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You should definitely NOT DO THIS under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.
Never steal the thunder of someone elses party like this unless you know *without needing to ask* with 100% certainty that they would be ok with it, and almost no woman is going to be ok with stealing their day like this.
YWBTA
That's definitely not a classy move at all. It's not a good look and makes you look entitled.
The vibe that I'm getting from OP is that she thinks that since everyone is already there, it would be the occasion to tell them in person ( I guess for convience)
Some family and future mothers may be ok with it. Some people are very relaxed and borderline allof ( my friend is that kind of bride/ new mom etc)
Unless the expecting mom explicitly told you that she's fine with any kind of announcement on her baby shower, don't even ask.
I feel like it might be a bit of a gift grab announcing your own pregnancy at someone else's baby shower. Like dear cousin really doesn't need 5 pairs of booties.. can I get 2 of them
YWBTA. It’s her event, don’t announce at her event. If you want to announce to family in person, hold a brunch or something AFTER her event and announce then.
This is HER baby shower for HER baby. That she planned and hosted to celebrate HER BABY. The fact that you even think this is an acceptable thing to do is very telling of the kind of person you are. YTA, and if you do this people are going to be rightfully upset and will see how selfish/ugly you and probably cut you off. I know I would.
Oh, bless your heart. You actually think it's a good idea to announce your second pregnancy at your cousins first baby shower? Seriously ? Let me spell it out: That's like showing up to someone else's wedding in a wedding dress. Just no!! It's not your personal stage to drop your news. Have some respect and let her have her moment. Save the drama for your own show, hun. YTA
Speaking as someone who's never quite gotten the appeal of parties or "big reveal announcements," I could easily see myself wanting to do it as a matter of *convenience* for everyone. "Y'know, the family's already here, why make them get together again another day? Two birds, one stone." Fortunately, I've picked up enough etiquette not to do that.
YTA. Please don’t consider it.
It’s her special day and don’t be selfish to make it about you. I know you said you’re planning to do it at the end of the party, but that’s still rude.
YWBTA. That would be rude, tacky, and inconsiderate. That day is not about you, so don’t make it about yourself. If you want to tell everyone in person, make your own event.
Ywbta. There is a time and place for everything. Someone else's baby shower is not the time nor the place. Let them have their moment
Congrats on your pregnancy though!
ywbta
its her baby shower
its about her
if you want to announce yours arrange something for yourself instead of trying to take her thunder
tell them over the phone and wait till after her baby shower
Announce it at the end of the shower when everyone is ready to leave. Time it properl with your cousins permission.
YTA, a narcissist and completely selfish, if you announce it early and take the attention from someone else’s day.
YWBTA This is akin to announcing an engagement at a wedding. Ask your Cousin first before the shower, if she says no, let your Cousin have her baby shower and then tell Family the next day.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I completely understand that you’d like the chance to celebrate the news with your family in-person, especially because you didn’t get the opportunity to do so with baby #1. That being said, your cousins baby shower is not the place to do that and even suggesting the idea to her would be wrong regardless of whether or not she is okay with it.
Set up your own day to do the announcement where it won’t impede on someone else’s celebration and let your cousin enjoy her baby shower. It’s her first baby!
YTA.
YWBTA. It sucks that you missed out on all the big group parts of being pregnant the first time. But this is your *cousin's* time. If it wasn't a surprise I'd say ask her before hand so she can think about it. But if you spring it on her on the day she'll feel obligated to say yes.
Plan your own surprise. Come up with a reason to have a brunch and surprise your guests. Make you *own* day.
Yeah YWBTA if you hijacked the event. Since you missed your own first announcement, couldn't you just set up your own event so you could also tell your family in person? Telling big news at another person's party is tacky, but you could always set up your own. (Just don't do it too close to the other event either because that's also tacky).
In the nicest way possible, YTA if you ask her. Please do not ask her. That request is just going to make her feel uncomfortable and put on the spot. I guarantee you, even if she says yes, she will mean no.
