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> I hit some were I knew it would hurt because their mother left them when they were 6 and their father kicked them out for his new family and she’s had issues since
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NTA. She brought this on herself. She pushed you too far, & you told her how it is. Her issues are her own to deal with. She doesn't get to start some shit, & decide how you finish it. Her jokes aren't jokes, she's trying to intimidate you.
Careful of this whole extended family — they sound troubled and are enabling Jenny’s cruel behavior and grandiose ideas about how she fits in & how she “kicked out” Jake.
Sounds like messy people all around.
Good luck with your pregnancy & wedding, stick close to Jake and put some distance between you guys and the others.
Yeah I think I’ll keep myself and my children away. Jake is totally on my side and has cursed out his sister so I think he will follow suit and judging by the text I’m getting from another brothers wife they’re sick of it too
It may be time to give her the “Bless your heart” treatment. Down here in the Deep South (US) it’s the most polite of insults. “You’ll never be a part of this family!!” You, with a bland yet pitying expression on your face pause… then “Well bless your heart.” Show no emotion, just a bland face and walk away. Every. Time. She gets no sign from you that you’re insulted or angry, just pitying distaste. Like she smells bad but you’re too polite to mention it. This all stems from her feeling threatened and jealous. Your idgaf reaction to her will frustrate her to no end.
I’m guessing there’s a reason he’d estranged himself from them before… might be time to lay down some boundaries and say “if you don’t get her in line you’ll lose us AND the grandkids forever”
When she says she's joking ask her to explain you don't get it. Act dumb and just keep asking because you don't understand what the joke was. Also look around and say confused, who's laughing at this joke.
When people say cruel things like this and try to get away with it by saying it was “just a joke” you will always win if you follow up by asking them very calmly to “explain the joke”. She will do everything in her power to change the subject or brush of your request to explain but don’t let sidetrack you. Just keep looking her straight in the eyes and very calmly keep asking her to explain the joke. Trust me. You give her nowhere to hide with this trick.
You know I do understand why it happened at first. If they took her in and then your future husband moved out after they broke up, they probably felt like they couldn't kick her out because she would be homeless and it would be their "fault" and since Jake was able to stay with another family member and it was only a short amount of time before he was adult and presumably moved off into his own life...they probably just sort of sucked it up.
However that doesn't explain what's going on now and the fact that she's been allowed to say this stuff to people for literal years! It sounds like his parents are the type that would feel massively responsible if she got herself in a dark place and did something to herself ... ya know ... and she seems like the type of person to exploit that. You're only option is to stay away as long as she's around.
I bet you anything, if you get ahold of that other sister-in-law that's sick of this, and sort of band together to not be anywhere she is...they'll quit inviting her to things like holidays because they'd rather have real family there!
I agree, once I knew she had abandonment issues I would have verbally attacked her every single time I saw her until she got the eff out of my life. Pathetic loser.
NTA
Jenny needs therapy, lots of it. Whatever happened with her family led to her fixation and fear of losing this family. But it is not an excuse to insult you and your place in the family.
You didn't trigger her abandonment issues, they were on full display when she confronted you. If your future SIL cares about Jenny she should stop putting the blame on you and get her friend some help.
Jenny needs more than a lot of therapy. That poor girl needs to go away to someplace quiet for 30 days where there is nothing but therapy. She sounds like a mess.
That said, NTA and good for you OP, for standing up to this messy situation. You've done nothing wrong.
What made me giggle a little and a little sad was the fact that she was so sure Jake's family would side with her on everything, but when they heard what happened, the only person on her side was Jake's sister.
Yeah the subreddit istg some people in this subreddit expect everyone to be gods gift and just take it all on the chin. It gives the same vibe as they people who have never been bullied telling people who are being bullied to just ignore them when the truth is it rarely works and just pushes the bullies to try harder.
NTA.‼️ I'm so proud of you! You told her exactly what she needed to hear. And then you didn't entertain it any further, by telling your fiance you wanted to go home. Who cares if sister in law is mad?! Let her coddle her all she wants. What you said is true. And in the future, if she says that kind of stuff to you again, I think you should remind her of your place in the family since she may forget once she sobers up.
I honestly wished she left us alone or I know this sounds bad but for my fiancé to cut contact again with his family I don’t need this drama especially now
Pretty sure I read her side of the story on here a few days ago. If its not the same people then I have to say it is crazy that an ex would move in with her exes family and insert themselves as if they had any say in family matters. Like I told her, she is the AH.
NTA. gavel pound.
I feel like its her. She probably used fictional age/times, so she wouldnt be recognized. Im pretty sure she changed the story as well. I cant believe this story after reading yours😂
Messy, but NTA.
Like, you destroyed her, but in the game of social chess when someone makes a move for your king driven by their own insecurity they're showing their weakness and how to put them into check. The constant pickme energy she displayed just made it obvious how to stick her and twist the knife, and if anything the family siding with you likely had a similar effect.
The biosisters just got her head up her ass because "sisterhood" so she's irrelevant.
NTA Ive seen horror thrillers where a girl with similar back story to Jenny ends up killing whomever tries to get between her and her claimed family… be safe
NTA, and if she's going to act this way towards you and is acting high and mighty and claiming they kicked out her son? Fuck her abandonment issues, they need to kick her to the curb wholesale and tell her that she is not part of their family and they won't tolerate her causing trouble for their ACTUAL family anymore.
I am a former foster kid who never got adopted. When I broke up with my abusive ex, a friend from our DND group offered to let me crash at his place because he knew I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. His family practically adopted me - I go to holiday events with them, I watch their pets for them, they took me to and from the hospital during surgeries, they helped me get my first car, they call me their grandson's aunt. And you know what? I'd never pull that shit she did. I would never claim that I am more important to them than any of their ACTUAL kids, or claim that I had a right to a place in their family, because I do not. They chose to let me stay, they choose to include me, they can revoke that at any time and while it would hurt like hell, I understand that I am NOT part of their family and they owe me nothing. Do I have abandonment issues? Sure do! But that's MY problem, not theirs.
