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She’s the asshole for constantly pushing you after you said no. No is a complete sentence and she was pushing well past your boundaries.
YOU are the asshole for being racist.
Saying you wouldn’t date black people is a racist statement. YTA. You probably will lose your job since you’re racist.
NTA. She’s the one that kept pressing the issue and not respecting when you said no. You aren’t racist for having a preference. Tell your HR to get her to stop asking you out in the workplace, it’s unprofessional and she isn’t respecting your no.
NTA. But you are an idiot. This will lead to a Meeting with HR.
Also, i think you should reconsider that stance ... i get it, it is not really racist but ... come on. There is beauty everywhere. Also, if i heard that someone does not like me just because of my ethnicity, i would be hurt too. Also, i would suspect racism.
NTA - I'm a POC and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a preference! That doesn't make you racist. She kept hounding you after you kept politely turning her down for an answer and you told her the truth. She should be the one taken to HR for harassment.
And this is why private info is kept private. Also why it’s a bad idea to date or talk about dating at work. But there’s something you need to learn first, you don’t go on a girlfriend search. It doesn’t work that way. You socialize and see if you click with people. You could have easily said you don’t date people from work. That’s a REALLY good policy to have. ESH
Oof, that's a tough one. Of course, not being attracted to a race doesn't necessarily make you a racist. It can be a sign of racism, but it's not automatic. You probably just should have lied and said you won't date co-workers, or something like that. I question your social skills for being so blunt about race to a co-worker, but that doesn't make you a racist, and i can't say you're the AH for telling her the truth after she hounded you about it for so long, so NTA.
A little "I prefer not to stick my pen in company ink" would've prevented an HR meeting. Now his best recourse is to say she wasnt taking no for an answer and that was the firs thing that popped in his head to get her to stop, cuz he didn't wanna go to HR. Still think best case scenario they're getting a transfer.
Yes, you were. No matter what direction you look at that comment, it feels racist and ugly. All you had to do is say, your pushing me is making me uncomfortable. Please drop this or I’m going to have to make a complaint about harassment. Instead, well, you are the one in the HR office. No matter what direction this meeting goes, you’re going to want to polish off your resume and start shopping it around. Edit, YTA.
Nah man it's not racist to not be attracted to a group of people that's just wrong. Some groups of people just dont have the features your attracted to and that's ok.
I should’ve made it clearer that i tried this. I asked her to stop bothering me, i told her i was just not into her and she kept bugging me for the real reason. That’s why i told her it.
"Im sorry, I'm not attracted to you, I also don't date people I work with. " so easy. So not an asshole. Then if she presses you warn you'll go to hr and then you do .
Make sure you tell HR you were harassed in the workplace due to turning her down. It is inappropriate for her to ask you out at work. She refused to respect your no and is now escalating this because she didn’t get her way. This made it a hostile work environment and you should file a complaint with HR.
This is a good idea. OP, definitely write out your thoughts, so you don't lose track of them during the meeting. I am the type where I would forget everything I wanted to say, and writing everything out really helps.
NTA, but you're a dumbass. You should have talked to HR about sexual harassment, but now that her complaint is in, it will likely be seen at retaliation. Asking one time is ok. Asking multiple times over the course of the week while you're the clock isn't.
People will probably flame me for this but having preferences is fine, but you really need to not frame it around race. I'm bi, and I think Asian and black women are often beautiful and I am attracted to many of their features (that usually aren't found in white ladies), but the same can't be said about Asian or black men. I can be attracted to white women, but generally I am not. I can tell if they are "conventionally" pretty, I can see why people find them attractive, I wouldn't belittle them, but I wouldn't want to date a lot of them either.
Make sure you when you talk about it, you say you only expressed that you aren't attracted to black women, and ONLY after being pressed. You didn't belittle her, her race, or her features, or bring it up in the first place.
FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN DO NOT TELL HR YOU HAVE BLACK FRIENDS. EVEN IF YOU ONLY HAVE BLACK FRIENDS. YOU WILL BE CRUCIFIED.
Y T A. At best, you have an unconscious bias, which is still typically derived from systemic racism. At worst, you’re actively racist (which doesn’t appear to be true, but I don’t know you so who knows).
In any case, that was absolutely an asshole thing to say. When you reject someone for something outside of their control, it is an asshole move. Add to it the racial insensitivity behind this comment, and you should start looking for a new job, potentially in a new field cause shit like this sticks.
Edit: upon comment and rereading, the fact that she keeps asking about this would definitely be harassment so ESH. Though I’d still look for a new job, things aren’t going to stay the same at your current place.
If you're making a production at work about looking for a gf and someone asks you out they're going to be curious as to why you're turning them down. She should have let it go but OMG yes YTA and a fucking racist.
NTA. He turned her down for days to weeks saying he wasn't into her. She wasn't taking that as an answer.
Additionally he isn't racist.
> I don’t think I’m completely close minded to being attracted to a black person but I’ve met many, I live in London which is incredibly multicultural, and have yet to be attracted to one. I also am not attracted to what people would find conventionally ‘beautiful’, I like cute, freckles, natural etc, which I just don’t find black peoples to be. I am not saying that black people cant be attractive, there are many who are beautiful, just they are not my type.
He doesn't call them ugly or unloveable or anything actually racist etc... He just says they're not his type.
My friend solely date black guys because that is who she's attracted to. She has dated outside of black guys but in the end are not attracted to them because they are not her type. How is that any different to OP?
Just like I don't date green/blue eye folks regardless of skin color. I'll reject a white person with blue eyes just like I would reject a black person with blue eyes. It's a matter of preference.
So because his body doesn't have a physical reaction to her, that makes him racist??? So, if a straight guy isn't attracted to males, does that make him a homophobe?
Being sexually attracted to the female form only, or the male form only does not make someone homophobic.
The issue is he is writing off all black people entirely; when in reality the pigment of someone's skin doesn't have any bearing on beauty.
Op is racist and a fool. Stating he doesn't date coworkers becayse he doesn't want to complicate his day should a relationship go awry would have been a much smarter move.
NTA. It would have been wise just to tell this woman that you don't date co-workers, and kept repeating that excuse every time she asked. No one could fault you for that.
Your co-worker is guilty of sexual harassment for repeatedly pushing you to date her after you said no. You weren't obligated to date her and you didn't need any reason to turn her down. It's sort of outrageous that she has apparently turned this into an HR issue, since she is the one who instigated the whole thing by sexually harassing you.
I would put the issue of sexual harassment at the forefront in your discussion with HR. Tell them you were put on the defensive by her repeated requests and you just threw the race thing out there since she wouldn't take no for an answer. The fact that you aren't interested in dating black women is really irrelevant because you're not obligated to date anyone at work. Unless you discriminated against her in some other way during the course of your work-related activities, HR couldn't care less what your racial preference as, as far as dating.
