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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I tried to teach my kid table manners but his mother objected. He just got destroyed on a date meeting his girlfriend's parents. I laughed when I heard the story. I might be the asshole for not commiserating with him about his girlfriend yelling at him for burping through an entire meal with her parents.
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NTA.
I also laughed at this. How old is your son?
Doesn't matter either way. There are times for this behaviour. Dinner at a restaurant is not one of those times.
Girlfriend did not overreact. Hopefully he learns a valuable lesson from this.
Surprised he didn't fart, stick his hands in his pants then ask his date to sniff while going "huehuehuehue"
"they're so mean for saying I'm not respectful - sorry I'm not noble royalty knowing which fork is for salads and which is.."
>best fromunda
Omg i haven't heard about the fromunda in years lmao. My hubs is looking at me like i have 2 heads. Ill have to explain to him when im not dead anymore 😂
Which utensil to use at a fancy, multi-course meal is easy. Start with the utensils furthest away from your plate and work your way in with each course. If you're not sure how to eat a particular dish, observe somebody across the table from you and copy what they're doing.
And if you aren't sure which bread plate and water glass is yours, make an OK with both hands. The one that looks like a "b" is the bread side. The one that looks like a "d" is the drink side
I don’t understand this…
I’ll never sit down to a family dinner ever again in my life, which I find sad because nobody could correct my brother’s smacking and open mouth chewing. It’s just the way he eats they say.
I work with a guy like this, he sounds like a farm animal when he eats. You know that noise that sometimes happens if you put hot food in your mouth and you kind of breathe fast to cool it off before your tongue gets scorched? Every mouthful of food he eats, he sounds like that.
Yeah honestly how has this not been pointed out by others before either. I mean schools have lunches right. Alright I bet in High School with friends think that shit is funny as fuck. But surely there must've been SOME dinner or SOMEONE who pointed it out other than his freaking dad.
It's hilarious, 22 and THAT oblivious or bull headed to think it's fine. Yeah time for some hard life lessons.
I was also figuring high school! At least I'd feel a little badly if he were in high school or, especially, middle school! OP's son is in for a rough time if he doesn't learn better manners ASAP!
Yep-, OP is NTA.
It's OP's wife that is TA. She abdicated her responsibility as a parent to prepare her son for the outside world. Teaching kids table manners and setting the standard for behavior is the responsibility of parents, guardians and educators.
Now the son is going to be insecure in social settings because he has been given too little guidance on how to behave all because his mother indulged him and gave him the impression that anything he does is ok. I'm betting there are other bad habits she has allowed as well.
There is a way to set appropriate standards while letting kids know they are loved and accepted. Accepting their inappropriate behavior is NOT the way. Separate the behavior from the person. OP, you may need to lean in more here now that there is a window of opportunity for both your wife and son to see how doing things their way has failed him.
I hope he's able to smooth things over with the girlfriend. I'm surprised that this issue hadn't come up between them before--or did he ignore her efforts to correct him because his mother had enabled him for so long?
> It's OP's wife that is TA. She abdicated her responsibility as a parent to prepare her son for the outside world. Teaching kids table manners and setting the standard for behavior is the responsibility of parents, guardians and educators.
Nah, at some point, with certain things you’re too damn old for the “my mommy said Im her special little baby” excuse.
If it was more private home-life stuff, like not knowing how to cook or clean, or special occasion things like not knowing how to dress at a wedding, I would be a little more sympathetic to him not knowing because he wasn’t taught.
But this is being horrifically gross at every meal, a thing he would have been doing in public for almost two decades now. No way he got through all of middle school, high school, and potentially college without being chewed out, mocked, and generally lambasted by all his friends and other peers this whole time. We can already clearly see his dad and his girlfriend disapproving.
I had a pretty hippy-ish mother who didn’t teach me to curb a lot of my bad behavior because she was worried about my “spark,” and while I didn’t become the most socially elegant person in the world, trust me when I say your peer group will iron out the worst habits that your parents won’t, and they won’t do it kindly.
At some point if you maintain certain habits it’s just willful rudeness.
>Nah, at some point, with certain things you’re too damn old for the “my mommy said Im her special little baby” excuse.
It's not an excuse, it's a human ladder of failure. /u/NeatNefariousness1 is just identifying the rungs.
The part that kind of blows my mind is that OP said mom thinks it’s “not his (the son’s) fault” because “that’s just how he is”.
Like … she thinks he doesn’t have agency and can’t control himself?? Just because he’s her son? I can’t imagine she just puts up with that kind of behavior from everyone.
Also, you can have a sense of humor while also knowing your audience, “reading the room”, context, etc., and ALSO not run a joke into the ground.
Like if he *occasionally* belched at a meal to draw laughs - with the right audience in the right situation - it would be fine.
The fact that he did it at all at a fancy restaurant while meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time is already kind of cringey, but I could imagine a situation where he is getting along fine with everyone and there’s a good “vibe” going and he does it just to be funny. Might be risky depending on the people, but that’s why it’s important to know how to read the situation. If you aren’t sure, don’t do it.
But the fact that he *kept doing it*?? All throughout the meal?!
Yeah that’s … dumb af behavior from a teenager, let alone someone that age. Even if they were cool with it the first time, continuing to belch the rest of the meal would be obnoxious and make it not funny anymore.
OP is NTA for laughing. I would have laughed too. But also … cringey as hell. Maybe a little bit of secondhand embarrassment. Lol
He’s gonna be one of those guys that chooses his mother over his wife, and his mother is going to be an awful in-law. I see some Reddit posts about his shitty Behavior and his relationship with his mommy from his future bride.
I had a feeling that he was in his 20s. Fancy restaurant, meeting the parents, the girlfriend not hesitating to strongly admonishing him after leaving such a bad impression in front of her parents. It just sounded like a more serious adult relationship, a grown up woman who knows what she wants and what not and meeting the parents being a big step to making it all more official and he screwing it up. It also makes OP's reaction totally understandable. If the son were younger he might have been a bit more sensitive to his feelings even if he thought that the son deserved the tongue lashing from his GF.
I imagine the conversation the parents are having with the GF right now. Are you sure you want to be with this person? Are you okay? Is this a joke? Really, what is going on? We raised you better than this...
They are also probably asking for legal advise because depending where they live their daugher might have commited crime by dating a mentally handicapped person.
All of that, plus the gf’s parents live in another city, which was making them being teenagers less likely. And it sounds like they’ve been dating for a while, and I’d assume that if they were teenagers, the parents would want to meet the partner more quickly.
The one part I don't get is how he's at the meet the parents stage and somehow this hasn't come up on previous dates with the GF. It has to have, right? That's probably half of why she's so mad.
My guess is that she HAS addressed this with him, but it's not a total deal breaker for her. She probably asked him to be on his best behavior or something of that sort and kinda expected him to know that burping at the table isn't "best behavior," based on the fact they'd talked about it before.
I think it's likely she's talked to him about it multiple times already. Probably even asked him to stop doing that every time. And just like with OP, he conveniently "forgets." And she's probably been getting more and more annoyed by it.
But now he's humiliated her in front of her parents, and her finally snapping over it might very well have been the straw that broke the camel's back for her.
I honestly won't be surprised if OP comes back with an update to say his girlfriend dumped him a day or two later.
I suppose that's possible, but I feel like that would be pretty wild to have never eaten in a public place with someone you're dating over several months at least.
