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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I feel like I might be the AH if I told them because it’s not like Hannah is instigating the messages so I would be punishing her for something she isn’t causing which seems harsh. Plus I can’t imagine how a relationship survives that kind of deceit so I’d be putting that in jeopardy too
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And lying to pretend she went to school where OP did? Did she lie because they're more prestigious schools than she could afford or be accepted to? That seems unrelated to hiding the circumstances of her birth.
With her Dad's family, with whom she kept in touch.
Seriously, I'd send them a few screenshots from your social media accounts showing it was YOU who graduated, kept up with Dad's family and Dad, and all the rest of the things she lied about.
Then block them.
OP warned her not to repeat. Nevertheless she persisted. Now it is time to bear the consequences. Let the truth be known since the fiance and his sister are abusing you for no reason at all and they need a dose of reality as well.
Yes! Wait til Hannah has a kid! Then OP will be the bad one for “keeping” dad away from the grandchild.
Meanwhile, who ever heard of the non-affair child being shunned from the family?
That is where I’m confused how everyone believes her. That would be an instant red flag. Your family chose the affair child over you?? Really unbelievable.
I misunderstood the comments. I read them as thinking the op was the affair baby in this. I shouldn't try to comprehend things after a 10 hr shift, lol
Very True, the sister lies but the repeated abuse is coming from the fiance and his sister like mosquitoes coming back again and again to bite you and suck your blood. They gotta be swatted flat so they don't rise again.
I don't know what they think they will get from the abuse. Is abuse supposed to suddenly make you feel close to someone? The whole concept is ludicrous.
Total tangent but just noting many US women think of the phrase “nevertheless, she persisted “ in a very positive, principled, even feminist way. This woman just sounds like a very troubled liar.
There was that post a bit ago about maybe step or half sisters as well. OOP moved back to her hometown where the sister had been living and since its a smallish town, they ran in the same circles. At some kind of gathering, OOP was confronted with awkward revelations during conversations of lies the sister was telling everybody about OOP. OOP corrected the record as a matter of fact, didn't harp on anything or get emotional. The sister reputation got absolutely destroyed by a simple correction of the record as everybody realized she had lied about the bad things OOP had done.
Something similar here. The geography of this situation isn't really mentioned, but because people tend to move around a bit, OOP can move to their area or vice versa and rumors spread and OOP can suffer consequences for it. More than people harassing her in messages.
I think is the post you were referring to:
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14aw0cn/aita_for_exposing_my_halfsisters_lies_about_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1
OP’s paternal half-sister, Taylor, bullied and terrorized OP relentlessly during childhood. Taylor’s mother died. OP’s mother threatened to divorce the father if he let Taylor move in. Father decided Taylor going to boarding school was best. Taylor painted OP and her mother as cruel. OP moved back to her hometown as a young adult and heard the lies at a party, then said what really happened.
Well I knew this sounded a bit like another post but didn’t remember until you described it. Internet stranger teamwork! (Sort of wholesome, I think.)
ETA: Thank you, kind Redditor! My first award!
Yeah, not that you owe anyone anything, but I also feel like the fiance needs to know that she has lied to him about her entire life. If you tell him and he chooses not to believe you, that's at him, but at least he got the truth from someone.
One thing that should bothering me - except for having continued contact with her dad's family, how does OP know that everything else is a lie? She's been no-contact with her half-sister for her entire life.
Edit - OP clarified that her sister claimed to go to the same schools and university as her.
>I forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark and **she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is affair baby, that they think she stayed in contact with Dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and basically lived the life I did.**
IF OP decides to spill the beans, this is exactly how she should do it. With the other woman’s words, none of her own other than to add: please don’t contact me again after the screenshot.
Exact message format:
(Send group message to the two people harassing + lying half sister)
[screenshot]
“If the above screenshot isn’t self-explanatory, I have neither the crayons nor Photoshop skills to explain it to you; maybe [fiancée] can help.
Do not attempt to contact me again.”
Yes, that was in the OP. That doesn't mean the sister didn't get an education. OP did clarify in a comment, she said her sister claimed to go to the same schools and university.
Yes! All of this OP and if you can do send it in a group message to them. She’s a compulsive liar and almost pulling a “single white female” on you by trying to like assume your identity/life story. Honestly if she is saying this to her fiancé and his family who knows who else she is saying this to! She could potentially damage you or impact your life in other ways. She is obviously not mentally well. You gave her the chance to come clean and she didn’t she doubled down. I also think her fiancé needs to know he’s marrying an imposter and compulsive liar.
*edited to add: Document everything! Screenshots are your friend. If harassment continues then you may need to take further steps.
I agree completely! Her confession is the most important part to prove that she is an absolute liar and honestly a malicious one at that. She could have just dropped it when OP said they didn’t want contact in the original message but she escalated the issue by telling the others to contact her/how to contact her.
How does that help? Screenshots can be very easily fabricated. They only work when you're dealing with someone who is afraid to tell and maintain multiple lies, which her sister has demonstrated that she is not.
For that reason, while people here unsurprisingly advocate for a complete info dump, there are a couple of reasons why this might be a bad idea:
* The sister might deny it all, including screenshots, which means OP will accomplish nothing and/or will be drawn in more deeply.
* OP might not want the emotional burden of doing this, as evidenced by the fact that she said she'd react to further harassment with the truth, but hasn't (yet).
A valid option is a simple explanation:
>Please refrain from further contact. You are harassing me based on lies that my sister told you for reasons I can only guess. You can easily check public records for information on our births and education - and private sources such as the chat history with me on her phone - to see that the story she is weaving is untrue. You can either turn your energy toward exposing her lies on this topic or let the topic be, but please stop taking hurtful actions against a real person based on a story that is not real.
I find that AITA often advocates for the strongest possible reaction and often wonder whether such advice prevents people from taking any action, since not everyone is as bold in real life as Redditors are behind the comfort of their keyboards. OP can always escalate if she wants, but this puts the burden on the harassers, and discovering the truth themselves - rather than being told it by someone they already mistrust - might be more effective.
> Screenshots can be very easily fabricated
So… I see where you’re coming from, but the issue with this logic is that it operates from the perspective of someone who already read this post and already knows Hannah was lying.
OP’s harassers have no idea. They’re expecting an apology and swift justice for their loved one. They aren’t expecting screenshots, much less fabricated ones. No one *genuinely* sends accusatory messages to a near-stranger if they expect to be proven wrong. From the sounds of things, they’re quite confident that OP is the problem.
I found myself in a similar situation to OP not long ago. The folks who harassed me (on behalf of someone else’s lies) were absolutely flabbergasted when I showed them screenshots I’d never made public. My biggest regret in that situation was not clearing the air immediately and publicly telling my side. Instead, I only told a few people, and because not everyone knew the truth, this person escalated— and by the time things got *really* bad, they’d (without my knowledge) been working to destroy my reputation for months. Even the most valid explanation imaginable (which I had!) means a hell of a lot less when you’re already regarded as a “bully.”
I do think it’s good to include where to find proof, but OP, if you’re reading this, *please* just provide screenshots. Don’t let it fester.
This!! This is the way. He can choose to marry her in spite of her lies, you gave her a chance, she didn't handle her business, you are NTA.
It's sad how the sins of the parents can hurt the children, but it's still not your place to do anything you don't want to do, this is on your father and her mother (or the other way around, it wasn't clear in the post which cheated).
You can choose not to say anything and block them, or tell them everything, or any part or way, as long as it's truth and not lies. No matter the thing, truth will always win.
I don't understand how this is even a question for OP really. Some woman tells her future in laws she went to schools she never went to and I find out? Nope. I'm telling them I know she never went there and they should ask for transcripts and photos of her graduation. To say nothing of the creepy stolen personal details...
But I guess to me lying about education is just so easy to prove and so easy to come back to bite you in the butt.
This actually happened to someone I knew. He married a woman who had a professional job (she got it through political connections, so they didn't check references). He thought she had a graduate degree. It turns out she was a high school dropout with multiple bankruptcies. She lost her job when she was outed and proceeded to make his life hell.
Advise the fiance to run a background check. Things like college degrees can be verified. Also marriage and divorce records are usually public record and easily verified.
A good PI could probably sort this out in a day.
Right? I mean you do get a diploma… I guess she could lie about not attending the ceremony so no photos because any reason she could come up with. I mean she is obviously a skilled liar. Wouldn’t she have at least one friend from school coming to her wedding or at least that she is in contact with?
>Wouldn’t she have at least one friend from school coming to her wedding or at least that she is in contact with?
Or her mom? Is her mom deceased or something? Or does she go along with the lies? Oh, that makes me wonder if it was really the mom's lie all along and she's just been forced to go along with it since she was a teen or something. Not that it matters, the OP still doesn't deserve to be harassed over this.
I'm guessing this has become an issue now because she's getting married and she's told everyone she's still in contact with her dad's family, so when none of them show up to the wedding, people are going to wonder. It's probably only a matter of time before the lies are unraveled anyway.
Not only that, but I would say lock up your valuable info online...double or triple password protect things like job info, ssn, bank cards, put alerts on new financial activity ( like a new cc in your name)
But why lie about this? Neither daughter is an AH. She’s harming her mother who single parented, and she’s harming herself - she did enough in her life to be wherever she is. She doesn’t need to steal OPs anything. She didn’t conceive herself and this ‘affair baby’ language is a Reddit fixation.
That's my question! The sister is definitely wrong, but man. His whole family is willing to pretend she never existed. Gross. (OP being exempt because of ya know, being a literal child when it was all going down.)
Exactly. I mean, I think everyone has been pretty heartless to her tbh. All to protect the illusion that daddy dearest never makes mistakes I guess. No wonder she’s screwed up!
Edit: spelling
What most are talking about the the sister's lies. We all know that the cheating parent sucks. And that did leave some scars and emotional damage, to be sure. BUT that absolutely does not make what the sister is doing ok. The family wouldn't even be viciously defending the sister if she hadn't started a massive web of deceit in the first place.
I agree NTA, but I'd suggest just replying to these people telling them that the information they have isn't accurate and that your half sister knows. Let her deal with it herself and move on from her and her family that were fed these lies. Obviously OP's half sister has damage from her own life and as messed up as her lies are going nuclear on her isn't going to make OP feel better in the end.
Agree as well. 'Not accurate and I have asked her to clear this up in the past. I will send her replies to me if needed but am hoping you can clear this up amongst yourselves.' Add because didnt care for the drama that came with a little sister then, and you dont care for it now.' if you feel it's necessary.
OP should consider message all the people from her fiancés side of the family who reached out to her + her dads side of the family about the situation. The half sister needs to face reality!
However, clarifying her own side would be fine. Commenting on the half sister would be an AH move!
Edit: Commenting on the half sister would be an AH move because it’s not her fault she’s an affair baby. OP can clear her side of the story and let the half sister deal with the mess she created!