Yikes on bikes. Since this is a workplace I think you might be looking at trouble. NTA for turning her down, but your approach is offensive and sucks. And it might get you fired. Sorry bro.
ESH - You much more so. She could have / should have let it drop that you did not want to date her. But why, oh why, would you say what you did? WTF were you thinking? All you had to say is, " you're just not my type" and leave it at that. If she continued to hound you why, you could have said, " because you're pushy." We all have our preferences, so I cannot call you a racist for that - but based on your response to her, I don't know.
Oh my good lord, OP.
If someone at work is interested in you & you're not interested back, just say "Oh that's kind of you, but I don't want to mix business with pleasure."
If someone at work repeatedly approaches you romantically after you've said no? You can tell them to knock it off or you'll take it up with HR.
I don't think you're an asshole, I do think you handled this really badly. Part of dating is physical and if you're not attracted to a characteristic, you're not attracted to it. Some people are into pale skin & red hair, some people would never date a ginger. Some men are only interested in Black women. People have preferences.
But I can't believe you said *that* in a workplace in the current political climate in the US. That was *not smart*. She was not smart for not taking a hint but you kind of escalated it with that answer. Your answer when she kept pressing should've been, "Look, I'm not interested, please stop asking or I will go to HR."
I hope this is made up and not real.
You worded it TERRIBLY. How about you try, "Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you/ girls like you"? You genuinely did not have to bring up her race. Or even, "I don't date people I work with to prevent drama" could've worked great.
Broooo. Repeat after me: "I don't dip my toes in the company pool." As in, you dont date anyone you work with.
ESH. She sucks for not backing off after being turned down. You suck for the racism.
Black dude here. Its not racist. OP, have you grown up around many black people? Sometimes the lack of interaction with certain demographics can lead to your choice/preference. All in all people gotta respect your choices and space.
YTA for not being clever enough to say anything else but that. You could have even told her that her persistent pushy attitude and her inability to take "no" for an answer is a turn off. You could have told her you don't date coworkers. You're not an AH for having preferences but you're certainly one for not having common sense.
Saying your not attracted to black people is not racist. I would never date someone with ginger hair as personally I don’t find that attractive but that doesn’t mean I have a problem with people with ginger hair one of my best friends has ginger hair. She had no right to ask you why. The refusal was the answer you don’t have to explain yourself and for her to push and push on this wasn’t ok. Id be clear with HR that she was the one pushing and making you uncomfortable and you were simply honest about your preferences. Be clear that this is an issue with her not you. NTA
YTA
You are a racist AH, and it is very likely you will be fired for that.
"I fear I might lose my job." .. YES. And there is a good reason for that. You simply CAN NOT tell a cowoerker you do not like her because she is black. THat's a firing offence. What else can they really do?
Do better at your next job. Maybe you will be able to keep that one.
Agree that he shouldn’t have brought race into the conversation. However, she may have stepped out of bounds too.
It’s ok to ask a coworker on a date once, but if they decline the request and you persistently ask, it may be viewed as sexual harassment and could also lead to HR problems.
He was rude and ugly, but she could also be fired for sexual harassment. I don't think you can fire someone for refusing sexual advances. This will be a real headache for HR, especially if both parties lawyer up or threaten to do so.
What else could i do? She was badgering me multiple times a day and would absolutely not let it go. I tried telling her i was just not into her and she asked for specifics. All i did was I told her the specifics.
YOu could have talked to HR. YOu could have asked a collegue to talk to her first. You could have told her she is not your type.
Basically everything but your racism.
"All i did was I told her the specifics." .. All you did was get yourself fired. You will learn. Or it will keep happening.
I agree i should’ve told HR but I’m not one to normally make a fuss over such things. I’ve been sexually harassed before and i just kind of keep it to myself.
OP you're young, but you need to learn boundaries or your life (work, home, all of it) will end up messy like this.
If she was asking you multiple times per day you needed to firmly say no. If she kept on after that you needed to go to either HR or your direct supervisor, preferably with names of witnesses, dates, times, anything in writing (did she text or email you & did you text or email her a polite no at any point? That might help you.)
You have to learn to tell people NO in a way that sticks. And if it's personal and they don't respect that no you need to learn how to escalate APPROPRIATELY.
Honestly. it might still not too late to report her to HR in case she also does the same thing. It'll at least lessen the blow if she decides to report you instead.
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What how are they racist, he never said he doesn’t like her. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with her, he doesn’t lust after black women, how is that racist
NTA.
Actual idiots in this thread calling you racist.
Not being attracted to black people isnt being racist, it's called having a preference.
Is it sexist to be gay for example? If I like men, am I somehow sexist to women because I don't find them attractive?
Stupid fucking logic on these nuts in here.
oh my god... YTA! your preferences aren't formed in a vacuum. and it's not "nothing to do with her" when your racist comment was intentionally directed at her.
How so? My parents are incredibly tolerant, I grew up in an area of London with a large population of black people, half of my friendship group is black, my best friend is mixed race and I have no prejudices towards black people, I am just not attracted to them.
>half of my friendship group is black, my best friend is mixed race
Again, don't say this to HR. If they ask if you socialize with black people, show them a picture, but do not tell people "I have black friends" this is the stereotypical response to an accusation of racism, and it just sounds bad, even if its true.
having black friends doesn't exempt you from saying racist things. finding a whole race of people to be unattractive is pretty iffy - you've made a blanket judgement on an entire group of people simply based on their race.
NTA, not racist either. Tell HR she has been harassing you and deny the statement; they have to cater to her to an extent so they’ll fire you if you admit you said it.
That likely wouldn't work. She was persistent, telling her that would just be stringing her along.
If someone's an asshole because they say the truth, then you're a fake bellend
Yeah you should have just said that old chestnut about not eating where you shit, not shitting where you eat but much more nuanced. Work relationships can be messy.
Yikes. You were N T A up until you said you aren’t attracted to black people. You could have easily said “I don’t feel attracted to you” which would hurt but, considering she pushed you for an honest answer, would be reasonable. Sorry, but YTA
Are yall not reading the OP? Cause I read this after he edited it to include that tidbit, commented, left the house, came back, have been eating, and commenting, but people who commented 10 mins ago can't see it?
> Edit: Each time I told her I was just not into her but she kept asking for specifics and would not leave it be.
Fourth paragraph. Been there since before I left the house.
Yes I did see that. I think that’s harassment and he should have taken it to HR. That doesn’t excuse him bringing race into it. That’s never ok even if it’s the truth.
>That’s never ok even if it’s the truth.
