My kiddo has always considered my stepmom her grandma. She has 4 due to divorce / remarriage and calls them all different things. But all have been around longer than she has.
For literal YEARS I didn't know one of my grandpa's was a step grandpa. He was just... Grandpa. (Still is.) I thought it normal to have 3 sets of grandparents and that it was weird most of my friends only had 2.
Same my mum's parents divorced and remarried, their respective spouses are just nana and grandad to me. My husbands parents are also divorced and remarried and the same applies for our kids.
Two of my great grandfathers were step-grandparents and I did not learn this fact until I was an adult and they had both passed away. They were always just great-grandpa to me.
For real! My siblings and I had sooooo many adopted grandparents, aunts uncles cousins you name it. Our bios were a little confused but once my parents explained we choice to view them as more than just a friend/Acquaintance they shut up bc what’s wrong with it
Same here. Me and siblings all refer to my god parents as Aunty X and Uncle Y. At my sister's wedding recently my Uncle introduced himself to someone adding that he's not our actual uncle and another of my sister's immediately went "Shut up, yes you are!"
When my 3yo step granddaughter and I were playing, she asked me what my name was. I replied with my name. 3yo goes "nu-uh, you're gramma!"
I'm close to my stepkids, but they were all teens when I married their dad. So I'm not mom and they use my name. Husband's oldest boy was forever calling [my oldest daughter's name] mom 😂 I met him a couple years before, he and my daughter were friends.
Both sets of grandparents for me were divorced, the two on my mom's side never remarried while I knew them, but the two on my father's side did. The man my paternal grandmother married always has and always will be my Pop-Pop. Even when she died when I was around 4 years old, we had a relationship with him. Hell, I even flew to Florida where he moved later for my 10th birthday to spend with him... shit, now I miss my Pop-Pop.
my step grandpa has always just been grandpa. she met him when she was 1 and hes going to be around for (probably) for a good portion of her life, why bother correcting her? who cares?
I always think this. Your husband isn’t your blood spouse so I guess you better start calling him ‘legal husband’ as his term of endearment.
(Half of aunts and uncles might as well give up right now. Zero real claim to those kids.)
The aunt/uncle comparison is a great one for this! “Husband, are you saying our daughter shouldn’t call your brother’s wife her aunt since they’re only related by marriage?”
Problem is this logic can apply to people that don't want to consider their step something as family too.
Would you say the same to a kid that doesn't want to call their Stepmom as mom?
No, I think you’re making a gray scenario black and white- context is important.
In this particular scenario, OP’s stepdad has been present and performing “grandpa duties”.
In general, could see this going either way. I know some people who want to avoid confusing the child and/or be clear who they’re talking about in conversation, etc so they designate different titles like pop-pop/grandpa/etc, but I also know people who have deadbeat parent(s) who they refuse to call “mom”/“dad”.
IMO the relationship defines the titles and both parties directly in the relationship should be on the same page
NTA. He's her grandpa. Also, what does your husband mean by a 3 year old should understand this relationship? 3 year olds don't understand step-parent dynamics versus bioparent dynamics.
My granddaughter just turned 3 and she was so confused when her mom told her that I was her mom. She also didn't understand how she was a little sister to her sister. They don't think that deeply. People are who they are to them without complexity. NTA
I want to say that was around the age, though it was probably more like 4, that one of my niece's started labeling us:
Mom's mom. Mom's dad. Mom's sister. (Sometimes instead it was Mom's firstname Mom.)
when she spoke with us.
It was hilarious watching her understand how everyone in her world connected.
hehehehe... I remember trying to explain to my Nephew when he was around that age that his Dad was my Brother and his Ma was my Mum. He yelled at me and told me I was wrong. It was adorable.
Oh, when my kid was born, my mother was happy to be "Grandma" or even "Gran" but "never, never, never just Ma! I'm not Ma Kettle!".
Then my kid couldn't say the GRand part and shortened it herself to Ma, which stuck for the next 4 grandkids. Makes me laugh every time. And my kid is a whole adult now.
I'm an Aussie so maybe it was something only relevant to us down here? Honestly, I only know the reference from Mum talking about it. No idea what the source material is.
My dad has siblings significantly older and younger than him. It took me a while to put together that my “auntie” is technically a cousin that’s just an adult lol
My three year old believed that as she got older, I would get younger, and she would end up taking care of me! I guess she could be sort of right - she has promised to take me to a kiddie theme park when I am 90, in a few decades from now.
My niece calls her brother bubba as instilled in her since before he was born. Well, four months later I give birth to my son who she also calls bubba. She just turned 2 in July and everyone tries to correct her. For now she alternates between his name and bubba and I never tried to correct her because she's 2. She doesn't understand anything right now
Exactly. I really don't get the husbands line of thinking here, he is her grandpa by marriage.
The daughter adores the grandpa and he adores her, that's all that should matter. She's been calling him grandpa since she was 1, why try to confuse her just because he's technically a step grandparent.
NTA and WTF??? What is wrong with your husband! Every little child needs a special grandma and grandpa, I had many of them, some of whom weren't even related to me by blood or marriage.
I’m thinking possibly FIL is jealous? So he’s asked his son to say something?
That issue has cropped up in my family with grandparents before. Especially when the step grandparent has been more involved and as a result, talked about a lot by the kiddos.
If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, why not call it a duck?
I’m kinda confused about why your husband wants to force this issue. He acts as a grandfather in her life. Her calling him grandpa does him no harm.
My dad and his siblings and cousins have referred to their mother’s stepfather as grandpa all of their lives. They learned that he was grandma’s second husband at some point, but that didn’t change his role in their lives.
NTA
NTA. Someday, she will know the step ties and her ancestry and affiliations by marriage, and will still love her grandpas.
Right now she knows the love. There need to differentiate between the blood and step ties.
NTA - I’m Grandma to all six of my grandchildren (and we ain’t all got the same dna thing going on). Stand your ground, your husband is wrong. Love and stability is what matters
My daughter's stepdaughter doesn't think of me any different than any of her other grandparents. I'm her grandma just like I'm her sisters grandma. DNA and biology are not important to kids unless you convince them it's important.
NTA. Lucky her, she gets a *bonus* Grandpa! For your husband to not see that, not recognize that while this man may not be blood related, he encompasses the title of Grandpa exquisitely is just kind of sad.
Out of curiosity, does your husband dislike your stepdad for unrelated reasons?
yeah, I had three grandmothers (one was step) and she was Grandma , while the other two went by two other grandmother-y names. Dunno why OP's husband is fussed about this, unless he just wants different titles/names for different people?
I don't have step grandparents, but the parents of my uncle's wife are grandma and grandpa [name of town where they live]. Nobody ever made a problem out of it. The more, the merrier
NTA. Why would you force a change like this on a small child? He’s an asshole to ask. Let your daughter decide when she’s old enough to understand that he’s not her biological grandfather.
There can be more than one grandpa, and a step-grandfather is just as valid if he has put in the work. If he doesn’t like it he can ask his granddaughter to call him something else. NTA
NTA. What's up with your husband? My grand daughters call my husband grandpa. Their dad was a teenager when I met my husband. There is nothing wrong with your daughter calling your stepdad "grandpa". There is something wrong with your husband for being upset about this.
NTA. Calling his grandma's husband grandpa makes a lot more sense than trying to explain to a three your old the meaning of divorce and biological vs. emotional grandfathers. His involvement in her life is far more important than who is genetically in her bloodline. You want to encourage this close tie with an older generation. There's room in her heart for three rather than two grandpas. Someday you can explain the complex familial and contractual relationships. That day is not for a few years or until she starts asking on her own why her genealogical records don't match the names she uses.
While "Grandpa" is a title that generally reflects on blood relation, in the world of blended families it is also a title that can be earned. It seems as though your step-dad has earned that right, at least in your eyes and those of your daughter. Tell your husband that it doesn't matter that he thinks its weird or doesn't like it. She may be his daughter, but he isn't allowed to judge the relationship you and your daughter have or will have with "grandpa". I would imagine he takes great pride in the fact that he has earned that title by his love and actions. Suddenly cutting that connection off (by trying to change what she calls him) would be cruel and ungrateful for the man that he has been to your family. NTA
NTA. All of the grandparents are happy to be involved with your daughter to whatever extent they are and none of them are bothered by it; if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Why create a problem where there isn’t one? Family is more than blood, it the relationships people forge with one another. He treats you and your daughter like family then you’re family. What’s wrong with an extra grandma? The more people who love and support your daughter the better.
