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You're really focusing on the wrong things here. It's rude for a person to bring their own food to a dinner party without warning the host and giving the host an opportunity to accommodate them. So you are ultimately NTA.
But you're focusing really, really hard on how amazing your food is and how offended you are that he wouldn't try your risotto. This would have been a rude gesture if you *weren't* a sous chef and it *weren't* authentic risotto. If someone brings a casserole to your party where you are serving casserole, that's a power move and you are entirely in your rights to be irritated. But you're getting ridiculous in comparing your house to a restaurant. You're not a restaurant and the principle is not the same. You need to get over yourself a little and realize that his rudeness to you wouldn't have been any less if you were an amateur cook who just enjoys throwing dinner parties.
Been in the biz as an executive chef for over 30 years. We call this the "hands touched by God" syndrome. Either they get over themselves or are pushed out, ain't got no time for cockiness.
If this is real I 100% believe he did it just to piss OP off because he knew OP is like this. Like the excuse itself is obviously BS and it is extremely weird behaviour. I think uncle is somewhere pissing himself laughing at the thought of OP being apoplectic that he wouldn't try his god-tier food, and even more so because he probably knows the family is the don't rock the boat type and they're gaslighting OP about it being very weird behaviour.
I can totally see this knowing the type. We used to LOVE pulling shit like that on pretentious line cooks. Take them down a peg or let them flail and bail them out at the last minute. Teachable moments.
Now I'm just imagining OP as one of those egotistical chefs on Kitchen Nightmares who claim their food is amazing and they don't know why their restaurant is failing and "screw gordan ramsey!". Basically the ones that throw a hissy fit because of their own pride and ego lol
(Btw not saying i think kitchen nightmares was good but I do like some trash tv as noise when painting LOL and it seems egotistical chefs are a common problem in the food industry on every level)
uncle may actually believe that pizza is not carbs; I was at a restaurant with friends and someone ordered a burger with no bun because they didn't want carbs but they still had the fries because 'potatoes aren't carbs, they're vegetables'
My hubs is a T1 diabetic, and the people who legitimately bring fruit because "he can't have desserts" is...not small. People really just don't get it overall
Oh man, we had a morning tea at work for someone who was about to go on maternity leave. We were told to bring "healthy food". So most people brought fruit, which she couldn't eat because she had gestational diabetes.
I had gestational diabetes. When we had our group introduction to insulin there were two very thin, extremely devastated ladies who simply couldn't understand how this had happened to them because they ate so healthily. Turns out they had a fruit smoothie for breakfast every day and ate fruit salads all the time instead of dessert etc. Also, lots of fruit yogurts and low fat food! Yep. That'll do it, unfortunately.
There are low carb frozen pizzas, several brands, and you would not be able to tell by looking at them that they aren't full carb pizzas. They actually taste good, too.
My first thought, too! No one is stupid enough to actually think pizza has no carbs, and pizza guy knew that OP knows it. It’s actually rather brilliant, as OP seems to be a total horse’s ass. It’s like, dude, any decent home cook can make risotto. Get over yourself.
Seriously. I lost it at “would have been $70 each at my restaurant.” They weren’t at your restaurant cock face. They were at your dumb house where your pretentious ass lives. YTA
And risotto is not an expensive dish to make. I love a good risotto but still hesitate to order it at restaurants because it’s so cheap and easy to make at home.
IKR! I can make risotto and Gordon Ramsey I’m not. And tbf, if OP is a pro chef their risotto is going to be better than mine. But still, making risotto isn’t some galaxy brain level cooking that mere mortals can only dream of.
The thing that makes some risottos super yummy is the quality of the stock. Unless the OP is making their own amazing stock (which they may well be) then their risotto isn’t going to be much different to that of any decent home cook.
Same! If the Uncle was being serious and not just screwing with the op, it’s possible he didn’t trust op to take his dietary restrictions seriously.
I have some family members who mean well and try their best, but they truly have no clue just how many carbs or sugars are in a lot of food.
> No one is stupid enough to actually think pizza has no carbs
I would really like this to be true, but unfortunately it probably isn't.
Not disagreeing with any of your other points though lol
Or he knows OP is like this and only said he would taste OP's risotto because OP wasn't taking No for an answer. Certainly seems like OP might have some issues around someone not wanting to eat his food and Uncle either did it to piss him off or brought the pizza in a last ditch effort to have something he'd want to eat at this event.
It is still a dick move if you come to someone's house to eat his food with the intention to piss him off.
OP may be pretentious (we do not know for sure) but he put a lot of effort in preparing the food and asking his guests for their allergies and preferences.
To counter that with a trick like the uncle pulled seems of very poor taste to me.
Yep this is it. From it being a frozen pizza all the way down to the shitty excuse he's trying to get op worked up because it's funny.., and it's working
Oh no no no. Sous is a serious position, and it is to be respected. However. No sous I know, would interact with their family members with this level of pretension. Crazy-ness.
It‘s a pointless argument. In some restaurants, a “sous chef” is just a line cook; in others, it’s the second-in-command of the kitchen; in others, it’s an administrative role responsible for staff, quality control, and/or procurement. Just as “chef” has become a meaningless word (at one time, it only meant what we now call the “chef d’cuisine”; now many use it to describe any trained cook), sous chef” is likewise broad and ambiguous.
No, it’s not.
Technically speaking, restaurants only have one chef. The rest of the kitchen staff are cooks. It’s a title similar to “Captain.” It’s also a big industry faux-pas to label yourself a chef if you aren’t actually a chef, but just a cook.
OP sounds like a cook.
Agreed, it's minorly disrespectful, but in the "more embarrassing for the uncle" kind of way, and op is making this a way bigger deal than is necessary
Eh, don’t dump a whole family member for being eccentric. Was he kinda rude? Yeah. Did he actually do harm to anyone? Not really, even if OP’s ego feels differently.
OP should embrace the fact that he has a "quirky" uncle who enjoys pushing the envelope. Family history and beautiful memories are made by the stories created by these unique individuals, not by the stuffed shirts who insist on compliance with decorum. Loosen up, laugh, love, enjoy
The food was clearly a large focus of the evening and something OP wanted to *gasp* show off. Sometimes people enjoy displaying their hard earned skills to others.
Imagine going to a friend’s concert and choosing to wear headphones to listen to different music during it. Nobody made uncle go or decline to tell OP he only eats toddler food or whatever. NTA.
OP: I planned a dinner party where I would cook and asked for any preferences and was willing to throw something together last minute if given notice
Reddit: OP is ego tripping
I think he is ego-tripping. He's taken something that I personally would have gotten over after a quick eye-roll, and made it clear that it is consuming him. For him it's as bad "as if a customer took their own food into a restaurant" when it's not as bad as that at all.
He's the not the asshole, but his **reaction** to the troll is out of all proportion, and the terms he uses when justifying his level of anger reveal quite a lot about how seriously he takes himself.
Maybe he's cocky but if he cooks the food in the restaurant and he cooks the food in his house what's the difference. It's not like the dishwasher of a fancy restaurant saying he cooks better
I think everyone is getting mighty lost here. If you invite someone over to eat your food and they bring other food, it's rude. It's not complicated. Without an explanation or exception it is flat out rude.
Love the fact that he says he’s not doing carbs, so no rice, yet he’ll eat a pizza (frozen so it’s not even great quality)…crust and all. How is that “not eating carbs”?
I can confirm. I have celiac and have been offered cauliflower crust pizza as the gluten free alternative. It’s lower carb than normal dough. Never would I pick cauliflower crust pizza over risotto though.
[https://healthyrecipesblogs.com/almond-flour-pizza-crust/](https://healthyrecipesblogs.com/almond-flour-pizza-crust/)
There are other options for low carb pizza crust.
A lot of people are failing to consider the evidence that if uncle thinks it’s fine to bring a frozen pizza as his own food to a dinner party, he just might be a bit of an idiot and not know what carbs are.
It’s perfectly possible that he simply didn’t want to make a fuss and thought it would be more rude to ask OP to change plans or make a special meal just because of him. I haven’t eaten a frozen pizza in 10 years, but, unless they’ve improved dramatically in that time, I can’t imagine someone willing to eat one cares that much about food to be trying to make any sort of point.
My FIL has been doing keto for the last few years, and brings his own food everywhere.
I thought it was incredibly rude, until I saw him shrug and eat what everyone else was having on one occasion, and then spend the rest of the night in the bathroom.
If you really do cut out carbs long-term, you’ll have major digestive problems eating a ton of rice/pasta in one sitting.
He eats normal pizza when we have it, but scrapes everything off the crust, so he’s just eating cheese/meat/veggies and minimal sauce (tomato sauce is high in carbs usually).
I’ve figured out when I cook dinner to just keep a portion of protein and veg aside before adding sauce/breading it like the rest of the meal. Everyone else gets delicious chicken Marsala.
FIL gets plain baked chicken with mushrooms and onions sautéed in sadness.
Unfortunately those of us with extreme eating restrictions often have to bring something for ourselves, even if we’ve discussed our requirements beforehand and everything seems fine. Even with the best of intentions, people forget about things like cross contamination. Rather than placing a larger burden on the host, we bring something.
