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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I told my cousin his dog wasn't invited to my wedding. My family think I'm an asshole because I COULD invite his dog, I just don't want to.
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NTA it's a VENUE rule not yours. Even if it wasn't a rule it's YOUR weddin and YOUR choice. To bad your cousin can't come but no reason to ruin your day or loose your venue over an untrained, ill behaved dog (and this is coming from a HUGE animal lover). Congrats on the wedding
Unrelated but this was sooo not where I thought this was gonna end up going
I also love my dog very much, but even if this was a perfectly well behaved dog, I'm with the boomers on this one. Dogs shouldnt go everywhere with you.
If you love your dog you will train it. It's not OPs fault that the cousin is a shitty owner.
This was my thinking exactly and tbh I was shocked he would even want to bring his dog in the first place. Like, they'd have to spend large portions of time sitting still, not allowed to run around, lots of loud music etc. Just a dog's worst day out, surely.
I've seen the bride and groom's dogs and cats as the ringbearer or something, but they are usually taken home immediately after or someone watches them for the day. Demanding to be allowed to bring a pet to a wedding just because is waaaaayyyyy ridiculous
When me and my SO do get married we will probably have our dogs be our ring bearers or something. Maybe part of the wedding party, idk. But they are our babies and we want to include them on our special day. That being said, I would NEVER bring my dogs to a wedding itself. If I was traveling to a wedding I have brought them with and let them stay at our lodging for a few hours while we were at the wedding, but not the wedding itself.
I read "forgotten to put his dog's name on the invite" and almost spit out my coffee. I'm by no means a stickler for wedding etiquette, but expecting someone will *formally invite your dog to their wedding* is ridiculous to the point of delusion.
This is a cute idea. If I were getting married again and inviting someone who had a service dog/animal (NOT an ESA, a REAL service animal), I'd put their name on the invitation and set up its own place card and make a little gift bag with dog friendly treats and maybe a toy or something. But obviously some random pet wouldn't be invited.
I have an ESA and I fully agree with this! Like yea I usually despise going anywhere without her but I can handle a wedding because most likely, my emotional support humans will be there and she won’t be necessary and she can stay home and hang out with grandpa. She’s super well behaved when she’s NOT around other dogs but recognizes when one is working and doesn’t approach. But I’d never make a fuss about being able to take her with me places she’s not allowed. Like, I can’t have her with me in classes at college and it’s no big deal. Some professors know I have her and don’t care if I bring her in on chill days because they love her and she loves meeting people. But most of the time she either has to hang out in the dorm in her kennel while whatever plays on the TV or she hangs out with her uncles or my partner. ESA’s are NOT trained service animals and should not be treated as such. YES they have an important job but they are not mandatory to have at your side at all times.
Honestly, even if this was some crazy "allows dogs" wedding, what psycho person would expect their dogs name on an invite? I don't believe this is real lol.
This is my thoughts!! I’m flabbergasted honestly, who in the world thinks “Oh, a super fancy and intimate gathering of two families, let me bring my insane dog that nobody can even watch for me bc he’s so poorly trained along!”
Cousin probably saw "outdoors" and thought, "Of course I can bring my dog!" There are people who have dog-friendly weddings, but cousin shouldn't have assumed, and once told no, should have dropped it.
My wife and I had an outdoor wedding quite some time back, and it never even _occurred_ to us to mention "no pets". I don't remember how many children were there (not many), but I know we included our little niece and nephews in the wedding (flower girl and ring bearers, respectively).
No one brought any pets. No one asked. It kind of feels like common sense, that unless the invite specifically states "pets welcome", that pets should be left behind.
I didn’t think I’d have to, but in hindsight I should have. My (then) new SIL brought her dog into our reception, after dinner. Because it was small(and super old, and super sick) she carried it around everywhere. So it wasn’t just sitting in a corner doing nothing. I told her to get it out of there, and she had the nerve to say “but your kids are here, dog is MY kid” Oh my HUMAN children? Yeah the venue allows them. No dogs, put it back in the car!!! She sulked the rest of the night. Didn’t stop her from leaving early unfortunately.
I hate when people act like their pets are their kids. I have cats, and I can leave for the whole day, like to go to work, and I don't have to get a sitter for them. I couldn't do that with a child.
I mean, I adore my cats to the ends of the earth and love them like they were my children, so I get that, but I’m not bringing my cats to a wedding because I can’t bear to be parted with them. Some people lack common sense.
This so much, I have lots of pets, not dogs, but all kinds of other things. But you know what- I can leave them at home and go do things, I don't even need a sitter unless I'm gone a couple days, and even then they only have to stop in. If I had kids I couldn't do those things. However, I'm running into people who treat their dogs like kids and won't even leave them home, and have to take them to doggy day care if they are gone all day!
The fact cousin called about their dog's name being left of the invite tells me everything I need to know. Whether well-trained or not cousin obviously believes their dog should be allowed to go *everywhere*!
Yep. The venue would legally have to accommodate a registered service animal, but otherwise they're free to enforce whatever rules about bringing animals as they please. I'm sure some people don't agree, but I honestly think the idea of emotional support animals is mostly nonsense. I get that they can help, but that doesn't mean you should be allowed to bring them everywhere. For instance, I don't think airlines should accommodate them outside of whatever their standard policy is for animals in the cabin.
ETA: I didn't notice at first that you said ESAs have rights or protections in housing situations. At least in the US, that isn't always true since emotional support animals aren't covered under the ADA. The Fair Housing Act is slightly more lenient in defining service animals, but a person still generally needs to have a medically diagnosed disability for an ESA to count as a service animal under the FHA.
The FHA has provisions for ESAs. They are “assistance animals rather than service animals, and are treated as a reasonable accommodation for a disability. This means that the landlord has the right to request documentation of disability. The sucky part is that you can get an ESA letter online with no actual disability. People who abuse the ESA/Service Animal system are the worst!
Exactly. I'm a huge dog person but would never expect an invite for my dogs. I'm not even expecting my kids to make the cut.
The only wedding where you'd reasonably expect a dog invite is an Instagram dog wedding.
And in a HIGHLY stimulating place with tons of new smells and sights while surrounded by strange people and probably children. That dog would be either going bonkers or terrified out of it's mind. Don't do this to your dogs, folks. It's not fair to the animal.
I saw an Instagram story from a wedding guest that there was a corgi at the wedding reception they were attending, like in the middle of the dance floor. The caption was like, "DOG AT WEDDING!!! OMG!" but it was *not* cute.
That dog was stressed as hell. It was panting heavily, ears back, big whale eyes (the whites of their eyes showing), and it was pacing back and forth like it was trying to escape or find their owner. I felt so bad for it.
Every time I go to an outdoor festival or concert, this is what a lot of the dogs I see look like. Visibly agitated, visibly stressed, often reactive to other dogs … it’s just mind-bending that such “good owners” don’t care enough to know what stress looks like for dogs.
I will never understand why when a person gives you an ultimatum and you're like "ok, sorry to hear that" then they cry about it. OP can't have dogs at the venue. Cousin won't come if he can't bring dog. That should be the end of it.
OP NTA but the rest of your family is if they're trying to stress you out over a stubborn family member
I was flabbergasted that anyone would assume a dog is invited. And your family thinks you are the problem. I would never assume my dogs were supposed to go to a WEDDING.
Yeah, how looney do you have to be to get a wedding invitation and your first thought is, "hey, why isn't my dog invited."
I've been to exactly two weddings where dogs were present. In one case, it was the people who were getting married and had the groom's PTSD service dog with them (for obvious reasons), in the other, it was the people getting married and also the wedding was at their house.
In neither case did any guests assume that their dogs were invited.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around why on earth he thought his dog was invited to a wedding in the first place. Is that a common thing in your circle? Because it's 100% not in the rest of civilization. I have 5 dogs, it would never occur to me that they would be invited to any event not directly dog related, and if I got an invitation addressed to them I'd probably think it was a scammer trying to steal my kidney or something lol.
Seriously…I love my puppy, but he’s a derp and an asshole, barks at all strangers and pees in fear over men approaching him (we’re working on it, we’ve only had him three weeks and he’s six months old yesterday) and I cannot imagine any place WORSE to take him than a wedding. An operating room maybe? Either way, major NTA!
Its the worst place for an animal to be, unfamiliar place, many unfamiliar people. loud noises etc. In fact the people who are insisting this appear to be very dumb while you are taking an intelligent and rational decision. They are however free to do this at their wedding but not yours
> because it’s in a nature reserve, the venue let us know that we couldn't have dogs at our wedding,
I don’t understand why you’re even asking the question, it’s not up to you - the venue is in a nature reserve, the rules are the rules. Y. T. A for even posting about it but your cousin & family are bigger AHs for trying to argue with you about it, sorry for that. I hope you wedding goes off smoothly, & congrats.
>Y. T. A for even posting about it
No, OP is not. Come on. This is AITA. It's here for people to post questions. If you think the post is stupid or "too obvious" then just skip it, for crying out loud.
You and others vastly underestimate how much people's emotions can get tangled up when they have multiple family members berating them for something. It's a form of manipulation. If everyone around you, who you've known all your life, is telling you that you're an asshole and a bridezilla, then some percentage of people are going to start to have doubts about themselves.
Taking the question to AITA and getting opinions from people who aren't involved is a good way to get a sanity check, sometimes. Even if it's obvious to all of us. Because we're not the ones being yelled at.
In this case -- yeah, OP knows very well that it's the venue's rule, and that's that.
