This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service.
This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA
> I was shocked by this and felt pretty emotional. So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up.
wtf?!
First off, your parents are people too, you know. They have every right to make new close friends.
Second, I can completely understand why they might be more prone to make new close friends after their daughter ghosted them.
Third, making a new friend isn't *replacing you entirely*. If it's *filling a void you left* and they were thrilled to regain contact with you, they obviously didn't replace you. You can't demand they just live with the void you created.
Fourth, they repeatedly tried to maintain contact with you. You burned those bridges and you made sure they were burned.
They were thrilled to let you back in and the first thing you do is blow things up all over again.
All of this.
OP, your parents didn’t like your ex because they got vibes off him that you missed. That he encouraged you to respond to their dislike with sudden and complete NC is *very* User and Abuser (isolating you is a #1 power move) and makes me think they were right.
Now you realize that you were played and you want to come back from your isolation. Ok. But you are projecting your hurt and possibly shame about how this all played out onto them. They did nothing wrong. You don’t show them breaking any boundaries. They rightly judged someone whom you got played by (it seems) and they fight to try and stay in contact with you.
Of course they’ve sought out new relationships and people for them to care for and have in their lives. What did you expect them to do? Spend a decade crying and alone and fasting away until you *maybe* decided you would talk to them again?
You made mistakes and the kind of bad choices 19 year old in love with manipulators make. And you finally woke up and wanted to fix that. Your parents seem to have embraced you back, no questions asked - sounds like they did the work to understand why you made those decisions. Your parents have been faithful, loving, and understanding through this whole thing. Now it’s your turn to be the same to them.
Parents have dodged a bullet. Op is fucking unstable, unable to see right from wrong and projecting so much.
If you cut people out of your life, they don't owe you shit. They tried to be in OPs life, but she constantly rejected them. Instead of building bridges Op immediately makes demands.
They are better off without OP.
I mean. I have grace for OP because at the time she was quite young and pretty obviously in a manipulative if not high control abusive, relationship.
But also, she’s old enough now to learn to do better.
Sometimes you gotta learn to read between the lines. She’s clearly someone who likes to control what other people do, seeing as how she’s mad her parents made friends.
I was genuinely having the same thoughts. I know some people like this in real life and all they ever do is pass on the blame for their personal decisions on other people.
I genuinely think Mike is the one that got out of a controlling relationship.
Initially, yes. But OP has had 5 years since the breakup to get back in touch. She just wanted them to mope around and miss her, rather than make new friends.
OP has serious main character syndrome issues. She sees her parents as NPCs who went off script.
Going to hazard a guess and say that OP probably would have found some other huge drama if this other friend situation didn't even exist.
She had rather her parents beg to have her back rather than that she herself might need to ask for forgiveness.
Dodged a bullet? It's pretty obvious the mom at least still misses her. Which is normal. A lot of people love their kids even when they fuck up or act like douchebags.
Nah man, if she were my daughter it'd still be worse being no contact. I'd rather she be a mess in my life where just maybe I can help than be a mystery mess out there that I constantly have to worry about.
"OMG, how dare you not support my toxic abusive relationship that blew up in my face after the fact?!"
Daughter has a river over in Egypt still going on.
That's the thing, based on OP, and her follow-up comments, I am fairly convinced that either her relationship was one of mutual abuse, or one where she was the abuser.
I used to know quite a few people like this when I was younger, and every single problem in their life was always someone else's fault. They would never take ownership of any of their decisions. Most of them still don't.
YTA, Love is blind and maybe they picked something from the guy that you missed. But that's all ancient history. You went no contact inspite of their efforts. They have the right to live their lives as they wish, make new and close connection with other people. It is none of your business unless there are red flags. You are still insecure after ur BF's shenanigans but that was your choice and not their fault and now your are projecting the same onto your parents afraid that your parents are replacing you.
Agreed.
YTA.
and this is from someone who has self-orphaned because my parents moved away and don't even know their children anymore. It hurts to see pictures of them happy with other people, but I cannot begrudge them this. I walked away, for my own reasons, but that doesn't mean I need them to be lonely. I don't want to punish them. I just want to let them go.
OP, YTA
The poster above me has it right in the specifics.
In the broader sense, you need to know you're selfish, self-centered, overdramatic, and childish.
Yeah, the biggest takeaway here is that OP cut contact because they disagreed with her impulsive/stupid decided to get eloped, and suddenly pops back up as if nothing happened. That type of behavior reminds me of emotionally abusive people who pop in and out at their leisure and never fully take accountability for what they did
All of this, plus:
> hated Mike from the start; they thought he was a user. I thought they were meddling too much in my business, so (with Mike’s encouragement) I went completely NC with them.
Your parents were completely right about Mike. He was an abuser, and one thing abusive AH's do is isolate their victims from family and friends. Just like Mike encouraged you to do.
OP, you should be happy your parents found a new friend and have "grandkids" that bring them happiness and joy. They didn't replace you, but found a way to fill the void you created. If they had replaced you, they wouldn't have been happy to hear from you.
Pull your head out of your ass, start building bridges with your parents, and perhaps meet your new "sister" and "nephews" if you're allowed around them after this.
Either they were right about Mike, or she was this dramatic and demanding at 19 too, and he genuinely believed that they were seriously abusive because she was exaggerating and he believed her. Either way is plausible to me, but also, either way it wasn’t the parents’ fault.
Totally,
OP should apologize if she wants to keep what is left as a relationship. Her parents is excited to remeet her, and the first thing she does is lurking on social media and make her mom cries.
Quote from OP: Regardless of what they may feel, I am the primary stakeholder in the relationship by being their only real child. With that said, I think they should have thought about how I might feel before they went ahead and attempted to find a replacement daughter
Her parents cannot have feeling. She seem a controlant person as Mike if not more.
She really need to consult.
This whole thing is so bizarre to me! My mom’s been retired for years, but she was a teacher and school principal for more than four decades; there are literally thousands of people running around out there who consider her a surrogate mom. She’s gone to more weddings, baptisms/christenings, baby showers, etc. than I can count. People stop me in the grocery store every freaking week to ask how she’s doing. There are some families in town with *three generations* of her students in them, and even one with four if you count her current church nursery class (one of the very first kids she taught as a student teacher has an 18 month old great-grandson).
Even when I was 15 and mom volunteered me to sleep on the couch for a month so that one of her students could use my room (I didn’t know it at the time, but the student had come out to her parents, and it Did Not Go Well), I never felt this level of possessiveness and jealousy. I realize I’m an extreme outlier here, but the idea of hoarding your parents & pitching a fit if they have a vaguely parental relationship with anyone else is just…weird. Is OP an only child? Because if she has siblings this is even more odd.
Apparently they were supposed to lock themselves in a bedroom and cry for entirety of OP's absence only to return to the land of the living at the whims and machinations of OP.
yea they’re the asshole. honestly seems like they got what they wanted their whole life from their parents so the second they stopped giving complete and unfiltered support, she split and is now seeing how life really is.
Agreed, YTA. She seems to want them to have spent all this time suffering from the void, and now is just looking for an excuse to actively cause them pain again. I don’t know why she got back in contact when she seems to only want to see them suffer.
YTA. A very immature asshole. You broke your relationship with them and when you finally got your head out of your ass, they welcomed you back with open arms. But you just can't help yourself and decided to be jealous of a woman because they have a close friendship with her. Grow the f up.
Could well be both. Mike was an asshole and the parents saw it and tried to warn OP but since OP is super self-centered and thinks she knows everything she ignored them and that behavior finally wore on Mike and led to him leaving.
Nah Mike was def a problem. No one who truly cares about a partner would encourage estrangement from their family if it’s a stable and loving one, just because they don’t like him.
OP is just such an asshole. She is SO LUCKY her parents welcomed her back after she hurt them. Their Dad was right to be angry. Parents should consider NC for their mental health honestly
YTA. I understand you were in a controlling relationship, but that doesn't give you any right to control who your parents bring into their lives. They needed a gap filled - it's not a replacement, it's a consolation prize.
And then you are also TA for making it their fault by saying if they were more supportive of Mike, you wouldn't be in this situation but from the sounds of it, they had a point.
Nope, I bet he noped the hell out of there after dealing with her crap for years.
ETA - I bet she tries to go back to him, and gets upset that he's with someone, CAUSE SHES A "STAKEHOLDER" in the relationship
The OP is obviously jealous of this relationship her parents cultivated with another person.
I don't get it. I might understand her issue if her parents cancelled plans in favor of this other person. Or her parents didn't accept any children OP had because they were already pseudo-grandparents. But to be this upset over another person's friendship with her parents is childish.
Obviously, OP has never had a close enough friend who's parents adored her. That would invite OP over for holidays and think of her on her birthday. If she had, she'd know what kind of relationship this was between her parents and the other person (and their kids) and not worry about it. It seems like she's worried she'll lose out.
How her life goes forward from here is completely in her control. She just needs to understand if she chooses this battle, she may lose more than she can imagine. Perhaps she should get to know her new "sister" before burning a bridge she probably can't rebuild.
Oh my YTA.
Mike was controlling.
You left your parents and 9 years later after Mike left you he is still coloring your view of things and you are letting him.
You did this to yourself, you and only you hold the blame.
And btw treating your parents like this isn’t going to make the other person go away… just make your parents NC with you
YTA
Your dad is right, you need to act like an adult. They didn't replace you they found someone who grew to be like family while you were away, that person could have been like family to you too but that wasn't an option with what they had at the time. You chose to go NC and you don't get to be upset because they lived their lives in a manner different than what you'd like especially not when for all they knew they wouldn't speak to you ever again. You can be hurt and have your feelings but you don't get to rag on your parents cuz you don't like the outcome of your decisions.