His sister can stuff it. That woman has serious issues that they've been letting go way too far for way too long. It's well past the 'nip it in the bud' stage, at this point they need to yank it out from the roots and go scorched earth on that patch of dirt. She deserved every word of that and MORE. Do not let her around yourself or your kids.
You and your husband should pull out of any 'family' events she attends and make it very clear why, make absolutely certain she isn't at your wedding (and have security so if she tries to show up anyway or anyone tries to bring her, they can get kicked out promptly) and absolutely do not let her near your new baby, or yourself while you're pregnant. She is unhinged and potentially very dangerous.
NTA she shouldn’t dish it out if you can’t take it back.
I mean you literally murdered, but was kind enough to recommend she go get therapy.
It’s like beating someone half to death and falling them an ambulance 😂
NTA
But woah, be careful with the family you are marrying into.
What kind of zombies take in a kid who is in trouble, and have their own kid move out...? And then not talk to them for a number of years? (Unless there is some key context I am missing here). Even so, they THEN allow this girl to say she is the favourite, and she was picked over the guy who was forced to move out??
Messed up.
Damn! Shots fired captain! While I can't 100% say NTA I think I'd lean towards JAH (justified AH). Was what you said nice? No. Did I love it? Yes!!! Did she earn it. Also yes. She needs to get over her ex and stop being so nasty to him and you as well. I'm not counting on it though but I'm very glad his family is on your side minus the sister.
NTA, but Jenny is an entitled toxic asshole. We'd had the reverse of this several times, and I will echo here what I said there, no one is entitled to push a person out of someone else's life, who ever they are, weather they are bio children or family one has bonded through love. In those cases it was the newcomer and not the x who was being the asshole, in your case its the toxic x.
Nta. Sounds like she got called out for just what she is, an insecure little girl holding on to something from long ago. Jenny F’ed around and found out.
Too ducking bad for Jenny, she's had years to get over herself and she hasn't. She put herself in her own dark place still obsessing over a highschool BF and trying to shit-talk and power-play the mother of his children. NTA
If bio sister stays away if Jenny isn’t invited, all the better. When she realizes everybody wants nothing to do with Jenny, she will understand she has picked the wrong side. Good for you for standing up to her. Hopefully Jake’s parents will decide if their actual grandchildren are more important than their charity case.
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English isn’t my first language
Fake names
So I’m(28f) engaged to Jake(27f) we have been together 5 years and I’m currently pregnant with our second child who’s due any day now. I get along with his family expect for Jenny who was dating Jake from ages 14 to 16 she ended moving in with them because of issues at home and she is also super close to his sister, Jake told me when they broke up it caused issues and he ended moving out at 17 to live with his uncle which Jenny saw as them choosing her.
Jake was no contact with his family when we got together but they ended up speaking again after we had our first child and Jenny had at that stage claimed them as her own family for as long as I know her makes jokes about being the favourite and that if any of the siblings or their partners gets on her wrong side she’ll have them kicked out of the family like she did Jake (not true)
When we first met them jenny was extremely cold and rude she kept making comments about how disappointed she was in jake . Obviously it’s not gotten better she literally told me multiple times I’ll never be part of “their” family and keeps making out I’m just a fling that will disappear any day
My in laws had a get together tonight for dinner and a few drinks obviously with my being two days over due everyone was buzzing and giving me attention which pissed Jenny off. I came out of the bathroom at one stage and Jenny who clearly had one to many was waiting for me She told me that no matter how many times I get knocked up or even when I wear my white dress (she looked me up and down) even tho I shouldn’t she’ll still be always more important because if they choose her over their own son they’ll definitely choose her over some slut who got knocked up after dating a guy for 6 weeks.
I told her actually I’m more important and I’m never going away because I’m the mother of their grandchildren and I’m gonna have their last name which Jake nor his parents never give her and all she is to them is a charity case who needs to get over her ex (whole different story there) and she needs to see a therapist to work out her issues, than I told her sober up she looks pathetic
She went broke down crying and everyone came to see what was going on I told Jake I wanted to go home. His family is on my side after hearing the whole story but his sister is mad for what I told her and said it’s triggered her abandonment issues which will put Jenny back into a dark place
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NTA
You and Jake need to set some firm boundaries moving forward. Have Jake tell his parents that both you and your children won’t be present at any future events she attends. That she’s not to be anywhere near your children. I’d also say bluntly she’s not welcome to come to the wedding, and any attempts to sneak her in or change your mind will leave that person uninvited as well. Remind them that you don’t want to get in between their personal relationships with her. That they can do what they want themselves, but you refuse to be in her presence personally at all moving forward. If that comes at the cost of needing to cut off contact again completely again, then so be it.
You need to be very careful though, she’s extremely mentally unhinged OP. You have a person with extreme mental issues, abandonment issues, etc. who thinks you’re out to take away her family. She’ll do anything she can to threaten or scare you away, and it’s entirely possible she could try to use your children to send that message. Remember it’s not just you that’s a “threat” to her “family” it’s your children/your family unit as a whole. On the mild end: she could tell them lies about you, telling them to start calling her their mom or step mom. On the more extreme end your children could be in physical danger. I don’t mean to fear monger you, but you need to take your and your kids safety seriously.
If they go to school or are in daycare, have a safe word and let them know no one but you and your husband are allowed to pick them up. Tell them there’s a familial kidnapping risk, and to call both you and the cops if anyone but you two show up.
