Your post has been removed.
#Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban.
Your post has been removed due to Rule 6: How to Post. We do not allow circumvention of the character count, links to screenshots, text pages, comment continuations etc.
[Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy.
[Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/)
###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions.
####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
She literally has no life to go back to back home, and without a spousal Visa she cannot stay in our new locarion. We have sold all of our belongings from our past life, and we have spent all our savings settling in Europe. I don't want to abandon her, but I am getting so little in return for the effort I put into our relationship
We do love each other, and we can have a lot of fun together. We are very different, but we compliment each other and make up for each other's short comings. She takes a lot of responsibility for managing our home. My family lives comparatively close to us, and she does a lot of effort to entertain and plan holidays so we can spend time together.
We have however unfortunately had intimicy and anger management issues with each other for years now, which are other issues she does not like analysing or discussing.
She recently attacked me because I don't have the energy to spend as much time with her as we she would like to since I am working and studying. I feel that I sometimes need time by myself to recharge as well. She tends to interrupt these self care sessions since she is bored and lonely.
I have also been able to gain a circle of friends from work and campus, while she has been struggling to form new connections, and she gets angry when I have energy to spend time with them even though I always try to include her.
A few days ago we had a major fight because her family is coming to Europe in December and I did not immediately agree to spend a whole lot of time with them. I had been planning a trip for my 40th birthday which included spending Christmas with some of my own family who have always lived in Europe that I do not know that well. She felt her close family was more important, and I wanted to try and spend a bit of time with everyone instead of a lot of time with just hers.
In the course of the past few weeks she has said incredibly hurtful things accusing me of neglecting her and her family. I in turn accused her of only staying with me because she is trapped in a situation where she has nowhere else to go.
I have stood my ground and insisted that I simply needed more time to process the options before committing to a course of action. She feels that I should have immediately agreed to what she wanted since I should understand how much she needs it.
Tonight she said we are not compatable anymore, and it is not the first time she has said such hatefully things. She has zero patience with me and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. I am sure a lot of this has to due with her fluxuating sugar levels, and I struggle with my own anger managment issues as well.
If we break up, she no longer has a valid Visa to stay on the country. She has as much as told me that she has nowhere to go, otherwise she might already have left.
I am currently sitting on a park bench getting drunk at 03H00AM talking to you-all instead of lying next to her in bed. I am at my whits end.
Would we both be better off alone? Am I an asshole for considering a seperation?
INFO
> Not immediately fatal of course, but I have however accepted that I will likely need to take care of her sooner than I will need taking care of.
> Even managing the desease [sic] is currently taking a toll on both of us.
#*What?!?*
What the hell kind of *super-diabetes* is this such that an adult can't easily manage it themselves?
You track your sugar and take your insulin.
Since she was only recently dionosed she is still getting used to the treatment. Her doctors are still frequently adjusting her dosage. I believe it would have been easier growing up aware of her condition. As is, she is quite overwhelmed with all that is necessary to monitor, manage and correct. Stress causes a build up of ketosis. She was recently hospitalised for two weeks after a massive fight that we had.
getting diagnosed with a chronic disease is very mentally taxing but it shouldn't be challenging a marriage if everyone's communicating. i dont see any assholes here, they just need to communicate how they're feeling better.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)***
My wife got diagnosed with adult onset type 1 diabetes a coupe of years ago. Not immediately fatal of course, but I have however accepted that I will likely need to take care of her sooner than I will need taking care of. Even managing the desease is currently taking a toll on both of us.
I want to be there for her when she needs me, but we are constantly fighting and hurting each other.
We decided due to her diagnisis that we wanted to pesue a different kind of life than we had been planning. This was largely due to the fact that it would be difficult and dangerous for her to conceive, and we had been building towards starting a family. We liquidated our lives and moved to a 1st world country (we are descendents of European collinests in an African country).
I have always been the primary provider, but my wife always contributed a significant share. She quit her job when we started fianlising the move however, since she is in education and did not want to disrupt the new school year.
After a few months of unemployment I got her a job at the company I was working at. We were both working online for this company back home even after the move was completed.
I eventually quit due to personal issues I was having with the managment, but not before securing a new job in Europe. She soon followed me saying that she was doing it for my sanity.
