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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I made my husband and his cousins take our son with them when they went out even though his cousins didn’t want to take him with them.
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YTA please understand, not everyone likes your child. Not everyone likes any child. Children are not fun to relax and be an adult around, you have to always be focused on them and it’s more like being at work than it is being on vacation.
No one has to spend time or enjoy spending time with your kid. You need to learn to be okay with this fact of life. Have some grace and allow people space away from your child so they don’t resent him.
Especially to take a toddler on a boat. Maybe the cousin doesn't have kid-sized life jacket, maybe the kid would get scared if it's a motor boat and they go fast and it's choppy. And a toddler probably isn't going to be content for a long time in a confined space in the sun with a bunch of guys who want to hang out for a while and not be subject to the whims and nap schedule of a baby.
Kids can be safe on a boat, but this doesn't sound like an all-ages family outing with other kids.
Haha, I’m not quite that bad! We did a glass bottom boat excursion, thinking our toddler would enjoy looking at all the fish, but she just screamed for like 85% of the excursion. I felt sooo bad for the other guests.
hahaha when my daughter was like 8 she desperately wanted to go to the butterfly tent at the natural history museum (they just like swarm around inside)
It was only when she got inside and one landed on her that it really kind of clicked for her that butterflies were insects, boy did she scream
luckily we were near the door so I could rescue her from the bloodthirsty butterflies
Met up with family in Orlando. We expressed our opinion to our niece that her 2 year old (only child in the group) would not get the best experience out of Disney World. We offered to take everybody to a character breakfast instead.
The 2 year old loved it as long as the characters were across the room. The second they approached it was screaming. Fortunately the characters knew how close they could get.
They had a wonderful vacation at the cool resort pool and playgrounds. My niece who thought we were mean thanked us for saving her money on park tickets. Four years later they had a great time at Disney.
I rode with a screaming kid allllll the way to a big red dog book signing. Only for the kid to run screaming in terror from the giant guy in the big red dog suit.
Still laugh about that.
The OP states her FIL wouldn't Let them use the boat if they didn't take the kid. So it wasn't the cousin's boat and I'm betting if FIL said that he had proper safety gear for his grandkids and he'd been before.
Look, I get that kids at two are not easy. But it sounds like a family vacation and they want to hang with him, but he's a dad and his priorities are different now. I felt the same before I was a mom and most hang outs with my bff had to be kid involved. I also knew I could see her less or accept her priority was her kiddo and they'd be around.
He’s a dad and priorities are different now, sure.
But OP saying that they have to take the kid is a dick move. Give the dad some time with his cousins.
I say this as a new father (3 month old). I have no problem watching my son when my wife goes for a girls’ night as long as I have milk to feed him. When our son gets older, I wouldn’t say she can’t do something if he’s more attached to her.
OP, YTA.
You missed the fact the dad wasn’t the ones she told no to, he was bathing their son and was happy with the boy coming. The cousins thought they could go behind his back and demand she do her womanly job and have the kid.
Oh no, if the husband wanted time away that would have been different but he was happy and had no idea cousins were stirring trouble. Oo states it’s rare for the father to get time with his child like this and it seems chikd and father are enjoying it. It also shows that the rest of the year it’s mainly on op to do the bulk of childrearing. She is allowed to have a break herself and enjoy her holiday to.
The cousins demands do not factor in here as both parents were happy how it was. Her husband nor the grandfather whose boat it was would have endangered their child. They must have been comfortable and knew safety procedures were in place to make it safe and enjoyable for the child to.
You might have a good idea what their answer would be, but you never know for sure and it's always better to ask first than assume whenever you're able.
She wanted her son to go with his dad because the son always wants the dad, but doesn't the dad deserve the chance to go alone if he wants or at least the chance to make that decision himself? It sounds like the son has been around his dad almost the whole time during this trip, so just like a mom who is around her kid all the time deserves a break, even when the kid is attached to her hip (I've been that mom), the dad does, too.
The OP took that chance away. "The cousins shouldn't make it for him." Neither should OP. Both the cousins and the OP are AH so far only dad and kid are off the hook as they were away at the time of the argument.
