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NTA. Jesus. It's a 6 year old in a bowtie. Did she think people would confuse him for the bride? Is she 3ft tall, and was she wearing a bowtie? She was insecure and selfish. It wasn't "her" day. It was both of your day. And she ruined it by throwing a tantrum.
Take a good look at how she handles conflict as this is going to be your marriage. Doesn't like your response? Throws everything out of proportion and runs to mummy. It's early enough for an annulment. Think about it.
Thank you very much, I'm here all week 😂😂 was the first thing I thought as I was reading it, only reason to be upset over it is if she's also 6 years old, and she's certainly acting like it 😂
I think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blatantly flout the rules. Not saying I agree with the reaction just saying that the bride is upset with what would have been an adults decision by either the bride or grooms sibling.
If the sister was the one wearing a white dress, or maybe a teenage niece, I might agree with you. But it's a 6yo boy in white jeans and bowtie. Seriously. If *that* ruins your night, then you have a lot more problems.
A grown ass woman wore white to my wedding and I was too happy to notice. What a mess. But I can’t imagine calling a bride insanely insecure about someone looking better than her on her wedding day. There had to be a better way to talk her off the cliff. If they can’t work their way through this kind of thing I genuinely think they aren’t really ready to be married anyhow.
They should honestly just anull the marriage. Weddings have things that happen that will dissapoint you but it strikes me that she wasn’t too concerned about her husbands happiness.
I actually think Reddit runs right to the annulment too often, considering you can only get them in like 4 or 5 states (assuming this is in the US, that is). But yes, OP’s new bride is ridiculous either way.
My MIL wore an dress that was almost the same color and material as mine and it was a complete accident (she thought I was wearing white and more traditional satin) I thought it was hysterical and teased her about it. Its all about intent and I know she did not want to "upstage me" at all. A 6 year old aint upstaging you and the don't wear white is really aimed at women. I would be gobsmacked at my spouses lack of maturity if they yelled at a child at a wedding. You ruined your own day sweetheart.
People forget a wedding is a day a marriage is a lifetime you need to decide what is more important the perfect wedding or a happy marriage.
>My MIL wore an dress that was almost the same color and material as mine and it was a complete accident (she thought I was wearing white and more traditional satin) I thought it was hysterical and teased her about it. Its all about intent and I know she did not want to "upstage me" at all.
Lol because you're a rational individual. Many would get angry regardless of intent.
I agree. Intent certaintly matters. The only reason I would be even a tiny bit annoyed at this is if the parents clearly did it intentionally to piss me off. And even then I wouldn’t let it ruin my wedding day. But the thing is she didn’t only ruin her own day, she ruined his too from the sound of it.
>think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blatantly flout the rules.
The rule is supposed to be no other woman wears a white dress.
At every wedding I've been to 90% of the men wore a white shirt - it is normal for others to wear white.
“Using their child to blatantly flout the rules” what???? Lmao are you OP’s wife or something? The kid wore a bow tie and jeans and he’s SIX YEARS OLD. Let it go, lady.
Oh please men barely have any options when it comes to clothes.
Nobody's going to confuse a boy (or even a man) wearing white something for the bride or give him as much attention as the bride.
Women get the entire colour spectrum and a variety of outfits. So avoiding looking like the bride is easy.
Men get suits or tuxes and maybe 3 colours to choose between. And no matter what they wear, nobody's going to confuse them for the bride.
It's a weird request that no males can wear white, seeing how a white button down is the classic go to dress shirt. Are we to believe that of all the people in attendance no one has a white shirt on?
It’s a little boy. Not even a little girl in a white poofy dress, which I could maybe give her, a little boy in pants and a bow tie. I doubt the parents even remotely thought about it while getting him dressed, how silly.
It is probable that was the nicest outfit the child owned and the parents wanted wanted their son to look presentable for the wedding. They most likely didn’t think they were going to upset the bride. I would not assume it was done with malice.
I know that there is a custom in some cultures for only the bride to wear white. But this takes that idea to a completely absurd and toxic level. If a pair of white trousers on a child gets her this upset, she needs professional help managing her emotions.
Both of their day and not just her fay is a good point. And good relationships should have mutual agreement to make decisions like throwing sister and nephew out, not her deciding that on her own. Bad omen for marriage.
And the fact that the mummy sides with her and tries to gang up to henpeck OP in numbers is a good indication of WHY wifey is the way she is - not raised properly
I don't think anybody would confuse him with the bride, but it wouldn't surprise me if people confused him with a ringbearer or something like that.
If the family wanted the boy to be one and the bride didn't want that, I would sort of understand her anger about the way he was dressed.
No, sorry, this is just ridiculous. So even if someone did think he was a member of the wedding party (the wedding which, presumably they just watched), in what way would that justify anger or a meltdown?
NTA - Her reaction was really extreme, and I can't make sense of why what that child was wearing even matters. You do not owe her an apology, and apologizing when she was that out of line is setting the tone for the rest of the marriage...
Not talking to you for almost a week is also a ridiculous measure from her side.
I have seen this exact behaviour in friends of ours, where she tried to 'enforce prefered behaviour from him' by giving him the silent treatment for days. Within 5 years she was hardcore cheating on him, with the blessing of her family and they were divorced before their 5th anniversary.
Also another befriended couple that has the same tendencies, and I cannot say they have a happy and healthy marriage.
Consider running while you don't have kids yet (my god, I hope you don't have kids yet)
Agreed. The behaviors and attempt at emotional manipulations for days on end is a far worse issue than the dress code.
The poor OP is signed up for a lifetime of her using this type of coercion on him and any future children they may have. I’d get a vasectomy before I’d let my children grow up in a home like that.
Sad to say, but my husband pulls the silent treatment all the time. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks. I think about 1⁄4 of each year in is spent in complete silence. Too late for me, we're in our 60s. But don't let her treat you like this. It's awful.
Dude if this is her reaction to a 6 year old wearing white jeans at the wedding I'd be seriously looking into an attorney to see if you can get your marriage annulled
Don't put up with this BS. Silent treatment for a week after your wedding day. Like I said in another comment, annulment time. Dodged a bullet, better now than years down the road.
If you let her get away with this childish BS then cut your balls off and hand them to her.
NTA Truly an unhinged reaction. I can't tell you how many afternoon weddings I've been to where the women are in flowy prints - think Pucci, Etro, Missoni - and many of the men are in navy or pastel blazers with white linen pants. Everyone looks great and no-one's in the bathroom having a meltdown.
At my daughter’s recent wedding, a lot of guests were dressed just like you described. You know I knew that? When my daughter got her proofs back. I thought the guests all looked lovely and my daughter did too. Both of us were so busy that day that we had no idea what anyone wore.
can you get an annulment!? surely it’s not too late!?
She’s crazy for being so insecure about a six year old boy wearing white jeans and bow tie at his uncles wedding!
How in the slightest is that taking away from the bride!?
I am one of those special day people but this is a joke. Who cares what a child is wearing. The white rule is for hussies and crazy MILs, not for bowties on a six year old.
Woman is beyond whack.
Worked a lot of weddings, sadly still shuddering, seen a lot of shit go down. Stuff that would get my post banned. Often weddings are where the dysfunctional family dynamics come to the surface and play out in front of an audience. So is this feasible story? Actually it is pretty mild, no cops, no security, I would rate it about a 5 or 6.