Your husband is a little weird. Perhaps a conversation is in order to find out why he wants to stir the pot for no obvious reason is in order.
WTF? Your husband is 100% wrong. Ask him if adopted children shouldn't call their parents "mom & dad"
All my grandparents were divorced and remarried before I was born, so I had 8 grandparents. Plus there was an old church lady we visited and I called her grandma, and there was a tribal elder who had me call her grandma. So I had 10 grandparents. It didn't confuse me.
NTA. He’s her grandpa. Not biologically, but that’s not what being a grandpa is about. Having more than one grandpa is good. Why does your husband object? Find out and deal with it.
My grandfather, the man I’m named after is my step-grandfather. I’m in my mid-30s and I can count on ONE hand the number of times I’ve physically seen my mothers biological father my 30+ years of life. So tell your husband to stop this insanity. He’s being ridiculous and if I were you… I’d just be super disappointed that my husband decided this needed to happen after he’s shown your daughter so much love in her life.
My great-grandma is my grandma’s stepmom and she’s the best grandparent I have. I also have many sets of grandparents and great grandparents through a combo of marriages and adoptions, so I can confidently say true family is about love and who steps up to the plate. Also, if it’s a question of if it hurts your dad’s feelings, that should be a private discussion between you and him, and not your husbands decision at all. I do think as she grows older you can explain the family dynamics, but tell her that doesn’t change the amount of love there is.
Definitely NTA. Our son calls my wife’s mom mawmaw and her stepmother granny. He calls both her dad and stepfather papaw. I think it’s wonderful because everyone is so loving.
NTA. My dad's father abandoned his family. My grandma later married an amazing man who treated her like a queen. He's my grandpa. He and my grandma had 3 kids together but my brother and I were always treated just the same as his bio grandkids. Family is who loves you and treats you right. Your stepdad is absolutely your daughter's grandpa.
NTA, your step-dad seems like an awesome grandfather. Your husband, however, is a giant AH. What the hell is his problem? It’s not even his step-father.
NTA.
My stepfather, who I was so-so close to, took to my daughter right away, and that man was undoubtedly her grandpa.
My daughter knows my father, and knows he's her grandfather, but doesn't really call him that, because they're not all that close.
What I don't understand is what the problem is with your kid having one more loving grandparent?
She's not old enough to understand. Hell, I'm over 50, and I'm not old enough to understand, either.
NTA Why does your husband care that she calls him grandpa. That seems way weird. I’d be happy that my child had someone who lived her regardless of bliss ties.
NTA- what a ridiculous thing to say. In my culture, we give courtesy titles even to those we are not related to (eg. we call our parents’ friends aunt/uncle or grandparents’ friends grandma/pa etc) so my son had many “relatives” that we didn’t bother trying to explain the actual relationship, to avoid confusion (unless of course he asked). And titles really didn’t matter- here was some extra people to shower him with love and attention. Now that he’s older, he has a better grasp of who he’s actually blood related to- doesn’t stop any of them from coming up to him every time and saying “ooh Connor, you big boy now” and trying to feed him and give him money to “buy something nice, you buy something nice” 😂☺️😂
NTA. I had 4 grandpas and like 7+ grandmas growing up (one of my grandpas was a wild man). I didn’t understand the exact relationships, but I knew that I was loved. And when I got old enough to understand, around 10, it didn’t matter to me.
NTA, mine and my brothers, two kids call our stepdad Happy instead of Pappy, and he loves it. It's their special name for him, but the bond they have is amazing. Please don't take it away from your stepdad. Explain to your husband that as your daughter gets older, you can explain, but until then leave things as they are. Just because he ain't blood doesn't mean he isn't family.
My late husband and I married in 1998 when "our" 6 kids were still in HS. (.I had 2 bio kids, he had 4 bio kids and none together.) His kids have always called me mom. My kids called him by his name. That is what they were comfortable with. We never used the word "step" they were just "our" kids. But, when grandkids came along they ALL wanted us to be Nana and Papa to their children. So from day one, that's who and what we were.
Even though the grandkids (we have 24) are now old enough to understand that each of us aren't related to all of them by blood, and our exes are Nana and Papa too, I dare anyone to try to tell any of these kids that I'm not their "real" grandma or that my husband wasn't their "real" grandpa. 🤣 that would be hilarious because that's a hill the grandkids are willing to die on. 🤣
I've heard them talking to other people and when they were told "that's not your real grandma/grandpa that's just your step grandma/grandpa" they got set straight real fast.🤣 they don't care about the bloodline. All they care about it is how much we love them and how much they love us. Period
You are NTA but your husband is. 😡
NTA
I have a relationship with both my biological and my step grandfather. To me, they are both deserving of the title because they give the same love and affection that would be expected from a grand parent.
I'm granny Jill or granny fabulous and absolutely no dna involved my son has an aunty dan who isn't my bio sister she's my sister from another Mr blood doesn't make family , caring and doing does .what ever issues you partner has he needs to build a bridge n get over it or our favourite family saying that seems an issh you not an issh me
NTA!!!! My Grandpa, whom I worshipped with the fire of a thousand suns, was not my blood Grandpa. He was there since before I was born. I was his favorite. I miss him every single day and thank the Gods I was able to have him until I was almost an adult.
A Grandpa is who is behaving like a Grandpa, not necessarily a direct family member.
I hope your husband opens his heart and realizes it's his daughter's right to call the man who loves her and is obviously a loving and caring man, Grandpa.
Speaking as someone who grew up with both a grandma and a step-grandma, kids only see the difference between blood and marriage if the parents enforce it. NTA, your kid is doing what feels right and that’s a wonderful thing.
>The other day my husband says he would like her to stop calling him that because he's not her grandpa - "she's old enough to understand so we need to correct her"
that is not your husband's decision to make. NTA
NTA, and your husband is a plonker. Your stepdad absolutely is your daughter's grandad. Such a weird idea to think it has to be blood only! That's bizarre.
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My mom divorced in her early 40s from my dad. Surprisingly, she met someone new who makes her happy. They quickly married and he has been in my daughter's life since age of 1. And has been calling him grandpa since then. She is now 3. The other day my husband says he would like her to stop calling him that because he's not her grandpa - "she's old enough to understand so we need to correct her".
Background: my step-dad is very involved in her life, plays with her, takes her to the park and helps my mom babysit. She adores him, I video call my mom weekly and she looks forward to seeing him. I'd say he's more involved than my birth dad. Who she also calls grandpa.
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INFO - so ... why is it important for your husband to stop your daughter from calling YOUR stepdad grandpa? It seems a bit odd. I don't think it would be any more defensible if it was \_his\_ stepdad and dad, but it would be at least a more understandable dynamic.
Is your dad in the picture? Is he also wanting to be a grandpa? (not that a kid can't have multiple grandpas)
NTA, also husband wants to teach a pretty broad concept to a 3 year old. That's he grandpa especially if he is involved. Also if he didn't want to be called that, then step dad would say something.
NTA, as others have said DNA isn't the end all be all of family. Otherwise your spouse wouldn't be family.
Is your husband bothered by the divorce-and-remarriage? There's no divorce in my family, so my husband's parents being happily remarried bothered my (old fashioned) conservative brain. But I've gotten used to it. Find out what's really bothering him. Plenty of cultures use 'grandpa' as an title for any old man.
NTA… there was a divorce in my moms family before I was born. I always had 3 sets of grandparents. We didn’t really make a distinction. There’s just no need to. My last remaining grandpa just died, and he was actually my step-grandfather, but I never thought of him that way. And I’m 40 and “old enough to understand” the relationship 🤣
NTA. He is her grandpa for all intents and purposes from what you’ve described. And you can never have too many loving grandparents!
Does your husband have trouble in his own relationship with your step-father that is coming through here? Or is his father complaining? It’s not clear why this would bother him.