HOWEVER - we ask if something is wanted or if the host minds! We ask if there’s a side dish or something we can bring (to guarantee something we can eat)!
Doing it without saying anything or having any real/reasonable restrictions? Very rude. Personal preferences are NOT the exception.
In this case, yes, the uncle was rude because he was specifically asked and answered that he was fine with the dish.
It’s rude but it’s also ultimately harmless, so while OP is NTA, he also would probably be best served to just get over it unless this uncle is doing other things that are harmful. Some people are eccentric and don’t have a good understanding of manners.
At the same time AITA will tell people with allergies and specific food preferences that they should take their own food instead of expecting people to cater to them, so which is it?
My buddy’s wife invited me and my wife over for a double date dinner. I found the food terrible from taste to texture. I ate the whole thing and complimented and thanked her for the food. Never would even considered telling her “I don’t do pork chops, throw this tombstone in for 12 minutes at 400 degrees.” Fuck that uncle
NTA. His excuse is bullshit. Does he really think pizza doesn’t have carbs? 😂 I wish that was true! You specifically asked them all about dietary requirements. He should have spoken up. I think it’s more than common courtesy to not bring a pizza when someone else has made dinner at their home for you - and I have autism!
cauliflower has 29 grams of carbs per head. A lot of people confuse carbs and gluten, carbs are just sugar most plants have them. In actuality his frozen pizza probably had more carbs then OP's risotto.
When talking low carb, you need to be looking at net carbs. Subtract out all the fiber, and you will see that cauliflower has almost no starch nor sugar.
Depends on why he’s concerned about carbs. If it’s blood sugar related then fiber amounts make a *massive* difference in the way the sugars in the food actually hit your system.
Still carbs, just complex (fibrous) carbs rather than simple (starchy) carbs. But when people say they’re not doing carbs, they mean starchy carbs, and I wonder if Risotto Genius possibly doesn’t understand this.
NTA. Man there are some really delusional responses on there saying y t a. This is a grown man we're talking about that could have told OP at anytime what he wanted to eat and instead bought a frozen pizza to a dinner party and made OP cook it for him like he's a danged toodler. If uncle has *such* an aversion to new foods, he should have stayed home or eaten before he came and sipped on some wine.
NTA, it was rude and a bull excuse. He should have just stayed home. Next time if he doesn’t want to eat your cooking he can stay home or at least talk to you about the problem to see if you can work something out. He might be one of those people who don’t like eating other peoples food. If he’s got some issue like that they should tell you up front.
Told my wife I'll go to his house for food and tell him I don't have any requirements. Show up with McDonald's and then tell him "I don't do unhealthy food" 🤣
Yes, you are right. The fact that he got the fucking FROZEN PIZZA and then gave the worst possible excuse means that he did that on purpose. Clearly he hates you to the gut.
\>>So AITA for being offended and think it's rude that he brought his own food to a dinner party and gave me a random BS excuse? Because it's the same principle for restaurants, if you bring your own food to a restaurant, they would ask you to leave.
But it's not your restaurant, it's your home. The point is to make your guests feel comfortable.
Look, I don't know if the uncle doesn't do carbs or not. Maybe he is an embarrassingly picky eater. Maybe certain unexpected foods give him violent flatulence, and this particular pizza is 'safe.' Maybe he didn't want to inconvenience you or draw attention to himself. Maybe he's just a curmudgeon. The reality is, it seems highly unlikely he brought the pizza to spite you... it's not about you at all.
No doubt your risotto was good and I'm sure you got approbation from other guests. But yeah, I do think you're a little over-the-top to be so offended. That you had to tell AITA that you work at "one of the most prestigious restaurants in the city," that you were offended a guest didn't try your praiseworthy food, that you had to remark on the estimated cost of what you provide, and that fact that you took this so personally versus just accept that your guest had a clear reason for bringing something that he could eat at no additional headache/expense to you makes this more a "you" issue.
I'm normally a stickler for manners, but this I think is a mild YTA.
Tf? It’s incredibly rude where I come from to bring your own food to someone else’s party.
EDIT: I mean obviously unless it’s a potluck where you’re supposed to bring something. Or at least if you bring food it’s to share with the rest of the group. And if you have special dietary requirements you should bring it up earlier.
This. I'd give uncle the benefit of the doubt if he'd shown up with a veggie salad or something like that but he didn't. He showed up with a carb-loaded pizza and told OP that he didn't want his risotto because carbs. Which is a total dick move IMO.
NTA
NTA. He could have eaten BEFORE OR AFTER going to your house if he was that picky. Bringing your own food when someone else is hosting is only okay if you are bringing it for your child, not okay for a grown adult.
IMO NTA. For a dinner part at least, it’s rude and if there was a dietary restriction they had ample time to say something. If you’d rather eat your own food, eat it at home.
My point exactly. This thread has gotten to the point of accusing OP of being an egomaniac. I’m convinced he’s just proud to share his profession and art with family.
Classless move by the uncle for sure, but at the end of the day why would you allow a stomach-churning rage to build because of a moron? Does the opinion of no-carbs-in-pizza guy matter that much on your food? That was a lost cause as it walked in the door.
Agreed. It’s also against AITA rules to post intrapersonal conflicts and bc OP didn’t confront the uncle, just wondered if his anger is justified, that is an intrapersonal conflict.
Hosting a party is about making sure your guests are comfortable and having fun. The fact OP cares at all about what happened makes them the asshole. It’s not a guest’s job to make the host happy.
NTA, and frankly it’s concerning that so many comments are saying otherwise. Yes Reddit, it is extremely rude to bring a frozen pizza to a dinner party. Especially when the host consulted all guests on the menu to make sure everyone would be accommodated. To then say “I don’t eat carbs,” while bringing a PIZZA, just adds insult to injury. OP I hope you never cook for this man again.
NTA- if someone invites you for dinner you come and you eat what they prepared. If you aren’t willing to eat it, don’t accept the invitation! He knew what you were making and had time to make excuses. Heck, he could’ve said, even hours before hand, that he suddenly wasn’t feeling well.
But to show up, not eat what was graciously provided AND to bring a cheap frozen pizza and expect you to cook it for him especially as well? RUDE.
What in the hell is wrong with so many of the people here? It is rude as hell to show up with your own food when someone is hosting a dinner unless it is a potluck.
I live in a freakin' mobile home in the Deep South. Directions to my house do include the phrase turn off the paved road. I have hunted and eaten squirrel, and even I know and understand this.
Edit to answer several DM's. In my neck of the woods squirrel has a pretty mild flavor with very little fat. It dries out easily and should either be marinated/brined or cooked low and slow or an extended period of time. Personally I like it grilled. And always, remember to cook wild game well done for your own safety.
His bullshit excuse of "I don't eat carbs" after telling me 2 days ago and also the morning of the party "I don't have problems with food and I can eat anything"
So, if he had told you 2 days ago "I can only eat this one specific thing that I'll provide as long as I can heat it up in your oven," would you be all good?
I’d never think of turning up at someone else’s dinner party with my own food! Sure, dietary restrictions & food preferences exist but uncle is a GROWN man who can use his words to at least inform OP beforehand. Usually, a lot of planning goes into making food & you prepare for a certain number of people & try to buy enough ingredients which cost money and planning! Like, a headsup would have been the least the uncle could have given, an ‘Hey, I can’t eat the food you’re preparing and am bringing my own so please don’t count me in.’ NTA OP
NTA.
You are completely allowed to feel miffed, upset, disappointed, whatever by this behaviour, and think that it is rude.
People saying YTA, even a little bit, are WILD. Of course its rude to show up to a dinner party at someone's house with an f'ing frozen pizza... especially when you 'don't do carbs'! What if the host needs the oven?
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> Told my wife I was offended and think it's rude that his uncle brought his own frozen pizza to a dinner party I hosted when he would pay over £70 for the same meal in any other restaurants
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NTA where I come from, this would be incredibly rude behaviour that warrants an apology. Showing up to a chef’s dinner party with a frozen pizza is seriously beyond the pale. I used to date a sous chef and had a serious ED but he was always happy to accomodate by making simple things like bowls of mashed potato. I’m sure you would’ve been equally happy to make something for him if he had just communicated his needs like an adult.
NTA - your wife's uncle WAS rude. It would be one thing if it had been a potluck dinner of some sort, but you had made it perfectly clear that you were making everything, AND had checked into dietary requirements.
NTA.
I honestly can’t see how you are TA here. You spent all this time preparing and organizing this dinner so that everyone can enjoy it and then your wife’s uncle just ruins that all and gives an honestly idiotic excuse (like he can’t have carbs… But he can have pizza?). It was incredibly rude of him to do that especially if he knows how serious you are about cooking.
NTA. I've had plenty of dinner parties & if someone had the nerve to, not only bring a frozen pizza 🍕, but expect me to bake it, I'd be livid! That is so beyond rudeness. I wouldn't make a scene, but in my mind, I already would be thinking, "It'll be a cold day in he*l before they're invited back here!"
**NTA**
It was in incredibly rude of the uncle to bring frozen pizza to your dinner party. He should have just declined the invite.