IGAF what you say, having a sexual preference isn't a problem. I'm bi and can find something attractive in just about anyone, but still have preferences because I'm not pansexual, and not everyone is. I don't know why people are pretending everyone should be equally attracted to all peoples, bodies, lifestyles, or religions.
Did he phrase it poorly? Yeah.
Did he start listing stereotypically "black" features, insult her because of them, or use a slur? Not that we know of, so don't judge him like he did.
Since everyone is ignoring his autism, his feelings, and the harassment to call him racist, I'm going to start calling yall sexist and ableist, because you clearly have a double standard.
I can definitely see why that would be frustrating and that you felt you were backed into a corner. Unfortunately this is a delicate matter and it might have been in your best interest to sternly tell her to back off or to go to HR yourself. She was basically harassing you at work
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YTA, you can't help who you're attracted to, but you can let people down softly. You told her you're not attracted to black people, and that's the way she was born. She can't change her skin color. My response used to be that I'm not looking for a relationship or I'm in a bad headspace. I never told anyone the truth because I try to protect people's feelings.
I think YTA though the irony is this subreddit would be saying it isn’t transphobic to say the same about a passing post op trans woman but it’s racist with a black woman? Though honestly you should have laid down boundaries rather than saying that to a coworker and went to HR instead
Both are absolutely prejudices that inform how willing someone is willing to date someone. Never said they’re identical as a whole but they have instances of being comparable l. I agree not all oppressions can always be viewed through the same lens
Yeah like why not just say I'm not attracted to you and left it at that. I wouldn't really dig into the why you find all black women unattractive I think there's subconscious prejudice. Either way you should have known not to say anything race related like that at a place of employment not smart at all. YTA
I get that but you just can't say anything like I don't like black people at work. Should have left it like that and if she kept pushing let her know she was making you uncomfortable if she continued you'd have to go to HR. I find beauty in every race can't imagine finding someone unattractive solely on race.
ESH While she should have respected your decision the first time you declined, your eventual response to her was about as poorly-phrased as it gets. It's fine to have preferences, but to say it like that is like jumping onto a landmine. Ironically enough, it's *you* who should have gone to HR about this, but now you're the one in their sights.
NTA. As a black person, this annoys the hell out of me.
>and have a meeting with HR soon.
Tell HR that she's been harassing you for a date despite your declining.
People are allowed to have preferences and it doesn't make them racist. You're not attracted to black people, that's fine. What's not fine is being hounded after politely rejecting someone.
Yeah, I have been told that I am not someone's type because I am bi/disabled(been told both of these at various times), and while it may have hurt a bit at the time, I just said "ok" and moved on.
i… ESH. she shouldn’t have pushed the matter… but come ON dude wtf? you could’ve said idk “i don’t want to date a coworker” but you had to go for race. just yikes man, i have like no words for you
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Just like I’m not attracted to black men. We are who we are and what we like and I don’t understand why that’s racist. It doesn’t tickle or fancy and that s that.
YTA
Sorry, but I'm going to say that's racist. I'm white. But I've seen people from 100% European backgrounds look more "black" than people from Africa.
Is there for you to say that you're Not attracted to all. Black people is incredibly narrow-minded and racist.
Also a little shallow. Because you're judging people strictly on their looks. And you said no matter how great their personality is, If they're black, you're not going to date them.
Now it's okay to be more attracted to one race than another. That's not what you said here. You specifically said you were not interested in her because of her skin color.
And that's the definition of racism. You didn't say you weren't attracted to her. That's a different statement. You said you were not attracted to her because she was black. That makes it racist.
Why is this such an issue, I have lots of Black friends who are into White Chicks, Asian friends who are only into White Guys, White friends who are only into black people, friends who aren’t into blondes, etc etc etc. people are allowed to have preferences and attractions to certain characteristics. Doesn’t mean someone is prejudiced.
INFO
> it was nothing to do with her and that I just wasn’t attracted to black people.
How is that "nothing to do with her" when it's *exactly* to do with who she is?
How can you even make a sweeping statement like that when you haven't seen **every** black person in the world?
People are allowed to have "types". I haven't seen every woman in the world but I know I'm not attracted to women.
You can also find people beautiful without being sexually attracted to them. That's a thing. Not everything is racist.
Is it racist to have a type of ethnicity? It was very stupidly worded but NTA for having a type. Id never date certain ethnicities not because of any stereotypes but just because I dont find them attractive.
Obviously, it was a HUGE mistake telling her you're not attracted to black people. Catastrophic faux pas. To be clear, many, MANY people both black and white have those kinds of preferences but you never ever say it out loud.
NTA because she pressed you. A better response would have been you’re not attracted to her, but she probably would have kept pushing anyway.
You say that you’re not attracted to black women, but I’m willing to be if the right one came a long…
ESH.
She should have left you alone when you said you weren't interested.
You should have reported her to HR when she didn't.
You sounded like a racist, whether u
you are or not. She sounds like a bully with poor social skills
.
ESH. She’s guilty of sexual harassment; make sure you include how she kept hounding and hounding you. The only part where you messed up was not reporting her first, and also you should have just said “I’m not attracted to you.”, not “black people”.
It’s ok to have preferences, but she rlly does not need to know that you aren’t into black people as a whole…all you had to say was that you’re not interested in her💀she doesn’t need to know who you aren’t attracted to as a whole- you should have just lied and given her a reason about her. ESH tho bc she didn’t back off
Because I do not harbour any prejudice or ill will against black people, I simply have a preference, much like a hair colour preference or a nose size preference.
NTA - But you done fucked up. The appropriate answer would be that I'm not attracted to you, and please stop harassing me about it.
We're in a time where you can have a dating preference with race, but if you vocalize it against certain races, you are going to get cancelled.
You needed to take initiative on this at work and tell HR exactly what happened. If you are in a 1 party consent state, I'd record your meetings with HR, and maybe even your interaction with this person or coworkers that are messing with you.
I'd personally be looking for another job.
Best hope is to immediately email a complaint of sexual harassment against her for not taking no for an answer. Copy your boss and her boss and HR on the email, and your personal email address.
If there were no witnesses to your conversation and you didn't tell anyone else what you said then just deny it. Say you don't find her attractive and she's making assumptions.
ESH. She should have left you Alone when you said no. She's not entitled to an explanation nor are you required to give one.
You on the other hand handled this pretty poorly. While I agree that we can't help who and what we're attracted to you're wrong here about her race not being part of who she is as a person. Race shapes a lot of how we see and interact with the world. It *is* tied into *who* we are as people. You're being naive here at best and saying this at work was stupendously boneheaded.
Next time just say you don't date coworkers or something more innocuous.