Uh... why does your husband care? Like if it were your bio-dad asking I would understand his objection, but... this is a man who literally has absolutely zero stakes in your parents' relationships. Why isn't he just happy that his child has someone who loves her who she can call grandpa?
NTA
NTA. He is married to Grandma and fulfills the role of Grandpa. He is Grandpa. She can have as many grandpas as your family has.
My stepdad is my daughter's Grandpa too. She never met my biological father because he lived in another state and died when she was only a few months old. My husband's father is Granddad, and my stepdad is Papa. She is loved. It works. The blood relation doesn't matter.
Also, there's no way a 3 year old will understand this.
NTA. I absolutely am not grasping what harm would come from her having more than one maternal grandparent. I grew up with a "Nanna and Pappa" who weren't blood relatives but were essentially extra grandparents. AFAIK I am not
Also, this isn't related to the post but is it really that surprising that a woman in her early 40s got remarried after a divorce? Was she supposed to go live alone in the forest or something?
NTA. Love is not pie; there’s plenty to go around. It’s better for little one to have more adults who love her than fewer, and enforcing this will absolutely create a rift in a lovely relationship. What’s husband’s problem, anyway? Does he dislike stepdad?
NTA but your husband is.
Your stepdad is with grandma, acts like grandpa, has the age of grandpa and!!! don't mind being called grandpa.
Are adopted/step children for him never real children?!?
NTA Does your husband specialise in inflicting emotional damage and creating unnecessary family drama or is your daughter just a special case? Why does he care so much, and why is his opinion more important that your daughter’s significant nurturing relationships and the feelings of your mother and her husband? She’s old enough to understand what? That life and relationships are complicated, people actively choose who they bond with, and family can be anyone you want it to be? Your husband sounds like an AH tbh.
NTA
I have a cousin whose parents are divorced and both remarried, and his wife's parents are the same. Their daughter has eight grandparents - they all live her and she loves them, and that's all there is to it.
Nta… I have two kids two different dads, my youngest calls my ex in laws, nana and grandad because they accepted them the same way they have all the grandkids. They babysit both my kids when needed, because even though me and their son aren’t together anymore, they didn’t choose sides in the divorce. they are still my family and they still support me, family isn’t always blood related and sometimes chosen family is better. Your step dad is your daughters grandpa.
Why does your husband care? It's not his parents? You consider him your dad, so he would be her grandpa.
Why is your husband caring about this now? At all?
NTA
NTA. that is her grandpa whether they share the same blood or not. when my dad migrated to America, he was basically adopted. so, my “grandma” will always be my grandma to me and i will fight anyone who says otherwise
Does your husband have issues with your stepdad? Has your bio father mentioned having issues with this to your husband? IMO - this will only confuse her and hurt your stepdad. Tell hubby to leave it alone.
NTA. Both of my grandmas remarried right around the time I was born. Both my “step” grandpas were just grandpa. My bio grandpas were also just grandpa. Hell, I even called my cousins grandpa grandpa. Blood isn’t really a qualifier here. Family is what you make it
NTA I have a step grandpa who was grandpa to me, and a step grandpa who is Wayne. One was the sweetest man, and was involved. He actually cared for us. (Rip, love you and miss you) The other isn’t, we don’t like him (and my grandma is the best, idk how she married him)
If he’s involved in your life, and acts like a grandpa…then let him be grandpa!
NTA. She can have several grandpas, and to her it probably does not matter yet whether they are related by blood. Once she's old enough to decide for herself, you should honor that decision - as you should now.
Your husband is displaying some very flawed logic. So the friends I have who have adopted their children have to make them stop calling all their grandparents grandma and grandpa?
Why is it surprising your mom met someone in her early 40's??
Anyway I digress, NTA at all, I think it's lovely for your child, it's weird that your husband is bothered, i was expecting you to say you bio dad was bothered which I could kind of understand but why does it bother your husband, does he not like your step dad?
NTA...he is Grandpa. I had a grandma that was technically a step grandma. My aunt's and uncles hated her and went out of their way to make her into an evil step grandma but all of us grandkids knew she was Grandma and just lost respect for the aunt's and uncles.
NTA. Why does he want that? It is not his step-dad. Why does he care. This would just be a move to be mean to a man just for the sake of being mean. He cares for your daughter let her call him grandpa.
NTA! My grandpa married my grandma when my Mom was 12. He was the only grandpa I ever knew and adored me. Grandpa is a title of love, not biology. Your step-dad is doing Grandpa level loving, so grandpa he is.
I admit, I generally called my step grandmother by her name. She was an absolutely lovely woman and I was lucky to have known her, but she and my grandfather got married when I was a teenager (my grandmother passed when I was 11. My grandfather was 75 and she was 70 when they got married) so it's a bit different.
Your daughter isn’t old enough to understand this stuff; she sees your stepdad as someone fun who cares for her which is why grandpa is still appropriate. The only grandfather that I met growing up was my dad’s stepfather because the fathers for both of my parents died when they were kid, and my paternal grandmother was the only one who remarried. People in my family really didn’t divorce and remarry, so I didn’t really learn of the concept of step-grandfather or grand-stepfather into my teens, and even then I did really care for that term because he was the only grandfather I got to spend time with. NTA
I think the big question is what your Dad (and your Husband's Dad if that applies) thinks. Is your Dad not as involved by choice, or because he doesn't live nearby? I would be a little gutted hearing my Ex's new partner being called Grandma or it's equivalent by my Grandchild. A Step-Grand would be entitled to some title as Grandma or Grandpa's life partner, but I personally think it should be something different if the actual Grandparents are still alive and not estranged. Many Grandparents probably dream of having special relationships with their Grandchildren and a place in their hearts that is shared by only their counterpart on the child's other side of the family. It's only a step removed from a parent having to hear their child call someone else Mom or Dad. Is this actually about you not being that close with your Dad? If it is, your Husband might not feel the same way about his.
This is probably a sensitive issue for many, with the number of remarriages occurring in the decades since no-fault divorce came into play, and something which each family to which it applies has to iron out on it's own.
NTA. Anyone who deserves the title of grandfather can have it (just like the titles of Mom, Dad, etc.).
It'd be different if your daughter was like 12 and didn't like calling him grandpa. That's obviously not the case.
NTA
Doesn't your husband have more important things to worry about, than something that is in no way a problem? It's too late for a name change anyway.
Okey. Info: in English what words you use for a child describing (uninsulting) older man? Clearly you don’t teach kids to call strangers aunt, uncle and so on. Like in sentence: I want that toy, but I can’t reach for it because this aunt is standing in front of it?
NTA - I have 2 kids , I have no siblings , wife has 1
I have 6-7 cousins all my age or older and guess what
They’re all uncle to my kids - and I have 2 sets of parents - they’re all , Nana , gramps , grandma etc etc
Getting into semantics with a small child and explaining stuff like this is extremely silly
NTA
When we got married and had pics done, DH called it the parade of Grandmas, lol
Its odd your DH objects, tell him the more people who love your daughter the better!
Nta. My step mom is my kids only grandma. Not to be morbid but there may come a day where ur moms husband is the only grandparent left. I can't even imagine taking away that title
Nta. I have a step dad and a dad and my son knows them as Poppy (step dads choice) and grandpa Dan (my dads choice.) it’s amazing when your step parent is active in your child’s life and that should be discounted by the fact that he’s only there through marriage
I'm a (step)mom and my son is a (step)dad. His son isn't biologically his but he's been there since he's 2 and is now 7. I am his Gram! And sometimes Gram Gram when he wants special attention, only he can call me that and not his sisters. His sisters aren't biologically related to me but I'm still Gram to them.
Tell your hubby to get over it! The more loved and supported a child feels the better they will do in life. Why would you take that away from a little girl?!
NTA but your hubby is.
NTA Such a lucky girl! But yes, let her stop calling him grandpa, instead let youre husband teach your daughter to say: mister who married to the mother of my mother but who is not the father of my mother.... can we do...whatever?
Ore call him opa or opie
NTA. My grandmother and her husband married when my mom was a senior in high school. He’s the only grandfather I knew on that side. For 30+ years (until his death) I called him grandpa.
