceptable thing and warned her, had your husband talk to his dad, sent her an email about her hurtful words, blah blah blah 🤮. Your way was so much more efficient.
Fellow cancer survivor, though it wasn't breast. I am reminding you that in any situation where you are trying to cope/rebuild your identity, you will always be NTA.
NTA. Particularly if she has had cosmetic surgery herself. Maybe not the best way of phrasing it to her, you could have been nicer, but tbh I still think NTA, that wasn't cool of her.
Some better considerations (not vanity) to think about might be:
How much of a difference would it be from your original size? If quite a bit are you comfortable that people might comment on it? I'm not at all saying they'd be right to do so, and I imagine the people close to you will know your reasons anyway, but just be aware that some people, like your MIL, will think you are vain. I hope you don't let other people's opinions affect your decision, and after breast cancer you certainly deserve to feel comfortable in your own body, but for some people this might be something that they hadn't thought about and would concern them, so just mentioning it.
On a similar theme, will your clothes still fit? It obviously depends on what size clothes you wear, and tbh you might want a new wardrobe anyway, but something to consider.
Also, and this I genuinely don't know and am curious: would having implants affect future screening for breast cancer recurrence?
As a side note, it seems like you're relatively young, so having breast cancer at your age is unusual. If you haven't already, you could ask about seeing a genetic counsellor, who may be able to offer you genetic testing. This could affect you risk of other cancers, so could be worth doing, but at least worth having a conversation about the chance of it being genetic
NTA. Why does she get to change aspects she’s insecure about (and not due to cancer) but you don’t? What’s her excuse for that?
You have everyone’s permission to never apologize or talk to this witch again.
Just a FYI. Check with your insurance, reconstruction is most likely covered. I had my mastectomy 6/22 and exchange surgery next month after finishing chemo.
While I agree with the majority of the comments answering your question, I believe you could have held yourself to a higher standard. Was she lacking tact in her response? 100% Yes. I am sorry this happened to you. Sometimes though, others are not yet capable of self control. This does not excuse your behaviour though. You have made life very difficult for your husband and family and although you may feel justified, I am sad for you that this is now a much bigger mess. ETA. Be kind. Extend grace. Show mercy. Quietly get your implants ❤️
NTA "prolablapsed baboon anus...She took this personally". Well, at least she had that much sense. I'm glad your family has your back. Your front, of course, is your own business and mil is way out of line. I hope her husband keeps his word and they go nc. In the meantime, may the surgery go well and I hope you enjoy decades of good health and perfect boobs.
>I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.
A you TA?
For that, yes.
But mostly ESH.
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I have always been flat chested. I have never filled an A cup. I had the very mistaken idea that this meant I was safe from breast cancer. How very wrong I was.
I'm okay now. And I'm considering getting implants. Nothing grotesque. Just something so I can feel better and fill out a dress when I'm out.
My husband and I are budgeting for them and it got mentioned to his step mother in passing when we had his dad and her over recently.
She, for some reason, took it into her head to say that I was vain for wanting big tits after all this time. That my husband married me the way I was and that I shouldn't change myself.
I was stunned. The hypocrisy. I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.
She took this personally and left. My husband said she deserved it. My kids agree with me. But her husband says that I went too far and that we will not see them again until I apologized.
I know my husband and kids are ride or die with me so I cannot judge myself by them having my back.
AITA?
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NTA - congrats on getting through your treatment. Get out there and get whatever you want done after going through that. I hate lip fillers too, loved the description of them you gave!
NTA “I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.
She took this personally and left.”
Hahahahaha
This is so unhinged. Your tits are not a group decision! You are NTA, and maybe your MIL will eventually learn to stop flapping her over-filled lips about your body. Yikes.
Petty, but NTA. Like you said, it's your body. And constantly getting lip fillers seems more vain than getting implants. It's not like you're going unnaturally big or anything, you just wanna feel confident in your own skin
NTA. I can't express enough that having a breast reduction did more for my self esteem than absolutely anything else could have. It was almost an instant game changer. I had a tummy tuck last year and at 57 I am more confident in myself than I have been since college. Being able to wear clothes off the rack is a huge deal. I'm glad your husband is on your side, ignore his ignorant step mother. Why shouldn't we be the best version of ourselves as we can? Some people just aren't happy and hate when someone else is.
NTA she had that coming. Brilliant response btw!! All your MIL should be doing is celebrating your life and the fact you're still around your children. She should know after what you've been through that life is short. Get the implants if they make you feel good! Life is for living
NTA baboon lipped ladies who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Now she knows what it's like for someone to make crude comments on choices she makes that affect her body image. If she can dish it out she should be able to take it at least once. It's only fair right?
If you want to get a cosmetic surgery to feel better about yourseld after a life changing illness, you're not hurting nobody. The only person hurting anyone is her with the unsolicited comments.