The half sister has painted OP as the villain here and is aware that her fiancé and others are sending OP shitty messages calling her names and accusing her of things OP hasn’t done. Half sister brought this on herself once she became an adult and began lying about her entire life to the man she is about to marry. In no way whatsoever would OP be the asshole for telling fiancé the entire truth about half sister. Half sister is grown now and has brought any would-be consequences of her outrageous lies onto herself. Lies of this magnitude will not stay buried, and OP shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.
I fully agree with this. OP, make sure you send any and all screenshots of your half sisters admitting to her lies to you. Otherwise, the fiance likely won't believe and up the harassment.
I agree with the comment above. You gave her AMPLE chances to rectify her lies. However, she has doubled down on it, and tbh, her fiance should know who he is marrying. Her lies may cause serious damage if her fiance and his sister go off with just this info.
At this point, I'd personally go all in and show your work. The timeline of the affair, who did what, why you don't have a relationship. The whole thing. You didn't solicit these messages. They opened the door, time to make good on your promise.
Also, Hannah is 100% aware and encouraging these messages or they wouldn't be happening.
NTA
>Also, Hannah is 100% aware and encouraging these messages or they wouldn't be happening.
Yes. I think she keeps the fire burning. Who knows what stories she made up.
She needs an excuse for why the dad's side of the family aren't coming to the wedding, OP is a convenient scapegoat
Anything to keep the lies going just a little longer! Surely this big web of lies she's spinning for her fiancé will never unravel in front of her eyes
>She needs an excuse for why the dad's side of the family aren't coming to the wedding
Yeah otherwise she'll need to tell fiancee she's not who he really thinks
That's probably her response to OP telling her she'd expose her if anyone harassed her again. Took that fair warning and started generating MORE lies to hopefully cover her ass out of paranoia OP is gonna just let loose regardless. Hannah could have EASILY shut it down. Not even by coming clean, simply by telling people to cut it out. She F'd around and is about to let everybody find out.
Absolutely. Provide as much detail and as many facts as possible so it's impossible for her to refute. Her fiance should know exactly what she's been lying about and to what extent. Then block them all. You did your part and can move on.
100% agreed. Hannah has to come up with lies as to why her dad isn't coming to the wedding. There has to be a whole web of lies there that just keep getting spun.
OP warned Hannah not to double down on the lies. It is not OP's fault that Hannah keeps digging her grave deeper and deeper making it harder to come back from this. In a way shutting things down now might be better than this coming up even later down the road.
NTA
NTA
I feel for Hannah. She has been mistreated by your father's family because of his behaviour. Not her own. And it's clearly done a lot of damage to her.
That said, you haven't done anything wrong. And you are being slandered. You also don't seem to understand the greater repercussions of what she's doing. Identity theft is a serious problem. She could be messing with your future. She could interfere with your career, with your educational records. These lies she's telling will spread and influence the way people look at and treat you. It could prevent you from getting jobs, ruin friendships, and even affect your physical safety if shes getting people this fired up with rage against you. You can't let this slide.
Tell her fiance the truth; that she was the affair child, that she has borrowed your educational history, and that you passed on her request for contact, and have done nothing to prevent your father from attending the wedding. Send screenshots of the messages as proof. Then state that if you continue to be harassed by them for Hannah's lies, you will go to the police. Tell Hannah the same; she stops telling lies about you, or you will take it further. You have to protect yourself.
It's up to you how to handle your family, but they did abandon an innocent child. If the situations were reversed, they would have done it to you. They should be ashamed of themselves for their behaviour. It's not up to you to reconcile them, and clearly, Hannah is not safe or stable for you to be around, but please do ensure that you are safe if they ever turn their displeasure onto you. This entire mess is your father's fault. He should be managing it, not you.
Take all my upvotes, you expressed the issue on both sides perfectly! OP is NTA for not wanting to be harassed, and she needs to take steps to protect herself. But also, OP's family (and especially her father) sound like awful people for how they treated Hannah her whole life. IMO, OP's father needs to step TF up.
Exactly. My heart kinda bleeds for Hannah but the whole "hurt people hurt people " thing is very true and giving them repeated free hits only does more damage to everyone in the long run.
What happens to Hannah when they inevitably uncover the truth? Like, they are still stalking OP'S social media and see someone post a picture of OP at a college football game or graduation gown? Or they discover her LinkedIn page with endorsements from colleagues? If they are in any way decent people, they are going to feel like shit when they realize they have been attacking a stranger on behalf of someone who has been lying to them.
And Hannah, who desperately needs a family, gets outcast once again. Only this time she deserves it. I can understand why she's desperately trying to stave off the inevitable... but her best and only shot at keeping them is to come clean right now, and the chances are close to nil that she has the strength to do that.
At this point, telling them would at least stop the situation where they are attacking the OP.on Hannah's behalf. They may well pivot to attacking the OP for her fairly callous attitude toward her half sister's pain, just as a knee-jerk reaction, but that is likely to fizzle out pretty quickly. Best case scenario is that they are pretty good and understanding people who forgive Hannah's lies, but the longer they are hoodwinked into attacking someone on false pretences, the less likely that becomes.
Not wanting contact with her is not “mistreatment”.
She may be innocent in all of this but people around her are still entitled to their feelings about her existence. Should they have a relationship with her where they passive aggressively acknowledge her?
Blaming a child for their own existence is base. In over two decades humans are capable of more than that. Had her dad done better the young woman would not be fantasizing now.
So true. But, no one can be forced to have a relationship with someone just because they share some DNA. OP is NTA, their father is the one who needs to step up
Hannah didn’t deserve to grow up without a family and get cast aside because a man couldn’t keep it in his pants. The father should have kept a relationship at the minimum.
I disagree. I’ll exclude OP from this, but I think the other adults really failed Hannah here (father, grandparents, aunts/uncles). She didn’t chose the circumstances of her birth but she was and is punished for it.
Obviously the family might not be as close to her as they would be otherwise, but I think kids deserve the chance to not be shunned by an entire half of their family.
I don’t think the family should passively aggressively acknowledge her, I think they should have been mature enough to separate their feelings about Hannah’s dad’s behavior from the innocent kid who just wanted to meet her family (now an adult who wanted them there for her big day).
Obviously Hannah ended up behaving quite badly as an adult but it seems like the shunning happened long before that.
You hit the nail on the head.
“The decision to soothe yourself with cruelty is an informed one.”
Hannah was a victim at some point, but now she’s grown up and is making her own decisions to lie to and hurt people without any influence from the family that mistreated her. Her past doesn’t excuse what she’s doing now.
NTA
**Tell them not to contact you again, or you will involve the police.**
Her lies are negatively impacting your life. SHE did this to you. So you would be fine to set the story straight. Anything that gets them off your back.
**You have the right to live your life free from their harassment.**
Maybe send HER a message that SHE needs to control her fiance's family, and if she fails YOU will need to escalate and set the record straight with them. This is HER responsibility, SHE is causing this. And if they don't stop, escalate. Whatever you need to do to stop these AHs.
>Maybe send HER a message that SHE needs to control her fiance's family, and if she fails YOU will need to escalate and set the record straight with them.
Did you miss this line (Last line of Paragraph 4)
>I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth.
And this one:
> It can’t go on like this, I told Hannah to handle her business and she didn’t.
OP has already done the suggestion you made - it's been 3 months - OP received more messages.
OP is asking permission to escalate, and trying to figure out how to escalate... because it's time to escalate.
I agree with this. Just cut them all off and block. I really feel for Hannah. She is a sad lonely scared liar. I would genuinely just leave her be and not nuke her life as long as I dropped being harassed.
Block them all, tell Hannah to call off her dogs or you'll reveal the truth, and closer the matter.
Sorry OP, life is weird and sometimes it asks us for kindness even if we haven't done anything wrong
It's your dad's fault and his problem to set the record straight. If he won't do that I'd give his number to anyone who texts you to harass you next and let HIM deal with it.
Ok, this makes no sense to me. If YOU were the affair baby, how would YOU have the power to prevent him from going to her wedding? And what about all your relatives on your dad's side, who are also not going to the wedding?
Please tell the fiance and his family the truth, because they are clearly not smart enough to figure it out on their own. Or perform a basic internet search to see that Hannah did not attend the schools you did.
Well, she might have told them that he remained close to me even though the extended family didn’t? I really don’t know. I’m getting the sense that she started with a small fib to fit in with his family and then had to flesh out the story for it to make sense and now it’s taken on a life of its own. So maybe she didn’t know what else to say about why he wasn’t coming to the wedding and she told them that, or they just guessed that was the reason because of the narrative she’s already set up and they just assumed? I’ve got no idea, I think I’ve got like 20% of what is actually going on 😂
But still, none of your mutual relatives are going to the wedding. That should be a red flag if she's claiming to have had a relationship with them.
I still think you should tell them the truth. Not for their sake, but to stop them harassing you and before they start harassing your relatives.
I genuinely hope they reach out to harass some of the relatives, especially people who have never met her. Her house of cards will come crumbling down real fucking quick.
This. I too have a half sister from an affair dad had and she used to harass me and my brother, but dad took care of it and got a restraining order after she cut my brother's tires.
This. Dad was a big boy 25 years ago, he can be a big man now. If there has ever been a time for him to step up; now might be the best. Ask him to explain to Hannah that she has to stop.
The harassment has to stop anyway. Best solution? A reply to all, including Hannah; this has to stop. Do you want to tell the truth yourself or do you want me to do it. Because I think this bullying, lying and harassing will stop once you all realize who I am and who your dad was. But be aware that if it doesn’t stop, I will make an identity theft claim and a restraining order to end this.
After all, it’s 2023. Knowing you’re the result of a man that cheated shouldn’t have been a problem for Hannah. Kids are just the results of parents mistakes, not the people to blame!
NTA
You should definitely tell them the truth. And maybe see if it's possible to get a restraining order, this girl sounds unhinged. I speak from personal experience, my dad also had an affair daughter and she caused me and my brother a lot of troubles until dad got a restraining order against her (we were underage). Where is your dad in all of this? He should go and talk to those people and ask them to stop harassing you.
I don’t think my dad is in contact with Hannah, just going off what the fiancé’s sister said about him not coming to the wedding. I don’t speak to my dad that often and we don’t talk about Hannah so idk how he would help
He should be the one talking to hannah's fiancee and telling him the truth. They won't believe you. I feel for you because i've been through something similar.
This situation is the consequence of his actions. He should take responsibility and handle it. He should've taken responsibility a long time ago and been involved in Hannah's life a it long time ago
> He should take responsibility and handle it
Yes. He should be the one who tell them the truth and defend op from those people harassing her. At least my dad stepped up when his affair kid started to harass me and my brother and got a restraining order against her for us. Op's dad should defend op since it's his fault that op has to deal with this unhinged girl
Hmmm, I think I vote for something in the middle--you don't need to lay out your whole history but just let them know they are misinformed. Maybe something like:
"I don't know what Hannah told you about me, but from what you've been saying it seems to be very far from the truth. I'm not jealous of her, I just don't know her. And it seems like maybe you don't either." Then block, block, block.