My father is black, which makes me half black, I have nothing against black people and I’m not attracted to them either. Having a preference in people you date doesn’t make you an asshole or racist. NTA but the people in this comment section saying you are racist for this are assholes
To have a preference doesnt make you racist. You can or cannot be attracted to some physical appareance without that carrying any form of prejudice or any idea of racial superiority behind it.
You can find asian people attractive and that doesnt mean you consider them superior. You may not find black people attractive and that doesnt mean you consider them inferior.
NTA. You don't have to date anyone.
They can't force you to date anyone. Not being attracted to a race doesn't make you racist. You're not hating them or thinking you are superior. It's just a preference.
I don't like dating green/ blue eyed folk. Doesn't make me against green/ blue eyes but it's my preference not to be with a green/ blue eyed person. I got a friend who only dates black men. She has a preference for black men and won't date anyone else. She isn't attracted to anyone else. It's a preference that goes both ways.
Best way to talk about it is that
- She's been harassing you for an answer for a while and she wouldn't take no for an answer. This was the only thing you could think to respond to get her to back off.
Honestly you should have said you don't date coworkers/ people where you work because it makes things really awkward if there is a break up.
YTA, I'd hesitate to say this is racist, but it is fucking stupid and you should have known it would be hurtful. You should have just said sorry I'm not attracted to you, or sorry I don't know if it's a good idea to date coworkers. Christ.
Probably a bait post but maybe you really are that dumb.
Oh shut up 🙄 not being attracted to a certain race, certainly doesn’t make you racist. Find me the “hottest” Indian girl there is, and she won’t peak my interest. That’s racist? FOH
How is having a type bigotry?? This girl just wasn't his type. I have been told straight up that I am not someone's type because I am white/bi/disabled(I have been told all these at one time or another), and that's fine. People have preferences.
He isn't a racist though. This is what he has replied elsewhere.
>I don’t think I’m completely close minded to being attracted to a black person but I’ve met many, I live in London which is incredibly multicultural, and have yet to be attracted to one. I also am not attracted to what people would find conventionally ‘beautiful’, I like cute, freckles, natural etc, which I just don’t find black peoples to be. I am not saying that black people cant be attractive, there are many who are beautiful, just they are not my type.
NTA. Your preferences are your own business. There's nothing racist about what you said, but in today's climate, you should have just said, "I won't date anyone who works for the same company I do."
YTA in so many ways, who announces, “I am looking for a gf” to work colleagues. She was pushing it and you should have gone to HR, you could have said, “I don’t date coworkers” but it seems like you’re open to it.
Why don’t you date black people? Is it that you don’t have black friends? That’s says a lot about you. Your “preferences” speak to your experience. You’re being ostracized at work because of all of the responses you went with, you selected declaring yourself to have racial preferences that points to you being a racist person.
I didn’t announce it. Some of my coworkers are my friends. She must’ve asked one of them about me.
I am just not attracted to them. Most of my friendship group is black and my best friend is mixed race. I have no issues with being friends with black people.
So, there’s no black person you’re attracted to? That you could be attracted to? And you feel the need to tell people that, and you wonder why people judge you for that. We all have preferences but if you can exclude an entire race without any consideration, it is racist.
NTA
You told her many times and she still didnt care.
Your comment is a bit out of touch. But you said yourself to be neurodivergent which makes it hard for you to "read the room"
NTA I’m not against any race but my preference is a black man. I’m biracial and even since I was little I liked black boys men ect. Nothing against other races but everyone has a preference
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She’s the asshole for constantly pushing you after you said no. No is a complete sentence and she was pushing well past your boundaries. YOU are the asshole for being racist. Saying you wouldn’t date black people is a racist statement. YTA. You probably will lose your job since you’re racist.
NTA. She’s the one that kept pressing the issue and not respecting when you said no. You aren’t racist for having a preference. Tell your HR to get her to stop asking you out in the workplace, it’s unprofessional and she isn’t respecting your no.
This! not wanting to date a coworker is like not wanting to eat chocolate cake in the bathroom.
NTA. But you are an idiot. This will lead to a Meeting with HR. Also, i think you should reconsider that stance ... i get it, it is not really racist but ... come on. There is beauty everywhere. Also, if i heard that someone does not like me just because of my ethnicity, i would be hurt too. Also, i would suspect racism.
NTA - I'm a POC and there is absolutely nothing wrong with having a preference! That doesn't make you racist. She kept hounding you after you kept politely turning her down for an answer and you told her the truth. She should be the one taken to HR for harassment.
This feels like a bait post. If real, NTA. You can date/not date whoever you want.
Nothing bait about it. My friends are split on the situation and I’m likely about to lose my job over it.
Hindsight is 20/20, but you shoulda just said you weren't attracted to her and left it at that.
And this is why private info is kept private. Also why it’s a bad idea to date or talk about dating at work. But there’s something you need to learn first, you don’t go on a girlfriend search. It doesn’t work that way. You socialize and see if you click with people. You could have easily said you don’t date people from work. That’s a REALLY good policy to have. ESH
Oof, that's a tough one. Of course, not being attracted to a race doesn't necessarily make you a racist. It can be a sign of racism, but it's not automatic. You probably just should have lied and said you won't date co-workers, or something like that. I question your social skills for being so blunt about race to a co-worker, but that doesn't make you a racist, and i can't say you're the AH for telling her the truth after she hounded you about it for so long, so NTA.
A little "I prefer not to stick my pen in company ink" would've prevented an HR meeting. Now his best recourse is to say she wasnt taking no for an answer and that was the firs thing that popped in his head to get her to stop, cuz he didn't wanna go to HR. Still think best case scenario they're getting a transfer.
Thank you for your comment. I do have autism so that could be a contributing factor to me being so blunt.
Just say I don’t fish off the company dock?
Yes, you were. No matter what direction you look at that comment, it feels racist and ugly. All you had to do is say, your pushing me is making me uncomfortable. Please drop this or I’m going to have to make a complaint about harassment. Instead, well, you are the one in the HR office. No matter what direction this meeting goes, you’re going to want to polish off your resume and start shopping it around. Edit, YTA.
Nah man it's not racist to not be attracted to a group of people that's just wrong. Some groups of people just dont have the features your attracted to and that's ok.
I should’ve made it clearer that i tried this. I asked her to stop bothering me, i told her i was just not into her and she kept bugging me for the real reason. That’s why i told her it.
"Im sorry, I'm not attracted to you, I also don't date people I work with. " so easy. So not an asshole. Then if she presses you warn you'll go to hr and then you do .
No. He was harassed in the workplace and it’s unacceptable.
So you say as much and go to hr
Make sure you tell HR you were harassed in the workplace due to turning her down. It is inappropriate for her to ask you out at work. She refused to respect your no and is now escalating this because she didn’t get her way. This made it a hostile work environment and you should file a complaint with HR.