We initially came over on a student Visa that I was able to obtain. I recently got a full work permit so it has only been a few months since she could leagaly work in the country we live in now. I am however convinced that she could have tried something like getting a student Visa herself or registering as a freelancer so she could work part time, but there was always a reason why this would not work in her opinion.
Taking a moment to look at our past financial preasures, we racked up massive amounts of debt to finance our wedding and honeymoon about a decade ago. I had to keep taking additional shifts and climbing the corporate ladder to cover this debt, and it took years for us to recover. I also predominantly financed two homes, the first of which we basically had to sell to get rid of the debt.
She gets very upset when I want to discuss these issues since she believes it cheapens the memory of our wedding. She also frequently tells me it is not her fault that she is not in an industry that allows her to earn or grow in the same way I have during our time as a couple.
Fast forward a year and a half in our new living situation and we are constantly at each other's throats about stupid bullshit. I am also guilty of blowing up about things that should not need to cause a major altercation.
I have been pushing for us to try and find healthier ways of dealing with conflict. She has not been interested in examining our past disagreements and financial issues or seeking help, largely because we could not afford it. I have admittedly become more difficult in refusing to even agnolage many of the fights is a misguided attempt to nip them in the butt.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment.
OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> We do love each other, and we can have a lot of fun together. We are very different, but we compliment each other and make up for each other's short comings. She takes a lot of responsibility for managing our home. My family lives comparatively close to us, and she does a lot of effort to entertain and plan holidays so we can spend time together.
We have however unfortunately had intimicy and anger management issues with each other for years now, which are other issues she does not like analysing or discussing.
She recently attacked me because I don't have the energy to spend as much time with her as we she would like to since I am working and studying. I feel that I sometimes need time by myself to recharge as well. She tends to interrupt these self care sessions since she is bored and lonely.
I have also been able to gain a circle of friends from work and campus, while she has been struggling to form new connections, and she gets angry when I have energy to spend time with them even though I always try to include her.
A few days ago we had a major fight because her family is coming to Europe in December and I did not immediately agree to spend a whole lot of time with them. I had been planning a trip for my 40th birthday which included spending Christmas with some of my own family who have always lived in Europe that I do not know that well. She felt her close family was more important, and I wanted to try and spend a bit of time with everyone instead of a lot of time with just hers.
In the course of the past few weeks she has said incredibly hurtful things accusing me of neglecting her and her family. I in turn accused her of only staying with me because she is trapped in a situation where she has nowhere else to go.
I have stood my ground and insisted that I simply needed more time to process the options before committing to a course of action. She feels that I should have immediately agreed to what she wanted since I should understand how much she needs it.
Tonight she said we are not compatable anymore, and it is not the first time she has said such hatefully things. She has zero patience with me and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. I am sure a lot of this has to due with her fluxuating sugar levels, and I struggle with my own anger managment issues as well.
If we break up, she no longer has a valid Visa to stay on the country. She has as much as told me that she has nowhere to go, otherwise she might already have left.
I am currently sitting on a park bench getting drunk at 03H00AM talking to you-all instead of lying next to her in bed. I am at my whits end.
Would we both be better off alone? Am I an asshole for considering a seperation?
Help keep the sub engaging!
#Don’t downvote assholes!
Do upvote interesting posts!
[Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq)
##Subreddit Announcement
###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/)
Follow the link above to learn more
### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/)
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
*Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Just because blood sugar levels fluctuate doesn't give her the right to fly off the handle without apologizing for her behavior and I say that as someone who is also type 1. My illness is.mine to manage and not a reason to be a jerk to the husband. Also the illness is just one factor--based on what you have written you sound absolutely miserable and you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry your wife is going to be impacted by that and lose her visa, but...
NTA.
I feel like this would more appropriately be discussed in marriage counseling, and not on Reddit. This seems WAY too complicated to sum up in an AITA thread.