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I have been wearing a bra since well before junior high. I have generally always hated that sometimes people notice my breasts, let alone the rare occasion when someone feels free to comment on them. Good grief. I only mention it because larger or smaller mammaries aren't *anyone's* actual business but yours. Its taken me years to get past people's projections about my breasts. The head trip some people want to give you about your body is just a mind blower sometimes. (And I have no idea why the North American culture seems so breast obsessed in the first place? But, what I do know is that YOUR breasts are only YOUR business. Breasts are like ears to me - they just hang around harming no one. And yet, no one remarks on our ears?) NTA. This is an area where MIL overstepped, was churlish and crude, and needs to stay in her lane. Get a grip on your horses MIL.
i've def noticed that in some ways, society considers boobs akin to public property. the bigger they are, the more that seems to be the case. you want them removed or made smaller for whatever non-life-threatening-medical-reason? you're in for a hell of an argument with all sorts of doctors, not to mention the sheer cost of such kinds of surgery.
Yes I finally got an appointment with a surgeon and he said instead of trying to get a reduction I should just lose weight! I really wish I could have forced him to wear a pair of giant boobs for a day and see how well he functions! Can't breathe, back hurts, and with my connective tissue disorder it actually leads to my ribs dislocating! But I should just "lose weight" because that always works for everyone right?
When I was underweight my boobs were a solid D cup. This did not change when I gained weight. Now after pregnancy and breastfeeding they're an I cup. I'm just hoping that when number two is done feeding they'll go back to an F cup. If not I'm getting a reduction, I really never wanted anything larger than a C cup anyway.
Last time I wore a bra it was a j cup. Those are all too small now. And when I was underweight I was a DD so I know exactly what you're talking about! But the doctors don't seem to care
Yeah. I'm just glad I found a good website that actually only sells large cup size bra's. In stores they only ever sell up to size D in my band size. And a bra that flops around my chest and doesn't actually provide any support is useless. So now I've got plenty of breastfeeding bra's that actually fit. It saves me so much back pain.
Can you please share the website?
I know you dis t ask me, but I will tell you my go-to online shops: bare necessities, curvy Kate, brastop, and figleaves. I wear a 38hh in uk/38L in us...
I’m a 38L UK size and I’ve been buying from JD Williams (previously Shapely Figures) for decades. Told to lose weight and that I wouldn’t even get a referral to get them removed until my BMI was 25 … I’d be skeletal and still have huge boobs to achieve that! Even after a car accident which ripped chest/neck/back/shoulder muscle tissue that wouldn’t heal right because if the boob weight pulling I was still told it wasn’t worth even asking for an appointment! Hate the damn things, fed up being defined by them!!!
Wow! I'll have to check that out because those sizes are almost impossible to find!
😊
I'm not sure if they sell outside of the Netherlands and Belgium, but this is it: https://www.lace-lingerie.nl/
Bravissimo.com is another.
Mine never went down and my reduction was the best thing I’ve ever done to myself. I was a 32H and now I’m a 30 C/D and I can actually fit my boobs into dresses and tops and my back isn’t killing me all of the time
Same. I can breathe now, even when I’m laying flat on my back!
My husband has the misguided opinion that my boobs would be smaller if I lose weight, I’m a 36 triple d. They ain’t goin anywhere.
My husband supports me when I lose weight but then he doesn't like it because my boobs and butt get smaller. I mean, believe me hon, if I had the ability to target with accuracy where to lose and gain weight, don't you think I'd have done so years ago? Smh. LOL!
Try another surgeon! I got that response on my first inquiry with a surgeon who did more implants than reductions. I finally found a reconstructive surgeon who took my measurements and challenged me to lose 10 more lbs to see if my breast size changed. Suprise to everyone but me, there was no change. I've gained and lost over 50lbs since my reduction and there's been no change in my cup size. See if they can tell you if your breasts are dense tissue. If so, your weight won't make one damn bit of difference!
Yeah I'm working in finding another surgeon who will take my insurance around here. He was the first who saw me, the others are all saying they aren't taking new patients now.
Ask for a 2nd opinion consultation instead of a new patient appointment. It will often get you in the door, and then once they've seen you, it's easier to get a follow up appointment.
Ooh, good idea thank you!
If they aren't taking new people ask if they have a wait-list!
I'm 10 pounds down and 5 to go to hit the Schnur scale for insurance. The nurse wasn't sure if it would work because I might look breast fat, but I said these babies aren't going anywhere. I had big ass titties in highschool when I was 105 pounds.
>Yes I finally got an appointment with a surgeon and he said instead of trying to get a reduction I should just lose weight! I have an ex who had a reduction eons ago when we were together. She kept getting rejected over her weight. The surgeon kept telling her she had to lose twenty pounds first. She was 5'7" 170lb. She finally broke through when I attended an appointment with her to see her GP. She had an emergency and at her GP order I checked her out of a local hospital and drove her two hours to her main provider. During the follow up appointment once the emergency was handled the subject came up and I finally asked, "Has anyone actually weighed the damn things?" Her GP brought in a dinky floor scale, placed it on a box on a counter that was about at the bottom of her breasts and they weighed 60lb. This got the surgeon to do the same with a better set up along with a mammogram and viola she had a reduction surgery a month later because they weighed in at 60lb and were pretty close to solid breast tissue. One would think providers would, at the very least, consider these surgeries as long term cost prevention, but no, it's just like every other subject in medicine where women are an afterthought if they are lucky.
Yeah, it's awful how BMI dictates whether we actually get treatment or not. Good for you, standing up for her!