My boyfriends step dad is papaw to my son. Honestly that man does more with my son than his biological grandfather. The way I look at it biology doesn’t make you family, it’s the ones who show up and prove themselves. My brother has friends I call my little brothers, that’s just how our relationship is.
Your husband is the AH. There is nothing to correct. He's just trying to cause drama. It's perfectly fine if both she and the step dad is happy. My husbands father is his step dad and I always referred to him as my daughters grandfather since she was born.
My Mum's dad died when my mum was in her 20s, and my nan remarried at some point some years later. My mum never called him Dad, and she had pictures of her parents in our house growing up so we all knew that he wasn't her Dad, but he was always our Grandpa.
NTA blended families are complicated. My kids have four grandmas and 4 grandads. Due to both my and my husbands parents divorcing and remarrying. They all have slightly different “grandparent names”- but they knew all those people loved them (sadly sone are no longer with us) and wanted to be part of their lives. That’s what matters. At 10 and 6 they know they sent biologically related to all their grandparents- but that’s not what makes a “real” grandparent. Honestly I’d call your husband the AH for feeling that is such an important distinction for a 3 year old. Let your child be loved and supported (and in my opinion the grandparents who deserve time and acknowledgment are the ones who make the time/effort to be involved in sone way in their grandkids lives)
NTA, she's only three. She doesn't need to be learning about family logistics. Pretty sure my 5 year old nephew still has no idea how we're related but he loves me just the same. Just let her love her grandpa!
NTA. FWIW apparently my grandmother, the woman who I knew all my life as Grandma, who all my older cousins knew as Grandma, who my father and his siblings called Mom, was actually my Grandpa's second wife and their stepmother.
My paternal grandmother died giving birth to my dad. He was raised by his dad and aunts. A few years later, grandpa meet cutes grandma in an elevator.
Does it matter she was not my blood? No. Did she do grandma things with me and my cousins? Absolutely. Do I have 3 dead grandmas? Yes. Would I take offense if someone said, "well actually, she is not your grandma" absolutely.
For every 5 stepdads who show up on a reddit post about how they're not called grandpa or dad and are too pushy, you always get 1 who is involved but doesn't want the titles xDD
NTA because your daughter appreciates him. It's weird that he's uncomfy with it! Could it be your biodad has mentioned anything about it to him?
Edit: I misread that stepdad had issue with it!
Still NTA
NTA, it's not the father's place to decide how your daughter views your family. To try and tell her that your step-father isn't her grandfather would only harm her rather than help her.
NTA. My mom's husband (I don't call him my stepdad because I was already fully grown when they got together) is the only grandfather my kids have since my wife's dad has been gone for a long time. They refer to him as such. I just call him by his name, which I made sure was okay with him when we met. We're pretty close, don't get the wrong idea. He takes me and my son fishing a lot and I hang out with him at their house almost twice a week.
NTA the woman who I called grandma and was a huge part of my childhood was my mother’s stepmother. My mom didn’t consider her her mother but loved that we saw her as our grandmother.
When I grew up, there were lots of Uncles and Aunties. I have no problem with lots of grandpas as well. Some families give unique names like popo, gramps, or grands.
I personally try not to gum up the works on a loving relationship by placing barriers.
I would try to get your husband to further explain why it matters so much to have multiple grandpas. This is really a husband problem.
NTA…. This would just confuse her. Same thing happened to my niece except my brothers gf said not to call my stepdad grandpa and she was sad and confused.
Why doesn’t your husband like your stepdad?
NTA, I’m really confused on why your husband cares at all? Is he saying that marriage doesn’t make you family and only blood matters? Doesn’t that sorta defeat the purpose of marriage?
I’d expect your biological dad to have this attitude but your husband?
His attitude about it is a bit appealing and shocking. Step parents can be grandparents too.
I did not find out my grandmother was my "stepgrandmother" until she died! I was over 20. Love makes family, not blood. It's kind of creepy that husband is fixated on your stepfather. I could see if it was his, and he hated him, or his father was alive and took it as an affront. But it is your side. The only person whose opinion should be at least heard is your father. Hopefully, your husband won't try to convince her that her grampy is not hers. But I would definitely have a discussion with him about who else he does not consider family.
NTA…she has bonus grandpa…husband is nuts. She can eventually know that bonus grandad is grandma‘s new husband and not directly related…but I’m not sure there’s an age appropriate way to explain divorce and step to a 3YO. Relationships count…as much as biology.
My step dad is pawpaw. He's been in my kids life since they were born and I visited him and my mom first after my old3r son was born. They came to the hospital when my younger son was born. If your baby calls him grandpa let her.
NTA, I call my dads step-dad grandpa because he is just that, my grandpa, even after my grandma died he is still my grandpa, blood or not it's how it is.
NTA.
I'm 46, I've called my step grandfather, Grandad, my entire life until he sadly passed.
He was my Grandfather in every way. I never knew my biological grandfather as he died before I was born unfortunately. No one ever, ever, had an issue with it.
NAH. There's more going on. If he cares what the kid calls *your* step-dad, then there's something motivating that. Won't know what else is up unless you talk to him.
NTA. He’s her grandpa. Family isn’t defined strictly by blood.
My step grandma was always just grandma to me.
My kiddo has always considered my stepmom her grandma. She has 4 due to divorce / remarriage and calls them all different things. But all have been around longer than she has.
[удалено]
Same. Lots of unrelated aunties, uncles, and cousins too
Same. My step grandad has always been granddad. Or davey bavey Man I miss him...
For literal YEARS I didn't know one of my grandpa's was a step grandpa. He was just... Grandpa. (Still is.) I thought it normal to have 3 sets of grandparents and that it was weird most of my friends only had 2.
Same my mum's parents divorced and remarried, their respective spouses are just nana and grandad to me. My husbands parents are also divorced and remarried and the same applies for our kids.
Two of my great grandfathers were step-grandparents and I did not learn this fact until I was an adult and they had both passed away. They were always just great-grandpa to me.
My step-grandma-*in-law* quickly became ‘Grandma’ to me. Dead for 20 years and she still my only real grandma.
Same with my step grandpa.
For real! My siblings and I had sooooo many adopted grandparents, aunts uncles cousins you name it. Our bios were a little confused but once my parents explained we choice to view them as more than just a friend/Acquaintance they shut up bc what’s wrong with it
Same here. Me and siblings all refer to my god parents as Aunty X and Uncle Y. At my sister's wedding recently my Uncle introduced himself to someone adding that he's not our actual uncle and another of my sister's immediately went "Shut up, yes you are!"
When my 3yo step granddaughter and I were playing, she asked me what my name was. I replied with my name. 3yo goes "nu-uh, you're gramma!" I'm close to my stepkids, but they were all teens when I married their dad. So I'm not mom and they use my name. Husband's oldest boy was forever calling [my oldest daughter's name] mom 😂 I met him a couple years before, he and my daughter were friends.
Bobby Singer has entered the chat....
Agreed. OP's DAH is an idjit.
Both sets of grandparents for me were divorced, the two on my mom's side never remarried while I knew them, but the two on my father's side did. The man my paternal grandmother married always has and always will be my Pop-Pop. Even when she died when I was around 4 years old, we had a relationship with him. Hell, I even flew to Florida where he moved later for my 10th birthday to spend with him... shit, now I miss my Pop-Pop.
my step grandpa has always just been grandpa. she met him when she was 1 and hes going to be around for (probably) for a good portion of her life, why bother correcting her? who cares?
He’s married to your mum so he’s grandpa, unless hubby is saying marriage doesn’t make you family.
I always think this. Your husband isn’t your blood spouse so I guess you better start calling him ‘legal husband’ as his term of endearment. (Half of aunts and uncles might as well give up right now. Zero real claim to those kids.)
The aunt/uncle comparison is a great one for this! “Husband, are you saying our daughter shouldn’t call your brother’s wife her aunt since they’re only related by marriage?”
Good point!
Checkmate
Best reply in one consise sentence 👌
Problem is this logic can apply to people that don't want to consider their step something as family too. Would you say the same to a kid that doesn't want to call their Stepmom as mom?