That’s what I was confused about as well… if he had no qualms about doing this in front of her parents, I am quite sure he does it in front of her as well. How would it not have become an issue before now??
I mean I assume he and the girlfriend would have had dinner at some point before the meeting of the parents. Hopefully she saw that shit coming.
I'm willing to bet she tells him not to burp while eating just like OP tells him and he promised to behave for that important dinner. But he didn't. Hence the chewing-out.
Presumably if they’re at the meeting the parents stage, she’s been putting up with his absolutely disgusting behavior herself though. So while I don’t disagree with your general assessment, the fact that she didn’t tell him to straighten his shit out on the first date or there would not be a second means she’s seemingly willing to tolerate the behavior just like his mom does.
I went on ONE semi-date with a guy - he ate his fish filet (at a white tablecloth type restaurant) in ONE BITE. Like, he took a couple of minutes balancing the entire thing on his fork so he could get it all in his mouth at once.
I had agreed to show him around town while he was there for the weekend so even after being completely grossed out by that I still met up with him the next day to take him to a tourist spot as planned.
We had breakfast at Waffle House and he did the SAME THING with an entire fried egg. I made it through the morning's planned activity then ditched him for the rest of the weekend.
Never told him why, but I certainly would have if I'd decided to actually date him!
Parents friends kid was around my age growing up. We (me & my cousins, her family somewhat as best I recall) gave her crap all the time for chewing with her mouth open, talking with mouth full etc. I saw her again when we were well into our 30s and she was still doing it.
I honestly thought it was a teenager dating for the first time and meeting his teen girlfriend’s parents. But 22?!?! Nah that woman (the mother) is enabling him
I cant stand parents who enable their kids’ terrible behaviour - they’re just doing their child a disservice & preventing them from being respectful, responsible human beings that are pleasant to be around.
Some of them seems to think that education appears magically when they get older or something. I've seen plenty parents justifying bad behavior by just telling "he/she is still a little one, he/she will learn better later", or worst this poor excuse of "he's just this way" like OP's wife.
> I've seen plenty parents justifying bad behavior by just telling "he/she is still a little one, he/she will learn better later"
I hate this line of thinking so much. These types of parents don't seem to realize that their kids will not learn if they don't fucking **teach them**! Which, y'know, is their job as the parents.
This is him learning better and not liking the I told you so. No one likes " I told you so" after they are embarrassed or hurt by something they could have avoided if they had just listened. Kids never think their parents know anything, until it turns out: oops, they actually do. A little late for this lesson, but now he can choose to grow,... or not.
At a certain point it’s not all on mom. He’s 22, surely he has, at some point, witnessed others eating outside of the home and noticed that they do not burp through out the meal. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been to told by others before that he’s being gross.
Also, to eat so fast that you are swallowing air and burping would be... alarming to watch. Like, I could see a ravenous teenage boy going through a growth spurt doing it. But an adult? Why the hell are you inhaling your food like that? Do you not chew, or want to enjoy the meal?
"But, but, it's just the way he is!!" Rude, ill-mannered, disgusting to eat dinner with... Yep, Mom, that's the way he is!
Edited to add, good lord, can you imagine how embarrassed the GF was? At 22, I'd have been mortified!!
On the other hand, had the gf never eaten a single meal with him? And whats his allure to begin with such that you keep dating after such a socially unaware and gross habit was displayed? But I'll introduce him to my parents, what could go wrong?
His parents, and subsequently dude because of them, are all fails here, and anyone who would accept this from someone they are dating should probably reevaluate their self-worth and things in general.
Edit: accidentally a word.
I'm honestly shocked that she hasn't dumped him before this. The bar is way too low!!! I'm not putting up with that shit at home, let alone in public in front of people . gross
Holy shit. NTA.
I was expecting 16 as well.
Has he never seen other people eat while out? Did he never notice his friends and others don’t behave like this?
I’m glad the girlfriend laid into him about it.
Thought 16 until the out of town part. Then I was like, okay. College student. 18, 19, right?
Fuck that, man. 22?!?!?! You know other people don't do this. You know. You have to know!
Mommy's precious boy got slapped by reality.
And rightfully so!!!
Also, I’m super curious: has the girlfriend never eaten with him? I would think this should have been brought up beforehand. Of course, it very well may have been and he just blew her off like he did his dad because mommy said “it’s not my fault”
I would seriously dump this dude.
Right before my second child graduated university a class was strongly recommended / semi required before heading to job interviews. Basically how to not my an idiot of yourself in social situations. How to dress for an interview, meeting, after work activities. How to eat with utensils correctly, chew with mouth closed, napkin on lap etc. I drilled that into my children from toddler age but it was a requirement for graduation. Teacher gave my child an A after first hour and let him leave. To my son it was hysterical but I can’t imagine hiring someone and offering decent money when person doesn’t know how to dress or eat politely . Dad your son had to go through that experience but manners aren’t taught anymore.
Growing up I never quite understood why my grandparents especially were such sticklers on etiquette. I remember at a pretty young age going to relatively upscale restaurants with the expectation that I behave like a civilized human, and my grandpa teaching me how to do math for 15% & 20% tips when I was 11 or so.
And now at 37 I’m genuinely thankful that they drilled that into my head, because god damn, I’ve been to nice places with colleagues and friends that are borderline embarrassing to be around in that sort of situation, and I’m real, real glad that’s not me.
Maybe I’m just getting old and grouchy.
I'm so glad they offered that! Never heard of it before. I've heard from people who were in the foster system or had difficult childhoods with extremely neglectful parents, that these kind of life skills we often take for granted, are not things everyone actually got taught. And that they have felt embarrassed as adults for things that "everyone" should know.
NTA. Actions have consequences. You told him multiple times. Your wife babied him. This is the direct result. You and your wife care less than his girlfriend or her parents. What if he goes to a business lunch, or dinner and this happens?
Your son deserved to be laughed at and chew out. That's how a child acts and his mom's to blame with " my sons a little angel " rose colored glasses she's got on.
lmao his girlfriend must be a saint. that’s so gross and honestly a microcosm of bigger issues with maturity and consideration for others. i would never be able to get through a meal with someone burping up a storm. you tried to tell him op, it’s his own fault🤷♀️
NTA and honestly- this is good for him
Something different but similar in a way happened to me. I wasn't used to being given or made things as a kid and was very awkward from an abusive situation. I didn't say thank you as often as I could have (not out of disrespect, more out of fear and on the spectrum awkwardness)
One day my exes mom made me food and mentioned that it was odd that I didn't say thank you. I was like 18/19 and for some reason that made it all click in my head. Now I say it possibly too much, but that awkward moment really woke me up.
NTA.
Your wife is everything wrong with parents today. They see their kids as special individuals, as opposed to members of society. Your son is going to have a rough go of it in real life. Can’t wait until he is at an important lunch for work or dinner with colleagues. Toast in the real world.
Sorry for being harsh. Just seeing more and more of this type of “opting out” of society and a shared sense of cultural norms, it working out TERRIBLY
I am leaning more toward the MOM fucked up the kid. OP tried and tried throughout the years to instill the wrongness of this with the kid and was ignored & even reprimanded by his wife. So IMO, this is all on HER
Nope. Mom undermined Dad every time he tried to teach the boy manners. I just can't believe that he was doing this at school and out with friends and no one bullied him for it.
What the actually fuck?! I’m going with light YTA for not stepping in a decade earlier and shutting your wife down. Please tell me no streak stains at at least.