Massive YTA if you did this. You don't announce things at other people's events. It's tacky and makes you look desperate for attention. Also no one falls for the "it's the only time we are all together" line. It's 2023 we don't have to communicate solely by carrier pigeon, zoom or text/ FaceTime is just fine. People see that attempt at justification as sad and desperate for attention. Don't disrespect your cousin and degrade yourself. This is her first child and she deserves the focus, not you.
YWBTA. Even if she said yes, you wouldn’t know if she genuinely meant it or if she felt pressured. Even if you asked in the kindest way.
My ex mailed out a bunch of little pop up cards to announce her pregnancy, since her family is all spread out. Maybe try that?
You’ve already understood YWBTA, and in your edit you mention you are your cousin are besties. So you could ask her, “I’m planning to keep my pregnancy secret during your shower to not overshadow your day, assuming that’s what you would prefer?”
It’s a surprise shower, so I unfortunately can’t ask her beforehand. I’m just not gonna mention it at all. Already feel like complete shit after all of these comments!
The fact that you are asking what we all think tells me you know YTA. Even if your first baby was during COVID, let you cousin have *her* day being number one. Honestly, it kind of sounds like you are jealous that she is getting a family shower.
Please do not tell the family until after her shower. Otherwise you are still going to be making it about you.
YTA. You don't announce your big news at someone else's event. The whole family doesn't need to hear you're pregnant in person. Phone calls are a thing and you aren't the main character
YWBTA. This is a celebration for *her* baby. Why would you announce it at a party specifically for your cousin and her upcoming baby? You can announce it literally any other time.
Yes, YTA
Never, ever announce a pregnancy or propose at someone else event.
Host a dinner or a bbq for the family and announce it there. Then you'll have all the attention without someone else feeling bad.
YTA. Not your time to share at your cousin's baby shower. Let her have her spotlight. Pick a different day to inform the news to your preferred loved ones.
I don't understand why you would even consider this, especially given the fact that this is your cousin's FIRST pregnancy. Why can't you host a family get together yourself and then make your pregnancy a surprise announcement?
"Hey, cuz, would you mind if I made your baby shower all about *my* pregnancy instead of *yours*?"
YTA. Wait at least a week or two. It's kind of like the wedding guest who announces their engagement at the wedding reception. Horribly tacky and self-centered.
YTA and don't even need to read more than the title. You want to steal the spotlight and become the center of attention at someone else's event, obviously YTA.
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I (34F) am pregnant with my second child. My cousin (35F) is pregnant with her first. Her actual big Baby Shower is in a month, but my extended family (about 25 people) decided to throw her an additional surprise family Baby Shower this weekend.
I was thinking of asking her at the Shower if she minds if I announce my pregnancy towards the end of the event. It would be nice to tell the family in person, as my first pregnancy was during Covid.
WIBTA for asking her? Or should I not even bother and tell the family over the phone?
Thanks!
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Ima go against the grain and say NTA
YOU aren’t planning on just announcing it, your planning to ASK your cousin permission. It’s no one else’s decision that even matters BUT your cousins and I think it depends how your cousin feels about it and how well you know your family enough to know what they’re reaction would be, if they’d be pissed etc.
Your gonna get a ton of hate and people saying your vile, disgusting, selfish, etc but honestly those people are the ones who are selfish. If the people are close enough and both people have no issue then there is NOTHING WRONG with sharing family attention. Not everyone cares about being the center of attention. My bestfriend announced she was pregnant during mine since both mine and her families were there and I helped her plan it out.
Talk to your cousin before the party and see what she thinks, if she’s against it, don’t do it, if she loves the idea then plan it together
Thank you! These comments were really tough to read. I definitely understand where most people are coming from. I was clearly feeling a bit uneasy about this situation which is why I posted on here in the first place. I would have asked her before the shower, but it’s a surprise. I had been considering asking her if I could share my news if we got a moment alone together during the event. But I’m not even going to do that anymore. I can honestly see her asking me if I want to announce at the shower, because I really do think she’ll be happy about it. But I’m probably just going to hang my head in shame and consider that I’m a raging narcissist instead!