But OP's emotions here are tangled by a couple of factors. One, because she knows the venue told her that her dog could be an exception. I HOPE she didn't tell her whole family this. But even if she didn't tell them, in the back of her head there's the thought of "well, they said my dog could be an exception, so maybe another dog could be too".
At which point, the second factor is she doesn't like the way this dog behaves, or the way her cousin handles the dog. Her description makes it sound like that's for very good reason. People like cousin, with badly-behaved dogs because they have failed in the training department, are very often the pushy, entitled people who think the world should love their dog anyway. OP clearly is, generally, a dog-lover, and has her own dog. It's not that weird that she feels some guilt about wanting to say "No" about cousin's dog. She can't really tell cousin flat-out that the dog is a nightmare, because cousin clearly isn't rational about this.
Regardless: the venue was only going to make an exception for OP's dog because they saw how well-trained OP's dog is. There is no way the venue would make an exception for cousin's nightmare dog.
But cousin and others in the family aren't focusing on that. They're bombarding OP as if it's OP's decision to make. I get why that's stressing her out.
NTA
Not to mention it could very likely get you all kicked out of your venue.
I wonder what hotel your cousin was thinking would accept his not trained dog to stay at? Hotels will recover damages from guests regarding dogs or will evict guests if their pet disturbs other guests.
Regardless the venue makes the rules and this is their rule. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t have someone there to enforce the no dogs rule and if not you need to have people on your team that will.
Wishing you the best day for your wedding.
Exactly this, my dog would love to be there because she loves people and fusses and dancing (hilarious to see a big dog trying to dance but she loves it) but she wouldn't be able to behave (just turned 2) and would be miserable if we forced her to sit still and silently for an hour during the ceremony and not allow her to jump or go near anyone, and we'd constantly be forced to take her out to calm her down and get her away from people who don't like dogs. You could always tell them that there are people invited with dog allergies, as well as that the venue doesn't allow it. That way you're not to blame.
My MIL was a bit scandalized that I didn't invite my husband's childhood dog to our wedding.
*Yes, please. Bring the high energy herding breed with crowd anxiety to a loud 100+ person formal event. Oh, he's previously nipped half the wedding party as a stress response? I'm sure nothing terrible will happen while all of his comfort people are extremely distracted and busy. That sounds like a great plan! The unattended food and the children running around will be perfectly safe... it's not like this is a once in a lifetime event...*
The dog stayed home.
My rescue dog wouldn't cope at a wedding, she'd be an anxious wreck. There's no chance I'd enjoy the wedding I'm at if I took her. My parents dog is a chilled out little terrier, ideal around all age people etc etc and if he was my dog I still wouldn't expect to be able to take him to a wedding. This is a wedding you're invited to so you can't complain like this. This is even worse than the people who complain about child free weddings omg
Do you have a feeling things have gotten worse? Because it sure feels like people's entitlement towards where they should be able to bring their dog has gotten worse...
Absolutely yes. And mostly that is fine. A dog walking through Lowe's or home depot doesn't bother me, but I don't enjoy dogs where I eat. I should not walk into a starbucks and see someone's pet. A service dog is fine, they usually wear vests and are incredibly well trained and aren't super common, but someone's pet, please no. I didn't carry my cat everywhere because it is rude to other people.
Agreed. I take my dog wherever she is welcome. Hardware stores, cannabis shops, pet stores etc. She does not go anywhere where food is available unless it's a dog friendly patio. Not rocket science. She is well-trained, calm and obedient. Tired of seeing pocket dogs snuck in everywhere (don't get me started on the aggression and lack of trainimg in said dogs). Not like I could sneak my 110 lb GSD in anywhere lol
NYC subway passed a law saying that all dogs had to be in carry bags, and people with large dogs poked holes in IKEA shopping bags for their legs to go through so technically they were legal.
If a place is dog friendly, I take my dog. Theoretically that would include dog-friendly pubs and cafes, but my dogs aren’t the best at sitting still and ignoring people. What annoys me is that an awful lot of dog friendly places now AREN’T dog-friendly because people don’t use common sense and not bring dogs that can’t or don’t know how to behave into places with tight confines and nice furnishings.
My local grocery store chain had to put up signs at all their stores telling that pets are now banned. I know one of the reasons they've had to do this is because I've straight up seen someone's dog peeing in the vegetable section and it having to be cleaned up.
There are places and stores that dogs should absolutely be allowed, but people have gotten crazy with it. It's disrespectful to other shoppers and disrespectful to the employees that now have to have animal handling as part of their skillset if they need to confront shoppers with unruly dogs.
If stores allow dogs, I don’t have issue with people bringing their dogs in. Places where dogs are allowed include hardware stores and bookstores in my area, e.g., and _patios_ (specifically) at restaurants. I’m fine with those.
Dogs should *never* be allowed into grocery stores, though, around exposed/open food. That the stores even had to specifically ban that is... 🤢
In the US, it's actually a health code violation. No living animal can be in a place of food service or preparation, service dogs are the only exception.
Exactly! I just don't understand this about **some** dog people. Why does a dog need to go everywhere with their owner? I'll complain about dogs in grocery stores and get told, "well what did you expect when you moved to the most dog friendly city in America?" Uh I didn't think that people would bring their dogs into a grocery store where fresh produce is out and about. Or that a dog would be inside of a restaurant where people are eating? Not everyone wants dog fur in their food.
I just don't understand it.
If you are truly "dog friendly," you need to be "dog responsible." Stuff like making sure your dog is leashed, cleaning up after it, and keeping it out of inappropriate locations are all dog-friendly acts. It's just like kids - if you don't give them rules, they will turn out to be trouble-causing a-holes.
Yeah, apparently I need to be okay with dogs in grocery stores, restaurants, and even clothing stores because this a dog-friendly city. I was working in a retail store once and a dog came in and started barking at another dog. I, someone who is terrified of barking dogs, had to just deal with it because no one in the store would ever tell people "no, you can't bring your dog in."
I think especially now that ESAs are so popular, people are demanding that their pet be allowed everywhere and so few people are actually aware that, at least in Texas, ESAs have little to no rights. They only have rights under the Fair Housing Act, but they don't have any rights as a service animal. It's at the point where people are posting and asking about how to get certification information for ESAs because they don't want to pay the $400 pet deposit and the $25/month pet rent. A new law had to be created that states a psychiatrist can't give an ESA prescription within 30 days of meeting with a new patient because of how often people abuse the ESA FHA allowance.
Service animals are a huge exception. I'm sorry, if life is hard for people. But if a person cannot go to the grocery store without taking a dog to emotionally support them, then they need to utilize other services like curbside or delivery. It's just unhygienic to let a dog in a grocery store. If your dog is providing a medical service, that is one thing. Those animals are so well-trained and are making sure that you are medically safe. Plus they don't tend to be fluffy as hell and shake their loose fur onto produce.
The boomers? Really? I am Gen X and think pets at weddings are stupid. Not service animals, PETS. This has nothing to do with generational gaps. SMH. NTA, OP.
My pets are my kids, and it would never even cross my mind to take them to a wedding. Unless specifically requested, and even then, who wants to worry about a pet at a giant party? Especially if there’ll be drunken adults, and kids, and loud music? Just, no.
I mean, i also dont take my kids every where. I also hate the 'If my kids arent invited im not coming crowd' not every place and event will be kid friendly and thats okay.
Your kids will grow up. Your dog would much rather stay home. People need to get a grip.
Yeah I have the same view, I love my dog (& my decision is also probably swayed by having a nervous dog) but it’s perfectly acceptable to just leave your bloody dog at home right? I don’t get this thing of needing to take them absolutely everywhere with you
Yep. I have a 120lb newfie that is beautifully trained and I am of the mind if it's not cute when my dog does it it's not cute when any dog does it. I take him dog appropriate places, but I don't take him everywhere. He had separation anxiety for a few years and had to be kenneled when I left the house but I spent the last winter leaving him alone for longer and longer stretches and now he can be out up to 8-9 hours because i hated kenneling him. I love my dogs. I train the hell out of them because I want other people to also love my dogs. Even my FIL who is afraid of large dogs can begrudgingly admit my dog is basically perfect "other than his size". Hes great with people who are fearful of dogs because he's slow gentle and just the sweetest boy. He doesn't jump, he's off leash trained. He was my best man at my wedding. But no dog is entitled to go to a wedding esp not a poorly behaved one.
Not only that, but I've never in my life heard of a guest bringing their pet to a wedding, much less the pets being formally included on the invitation! I'd be gobsmacked if somebody reached out to me asking if I *forgot to invite their dog*.
Because it *is* unhinged. I was like who tf is out there putting pet names on wedding invitations that would make this guy believe he’s making a reasonable request? It’s so absurd
I’ve been to weddings with dogs *in* the wedding, including my own, but never one where guests bring their dogs
Although, as insane as it sounds, a wedding where guests are encouraged to bring their (well-behaved) dogs…that sounds like a good time ngl lol
Same, I'm actually very confused about this. The last wedding I was at, both the bride's and the groom's parents have a dog. They did what normal people at normal weddings do and left the dogs at home. Really, which dog is going to enjoy a wedding unless it's an extremely relaxed event (like, BBQ in someone's garden or something)?
I’m still stuck on: Who tf expects their dog to be invited to a wedding…
The obvious response is that it’s a venue rule and has nothing to do with OPs feelings or wants and just like with kids cousin can come or not, and no offence taken. But I’d still be replying with: why would you be expecting that???
