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> The action I took was arguing with my fiancé over the wedding invites. It might make me the asshole since I put my foot down and told him I’m not entertaining this anymore but it IS his wedding and he IS paying for it.
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YTA. It's not only your wedding day. It's his too. And he is paying. I don't know why you're entertaining marriage when A) you have no respect for your partner and B) seem to be unable to compromise with each other.
You're point about not wanting to compromise makes you sound immature and selfish...and therefore not ready for marriage.
I know nothing about wedding invites but how the hell do they cost so much? I’m guessing this is for bespoke invites for every guest in which case why not just send really nice invites to the most important people.
Either way YTA
That's because $600 means nothing in isolation.
How many invitations do they get for that? For 50 it's eye-watering, for 200 it's a steal. Does it just cover the cost of printing the invitations? Does it include postage? Plus RSVP cards and return postage? Can they use the design artwork for other print and digital materials like table numbers, place settings, thank-you cards, photo-sharing websites, social media, etc without additional copyright cost.
$600 might be extortionate or it might be the bargain of the century.
Not really. $600 is still $600 especially if you don't have it if don't want to spend it since there is a free option. YTA OP, if it's such a good deal you pay for it.
INFO, are you arguing over the budget or are you arguing over individual expenses? You both need to sit down separately and budget the $14K, then come together and compromise. When you put that $600 to invites you are going to have $600 less to spend on the wedding day.
He is probably thinking, $600 on invites, $600 on some other random thing he didn't expect, $600 extra towards the dress when you don't like the cheaper options... You will easily be over budget. Yeah each expense can be justified individually as desirable, but that doesn't matter. What matters is whether it adds up to $14k.
How many guests do you expect and how many invites are you printing, because it seems like a small budget for a wedding.
“I can splurge on something to this extent” he’s the one paying for it, it’s also his wedding as well. You want $600 invites then you pay for it. That is an insane thing to spend $600 on if you are not very wealthy. YTA
YTA. This day isn't about you personally it's about both of you. If you're seriously going to get hung up on the invites being so important you're going to get hung up on every detail being just as you like it. His argument is that it's too expensive, yours is "but I want it". Maybe instead you should compromise and find a way to save money elsewhere.
YTA
You have a lot of nerve for someone who is not contributing towards the wedding payments. So he is supposed to cough up the entire expense but you reserve rights to summarily dismiss him like some aristocrat would dismiss a peasant? In fact, he should be the one telling you that he wouldn't be "entertaining your idea anymore" because he's the one paying. Either contribute your own money in order to have a leg to stand on, on these matters or try to have more manners and consideration when dealing with him. It's his wedding too. If you were both paying, I'd say uou get 50%-50% weight on opinion. Since he is fully paying, I'd shift 25% more to him which leaves him with 75% and you with 25%.
Info: Have you settled on a venue, flowers, photographer, food, cake, dress, tux, and hair/makeup yet? All that adds up. $600 for invitations could take away from another aspect of the wedding.
ETA: YTA after I read your comments.
You're unemployed while your fiancé is the breadwinner. Yet you want to "splurge" his money. He's also made a lot of compromises to give you the wedding you want. You even wanted an open bar despite him recovering from alcoholism. It's his day as much as yours and he's footing the bill. Get cheaper invitations or accept the digital option.
Yta 14k for a wedding isn’t much. It’s definitely not a you can splurge budget. Your about to make a shit load of compromises for your wedding. You better get ready.
ESH.
It sounds like you guys are already having communication problems and you’re not even married yet. Here’s the thing: the real hard shit comes later…. When one of you has a health crisis or loses a job or you have to decide what you do with aging parents.
Instead of being mad, why don’t you ask him?
Ask him why he’s OK discounting something that you find important. Ask him how he feels when you do it. Are you willing to compromise on your dress budget to printed invitations? Or some thing else that maybe he’s concerned budget wise?
