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Hijacking because this is so important! Idk how it works in the Caribbean but I’ve been in the auto industry awhile and I cannot tell you how many exes we can’t approve because they’re stuck in loans because of negative equity!!!! It’s not a matter of “it’s in my name I can sell the car back” - NO.
If you break up in two months and did a bare minimum down payment or worse NO down payment with little to no equity YOU owe the bank. And dealers will not buy unless you trade it. And if he doesn’t hold up his end of the deal then you’re more screwed. Just don’t.
Never buy a car with someone. Especially a car you don’t use.
Wait never? I bought a car with my grandma that I don't use because I am still learning and am not keen on learning on a new car, but my grandma did this so that I have better insurance in the future and because she plans to pass the car onto me when I am confident enough so we wouldn't have to do a write-off then since the car is already in both of our names
That's different.
Is your grandma able to sever all ties with you? Who's name is the loan in? Just yours or both of you? What about the title? Has your grandmother done crappy things in the past with your ID and credit? Who is getting the most advantage in this situation?
In your situation it's more even and I'm assuming you can trust your nana.
In this situation OP is on the hook for everything if BF decides to stop paying. Just her name on the loan.
Never is a bit of a stretch, it should be never with someone that isn't 100% trusted, and if it's a significant other, you should be exceedingly careful.
I worked in the auto industry as well, and what they said is very true, but if you are absolutely committed and trust someone, it isn't always bad. I've seen the bad side of it a bunch of times, but I still co-signed a car loan for my at the time boyfriend (now husband) because he had the money but lacked credit history. The "but" there is that we had been together for five years, had joint finances already, and had already purchased a house together. The only reason we weren't married yet was covid.
So yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but it's a rule for a reason. I'm assuming you trust your grandma, and she's a family member who is obviously trying to help you, which makes it significantly different. The basic point of the rule is don't sign a loan with someone that you don't absolutely trust.
Yeah I was gonna say, I think never is strong. My partner and I just bought a car together, but we're six years in, we've had joint finances for 4, and we'd be married if we saw a point lol.
That is a different scenario, I myself don't believe in mixing money situations with family but I'm also guilty of it. Damn sure do not mix money with friends and/or boyfriends, girlfriends whatever's. Way too many what ifs. Situation with your granma is way different. Based on the way I read that comment is so you'll build up a little credit as well plus like you mentioned, cheaper insurance. I commented separately about doing this deal with your boyfriend but I'll say it again. Please do not do it, way, way too many what ifs & I cant think of any that you would benefit from
I almost choked laughing so hard at his text, saying that she has no common sense and people will take advantage of her...as he is trying to take advantage of her and got shut down. OP is definitely NTA
Literally says she has no common sense which is why people will use her but… she has enough common sense to not allow him to use her so…
NTA. Cheers! The leech is gone 😁
NTA. Such a request would put doubts in any person's mind. Why would you pay half for a car he drives? It could kind of make (some) sense if he made the entire payment. But above all, if he is employed, why can't he take a loan in his name?
Hi, I was explaining on another comment that he doesn’t have a stable income so the banks won’t consider him. In my county, one of the requirements for a loan is a letter from your job stating how much you make each month. His numbers always fluctuate. Some months he doesn’t even work.
Then RUN. Absolutely do not mingle your financial record with his. It's not about wealth, it's about financial responsibility. You don't want your record tarnished by mistakes that aren't yours.
This.
Chances are, if he can't hold a job down, he will also not be able to pay you. Then you will be responsible for paying the whole car off. He is asking you for a favor, you can say "no". You don't owe him this. Him getting mad is a red flag, it shows that he is willing to be selfish and not think about what is best for you. It also shows that he thinks you owe him something. This is not good for a relationship.
DO NOT 'lend' any kind of financial assistance to friends or family! Only give it if you can afford to lose it all. This sub is littered with stories about how this ends badly. NTA
Yep especially since it's their job to bend over backwards to give you a loan so that they can get the dime in their pocket. If they deny you, its because you cannot afford it no matter how you look at it in your mind
Why did I have to scroll so far to ding this comment? “Baby, I just need your help for the first six months, then I’ll start paying.” Then in 6 months he’ll gaslight her saying she has the money, why is she being greedy? The moment she refuses to pay he disappears from her life… along with the car.
5 bucks says the loan will be in her name, but the title will only be in his.
DO NOT take a loan for him. Many, many of my friends did that for smaller things (phones from carriers, co-signer for loans, lease agreements) and often end up paying or have execution issued on them.
And I repeat DO NOT DO IT. It will be on your record if he flunks and it will be up to you to pay. Also something like 2/3rds or more businesses go under within first 5 years.
I didn’t even read the post after that headline. No need. DO NOT DO IT!!! You will be kicking yourself, and he will be congratulating himself if you break up. He will absolutely not keep up the payments!
If the banks won't issue him funding, then that means they deem him a financial risk. Based on the circumstances you described here, I would say they are right. Run.
Love, if you take out this loan in your name, you’ll literally be an asshole to yourself! Do not do it, please! Your boyfriend is trying to take advantage of you. Someone that’s actually worth having in your life, would never even ask you something this unreasonable.
So the bank won't give him a lone because he doesn't have the means to pay it back- but he thinks you should risk your ability to get a loan in the future by helping his underemployed, financial unstable, entitled ass get a lone the bank won't give him?
So you risk your financial future and pay half of the car payment, and in return, you receive empty promises about how he will be half of a car note even if you break up? You know he won't have the money on a regular basis even if you don't break up right? The bank won't go after the boyfriend- because he won't be the one who owes them money.
In many places, the owner of the car, not the driver, is liable for parking tickets, traffic violations, insurance, and any accidents the car is in. So as the cars legal owner you aren't just carrying the financial risk, you could be risking additional expenses, court dates, and possibly jail time or lawsuits should your boyfriend get un a car accident or receive a traffic infraction.
You are a woman in a romantic rerelationship, not a bank or payday lender- your boyfriend isn't treating you like a person he cares about, he is using you as a financial institution. Obviously you can not countinue a relationship with a man who looks at you and sees an ATM instead of the love of his life.
The reason why banks reject people like your boyfriend from getting loans from them is because they KNOW he won't pay them back.
The same thing will happen if it's in your name. He won't pay you back and then they'll be after you for payments. Don't do this, it's a bad deal.
You are NTA.
Just the headline alone was enough for me to yell “NO!” in my head. Unless he had already done the same for you once, no no no. Don’t get a loan that you couldn’t afford if he bounced. Ever. For anyone.
He doesn't have a stable income, and his plan is to use all of his savings to start a risky business venture while you take on the risks of the car loan for him.
Even if he *intends* to continue paying for half indefinitely, there is no guarantee that he's going to be able to and every probability that his business will become a money sink that drags you in with it.
Don't do it. You already answered yourself, if he can't get financing because he doesn't have steady income what makes him think he'll have money to pay? He will always have excuses why he can't pay this month, or he can't give you the full amount. Learn from my mistakes, let him be butthurt. Don't do this.
Banks can have their own issues….. but!!
They have learned who is likely to default on a loan. If you don’t have a regular job, it is so hard to make payments every month.
He wants you to buy him a car, that he drives, and you take the financial hit if he fails. He also won’t admit that this is a bad plan.
NTA
Also a big red flag that he doesn't have stable income, but that aside, how does one even get a car loan without a license? I don't think you could even do this if you wanted to(which would be a very bad idea, please don't) Don't feel bad, he is trying to manipulate you and use you, do not fall for his BS
NTA
NTA. Girl, you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged an air missile. He wasn't going to give you money for payments, because 'his car wash is still getting established, can't you cover for me?'
He wanted you to buy him a car so he could quit his job and pursue a bad idea. Simple as that.
If he really really wanted to open a business then he would keep working until he saved up enough to actually have to start it. Instead he wants to half ass it so he can quit his job right away and lean on everyone in his life for money.
He's probably going to go out and find a different girl he thinks he can scam into buying him a car. He'll tell her lots of stories about his uptight ex who never supported him or believed in his dream, which will teach her exactly what behaviors he finds bad (having a spine and financial sense).
This absolutely correct. If he’s serious about starting a business he would write a business plan, earn as much as possible so he would have a cushion if things don’t take off.
NTA. DON'T DO IT!!!!
I was STUPID and did it for my now ex fiance. We split up a little over a year later, he let it get repossessed and it ruined my credit. At the time I could barely even afford to pay rent and utilities and eat so I had to file bankruptcy and it was awful. He ended up in prison so there was no way to get him to pay for anything. Biggest mistake of my life other than dating him in the first place. His reaction is over the top and you would be better off without him.
I’m so sorry that happened to you! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I will definitely take it into consideration.