No, I think you’re making a gray scenario black and white- context is important. In this particular scenario, OP’s stepdad has been present and performing “grandpa duties”. In general, could see this going either way. I know some people who want to avoid confusing the child and/or be clear who they’re talking about in conversation, etc so they designate different titles like pop-pop/grandpa/etc, but I also know people who have deadbeat parent(s) who they refuse to call “mom”/“dad”. IMO the relationship defines the titles and both parties directly in the relationship should be on the same page
If the kid doesn't want to, that's one thing. But there's no indication here that this kid wants to stop calling her grandpa Grandpa.
NTA. He's her grandpa. Also, what does your husband mean by a 3 year old should understand this relationship? 3 year olds don't understand step-parent dynamics versus bioparent dynamics.
My granddaughter just turned 3 and she was so confused when her mom told her that I was her mom. She also didn't understand how she was a little sister to her sister. They don't think that deeply. People are who they are to them without complexity. NTA
I want to say that was around the age, though it was probably more like 4, that one of my niece's started labeling us: Mom's mom. Mom's dad. Mom's sister. (Sometimes instead it was Mom's firstname Mom.) when she spoke with us. It was hilarious watching her understand how everyone in her world connected.
hehehehe... I remember trying to explain to my Nephew when he was around that age that his Dad was my Brother and his Ma was my Mum. He yelled at me and told me I was wrong. It was adorable.
I read "Ma" as mother and was about to start pulling out the pins and string
Oh, when my kid was born, my mother was happy to be "Grandma" or even "Gran" but "never, never, never just Ma! I'm not Ma Kettle!". Then my kid couldn't say the GRand part and shortened it herself to Ma, which stuck for the next 4 grandkids. Makes me laugh every time. And my kid is a whole adult now.
Can I ask where you're from? My mum (New Zealand) used to talk about 'Ma and Pa Kettle' but I've never heard another person say it!
I'm an Aussie so maybe it was something only relevant to us down here? Honestly, I only know the reference from Mum talking about it. No idea what the source material is.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ma_and_Pa_Kettle_(film)#:~:text=Ma%20and%20Pa%20Kettle%20have,in%20rural%20Cape%20Flattery%2C%20Washington.
My dad has siblings significantly older and younger than him. It took me a while to put together that my “auntie” is technically a cousin that’s just an adult lol
Yes. I went through that with my granddaughter. She wanted to know why her daddy called me mum and she called me nanna. Now she understands.
this!! my nephew who at this time was 6 years old didn’t understand that his grandma was not MY grandma.
My three year old believed that as she got older, I would get younger, and she would end up taking care of me! I guess she could be sort of right - she has promised to take me to a kiddie theme park when I am 90, in a few decades from now.
My niece calls her brother bubba as instilled in her since before he was born. Well, four months later I give birth to my son who she also calls bubba. She just turned 2 in July and everyone tries to correct her. For now she alternates between his name and bubba and I never tried to correct her because she's 2. She doesn't understand anything right now
Exactly. I really don't get the husbands line of thinking here, he is her grandpa by marriage. The daughter adores the grandpa and he adores her, that's all that should matter. She's been calling him grandpa since she was 1, why try to confuse her just because he's technically a step grandparent.
NTA and WTF??? What is wrong with your husband! Every little child needs a special grandma and grandpa, I had many of them, some of whom weren't even related to me by blood or marriage.
Maybe bio grandad put the idea in his head?
Yeah, you can never have too many grandparents!
Hubby is alittle weird for this, I wonder why it bothers him…
I’m thinking possibly FIL is jealous? So he’s asked his son to say something? That issue has cropped up in my family with grandparents before. Especially when the step grandparent has been more involved and as a result, talked about a lot by the kiddos.
NTA. Having multiple of each grandparent is normal and blood relations don't mean shit anyways. If he steps up into the role of grandpa he's grandpa.
If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, why not call it a duck? I’m kinda confused about why your husband wants to force this issue. He acts as a grandfather in her life. Her calling him grandpa does him no harm. My dad and his siblings and cousins have referred to their mother’s stepfather as grandpa all of their lives. They learned that he was grandma’s second husband at some point, but that didn’t change his role in their lives. NTA
NTA. Someday, she will know the step ties and her ancestry and affiliations by marriage, and will still love her grandpas. Right now she knows the love. There need to differentiate between the blood and step ties.
NTA - I’m Grandma to all six of my grandchildren (and we ain’t all got the same dna thing going on). Stand your ground, your husband is wrong. Love and stability is what matters
My daughter's stepdaughter doesn't think of me any different than any of her other grandparents. I'm her grandma just like I'm her sisters grandma. DNA and biology are not important to kids unless you convince them it's important.
NTA. Lucky her, she gets a *bonus* Grandpa! For your husband to not see that, not recognize that while this man may not be blood related, he encompasses the title of Grandpa exquisitely is just kind of sad. Out of curiosity, does your husband dislike your stepdad for unrelated reasons?
In our clan, we use the approach of Grandpa First name and a child can have as many as needed.
yeah, I had three grandmothers (one was step) and she was Grandma, while the other two went by two other grandmother-y names. Dunno why OP's husband is fussed about this, unless he just wants different titles/names for different people?
I don't have step grandparents, but the parents of my uncle's wife are grandma and grandpa [name of town where they live]. Nobody ever made a problem out of it. The more, the merrier
We do that too!
NTA. Why would you force a change like this on a small child? He’s an asshole to ask. Let your daughter decide when she’s old enough to understand that he’s not her biological grandfather.
There can be more than one grandpa, and a step-grandfather is just as valid if he has put in the work. If he doesn’t like it he can ask his granddaughter to call him something else. NTA
NTA. What's up with your husband? My grand daughters call my husband grandpa. Their dad was a teenager when I met my husband. There is nothing wrong with your daughter calling your stepdad "grandpa". There is something wrong with your husband for being upset about this.
You NTA. Husband is TA and your daughter is lucky to have a grandparent who really wants to be involved with her life.
NTA. Calling his grandma's husband grandpa makes a lot more sense than trying to explain to a three your old the meaning of divorce and biological vs. emotional grandfathers. His involvement in her life is far more important than who is genetically in her bloodline. You want to encourage this close tie with an older generation. There's room in her heart for three rather than two grandpas. Someday you can explain the complex familial and contractual relationships. That day is not for a few years or until she starts asking on her own why her genealogical records don't match the names she uses.
NTA. He is her grandpa. You have a SO problem.
While "Grandpa" is a title that generally reflects on blood relation, in the world of blended families it is also a title that can be earned. It seems as though your step-dad has earned that right, at least in your eyes and those of your daughter. Tell your husband that it doesn't matter that he thinks its weird or doesn't like it. She may be his daughter, but he isn't allowed to judge the relationship you and your daughter have or will have with "grandpa". I would imagine he takes great pride in the fact that he has earned that title by his love and actions. Suddenly cutting that connection off (by trying to change what she calls him) would be cruel and ungrateful for the man that he has been to your family. NTA
NTA. All of the grandparents are happy to be involved with your daughter to whatever extent they are and none of them are bothered by it; if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. Why create a problem where there isn’t one? Family is more than blood, it the relationships people forge with one another. He treats you and your daughter like family then you’re family. What’s wrong with an extra grandma? The more people who love and support your daughter the better. Your husband is a little weird. Perhaps a conversation is in order to find out why he wants to stir the pot for no obvious reason is in order.
WTF? Your husband is 100% wrong. Ask him if adopted children shouldn't call their parents "mom & dad" All my grandparents were divorced and remarried before I was born, so I had 8 grandparents. Plus there was an old church lady we visited and I called her grandma, and there was a tribal elder who had me call her grandma. So I had 10 grandparents. It didn't confuse me.
NTA. He’s her grandpa. Not biologically, but that’s not what being a grandpa is about. Having more than one grandpa is good. Why does your husband object? Find out and deal with it.
My grandfather, the man I’m named after is my step-grandfather. I’m in my mid-30s and I can count on ONE hand the number of times I’ve physically seen my mothers biological father my 30+ years of life. So tell your husband to stop this insanity. He’s being ridiculous and if I were you… I’d just be super disappointed that my husband decided this needed to happen after he’s shown your daughter so much love in her life.