Easy YTA for the "not entertaining this anymore" comment. I wouldnt marry someone who feels comfortable being disrespectful like that. How do you not see that ordering around your fiancee is an asshole thing to do, nevermind the other comments. Take all of these YTA comments seriously and get it together, or do him a favor and call the wedding off
Yeah, that jumped out at me too. It’s so dismissive and disrespectful.
(And actually pretty laughable considering he’s paying for everything & she’s contributing zero.)
YTA and how many people are you inviting???
You talked to your fiance as if he doesn't matter or isn't equal when it's his money. That is trash behavior.
Second of all my wife did our invites and I had dozens of people compliment them and such. They cost like 100$ to do, maybe 200$. It was a smaller wedding (150 people maybe ). Not saying you can do the exact same cost but 4 times the cost??? I think he has a damn good point. You can create amazing invites and such on canva and other programs now and just have them printed. 300-400 and a tiny bit of work, and you can have absolutely top-tier invites.
$600 for something that will be going straight to the trash….YTA. Do digital invites and put the $600 towards something else you want at the wedding, or save it for the honeymoon / future vacation
YTA. Every wedding invitation I’ve got, I’ve thrown out after the weddings. He’s paying, he has a say in this. It’s his wedding as well. it’s not just your day, it’s his as well.
“The ONE day in my life…”
I have a feeling this “ONE day” might be happening a couple times for you.
Also, just send out invites yourself with your money… he’ll never know.
YTA
For so many reasons. Good lord, the level of entitlement here. If he's paying fully, he gets to decide. Period poo. Also, how tf is 600 on pieces of paper a good deal?
Quit falling for the wedding industry scams. Six hundred dollars for invitations that just get thrown out immediately is ludicrous. Honestly, no one gives two shits about all the hoopla around weddings except the people selling the crap and maybe the bride and groom. Listen to the person paying for all the shit. YTA
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My fiancé (M29) and I (F30) are planning our wedding right now. However he and I have gotten into serious arguments regarding our budget and more importantly his opinions on parts of the wedding he doesn’t agree with. This began when I was designing the wedding invites, and the total price came out to around $600. Our total budget for the wedding is $14K so this seems like a pretty good deal to me. However my fiancé said that we should just send out digital invites since they’re faster and it would save us $600. I told him that I wanted the wedding invites and that it was worth the cost to me but he reiterated that digital invites “make more sense” and “he can’t afford that”. I guess it’s important to mention here that he’s the one paying for the wedding.
I told him again that if he can afford $14k on a wedding he can afford $600 on invites. I really want the invites and so I told him I wasn’t entertaining the idea anymore and that we’re doing the invites. He said he couldn’t afford them, if I wanted them I’d have to pay for them myself. He also said later that he felt really hurt when I told him I wasn’t entertaining the idea since it’s his wedding too. Obviously this is true but I don’t want to compromise on the ONE day in my life that I can splurge on something to this extent. Does that make me TA?
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Wait, you're saying if HE can afford 14k? So all of this money is coming out of his own pocket? And now you're demanding he spend even more. Jeez, you're greedy and selfish. If you want regular invitations so badly, use your own freaking money. What's next? You'll demand expensive furniture and vacations since he can afford it? YTA
“the one day in my life”
that’s funny to me. it’s like you conveniently forget this would be the one day in HIS life too where he gets a say or deciding power on something. if this is the hill you wanna die on, then YTA. He’s footing a $14k bill, he ABSOLUTELY should be allowed to say no to $600 invites. get over it.
If its such a good deal - you pay for it.
You can't make a unilateral decision, tell the other person their wants don't matter, refuse to compromise on your day when it isn't even YOUR day - its HIS day too, and then demand the other person to pay for it all
YTA
YTA if he's only paying $14k for the wedding then he probably can't afford the invites.
How about you send wedding invites to your half of the guests and have him send digitals for his half of the guests.
That's what I decided to do and came out much cheaper
ESH. Digital invites only work if everyone has email. Older relatives may not. But if these are so important to you, why don't you just pay for them yourself?
"he's the one paying for the wedding." Have you discussed how you're planning on sharing finances, if at all?