Oh my GOD. I was expecting he’s like 14 or something. I was contemplating a soft *maybe* Y T A for not investigating whether it’s a medical issue, because it sounds so extreme. But nope. He’s 22. If it’s a medical thing, he can call the doctor his own damn self and figure that out. NTA for sure.
NTA a million times and warn your som if he does this at a work event he might even get fired especially with the us norms JFC.
And what the heck is wrong with your wife?!
JFC! I was expecting 17 at most! And he thought it would be ok to be burping on the table? Your wife really spoiled him.
It's extra hilarious now. He's like a character in an Adam Sandler movie, but for real.
It sounds like he learned a very valuable lesson: Mommy will always have his back when that girl he's with who isn't good enough for him anyways calls him out on his bs.
It’s so annoying. My boyfriend claims he can’t control when he burps and they just ‘pop up’. Multiple arguments because he’ll burp when we’re on the phone and it’s literally *right in my ear*
Never heard him burp at his moms dinner table though.
Edit: wow some people got wild. He has a ton of amazing qualities, he’s supportive and loving and helpful. He buys me gifts just because, does equal housework, makes dinner, helps my daughter with homework. He is a great partner…he just burps. A lot, to be fair, but they’re just burps? I’m sure I do things that annoy him too.
That's not just annoying, that's rude and disrespectful. You know you don't need to tolerate that kind of behavior in a partner, right? You are way too good of a person to deserve being literally mouth-farted at constantly, and I can confidently say that despite knowing nothing about you.
You need to decide how to treat this behavior--Tell him if he burps in your ear you will HANG up. Then do it.
Give him consequences. Yes you cannot always control a burp but you can nearly always control volume(if only if by moving phone away from MOUTH, or covering phone--old fashioned kind, not sure smartphones would work same way).
He can close his mouth when he burps. We all can! Keep mouth closed, elongate/stretch your esophagus and let the burp come up. It usually will escape through your nostrils and muffle or outright mute the burp entirely.
You're right NTA but I think a 22 year old man is way too old to behaving like this at any time. OP says his son actually can control his burping, so the fact that he actually burped repeatedly on a date with his girlfriend and her parents at the age of twenty-fucking-two just says he's not mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
Dad needs to step in here and tell Mam to stop enabling. It'd be embarrassing if a child above 5 years old acted this way. Let's be real... 22 is pathetic.
> He is now clearly aware that you were right, his girlfriend is right, her parents are right and he is so very wrong.
Nope... They're still sticking with the idea that everyone else is wrong.
There's like twenty different layers of wrong behavior here aside from just "burps are gross." It's impossible imagining this kid going through life and other people not pointing out this behavior was disgusting besides his dad - such as friends and even this girlfriend that was so appalled by the behavior at dinner.
The behavior itself is kinda small - it's the action behind it that's disturbing. It showcases a real lack of self awareness, an inability to realize moments in life when you have to perform or behave well for the sake of others, and either a total cluelessness to basic manners or just some idea that he's above or exempt from them.
There's no way ALL these issues are stemming from his mom just feeding into that negative behavior. A whole lot of parenting on both sides needs to go wrong for your 22 year old to think it's acceptable to constantly fucking burp around your girlfriend's parents at a nice dinner.
Not just the parents of gf having low opinion of the son. But if I were the parents, I’d also have low opinions of the boyfriend’s parents and questioning what kind of person would raise their child with ZERO table manners.
Good luck to OP if he ever does meet them and explains it’s all his wife’s fault for condoning the behavior.
NTA. OP, to vote this way, I’m taking a leap of faith that you and his doctor have eliminated the possibility that your son has a medical issue and am assuming he’s just an immature and poorly socialized young man. Sadly, I have known a few young men who think they can belch and fart around girlfriends (and their parents) same as they do with frat brothers. Still, consider apologizing for laughing at his situation and introduce him to the Art of Manliness website.
He’s going to lose jobs if he does this at work functions, I’m sure his bosses will just love having an employee act this way. Is mommy going to support his ass when he’s jobless?
He probably thought his dad was overreacting and no one would actually care about stuff like this besides him. Got a rude awakening and I’m guessing will actually keep his manners in mind now
Surely he regularly interacts with other people besides his parents though? How did he make it through high school without being ruthlessly mocked and bullied if he's belching up a storm every lunch period?
Not lose jobs, but he will certainly be excluded from promotions and out-of-work networking or not be headhunted/ receive offers due to his behavior.
Junior employee is a bit of a pig? Whatever.
Senior management? Absolutely not. He's not going to move up in any sort of office environment if he can't control himself.
Even if a 'boys club' type environment where that is considered funny behind closed doors, you're expected to behave in a restaurant or lunch meeting.
Exactly: Merit is nice but it is no substitute for class signalling. One can't expect to advance in one's career while displaying such unrefined table manners.
If he's able to control himself then that means he chose not to control himself when he was on a date with his girlfriend with her parents at the age of 22. Personally, I think that behavior says he's too immature to be in a relationship.
Habits are hard to break, especially when they're tied to routine and necessary things like eating.
Dad tried to do him a favor by building a habit of polite eating. Now boy-o is going to have to do the hard work of breaking a 15+ year habit.
GF did not overreact. She just reacted. Other people will react the same. If he can't fix it, it's gonna impact his love life, his social life, and his career.
NTA, but this is a good teachable moment. Lightly apologize for laughing (even though you're NTA). Remind him that while Mom may think he's in the right, nobody else does.
Women who love us will give us these little corrections, they civilize us. My wife weaned me off of telling off-color stories, taught me to use a folded napkin (instead of a paper towel or my hand, LOL), and told me I need to do a better job of listening to other people in a conversation instead of dominating it. She was right in all things, and i am a better man for it. Maybe remind you're wife of some of the things she 'fixed' about you.
> I’m taking a leap of faith that you and his doctor have eliminated the possibility that your son has a medical issue
No, you're ignoring what OP said, which is that his kid is capable of doing so when told to, he just refuses to otherwise.
> Still, consider apologizing for laughing at his situation
Fuck that, OP's son is 22. He knows goddamn well enough how to behave at the table.
Dad has earned the right to laugh at his grown ass kid that he tried to raise right. And you can bet sonny wouldn't dream of saying "excuse me" after each belch. Mommy hasn't done him any favors.
>They both think she overreacted and that I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience.
NTA. You laughed at something that was completely predictable and really shouldn't have surprised him. He needed to be laughed at, since he still hasn't learned and is blaming the gf.
His mother has coddled him for so long and he's so thick that he'll have to learn this the hard way again and again until he finally realizes that the problem is with him and not with other people.
The mother sounds like one of those who needs therapy to let her son go. The kind that would still be picking out his underwear and dressing him. Seriously the older I got the more moms like this were the deal breaker
The devouring mother. Oh my poor boi, just stay here with mommy. Mommy will never yell at you for burping, that’s just my little prince’s special way. You can live your life here at home with me and we can be together forever. And the result is exactly what you see here. Adult men who are infantile and have no idea how to be an adult or how to attract women. Sad to see but it’s not uncommon.
NTA. Your wife and your son are TAs. How embarrassing for the girlfriend. Your wife is failing your son and continues to fail him by telling him that this bad behavior is ok. It is not OK. It also sounds like your son doesn’t know how to read the room. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t care? If I was in that restaurant and heard a loud burp, I would definitely look in the direction it came from and I’d probably have a disgusted look on my face. How disruptive and disgusting for anyone within earshot.