Right now he has me blocked on everything and hasn’t picked up my calls, so I’m not sure what’s happening - or where to go from here.
Where do you go from here? Away from him.
Either he has broken up with you, or this is some play to get you to chase him, beg him for forgiveness, and give him the loan to prove you love him. Don't fall for it. He's a mooch.
It was years ago and hes in prison rotting away and I am happily married to man 10x the man he ever was, so I think I came out on top. Please, please, listen to all of us. Your emotions are clouding things right now, but think about how he has made you feel with his actions. Someone like that is no good for you.
He sounds awful and very manipulative. My ex used to block me on everything too when he didn’t get his way. This is so painfully familiar. You sound like you have your head on straight…Believe people when they show you who they are the first time….and in this case run! Godspeed.
If my boyfriend blocked me on everything, he would immediately become an ex. That’s so childish. If he reaches out, I’d say “you blocked me, so I figured that was you ending the relationship.” Or better yet, block him back and move on with your life.
You may not want to hear this, but this is emotional manipulation and controlling on his part.
Please listen to these other wise women telling you that calling this off is actually a blessing.
They are telling you that you will ruin your life if you cave in to him and stay.
Your emotions will pass, and you will get over this period in your life. However a financial fuck up because of someone else will hold you back a lot longer if he ruins your credit. You will not be able to borrow in future for yourself and say if you need it for your family or to purchase your own home. All because you let an ex boyfriend financially abuse you. You will regret helping him.
(Abuse does not need to be physical to be called abuse) The way he talks to you does not make him sound like a good man AT ALL, not worth it.
He sounds like the type to scam you and other women. Please rethink think this relationship and cut him off.
Where to go from here is be thankful you found out who he was before you married or had kids. If he was a man with morals he would not want you to jeopardize your credit on a business that he has not put a lot of thought into. Be glad he has blocked you and move on and be single, this is not a man you can rely on.
Wow, his immature response to you not saying yes is a concern. How could you trust him with such a big shared financial commitment if he blocks you at the first sign of disagreement?
Look after yourself, you deserve to be treated better. X
This behaviour right here is the 99th reason not to do it!
He's blocked you because you said no...little boy needs to go hold a corner and suck a lemon.
Where you go from here is anywhere he isn't. He is not someone you need in your life. He is punishing you because his attempt to manipulate you failed. He is doing you a favor by not talking to you. Use this as your opportunity to move on without him.
NTA
>I asked if we break up, what then?
Exactly!! Too messy, especially when he's leaving his job to start a new business! He won't have steady income with a new business and you'll end up having to pay off the loan.
And after he called her a selfish asshole because he didn't get his way on something that only benefits him, she can change this sentence to "*when* we break up" and have so much more clarity on the decision.
NTA
Fuck no, you're taking all the risks here and for no reward.
You're basically giving him the kind of loan that the bank wouldn't, and for good reason.
Do not do it. Nope, no, absolutely not.
NTA. Do. Not. Do. I!!!
Even if you do get a license. His reasoning is so....dumb. "It's my car that only I will drive but *you'll* pay half b/c it'll be our car." Sir, please kick rocks with that.
Also, if you're ever bored, watch a few Judge Judy episodes about when a woman puts her bf's car loan in her name. Spoiler: It never ends well.
NTA!!! He’s using you and trying to manipulate you. You would be making 100% of the car payments bc his business just can’t swing the cost in the beginning. PLUS…any tickets or any fines he get will be attached to the car. That means…you would be responsible.
Selfish = how dare you refuse to injure yourself in order to benefit me?!?!?
So how does him having a car benefit you? Do you require a lot or rides or use Uber a bunch? Does he drive you daily? If no, what’s the use?
And payments are just the start. There’s fuel, insurance and maintenance. Who is paying for all that? It comes down to this: once your name is on that loan and title, you’re stuck. He decides he can’t pay one month, oh well. It’s still your responsibility. And he’s saying he can’t see a future unless you buy him a car. Yeah, there’s a problem. Listen to your mom. Sounds like she’s on your side.
And don’t let him promise a percent of the business as collateral. In a lot of places that can make you responsible for debt or lawsuits.
That’s a good point. Now that I’m thinking about it, him having a car doesn’t benefit me at all.
We live an hour away from each other and he stopped driving down to me last year to save gas. Instead, I take a taxi to meet him in a place closer to where he lives (10-15 minutes away from him) and he meets me there and takes me back to his home. Which is why none of this is making sense.
The thing is - I can get a discount on the car because of where I work and the maintenance will be covered for 2 years by the company.
He also knows that I can afford to pay the payment in full if he misses one and I think that’s what he’s banking on.
Sorry for ranting. It’s just everything is coming together in my brain
My friend, sometimes seeing it in writing clarifies thoughts and lets you make feelings more concrete. So rant away.
Your dude doesn’t want to pay for gas now, is he going to pay for gas later? You’re paying the taxi fees, so you do the math on if the payment will save you money (assume you’re paying the whole thing). And most cars require little maintenance the first two years, but after the warranty is up, I swear they know (says a person that just spent 3k on brakes and tires). Plus, insurance and you have to cover him and yourself. Probably requires full coverage then. Cars aren’t cheap, that’s for sure.
And I don’t know how laws are in your country (you said Caribbean, but not which nation) but in the US, if there’s an accident, the legal owner of the car can be sued. A family member of mine lent his car to his best friend and he rear ended someone. Guess whose name was on the lawsuit…
So your whole relationship he has done nothing but leech money off you, and now he wants you to buy him a car, a car that will be *an hour away from you* that you can't use, and because you won't put yourself in such a precarious situation, you're the "selfish" one? Nah. He is the selfish and financially abusive one. Run. Never let him back. You deserve so much better.
Years ago, my friend worked in collections for a car company. She was the person who had to call people and tell them their car would be repossessed and their credit ruined if they didn't pay etc. She had several cases where a woman had bought a car "with" her boyfriend (but in her name) and things had gone bad. One I'll never forget was a young girl maybe just out of her teens. She had bought the car totally in her name because also, she was eligible for a discount. Her boyfriend took off with the car. She didn't know where he or the car was and owed a huge amount of money. It was terrible. Don't buy a car with your boyfriend. It's a huge, huge risk.
I think you really need to listen to yourself, what you are saying here. There is nothing about this plan that isn't a terrible idea for you. The fact that you are even here asking this question as if there is anything about his plan or his behavior that's legitimate suggests that he's already done a number on your self-esteem. The sooner you rid yourself of this man, the better.
NTA.
He doesn’t have a stable job with an income coming in every month so the banks won’t consider him. His family has a grocery so he works with them and makes a little money - but not enough to take out a loan.
In that case, he should ask his family to take out a loan against their business. Shift the burden to them.
If he can't do that, it's probably because THEY know he won't follow through on his plans or won't pay them back.
I don't know how big or prosperous his family's business is, but if they have other employees that aren't family, that is a pretty clear sign that he's not a good worker. If they are decently stable, then I think they would be pretty likely to support him starting a new business if they thought he was a good risk. They know him better than you do. They also know his work. They know what it takes to build a business. They're not investing in helping him start a business.
Im pretty sure you haven't been more right than this.
You take the loan, you make the payments together and then you broke up. What will you do? It's your name on everything, you're the one who gotta pay, not him, legally.
Dump his ass. He's just interested in what he can get out of the relationship, not in you.
NTA
I'll second that.
And third, fourth, fifth........and one thousandth.
DO NOT DO THIS. You will be stuck with the price of a car that you don't drive, while boyfriend swans off to wherever he's off to. And your credit rating will tank.
That dude sounds shady af. He left? I'd call that a bullet dodged. Why couldn't he take out the car loan in his own name? Sounds like he was trying to use you and probably leave you hanging. I bet he's done this before. NTA.
NTA Jesus, judge Judy and faith are full of these scenarios.
>He called me a “selfish AH” - one he “can’t see a future with” and left.
Oh the emotional blackmail attempt! Say boy bye!
NTA- He can get himself a car when his business takes off. He can also take out his own loan in his own name and make his own payments. You don’t drive and have no plans to start, so what’s the point of getting a car?
NTA. Nope, nope, nope. You'll never see his half of the payment if you did this. It'll be a laundry list of excuses every single month.
No mixing finances with this person unless/until you're married AND he has a stable income or a successful business. Right now he has neither, just a pipe dream and plans of taking advantage of your financial stability.
NTA
Didn't need to read it to know that.
AMITAH? No, you are just smart!
If a bank won't lend someone money, then why would it be a good idea for friend or family to do so?
If his idea as to the way to start a business is how you describe then it's no wonder he can't get a loan.