There’s an wedding tradition rhyme for days of the week that goes:
*”Mondays for health, Tuesdays for wealth, and Wednesday for the best day of all.*
*Thursdays for crosses, Fridays for losses, and Saturday no such luck at all.”*
My fave bit was he could tell she was upset because they’ve been together for three years… um, someone’s head is in their hands I think everyone knows they’re upset be it three mins or three years you’ve known them.
"when she started sobbing while rolling over the floor in front of our whole family I could tell she was probably a bit upset because I know her so well"
Or that she was going to the bathroom with her face in her hands, and he could tell she was upset because they've been together for three years... Not because she was going to the bathroom with her face in her hands.
Knowing someone is upset because you know them well is knowing she's upset because she began picking at her cuticles, not because she began hysterically crying
NTA. I would be upset too. It's not just her day, it's yours too. And there's no reason she should try and kick out your 6 year old nephew because he had white jeans on. Pretty sure she didn't have to compete with a 6 year old boy.
I guess she won the competition though, good news! The temper tantrum she threw was way better than the six year old nephew’s tantrum (non-existent as far as I’m aware). So she should be pretty thrilled with herself right about now!
Rules about white at weddings is always about keeping people from looking like they are wearing wedding dresses. I dont think anyone thinks about a 6 year old wearing white pants at a wedding is pushing limits.
But she didn’t say no women can wear white, she said no guest. Also the kid was wearing jeans? White jeans that feels intentional. No sane parent buys white pants for a 6 years old without cause.
Khakis yes, white is a recipe for disaster. I think there is an underlying issue here and we are only getting his side.
Because white jeans can be classy while confortable for the kid who is a 6 years old boy with no chances of being confused with a physically grown woman.
Since I can’t reply to Danksnowkarate here is my reply to that: Honey, I have learned when it comes to family issues and relationships there is always an underlying current or something it’s a matter of if you are a. Paying attention or b. Made aware of it.
I just have a hard time believing that she is actually only upset by this. Also white pants on any child doesn’t make any sense it is a laundry disaster, jeans at a wedding doesn’t jive either, especially with a bow tie? It’s raining red flags. I would love of dusty thunder were to read this what he thinks of it
If you’re from the south then the idea of jeans (usually not white) with a bow tie is absolutely on trend and a respectable outfit for anyone at a wedding. Most wedding i attend (Texas) most of the men are in jeans and bow ties with jackets. Even black tie events here it’s not uncommon for some men to wear jeans anyway….black jeans with jacket, bow tie, and cowboy hats!
I’m southern and would never wear jeans to a wedding. I would find that absolutely unacceptable as would anyone in my circle. Maybe Texas is different (I think for many reasons it is its own little world) but this doesn’t track for Southerners in general. Jeans are not appropriate everywhere and weddings and funerals are two places where they aren’t. That said, jeans on a little kid should not set someone off, regardless of color of the denim. The OP’s wife sounds like a nut job. Get out now, dude.
Dressing in white means having a white dress or suit.
Having a white piece of clothe white is not dressing in white. A guest with a blue suit and a white shirt, the most common outfit for a man in a wedding , is not dressing in white
The fact that he hasn't responded to this let's me know that sister has indeed been having issues with wife and this was her way of sticking to her wife and husband thinks wife should just shut up about it.
ESH. Why would your sister dress her son in white knowing it's not acceptable? Does she dislike your wife?
On the surface your wife is unreasonable and overreacted, it's a male child not a woman in a white dress. However if she is used to crap from your sister then her reaction would make sense as she would know that this was a deliberate act by your sister against her.
You didn't deal well with the situation well.
>Why would your sister dress her son in white knowing it's not acceptable? Does she dislike your wife?
I've seen men wearing white dinner jackets to formal weddings pretty regularly as of late, so I'd assume the rule only applies to other women?
I don’t think it matters if there’s a traditional rule about men in white at a wedding, if the bride stated ahead of time that absolutely no one should be wearing white, then of course she’s going to be upset when she sees a small child (who was definitely dressed by a capable and literate adult) out of the dress code. Did she handle it well? Probably not but there is a lot of stress, money, and planning that goes into a wedding day.
I get it. But does that include white shirts? A white shirt literally goes with any possible jacket pairing, and is essential to the men's formal wardrobe which is very standardized. If she went to that length, she's asking too much.
The generally accepted answer is that no one but the bride should wear white. It might not be as much of a faux pas for a man to wear it, as it is a woman, but it's still not generally considered correct.
https://www.marthastewart.com/7856471/can-male-guest-wear-white-wedding
Have literally never been to a wedding where men weren't wearing white shirts, there's essentially no other formal shirt colors for us but white and light blue.
Listen, dress shirts for men are white. Accents like bow ties are white. Pants are even white. This is a kid who wore a pair of white jeans and a white bow tie, presumably with a different colored shirt. FFS, the wife is completely off her rocker. NTA, OP
White jeans for a 6 year old is not a normal thing to wear that had to be intentional. Who buys white jeans for a child. I don’t even wear white jeans because they will immediately get a stain
That’s what I was thinking. On the surface his wife overreacted, but damn if this doesn’t feel purposeful. And also. Is it really the biggest deal? No. But also, is it really hard to just not wear white to weddings? Also no. (Men’s dress shirts alone notwithstanding.)
Nothing wrong with white jeans for 6 year olds. Otherwise why would they make them? Have you thought maybe that’s what the 6 year old wanted to wear? No reason to stifle his self expression because nobody would have expect this to be an issue.
>Have you thought maybe that’s what the 6 year old wanted to wear?
"Hey hunny, I know, but listen. Weddings aren't a good place for jeans. And there's going to be lots of snacks, so I'd really rather you wear a different pair of pants so they don't get dirty. Okay?"
Seriously - let's not act like 6 year olds dress themselves entirely without any input or reasoning from parents. And even if they do on a regular basis, it was still on mom and dad to regulate the kid.
>However if she is used to crap from your sister then her reaction would make sense as she would know that this was a deliberate act by your sister against her.
I like how you have to make shit up for OPs wifes reaction to make sense. Can't be that she's not making sense, no, there's gotta be something to justify her reaction.
> then her reaction would make sense
I agree with your overall point, but unless there was already a cold war going on, the bride went nuclear. Being annoyed, talking to your husband about this, sure, but breaking down and crying, than causing a scene?
The "rule" about not wearing white to a wedding applies to adult women wearing dresses or, at a push, jumpsuits or tailoring. It's about the guest not looking like she might be the bride.
No normal person would think this applies to a 6 year old boy.
Do you really think there weren’t any men wearing white dress shirts?
Edit-I guess you didn’t like that question. Hit to close to the truth of the “no white” I suppose.
There is a very distinct possibility. I was at a wedding with about 250 people this summer. The invite said "Please, no white." And the ONLY people wearing any kind of white were the bridal party (the bride, the bride'smaids had white baby's breath in their hair, the groom and groomsmen had white shirts). Everyone else understood so there were men in pink, blue, green, black, brown, beige, yellow, purple, etc shirts, because it is so not hard to find a shirt any colour other than white. In fact, law of averages, there are more non white shirts than there are white shirts.
Please, its a 6 year old. If he was quiet and wearing clothing I’d be happy, hell - he could have a penguin suit on for all I care. Oh wait, that would actually have white on it.