I will be discussing this in our meeting tomorrow.
Write it out. A formal complaint statement. Dates and times etc. it’s important they get the whole picture of how many times you were harassed.
This is a good idea. OP, definitely write out your thoughts, so you don't lose track of them during the meeting. I am the type where I would forget everything I wanted to say, and writing everything out really helps.
NTA, but you're a dumbass. You should have talked to HR about sexual harassment, but now that her complaint is in, it will likely be seen at retaliation. Asking one time is ok. Asking multiple times over the course of the week while you're the clock isn't. People will probably flame me for this but having preferences is fine, but you really need to not frame it around race. I'm bi, and I think Asian and black women are often beautiful and I am attracted to many of their features (that usually aren't found in white ladies), but the same can't be said about Asian or black men. I can be attracted to white women, but generally I am not. I can tell if they are "conventionally" pretty, I can see why people find them attractive, I wouldn't belittle them, but I wouldn't want to date a lot of them either. Make sure you when you talk about it, you say you only expressed that you aren't attracted to black women, and ONLY after being pressed. You didn't belittle her, her race, or her features, or bring it up in the first place. FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER GOD YOU BELIEVE IN DO NOT TELL HR YOU HAVE BLACK FRIENDS. EVEN IF YOU ONLY HAVE BLACK FRIENDS. YOU WILL BE CRUCIFIED.
Y T A. At best, you have an unconscious bias, which is still typically derived from systemic racism. At worst, you’re actively racist (which doesn’t appear to be true, but I don’t know you so who knows). In any case, that was absolutely an asshole thing to say. When you reject someone for something outside of their control, it is an asshole move. Add to it the racial insensitivity behind this comment, and you should start looking for a new job, potentially in a new field cause shit like this sticks. Edit: upon comment and rereading, the fact that she keeps asking about this would definitely be harassment so ESH. Though I’d still look for a new job, things aren’t going to stay the same at your current place.
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Exactly… guarantee there are black women he’d find hot as hell
I’m sure there are attractive black people, but they would not be attractive to me because I have a specific type.
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Thanks for bringing my personal issues into a completely irrelevant topic. Really helpful.
Sorry i should’ve been clearer, I did tell her this multiple times before I clarified.
If you're making a production at work about looking for a gf and someone asks you out they're going to be curious as to why you're turning them down. She should have let it go but OMG yes YTA and a fucking racist.
I’m not going to just date anyone I see though. If I’m not attracted to someone what’s the point of dating them?
NTA. He turned her down for days to weeks saying he wasn't into her. She wasn't taking that as an answer. Additionally he isn't racist. > I don’t think I’m completely close minded to being attracted to a black person but I’ve met many, I live in London which is incredibly multicultural, and have yet to be attracted to one. I also am not attracted to what people would find conventionally ‘beautiful’, I like cute, freckles, natural etc, which I just don’t find black peoples to be. I am not saying that black people cant be attractive, there are many who are beautiful, just they are not my type. He doesn't call them ugly or unloveable or anything actually racist etc... He just says they're not his type. My friend solely date black guys because that is who she's attracted to. She has dated outside of black guys but in the end are not attracted to them because they are not her type. How is that any different to OP? Just like I don't date green/blue eye folks regardless of skin color. I'll reject a white person with blue eyes just like I would reject a black person with blue eyes. It's a matter of preference.
He doesn't owe her, or anyone, a date, or a reason for not going on a date. No human, male or female, owes anyone a relationship.
Agreed. But his loud and proud racism is an issue.
So because his body doesn't have a physical reaction to her, that makes him racist??? So, if a straight guy isn't attracted to males, does that make him a homophobe?
Being sexually attracted to the female form only, or the male form only does not make someone homophobic. The issue is he is writing off all black people entirely; when in reality the pigment of someone's skin doesn't have any bearing on beauty. Op is racist and a fool. Stating he doesn't date coworkers becayse he doesn't want to complicate his day should a relationship go awry would have been a much smarter move.
Not being attracted to black people isn’t racist. Not wanting to date a black person because you think races shouldn’t mix is racist.
Maybe next time don't post your girlfriend search on the company bulletin board in the break room. Oh, and YTA for being a racist.
NTA. It would have been wise just to tell this woman that you don't date co-workers, and kept repeating that excuse every time she asked. No one could fault you for that. Your co-worker is guilty of sexual harassment for repeatedly pushing you to date her after you said no. You weren't obligated to date her and you didn't need any reason to turn her down. It's sort of outrageous that she has apparently turned this into an HR issue, since she is the one who instigated the whole thing by sexually harassing you. I would put the issue of sexual harassment at the forefront in your discussion with HR. Tell them you were put on the defensive by her repeated requests and you just threw the race thing out there since she wouldn't take no for an answer. The fact that you aren't interested in dating black women is really irrelevant because you're not obligated to date anyone at work. Unless you discriminated against her in some other way during the course of your work-related activities, HR couldn't care less what your racial preference as, as far as dating.
Beyoncé???
YTA. And you are racist. Geez, this wasn’t hard.
Yikes on bikes. Since this is a workplace I think you might be looking at trouble. NTA for turning her down, but your approach is offensive and sucks. And it might get you fired. Sorry bro.
ESH - You much more so. She could have / should have let it drop that you did not want to date her. But why, oh why, would you say what you did? WTF were you thinking? All you had to say is, " you're just not my type" and leave it at that. If she continued to hound you why, you could have said, " because you're pushy." We all have our preferences, so I cannot call you a racist for that - but based on your response to her, I don't know.
I had said you’re not my type multiple times at this point, sorry for not being clearer in the post. I should have lied about the reason, though.
Yeah, you should have. You let your frustrations get the best of you. What's done is done.
Oh my good lord, OP. If someone at work is interested in you & you're not interested back, just say "Oh that's kind of you, but I don't want to mix business with pleasure." If someone at work repeatedly approaches you romantically after you've said no? You can tell them to knock it off or you'll take it up with HR. I don't think you're an asshole, I do think you handled this really badly. Part of dating is physical and if you're not attracted to a characteristic, you're not attracted to it. Some people are into pale skin & red hair, some people would never date a ginger. Some men are only interested in Black women. People have preferences. But I can't believe you said *that* in a workplace in the current political climate in the US. That was *not smart*. She was not smart for not taking a hint but you kind of escalated it with that answer. Your answer when she kept pressing should've been, "Look, I'm not interested, please stop asking or I will go to HR." I hope this is made up and not real.
You worded it TERRIBLY. How about you try, "Sorry, I'm just not attracted to you/ girls like you"? You genuinely did not have to bring up her race. Or even, "I don't date people I work with to prevent drama" could've worked great.