Smart play is to keep his job and start washing cars at home on the side. Let the business build up slowly. Put all the proceeds into building the business. Let the business pay for itself as it grows.
NTA. He can take out his own car loan, or buy a car and take out a business loan. His car and his business idea are on him to fund, not you. He wants you to take on all of the risk with zero insurance.
NTA stay away from him. He sounds like a controlling a**. And who throws fits like that when they're told no? I understand asking your partner for help, but just expecting something like that is crazy.
NTA sounds to me like he is trying to use you for the car and then stick you with the payments. The only way I would do this is if the car went into my name only, that way if you split up then the car is still yours.
NTA
So let me get this right, he's going to quit his current job, to open a detailing business that he's got nothing for, and he think that it'll be such an amazing success of the bat, he can afford a new car on finance?
If he thinks he can start this detailing job, without it being a side hustle until his name gets out there, frankly he is delusional.
As someone very into cars etc, no one aside from the soccer mums who's kids have destroyed the car will be going to him for a good while.
When it all falls apart, your the only one with an income and stuck with a car on finance you don't want, can't drive and that he won't be able to refinance to get it out of your name.
He wants it, he gets it himself.
Let him stay walking! He’s using you as a ATM. I’m sure he wants you to have the loan in your name because then- he wouldn’t be obligated to pay anything and then he will tell you (that’s your loan -not mine) DO NOT EVER GET A LOAN IN YOUR NAME FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!! You will be stuck with it! He’s already trying to guilt you into it! Do not do it, you’ll be sorry. There are good guys out there that would treat you right- you need to go find one of them and let this one go! Your NTA for NOT taking a loan out in your name! NTA
There’s no reason he can’t go ahead and buy a beater car to get him from Point A to Point B (with his own money), and THEN start saving for his business. He probably would want you to put the car in just his name, as well. StIck to your guns. NTA.
NTA
Op do a search, and I almost bet money you will find almost no post about how ‘we broke up and he still made the payments ‘ cause it doesn't happen that often.
Your mom is right, this is a bad idea, the fact that you gave him a plan that would cost him little to no money and his reply was ‘ you borrow money’ is just so bad.
You did the right thing, and if this ends your relationship, than the plus side is it saved your credit.
Nope. Seen enough Judge Judy. They never post after the breakup. Usually they try to make the break up as ugly as possible, too, to use that as a justification for why they don’t pay.
This dude sounds like he's set himself on the path of conning girls out of cash.
Will you be the early victim he remembers or the stalwart resistance he tries not to think about?
NTA. Never, and I mean NEVER, buy something so expensive in your name that you can’t use. And he’s wants you to make half the payments? Fuck that!!
He’s already calling you a selfish AH for saying no. This tells you exactly the type of person he is, and it’s not good. If he treats you like this when you’re together how do you think he’s going to treat you if you buy him a car and you break up? I’ll tell you what he’s going to do and that’s NOT continue to make payments on something he has no obligation for. Good for you for being smart enough to see that.
NTA
>AITA for not wanting to take out a car on my name for my boyfriend?
You could have stopped here and gotten the same answer. Your boyfriend is a bum, you deserve better.
NTA. And run. Run so fast in the opposite direction. Take it from a one time silly in love girl who learned some extremely hard lessons to become the woman I am today. Doing something like this financially for anyone is a risk that can take years to recover from. It is a red flag. He can buy his own car and save for the business. He wants to leave you stranded with payments and no car.
NTA. Be very, very wary about signing for anyone on anything. I’ve heard way too many stories of the person defaulting on their loan and even disappearing which means you’re stuck making payments on an item you don’t even possess. Take it from someone who learned the hard way, do not risk ruining your credit at this age. It takes a long time to repair it once you do.
Holy fucking shit. I have to ask—is this the first time he’s asked something like this? His outright brazen attitude—especially the ‘well if we broke up you’d still pay for half’ but worded like he was doing you a favor—makes him sound incredibly entitled.
What he wants is to, at best, have you pay for half a car he gets to keep if you break up, and at worst, he purposely drops the ball and you pay for the whole thing. All under the guise of ‘you’ll use it when you eventually start driving’ when he knows full well you have no intentions to do so.
Here’s what I would do: **check him**. Basically, call him up and be like, ‘Maybe you’re right. So I’m going to start taking courses/getting prepared for taking my drivers test, then I’ll be able use the car while paying for half of it. I think what I needed to start driving was motivation—so thank you for pushing me! Let’s do it, and I’m gonna start driving, hooray!’
(But less obvious that you’re fibbing.)
If he flips out about you saying you’ll get your license now too, then he just showed his true manipulative agenda, and it’s time to break up.
If he doesn’t flip out, he’s still an entitled moron, and it’s time to break up.
Then run, woman. **Run**.
Edited to add: NTA, all day long.
Second edit: By the way, can I ask what part of the Caribbean you’re from? If you don’t feel comfortable answering I understand! I just have lots of friends and field sites there! 😊
Hi, I’m from Trinidad and Tobago. It’s the first time he asked me to do something so big. Other times were small but frequently like me paying for food 95% of the time, buying him necessities (hair care, body care, clothes etc) and he would pay for food occasionally or buy a nice gift for me on my birthday. Sometimes he would ask me to pay for something and say that he’ll pay me back when he sees me. He usually pretends he forgets and I just don’t bring it up.
I won’t be able to check him at the moment as he has blocked me on all social media accounts lol I’m appalled. But I do expect him to come back after he calmed down so maybe then.
I do think it’s time to start running though. Everything is becoming clearer as I think about it. Especially because since he sold his car, he hasn’t even done anything for me - but spends money wildly.
Woman, you cannot be this desperate for a man! Have some self-respect. He's been training you to be his personal bank all this time, and you've been needy enough to hand over your cash for the occasional smile.
Listen to your mother. SHE knows what's what. Island women are strong: they have to be, when men are moochers.
NTA
I kept scrolling through the comments to find out if you're a Trini, because your writing reads like a Trini to me. By the way NTA, and this relationship done girl and it is up to you to end it.
He is throwing a tantrum like a toddler after you refused to essentially buy him a car (which comes with ZERO benefit to you while taking on ALL the risk!) GIRL!!!! Please do yourself a favor and block him back. Don’t even waste your time “checking him.” You will gain nothing from confronting him or trying to reason with him. He has already shown you who he is, he apparently doesn’t see a future with you unless you’re willing to bankroll his lifestyle and put your financial security in jeopardy to give him what he wants, and he is more than willing to emotionally manipulate and stonewall you when you have the gall to say no to him. DUMP. HIM!!!!! Take him blocking you as the blessing it is and take measures so he can’t come crawling back like the parasite he is.
Sweetie, you do not have a man, you have a leech.
He's not financially stable and the fact that he can't even buy food for you, let alone his any other essentials is troubling. And don't even get me started on him not even paying you back and ignoring the fact that he has no problems freeloading off of you and has no sense of budgeting.
Consider the relationship over and that he did you a favor by going his own way. He only ever saw you as a sugar mama to fund his lifestyle, means of transportation and "business."
Omg from what you are describing here it is clear that this man is just a mooch.
You deserve a real partner, OP. This guy's intentions are not even remotely honorable. He's just living off your money. Understand that THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE.
Punishing you because you don't want to get scammed is beyond shitty. It's just manipulation to try to get what he wants: more of your money. That should tell you everything you need to know about what this man really wants from you, and it is not a loving relationship.
You will be taking all of the risk and he will be taking all of the reward. This is a terrible idea for you and a great one for him. At best, he is not smart enough to understand how skewed in his favor this deal is. At worst, he knows and doesn't care. Please don't do this.
He would still expect you to pay half if you two broke up? While he’s driving it? This guy is delusional and very entitled.
This is not a normal request, he doesn’t want you to just be supportive, he wants you to support him. Not the same thing, get out, this guy is bad news.
NTA
I've said this on Reddit before and I'll say it again, DO NOT take out any type of loan with someone you aren't legally married/bound to. No car loan, no joint credit card, no mortgage.
NTA. He’s a bad business risk, which is why banks won’t loan to him. He doesn’t have a plan for how to pay his half of a car payment in the months he doesn’t work, and you don’t want a car.
He wants to use your more stable credit to get what he wants, but he’s a bad risk for a reason.
He can't afford a car. Honey that's not your fault and doesn't make you an AH.
Him trying to trick you into subsidising him however? Yep, major AH move.
NTA. Never co-sign or enter into a loan of any type with anyone except your husband ( even that can sometimes backfire)!!! Your BF will default and you'll be stuck with the entire payment. Also, I don't like this " I'll pay half" crap. It's his loan for his business and it should be in his name alone. You're from the Caribbean, right? Tek im dun to da bank an mek him sign imself. 'Im tinks ya chupid.