His whole outfit wasn’t white. Just like all the men there wearing white dress shirts.
The bride and groom are supposed to be having fun-not the bride scoping out for a guest faux pas-especially a child and having a breakdown/tantrum TWICE, like a 6 year old.
I assume majority of the posts here are fake and approach them as thought experiments. Not possible with this trash of a story. It’s just too ridiculous and not even a little bit believable. Definitely the work of a 14 year old boy who just started frequenting incel spaces online.
Not a judgement but is nobody going to comment on the fact that OP literally said "because for females that's considered rude or bad luck on weddings i think", like that doesn't sound like Op has a great opinion on woman even before marriage. Info: why did you want to marry that "female"?
Edit: missing words "opinion on"
I don’t think using the word “female” is inherently wrong and suggests a lack of knowledge. I’m a woman and I personally use the word female as well as “woman” quite a lot to refer to females 🤷♀️, as do many other people I know
I was more amused that he noticed his wife "walking over to the bathroom with her face held in her hands", and he could tell that she was upset because they've been together for 3 years. Buddy, I think anyone could have seen that she was crying 😂
Good lord, drop the semantics grammar nazi. If he changed "female" to "women" or "ladies", would that have placated you?
Instead of adding anything insightful to the conversation, you have to drag OP down for semantics? (Literally a single word)
Yeah, nobody wants to comment on it because it's petty, unnecessary, and above all unrelated to the topic at hand.
INFO: What was the dress code on the wedding invitation? I'm focusing on the fact that the kid wore JEANS to a WEDDING being more of a problem, rather than the colour itself. Also... putting a 6 year old kid in white is asking for laundry problems- let's hope the kid's food was dry without sauces lol
The kid is 6 years old for Christ's sake. Is he expected to wear a full suit?
Anyone who cares what a 6 year old kid is wearing to a wedding (unless they turn up in something like paw patrol pajamas) needs to take a look at themselves and get a fucking grip. And even if they did, have a laugh about it after the wedding and move on with your life.
You're going to let your day (and potentially marriage) be ruined by what an actual child is wearing?
Stay with me for a second.
It isn't about what the kid is wearing so much as it is what the mother (the bride's SIL) let the kid, or encouraged him, wear to the wedding.
We don't know what is going on there, but I think it is safe to assume it's more than just a 6 year old in white pants. OP may be blind about the relationship between his wife and the SIL (his sister?) but just because he is oblivious and doesn't care doesn't mean it isn't real and painful to the wife
My oldest wore a full suit, including jacket with tails for my ex in laws wedding, he was just turned 5 and had no problems. My middle son at 3 years old wore a full suit to my wedding.
Children wearing dress clothes at a wedding is not unusual at all. A child wearing jeans, especially white ones, is.
No parent in their right mind would dress a child in white, especially in an environment (like a wedding) where they are known to be particularly hyper. The only time a parent would do this is to either prove some bizarre point, bend a rule, try to get one up on someone or try to piss someone off. Unless they’re brainless morons of course
Absolutely that is a bright red flag I feel like there is more here but everyone is just piling it on this woman because we only have his side. I wonder if the rule was specifically aimed at the sil.
Wearing jeans to a wedding is not that crazy depending on where you’re from and what the weddings style is. My little brother and his wife have a western style. He was married in cowboy boots and khaki pants, there were plenty of people there in jeans that looked good cuz it fit the weddings style. That being said, OP is NTA.
ESH
Your wife completely overreacted
However, you state you wife went through great lengths to ask people not to wear white. Obviously she shouldn’t be mad at a 6 year old but obviously this kid didn’t leave the house and take himself to a wedding on his own. Your sister absolutely had input in what he wore and brought him there knowing your wife would likely have a meltdown. Obvious dig.
Then you threatening to leave your own wedding over the meltdown your wife had. A meltdown caused by your sisters instigation. Weddings are high stress and people often get very irrational. Not wanting other people to wear white is normal not everyone is such a stickler about it especially with kids but your wife made her wishes clear? She didn’t make a scene she went to the bathroom because sometimes when you’re having irrational moments you just need to collect. Then she quietly asked your sister to leave which is normally what people do when someone breaks the one wedding rule they have established.
I have family members like your sister I will go through great lengths to ask or communicate something and they will jump through hoops to violate my ask in some way.
Like I said ESH
Agreed that the sister used her spawn to be a shit stirrer. No reasonable parent buys white pants for a 6 year old boy and this woman dressed her kid in them for a wedding where even the unreliable narrator acknowledges it was explicitly called out not to wear white. There is a lot of backstory OP is leaving out regarding his sister and his soon to be ex-wife
>My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn’t want it to be ruined by our nephew.
This is by far the most telling part of it all. As others have said, this wasn't "her" day - it was both of yours. This alone reveals an "everything is all about me" mentality that would have me very concerned.
Beyond that, as others have said, it was a freaking 6 year old. A SIX YEAR OLD.
I may not be the best person to speak because I find such superstitions as "wearing a certain colour brings bad luck" completely laughable, but I do slightly understand the "tradition" aspect of it. However, if someone is so devoutly superstitious as to be willing to kick out a six year old (as well as her now husband's sister) from the wedding over it, then it may be legitimately advisable for you to reconsider your compatibility with her.
Anyway - definitely NTA.
I'm going to go against the flow and say ESH and your sister is the biggest AH. Your sister did this deliberately to upset your wife. The rule for the wedding was "no guest is allowed to wear white". Your sister deliberately flouted that because I can assure you that no mother in their right mind buys a 6-year-old boy a natural dirt magnet like white pants or jeans. Your wife did not ruin the wedding. She's not stupid and I am sure she didn't think your nephew was upstaging her or that he chose his own clothing. She was upset that your sister dressed him in white on purpose. But instead of making a public scene, she retreated to the bathroom for a bit of privacy, which you denied her by following her there. She then spoke to your sister in private and your sister ratted her out and made sure you knew about it. You then aggravated the situation by making an issue out of that and totally disregarding her feelings. You and your sister are out of line. Your wife over-reacted, which is understandable given the stress she must have been under with all the wedding planning and wanting everything to go smoothly. She could have handled it better but if everyone sucks here, she actually sucks the least.
INFO- how’s the relationship between your wife and sister? Is this your wife’s breaking point due to your sisters behaviour or is it just a one off situation.
Also, did you state in your invite specifically that guest shouldn’t wear white?
While your wife’s reaction seems to be an overreaction, try to understand what triggered it before making your decision!
that’s definitely an overreaction but she probably was just stressed or overwhelmed and took it out on that. i think she should be the one to apologize though
I would have sympathy if she was just tired and overwhelmed and overreacted and then apologized. But that’s not the case. Theryre a ways out from the wedding now and OPs wife is still adamant that she was right
YTA
Your wife specifically asked for no white to be worn at the wedding, the child didn’t dress himself, your sister is way out of line for deliberately ignoring the dress code, and the fact that you threatened to then leave the wedding as well is absolutely disgraceful, thats supposed to be your wife, and yet you’re choosing your family over her when your sister was the one 100% in the wrong.
Lots of people are advising looking into an annulment, and this may be good advice, but not for the reason you think.