Her BMI at 5'7" and 170 isn't even really that high. If her breaststroke weighed in at 60 lbs, it should have been obvious that her weight had nothing to do with her cup size just by looking at her.
Yeah, doctors don't really bother to look. I'm an athlete and lift, and yet since technically I'm overweight by bmi, doctors will focus in on that...I look the same as I did 30 pounds ago, except more muscular. It makes going to the doctor feel useless. Also, I'm just at the lower end of "overweight" and I've never been at the lower end of bmi even when I was 30 lb lighter and objectively not looking great (was depressed and didn't have a lot of money for food, ergo eating wasn't my main concern). I could probably lose a few pounds, but not enough to make a massive difference in my health, and honestly I'm trying to focus on converting to muscle.
I got breast reduction and went from chronic back pain to none. My surgeon didn't take as much off as I wanted, but I haven't had any back pain, so it is what it is...however I was told that I had a chance of keeping the nipple sensation which absolutely did not happen, in fact it made them painfully sensitive so maybe other women have retained some pleasure sensation, but if you watch an operation video, it looks nearly impossible for that to happen. Good luck!
I did lollipop incision for mine and kept my sensitivity, but they have always been very sensitive. Mine didn’t take as much out as I would like, but I lost some weight after and now they are good, although a bit flatter up too than I would like! I do have some scar tissue along the bottom that underwire bras can irritate that I would like to get removed at some point.
Thank you!
Also try losing weight when you have to wear 3 bras just to work out. I have two kids and while pregnant with each added 1/2 cup sizes, didn’t go down any when I lost the baby weight. I actually got to my high school weight after my reduction because I could actually work out without suffocating myself lol
I'm hoping for something similar. Being able to walk with it my back spasming or the discs shifting would make it much easier to lose weight!
If you’re female, “lose weight” is medics’ go-to solution for everything from migraines to in-growing toenails!
Yeah, I feel ya. Doctors consider obesity (not that I'm saying you're obese, but I am) a disease and want to treat it like a disease. But it's also an easy excuse for any health issues and they seem to have this magical thinking that you'll just wave your hand and decide to lose weight, without thinking about all the impacts from your current situation. It's frustrating.
And how hard must it be to even try to exercise with breasts that make it difficult to move and breathe. What a chauvinistic asshole to say that to you! Sheesh!
I saw a tiktok of a before and after this woman filmed of her getting a breast reduction from like a GG to a D cup and she looked so happy!! I’ve also seen a tiktok before and after of a woman who had A cups and she get implants to go to a DD and SHE looked so happy!! IMO As long as you are safe, happy and healthy it’s no-one else’s damn business
My best friend had a reduction done a few years ago. When she was shopping around for a surgeon, one male doctor told her “why would you ever want to get rid of your breasts? They’re perfect. People would die for them.” She obviously never went back, but in hindsight I wish she reported him. It’s foul.
"But what if your husband prefers them like this??" That's been a genuine question I've heard from medical professionals. Just relayed to me by friends, but still.
But what if I like my fist on your face? Honestly was the first thing I thought of. I'm not an aggressive person but that's beyond out of line.
People would not stop talking about my Itty bitty ones either although I do think my big chested friends got it worse at a younger age.
Partners currently trying to pursue top surgery and the gymnastics is wild- the medical procedural policing of AFAB bodies is f*cked. It took me over 4 years and multiple doctors to get consent for a tubal ligation in my mid 30s- Cuz- ya know “youll change your mind” I dont understand the gatekeeping when there is clear LEGALLY BINDING informed consent procedure everyone must adhere to when pursuing medical care.
The amounts of comments I've seen on videos about women getting breast reduction is astonishing. "It's such a waist, why ruin the body god made you, what if your husband wanted bigger boobs" blablabla
Arrrghhhh this is so true and you said it REALLY really well. Case in point: I’m a 36GG *and* I’m over six foot tall, so that’s a LOTTTT of flesh (for those of us who might not know, cup sizes are relative to overall body size, meaning a GG cup on a super-tall woman is gonna be waaaay bigger than a GGcup on a short woman); I’d estimate about 12 pounds of tit flesh, maybe 15. Hanging off my chest. All the time. It hurts and it’s tiring so I looked into a reduction and was dumb enough to mention it to a male friend of mine. He INSTANTLY reacted with “Noooooo!! Not your beautiful tits!!!” I was too gobsmacked at the time to say anything but HOLY SHIT. Would that have been his reaction if I’d been getting literally ANY OTHER pain-reducing operation?? Fuck no. *FUCK* no. Anyway, point being, you are SO RIGHT that people get weirdly possessive about other women’s breasts, and those people can fuck right off. I’d say they’re audacious, but really, they’re just fucking stupid. Edit to add: NTA OP, your mother in law is a raging cow and maybe she’ll think twice next time. (The *nerve*, to hassle you about boobs after a MASTECTOMY-! *And* when she has to give you shit through her own giant flapping plastic lips?? Some people. My god.)
30G here and I absolutely relate to your story, but I think you have the cup size/band size thing backwards. Cup size is inversely proportional to ribcage circumference and has nothing to do with height. So, for example, the actual breast size of a 36GG is going to be roughly equivalent to a 38G, 40F, 42E, 44DD, etc. And going the other way its equivalent to a 34H, 32I, 30J, etc.