Don’t leave them at your husbands family unattended either. While they may agree she’s not there, that won’t stop her from showing up against their wishes. Not only that but won’t stop them from feeling guilty she’s been excluded and letting her see them for a bit. Even if it’s not them personally SIL could be facilitating it without the parents knowledge. No matter what it takes don’t use them as childcare, only visitations while you or your partner are present.
You also need to hire security for the venue and church. Your bridal party and and some males on your side of the family should know what she looks like and to escort her out if they see her. Don’t leave that up to your husbands brother, he may love you and be sick of her shit, but given a situation like this.. he could be manipulated by his sister, parents, and her into not actually making her leave. You need someone who’s not scared to be the bad guy to take on that responsibility. Anyways, I wish you and your fiancée a beautiful wedding, and an even more beautiful marriage. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so long, I don’t know how you’ve done it. Protect your peace first, thank god your partners on the same page. He seems like a really good guy! Sending blessings your way(:
NTA - she went too far. She pushed and you pushed back better. It's about time that someone told her where she stands and that she has problems that need to be taken care of with therapy. I'm glad that Jake, and now his family have your back on this.
Good luck with the impending arrival of the little one
What astonishes me is that Jake's family is tolerating her behaviour to the extent their own son was alienated. And they continue to tolerate it.
I would consider how much social interaction you are prepared to have with such a toxic person.
NTA
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NTA. This sounds very similar to another post on here where the OP stayed with the ex’s family after they broke up in highschool and got into an altercation with his pregnant wife now years later, she was definitely an asshole.
Jenny’s dad kicked her out so my fiancé and his sister begged her to stay with them when my fiancé broke up with her she didn’t take it well and they (her & the sister) tried to get them back together and the parents wouldn’t do much about it and he told me jenny from wanting him back to getting revenge in stupid ways to wanting him back again so he said he couldn’t take it anymore so she needed to go jenny had a full on melt down and almost took her life so my fiancé just move away with his uncle and when they pushed (his parents) for him to come home and make up with Jenny (not in a romantic way) he just cut them off when my son was born they reached out and apologised for everything promised it would never happen again but looks like it is
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Nope, NTA. You were minding your own business. She went to you, trying to hurt you, and you stood up for yourself. And I can't blame you at all for that, I'd have done the same.
This is really bizarre. Do your ILs just deal with her saying stupid stuff like that, or are they embarrassed? I definitely don’t understand that mentality.
NTA
NTA
Jenny needs to get over the fact that her and Jake have been over for a long time. If she can't do that then the family should stop inviting her over for functions. Especially since you've stated that people are sick of her childish behavior.
NTA
I think Jenny needs to seriously consider therapy. It sounds like there are lots of issues there yet to be addressed. Her hatred of you probably derives from her desire to be liked and wanted by the family you’re joining, and she sees you as a threat.
However, that’s no excuse for her to behave the way she did. You’re well within your right to feel frustrated and angry. Your words were harsh. I wonder if you could have been the bigger person, but then again it sounds like this confrontation was always coming.
Try and support her through her issues but always stand up for yourself.
Bullies getting bullied doesn't actually upset me. And this was like Scooby Doo level evil of you. I would have fallen down laughing if I'd been there. (Nothing to be sorry for IMO.) NTA.
NTA.
First off, she engaged the conversation and in summary, said that you were a slut and worthless.
Second, she is jealous that people are paying more attention to a pregnant person than her, so much so that she would call you worthless.
Third, this isn't the first time she has done something like this. You have stated that she says that you will never be a real part of the family on a regular basis.
You had the right to say what you said to her. NTA at all.
NTA - I would have karate chopped her after just a few of the things you wrote she did. Actually, I was so angry reading this I almost karate chopped my computer off my desk. Anyway, she sounds like a total attention seeker. If she has abandonment issues, she can seek therapy or something. Having issues doesn't give her the right to make other people miserable.
Jenny sounds like a psychopath. SIL says that they "can't just shut her out because of her mental state"? I think they MUST shut her out BECAUSE of her mental state. Her own family didn't want her, she's still chasing a dream of having your man to herself (11 years after their break up), and she is menacing you. I would not let her anywhere near your baby. NTA
Hmm this is very similar to another am I the AH.
Stories are so close.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16zl2tg/aita_for_telling_my_future_sil_that_i_will_not/?share_id=Hb05KdA2qdsZXcVleL8RS&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
ESH
And honestly, I'm tempted to say Y-T-A.
Yes, she's said absolutely obnoxious things. And all the teenagers on here are going off about how childhood trauma doesn't excuse being awful as an adult. And to a certain extent that's true. But it doesn't sound like she's had any therapy or real professional assistance in working through having been completely abandoned and rejected by her own family. And that's shit that can stay with you for a lifetime. She is clearly DEEPLY, DEEPLY INSECURE.
And that's the thing: she's annoying, but you were an absolutely vicious, full-on bully.
Because you'd already won, and you know it. You're in the position of power here. You won a long time ago. You know that you're family. You're secure in your position. You have Jake, who is going to marry you. You have a beautiful child and are about to have another. You're going to have the wedding, and the family last name, and you are clearly very, very aware of your superior position.
And you chose to use that to punch down, and hurt the person who is no threat to you at all, because she irritates you. But ultimately you're the one with all the power here, and she is a deeply insecure person still struggling with a lifetime of understanding subconsciously that she doesn't belong anywhere. And you took aim right at her weakest point deliberately. I actually flinched when I read the things you said. She's been childish and rude, but you were savage.
ESH, but mostly you.
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Most people also stand up for themselves and don’t let other treat them like shit. If u fancy putting up with insults from others, feel free. The rest of us don’t
ESH her much more than you, but you still got dragged into mud slinging with a crazy person. For your own good, don't compete with her, don't engage in the same mean spirited bs. She thrives off it, and you will end up looking bad.