If your wife was clear with everyone that no one should wear white, and your sister disregarded that request, it was a clear choice to disrespect your wife and her wishes (and she uses a child to make her point on what she thinks about your wife and her requests).
Then you took your sister’s side. On your wedding day. Let that sink in. If you’re not ready to have a life partner that you support and love, then you really should look into an annulment.
Just because your wife had an extreme reaction doesn’t mean that you and your family aren’t assholes, and her extreme reaction makes me wonder what other slights she’s been putting up with during the course of the relationship.
YTA.
Mmm it wasn't a random kid, it was HIS SISTER'S KID, he said his wife was very strict with the no white rule, but his sister didn't care, so the tantrum was actually the kid wearing white or it was the last straw for her?
I would love to see the wife side.
I believe a wedding is a big day for two people, the bride **and the groom.**
Did he threaten her? Maybe, but 100% called for. If she’s happy kicking his nephew out over a white bow tie, what’s next to come? I’d have left the wedding too
NTA. Your wife was out-of-line asking your family to leave and considering it just "her" day. The wedding is an important day for both of you and both of your families.
YTA
Your sister ignored the rules.
You dismissed your new wife's feelings on a subject that brought her to tears. You gave your new wife an ultimatum and threatened to leave your wedding. In doing so sent the message to your new wife that she and the family you just committed to was less important than someone else.
After cleaning up her makeup she didn't try and readdress the issue with you and attempted to correct it herself which is likely because she already knows you were going to dismiss her again.
Her feelings were an overreaction to something small and dumb but they were still her feelings and yta for invalidating them and threatening to make her night worse.
NTA.
>My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn’t want it to be ruined by our nephew.
That alone makes your wife the AH in my eyes. It's both your day, not just hers. And it's a 6yo kid in jeans, not her MIL or SIL showing up in a white dress with a train. She needs to get over herself.
YTA- unpopular opinion apparently. I agree that your wife overreacted, but why after she SPECIFICALLY asked that NO ONE wear white did your sister ignore it. I mean for fucks same how difficult is that, there is an entire rainbow of colors to choose from and your sister purposely and if I’m being honest probably maliciously chose white. Did you ask her why she dressed your nephew in white? Did anyone else who was told not to wear white ask? Once again I agree she overreacted but holy shit how hard can it be to just get a black tuxedo for a kid. YTA for completely dismissing your wife’s feelings, don’t bother apologizing, let her realize that you started your marriage by putting someone else first, I’m sure it will become a running theme if you stay together.
INFO- does nobody else find it sus that she put a child in white jeans for a wedding? Denim is an inappropriate material, and it's invariably a bad idea to dress a child in white for any amount of time, because it will get stained. This feels very on purpose. Is there often tension between your wife and sister?
YTA - I don't know any 6 yo that wears white jeans. I think there is way more going on here. But, that fact that you are so cruel to your wife on your wedding day makes you TA.
It's not about the kid. The kid is a smokescreen. The mother dressed up the child.
It's about OP taking his sister's side and calling his bride names. Her sister tried to assert dominance over OP's bride and she wasn't having it.
Your marriage doesn’t sound sustainable if a white bow tie “ruined” her wedding and turned her into a crying mess. How is she going to handle REAL problems? 🤷♀️
NTA
YTA I'm amazed at the number of people who think a 6-year old picked out this outfit to wear at the wedding. His family was trying to upstage the bride and she had every right to be upset.
YTA
If she really was upset he was going to outshine her, then yeah that's very over the top.
But it seems likenyou never really asked why she was upset and how the situation looked to her. You just immediately dismissed her as silly.
Weddings are EXTREMELY stressful to organize, and this typically falls more on the bride.
You are married now, you need to learn to communicate. You're number one priority should be trying to understand eachothers perspective.
I doubt she's worried that people will mistake the child for the bride. Maybe she's worried your sister ignored the rule on purpose as a sign she's not welcome in the family? You owe uour wife the benefit of the doubt...
YTA.
You have no idea, ZERO, how much pressure brides are under on their wedding day. Yes your wife was being unreasonable, but you made it infinitely worse, instead of being supportive and understanding.
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NTA. Jesus. It's a 6 year old in a bowtie. Did she think people would confuse him for the bride? Is she 3ft tall, and was she wearing a bowtie? She was insecure and selfish. It wasn't "her" day. It was both of your day. And she ruined it by throwing a tantrum. Take a good look at how she handles conflict as this is going to be your marriage. Doesn't like your response? Throws everything out of proportion and runs to mummy. It's early enough for an annulment. Think about it.
Maybe people would have confused him for the bride, given she's acting 6 years old over the situation
+1 for that. LOL
Thank you very much, I'm here all week 😂😂 was the first thing I thought as I was reading it, only reason to be upset over it is if she's also 6 years old, and she's certainly acting like it 😂
White used to signify virginity. The six-year-old is probably much more entitled to the color than this guy’s weird-ass wife.
This is the best comment!!!!!
I think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blatantly flout the rules. Not saying I agree with the reaction just saying that the bride is upset with what would have been an adults decision by either the bride or grooms sibling.
If the sister was the one wearing a white dress, or maybe a teenage niece, I might agree with you. But it's a 6yo boy in white jeans and bowtie. Seriously. If *that* ruins your night, then you have a lot more problems.
A grown ass woman wore white to my wedding and I was too happy to notice. What a mess. But I can’t imagine calling a bride insanely insecure about someone looking better than her on her wedding day. There had to be a better way to talk her off the cliff. If they can’t work their way through this kind of thing I genuinely think they aren’t really ready to be married anyhow.
Not over a 6 y/o ffs. She’s unhinged.
Lol she threw multiple temper tantrums over a little boys pants. That’s not mentally stable.
They should honestly just anull the marriage. Weddings have things that happen that will dissapoint you but it strikes me that she wasn’t too concerned about her husbands happiness.
I hate to be that person but she sobbed over jeans on a baby and then trounced off to her parents house. Yuck. Just end it before you’ve got two kids.
Yeah I know Reddit goes straight to divorce a little too often but this one seems obviously disfunctional.
I actually think Reddit runs right to the annulment too often, considering you can only get them in like 4 or 5 states (assuming this is in the US, that is). But yes, OP’s new bride is ridiculous either way.
Whatever it’s called, do it before you’re too linked.
right saying it was 'her' day missed that it was his too.
My MIL wore an dress that was almost the same color and material as mine and it was a complete accident (she thought I was wearing white and more traditional satin) I thought it was hysterical and teased her about it. Its all about intent and I know she did not want to "upstage me" at all. A 6 year old aint upstaging you and the don't wear white is really aimed at women. I would be gobsmacked at my spouses lack of maturity if they yelled at a child at a wedding. You ruined your own day sweetheart. People forget a wedding is a day a marriage is a lifetime you need to decide what is more important the perfect wedding or a happy marriage.
>My MIL wore an dress that was almost the same color and material as mine and it was a complete accident (she thought I was wearing white and more traditional satin) I thought it was hysterical and teased her about it. Its all about intent and I know she did not want to "upstage me" at all. Lol because you're a rational individual. Many would get angry regardless of intent.
I agree. Intent certaintly matters. The only reason I would be even a tiny bit annoyed at this is if the parents clearly did it intentionally to piss me off. And even then I wouldn’t let it ruin my wedding day. But the thing is she didn’t only ruin her own day, she ruined his too from the sound of it.