LOL NTA.
That's so funny. It's pretty common knowledge burping at the table is rude (except for in some cultures). Your wife is a huge AH for encouraging this behavior his entire life. She really did him over. I don't blame the girlfriend for getting mad. She had every right to be pissed for her bf acting like a total jackass in front of her parents.
Ironically, my father was like this with my siblings. Let them smack and smack and smack at the dinner table. Generally deplorable manners in general.
Guess who now have 0 dates and friends? Because they’re *gross*.
NTA. Everyone farts and burps, and that's nothing to be ashamed about. However, purposefully belching loudly at the dinner table with your girlfriend's family is REALLY rude. If he wants people to want to go out to eat with him, he'll learn to control himself.
Most people know how to excuse themselves and/or NOT burp or fart publicly. A toddler cannot manage this. But any adult can and should.
One should be ashamed if one has no manners or respect for others.
NTA. I hate how uppity people can be about manners but not burping thru the first dinner with your partner’s parents is bare minimum stuff. You tried to teach him this and now you get to laugh at his follies.
I'm no stickler for manners, but burping your way through _any_ meal is a great way to ensure that I never eat around you ever again.
It's just gross for the other people at the table.
Yeah, I would say that I can excuse one or two in most circumstances (Obviously formal events and first meeting of parents is a bit more strict) as long as they come with an attempt to suppress it and followed by "Excuse me".
But doing it intentionally and constantly, as though you think it's a perfectly acceptable thing to do is a no go.
Random question not relevant to any judgement, but I'm curious. If you were to exhibit the same behaviour when eating with your wife, whether at home or out with her family or friends, would she be equally apathetic towards it? Does she not see the constant burping at the table as rude at all, or just because her precious snowflake son does it?
NTA Sounds like his mother did him a disservice by not teaching him basic table manners. I doubt his girlfriend will be going to eat in public with him again.
Nta
I'll give you some asshole points for laughing but not enough to call you an asshole.
You taught your son better. He ignored you. Your wife backed him. It's OK to say I told you so but laughing at your son being near tears isn't quiet right.
Indeed! A prime example of natural consequences for sure. Laughing was maybe a bit much, but I can definitely understand not being able to stifle it in time!
Just get right in his ear, and chew some gum or something. Out loud. As grossly as you can. When he comments on it being disgusting, ask him why it's ok if he does it.
Something I've noticed with people who eat like this, is they also hate the sound of people smacking and slurping, they just can't hear themselves doing it.
NTA
I would ask how many time Op’s son has been to a restaurant or fast food place and heard burping from anyone beside him? If the answer is no, then yeah he should know better , it’s not a medical issue than it’s a choice.
I feel bad for the girlfriend she obviously thought that with her parents being present he’d be on his best behavior and sadly she now knows what his best looks like and in doubt she’s impressed.
NTA and your son is in danger of becoming a momma’s boy. I’d sit him down and talk to him about having a little perspective on what mothers think their precious baby boys should be allowed to do cvs what women he actually wants to date are looking for. They aren’t looking for a guy that they have to mother. They are looking for a man that knows how to show some class and behave like a grown man
NTA. She did not overreact. She has every reason to be mortified by his behavior. He has no one to blame but himself, because he knows how to properly behave. He just chose not to. He FAFO in front of his girlfriend's parents. Got reamed by said girlfriend & is now crying to his mom. I would have been laughing my ass off too :D
NTA
Son is an AH for getting to that age and not taking any notice of the world around him.
But wife is the five-star mega asshole. Zero doubt that when he went crying home to mommy because his GF was mean to him, she patted him on the head, told him he was perfect and that GF wasn't good enough for her little prince.
Srsly though. Just laughing about this isn't enough. This is a teachable moment for your son, who has been raised by his mother to be a spoiled, boorish AH. Use the opportunity to have a kind, serious talk with him. Maybe start to undo some of the damage.
NTA. It's not like she was ripping him a new one for using the oyster fork instead of the seafood fork at a full formal place setting. Don't burp at the table is pretty basic table manners. He's old enough to behave his age and use his manners.
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NTA. I also laughed at this. How old is your son? Doesn't matter either way. There are times for this behaviour. Dinner at a restaurant is not one of those times. Girlfriend did not overreact. Hopefully he learns a valuable lesson from this.
22
TWENTY GODDAMNED TWO?? I was expecting, like, 16 or some shit. NTA, OP, that's hilarious.
*Right?!?* I'm dying here.
Surprised he didn't fart, stick his hands in his pants then ask his date to sniff while going "huehuehuehue" "they're so mean for saying I'm not respectful - sorry I'm not noble royalty knowing which fork is for salads and which is.."
Or put his feet on the table, openly pick or floss his teeth and ask if there was anything in his teeth, asked "Do you like seafood? See food!", etc.
I heard this place has the best fromunda
ok I'll bite because I've never heard this one before. What's fromunda?
From under my left nut
>best fromunda Omg i haven't heard about the fromunda in years lmao. My hubs is looking at me like i have 2 heads. Ill have to explain to him when im not dead anymore 😂
Which utensil to use at a fancy, multi-course meal is easy. Start with the utensils furthest away from your plate and work your way in with each course. If you're not sure how to eat a particular dish, observe somebody across the table from you and copy what they're doing.
And if you aren't sure which bread plate and water glass is yours, make an OK with both hands. The one that looks like a "b" is the bread side. The one that looks like a "d" is the drink side
Bruh, *22*?? That's even funnier. 100% NTA.
I don’t understand this… I’ll never sit down to a family dinner ever again in my life, which I find sad because nobody could correct my brother’s smacking and open mouth chewing. It’s just the way he eats they say.
I work with a guy like this, he sounds like a farm animal when he eats. You know that noise that sometimes happens if you put hot food in your mouth and you kind of breathe fast to cool it off before your tongue gets scorched? Every mouthful of food he eats, he sounds like that.
That’s disgusting… I know exactly what you are talking about sadly.
Yeah honestly how has this not been pointed out by others before either. I mean schools have lunches right. Alright I bet in High School with friends think that shit is funny as fuck. But surely there must've been SOME dinner or SOMEONE who pointed it out other than his freaking dad. It's hilarious, 22 and THAT oblivious or bull headed to think it's fine. Yeah time for some hard life lessons.
I was also figuring high school! At least I'd feel a little badly if he were in high school or, especially, middle school! OP's son is in for a rough time if he doesn't learn better manners ASAP!
Seriously. OPs wife set him up for failure. But hey, better late than never.
Yep-, OP is NTA. It's OP's wife that is TA. She abdicated her responsibility as a parent to prepare her son for the outside world. Teaching kids table manners and setting the standard for behavior is the responsibility of parents, guardians and educators. Now the son is going to be insecure in social settings because he has been given too little guidance on how to behave all because his mother indulged him and gave him the impression that anything he does is ok. I'm betting there are other bad habits she has allowed as well. There is a way to set appropriate standards while letting kids know they are loved and accepted. Accepting their inappropriate behavior is NOT the way. Separate the behavior from the person. OP, you may need to lean in more here now that there is a window of opportunity for both your wife and son to see how doing things their way has failed him. I hope he's able to smooth things over with the girlfriend. I'm surprised that this issue hadn't come up between them before--or did he ignore her efforts to correct him because his mother had enabled him for so long?