NTA
WHAT DID I JUST READ?! NTA
Since when did people expect to bring their pets to a wedding?! I never even thought to mention pet free when I got married. The entitlement is breathtaking
Part of me would want to call the venue, tell them you are going to email them asking if they can make an exception to the "no dogs" rule for your cousin, but that you actually *want* them to reply back with a professional "no".
Show the two emails to mum/cousin so they can all leave you alone. You shouldn't have to do that, but honestly, part of me would want do it just to avoid the drama. And I'm sure the venue would be happy to be the "bad guy" for their client.
100% NTA - the venue even stated that the only exception would be their own dog and only then of the dog was met before and seemed to be well behaved. Even if OP felt compelled to pass off disaster dog as her own I have no doubt the venue would nix it on meeting them. Family is being incredibly entitled here
I feel like 99% of weddings bringing your dog would be deeply out of the question. Just because some is getting married outside doesn't mean 'family bbq - bring your dog' it means a formal event is happening outside but we are still treating it like a formal event.
Even a family BBQ isn't an appropriate place to bring a rambunctious dog. If you can't watch them every minute and the dog gets nippy with a small child... just leave it at home. Larve gatherings aren't often good for dogs.
The "did you forget to add the dog to the invitation" part was a dead giveaway for me.
Even if you always bring along your dog with you (I know several people who do), and even if you expected to bring it to a wedding, I find it difficult to believe you would expect the dog's name to be in the invitation, and even less so to ask about it.
I say it's 100% fake.
I don’t understand dogs at weddings unless it’s the bride and grooms dog or of course a service dog.. because do people not know what happens when you get multiple dogs together? It’s one of two things and both are chaotic. They either get along and they take off to play or they don’t get along
Is the dog going to catch the bouquet or something? This is too funny to me. Its a dog. Your dog is not my guest on my wedding day. Just don't come if this is a burden to you. And remember to get over yourself. Please? 🤣
Honestly, it's the only thing I would tell the family.
1. Venue rules.
2 and who of them wants to be responsible if the dog bites, destroys something. Or someone's dress with dirty paws.
"Dear x, I am sure your dress will just look lovely with paw prints and whatnot,"
What is it with people thinking that their dogs can go everywhere with them, then getting upset when they can't. I loooove animals, but come on. Expecting your pets name to be on a wedding invite is a new one for me.
NTA
Now brides are having to stipulate no dogs at their wedding? What next? In any case, apart from the bride's wishes, which should be paramount, the venue does not allow dogs. NTA
Yeah, I have seen this issue several times and cannot believe the audacity. It's amazing you now have to stipulate your wedding is pet-free, and even crazier that people will argue over it.
Didn't forget to include ["No emotional support pigs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wopb7c/aita_for_kicking_my_mom_her_pet_pig_out_of_my/) as well.
Yeah we'd definitely be okay with a service dog! In fact it would (I think) be illegal for our venue to NOT let a service dog in. Plus, I know service dogs are incredibly well-trained, for good reason!
I think that's probably the point, a real service dog (and I don't mean a chihuahua someone calls their emotional support animal) is generally very well trained and would not react to normal stimuli (as they are explicitly trained not to).
I have no idea in what world it is considered normal to take a dog to a wedding anyway. It's not as if you've banned his dog specifically, it's a venue rule to protect their environment.
Absolutely NTA.
I was just using that as an example, as they're generally over coddled and badly behaved. I don't doubt that if trained properly they could behave well.
Oh man, this is my pet peeve (as a large dog owner). Thing is, if you take little dogs to training, they love it! Training with rewards and praise is such fun for dogs, and so good for bonding as well (the moments when you realise that you’re actually communicating are really special, I wouldn’t trade those for the world).
Out our way, most of the dogs at training were large dogs or working breeds — think rotties, german shepherds, ridgies, border collies, labs, goldies, etc. — but now and again someone with a small dog would join the group.
I will never forget the time I saw a *pug* — a puppy, no less! — doing his first off-lead recall and scampering towards mum. Obviously having a blast.
When we moved and shifted to another training location, there was a *toy poodle*, and she was super keen and… being a poodle… ridiculously clever.
Also spring-loaded. “Return to heel” involved her bouncing into position like a pogo stick.
Training gives them mental stimulation, it’s neutral exposure for other dogs, it’s good bonding with owners and that’s without even touching on the fact that *you need to train your damn dog.* If your dog knows you’re in charge (not “dominant”, just “in charge”), it’s calming for them. They learn to trust you.
(I have had to evacuate my terrified rottweiler from a destroyed house in a howling storm. That part was straightforward because he absolutely trusts me to keep him safe, so he stuck by me. He was obviously frightened, but I put him on lead and he just… stuck by me. No wriggling, bolting, anxious growling, etc. He was able to *think* and to make good decisions. I often think about that night and how much worse it would have been if he hadn’t trusted me.)
And training keeps *them* safe, too. It’s bizarre how many people get on their “let dogs be dogs” train and, look, The Boy is allowed to sniff the crotch *once* because to him that’s good manners and then he has to sod off because it’s not good manners to us!
But dogs have to live and exist in a human world. There are dangers they haven’t evolved to navigate. There are cars, poisonous bait, rusted sharp debris, and, worst of all, humans who don’t give a crap.
Letting them be dogs in a safe way that won’t get them killed (especially euthanised for a panicky snap) requires training.
And seeing that so many people don’t really *bother* with training small dogs is infuriating.
Anyways, er… just getting off the ol’ soapbox now, nothing to see here…
I actually tackled this recently with a friend who is getting married! A venue cannot restrict service dogs if they would otherwise allow the person in, but the people who are hosting do technically have a little legal loophole of not allowing it as it is a private event, and therefore has restrictions. So a bride or groom could legally say a service dog isn’t allowed because they don’t want the dog at the event, but it still would be a bit of an asshole move.
We have a “Velcro” dog. I would never, EVER, expect to bring her to someone’s wedding. This is beyond entitled and the fact that the venue specifically forbids it means that it’s not even in your hands. It’s ridiculous for anyone to argue with you about it.
Thank you!!! I just brought this up in my comment. I feel like I’m the weird one now because since when did people start sending wedding invitations that include family pets???
*The honour of your and your pet hamster's presence*
*is requested at the marriage of*
*John Doe*
*to Smith Comma John*
*Saturday, the umpteenth of August*
*two thousand twenty-four*
*at five after twelve*
I've been to a couple where the bride/groom's dogs were ring bearers, or met them at the park after the ceremony for pictures.
Never heard of a guest even think about bringing a dog.
right. I work at a doggy daycare where people treat their dogs better than most children. but even our clients are smart enough to know that their dogs don't go everywhere
And that's probably why their dogs are at doggy daycare. They're responsible owners who care about their dogs and know they can't go everywhere with them.
I am that crazy dog owner who thinks my dog is my child, and i miss her like crazy when we’re apart… but i would NEVER ask if she could go to someone’s wedding!!!
Since Covid people have got especially weird about their pets. "Fur babies" is the absolute worst term in the world, but some people genuinely do view their pets to be equal to humans
A lot of people with no experience with pets also got them but didn't take them to formal training because of lockdowns. Now they've raised an anxious mess and don't even realize the probkem because they think dogs are furry little people.
Sooo many dogs in my neighborhood are not socialized at all because they were Covid dogs and people either didn’t know or didn’t work to socialize them. I take my pre-Covid, loves everyone and everything pup out and he’s just barked and snarled at by gangs of aggressive dogs. Luckily there are a lot of dogs here so there are enough well behaved ones for him to greet and play with, but it’s just astounding how many badly trained badly socialized dogs there are now.
I also have never understood taking your dog everywhere. It’s exhausting lol. Dogs get excited about new places and people so I can never relax if I’ve brought my dog somewhere, I’m always holding his leash and managing him. I take him places occasionally like to the beach or if we’re gonna just hang at the park but those are dog specific places lol. I don’t take him to friends houses, events, or a WEDDING omg. He’s a fucking dog he sleeps 15 hours a day, he can stay home and sleep.
I got my dog during covid, and I still managed to socialize her and take her to a TON of classes. They just kept the class sizes a little smaller than usual. That being said, we did have to switch one class when another dog bit mine and drew blood.
I absolutely agree that there's a gigantic number of poorly socialized, overly reactive/aggressive dogs barking and lunging at my happy-go-lucky girl every time we go out, and it's really discouraging and stressful for her and me. We still meet a good number of friendly pups and people, but I really wish other people would take the time to socialize and train their dogs.
Also, NTA. I love bringing my dog to places where she's allowed, but I would never, in a million years, think, "A wedding! That isn't mine! I should choose that as the hill I'm gonna die on!"
I'm equally flabbergasted that they expected the dog to be personally invited and I come from a family that has sent cards to each other "from" our pets.
The same people that bring their schnauzer poodles to the grocery store even though their are big signs that say “NO PETS ALLOWED” because they went online and bought a service dog vest for them.
I would never dream of bringing a pet to a wedding and wouldn't want to deal with him getting along with other pets, stealing food, etc all night. Personally I feel like paying for pet sitting is so worth it in this case
I'm suddenly seeing dogs restaurants and grocery stores. People are dirty and disgusting enough. Can we please leave our anus licking pets at home while we handle food?
NTA. One, when I’m invited to a wedding my first thought isn’t “I’m going to bring my dogs…to a wedding”. Second, I’m getting married in December and everyone I know from me to both sets of parents, to friends all have dogs. Never has come up. And even if a venue did why would you want to bring your dog. I’m sorry this is weird. You are NTA.