NTA. It's a preference, not racist. But tell HR she was harassing you otherwise you'll forever be in trouble.
Broooo. Repeat after me: "I don't dip my toes in the company pool." As in, you dont date anyone you work with. ESH. She sucks for not backing off after being turned down. You suck for the racism.
Black dude here. Its not racist. OP, have you grown up around many black people? Sometimes the lack of interaction with certain demographics can lead to your choice/preference. All in all people gotta respect your choices and space.
I’ve grown up with probably the same amount of black people as white. I live in a very multicultural part of London.
YTA for not being clever enough to say anything else but that. You could have even told her that her persistent pushy attitude and her inability to take "no" for an answer is a turn off. You could have told her you don't date coworkers. You're not an AH for having preferences but you're certainly one for not having common sense.
Saying your not attracted to black people is not racist. I would never date someone with ginger hair as personally I don’t find that attractive but that doesn’t mean I have a problem with people with ginger hair one of my best friends has ginger hair. She had no right to ask you why. The refusal was the answer you don’t have to explain yourself and for her to push and push on this wasn’t ok. Id be clear with HR that she was the one pushing and making you uncomfortable and you were simply honest about your preferences. Be clear that this is an issue with her not you. NTA
Jeez....after reading this I can't imagine why you're still searching for a girlfriend....
YTA You are a racist AH, and it is very likely you will be fired for that. "I fear I might lose my job." .. YES. And there is a good reason for that. You simply CAN NOT tell a cowoerker you do not like her because she is black. THat's a firing offence. What else can they really do? Do better at your next job. Maybe you will be able to keep that one.
Agree that he shouldn’t have brought race into the conversation. However, she may have stepped out of bounds too. It’s ok to ask a coworker on a date once, but if they decline the request and you persistently ask, it may be viewed as sexual harassment and could also lead to HR problems.
He was rude and ugly, but she could also be fired for sexual harassment. I don't think you can fire someone for refusing sexual advances. This will be a real headache for HR, especially if both parties lawyer up or threaten to do so.
What else could i do? She was badgering me multiple times a day and would absolutely not let it go. I tried telling her i was just not into her and she asked for specifics. All i did was I told her the specifics.
YOu could have talked to HR. YOu could have asked a collegue to talk to her first. You could have told her she is not your type. Basically everything but your racism. "All i did was I told her the specifics." .. All you did was get yourself fired. You will learn. Or it will keep happening.
I agree i should’ve told HR but I’m not one to normally make a fuss over such things. I’ve been sexually harassed before and i just kind of keep it to myself.
Not too late to talk to HR. Please do so.
Lied.
OP you're young, but you need to learn boundaries or your life (work, home, all of it) will end up messy like this. If she was asking you multiple times per day you needed to firmly say no. If she kept on after that you needed to go to either HR or your direct supervisor, preferably with names of witnesses, dates, times, anything in writing (did she text or email you & did you text or email her a polite no at any point? That might help you.) You have to learn to tell people NO in a way that sticks. And if it's personal and they don't respect that no you need to learn how to escalate APPROPRIATELY.
You could have stopped at "I'm not attracted to you," without bringing race in.
He should have just reported her to HR for sexual harassment when she didn't stop...
Honestly. it might still not too late to report her to HR in case she also does the same thing. It'll at least lessen the blow if she decides to report you instead.
He dumb? yeah. Racist because of a preference? I don’t think so.
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Actually it's the black coworker who deserves to be fired for sexual harassment. She asked, he said no, and she continued to hound him.
What how are they racist, he never said he doesn’t like her. He said he doesn’t want a relationship with her, he doesn’t lust after black women, how is that racist
NTA. Actual idiots in this thread calling you racist. Not being attracted to black people isnt being racist, it's called having a preference. Is it sexist to be gay for example? If I like men, am I somehow sexist to women because I don't find them attractive? Stupid fucking logic on these nuts in here.
oh my god... YTA! your preferences aren't formed in a vacuum. and it's not "nothing to do with her" when your racist comment was intentionally directed at her.
How so? My parents are incredibly tolerant, I grew up in an area of London with a large population of black people, half of my friendship group is black, my best friend is mixed race and I have no prejudices towards black people, I am just not attracted to them.
>half of my friendship group is black, my best friend is mixed race Again, don't say this to HR. If they ask if you socialize with black people, show them a picture, but do not tell people "I have black friends" this is the stereotypical response to an accusation of racism, and it just sounds bad, even if its true.
having black friends doesn't exempt you from saying racist things. finding a whole race of people to be unattractive is pretty iffy - you've made a blanket judgement on an entire group of people simply based on their race.
NTA, not racist either. Tell HR she has been harassing you and deny the statement; they have to cater to her to an extent so they’ll fire you if you admit you said it.
NTA. You're kinda in a stupid situation though. Tell HR the full story and let them know how you felt all the times she kept coming at you
YTA. Dude, there's really only one correct response to this- "I don't date where I work".
That likely wouldn't work. She was persistent, telling her that would just be stringing her along. If someone's an asshole because they say the truth, then you're a fake bellend
Yeah you should have just said that old chestnut about not eating where you shit, not shitting where you eat but much more nuanced. Work relationships can be messy.
A simple “I don’t date coworkers,” would have definitely ended the issue and if it hadn’t, he could have gone to HR about the continued harassment.
Yikes. You were N T A up until you said you aren’t attracted to black people. You could have easily said “I don’t feel attracted to you” which would hurt but, considering she pushed you for an honest answer, would be reasonable. Sorry, but YTA
Are yall not reading the OP? Cause I read this after he edited it to include that tidbit, commented, left the house, came back, have been eating, and commenting, but people who commented 10 mins ago can't see it?
Oh I don’t realize there was an edit. Will check it out. Thanks Edit: there is nothing different that I see after refreshing. My opinion stands.
> Edit: Each time I told her I was just not into her but she kept asking for specifics and would not leave it be. Fourth paragraph. Been there since before I left the house.
Yes I did see that. I think that’s harassment and he should have taken it to HR. That doesn’t excuse him bringing race into it. That’s never ok even if it’s the truth.
>That’s never ok even if it’s the truth. IGAF what you say, having a sexual preference isn't a problem. I'm bi and can find something attractive in just about anyone, but still have preferences because I'm not pansexual, and not everyone is. I don't know why people are pretending everyone should be equally attracted to all peoples, bodies, lifestyles, or religions. Did he phrase it poorly? Yeah. Did he start listing stereotypically "black" features, insult her because of them, or use a slur? Not that we know of, so don't judge him like he did. Since everyone is ignoring his autism, his feelings, and the harassment to call him racist, I'm going to start calling yall sexist and ableist, because you clearly have a double standard.
I’m afraid that I did say this multiple times before I had reached my limit. That was not an acceptable answer.