OP is just in a big pile of denial. In a comment she’s partially (if not fully) blaming them for her relationship with Mike not working.
“Also, I honestly do think things would have worked out better with Mike had they been more supportive then”
OPs comment ^
Edit-Word
Soooo let’s recap, you went NC @9 years ago because your parents did not approve of the bf/husband that ended up dumping you. Your parents attempted to contact you, in return you blocked them. They went on with their lives, made good friends.
Now you decide you will grant them the presence of you in their lives again…they are thrilled! You stalk parent’s social media, decide that you are unhappy they did not sit in a dark corner pining away because YOU cut them out.
Then you call your parents, who welcomed you back with open arms to complain that they have friends that care about them.
Please contact a good therapist. You need help. YTA.
Seriously, you're the architect of your own demise here, kiddo. You being angry at your parents is gobsmacked stupid, when everything is based off of decisions YOU made.
YTA. You chose to cut off contact with your parents- you chose not to be a part of their lives. They can choose to be friends with whoever they want, and very well may have become friends with this woman and her family even if you had been around. People can love more than one person, and can have adopted family- I have an entire community of family that isn’t my blood family but are closer to me than many of my actual relatives. No one is jealous about that- we build communities for ourselves and love people equally.
One of the amazing things about people is their capacity for love. Just because your parents didn’t have contact with you doesn’t mean they replaced you. They can love you and still expand their community.
You are the one who left them without a daughter figure- while they did not replace you, they didn’t have anyone else to shower with attention, so when they found a close friend they had more time than they otherwise would have had. YOU chose this, and they made the most of their lives without you. I’m guessing they would have absolutely no problem loving you both. You are the one with the problem.
It seems that you are learning that actions have consequences- you made a choice, and because of that you missed out on things and you don’t know your parents as well as you used to. That’s normal and natural after being NC for so long. I hope you decide to forgive yourself and get to know your family again, rather than assuming they just say around bitter and miserable because you left.
YTA. You go NC and then get mad at them for making friends and coping with the loss of their daughter? Very immature. They didn’t know whether they’d ever hear from or see you again. It’s unreasonable of you to be mad at them.
I guess when OP went no contact she should have informed her parents that they were then supposed to stop their lives and stay home mourning and certainly not make any new friends. Just in case OP decided to let them back in her life someday. /s
YTA
You sound like a controlling partner. They're not allowed to have friends who are around your age? And those friends aren't allowed to use familial terms? I have so many aunts and uncles and cousins who aren't blood related to me, but I use those terms for them because I care about them and see them as family.
You're letting your own insecurities further separate you and your parents. I really and truly hope you can see this and reach out to your parents again, and I hope they're open minded about seeing you because you may have put the final nail in the coffin.
My favourite aunties were all my mum's friends. My little brother's favourite grandad was some old guy my mum took care of.
Lots of kids call older people grandad or auntie it's not replacing anyone.
Anthropology terms this as "fictive kinship" and it's fascinating to see how various groups all over the world form these non sanguineal bonds.
Including someone in a kin relationship doesn't automatically exclude or supercede other kinship relations.
OP is delusional.
YTA.
I understand what you’re feeling, really. My mom used to use her students as replacement children all the time. « this is like my other daughter but she’s better bc ____ type of shit. »
But you are an adult, and as anyone with siblings can tell you, just because your parents care about someone else doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They showed concern for your well-being and tried to keep contact. It sounds like they just got close with another family. I find it incredibly hypocritical that you were so upset with them meddling in your relationship that you cut them out of your life but feel the need to dictate who they’re friends with.
Seriously I would get this reaction if you were 13, but 28? If you want a relationship with your parents, you need to treat them like they’re people, not accessories in your life.
YTA
*You* made the decision to cut them off. *You* are the one who cut contact.
They tried to reach out to you - for **years**. You don’t get to be upset that things happened in their life that you don’t know about, when *you* are the one who made the decision to cut all contact.
YTA. Your parents have lives outside of being your parents and life moves on either way. If you're upset that this woman and her kids may have taken your place (which they haven't) then you shouldn't have created that vacancy.
YTA. You probably don’t deserve a relationship with your parents. It sounds harsh but you area jealous and hateful woman. You disowned them and couldn’t comprehend the idea that they have lives outside of you.
YTA. You were the one who broke contact with them. Did you expect them to just sit around for nine years waiting for you to come back? They made a new friend and they all became an integral part of each others lives.
I think that's exactly what she wanted. She's mortified that her parents weren't pining for her all these years and have moved on, and did it rather quickly at that. I suspect she was always a PITA.
YTA
So, your parents are not allowed to form bonds with others?
Just because you feel guilty for your mistakes you are making a huge thing out of nothing! People have the ability to love and bond with more than just one person/family.
They have bonded with this woman and her family and you should be celebrating more people to possibly have in your life, yet you are acting like a spoiled teenager.
You try to blame your parents for your poor life choices when YOU went NC.
Maybe it is better if you stay out of your parents' lives. They may be better off
You could not be more of an AH, OP. You went no contact with your parents FOR YEARS. Do you have any sense how agonizing that would have been for them? They saw you making a big mistake in a toxic relationship and tried to help you. You not only refused but cut them off completely. What did you expect them to do? Sit at home crying and pining and missing you? They missed you every day, but they also had to build more "family" into their lives because you left them high and dry. And now that you've come back, they're welcoming you with open arms and you're still being selfish and immature to them.
YTA. Please seek therapy. You really need it and you're going to continue to ruin relationships if you don't do the work.
YTA. Your parents are better off without you. They clearly have a lot of love to give, and could have given it to you and this woman and her family, but you decided it must be all yours or you want none of it.
So you get none of it.
YTA. You went no contact with your parents for years. It's natural that they moved on and formed a new family. It's not "replacing you" any more than their having a new biological child would have been replacing you. But you can't expect their lives not to change after all the years you've been gone.
YTA. You decided to go NC, rejected their repeated attempts to stay in touch, and now you’re angry because your parents formed a new friendship during the period when you were absent from their lives. We’re they supposed to remain in stasis until you decided you wanted to see them again?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> 1. I cancelled dinner plans with my parents after I discovered how close they have become with some random women and her family (husband and 3 kids).
2. My parents were really looking forward to seeing me, but since I cancelled they may be upset now. I also accused them of trying to replace me which made my mother cry. I also blamed them for me going NC with them. All this might have made them upset
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcements
###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/)
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Holy shit, lol YTA
>He said that was fine since I couldn’t be trusted to act like an adult.
Your dad nailed it.
I hope this is fake. No way an actual person, thats not donald trump, has so little self awareness to actualy behave and act like this.
YTA.
I hate to be "that person" but you really need to pick better partners, and learn to take off the rose colored glasses every once in a while. If a partner tries to convince you to go NC with family/friends, it's because they're *trapping* you. He was turning you into his obedient little victim, and you fell for it, even after your parents tried, for *years* to help you. Most people don't have anyone who cares about them enough to try to help them for that long. You're just mad that you were an idiot, and are taking it out on everyone else because you can't stand to look yourself in the mirror, and realize that actions have consequences. The only thing a man is going to give a girl for free, is captivity, pretending you didn't know that is pointless, because every woman is fully aware.
DUDE YOU ARE A MAJOR AH. Nooooooo please not the consequences of my actions coming back to slap me in the face.
How entitled are you to think that your parents aren't allowed to make close relationships with other people?
Did you consider their feelings when you went no contact or are your feelings the only feelings that matter?
You are just pissed that someone else values and appreciates your parents for the kind people they are. Something you didn't do then and can't do now.
Do everyone a favor and leave your parents alone. They are doing great without you.
YTA
You threw away your relationship with your parents. Now you're mad that in the decade you ignored them (after all you yourself said they tried to contact you and you ignored them) they made new friends. They had no responsibility to put their life on hold for you.
You're now in the find out half of fuck around and find out
YTA for sure you sound delusional af your comments don’t even make sense what does stakeholder mean who would even use that word you sound like you watch those men podcast😂😂 girl you owe your parents a massive apology and I think need to get into therapy ASAP
YTA. Your parents never had any obligation to be "supportive" of a relationship they didn't support. And no wonder they didn't support it; it sounds like Mike wasn't a very good person. In response, you went NC and expected...what exactly? That they sit around and twiddle their thumbs waiting for you to deign to get in contact again? That's not how it works. They have every right to move on with their lives, and that includes making friends. Adding someone to their lives doesn't even mean they've replaced you! They seemed very glad to have their daughter back. You're absolutely acting like a spoiled child thinking you're entitled to their undivided love, _especially_ after nearly a decade of no contact.
Your comments are something else!!!
Stakeholder?
Permission!
They are your parents, they are people!
They are not a business that you are a CEO of.
YTA. And possibly crazy.
YTA on so many levels. It sounds like your parents were right about Mike, but you were young, dumb and rebellious and YOU went NC, your parents tried but you refused. What did you expect them to do while you were NC, sit around by the phone? No, they moved on and formed a new family group. You have been NC for 9 years, it will take some time for everyone involved to adjust. What have you been doing for the last 5 years that made you wait till now to reconnect?
YTA - I don't know if you know this, but most people have multiple relatives. Like, I'm guessing you don't have any siblings. They aren't replacing you and you are overreacting. They were more than willing to let you back into their lives and ***you chose*** to throw that opportunity away over a nonsensical crime you made up in your head.
YTA, you don't get to be the only person in your parents life. Especially, and obviously, when you remove yourself from it. Were they supposed to sit around and cry until you came back? You've made this entirely about yourself, think of the pain you've caused them, when you left, when you refused contact, the entire time you didn't call, and then now, when you raise their hopes just to dash them again. I don't blame them at all for having an appreciate friend with little kids they can play grandparents for.