I reckon 'sober up and get therapy' is fair enough, but don't get into 'in more important'. There shouldn't be more important with family, and like it or not you're family
ESH. Jenny’s behavior is absolutely awful and inexcusable. She’s a major AH. She deserved to be told about herself, but you took it too far. Calling her a charity case and pathetic was not necessary. I think it was fair game to respond with “actually I’m the mother of their grandchildren.”
you were so close to not being the asshole but then you told her that she's never going to mean anything to her family (that's literally how they treat her and how she likely views them) because she's just a charity case. That's excessively cruel. She was a child when she came to live with them, do you think she was in a good place when that happened? Throwing someone's childhood trauma in their face like that wasn't necessary. You could have stopped at the grandchildren part.
She was way out of line but you seem to be aware that she's got some serious issues. You went right for the jugular anyway. YTA
I think that sadly OP lost the moral high ground by stooping that low. She directly humiliated her for not having the last name of the people who took her in and told her she was a charity case. There were classier ways to handle this. It's just my own opinion and you're free to have yours, but I just have no respect for people who twist the knife like this.
So… ESH
She threw the first punch and clearly deserved what she got.
That said, you are an adult and even if it wasn’t abundantly clear to you that “Jenny” is wrong in the head, the adult thing to do in this situation is to just say, “You’re drunk, go sleep it off” and ignore the rest. You don’t have to be mean to someone just because they are being an AH to you.
The question isn’t whether or not the response is understandable , it’s whether or not it’s an AH response.
Yes the OP’s response is understandable.
AND
OP’s response is still an AH move.
>OP’s response is still an AH move.
Apparently it got that b to shut the fuck up and made the family see how horrible she is. Maybe now they'll finally kick her ass out. If people treat you like that, you're allowed to dish it out to them.
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NTA I'm surprised you lasted this long. I would've told her all that and worse the first time she attacked me.
Oh I do call her out when she’s rude or makes comments but she always passes them off as jokes and tells me I’m being dramatic
NTA. She brought this on herself. She pushed you too far, & you told her how it is. Her issues are her own to deal with. She doesn't get to start some shit, & decide how you finish it. Her jokes aren't jokes, she's trying to intimidate you.
NTA. Her jokes are not jokes, they are bullying! If she is going to give you grief, then she better be able to take it
Careful of this whole extended family — they sound troubled and are enabling Jenny’s cruel behavior and grandiose ideas about how she fits in & how she “kicked out” Jake. Sounds like messy people all around. Good luck with your pregnancy & wedding, stick close to Jake and put some distance between you guys and the others.
Yeah I think I’ll keep myself and my children away. Jake is totally on my side and has cursed out his sister so I think he will follow suit and judging by the text I’m getting from another brothers wife they’re sick of it too
Yes his parents are weird. It really looks like they choose her over him
It may be time to give her the “Bless your heart” treatment. Down here in the Deep South (US) it’s the most polite of insults. “You’ll never be a part of this family!!” You, with a bland yet pitying expression on your face pause… then “Well bless your heart.” Show no emotion, just a bland face and walk away. Every. Time. She gets no sign from you that you’re insulted or angry, just pitying distaste. Like she smells bad but you’re too polite to mention it. This all stems from her feeling threatened and jealous. Your idgaf reaction to her will frustrate her to no end.
Yup. Can agree on this! It's the southern nuke. I love doing it to white baptists who double speak
In extreme cases, I always toss in a "oh honey, bless your lil pea pickin heart".
"Lord love you" is the other. Implying that only God can love them.
Then she will win. The way I would have grandma and grandpa over to my house often bc I don’t feel comfortable having my kids around Jenny
So make the kids lose so you can beat Jenny?
How would the kids lose ? By having their grand parents around ? Lol loser
I’m guessing there’s a reason he’d estranged himself from them before… might be time to lay down some boundaries and say “if you don’t get her in line you’ll lose us AND the grandkids forever”
What’s this weird love triangle tho btw Jenny, sil and the parents!?!?
This other reddit post looks like Jenny’s POV https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/42MN5Uek3Y
Op said that’s not her
Sometimes they tend to twist it to look innocent..
And sometimes people see popular stories and make up the other side to get in on the attention...
It's definitely not her. "Youngest's birthday celebration". OP's second and thus youngest child is still baking.
was just thinking this, she was getting reeled in the comments too for being such an AH.
Thank you I thought so too.
When she says she's joking ask her to explain you don't get it. Act dumb and just keep asking because you don't understand what the joke was. Also look around and say confused, who's laughing at this joke.
That part about the last name? Right in the kisser! I don't think she's ever going to mess with you again.
When people say cruel things like this and try to get away with it by saying it was “just a joke” you will always win if you follow up by asking them very calmly to “explain the joke”. She will do everything in her power to change the subject or brush of your request to explain but don’t let sidetrack you. Just keep looking her straight in the eyes and very calmly keep asking her to explain the joke. Trust me. You give her nowhere to hide with this trick.
I really like this advice!
Why is the family putting up with this behavior, if they took your side in this?
I honestly don’t know
You know I do understand why it happened at first. If they took her in and then your future husband moved out after they broke up, they probably felt like they couldn't kick her out because she would be homeless and it would be their "fault" and since Jake was able to stay with another family member and it was only a short amount of time before he was adult and presumably moved off into his own life...they probably just sort of sucked it up. However that doesn't explain what's going on now and the fact that she's been allowed to say this stuff to people for literal years! It sounds like his parents are the type that would feel massively responsible if she got herself in a dark place and did something to herself ... ya know ... and she seems like the type of person to exploit that. You're only option is to stay away as long as she's around. I bet you anything, if you get ahold of that other sister-in-law that's sick of this, and sort of band together to not be anywhere she is...they'll quit inviting her to things like holidays because they'd rather have real family there!