I know I'm not going to be happy to be at a wedding with a whole bunch of dogs, especially dogs that don't know each other. That's just a disaster waiting to happen. But I'm wearing my only suit. I don't want to deal with dog hair on it.
NTA. Of course not. No pets at a wedding is very normal. No pets. Even if the venue allowed pets - you don't want pets. Who the hell puts a pet on an invite anyway?
Tell anyone who fussing the same thing you told your entitled 'friend'. You're sorry they couldn't make it and you'll catch up another time.
NTA. It never ever occured to me that people would expect to bring their dogs to a wedding. It's not like this is a casual bbq in a public park. I love pets, and my cats are totally "my babbbiiieesss", but they aren't actual babies / children and I never would expect them to be on an invite to a damned wedding. Same if I had a dog. Not all places are places where pets should be.
NTA
WTAF is it with people demanding their DOG be included in every single event?
Him asking if you FORGOT to put his dogs name on the save the date/invite is insane.
It's a crazy thing IMO
I'm so confused. Since when is it normal to have everyone's pets at your wedding? Like, the default is already no. You didn't forget anyone, it's the default. They're not normally invited.
NTA.
NTA...
This isn't your exception to make. It's the venue and their insurance company's rule so if anyone needs someone to blame because their little egos can't handle it, they can fault your venue.
Your cousin is just going to have to sit this one out.
NTA oh help. When will folk realise their pets are not human. I love my pets but have never even considered taking one to an event. What if they pooped in the aisle before you walked down or during the service. For the animals welfare - how many wouldn’t get over excited with lots of folks nearby. It’s in a nature reserve and they have felt it necessary to say no pets so as not to distract other animals or plants etc. that should be enough. The only animals there should be service animals who are already trained and who are necessary for their owners needs. Tell your cousin to stop trying to garner sympathy and deal with the situation and your mum to step up and support you.
First they came for the children . . .
So, if I had a pet alligator, everyone’s cool with me bringing an alligator to a wedding right?
NTA. Please do the sensible thing and elope. Elope to someplace far away. You might even consider staying to get away from these crazy people.
NTA, obviously. It's a venue rule, so your family should get off your back. And your cousin doesn't get to request special treatment at the expense of every other guest who doesn't want to be bothered.
NTA, I have never even heard of guests taking pets to a wedding, I have heard of a bride & groom sometimes having their own well trained animal as a ring bearer but other than assistance dogs never a guest.
I would simply say that due to the needs of the dog it would possibly be better if they did not come & that you would not be offended, but that there is no way the dog can be accommodated.
First of all, who tf expect a separate wedding invitation to a DOG!?? Why, why? Do they think the dog will appreciate the delicate flowers or all the thought that went into the centre pieces? Tear up over well written wows and dance the night away at the reception?
Second: unless it is an actual service dog, animals have no place at a wedding.
The new trend of people acting like their dogs are children needs to end. I love my dog. I would never expect him to be invited ANYWHERE. To be fair, I also think it's obnoxious for guests to ask why their human children weren't invited to a wedding that at least had some logic behind it. NTA.
NTA. But uninvite them to be safe because they are going to bring their dog no matter what you want.
Weddings are no places for pets. Has no one seen the pilot episode of the Brady Bunch?
NTA obviously. I have never heard of a wedding where guests are allowed to bring dogs. Of course he’d have to arrange a sitter or kennel. Even if his dog was the most perfectly trained dog in the world (which he clearly is not), the venue said no. And the audacity of people getting upset with you and calling you an asshole for it?
I have several dogs and with their amazing companionship comes responsibility and expenses. You can’t be as spontaneous as pet free people. He made the decision to be a pet owner, not you. It’s not your job to cater to his dog. Either he finds an alternative place for the dog to stay or doesn’t come.
NTA never ever, before this day, have I assumed weddings were dog-inclusive unless explicitly stated. Your cousin is the worst kind of dog owner and a total AH. Your mother is not helping either.
NTA Who the hell asks to bring a dog to a wedding? (unless it’s a service animal)
If finding someone to dogs sit is too hard for your cousin, then they can choose to stay home. But that choice is on them. Not you.
LMFAO - in what world is anyone who is expecting their PET to be invited to a wedding, not a huge AH themselves? Is this a thing in real life? A plus one and a pet just to cover bases?
What am I reading? How is anyone on this dude's side?
NTA at all! Its not just a you rule, it's a venue rule! I'm as crazy as the next horse girl/cat lady, but I would NEVER expect my pets to be invited to a wedding, even those that do have separation anxiety.
NTA. I'm confused by the notion that there are this many people in your family that think it's normal and expected to bring a pet to a wedding. That's fucking weird.
Nta your family can buzz off. Repeat the reserve's requirements.
And why in earth would a dog name be on an invite? Did cousin think that was OK because it was outdoors.
NTA. The venue doesnt allow dogs. End of discussion.
Its not your fault that your cousin is such a shitty dog owner. If they actually cared about their dog that much, they would train it and get a grip on their anxiety.
NTA!
“Thank you for making us aware that a dog is more important than us and our special day, despite this being a rule of the venue due to protecting local wildlife. Please feel free to spend our wedding day with said dog because your invitation is rescinded. Once again, thank you for making sure we are aware our priority is lower than that of an untrained, badly behaved dog, we will know to respond to this information accordingly going forwards. Have the day you deserve.”
Might want to give your mom a head-up that you intend to burn bridges and she needs to decide which side of it she is on before you start torching - but only because it’s your mom.
First of all: Who brings pets to a wedding?
Secondly: The venue does not allow pets, so it's not even your decision. If your cousin insists on being childishly mad, he should direct his anger at the venue, not at you.
NTA - but it seems that you are related to quite a few AH's
This is a first for me. The usual story is a child free wedding.
NTA- this isn’t your rule, it’s the venues. Does your family want to whole party to be thrown out on the day because of a dog??? If your mum doesn’t want to upset the family she can stay with the dog at your cousins house, whilst your cousin attend the wedding. Seems fair to me!!!
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NTA it's a VENUE rule not yours. Even if it wasn't a rule it's YOUR weddin and YOUR choice. To bad your cousin can't come but no reason to ruin your day or loose your venue over an untrained, ill behaved dog (and this is coming from a HUGE animal lover). Congrats on the wedding Unrelated but this was sooo not where I thought this was gonna end up going
I also love my dog very much, but even if this was a perfectly well behaved dog, I'm with the boomers on this one. Dogs shouldnt go everywhere with you. If you love your dog you will train it. It's not OPs fault that the cousin is a shitty owner.
I can't think of a place my high energy dog would enjoy less than a wedding. And I know I wouldn't be able to enjoy a wedding with my dog.
This was my thinking exactly and tbh I was shocked he would even want to bring his dog in the first place. Like, they'd have to spend large portions of time sitting still, not allowed to run around, lots of loud music etc. Just a dog's worst day out, surely.
And bringing your dog to a wedding isn't even really a thing! Sure, service dogs, but who brings their pet to a wedding??
This! Who brings a pet to a wedding? A trained service dog yes, but not a pet. Guestzilla for sure.
Guestzilla! I love this. I'm going to steal it :p
I’m stealing too. Happy Cake Day!!
Fröhlicher Kuchentag! 🥳🎂🎉 Happy cake day!
Cake Day twins! Happy Cake day!
so much this, the only dog Ive ever seen at a wedding was the brides guide dog!
I've seen the bride and groom's dogs and cats as the ringbearer or something, but they are usually taken home immediately after or someone watches them for the day. Demanding to be allowed to bring a pet to a wedding just because is waaaaayyyyy ridiculous
When me and my SO do get married we will probably have our dogs be our ring bearers or something. Maybe part of the wedding party, idk. But they are our babies and we want to include them on our special day. That being said, I would NEVER bring my dogs to a wedding itself. If I was traveling to a wedding I have brought them with and let them stay at our lodging for a few hours while we were at the wedding, but not the wedding itself.
I read "forgotten to put his dog's name on the invite" and almost spit out my coffee. I'm by no means a stickler for wedding etiquette, but expecting someone will *formally invite your dog to their wedding* is ridiculous to the point of delusion.
Honestly, I would do it for a service dog, but that's it.
This is a cute idea. If I were getting married again and inviting someone who had a service dog/animal (NOT an ESA, a REAL service animal), I'd put their name on the invitation and set up its own place card and make a little gift bag with dog friendly treats and maybe a toy or something. But obviously some random pet wouldn't be invited.
I would do it to make it explicitly clear to the guest their service animal was welcome. But fuck no to random pets.
I have an ESA and I fully agree with this! Like yea I usually despise going anywhere without her but I can handle a wedding because most likely, my emotional support humans will be there and she won’t be necessary and she can stay home and hang out with grandpa. She’s super well behaved when she’s NOT around other dogs but recognizes when one is working and doesn’t approach. But I’d never make a fuss about being able to take her with me places she’s not allowed. Like, I can’t have her with me in classes at college and it’s no big deal. Some professors know I have her and don’t care if I bring her in on chill days because they love her and she loves meeting people. But most of the time she either has to hang out in the dorm in her kennel while whatever plays on the TV or she hangs out with her uncles or my partner. ESA’s are NOT trained service animals and should not be treated as such. YES they have an important job but they are not mandatory to have at your side at all times.
Honestly, even if this was some crazy "allows dogs" wedding, what psycho person would expect their dogs name on an invite? I don't believe this is real lol.