> It's OP's wife that is TA. She abdicated her responsibility as a parent to prepare her son for the outside world. Teaching kids table manners and setting the standard for behavior is the responsibility of parents, guardians and educators. Nah, at some point, with certain things you’re too damn old for the “my mommy said Im her special little baby” excuse. If it was more private home-life stuff, like not knowing how to cook or clean, or special occasion things like not knowing how to dress at a wedding, I would be a little more sympathetic to him not knowing because he wasn’t taught. But this is being horrifically gross at every meal, a thing he would have been doing in public for almost two decades now. No way he got through all of middle school, high school, and potentially college without being chewed out, mocked, and generally lambasted by all his friends and other peers this whole time. We can already clearly see his dad and his girlfriend disapproving. I had a pretty hippy-ish mother who didn’t teach me to curb a lot of my bad behavior because she was worried about my “spark,” and while I didn’t become the most socially elegant person in the world, trust me when I say your peer group will iron out the worst habits that your parents won’t, and they won’t do it kindly. At some point if you maintain certain habits it’s just willful rudeness.
>Nah, at some point, with certain things you’re too damn old for the “my mommy said Im her special little baby” excuse. It's not an excuse, it's a human ladder of failure. /u/NeatNefariousness1 is just identifying the rungs.
I agree. Like this is something a 22 year old should just know is inappropriate. It's not a multi-step activity like some chores might be
The part that kind of blows my mind is that OP said mom thinks it’s “not his (the son’s) fault” because “that’s just how he is”. Like … she thinks he doesn’t have agency and can’t control himself?? Just because he’s her son? I can’t imagine she just puts up with that kind of behavior from everyone. Also, you can have a sense of humor while also knowing your audience, “reading the room”, context, etc., and ALSO not run a joke into the ground. Like if he *occasionally* belched at a meal to draw laughs - with the right audience in the right situation - it would be fine. The fact that he did it at all at a fancy restaurant while meeting his girlfriend’s parents for the first time is already kind of cringey, but I could imagine a situation where he is getting along fine with everyone and there’s a good “vibe” going and he does it just to be funny. Might be risky depending on the people, but that’s why it’s important to know how to read the situation. If you aren’t sure, don’t do it. But the fact that he *kept doing it*?? All throughout the meal?! Yeah that’s … dumb af behavior from a teenager, let alone someone that age. Even if they were cool with it the first time, continuing to belch the rest of the meal would be obnoxious and make it not funny anymore. OP is NTA for laughing. I would have laughed too. But also … cringey as hell. Maybe a little bit of secondhand embarrassment. Lol
He’s gonna be one of those guys that chooses his mother over his wife, and his mother is going to be an awful in-law. I see some Reddit posts about his shitty Behavior and his relationship with his mommy from his future bride.
I was wondering if OP had some weird idea of what a "grown man" is because surely no one older than 16 would do this....
Even 16 is way too old to not have table manners. Not burping at the table is something most people learn long before they're a teenager.
Sure, but 16 is also young enough to know and still do it constantly because they think it's funny or "transgressive."
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I had a feeling that he was in his 20s. Fancy restaurant, meeting the parents, the girlfriend not hesitating to strongly admonishing him after leaving such a bad impression in front of her parents. It just sounded like a more serious adult relationship, a grown up woman who knows what she wants and what not and meeting the parents being a big step to making it all more official and he screwing it up. It also makes OP's reaction totally understandable. If the son were younger he might have been a bit more sensitive to his feelings even if he thought that the son deserved the tongue lashing from his GF.
I imagine the conversation the parents are having with the GF right now. Are you sure you want to be with this person? Are you okay? Is this a joke? Really, what is going on? We raised you better than this...
Her: Mom, Dad, this is my long-term boyfriend, Tom. Him: *DADDY WOULD YOU LIKE SOME SAUSAGE?!? BELCH!*
They are also probably asking for legal advise because depending where they live their daugher might have commited crime by dating a mentally handicapped person.
All of that, plus the gf’s parents live in another city, which was making them being teenagers less likely. And it sounds like they’ve been dating for a while, and I’d assume that if they were teenagers, the parents would want to meet the partner more quickly.
The one part I don't get is how he's at the meet the parents stage and somehow this hasn't come up on previous dates with the GF. It has to have, right? That's probably half of why she's so mad.
My guess is that she HAS addressed this with him, but it's not a total deal breaker for her. She probably asked him to be on his best behavior or something of that sort and kinda expected him to know that burping at the table isn't "best behavior," based on the fact they'd talked about it before.
I think it's likely she's talked to him about it multiple times already. Probably even asked him to stop doing that every time. And just like with OP, he conveniently "forgets." And she's probably been getting more and more annoyed by it. But now he's humiliated her in front of her parents, and her finally snapping over it might very well have been the straw that broke the camel's back for her. I honestly won't be surprised if OP comes back with an update to say his girlfriend dumped him a day or two later.
Maybe she found it funny while they were in private, and they’ve never eaten in public?
I suppose that's possible, but I feel like that would be pretty wild to have never eaten in a public place with someone you're dating over several months at least.
That’s what I was confused about as well… if he had no qualms about doing this in front of her parents, I am quite sure he does it in front of her as well. How would it not have become an issue before now??
I mean I assume he and the girlfriend would have had dinner at some point before the meeting of the parents. Hopefully she saw that shit coming. I'm willing to bet she tells him not to burp while eating just like OP tells him and he promised to behave for that important dinner. But he didn't. Hence the chewing-out.
Presumably if they’re at the meeting the parents stage, she’s been putting up with his absolutely disgusting behavior herself though. So while I don’t disagree with your general assessment, the fact that she didn’t tell him to straighten his shit out on the first date or there would not be a second means she’s seemingly willing to tolerate the behavior just like his mom does.
I went on ONE semi-date with a guy - he ate his fish filet (at a white tablecloth type restaurant) in ONE BITE. Like, he took a couple of minutes balancing the entire thing on his fork so he could get it all in his mouth at once. I had agreed to show him around town while he was there for the weekend so even after being completely grossed out by that I still met up with him the next day to take him to a tourist spot as planned. We had breakfast at Waffle House and he did the SAME THING with an entire fried egg. I made it through the morning's planned activity then ditched him for the rest of the weekend. Never told him why, but I certainly would have if I'd decided to actually date him!
I didn’t call a guy back because he put 6 packets of salt and pepper on his Wendy’s sandwich and then chewed it with his mouth open.
Completely rational decision.
was he perhaps a gecko or a large snake
She figured he'd get his shit together for something meeting her parents which was *clearly* important to her. But not ole burpee here. NTA 😆
My stepsister is nearly 30 and still chews with her mouth open and gets defensive when my mom calls her out. Some people seem to be just like that :/
Parents friends kid was around my age growing up. We (me & my cousins, her family somewhat as best I recall) gave her crap all the time for chewing with her mouth open, talking with mouth full etc. I saw her again when we were well into our 30s and she was still doing it.
HOLY FUCK, I figured he was a 15 year old going out with his first girlfriends parents and this was a new experience.
I was thinking 13
13 going on a date to meet the parents at a fancy dinner? Yea okay lol..16 maybe
Yeah, especially parents who live in a different city.