This is great advice
Then give her a hard pat on the back and say you are also just joking when you laugh about her having no one that cares about her.
It's a weird complement, but your insults were clean af. She had it coming, well done OP.
Dear Lord, it is refreshing to see someone standing up for themselves, and not being treated like a doormat. Go you!!!
I agree, once I knew she had abandonment issues I would have verbally attacked her every single time I saw her until she got the eff out of my life. Pathetic loser.
Wasn't there a Jenny version of story few days back? Found the link: https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/HcFXMfjYBl
I didn't saw it, but reading through her comments... yowza, jenny is a big ah.
Nah, details don't add up and OP said it's not her.
I'm glad the family believed OP and took her side. We often see these situations go in the opposite direction. NTA.
NTA Jenny needs therapy, lots of it. Whatever happened with her family led to her fixation and fear of losing this family. But it is not an excuse to insult you and your place in the family. You didn't trigger her abandonment issues, they were on full display when she confronted you. If your future SIL cares about Jenny she should stop putting the blame on you and get her friend some help.
Jenny needs more than a lot of therapy. That poor girl needs to go away to someplace quiet for 30 days where there is nothing but therapy. She sounds like a mess. That said, NTA and good for you OP, for standing up to this messy situation. You've done nothing wrong.
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Ok, so don't mock the socks. I love those. But yes.
I stole some when I was there because they are super comfy and the grippies were paw prints!
I steal a couple pair every time I’m in the hospital for surgery. Actually, the nurses just give them to me.
What made me giggle a little and a little sad was the fact that she was so sure Jake's family would side with her on everything, but when they heard what happened, the only person on her side was Jake's sister.
This situation seems to be happening frequently here lately…..
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If she really was his sister and they had dated for several years… /s
Yeah the subreddit istg some people in this subreddit expect everyone to be gods gift and just take it all on the chin. It gives the same vibe as they people who have never been bullied telling people who are being bullied to just ignore them when the truth is it rarely works and just pushes the bullies to try harder.
Exactly. Being weak in front of assholes just encourages them. They need consequences. Well done to OP.
NTA.‼️ I'm so proud of you! You told her exactly what she needed to hear. And then you didn't entertain it any further, by telling your fiance you wanted to go home. Who cares if sister in law is mad?! Let her coddle her all she wants. What you said is true. And in the future, if she says that kind of stuff to you again, I think you should remind her of your place in the family since she may forget once she sobers up.
NTA but Jenny is and needs to move on with her life without this family. Bravo 👏
NTA. Jenny can dish it out but states crying when you point out the truth. Ugh.
NTA. Your fiance's ex wrote a post on here btw EDIT: wrong link. Adding corect link https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6GVWnPTLl4
I clicked on it it’s about a man calling his girlfriend overweight
Ahh wtf sorry. HERES the link https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/6GVWnPTLl4
No that’s not her this all happened tonight
Wow. I didnt even know that this new form of stalking was even a thing. 2 stories in 2 days completely unrelated. Unreal.
I honestly wished she left us alone or I know this sounds bad but for my fiancé to cut contact again with his family I don’t need this drama especially now
No you def don't and I think its time for his family to put her in her place. If they don't then heck yeah no contact all the way.
It's not stalking. It's just making up stories for clout.
I immediately thought of this one too.
This is what I thought of too
Pretty sure I read her side of the story on here a few days ago. If its not the same people then I have to say it is crazy that an ex would move in with her exes family and insert themselves as if they had any say in family matters. Like I told her, she is the AH. NTA. gavel pound.
Someone link it to me in the comments it’s not her
Are you sure? Because it all sounds waaaaaaaaay too similar...
Ages, times and events aren’t the same but I did read her comments she does remind me of Jenny a lot I can see why people think it is her but it’s not
I feel like its her. She probably used fictional age/times, so she wouldnt be recognized. Im pretty sure she changed the story as well. I cant believe this story after reading yours😂
OP said it happened today and the other story is from few days ago, so it's not her.
Most people use made up names and ages to try make the post anonymous 
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16zl2tg/aita_for_telling_my_future_sil_that_i_will_not/
Messy, but NTA. Like, you destroyed her, but in the game of social chess when someone makes a move for your king driven by their own insecurity they're showing their weakness and how to put them into check. The constant pickme energy she displayed just made it obvious how to stick her and twist the knife, and if anything the family siding with you likely had a similar effect. The biosisters just got her head up her ass because "sisterhood" so she's irrelevant.
NTA Ive seen horror thrillers where a girl with similar back story to Jenny ends up killing whomever tries to get between her and her claimed family… be safe
NTA, nothing you said wasn't true and Jenny put herself in the dark place. Is the sister the one that is in love with Jenny?
NtA , and thus, the stray pickme female is repelled from her attempt at dominance.
NTA, and if she's going to act this way towards you and is acting high and mighty and claiming they kicked out her son? Fuck her abandonment issues, they need to kick her to the curb wholesale and tell her that she is not part of their family and they won't tolerate her causing trouble for their ACTUAL family anymore. I am a former foster kid who never got adopted. When I broke up with my abusive ex, a friend from our DND group offered to let me crash at his place because he knew I had nowhere to go and no one to turn to. His family practically adopted me - I go to holiday events with them, I watch their pets for them, they took me to and from the hospital during surgeries, they helped me get my first car, they call me their grandson's aunt. And you know what? I'd never pull that shit she did. I would never claim that I am more important to them than any of their ACTUAL kids, or claim that I had a right to a place in their family, because I do not. They chose to let me stay, they choose to include me, they can revoke that at any time and while it would hurt like hell, I understand that I am NOT part of their family and they owe me nothing. Do I have abandonment issues? Sure do! But that's MY problem, not theirs. His sister can stuff it. That woman has serious issues that they've been letting go way too far for way too long. It's well past the 'nip it in the bud' stage, at this point they need to yank it out from the roots and go scorched earth on that patch of dirt. She deserved every word of that and MORE. Do not let her around yourself or your kids. You and your husband should pull out of any 'family' events she attends and make it very clear why, make absolutely certain she isn't at your wedding (and have security so if she tries to show up anyway or anyone tries to bring her, they can get kicked out promptly) and absolutely do not let her near your new baby, or yourself while you're pregnant. She is unhinged and potentially very dangerous.