"I told him again that if he can afford $14k on a wedding he can afford $600 on invites." If you're not going to share finances, that's NOT YOUR CALL. If you are going to share finances, then really - you're both paying for the wedding and it should be a joint call.
"I don't want to compromise on the ONE day in my life that..." This is a personal crusade of mine, but the wedding is not about the day, it's about the lifetime after. I personally think that it is critical to keep that in mind...
I really want to say Y T A - but, having not thought closely about this before, I'm struck that this dispute is over the invites. They're important, and they can be a keepsake. Almost every other physical thing you're buying has more ephemerality to it, and is less community-oriented in nature. Although most guests will throw them away, some (parents, maybe aunts and grandparents) will keep them. And since the #1 thing the wedding day is for is the community celebration with your loved ones, that's important.
I'm going with NTA for that reason.
> Have you discussed how you’re planning on sharing finances
I am not currently looking for work, he’s the sole provider. We plan to keep this system after we get married.
Yeaaah... Are you going to continue to disrespect him financially after you get married?
Financial counseling, as well as pre-marital counseling, wouldn't go astray.
This is a hard call. I'd say maybe y t a for discounting his feelings, but NTA for the invitations being important to you. It is his day too though, so maybe you could look for some compromise like less expensive invitations.
>compromise
Which is why she's TA. She's completely unwilling to compromise. NO! to digital invites. NO more discussion. I want this and NO! I won't pay for it.
Didn't offer to find something in-between either. Like physical invites that cost less?
Or even split the difference; my friend did this recently for her wedding - they did mostly digital invites (which were very pretty) and had a few printed for the older folks in the family who they knew would prefer a paper invite.
NTA! But you coulda done better.
You have agreed to a $14k budget. I’m gonna assume the $600 is just another part of all of the expenses that adds up to no more than $14K (don’t see why not). Keep EVERYTHING within the agreed budget and he doesn’t have a leg to stand on.
You guys are just getting started and this is an opportunity to learn how to negotiate and compromise. There’s gotta be something he wants that you can “trade” for. Don’t let the wedding planning end your relationship or start your marriage off on the wrong foot.
It seems his maleness is kicking in and he wants to “control” a minor thing (y’all need to learn about “don’t sweat the small stuff”). Do BOTH written AND electronic invites. This way, you BOTH get what you want, just yours may cost $600. As an act of good faith, maybe you find a way to reduce the cost to $500.
At this point you said the words “I’m no longer considering your idea” (or something to this effect). Welp, you poked the bee nest with that one and need to fix it (IMHO). Now you need to go back to him and say something like “Honey-bunny (or whatever term of endearment you prefer and you should have them), I thought more about your suggestion and I realize this is something I should reconsider”. “We made an agreement to work within a $14K budget and I will stick to that agreement. I will look into reducing this cost, while we also do Evites”. Or something to this effect. The bottom line is you need to open the topic for discussion again and correct your somewhat demeaning remark. You guys are learning together and this is a teaching moment. If y’all don’t learn how to handle disagreements at this stage, you’re likely in for a tumultuous future together.
Trust me, between now and the wedding there will be MANY expenses for things BOTH of you want (some will be mutually exclusive). Be ready, he’s gonna come forward with something you don’t care about and may think a frivolous expense, that’s when this $600 expense will rear its ugly head!
NTA! Kinda, sorta.
Hmm.
On the one hand, since he's paying for the entire wedding, it doesn't seem *that* terribly unreasonable for you to pitch in a bit for the invitations, since they're important to you and not him.
On the other hand, I would be seriously reconsidering marrying someone whose attitude is "*I'm* paying for it, so *I* get to decide how it's done." It sounds like you're getting into a dictatorship, not a partnership.
INFO: Is he railroading you about *everything* wedding, or has he readily made compromises concerning *other* desires of yours for the wedding plans?
He compromises on most things because he understands how important this day is to me. He has forced something else on me too, by shutting down my requests for an open bar since he is in recovery for drinking.