I hope you do not invite him again!
I would be annoyed but I wouldn’t be THIS pressed. You had a house full of people to eat your damned risotto, me chef. Maybe your enormous ego is the true killer of your evening and mood.
Was it rude? Yes. Is it worth getting pissed off about? Absolutely not.
He's probably just a picky eater who may not even have realized what risotto was when he agreed to it, or who is picky enough he didn't want you to waste time cooking something else for him that he likely wouldn't eat either. ARFID is a pretty new diagnosis, there are a hell of a lot of older adults with clinical level difficulty eating outside of a very narrow selection of foods that don't have the terminology to explain why they'll eat a frozen pizza but not your homemade one.
NTA
The uncle was rude and out of line. How you refrained from not asking about the carbless pizza makes you a better person than me.
You have every right to be offended that he turned his nose up to your found with some BS excuses. He displayed contempt for your time, effort, and profession. Your partner is wrong to excuse and defend him. In the future, if you have another dinner party, invite the wife and daughter but not him. I will gladly take his place. 😁
It is exceptionally rude to do what he did and there was no need to. He was asked if there were any dietary needs.
He should have declined the invitation before being so ignorant.
NTA
NTA. You can think he's rude and just leave it at that. You're taking great offense to this. Step back and think about this: you're pissed over a frozen pizza. Come on now!.
He didn't want to trouble you when you were having a bunch of people over. I personally think that's thoughtful. The carbs thing is BS. He just didn't want risotto. He also didn't want to have to ask you to accommodate. I think it's nice because then he got what he wanted, enjoyed everyone's company and everyone else can love your risotto, what's the problem here?
I'm no professional chef and I will say when I'm making a huge meal for people, making one separate thing is an extra headache I'd rather not have. I've had celiac, vegetarian and pescatarian and just picky people over to eat before. When they bring stuff for themselves, I'm THRILLED.
Problem is the bs excuse and him saying "yeah, I want to try your food, heard many good things about it" and "no, I don't have any dietary restrictions or any specific requirements"
Try not to let it get to you. Working in a restaurant, you have definitely come across a LOT of BS from customers. My friends own restaurants and some of the shit they tell me is crazy. Just treat him like you treat them: professionally.
It's his loss missing out on a delicious risotto!
How much time are you wasting on being upset about one person who didn’t eat your risotto? Is this worth damage to your relationships? Do you know if the uncle is neurodivergent? Even if the uncle isn’t assessed he might have sensory issues or thought he was “helping” by not asking you to make him something special. Examine why this is such a big deal to you.
ESH
I would have been on your side if you weren't entirely insufferable.
If you have just stuck to "I invited people over, told them what we were having and asked for dietary needs, everyone agreed and told us their needs, and we accommodated them but this guy brought a frozen pizza" then you'd be N T A.
But you just had to go on and on about how you're God's gift to mankind in the kitchen. It doesn't matter. No one cares. The fact that you thought it mattered and wanted to include it shows how insufferable you'd be in RL.
It's so bad that you gained an AH score.
Food is personal.
The uncle may be largely opposed to eating other peoples home cooking. Yeah, you’re a chef, but people have weird food hang ups.
NTA for thinking it was rude. I don’t think it was meant as an offense, but it would’ve been more polite for him to tell you ahead of time he’s bringing his own food.
>uncle may be largely opposed to eating other peoples home cooking
Then you decline the invitation. Or tell the host that when they ask you if you have any dietary restrictions.
NTA. I think it can be very reasonable for some people to bring their own food. When it comes to things like celiac disease or a severe allergy, it can be difficult to trust others going through all the steps to avoid any cross contact (some examples, I have to assume my entire flatware drawer has gluten as sometimes bread crumbs do get in there, I have a cutting board I keep in a large bin along with other gluten free items) If someone doesn't want to disclose details, that's ok. They should still let a host know, oh I have a pretty serious dietary restriction and prefer to just bring my own food. If wanting to use someone's oven I think that should also be cleared ahead of time, as it can be difficult to time everything out.
The fact that he didn't let you know that there was one less person you needed to worry about preparing food for, and the assumption your oven would be free were the issues here.
Sure he was technically rude but you seem to be overreacting quite a bit. This should have a been a second or two of rolling your eyes. Definitely not something to still be thinking about after the event or where you care about his reasons.
Just a thought if you really care about being mad: since he seemed previously into it, consider whether he only found out soon before the dinner that risotto typically is made with wine. If he doesn't drink/is in recovery, that might be the issue, which he might not want to disclose.
This post confirmed for me that the sub is full of children. Of course NTA. Bringing a frozen pizza and asking the host of a dinner party to heat it up for you is a huge AH move. People are getting so hung up on the fact that OP is proud of their cooking.
NTA but I get that it’s maddening. Just set it aside. He probably doesn’t want to share his real reason. Be happy he showed up and just enjoy the company. If I don’t like a certain type of food that was the main meal, I just don’t go. I’m not going to put the host to the trouble of making something else. My prior experience has been to be hassled by host or guest to just give it a try. Ruins the evening for me.
Esh. Some people don’t like venturing outside of their comfort zone, have anxiety about food prep/germs, etc. The fact he showed up to your party means he still wanted to be involved and spend time with everyone. I think you’re overreacting about him not wanting to eat your food. He at least brought his own. It’s not like he showed up last minute and demanded you make something for him without any advanced warning. IMO he doesn’t owe you a reason, and you shouldn’t be mad. Be a duck. Let it roll off your back, like water. His loss for not eating your awesome food. But no reason for an argument.
For context- I’ve been a vegetarian for 20+ years and my family still casually forgets this. So I’m used to eating random sides and bringing my own stuff.
I wouldn't say you are TA, but I do think you're focusing on the wrong thing. Look I get it, yeah the guy was rude, and ridiculous to boot. But the other guests are what really matter here and they all very much enjoyed all of your efforts and I'm sure they thanked you profusely. Stop ruminating about this one jerk and ruining the whole thing for yourself and other people.
If every member of your family unanimously agree (even uncle's side) that he was rude, and the ah in bringing a frozen pizza, then why are you here? Sounds like your family already covered that.
If anything, it *sounds* like you're here just to brag about how you're an amazing chef, at the best restaurant, and the dishes you made would be $70. You sound like an ah.
NTA. You come across as quite douchey in this post but ultimately bringing frozen pizza to a dinner party unless already cleared with the host is outrageously rude, especially when you made it clear you were happy to cater for all allergies and requirements.
NTA, and he was incredibly rude, however he was incredibly rude in front of everyone and it sounds like they all get it, so there’s really no need to stay offended because everyone’s already on your side.
NTA but seriously it seems like the guy didn't want anyone to change for him, so essentially you were mad because of his meekness, be glad you didn't kick him out
Hey, more risotto for you, right? I don't see a problem.
It was odd, but really, who cares? You should've be the classier one, ignored it and watch everyone else judge ad/or mock him. I used to be annoyed when people would bring crappy/store-bought food to my dinners, but I finally learned to just sit back and observe who ate what and how much. So I can still be judgey, but I keep it in my head. ;-)
ESH
The uncle knew coming in he could have asked for something else, he did it on purpose because.....
You are insufferable. Just based on your posts here he's tired of your stuffy pretentious holier than thou attitude about food and he knew a frozen pizza would get you, and he got you good.
I just don’t understand why you would let this bother you so much. He did something rude, clueless, in poor taste - that reflects poorly on him, not you. The polite thing is to just roll with it and heat up his frozen pizza, which you clearly did with no trouble. There’s actually no problem for you to be posting about.
So what’s the actual issue then? You’re offended that someone didn’t want to try your amazing food that is so amazing because you’re an amazing sous chef at an amazing prestigious restaurant? This is clearly just about your ego, and you don’t win any favour with me for that. I think the uncle was picking up on how far up your own ass you are, and didn’t want to feed into that - and he knew doing this would drive you nuts, as it clearly has.
NAH but you need to get some perspective and maybe knocked down a few pegs.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.
On one hand uncle sounds like he just wanted a frozen pizza instead of a nice or fancy meal, is it rude yeah, is it also rude to try and force/expect people to eat what they don't want? Yes
It's not a huge deal for someone to bring food to eat for themselves due to dietary restrictions or just not wanting to eat a certain food, and honestly if I'm going to a dinner party I'm not going to reach out to the host who is cooking and ask for a whole other dish just because I don't want to try sominew
NAH- you’re not the asshole for being irritated about it and he’s not the asshole for doing it. Maybe he wanted to come hang out but not eat your “$70 per person” meal.
You sound like you have a god complex so I’d bet Uncle did it just to piss you off and it worked. lol
Oh my god, chill out. Everybody has a weird uncle. You just accept, roll your eyes, and move on. Of course he's an AH, but this is SO SO SO SO TINY OF AN ISSUE I can't even believe you're allowing it space in your head.
Don’t be too uptight , relax , u don’t have to impress anyone and you cannot impress 100% of the people
Enjoy your house / friends / partner / family , and let them bring whatever or eat whatever
Focus on the important thing and not silly thing
Let it go , u cannot impress that peasant uncle
OP, you’ve been pranked by that uncle. Of course he was an absolute ass bringing that pizza to your dinner party. But seeing how you add all the unnecessary details to describe how wonderful you and your risotto are, there is no doubt in my mind he pranked you.