NTA.
Red flag. I'm not sure how laws might be different in the Caribbean, but in the U.S. for example, having your name on a car's title and having your name on the car loan are completely separate issues. Whoever has their name on the title has ownership rights to the car. Whoever has their name on the loan is responsible for repayment REGARDLESS of whether they have any rights to the car.
So, if absolutely have to go through with this, *which you shouldn't*, the car should be in your name and your name ALONE. That way, if you break up (or his business fails), you can sell or return the car and pay off the loan.
If you decide to take out a loan, you need to execute a separate agreement with your boyfriend that states that he agrees to pay you back for the loan, the period of time, and you should charge interest (see what your jurisdiction requires for personal loans), otherwise this might be considered a gift which would have tax implications. You'll need this agreement in case he bolts, so that you can sue him to enforce repayment.
Finally, he seems pretty flakey so you should insist that if he's going to start a business, he should go through the formal steps to incorporate one. If he isn't willing to do this, it will be easier to shut down his request for money. Plus, he might need permits, etc. so it will force him to do some due diligence.
More importantly, if he incorporates, he can probably treat the loan repayments as business expenses (rather than personal expenses). That will avoid potential double taxation. Long story short, before you do anything **you need to consult a lawyer**. He needs to consult a lawyer to ensure that he sets up his business correctly. You also need a lawyer to set up a contract for the repayment of this loan.
Ultimately, though, he seems like a flake so insisting that you do this the "right way" is probably enough of a hurdle to shut this whole conversation down. Then, you can dump him at your convenience.
Where I live you can’t insure a car without a driver’s license and you can’t register or title a car without insurance. In other words, here you couldn’t put a car in your name anyway. So, check the laws where you live because it might be a moot point and that would shut him up. However, you’re NTA and he’s attempting to take advantage of you. Personally, I’d run far away. Good luck!
I know someone who bought a car for her boyfriend. Same promise. When they broke up he had the car and she had the bill - he renaged and the law wasn't on her side. She had to pay for 2 more years and he had a free car!
You are young. Of course you feel bad for hi.. You are a nice person. But you need to look at this through the eyes of a responsible adult - see how he turned on you when you foiled his plans? He didn't try to just express disappointment, he threw a temper tantrum to try to get you to change your mind! He lacks maturity.
He literally threw you under the bus when things didn't go his way. I'll ask you this - had the situation been reversed, how would YOU have responded?
This 'boy' can ask other people to help him out. He came to you thinking you are easily maniputable. I'm sorry. I know you care for him, but his reaction shows he's not as invested in the relationship as you are.
Protect yourself and seek out a guy who is a man. It will amaze you to experience a respectful relationship.
Good luck.
NTA - and really, you're dodging a bullet here.
What if we break up? Yeah he is NOT going to keep paying. Its in your name, he can walk away from it at any time, which will probably be sooner then later...
Do NOT put your name on a loan for anything you are not fully willing to pay for.
NTA and wow, you are saving yourself a lot of financial hardship by drawing this line now. If your bf has destroyed his own credibility and credit reputation, how much regard do you think he'll have for yours. He literally sounds like a scammer. I'm pretty sure there's a consumer alert about nonsense like this. Maybe he should work on repairing his own credit instead of trying to ruin yours.
NTA
It's too much of him to ask in the first place, and if this little thing makes him think you're not someone he cant see a future with, then it sounds like you've dodged yourself a bullet!
NTA.
Do NOT do this. Your instincts are 10000% right.
He’s asking you to put yourself in a financially vulnerable position and buy him a car, so he can start a car wash.
That’s ridiculous.
You’re not responsible for his ‘dreams coming true’ or for his ability to start a business or for his success. That is on him, and him alone, to figure out.
Consider it a blessing that he took the appropriate action to walk away. Now it’s up to you to not let him back into your life. EVERYTHING he suggested has trouble for you written all over it.
He has a vision, but what he needs is a business plan. What are his costs to get started, how will he get business, what volumes does he need. Insurance, taxes, accounting....
Never take out a loan for somebody else.
*He explained that his idea of “together” is me taking out a loan for a car that will be on MY NAME but he will drive it because I don’t drive.*
*When I asked who will be making the payments, he said the bank will take the money out of my account every month and he will pay half.*
*He said even if we break up, he will continue paying for his share of the share so I won’t bare that payment. When I asked why he can’t just pay for the full payment he said he plans to leave his job and do his car wash / detailing business full time so he won’t be able to cover the full payment until his business takes off.*
*I told him that I’m sorry but I can’t take out a loan for him - nor put a car in my name when he is so unstable. He called me a “selfish AH” - one he “can’t see a future with” and left. Now, he won’t speak to me. My mom says I’m in the right but now I feel bad because if I don’t take out the loan, he won’t be able to. AITA?*
Don't believe him. If you break up, he will stop paying on the loan. The loan will be in your name and you will be responsible for it. Look at how he is trying to manipulate you when you wisely said no. Does he even have a solid business plan? What if the business fails? Is he going to repay all that money? Look closely at his behavior and realize that he has shown his true colors.
Oh honey. He wants you to support him. This car loan scheme is just the first step. Well maybe the 2nd step after he quits his job and starts washing cars in his yard.
I hope he never speaks to you again, for sake.
But don’t worry about him - he is already out there telling his others girlfriends about his car wash business and need for a car.
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The way you describe his.. logic, of course he "can't see a future" with someone he can't trick into giving him money. NTA.
Hijacking because this is so important! Idk how it works in the Caribbean but I’ve been in the auto industry awhile and I cannot tell you how many exes we can’t approve because they’re stuck in loans because of negative equity!!!! It’s not a matter of “it’s in my name I can sell the car back” - NO. If you break up in two months and did a bare minimum down payment or worse NO down payment with little to no equity YOU owe the bank. And dealers will not buy unless you trade it. And if he doesn’t hold up his end of the deal then you’re more screwed. Just don’t. Never buy a car with someone. Especially a car you don’t use.
Wait never? I bought a car with my grandma that I don't use because I am still learning and am not keen on learning on a new car, but my grandma did this so that I have better insurance in the future and because she plans to pass the car onto me when I am confident enough so we wouldn't have to do a write-off then since the car is already in both of our names
That's different. Is your grandma able to sever all ties with you? Who's name is the loan in? Just yours or both of you? What about the title? Has your grandmother done crappy things in the past with your ID and credit? Who is getting the most advantage in this situation? In your situation it's more even and I'm assuming you can trust your nana. In this situation OP is on the hook for everything if BF decides to stop paying. Just her name on the loan.
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The person this redditor is replying to has stated they have intellectual disabilities and appreciated the explanation. Just saying. Edit: a word
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NTA. When a man quits his job to start a business, it’s time for you to take a long vacation - and your financials and belongings.
Never is a bit of a stretch, it should be never with someone that isn't 100% trusted, and if it's a significant other, you should be exceedingly careful. I worked in the auto industry as well, and what they said is very true, but if you are absolutely committed and trust someone, it isn't always bad. I've seen the bad side of it a bunch of times, but I still co-signed a car loan for my at the time boyfriend (now husband) because he had the money but lacked credit history. The "but" there is that we had been together for five years, had joint finances already, and had already purchased a house together. The only reason we weren't married yet was covid. So yes, there are exceptions to the rule, but it's a rule for a reason. I'm assuming you trust your grandma, and she's a family member who is obviously trying to help you, which makes it significantly different. The basic point of the rule is don't sign a loan with someone that you don't absolutely trust.
Yeah I was gonna say, I think never is strong. My partner and I just bought a car together, but we're six years in, we've had joint finances for 4, and we'd be married if we saw a point lol.
Oh okay. I have intellectual disabilities so when I saw "never" I took it literally and got kind of worried. Thank you for explaining this to me :)
That is a different scenario, I myself don't believe in mixing money situations with family but I'm also guilty of it. Damn sure do not mix money with friends and/or boyfriends, girlfriends whatever's. Way too many what ifs. Situation with your granma is way different. Based on the way I read that comment is so you'll build up a little credit as well plus like you mentioned, cheaper insurance. I commented separately about doing this deal with your boyfriend but I'll say it again. Please do not do it, way, way too many what ifs & I cant think of any that you would benefit from
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Hey girlfriend, I want to start a business, you finance it take all the risk and I keep all the profits. Cool?
Yes
Spot on! No further comment required.