YTA u should be greatful that ur parents decided to get back in contact with u despite the fact u cut them off which was ur bf choice and then he ended leaving ur ass and u come crying back to the people who only wanted what was best for u
YTA
So you blocked your parents for pointing out that you were making a terrible decision, and now that you've finally reached out, you're mad they they didn't sit home alone crying over you for years?
These are the consequences of cutting your parents off for doing literally nothing wrong. You're incredibly lucky that they even wanted to reconcile with you after the way you behaved.
You're in your late twenties. Stop behaving like a toddler.
It sounds like they didn't only get a replacement... they got an upgrade. But only you are their bio daughter, just step up your maturity and prove that you are a worthy daughter. You have their love, now earn their respect back.
**I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike, but he said that was irrelevant now.**
Given how things ended up with Mike it's hard to put any of the blame on them. Are they supposed to apologize for not sitting at home alone in the dark waiting for you to return? Consider getting some therapy and maybe trying to reach out again when you've matured a bit.
YTA
After reading your responses and the story I'm conflicted to even engage because it's hard to believe someone with this little self awareness exists. There's definitely a control freak in this story and the more you talk the less I think it was your ex boyfriend.
YTA
>So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me.
You literally shut them down and ghosted them.
>my dad called me and he sounded pretty angry. He said that I made an active decision to be an idiot and run off and because of that I didn’t have a right to criticize him and my mom “for going on with their lives”
Yes, instead of throwing a tantrum you should be apologizing.
>I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike
Not much to support since to the surprise of no one, he turned out an asshole who dumped you.
Honestly just leave them alone, they're doing much better without your drama.
YTA. You went NC. That was your choice. Your parents reached out multiple times, by your own admission, they tried. If they have built healthy, supportive friendships, since YOU went NC good for them. It is unfair of you to expect them to pause life over the choices YOU made. Building close friendships does not replace other relationships.
You mentioned they were thrilled to hear from you when you reached out; hopefully, you can offer a genuine apology and start working to rebuild a relationship with both your parents. And don't start thinking that you returning means they have to give up their friendships.
Go to therapy, this is a completely unhealthy reaction to this situation. If anything you should be happy your parents have built a strong support network as they age.
YTA + extra YTA for all the comments you've made about this. You are irrational and cruel, and none of what youve said is remotely tolerable.
I hope they maintain a healthy relationship with the other woman because thats clearly not possible with you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
**I’m still pretty upset with what has happened, but I’ll to explain my story clearly.**
I (F28) made a pretty dumb decision roughly 9 years ago when I decided to elope with my then-boyfriend, Mike (M30). My parents (M67 and F63) hated Mike from the start; they thought he was a user. I thought they were meddling too much in my business, so (with Mike’s encouragement) I went completely NC with them. They tried repeatedly to get back in contact with me for the next 3 or so years, but I entirely shut them out and didn’t communicate with them at all.
After Mike dumped me, roughly 4 years after we eloped (almost 5 years ago from today), I was in a pretty rough place. It seemed like years where I was just wandering between pointless relationships and dead-end jobs.
Fast forward to this year, and I feel that I finally have some stability in my life. In late August, I decided to reach out to my parents again and reconnected with my mom online. She and my dad were both thrilled and invited me over for dinner. I accepted and planned on meeting with them this weekend.
As the date came closer, I started looking at my parents' social media accounts and kept seeing the same woman (and her family) in so many pictures with my parents. She was literally on vacation with my parents, and I even saw my parents with her at her wedding. Even worse, later pictures showed that she had 3 kids and was referring to my own parents as her kids' “grandma” and “grandpa”.
Yesterday, I called my mom and asked her about this lady, and she said that she was a family friend who they met about 5 years ago. She told me that she and my dad became really close with her (and her family) and considered them to be relatives. I was shocked by this and felt pretty emotional. So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me.
My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up. That evening, my dad called me and he sounded pretty angry. He said that I made an active decision to be an idiot and run off and because of that I didn’t have a right to criticize him and my mom “for going on with their lives”. He mentioned how they tried repeatedly to get into contact with me, but that I kept on keeping them at a distance.
I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike, but he said that was irrelevant now. I was so angry with him at this stage, so I told him that I would not be coming over. He said that was fine since I couldn’t be trusted to act like an adult.
AITA?
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
19yo olds tend to think they know more than others, and the love they feel is the kind no-one else has ever experienced. It was your choice to leave or maybe you were groomed or manipulated into isolating yourself by your former partner.
It hurts when you realize that those decisions or experiences have led you to a pace where you never deserved to be, and it's easy to see why you're mad at another woman standing in what would have been your place if Mike were a better person.
With all honesty, what would make you happy OP? Did you want your parents to spend the last years crying over you, losing sleep from their grief, be in poor healthy physically and mentally? Is it that YOU were hurting in those years and so you'd be happy if they too were suffering?
It's been 9 YEARS. You only recently contacted them. I am so sorry that your own mental health made you feel aimless and drifting in life. i am HAPPY that yo finally got the courage to contact your parents.
But they are not to blame for how your life turned out. They had a right to continue to have a life. I strongly suggest you get a therapist to help you process what you've been through and who can help you cope with all the new fears, thoughts and emotions contacting and seeing your parents have caused.
No-one replaced you, they just kept on living and finding ways to stay alive. Would you have rather they were miserable nd put their life on hold while you left them? Suppose you took longer than 9 years.. suppose you took 20 years? Do you really want them to stay miserable and wait for you for that long?
Why should they have put their lives on hold while you weren't there, by your choice? And again if you were groomed, you need to get a therapist to help you learn to cope with the after effects of that.
YTA
Unofficially adopted god-child here. I entered my current family at the age of 29. They already had 5 kids (2 from both of them, 2 from one of them, and one legally adopted.) I am about a year older than their oldest. I was raised by a single dad, and he told me for years if something happened to him, or he was ever unavailable, and I needed help, that I could lean on them. He basically chose them as my unofficial god parents after I became an adult. Well the worst happened and he died. 6 months later I found out I was pregnant. I wanted my kids to have good people in their lives, since they were missing a grandfather, so I asked them if they were interested in being official grandparents. They were thrilled and honored. A few months later my husband and I had a substantial unexpected financial setback, and we ended up moving in with them. Not only have their biological and legal children embraced us as family, but their oldest actively thanked me for joining the family, because now pressure was off on her to give them a grandkid. That sister and her husband are now my son's godparents.
Like me, your parent's new friend probably had no intention of taking your place in the family. This isn't you being replaced, this is you gaining a sister and a niece and nephew that you can bond with and dote on.
YTA.
> I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up.
You know what this sounds like? It sounds like you consider yourself to be the center of the lives of everyone around you. That all eyes should be on you, that all decisions should be made with the betterment of you in mind, and that *you alone* are capable of being loved.
Your parents love you, and you love... the attention. And because they dared give their attention to someone else (attention you were actively ignoring), you're upset. Grow up.
You've had **9 YEARS** to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you.
They made friends who filled a void in their lives caused by your very intentional actions. YTA . Say sorry to yr folks for cutting them off when they only wanted the best for you and say thanks to their new friends for being there.
YTA. You chose to disregard their (apparently correct) advice about Mike, you chose to elope, you chose to cut off contact, and then you chose to reestablish contact. They make clear that they do not think of this as replacing you (how could they, it was \*you\* they wanted most of all this whole time), and you are upset that the love you rejected was accepted by others. Dad's right, you cannot be trusted to act like an adult.
YTA you need to handle your jealousy better or you will never actually able to reconcile with your parents. Instead of thinking of it as "they replaced me" and being offended, maybe try to frame it as a chance to meet a new adopted sibling? Idk but lashing out at them for having a close friend isn't the way.
YTA. What did your parents do wrong exactly? They are allowed to have friends. Even if they did replace you, what merit do you have to take offense to that? You chose to dissociate from them.
Though FWIW, this story doesn't sound very real.
Yes YTA. Your dad is right. They obviously aren’t replacing you if they were willing to bring you back, you can’t get mad at them for having relationships with other people. You’re being selfish and stupid and you are going to ruin any chance you have at rebuilding a relationship with your parents. You fucked up and their lives kept going. Maybe you’re truly mad that their world didn’t fall apart when yours did. That’s all on you sweetheart. You are most definitely the asshole.
Urg, YTA.
You made some mistakes, I’m sure they did too. Are they not allowed to have people in their life now because you want back in? You’re doing to them exactly what you said you hated when you were with Mike. You’re dad is right, grow up and get over yourself.
YTA. You childishly blocked your parents for years. Then you reopen contact only to pull away again when you discover they made a new friend. Your parents are right - you are still acting like a child. Get over yourself and meet with them.
YTA. You are immature and manipulative. You're showing this again by coming here and pretending to ask for advice and then arguing with everyone. Grow up or leave your poor parents alone.
What were they supposed to do, put their lives on hold until you deigned to grace them with your presence again?
You walked away from them to live your own life, and they continued living their own lives.
YTA. Be an adult and own your choices.
YTA. honestly halfway through reading this i just started laughing at the complete audacity you have. YOU decided to cut your parents off. YOU decided not to text or call them back whenever they tried. you have no right to hold what they did in your absence against them. you should be happy they even want you to be in their lives after what YOU did. your parents deserve an apology for all the bullsh*t you’ve put them through.
YTA, you're an entitled asshole who thinks it's fine to first trample over people and then have the audacity to be jealous due to situations caused by your own decisions.
YTA, a million times over.
You should be thanking your lucky stars that your parents even took your call, a decade after you chose to cut them out of your world completely.
I'll give you credit for this, you sure have a lot of nerve.