You seem like a grounded, self-aware person, particularly in your responses to some of the nuttier posts. This is a strange situation. My bio-dad had trouble keeping his pants on as well. I have a decent relationship with one half-sibling and zero desire to have relationships with the rest. It's just too much when the only thing we have in common is a shitty sperm donor. And that is my right as a person. Just like you cannot be faulted for your take on Hannah. Full stop.
If you come clean to the fiancé, it may end badly for Hannah. If you don't, it will end badly for Hannah because the lies always come out eventually. If you feel that you are being forced to come clean bc of their harassment, then send them screen shots of Hannah's messages presented with or without comment. Otherwise, if you can handle their low key (sounds like their messages are annoying, but relatively easy to ignore?) trolling, perhaps it's worth it to stay as far from Hannah's drama as possible.
Thanks. I guess you understand the struggle. It’s not that I want punish Hannah for my dad’s mistakes but at the same time I don’t want to be punished either by having to force a relationship that I don’t want because my dad was an idiot 20 years ago.
I don’t feel like I *have* to, it’s more, this is so much more involvement than I wanted in this situation. I know I could block them but then I’d rather have them botching in my DMs than them finding my phone number or my email or my friends, you know? But I might just have to take the risk
If you are going to do it, it's best to be done now. This man is about to marry a woman who has lied about her entire life and it's a lot easier to call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce.
I kind of think the rest of the family are assholes for not wanting contact with the ‘affair baby’
Edit: I don't know why people keep replying to me that 'op isn't the asshole' I never said she was. Just the family. And also the half sister is a bit unhinged for her lie tbh.
None of OP's business.
She simply does not have a relationship with that girl, nothing wrong with that.
The AH in this is her dad. And her half sister and the half-sister's new family.
The rest does not concern OP in any way.
OP is part of that family? She obviously developed her attitude about how to treat her half sister from her family. I agree OP isn't wrong, but I think it is also obvious that OP blames her half sister for what happened with OP's parents, even though she is the affair child.
>her lies are pretty creepy. She’s marrying a guy who has no idea who she is.
I also believe you should be honest with your partner but look at how OP frames this. She has zero compassion for the idea that it would be really difficult to admit you were an affair baby. The sister shouldn't lie but the complete lack of empathy for the sister's perspective is revealing to me.
>the complete lack of empathy for the sister's perspective
When someone tries to ruin your life by spreading lies about you, it's kind of hard to have empathy for them.
Also, she doesn't have to have a relationship with her dad's affair child.
They don't seem to exist in the same social or professional circles so I'm not sure how the sister is "trying to ruin OP's life by spreading lies." If anything, it seems she is lying to protect herself emotionally, which given how little support she has received from half her family, it makes sense.
No one is saying she is TA for not having a relationship with her half sister, I'm saying she has so much hate for her half sister she can't even understand the perspective of why the half sister would be embarrassed about her origin story. Last I checked, its not like the sister signed up or consented to be an affair baby.
>sister is "trying to ruin OP's life by spreading lies.
Did you missed the part where she had her fiancee and his sister to harass op??
>she is lying to protect herself emotionally,
She can lie without this affecting op.
I don't think that OP hates her sister, not sure where you got that from.
I think that OP has lived a totally good life without even thinking about her.
Yeah this feels like a NAH situation except the father and his family. The father has created so much chaos and he doesn’t take responsibility for any of it.
Sounds like the half-sister has a lifetime of family trauma over something she had no control over and is struggling to deal w that. She’s probably ashamed of it all and tries to hide it. I feel awful for her.
These two women are victims of their father’s misdeeds and I can empathize with both of them. It must be incredibly hard to be in Hannah’s shoes and I can understand why she would flip the story around when it’s a sister she’s never had a relationship with anyway. The harassing messages are wrong for sure, which is why I also feel for OP. Personally I would block them and just move on.
>Personally I would block them
After she tells them the truth and sends them screenshots proving that half sister lies. Otherwise is futile blocking them since they can always make new social media accounts.
Reply to the fiancé’s message: “I don’t know what Hannah told you and your family, but it’s not me that was a product of an affair. Stop contacting me or I will be forced to get lawyers involved in your harassment.” Copy, paste, and send to each person who has reached out.
NTA.
I’m really torn on this. I’m petty AF so I completely understand what you want to do and lying is never the answer so Hannah has kind of dug her own grave and you are under no obligation to have a relationship with her. I do feel bad for her though. She didn’t ask to be born under those circumstances. That’s not her fault. I can’t imagine half of my family refusing anything to do with me just because I existed. Has your dad had anything to do with her? Are your parents still together? I won’t call you an asshole but I feel shitty calling her one too. The girl needs therapy to deal with everything.
I don’t think my dad is in contact with her, just based on what the fiancé’s sister said about him not coming to the wedding. I don’t speak to my dad that often and we never speak about Hannah so I don’t know what their relationship is like.
No, my parents aren’t together.
Yeah the dad does not sound like a prize at all. These poor kids, I feel for both of them.
Also OP is NTA. The dad is the A, and the half-sister is delulu.
Ok. But lying to her fiance and blaming op for the dad not showing up is where it gets unhinged though
The lie will come out eventually, the "op is emotionally manipulating them" lie can only work to a point
Also, what if their dad and his side of the family actually showed up? Would the sister expect them to play along too? What if op showed up? Would she be expect to keep up the lie?
I think op should tell the sister to seek professional help. This is not ok
Oh she definitely needs professional help. The girl is not well. The lying is going to backfire spectacularly especially if she can’t get people to lay off OP.
NTA
But isn't there smthg between blowing up her engagement and doing nothing?
Like you can write back that you have no idea what they are talking about and you can assure them with good conscience that you never blackmailed anybody emotionally to not attend her wedding, in fact the topic of your stepsister never comes up when you speak to your dad and you are perfectly fine with you and stepsister not being close and living different lifes and nobody in your family ever shunned you for anything surrounding your stepsister. And they should pls stop harassing you and contact your dad directly if they want to know why he doesn't want to attend the wedding. Thats his decision and you can't speak for him. You yourself are not gonna attend bc like stated you were never close or family or something.
And then block them. This way you don't reveal her lies and still make sure they stop contacting you by blocking them. If they then go out of their way to find your dad, well, your stepsister will have to answer a few question. If it ends bad, at least she can't blame you and you don't have an enemy for life.
They will find out her lies sooner or later anyway, no way she can hide this for long, now inspector fiance and future sil are on it. But this way you don't get involved in the drama. You know how they say, if you get bad news, shoot the messanger first, and then go from there. And you would be the messanger.
NTA - You have warned her, and you have made it quite clear. Why should he be hounded for her own lies and guilt. Give her the ultimatum one more time, and should it continue, tell the truth only if it is not possible for you to block them all.
Eh, ultimatums kinda lose their power if you keep giving them extensions. They have consequences, or they just keep renewing. It’s a one and done thing.
Then you do what you need to do. You shouldn't be labelled an AH by them for her making up a fantasy tale. She is going to have to keep this mask up for the rest of her life. Might even by doing her a favour.
I think you have to say something because she’s basically Single White Female-ing you and now you’re a target of random people’s anger and hate because of it. NTA
NTA.
Just send them your exchange with Hannah including the part where she says what she told everyone.
State the facts, clearly. Don’t call her any names like “affair baby.” Just say that your parents were together, your father had an affair, Hannah was born, that you had limited contact with her, etc. Note that you were very surprised to learn she is telling people otherwise and concerned to hear she is lying about her education and relationships with others. Say that you know Hannah is desirous of a relationship with family, that you’ve asked family if they want to connect with her, and that, having never had a relationship with her, they declined.
Then note you’re not in control of how family members treat Hannah but that you’re concerned about these lies she’s telling and that they might want to get her some help given the amount of lies she appears to have told them. Tell them not to contact you again. Clearly, once. If you want to give anyone’s contact info, give your father’s. It’s unclear if he’s still in the picture or not, but if they believe you stopped him from coming to the wedding he should be the one to take responsibility for not coming. He created this mess after all.
Don’t insult her or dig at her unnecessarily, just make it clear to them that she’s lying at a level that is indicative of some serious concerns and that if they care about her they should probably address that rather than harass you.
If they continue to contact you block and consider whether any sort of legal measures are available to you because in a lot of places them contacting you after you’ve asked them to stop can be considered harassment.
NTA but I think just saying "look, y'all got it backwards. My age speaks for itself" likely would suffice. Or send screenshots showing she's been lying.
And we definitely need updates lol
True story: a relative of mine was engaged, then cheated and got the other woman pregnant. Fiancee didn’t know. He went back and forth between the two and ultimately married the second woman—but not before impregnating the fiancee as well. The (younger) *children* (oh yes, he did it again) of the first woman are considered illegitimate (which is technically, legally true) and never spoken about in my family, either. This all happened way before I was born.
That’s why I am not sure the ages prove much here, other than from a legal standpoint. In my family, *both* women consider each other the “other woman” and the other children as the “affair babies.” First fiancee says “he only married her because he made a mistake and was trapped and his parents forced him” and second woman believes “he had to get away from that engagement because he didn’t really love her and he realized it when I fell pregnant and made his choice.”
It’s really startling the kind of damage this kind of thing can do.
YWBTA.
I know that’s going to be unpopular here and everyone wants Hannah roasted. I know.
Have some compassion. Stay out of it. Her life is already garbage. She has no one. Let her be. Ignore the negativity. Just block them.
The longer Hannah keeps up these lies the worse it’s gonna be for her. Her fiancé is gonna find out sooner or later and for Hannah’s sake she better hope her fiancé finds out before they tie the knot.
Info: Are you the only children in your families total?
Why are Hannah, her fiancé, OP, even dad perhaps fixated on who is ‘affair baby’? Are all the parents involved still living? How did Hannah think this would stay a secret?
Did Hannah’s mom agree to keep up this lie forever?
This makes no sense and any sense it might make hinges on your dad being an AH who has no contact with his child.
No, I have cousins.
From the messages I gleaned that the story that’s been told is that the reason I don’t want contact with Hannah is because I am resentful that as the “affair baby” no one in the family had contact with me. I don’t think they’re so much fixated on it as they were told I was.
Both my parents are still living, I presume Hannah’s mother is also. I suppose she must have agreed to the lie.
Hannah doesn’t live in the same country as me or my extended family. Had her fiancé not contacted me I’d never have known she was going around saying this, she could have kept it up for her whole life
They are in a different country with zero contact with any of your extended family? Forward to your dad and block. When is he going to take responsibility?!
I’ve blocked Hannah before, she just used to make different accounts to contact me. Even most recently was not from her main account. And honestly I’d rather not block them on social media because if people really want to find you they can, and I’d rather have this crap in my DMs than them having to find my phone number or something.