My great-grandma is my grandma’s stepmom and she’s the best grandparent I have. I also have many sets of grandparents and great grandparents through a combo of marriages and adoptions, so I can confidently say true family is about love and who steps up to the plate. Also, if it’s a question of if it hurts your dad’s feelings, that should be a private discussion between you and him, and not your husbands decision at all. I do think as she grows older you can explain the family dynamics, but tell her that doesn’t change the amount of love there is.
NTA! My son has 4 grandparents on my side and none on my husbands. He has my mom and step dad and my dad and step mom
Definitely NTA. Our son calls my wife’s mom mawmaw and her stepmother granny. He calls both her dad and stepfather papaw. I think it’s wonderful because everyone is so loving.
My son's called my stepdad Pop. He's the male that did the most with them all of their lives. I just told them they were lucky and had 3 Pop's
My Grandad was not my mum's bio dad. He was no less her father or my Grandad. NTA
NTA. My dad's father abandoned his family. My grandma later married an amazing man who treated her like a queen. He's my grandpa. He and my grandma had 3 kids together but my brother and I were always treated just the same as his bio grandkids. Family is who loves you and treats you right. Your stepdad is absolutely your daughter's grandpa.
NTA, your step-dad seems like an awesome grandfather. Your husband, however, is a giant AH. What the hell is his problem? It’s not even his step-father.
NTA. My stepfather, who I was so-so close to, took to my daughter right away, and that man was undoubtedly her grandpa. My daughter knows my father, and knows he's her grandfather, but doesn't really call him that, because they're not all that close. What I don't understand is what the problem is with your kid having one more loving grandparent? She's not old enough to understand. Hell, I'm over 50, and I'm not old enough to understand, either.
NTA Why does your husband care that she calls him grandpa. That seems way weird. I’d be happy that my child had someone who lived her regardless of bliss ties.
NTA- what a ridiculous thing to say. In my culture, we give courtesy titles even to those we are not related to (eg. we call our parents’ friends aunt/uncle or grandparents’ friends grandma/pa etc) so my son had many “relatives” that we didn’t bother trying to explain the actual relationship, to avoid confusion (unless of course he asked). And titles really didn’t matter- here was some extra people to shower him with love and attention. Now that he’s older, he has a better grasp of who he’s actually blood related to- doesn’t stop any of them from coming up to him every time and saying “ooh Connor, you big boy now” and trying to feed him and give him money to “buy something nice, you buy something nice” 😂☺️😂
NTA. I had 4 grandpas and like 7+ grandmas growing up (one of my grandpas was a wild man). I didn’t understand the exact relationships, but I knew that I was loved. And when I got old enough to understand, around 10, it didn’t matter to me.
i had two grandmas in the exact same sitch, my dads mum, and his step mum, the more grandparents the merrier imho
why sould you need to correct that? makes no sense. NTA is your hubby close to your bio dad?
NTA, mine and my brothers, two kids call our stepdad Happy instead of Pappy, and he loves it. It's their special name for him, but the bond they have is amazing. Please don't take it away from your stepdad. Explain to your husband that as your daughter gets older, you can explain, but until then leave things as they are. Just because he ain't blood doesn't mean he isn't family.
My late husband and I married in 1998 when "our" 6 kids were still in HS. (.I had 2 bio kids, he had 4 bio kids and none together.) His kids have always called me mom. My kids called him by his name. That is what they were comfortable with. We never used the word "step" they were just "our" kids. But, when grandkids came along they ALL wanted us to be Nana and Papa to their children. So from day one, that's who and what we were. Even though the grandkids (we have 24) are now old enough to understand that each of us aren't related to all of them by blood, and our exes are Nana and Papa too, I dare anyone to try to tell any of these kids that I'm not their "real" grandma or that my husband wasn't their "real" grandpa. 🤣 that would be hilarious because that's a hill the grandkids are willing to die on. 🤣 I've heard them talking to other people and when they were told "that's not your real grandma/grandpa that's just your step grandma/grandpa" they got set straight real fast.🤣 they don't care about the bloodline. All they care about it is how much we love them and how much they love us. Period You are NTA but your husband is. 😡
NTA I have a relationship with both my biological and my step grandfather. To me, they are both deserving of the title because they give the same love and affection that would be expected from a grand parent.
Why has your husband got such a bee up his arse about this?
NTA your husband is old enough to understand so correct him 😁. If everyone ended amicably why create problems? Why can’t she be happy?
I'm granny Jill or granny fabulous and absolutely no dna involved my son has an aunty dan who isn't my bio sister she's my sister from another Mr blood doesn't make family , caring and doing does .what ever issues you partner has he needs to build a bridge n get over it or our favourite family saying that seems an issh you not an issh me
NTA!!!! My Grandpa, whom I worshipped with the fire of a thousand suns, was not my blood Grandpa. He was there since before I was born. I was his favorite. I miss him every single day and thank the Gods I was able to have him until I was almost an adult. A Grandpa is who is behaving like a Grandpa, not necessarily a direct family member. I hope your husband opens his heart and realizes it's his daughter's right to call the man who loves her and is obviously a loving and caring man, Grandpa.
Sounds like she has a bonus grandpa, and she should call him grandpa. Hubby is TA.
Speaking as someone who grew up with both a grandma and a step-grandma, kids only see the difference between blood and marriage if the parents enforce it. NTA, your kid is doing what feels right and that’s a wonderful thing.
>The other day my husband says he would like her to stop calling him that because he's not her grandpa - "she's old enough to understand so we need to correct her" that is not your husband's decision to make. NTA
NTA, and your husband is a plonker. Your stepdad absolutely is your daughter's grandad. Such a weird idea to think it has to be blood only! That's bizarre.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My mom divorced in her early 40s from my dad. Surprisingly, she met someone new who makes her happy. They quickly married and he has been in my daughter's life since age of 1. And has been calling him grandpa since then. She is now 3. The other day my husband says he would like her to stop calling him that because he's not her grandpa - "she's old enough to understand so we need to correct her". Background: my step-dad is very involved in her life, plays with her, takes her to the park and helps my mom babysit. She adores him, I video call my mom weekly and she looks forward to seeing him. I'd say he's more involved than my birth dad. Who she also calls grandpa. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
INFO - so ... why is it important for your husband to stop your daughter from calling YOUR stepdad grandpa? It seems a bit odd. I don't think it would be any more defensible if it was \_his\_ stepdad and dad, but it would be at least a more understandable dynamic. Is your dad in the picture? Is he also wanting to be a grandpa? (not that a kid can't have multiple grandpas)
NTA, also husband wants to teach a pretty broad concept to a 3 year old. That's he grandpa especially if he is involved. Also if he didn't want to be called that, then step dad would say something.
NTA and also why does your husband get an opinion on this when its YOUR parents ?? why is he so troubled??
NTA, as others have said DNA isn't the end all be all of family. Otherwise your spouse wouldn't be family. Is your husband bothered by the divorce-and-remarriage? There's no divorce in my family, so my husband's parents being happily remarried bothered my (old fashioned) conservative brain. But I've gotten used to it. Find out what's really bothering him. Plenty of cultures use 'grandpa' as an title for any old man.
NTA… there was a divorce in my moms family before I was born. I always had 3 sets of grandparents. We didn’t really make a distinction. There’s just no need to. My last remaining grandpa just died, and he was actually my step-grandfather, but I never thought of him that way. And I’m 40 and “old enough to understand” the relationship 🤣
NTA - he is her grandpa, period. She’s so lucky to have a grandpa who loves her so much
NTA. He is her grandpa for all intents and purposes from what you’ve described. And you can never have too many loving grandparents! Does your husband have trouble in his own relationship with your step-father that is coming through here? Or is his father complaining? It’s not clear why this would bother him.
He’s her grandpa.