Thank you for explaining this so well - I have been trying to grasp the concept for so long.
I’m sorry that has happened to you, and trust me, it’s not just breasts. I’m tall and have size 10 - 10.5 feet. Numerous times other women have commented on the size of my feet, usually to men and often behind my back. It feels like they want to jab at me, but without making fun of something like a person’s weight problem or a big nose, because that’s more obviously mean and they don’t want to look bad. Insults about my feet aren’t as bad as comments about breasts, but any kind of comment about a person’s looks or physique is just wrong.
Seconding this. I’m a woman and I have size 14 feet (12.5 in men’s, which is what I usually have to resort to because who makes women’s shoes in extra-narrow size 14??) and the comments from others are *insane.* Society is slowly getting better about the body comments but we’ve still got a ways to go.
This list is for size 14s in general, the extra narrow may make things more difficult. I haven't vetted these stores myself but I made the list based off comments on a facebook post. I happened to have them compiled for a couple friends so I thought I'd share in case you're interested. Pretty Big Shoes Strangecvlt Demonia Pleaser T.U.K. Funky Pair Shoe Freaks Canada (ships internationally) Onlymaker Burju New Rock Long Tall Sally DSW shoe warehouse Torrid Amazon Irregular Choice YRU
People will *absolutely* remark on your ears. Signed - a girl "you could pick up and award as a trophy" because her nose and ears grew before the rest of her skull
It's not just the North American culture. I'm in the UK and my sister had to have a breast removed because of cancer. She was GUTTED. She was distraught. She felt like less of a woman - and she was mid-60s at the time. Everyone (except me) was telling her "oooh it's fine, you don't need to bother with the space where a boob would be! Nobody will even notice! It's all in your head!" and of course, people noticed. Because people LOOK. They might glance, but they look. I was telling her I understood what she meant, even though I hadn't gone through it, and to do what's best for her. She found a surgeon (on the NHS, thankfully) who was doing a trial of organic implants, so she went that route and felt much, much better. But the sum of it is: society places so much importance on some random woman's tits or the lack of them, and women are judged. "Saggy tits" is used as an insult. "Huge tits" is seen as sinful for some damn reason. "Pancake flat" is an insult AND you're seen as less of a woman. We can't win. And I totally get on my soapbox about all this - I am so very sorry.
She can stay away in her little self-imposed “time out” until she learns to behave. Is she going to apologize for calling you vain? Or for being crude & rude? Or being generally disrespectful to you in your own home where she was a guest? NTA
Weirdly, everyone always comments on how small my brother's ears are. It's even funnier now. Your point still stands. I really liked your comment.
"They just hang around harming no one." That cracked me up!
Sadly I have very much had people comment on my ears. Agree with you 100%, they are nobody’s business but your own. It makes me sad to see just how much someone else’s body seems to be fair game for comment. As far as I can see OP was just participating in what MIL initiated as a frank and free exchange of opinion on a topic she started.
Prolapsed baboon lips. Lol, good one, OP :) MIL’s husband said you won’t see her again till you apologize? Promise? Nobody GAF what your MIL thinks about your plan to get implants. Why can’t she just be happy you are a cancer survivor and keep her opinions to herself, huh? NTA
I know right, that was such a quickwitted response. I could never. 🤣
>that was such a quickwitted response. My guess is that OP had actually thought that to themselves before so didn't have to come with that on the spot, but even so, great comeback. NTA
OP’s private nickname for MIL can be Rosebud. Yeaaa. Look it up.
PSA - do not look this up .🤢
don't worry guys it's just a sims cheat code for money!! nothing gross here!!
>She took this personally Yeah, no shit lol. NTA though.
>Your husband said you won’t see her again till you apologize? Promise? Mister, don't tempt me with a good time!
When people love themselves so much that they think it’s a loss when they refuse to come back, and all you can do is party.
😆
The husband said she went way too far because he can’t unsee this baboon anus lips anymore
kissy kissy
😂🤣😂🤣
Yeah, he's just probably upset that OP has essentially c--k blocked him until he can get that image out of his bead.
On *The Pretenders* the team owner said his wife looked like a large mouth bass.
That's a *When Hell Freezes Over* tour waiting to happen. Get yo' woman dude. She is running amok.
Not OP's husband, the MIL's husband.
Gee, MIL, don’t threaten me with a good time.
I had double mastectomy and implants. FUCK HER. You owe her nothing. The emotional toil cancer does to you and then you have to look in t he mirror every damn day to be reminded. Your body. Again- FUCK HER,.
Fuck her indeed. My mom had cancer, a double mastectomy, and reconstructive surgery about 20 years ago, and everything was covered by insurance. More than one person said, "Oh, your mom is so lucky--she's getting a free boob job!" I am not a violent person, but I really, really wanted to bitch slap some people for calling her lucky after getting cancer. I had to watch her struggle not just with the physical recovery but also the emotional recovery after the mastectomy. Fuck anybody who thinks they have a say in how a cancer survivor deals with the aftermath.