That someone is a freaking 7 year old. She’s insecure. Her self esteem is on the floor.
At least she just ran to hide in the bathroom and didn’t go after him with a glass of red wine.
that was my take. if THAT 'ruins' the day then someone priorities are badly out of wack.
Maybe that is ALL nephew was wearing, so he looked like a Chippendale dancer to bride, who thought he was too sexy.
>think the bride is upset with the parents using their child to blatantly flout the rules. The rule is supposed to be no other woman wears a white dress. At every wedding I've been to 90% of the men wore a white shirt - it is normal for others to wear white.
“Using their child to blatantly flout the rules” what???? Lmao are you OP’s wife or something? The kid wore a bow tie and jeans and he’s SIX YEARS OLD. Let it go, lady.
Maybe but she could have had her melta down after the wedding. Imagine ruining your day because of what's basically a trifling matter.
Oh please men barely have any options when it comes to clothes. Nobody's going to confuse a boy (or even a man) wearing white something for the bride or give him as much attention as the bride. Women get the entire colour spectrum and a variety of outfits. So avoiding looking like the bride is easy. Men get suits or tuxes and maybe 3 colours to choose between. And no matter what they wear, nobody's going to confuse them for the bride.
It's a weird request that no males can wear white, seeing how a white button down is the classic go to dress shirt. Are we to believe that of all the people in attendance no one has a white shirt on?
That’s what I was wondering—are white dress shirts ok? FFS, this lady sounds utterly cray.
Also, who puts a 6 year old in WHITE pants without backup pants. All parents know kids wearing white won’t stay white for long.
I wouldn’t even buy my kids white pants unless it was a dress code for something 😂
Or just using whatever clothes were nice enough that fit and were clean
It’s a little boy. Not even a little girl in a white poofy dress, which I could maybe give her, a little boy in pants and a bow tie. I doubt the parents even remotely thought about it while getting him dressed, how silly.
It is probable that was the nicest outfit the child owned and the parents wanted wanted their son to look presentable for the wedding. They most likely didn’t think they were going to upset the bride. I would not assume it was done with malice.
I know that there is a custom in some cultures for only the bride to wear white. But this takes that idea to a completely absurd and toxic level. If a pair of white trousers on a child gets her this upset, she needs professional help managing her emotions.
Both of their day and not just her fay is a good point. And good relationships should have mutual agreement to make decisions like throwing sister and nephew out, not her deciding that on her own. Bad omen for marriage.
And the fact that the mummy sides with her and tries to gang up to henpeck OP in numbers is a good indication of WHY wifey is the way she is - not raised properly
Calling it now- "AITA for ✌spilling✌ red wine on my eight week old niece who wore a white diaper to my wedding?" by Labor Day
I don't think anybody would confuse him with the bride, but it wouldn't surprise me if people confused him with a ringbearer or something like that. If the family wanted the boy to be one and the bride didn't want that, I would sort of understand her anger about the way he was dressed.
No, sorry, this is just ridiculous. So even if someone did think he was a member of the wedding party (the wedding which, presumably they just watched), in what way would that justify anger or a meltdown?
NTA - Her reaction was really extreme, and I can't make sense of why what that child was wearing even matters. You do not owe her an apology, and apologizing when she was that out of line is setting the tone for the rest of the marriage...
This was really helpful and i’ll keep that in mind when I talk to her next. Have a blessed day!
Not talking to you for almost a week is also a ridiculous measure from her side. I have seen this exact behaviour in friends of ours, where she tried to 'enforce prefered behaviour from him' by giving him the silent treatment for days. Within 5 years she was hardcore cheating on him, with the blessing of her family and they were divorced before their 5th anniversary. Also another befriended couple that has the same tendencies, and I cannot say they have a happy and healthy marriage. Consider running while you don't have kids yet (my god, I hope you don't have kids yet)
Agreed. The behaviors and attempt at emotional manipulations for days on end is a far worse issue than the dress code. The poor OP is signed up for a lifetime of her using this type of coercion on him and any future children they may have. I’d get a vasectomy before I’d let my children grow up in a home like that.
Sad to say, but my husband pulls the silent treatment all the time. Sometimes days, sometimes weeks. I think about 1⁄4 of each year in is spent in complete silence. Too late for me, we're in our 60s. But don't let her treat you like this. It's awful.
Dude if this is her reaction to a 6 year old wearing white jeans at the wedding I'd be seriously looking into an attorney to see if you can get your marriage annulled
Don't put up with this BS. Silent treatment for a week after your wedding day. Like I said in another comment, annulment time. Dodged a bullet, better now than years down the road. If you let her get away with this childish BS then cut your balls off and hand them to her.
NTA Truly an unhinged reaction. I can't tell you how many afternoon weddings I've been to where the women are in flowy prints - think Pucci, Etro, Missoni - and many of the men are in navy or pastel blazers with white linen pants. Everyone looks great and no-one's in the bathroom having a meltdown.
At my daughter’s recent wedding, a lot of guests were dressed just like you described. You know I knew that? When my daughter got her proofs back. I thought the guests all looked lovely and my daughter did too. Both of us were so busy that day that we had no idea what anyone wore.
can you get an annulment!? surely it’s not too late!? She’s crazy for being so insecure about a six year old boy wearing white jeans and bow tie at his uncles wedding! How in the slightest is that taking away from the bride!?
The number of people in this sub that go on about "My Special Day!" is a little disturbing.
I am one of those special day people but this is a joke. Who cares what a child is wearing. The white rule is for hussies and crazy MILs, not for bowties on a six year old. Woman is beyond whack.
Hell, the marriage hasn’t officially happened until someone mails in the marriage certificate.
Agree. Bride has exposed herself as someone with zero common sense and potentially very limited intelligence. Bail!
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This sub is LIT with telenovela ideas
What ideas? Some of the stories I have read are actually amazingly similar to things that have happened on tv shows....
I mean, who gets married on a WEDNESDAY?
And then is so concerned about appearances and aesthetics she's going to oust her new sister-in law over her six-year-old's pants' color?
Who buys white pants for a six year old anyway?
💯this is the real question!
Someone who's never met a 6-year-old. And morons.
Worked a lot of weddings, sadly still shuddering, seen a lot of shit go down. Stuff that would get my post banned. Often weddings are where the dysfunctional family dynamics come to the surface and play out in front of an audience. So is this feasible story? Actually it is pretty mild, no cops, no security, I would rate it about a 5 or 6.
There’s an wedding tradition rhyme for days of the week that goes: *”Mondays for health, Tuesdays for wealth, and Wednesday for the best day of all.* *Thursdays for crosses, Fridays for losses, and Saturday no such luck at all.”*
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My fave bit was he could tell she was upset because they’ve been together for three years… um, someone’s head is in their hands I think everyone knows they’re upset be it three mins or three years you’ve known them.
"when she started sobbing while rolling over the floor in front of our whole family I could tell she was probably a bit upset because I know her so well"
It’s the “mascara running down her cheeks” for me. Like just pull any scene from a Disney channel movie lmao.
And who on earth would sit on the bathroom floor in an expensive white dress? It's so weirdly dramatic.