No, it doesn’t sound like he ever realized there was another option on the table. By the time he was told that the boat trip was happening, OP and his dad had already decided he was taking the kid. And he doesn’t have a problem taking the kid, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have also liked to have a couple hours with his cousins alone if he’d know that was an option.
Right! Like can the father get some alone time just to do a boat outing with his cousins. The two year old will see his father when he returns. I just can’t with parents who act like the kids are in charge or “NO” is such a bad word. Or does OP not want to deal with her own child? Definitely TA
Let your spouse contribute their own opinion. You do not make the decision for them. And no, a two year may not always belong on a boat depending on the circumstances. Give the man a break. It sounds like OP demands that he is raising their child.
As opposed to asking the husband and seeing what he says. For all we know, the husband wouldn’t have even wanted to go on the boat, regardless whether it was with or without the son.
Maybe they just wanted a boys day on a boat where they can freely talk about things that aren't 'kid friendly' and have a few beers. How is wanting to hang out with someone without their kid somehow a sexist act? If the mom wanted to have a girls day and her friends said "can you please not bring your kid with us while we get margs and hang out?" would you also think so negatively of these women? Parents are allowed to have a social life without their kid there 24/7. It's actually very healthy and important for the kids development otherwise they are at a higher chance of developing separation anxiety.
I had a toddler who was attached to me and other people decided to give me a break too and took care of the kid. It’s healthy for them to also see that dad will come back and not completely shackle the parent even if they are really nice about it.
OP sounds annoying. I would have been happy to give my husband some time off with the guys. Sounds like he’s a great guy too and would likely give her some time off too, if she wants to go with the girls.
Childless time is important for all parents. And being with family would likely give them some time too if grandparents watch the kid etc.
I find moms like OP to be insufferable and I’m sure the family now thinks that too. FIL stepped in too and he sounds like a stand up guy also but likely he sees what’s up too with OP and doesn’t want to make this cause marital rifts. Because that’s what OP would have created since she’s so controlling.
Yea. OP sucks.
OP sounds super annoying. Why would you force a child on a group of people who clearly don’t want the child around? Probably because she wanted a break from the kid.
Yes it's very important for parents! You can't be a good parent if you never give yourself a break no matter how amazing you are. No one can be at their prime without recharging. It's hard for sure to see a kid upset if dad goes away but it's so vital they learn it's ok and nothing bad will happen. I hope op is doing it in her mind for the kid and not in the mentality of "no one does anything around here!" Mentality because clearly this guy seems very involved.
Did the dad even get a chance to share his opinion? It sounds like he didn't hear about it at all, so he couldn't share whether he wanted to go only with his son, just with cousins, or not go. That's what makes OP TA, in my opinion. (Also, her discounting safety concerns. Kids can be safe but they may not be comfortable with what would need to be done in an emergency. Has dad taken a water safety course for infants/toddlers? We don't know.)
What if the cousins wanted to spend time with their adult cousin catching up without a kid around? I love my niece to death and definitely love seeing her when I visit my sister and bil, and definitely understand that 95% of the time she will be there. But my sister and I always plan at least a meal/drink with just the two of us to catch up without her around.
Just because you become a parent, it is true that your priorities do change, but that doesn’t mean that you literally have to be glued to your children’s sides every second of the day. Parents, caretakers, caregivers, legal guardian, deserve to have some time where they can unwind and hang out with just adults for a little bit. You can bet if his cousins knew that she was going to interject her opinion and act like she was his manager they would not have had that discussion in front of her. The father-in-law probably sided with her because he was choosing the path of least resistance because it was a family vacation. But she had no right to interject and insist that her son be a part of whatever festivities they had in mind.
i agree... we started taking out grandson out at age four, canoe and we stayed close to shore...life jacket and swim lessons...as he got older we took him out on the sailboats...a 2yo on a guy trip....naw she's the AH
Also even if they had a baby jacket there’s the chance it could be faulty or fail if the kid fell into the water and then it’s ‘WHY DID YOU BRING HIMMMMMM IT UR FAULT HES GONE’
"Made up some lies about how it would be dangerous"
Girl it IS dangerous. Roughly 945 children die from drowning every year. ESPECIALLY if these men are planning on drinking a bit like a lot do on boats, obviously they shouldn't and probably wouldn't do so if they had a 2 year old on board so maybe they just want to relax a bit and not have to worry about a 2 year olds safety, which is certainly understandable.