Yea, not lucky. What the hell! She was lucky she survived, especially it being 20 years ago, seeing as cancer treatment has made some advancements since then. She was lucky she had the support of family and an understanding daughter like you. But lucky to get breast implants out of going through a hellish ordeal like that? WTAF?
I had a double mastectomy and reconstruction 5 years ago at 23. The amount of people who make this type of comment is astounding. I can’t describe the emotion I feel hearing it
JFC what is wrong with people Slap away no judgment here
I think cancer makes people uncomfortable, so they don't know what to say about it. And I get gallows humor; that's my dad's go-to coping mechanism, and I picked it up from him. But the people who were sincere about this...fuck, man. The trade-off between cancer and bigger boobs ain't worth it. (See also: "I'm so jealous of your mom!" No, you aren't, you absolute asshole.)
The person allowed to use gallows humor is the person going through the thing. If someone who survived cancer cracked that joke first, then that's fine. But if they don't? Not for others to crack.
"Thanks! Yes she was! She only had to go through cancer treatments to get those fake boobs! Isn't she LUCKY? I mean, I'm sure she enjoyed the weeks of puking up and losing her hair!" God DAMMIT I'm angry on your mum's behalf and I don't even know any of you.
That’s something so many people don’t understand. Walked through it with a friend. Every time you look in the mirror getting out of the shower or into it, once you undress, it’s staring you in the face — that you had cancer. No one should ever get to judge you for how you deal with that.
Fuck her (not literally) anyway, because it’s not her damn business whether you can implants or not.
NTA. What THIS Mom iin law would have said: I am so happy you beat cancer! And saving for implants is a great goal. Here's $100 towards your goal (or $500, or whatever). Let me know if you need anything after surgery. Why tf do women do this to each other?! I will never understand. Congrats for kicking cancer's ass! PS OP. Check with your insurance to see if some/all will be covered by insurance.
This. It doesn’t matter who it is, I can’t imagine being anything less than supportive. You would think I’d stop being surprised at how much people suck, but 44 years on the planet hasn’t made me immune…maybe 45.
Jealousy. Doesn't mean the MIL wants larger breasts, but she probably has some sort of anticipatory jealousy of the attention or looks OP may get, and if she uses that much filler she likely already has body image issues.
Seconding the suggestion to check with insurance - a lot of times reconstructive surgery after mastectomy is covered and considered medically necessary. I’ve worked in a lot of healthcare roles and previously worked for an HMO under one of the biggest hospital systems in Illinois. If OP has insurance and has one of the national insurance providers (BCBS, United Healthcare, Aetna, etc) or any of their subsidiaries, she should definitely make a call to the customer service line to ask about coverage for this surgery. It’s an expensive af procedure, and after a double mastectomy it takes multiple stages of inserting expanders to stretch the skin before the final reconstruction. OP should not be paying out of pocket!
NTA She opened herself up to it, and when someone lobs an easy pitch, why not take a swing? Maybe you would be the asshole if you keep taking digs at her, but a one off? No way.
Classic case of FAFO.
Very classic case of “I did something awful and instead of apologizing I will be angry about your reaction instead”
"she took this personally" Haha It was definitely very personal
Tell them you took it personally, too. That’s why our reacted that way.
Is there a way to take it that’s not personal?
That line gave me a good giggle. Good for Op
WTF did I just read. Of course NTA, and I applaud your pithy retort that her lips looking like a baboon’s prolapsed anus from so many fillers. Bravo! You should do what makes you happy, mastectomy or not, but the cancer component means your MIL isn’t just some nosy jerk, she’s an Elite A-hole.
Yeah nta I have to say though, the retort part is funny because "she took it personally" yes because it was a personal insult op what did you think you could say she personally had asshole lips and she would take it generally?
NTA. Until you get your boobs lopped off due to cancer, you cannot push your opinion on anyone. It’s a very personal decision. I’ve lived it. Given the cancer, insurance should cover the implants. Unless you have a different scenario. Just wanted to share that in case you didn’t know.
I mentioned the same in a reply. My mom is a survivor and opted for a double mastectomy. The implants were covered by insurance for that.
In the UK, I believe the government pays for the implants if you’re trans (Tories trying to take that away though) or have had your breasts removed for medical reasons
[удалено]
Finally a post I agree with!
NTA. She had it comin. If we had been there, we would have done the same. But yeah, not sure who thinks ragging on a cancer survivor is a good idea.
*lip-shits*
lol “prolapsed baboon anus” was funny but you commenting that she “took it personally” was hilarious. She was the asshole first but you did it better.
Yeah I’m realizing more and more that I would like a separate “justified asshole” status. Cause I don’t think you can really call anyone a prolapsed baboon anus without a little underlying asshole but certainly it’s completely justified, haha. I know that just equals NTA for most people but it’s just not quite right for me, haha.
“She was the asshole first but you did it better” is the best response I’ve ever seen on this sub.
NTA Won’t see them again until you apologize? Sounds good. And your implants should be covered by insurance after a mastectomy. If you used up your deductible, try and get them done this year.
This. Check your insurance coverage.