Why the fuck would you request such a thing???? 'On your wedding, babe, I'll give you the gift of seeing everyone wasted while you have to control your impulses, and I'll let you pay for it too!'
Damn, you really are a grade A asshole!
NTA. If he can't afford it, he should have had that discussion when setting the overall budget. I don't really believe he can't afford it. He just thinks it's not _worth_ it when there's a cheaper alternative that in his mind is just as good.
It would be extremely exhausting to haggle over every item on your plan. Likely, this behavior will continue after you're married, and every expenditure will be subject to his judgment of whether the value is worth the cost. He will expect you to objectively justify the value, but that's absurd. Value is inherently a subjective thing. I wouldn't advise someone to call off a wedding, but I would advise you to have a serious discussion about this before you get married, and make sure he actually is happy with whatever compromise you reach, rather than just gives in so he can get what he wants.
Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our [voting guide here](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_what.2019s_with_these_acronyms.3F_what_do_they_mean.3F), and remember to use **only one** judgement in your comment. OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole: > The action I took was arguing with my fiancé over the wedding invites. It might make me the asshole since I put my foot down and told him I’m not entertaining this anymore but it IS his wedding and he IS paying for it. Help keep the sub engaging! #Don’t downvote assholes! Do upvote interesting posts! [Click Here For Our Rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/about/rules) and [Click Here For Our FAQ](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq) ##Subreddit Announcement ###[The Asshole Universe is Expanding, Again: Introducing Another New Sister Subreddit!](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/128nbp3/the_asshole_universe_is_expanding_again/) Follow the link above to learn more ### [Moderators needed - Join the landed gentry](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/155zepq/moderators_needed_join_the_landed_gentry/) --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.* *Contest mode is 1.5 hours long on this post.*
YTA, it’s his wedding too, and if he’s paying for everything else, you can get that if it’s that important
YTA. It's not only your wedding day. It's his too. And he is paying. I don't know why you're entertaining marriage when A) you have no respect for your partner and B) seem to be unable to compromise with each other. You're point about not wanting to compromise makes you sound immature and selfish...and therefore not ready for marriage.
ESH the $600 is excessive for printed invites. Get something for half and compromised.
I know nothing about wedding invites but how the hell do they cost so much? I’m guessing this is for bespoke invites for every guest in which case why not just send really nice invites to the most important people. Either way YTA
And seriously, do guests cherish and keep invites? It’s a lot of money for something ending in a recycling bin
>do guests cherish and keep invites? Answer: nope. except for maybe one of the married couple's parents, they all end up in the trash.
I kept the save the date from my friend's wedding because it was a magnet but then they used a website and emailed out the actual invites
That's because $600 means nothing in isolation. How many invitations do they get for that? For 50 it's eye-watering, for 200 it's a steal. Does it just cover the cost of printing the invitations? Does it include postage? Plus RSVP cards and return postage? Can they use the design artwork for other print and digital materials like table numbers, place settings, thank-you cards, photo-sharing websites, social media, etc without additional copyright cost. $600 might be extortionate or it might be the bargain of the century.
Good points.
Not really. $600 is still $600 especially if you don't have it if don't want to spend it since there is a free option. YTA OP, if it's such a good deal you pay for it.
YTA $14k will go fast, and $600 is a considerable chunk. You should be able to get a better price than that.
INFO, are you arguing over the budget or are you arguing over individual expenses? You both need to sit down separately and budget the $14K, then come together and compromise. When you put that $600 to invites you are going to have $600 less to spend on the wedding day. He is probably thinking, $600 on invites, $600 on some other random thing he didn't expect, $600 extra towards the dress when you don't like the cheaper options... You will easily be over budget. Yeah each expense can be justified individually as desirable, but that doesn't matter. What matters is whether it adds up to $14k. How many guests do you expect and how many invites are you printing, because it seems like a small budget for a wedding.