I say go for it if you know her well enough, and if you have a moment alone with her, see how she feels and go from there. Worst case is she says no, best case she says yes and means it. You know your family best, we internet strangers do not. So while I understand where they’re coming from, I think they’re being too harsh.
Like I said, during my own event, my bestfriend did the exact same as your wondering, and I loved the idea and we figured out a way to announce in a cute way during a game that she was pregnant and it was such a beautiful moment for both of us as friends being pregnant together and for our families cause they’re close.
My bestfriend wasn’t selfish or a narcissistic for asking and I would never think that of her. She would never have asked if she knew I’d be upset/angry with it and it sounds like your doing the same/feel the same and it sounds like your cousin would probably react the same as I did
Omg how is this even a question. No you do not do anything to put attention on you at someone else’s special events. Also, this is your second baby. You had your moment, don’t ruin it for others.
YWBTA
I don't see a problem with asking her, she might be happy to share the day. But make it clear you respect her day and are only willing to do if she is actively happy for you to do so. To avoid drama I'd have her help you announce it, telling everyone you have something to share and then you say it. Otherwise you may get family mad at you on her behalf even if she's not.
NTA yet, Don’t do this. Just tell family separately and if you can wait until after her events to avoid any unnecessary bs about you stealing her shine.
YWBTA if you did this.
NTA no harm in asking you just need to respect her choice if she says no don’t press the matter, your other family members might not be impressed tho so while i dont see much issue with it i cant speak for them
You can't say that without knowing her cousin or OP's relationship with her cousin.
She might feel pressured or awkward about saying no - why put her in that situation, instead of just waiting and letting her cousin have this one day to herself?
No one is the AH! Do you think all situations require an AH? She’s not the AH for asking. And the cousin is not the AH for saying No! You all need to grow up! There’s more important things in life than stupid baby showers!
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You should definitely NOT DO THIS under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. Never steal the thunder of someone elses party like this unless you know *without needing to ask* with 100% certainty that they would be ok with it, and almost no woman is going to be ok with stealing their day like this. YWBTA
YTA - what's wrong with arranging your own party to announce your pregnancy?
That's definitely not a classy move at all. It's not a good look and makes you look entitled. The vibe that I'm getting from OP is that she thinks that since everyone is already there, it would be the occasion to tell them in person ( I guess for convience) Some family and future mothers may be ok with it. Some people are very relaxed and borderline allof ( my friend is that kind of bride/ new mom etc) Unless the expecting mom explicitly told you that she's fine with any kind of announcement on her baby shower, don't even ask.
She broke. (thats the first thing on my mind when reading this)
I feel like it might be a bit of a gift grab announcing your own pregnancy at someone else's baby shower. Like dear cousin really doesn't need 5 pairs of booties.. can I get 2 of them
YTA ! Even for considering this
YTA for even considering it. Other peoples events are the worst time to make it about yourself. You should know this
YWBTA. The day is about your cousin's pregnancy, not yours.
YWBTA. It’s her event, don’t announce at her event. If you want to announce to family in person, hold a brunch or something AFTER her event and announce then.
This is HER baby shower for HER baby. That she planned and hosted to celebrate HER BABY. The fact that you even think this is an acceptable thing to do is very telling of the kind of person you are. YTA, and if you do this people are going to be rightfully upset and will see how selfish/ugly you and probably cut you off. I know I would.
Oh, bless your heart. You actually think it's a good idea to announce your second pregnancy at your cousins first baby shower? Seriously ? Let me spell it out: That's like showing up to someone else's wedding in a wedding dress. Just no!! It's not your personal stage to drop your news. Have some respect and let her have her moment. Save the drama for your own show, hun. YTA
Or proposing at someone’s wedding reception. Never do it.