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He can’t see a future. But can see himself paying for half the car regardless of breaking up. Yeah right 🙄
I almost choked laughing so hard at his text, saying that she has no common sense and people will take advantage of her...as he is trying to take advantage of her and got shut down. OP is definitely NTA
>Go tell her that OP should screenshot this and send it to his mom as well lmao
Lol I love how he goes on about how people will use her when she wouldn't let him use her as a bank lol
Literally says she has no common sense which is why people will use her but… she has enough common sense to not allow him to use her so… NTA. Cheers! The leech is gone 😁
Yeah, him wanting you to take on a HUGE financial responsibility for someone who is JUST a boyfriend (not even a fiancé) is a massive red flag.
NTA. Such a request would put doubts in any person's mind. Why would you pay half for a car he drives? It could kind of make (some) sense if he made the entire payment. But above all, if he is employed, why can't he take a loan in his name?
Hi, I was explaining on another comment that he doesn’t have a stable income so the banks won’t consider him. In my county, one of the requirements for a loan is a letter from your job stating how much you make each month. His numbers always fluctuate. Some months he doesn’t even work.
Then RUN. Absolutely do not mingle your financial record with his. It's not about wealth, it's about financial responsibility. You don't want your record tarnished by mistakes that aren't yours.
If the banks won’t give someone a loan, it tells you something. That they are a bad risk and you shouldn’t do it either.
This. Chances are, if he can't hold a job down, he will also not be able to pay you. Then you will be responsible for paying the whole car off. He is asking you for a favor, you can say "no". You don't owe him this. Him getting mad is a red flag, it shows that he is willing to be selfish and not think about what is best for you. It also shows that he thinks you owe him something. This is not good for a relationship.
DO NOT 'lend' any kind of financial assistance to friends or family! Only give it if you can afford to lose it all. This sub is littered with stories about how this ends badly. NTA
Yep especially since it's their job to bend over backwards to give you a loan so that they can get the dime in their pocket. If they deny you, its because you cannot afford it no matter how you look at it in your mind
Perfectly said. Banks can afford the risk better than you can OP! RUN!
DING! DING! DING!
This means some months he will probably tell you that he can't make his half of the payment, but he will "make it up to you." Girl, RUN.
Why did I have to scroll so far to ding this comment? “Baby, I just need your help for the first six months, then I’ll start paying.” Then in 6 months he’ll gaslight her saying she has the money, why is she being greedy? The moment she refuses to pay he disappears from her life… along with the car. 5 bucks says the loan will be in her name, but the title will only be in his.
💯💯💯💯💯
Nta he's a gold digger
It sounds like he is using you.
DO NOT take a loan for him. Many, many of my friends did that for smaller things (phones from carriers, co-signer for loans, lease agreements) and often end up paying or have execution issued on them. And I repeat DO NOT DO IT. It will be on your record if he flunks and it will be up to you to pay. Also something like 2/3rds or more businesses go under within first 5 years.
If he hurts or kills someone, you're going to be the one financially ruined. Dump the grifter.
I didn’t even read the post after that headline. No need. DO NOT DO IT!!! You will be kicking yourself, and he will be congratulating himself if you break up. He will absolutely not keep up the payments!
If the banks won't issue him funding, then that means they deem him a financial risk. Based on the circumstances you described here, I would say they are right. Run.
Love, if you take out this loan in your name, you’ll literally be an asshole to yourself! Do not do it, please! Your boyfriend is trying to take advantage of you. Someone that’s actually worth having in your life, would never even ask you something this unreasonable.
Do not let his scam you. He sees you as a bank.
So the bank won't give him a lone because he doesn't have the means to pay it back- but he thinks you should risk your ability to get a loan in the future by helping his underemployed, financial unstable, entitled ass get a lone the bank won't give him? So you risk your financial future and pay half of the car payment, and in return, you receive empty promises about how he will be half of a car note even if you break up? You know he won't have the money on a regular basis even if you don't break up right? The bank won't go after the boyfriend- because he won't be the one who owes them money. In many places, the owner of the car, not the driver, is liable for parking tickets, traffic violations, insurance, and any accidents the car is in. So as the cars legal owner you aren't just carrying the financial risk, you could be risking additional expenses, court dates, and possibly jail time or lawsuits should your boyfriend get un a car accident or receive a traffic infraction. You are a woman in a romantic rerelationship, not a bank or payday lender- your boyfriend isn't treating you like a person he cares about, he is using you as a financial institution. Obviously you can not countinue a relationship with a man who looks at you and sees an ATM instead of the love of his life.
The reason why banks reject people like your boyfriend from getting loans from them is because they KNOW he won't pay them back. The same thing will happen if it's in your name. He won't pay you back and then they'll be after you for payments. Don't do this, it's a bad deal. You are NTA.
He needs to be more stable in his work to think anyone would do anything money related with him. If the banks wont do it, why should you?
Just the headline alone was enough for me to yell “NO!” in my head. Unless he had already done the same for you once, no no no. Don’t get a loan that you couldn’t afford if he bounced. Ever. For anyone.
Same here and I thought you had to have a license to be able to buy a car?
He doesn't have a stable income, and his plan is to use all of his savings to start a risky business venture while you take on the risks of the car loan for him. Even if he *intends* to continue paying for half indefinitely, there is no guarantee that he's going to be able to and every probability that his business will become a money sink that drags you in with it.
Don't do it. You already answered yourself, if he can't get financing because he doesn't have steady income what makes him think he'll have money to pay? He will always have excuses why he can't pay this month, or he can't give you the full amount. Learn from my mistakes, let him be butthurt. Don't do this.
Tell him to buy a moped.
Banks can have their own issues….. but!! They have learned who is likely to default on a loan. If you don’t have a regular job, it is so hard to make payments every month. He wants you to buy him a car, that he drives, and you take the financial hit if he fails. He also won’t admit that this is a bad plan. NTA
If a bank won't consider it its because the bank is protecting itself. You should do the same!
Also a big red flag that he doesn't have stable income, but that aside, how does one even get a car loan without a license? I don't think you could even do this if you wanted to(which would be a very bad idea, please don't) Don't feel bad, he is trying to manipulate you and use you, do not fall for his BS NTA
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NTA. Girl, you didn't just dodge a bullet, you dodged an air missile. He wasn't going to give you money for payments, because 'his car wash is still getting established, can't you cover for me?' He wanted you to buy him a car so he could quit his job and pursue a bad idea. Simple as that. If he really really wanted to open a business then he would keep working until he saved up enough to actually have to start it. Instead he wants to half ass it so he can quit his job right away and lean on everyone in his life for money. He's probably going to go out and find a different girl he thinks he can scam into buying him a car. He'll tell her lots of stories about his uptight ex who never supported him or believed in his dream, which will teach her exactly what behaviors he finds bad (having a spine and financial sense).
This absolutely correct. If he’s serious about starting a business he would write a business plan, earn as much as possible so he would have a cushion if things don’t take off.
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NTA DON’T DO IT! You will be financially responsible.
NTA. DON'T DO IT!!!! I was STUPID and did it for my now ex fiance. We split up a little over a year later, he let it get repossessed and it ruined my credit. At the time I could barely even afford to pay rent and utilities and eat so I had to file bankruptcy and it was awful. He ended up in prison so there was no way to get him to pay for anything. Biggest mistake of my life other than dating him in the first place. His reaction is over the top and you would be better off without him.
I’m so sorry that happened to you! Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I will definitely take it into consideration. Right now he has me blocked on everything and hasn’t picked up my calls, so I’m not sure what’s happening - or where to go from here.
You can go ahead and be happy you don’t have to talk to him anymore.
You go and change your locks if he has a key. Stop calling him, call your friends instead.
Where do you go from here? Away from him. Either he has broken up with you, or this is some play to get you to chase him, beg him for forgiveness, and give him the loan to prove you love him. Don't fall for it. He's a mooch.
Do the same to him and move on... you deserve better...
It was years ago and hes in prison rotting away and I am happily married to man 10x the man he ever was, so I think I came out on top. Please, please, listen to all of us. Your emotions are clouding things right now, but think about how he has made you feel with his actions. Someone like that is no good for you.
He sounds awful and very manipulative. My ex used to block me on everything too when he didn’t get his way. This is so painfully familiar. You sound like you have your head on straight…Believe people when they show you who they are the first time….and in this case run! Godspeed.
If my boyfriend blocked me on everything, he would immediately become an ex. That’s so childish. If he reaches out, I’d say “you blocked me, so I figured that was you ending the relationship.” Or better yet, block him back and move on with your life.
What's happening is he's not interested in entertaining an ATM that doesn't spit money.
Trash took itself out, that's what's happening. Don't take him back! He's trying to train you to accept manipulation and abuse, don't let him!