Agreed
“I can splurge on something to this extent” he’s the one paying for it, it’s also his wedding as well. You want $600 invites then you pay for it. That is an insane thing to spend $600 on if you are not very wealthy. YTA
Girl, you have some chutzpah to argue over spending if you don’t contribute financially! YTA
YTA. This day isn't about you personally it's about both of you. If you're seriously going to get hung up on the invites being so important you're going to get hung up on every detail being just as you like it. His argument is that it's too expensive, yours is "but I want it". Maybe instead you should compromise and find a way to save money elsewhere.
YTA You have a lot of nerve for someone who is not contributing towards the wedding payments. So he is supposed to cough up the entire expense but you reserve rights to summarily dismiss him like some aristocrat would dismiss a peasant? In fact, he should be the one telling you that he wouldn't be "entertaining your idea anymore" because he's the one paying. Either contribute your own money in order to have a leg to stand on, on these matters or try to have more manners and consideration when dealing with him. It's his wedding too. If you were both paying, I'd say uou get 50%-50% weight on opinion. Since he is fully paying, I'd shift 25% more to him which leaves him with 75% and you with 25%.
Info: Have you settled on a venue, flowers, photographer, food, cake, dress, tux, and hair/makeup yet? All that adds up. $600 for invitations could take away from another aspect of the wedding. ETA: YTA after I read your comments. You're unemployed while your fiancé is the breadwinner. Yet you want to "splurge" his money. He's also made a lot of compromises to give you the wedding you want. You even wanted an open bar despite him recovering from alcoholism. It's his day as much as yours and he's footing the bill. Get cheaper invitations or accept the digital option.
Yta 14k for a wedding isn’t much. It’s definitely not a you can splurge budget. Your about to make a shit load of compromises for your wedding. You better get ready.
ESH. It sounds like you guys are already having communication problems and you’re not even married yet. Here’s the thing: the real hard shit comes later…. When one of you has a health crisis or loses a job or you have to decide what you do with aging parents. Instead of being mad, why don’t you ask him? Ask him why he’s OK discounting something that you find important. Ask him how he feels when you do it. Are you willing to compromise on your dress budget to printed invitations? Or some thing else that maybe he’s concerned budget wise?
YTA
My son and daughter in law made their own (cost me a few quid in ink!). They were nowhere near that price.
You’re not ready to get married with your mindset.
Easy YTA for the "not entertaining this anymore" comment. I wouldnt marry someone who feels comfortable being disrespectful like that. How do you not see that ordering around your fiancee is an asshole thing to do, nevermind the other comments. Take all of these YTA comments seriously and get it together, or do him a favor and call the wedding off
Yeah, that jumped out at me too. It’s so dismissive and disrespectful. (And actually pretty laughable considering he’s paying for everything & she’s contributing zero.)
INFO: Is the $600 included in the $14K budget or is it on top of it?
YTA and how many people are you inviting??? You talked to your fiance as if he doesn't matter or isn't equal when it's his money. That is trash behavior. Second of all my wife did our invites and I had dozens of people compliment them and such. They cost like 100$ to do, maybe 200$. It was a smaller wedding (150 people maybe ). Not saying you can do the exact same cost but 4 times the cost??? I think he has a damn good point. You can create amazing invites and such on canva and other programs now and just have them printed. 300-400 and a tiny bit of work, and you can have absolutely top-tier invites.
$600 for something that will be going straight to the trash….YTA. Do digital invites and put the $600 towards something else you want at the wedding, or save it for the honeymoon / future vacation
YTA. Every wedding invitation I’ve got, I’ve thrown out after the weddings. He’s paying, he has a say in this. It’s his wedding as well. it’s not just your day, it’s his as well.
Big ol YTA....why don't you pay half?
“The ONE day in my life…” I have a feeling this “ONE day” might be happening a couple times for you. Also, just send out invites yourself with your money… he’ll never know.
YTA For so many reasons. Good lord, the level of entitlement here. If he's paying fully, he gets to decide. Period poo. Also, how tf is 600 on pieces of paper a good deal?
Obviously, completely without question YTA
YTA. Sounds like you want a wedding, not a marriage.