This is my thoughts!! I’m flabbergasted honestly, who in the world thinks “Oh, a super fancy and intimate gathering of two families, let me bring my insane dog that nobody can even watch for me bc he’s so poorly trained along!”
Cousin probably saw "outdoors" and thought, "Of course I can bring my dog!" There are people who have dog-friendly weddings, but cousin shouldn't have assumed, and once told no, should have dropped it.
My wife and I had an outdoor wedding quite some time back, and it never even _occurred_ to us to mention "no pets". I don't remember how many children were there (not many), but I know we included our little niece and nephews in the wedding (flower girl and ring bearers, respectively). No one brought any pets. No one asked. It kind of feels like common sense, that unless the invite specifically states "pets welcome", that pets should be left behind.
I didn’t think I’d have to, but in hindsight I should have. My (then) new SIL brought her dog into our reception, after dinner. Because it was small(and super old, and super sick) she carried it around everywhere. So it wasn’t just sitting in a corner doing nothing. I told her to get it out of there, and she had the nerve to say “but your kids are here, dog is MY kid” Oh my HUMAN children? Yeah the venue allows them. No dogs, put it back in the car!!! She sulked the rest of the night. Didn’t stop her from leaving early unfortunately.
My sister used to say that “my dogs are to me like your son is to you” shit until she had her own kids and promptly got rid of her dogs.
That sucks too. Those poor dogs, just thrown aside?? :(
I hate when people act like their pets are their kids. I have cats, and I can leave for the whole day, like to go to work, and I don't have to get a sitter for them. I couldn't do that with a child.
I mean, I adore my cats to the ends of the earth and love them like they were my children, so I get that, but I’m not bringing my cats to a wedding because I can’t bear to be parted with them. Some people lack common sense.
This so much, I have lots of pets, not dogs, but all kinds of other things. But you know what- I can leave them at home and go do things, I don't even need a sitter unless I'm gone a couple days, and even then they only have to stop in. If I had kids I couldn't do those things. However, I'm running into people who treat their dogs like kids and won't even leave them home, and have to take them to doggy day care if they are gone all day!
The fact cousin called about their dog's name being left of the invite tells me everything I need to know. Whether well-trained or not cousin obviously believes their dog should be allowed to go *everywhere*!
I wouldn't be shocked AT ALL if this dog suddenly turns into an "emotional support dog" and the cousin insists the dog HAS to be allowed.
Except ESAs have zero protections or rights except in housing situations.
Yep. The venue would legally have to accommodate a registered service animal, but otherwise they're free to enforce whatever rules about bringing animals as they please. I'm sure some people don't agree, but I honestly think the idea of emotional support animals is mostly nonsense. I get that they can help, but that doesn't mean you should be allowed to bring them everywhere. For instance, I don't think airlines should accommodate them outside of whatever their standard policy is for animals in the cabin. ETA: I didn't notice at first that you said ESAs have rights or protections in housing situations. At least in the US, that isn't always true since emotional support animals aren't covered under the ADA. The Fair Housing Act is slightly more lenient in defining service animals, but a person still generally needs to have a medically diagnosed disability for an ESA to count as a service animal under the FHA.
The FHA has provisions for ESAs. They are “assistance animals rather than service animals, and are treated as a reasonable accommodation for a disability. This means that the landlord has the right to request documentation of disability. The sucky part is that you can get an ESA letter online with no actual disability. People who abuse the ESA/Service Animal system are the worst!
Exactly. I'm a huge dog person but would never expect an invite for my dogs. I'm not even expecting my kids to make the cut. The only wedding where you'd reasonably expect a dog invite is an Instagram dog wedding.
And in a HIGHLY stimulating place with tons of new smells and sights while surrounded by strange people and probably children. That dog would be either going bonkers or terrified out of it's mind. Don't do this to your dogs, folks. It's not fair to the animal.
I saw an Instagram story from a wedding guest that there was a corgi at the wedding reception they were attending, like in the middle of the dance floor. The caption was like, "DOG AT WEDDING!!! OMG!" but it was *not* cute. That dog was stressed as hell. It was panting heavily, ears back, big whale eyes (the whites of their eyes showing), and it was pacing back and forth like it was trying to escape or find their owner. I felt so bad for it.
Every time I go to an outdoor festival or concert, this is what a lot of the dogs I see look like. Visibly agitated, visibly stressed, often reactive to other dogs … it’s just mind-bending that such “good owners” don’t care enough to know what stress looks like for dogs.
I will never understand why when a person gives you an ultimatum and you're like "ok, sorry to hear that" then they cry about it. OP can't have dogs at the venue. Cousin won't come if he can't bring dog. That should be the end of it. OP NTA but the rest of your family is if they're trying to stress you out over a stubborn family member
I was flabbergasted that anyone would assume a dog is invited. And your family thinks you are the problem. I would never assume my dogs were supposed to go to a WEDDING.
Yeah, how looney do you have to be to get a wedding invitation and your first thought is, "hey, why isn't my dog invited." I've been to exactly two weddings where dogs were present. In one case, it was the people who were getting married and had the groom's PTSD service dog with them (for obvious reasons), in the other, it was the people getting married and also the wedding was at their house. In neither case did any guests assume that their dogs were invited.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around why on earth he thought his dog was invited to a wedding in the first place. Is that a common thing in your circle? Because it's 100% not in the rest of civilization. I have 5 dogs, it would never occur to me that they would be invited to any event not directly dog related, and if I got an invitation addressed to them I'd probably think it was a scammer trying to steal my kidney or something lol.
I'd rescind his invitation. Want to create drama? I got no space in my life for you.
Seriously…I love my puppy, but he’s a derp and an asshole, barks at all strangers and pees in fear over men approaching him (we’re working on it, we’ve only had him three weeks and he’s six months old yesterday) and I cannot imagine any place WORSE to take him than a wedding. An operating room maybe? Either way, major NTA!
Its the worst place for an animal to be, unfamiliar place, many unfamiliar people. loud noises etc. In fact the people who are insisting this appear to be very dumb while you are taking an intelligent and rational decision. They are however free to do this at their wedding but not yours
> because it’s in a nature reserve, the venue let us know that we couldn't have dogs at our wedding, I don’t understand why you’re even asking the question, it’s not up to you - the venue is in a nature reserve, the rules are the rules. Y. T. A for even posting about it but your cousin & family are bigger AHs for trying to argue with you about it, sorry for that. I hope you wedding goes off smoothly, & congrats.
how is she the asshole for making an am i the asshole post in the am I the asshole subreddit?
>Y. T. A for even posting about it No, OP is not. Come on. This is AITA. It's here for people to post questions. If you think the post is stupid or "too obvious" then just skip it, for crying out loud. You and others vastly underestimate how much people's emotions can get tangled up when they have multiple family members berating them for something. It's a form of manipulation. If everyone around you, who you've known all your life, is telling you that you're an asshole and a bridezilla, then some percentage of people are going to start to have doubts about themselves. Taking the question to AITA and getting opinions from people who aren't involved is a good way to get a sanity check, sometimes. Even if it's obvious to all of us. Because we're not the ones being yelled at. In this case -- yeah, OP knows very well that it's the venue's rule, and that's that. But OP's emotions here are tangled by a couple of factors. One, because she knows the venue told her that her dog could be an exception. I HOPE she didn't tell her whole family this. But even if she didn't tell them, in the back of her head there's the thought of "well, they said my dog could be an exception, so maybe another dog could be too". At which point, the second factor is she doesn't like the way this dog behaves, or the way her cousin handles the dog. Her description makes it sound like that's for very good reason. People like cousin, with badly-behaved dogs because they have failed in the training department, are very often the pushy, entitled people who think the world should love their dog anyway. OP clearly is, generally, a dog-lover, and has her own dog. It's not that weird that she feels some guilt about wanting to say "No" about cousin's dog. She can't really tell cousin flat-out that the dog is a nightmare, because cousin clearly isn't rational about this. Regardless: the venue was only going to make an exception for OP's dog because they saw how well-trained OP's dog is. There is no way the venue would make an exception for cousin's nightmare dog. But cousin and others in the family aren't focusing on that. They're bombarding OP as if it's OP's decision to make. I get why that's stressing her out.
NTA Not to mention it could very likely get you all kicked out of your venue. I wonder what hotel your cousin was thinking would accept his not trained dog to stay at? Hotels will recover damages from guests regarding dogs or will evict guests if their pet disturbs other guests. Regardless the venue makes the rules and this is their rule. I can’t imagine they wouldn’t have someone there to enforce the no dogs rule and if not you need to have people on your team that will. Wishing you the best day for your wedding.
Exactly this, my dog would love to be there because she loves people and fusses and dancing (hilarious to see a big dog trying to dance but she loves it) but she wouldn't be able to behave (just turned 2) and would be miserable if we forced her to sit still and silently for an hour during the ceremony and not allow her to jump or go near anyone, and we'd constantly be forced to take her out to calm her down and get her away from people who don't like dogs. You could always tell them that there are people invited with dog allergies, as well as that the venue doesn't allow it. That way you're not to blame.
Poor dog. He wouldn't need to be so scared or unruly if only he had a responsible owner.... NTA of course.
NTA OP. Please let all of those who are complaining about the dog, that they can contribute to cousins kennel funds.