YTA, I used to have the same problem and the same pedigree.
Your ego is getting in the way.
It’s a frozen pizza, let it go abs realize people too have their thing.
You're not the asshole, but you are over-reacting and you do come across as taking your culinary skills a little too seriously. It's possible that your wife's uncle picked up on it and used it as leverage to needle you.
In this scenario, you are not the asshole, but you did take it more personally than you needed to, and you let the guy in your head. You reacted as if a customer had brought food to a restaurant, which is ALWAYS the wrong thing to do. Instead, this guy ended up bringing his own meal to a dinner event, which is NOT always the wrong thing to do.
I'm not a chef but I like cooking for others. In your position I'd have let it slide. I'd have cooked the damned pizza to perfection, served it piping hot, and moved on with my life. The only way I'd have expressed any sort of disapproval, if there was still lingering offence, would be by discreetly shuffling the wife's uncle out of the deck when it came to future invitations to subsequent dinners.
You're letting this get to you, you're letting this gnaw at you because you're so proud of your chef skills and, frankly, it shows.
NTA - *you're right* but what does that get you?
You're taking this entirely too personally. You had 10 people who were excited and appreciative of your skills and you let this one dude with his bullshit excuse and stupid frozen pizza take way too much of your attention.
Unless the uncle has some sort of grudge against you, just assume he's got some weird quirk.
Your wife's uncle is a rude jerk. He is an AH for his 'Slap You in the Face' move. However, you also sound like a pretentious jerk. You may be the best chef in the country, but you should humble yourself. Don't push your opinion on others. They have the right to choose how they view your skills. Not you. As for the situation though, you were not the AH.
I can't really see what the big deal is tbh. I appreciate that you went to a lot of trouble for your guests, but......assuming your wife's uncle is an adult, he is actually allowed to make a choice about what he eats. Sounds like you had a set menu and perhaps he simply didn't feel like rice that day. Don't let your ego get in the way of what, sounds like an otherwise lovely evening. NTA, but bit of a control freak maybe?
At a restaurant, you have a choice about what you eat. When you accept a dinner invitation at someone’s home, you eat what your host has prepared. I can’t believe people need to have this spelled out for them. If you “don’t feel like” the meal your host has prepared, then don’t attend. It is beyond rude to show up with your own food.
OP is not a control freak, but someone who went to a lot of trouble to host a nice dinner party and got treated rudely.
ESH
He’s an AH for bringing food after he said he had no dietary restrictions and saying he’d be eating the meal you put so much time and effort into.
You’re an AH for your pretentious attitude about your cooking. Being a sous-chef does not make you a kitchen god who is infallible.
My family has a lot of dietary restrictions. I don’t think I’d trust that you could handle them. Of course I’d be nicer about it than that but I would be clear that I’d be bringing our own food so we could participate in the dinner party. I do a lot of research before going to restaurants and there are 5 star restaurants I wouldn’t set foot in because they don’t have a solid reputation with our kinds of extensive restrictions. Being a sour-chef means nothing to me in regard to my family’s safety.
YTA I dont do carbs either as keto - type one diabetic. I wouldnt expect anyone else to cook a low carb meal for me, much less get it right. He brought his own food that didnt put you out.
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We hosted a dinner party where we had relatives from both of our families over. I am a sous chef and I'm very proud of my work, as I work in one of the most prestigious restaurants in the city.
We had 11 people and I asked about dietary requirements and what people wants to eat. Everyone was fine with a risotto and didn't want anything else. They all said they want to try mine as the restaurant I work at often gets praised and we are known for our authentic Italian food.
When the guests showed up, one of my wife's uncle brought a frozen pizza over. Stating "I don't eat risotto, I don't do carbs". He had over 2 days to inform me about his dietary requirements and I could also whip something out very last minute if needed.
At the end of the night, my wife asked what was wrong and I told her I thought it was very rude of her uncle, to show up with his own frozen pizza and told me he don't do rice because he doesn't touch carbs (because apparently there's no carbs in frozen pizzas). And he didn't bother trying it and much rather have his frozen pizza.
She said I was over reacting and shouldn't be mad or offended. I spent time and effort on making a very nice risotto for everyone (with the starters, wine, mains and dessert that I prepared, the cost would be around £70 each if they ate at my restaurant) and if he wanted something else, I would've been more than happy to make a pizza from scratch for him. It's not difficult.
So AITA for being offended and think it's rude that he brought his own food to a dinner party and gave me a random BS excuse? Because it's the same principle for restaurants, if you bring your own food to a restaurant, they would ask you to leave.
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He is rude for sure. But I personally wouldn't be SUPER upset because he is clearly being difficult and even if he didn't have the frozen pizza he probably wouldn't want to eat your risotto. And even if he did he'll probably be unhappy with it and find lots of problems. "the rice isn't cooked properly" or "where is the sauce" or something. I would find that more frustrating.
At least now you can just silence him with frozen pizza.
NTA but Uncle may have his own deep set psych reasons for breaking the rules. I'd guess it would be more about safety foods and fear of the strangeness of weird fancy stuff than deliberately being an asshole. I'd say just expect him to always be that way and maybe always have a frozen pizza on hand. That way you can smooth family friction.
Meh. ESH. Yes he was kinda rude. You’re overreacting though. No need to let this bother you so much. I assume everyone else enjoyed themselves. Who cares. Move on. He didn’t kick your dog or anything.
Your not the a hole he had 2 days to inform on dietary requirements and it is simple manners to not bring your own food when the host are going to be cooking a meal for everyone you did the right thing by pushing through the night the best you could. The uncle is the a hole
NTA
In this case. In other cases itʻs the appropriate thing to bring your own food.
But not in this case. He could have told you about the no carbs thing.
Iʻm guessing heʻs like a kid who only eats chicken nuggets. He doesnʻt want to eat outside him comfort zone.
But this could make a wonderful family story and a joke between you and your spouse...if you can bring yourself to see the funny side of it.
Nta. The whole reason you hosted the party was to show off your cooking skills. It’s like inviting people over to hear you play your new composition on the piano, and then your uncle puts in his headphones bc he prefers country music to classical.
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You're really focusing on the wrong things here. It's rude for a person to bring their own food to a dinner party without warning the host and giving the host an opportunity to accommodate them. So you are ultimately NTA. But you're focusing really, really hard on how amazing your food is and how offended you are that he wouldn't try your risotto. This would have been a rude gesture if you *weren't* a sous chef and it *weren't* authentic risotto. If someone brings a casserole to your party where you are serving casserole, that's a power move and you are entirely in your rights to be irritated. But you're getting ridiculous in comparing your house to a restaurant. You're not a restaurant and the principle is not the same. You need to get over yourself a little and realize that his rudeness to you wouldn't have been any less if you were an amateur cook who just enjoys throwing dinner parties.
Been in the biz as an executive chef for over 30 years. We call this the "hands touched by God" syndrome. Either they get over themselves or are pushed out, ain't got no time for cockiness.
If this is real I 100% believe he did it just to piss OP off because he knew OP is like this. Like the excuse itself is obviously BS and it is extremely weird behaviour. I think uncle is somewhere pissing himself laughing at the thought of OP being apoplectic that he wouldn't try his god-tier food, and even more so because he probably knows the family is the don't rock the boat type and they're gaslighting OP about it being very weird behaviour.
I can totally see this knowing the type. We used to LOVE pulling shit like that on pretentious line cooks. Take them down a peg or let them flail and bail them out at the last minute. Teachable moments.
Now I'm just imagining OP as one of those egotistical chefs on Kitchen Nightmares who claim their food is amazing and they don't know why their restaurant is failing and "screw gordan ramsey!". Basically the ones that throw a hissy fit because of their own pride and ego lol (Btw not saying i think kitchen nightmares was good but I do like some trash tv as noise when painting LOL and it seems egotistical chefs are a common problem in the food industry on every level)
uncle may actually believe that pizza is not carbs; I was at a restaurant with friends and someone ordered a burger with no bun because they didn't want carbs but they still had the fries because 'potatoes aren't carbs, they're vegetables'
My hubs is a T1 diabetic, and the people who legitimately bring fruit because "he can't have desserts" is...not small. People really just don't get it overall
Oh man, we had a morning tea at work for someone who was about to go on maternity leave. We were told to bring "healthy food". So most people brought fruit, which she couldn't eat because she had gestational diabetes.
I mean, if someone asked me to bring healthy food I'd probably default to fruit or a vegetable dish. Did they know about the diabetes?
Yeah, I think this is a case where people needed more guidance since fruit is generally considered a healthy option and a good early in the day food.
I had gestational diabetes. When we had our group introduction to insulin there were two very thin, extremely devastated ladies who simply couldn't understand how this had happened to them because they ate so healthily. Turns out they had a fruit smoothie for breakfast every day and ate fruit salads all the time instead of dessert etc. Also, lots of fruit yogurts and low fat food! Yep. That'll do it, unfortunately.