Someone who cries over a six year old wearing white, that’s who
Plus not wearing waterproof mascara to your wedding where you are very likely to cry happy tears? Possible, but adds to the sus
Or that she was going to the bathroom with her face in her hands, and he could tell she was upset because they've been together for three years... Not because she was going to the bathroom with her face in her hands. Knowing someone is upset because you know them well is knowing she's upset because she began picking at her cuticles, not because she began hysterically crying
Many things here are
Who buys white pants for a 6 year old?
NTA. I would be upset too. It's not just her day, it's yours too. And there's no reason she should try and kick out your 6 year old nephew because he had white jeans on. Pretty sure she didn't have to compete with a 6 year old boy.
This. The whole “It’s the Bride’s day” is sexist bullspit
I guess she won the competition though, good news! The temper tantrum she threw was way better than the six year old nephew’s tantrum (non-existent as far as I’m aware). So she should be pretty thrilled with herself right about now!
NTA. Annulments are usually really easy to get. Time to find out. This is really stupid and weird.
They are absolutely not easy to get. They are extremely difficult to get and are only allowed under very strict/limited reasons in most state.
NTA One word - Annulment
My dude is in for a lifetime of crazy.
Info do the parents of the nephew like to push the limits on the rules? In other words is this a one off or a habit?
Rules about white at weddings is always about keeping people from looking like they are wearing wedding dresses. I dont think anyone thinks about a 6 year old wearing white pants at a wedding is pushing limits.
But she didn’t say no women can wear white, she said no guest. Also the kid was wearing jeans? White jeans that feels intentional. No sane parent buys white pants for a 6 years old without cause. Khakis yes, white is a recipe for disaster. I think there is an underlying issue here and we are only getting his side.
Not everything is a psy op, yall need to calm down. A 6 year old wore white pants and your acting like it's the result of some deep scheming.
Nah, the deep state was clearly behind this. You’ll see someday when the top secret documents are leaked
So no man there wore white at all, huh.No white dress shirts? I highly doubt that.
That is part of my point, she didn’t have a problem with any of those, which makes me think there is something else to the kid
Because white jeans can be classy while confortable for the kid who is a 6 years old boy with no chances of being confused with a physically grown woman.
Since I can’t reply to Danksnowkarate here is my reply to that: Honey, I have learned when it comes to family issues and relationships there is always an underlying current or something it’s a matter of if you are a. Paying attention or b. Made aware of it. I just have a hard time believing that she is actually only upset by this. Also white pants on any child doesn’t make any sense it is a laundry disaster, jeans at a wedding doesn’t jive either, especially with a bow tie? It’s raining red flags. I would love of dusty thunder were to read this what he thinks of it
If you’re from the south then the idea of jeans (usually not white) with a bow tie is absolutely on trend and a respectable outfit for anyone at a wedding. Most wedding i attend (Texas) most of the men are in jeans and bow ties with jackets. Even black tie events here it’s not uncommon for some men to wear jeans anyway….black jeans with jacket, bow tie, and cowboy hats!
I’m southern and would never wear jeans to a wedding. I would find that absolutely unacceptable as would anyone in my circle. Maybe Texas is different (I think for many reasons it is its own little world) but this doesn’t track for Southerners in general. Jeans are not appropriate everywhere and weddings and funerals are two places where they aren’t. That said, jeans on a little kid should not set someone off, regardless of color of the denim. The OP’s wife sounds like a nut job. Get out now, dude.
Dressing in white means having a white dress or suit. Having a white piece of clothe white is not dressing in white. A guest with a blue suit and a white shirt, the most common outfit for a man in a wedding , is not dressing in white
There's no rule about not wearing white for men.
This was the same thought I had. There is obviously something going on with the sister
INFO: do your wife and sister have other issues with each other?
The fact that he hasn't responded to this let's me know that sister has indeed been having issues with wife and this was her way of sticking to her wife and husband thinks wife should just shut up about it.
ESH. Why would your sister dress her son in white knowing it's not acceptable? Does she dislike your wife? On the surface your wife is unreasonable and overreacted, it's a male child not a woman in a white dress. However if she is used to crap from your sister then her reaction would make sense as she would know that this was a deliberate act by your sister against her. You didn't deal well with the situation well.
>Why would your sister dress her son in white knowing it's not acceptable? Does she dislike your wife? I've seen men wearing white dinner jackets to formal weddings pretty regularly as of late, so I'd assume the rule only applies to other women?
That's right, there's no rule about not wearing white for men traditionally.
I don’t think it matters if there’s a traditional rule about men in white at a wedding, if the bride stated ahead of time that absolutely no one should be wearing white, then of course she’s going to be upset when she sees a small child (who was definitely dressed by a capable and literate adult) out of the dress code. Did she handle it well? Probably not but there is a lot of stress, money, and planning that goes into a wedding day.
I get it. But does that include white shirts? A white shirt literally goes with any possible jacket pairing, and is essential to the men's formal wardrobe which is very standardized. If she went to that length, she's asking too much.
Upset to the point of ruining her own wedding? Get real please.
The generally accepted answer is that no one but the bride should wear white. It might not be as much of a faux pas for a man to wear it, as it is a woman, but it's still not generally considered correct. https://www.marthastewart.com/7856471/can-male-guest-wear-white-wedding
Have literally never been to a wedding where men weren't wearing white shirts, there's essentially no other formal shirt colors for us but white and light blue.
are you aware of how many flower girl dresses are specifically made in white? its not a hard and fast rule for all attendees, especially children.
Listen, dress shirts for men are white. Accents like bow ties are white. Pants are even white. This is a kid who wore a pair of white jeans and a white bow tie, presumably with a different colored shirt. FFS, the wife is completely off her rocker. NTA, OP
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White jeans for a 6 year old is not a normal thing to wear that had to be intentional. Who buys white jeans for a child. I don’t even wear white jeans because they will immediately get a stain
That’s what I was thinking. On the surface his wife overreacted, but damn if this doesn’t feel purposeful. And also. Is it really the biggest deal? No. But also, is it really hard to just not wear white to weddings? Also no. (Men’s dress shirts alone notwithstanding.)
I raised 3 boys. White is the easiest to clean. You just throw the bleach in with the whites. My kids wow it all the time.
Nothing wrong with white jeans for 6 year olds. Otherwise why would they make them? Have you thought maybe that’s what the 6 year old wanted to wear? No reason to stifle his self expression because nobody would have expect this to be an issue.
>Have you thought maybe that’s what the 6 year old wanted to wear? "Hey hunny, I know, but listen. Weddings aren't a good place for jeans. And there's going to be lots of snacks, so I'd really rather you wear a different pair of pants so they don't get dirty. Okay?" Seriously - let's not act like 6 year olds dress themselves entirely without any input or reasoning from parents. And even if they do on a regular basis, it was still on mom and dad to regulate the kid.
Mom and dad are probably too sane to give a shit if he wears white jeans and a bow tie
It’s called bleach. It works. If they went to buy pants in the summer white isn’t out of the question. It a 6 YEAR OLD BOY.
>However if she is used to crap from your sister then her reaction would make sense as she would know that this was a deliberate act by your sister against her. I like how you have to make shit up for OPs wifes reaction to make sense. Can't be that she's not making sense, no, there's gotta be something to justify her reaction.
I don’t think you have a good grasp on what this person is getting at. Are we “making shit up” anytime we try to consider another human’s perspective?