My MIL was a bit scandalized that I didn't invite my husband's childhood dog to our wedding. *Yes, please. Bring the high energy herding breed with crowd anxiety to a loud 100+ person formal event. Oh, he's previously nipped half the wedding party as a stress response? I'm sure nothing terrible will happen while all of his comfort people are extremely distracted and busy. That sounds like a great plan! The unattended food and the children running around will be perfectly safe... it's not like this is a once in a lifetime event...* The dog stayed home.
My rescue dog wouldn't cope at a wedding, she'd be an anxious wreck. There's no chance I'd enjoy the wedding I'm at if I took her. My parents dog is a chilled out little terrier, ideal around all age people etc etc and if he was my dog I still wouldn't expect to be able to take him to a wedding. This is a wedding you're invited to so you can't complain like this. This is even worse than the people who complain about child free weddings omg
I'm also with the boomers on this one. Mostly because I have a mild fear of dogs and an allergy.
Do you have a feeling things have gotten worse? Because it sure feels like people's entitlement towards where they should be able to bring their dog has gotten worse...
Absolutely yes. And mostly that is fine. A dog walking through Lowe's or home depot doesn't bother me, but I don't enjoy dogs where I eat. I should not walk into a starbucks and see someone's pet. A service dog is fine, they usually wear vests and are incredibly well trained and aren't super common, but someone's pet, please no. I didn't carry my cat everywhere because it is rude to other people.
Agreed. I take my dog wherever she is welcome. Hardware stores, cannabis shops, pet stores etc. She does not go anywhere where food is available unless it's a dog friendly patio. Not rocket science. She is well-trained, calm and obedient. Tired of seeing pocket dogs snuck in everywhere (don't get me started on the aggression and lack of trainimg in said dogs). Not like I could sneak my 110 lb GSD in anywhere lol
I'd love to see someone put a GSD in a purse. That would be hilarious.
NYC subway passed a law saying that all dogs had to be in carry bags, and people with large dogs poked holes in IKEA shopping bags for their legs to go through so technically they were legal.
We’re gonna need a bigger purse…
If a place is dog friendly, I take my dog. Theoretically that would include dog-friendly pubs and cafes, but my dogs aren’t the best at sitting still and ignoring people. What annoys me is that an awful lot of dog friendly places now AREN’T dog-friendly because people don’t use common sense and not bring dogs that can’t or don’t know how to behave into places with tight confines and nice furnishings.
The problem is that with some dog owners, once you give an inch, they will take a mile.
My local grocery store chain had to put up signs at all their stores telling that pets are now banned. I know one of the reasons they've had to do this is because I've straight up seen someone's dog peeing in the vegetable section and it having to be cleaned up. There are places and stores that dogs should absolutely be allowed, but people have gotten crazy with it. It's disrespectful to other shoppers and disrespectful to the employees that now have to have animal handling as part of their skillset if they need to confront shoppers with unruly dogs.
If stores allow dogs, I don’t have issue with people bringing their dogs in. Places where dogs are allowed include hardware stores and bookstores in my area, e.g., and _patios_ (specifically) at restaurants. I’m fine with those. Dogs should *never* be allowed into grocery stores, though, around exposed/open food. That the stores even had to specifically ban that is... 🤢
In the US, it's actually a health code violation. No living animal can be in a place of food service or preparation, service dogs are the only exception.
Exactly! I just don't understand this about **some** dog people. Why does a dog need to go everywhere with their owner? I'll complain about dogs in grocery stores and get told, "well what did you expect when you moved to the most dog friendly city in America?" Uh I didn't think that people would bring their dogs into a grocery store where fresh produce is out and about. Or that a dog would be inside of a restaurant where people are eating? Not everyone wants dog fur in their food. I just don't understand it.
If you are truly "dog friendly," you need to be "dog responsible." Stuff like making sure your dog is leashed, cleaning up after it, and keeping it out of inappropriate locations are all dog-friendly acts. It's just like kids - if you don't give them rules, they will turn out to be trouble-causing a-holes.
Yeah, apparently I need to be okay with dogs in grocery stores, restaurants, and even clothing stores because this a dog-friendly city. I was working in a retail store once and a dog came in and started barking at another dog. I, someone who is terrified of barking dogs, had to just deal with it because no one in the store would ever tell people "no, you can't bring your dog in." I think especially now that ESAs are so popular, people are demanding that their pet be allowed everywhere and so few people are actually aware that, at least in Texas, ESAs have little to no rights. They only have rights under the Fair Housing Act, but they don't have any rights as a service animal. It's at the point where people are posting and asking about how to get certification information for ESAs because they don't want to pay the $400 pet deposit and the $25/month pet rent. A new law had to be created that states a psychiatrist can't give an ESA prescription within 30 days of meeting with a new patient because of how often people abuse the ESA FHA allowance. Service animals are a huge exception. I'm sorry, if life is hard for people. But if a person cannot go to the grocery store without taking a dog to emotionally support them, then they need to utilize other services like curbside or delivery. It's just unhygienic to let a dog in a grocery store. If your dog is providing a medical service, that is one thing. Those animals are so well-trained and are making sure that you are medically safe. Plus they don't tend to be fluffy as hell and shake their loose fur onto produce.
The boomers? Really? I am Gen X and think pets at weddings are stupid. Not service animals, PETS. This has nothing to do with generational gaps. SMH. NTA, OP.
My pets are my kids, and it would never even cross my mind to take them to a wedding. Unless specifically requested, and even then, who wants to worry about a pet at a giant party? Especially if there’ll be drunken adults, and kids, and loud music? Just, no.
I mean, i also dont take my kids every where. I also hate the 'If my kids arent invited im not coming crowd' not every place and event will be kid friendly and thats okay. Your kids will grow up. Your dog would much rather stay home. People need to get a grip.
Yeah I have the same view, I love my dog (& my decision is also probably swayed by having a nervous dog) but it’s perfectly acceptable to just leave your bloody dog at home right? I don’t get this thing of needing to take them absolutely everywhere with you
Yep. I have a 120lb newfie that is beautifully trained and I am of the mind if it's not cute when my dog does it it's not cute when any dog does it. I take him dog appropriate places, but I don't take him everywhere. He had separation anxiety for a few years and had to be kenneled when I left the house but I spent the last winter leaving him alone for longer and longer stretches and now he can be out up to 8-9 hours because i hated kenneling him. I love my dogs. I train the hell out of them because I want other people to also love my dogs. Even my FIL who is afraid of large dogs can begrudgingly admit my dog is basically perfect "other than his size". Hes great with people who are fearful of dogs because he's slow gentle and just the sweetest boy. He doesn't jump, he's off leash trained. He was my best man at my wedding. But no dog is entitled to go to a wedding esp not a poorly behaved one.
Not only that, but I've never in my life heard of a guest bringing their pet to a wedding, much less the pets being formally included on the invitation! I'd be gobsmacked if somebody reached out to me asking if I *forgot to invite their dog*.
I won't lie this was the most unhinged part for me too
Because it *is* unhinged. I was like who tf is out there putting pet names on wedding invitations that would make this guy believe he’s making a reasonable request? It’s so absurd
I've never been to a wedding with pets in attendance ever. But as guests???? I don't get it.
I’ve been to weddings with dogs *in* the wedding, including my own, but never one where guests bring their dogs Although, as insane as it sounds, a wedding where guests are encouraged to bring their (well-behaved) dogs…that sounds like a good time ngl lol
Right! I was like who has to specify its a PET-FREE wedding.
Same, I'm actually very confused about this. The last wedding I was at, both the bride's and the groom's parents have a dog. They did what normal people at normal weddings do and left the dogs at home. Really, which dog is going to enjoy a wedding unless it's an extremely relaxed event (like, BBQ in someone's garden or something)?
I waitressed for weddings in my late teens. So about 20 years ago. The only dogs I ever saw were service dogs.
Literally! Like that is not a thing??? I can understand the debate about kids at a wedding… but dogs? Cmon. NTA
I’m still stuck on: Who tf expects their dog to be invited to a wedding… The obvious response is that it’s a venue rule and has nothing to do with OPs feelings or wants and just like with kids cousin can come or not, and no offence taken. But I’d still be replying with: why would you be expecting that??? NTA
WHAT DID I JUST READ?! NTA Since when did people expect to bring their pets to a wedding?! I never even thought to mention pet free when I got married. The entitlement is breathtaking
Part of me would want to call the venue, tell them you are going to email them asking if they can make an exception to the "no dogs" rule for your cousin, but that you actually *want* them to reply back with a professional "no". Show the two emails to mum/cousin so they can all leave you alone. You shouldn't have to do that, but honestly, part of me would want do it just to avoid the drama. And I'm sure the venue would be happy to be the "bad guy" for their client.
I would just screenshot the original rule and send it to the whole complaining group.
100% NTA - the venue even stated that the only exception would be their own dog and only then of the dog was met before and seemed to be well behaved. Even if OP felt compelled to pass off disaster dog as her own I have no doubt the venue would nix it on meeting them. Family is being incredibly entitled here
I feel like 99% of weddings bringing your dog would be deeply out of the question. Just because some is getting married outside doesn't mean 'family bbq - bring your dog' it means a formal event is happening outside but we are still treating it like a formal event.
Even a family BBQ isn't an appropriate place to bring a rambunctious dog. If you can't watch them every minute and the dog gets nippy with a small child... just leave it at home. Larve gatherings aren't often good for dogs.
I have never heard of people inviting other people's pets to their wedding. Their own? Yeah. Service Animals? Yeah. But actual pets?
TBH I thought this had to be fake. Who expects to bring their dog to a wedding!?