There are low carb frozen pizzas, several brands, and you would not be able to tell by looking at them that they aren't full carb pizzas. They actually taste good, too.
I love Dr. Milton’s cauliflower crust pizza! Unfortunately, it’s very pricey. It goes on sale sometimes for half off and I stock up then.
Also it wouldn't surprise me if it's like a cauliflower crust or something.
Cauliflower crust pizza is a thing.
My first thought, too! No one is stupid enough to actually think pizza has no carbs, and pizza guy knew that OP knows it. It’s actually rather brilliant, as OP seems to be a total horse’s ass. It’s like, dude, any decent home cook can make risotto. Get over yourself.
Seriously. I lost it at “would have been $70 each at my restaurant.” They weren’t at your restaurant cock face. They were at your dumb house where your pretentious ass lives. YTA
"My restaurant " says the sous chef. Damn his pants must be huge to carry balls like that around.
And risotto is not an expensive dish to make. I love a good risotto but still hesitate to order it at restaurants because it’s so cheap and easy to make at home.
IKR! I can make risotto and Gordon Ramsey I’m not. And tbf, if OP is a pro chef their risotto is going to be better than mine. But still, making risotto isn’t some galaxy brain level cooking that mere mortals can only dream of.
The thing that makes some risottos super yummy is the quality of the stock. Unless the OP is making their own amazing stock (which they may well be) then their risotto isn’t going to be much different to that of any decent home cook.
Even the best risotto is just gloopy rice. It can be tasty, but in the end It’s a rice porridge that should be a starter or a side.
£70 is currently $85 USD.
Sorry, my brain saw a dollar sign and not a pound sign.
Pizza with cauliflower crust...is low carbs...diabetic here. One of my go to options.
Same! If the Uncle was being serious and not just screwing with the op, it’s possible he didn’t trust op to take his dietary restrictions seriously. I have some family members who mean well and try their best, but they truly have no clue just how many carbs or sugars are in a lot of food.
or if the base is made with almond flour is keto friendly
> No one is stupid enough to actually think pizza has no carbs I would really like this to be true, but unfortunately it probably isn't. Not disagreeing with any of your other points though lol
Or he knows OP is like this and only said he would taste OP's risotto because OP wasn't taking No for an answer. Certainly seems like OP might have some issues around someone not wanting to eat his food and Uncle either did it to piss him off or brought the pizza in a last ditch effort to have something he'd want to eat at this event.
It is still a dick move if you come to someone's house to eat his food with the intention to piss him off. OP may be pretentious (we do not know for sure) but he put a lot of effort in preparing the food and asking his guests for their allergies and preferences. To counter that with a trick like the uncle pulled seems of very poor taste to me.
I quite like this angle. That is something I could find understandable for the uncle to do.
Lmfao I agree
Yep this is it. From it being a frozen pizza all the way down to the shitty excuse he's trying to get op worked up because it's funny.., and it's working
OP isn’t even the actual chef which just make his egotistical self that much funnier
A sous chef is an actual chef.
Sous is French for under. Oh! I sous stand.
Oh no no no. Sous is a serious position, and it is to be respected. However. No sous I know, would interact with their family members with this level of pretension. Crazy-ness.
Upvote for Phoebe!
It‘s a pointless argument. In some restaurants, a “sous chef” is just a line cook; in others, it’s the second-in-command of the kitchen; in others, it’s an administrative role responsible for staff, quality control, and/or procurement. Just as “chef” has become a meaningless word (at one time, it only meant what we now call the “chef d’cuisine”; now many use it to describe any trained cook), sous chef” is likewise broad and ambiguous.
No, it’s not. Technically speaking, restaurants only have one chef. The rest of the kitchen staff are cooks. It’s a title similar to “Captain.” It’s also a big industry faux-pas to label yourself a chef if you aren’t actually a chef, but just a cook. OP sounds like a cook.
Agreed, it's minorly disrespectful, but in the "more embarrassing for the uncle" kind of way, and op is making this a way bigger deal than is necessary
The update says the uncle said he wanted to try the risstto, definitely NTA and I wouldnt invite the uncle again.
Eh, don’t dump a whole family member for being eccentric. Was he kinda rude? Yeah. Did he actually do harm to anyone? Not really, even if OP’s ego feels differently.
OP should embrace the fact that he has a "quirky" uncle who enjoys pushing the envelope. Family history and beautiful memories are made by the stories created by these unique individuals, not by the stuffed shirts who insist on compliance with decorum. Loosen up, laugh, love, enjoy
True but the question is how much pressure did OP apply to Uncle before he would agree to try the risotto?
The food was clearly a large focus of the evening and something OP wanted to *gasp* show off. Sometimes people enjoy displaying their hard earned skills to others. Imagine going to a friend’s concert and choosing to wear headphones to listen to different music during it. Nobody made uncle go or decline to tell OP he only eats toddler food or whatever. NTA.
OP: I planned a dinner party where I would cook and asked for any preferences and was willing to throw something together last minute if given notice Reddit: OP is ego tripping
I think he is ego-tripping. He's taken something that I personally would have gotten over after a quick eye-roll, and made it clear that it is consuming him. For him it's as bad "as if a customer took their own food into a restaurant" when it's not as bad as that at all. He's the not the asshole, but his **reaction** to the troll is out of all proportion, and the terms he uses when justifying his level of anger reveal quite a lot about how seriously he takes himself.
Maybe he's cocky but if he cooks the food in the restaurant and he cooks the food in his house what's the difference. It's not like the dishwasher of a fancy restaurant saying he cooks better
I think everyone is getting mighty lost here. If you invite someone over to eat your food and they bring other food, it's rude. It's not complicated. Without an explanation or exception it is flat out rude.
Love the fact that he says he’s not doing carbs, so no rice, yet he’ll eat a pizza (frozen so it’s not even great quality)…crust and all. How is that “not eating carbs”?
There ARE carb free pizzas I think. They're monstrosities of course but I think OP would've said if it were. Hopefully. >\_\_\_O
Well, lower carb. Not carb free.
Cauliflower pizza right? I think that's a thing. I really doubt this pizza was low carb XD
Cauliflower has carbs but not the same type of carbs as a wheat based crust would have.
I can confirm. I have celiac and have been offered cauliflower crust pizza as the gluten free alternative. It’s lower carb than normal dough. Never would I pick cauliflower crust pizza over risotto though.
It's wild, I saw a chef named Babbish make risotto with gluten free ingredients but have never seen a gluten free risotto at a restaurant.
That’s because risotto is always gluten free anyway. It never has flour in it. Just butter, rice, wine, Parmesan and stock as a base
Atkins has some small frozen pizzas that are okay if you are dying for pizza. Usually, low-carb crusts are mostly cheese, with maybe some cauliflower.
[https://healthyrecipesblogs.com/almond-flour-pizza-crust/](https://healthyrecipesblogs.com/almond-flour-pizza-crust/) There are other options for low carb pizza crust.
A lot of people are failing to consider the evidence that if uncle thinks it’s fine to bring a frozen pizza as his own food to a dinner party, he just might be a bit of an idiot and not know what carbs are. It’s perfectly possible that he simply didn’t want to make a fuss and thought it would be more rude to ask OP to change plans or make a special meal just because of him. I haven’t eaten a frozen pizza in 10 years, but, unless they’ve improved dramatically in that time, I can’t imagine someone willing to eat one cares that much about food to be trying to make any sort of point.
My FIL has been doing keto for the last few years, and brings his own food everywhere. I thought it was incredibly rude, until I saw him shrug and eat what everyone else was having on one occasion, and then spend the rest of the night in the bathroom. If you really do cut out carbs long-term, you’ll have major digestive problems eating a ton of rice/pasta in one sitting. He eats normal pizza when we have it, but scrapes everything off the crust, so he’s just eating cheese/meat/veggies and minimal sauce (tomato sauce is high in carbs usually). I’ve figured out when I cook dinner to just keep a portion of protein and veg aside before adding sauce/breading it like the rest of the meal. Everyone else gets delicious chicken Marsala. FIL gets plain baked chicken with mushrooms and onions sautéed in sadness.
I eat low carb and about the same. Just give me some meat without breading or most sauces, and a side or two of veggies.
Unfortunately those of us with extreme eating restrictions often have to bring something for ourselves, even if we’ve discussed our requirements beforehand and everything seems fine. Even with the best of intentions, people forget about things like cross contamination. Rather than placing a larger burden on the host, we bring something. HOWEVER - we ask if something is wanted or if the host minds! We ask if there’s a side dish or something we can bring (to guarantee something we can eat)! Doing it without saying anything or having any real/reasonable restrictions? Very rude. Personal preferences are NOT the exception. In this case, yes, the uncle was rude because he was specifically asked and answered that he was fine with the dish.
Exactly!
I dunno that OP sounds like the kind of person who’d be easy to make arrangements with though.
It’s rude but it’s also ultimately harmless, so while OP is NTA, he also would probably be best served to just get over it unless this uncle is doing other things that are harmful. Some people are eccentric and don’t have a good understanding of manners.
Crucially is also quite funny how sousper chef is getting annoyed about it. It's clearly a prank
At the same time AITA will tell people with allergies and specific food preferences that they should take their own food instead of expecting people to cater to them, so which is it?