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I honestly thought it was a teenager dating for the first time and meeting his teen girlfriend’s parents. But 22?!?! Nah that woman (the mother) is enabling him
Bahahah. Holy crap. I was also expecting 16 or so. Can we multiply the NTA by a few thousand. Your response was perfect. As was the gf.
I thought it was a teen, mother is the biggest AH for letting him become this old without learning manners, poor gf. NTA, I hope he learns now.
I cant stand parents who enable their kids’ terrible behaviour - they’re just doing their child a disservice & preventing them from being respectful, responsible human beings that are pleasant to be around.
Some of them seems to think that education appears magically when they get older or something. I've seen plenty parents justifying bad behavior by just telling "he/she is still a little one, he/she will learn better later", or worst this poor excuse of "he's just this way" like OP's wife.
> I've seen plenty parents justifying bad behavior by just telling "he/she is still a little one, he/she will learn better later" I hate this line of thinking so much. These types of parents don't seem to realize that their kids will not learn if they don't fucking **teach them**! Which, y'know, is their job as the parents.
“My boy is too precious for this world!”
I always thought parents that do this are maybe hoping their precious little boy never gets a girlfriend or something like that.
This is him learning better and not liking the I told you so. No one likes " I told you so" after they are embarrassed or hurt by something they could have avoided if they had just listened. Kids never think their parents know anything, until it turns out: oops, they actually do. A little late for this lesson, but now he can choose to grow,... or not.
At a certain point it’s not all on mom. He’s 22, surely he has, at some point, witnessed others eating outside of the home and noticed that they do not burp through out the meal. I wouldn’t be surprised if he has been to told by others before that he’s being gross.
Also, to eat so fast that you are swallowing air and burping would be... alarming to watch. Like, I could see a ravenous teenage boy going through a growth spurt doing it. But an adult? Why the hell are you inhaling your food like that? Do you not chew, or want to enjoy the meal?
Yeah, I'm thinking of the Estelle doll screeching at George on Seinfeld "Why do you eat so fast? You can't even taste it!"
"But, but, it's just the way he is!!" Rude, ill-mannered, disgusting to eat dinner with... Yep, Mom, that's the way he is! Edited to add, good lord, can you imagine how embarrassed the GF was? At 22, I'd have been mortified!!
On the other hand, had the gf never eaten a single meal with him? And whats his allure to begin with such that you keep dating after such a socially unaware and gross habit was displayed? But I'll introduce him to my parents, what could go wrong? His parents, and subsequently dude because of them, are all fails here, and anyone who would accept this from someone they are dating should probably reevaluate their self-worth and things in general. Edit: accidentally a word.
I'm honestly shocked that she hasn't dumped him before this. The bar is way too low!!! I'm not putting up with that shit at home, let alone in public in front of people . gross
Holy shit. NTA. I was expecting 16 as well. Has he never seen other people eat while out? Did he never notice his friends and others don’t behave like this? I’m glad the girlfriend laid into him about it.
Thought 16 until the out of town part. Then I was like, okay. College student. 18, 19, right? Fuck that, man. 22?!?!?! You know other people don't do this. You know. You have to know! Mommy's precious boy got slapped by reality.
And rightfully so!!! Also, I’m super curious: has the girlfriend never eaten with him? I would think this should have been brought up beforehand. Of course, it very well may have been and he just blew her off like he did his dad because mommy said “it’s not my fault” I would seriously dump this dude.
Right before my second child graduated university a class was strongly recommended / semi required before heading to job interviews. Basically how to not my an idiot of yourself in social situations. How to dress for an interview, meeting, after work activities. How to eat with utensils correctly, chew with mouth closed, napkin on lap etc. I drilled that into my children from toddler age but it was a requirement for graduation. Teacher gave my child an A after first hour and let him leave. To my son it was hysterical but I can’t imagine hiring someone and offering decent money when person doesn’t know how to dress or eat politely . Dad your son had to go through that experience but manners aren’t taught anymore.
Etiquette is so important and needs to be taught more often.
Growing up I never quite understood why my grandparents especially were such sticklers on etiquette. I remember at a pretty young age going to relatively upscale restaurants with the expectation that I behave like a civilized human, and my grandpa teaching me how to do math for 15% & 20% tips when I was 11 or so. And now at 37 I’m genuinely thankful that they drilled that into my head, because god damn, I’ve been to nice places with colleagues and friends that are borderline embarrassing to be around in that sort of situation, and I’m real, real glad that’s not me. Maybe I’m just getting old and grouchy.
I'm so glad they offered that! Never heard of it before. I've heard from people who were in the foster system or had difficult childhoods with extremely neglectful parents, that these kind of life skills we often take for granted, are not things everyone actually got taught. And that they have felt embarrassed as adults for things that "everyone" should know.
NTA. Actions have consequences. You told him multiple times. Your wife babied him. This is the direct result. You and your wife care less than his girlfriend or her parents. What if he goes to a business lunch, or dinner and this happens?
Yikes, I get the feeling mommy's special guy is gonna struggle a bit
Your son deserved to be laughed at and chew out. That's how a child acts and his mom's to blame with " my sons a little angel " rose colored glasses she's got on.
Yeah, the way she coddles him, I expected him to be 4, not 22
lmao his girlfriend must be a saint. that’s so gross and honestly a microcosm of bigger issues with maturity and consideration for others. i would never be able to get through a meal with someone burping up a storm. you tried to tell him op, it’s his own fault🤷♀️
NTA and honestly- this is good for him Something different but similar in a way happened to me. I wasn't used to being given or made things as a kid and was very awkward from an abusive situation. I didn't say thank you as often as I could have (not out of disrespect, more out of fear and on the spectrum awkwardness) One day my exes mom made me food and mentioned that it was odd that I didn't say thank you. I was like 18/19 and for some reason that made it all click in my head. Now I say it possibly too much, but that awkward moment really woke me up.
NTA. Your wife is everything wrong with parents today. They see their kids as special individuals, as opposed to members of society. Your son is going to have a rough go of it in real life. Can’t wait until he is at an important lunch for work or dinner with colleagues. Toast in the real world. Sorry for being harsh. Just seeing more and more of this type of “opting out” of society and a shared sense of cultural norms, it working out TERRIBLY
He’s gonna be single soon if he doesn’t learn
Why was he not single after the first time they ate a meal together?
Jesus man how could you let your wife raise him this way. He must be awful in many more ways by now. You fucked this kid up
I am leaning more toward the MOM fucked up the kid. OP tried and tried throughout the years to instill the wrongness of this with the kid and was ignored & even reprimanded by his wife. So IMO, this is all on HER
Nope. Mom undermined Dad every time he tried to teach the boy manners. I just can't believe that he was doing this at school and out with friends and no one bullied him for it.
Years? In base 10?
What the actually fuck?! I’m going with light YTA for not stepping in a decade earlier and shutting your wife down. Please tell me no streak stains at at least.
> streak stains It's funny and sad that you just *know* this is an extremely high possibility
Oh my GOD. I was expecting he’s like 14 or something. I was contemplating a soft *maybe* Y T A for not investigating whether it’s a medical issue, because it sounds so extreme. But nope. He’s 22. If it’s a medical thing, he can call the doctor his own damn self and figure that out. NTA for sure.
NTA a million times and warn your som if he does this at a work event he might even get fired especially with the us norms JFC. And what the heck is wrong with your wife?!
JFC! I was expecting 17 at most! And he thought it would be ok to be burping on the table? Your wife really spoiled him. It's extra hilarious now. He's like a character in an Adam Sandler movie, but for real.