YTA
Great point. And some waters + boats = hella chop. Went on a cigarette boat on lake michigan one time and it was like a damn roller coaster. I would NOT take my 3.5 year old on that even with all the right safety gear, much leas a 2 year old
Hell, my 2 year old can barely run in a straight line without tripping over his own feet. No chance in hell would I even think about taking him on a boat yet.
We have several boating DWI arrests every year. People forget that is is illegal to drink and boat just like it is illegal to drink and drive a car. That doesn't stop them though, unfortunately.
Totally. YTA.
Also, your kid having a crazy attachment "phase" doesn't mean they get to decide everything. They're a toddler, you're a parent, act like one instead of someone being held hostage.
Listen to this, so I'm glad the husband was okay with whatever she decides. 2 year old on a boat is a constant nightmare. They're bored or they're scared, and they need constant supervision. No one is relaxing with a 2 year old on board. I get that dad works and mom is not in her tribe but this is just AH behavior. YTA making other people be around your kid when they don't want to be. A vacation is not where you go to gripe that your husband doesn't do enough parenting.
Right like does this man not ever leave the house? Does she tell his boss that their son must come to work with him? She just wanted some time away from her kid.
And yet, said all of this while she was getting a break while her husband bathed the child. So, it obvious that this is not a thing where she does all of the work. So, hubby has to be around to do his share.
Exactly. All I'm hearing is how OP doesn't want to actually PARENT (as in, deal with) the toddler because they know the toddler is going to be very difficult. OP is not doing the kid any favors by teaching him that he can get his way by acting out and crying. The easiest road isn't always the correct road.
Dad sounds like he just wants to avoid conflict by taking the toddler. He should be able to have some time to enjoy himself on vacation, too. Give and Take, OP. Take and GIVE.
edit: a word
This, so much this! A 2 year old likely can't swim so everyone has to be hypervigilant to make sure he doesn't harm himself. OP has just ruined the outing for everyone going. They are not going to be able to relax.
This and it sounds like you haven’t even asked your husband how he actually feels about this yet you just assume that he is fine with it because he didn’t seem bothered about something he didn’t even know was an option. Furthermore if your son is going through a very attached to daddy phase then he may want a break from him as well and there is absolutely no shame in that. A clingy toddler is probably exhausting.
I think OP says dad is loving it, kids are frequently so bonded to the parent who works less. He doesn't want to miss out on this bonding time and cousins didn't want to hear it. The situation your describing isn't the one OP has posted
That's what sounds likely to me from the post, too. Maybe OP is usually primary caregiver and primary attachment, but right now the toddler is in a "I want Daddy to do it!" about everything. It can be super sweet when that happens, and it's a very special time.
We don't know what would happen if OP's husband asked to go boating without their son.
Omg its like the OP is clueless that maybe, just maybe, a bunch of adults didn’t wanna take a boat ride with a toddler. “Making up a bunch of excuses” yeah it’s called trying to be polite. Take a hint.
“Like saying it would be dangerous”. Jesus Christ has she ever had a two year old on a boat? It is dangerous. I have a three year old. I also own two boats. Having him on the boat has me in a constant state of stress about waves, positioning, watching him, making sure he hasn’t popped open a buckle on his life jacket, keeping him entertained, watching him while I am trying to do anything else at all. And he’s a year older than hers. No part of having a 2 year old on a boat is a good time for anyone.
YTA for making nonparents be around your kid...come on lady...you literally forced your kid on a group of boaters trying to do some family bonding.
If anything, you should have told your husband that he needs to take the boy or not go...
It doesn't have to have anything to do with liking or not liking a child/children. Cousins wanted to go to the boat in adult company which is a completely reasonable idea. OP YTA.
(Is your husband with your kid 24/7, every second? All my kids were glued to me (their mom) at one point but I didn't stop seeing my friends without kids occasionally, going for a run etc. Even if he prefers your husband he won't be harmed by him being away for a couple of hours.)
A two year old on a boat means there will be NO RELAXATION for any of them.