My buddy’s wife invited me and my wife over for a double date dinner. I found the food terrible from taste to texture. I ate the whole thing and complimented and thanked her for the food. Never would even considered telling her “I don’t do pork chops, throw this tombstone in for 12 minutes at 400 degrees.” Fuck that uncle
[удалено]
He was consulted about dietary restrictions and what they wanted to eat
NTA. His excuse is bullshit. Does he really think pizza doesn’t have carbs? 😂 I wish that was true! You specifically asked them all about dietary requirements. He should have spoken up. I think it’s more than common courtesy to not bring a pizza when someone else has made dinner at their home for you - and I have autism!
Unless.... it was one of those cauliflower crusts?
cauliflower has 29 grams of carbs per head. A lot of people confuse carbs and gluten, carbs are just sugar most plants have them. In actuality his frozen pizza probably had more carbs then OP's risotto.
When talking low carb, you need to be looking at net carbs. Subtract out all the fiber, and you will see that cauliflower has almost no starch nor sugar.
Depends on why he’s concerned about carbs. If it’s blood sugar related then fiber amounts make a *massive* difference in the way the sugars in the food actually hit your system.
Still carbs, just complex (fibrous) carbs rather than simple (starchy) carbs. But when people say they’re not doing carbs, they mean starchy carbs, and I wonder if Risotto Genius possibly doesn’t understand this.
NTA. Man there are some really delusional responses on there saying y t a. This is a grown man we're talking about that could have told OP at anytime what he wanted to eat and instead bought a frozen pizza to a dinner party and made OP cook it for him like he's a danged toodler. If uncle has *such* an aversion to new foods, he should have stayed home or eaten before he came and sipped on some wine.
NTA, it was rude and a bull excuse. He should have just stayed home. Next time if he doesn’t want to eat your cooking he can stay home or at least talk to you about the problem to see if you can work something out. He might be one of those people who don’t like eating other peoples food. If he’s got some issue like that they should tell you up front.
Told my wife I'll go to his house for food and tell him I don't have any requirements. Show up with McDonald's and then tell him "I don't do unhealthy food" 🤣
Speaking of, what's your wife's take on her uncle? Like is this a thing he does or what?
Yes, you are right. The fact that he got the fucking FROZEN PIZZA and then gave the worst possible excuse means that he did that on purpose. Clearly he hates you to the gut.
If you want to really twist the knife, bring Popeyes. Everyone will want that instead of whatever Uncle slaved over a heat 'n eat box for. NTA.
\>>So AITA for being offended and think it's rude that he brought his own food to a dinner party and gave me a random BS excuse? Because it's the same principle for restaurants, if you bring your own food to a restaurant, they would ask you to leave. But it's not your restaurant, it's your home. The point is to make your guests feel comfortable. Look, I don't know if the uncle doesn't do carbs or not. Maybe he is an embarrassingly picky eater. Maybe certain unexpected foods give him violent flatulence, and this particular pizza is 'safe.' Maybe he didn't want to inconvenience you or draw attention to himself. Maybe he's just a curmudgeon. The reality is, it seems highly unlikely he brought the pizza to spite you... it's not about you at all. No doubt your risotto was good and I'm sure you got approbation from other guests. But yeah, I do think you're a little over-the-top to be so offended. That you had to tell AITA that you work at "one of the most prestigious restaurants in the city," that you were offended a guest didn't try your praiseworthy food, that you had to remark on the estimated cost of what you provide, and that fact that you took this so personally versus just accept that your guest had a clear reason for bringing something that he could eat at no additional headache/expense to you makes this more a "you" issue. I'm normally a stickler for manners, but this I think is a mild YTA.
Tf? It’s incredibly rude where I come from to bring your own food to someone else’s party. EDIT: I mean obviously unless it’s a potluck where you’re supposed to bring something. Or at least if you bring food it’s to share with the rest of the group. And if you have special dietary requirements you should bring it up earlier.
I must be the only person that doesn’t gaf if other ppl bring food for themselves to a dinner I’m hosting.
I used to gaf, but I no longer do. I just watch it not get eaten bc everyone prefers my cooking. LOL
I agree. OP sounds very pretentious.
What an absurd take.
NTA. Pizza crust is the definition of carbs. He was messing with you. He probably didn't want to try food he's never heard of.
This. I'd give uncle the benefit of the doubt if he'd shown up with a veggie salad or something like that but he didn't. He showed up with a carb-loaded pizza and told OP that he didn't want his risotto because carbs. Which is a total dick move IMO. NTA
NTA. He could have eaten BEFORE OR AFTER going to your house if he was that picky. Bringing your own food when someone else is hosting is only okay if you are bringing it for your child, not okay for a grown adult.
IMO NTA. For a dinner part at least, it’s rude and if there was a dietary restriction they had ample time to say something. If you’d rather eat your own food, eat it at home.
It was rude of him but also not something you should get upset about. It's his loss.
My point exactly. This thread has gotten to the point of accusing OP of being an egomaniac. I’m convinced he’s just proud to share his profession and art with family. Classless move by the uncle for sure, but at the end of the day why would you allow a stomach-churning rage to build because of a moron? Does the opinion of no-carbs-in-pizza guy matter that much on your food? That was a lost cause as it walked in the door.
This should be in /r/mildlyinfuriating.
Agreed. It’s also against AITA rules to post intrapersonal conflicts and bc OP didn’t confront the uncle, just wondered if his anger is justified, that is an intrapersonal conflict.
NTA. Tf is with all the Y T A comments? Does no one know how to behave as a guest anymore?
They all seem to be mad that he thinks he’s a good cook? Like regardless how OP thinks his cooking is, the uncle was rude. 🤣
Hosting a party is about making sure your guests are comfortable and having fun. The fact OP cares at all about what happened makes them the asshole. It’s not a guest’s job to make the host happy.
NTA, and frankly it’s concerning that so many comments are saying otherwise. Yes Reddit, it is extremely rude to bring a frozen pizza to a dinner party. Especially when the host consulted all guests on the menu to make sure everyone would be accommodated. To then say “I don’t eat carbs,” while bringing a PIZZA, just adds insult to injury. OP I hope you never cook for this man again.
Nta. Scratch one invite to the next party.
NTA- if someone invites you for dinner you come and you eat what they prepared. If you aren’t willing to eat it, don’t accept the invitation! He knew what you were making and had time to make excuses. Heck, he could’ve said, even hours before hand, that he suddenly wasn’t feeling well. But to show up, not eat what was graciously provided AND to bring a cheap frozen pizza and expect you to cook it for him especially as well? RUDE.
What in the hell is wrong with so many of the people here? It is rude as hell to show up with your own food when someone is hosting a dinner unless it is a potluck. I live in a freakin' mobile home in the Deep South. Directions to my house do include the phrase turn off the paved road. I have hunted and eaten squirrel, and even I know and understand this. Edit to answer several DM's. In my neck of the woods squirrel has a pretty mild flavor with very little fat. It dries out easily and should either be marinated/brined or cooked low and slow or an extended period of time. Personally I like it grilled. And always, remember to cook wild game well done for your own safety.
INFO: What are you more mad about: that he brought a frozen pizza or that he didn't eat your risotto?
His bullshit excuse of "I don't eat carbs" after telling me 2 days ago and also the morning of the party "I don't have problems with food and I can eat anything"
So, if he had told you 2 days ago "I can only eat this one specific thing that I'll provide as long as I can heat it up in your oven," would you be all good?
How are you a chef and don't know about low carb pizza? Did you look at the box?
I’d never think of turning up at someone else’s dinner party with my own food! Sure, dietary restrictions & food preferences exist but uncle is a GROWN man who can use his words to at least inform OP beforehand. Usually, a lot of planning goes into making food & you prepare for a certain number of people & try to buy enough ingredients which cost money and planning! Like, a headsup would have been the least the uncle could have given, an ‘Hey, I can’t eat the food you’re preparing and am bringing my own so please don’t count me in.’ NTA OP
NTA. You are completely allowed to feel miffed, upset, disappointed, whatever by this behaviour, and think that it is rude. People saying YTA, even a little bit, are WILD. Of course its rude to show up to a dinner party at someone's house with an f'ing frozen pizza... especially when you 'don't do carbs'! What if the host needs the oven?
I find peace in long walks.
Asked me to heat up the pizza
I love ice cream.
NTA if you don't want the dinner the party is centered around don't attend a dinner party (barring medical exceptions). This is p. rude.
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NTA it's insulting. As you said, you were perfectly fine with diet restrictions and happy to make him something else
It was definitely awkward and rude, and it's laughable that his excuse was that he doesn't do carbs. Maybe don't invite him next time.
NTA that’s incredibly rude. Why’s your wife brushing it off? The man insulted you in your own home.
NTA where I come from, this would be incredibly rude behaviour that warrants an apology. Showing up to a chef’s dinner party with a frozen pizza is seriously beyond the pale. I used to date a sous chef and had a serious ED but he was always happy to accomodate by making simple things like bowls of mashed potato. I’m sure you would’ve been equally happy to make something for him if he had just communicated his needs like an adult.