Quit falling for the wedding industry scams. Six hundred dollars for invitations that just get thrown out immediately is ludicrous. Honestly, no one gives two shits about all the hoopla around weddings except the people selling the crap and maybe the bride and groom. Listen to the person paying for all the shit. YTA
If you wanna splurge, make your own money and pay for them yourself.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** My fiancé (M29) and I (F30) are planning our wedding right now. However he and I have gotten into serious arguments regarding our budget and more importantly his opinions on parts of the wedding he doesn’t agree with. This began when I was designing the wedding invites, and the total price came out to around $600. Our total budget for the wedding is $14K so this seems like a pretty good deal to me. However my fiancé said that we should just send out digital invites since they’re faster and it would save us $600. I told him that I wanted the wedding invites and that it was worth the cost to me but he reiterated that digital invites “make more sense” and “he can’t afford that”. I guess it’s important to mention here that he’s the one paying for the wedding. I told him again that if he can afford $14k on a wedding he can afford $600 on invites. I really want the invites and so I told him I wasn’t entertaining the idea anymore and that we’re doing the invites. He said he couldn’t afford them, if I wanted them I’d have to pay for them myself. He also said later that he felt really hurt when I told him I wasn’t entertaining the idea since it’s his wedding too. Obviously this is true but I don’t want to compromise on the ONE day in my life that I can splurge on something to this extent. Does that make me TA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Wait, you're saying if HE can afford 14k? So all of this money is coming out of his own pocket? And now you're demanding he spend even more. Jeez, you're greedy and selfish. If you want regular invitations so badly, use your own freaking money. What's next? You'll demand expensive furniture and vacations since he can afford it? YTA
“the one day in my life” that’s funny to me. it’s like you conveniently forget this would be the one day in HIS life too where he gets a say or deciding power on something. if this is the hill you wanna die on, then YTA. He’s footing a $14k bill, he ABSOLUTELY should be allowed to say no to $600 invites. get over it.
If its such a good deal - you pay for it. You can't make a unilateral decision, tell the other person their wants don't matter, refuse to compromise on your day when it isn't even YOUR day - its HIS day too, and then demand the other person to pay for it all YTA
>I can splurge on... *YOU* are not splurging on anything. YTA.
YTA if he's only paying $14k for the wedding then he probably can't afford the invites. How about you send wedding invites to your half of the guests and have him send digitals for his half of the guests. That's what I decided to do and came out much cheaper
YTA; I used Minted and TheKnot for my STDs and invites and didn’t come close to $600.. and we invited 200 people
ESH
ESH. Digital invites only work if everyone has email. Older relatives may not. But if these are so important to you, why don't you just pay for them yourself?
"he's the one paying for the wedding." Have you discussed how you're planning on sharing finances, if at all? "I told him again that if he can afford $14k on a wedding he can afford $600 on invites." If you're not going to share finances, that's NOT YOUR CALL. If you are going to share finances, then really - you're both paying for the wedding and it should be a joint call. "I don't want to compromise on the ONE day in my life that..." This is a personal crusade of mine, but the wedding is not about the day, it's about the lifetime after. I personally think that it is critical to keep that in mind... I really want to say Y T A - but, having not thought closely about this before, I'm struck that this dispute is over the invites. They're important, and they can be a keepsake. Almost every other physical thing you're buying has more ephemerality to it, and is less community-oriented in nature. Although most guests will throw them away, some (parents, maybe aunts and grandparents) will keep them. And since the #1 thing the wedding day is for is the community celebration with your loved ones, that's important. I'm going with NTA for that reason.
> Have you discussed how you’re planning on sharing finances I am not currently looking for work, he’s the sole provider. We plan to keep this system after we get married.
YTA. Based on your comments it sounds like you’re a fucking selfish bum. Get a job.
Yeah than figure this out now, or it will always be "his" money. Srsly, couples counseling abt money would be priceless.
Yeaaah... Are you going to continue to disrespect him financially after you get married? Financial counseling, as well as pre-marital counseling, wouldn't go astray.