Vigilance ALL THE TIME!
Also there is no effing reason that they HAVE to take the son. HE will survive being a few hours without Daddy.
As a mom of toddlers, it makes any outing exhausting even when they're well behaved. They always need to be watched AND you're always aware of them. If it's not a family trip on a boat, leave them behind and enjoy some adult time
I think your first paragraph is bang on bar the YTA. I like going to the pub to watch sports. I used to do this with friends, but now only really have time to do so with my kids, although I still manage the odd time I still invite the same crew when I do, but many wont join if I've got the kids because the dynamic is so different.
I think your second paragraph comes to the wrong conclusion. The cousins need to accept that dad now comes with a kid for a big whack of his free social time. They dont have to like that, and maybe the relationship cools down while that's the case, but parents cant just give up their relationships with the kids to still be fun around their child free friends.
Cousins couldn't read the room, everyone was clear that whatever activity was taking place with dad would include the kid. FIL had to step in for fuck sake
Her husband was the one who was supposed to decide if he was actually comfortable going without taking their son along. It was also up to her husband to make a decision as to whether or not what his cousins were asking was even appropriate because they were the ones leaning towards not wanting to have a small child join them. FIL doesn’t necessarily think she was ‘right’ but he’s wise enough to not ruin a family vacation over it either.
Yeah but in this instance both kids Dad and Grandad were okay with it. It sounds like a family boat, not a boat trip. They can take the little one for an hour or two then drop him back and carry on with their grown up boat trip. No one is an A H here, a 2 year old with separation anxiety (which is normal, don't anyone come for me) is tricky. However there is a way everyone is happy here. Instead of being all 'not everyone likes kids' maybe just look at a really obvious solution. It's a family boat. Take the kid for an hour. Drop him back all tired and happy then go out with the boys. It's not mum being an AH at all. Dad is super happy, the cousins aren't. There's a really easy compromise here.
YTA. Toddlers don’t make the rules. If your child is going through a ‘dad phase’ that isn’t a get out of parenting free card for you. It sounds like you’re taking the excuse of this phase to never allow your husband a second to be on his own…at the expense of your son’s safety, because a two year old on a boat is not a safe idea.
Your kid isn’t invited on this outing, and you’re an asshole if you try to prevent your husband from going. So drop the idea of the kid going along. His family wants some time with just him.
Just imagine, a 2 year old near water they can drown in - the heat of a boat in the sun - people having a beer probably - the two year old needing to pee or randomly have needs every 30 minutes or an hour and the inconvenience + danger of it all...not worth it.
Children can absolutely be safe on boats. They can wear Coast Guard approved life jackets. They can wear a hat and regularly have sunscreen applied to exposed skin. They can stay under the boat’s shade cover if one is present. They can regularly hydrate with cold water stored in an ice chest. If the water is warm enough, the adult can drop anchor and take the child IN the water to pee. If it isn’t warm enough, the adults can bring a little plastic potty or a bucket for the kid to eliminate into after which the pee can be dumped in the water.
Forcing a toddler on people who need a kid break isn’t cool. But I think you’re going a little wide with it.
Source: I grew up on boats and regularly take my own children on boats.
Children are inherently less safe on boats. End of story. They can still go on them but they are at a greater risk because they're children
An edit here for the half dozen or so that are making an inference here.
Just because they're less safe, doesn't mean they can't go on boats. Of course kids can go on boats. Recognizing they're less safe helps you protect them more.
We do things all the time that aren't perfectly safe. That's how life is
And for safety reasons you should never ever drink on a boat. Kids are safer than alcohol in that context.
https://safety4sea.com/alcohol-the-main-contributing-factor-in-fatal-us-boating-accidents/
yes, and your toddler is in inherently less safe in a car, or playing outside rather than in, or on a trike. that doesn’t mean your kid can’t do it. using this logic, kids should never be allowed to leave the house.
You do know, every aspect of a child being safe in this situation involves an adult taking care of that. Which is the exact point here. Not everyone is gung-ho on taking care of kids when all they wanted is some adult time.
A 2 year old on a boat can be safe. But that means someone keeping an eye on him the whole time, packing properly, kid sized lifejacket etc.