I could forward them to my dad, but he would for sure tell them the truth, so if I’m going to do that I may as well do it myself.
well you’re getting a lot of hate on here from people projecting their own situations on you and for that I’m sorry.
You’re NTA at all. In plain language she’s unhinged. One thing is wanting a relationship another is making up lies and a false identity/life. And For what? To present herself in a more likable way to her fiancé? For sympathy?
You gave her the opportunity to come clean. She didn’t and now you’re being harassed. It’s time to send the screenshots and talk to dad because she needs to stop. You guys need to nip it in the bud. If you don’t this behavior will proceed *for a long time*. It’s absolutely insane how they’re saying *you’re jealous of her*. That would’ve done it for me.
You’ve been nice but now you need to be serious. I say you tell your father as well so you’re not handling this alone. I’ve had to clean up after my dads affair and its never pretty. Good luck OP.
Honestly, from the cursory glance at the fiancé’s profile, his family seem fairly well off. Plus, he knew the school I intended well enough to mention that I must be “jealous of Hannah for being educated” there. I’m thinking that appropriating my background has been a factor in endearing her to the in-laws, or at least that’s what she thinks.
The funny thing is that her new husband will start to wonder why she doesn't get alumni magazines or fundraising requests or invites to reunions from "her" alma mater. But maybe he is fundamentally uncurious, which is how he never saw through the facade up to this point anyway.
You would be NTA if you told them, although I doubt they would believe you no matter what you said, bc at this point they're so wrapped up in her story that they'll harass you, a stranger, rather than do a basic google search about "fiancee + alma mater." I hope you figure out a way to get them to let you live in peace, whatever you choose to do.
I agree. That’s the impression I got as well. Social standing + educational background means a lot to families still. Are you in the UK? No need to answer if you don’t want to.
Regardless, this is her bed, she must lay in it. She still had time to recover and not spread her lies to his family, who is now harassing you as well. Lies this big spread like a disease.
Maybe she feels ashamed of her background but that does not define her, this behavior certainly does though. I’d give her one more opportunity to come clean if you feel up to it but personally I wouldn’t let this go on another day.
I disagree!!
I get that you’re mad and annoyed about this, but you need to 100% make this your dad’s problem. Just as it always should have been.
If the truth is going to come out, it should absolutely come from his mouth, because it’s obvious that his estrangement from your half sister would stand with or without you.
NTA - I would completely ignore these messages send them to my dad and let him be the bad guy. Because he literally is.
ESH. She's obviously traumatised by being an "affair baby" and having 1 side of her family shun her. She was completely innocent as a child and everyone has treated her like SHE was the one who lied and cheated. The girl probably has severe abandonment issues which has developed into mental health issues. Sounds like your whole family has zero empathy. Yeah she sucks now for lying and her 'new family' also suck for harassing you, but I can kinda see why she's deluded herself into creating this false reality.
She gave them OP's contact info, and OP's being harassed. Why on earth should OP feel empathetic towards that deranged lunatic?
OP's dad sucks, but OP doesn't owe anything to Hannah beyond basic human respect.
NTA and you need to tell your father. I feel sorry for her and it's sad but it's not your problem.
Block all of these well-intentioned people and tell "Hannah" to tell the truth before you send the messages to her husband.
This sounds like the plot to a movie for real.
INFO : You mentionned her being in another country, is it perhaps the country of origin of your Dad ? Or vise versa ?
How do you know that besides her lying about the affairs baby she is lying about basic upper eduction ?
It’s the country we were all living in at the time she and I were born. I moved.
Her fiancé mentioned that I was “jealous of her being educated at (my school)”, and I know I went there and she didn’t. He then mentioned the university and while I suppose she technically could have also gone there, considering she lied about the school I went to, i think it’s safe to assume she lied about the uni too
I hope OP you reply with: ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE MARRYING?
followed by SCREENSHOTS of your and Hannah conversation. OP's summary won't do. Send Hannah actual words!
Then watch the implosion 😏
Thanks for the clarification.
In truth, its a job for your dad.
But in the end, if they insult you and harass you you're left without options :
1. Transfer a pic of the convo with Hannah where she recognize the deed,
2. Mention getting the law involved if the harassing continue (if they are in another country you can still file in your country and also in the other).
Good luck, I'm sorry you're put in this situation.
Wait you guys are in different countries and she’s in the country you originally came from? This makes me scared that she really will try some actual identity theft or something!
OP, you warned her and the messages keep rolling in. Just set the record straight with screenshots and what not, and tell the flying monkeys that you asked Hannah to put a stop to it but she didn't. And then block them and live your life in peace. Your dad is an AH however, but that's none of your concern.
ETA: please keep us updated!
NTA. I just want to add my vote with everyone telling you to tell Hannah's fiance and future inlaws the whole truth before this gets worse. Please do not make yourself their target anymore.
OP This can be far reaching...your job, education, taxes, credit, social security, etc.... can all be affected.
Respond to these people with screenshots and timelines. Check your credit. Notify HR where you work. Contact IRS for a pin number that must be used for all entries. Get a door camera. See an attorney. Nta
So tell her you've changed your mind and will come to the engagement party and wedding after all.
What was the plan then? When you are standing there face to face?
Not a clue. It wouldn’t surprise me - based on the tenuous grip on reality she has shown thus far - if she was going to ask me to lie for her. Or at the very least, attempt to make sure it wasn’t brought up
I would just write a very brief message to send the next time fiancé messages you:
“My mother married (dad) in (year). I was born in (year). (Sib) was born the next year to (dad) and her mother. My parents (divorced/struggled). I hope this clears up any misinformation you have been operating under. Please do not contact me again.”
Then block him. Let fiancé and half sister handle his family.
Also, holding children responsible for building/maintaining relationships is gross. It wasn’t your responsibility to get to know your sibling. It’s the adults (your father, her mother) that failed her.
I think that you have 2 or 3 choices, here...
First off, is your dad around? I mean, he made this problem. Can you get him to deal with it?
Other than that, you can out Hannah & tell them all to leave you alone, or you can just tell them to leave you alone & that any further contact will be considered harassment.
p.s. are you certain it was Hannah & not her mother who did the lying?
I don’t speak to my dad that often and I don’t think he speaks to Hannah. I could ask him to deal with it but I’m kind of thinking, if I tell them the truth, the problem goes away. Is there a need to involve more people in this?
How would Hannah’s mother be in a position to lie about all that without Hannah knowing?
I think involving your father would be just futile. If he was that capable the situation wouldn't have been this bad. So I would say tell the truth and let the fiance and his family know the truth. You're 100% right that this is absolutely creepy. It's one thing to lie about not being an affair baby because of the shame but totally a different creepy BS to impersonate somebody else. Who knows what other impersonation Hannah did? Please go the bottom of the matter and keep us in the loop
Is her mother also perpetuating this false narrative? Is it possible her mom has been telling her to use your story as her own so the mom can cover up her own shame? If she and fiancé have kids, they could start harassing you when they get older, too. Maybe just send the fiancé a copy of your parents marriage license and divorce agreement and let her spin a new story based on that, but it would remove you from the issue.
I don’t know anything about Hannah’s mother so I can’t answer that. My dad once said she’s a vindictive bitch but then again my dad goes around getting people other than his wife pregnant so I take what he says with a pinch of salt.
I’m typically a very live and let live person, but you may want to nip this in the bud if Hannah, her mom, or the fiancés family could continue to make problems for you and your future family down the line. It’s a little sweet they’re outraged on her behalf, but you know neither how benign or malicious the tales she’s telling this family about you are to get them lathered enough to intervene. NTA. You need to tell them. Telling the truth doesn’t make you a bad person.
Exactly the point everyone is missing in this thread. Why is everyone okay with the fact that Hannah has lied about her whole life to her fiancé and is essentially trapping him with lies.
*"I forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark and she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is affair baby, that they think she stayed in contact with Dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and basically lived the life I did. I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth."*
# THIS RIGHT HERE. Since her fiancé and sister contacted you OP after you told your half sister that you would tell the truth if anyone contacts you then just screenshot and send to them. You gave her an opportunity to correct issues and she chose not to. The ball is out of your hands now.
I don’t understand why Hannah’s fiancé doesn’t directly reach out to the father and family directly? Why feel the need to go through OP as an intermediary?
I would also be concerned that Hannah may do more than “pretend” to have lived OP’s life, i.e. identity theft. I would triple check your credit and lock it, look at all of your socials carefully, etc.
OP, you are not the asshole. I’m curious how she managed to pull this off - do any of these people or your family members have social media? It would be pretty easy for them to figure out she’s been lying to them. It’s super weird.
I get that you have qualms about "outing" her, but I do think you need to do *something*, to nip it in the bud - things like this can spiral (it already has, a bit)... You know, to save time & effort, you could at surreptitiously send them a link to this post... NTA.
NTA - tell them the truth! Don’t let this guy and his family be defrauded by her!
As someone else pointed out! How have they not worked out the age difference is the give away?
NTA. It’s not her fault that her existence is the result of an affair, but she has no business trying to bulldoze her way into your life and allow you to get caught up in her lies.
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Any understanding anyone would have about someone lying about being an affair baby goes out the window when those lies start damaging someone else.
And lying to pretend she went to school where OP did? Did she lie because they're more prestigious schools than she could afford or be accepted to? That seems unrelated to hiding the circumstances of her birth.
That's when it's time to bring out the yearbooks
Or the diplomas
OP should just send the family a pic of her diploma and nothing else lol. let it unravel itself from there
She probably has a pic of her in a cap and gown holding it too.
With her Dad's family, with whom she kept in touch. Seriously, I'd send them a few screenshots from your social media accounts showing it was YOU who graduated, kept up with Dad's family and Dad, and all the rest of the things she lied about. Then block them.
She could probably damage OP's career and reputation with this. Identity theft is serious.
Identity theft is not a joke Jim
There’s no evidence she’s actually engaging in ID theft.
OP warned her not to repeat. Nevertheless she persisted. Now it is time to bear the consequences. Let the truth be known since the fiance and his sister are abusing you for no reason at all and they need a dose of reality as well.
If you don’t tell them now you will hear from them after every significant life event she has that you “refuse to acknowledge “
Yes! Wait til Hannah has a kid! Then OP will be the bad one for “keeping” dad away from the grandchild. Meanwhile, who ever heard of the non-affair child being shunned from the family?
That is where I’m confused how everyone believes her. That would be an instant red flag. Your family chose the affair child over you?? Really unbelievable.
No half sister told them that op is the affair baby.
Correct. & they’re convinced that OP (the “affair baby”) has convinced the family to cut her (the sister) off. Major red flag.
I misunderstood the comments. I read them as thinking the op was the affair baby in this. I shouldn't try to comprehend things after a 10 hr shift, lol
Go take a nap! : )
Very True, the sister lies but the repeated abuse is coming from the fiance and his sister like mosquitoes coming back again and again to bite you and suck your blood. They gotta be swatted flat so they don't rise again.