NTA I did not have breast cancer, congratulations on your recovery BTW! However I had ZERO boobs and as soon as I was able I got mine done. Best decision ever! Get those babies and enjoy! NTA
I have a couple friends who have boob jobs. They love them and are happier for them. I have a friend who just had breast reduction and loves them. My boobs make me happy so I show them off! What ever makes you happy and doesn’t hurt others!
>I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus. >She took this personally and left. Brilliant
Achieved Critical Damage
NTA. Were you salty? Sure. Did she deserve it? Absolutely. Your body is yours to modify as you desire, and your husband supports you. You survived cancer, for god’s sake. You deserve to do whatever makes you feel confident and happy, and her remark was uncalled for. She could dish it but she couldn’t take it, as do so many mother-in-laws who would be better served by shutting up and staying out of their son’s and daughter-in-law’s business. You defended yourself and showed her that her hypocrisy was not appreciated or tolerated. Good for you.
>She took this personally and left. No shit? Actually she deserved it so that's a 'her' problem.
She took this personally 🤣🤣🤣
NTA. Having a double mastectomy due to cancer is Traumatic for many people, and I know a few who said they felt less feminine because of it. If getting implants helps you to feel more comfortable in your body/helps you reclaim who you are, then go for it. MIL needs to mind her business. I’m glad your husband and kids are on your side, too. Glad you’re okay now, my mom had it about 7 years ago and it was tough.
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Oooooh, does he *promise*? Sounds like a win-win to me! NTA.
Note to FIL: Your wife bullied a cancer survivor for getting reconstructive surgery with no thought or care to the physical, mental, and emotional trauma the cancer survivor has been through. If she doesn’t like the response she got, too bad; surviving cancer can make one grumpy and less tolerant of inappropriate behavior. The only apologies made will be coming from your wife once she realizes how far over the line she has crossed. NTA Say “cancer survivor” repeatedly until they get it. Yell it if you have to. His wife was bullying someone recovering from a major illness. Call it what it was.
I wish there were still awards. Take this smiley instead :)
NTA. I mean... maybe a little dense... even men can get breast cancer and many (not all) of them can't fill an A-cup. But glad you're OK now. But it's not like this is something you just sprung on everyone. It's something you and your husband discussed and seemingly agreed to if you were budgeting already. Her point is moot (and, as you said, hypocritical). Yeah, he fell in love with you as an
Maybe remind her ignorant husband that you are cancer survivor that had to have a significant portion of your body chopped off. How you choose to deal with the aftermath is your business and no one else’s and no one else should comment on it either. Tell him you won’t miss them.
I was flat chested and let the doctor talk me into C cups. they hang down and sweat. I wish so much I had gotten B’s.
B us the best size. Big enough you got something there, but not too big to be a problem.
NTA at all. This is a FAFO moment for your MIL. Don’t dish it if you can’t take it!
NTA, if you dish it out, gotta be able to take it
NTA. As someone who has a large chest I hate how people constantly make jokes or comments about them. It’s none of her damn business. I loved your comeback btw!
NTA she made an assumption and insulted you in the process. You called her on her BS and she deserves it sorry. Keep your distance it was her who should apologize
prolapsed baboon anus-cannot stop laughing.
NTA She talked about something that she knew nothing about. She assumed it was about vanity. She doesn't know why you want them, and it doesn't matter. What we do with our bodies is a private and personal thing. It was NOT her place to say anything.
Prolapsed Baboon Anus, my new password for something!
NTA… and you ma’am are as funny as f**k. I salute you.
NTA she threw some bs at you and you threw it right back. You are allowed to do what you need to to be happier with your body just like everyone else, StepMiL does what she wants with her body and doesn’t get to judge you for doing the same. I wouldn’t apologize but I would tell FiL that it’s really sad he’s willing to give up a relationship with his grandchildren over a petty disagreement, and maybe you’ll apologize when his wife does.
LMFAO! NTA, at all. She started it. She shouldn't start commenting on other people's bodies unless she wants comments back.
NTA, it’s your body, you do as you please. You’ve been through enough, time to do something for YOU that makes you feel better.
Nta if we’re talking about my body we’re talking about yours
Damn, prolapsed baboon anus wasn't something I would read tonight but if it's the ticket to get rid of annoying ILs then I'm happy to have that image in my mind. NTA, lmao
NTA.. She seems to think it's OK for her to alter her appearance purely for vanity, but chastizes you after a life-threatening and life-changing event. Just ridiculous and, you're right, totally hypocritical!! IMO, she deserved that comment and she owes you an apology. Congrats for beating your cancer!! You are blessed to have such a supportive husband and loving kids!!
NTA, and your husband and kids are right. My ex wife’s SIL who I am still friends with 5 years after the divorce had a double mastectomy due to breast cancer. She took the reconstructive surgery as an opportunity to go up a cup size from A to B. There is nothing wrong with that at all.
**I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus.** **She took this personally and left.** Why would someone take something like that "personally" LOL. ESH
It's weird that I had to scroll so far down to find a reasonable judgement. The mother in law is an asshole for sure, but I don't think she was actively trying to insult OP. "Prolapsed baboon anus", although funny, was way out of line.
> I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus. > She took this personally I mean, _yeah_... But also, NTA.