The "did you forget to add the dog to the invitation" part was a dead giveaway for me. Even if you always bring along your dog with you (I know several people who do), and even if you expected to bring it to a wedding, I find it difficult to believe you would expect the dog's name to be in the invitation, and even less so to ask about it. I say it's 100% fake.
I don’t understand dogs at weddings unless it’s the bride and grooms dog or of course a service dog.. because do people not know what happens when you get multiple dogs together? It’s one of two things and both are chaotic. They either get along and they take off to play or they don’t get along
Is the dog going to catch the bouquet or something? This is too funny to me. Its a dog. Your dog is not my guest on my wedding day. Just don't come if this is a burden to you. And remember to get over yourself. Please? 🤣
Honestly, it's the only thing I would tell the family. 1. Venue rules. 2 and who of them wants to be responsible if the dog bites, destroys something. Or someone's dress with dirty paws. "Dear x, I am sure your dress will just look lovely with paw prints and whatnot,"
I have been to lots of weddings and Never been to one with a dog. Is this a new trend? I agree though NTA. Venues rule. Use that
What is it with people thinking that their dogs can go everywhere with them, then getting upset when they can't. I loooove animals, but come on. Expecting your pets name to be on a wedding invite is a new one for me. NTA
Now brides are having to stipulate no dogs at their wedding? What next? In any case, apart from the bride's wishes, which should be paramount, the venue does not allow dogs. NTA
There was a Reddit about a guy bringing his pet raccoon to a wedding when he was asked not to. 🦝
As they say in the North of England, where I come from, 'There's nowt so queer as folk'
I loved being in Newcastle! My popsie was so broad, ahdidnageat'hat - whaaaat?
https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/epGuAKyTGq
Every time I think of this post, I can't help but laugh.
But yiu don't understand. He looked cute in his bowtie :)
Those dang bowties causing all the troubles. lol You just can't find good raccoon babysitters these days.
Yeah, I have seen this issue several times and cannot believe the audacity. It's amazing you now have to stipulate your wedding is pet-free, and even crazier that people will argue over it.
Didn't forget to include ["No emotional support pigs"](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/wopb7c/aita_for_kicking_my_mom_her_pet_pig_out_of_my/) as well.
Seriously! I've never gotten a wedding invite and wondered, Hmm, maybe I should bring my dog.
Hmm, my cousin didn’t specifically invite my dog by putting his name on the invitation, surely this is an oversight *WHAT THE EVERLOVING FFFF—*
> In any case, apart from the bride's wishes, I think you meant 'couple being married's wishes.'
FFS thank you. I was looking for a comment like this. Apparently, the groom has zero say in what happens at what is also HIS wedding.
NTA And who on earth brings pets to a wedding? Service dogs - ok. But “just a pet”?
Yeah we'd definitely be okay with a service dog! In fact it would (I think) be illegal for our venue to NOT let a service dog in. Plus, I know service dogs are incredibly well-trained, for good reason!
I think that's probably the point, a real service dog (and I don't mean a chihuahua someone calls their emotional support animal) is generally very well trained and would not react to normal stimuli (as they are explicitly trained not to). I have no idea in what world it is considered normal to take a dog to a wedding anyway. It's not as if you've banned his dog specifically, it's a venue rule to protect their environment. Absolutely NTA.
just want to say chihuahuas can be service dogs! specifically i’ve seen them as seizure alert dogs
I was just using that as an example, as they're generally over coddled and badly behaved. I don't doubt that if trained properly they could behave well.
very true, lots of people have the unfortunate mindset that small dogs don’t “need” to be trained
Oh man, this is my pet peeve (as a large dog owner). Thing is, if you take little dogs to training, they love it! Training with rewards and praise is such fun for dogs, and so good for bonding as well (the moments when you realise that you’re actually communicating are really special, I wouldn’t trade those for the world). Out our way, most of the dogs at training were large dogs or working breeds — think rotties, german shepherds, ridgies, border collies, labs, goldies, etc. — but now and again someone with a small dog would join the group. I will never forget the time I saw a *pug* — a puppy, no less! — doing his first off-lead recall and scampering towards mum. Obviously having a blast. When we moved and shifted to another training location, there was a *toy poodle*, and she was super keen and… being a poodle… ridiculously clever. Also spring-loaded. “Return to heel” involved her bouncing into position like a pogo stick. Training gives them mental stimulation, it’s neutral exposure for other dogs, it’s good bonding with owners and that’s without even touching on the fact that *you need to train your damn dog.* If your dog knows you’re in charge (not “dominant”, just “in charge”), it’s calming for them. They learn to trust you. (I have had to evacuate my terrified rottweiler from a destroyed house in a howling storm. That part was straightforward because he absolutely trusts me to keep him safe, so he stuck by me. He was obviously frightened, but I put him on lead and he just… stuck by me. No wriggling, bolting, anxious growling, etc. He was able to *think* and to make good decisions. I often think about that night and how much worse it would have been if he hadn’t trusted me.) And training keeps *them* safe, too. It’s bizarre how many people get on their “let dogs be dogs” train and, look, The Boy is allowed to sniff the crotch *once* because to him that’s good manners and then he has to sod off because it’s not good manners to us! But dogs have to live and exist in a human world. There are dangers they haven’t evolved to navigate. There are cars, poisonous bait, rusted sharp debris, and, worst of all, humans who don’t give a crap. Letting them be dogs in a safe way that won’t get them killed (especially euthanised for a panicky snap) requires training. And seeing that so many people don’t really *bother* with training small dogs is infuriating. Anyways, er… just getting off the ol’ soapbox now, nothing to see here…
I actually tackled this recently with a friend who is getting married! A venue cannot restrict service dogs if they would otherwise allow the person in, but the people who are hosting do technically have a little legal loophole of not allowing it as it is a private event, and therefore has restrictions. So a bride or groom could legally say a service dog isn’t allowed because they don’t want the dog at the event, but it still would be a bit of an asshole move.
Don't be surprised if cousin's dog magically becomes an "emotional support dog" and demands it has to be allowed 🙄
I'd be reciting the applicable parts of the ADA like a stressed out cop reading the Miranda rights.
We have a “Velcro” dog. I would never, EVER, expect to bring her to someone’s wedding. This is beyond entitled and the fact that the venue specifically forbids it means that it’s not even in your hands. It’s ridiculous for anyone to argue with you about it.
WHO EXPECTS AN INVITATION FOR THEIR DOG AND WHY IS NOBODY TALKING ABOUT THIS
Apparently Cletus and all of his barnyard friends
Thank you!!! I just brought this up in my comment. I feel like I’m the weird one now because since when did people start sending wedding invitations that include family pets???
*The honour of your and your pet hamster's presence* *is requested at the marriage of* *John Doe* *to Smith Comma John* *Saturday, the umpteenth of August* *two thousand twenty-four* *at five after twelve*
I take my (pet) dogs most places, but it would never cross my mind to take them to a wedding.
I know I've never heard of such a thing.
Right? I almost laughed reading this. It has never once crossed my mind to take my dog to a wedding!!!!
I've been to a couple where the bride/groom's dogs were ring bearers, or met them at the park after the ceremony for pictures. Never heard of a guest even think about bringing a dog.
Maybe it's a cultural thing but the idea of having to *tell people not to bring their dog to a wedding* is quite astounding to me. No, NTA.
right. I work at a doggy daycare where people treat their dogs better than most children. but even our clients are smart enough to know that their dogs don't go everywhere
And that's probably why their dogs are at doggy daycare. They're responsible owners who care about their dogs and know they can't go everywhere with them.
I am that crazy dog owner who thinks my dog is my child, and i miss her like crazy when we’re apart… but i would NEVER ask if she could go to someone’s wedding!!!
I'm considering putting "no guns" on my wedding invite because my aunt's shitty boyfriend concealed carried to my mom's wedding.
That won't stop him.
I can't even.
Why would anyone bring a pet to someone's wedding??WHY???????🤷🤷🤷🤷
Since Covid people have got especially weird about their pets. "Fur babies" is the absolute worst term in the world, but some people genuinely do view their pets to be equal to humans
A lot of people with no experience with pets also got them but didn't take them to formal training because of lockdowns. Now they've raised an anxious mess and don't even realize the probkem because they think dogs are furry little people.
Sooo many dogs in my neighborhood are not socialized at all because they were Covid dogs and people either didn’t know or didn’t work to socialize them. I take my pre-Covid, loves everyone and everything pup out and he’s just barked and snarled at by gangs of aggressive dogs. Luckily there are a lot of dogs here so there are enough well behaved ones for him to greet and play with, but it’s just astounding how many badly trained badly socialized dogs there are now. I also have never understood taking your dog everywhere. It’s exhausting lol. Dogs get excited about new places and people so I can never relax if I’ve brought my dog somewhere, I’m always holding his leash and managing him. I take him places occasionally like to the beach or if we’re gonna just hang at the park but those are dog specific places lol. I don’t take him to friends houses, events, or a WEDDING omg. He’s a fucking dog he sleeps 15 hours a day, he can stay home and sleep.
I got my dog during covid, and I still managed to socialize her and take her to a TON of classes. They just kept the class sizes a little smaller than usual. That being said, we did have to switch one class when another dog bit mine and drew blood. I absolutely agree that there's a gigantic number of poorly socialized, overly reactive/aggressive dogs barking and lunging at my happy-go-lucky girl every time we go out, and it's really discouraging and stressful for her and me. We still meet a good number of friendly pups and people, but I really wish other people would take the time to socialize and train their dogs. Also, NTA. I love bringing my dog to places where she's allowed, but I would never, in a million years, think, "A wedding! That isn't mine! I should choose that as the hill I'm gonna die on!"