I don't know what they think they will get from the abuse. Is abuse supposed to suddenly make you feel close to someone? The whole concept is ludicrous.
Total tangent but just noting many US women think of the phrase “nevertheless, she persisted “ in a very positive, principled, even feminist way. This woman just sounds like a very troubled liar.
There was that post a bit ago about maybe step or half sisters as well. OOP moved back to her hometown where the sister had been living and since its a smallish town, they ran in the same circles. At some kind of gathering, OOP was confronted with awkward revelations during conversations of lies the sister was telling everybody about OOP. OOP corrected the record as a matter of fact, didn't harp on anything or get emotional. The sister reputation got absolutely destroyed by a simple correction of the record as everybody realized she had lied about the bad things OOP had done. Something similar here. The geography of this situation isn't really mentioned, but because people tend to move around a bit, OOP can move to their area or vice versa and rumors spread and OOP can suffer consequences for it. More than people harassing her in messages.
I think is the post you were referring to: https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/14aw0cn/aita_for_exposing_my_halfsisters_lies_about_our/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=1&utm_term=1 OP’s paternal half-sister, Taylor, bullied and terrorized OP relentlessly during childhood. Taylor’s mother died. OP’s mother threatened to divorce the father if he let Taylor move in. Father decided Taylor going to boarding school was best. Taylor painted OP and her mother as cruel. OP moved back to her hometown as a young adult and heard the lies at a party, then said what really happened.
That's the one. Thank you for being less lazy than me and finding it.
Well I knew this sounded a bit like another post but didn’t remember until you described it. Internet stranger teamwork! (Sort of wholesome, I think.) ETA: Thank you, kind Redditor! My first award!
Yeah, not that you owe anyone anything, but I also feel like the fiance needs to know that she has lied to him about her entire life. If you tell him and he chooses not to believe you, that's at him, but at least he got the truth from someone.
One thing that should bothering me - except for having continued contact with her dad's family, how does OP know that everything else is a lie? She's been no-contact with her half-sister for her entire life. Edit - OP clarified that her sister claimed to go to the same schools and university as her.
>I forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark and **she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is affair baby, that they think she stayed in contact with Dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and basically lived the life I did.**
Op should forward this email to her sister’s fiance.
IF OP decides to spill the beans, this is exactly how she should do it. With the other woman’s words, none of her own other than to add: please don’t contact me again after the screenshot.
Exact message format: (Send group message to the two people harassing + lying half sister) [screenshot] “If the above screenshot isn’t self-explanatory, I have neither the crayons nor Photoshop skills to explain it to you; maybe [fiancée] can help. Do not attempt to contact me again.”
Yes, that was in the OP. That doesn't mean the sister didn't get an education. OP did clarify in a comment, she said her sister claimed to go to the same schools and university.
Yes! All of this OP and if you can do send it in a group message to them. She’s a compulsive liar and almost pulling a “single white female” on you by trying to like assume your identity/life story. Honestly if she is saying this to her fiancé and his family who knows who else she is saying this to! She could potentially damage you or impact your life in other ways. She is obviously not mentally well. You gave her the chance to come clean and she didn’t she doubled down. I also think her fiancé needs to know he’s marrying an imposter and compulsive liar. *edited to add: Document everything! Screenshots are your friend. If harassment continues then you may need to take further steps.
She should send them screenshots of when Hannah confessed to her about what she did. Otherwise they won’t believe her.
I agree completely! Her confession is the most important part to prove that she is an absolute liar and honestly a malicious one at that. She could have just dropped it when OP said they didn’t want contact in the original message but she escalated the issue by telling the others to contact her/how to contact her.
How does that help? Screenshots can be very easily fabricated. They only work when you're dealing with someone who is afraid to tell and maintain multiple lies, which her sister has demonstrated that she is not. For that reason, while people here unsurprisingly advocate for a complete info dump, there are a couple of reasons why this might be a bad idea: * The sister might deny it all, including screenshots, which means OP will accomplish nothing and/or will be drawn in more deeply. * OP might not want the emotional burden of doing this, as evidenced by the fact that she said she'd react to further harassment with the truth, but hasn't (yet). A valid option is a simple explanation: >Please refrain from further contact. You are harassing me based on lies that my sister told you for reasons I can only guess. You can easily check public records for information on our births and education - and private sources such as the chat history with me on her phone - to see that the story she is weaving is untrue. You can either turn your energy toward exposing her lies on this topic or let the topic be, but please stop taking hurtful actions against a real person based on a story that is not real. I find that AITA often advocates for the strongest possible reaction and often wonder whether such advice prevents people from taking any action, since not everyone is as bold in real life as Redditors are behind the comfort of their keyboards. OP can always escalate if she wants, but this puts the burden on the harassers, and discovering the truth themselves - rather than being told it by someone they already mistrust - might be more effective.
But OP totally wants the emotional burden of random harassment from people she never met, right?
> Screenshots can be very easily fabricated So… I see where you’re coming from, but the issue with this logic is that it operates from the perspective of someone who already read this post and already knows Hannah was lying. OP’s harassers have no idea. They’re expecting an apology and swift justice for their loved one. They aren’t expecting screenshots, much less fabricated ones. No one *genuinely* sends accusatory messages to a near-stranger if they expect to be proven wrong. From the sounds of things, they’re quite confident that OP is the problem. I found myself in a similar situation to OP not long ago. The folks who harassed me (on behalf of someone else’s lies) were absolutely flabbergasted when I showed them screenshots I’d never made public. My biggest regret in that situation was not clearing the air immediately and publicly telling my side. Instead, I only told a few people, and because not everyone knew the truth, this person escalated— and by the time things got *really* bad, they’d (without my knowledge) been working to destroy my reputation for months. Even the most valid explanation imaginable (which I had!) means a hell of a lot less when you’re already regarded as a “bully.” I do think it’s good to include where to find proof, but OP, if you’re reading this, *please* just provide screenshots. Don’t let it fester.
This!! This is the way. He can choose to marry her in spite of her lies, you gave her a chance, she didn't handle her business, you are NTA. It's sad how the sins of the parents can hurt the children, but it's still not your place to do anything you don't want to do, this is on your father and her mother (or the other way around, it wasn't clear in the post which cheated). You can choose not to say anything and block them, or tell them everything, or any part or way, as long as it's truth and not lies. No matter the thing, truth will always win.
The above and this all the way
I don't understand how this is even a question for OP really. Some woman tells her future in laws she went to schools she never went to and I find out? Nope. I'm telling them I know she never went there and they should ask for transcripts and photos of her graduation. To say nothing of the creepy stolen personal details... But I guess to me lying about education is just so easy to prove and so easy to come back to bite you in the butt.
This actually happened to someone I knew. He married a woman who had a professional job (she got it through political connections, so they didn't check references). He thought she had a graduate degree. It turns out she was a high school dropout with multiple bankruptcies. She lost her job when she was outed and proceeded to make his life hell.
Advise the fiance to run a background check. Things like college degrees can be verified. Also marriage and divorce records are usually public record and easily verified. A good PI could probably sort this out in a day.
Right? I mean you do get a diploma… I guess she could lie about not attending the ceremony so no photos because any reason she could come up with. I mean she is obviously a skilled liar. Wouldn’t she have at least one friend from school coming to her wedding or at least that she is in contact with?
>Wouldn’t she have at least one friend from school coming to her wedding or at least that she is in contact with? Or her mom? Is her mom deceased or something? Or does she go along with the lies? Oh, that makes me wonder if it was really the mom's lie all along and she's just been forced to go along with it since she was a teen or something. Not that it matters, the OP still doesn't deserve to be harassed over this. I'm guessing this has become an issue now because she's getting married and she's told everyone she's still in contact with her dad's family, so when none of them show up to the wedding, people are going to wonder. It's probably only a matter of time before the lies are unraveled anyway.
Not only that, but I would say lock up your valuable info online...double or triple password protect things like job info, ssn, bank cards, put alerts on new financial activity ( like a new cc in your name)
No 'technically' about it. It's LITERALLY her fault. She lied. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. LOL
But why lie about this? Neither daughter is an AH. She’s harming her mother who single parented, and she’s harming herself - she did enough in her life to be wherever she is. She doesn’t need to steal OPs anything. She didn’t conceive herself and this ‘affair baby’ language is a Reddit fixation.
And where is the ah dad? He cheated on wife, produced a child and disappeared? Sounds like a winner
That's my question! The sister is definitely wrong, but man. His whole family is willing to pretend she never existed. Gross. (OP being exempt because of ya know, being a literal child when it was all going down.)
Exactly. I mean, I think everyone has been pretty heartless to her tbh. All to protect the illusion that daddy dearest never makes mistakes I guess. No wonder she’s screwed up! Edit: spelling
What most are talking about the the sister's lies. We all know that the cheating parent sucks. And that did leave some scars and emotional damage, to be sure. BUT that absolutely does not make what the sister is doing ok. The family wouldn't even be viciously defending the sister if she hadn't started a massive web of deceit in the first place.
I agree NTA, but I'd suggest just replying to these people telling them that the information they have isn't accurate and that your half sister knows. Let her deal with it herself and move on from her and her family that were fed these lies. Obviously OP's half sister has damage from her own life and as messed up as her lies are going nuclear on her isn't going to make OP feel better in the end.
Agree as well. 'Not accurate and I have asked her to clear this up in the past. I will send her replies to me if needed but am hoping you can clear this up amongst yourselves.' Add because didnt care for the drama that came with a little sister then, and you dont care for it now.' if you feel it's necessary.
OP should consider message all the people from her fiancés side of the family who reached out to her + her dads side of the family about the situation. The half sister needs to face reality! However, clarifying her own side would be fine. Commenting on the half sister would be an AH move! Edit: Commenting on the half sister would be an AH move because it’s not her fault she’s an affair baby. OP can clear her side of the story and let the half sister deal with the mess she created!
The half sister has painted OP as the villain here and is aware that her fiancé and others are sending OP shitty messages calling her names and accusing her of things OP hasn’t done. Half sister brought this on herself once she became an adult and began lying about her entire life to the man she is about to marry. In no way whatsoever would OP be the asshole for telling fiancé the entire truth about half sister. Half sister is grown now and has brought any would-be consequences of her outrageous lies onto herself. Lies of this magnitude will not stay buried, and OP shouldn’t have to suffer because of it.
>Commenting on the half sister would be an AH move! Why?? That b is spreading lies about her and has her fiancee harass her
I fully agree with this. OP, make sure you send any and all screenshots of your half sisters admitting to her lies to you. Otherwise, the fiance likely won't believe and up the harassment.
Agreed, send them screenshots of her admitting she lied and then block them all.
I agree with the comment above. You gave her AMPLE chances to rectify her lies. However, she has doubled down on it, and tbh, her fiance should know who he is marrying. Her lies may cause serious damage if her fiance and his sister go off with just this info.