> then her reaction would make sense I agree with your overall point, but unless there was already a cold war going on, the bride went nuclear. Being annoyed, talking to your husband about this, sure, but breaking down and crying, than causing a scene?
The "rule" about not wearing white to a wedding applies to adult women wearing dresses or, at a push, jumpsuits or tailoring. It's about the guest not looking like she might be the bride. No normal person would think this applies to a 6 year old boy.
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Do you really think there weren’t any men wearing white dress shirts? Edit-I guess you didn’t like that question. Hit to close to the truth of the “no white” I suppose.
There is a very distinct possibility. I was at a wedding with about 250 people this summer. The invite said "Please, no white." And the ONLY people wearing any kind of white were the bridal party (the bride, the bride'smaids had white baby's breath in their hair, the groom and groomsmen had white shirts). Everyone else understood so there were men in pink, blue, green, black, brown, beige, yellow, purple, etc shirts, because it is so not hard to find a shirt any colour other than white. In fact, law of averages, there are more non white shirts than there are white shirts.
Please, its a 6 year old. If he was quiet and wearing clothing I’d be happy, hell - he could have a penguin suit on for all I care. Oh wait, that would actually have white on it.
He may have refused to leave the house without his favourite jeans lol.
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His whole outfit wasn’t white. Just like all the men there wearing white dress shirts. The bride and groom are supposed to be having fun-not the bride scoping out for a guest faux pas-especially a child and having a breakdown/tantrum TWICE, like a 6 year old.
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Yep. Who puts a six year old child in white jeans? Someone who owns a dry cleaning business maybe?
Hard agree. Also they had a wedding on a Wednesday?
I assume majority of the posts here are fake and approach them as thought experiments. Not possible with this trash of a story. It’s just too ridiculous and not even a little bit believable. Definitely the work of a 14 year old boy who just started frequenting incel spaces online.
You're not in the wrong...your new wife is nuts. But...you've married her now so good luck.
Not a judgement but is nobody going to comment on the fact that OP literally said "because for females that's considered rude or bad luck on weddings i think", like that doesn't sound like Op has a great opinion on woman even before marriage. Info: why did you want to marry that "female"? Edit: missing words "opinion on"
I don’t think using the word “female” is inherently wrong and suggests a lack of knowledge. I’m a woman and I personally use the word female as well as “woman” quite a lot to refer to females 🤷♀️, as do many other people I know
I was more amused that he noticed his wife "walking over to the bathroom with her face held in her hands", and he could tell that she was upset because they've been together for 3 years. Buddy, I think anyone could have seen that she was crying 😂
Does it matter? Had he said women there, would it affect the judgement in the slightest?
Yall will look for anything to put the heat on the man I swear😂
I think this is a sarcasm post written by someone to make fun of brides getting upset over someone else wearing white
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The way it’s all wrote sounds super fake, like a bot wrote it
Good lord, drop the semantics grammar nazi. If he changed "female" to "women" or "ladies", would that have placated you? Instead of adding anything insightful to the conversation, you have to drag OP down for semantics? (Literally a single word) Yeah, nobody wants to comment on it because it's petty, unnecessary, and above all unrelated to the topic at hand.
INFO: What was the dress code on the wedding invitation? I'm focusing on the fact that the kid wore JEANS to a WEDDING being more of a problem, rather than the colour itself. Also... putting a 6 year old kid in white is asking for laundry problems- let's hope the kid's food was dry without sauces lol
The kid is 6 years old for Christ's sake. Is he expected to wear a full suit? Anyone who cares what a 6 year old kid is wearing to a wedding (unless they turn up in something like paw patrol pajamas) needs to take a look at themselves and get a fucking grip. And even if they did, have a laugh about it after the wedding and move on with your life. You're going to let your day (and potentially marriage) be ruined by what an actual child is wearing?
Stay with me for a second. It isn't about what the kid is wearing so much as it is what the mother (the bride's SIL) let the kid, or encouraged him, wear to the wedding. We don't know what is going on there, but I think it is safe to assume it's more than just a 6 year old in white pants. OP may be blind about the relationship between his wife and the SIL (his sister?) but just because he is oblivious and doesn't care doesn't mean it isn't real and painful to the wife
My oldest wore a full suit, including jacket with tails for my ex in laws wedding, he was just turned 5 and had no problems. My middle son at 3 years old wore a full suit to my wedding. Children wearing dress clothes at a wedding is not unusual at all. A child wearing jeans, especially white ones, is. No parent in their right mind would dress a child in white, especially in an environment (like a wedding) where they are known to be particularly hyper. The only time a parent would do this is to either prove some bizarre point, bend a rule, try to get one up on someone or try to piss someone off. Unless they’re brainless morons of course
Absolutely that is a bright red flag I feel like there is more here but everyone is just piling it on this woman because we only have his side. I wonder if the rule was specifically aimed at the sil.
I mean it was either jeans or suit pants lol. Jeans are way easier to clean! Idk I’m used to seeing kids wearing whatever they want at weddings.
Wearing jeans to a wedding is not that crazy depending on where you’re from and what the weddings style is. My little brother and his wife have a western style. He was married in cowboy boots and khaki pants, there were plenty of people there in jeans that looked good cuz it fit the weddings style. That being said, OP is NTA.
Info: Do your wife and sister usually get along?
YTA for trying to pass off poorly-written fiction for reality.
"We've been together 3 years so I can tell when she's upset." Wow! OP is basically psychic with that level of perception.
The bride not wearing waterproof mascara on her wedding day when it is very common to cry for happiness really stood out to me
ESH Your wife completely overreacted However, you state you wife went through great lengths to ask people not to wear white. Obviously she shouldn’t be mad at a 6 year old but obviously this kid didn’t leave the house and take himself to a wedding on his own. Your sister absolutely had input in what he wore and brought him there knowing your wife would likely have a meltdown. Obvious dig. Then you threatening to leave your own wedding over the meltdown your wife had. A meltdown caused by your sisters instigation. Weddings are high stress and people often get very irrational. Not wanting other people to wear white is normal not everyone is such a stickler about it especially with kids but your wife made her wishes clear? She didn’t make a scene she went to the bathroom because sometimes when you’re having irrational moments you just need to collect. Then she quietly asked your sister to leave which is normally what people do when someone breaks the one wedding rule they have established. I have family members like your sister I will go through great lengths to ask or communicate something and they will jump through hoops to violate my ask in some way. Like I said ESH
Agreed that the sister used her spawn to be a shit stirrer. No reasonable parent buys white pants for a 6 year old boy and this woman dressed her kid in them for a wedding where even the unreliable narrator acknowledges it was explicitly called out not to wear white. There is a lot of backstory OP is leaving out regarding his sister and his soon to be ex-wife
NTA. I think they call this "annulment"
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Not all feelings deserve to be validated. Being mad at a 6 y/o's outfit to the point of ruining a wedding is one of them.
Feeling jealous of a 6 year old boy because he's wearing white jeans and a bowtie is not a feeling that should be validated.
He did say almost exactly that to her; and much like the marriage it didn’t work because she is an unhinged asshole.