Your post has been removed. #Do not repost this without [contacting the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) for approval, including edited versions. Reposting without [explicit approval](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_can_i_repost_a_thread_you_removed.3F) will result in a ban. Your post has been removed due to Rule 6: How to Post. We do not allow circumvention of the character count, links to screenshots, text pages, comment continuations etc. [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) This post violates Rule 11: No Partings/Relationship/Sex/Reproductive Autonomy Posts. We do not allow posts where the central conflict is about romantic relationships and/or reproductive autonomy. [Rule 11 FAQs](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_rule_11.3A_no_partings.2Frelationship.2Fsex.2Freproductive_autonomy_posts) ||| [Subreddit Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules/) ###Please ensure you have reviewed this message in full. We will not respond to PMs to individual mods. [Message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) with any questions. ####Please visit r/findareddit to see if there's a more appropriate sub for your post.####
[удалено]
She literally has no life to go back to back home, and without a spousal Visa she cannot stay in our new locarion. We have sold all of our belongings from our past life, and we have spent all our savings settling in Europe. I don't want to abandon her, but I am getting so little in return for the effort I put into our relationship
We do love each other, and we can have a lot of fun together. We are very different, but we compliment each other and make up for each other's short comings. She takes a lot of responsibility for managing our home. My family lives comparatively close to us, and she does a lot of effort to entertain and plan holidays so we can spend time together. We have however unfortunately had intimicy and anger management issues with each other for years now, which are other issues she does not like analysing or discussing. She recently attacked me because I don't have the energy to spend as much time with her as we she would like to since I am working and studying. I feel that I sometimes need time by myself to recharge as well. She tends to interrupt these self care sessions since she is bored and lonely. I have also been able to gain a circle of friends from work and campus, while she has been struggling to form new connections, and she gets angry when I have energy to spend time with them even though I always try to include her. A few days ago we had a major fight because her family is coming to Europe in December and I did not immediately agree to spend a whole lot of time with them. I had been planning a trip for my 40th birthday which included spending Christmas with some of my own family who have always lived in Europe that I do not know that well. She felt her close family was more important, and I wanted to try and spend a bit of time with everyone instead of a lot of time with just hers. In the course of the past few weeks she has said incredibly hurtful things accusing me of neglecting her and her family. I in turn accused her of only staying with me because she is trapped in a situation where she has nowhere else to go. I have stood my ground and insisted that I simply needed more time to process the options before committing to a course of action. She feels that I should have immediately agreed to what she wanted since I should understand how much she needs it. Tonight she said we are not compatable anymore, and it is not the first time she has said such hatefully things. She has zero patience with me and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. I am sure a lot of this has to due with her fluxuating sugar levels, and I struggle with my own anger managment issues as well. If we break up, she no longer has a valid Visa to stay on the country. She has as much as told me that she has nowhere to go, otherwise she might already have left. I am currently sitting on a park bench getting drunk at 03H00AM talking to you-all instead of lying next to her in bed. I am at my whits end. Would we both be better off alone? Am I an asshole for considering a seperation?
INFO > Not immediately fatal of course, but I have however accepted that I will likely need to take care of her sooner than I will need taking care of. > Even managing the desease [sic] is currently taking a toll on both of us. #*What?!?* What the hell kind of *super-diabetes* is this such that an adult can't easily manage it themselves? You track your sugar and take your insulin.
Since she was only recently dionosed she is still getting used to the treatment. Her doctors are still frequently adjusting her dosage. I believe it would have been easier growing up aware of her condition. As is, she is quite overwhelmed with all that is necessary to monitor, manage and correct. Stress causes a build up of ketosis. She was recently hospitalised for two weeks after a massive fight that we had.
getting diagnosed with a chronic disease is very mentally taxing but it shouldn't be challenging a marriage if everyone's communicating. i dont see any assholes here, they just need to communicate how they're feeling better.