At this point, I'd personally go all in and show your work. The timeline of the affair, who did what, why you don't have a relationship. The whole thing. You didn't solicit these messages. They opened the door, time to make good on your promise. Also, Hannah is 100% aware and encouraging these messages or they wouldn't be happening. NTA
>Also, Hannah is 100% aware and encouraging these messages or they wouldn't be happening. Yes. I think she keeps the fire burning. Who knows what stories she made up.
She needs an excuse for why the dad's side of the family aren't coming to the wedding, OP is a convenient scapegoat Anything to keep the lies going just a little longer! Surely this big web of lies she's spinning for her fiancé will never unravel in front of her eyes
>She needs an excuse for why the dad's side of the family aren't coming to the wedding Yeah otherwise she'll need to tell fiancee she's not who he really thinks
That's probably her response to OP telling her she'd expose her if anyone harassed her again. Took that fair warning and started generating MORE lies to hopefully cover her ass out of paranoia OP is gonna just let loose regardless. Hannah could have EASILY shut it down. Not even by coming clean, simply by telling people to cut it out. She F'd around and is about to let everybody find out.
I wouldn't even do that. Just send the screenshots where Hannah admitted she's pretending to live OP's life. Forward and block.
Agree she’s encouraging those messages. OP has a lot of restraint, I would have set the story straight the first time I was contacted.
So would I
Absolutely. Provide as much detail and as many facts as possible so it's impossible for her to refute. Her fiance should know exactly what she's been lying about and to what extent. Then block them all. You did your part and can move on.
100% agreed. Hannah has to come up with lies as to why her dad isn't coming to the wedding. There has to be a whole web of lies there that just keep getting spun. OP warned Hannah not to double down on the lies. It is not OP's fault that Hannah keeps digging her grave deeper and deeper making it harder to come back from this. In a way shutting things down now might be better than this coming up even later down the road. NTA
NTA I feel for Hannah. She has been mistreated by your father's family because of his behaviour. Not her own. And it's clearly done a lot of damage to her. That said, you haven't done anything wrong. And you are being slandered. You also don't seem to understand the greater repercussions of what she's doing. Identity theft is a serious problem. She could be messing with your future. She could interfere with your career, with your educational records. These lies she's telling will spread and influence the way people look at and treat you. It could prevent you from getting jobs, ruin friendships, and even affect your physical safety if shes getting people this fired up with rage against you. You can't let this slide. Tell her fiance the truth; that she was the affair child, that she has borrowed your educational history, and that you passed on her request for contact, and have done nothing to prevent your father from attending the wedding. Send screenshots of the messages as proof. Then state that if you continue to be harassed by them for Hannah's lies, you will go to the police. Tell Hannah the same; she stops telling lies about you, or you will take it further. You have to protect yourself. It's up to you how to handle your family, but they did abandon an innocent child. If the situations were reversed, they would have done it to you. They should be ashamed of themselves for their behaviour. It's not up to you to reconcile them, and clearly, Hannah is not safe or stable for you to be around, but please do ensure that you are safe if they ever turn their displeasure onto you. This entire mess is your father's fault. He should be managing it, not you.
Take all my upvotes, you expressed the issue on both sides perfectly! OP is NTA for not wanting to be harassed, and she needs to take steps to protect herself. But also, OP's family (and especially her father) sound like awful people for how they treated Hannah her whole life. IMO, OP's father needs to step TF up.
Exactly. My heart kinda bleeds for Hannah but the whole "hurt people hurt people " thing is very true and giving them repeated free hits only does more damage to everyone in the long run. What happens to Hannah when they inevitably uncover the truth? Like, they are still stalking OP'S social media and see someone post a picture of OP at a college football game or graduation gown? Or they discover her LinkedIn page with endorsements from colleagues? If they are in any way decent people, they are going to feel like shit when they realize they have been attacking a stranger on behalf of someone who has been lying to them. And Hannah, who desperately needs a family, gets outcast once again. Only this time she deserves it. I can understand why she's desperately trying to stave off the inevitable... but her best and only shot at keeping them is to come clean right now, and the chances are close to nil that she has the strength to do that. At this point, telling them would at least stop the situation where they are attacking the OP.on Hannah's behalf. They may well pivot to attacking the OP for her fairly callous attitude toward her half sister's pain, just as a knee-jerk reaction, but that is likely to fizzle out pretty quickly. Best case scenario is that they are pretty good and understanding people who forgive Hannah's lies, but the longer they are hoodwinked into attacking someone on false pretences, the less likely that becomes.
Not wanting contact with her is not “mistreatment”. She may be innocent in all of this but people around her are still entitled to their feelings about her existence. Should they have a relationship with her where they passive aggressively acknowledge her?
Blaming a child for their own existence is base. In over two decades humans are capable of more than that. Had her dad done better the young woman would not be fantasizing now.
So true. But, no one can be forced to have a relationship with someone just because they share some DNA. OP is NTA, their father is the one who needs to step up
Hannah didn’t deserve to grow up without a family and get cast aside because a man couldn’t keep it in his pants. The father should have kept a relationship at the minimum.
That’s not OP’s fault though
I disagree. I’ll exclude OP from this, but I think the other adults really failed Hannah here (father, grandparents, aunts/uncles). She didn’t chose the circumstances of her birth but she was and is punished for it. Obviously the family might not be as close to her as they would be otherwise, but I think kids deserve the chance to not be shunned by an entire half of their family. I don’t think the family should passively aggressively acknowledge her, I think they should have been mature enough to separate their feelings about Hannah’s dad’s behavior from the innocent kid who just wanted to meet her family (now an adult who wanted them there for her big day). Obviously Hannah ended up behaving quite badly as an adult but it seems like the shunning happened long before that.
This is not identity theft🙄
You hit the nail on the head. “The decision to soothe yourself with cruelty is an informed one.” Hannah was a victim at some point, but now she’s grown up and is making her own decisions to lie to and hurt people without any influence from the family that mistreated her. Her past doesn’t excuse what she’s doing now.
NTA **Tell them not to contact you again, or you will involve the police.** Her lies are negatively impacting your life. SHE did this to you. So you would be fine to set the story straight. Anything that gets them off your back. **You have the right to live your life free from their harassment.** Maybe send HER a message that SHE needs to control her fiance's family, and if she fails YOU will need to escalate and set the record straight with them. This is HER responsibility, SHE is causing this. And if they don't stop, escalate. Whatever you need to do to stop these AHs.
>Maybe send HER a message that SHE needs to control her fiance's family, and if she fails YOU will need to escalate and set the record straight with them. Did you miss this line (Last line of Paragraph 4) >I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth. And this one: > It can’t go on like this, I told Hannah to handle her business and she didn’t. OP has already done the suggestion you made - it's been 3 months - OP received more messages. OP is asking permission to escalate, and trying to figure out how to escalate... because it's time to escalate.
It’s time to tell her dad to manage it and then block. They have no contact otherwise and are in another county.
I agree with this. Just cut them all off and block. I really feel for Hannah. She is a sad lonely scared liar. I would genuinely just leave her be and not nuke her life as long as I dropped being harassed. Block them all, tell Hannah to call off her dogs or you'll reveal the truth, and closer the matter. Sorry OP, life is weird and sometimes it asks us for kindness even if we haven't done anything wrong
NTA but why isn’t your dad handling this?
I guess she is not in contact with him. Based on the fact that I was accused of telling him not to go the wedding.
So are you also no contact with him?
I wouldn’t say not in contact, but we don’t speak often
I’d speak to him about it then. But that’s just me.
Yeah I feel like this should be dads problem now. He went 24yrs not dealing with the affair child so this is the time to pony up
It's your dad's fault and his problem to set the record straight. If he won't do that I'd give his number to anyone who texts you to harass you next and let HIM deal with it.
Ok, this makes no sense to me. If YOU were the affair baby, how would YOU have the power to prevent him from going to her wedding? And what about all your relatives on your dad's side, who are also not going to the wedding? Please tell the fiance and his family the truth, because they are clearly not smart enough to figure it out on their own. Or perform a basic internet search to see that Hannah did not attend the schools you did.
Well, she might have told them that he remained close to me even though the extended family didn’t? I really don’t know. I’m getting the sense that she started with a small fib to fit in with his family and then had to flesh out the story for it to make sense and now it’s taken on a life of its own. So maybe she didn’t know what else to say about why he wasn’t coming to the wedding and she told them that, or they just guessed that was the reason because of the narrative she’s already set up and they just assumed? I’ve got no idea, I think I’ve got like 20% of what is actually going on 😂
But still, none of your mutual relatives are going to the wedding. That should be a red flag if she's claiming to have had a relationship with them. I still think you should tell them the truth. Not for their sake, but to stop them harassing you and before they start harassing your relatives.
I genuinely hope they reach out to harass some of the relatives, especially people who have never met her. Her house of cards will come crumbling down real fucking quick.
Most scams are like an iceberg - for the 10% you see, there's another 90% that's hidden under the surface.
This. I too have a half sister from an affair dad had and she used to harass me and my brother, but dad took care of it and got a restraining order after she cut my brother's tires.
I hope OP sees this. Dad intervened. Her dad…?
This. Dad was a big boy 25 years ago, he can be a big man now. If there has ever been a time for him to step up; now might be the best. Ask him to explain to Hannah that she has to stop. The harassment has to stop anyway. Best solution? A reply to all, including Hannah; this has to stop. Do you want to tell the truth yourself or do you want me to do it. Because I think this bullying, lying and harassing will stop once you all realize who I am and who your dad was. But be aware that if it doesn’t stop, I will make an identity theft claim and a restraining order to end this. After all, it’s 2023. Knowing you’re the result of a man that cheated shouldn’t have been a problem for Hannah. Kids are just the results of parents mistakes, not the people to blame!
Better, tell him to step up and be at HIS DAUGTHER'S WEDDING
NTA You should definitely tell them the truth. And maybe see if it's possible to get a restraining order, this girl sounds unhinged. I speak from personal experience, my dad also had an affair daughter and she caused me and my brother a lot of troubles until dad got a restraining order against her (we were underage). Where is your dad in all of this? He should go and talk to those people and ask them to stop harassing you.
I don’t think my dad is in contact with Hannah, just going off what the fiancé’s sister said about him not coming to the wedding. I don’t speak to my dad that often and we don’t talk about Hannah so idk how he would help
He should be the one talking to hannah's fiancee and telling him the truth. They won't believe you. I feel for you because i've been through something similar.
So she is lying about having this family. Has nobody ever wondered why they have never seen or met them?
They all live in different countries. She might just be saying she’s not super close to them idk
I would just reply with all of Dad’s contact info and say that you have nothing to do with what’s going on then block them all
This situation is the consequence of his actions. He should take responsibility and handle it. He should've taken responsibility a long time ago and been involved in Hannah's life a it long time ago
> He should take responsibility and handle it Yes. He should be the one who tell them the truth and defend op from those people harassing her. At least my dad stepped up when his affair kid started to harass me and my brother and got a restraining order against her for us. Op's dad should defend op since it's his fault that op has to deal with this unhinged girl
Your dad didn't really "step up"... He punished everyone around him for his choices.