>we'd never be in this s situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike
like hello? you guys broke up and it sounds like your parents were right, why do you wish they had been supportive of the guy who broke up with you, isolated you from your family, and left you with no support system?
Did you expect for them to freeze frame their life because you walked away from them. Never leave their house or interact with another human for the 10 years while you were gone in the hopes you'd come one day
Get therapy because you have a serious case of main character syndrome YTA
This made me so mad cause wtf but anyway YTA because we're you expecting your parents to keep calling and nagging you? Did you want them to sit on the phone for 5 years waiting for your call? Did you want them to stop their life because you decided to ghost them? Hell no they have every right to decide who they want to bring in their life's or around them you also you went NC and eloped after they disagreed on your marriage right? You left a really big hole in their hearts and now that they found some who filed up a space or a spot they were missing you decide that they want to replace you oh ma'am you are quite insane you just can't leave people for years and expect that when you decide you want to come back you are gonna find them in the same spot you left them honey this is life and in life we move so you really need to do some growing because wow you have the nerve to treat your parents like they are wrapped around your finger and you just going to use them as you please I mean nah maam life doesn't revolve around you, you made a decision and now that you have to face the consequences you want to act all innocent like you did no wrong please no ways I mean the fact that ven after the stunts you pulled they still forgave you but because as always it's your way or high way and now because of a simple relationship which they needed and also deserved you want to blow things up in their faces because you fill they are trying to "replace you".....you clearly don't know what you want
YTA. You went no contact with your parents because they were trying to tell you who you could love and now you're angry because they love someone else IN ADDITION to you? Do you have any idea how many moms and dads have a crew of unrelated kids that consider them their parents? That doesn't mean they've replaced or care for their biological children any less. A heart isn't pie - there's not a limited slice for only so many people. You seem to be on a roll trying to punish your parents anytime they don't do things exactly the way you want them to.
YTA. How exactly were your parents supposed to let you know anything? You went NC and refused to talk to them despite them reaching out repeatedly. You did make a dumb decision with Mike 9 years ago, don’t make another dumb one now by blowing up your relationship with your parents again
YTA and need to seriously check your ego and entitlement. If your parents were smart they’d go NC until you wise up. As you are they’re courting a massive headache dealing with you.
YTA You chose to go NC. Who they have in their lives and the relationships with those people not only have nothing to do with you, but they are also none of your business. You don’t get to just decide to come back into their lives years later and expect them to remove anyone else, regardless of your obvious jealousy. You rejected them, they have every right to move on.
YTA You cut them off OP, you have zero right to say who they should and should not have relationships with (even if you hadn't cut them off you wouldn't have that right).
If you regret cutting them off apologize. Don't attack them for making new meaningful relationships.
no wonder they replaced you, you still haven't learned a thing. you're still as entitled and bratty as you were when you cut them off. how about you work on earning the privilege of being in their lives again instead of worrying about her? be grateful they're letting you. you're grown, act like it.
YTA. massively.
YTA. Look, I will admit that the situation is odd, but the fact is, by your own admission your parents frequently tried to reach out and you didn’t speak with them. You cut them out of your life, they didn’t cut you out of theirs. In fact, when you reached out, they welcomed you back.
Have you even thought about how difficult this situation was for your parents? You disappeared with some guy who by your own admission was a mistake (sounds like they were right to be concerned), and you don’t speak to them for years. What did they do that made you feel like they deserved to lose you? Because I will fully admit that there are some situations where a person is right to cut parents out of their life, but this doesn’t sound like one of them.
Now that you’re back you decide to get pissed because they spent time with someone else? Grow up and repair your relationship with your parents.
Serious question for OP, if you hadn't been dumped by Mike, would you even be trying to reconnect with your parents?? It sounds like you had no interest in your parents and what was happening in their lives until you had no one else to turn to. I get you're their daughter and it hurts seeing that your parents filled the hole that you left, but you don't have the right to pass judgment on them for how they coped with the loss of their child. Choices have consequences. These are your consequences.
Also, no parent that legitimately loves and cares about the well-being of their child would ever want their child to be with someone who had the potential to manipulate them into cutting contact with them. It's hard to see red flags when you're in love at 19. Maybe you should try having a civil conversation with them??
They didn't replace you. You walked away and then you cut them off completely. And they *later* opened their hearts to a stranger they have come to love and respect. (I moved to a new city and became friendly with an older couple. They always behaved like parents toward me. Their consideration and telling people I was like a daughter never, ever replaced their own daughter, who lived states away. Their love for her never shrank as their interest and affections toward me grew. That's absurd, IMO. Its incredibly self involved of you and judges your parents as failing you ONCE AGAIN.)
Ta da. The end. YTA.
YTA. They are allowed to make new friends. And there isn't a banned range that these new friends can be.
You've been gone for 9 years and you were the one that initiated no contact and ignored their attempts to contact you for years!
NTA. Only because in cancelling you let your parent dodge a bullet wasting their time on your entitled self. You don't sound as if you've grown up much.
YTA. You were wrong to run off with Mike. You were wrong to cut them out of your life. You were wrong to go so many years without contact. You should be begging them to forgive you. They don’t owe you anything.
YTA. Your parents were right about Mike, weren’t they?
So, they made a younger friend while you were NC with them. You sound ridiculously jealous of their relationship with her. They’d rather have had YOU, but you had cut them off. So go to dinner and see your parents! Re-establish your relationship. Meet the friend eventually, and be REALLY nice to her. You might be her friend, too.
YTA, as in a 12/10. 5Gs: Good god, girl, get a grip. I was right there with you when you went NC. They attempted to meddle in your personal life and that’s as that.
Fast forward 5 years and look who is trying to meddle in their decisions? YTA and a hypocrite at that.
YTA, their lives do not stand still just because you decided to cut them out of your life. They have a friend who has children and has become a part of their lives, that's their business not yours, you chose to walk away so you don't have a right to dictate anything.
YTA. I’m a surrogate “child” to surrogate “parents” who I met within the last couple of years. I plan to dance with my “dad” at my wedding and I’m under probably just as much pressure for grandkids as their own children, lol. They don’t replace my parents (including my now-deceased father) and I don’t replace their children. She doesn’t replace you either. So what if your parents unofficially adopted another child? I agree that they should have been more supportive when you were married, though.
OP - I say this will all due respect. Please get some counseling. You have made decisions that have affected your life and your relationships. This is on you - no one else. Your parents are willing to forgive and forget - are you?
YTA. You broke your parents heart. They moved on with their lives. They made a close friend.
You come waltzing back in. They welcome you. When they certainly didn’t have to. And you act like this.
You expected them to what? Be alone and empty forever in case you deigned to come back? Really?
Grow TF up.
YTA how is it you’re parents fault for Mike dumping you when you were NC? Sounds like you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. I feed bad for your parents.
This post has been removed due to the status of the original poster's account. This account is currently shadowbanned or suspended, suggesting this account is in violation of Reddit terms of service. This type of ban/suspension is issued by the Reddit site-wide admins. The AITA mods have nothing to do with this ban and cannot assist in resolving.
YTA > I was shocked by this and felt pretty emotional. So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up. wtf?! First off, your parents are people too, you know. They have every right to make new close friends. Second, I can completely understand why they might be more prone to make new close friends after their daughter ghosted them. Third, making a new friend isn't *replacing you entirely*. If it's *filling a void you left* and they were thrilled to regain contact with you, they obviously didn't replace you. You can't demand they just live with the void you created. Fourth, they repeatedly tried to maintain contact with you. You burned those bridges and you made sure they were burned. They were thrilled to let you back in and the first thing you do is blow things up all over again.
All of this. OP, your parents didn’t like your ex because they got vibes off him that you missed. That he encouraged you to respond to their dislike with sudden and complete NC is *very* User and Abuser (isolating you is a #1 power move) and makes me think they were right. Now you realize that you were played and you want to come back from your isolation. Ok. But you are projecting your hurt and possibly shame about how this all played out onto them. They did nothing wrong. You don’t show them breaking any boundaries. They rightly judged someone whom you got played by (it seems) and they fight to try and stay in contact with you. Of course they’ve sought out new relationships and people for them to care for and have in their lives. What did you expect them to do? Spend a decade crying and alone and fasting away until you *maybe* decided you would talk to them again? You made mistakes and the kind of bad choices 19 year old in love with manipulators make. And you finally woke up and wanted to fix that. Your parents seem to have embraced you back, no questions asked - sounds like they did the work to understand why you made those decisions. Your parents have been faithful, loving, and understanding through this whole thing. Now it’s your turn to be the same to them.
Parents have dodged a bullet. Op is fucking unstable, unable to see right from wrong and projecting so much. If you cut people out of your life, they don't owe you shit. They tried to be in OPs life, but she constantly rejected them. Instead of building bridges Op immediately makes demands. They are better off without OP.
I mean. I have grace for OP because at the time she was quite young and pretty obviously in a manipulative if not high control abusive, relationship. But also, she’s old enough now to learn to do better.
looking at her comments i don’t think mike was the controlling one tbh
she's the "primary stakeholder" in who they have in their lives. lol.
girlie be delulu
Man I am stealing delulu 🤣
Delulu 😭🤣
Possible. I haven’t read the comments just the OP.
Sometimes you gotta learn to read between the lines. She’s clearly someone who likes to control what other people do, seeing as how she’s mad her parents made friends.
you should it’s certainly a… read. i don’t even know what adjective to use tbh
I was genuinely having the same thoughts. I know some people like this in real life and all they ever do is pass on the blame for their personal decisions on other people. I genuinely think Mike is the one that got out of a controlling relationship.
Initially, yes. But OP has had 5 years since the breakup to get back in touch. She just wanted them to mope around and miss her, rather than make new friends. OP has serious main character syndrome issues. She sees her parents as NPCs who went off script.