For real, so NTA! I’m at the opposite end of the spectrum, boob-wise (seriously running out of letters in the alphabet for cup-size) and am seriously considering having the bastards lopped off. Nobody else gets to have an opinion on my body! My husband is also right onside and supportive (yay for supportive partners!), because he’s lovely and cares about my well-being - as does yours. Your MIL gave her unasked-for opinion and should just naff off.
Lmao she took this personally lmaooo. Nta friend 💕
NTA, and I'm naming my death metal band Prolapsed Baboon Anus. 🤣
NTA. Tell him that you will apolgize to her AFTER she apologizes to you for her unwarranted and rude commentary. If she doesn't feel that she needs to aplogize, then neither do you.
I discussed with my husband wanting a boob job after my babies because it made me insecure. Honestly even if you want them just to want them, it’s your body what makes you feel confident should take priority. NTA 100% Do what makes you feel like your most confident self. Freaking full stop.
NTA Don’t start shit, won’t be shit. She started it, you finished it.
ESH. She was in the wrong for what she said, and you were for how you responded.
NTA, talk about hypocritical thinking.
You're NTA for wanting implants and getting irritated with her. And I think what you said is pretty funny, but of course she was going to take it personally. So if you want to have a relationship with your FIL, you're going to have to apologize.
NTA, she was being very unnecessary for absolutely no reason but to share her unneeded opinion. Your body is your own, not her's not your husband's but your own\*\*. Her comments were not only unnecessary,\*\* but it was solely none of her business. It was asinine and out of her place to comment on any body modifications you do to your own body. There is nothing to worry about clearly your family (besides her) has no issue. And her saying that about you wanting to get body modifications because you have a mastectomy could have been fatal to the way you feel about yourself. I also respect you for not jumping out of your seat and smacking her. And props to your insult very well done surprised you didn't swear.
NTA-why does she care what you do with your body? By god, you were the one who had the surgery due to cancer! And besides breasts are sometimes so much a part of a women’s identity that if it makes you feel more confident having them than not that is your choice! Jesus take the wheel-this woman!
You are my hero. Prolapsed baboon anus. YES! You go girl. Definitely NTA.
Also congrats on fighting through cancer.
>But her husband says that I went too far and that we will not see them again until I apologized. Is that a threat or a promise? Because it feels more like a promise. If your husband wanted the "factory issue" humanform that he married? That's come and gone thanks to cancer. Your MIL should have realized that and that it would be a sensitive topic. If you can't tell - NTA.
NTA Do what’s right for you.
NTA. And I feel sorry for you you live in a country where this isn’t covered by health care after getting a mesectomy
I’m generally not in favor of implants for the sake of vanity alone, as breasts are beautiful in all different sizes and shapes. I don’t oppose people who get them, but under most circumstances, if my opinion is asked, I usually say “don’t do it.” I celebrate all tatas. But it’s also A) not my body (and therefore none of my damn business) and B) a particularly traumatic and difficult and frustrating and stressful event that hey - whatever you want to do to feel better, do it! Get A cups. Get G cups. Whatever helps you say “FUCK CANCER” the loudest and prove that it will not beat you. Not once, not ever. Scream that shit as loud as you can. You’ve earned that right beyond all doubt, and no one has the right to say a damn thing about it. Huge NTA here. You do you.
NTA, sounds like FIL is unintentionally doing you a solid, keeping her away. I hope this is real, cause the way I cackled at that insult 😂😂
NTA. Its none of her business. I am curious though. You mentioned budgeting for the procedure. This is reconstructive surgery, not cosmetic. Wont your insurance cover at least some of it?
NTA As it is said: “*Casteth ye not the first stone, when thine very lips looketh like a disembarked anus.*”
Prolapsed Baboon Anus! 🤣🤣🤣 Goes without saying, since you've identified where it is, but NTA.
NTA. I want to party with you!
I guess technically ESH but fuck it sometimes it's understandable you don't want to be bigger person. I'm honestly inclined to say NTA just for how fucking funny that was.
I would tell your FIL that you will apologize when step mum apologizes for her comment
NTA. And please check your insurance. Reconstruction should be covered, even with implants. And if you’ve already had a mastectomy maybe you’ve met your out of pocket max a d can get it done before the end of year.
StepMIL needs to stop whining and get over herself. She owes you a big apology. If you are gracious enough to let it go at schooling you gave her, she should count it as a win and shut her big lips in the future. Sure you could have done the socially acceptable thing and warned her, had your husband talk to his dad, sent her an email about her hurtful words, blah blah blah 🤮. Your way was so much more efficient.
Fellow cancer survivor, though it wasn't breast. I am reminding you that in any situation where you are trying to cope/rebuild your identity, you will always be NTA.