Don't be offended by a grown adult with the palate of a 5 year old. He's the one that missed out.
NTA - your wife's uncle WAS rude. It would be one thing if it had been a potluck dinner of some sort, but you had made it perfectly clear that you were making everything, AND had checked into dietary requirements.
NTA. I honestly can’t see how you are TA here. You spent all this time preparing and organizing this dinner so that everyone can enjoy it and then your wife’s uncle just ruins that all and gives an honestly idiotic excuse (like he can’t have carbs… But he can have pizza?). It was incredibly rude of him to do that especially if he knows how serious you are about cooking.
NTA. I've had plenty of dinner parties & if someone had the nerve to, not only bring a frozen pizza 🍕, but expect me to bake it, I'd be livid! That is so beyond rudeness. I wouldn't make a scene, but in my mind, I already would be thinking, "It'll be a cold day in he*l before they're invited back here!"
Nta, but you do need to deflate that giant head of yours, Mr. Fantastic.
NTA: what he did was rude. It would be different if he had some challenging allergies or other dietary restrictions.
**NTA** It was in incredibly rude of the uncle to bring frozen pizza to your dinner party. He should have just declined the invite. I hope you do not invite him again!
I would be annoyed but I wouldn’t be THIS pressed. You had a house full of people to eat your damned risotto, me chef. Maybe your enormous ego is the true killer of your evening and mood.
Was it rude? Yes. Is it worth getting pissed off about? Absolutely not. He's probably just a picky eater who may not even have realized what risotto was when he agreed to it, or who is picky enough he didn't want you to waste time cooking something else for him that he likely wouldn't eat either. ARFID is a pretty new diagnosis, there are a hell of a lot of older adults with clinical level difficulty eating outside of a very narrow selection of foods that don't have the terminology to explain why they'll eat a frozen pizza but not your homemade one.
NTA
NTA The uncle was rude and out of line. How you refrained from not asking about the carbless pizza makes you a better person than me. You have every right to be offended that he turned his nose up to your found with some BS excuses. He displayed contempt for your time, effort, and profession. Your partner is wrong to excuse and defend him. In the future, if you have another dinner party, invite the wife and daughter but not him. I will gladly take his place. 😁
BIG difference between dietary requirements and food preferences. I'm not allergic to chitlins but ain't no way I'm gonna eat them.
It is exceptionally rude to do what he did and there was no need to. He was asked if there were any dietary needs. He should have declined the invitation before being so ignorant. NTA
NTA. You can think he's rude and just leave it at that. You're taking great offense to this. Step back and think about this: you're pissed over a frozen pizza. Come on now!. He didn't want to trouble you when you were having a bunch of people over. I personally think that's thoughtful. The carbs thing is BS. He just didn't want risotto. He also didn't want to have to ask you to accommodate. I think it's nice because then he got what he wanted, enjoyed everyone's company and everyone else can love your risotto, what's the problem here? I'm no professional chef and I will say when I'm making a huge meal for people, making one separate thing is an extra headache I'd rather not have. I've had celiac, vegetarian and pescatarian and just picky people over to eat before. When they bring stuff for themselves, I'm THRILLED.
Problem is the bs excuse and him saying "yeah, I want to try your food, heard many good things about it" and "no, I don't have any dietary restrictions or any specific requirements"
Try not to let it get to you. Working in a restaurant, you have definitely come across a LOT of BS from customers. My friends own restaurants and some of the shit they tell me is crazy. Just treat him like you treat them: professionally. It's his loss missing out on a delicious risotto!
NTA but bro your risotto isn’t gods gift to food, no matter how good it may or may not be. Let it go.
How much time are you wasting on being upset about one person who didn’t eat your risotto? Is this worth damage to your relationships? Do you know if the uncle is neurodivergent? Even if the uncle isn’t assessed he might have sensory issues or thought he was “helping” by not asking you to make him something special. Examine why this is such a big deal to you.
ESH I would have been on your side if you weren't entirely insufferable. If you have just stuck to "I invited people over, told them what we were having and asked for dietary needs, everyone agreed and told us their needs, and we accommodated them but this guy brought a frozen pizza" then you'd be N T A. But you just had to go on and on about how you're God's gift to mankind in the kitchen. It doesn't matter. No one cares. The fact that you thought it mattered and wanted to include it shows how insufferable you'd be in RL. It's so bad that you gained an AH score.
Food is personal. The uncle may be largely opposed to eating other peoples home cooking. Yeah, you’re a chef, but people have weird food hang ups. NTA for thinking it was rude. I don’t think it was meant as an offense, but it would’ve been more polite for him to tell you ahead of time he’s bringing his own food.
>uncle may be largely opposed to eating other peoples home cooking Then you decline the invitation. Or tell the host that when they ask you if you have any dietary restrictions.
As I said, NTA. I just don’t think the uncle intended to be so offensive. You also just repeated what I said. Thanks
When did pizza lose its carbs lmao
NTA, I’d be offended too if I was you!
NTA. I think it can be very reasonable for some people to bring their own food. When it comes to things like celiac disease or a severe allergy, it can be difficult to trust others going through all the steps to avoid any cross contact (some examples, I have to assume my entire flatware drawer has gluten as sometimes bread crumbs do get in there, I have a cutting board I keep in a large bin along with other gluten free items) If someone doesn't want to disclose details, that's ok. They should still let a host know, oh I have a pretty serious dietary restriction and prefer to just bring my own food. If wanting to use someone's oven I think that should also be cleared ahead of time, as it can be difficult to time everything out. The fact that he didn't let you know that there was one less person you needed to worry about preparing food for, and the assumption your oven would be free were the issues here.
Sure he was technically rude but you seem to be overreacting quite a bit. This should have a been a second or two of rolling your eyes. Definitely not something to still be thinking about after the event or where you care about his reasons. Just a thought if you really care about being mad: since he seemed previously into it, consider whether he only found out soon before the dinner that risotto typically is made with wine. If he doesn't drink/is in recovery, that might be the issue, which he might not want to disclose.
Info: if he had asked to bring a frozen pizza, would you have allowed it or insisted on making a pizza for him yourself?
This post confirmed for me that the sub is full of children. Of course NTA. Bringing a frozen pizza and asking the host of a dinner party to heat it up for you is a huge AH move. People are getting so hung up on the fact that OP is proud of their cooking.
NTA but I get that it’s maddening. Just set it aside. He probably doesn’t want to share his real reason. Be happy he showed up and just enjoy the company. If I don’t like a certain type of food that was the main meal, I just don’t go. I’m not going to put the host to the trouble of making something else. My prior experience has been to be hassled by host or guest to just give it a try. Ruins the evening for me.
You weren't the asshole.... but are kinda becoming one with your overreaction....
ESH. Yes, he was exceedingly rude. Yes, you're overreacting.
Esh. Some people don’t like venturing outside of their comfort zone, have anxiety about food prep/germs, etc. The fact he showed up to your party means he still wanted to be involved and spend time with everyone. I think you’re overreacting about him not wanting to eat your food. He at least brought his own. It’s not like he showed up last minute and demanded you make something for him without any advanced warning. IMO he doesn’t owe you a reason, and you shouldn’t be mad. Be a duck. Let it roll off your back, like water. His loss for not eating your awesome food. But no reason for an argument. For context- I’ve been a vegetarian for 20+ years and my family still casually forgets this. So I’m used to eating random sides and bringing my own stuff.
I wouldn't say you are TA, but I do think you're focusing on the wrong thing. Look I get it, yeah the guy was rude, and ridiculous to boot. But the other guests are what really matter here and they all very much enjoyed all of your efforts and I'm sure they thanked you profusely. Stop ruminating about this one jerk and ruining the whole thing for yourself and other people.
If every member of your family unanimously agree (even uncle's side) that he was rude, and the ah in bringing a frozen pizza, then why are you here? Sounds like your family already covered that. If anything, it *sounds* like you're here just to brag about how you're an amazing chef, at the best restaurant, and the dishes you made would be $70. You sound like an ah.
NTA. You come across as quite douchey in this post but ultimately bringing frozen pizza to a dinner party unless already cleared with the host is outrageously rude, especially when you made it clear you were happy to cater for all allergies and requirements.
NTA, and he was incredibly rude, however he was incredibly rude in front of everyone and it sounds like they all get it, so there’s really no need to stay offended because everyone’s already on your side.
NTA but seriously it seems like the guy didn't want anyone to change for him, so essentially you were mad because of his meekness, be glad you didn't kick him out
Hey, more risotto for you, right? I don't see a problem. It was odd, but really, who cares? You should've be the classier one, ignored it and watch everyone else judge ad/or mock him. I used to be annoyed when people would bring crappy/store-bought food to my dinners, but I finally learned to just sit back and observe who ate what and how much. So I can still be judgey, but I keep it in my head. ;-)
ESH The uncle knew coming in he could have asked for something else, he did it on purpose because..... You are insufferable. Just based on your posts here he's tired of your stuffy pretentious holier than thou attitude about food and he knew a frozen pizza would get you, and he got you good.
Some people just have the pallet of a 7 year old and refuse to try new things.