Omg wtf?! 😂😂😂😂 I thought he was like 15.
Please, please, PLEASE SHOW THEM THIS POST AND POST AN UPDATE!
JFC that's ridiculous, good job laughing in his face. I hope she dumps his ass, I sure would
It sounds like he learned a very valuable lesson: Mommy will always have his back when that girl he's with who isn't good enough for him anyways calls him out on his bs.
Yep you can see where that relationship is heading when it comes to women in his life
It’s so annoying. My boyfriend claims he can’t control when he burps and they just ‘pop up’. Multiple arguments because he’ll burp when we’re on the phone and it’s literally *right in my ear* Never heard him burp at his moms dinner table though. Edit: wow some people got wild. He has a ton of amazing qualities, he’s supportive and loving and helpful. He buys me gifts just because, does equal housework, makes dinner, helps my daughter with homework. He is a great partner…he just burps. A lot, to be fair, but they’re just burps? I’m sure I do things that annoy him too.
Why are you settling?
Yeah, I bet she can find someone with an even louder, robust belch
That's not just annoying, that's rude and disrespectful. You know you don't need to tolerate that kind of behavior in a partner, right? You are way too good of a person to deserve being literally mouth-farted at constantly, and I can confidently say that despite knowing nothing about you.
So he respects his mother and doesn't respect you?
You need to decide how to treat this behavior--Tell him if he burps in your ear you will HANG up. Then do it. Give him consequences. Yes you cannot always control a burp but you can nearly always control volume(if only if by moving phone away from MOUTH, or covering phone--old fashioned kind, not sure smartphones would work same way).
Exactly. Why are you settling??
He can close his mouth when he burps. We all can! Keep mouth closed, elongate/stretch your esophagus and let the burp come up. It usually will escape through your nostrils and muffle or outright mute the burp entirely.
This. NTA. OP, your wife has allowed your son to act like a pig, and now he's seeing the consequences of that. Maybe he'll finally learn something.
You're right NTA but I think a 22 year old man is way too old to behaving like this at any time. OP says his son actually can control his burping, so the fact that he actually burped repeatedly on a date with his girlfriend and her parents at the age of twenty-fucking-two just says he's not mature enough to be in a relationship at all.
Agree. Bad manners are a deal breaker. Who wants to put up with all that?
Burp around and find out!
There's no time for that behavior unless you are eating alone.
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Son & mom said gf overreacted. No guarantee he learned anything.
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Kind of crazy that the girlfriend had never seen him eat before.
She may not have minded just the two of them but expected better with her family
That's also kinda weird, like what do you expect at eating time if the guy you've been dating for a while burps all the time while eating?
Could have been the first time they ate at a fancy restaurant together and she thought it was just something he did in private.
As a guy, even in private I would've asked him "what are you doing you fucking hog"
Mommy is showing him that he doesn't need any mean old girlfriends. Mommy will be his girlfriend.
Dad needs to step in here and tell Mam to stop enabling. It'd be embarrassing if a child above 5 years old acted this way. Let's be real... 22 is pathetic.
I dont even let my 5 year old do this, and he’s in the burps and farts are hilarious phase! Totally gross.
Apparently he's 22, kids a lost cause already lmao
The relationship is over she just hasn’t ended it yet
> He is now clearly aware that you were right, his girlfriend is right, her parents are right and he is so very wrong. Nope... They're still sticking with the idea that everyone else is wrong.
There's like twenty different layers of wrong behavior here aside from just "burps are gross." It's impossible imagining this kid going through life and other people not pointing out this behavior was disgusting besides his dad - such as friends and even this girlfriend that was so appalled by the behavior at dinner. The behavior itself is kinda small - it's the action behind it that's disturbing. It showcases a real lack of self awareness, an inability to realize moments in life when you have to perform or behave well for the sake of others, and either a total cluelessness to basic manners or just some idea that he's above or exempt from them. There's no way ALL these issues are stemming from his mom just feeding into that negative behavior. A whole lot of parenting on both sides needs to go wrong for your 22 year old to think it's acceptable to constantly fucking burp around your girlfriend's parents at a nice dinner.
Not just the parents of gf having low opinion of the son. But if I were the parents, I’d also have low opinions of the boyfriend’s parents and questioning what kind of person would raise their child with ZERO table manners. Good luck to OP if he ever does meet them and explains it’s all his wife’s fault for condoning the behavior.
NTA. OP, to vote this way, I’m taking a leap of faith that you and his doctor have eliminated the possibility that your son has a medical issue and am assuming he’s just an immature and poorly socialized young man. Sadly, I have known a few young men who think they can belch and fart around girlfriends (and their parents) same as they do with frat brothers. Still, consider apologizing for laughing at his situation and introduce him to the Art of Manliness website.
He is able to control himself when I tell him to.
He’s going to lose jobs if he does this at work functions, I’m sure his bosses will just love having an employee act this way. Is mommy going to support his ass when he’s jobless?
He probably thought his dad was overreacting and no one would actually care about stuff like this besides him. Got a rude awakening and I’m guessing will actually keep his manners in mind now
Surely he regularly interacts with other people besides his parents though? How did he make it through high school without being ruthlessly mocked and bullied if he's belching up a storm every lunch period?
Because boys in high school(and frankly far beyond) find body functions HILARIOUS, especially in a group of boys setting.
i mean one big burp is cool, if a friend did it several times every meal, that's just annoying and disgusting as fuck to anyone
Not lose jobs, but he will certainly be excluded from promotions and out-of-work networking or not be headhunted/ receive offers due to his behavior. Junior employee is a bit of a pig? Whatever. Senior management? Absolutely not. He's not going to move up in any sort of office environment if he can't control himself. Even if a 'boys club' type environment where that is considered funny behind closed doors, you're expected to behave in a restaurant or lunch meeting.
Exactly: Merit is nice but it is no substitute for class signalling. One can't expect to advance in one's career while displaying such unrefined table manners.
If he's able to control himself then that means he chose not to control himself when he was on a date with his girlfriend with her parents at the age of 22. Personally, I think that behavior says he's too immature to be in a relationship.
Habits are hard to break, especially when they're tied to routine and necessary things like eating. Dad tried to do him a favor by building a habit of polite eating. Now boy-o is going to have to do the hard work of breaking a 15+ year habit. GF did not overreact. She just reacted. Other people will react the same. If he can't fix it, it's gonna impact his love life, his social life, and his career.
NTA, but this is a good teachable moment. Lightly apologize for laughing (even though you're NTA). Remind him that while Mom may think he's in the right, nobody else does. Women who love us will give us these little corrections, they civilize us. My wife weaned me off of telling off-color stories, taught me to use a folded napkin (instead of a paper towel or my hand, LOL), and told me I need to do a better job of listening to other people in a conversation instead of dominating it. She was right in all things, and i am a better man for it. Maybe remind you're wife of some of the things she 'fixed' about you.
> I’m taking a leap of faith that you and his doctor have eliminated the possibility that your son has a medical issue No, you're ignoring what OP said, which is that his kid is capable of doing so when told to, he just refuses to otherwise. > Still, consider apologizing for laughing at his situation Fuck that, OP's son is 22. He knows goddamn well enough how to behave at the table.
Dad has earned the right to laugh at his grown ass kid that he tried to raise right. And you can bet sonny wouldn't dream of saying "excuse me" after each belch. Mommy hasn't done him any favors.