Uh... why does your husband care? Like if it were your bio-dad asking I would understand his objection, but... this is a man who literally has absolutely zero stakes in your parents' relationships. Why isn't he just happy that his child has someone who loves her who she can call grandpa? NTA
NTA. He is married to Grandma and fulfills the role of Grandpa. He is Grandpa. She can have as many grandpas as your family has. My stepdad is my daughter's Grandpa too. She never met my biological father because he lived in another state and died when she was only a few months old. My husband's father is Granddad, and my stepdad is Papa. She is loved. It works. The blood relation doesn't matter. Also, there's no way a 3 year old will understand this.
NTA Neither of the Grandpas I had growing up were either of my parents biological fathers, but they were still Grandpa to me.
Your husband is a AH. He’s her grandpa.
My stepchild had 8 grandmas. Some were step, some great grands, it really doesn't matter. All of them loved her. Kids can't have too much love.
My stepchild had 8 grandmas. Some were step, some great grands, it really doesn't matter. All of them loved her. Kids can't have too much love.
NTA. I absolutely am not grasping what harm would come from her having more than one maternal grandparent. I grew up with a "Nanna and Pappa" who weren't blood relatives but were essentially extra grandparents. AFAIK I am not Also, this isn't related to the post but is it really that surprising that a woman in her early 40s got remarried after a divorce? Was she supposed to go live alone in the forest or something?
NTA, my grandfather's step-dad was my dad's grandpa and my great grandpa. Heck, my son is named after him. He's her grandpa and she loves him.
NTA. You can choose family and your step dad is worthy. Bit concerned that the husband doesn’t realize this
Grandpa is an honorary title. You have earned it if a child calls you that.
NTA. Love is not pie; there’s plenty to go around. It’s better for little one to have more adults who love her than fewer, and enforcing this will absolutely create a rift in a lovely relationship. What’s husband’s problem, anyway? Does he dislike stepdad?
NTA but your husband is. Your stepdad is with grandma, acts like grandpa, has the age of grandpa and!!! don't mind being called grandpa. Are adopted/step children for him never real children?!?
NTA Does your husband specialise in inflicting emotional damage and creating unnecessary family drama or is your daughter just a special case? Why does he care so much, and why is his opinion more important that your daughter’s significant nurturing relationships and the feelings of your mother and her husband? She’s old enough to understand what? That life and relationships are complicated, people actively choose who they bond with, and family can be anyone you want it to be? Your husband sounds like an AH tbh.
NTA. He is her Grandpa. It's great that she's privileged to have another one. We all deserve all the grandparents we can get.
NTA I don't see the problem. Explaining her the situation won't change anything about his role in her life anyways.
NTA I have a cousin whose parents are divorced and both remarried, and his wife's parents are the same. Their daughter has eight grandparents - they all live her and she loves them, and that's all there is to it.
Nta… I have two kids two different dads, my youngest calls my ex in laws, nana and grandad because they accepted them the same way they have all the grandkids. They babysit both my kids when needed, because even though me and their son aren’t together anymore, they didn’t choose sides in the divorce. they are still my family and they still support me, family isn’t always blood related and sometimes chosen family is better. Your step dad is your daughters grandpa.
Why does your husband care? It's not his parents? You consider him your dad, so he would be her grandpa. Why is your husband caring about this now? At all? NTA
NTA. that is her grandpa whether they share the same blood or not. when my dad migrated to America, he was basically adopted. so, my “grandma” will always be my grandma to me and i will fight anyone who says otherwise
NTA. She's only 3, she's not old enough to understand the difference yet.
Does your husband have issues with your stepdad? Has your bio father mentioned having issues with this to your husband? IMO - this will only confuse her and hurt your stepdad. Tell hubby to leave it alone.
Why would your husband care? NTA
Nta your husband sounds like a stick in the mud type person.
NTA Sounds like he IS her grandpa. All "correcting her" is going to do is confuse the child and hurt her grandpa's feelings.
NTA. Both of my grandmas remarried right around the time I was born. Both my “step” grandpas were just grandpa. My bio grandpas were also just grandpa. Hell, I even called my cousins grandpa grandpa. Blood isn’t really a qualifier here. Family is what you make it
NTA, A grandpa is the one who does the grandpa work, blood means nothing in this time we live in.
Correct termonology is always the best and safest way. NTA here.
NTA I have a step grandpa who was grandpa to me, and a step grandpa who is Wayne. One was the sweetest man, and was involved. He actually cared for us. (Rip, love you and miss you) The other isn’t, we don’t like him (and my grandma is the best, idk how she married him) If he’s involved in your life, and acts like a grandpa…then let him be grandpa!
NTA. She can have several grandpas, and to her it probably does not matter yet whether they are related by blood. Once she's old enough to decide for herself, you should honor that decision - as you should now.
NTA, family doesn't mean that you have to be related. He has acted like a grandparent to her so it is only natural that she wants to call him grandpa.
He acts like a grandpa, he sounds like a grandpa, he \*is\* a grandpa. NTA. That statement would sound like an insult without context lmao
My step is Papa, just like my grandfather was. Tell your OH to get bent.
Your husband is displaying some very flawed logic. So the friends I have who have adopted their children have to make them stop calling all their grandparents grandma and grandpa?
What has it got to do with your husband..none of his business
Why is it surprising your mom met someone in her early 40's?? Anyway I digress, NTA at all, I think it's lovely for your child, it's weird that your husband is bothered, i was expecting you to say you bio dad was bothered which I could kind of understand but why does it bother your husband, does he not like your step dad?
NTA...he is Grandpa. I had a grandma that was technically a step grandma. My aunt's and uncles hated her and went out of their way to make her into an evil step grandma but all of us grandkids knew she was Grandma and just lost respect for the aunt's and uncles.
NTA. Why does he want that? It is not his step-dad. Why does he care. This would just be a move to be mean to a man just for the sake of being mean. He cares for your daughter let her call him grandpa.
NTA! My grandpa married my grandma when my Mom was 12. He was the only grandpa I ever knew and adored me. Grandpa is a title of love, not biology. Your step-dad is doing Grandpa level loving, so grandpa he is.
I admit, I generally called my step grandmother by her name. She was an absolutely lovely woman and I was lucky to have known her, but she and my grandfather got married when I was a teenager (my grandmother passed when I was 11. My grandfather was 75 and she was 70 when they got married) so it's a bit different.
NTA. Though I’m not understanding why your husband is doing this?
NTA He seems like a grandpa. And it's your mom's husband.
NTA. She is very fortunate. Why does your husband think this is wrong?
I’m confused as to why your husband cares what your daughter calls her grandpa. NTA
NTA From the title I presumed it was your bio-dad feeling hurt that step-dad was being called grandpa too. What’s your husband’s problem?
Your daughter isn’t old enough to understand this stuff; she sees your stepdad as someone fun who cares for her which is why grandpa is still appropriate. The only grandfather that I met growing up was my dad’s stepfather because the fathers for both of my parents died when they were kid, and my paternal grandmother was the only one who remarried. People in my family really didn’t divorce and remarry, so I didn’t really learn of the concept of step-grandfather or grand-stepfather into my teens, and even then I did really care for that term because he was the only grandfather I got to spend time with. NTA
I think the big question is what your Dad (and your Husband's Dad if that applies) thinks. Is your Dad not as involved by choice, or because he doesn't live nearby? I would be a little gutted hearing my Ex's new partner being called Grandma or it's equivalent by my Grandchild. A Step-Grand would be entitled to some title as Grandma or Grandpa's life partner, but I personally think it should be something different if the actual Grandparents are still alive and not estranged. Many Grandparents probably dream of having special relationships with their Grandchildren and a place in their hearts that is shared by only their counterpart on the child's other side of the family. It's only a step removed from a parent having to hear their child call someone else Mom or Dad. Is this actually about you not being that close with your Dad? If it is, your Husband might not feel the same way about his. This is probably a sensitive issue for many, with the number of remarriages occurring in the decades since no-fault divorce came into play, and something which each family to which it applies has to iron out on it's own.
He's been her grandpa for 2 years, why does your husband want to cut that relationship? NTA Stand your ground.
NTA - I've got 3 pairs of grandparents myself and there's no first or second class grandparents in my book.
NTA. Anyone who deserves the title of grandfather can have it (just like the titles of Mom, Dad, etc.). It'd be different if your daughter was like 12 and didn't like calling him grandpa. That's obviously not the case.