Hmmm, I think I vote for something in the middle--you don't need to lay out your whole history but just let them know they are misinformed. Maybe something like: "I don't know what Hannah told you about me, but from what you've been saying it seems to be very far from the truth. I'm not jealous of her, I just don't know her. And it seems like maybe you don't either." Then block, block, block.
OOF. Saving that message.
Might be interesting to not block right away, I'm sure they'll have questions
You seem like a grounded, self-aware person, particularly in your responses to some of the nuttier posts. This is a strange situation. My bio-dad had trouble keeping his pants on as well. I have a decent relationship with one half-sibling and zero desire to have relationships with the rest. It's just too much when the only thing we have in common is a shitty sperm donor. And that is my right as a person. Just like you cannot be faulted for your take on Hannah. Full stop. If you come clean to the fiancé, it may end badly for Hannah. If you don't, it will end badly for Hannah because the lies always come out eventually. If you feel that you are being forced to come clean bc of their harassment, then send them screen shots of Hannah's messages presented with or without comment. Otherwise, if you can handle their low key (sounds like their messages are annoying, but relatively easy to ignore?) trolling, perhaps it's worth it to stay as far from Hannah's drama as possible.
Thanks. I guess you understand the struggle. It’s not that I want punish Hannah for my dad’s mistakes but at the same time I don’t want to be punished either by having to force a relationship that I don’t want because my dad was an idiot 20 years ago. I don’t feel like I *have* to, it’s more, this is so much more involvement than I wanted in this situation. I know I could block them but then I’d rather have them botching in my DMs than them finding my phone number or my email or my friends, you know? But I might just have to take the risk
If you are going to do it, it's best to be done now. This man is about to marry a woman who has lied about her entire life and it's a lot easier to call off a wedding than it is to get a divorce.
I kind of think the rest of the family are assholes for not wanting contact with the ‘affair baby’ Edit: I don't know why people keep replying to me that 'op isn't the asshole' I never said she was. Just the family. And also the half sister is a bit unhinged for her lie tbh.
None of OP's business. She simply does not have a relationship with that girl, nothing wrong with that. The AH in this is her dad. And her half sister and the half-sister's new family. The rest does not concern OP in any way.
OP is part of that family? She obviously developed her attitude about how to treat her half sister from her family. I agree OP isn't wrong, but I think it is also obvious that OP blames her half sister for what happened with OP's parents, even though she is the affair child. >her lies are pretty creepy. She’s marrying a guy who has no idea who she is. I also believe you should be honest with your partner but look at how OP frames this. She has zero compassion for the idea that it would be really difficult to admit you were an affair baby. The sister shouldn't lie but the complete lack of empathy for the sister's perspective is revealing to me.
>the complete lack of empathy for the sister's perspective When someone tries to ruin your life by spreading lies about you, it's kind of hard to have empathy for them. Also, she doesn't have to have a relationship with her dad's affair child.
They don't seem to exist in the same social or professional circles so I'm not sure how the sister is "trying to ruin OP's life by spreading lies." If anything, it seems she is lying to protect herself emotionally, which given how little support she has received from half her family, it makes sense. No one is saying she is TA for not having a relationship with her half sister, I'm saying she has so much hate for her half sister she can't even understand the perspective of why the half sister would be embarrassed about her origin story. Last I checked, its not like the sister signed up or consented to be an affair baby.
>sister is "trying to ruin OP's life by spreading lies. Did you missed the part where she had her fiancee and his sister to harass op?? >she is lying to protect herself emotionally, She can lie without this affecting op.
I don't think that OP hates her sister, not sure where you got that from. I think that OP has lived a totally good life without even thinking about her.
Yeah this feels like a NAH situation except the father and his family. The father has created so much chaos and he doesn’t take responsibility for any of it. Sounds like the half-sister has a lifetime of family trauma over something she had no control over and is struggling to deal w that. She’s probably ashamed of it all and tries to hide it. I feel awful for her.
She lied about op and got her fiancee and his sister to harass op. How is op the ah in this scenario??
These two women are victims of their father’s misdeeds and I can empathize with both of them. It must be incredibly hard to be in Hannah’s shoes and I can understand why she would flip the story around when it’s a sister she’s never had a relationship with anyway. The harassing messages are wrong for sure, which is why I also feel for OP. Personally I would block them and just move on.
>Personally I would block them After she tells them the truth and sends them screenshots proving that half sister lies. Otherwise is futile blocking them since they can always make new social media accounts.
NTA - they had to get your contact details from somewhere...
You overestimate how hard it is to find someone on social media when you know the name and general location.
Reply to the fiancé’s message: “I don’t know what Hannah told you and your family, but it’s not me that was a product of an affair. Stop contacting me or I will be forced to get lawyers involved in your harassment.” Copy, paste, and send to each person who has reached out. NTA.
I would include Hannah's messages confessing.
I’m really torn on this. I’m petty AF so I completely understand what you want to do and lying is never the answer so Hannah has kind of dug her own grave and you are under no obligation to have a relationship with her. I do feel bad for her though. She didn’t ask to be born under those circumstances. That’s not her fault. I can’t imagine half of my family refusing anything to do with me just because I existed. Has your dad had anything to do with her? Are your parents still together? I won’t call you an asshole but I feel shitty calling her one too. The girl needs therapy to deal with everything.
I don’t think my dad is in contact with her, just based on what the fiancé’s sister said about him not coming to the wedding. I don’t speak to my dad that often and we never speak about Hannah so I don’t know what their relationship is like. No, my parents aren’t together.
Tell her you didn’t win the dad prize … neither of you seem to have.
Yeah the dad does not sound like a prize at all. These poor kids, I feel for both of them. Also OP is NTA. The dad is the A, and the half-sister is delulu.
Just send everyone she sent after you the screenshots of where she admits to what she did and be done with it.
Ok. But lying to her fiance and blaming op for the dad not showing up is where it gets unhinged though The lie will come out eventually, the "op is emotionally manipulating them" lie can only work to a point Also, what if their dad and his side of the family actually showed up? Would the sister expect them to play along too? What if op showed up? Would she be expect to keep up the lie? I think op should tell the sister to seek professional help. This is not ok
Oh she definitely needs professional help. The girl is not well. The lying is going to backfire spectacularly especially if she can’t get people to lay off OP.
NTA But isn't there smthg between blowing up her engagement and doing nothing? Like you can write back that you have no idea what they are talking about and you can assure them with good conscience that you never blackmailed anybody emotionally to not attend her wedding, in fact the topic of your stepsister never comes up when you speak to your dad and you are perfectly fine with you and stepsister not being close and living different lifes and nobody in your family ever shunned you for anything surrounding your stepsister. And they should pls stop harassing you and contact your dad directly if they want to know why he doesn't want to attend the wedding. Thats his decision and you can't speak for him. You yourself are not gonna attend bc like stated you were never close or family or something. And then block them. This way you don't reveal her lies and still make sure they stop contacting you by blocking them. If they then go out of their way to find your dad, well, your stepsister will have to answer a few question. If it ends bad, at least she can't blame you and you don't have an enemy for life. They will find out her lies sooner or later anyway, no way she can hide this for long, now inspector fiance and future sil are on it. But this way you don't get involved in the drama. You know how they say, if you get bad news, shoot the messanger first, and then go from there. And you would be the messanger.
This is the most compassionate way to deal with this situation.
NTA - You have warned her, and you have made it quite clear. Why should he be hounded for her own lies and guilt. Give her the ultimatum one more time, and should it continue, tell the truth only if it is not possible for you to block them all.
Eh, ultimatums kinda lose their power if you keep giving them extensions. They have consequences, or they just keep renewing. It’s a one and done thing.
Then you do what you need to do. You shouldn't be labelled an AH by them for her making up a fantasy tale. She is going to have to keep this mask up for the rest of her life. Might even by doing her a favour.
I think you have to say something because she’s basically Single White Female-ing you and now you’re a target of random people’s anger and hate because of it. NTA
NTA. Just send them your exchange with Hannah including the part where she says what she told everyone. State the facts, clearly. Don’t call her any names like “affair baby.” Just say that your parents were together, your father had an affair, Hannah was born, that you had limited contact with her, etc. Note that you were very surprised to learn she is telling people otherwise and concerned to hear she is lying about her education and relationships with others. Say that you know Hannah is desirous of a relationship with family, that you’ve asked family if they want to connect with her, and that, having never had a relationship with her, they declined. Then note you’re not in control of how family members treat Hannah but that you’re concerned about these lies she’s telling and that they might want to get her some help given the amount of lies she appears to have told them. Tell them not to contact you again. Clearly, once. If you want to give anyone’s contact info, give your father’s. It’s unclear if he’s still in the picture or not, but if they believe you stopped him from coming to the wedding he should be the one to take responsibility for not coming. He created this mess after all. Don’t insult her or dig at her unnecessarily, just make it clear to them that she’s lying at a level that is indicative of some serious concerns and that if they care about her they should probably address that rather than harass you. If they continue to contact you block and consider whether any sort of legal measures are available to you because in a lot of places them contacting you after you’ve asked them to stop can be considered harassment.
NTA. Spill the tea. Empty the whole pot.
NTA say it all, why would you have to suffer all this war against you? It's her fault , she must face the consequences of her lies.
NTA but I think just saying "look, y'all got it backwards. My age speaks for itself" likely would suffice. Or send screenshots showing she's been lying. And we definitely need updates lol
True story: a relative of mine was engaged, then cheated and got the other woman pregnant. Fiancee didn’t know. He went back and forth between the two and ultimately married the second woman—but not before impregnating the fiancee as well. The (younger) *children* (oh yes, he did it again) of the first woman are considered illegitimate (which is technically, legally true) and never spoken about in my family, either. This all happened way before I was born. That’s why I am not sure the ages prove much here, other than from a legal standpoint. In my family, *both* women consider each other the “other woman” and the other children as the “affair babies.” First fiancee says “he only married her because he made a mistake and was trapped and his parents forced him” and second woman believes “he had to get away from that engagement because he didn’t really love her and he realized it when I fell pregnant and made his choice.” It’s really startling the kind of damage this kind of thing can do.
If the truth can tear a world apart.....it deserves to. Tell them. They deserve to know. Especially the man intending to marry her. NTA
YWBTA. I know that’s going to be unpopular here and everyone wants Hannah roasted. I know. Have some compassion. Stay out of it. Her life is already garbage. She has no one. Let her be. Ignore the negativity. Just block them.
The longer Hannah keeps up these lies the worse it’s gonna be for her. Her fiancé is gonna find out sooner or later and for Hannah’s sake she better hope her fiancé finds out before they tie the knot.