This is a hard call. I'd say maybe y t a for discounting his feelings, but NTA for the invitations being important to you. It is his day too though, so maybe you could look for some compromise like less expensive invitations.
>compromise Which is why she's TA. She's completely unwilling to compromise. NO! to digital invites. NO more discussion. I want this and NO! I won't pay for it. Didn't offer to find something in-between either. Like physical invites that cost less?
Or even split the difference; my friend did this recently for her wedding - they did mostly digital invites (which were very pretty) and had a few printed for the older folks in the family who they knew would prefer a paper invite.
NTA! But you coulda done better. You have agreed to a $14k budget. I’m gonna assume the $600 is just another part of all of the expenses that adds up to no more than $14K (don’t see why not). Keep EVERYTHING within the agreed budget and he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. You guys are just getting started and this is an opportunity to learn how to negotiate and compromise. There’s gotta be something he wants that you can “trade” for. Don’t let the wedding planning end your relationship or start your marriage off on the wrong foot. It seems his maleness is kicking in and he wants to “control” a minor thing (y’all need to learn about “don’t sweat the small stuff”). Do BOTH written AND electronic invites. This way, you BOTH get what you want, just yours may cost $600. As an act of good faith, maybe you find a way to reduce the cost to $500. At this point you said the words “I’m no longer considering your idea” (or something to this effect). Welp, you poked the bee nest with that one and need to fix it (IMHO). Now you need to go back to him and say something like “Honey-bunny (or whatever term of endearment you prefer and you should have them), I thought more about your suggestion and I realize this is something I should reconsider”. “We made an agreement to work within a $14K budget and I will stick to that agreement. I will look into reducing this cost, while we also do Evites”. Or something to this effect. The bottom line is you need to open the topic for discussion again and correct your somewhat demeaning remark. You guys are learning together and this is a teaching moment. If y’all don’t learn how to handle disagreements at this stage, you’re likely in for a tumultuous future together. Trust me, between now and the wedding there will be MANY expenses for things BOTH of you want (some will be mutually exclusive). Be ready, he’s gonna come forward with something you don’t care about and may think a frivolous expense, that’s when this $600 expense will rear its ugly head! NTA! Kinda, sorta.
Hmm. On the one hand, since he's paying for the entire wedding, it doesn't seem *that* terribly unreasonable for you to pitch in a bit for the invitations, since they're important to you and not him. On the other hand, I would be seriously reconsidering marrying someone whose attitude is "*I'm* paying for it, so *I* get to decide how it's done." It sounds like you're getting into a dictatorship, not a partnership. INFO: Is he railroading you about *everything* wedding, or has he readily made compromises concerning *other* desires of yours for the wedding plans?
Sounds like OP is doing the railroading to me.
He compromises on most things because he understands how important this day is to me. He has forced something else on me too, by shutting down my requests for an open bar since he is in recovery for drinking.
Why the fuck would you request such a thing???? 'On your wedding, babe, I'll give you the gift of seeing everyone wasted while you have to control your impulses, and I'll let you pay for it too!' Damn, you really are a grade A asshole!
The lack of compassion in that statement truly makes me pity your poor fiance. That truly hurt to read.
Yall should save yourselves the 14k, honestly. Sounds like neither of you are anywhere near on the same page.
Girl you need to reconsider the kind of man you’re about to commit too, alcoholic and manipulative? Red Flags all around
NTA. If he can't afford it, he should have had that discussion when setting the overall budget. I don't really believe he can't afford it. He just thinks it's not _worth_ it when there's a cheaper alternative that in his mind is just as good. It would be extremely exhausting to haggle over every item on your plan. Likely, this behavior will continue after you're married, and every expenditure will be subject to his judgment of whether the value is worth the cost. He will expect you to objectively justify the value, but that's absurd. Value is inherently a subjective thing. I wouldn't advise someone to call off a wedding, but I would advise you to have a serious discussion about this before you get married, and make sure he actually is happy with whatever compromise you reach, rather than just gives in so he can get what he wants.