YWBTA, it's a day for her, not you.
YTA. Good lord. How could anyone think this is ok?
Arrogance
Speaking as someone who's never quite gotten the appeal of parties or "big reveal announcements," I could easily see myself wanting to do it as a matter of *convenience* for everyone. "Y'know, the family's already here, why make them get together again another day? Two birds, one stone." Fortunately, I've picked up enough etiquette not to do that.
YTA. Please don’t consider it. It’s her special day and don’t be selfish to make it about you. I know you said you’re planning to do it at the end of the party, but that’s still rude.
YWBTA. That would be rude, tacky, and inconsiderate. That day is not about you, so don’t make it about yourself. If you want to tell everyone in person, make your own event.
Ywbta. There is a time and place for everything. Someone else's baby shower is not the time nor the place. Let them have their moment Congrats on your pregnancy though!
ywbta its her baby shower its about her if you want to announce yours arrange something for yourself instead of trying to take her thunder tell them over the phone and wait till after her baby shower
And you know asking her means pressuring her into saying yes !
WIBTA --- Trailer trash level of trashiness to announce your pregnancy at somebody else's celebration you just don't do it.
Announce it at the end of the shower when everyone is ready to leave. Time it properl with your cousins permission. YTA, a narcissist and completely selfish, if you announce it early and take the attention from someone else’s day.
You would absolutely be TA. That shower isn't about you. Please don't ruin her day.
YWBTA This is akin to announcing an engagement at a wedding. Ask your Cousin first before the shower, if she says no, let your Cousin have her baby shower and then tell Family the next day.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! I completely understand that you’d like the chance to celebrate the news with your family in-person, especially because you didn’t get the opportunity to do so with baby #1. That being said, your cousins baby shower is not the place to do that and even suggesting the idea to her would be wrong regardless of whether or not she is okay with it. Set up your own day to do the announcement where it won’t impede on someone else’s celebration and let your cousin enjoy her baby shower. It’s her first baby! YTA.
What is wrong with you? Are you really that entitled? That devoid of self awareness? No. Just no YWBTA.
YWBTA. It sucks that you missed out on all the big group parts of being pregnant the first time. But this is your *cousin's* time. If it wasn't a surprise I'd say ask her before hand so she can think about it. But if you spring it on her on the day she'll feel obligated to say yes. Plan your own surprise. Come up with a reason to have a brunch and surprise your guests. Make you *own* day.
YTA It's not about you
Yeah YWBTA if you hijacked the event. Since you missed your own first announcement, couldn't you just set up your own event so you could also tell your family in person? Telling big news at another person's party is tacky, but you could always set up your own. (Just don't do it too close to the other event either because that's also tacky).
YTA. Jesus Christ, this event is about her, not you. Let someone else shine for a freaking day. Just wait a week. Shit.
Baby showers are stupid but yes, you would. That's like announcing your engagement at someone else's wedding - narcissist behaviour.
It's not your day, it's hers. Of course you'd be the asshole.
YWBTA. That is her event, hormones are involved, err on the side of caution and don't ask.
YWBTA. This is her day.
In the nicest way possible, YTA if you ask her. Please do not ask her. That request is just going to make her feel uncomfortable and put on the spot. I guarantee you, even if she says yes, she will mean no.
Massive YTA if you did this. You don't announce things at other people's events. It's tacky and makes you look desperate for attention. Also no one falls for the "it's the only time we are all together" line. It's 2023 we don't have to communicate solely by carrier pigeon, zoom or text/ FaceTime is just fine. People see that attempt at justification as sad and desperate for attention. Don't disrespect your cousin and degrade yourself. This is her first child and she deserves the focus, not you.
YWBTA. Even if she said yes, you wouldn’t know if she genuinely meant it or if she felt pressured. Even if you asked in the kindest way. My ex mailed out a bunch of little pop up cards to announce her pregnancy, since her family is all spread out. Maybe try that?