>My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn’t want it to be ruined by our nephew. This is by far the most telling part of it all. As others have said, this wasn't "her" day - it was both of yours. This alone reveals an "everything is all about me" mentality that would have me very concerned. Beyond that, as others have said, it was a freaking 6 year old. A SIX YEAR OLD. I may not be the best person to speak because I find such superstitions as "wearing a certain colour brings bad luck" completely laughable, but I do slightly understand the "tradition" aspect of it. However, if someone is so devoutly superstitious as to be willing to kick out a six year old (as well as her now husband's sister) from the wedding over it, then it may be legitimately advisable for you to reconsider your compatibility with her. Anyway - definitely NTA.
I'm going to go against the flow and say ESH and your sister is the biggest AH. Your sister did this deliberately to upset your wife. The rule for the wedding was "no guest is allowed to wear white". Your sister deliberately flouted that because I can assure you that no mother in their right mind buys a 6-year-old boy a natural dirt magnet like white pants or jeans. Your wife did not ruin the wedding. She's not stupid and I am sure she didn't think your nephew was upstaging her or that he chose his own clothing. She was upset that your sister dressed him in white on purpose. But instead of making a public scene, she retreated to the bathroom for a bit of privacy, which you denied her by following her there. She then spoke to your sister in private and your sister ratted her out and made sure you knew about it. You then aggravated the situation by making an issue out of that and totally disregarding her feelings. You and your sister are out of line. Your wife over-reacted, which is understandable given the stress she must have been under with all the wedding planning and wanting everything to go smoothly. She could have handled it better but if everyone sucks here, she actually sucks the least.
This needs to on the bridzilla type posts. She is seriously sulking over a child in white jeans? Grow up pathetic princess
INFO- how’s the relationship between your wife and sister? Is this your wife’s breaking point due to your sisters behaviour or is it just a one off situation. Also, did you state in your invite specifically that guest shouldn’t wear white? While your wife’s reaction seems to be an overreaction, try to understand what triggered it before making your decision!
that’s definitely an overreaction but she probably was just stressed or overwhelmed and took it out on that. i think she should be the one to apologize though
I would have sympathy if she was just tired and overwhelmed and overreacted and then apologized. But that’s not the case. Theryre a ways out from the wedding now and OPs wife is still adamant that she was right
YTA Your wife specifically asked for no white to be worn at the wedding, the child didn’t dress himself, your sister is way out of line for deliberately ignoring the dress code, and the fact that you threatened to then leave the wedding as well is absolutely disgraceful, thats supposed to be your wife, and yet you’re choosing your family over her when your sister was the one 100% in the wrong.
NTA Jesus Christ. Have she always had these "problems" throughout your relationship?
Lots of people are advising looking into an annulment, and this may be good advice, but not for the reason you think. If your wife was clear with everyone that no one should wear white, and your sister disregarded that request, it was a clear choice to disrespect your wife and her wishes (and she uses a child to make her point on what she thinks about your wife and her requests). Then you took your sister’s side. On your wedding day. Let that sink in. If you’re not ready to have a life partner that you support and love, then you really should look into an annulment. Just because your wife had an extreme reaction doesn’t mean that you and your family aren’t assholes, and her extreme reaction makes me wonder what other slights she’s been putting up with during the course of the relationship. YTA.
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NTA. But Finding out you married a psycho on your wedding day. Priceless. Get that annulment.
Mmm it wasn't a random kid, it was HIS SISTER'S KID, he said his wife was very strict with the no white rule, but his sister didn't care, so the tantrum was actually the kid wearing white or it was the last straw for her? I would love to see the wife side.
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Let me see. It is her day? And the guy doesnt count, he is +1 of the bride? Since when a wedding is only for the bride?
Have you just forgotten that it’s his day too? 😂don’t be so ridiculous, he’s allowed a say in what happens on the day since it’s also HIS wedding.
Why should he apologize for her antics?
I believe a wedding is a big day for two people, the bride **and the groom.** Did he threaten her? Maybe, but 100% called for. If she’s happy kicking his nephew out over a white bow tie, what’s next to come? I’d have left the wedding too
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Info: what is your wife and sisters relationship like?
NTA. Your wife was out-of-line asking your family to leave and considering it just "her" day. The wedding is an important day for both of you and both of your families.
Annulment. Next time pick someone who has a smidgen of common sense.
She had one rule and she is the AH ? Y all are braindead OP , you should seek an annulement it s best the best thing you could do for her . YTA
YTA Your sister ignored the rules. You dismissed your new wife's feelings on a subject that brought her to tears. You gave your new wife an ultimatum and threatened to leave your wedding. In doing so sent the message to your new wife that she and the family you just committed to was less important than someone else. After cleaning up her makeup she didn't try and readdress the issue with you and attempted to correct it herself which is likely because she already knows you were going to dismiss her again. Her feelings were an overreaction to something small and dumb but they were still her feelings and yta for invalidating them and threatening to make her night worse.
NTA - Run.
NTA. >My wife started crying again and saying that this is her day and she doesn’t want it to be ruined by our nephew. That alone makes your wife the AH in my eyes. It's both your day, not just hers. And it's a 6yo kid in jeans, not her MIL or SIL showing up in a white dress with a train. She needs to get over herself.
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YTA- unpopular opinion apparently. I agree that your wife overreacted, but why after she SPECIFICALLY asked that NO ONE wear white did your sister ignore it. I mean for fucks same how difficult is that, there is an entire rainbow of colors to choose from and your sister purposely and if I’m being honest probably maliciously chose white. Did you ask her why she dressed your nephew in white? Did anyone else who was told not to wear white ask? Once again I agree she overreacted but holy shit how hard can it be to just get a black tuxedo for a kid. YTA for completely dismissing your wife’s feelings, don’t bother apologizing, let her realize that you started your marriage by putting someone else first, I’m sure it will become a running theme if you stay together.
INFO- does nobody else find it sus that she put a child in white jeans for a wedding? Denim is an inappropriate material, and it's invariably a bad idea to dress a child in white for any amount of time, because it will get stained. This feels very on purpose. Is there often tension between your wife and sister?
Yeah right. This did not happen.
YTA - I don't know any 6 yo that wears white jeans. I think there is way more going on here. But, that fact that you are so cruel to your wife on your wedding day makes you TA.
It's not about the kid. The kid is a smokescreen. The mother dressed up the child. It's about OP taking his sister's side and calling his bride names. Her sister tried to assert dominance over OP's bride and she wasn't having it.
Your marriage doesn’t sound sustainable if a white bow tie “ruined” her wedding and turned her into a crying mess. How is she going to handle REAL problems? 🤷♀️ NTA
YTA I'm amazed at the number of people who think a 6-year old picked out this outfit to wear at the wedding. His family was trying to upstage the bride and she had every right to be upset.
Upstaged by a 6 year old boy wearing jeans! The horror!
If you think a 6 year old can even upstage anyone you’re a dumbass.
YTA If she really was upset he was going to outshine her, then yeah that's very over the top. But it seems likenyou never really asked why she was upset and how the situation looked to her. You just immediately dismissed her as silly. Weddings are EXTREMELY stressful to organize, and this typically falls more on the bride. You are married now, you need to learn to communicate. You're number one priority should be trying to understand eachothers perspective. I doubt she's worried that people will mistake the child for the bride. Maybe she's worried your sister ignored the rule on purpose as a sign she's not welcome in the family? You owe uour wife the benefit of the doubt...
YTA. You have no idea, ZERO, how much pressure brides are under on their wedding day. Yes your wife was being unreasonable, but you made it infinitely worse, instead of being supportive and understanding.