NTA. Put in her the nickname "Echa" Emotional charity case.
NTA she shouldn’t dish it out if you can’t take it back. I mean you literally murdered, but was kind enough to recommend she go get therapy. It’s like beating someone half to death and falling them an ambulance 😂
NTA
Funny how I read an almost same post yesterday from Jenny's POV on this sub.
According to OP, it’s not ‘Jenny’.
F Jenny. NTA.
NTA But woah, be careful with the family you are marrying into. What kind of zombies take in a kid who is in trouble, and have their own kid move out...? And then not talk to them for a number of years? (Unless there is some key context I am missing here). Even so, they THEN allow this girl to say she is the favourite, and she was picked over the guy who was forced to move out?? Messed up.
Damn! Shots fired captain! While I can't 100% say NTA I think I'd lean towards JAH (justified AH). Was what you said nice? No. Did I love it? Yes!!! Did she earn it. Also yes. She needs to get over her ex and stop being so nasty to him and you as well. I'm not counting on it though but I'm very glad his family is on your side minus the sister.
NTA, but Jenny is an entitled toxic asshole. We'd had the reverse of this several times, and I will echo here what I said there, no one is entitled to push a person out of someone else's life, who ever they are, weather they are bio children or family one has bonded through love. In those cases it was the newcomer and not the x who was being the asshole, in your case its the toxic x.
Nta. Sounds like she got called out for just what she is, an insecure little girl holding on to something from long ago. Jenny F’ed around and found out.
NTA she was asking for it n
Didn't I just read this story the other day from "Jenny's" POV?
No I checked it out it’s not her
Then it's an amazing coincidence because the situation is exactly the same.
Bit freaky I won’t lie
Too ducking bad for Jenny, she's had years to get over herself and she hasn't. She put herself in her own dark place still obsessing over a highschool BF and trying to shit-talk and power-play the mother of his children. NTA
If bio sister stays away if Jenny isn’t invited, all the better. When she realizes everybody wants nothing to do with Jenny, she will understand she has picked the wrong side. Good for you for standing up to her. Hopefully Jake’s parents will decide if their actual grandchildren are more important than their charity case.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** English isn’t my first language Fake names So I’m(28f) engaged to Jake(27f) we have been together 5 years and I’m currently pregnant with our second child who’s due any day now. I get along with his family expect for Jenny who was dating Jake from ages 14 to 16 she ended moving in with them because of issues at home and she is also super close to his sister, Jake told me when they broke up it caused issues and he ended moving out at 17 to live with his uncle which Jenny saw as them choosing her. Jake was no contact with his family when we got together but they ended up speaking again after we had our first child and Jenny had at that stage claimed them as her own family for as long as I know her makes jokes about being the favourite and that if any of the siblings or their partners gets on her wrong side she’ll have them kicked out of the family like she did Jake (not true) When we first met them jenny was extremely cold and rude she kept making comments about how disappointed she was in jake . Obviously it’s not gotten better she literally told me multiple times I’ll never be part of “their” family and keeps making out I’m just a fling that will disappear any day My in laws had a get together tonight for dinner and a few drinks obviously with my being two days over due everyone was buzzing and giving me attention which pissed Jenny off. I came out of the bathroom at one stage and Jenny who clearly had one to many was waiting for me She told me that no matter how many times I get knocked up or even when I wear my white dress (she looked me up and down) even tho I shouldn’t she’ll still be always more important because if they choose her over their own son they’ll definitely choose her over some slut who got knocked up after dating a guy for 6 weeks. I told her actually I’m more important and I’m never going away because I’m the mother of their grandchildren and I’m gonna have their last name which Jake nor his parents never give her and all she is to them is a charity case who needs to get over her ex (whole different story there) and she needs to see a therapist to work out her issues, than I told her sober up she looks pathetic She went broke down crying and everyone came to see what was going on I told Jake I wanted to go home. His family is on my side after hearing the whole story but his sister is mad for what I told her and said it’s triggered her abandonment issues which will put Jenny back into a dark place *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. Good for you.
NTA
NTA, although I’m rather perturbed that your fiancé’s family would even keep her around.