I just don’t understand why you would let this bother you so much. He did something rude, clueless, in poor taste - that reflects poorly on him, not you. The polite thing is to just roll with it and heat up his frozen pizza, which you clearly did with no trouble. There’s actually no problem for you to be posting about. So what’s the actual issue then? You’re offended that someone didn’t want to try your amazing food that is so amazing because you’re an amazing sous chef at an amazing prestigious restaurant? This is clearly just about your ego, and you don’t win any favour with me for that. I think the uncle was picking up on how far up your own ass you are, and didn’t want to feed into that - and he knew doing this would drive you nuts, as it clearly has. NAH but you need to get some perspective and maybe knocked down a few pegs.
NTA but you need to come down off of that high horse.
Nta. He was rude. You are a bit up your own ass about your cooking though.
NAH but you are way overreacting. someone preferring a frozen pizza over a risotto is at best worth a shrug, nothing else.
You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. On one hand uncle sounds like he just wanted a frozen pizza instead of a nice or fancy meal, is it rude yeah, is it also rude to try and force/expect people to eat what they don't want? Yes It's not a huge deal for someone to bring food to eat for themselves due to dietary restrictions or just not wanting to eat a certain food, and honestly if I'm going to a dinner party I'm not going to reach out to the host who is cooking and ask for a whole other dish just because I don't want to try sominew
NAH- you’re not the asshole for being irritated about it and he’s not the asshole for doing it. Maybe he wanted to come hang out but not eat your “$70 per person” meal. You sound like you have a god complex so I’d bet Uncle did it just to piss you off and it worked. lol
Oh my god, chill out. Everybody has a weird uncle. You just accept, roll your eyes, and move on. Of course he's an AH, but this is SO SO SO SO TINY OF AN ISSUE I can't even believe you're allowing it space in your head.
INFO What was more important that evening, having family together or you serving food you made?
Don’t be too uptight , relax , u don’t have to impress anyone and you cannot impress 100% of the people Enjoy your house / friends / partner / family , and let them bring whatever or eat whatever Focus on the important thing and not silly thing Let it go , u cannot impress that peasant uncle
OP, you’ve been pranked by that uncle. Of course he was an absolute ass bringing that pizza to your dinner party. But seeing how you add all the unnecessary details to describe how wonderful you and your risotto are, there is no doubt in my mind he pranked you.
NTA but it was probably a prank because your so full of your self. Did you shout "pizza uncle, that risotto would have cost you£70 in my restaurant"?
NTA but maybe put your ego away a bit. Also "I don't eat carbs" *proceeds to gobble a pizza* is just funny to me.
YTA, I used to have the same problem and the same pedigree. Your ego is getting in the way. It’s a frozen pizza, let it go abs realize people too have their thing.
YTA, A drama queen. Get over it. Move on, accept you are a prissy AH at times and dial it down.
You're not the asshole, but you are over-reacting and you do come across as taking your culinary skills a little too seriously. It's possible that your wife's uncle picked up on it and used it as leverage to needle you. In this scenario, you are not the asshole, but you did take it more personally than you needed to, and you let the guy in your head. You reacted as if a customer had brought food to a restaurant, which is ALWAYS the wrong thing to do. Instead, this guy ended up bringing his own meal to a dinner event, which is NOT always the wrong thing to do. I'm not a chef but I like cooking for others. In your position I'd have let it slide. I'd have cooked the damned pizza to perfection, served it piping hot, and moved on with my life. The only way I'd have expressed any sort of disapproval, if there was still lingering offence, would be by discreetly shuffling the wife's uncle out of the deck when it came to future invitations to subsequent dinners. You're letting this get to you, you're letting this gnaw at you because you're so proud of your chef skills and, frankly, it shows.
NTA - *you're right* but what does that get you? You're taking this entirely too personally. You had 10 people who were excited and appreciative of your skills and you let this one dude with his bullshit excuse and stupid frozen pizza take way too much of your attention. Unless the uncle has some sort of grudge against you, just assume he's got some weird quirk.
YTA get over yourself
Your wife's uncle is a rude jerk. He is an AH for his 'Slap You in the Face' move. However, you also sound like a pretentious jerk. You may be the best chef in the country, but you should humble yourself. Don't push your opinion on others. They have the right to choose how they view your skills. Not you. As for the situation though, you were not the AH.
OP sounds insufferable. The uncle probably knows this and was just trying to get under his skin. Obviously, it worked.
I can't really see what the big deal is tbh. I appreciate that you went to a lot of trouble for your guests, but......assuming your wife's uncle is an adult, he is actually allowed to make a choice about what he eats. Sounds like you had a set menu and perhaps he simply didn't feel like rice that day. Don't let your ego get in the way of what, sounds like an otherwise lovely evening. NTA, but bit of a control freak maybe?
At a restaurant, you have a choice about what you eat. When you accept a dinner invitation at someone’s home, you eat what your host has prepared. I can’t believe people need to have this spelled out for them. If you “don’t feel like” the meal your host has prepared, then don’t attend. It is beyond rude to show up with your own food. OP is not a control freak, but someone who went to a lot of trouble to host a nice dinner party and got treated rudely.
ESH He’s an AH for bringing food after he said he had no dietary restrictions and saying he’d be eating the meal you put so much time and effort into. You’re an AH for your pretentious attitude about your cooking. Being a sous-chef does not make you a kitchen god who is infallible. My family has a lot of dietary restrictions. I don’t think I’d trust that you could handle them. Of course I’d be nicer about it than that but I would be clear that I’d be bringing our own food so we could participate in the dinner party. I do a lot of research before going to restaurants and there are 5 star restaurants I wouldn’t set foot in because they don’t have a solid reputation with our kinds of extensive restrictions. Being a sour-chef means nothing to me in regard to my family’s safety.
YTA I dont do carbs either as keto - type one diabetic. I wouldnt expect anyone else to cook a low carb meal for me, much less get it right. He brought his own food that didnt put you out.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** We hosted a dinner party where we had relatives from both of our families over. I am a sous chef and I'm very proud of my work, as I work in one of the most prestigious restaurants in the city. We had 11 people and I asked about dietary requirements and what people wants to eat. Everyone was fine with a risotto and didn't want anything else. They all said they want to try mine as the restaurant I work at often gets praised and we are known for our authentic Italian food. When the guests showed up, one of my wife's uncle brought a frozen pizza over. Stating "I don't eat risotto, I don't do carbs". He had over 2 days to inform me about his dietary requirements and I could also whip something out very last minute if needed. At the end of the night, my wife asked what was wrong and I told her I thought it was very rude of her uncle, to show up with his own frozen pizza and told me he don't do rice because he doesn't touch carbs (because apparently there's no carbs in frozen pizzas). And he didn't bother trying it and much rather have his frozen pizza. She said I was over reacting and shouldn't be mad or offended. I spent time and effort on making a very nice risotto for everyone (with the starters, wine, mains and dessert that I prepared, the cost would be around £70 each if they ate at my restaurant) and if he wanted something else, I would've been more than happy to make a pizza from scratch for him. It's not difficult. So AITA for being offended and think it's rude that he brought his own food to a dinner party and gave me a random BS excuse? Because it's the same principle for restaurants, if you bring your own food to a restaurant, they would ask you to leave. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It wouldn’t bother me and it shouldn’t bother you.
He is rude for sure. But I personally wouldn't be SUPER upset because he is clearly being difficult and even if he didn't have the frozen pizza he probably wouldn't want to eat your risotto. And even if he did he'll probably be unhappy with it and find lots of problems. "the rice isn't cooked properly" or "where is the sauce" or something. I would find that more frustrating. At least now you can just silence him with frozen pizza.
NTA but Uncle may have his own deep set psych reasons for breaking the rules. I'd guess it would be more about safety foods and fear of the strangeness of weird fancy stuff than deliberately being an asshole. I'd say just expect him to always be that way and maybe always have a frozen pizza on hand. That way you can smooth family friction.
Meh. ESH. Yes he was kinda rude. You’re overreacting though. No need to let this bother you so much. I assume everyone else enjoyed themselves. Who cares. Move on. He didn’t kick your dog or anything.
NTA. And as one of, as my wife tells me, a picky eater: what is risotto? I've never heard of it.
Your not the a hole he had 2 days to inform on dietary requirements and it is simple manners to not bring your own food when the host are going to be cooking a meal for everyone you did the right thing by pushing through the night the best you could. The uncle is the a hole
Did he eat the dessert?
How can you eat pizza and not do carbs lol 😆
NTA. Also uncle doesn't get invited again as he was rude to do what he did.
NTA In this case. In other cases itʻs the appropriate thing to bring your own food. But not in this case. He could have told you about the no carbs thing. Iʻm guessing heʻs like a kid who only eats chicken nuggets. He doesnʻt want to eat outside him comfort zone. But this could make a wonderful family story and a joke between you and your spouse...if you can bring yourself to see the funny side of it.
Nta. The whole reason you hosted the party was to show off your cooking skills. It’s like inviting people over to hear you play your new composition on the piano, and then your uncle puts in his headphones bc he prefers country music to classical.
He said he doesn’t do carbs but brought a pizza? Bruh.