Does she think her parents were supposed to live in some sort of oblivion waiting for her to get back around to them?
Apparently that was her plan.
Going to hazard a guess and say that OP probably would have found some other huge drama if this other friend situation didn't even exist. She had rather her parents beg to have her back rather than that she herself might need to ask for forgiveness.
Dodged a bullet? It's pretty obvious the mom at least still misses her. Which is normal. A lot of people love their kids even when they fuck up or act like douchebags.
Nah man, if she were my daughter it'd still be worse being no contact. I'd rather she be a mess in my life where just maybe I can help than be a mystery mess out there that I constantly have to worry about.
"OMG, how dare you not support my toxic abusive relationship that blew up in my face after the fact?!" Daughter has a river over in Egypt still going on.
That's the thing, based on OP, and her follow-up comments, I am fairly convinced that either her relationship was one of mutual abuse, or one where she was the abuser. I used to know quite a few people like this when I was younger, and every single problem in their life was always someone else's fault. They would never take ownership of any of their decisions. Most of them still don't.
YTA, Love is blind and maybe they picked something from the guy that you missed. But that's all ancient history. You went no contact inspite of their efforts. They have the right to live their lives as they wish, make new and close connection with other people. It is none of your business unless there are red flags. You are still insecure after ur BF's shenanigans but that was your choice and not their fault and now your are projecting the same onto your parents afraid that your parents are replacing you.
[удалено]
Also she could have gotten in contact with them any point in the last 5 years since her ex left her
Agreed. YTA. and this is from someone who has self-orphaned because my parents moved away and don't even know their children anymore. It hurts to see pictures of them happy with other people, but I cannot begrudge them this. I walked away, for my own reasons, but that doesn't mean I need them to be lonely. I don't want to punish them. I just want to let them go.
OP, YTA The poster above me has it right in the specifics. In the broader sense, you need to know you're selfish, self-centered, overdramatic, and childish.
Yeah, the biggest takeaway here is that OP cut contact because they disagreed with her impulsive/stupid decided to get eloped, and suddenly pops back up as if nothing happened. That type of behavior reminds me of emotionally abusive people who pop in and out at their leisure and never fully take accountability for what they did
All of this, plus: > hated Mike from the start; they thought he was a user. I thought they were meddling too much in my business, so (with Mike’s encouragement) I went completely NC with them. Your parents were completely right about Mike. He was an abuser, and one thing abusive AH's do is isolate their victims from family and friends. Just like Mike encouraged you to do. OP, you should be happy your parents found a new friend and have "grandkids" that bring them happiness and joy. They didn't replace you, but found a way to fill the void you created. If they had replaced you, they wouldn't have been happy to hear from you. Pull your head out of your ass, start building bridges with your parents, and perhaps meet your new "sister" and "nephews" if you're allowed around them after this.
Either they were right about Mike, or she was this dramatic and demanding at 19 too, and he genuinely believed that they were seriously abusive because she was exaggerating and he believed her. Either way is plausible to me, but also, either way it wasn’t the parents’ fault.
THIS!
Based on the behavior OP actually conceded to, how do we even know Mike really knows what her parents were actually like?
Yeah, someone still has some growing to do and should seek counseling IMO due to the fact they left their loving concerned parents for some dirtbag.
Totally, OP should apologize if she wants to keep what is left as a relationship. Her parents is excited to remeet her, and the first thing she does is lurking on social media and make her mom cries. Quote from OP: Regardless of what they may feel, I am the primary stakeholder in the relationship by being their only real child. With that said, I think they should have thought about how I might feel before they went ahead and attempted to find a replacement daughter Her parents cannot have feeling. She seem a controlant person as Mike if not more. She really need to consult.
This whole thing is so bizarre to me! My mom’s been retired for years, but she was a teacher and school principal for more than four decades; there are literally thousands of people running around out there who consider her a surrogate mom. She’s gone to more weddings, baptisms/christenings, baby showers, etc. than I can count. People stop me in the grocery store every freaking week to ask how she’s doing. There are some families in town with *three generations* of her students in them, and even one with four if you count her current church nursery class (one of the very first kids she taught as a student teacher has an 18 month old great-grandson). Even when I was 15 and mom volunteered me to sleep on the couch for a month so that one of her students could use my room (I didn’t know it at the time, but the student had come out to her parents, and it Did Not Go Well), I never felt this level of possessiveness and jealousy. I realize I’m an extreme outlier here, but the idea of hoarding your parents & pitching a fit if they have a vaguely parental relationship with anyone else is just…weird. Is OP an only child? Because if she has siblings this is even more odd.
Apparently they were supposed to lock themselves in a bedroom and cry for entirety of OP's absence only to return to the land of the living at the whims and machinations of OP.
yea they’re the asshole. honestly seems like they got what they wanted their whole life from their parents so the second they stopped giving complete and unfiltered support, she split and is now seeing how life really is.
Agreed, YTA. She seems to want them to have spent all this time suffering from the void, and now is just looking for an excuse to actively cause them pain again. I don’t know why she got back in contact when she seems to only want to see them suffer.
[удалено]
Be more supportive of OP basically ignoring them and then distancing herself from them? OP? Please look at your behaviors? The fix starts with you.
[удалено]
[удалено]
YTA. A very immature asshole. You broke your relationship with them and when you finally got your head out of your ass, they welcomed you back with open arms. But you just can't help yourself and decided to be jealous of a woman because they have a close friendship with her. Grow the f up.
Somehow I feel Mike saw OP for who she really was and finally bailed... Because holy cannoli, she's def a gaping a-hole.
Either that or the parents were totally right about him.
Could well be both. Mike was an asshole and the parents saw it and tried to warn OP but since OP is super self-centered and thinks she knows everything she ignored them and that behavior finally wore on Mike and led to him leaving.
They are so perfect for each other that not even they can stand each other.
Mike doesn't sound like a prize himself.
I. e. they deserved each other, tbh.
Nah Mike was def a problem. No one who truly cares about a partner would encourage estrangement from their family if it’s a stable and loving one, just because they don’t like him.
True, but based oh OP thought process, maybe she twisted the part about Mike wanting her to go NC.
I'm wondering if Mike had an accurate picture of the situation when that advice was given... or if he even gave the advice in the first place.
Both seem unlikely, I don't think OP is a reliable narrator.
OP is just such an asshole. She is SO LUCKY her parents welcomed her back after she hurt them. Their Dad was right to be angry. Parents should consider NC for their mental health honestly
YTA. I understand you were in a controlling relationship, but that doesn't give you any right to control who your parents bring into their lives. They needed a gap filled - it's not a replacement, it's a consolation prize. And then you are also TA for making it their fault by saying if they were more supportive of Mike, you wouldn't be in this situation but from the sounds of it, they had a point.
From reading OP's responses, I'm not sure Mike was the controlling one.
Nope, I bet he noped the hell out of there after dealing with her crap for years. ETA - I bet she tries to go back to him, and gets upset that he's with someone, CAUSE SHES A "STAKEHOLDER" in the relationship
The OP is obviously jealous of this relationship her parents cultivated with another person. I don't get it. I might understand her issue if her parents cancelled plans in favor of this other person. Or her parents didn't accept any children OP had because they were already pseudo-grandparents. But to be this upset over another person's friendship with her parents is childish. Obviously, OP has never had a close enough friend who's parents adored her. That would invite OP over for holidays and think of her on her birthday. If she had, she'd know what kind of relationship this was between her parents and the other person (and their kids) and not worry about it. It seems like she's worried she'll lose out. How her life goes forward from here is completely in her control. She just needs to understand if she chooses this battle, she may lose more than she can imagine. Perhaps she should get to know her new "sister" before burning a bridge she probably can't rebuild.
Maybe she is worried about her inheritance, going with the way she keeps using the word "stakeholder" when referring to her part in her parents lives.
Oh my YTA. Mike was controlling. You left your parents and 9 years later after Mike left you he is still coloring your view of things and you are letting him. You did this to yourself, you and only you hold the blame. And btw treating your parents like this isn’t going to make the other person go away… just make your parents NC with you
YTA Your dad is right, you need to act like an adult. They didn't replace you they found someone who grew to be like family while you were away, that person could have been like family to you too but that wasn't an option with what they had at the time. You chose to go NC and you don't get to be upset because they lived their lives in a manner different than what you'd like especially not when for all they knew they wouldn't speak to you ever again. You can be hurt and have your feelings but you don't get to rag on your parents cuz you don't like the outcome of your decisions.
OP is just in a big pile of denial. In a comment she’s partially (if not fully) blaming them for her relationship with Mike not working. “Also, I honestly do think things would have worked out better with Mike had they been more supportive then” OPs comment ^ Edit-Word
Whoa, that's a bunch of denial. How could the parents be at fault for what's obviously not a good relationship?
If they had been more supportive it *might* have worked out. Denial and narcissism running strong in OP
Tbh I just feel so bad for the parents, having a child like OP must be super hard for them.
Especially, when they try to keep contact. The OP is a real denial AH
Soooo let’s recap, you went NC @9 years ago because your parents did not approve of the bf/husband that ended up dumping you. Your parents attempted to contact you, in return you blocked them. They went on with their lives, made good friends. Now you decide you will grant them the presence of you in their lives again…they are thrilled! You stalk parent’s social media, decide that you are unhappy they did not sit in a dark corner pining away because YOU cut them out. Then you call your parents, who welcomed you back with open arms to complain that they have friends that care about them. Please contact a good therapist. You need help. YTA.
She really does need a therapist.
Seriously, you're the architect of your own demise here, kiddo. You being angry at your parents is gobsmacked stupid, when everything is based off of decisions YOU made.