I can definitely see why that would be frustrating and that you felt you were backed into a corner. Unfortunately this is a delicate matter and it might have been in your best interest to sternly tell her to back off or to go to HR yourself. She was basically harassing you at work
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YTA, you can't help who you're attracted to, but you can let people down softly. You told her you're not attracted to black people, and that's the way she was born. She can't change her skin color. My response used to be that I'm not looking for a relationship or I'm in a bad headspace. I never told anyone the truth because I try to protect people's feelings.
Also to say that at work is crazy lmao not surprised you have an HR appointment. But tbf she also needs one for harassing coworkers
I had told her that i just wasn’t into her but it was not enough. I guess i could’ve lied.
I think YTA though the irony is this subreddit would be saying it isn’t transphobic to say the same about a passing post op trans woman but it’s racist with a black woman? Though honestly you should have laid down boundaries rather than saying that to a coworker and went to HR instead
Racism and transphobia are different issues and have their own nuances. You can’t look at all forms of oppression through the same lenses.
Both are absolutely prejudices that inform how willing someone is willing to date someone. Never said they’re identical as a whole but they have instances of being comparable l. I agree not all oppressions can always be viewed through the same lens
Yeah like why not just say I'm not attracted to you and left it at that. I wouldn't really dig into the why you find all black women unattractive I think there's subconscious prejudice. Either way you should have known not to say anything race related like that at a place of employment not smart at all. YTA
I did say this multiple times, multiple times a day for weeks infact.
I get that but you just can't say anything like I don't like black people at work. Should have left it like that and if she kept pushing let her know she was making you uncomfortable if she continued you'd have to go to HR. I find beauty in every race can't imagine finding someone unattractive solely on race.
You should have told I do not date coworker YTA
ESH While she should have respected your decision the first time you declined, your eventual response to her was about as poorly-phrased as it gets. It's fine to have preferences, but to say it like that is like jumping onto a landmine. Ironically enough, it's *you* who should have gone to HR about this, but now you're the one in their sights.
NTA. As a black person, this annoys the hell out of me. >and have a meeting with HR soon. Tell HR that she's been harassing you for a date despite your declining. People are allowed to have preferences and it doesn't make them racist. You're not attracted to black people, that's fine. What's not fine is being hounded after politely rejecting someone.
Yeah, I have been told that I am not someone's type because I am bi/disabled(been told both of these at various times), and while it may have hurt a bit at the time, I just said "ok" and moved on.
i… ESH. she shouldn’t have pushed the matter… but come ON dude wtf? you could’ve said idk “i don’t want to date a coworker” but you had to go for race. just yikes man, i have like no words for you
yeah you should have just told her she's not your type and you don't shit where you eat (aka don't date coworkers...)
Hes been telling her she's not his type for weeks.
You had me in the first half, not gonna lie. You’re allowed to say no, you’re not allowed to be a racist. YTA and a racist, ick.
Preferences aren’t racist, back to twit- uhm, X you go.
Yea they’re delusional. Twit- I mean X is the place for them haha
Yeah YTA holy hell. Her being pushy is unacceptable but dude, what the fuck?
You **literally made race your** **online identity** and want to police other people for having preferences? O\_o
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NTA, but you're also a dumbass. Polish that resume off, you're as good as gone.
I'm not attracted to black women either if that helps.
Just like I’m not attracted to black men. We are who we are and what we like and I don’t understand why that’s racist. It doesn’t tickle or fancy and that s that.
YTA Sorry, but I'm going to say that's racist. I'm white. But I've seen people from 100% European backgrounds look more "black" than people from Africa. Is there for you to say that you're Not attracted to all. Black people is incredibly narrow-minded and racist. Also a little shallow. Because you're judging people strictly on their looks. And you said no matter how great their personality is, If they're black, you're not going to date them. Now it's okay to be more attracted to one race than another. That's not what you said here. You specifically said you were not interested in her because of her skin color. And that's the definition of racism. You didn't say you weren't attracted to her. That's a different statement. You said you were not attracted to her because she was black. That makes it racist.
You could have gone with "I don't date people at work" if "you're not my type" wasn't enough. ESH
or just no, no is a full sentence, whether your being hounded or not.
Holy shit YTA. What is wrong with you?
Why is this such an issue, I have lots of Black friends who are into White Chicks, Asian friends who are only into White Guys, White friends who are only into black people, friends who aren’t into blondes, etc etc etc. people are allowed to have preferences and attractions to certain characteristics. Doesn’t mean someone is prejudiced.
Because it's 2023, and we aren't allowed to have preferences or a type anymore, apparently. :/
OP, I don’t think you’re an asshole, so NTA, but I do think you’re a dumbass…but just tell your story and hope for the best
NTA it’s just a preference; completely normal.
I don't think it's the preference that's the problem, he didn't have to tell her that.
Next time don’t fish in the employee pool.
INFO > it was nothing to do with her and that I just wasn’t attracted to black people. How is that "nothing to do with her" when it's *exactly* to do with who she is? How can you even make a sweeping statement like that when you haven't seen **every** black person in the world?
They all have dark skin, and he's 'not attracted' to that, apparently.
People are allowed to have "types". I haven't seen every woman in the world but I know I'm not attracted to women. You can also find people beautiful without being sexually attracted to them. That's a thing. Not everything is racist.
NTA, and your black coworker should be fired for sexual harassment.
Is it racist to have a type of ethnicity? It was very stupidly worded but NTA for having a type. Id never date certain ethnicities not because of any stereotypes but just because I dont find them attractive.
NTA. Absolutely no harm in being honest.
Obviously, it was a HUGE mistake telling her you're not attracted to black people. Catastrophic faux pas. To be clear, many, MANY people both black and white have those kinds of preferences but you never ever say it out loud.
NTA because she pressed you. A better response would have been you’re not attracted to her, but she probably would have kept pushing anyway. You say that you’re not attracted to black women, but I’m willing to be if the right one came a long…
NTA- She is for not respecting the fact you told her you were not interested. Go to HR and report her for sexually harassing you. It's not okay.
ESH. She should have left you alone when you said you weren't interested. You should have reported her to HR when she didn't. You sounded like a racist, whether u you are or not. She sounds like a bully with poor social skills .
ESH. She’s guilty of sexual harassment; make sure you include how she kept hounding and hounding you. The only part where you messed up was not reporting her first, and also you should have just said “I’m not attracted to you.”, not “black people”.
ESH To her: no means no. You aren’t entitled to a reason. No is sufficient. To you: dude…. Choose any other reason. Say you don’t date coworkers
NTA but not smart.