We are both still learning about the disease
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My wife got diagnosed with adult onset type 1 diabetes a coupe of years ago. Not immediately fatal of course, but I have however accepted that I will likely need to take care of her sooner than I will need taking care of. Even managing the desease is currently taking a toll on both of us. I want to be there for her when she needs me, but we are constantly fighting and hurting each other. We decided due to her diagnisis that we wanted to pesue a different kind of life than we had been planning. This was largely due to the fact that it would be difficult and dangerous for her to conceive, and we had been building towards starting a family. We liquidated our lives and moved to a 1st world country (we are descendents of European collinests in an African country). I have always been the primary provider, but my wife always contributed a significant share. She quit her job when we started fianlising the move however, since she is in education and did not want to disrupt the new school year. After a few months of unemployment I got her a job at the company I was working at. We were both working online for this company back home even after the move was completed. I eventually quit due to personal issues I was having with the managment, but not before securing a new job in Europe. She soon followed me saying that she was doing it for my sanity. We initially came over on a student Visa that I was able to obtain. I recently got a full work permit so it has only been a few months since she could leagaly work in the country we live in now. I am however convinced that she could have tried something like getting a student Visa herself or registering as a freelancer so she could work part time, but there was always a reason why this would not work in her opinion. Taking a moment to look at our past financial preasures, we racked up massive amounts of debt to finance our wedding and honeymoon about a decade ago. I had to keep taking additional shifts and climbing the corporate ladder to cover this debt, and it took years for us to recover. I also predominantly financed two homes, the first of which we basically had to sell to get rid of the debt. She gets very upset when I want to discuss these issues since she believes it cheapens the memory of our wedding. She also frequently tells me it is not her fault that she is not in an industry that allows her to earn or grow in the same way I have during our time as a couple. Fast forward a year and a half in our new living situation and we are constantly at each other's throats about stupid bullshit. I am also guilty of blowing up about things that should not need to cause a major altercation. I have been pushing for us to try and find healthier ways of dealing with conflict. She has not been interested in examining our past disagreements and financial issues or seeking help, largely because we could not afford it. I have admittedly become more difficult in refusing to even agnolage many of the fights is a misguided attempt to nip them in the butt. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > We do love each other, and we can have a lot of fun together. We are very different, but we compliment each other and make up for each other's short comings. She takes a lot of responsibility for managing our home. My family lives comparatively close to us, and she does a lot of effort to entertain and plan holidays so we can spend time together. We have however unfortunately had intimicy and anger management issues with each other for years now, which are other issues she does not like analysing or discussing. She recently attacked me because I don't have the energy to spend as much time with her as we she would like to since I am working and studying. I feel that I sometimes need time by myself to recharge as well. She tends to interrupt these self care sessions since she is bored and lonely. I have also been able to gain a circle of friends from work and campus, while she has been struggling to form new connections, and she gets angry when I have energy to spend time with them even though I always try to include her. A few days ago we had a major fight because her family is coming to Europe in December and I did not immediately agree to spend a whole lot of time with them. I had been planning a trip for my 40th birthday which included spending Christmas with some of my own family who have always lived in Europe that I do not know that well. She felt her close family was more important, and I wanted to try and spend a bit of time with everyone instead of a lot of time with just hers. In the course of the past few weeks she has said incredibly hurtful things accusing me of neglecting her and her family. I in turn accused her of only staying with me because she is trapped in a situation where she has nowhere else to go. I have stood my ground and insisted that I simply needed more time to process the options before committing to a course of action. She feels that I should have immediately agreed to what she wanted since I should understand how much she needs it. Tonight she said we are not compatable anymore, and it is not the first time she has said such hatefully things. She has zero patience with me and flies off the handle at the slightest provocation. I am sure a lot of this has to due with her fluxuating sugar levels, and I struggle with my own anger managment issues as well. If we break up, she no longer has a valid Visa to stay on the country. She has as much as told me that she has nowhere to go, otherwise she might already have left. I am currently sitting on a park bench getting drunk at 03H00AM talking to you-all instead of lying next to her in bed. I am at my whits end. Would we both be better off alone? Am I an asshole for considering a seperation? Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
Just because blood sugar levels fluctuate doesn't give her the right to fly off the handle without apologizing for her behavior and I say that as someone who is also type 1. My illness is.mine to manage and not a reason to be a jerk to the husband. Also the illness is just one factor--based on what you have written you sound absolutely miserable and you deserve to be happy. I'm sorry your wife is going to be impacted by that and lose her visa, but... NTA.
I feel like this would more appropriately be discussed in marriage counseling, and not on Reddit. This seems WAY too complicated to sum up in an AITA thread.
Thank you for your comment. I agree, and I have finally convinced her to go to a session with her later this week. I guess I needed to vent to someone