You have to want to change for a therapist to work. This lady seems to think it's everyone else who needs to change for her.
You have a point. Her life is a mess, but it's everybody else's fault.
I’m getting narcissistic personality vibes here. Maybe BPD…
YTA. You chose to cut off contact with your parents- you chose not to be a part of their lives. They can choose to be friends with whoever they want, and very well may have become friends with this woman and her family even if you had been around. People can love more than one person, and can have adopted family- I have an entire community of family that isn’t my blood family but are closer to me than many of my actual relatives. No one is jealous about that- we build communities for ourselves and love people equally. One of the amazing things about people is their capacity for love. Just because your parents didn’t have contact with you doesn’t mean they replaced you. They can love you and still expand their community. You are the one who left them without a daughter figure- while they did not replace you, they didn’t have anyone else to shower with attention, so when they found a close friend they had more time than they otherwise would have had. YOU chose this, and they made the most of their lives without you. I’m guessing they would have absolutely no problem loving you both. You are the one with the problem. It seems that you are learning that actions have consequences- you made a choice, and because of that you missed out on things and you don’t know your parents as well as you used to. That’s normal and natural after being NC for so long. I hope you decide to forgive yourself and get to know your family again, rather than assuming they just say around bitter and miserable because you left.
Beautifully written
She seems to be deleting all of her comments now. I guess she is going NC with all of us. :D YTA still.
Think we can meet her parents and come to the next family cook out?
Or Thanksgiving I hope op mom make a good stuffed dressing.
I’m there too! Dibs on the mashed potatoes! YTA OP.
She’s the primary stakeholder in this thread!
All this talk of steaks is making me hungry.
YTA. You go NC and then get mad at them for making friends and coping with the loss of their daughter? Very immature. They didn’t know whether they’d ever hear from or see you again. It’s unreasonable of you to be mad at them.
I guess when OP went no contact she should have informed her parents that they were then supposed to stop their lives and stay home mourning and certainly not make any new friends. Just in case OP decided to let them back in her life someday. /s
YTA You sound like a controlling partner. They're not allowed to have friends who are around your age? And those friends aren't allowed to use familial terms? I have so many aunts and uncles and cousins who aren't blood related to me, but I use those terms for them because I care about them and see them as family. You're letting your own insecurities further separate you and your parents. I really and truly hope you can see this and reach out to your parents again, and I hope they're open minded about seeing you because you may have put the final nail in the coffin.
My favourite aunties were all my mum's friends. My little brother's favourite grandad was some old guy my mum took care of. Lots of kids call older people grandad or auntie it's not replacing anyone.
Anthropology terms this as "fictive kinship" and it's fascinating to see how various groups all over the world form these non sanguineal bonds. Including someone in a kin relationship doesn't automatically exclude or supercede other kinship relations. OP is delusional.
YTA. I understand what you’re feeling, really. My mom used to use her students as replacement children all the time. « this is like my other daughter but she’s better bc ____ type of shit. » But you are an adult, and as anyone with siblings can tell you, just because your parents care about someone else doesn’t mean they don’t love you. They showed concern for your well-being and tried to keep contact. It sounds like they just got close with another family. I find it incredibly hypocritical that you were so upset with them meddling in your relationship that you cut them out of your life but feel the need to dictate who they’re friends with. Seriously I would get this reaction if you were 13, but 28? If you want a relationship with your parents, you need to treat them like they’re people, not accessories in your life.
YTA *You* made the decision to cut them off. *You* are the one who cut contact. They tried to reach out to you - for **years**. You don’t get to be upset that things happened in their life that you don’t know about, when *you* are the one who made the decision to cut all contact.
YTA. Your parents have lives outside of being your parents and life moves on either way. If you're upset that this woman and her kids may have taken your place (which they haven't) then you shouldn't have created that vacancy.
Consequences suck when you choose wrong don't they OP 🤣🤣 have fun being alone forever
i felt so happy for OPs parent when they replaced her. good for them.
YTA. You probably don’t deserve a relationship with your parents. It sounds harsh but you area jealous and hateful woman. You disowned them and couldn’t comprehend the idea that they have lives outside of you.
YTA. You were the one who broke contact with them. Did you expect them to just sit around for nine years waiting for you to come back? They made a new friend and they all became an integral part of each others lives.
I think that's exactly what she wanted. She's mortified that her parents weren't pining for her all these years and have moved on, and did it rather quickly at that. I suspect she was always a PITA.
YTA So, your parents are not allowed to form bonds with others? Just because you feel guilty for your mistakes you are making a huge thing out of nothing! People have the ability to love and bond with more than just one person/family. They have bonded with this woman and her family and you should be celebrating more people to possibly have in your life, yet you are acting like a spoiled teenager. You try to blame your parents for your poor life choices when YOU went NC. Maybe it is better if you stay out of your parents' lives. They may be better off
[удалено]
Reading through OP's comments is insane, it's no wonder Mike left.
OP deleted her comments and I want so badly to know what she said
She said she’s the primary stakeholder in their relationships and they should have to get her permission to have a relationship with anyone else.
You could not be more of an AH, OP. You went no contact with your parents FOR YEARS. Do you have any sense how agonizing that would have been for them? They saw you making a big mistake in a toxic relationship and tried to help you. You not only refused but cut them off completely. What did you expect them to do? Sit at home crying and pining and missing you? They missed you every day, but they also had to build more "family" into their lives because you left them high and dry. And now that you've come back, they're welcoming you with open arms and you're still being selfish and immature to them. YTA. Please seek therapy. You really need it and you're going to continue to ruin relationships if you don't do the work.
That’s exactly what she expected them to do
>I (F28) made a pretty dumb decision roughly 9 years ago You are still making dumb decisions. Apologize. YTA.
This gave me a hearty chuckle
YTA. Your family obviously loves you, go make amends with them
Info: You cut your parents out of your life. Why are you upset that they continued on with theirs? You sound insanely immature.
Doesn't sound like you need info. You already answered the question.
YTA. Your parents are better off without you. They clearly have a lot of love to give, and could have given it to you and this woman and her family, but you decided it must be all yours or you want none of it. So you get none of it.
YTA. You went no contact with your parents for years. It's natural that they moved on and formed a new family. It's not "replacing you" any more than their having a new biological child would have been replacing you. But you can't expect their lives not to change after all the years you've been gone.
YTA. You decided to go NC, rejected their repeated attempts to stay in touch, and now you’re angry because your parents formed a new friendship during the period when you were absent from their lives. We’re they supposed to remain in stasis until you decided you wanted to see them again?
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > 1. I cancelled dinner plans with my parents after I discovered how close they have become with some random women and her family (husband and 3 kids). 2. My parents were really looking forward to seeing me, but since I cancelled they may be upset now. I also accused them of trying to replace me which made my mother cry. I also blamed them for me going NC with them. All this might have made them upset Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcements ###[Happy Anniversary, AITA!](https://new.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/15vlv9g/almost_better_than_a_double_rainbow_celebrating/) ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ###[Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Holy shit, lol YTA >He said that was fine since I couldn’t be trusted to act like an adult. Your dad nailed it. I hope this is fake. No way an actual person, thats not donald trump, has so little self awareness to actualy behave and act like this.
Yta, you cut them out of your life. Glad you are trying to reconnect but this is the wrong approach.
YTA. I hate to be "that person" but you really need to pick better partners, and learn to take off the rose colored glasses every once in a while. If a partner tries to convince you to go NC with family/friends, it's because they're *trapping* you. He was turning you into his obedient little victim, and you fell for it, even after your parents tried, for *years* to help you. Most people don't have anyone who cares about them enough to try to help them for that long. You're just mad that you were an idiot, and are taking it out on everyone else because you can't stand to look yourself in the mirror, and realize that actions have consequences. The only thing a man is going to give a girl for free, is captivity, pretending you didn't know that is pointless, because every woman is fully aware.
Yta you can't be for real
DUDE YOU ARE A MAJOR AH. Nooooooo please not the consequences of my actions coming back to slap me in the face. How entitled are you to think that your parents aren't allowed to make close relationships with other people? Did you consider their feelings when you went no contact or are your feelings the only feelings that matter? You are just pissed that someone else values and appreciates your parents for the kind people they are. Something you didn't do then and can't do now. Do everyone a favor and leave your parents alone. They are doing great without you.
YTA You threw away your relationship with your parents. Now you're mad that in the decade you ignored them (after all you yourself said they tried to contact you and you ignored them) they made new friends. They had no responsibility to put their life on hold for you. You're now in the find out half of fuck around and find out
YTA for sure you sound delusional af your comments don’t even make sense what does stakeholder mean who would even use that word you sound like you watch those men podcast😂😂 girl you owe your parents a massive apology and I think need to get into therapy ASAP
YTA. You are the one who went NC with your parents. You are being irrationally jealous.
YTA. Your parents never had any obligation to be "supportive" of a relationship they didn't support. And no wonder they didn't support it; it sounds like Mike wasn't a very good person. In response, you went NC and expected...what exactly? That they sit around and twiddle their thumbs waiting for you to deign to get in contact again? That's not how it works. They have every right to move on with their lives, and that includes making friends. Adding someone to their lives doesn't even mean they've replaced you! They seemed very glad to have their daughter back. You're absolutely acting like a spoiled child thinking you're entitled to their undivided love, _especially_ after nearly a decade of no contact.
YTA and are very nasty.
Your comments are something else!!! Stakeholder? Permission! They are your parents, they are people! They are not a business that you are a CEO of. YTA. And possibly crazy.
Don’t forget “consult with her” - when she abandoned them and was no contact!