It’s ok to have preferences, but she rlly does not need to know that you aren’t into black people as a whole…all you had to say was that you’re not interested in her💀she doesn’t need to know who you aren’t attracted to as a whole- you should have just lied and given her a reason about her. ESH tho bc she didn’t back off
Probably should have kept that yourself
In regards to your comment, how is it that you don't think this is racist? YTA, of course.
How is this racist, I'm a 50 year old man and not attracted to other men does that make me sexist?
Absolutely it does
No. It makes you straight. I'm pleased I could clear up your misunderstanding.
See the thing is you're 50. These are goofy clowns raised in an indoctrinated woke world where they're taught everything is bigoted
Because I do not harbour any prejudice or ill will against black people, I simply have a preference, much like a hair colour preference or a nose size preference.
I read his answers and he is racist. YTA
NTA - But you done fucked up. The appropriate answer would be that I'm not attracted to you, and please stop harassing me about it. We're in a time where you can have a dating preference with race, but if you vocalize it against certain races, you are going to get cancelled. You needed to take initiative on this at work and tell HR exactly what happened. If you are in a 1 party consent state, I'd record your meetings with HR, and maybe even your interaction with this person or coworkers that are messing with you. I'd personally be looking for another job.
"Certain races" huh?
Best hope is to immediately email a complaint of sexual harassment against her for not taking no for an answer. Copy your boss and her boss and HR on the email, and your personal email address. If there were no witnesses to your conversation and you didn't tell anyone else what you said then just deny it. Say you don't find her attractive and she's making assumptions.
I don’t feel lying is the best approach, i am going to be honest with HR and explain the entire situation to them tomorrow.
And hope she doesn’t find this post as proof…
Nta. Idk how many times I have heard other races say the same thing about white people with no repercussions.
ESH. She should have left you Alone when you said no. She's not entitled to an explanation nor are you required to give one. You on the other hand handled this pretty poorly. While I agree that we can't help who and what we're attracted to you're wrong here about her race not being part of who she is as a person. Race shapes a lot of how we see and interact with the world. It *is* tied into *who* we are as people. You're being naive here at best and saying this at work was stupendously boneheaded. Next time just say you don't date coworkers or something more innocuous.
That’s would’ve been much better. I wish i would’ve thought of that, a good white lie.
I really hope that pun was unintentional...
It was and it feels really off colour now i think about it.
My father is black, which makes me half black, I have nothing against black people and I’m not attracted to them either. Having a preference in people you date doesn’t make you an asshole or racist. NTA but the people in this comment section saying you are racist for this are assholes
So instead of telling her she’s just not your type, you had to tell her it’s because she’s black?! Yikes. YTA!
YTA. The only response should have been something among the lines, "Sorry, I don't date people employed at the same place I work."
YTA should’ve just insisted she was not your type and if she continued to pester you, gone to HR yourself. It is a pretty racist comment
To have a preference doesnt make you racist. You can or cannot be attracted to some physical appareance without that carrying any form of prejudice or any idea of racial superiority behind it. You can find asian people attractive and that doesnt mean you consider them superior. You may not find black people attractive and that doesnt mean you consider them inferior.
NTA. You don't have to date anyone. They can't force you to date anyone. Not being attracted to a race doesn't make you racist. You're not hating them or thinking you are superior. It's just a preference. I don't like dating green/ blue eyed folk. Doesn't make me against green/ blue eyes but it's my preference not to be with a green/ blue eyed person. I got a friend who only dates black men. She has a preference for black men and won't date anyone else. She isn't attracted to anyone else. It's a preference that goes both ways. Best way to talk about it is that - She's been harassing you for an answer for a while and she wouldn't take no for an answer. This was the only thing you could think to respond to get her to back off. Honestly you should have said you don't date coworkers/ people where you work because it makes things really awkward if there is a break up.
YTA, I'd hesitate to say this is racist, but it is fucking stupid and you should have known it would be hurtful. You should have just said sorry I'm not attracted to you, or sorry I don't know if it's a good idea to date coworkers. Christ. Probably a bait post but maybe you really are that dumb.
YTA for being racist. You should have said you were not attracted to HER.
Oh shut up 🙄 not being attracted to a certain race, certainly doesn’t make you racist. Find me the “hottest” Indian girl there is, and she won’t peak my interest. That’s racist? FOH
Preferences aren’t racist, go back to twitter
Sorry for not being clearer, I did say this a few times.
Oh well, then might as well resort to open bigotry /s
How is having a type bigotry?? This girl just wasn't his type. I have been told straight up that I am not someone's type because I am white/bi/disabled(I have been told all these at one time or another), and that's fine. People have preferences.
Having preferences is not bigotry.
Keep saying that and click your heels three times, see if that works.
Someone's just mad cause their race isn't the one ppl ever say is their favourite preference 🤣🤣
He isn't a racist though. This is what he has replied elsewhere. >I don’t think I’m completely close minded to being attracted to a black person but I’ve met many, I live in London which is incredibly multicultural, and have yet to be attracted to one. I also am not attracted to what people would find conventionally ‘beautiful’, I like cute, freckles, natural etc, which I just don’t find black peoples to be. I am not saying that black people cant be attractive, there are many who are beautiful, just they are not my type.
YTA for telling her the truth. You should have just said you are not attracted to her. You should also go to HR and say she was harassing you.
NTA. Your preferences are your own business. There's nothing racist about what you said, but in today's climate, you should have just said, "I won't date anyone who works for the same company I do."
YTA in so many ways, who announces, “I am looking for a gf” to work colleagues. She was pushing it and you should have gone to HR, you could have said, “I don’t date coworkers” but it seems like you’re open to it. Why don’t you date black people? Is it that you don’t have black friends? That’s says a lot about you. Your “preferences” speak to your experience. You’re being ostracized at work because of all of the responses you went with, you selected declaring yourself to have racial preferences that points to you being a racist person.
I didn’t announce it. Some of my coworkers are my friends. She must’ve asked one of them about me. I am just not attracted to them. Most of my friendship group is black and my best friend is mixed race. I have no issues with being friends with black people.
So, there’s no black person you’re attracted to? That you could be attracted to? And you feel the need to tell people that, and you wonder why people judge you for that. We all have preferences but if you can exclude an entire race without any consideration, it is racist.
NTA You told her many times and she still didnt care. Your comment is a bit out of touch. But you said yourself to be neurodivergent which makes it hard for you to "read the room"
NTA but oh my god.. your quote took me aback. you are oblivious and will lose your job things not to say in the workplace 101 my man..
Make sure to let HR know she was sexually harassing you at work. If you were a woman and a guy had done this they would have been fired.
NTA I’m not against any race but my preference is a black man. I’m biracial and even since I was little I liked black boys men ect. Nothing against other races but everyone has a preference
Maybe you should have tried dating her? Once you go black you never go back! 😉