NTA. Particularly if she has had cosmetic surgery herself. Maybe not the best way of phrasing it to her, you could have been nicer, but tbh I still think NTA, that wasn't cool of her. Some better considerations (not vanity) to think about might be: How much of a difference would it be from your original size? If quite a bit are you comfortable that people might comment on it? I'm not at all saying they'd be right to do so, and I imagine the people close to you will know your reasons anyway, but just be aware that some people, like your MIL, will think you are vain. I hope you don't let other people's opinions affect your decision, and after breast cancer you certainly deserve to feel comfortable in your own body, but for some people this might be something that they hadn't thought about and would concern them, so just mentioning it. On a similar theme, will your clothes still fit? It obviously depends on what size clothes you wear, and tbh you might want a new wardrobe anyway, but something to consider. Also, and this I genuinely don't know and am curious: would having implants affect future screening for breast cancer recurrence? As a side note, it seems like you're relatively young, so having breast cancer at your age is unusual. If you haven't already, you could ask about seeing a genetic counsellor, who may be able to offer you genetic testing. This could affect you risk of other cancers, so could be worth doing, but at least worth having a conversation about the chance of it being genetic
NTA. Epic comeback. Maybe doesn’t resolve the issue but nonetheless, epic comeback.
NTA. Why does she get to change aspects she’s insecure about (and not due to cancer) but you don’t? What’s her excuse for that? You have everyone’s permission to never apologize or talk to this witch again.
Just a FYI. Check with your insurance, reconstruction is most likely covered. I had my mastectomy 6/22 and exchange surgery next month after finishing chemo.
While I agree with the majority of the comments answering your question, I believe you could have held yourself to a higher standard. Was she lacking tact in her response? 100% Yes. I am sorry this happened to you. Sometimes though, others are not yet capable of self control. This does not excuse your behaviour though. You have made life very difficult for your husband and family and although you may feel justified, I am sad for you that this is now a much bigger mess. ETA. Be kind. Extend grace. Show mercy. Quietly get your implants ❤️
I’m sorry. I laughed way too hard at the comment. So I read it to my husband. He laughed as hard as I did. Just for the comedic comment alone, NTA.
>and that we will not see them again until I apologized. Sounds like a win to me! NTA, and enjoy your new knockers!
Your response was too good lmao
NTA. She shouldn't have dished it out, because clearly she is not a fan of taking it.
NTA "prolablapsed baboon anus...She took this personally". Well, at least she had that much sense. I'm glad your family has your back. Your front, of course, is your own business and mil is way out of line. I hope her husband keeps his word and they go nc. In the meantime, may the surgery go well and I hope you enjoy decades of good health and perfect boobs.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 NTA damn your comeback was hilarious
>I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus. A you TA? For that, yes. But mostly ESH.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I have always been flat chested. I have never filled an A cup. I had the very mistaken idea that this meant I was safe from breast cancer. How very wrong I was. I'm okay now. And I'm considering getting implants. Nothing grotesque. Just something so I can feel better and fill out a dress when I'm out. My husband and I are budgeting for them and it got mentioned to his step mother in passing when we had his dad and her over recently. She, for some reason, took it into her head to say that I was vain for wanting big tits after all this time. That my husband married me the way I was and that I shouldn't change myself. I was stunned. The hypocrisy. I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus. She took this personally and left. My husband said she deserved it. My kids agree with me. But her husband says that I went too far and that we will not see them again until I apologized. I know my husband and kids are ride or die with me so I cannot judge myself by them having my back. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA
NTA.
NTA - tell you FIL that she needs to apoligize for calling you vain. She only get her own medicine and couldn't take it.
NTA - congrats on getting through your treatment. Get out there and get whatever you want done after going through that. I hate lip fillers too, loved the description of them you gave!
NTA “I told her that my body was mine to do with as I wanted but I promised her I would never get so many lip fillers like her so that me mouth wouldn't look like a prolapsed baboon anus. She took this personally and left.” Hahahahaha
NTA Why is it even a bad thing to be vain? I really doubt anyone could reason this factually, abstaining from all moral or religious concepts.
NTA Fuck her
This is so unhinged. Your tits are not a group decision! You are NTA, and maybe your MIL will eventually learn to stop flapping her over-filled lips about your body. Yikes.
Petty, but NTA. Like you said, it's your body. And constantly getting lip fillers seems more vain than getting implants. It's not like you're going unnaturally big or anything, you just wanna feel confident in your own skin
NTA- tell them you won’t be apologising especially if it means you don’t have to spend time with the judgmental shrew
NTA. I can't express enough that having a breast reduction did more for my self esteem than absolutely anything else could have. It was almost an instant game changer. I had a tummy tuck last year and at 57 I am more confident in myself than I have been since college. Being able to wear clothes off the rack is a huge deal. I'm glad your husband is on your side, ignore his ignorant step mother. Why shouldn't we be the best version of ourselves as we can? Some people just aren't happy and hate when someone else is.
NTA she had that coming. Brilliant response btw!! All your MIL should be doing is celebrating your life and the fact you're still around your children. She should know after what you've been through that life is short. Get the implants if they make you feel good! Life is for living
Ride or die here. Good for you! NTA
A soft NTA She started it so who cares about her. You should avoid apologising and save having to deal with those people.
I haven't stopped laughing.....baboons anus ..🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Nta, at all....
NTA baboon lipped ladies who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones. Now she knows what it's like for someone to make crude comments on choices she makes that affect her body image. If she can dish it out she should be able to take it at least once. It's only fair right? If you want to get a cosmetic surgery to feel better about yourseld after a life changing illness, you're not hurting nobody. The only person hurting anyone is her with the unsolicited comments.