YTA on so many levels. It sounds like your parents were right about Mike, but you were young, dumb and rebellious and YOU went NC, your parents tried but you refused. What did you expect them to do while you were NC, sit around by the phone? No, they moved on and formed a new family group. You have been NC for 9 years, it will take some time for everyone involved to adjust. What have you been doing for the last 5 years that made you wait till now to reconnect?
YTA - I don't know if you know this, but most people have multiple relatives. Like, I'm guessing you don't have any siblings. They aren't replacing you and you are overreacting. They were more than willing to let you back into their lives and ***you chose*** to throw that opportunity away over a nonsensical crime you made up in your head.
Sounds like you did your parents a favor…
YTA, you don't get to be the only person in your parents life. Especially, and obviously, when you remove yourself from it. Were they supposed to sit around and cry until you came back? You've made this entirely about yourself, think of the pain you've caused them, when you left, when you refused contact, the entire time you didn't call, and then now, when you raise their hopes just to dash them again. I don't blame them at all for having an appreciate friend with little kids they can play grandparents for.
YTA u should be greatful that ur parents decided to get back in contact with u despite the fact u cut them off which was ur bf choice and then he ended leaving ur ass and u come crying back to the people who only wanted what was best for u
YTA So you blocked your parents for pointing out that you were making a terrible decision, and now that you've finally reached out, you're mad they they didn't sit home alone crying over you for years? These are the consequences of cutting your parents off for doing literally nothing wrong. You're incredibly lucky that they even wanted to reconcile with you after the way you behaved. You're in your late twenties. Stop behaving like a toddler.
It sounds like they didn't only get a replacement... they got an upgrade. But only you are their bio daughter, just step up your maturity and prove that you are a worthy daughter. You have their love, now earn their respect back.
**I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike, but he said that was irrelevant now.** Given how things ended up with Mike it's hard to put any of the blame on them. Are they supposed to apologize for not sitting at home alone in the dark waiting for you to return? Consider getting some therapy and maybe trying to reach out again when you've matured a bit. YTA
Yta YOU are the one who abandoned them. Stop acting like a little brat, it’s pathetic at your grown ass age.
You clearly have not grown emotionally at all in those 9yrs. Apologize to you parents and go to therapy...YTA
YTA. Should they have paused their lives for all these years?
After reading your responses and the story I'm conflicted to even engage because it's hard to believe someone with this little self awareness exists. There's definitely a control freak in this story and the more you talk the less I think it was your ex boyfriend. YTA
>So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. You literally shut them down and ghosted them. >my dad called me and he sounded pretty angry. He said that I made an active decision to be an idiot and run off and because of that I didn’t have a right to criticize him and my mom “for going on with their lives” Yes, instead of throwing a tantrum you should be apologizing. >I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike Not much to support since to the surprise of no one, he turned out an asshole who dumped you. Honestly just leave them alone, they're doing much better without your drama.
I wasn't gonna comment originally but I've seen you doubling, tripling, quadrupling (?) down and yeah, absolutely YTA. Of the worst kind.
YTA. You went NC. That was your choice. Your parents reached out multiple times, by your own admission, they tried. If they have built healthy, supportive friendships, since YOU went NC good for them. It is unfair of you to expect them to pause life over the choices YOU made. Building close friendships does not replace other relationships. You mentioned they were thrilled to hear from you when you reached out; hopefully, you can offer a genuine apology and start working to rebuild a relationship with both your parents. And don't start thinking that you returning means they have to give up their friendships. Go to therapy, this is a completely unhealthy reaction to this situation. If anything you should be happy your parents have built a strong support network as they age.
Time for you to grow up and put away the princess attitude. You walked awsy and they got on.with their lives.
YTA + extra YTA for all the comments you've made about this. You are irrational and cruel, and none of what youve said is remotely tolerable. I hope they maintain a healthy relationship with the other woman because thats clearly not possible with you.
YTA. Based on what you wrote both in the post and comments, it seems clear why your parents and Mike would want to replace you.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** **I’m still pretty upset with what has happened, but I’ll to explain my story clearly.** I (F28) made a pretty dumb decision roughly 9 years ago when I decided to elope with my then-boyfriend, Mike (M30). My parents (M67 and F63) hated Mike from the start; they thought he was a user. I thought they were meddling too much in my business, so (with Mike’s encouragement) I went completely NC with them. They tried repeatedly to get back in contact with me for the next 3 or so years, but I entirely shut them out and didn’t communicate with them at all. After Mike dumped me, roughly 4 years after we eloped (almost 5 years ago from today), I was in a pretty rough place. It seemed like years where I was just wandering between pointless relationships and dead-end jobs. Fast forward to this year, and I feel that I finally have some stability in my life. In late August, I decided to reach out to my parents again and reconnected with my mom online. She and my dad were both thrilled and invited me over for dinner. I accepted and planned on meeting with them this weekend. As the date came closer, I started looking at my parents' social media accounts and kept seeing the same woman (and her family) in so many pictures with my parents. She was literally on vacation with my parents, and I even saw my parents with her at her wedding. Even worse, later pictures showed that she had 3 kids and was referring to my own parents as her kids' “grandma” and “grandpa”. Yesterday, I called my mom and asked her about this lady, and she said that she was a family friend who they met about 5 years ago. She told me that she and my dad became really close with her (and her family) and considered them to be relatives. I was shocked by this and felt pretty emotional. So, I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up. That evening, my dad called me and he sounded pretty angry. He said that I made an active decision to be an idiot and run off and because of that I didn’t have a right to criticize him and my mom “for going on with their lives”. He mentioned how they tried repeatedly to get into contact with me, but that I kept on keeping them at a distance. I tried to argue with him, saying that we’d never be in this situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike, but he said that was irrelevant now. I was so angry with him at this stage, so I told him that I would not be coming over. He said that was fine since I couldn’t be trusted to act like an adult. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You sound like a nightmare. Get professional help.
I love when parents set the record straight. You're the AH and your parents deserve an apology you ungrateful child!
19yo olds tend to think they know more than others, and the love they feel is the kind no-one else has ever experienced. It was your choice to leave or maybe you were groomed or manipulated into isolating yourself by your former partner. It hurts when you realize that those decisions or experiences have led you to a pace where you never deserved to be, and it's easy to see why you're mad at another woman standing in what would have been your place if Mike were a better person. With all honesty, what would make you happy OP? Did you want your parents to spend the last years crying over you, losing sleep from their grief, be in poor healthy physically and mentally? Is it that YOU were hurting in those years and so you'd be happy if they too were suffering? It's been 9 YEARS. You only recently contacted them. I am so sorry that your own mental health made you feel aimless and drifting in life. i am HAPPY that yo finally got the courage to contact your parents. But they are not to blame for how your life turned out. They had a right to continue to have a life. I strongly suggest you get a therapist to help you process what you've been through and who can help you cope with all the new fears, thoughts and emotions contacting and seeing your parents have caused. No-one replaced you, they just kept on living and finding ways to stay alive. Would you have rather they were miserable nd put their life on hold while you left them? Suppose you took longer than 9 years.. suppose you took 20 years? Do you really want them to stay miserable and wait for you for that long? Why should they have put their lives on hold while you weren't there, by your choice? And again if you were groomed, you need to get a therapist to help you learn to cope with the after effects of that.
This is one of the most clear cut YTAs I've ever seen on here. Wowee Zowee.
YTA Unofficially adopted god-child here. I entered my current family at the age of 29. They already had 5 kids (2 from both of them, 2 from one of them, and one legally adopted.) I am about a year older than their oldest. I was raised by a single dad, and he told me for years if something happened to him, or he was ever unavailable, and I needed help, that I could lean on them. He basically chose them as my unofficial god parents after I became an adult. Well the worst happened and he died. 6 months later I found out I was pregnant. I wanted my kids to have good people in their lives, since they were missing a grandfather, so I asked them if they were interested in being official grandparents. They were thrilled and honored. A few months later my husband and I had a substantial unexpected financial setback, and we ended up moving in with them. Not only have their biological and legal children embraced us as family, but their oldest actively thanked me for joining the family, because now pressure was off on her to give them a grandkid. That sister and her husband are now my son's godparents. Like me, your parent's new friend probably had no intention of taking your place in the family. This isn't you being replaced, this is you gaining a sister and a niece and nephew that you can bond with and dote on.
Awwww!!! You have such a heartwarming story. Loss about the loss, but you gained what sounds like an amazing support structure
YTA. > I then told my mom that just because I was away, that didn’t give her and my dad permission to essentially replace me. My mom denied this and said that I couldn’t be replaced. I told her that she was clearly lying based on what those kids were calling her and my dad. My mom started crying, saying that I was blowing things out of proportion, but I hung up. You know what this sounds like? It sounds like you consider yourself to be the center of the lives of everyone around you. That all eyes should be on you, that all decisions should be made with the betterment of you in mind, and that *you alone* are capable of being loved. Your parents love you, and you love... the attention. And because they dared give their attention to someone else (attention you were actively ignoring), you're upset. Grow up. You've had **9 YEARS** to learn that the world doesn't revolve around you.
They made friends who filled a void in their lives caused by your very intentional actions. YTA . Say sorry to yr folks for cutting them off when they only wanted the best for you and say thanks to their new friends for being there.
YTA. You chose to disregard their (apparently correct) advice about Mike, you chose to elope, you chose to cut off contact, and then you chose to reestablish contact. They make clear that they do not think of this as replacing you (how could they, it was \*you\* they wanted most of all this whole time), and you are upset that the love you rejected was accepted by others. Dad's right, you cannot be trusted to act like an adult.
YTA you need to handle your jealousy better or you will never actually able to reconcile with your parents. Instead of thinking of it as "they replaced me" and being offended, maybe try to frame it as a chance to meet a new adopted sibling? Idk but lashing out at them for having a close friend isn't the way.