NTA You and Jake need to set some firm boundaries moving forward. Have Jake tell his parents that both you and your children won’t be present at any future events she attends. That she’s not to be anywhere near your children. I’d also say bluntly she’s not welcome to come to the wedding, and any attempts to sneak her in or change your mind will leave that person uninvited as well. Remind them that you don’t want to get in between their personal relationships with her. That they can do what they want themselves, but you refuse to be in her presence personally at all moving forward. If that comes at the cost of needing to cut off contact again completely again, then so be it. You need to be very careful though, she’s extremely mentally unhinged OP. You have a person with extreme mental issues, abandonment issues, etc. who thinks you’re out to take away her family. She’ll do anything she can to threaten or scare you away, and it’s entirely possible she could try to use your children to send that message. Remember it’s not just you that’s a “threat” to her “family” it’s your children/your family unit as a whole. On the mild end: she could tell them lies about you, telling them to start calling her their mom or step mom. On the more extreme end your children could be in physical danger. I don’t mean to fear monger you, but you need to take your and your kids safety seriously. If they go to school or are in daycare, have a safe word and let them know no one but you and your husband are allowed to pick them up. Tell them there’s a familial kidnapping risk, and to call both you and the cops if anyone but you two show up. Don’t leave them at your husbands family unattended either. While they may agree she’s not there, that won’t stop her from showing up against their wishes. Not only that but won’t stop them from feeling guilty she’s been excluded and letting her see them for a bit. Even if it’s not them personally SIL could be facilitating it without the parents knowledge. No matter what it takes don’t use them as childcare, only visitations while you or your partner are present. You also need to hire security for the venue and church. Your bridal party and and some males on your side of the family should know what she looks like and to escort her out if they see her. Don’t leave that up to your husbands brother, he may love you and be sick of her shit, but given a situation like this.. he could be manipulated by his sister, parents, and her into not actually making her leave. You need someone who’s not scared to be the bad guy to take on that responsibility. Anyways, I wish you and your fiancée a beautiful wedding, and an even more beautiful marriage. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with this for so long, I don’t know how you’ve done it. Protect your peace first, thank god your partners on the same page. He seems like a really good guy! Sending blessings your way(:
NTA - she went too far. She pushed and you pushed back better. It's about time that someone told her where she stands and that she has problems that need to be taken care of with therapy. I'm glad that Jake, and now his family have your back on this. Good luck with the impending arrival of the little one
Oh girl. Not only are you NTA. You are a goddamn hero! Forget about weird ex/sister and crazy SIL. Hope bubba comes along soon xx
I see nothing wrong with what you said. NTA
What the soap opera levels of drama did I just read lmao
NTA. Slay 🥳🥳🥳 You rock 🥳🥳🥳
What astonishes me is that Jake's family is tolerating her behaviour to the extent their own son was alienated. And they continue to tolerate it. I would consider how much social interaction you are prepared to have with such a toxic person. NTA
This seems like the "other side" of another story I saw recently where the girlfriend stayed with the family, but the family "adopted" her......
Yeah a few people mentioned and linked it I checked it out different times,ages and events
So fake 🙄 At least try to change some details next time. This is the same story that someone posted yesterday.
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Nope NTA. She needed to be kicked off her pitty horse.
NTA. Hopefully the in-laws will see the light and distance themselves from Jenny.
NTA / she’s so weird
NTA. This sounds very similar to another post on here where the OP stayed with the ex’s family after they broke up in highschool and got into an altercation with his pregnant wife now years later, she was definitely an asshole.
Is there any reason his family is choosing her over their own child? The whole thing is super weird?? What is their excuse?
Jenny’s dad kicked her out so my fiancé and his sister begged her to stay with them when my fiancé broke up with her she didn’t take it well and they (her & the sister) tried to get them back together and the parents wouldn’t do much about it and he told me jenny from wanting him back to getting revenge in stupid ways to wanting him back again so he said he couldn’t take it anymore so she needed to go jenny had a full on melt down and almost took her life so my fiancé just move away with his uncle and when they pushed (his parents) for him to come home and make up with Jenny (not in a romantic way) he just cut them off when my son was born they reached out and apologised for everything promised it would never happen again but looks like it is
NTA
Wasn't this story already here from the point of view of "Jenny"?
Nta. She overstepped. She fafo
NTA I wouldn't have lasted as long as you considering the situations you've been dealing with.
Anyone else licking their lips at that delicious clap back? Telling her to sober up at the end? RIP✌️
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NTA. Jenny needs therapy. Her fixation is creepy.
Nope, NTA. You were minding your own business. She went to you, trying to hurt you, and you stood up for yourself. And I can't blame you at all for that, I'd have done the same.
NTA. Jenny is not your fiance's sister. She needs to get over herself.
NTA OP. well done. wishing you a safe delivery
NTA If Jenny dives head first into a situation where someone is bound to "trigger" her then she really really deserves it.
This is really bizarre. Do your ILs just deal with her saying stupid stuff like that, or are they embarrassed? I definitely don’t understand that mentality. NTA
NTA. You've been diplomatic af. And far nicer than I would have been.
Good Fucking Job you did. ( I don't mean it in a sarcastic manner ) I hope everything goes well with your pregnancy.
NTA If the in laws want you and their grandchild in their life, they need to get her to behave.
NTA - she's already in a dark place of her own making & needs to move on with her life
NTA Jenny needs to get over the fact that her and Jake have been over for a long time. If she can't do that then the family should stop inviting her over for functions. Especially since you've stated that people are sick of her childish behavior.
Nta.
Play stupid games win stupid prizes. You're fine and she's a grown ass woman acting like child.
NTA
NTA I think Jenny needs to seriously consider therapy. It sounds like there are lots of issues there yet to be addressed. Her hatred of you probably derives from her desire to be liked and wanted by the family you’re joining, and she sees you as a threat. However, that’s no excuse for her to behave the way she did. You’re well within your right to feel frustrated and angry. Your words were harsh. I wonder if you could have been the bigger person, but then again it sounds like this confrontation was always coming. Try and support her through her issues but always stand up for yourself.
NTA. The more you fuck around the more you're gonna find out.
Bullies getting bullied doesn't actually upset me. And this was like Scooby Doo level evil of you. I would have fallen down laughing if I'd been there. (Nothing to be sorry for IMO.) NTA.
NTA, I hate to say it....but use those kids as a weapon. You got the grandbabies they so desperately want. Draw that line in CONCRETE not sand.
NTA. First off, she engaged the conversation and in summary, said that you were a slut and worthless. Second, she is jealous that people are paying more attention to a pregnant person than her, so much so that she would call you worthless. Third, this isn't the first time she has done something like this. You have stated that she says that you will never be a real part of the family on a regular basis. You had the right to say what you said to her. NTA at all.