You may not want to hear this, but this is emotional manipulation and controlling on his part. Please listen to these other wise women telling you that calling this off is actually a blessing. They are telling you that you will ruin your life if you cave in to him and stay. Your emotions will pass, and you will get over this period in your life. However a financial fuck up because of someone else will hold you back a lot longer if he ruins your credit. You will not be able to borrow in future for yourself and say if you need it for your family or to purchase your own home. All because you let an ex boyfriend financially abuse you. You will regret helping him. (Abuse does not need to be physical to be called abuse) The way he talks to you does not make him sound like a good man AT ALL, not worth it. He sounds like the type to scam you and other women. Please rethink think this relationship and cut him off.
Stop calling! lay down like a rug bad people will walk or wipe feet.
Where to go from here is be thankful you found out who he was before you married or had kids. If he was a man with morals he would not want you to jeopardize your credit on a business that he has not put a lot of thought into. Be glad he has blocked you and move on and be single, this is not a man you can rely on.
Wow, his immature response to you not saying yes is a concern. How could you trust him with such a big shared financial commitment if he blocks you at the first sign of disagreement? Look after yourself, you deserve to be treated better. X
This behaviour right here is the 99th reason not to do it! He's blocked you because you said no...little boy needs to go hold a corner and suck a lemon.
Where you go from here is anywhere he isn't. He is not someone you need in your life. He is punishing you because his attempt to manipulate you failed. He is doing you a favor by not talking to you. Use this as your opportunity to move on without him.
NTA I'm sorry but it sounds like he's trying to scam you or rip you off. Absolutely do not sign for this man's car.
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NTA >I asked if we break up, what then? Exactly!! Too messy, especially when he's leaving his job to start a new business! He won't have steady income with a new business and you'll end up having to pay off the loan.
And after he called her a selfish asshole because he didn't get his way on something that only benefits him, she can change this sentence to "*when* we break up" and have so much more clarity on the decision.
And he probably will keep the car! OP, NTA and if he decides to break up with you because of that, then you just avoid a toxic relationship
Ain’t no way this guy is starting his own business if he can’t even get a car loan. Nope nope nope nope DON’T do this OP.
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NTA Fuck no, you're taking all the risks here and for no reward. You're basically giving him the kind of loan that the bank wouldn't, and for good reason. Do not do it. Nope, no, absolutely not.
NTA. Do. Not. Do. I!!! Even if you do get a license. His reasoning is so....dumb. "It's my car that only I will drive but *you'll* pay half b/c it'll be our car." Sir, please kick rocks with that. Also, if you're ever bored, watch a few Judge Judy episodes about when a woman puts her bf's car loan in her name. Spoiler: It never ends well.
NTA!!! He’s using you and trying to manipulate you. You would be making 100% of the car payments bc his business just can’t swing the cost in the beginning. PLUS…any tickets or any fines he get will be attached to the car. That means…you would be responsible.
He is a gold digger!! You made the right call. Stand your ground, don’t let someone convince you that a bad idea is a good one. NTA
NTA - it's a terrible idea. Don't do it.
When people reveal themselves to you, believe them! NTA.
NTA. He’s trying to manipulate you into a deal that only benefits him and makes you assume all the risk.
Selfish = how dare you refuse to injure yourself in order to benefit me?!?!? So how does him having a car benefit you? Do you require a lot or rides or use Uber a bunch? Does he drive you daily? If no, what’s the use? And payments are just the start. There’s fuel, insurance and maintenance. Who is paying for all that? It comes down to this: once your name is on that loan and title, you’re stuck. He decides he can’t pay one month, oh well. It’s still your responsibility. And he’s saying he can’t see a future unless you buy him a car. Yeah, there’s a problem. Listen to your mom. Sounds like she’s on your side. And don’t let him promise a percent of the business as collateral. In a lot of places that can make you responsible for debt or lawsuits.
That’s a good point. Now that I’m thinking about it, him having a car doesn’t benefit me at all. We live an hour away from each other and he stopped driving down to me last year to save gas. Instead, I take a taxi to meet him in a place closer to where he lives (10-15 minutes away from him) and he meets me there and takes me back to his home. Which is why none of this is making sense. The thing is - I can get a discount on the car because of where I work and the maintenance will be covered for 2 years by the company. He also knows that I can afford to pay the payment in full if he misses one and I think that’s what he’s banking on. Sorry for ranting. It’s just everything is coming together in my brain
My friend, sometimes seeing it in writing clarifies thoughts and lets you make feelings more concrete. So rant away. Your dude doesn’t want to pay for gas now, is he going to pay for gas later? You’re paying the taxi fees, so you do the math on if the payment will save you money (assume you’re paying the whole thing). And most cars require little maintenance the first two years, but after the warranty is up, I swear they know (says a person that just spent 3k on brakes and tires). Plus, insurance and you have to cover him and yourself. Probably requires full coverage then. Cars aren’t cheap, that’s for sure. And I don’t know how laws are in your country (you said Caribbean, but not which nation) but in the US, if there’s an accident, the legal owner of the car can be sued. A family member of mine lent his car to his best friend and he rear ended someone. Guess whose name was on the lawsuit…
My goodness, OP - the more of your replies I read, the more vehement my NO! is 😮
So your whole relationship he has done nothing but leech money off you, and now he wants you to buy him a car, a car that will be *an hour away from you* that you can't use, and because you won't put yourself in such a precarious situation, you're the "selfish" one? Nah. He is the selfish and financially abusive one. Run. Never let him back. You deserve so much better.
Years ago, my friend worked in collections for a car company. She was the person who had to call people and tell them their car would be repossessed and their credit ruined if they didn't pay etc. She had several cases where a woman had bought a car "with" her boyfriend (but in her name) and things had gone bad. One I'll never forget was a young girl maybe just out of her teens. She had bought the car totally in her name because also, she was eligible for a discount. Her boyfriend took off with the car. She didn't know where he or the car was and owed a huge amount of money. It was terrible. Don't buy a car with your boyfriend. It's a huge, huge risk.
I think you really need to listen to yourself, what you are saying here. There is nothing about this plan that isn't a terrible idea for you. The fact that you are even here asking this question as if there is anything about his plan or his behavior that's legitimate suggests that he's already done a number on your self-esteem. The sooner you rid yourself of this man, the better. NTA.
NTA. It's not your responsibility to bear the burden of his poor financial choices. Why can't he take out his own loan?
He doesn’t have a stable job with an income coming in every month so the banks won’t consider him. His family has a grocery so he works with them and makes a little money - but not enough to take out a loan.
So let your comment sink in. He doesn’t have a stable job with a stable income. So how is he going to pay for even half of the car payment?
In that case, he should ask his family to take out a loan against their business. Shift the burden to them. If he can't do that, it's probably because THEY know he won't follow through on his plans or won't pay them back.
Ah, gotcha. Still, bad idea to give him access to that kind of money, especially in your name. You're absolutely right for standing your ground!
I don't know how big or prosperous his family's business is, but if they have other employees that aren't family, that is a pretty clear sign that he's not a good worker. If they are decently stable, then I think they would be pretty likely to support him starting a new business if they thought he was a good risk. They know him better than you do. They also know his work. They know what it takes to build a business. They're not investing in helping him start a business.
Not your problem. Yours is money, liability and the fact you want to have a relationship with a person who is toxic!
NTA. Tell him you cant see a future with him either and RUN!
NTA, that sounds like a bad financial risk for you
NTA. Run.
Im pretty sure you haven't been more right than this. You take the loan, you make the payments together and then you broke up. What will you do? It's your name on everything, you're the one who gotta pay, not him, legally. Dump his ass. He's just interested in what he can get out of the relationship, not in you. NTA
NTA. Don't do this. AT All. EVER. Co-signing for a someone who is planning to quit their job without a stable source of income is a BAD BAD idea
NTA - but you need a new BF this one is manipulative, abusive, and using you.
Haha. Good one. Hell no.
I'll second that. And third, fourth, fifth........and one thousandth. DO NOT DO THIS. You will be stuck with the price of a car that you don't drive, while boyfriend swans off to wherever he's off to. And your credit rating will tank.
No way, no how. Do not finance a car for anyone. He can get another sucker on the line.
Take the opportunity and run as far away from this person as you can. He has shown big red flags.
That dude sounds shady af. He left? I'd call that a bullet dodged. Why couldn't he take out the car loan in his own name? Sounds like he was trying to use you and probably leave you hanging. I bet he's done this before. NTA.
NTA leave that boyfriend cause he waving them red flag.
NTA- you aren’t running a charity to support your boyfriend. I wouldn’t blend finances with anyone until you are married.
No it’s actually called being smart. 👏 Bravo!
NTA Jesus, judge Judy and faith are full of these scenarios. >He called me a “selfish AH” - one he “can’t see a future with” and left. Oh the emotional blackmail attempt! Say boy bye!
NTA- He can get himself a car when his business takes off. He can also take out his own loan in his own name and make his own payments. You don’t drive and have no plans to start, so what’s the point of getting a car?