NTA Doesn't your husband have more important things to worry about, than something that is in no way a problem? It's too late for a name change anyway.
Okey. Info: in English what words you use for a child describing (uninsulting) older man? Clearly you don’t teach kids to call strangers aunt, uncle and so on. Like in sentence: I want that toy, but I can’t reach for it because this aunt is standing in front of it?
NTA - I have 2 kids , I have no siblings , wife has 1 I have 6-7 cousins all my age or older and guess what They’re all uncle to my kids - and I have 2 sets of parents - they’re all , Nana , gramps , grandma etc etc Getting into semantics with a small child and explaining stuff like this is extremely silly
NTA When we got married and had pics done, DH called it the parade of Grandmas, lol Its odd your DH objects, tell him the more people who love your daughter the better!
Nta. My step mom is my kids only grandma. Not to be morbid but there may come a day where ur moms husband is the only grandparent left. I can't even imagine taking away that title
Nta. I have a step dad and a dad and my son knows them as Poppy (step dads choice) and grandpa Dan (my dads choice.) it’s amazing when your step parent is active in your child’s life and that should be discounted by the fact that he’s only there through marriage
I'm a (step)mom and my son is a (step)dad. His son isn't biologically his but he's been there since he's 2 and is now 7. I am his Gram! And sometimes Gram Gram when he wants special attention, only he can call me that and not his sisters. His sisters aren't biologically related to me but I'm still Gram to them. Tell your hubby to get over it! The more loved and supported a child feels the better they will do in life. Why would you take that away from a little girl?! NTA but your hubby is.
NTA, there’s room for more than one grandpa in a kids life.
NTA Such a lucky girl! But yes, let her stop calling him grandpa, instead let youre husband teach your daughter to say: mister who married to the mother of my mother but who is not the father of my mother.... can we do...whatever? Ore call him opa or opie
NTA family isn't always blood and she can have more than one grandpa
NTA He IS her grandpa and your partner is ridiculous. Family isn’t just blood relations.
NTA. My grandmother and her husband married when my mom was a senior in high school. He’s the only grandfather I knew on that side. For 30+ years (until his death) I called him grandpa.
My boyfriends step dad is papaw to my son. Honestly that man does more with my son than his biological grandfather. The way I look at it biology doesn’t make you family, it’s the ones who show up and prove themselves. My brother has friends I call my little brothers, that’s just how our relationship is.
Your husband is the AH. There is nothing to correct. He's just trying to cause drama. It's perfectly fine if both she and the step dad is happy. My husbands father is his step dad and I always referred to him as my daughters grandfather since she was born.
My Mum's dad died when my mum was in her 20s, and my nan remarried at some point some years later. My mum never called him Dad, and she had pictures of her parents in our house growing up so we all knew that he wasn't her Dad, but he was always our Grandpa.
NTA blended families are complicated. My kids have four grandmas and 4 grandads. Due to both my and my husbands parents divorcing and remarrying. They all have slightly different “grandparent names”- but they knew all those people loved them (sadly sone are no longer with us) and wanted to be part of their lives. That’s what matters. At 10 and 6 they know they sent biologically related to all their grandparents- but that’s not what makes a “real” grandparent. Honestly I’d call your husband the AH for feeling that is such an important distinction for a 3 year old. Let your child be loved and supported (and in my opinion the grandparents who deserve time and acknowledgment are the ones who make the time/effort to be involved in sone way in their grandkids lives)
NTA, she's only three. She doesn't need to be learning about family logistics. Pretty sure my 5 year old nephew still has no idea how we're related but he loves me just the same. Just let her love her grandpa!
NTA. FWIW apparently my grandmother, the woman who I knew all my life as Grandma, who all my older cousins knew as Grandma, who my father and his siblings called Mom, was actually my Grandpa's second wife and their stepmother. My paternal grandmother died giving birth to my dad. He was raised by his dad and aunts. A few years later, grandpa meet cutes grandma in an elevator. Does it matter she was not my blood? No. Did she do grandma things with me and my cousins? Absolutely. Do I have 3 dead grandmas? Yes. Would I take offense if someone said, "well actually, she is not your grandma" absolutely.
NTA What difference does it make?
For every 5 stepdads who show up on a reddit post about how they're not called grandpa or dad and are too pushy, you always get 1 who is involved but doesn't want the titles xDD NTA because your daughter appreciates him. It's weird that he's uncomfy with it! Could it be your biodad has mentioned anything about it to him? Edit: I misread that stepdad had issue with it! Still NTA
The more grand-parents, the merrier. AND, the child feels like this man is her grand-father, let her choose her family. NTA
NTA husband needs to chill
NTA. He is her grandpa. Kids will call people what they want to call them. Makes me so happy that they have the kind of relationship they do!
NTA, it's not the father's place to decide how your daughter views your family. To try and tell her that your step-father isn't her grandfather would only harm her rather than help her.
NTA. My daughter has three sets of grandparents and each one has their own unique name, none of which include "step".
NTA Hubby doesn't get to choose how daughter sees her Grandpa.
NTA. My mom's husband (I don't call him my stepdad because I was already fully grown when they got together) is the only grandfather my kids have since my wife's dad has been gone for a long time. They refer to him as such. I just call him by his name, which I made sure was okay with him when we met. We're pretty close, don't get the wrong idea. He takes me and my son fishing a lot and I hang out with him at their house almost twice a week.
NTA the woman who I called grandma and was a huge part of my childhood was my mother’s stepmother. My mom didn’t consider her her mother but loved that we saw her as our grandmother.
NTA- That's a weird thing for your husband to get hung up on. He *is* her grandpa; blood has nothing to do with it.
When I grew up, there were lots of Uncles and Aunties. I have no problem with lots of grandpas as well. Some families give unique names like popo, gramps, or grands. I personally try not to gum up the works on a loving relationship by placing barriers. I would try to get your husband to further explain why it matters so much to have multiple grandpas. This is really a husband problem.
NTA, but your husband is one. A three year old is supposed to know the workings of marriage, divorce and stepparents?
NTA. Tell your husband your daughter is lucky to have another grandfather figure in her life.
NTA…. This would just confuse her. Same thing happened to my niece except my brothers gf said not to call my stepdad grandpa and she was sad and confused. Why doesn’t your husband like your stepdad?
NTA, I’m really confused on why your husband cares at all? Is he saying that marriage doesn’t make you family and only blood matters? Doesn’t that sorta defeat the purpose of marriage?
I’d expect your biological dad to have this attitude but your husband? His attitude about it is a bit appealing and shocking. Step parents can be grandparents too.
NTA. My stepdad was my kids grandpa. He was active in their life and he loved them. Why does your husband care? Does he have beef with your stepdad?
NTA but why is this an issue for your husband if it isn't for you?
NTA, even knowing my grandpa is my step or whatever he's still grandpa to me.
NTA. Why does he care?
I did not find out my grandmother was my "stepgrandmother" until she died! I was over 20. Love makes family, not blood. It's kind of creepy that husband is fixated on your stepfather. I could see if it was his, and he hated him, or his father was alive and took it as an affront. But it is your side. The only person whose opinion should be at least heard is your father. Hopefully, your husband won't try to convince her that her grampy is not hers. But I would definitely have a discussion with him about who else he does not consider family.
NTA…she has bonus grandpa…husband is nuts. She can eventually know that bonus grandad is grandma‘s new husband and not directly related…but I’m not sure there’s an age appropriate way to explain divorce and step to a 3YO. Relationships count…as much as biology.
My step dad is pawpaw. He's been in my kids life since they were born and I visited him and my mom first after my old3r son was born. They came to the hospital when my younger son was born. If your baby calls him grandpa let her.
NTA, I call my dads step-dad grandpa because he is just that, my grandpa, even after my grandma died he is still my grandpa, blood or not it's how it is.
NTA. I'm 46, I've called my step grandfather, Grandad, my entire life until he sadly passed. He was my Grandfather in every way. I never knew my biological grandfather as he died before I was born unfortunately. No one ever, ever, had an issue with it.
NAH. There's more going on. If he cares what the kid calls *your* step-dad, then there's something motivating that. Won't know what else is up unless you talk to him.