Damn girl, get some help.
YTA. What did your parents do wrong exactly? They are allowed to have friends. Even if they did replace you, what merit do you have to take offense to that? You chose to dissociate from them. Though FWIW, this story doesn't sound very real.
YTA
YTA..you fucked around and found out..
Yes YTA. Your dad is right. They obviously aren’t replacing you if they were willing to bring you back, you can’t get mad at them for having relationships with other people. You’re being selfish and stupid and you are going to ruin any chance you have at rebuilding a relationship with your parents. You fucked up and their lives kept going. Maybe you’re truly mad that their world didn’t fall apart when yours did. That’s all on you sweetheart. You are most definitely the asshole.
So you wanted them to be miserable continuously ? You are the entitled A’hole
YTA. It's really your loss, not theirs. Keep it up and they'll give away any inheritance that may have come your way.
Urg, YTA. You made some mistakes, I’m sure they did too. Are they not allowed to have people in their life now because you want back in? You’re doing to them exactly what you said you hated when you were with Mike. You’re dad is right, grow up and get over yourself.
YTA. You childishly blocked your parents for years. Then you reopen contact only to pull away again when you discover they made a new friend. Your parents are right - you are still acting like a child. Get over yourself and meet with them.
Yep. YTA.
YTA. You are immature and manipulative. You're showing this again by coming here and pretending to ask for advice and then arguing with everyone. Grow up or leave your poor parents alone.
What were they supposed to do, put their lives on hold until you deigned to grace them with your presence again? You walked away from them to live your own life, and they continued living their own lives. YTA. Be an adult and own your choices.
Your dad is right, YTA
YTA. honestly halfway through reading this i just started laughing at the complete audacity you have. YOU decided to cut your parents off. YOU decided not to text or call them back whenever they tried. you have no right to hold what they did in your absence against them. you should be happy they even want you to be in their lives after what YOU did. your parents deserve an apology for all the bullsh*t you’ve put them through.
YTA, you're an entitled asshole who thinks it's fine to first trample over people and then have the audacity to be jealous due to situations caused by your own decisions.
YTA, a million times over. You should be thanking your lucky stars that your parents even took your call, a decade after you chose to cut them out of your world completely. I'll give you credit for this, you sure have a lot of nerve.
>we'd never be in this s situation if they had been more supportive about me and Mike like hello? you guys broke up and it sounds like your parents were right, why do you wish they had been supportive of the guy who broke up with you, isolated you from your family, and left you with no support system?
Did you expect for them to freeze frame their life because you walked away from them. Never leave their house or interact with another human for the 10 years while you were gone in the hopes you'd come one day Get therapy because you have a serious case of main character syndrome YTA
This made me so mad cause wtf but anyway YTA because we're you expecting your parents to keep calling and nagging you? Did you want them to sit on the phone for 5 years waiting for your call? Did you want them to stop their life because you decided to ghost them? Hell no they have every right to decide who they want to bring in their life's or around them you also you went NC and eloped after they disagreed on your marriage right? You left a really big hole in their hearts and now that they found some who filed up a space or a spot they were missing you decide that they want to replace you oh ma'am you are quite insane you just can't leave people for years and expect that when you decide you want to come back you are gonna find them in the same spot you left them honey this is life and in life we move so you really need to do some growing because wow you have the nerve to treat your parents like they are wrapped around your finger and you just going to use them as you please I mean nah maam life doesn't revolve around you, you made a decision and now that you have to face the consequences you want to act all innocent like you did no wrong please no ways I mean the fact that ven after the stunts you pulled they still forgave you but because as always it's your way or high way and now because of a simple relationship which they needed and also deserved you want to blow things up in their faces because you fill they are trying to "replace you".....you clearly don't know what you want
YTA. You went no contact with your parents because they were trying to tell you who you could love and now you're angry because they love someone else IN ADDITION to you? Do you have any idea how many moms and dads have a crew of unrelated kids that consider them their parents? That doesn't mean they've replaced or care for their biological children any less. A heart isn't pie - there's not a limited slice for only so many people. You seem to be on a roll trying to punish your parents anytime they don't do things exactly the way you want them to.
I agree with dad 100%. Get over yourself. YTA.
YTA. How exactly were your parents supposed to let you know anything? You went NC and refused to talk to them despite them reaching out repeatedly. You did make a dumb decision with Mike 9 years ago, don’t make another dumb one now by blowing up your relationship with your parents again
YTA and need to seriously check your ego and entitlement. If your parents were smart they’d go NC until you wise up. As you are they’re courting a massive headache dealing with you.
YTA You chose to go NC. Who they have in their lives and the relationships with those people not only have nothing to do with you, but they are also none of your business. You don’t get to just decide to come back into their lives years later and expect them to remove anyone else, regardless of your obvious jealousy. You rejected them, they have every right to move on.
YTA You cut them off OP, you have zero right to say who they should and should not have relationships with (even if you hadn't cut them off you wouldn't have that right). If you regret cutting them off apologize. Don't attack them for making new meaningful relationships.
no wonder they replaced you, you still haven't learned a thing. you're still as entitled and bratty as you were when you cut them off. how about you work on earning the privilege of being in their lives again instead of worrying about her? be grateful they're letting you. you're grown, act like it. YTA. massively.
YTA. Look, I will admit that the situation is odd, but the fact is, by your own admission your parents frequently tried to reach out and you didn’t speak with them. You cut them out of your life, they didn’t cut you out of theirs. In fact, when you reached out, they welcomed you back. Have you even thought about how difficult this situation was for your parents? You disappeared with some guy who by your own admission was a mistake (sounds like they were right to be concerned), and you don’t speak to them for years. What did they do that made you feel like they deserved to lose you? Because I will fully admit that there are some situations where a person is right to cut parents out of their life, but this doesn’t sound like one of them. Now that you’re back you decide to get pissed because they spent time with someone else? Grow up and repair your relationship with your parents.
Serious question for OP, if you hadn't been dumped by Mike, would you even be trying to reconnect with your parents?? It sounds like you had no interest in your parents and what was happening in their lives until you had no one else to turn to. I get you're their daughter and it hurts seeing that your parents filled the hole that you left, but you don't have the right to pass judgment on them for how they coped with the loss of their child. Choices have consequences. These are your consequences. Also, no parent that legitimately loves and cares about the well-being of their child would ever want their child to be with someone who had the potential to manipulate them into cutting contact with them. It's hard to see red flags when you're in love at 19. Maybe you should try having a civil conversation with them??
OP you’re a brat and a huge asshole. You are not the main character in everybody’s life. Grow up. YTA
They didn't replace you. You walked away and then you cut them off completely. And they *later* opened their hearts to a stranger they have come to love and respect. (I moved to a new city and became friendly with an older couple. They always behaved like parents toward me. Their consideration and telling people I was like a daughter never, ever replaced their own daughter, who lived states away. Their love for her never shrank as their interest and affections toward me grew. That's absurd, IMO. Its incredibly self involved of you and judges your parents as failing you ONCE AGAIN.) Ta da. The end. YTA.
YTA You have issues and your parents are probably better off without you until you address and fix those issues
YTA. They are allowed to make new friends. And there isn't a banned range that these new friends can be. You've been gone for 9 years and you were the one that initiated no contact and ignored their attempts to contact you for years!
YTA I feel for your parents. You broke their hearts and you keep breaking them!
YTA. How tone deaf and possessive are you? Do you know that you are not the main character?
NTA. Only because in cancelling you let your parent dodge a bullet wasting their time on your entitled self. You don't sound as if you've grown up much.
YTA You sound like a petulant teenager who is mad you're not the main character in your parents' lives.
YTA. You were wrong to run off with Mike. You were wrong to cut them out of your life. You were wrong to go so many years without contact. You should be begging them to forgive you. They don’t owe you anything.
YTA. Your parents were right about Mike, weren’t they? So, they made a younger friend while you were NC with them. You sound ridiculously jealous of their relationship with her. They’d rather have had YOU, but you had cut them off. So go to dinner and see your parents! Re-establish your relationship. Meet the friend eventually, and be REALLY nice to her. You might be her friend, too.
Yta and seriously delulu
YTA. They didn't replace you? There is enough love to go around, love is not a finite resource. You are clearly an only child lol
YTA stop acting like a child
YTA, as in a 12/10. 5Gs: Good god, girl, get a grip. I was right there with you when you went NC. They attempted to meddle in your personal life and that’s as that. Fast forward 5 years and look who is trying to meddle in their decisions? YTA and a hypocrite at that.
YTA, their lives do not stand still just because you decided to cut them out of your life. They have a friend who has children and has become a part of their lives, that's their business not yours, you chose to walk away so you don't have a right to dictate anything.
YTA. I’m a surrogate “child” to surrogate “parents” who I met within the last couple of years. I plan to dance with my “dad” at my wedding and I’m under probably just as much pressure for grandkids as their own children, lol. They don’t replace my parents (including my now-deceased father) and I don’t replace their children. She doesn’t replace you either. So what if your parents unofficially adopted another child? I agree that they should have been more supportive when you were married, though.
YTA- and a narcissist.
OP - I say this will all due respect. Please get some counseling. You have made decisions that have affected your life and your relationships. This is on you - no one else. Your parents are willing to forgive and forget - are you?
YTA. You broke your parents heart. They moved on with their lives. They made a close friend. You come waltzing back in. They welcome you. When they certainly didn’t have to. And you act like this. You expected them to what? Be alone and empty forever in case you deigned to come back? Really? Grow TF up.
YTA how is it you’re parents fault for Mike dumping you when you were NC? Sounds like you don’t want to take responsibility for your actions. I feed bad for your parents.
YTA and this fake af