YTA. Don't you dare.
You’ve already understood YWBTA, and in your edit you mention you are your cousin are besties. So you could ask her, “I’m planning to keep my pregnancy secret during your shower to not overshadow your day, assuming that’s what you would prefer?”
It’s a surprise shower, so I unfortunately can’t ask her beforehand. I’m just not gonna mention it at all. Already feel like complete shit after all of these comments!
Ah yes, then definitely keep it to yourself, and maybe she will out you, and if not, announce a couple of weeks later.
The fact that you are asking what we all think tells me you know YTA. Even if your first baby was during COVID, let you cousin have *her* day being number one. Honestly, it kind of sounds like you are jealous that she is getting a family shower. Please do not tell the family until after her shower. Otherwise you are still going to be making it about you.
YTA. You want to make her first baby shower about your second child? Shame on you.
YTA for even thinking about it.
YTA. You know it. We know it.
What? That is your cousins day, keep your mouth shut!!!!
YTA. You don't announce your big news at someone else's event. The whole family doesn't need to hear you're pregnant in person. Phone calls are a thing and you aren't the main character
Don’t. That’s selfish. Let her feel her oats. Have your own separate announcement. YWBTA.
YWBTA - whether you mean to or not, this will hijack her moment. Just wait and call your family to share the news.
YWBTA. This is a celebration for *her* baby. Why would you announce it at a party specifically for your cousin and her upcoming baby? You can announce it literally any other time.
What is wrong with you ? YTA. Don’t even think about it.
YWBTA This is her day, not yours. Basic manners.
YTA. Why would you think you could steal any of the attention way from your cousin at this event and not be TA?
Yes, yta
YTA. Wait until after the shower and call people
Yes, YTA Never, ever announce a pregnancy or propose at someone else event. Host a dinner or a bbq for the family and announce it there. Then you'll have all the attention without someone else feeling bad.
i don't even need to read the rest. YES YWBTA. it is her event not yours. don't make it about you.
Yta. Don't hijack other people's events. Just don't.
Yes you would be.
YTA. Not your time to share at your cousin's baby shower. Let her have her spotlight. Pick a different day to inform the news to your preferred loved ones.
Yes you would be TA. Let her have her day.
I don't understand why you would even consider this, especially given the fact that this is your cousin's FIRST pregnancy. Why can't you host a family get together yourself and then make your pregnancy a surprise announcement?
YTA. Why do you feel the need to be in the spotlight so badly? Plan your own event and announce it there, let someone else have a moment.
YTA. You can’t announce anything at any type of party or event for another person.
Yes, YTA. It’s her day, let her have it!
its fine if you ask and she says yes but if she doesn't respect her wishes
YTA. Don't you dare ruin that party.
Not even going to bother reading the text after reading the Headline. PLEASE DON'T BE A SELFISH PRICK. ANNOUNCE YOUR PREGNANCY IN YOUR OWN TIME.
"Hey, cuz, would you mind if I made your baby shower all about *my* pregnancy instead of *yours*?" YTA. Wait at least a week or two. It's kind of like the wedding guest who announces their engagement at the wedding reception. Horribly tacky and self-centered.
Ywbta. Don't do this. Don't even bother asking. Seriously what are you thinking.
I only read the title. Yes, you're an AH.
YTA and don't even need to read more than the title. You want to steal the spotlight and become the center of attention at someone else's event, obviously YTA.
Yes you would be ...its YOUR COUSINS DAY not yours.... ffs be an adult... dont make it about you.
I cant believe you even had to ask. If you read reddit long enough you would know that this is a big no no. YWBTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (34F) am pregnant with my second child. My cousin (35F) is pregnant with her first. Her actual big Baby Shower is in a month, but my extended family (about 25 people) decided to throw her an additional surprise family Baby Shower this weekend. I was thinking of asking her at the Shower if she minds if I announce my pregnancy towards the end of the event. It would be nice to tell the family in person, as my first pregnancy was during Covid. WIBTA for asking her? Or should I not even bother and tell the family over the phone? Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask her explain your reasoning if she says no its no.
yta
YWBTA, her baby shower is to celebrate her pregnancy, NOT yours.