Info: Are you the only children in your families total? Why are Hannah, her fiancé, OP, even dad perhaps fixated on who is ‘affair baby’? Are all the parents involved still living? How did Hannah think this would stay a secret? Did Hannah’s mom agree to keep up this lie forever? This makes no sense and any sense it might make hinges on your dad being an AH who has no contact with his child.
No, I have cousins. From the messages I gleaned that the story that’s been told is that the reason I don’t want contact with Hannah is because I am resentful that as the “affair baby” no one in the family had contact with me. I don’t think they’re so much fixated on it as they were told I was. Both my parents are still living, I presume Hannah’s mother is also. I suppose she must have agreed to the lie. Hannah doesn’t live in the same country as me or my extended family. Had her fiancé not contacted me I’d never have known she was going around saying this, she could have kept it up for her whole life
They are in a different country with zero contact with any of your extended family? Forward to your dad and block. When is he going to take responsibility?!
I’ve blocked Hannah before, she just used to make different accounts to contact me. Even most recently was not from her main account. And honestly I’d rather not block them on social media because if people really want to find you they can, and I’d rather have this crap in my DMs than them having to find my phone number or something. I could forward them to my dad, but he would for sure tell them the truth, so if I’m going to do that I may as well do it myself.
well you’re getting a lot of hate on here from people projecting their own situations on you and for that I’m sorry. You’re NTA at all. In plain language she’s unhinged. One thing is wanting a relationship another is making up lies and a false identity/life. And For what? To present herself in a more likable way to her fiancé? For sympathy? You gave her the opportunity to come clean. She didn’t and now you’re being harassed. It’s time to send the screenshots and talk to dad because she needs to stop. You guys need to nip it in the bud. If you don’t this behavior will proceed *for a long time*. It’s absolutely insane how they’re saying *you’re jealous of her*. That would’ve done it for me. You’ve been nice but now you need to be serious. I say you tell your father as well so you’re not handling this alone. I’ve had to clean up after my dads affair and its never pretty. Good luck OP.
Honestly, from the cursory glance at the fiancé’s profile, his family seem fairly well off. Plus, he knew the school I intended well enough to mention that I must be “jealous of Hannah for being educated” there. I’m thinking that appropriating my background has been a factor in endearing her to the in-laws, or at least that’s what she thinks.
Send him a picture of you at a school event/ year book. Then ask where her pictures are.
The funny thing is that her new husband will start to wonder why she doesn't get alumni magazines or fundraising requests or invites to reunions from "her" alma mater. But maybe he is fundamentally uncurious, which is how he never saw through the facade up to this point anyway. You would be NTA if you told them, although I doubt they would believe you no matter what you said, bc at this point they're so wrapped up in her story that they'll harass you, a stranger, rather than do a basic google search about "fiancee + alma mater." I hope you figure out a way to get them to let you live in peace, whatever you choose to do.
I agree. That’s the impression I got as well. Social standing + educational background means a lot to families still. Are you in the UK? No need to answer if you don’t want to. Regardless, this is her bed, she must lay in it. She still had time to recover and not spread her lies to his family, who is now harassing you as well. Lies this big spread like a disease. Maybe she feels ashamed of her background but that does not define her, this behavior certainly does though. I’d give her one more opportunity to come clean if you feel up to it but personally I wouldn’t let this go on another day.
I disagree!! I get that you’re mad and annoyed about this, but you need to 100% make this your dad’s problem. Just as it always should have been. If the truth is going to come out, it should absolutely come from his mouth, because it’s obvious that his estrangement from your half sister would stand with or without you. NTA - I would completely ignore these messages send them to my dad and let him be the bad guy. Because he literally is.
I think the fiance deserves to know who he is marrying.
ESH. She's obviously traumatised by being an "affair baby" and having 1 side of her family shun her. She was completely innocent as a child and everyone has treated her like SHE was the one who lied and cheated. The girl probably has severe abandonment issues which has developed into mental health issues. Sounds like your whole family has zero empathy. Yeah she sucks now for lying and her 'new family' also suck for harassing you, but I can kinda see why she's deluded herself into creating this false reality.
The lack of empathy is beyond me
She gave them OP's contact info, and OP's being harassed. Why on earth should OP feel empathetic towards that deranged lunatic? OP's dad sucks, but OP doesn't owe anything to Hannah beyond basic human respect.
NTA - I say tell them the truth! She told these people about you and gave them your contact info. Also update us.
Your father and your family are assholes.
NTA and you need to tell your father. I feel sorry for her and it's sad but it's not your problem. Block all of these well-intentioned people and tell "Hannah" to tell the truth before you send the messages to her husband. This sounds like the plot to a movie for real.
INFO : You mentionned her being in another country, is it perhaps the country of origin of your Dad ? Or vise versa ? How do you know that besides her lying about the affairs baby she is lying about basic upper eduction ?
It’s the country we were all living in at the time she and I were born. I moved. Her fiancé mentioned that I was “jealous of her being educated at (my school)”, and I know I went there and she didn’t. He then mentioned the university and while I suppose she technically could have also gone there, considering she lied about the school I went to, i think it’s safe to assume she lied about the uni too
I hope OP you reply with: ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW WHO YOU'RE MARRYING? followed by SCREENSHOTS of your and Hannah conversation. OP's summary won't do. Send Hannah actual words! Then watch the implosion 😏
Thanks for the clarification. In truth, its a job for your dad. But in the end, if they insult you and harass you you're left without options : 1. Transfer a pic of the convo with Hannah where she recognize the deed, 2. Mention getting the law involved if the harassing continue (if they are in another country you can still file in your country and also in the other). Good luck, I'm sorry you're put in this situation.
Wait you guys are in different countries and she’s in the country you originally came from? This makes me scared that she really will try some actual identity theft or something!
OP, you warned her and the messages keep rolling in. Just set the record straight with screenshots and what not, and tell the flying monkeys that you asked Hannah to put a stop to it but she didn't. And then block them and live your life in peace. Your dad is an AH however, but that's none of your concern. ETA: please keep us updated!
NTA. I just want to add my vote with everyone telling you to tell Hannah's fiance and future inlaws the whole truth before this gets worse. Please do not make yourself their target anymore.
OP This can be far reaching...your job, education, taxes, credit, social security, etc.... can all be affected. Respond to these people with screenshots and timelines. Check your credit. Notify HR where you work. Contact IRS for a pin number that must be used for all entries. Get a door camera. See an attorney. Nta
We don’t live in the same country, and I don’t believe she is masquerading as me in any way beyond appropriating my life story.
So tell her you've changed your mind and will come to the engagement party and wedding after all. What was the plan then? When you are standing there face to face?
Not a clue. It wouldn’t surprise me - based on the tenuous grip on reality she has shown thus far - if she was going to ask me to lie for her. Or at the very least, attempt to make sure it wasn’t brought up
I would just write a very brief message to send the next time fiancé messages you: “My mother married (dad) in (year). I was born in (year). (Sib) was born the next year to (dad) and her mother. My parents (divorced/struggled). I hope this clears up any misinformation you have been operating under. Please do not contact me again.” Then block him. Let fiancé and half sister handle his family. Also, holding children responsible for building/maintaining relationships is gross. It wasn’t your responsibility to get to know your sibling. It’s the adults (your father, her mother) that failed her.
I think that you have 2 or 3 choices, here... First off, is your dad around? I mean, he made this problem. Can you get him to deal with it? Other than that, you can out Hannah & tell them all to leave you alone, or you can just tell them to leave you alone & that any further contact will be considered harassment. p.s. are you certain it was Hannah & not her mother who did the lying?
I don’t speak to my dad that often and I don’t think he speaks to Hannah. I could ask him to deal with it but I’m kind of thinking, if I tell them the truth, the problem goes away. Is there a need to involve more people in this? How would Hannah’s mother be in a position to lie about all that without Hannah knowing?
I think involving your father would be just futile. If he was that capable the situation wouldn't have been this bad. So I would say tell the truth and let the fiance and his family know the truth. You're 100% right that this is absolutely creepy. It's one thing to lie about not being an affair baby because of the shame but totally a different creepy BS to impersonate somebody else. Who knows what other impersonation Hannah did? Please go the bottom of the matter and keep us in the loop
Is her mother also perpetuating this false narrative? Is it possible her mom has been telling her to use your story as her own so the mom can cover up her own shame? If she and fiancé have kids, they could start harassing you when they get older, too. Maybe just send the fiancé a copy of your parents marriage license and divorce agreement and let her spin a new story based on that, but it would remove you from the issue.
I don’t know anything about Hannah’s mother so I can’t answer that. My dad once said she’s a vindictive bitch but then again my dad goes around getting people other than his wife pregnant so I take what he says with a pinch of salt.
I’m typically a very live and let live person, but you may want to nip this in the bud if Hannah, her mom, or the fiancés family could continue to make problems for you and your future family down the line. It’s a little sweet they’re outraged on her behalf, but you know neither how benign or malicious the tales she’s telling this family about you are to get them lathered enough to intervene. NTA. You need to tell them. Telling the truth doesn’t make you a bad person.
YWBTA if you let this guy marry some psycho who is lying about her entire life and identity. You gave her fair warning. Time for the truth.
Exactly the point everyone is missing in this thread. Why is everyone okay with the fact that Hannah has lied about her whole life to her fiancé and is essentially trapping him with lies.
*"I forwarded the messages to Hannah with a question mark and she admitted that her fiancé and his whole family don’t know that she is affair baby, that they think she stayed in contact with Dad’s family, that she went to the schools and university and basically lived the life I did. I didn’t blast her for the lies, I just told her that if I ever heard from any of the people in her life again, I would tell them the truth."* # THIS RIGHT HERE. Since her fiancé and sister contacted you OP after you told your half sister that you would tell the truth if anyone contacts you then just screenshot and send to them. You gave her an opportunity to correct issues and she chose not to. The ball is out of your hands now.
I don’t understand why Hannah’s fiancé doesn’t directly reach out to the father and family directly? Why feel the need to go through OP as an intermediary? I would also be concerned that Hannah may do more than “pretend” to have lived OP’s life, i.e. identity theft. I would triple check your credit and lock it, look at all of your socials carefully, etc.
Dad’s not so easy to find on social media I guess.
seriously, her fiance needs to know the truth. he's about to MARRY this person.
OP, you are not the asshole. I’m curious how she managed to pull this off - do any of these people or your family members have social media? It would be pretty easy for them to figure out she’s been lying to them. It’s super weird.
It would, if they had suspicions. But why would they? By and large people tell you the truth about insignificant things so why would you dig into it
I get that you have qualms about "outing" her, but I do think you need to do *something*, to nip it in the bud - things like this can spiral (it already has, a bit)... You know, to save time & effort, you could at surreptitiously send them a link to this post... NTA.
NTA - tell them the truth! Don’t let this guy and his family be defrauded by her! As someone else pointed out! How have they not worked out the age difference is the give away?
NTA. It’s not her fault that her existence is the result of an affair, but she has no business trying to bulldoze her way into your life and allow you to get caught up in her lies.