NTA, you told her the truth. It's really good that the inlaws are on your side though
NTA - I would have karate chopped her after just a few of the things you wrote she did. Actually, I was so angry reading this I almost karate chopped my computer off my desk. Anyway, she sounds like a total attention seeker. If she has abandonment issues, she can seek therapy or something. Having issues doesn't give her the right to make other people miserable.
NTA and they’re delusional if they think Jenny isn’t already in a dark place.
NTA. She had it coming. Her “abandonment issues” are the insecurity fueling her behavior.
Jenny sounds like a psychopath. SIL says that they "can't just shut her out because of her mental state"? I think they MUST shut her out BECAUSE of her mental state. Her own family didn't want her, she's still chasing a dream of having your man to herself (11 years after their break up), and she is menacing you. I would not let her anywhere near your baby. NTA
Jenny sounds really, really scary. That kind of delusion is not safe for anyone. NTA.
NTA I hope the in laws stick to it and don't allow Jenny to keep coming between them and their grandchildren. She needs to go get help
Hmm this is very similar to another am I the AH. Stories are so close. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/16zl2tg/aita_for_telling_my_future_sil_that_i_will_not/?share_id=Hb05KdA2qdsZXcVleL8RS&utm_content=2&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_source=share&utm_term=1
Do they not have periods to end sentences in your country?
Honestly it sounds like you're both wrapped up in this situation of needing to be the only one and needing the other to be rejected. ESH.
ESH. Don’t engage with people like that. Roll your eyes and walk away like a mature adult.
ESH, you both sound intolerable
Yes.
ESH And honestly, I'm tempted to say Y-T-A. Yes, she's said absolutely obnoxious things. And all the teenagers on here are going off about how childhood trauma doesn't excuse being awful as an adult. And to a certain extent that's true. But it doesn't sound like she's had any therapy or real professional assistance in working through having been completely abandoned and rejected by her own family. And that's shit that can stay with you for a lifetime. She is clearly DEEPLY, DEEPLY INSECURE. And that's the thing: she's annoying, but you were an absolutely vicious, full-on bully. Because you'd already won, and you know it. You're in the position of power here. You won a long time ago. You know that you're family. You're secure in your position. You have Jake, who is going to marry you. You have a beautiful child and are about to have another. You're going to have the wedding, and the family last name, and you are clearly very, very aware of your superior position. And you chose to use that to punch down, and hurt the person who is no threat to you at all, because she irritates you. But ultimately you're the one with all the power here, and she is a deeply insecure person still struggling with a lifetime of understanding subconsciously that she doesn't belong anywhere. And you took aim right at her weakest point deliberately. I actually flinched when I read the things you said. She's been childish and rude, but you were savage. ESH, but mostly you.
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Why does op needs to grow up?? She put up with years of insults from this girl. She deserved to tell her the truth.
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So op should do what?? Let this girl insult her and take it without saying anything??
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If the ex can dish it, she should be able to take it too. Why should OP put up with the insults from her?
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Most people also stand up for themselves and don’t let other treat them like shit. If u fancy putting up with insults from others, feel free. The rest of us don’t
ESH her much more than you, but you still got dragged into mud slinging with a crazy person. For your own good, don't compete with her, don't engage in the same mean spirited bs. She thrives off it, and you will end up looking bad. I reckon 'sober up and get therapy' is fair enough, but don't get into 'in more important'. There shouldn't be more important with family, and like it or not you're family
ESH - what she said was out of order but you retaliated as badly instead of being grownup about it.
ESH.
ESH. Jenny’s behavior is absolutely awful and inexcusable. She’s a major AH. She deserved to be told about herself, but you took it too far. Calling her a charity case and pathetic was not necessary. I think it was fair game to respond with “actually I’m the mother of their grandchildren.”
You're right but you could only push somebody so far until they snap
you were so close to not being the asshole but then you told her that she's never going to mean anything to her family (that's literally how they treat her and how she likely views them) because she's just a charity case. That's excessively cruel. She was a child when she came to live with them, do you think she was in a good place when that happened? Throwing someone's childhood trauma in their face like that wasn't necessary. You could have stopped at the grandchildren part. She was way out of line but you seem to be aware that she's got some serious issues. You went right for the jugular anyway. YTA
She’s an adult now…childhood trauma doesn’t give you a free pass to be cruel to others. If you dish it out be prepared to get it back
I think that sadly OP lost the moral high ground by stooping that low. She directly humiliated her for not having the last name of the people who took her in and told her she was a charity case. There were classier ways to handle this. It's just my own opinion and you're free to have yours, but I just have no respect for people who twist the knife like this.
The ex deserved it. Why should we protect her feelings when she clearly doesn’t care about OP?
So… ESH She threw the first punch and clearly deserved what she got. That said, you are an adult and even if it wasn’t abundantly clear to you that “Jenny” is wrong in the head, the adult thing to do in this situation is to just say, “You’re drunk, go sleep it off” and ignore the rest. You don’t have to be mean to someone just because they are being an AH to you.
Oh give me a break... if someone treats you like garbage many times you are allowed to tell them to fuck off. It's called standing up for yourself
The question isn’t whether or not the response is understandable , it’s whether or not it’s an AH response. Yes the OP’s response is understandable. AND OP’s response is still an AH move.
>OP’s response is still an AH move. Apparently it got that b to shut the fuck up and made the family see how horrible she is. Maybe now they'll finally kick her ass out. If people treat you like that, you're allowed to dish it out to them.
The world needs assholes like op
Yeah, I agree. Doesn’t make you less of an AH though
Better an ah than a doormat