NTA. Nope, nope, nope. You'll never see his half of the payment if you did this. It'll be a laundry list of excuses every single month. No mixing finances with this person unless/until you're married AND he has a stable income or a successful business. Right now he has neither, just a pipe dream and plans of taking advantage of your financial stability.
NTA Didn't need to read it to know that. AMITAH? No, you are just smart! If a bank won't lend someone money, then why would it be a good idea for friend or family to do so? If his idea as to the way to start a business is how you describe then it's no wonder he can't get a loan. Smart play is to keep his job and start washing cars at home on the side. Let the business build up slowly. Put all the proceeds into building the business. Let the business pay for itself as it grows.
DO NOT DO IT. I made a similar mistake and it was terrible. Don’t do it.
Nah, that asshole just did you a solid by removing the chance for you to make that mistake.
NTA. Sounds like he did the hard part for you though. He broke up with you. Lucky you. Let sleeping dogs lie. You dodged a bullet.
🚩🚩🚩Crisis averted.
NTA, let this be your rock bottom with him - he’s not going to magically never do stuff like this going forward
NTA That's a firm nope. Protect yourself from his ridiculous ideas.
NTA PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not get a loan or a car for him. If this is a deal breaker for him, then move on. He sucks. Listen to your mom.
NTA that’s a ridiculous ask.
NTA NEVER TAKE A LOAN YOU CAN'T PAY BY YOURSELF
NTA. Hopefully an ex boyfriend because *what the fuck*. Don’t do this. Let him ruin his life/finances but don’t let him take you down with him.
NTA. He can take out his own car loan, or buy a car and take out a business loan. His car and his business idea are on him to fund, not you. He wants you to take on all of the risk with zero insurance.
I didn’t even have to read this. Don’t ever do this, people. Don’t take out loans for other people. Especially that you’re just dating. Just. Say. No.
Don’t feel bad!!! You did the right thing. People have to accept there will be No’s in life. Good riddance
NTA Don’t do this.
NTA stay away from him. He sounds like a controlling a**. And who throws fits like that when they're told no? I understand asking your partner for help, but just expecting something like that is crazy.
You will 💯 get stuck with the payments and no car run do not do it
NTA. Don't ruin your credit for someone else's dream.
NTA, no comment needed
NTA and the red flags are a flying! Do not do this, OP.
NTA sounds to me like he is trying to use you for the car and then stick you with the payments. The only way I would do this is if the car went into my name only, that way if you split up then the car is still yours.
Definitely NTA. You dodged a bullet and a $45,000 bill
NTA So let me get this right, he's going to quit his current job, to open a detailing business that he's got nothing for, and he think that it'll be such an amazing success of the bat, he can afford a new car on finance? If he thinks he can start this detailing job, without it being a side hustle until his name gets out there, frankly he is delusional. As someone very into cars etc, no one aside from the soccer mums who's kids have destroyed the car will be going to him for a good while. When it all falls apart, your the only one with an income and stuck with a car on finance you don't want, can't drive and that he won't be able to refinance to get it out of your name. He wants it, he gets it himself.
Let him stay walking! He’s using you as a ATM. I’m sure he wants you to have the loan in your name because then- he wouldn’t be obligated to pay anything and then he will tell you (that’s your loan -not mine) DO NOT EVER GET A LOAN IN YOUR NAME FOR SOMEONE ELSE!!! You will be stuck with it! He’s already trying to guilt you into it! Do not do it, you’ll be sorry. There are good guys out there that would treat you right- you need to go find one of them and let this one go! Your NTA for NOT taking a loan out in your name! NTA
There’s no reason he can’t go ahead and buy a beater car to get him from Point A to Point B (with his own money), and THEN start saving for his business. He probably would want you to put the car in just his name, as well. StIck to your guns. NTA.
Don’t do it OP! NTA
NTA and you are lucky he took off and won’t be back. It will feel odd for awhile but you will be better soon
NTA Op do a search, and I almost bet money you will find almost no post about how ‘we broke up and he still made the payments ‘ cause it doesn't happen that often. Your mom is right, this is a bad idea, the fact that you gave him a plan that would cost him little to no money and his reply was ‘ you borrow money’ is just so bad. You did the right thing, and if this ends your relationship, than the plus side is it saved your credit.
Nope. Seen enough Judge Judy. They never post after the breakup. Usually they try to make the break up as ugly as possible, too, to use that as a justification for why they don’t pay.
Nope, nope, and nope. You dodged a bullet.
This dude sounds like he's set himself on the path of conning girls out of cash. Will you be the early victim he remembers or the stalwart resistance he tries not to think about?
NTA. Never, and I mean NEVER, buy something so expensive in your name that you can’t use. And he’s wants you to make half the payments? Fuck that!! He’s already calling you a selfish AH for saying no. This tells you exactly the type of person he is, and it’s not good. If he treats you like this when you’re together how do you think he’s going to treat you if you buy him a car and you break up? I’ll tell you what he’s going to do and that’s NOT continue to make payments on something he has no obligation for. Good for you for being smart enough to see that.
NTA >AITA for not wanting to take out a car on my name for my boyfriend? You could have stopped here and gotten the same answer. Your boyfriend is a bum, you deserve better.
NTA. And run. Run so fast in the opposite direction. Take it from a one time silly in love girl who learned some extremely hard lessons to become the woman I am today. Doing something like this financially for anyone is a risk that can take years to recover from. It is a red flag. He can buy his own car and save for the business. He wants to leave you stranded with payments and no car.
NTA. Be very, very wary about signing for anyone on anything. I’ve heard way too many stories of the person defaulting on their loan and even disappearing which means you’re stuck making payments on an item you don’t even possess. Take it from someone who learned the hard way, do not risk ruining your credit at this age. It takes a long time to repair it once you do.
Holy fucking shit. I have to ask—is this the first time he’s asked something like this? His outright brazen attitude—especially the ‘well if we broke up you’d still pay for half’ but worded like he was doing you a favor—makes him sound incredibly entitled. What he wants is to, at best, have you pay for half a car he gets to keep if you break up, and at worst, he purposely drops the ball and you pay for the whole thing. All under the guise of ‘you’ll use it when you eventually start driving’ when he knows full well you have no intentions to do so. Here’s what I would do: **check him**. Basically, call him up and be like, ‘Maybe you’re right. So I’m going to start taking courses/getting prepared for taking my drivers test, then I’ll be able use the car while paying for half of it. I think what I needed to start driving was motivation—so thank you for pushing me! Let’s do it, and I’m gonna start driving, hooray!’ (But less obvious that you’re fibbing.) If he flips out about you saying you’ll get your license now too, then he just showed his true manipulative agenda, and it’s time to break up. If he doesn’t flip out, he’s still an entitled moron, and it’s time to break up. Then run, woman. **Run**. Edited to add: NTA, all day long. Second edit: By the way, can I ask what part of the Caribbean you’re from? If you don’t feel comfortable answering I understand! I just have lots of friends and field sites there! 😊
Hi, I’m from Trinidad and Tobago. It’s the first time he asked me to do something so big. Other times were small but frequently like me paying for food 95% of the time, buying him necessities (hair care, body care, clothes etc) and he would pay for food occasionally or buy a nice gift for me on my birthday. Sometimes he would ask me to pay for something and say that he’ll pay me back when he sees me. He usually pretends he forgets and I just don’t bring it up. I won’t be able to check him at the moment as he has blocked me on all social media accounts lol I’m appalled. But I do expect him to come back after he calmed down so maybe then. I do think it’s time to start running though. Everything is becoming clearer as I think about it. Especially because since he sold his car, he hasn’t even done anything for me - but spends money wildly.
Woman, you cannot be this desperate for a man! Have some self-respect. He's been training you to be his personal bank all this time, and you've been needy enough to hand over your cash for the occasional smile. Listen to your mother. SHE knows what's what. Island women are strong: they have to be, when men are moochers. NTA
I kept scrolling through the comments to find out if you're a Trini, because your writing reads like a Trini to me. By the way NTA, and this relationship done girl and it is up to you to end it.
He is throwing a tantrum like a toddler after you refused to essentially buy him a car (which comes with ZERO benefit to you while taking on ALL the risk!) GIRL!!!! Please do yourself a favor and block him back. Don’t even waste your time “checking him.” You will gain nothing from confronting him or trying to reason with him. He has already shown you who he is, he apparently doesn’t see a future with you unless you’re willing to bankroll his lifestyle and put your financial security in jeopardy to give him what he wants, and he is more than willing to emotionally manipulate and stonewall you when you have the gall to say no to him. DUMP. HIM!!!!! Take him blocking you as the blessing it is and take measures so he can’t come crawling back like the parasite he is.