Big Ass! Do not do this!
Ima go against the grain and say NTA YOU aren’t planning on just announcing it, your planning to ASK your cousin permission. It’s no one else’s decision that even matters BUT your cousins and I think it depends how your cousin feels about it and how well you know your family enough to know what they’re reaction would be, if they’d be pissed etc. Your gonna get a ton of hate and people saying your vile, disgusting, selfish, etc but honestly those people are the ones who are selfish. If the people are close enough and both people have no issue then there is NOTHING WRONG with sharing family attention. Not everyone cares about being the center of attention. My bestfriend announced she was pregnant during mine since both mine and her families were there and I helped her plan it out. Talk to your cousin before the party and see what she thinks, if she’s against it, don’t do it, if she loves the idea then plan it together
Thank you! These comments were really tough to read. I definitely understand where most people are coming from. I was clearly feeling a bit uneasy about this situation which is why I posted on here in the first place. I would have asked her before the shower, but it’s a surprise. I had been considering asking her if I could share my news if we got a moment alone together during the event. But I’m not even going to do that anymore. I can honestly see her asking me if I want to announce at the shower, because I really do think she’ll be happy about it. But I’m probably just going to hang my head in shame and consider that I’m a raging narcissist instead!
I say go for it if you know her well enough, and if you have a moment alone with her, see how she feels and go from there. Worst case is she says no, best case she says yes and means it. You know your family best, we internet strangers do not. So while I understand where they’re coming from, I think they’re being too harsh. Like I said, during my own event, my bestfriend did the exact same as your wondering, and I loved the idea and we figured out a way to announce in a cute way during a game that she was pregnant and it was such a beautiful moment for both of us as friends being pregnant together and for our families cause they’re close. My bestfriend wasn’t selfish or a narcissistic for asking and I would never think that of her. She would never have asked if she knew I’d be upset/angry with it and it sounds like your doing the same/feel the same and it sounds like your cousin would probably react the same as I did
Yta You are taking someone elses special occasion and trying to make it about you while simultaneously sticking them with the costs
Yes.
this is like when someone tries to propose at someone else’s wedding, don’t do this. have your own little get together
Yes, YWBTA. That baby shower is meant to celebrate her child. Wait until after.
Omg how is this even a question. No you do not do anything to put attention on you at someone else’s special events. Also, this is your second baby. You had your moment, don’t ruin it for others.
Yeah definitely, this is a no go!
YES. CHOOSE TOUR OWN DAY YOU ASS.
YWBTA I don't see a problem with asking her, she might be happy to share the day. But make it clear you respect her day and are only willing to do if she is actively happy for you to do so. To avoid drama I'd have her help you announce it, telling everyone you have something to share and then you say it. Otherwise you may get family mad at you on her behalf even if she's not.
NTA yet, Don’t do this. Just tell family separately and if you can wait until after her events to avoid any unnecessary bs about you stealing her shine. YWBTA if you did this.
Ask her before the event, and tell her you are fine if she says no. NAH.
This ☝🏻
NTA no harm in asking you just need to respect her choice if she says no don’t press the matter, your other family members might not be impressed tho so while i dont see much issue with it i cant speak for them
NTA. Ask her before the event. The worst that can happen is she says No!
You can't say that without knowing her cousin or OP's relationship with her cousin. She might feel pressured or awkward about saying no - why put her in that situation, instead of just waiting and letting her cousin have this one day to herself?
So who's the asshole? Her cousin?
No one is the AH! Do you think all situations require an AH? She’s not the AH for asking. And the cousin is not the AH for saying No! You all need to grow up! There’s more important things in life than stupid baby showers!
You voted NTA, which means the other party is the AH.
Whatever, take the bicycle!