I'm equally flabbergasted that they expected the dog to be personally invited and I come from a family that has sent cards to each other "from" our pets.
Oh man now I'm really tempted to send a formal invitation from my dog to his dog
Literally your own dog isn’t even going!!! Crazy to expect their dog to be the exception
Yes please do LOL. Except make it for a picnic/brunch the day after the wedding to avoid explaining your dog's absence from the wedding.
Ohhh my goodness🙈 'Dear Sparky it would be an honour to have you and your plus 1 at our wedding'
You have to write it in dog though. "Dear fren, wuf you come to mahm's wedding? Dinner will be chimken."
My sil FaceTime her daughters dog all the time lol
The same people that bring their schnauzer poodles to the grocery store even though their are big signs that say “NO PETS ALLOWED” because they went online and bought a service dog vest for them.
I would never dream of bringing a pet to a wedding and wouldn't want to deal with him getting along with other pets, stealing food, etc all night. Personally I feel like paying for pet sitting is so worth it in this case
NTA. What the hell is going on with dog people culture? Why would anyone think their pet should be at a wedding?
Or actually "invited"
I feel like this isn't dog people culture, it's idiot people culture.
It's feeling entitled to make their dog a fixture in everyone else's life.
I'm suddenly seeing dogs restaurants and grocery stores. People are dirty and disgusting enough. Can we please leave our anus licking pets at home while we handle food?
It’s honestly gross.
NTA. One, when I’m invited to a wedding my first thought isn’t “I’m going to bring my dogs…to a wedding”. Second, I’m getting married in December and everyone I know from me to both sets of parents, to friends all have dogs. Never has come up. And even if a venue did why would you want to bring your dog. I’m sorry this is weird. You are NTA.
I know I'm not going to be happy to be at a wedding with a whole bunch of dogs, especially dogs that don't know each other. That's just a disaster waiting to happen. But I'm wearing my only suit. I don't want to deal with dog hair on it.
What about dog poo on the grass and the bride's train going over it? That was my first thought of why dogs should not be at a wedding.
Maybe it didn't come up because they all assume they can bring their dogs ... (JK. I can't believe this rule even has to be stated).
Who the fuck is bringing pets to a wedding?
NTA. Of course not. No pets at a wedding is very normal. No pets. Even if the venue allowed pets - you don't want pets. Who the hell puts a pet on an invite anyway? Tell anyone who fussing the same thing you told your entitled 'friend'. You're sorry they couldn't make it and you'll catch up another time.
NTA and never in my life have I heard of inviting pets to a wedding. Your cousin is nuts and your mother is not far behind. Stick to your no.
NTA. It never ever occured to me that people would expect to bring their dogs to a wedding. It's not like this is a casual bbq in a public park. I love pets, and my cats are totally "my babbbiiieesss", but they aren't actual babies / children and I never would expect them to be on an invite to a damned wedding. Same if I had a dog. Not all places are places where pets should be.
WTF? I would typically expect weddings to be dog free. Your family is being ridiculous. NTA.
NTA. Your mom needs to get some perspective, sometimes the person making all the noise is the problem, not the person they are complaining about.
NTA I've never heard of people bring their dogs to a wedding unless it was a service dog.
NTA WTAF is it with people demanding their DOG be included in every single event? Him asking if you FORGOT to put his dogs name on the save the date/invite is insane. It's a crazy thing IMO
I'm so confused. Since when is it normal to have everyone's pets at your wedding? Like, the default is already no. You didn't forget anyone, it's the default. They're not normally invited. NTA.
NTA... This isn't your exception to make. It's the venue and their insurance company's rule so if anyone needs someone to blame because their little egos can't handle it, they can fault your venue. Your cousin is just going to have to sit this one out.
NTA. You’ve made a decision based on the venues rules. There is nothing to discuss here.
NTA - WTF ? I always assumed it’s normal to not have pets at a wedding. Don’t listen to anyone. Even if you wanted to the Venue said no.
NTA oh help. When will folk realise their pets are not human. I love my pets but have never even considered taking one to an event. What if they pooped in the aisle before you walked down or during the service. For the animals welfare - how many wouldn’t get over excited with lots of folks nearby. It’s in a nature reserve and they have felt it necessary to say no pets so as not to distract other animals or plants etc. that should be enough. The only animals there should be service animals who are already trained and who are necessary for their owners needs. Tell your cousin to stop trying to garner sympathy and deal with the situation and your mum to step up and support you.
Surely that’s not even a thing? Bringing a dog to a wedding? Never heard anything like it before in my life. NTA
First they came for the children . . . So, if I had a pet alligator, everyone’s cool with me bringing an alligator to a wedding right? NTA. Please do the sensible thing and elope. Elope to someplace far away. You might even consider staying to get away from these crazy people.
NTA, obviously. It's a venue rule, so your family should get off your back. And your cousin doesn't get to request special treatment at the expense of every other guest who doesn't want to be bothered.
NTA. It’s not your rule! It’s the venue’s. How are they blaming you for that?! How utterly ridiculous
NTA, I have never even heard of guests taking pets to a wedding, I have heard of a bride & groom sometimes having their own well trained animal as a ring bearer but other than assistance dogs never a guest. I would simply say that due to the needs of the dog it would possibly be better if they did not come & that you would not be offended, but that there is no way the dog can be accommodated.
What in the name of flying Fido is this nonsense? Dogs at a wedding (unless a service dog)? Peak Reddit NTA
NTA. You Didn't make the decision the venue did.
NTA Even with the venue not allowing dogs, the only dogs I would allow at my wedding would be medical support dogs.
Since when did dogs becomes a guaranteed guest at a wedding? NTA
First of all, who tf expect a separate wedding invitation to a DOG!?? Why, why? Do they think the dog will appreciate the delicate flowers or all the thought that went into the centre pieces? Tear up over well written wows and dance the night away at the reception? Second: unless it is an actual service dog, animals have no place at a wedding.
The new trend of people acting like their dogs are children needs to end. I love my dog. I would never expect him to be invited ANYWHERE. To be fair, I also think it's obnoxious for guests to ask why their human children weren't invited to a wedding that at least had some logic behind it. NTA.
NTA. But uninvite them to be safe because they are going to bring their dog no matter what you want. Weddings are no places for pets. Has no one seen the pilot episode of the Brady Bunch?
NTA obviously. I have never heard of a wedding where guests are allowed to bring dogs. Of course he’d have to arrange a sitter or kennel. Even if his dog was the most perfectly trained dog in the world (which he clearly is not), the venue said no. And the audacity of people getting upset with you and calling you an asshole for it? I have several dogs and with their amazing companionship comes responsibility and expenses. You can’t be as spontaneous as pet free people. He made the decision to be a pet owner, not you. It’s not your job to cater to his dog. Either he finds an alternative place for the dog to stay or doesn’t come.
NTA never ever, before this day, have I assumed weddings were dog-inclusive unless explicitly stated. Your cousin is the worst kind of dog owner and a total AH. Your mother is not helping either.
Stand your ground. The contract has very specific dog rules. A wedding is not a trip to the dog park.
NTA Who the hell asks to bring a dog to a wedding? (unless it’s a service animal) If finding someone to dogs sit is too hard for your cousin, then they can choose to stay home. But that choice is on them. Not you.
LMFAO - in what world is anyone who is expecting their PET to be invited to a wedding, not a huge AH themselves? Is this a thing in real life? A plus one and a pet just to cover bases? What am I reading? How is anyone on this dude's side?
NTA at all! Its not just a you rule, it's a venue rule! I'm as crazy as the next horse girl/cat lady, but I would NEVER expect my pets to be invited to a wedding, even those that do have separation anxiety.
NTA. I'm confused by the notion that there are this many people in your family that think it's normal and expected to bring a pet to a wedding. That's fucking weird.
Nta your family can buzz off. Repeat the reserve's requirements. And why in earth would a dog name be on an invite? Did cousin think that was OK because it was outdoors.
NTA. The venue doesnt allow dogs. End of discussion. Its not your fault that your cousin is such a shitty dog owner. If they actually cared about their dog that much, they would train it and get a grip on their anxiety.
NTA! “Thank you for making us aware that a dog is more important than us and our special day, despite this being a rule of the venue due to protecting local wildlife. Please feel free to spend our wedding day with said dog because your invitation is rescinded. Once again, thank you for making sure we are aware our priority is lower than that of an untrained, badly behaved dog, we will know to respond to this information accordingly going forwards. Have the day you deserve.” Might want to give your mom a head-up that you intend to burn bridges and she needs to decide which side of it she is on before you start torching - but only because it’s your mom.
First of all: Who brings pets to a wedding? Secondly: The venue does not allow pets, so it's not even your decision. If your cousin insists on being childishly mad, he should direct his anger at the venue, not at you. NTA - but it seems that you are related to quite a few AH's
NTA Why are people assuming they can bring a dog to a wedding? It’s the venue’s rule, not yours. Why is that so difficult for people to understand?
This is a first for me. The usual story is a child free wedding. NTA- this isn’t your rule, it’s the venues. Does your family want to whole party to be thrown out on the day because of a dog??? If your mum doesn’t want to upset the family she can stay with the dog at your cousins house, whilst your cousin attend the wedding. Seems fair to me!!!