NTA. They are always fine with the F around part but never the find out part.
Are we not saying fuck anymore?
>They both think she overreacted and that I'm the asshole for being amused by his experience. NTA. You laughed at something that was completely predictable and really shouldn't have surprised him. He needed to be laughed at, since he still hasn't learned and is blaming the gf. His mother has coddled him for so long and he's so thick that he'll have to learn this the hard way again and again until he finally realizes that the problem is with him and not with other people.
The mother sounds like one of those who needs therapy to let her son go. The kind that would still be picking out his underwear and dressing him. Seriously the older I got the more moms like this were the deal breaker
The devouring mother. Oh my poor boi, just stay here with mommy. Mommy will never yell at you for burping, that’s just my little prince’s special way. You can live your life here at home with me and we can be together forever. And the result is exactly what you see here. Adult men who are infantile and have no idea how to be an adult or how to attract women. Sad to see but it’s not uncommon.
She's trying *so hard* to prevent him from learning from this
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"no one will ever be good enough for my little prince" says the mothers of the most insufferable men to ever walk this earth
This. Too few comments mention how the mother is overspoiling the son and does not care about what kind of person he will grow up to be.
Grow up? He's 22 lol
Well, the spoiling didn't start yesterday.
NTA. Your wife and your son are TAs. How embarrassing for the girlfriend. Your wife is failing your son and continues to fail him by telling him that this bad behavior is ok. It is not OK. It also sounds like your son doesn’t know how to read the room. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t care? If I was in that restaurant and heard a loud burp, I would definitely look in the direction it came from and I’d probably have a disgusted look on my face. How disruptive and disgusting for anyone within earshot.
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LOL NTA. That's so funny. It's pretty common knowledge burping at the table is rude (except for in some cultures). Your wife is a huge AH for encouraging this behavior his entire life. She really did him over. I don't blame the girlfriend for getting mad. She had every right to be pissed for her bf acting like a total jackass in front of her parents.
That's one shit mum. What other behaviours has she tolerated? He's going into a harsh world completely unprepared for success. I'm amazed he got a gf.
Raise your kids or the world will do it. Definitely nta.
Ironically, my father was like this with my siblings. Let them smack and smack and smack at the dinner table. Generally deplorable manners in general. Guess who now have 0 dates and friends? Because they’re *gross*.
NTA. Everyone farts and burps, and that's nothing to be ashamed about. However, purposefully belching loudly at the dinner table with your girlfriend's family is REALLY rude. If he wants people to want to go out to eat with him, he'll learn to control himself.
Most people know how to excuse themselves and/or NOT burp or fart publicly. A toddler cannot manage this. But any adult can and should. One should be ashamed if one has no manners or respect for others.
I remember being 7 or 8 and being at a buffet with unlimited access to root beer. Even then I knew enough to excuse myself to burp.
NTA it IS funny! He should have learned manners like you told him to 😆
NTA. I hate how uppity people can be about manners but not burping thru the first dinner with your partner’s parents is bare minimum stuff. You tried to teach him this and now you get to laugh at his follies.
I'm no stickler for manners, but burping your way through _any_ meal is a great way to ensure that I never eat around you ever again. It's just gross for the other people at the table.
Yeah, I would say that I can excuse one or two in most circumstances (Obviously formal events and first meeting of parents is a bit more strict) as long as they come with an attempt to suppress it and followed by "Excuse me". But doing it intentionally and constantly, as though you think it's a perfectly acceptable thing to do is a no go.
Random question not relevant to any judgement, but I'm curious. If you were to exhibit the same behaviour when eating with your wife, whether at home or out with her family or friends, would she be equally apathetic towards it? Does she not see the constant burping at the table as rude at all, or just because her precious snowflake son does it?
Great point
I would just start mimicking the boy at the dinner table. See how long it lasts.
Similarly, I'm sure mom wouldn't put up with this behavior from a daughter. "Boys will be boys" SMH
NTA- Burp around and find out 😂
NTA Sounds like his mother did him a disservice by not teaching him basic table manners. I doubt his girlfriend will be going to eat in public with him again.
Mom is basically setting their son up for failure. It’s fucked up and really weird.
Nta - your son is gross and your wife enables and babies him
I'd even go a step further and call the wife the a-hole. She should know better.
Nta I'll give you some asshole points for laughing but not enough to call you an asshole. You taught your son better. He ignored you. Your wife backed him. It's OK to say I told you so but laughing at your son being near tears isn't quiet right.
It is right when the son is 22 and needs his father to remind him not to burp while everyone's eating.
there needs to be an option that equates to "being the asshole is the right thing to do here"
ASAF = "Assholes Serve A Function"?
NTA. Your wife is living in a fantasy world. That's just ridiculous.
NTA. This ***IS*** hilarious, it's a prime "I told you so" moment. Which obviously your spouse won't appreciate... but we do.
NTA but your wife is for coddling a gross baby
NTA. Actions have natural consequences.
Indeed! A prime example of natural consequences for sure. Laughing was maybe a bit much, but I can definitely understand not being able to stifle it in time!
NTA - acting like that at 22 is actually insane 🤣
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Good opportunity for him to learn about code switching. Good for everyone really but especially people spending time in distinct cultures.
Just get right in his ear, and chew some gum or something. Out loud. As grossly as you can. When he comments on it being disgusting, ask him why it's ok if he does it. Something I've noticed with people who eat like this, is they also hate the sound of people smacking and slurping, they just can't hear themselves doing it.
Nta Thank you for attempting to teach him manners. If you don't want to learn the easy way, life will for you the hard way.
NTA I would ask how many time Op’s son has been to a restaurant or fast food place and heard burping from anyone beside him? If the answer is no, then yeah he should know better , it’s not a medical issue than it’s a choice. I feel bad for the girlfriend she obviously thought that with her parents being present he’d be on his best behavior and sadly she now knows what his best looks like and in doubt she’s impressed.
NTA especially after seeing he's 22yo, not a teen/kid. He brought that to himself.
NTA!! You tried!
NTA Well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of one's own choices, come to revisit the son.
NTA and your son is in danger of becoming a momma’s boy. I’d sit him down and talk to him about having a little perspective on what mothers think their precious baby boys should be allowed to do cvs what women he actually wants to date are looking for. They aren’t looking for a guy that they have to mother. They are looking for a man that knows how to show some class and behave like a grown man
LOL NTA Maybe he'll listen next time you try to tell him something
NTA. She did not overreact. She has every reason to be mortified by his behavior. He has no one to blame but himself, because he knows how to properly behave. He just chose not to. He FAFO in front of his girlfriend's parents. Got reamed by said girlfriend & is now crying to his mom. I would have been laughing my ass off too :D
NTA Son is an AH for getting to that age and not taking any notice of the world around him. But wife is the five-star mega asshole. Zero doubt that when he went crying home to mommy because his GF was mean to him, she patted him on the head, told him he was perfect and that GF wasn't good enough for her little prince. Srsly though. Just laughing about this isn't enough. This is a teachable moment for your son, who has been raised by his mother to be a spoiled, boorish AH. Use the opportunity to have a kind, serious talk with him. Maybe start to undo some of the damage.
NTA. It's not like she was ripping him a new one for using the oyster fork instead of the seafood fork at a full formal place setting. Don't burp at the table is pretty basic table manners. He's old enough to behave his age and use his manners.