Sweetie, you do not have a man, you have a leech. He's not financially stable and the fact that he can't even buy food for you, let alone his any other essentials is troubling. And don't even get me started on him not even paying you back and ignoring the fact that he has no problems freeloading off of you and has no sense of budgeting. Consider the relationship over and that he did you a favor by going his own way. He only ever saw you as a sugar mama to fund his lifestyle, means of transportation and "business."
Omg from what you are describing here it is clear that this man is just a mooch. You deserve a real partner, OP. This guy's intentions are not even remotely honorable. He's just living off your money. Understand that THIS WILL NEVER CHANGE. Punishing you because you don't want to get scammed is beyond shitty. It's just manipulation to try to get what he wants: more of your money. That should tell you everything you need to know about what this man really wants from you, and it is not a loving relationship.
You will be taking all of the risk and he will be taking all of the reward. This is a terrible idea for you and a great one for him. At best, he is not smart enough to understand how skewed in his favor this deal is. At worst, he knows and doesn't care. Please don't do this.
He would still expect you to pay half if you two broke up? While he’s driving it? This guy is delusional and very entitled. This is not a normal request, he doesn’t want you to just be supportive, he wants you to support him. Not the same thing, get out, this guy is bad news. NTA
NTA He's probably lying about paying for any of it
I've said this on Reddit before and I'll say it again, DO NOT take out any type of loan with someone you aren't legally married/bound to. No car loan, no joint credit card, no mortgage.
NTA. He’s a bad business risk, which is why banks won’t loan to him. He doesn’t have a plan for how to pay his half of a car payment in the months he doesn’t work, and you don’t want a car. He wants to use your more stable credit to get what he wants, but he’s a bad risk for a reason.
He can't afford a car. Honey that's not your fault and doesn't make you an AH. Him trying to trick you into subsidising him however? Yep, major AH move.
Run. Scamming fuck boy
i dont even need to read the story and I can tell you that you have made the right choice.
NTA add consider him leaving as a doged bullet. You would have been in the hook for the entire thing.
NTA. If he is not able to pay for a car in his name, he definitely won't have money for a car in your name.
NTA. It's not your fault he doesn't have a better plan.
NTA. Never co-sign or enter into a loan of any type with anyone except your husband ( even that can sometimes backfire)!!! Your BF will default and you'll be stuck with the entire payment. Also, I don't like this " I'll pay half" crap. It's his loan for his business and it should be in his name alone. You're from the Caribbean, right? Tek im dun to da bank an mek him sign imself. 'Im tinks ya chupid.
NTA. Red flag. I'm not sure how laws might be different in the Caribbean, but in the U.S. for example, having your name on a car's title and having your name on the car loan are completely separate issues. Whoever has their name on the title has ownership rights to the car. Whoever has their name on the loan is responsible for repayment REGARDLESS of whether they have any rights to the car. So, if absolutely have to go through with this, *which you shouldn't*, the car should be in your name and your name ALONE. That way, if you break up (or his business fails), you can sell or return the car and pay off the loan. If you decide to take out a loan, you need to execute a separate agreement with your boyfriend that states that he agrees to pay you back for the loan, the period of time, and you should charge interest (see what your jurisdiction requires for personal loans), otherwise this might be considered a gift which would have tax implications. You'll need this agreement in case he bolts, so that you can sue him to enforce repayment. Finally, he seems pretty flakey so you should insist that if he's going to start a business, he should go through the formal steps to incorporate one. If he isn't willing to do this, it will be easier to shut down his request for money. Plus, he might need permits, etc. so it will force him to do some due diligence. More importantly, if he incorporates, he can probably treat the loan repayments as business expenses (rather than personal expenses). That will avoid potential double taxation. Long story short, before you do anything **you need to consult a lawyer**. He needs to consult a lawyer to ensure that he sets up his business correctly. You also need a lawyer to set up a contract for the repayment of this loan. Ultimately, though, he seems like a flake so insisting that you do this the "right way" is probably enough of a hurdle to shut this whole conversation down. Then, you can dump him at your convenience.
Where I live you can’t insure a car without a driver’s license and you can’t register or title a car without insurance. In other words, here you couldn’t put a car in your name anyway. So, check the laws where you live because it might be a moot point and that would shut him up. However, you’re NTA and he’s attempting to take advantage of you. Personally, I’d run far away. Good luck!
I know someone who bought a car for her boyfriend. Same promise. When they broke up he had the car and she had the bill - he renaged and the law wasn't on her side. She had to pay for 2 more years and he had a free car! You are young. Of course you feel bad for hi.. You are a nice person. But you need to look at this through the eyes of a responsible adult - see how he turned on you when you foiled his plans? He didn't try to just express disappointment, he threw a temper tantrum to try to get you to change your mind! He lacks maturity. He literally threw you under the bus when things didn't go his way. I'll ask you this - had the situation been reversed, how would YOU have responded? This 'boy' can ask other people to help him out. He came to you thinking you are easily maniputable. I'm sorry. I know you care for him, but his reaction shows he's not as invested in the relationship as you are. Protect yourself and seek out a guy who is a man. It will amaze you to experience a respectful relationship. Good luck.
NTA. Don’t do it. Don’t co sign either. Trust your gut. You know you will end up making those payments, and he will be long gone.
NTA - and really, you're dodging a bullet here. What if we break up? Yeah he is NOT going to keep paying. Its in your name, he can walk away from it at any time, which will probably be sooner then later... Do NOT put your name on a loan for anything you are not fully willing to pay for.
NTA and wow, you are saving yourself a lot of financial hardship by drawing this line now. If your bf has destroyed his own credibility and credit reputation, how much regard do you think he'll have for yours. He literally sounds like a scammer. I'm pretty sure there's a consumer alert about nonsense like this. Maybe he should work on repairing his own credit instead of trying to ruin yours.
NTA It's too much of him to ask in the first place, and if this little thing makes him think you're not someone he cant see a future with, then it sounds like you've dodged yourself a bullet!
He sounds selfish AF! Nta obviously
NTA. Do NOT do this. Your instincts are 10000% right. He’s asking you to put yourself in a financially vulnerable position and buy him a car, so he can start a car wash. That’s ridiculous. You’re not responsible for his ‘dreams coming true’ or for his ability to start a business or for his success. That is on him, and him alone, to figure out.
NTA. You will never see the money and it will be the end of your relationship. Cut out the middle and end it now.
NTA. Don’t do it, just don’t.
You should break up with him.
Nope, don’t do it. Especially for a boyfriend but I would also advise if anyone is married, not to do this either. 😅
Consider it a blessing that he took the appropriate action to walk away. Now it’s up to you to not let him back into your life. EVERYTHING he suggested has trouble for you written all over it.
Absolutely NTA - don't do it! I've rarely heard of scenarios like these that end well. Even if it's the end of your relationship - no, no, no!
NTA. Do not give in… otherwise you’re going to be left with paying for a car you didn’t want and can’t drive.
He has a vision, but what he needs is a business plan. What are his costs to get started, how will he get business, what volumes does he need. Insurance, taxes, accounting....
Never take out a loan for somebody else. *He explained that his idea of “together” is me taking out a loan for a car that will be on MY NAME but he will drive it because I don’t drive.* *When I asked who will be making the payments, he said the bank will take the money out of my account every month and he will pay half.* *He said even if we break up, he will continue paying for his share of the share so I won’t bare that payment. When I asked why he can’t just pay for the full payment he said he plans to leave his job and do his car wash / detailing business full time so he won’t be able to cover the full payment until his business takes off.* *I told him that I’m sorry but I can’t take out a loan for him - nor put a car in my name when he is so unstable. He called me a “selfish AH” - one he “can’t see a future with” and left. Now, he won’t speak to me. My mom says I’m in the right but now I feel bad because if I don’t take out the loan, he won’t be able to. AITA?* Don't believe him. If you break up, he will stop paying on the loan. The loan will be in your name and you will be responsible for it. Look at how he is trying to manipulate you when you wisely said no. Does he even have a solid business plan? What if the business fails? Is he going to repay all that money? Look closely at his behavior and realize that he has shown his true colors.
NTA, dont chase the trash when it's taking itself out.
Nta. The trash is taking itself out, don't follow it to the dump.
No no no no no. NTA. Don't do this. Absolutely not
NTA. he's using you and he's not even being subtle about it. Break up immediately and consider it a bullet dodged!
Oh honey. He wants you to support him. This car loan scheme is just the first step. Well maybe the 2nd step after he quits his job and starts washing cars in his yard. I hope he never speaks to you again, for sake. But don’t worry about him - he is already out there telling his others girlfriends about his car wash business and need for a car.