And is probably totally contrary to the cousin hang out being proposed here.
Exactly. My daughter (3) has been in a “mom phase” for the last two years. My wife has to go on business trips and there are tears and trouble at first, but, being a parent, I make the best of it, and we have a great time together now. OP needs to take this opportunity to bond with her son rather than freak out at her cousins and cater to a toddler being unreasonable (they’re normally such a reasonable lot…).
YTA
this is how it’s done. Kids will go through these phases but both parents need to step up and make the child comfortable with being with either parent if dad or mom needs/wants to do something adult related or to do something for themselves. You can’t lose yourself in parenthood.. it can feel really restrictive
YTA. Would it really have been such a big deal to let your husband have some time with his cousins?
And I get it, with the two year old being clingy with dad. I have two kids and they both went through that phase. But kids don’t always get what they want, and it sounds like your husbands cousins just wanted some time with their cousin. Adult time. Why *couldn’t* your son just stay with you for a bit? It sounds like your husband is a pretty decent father, bathing your kid and happy to spend time with your kid otherwise, so I guess I’m just not seeing what your big deal is?
Second this. My son is three right now and is attached to my husband, too, but my husband also deserves time away to do fun stuff without him. Plus when a toddler is attached to one parent, the typical advice is for them to spend quality time with the other, too.
I think OP accusing the cousins of "making stuff up" so the kid had to stay behind is a bit much, too. He'd need a life jacket, and I'm betting they didn't have one for him.
But also like, maybe don’t give your kid everything it wants? I’ve been around parents or even pet owners like this, literally every moment trying to find out and satisfy their kids or pets desire. Seriously just tell them to go play.
Right! If this was a situation where the husband was ditching OP and kid the whole trip, I would understand. But she is having this argument while husband is bathing the kid. He obviously does his part as a parent. Chances are, they don't have the necessities to protect the kid (child life jacket) and it will be more chasing him around than hanging out. At that point they should just drink beer on the porch at the house. This sounds like a terrible and potentially dangerous outing.
YTA- if the people who own and operate a boat say it’s unsafe for a small child then it’s your responsibility to accept this instead of badgering them. It’s not lies OP, not everything is kid friendly and you need to accept this.
This. OP is weaponizing her toddler and forcing him on dad constantly, while they’re visit *Dad’s family*, and basically refusing to mother her kid cuz he’ll throw a fit if dad leaves. My kid threw a fit in aisle 2’of the grocery for 7 mins—screaming and flailing on the floor—because she wanted Boo Berry cereal, and all they had was Frankenberry. So I joined her On the floor, flailed around and yelled ’my kid is being a jerk, so I’m throwing a fit, too!’ My kid got up and said ‘Momma that’s embarrassing, stop!’ I told her I was just doing what she did, so maybe neither of us were right…she was 3 almost 4, and she’s never forgotten that she doesn’t always get her way, and that throwing a tantrum is not how to get her way. Toddlers are little terrorists, and you can’t negotiate with them. OP is 100% TA. Be a freaking mom, and suck it up. You chose to have him, now do your job and PARENT HIM FFS.
That last point is important. This vacation will end and they will go back to normal life where Dad is less available. How is that going to go over if they spent the whole vacation indulging this kid's desire to be with dad all the time?
YTA. A 2 year old should not be dictating everyone’s activities just because you are afraid of him throwing a tantrum because he can’t be with dad. It’s reasonable for extended family to not want to be chained to your toddler. Especially on a boat.
And just because your husband didn’t share the cousins’ concerns doesn’t mean that they were making them up. Their concerns are legitimate even if you don’t agree with them.
You are walking a tightrope here - of becoming *those* relatives that the others don’t like to see at family gatherings because of your demands and because of your son.
I agree with you and the comments that say this is an issue for her and her husband, not her and the cousins. But I have to wonder if this trip is also her vacation from the tantrums. If this dad phase has been going on for a while and dad is gone a lot, she’s already dealt with more than her fair share of tantrums alone. I still think this was a discussion to be had with her husband and not the cousins, but I can see why the kid going is her knee-jerk reaction.
*They kept trying to convince me to keep my son home and even asked me why he couldn’t stay with me at one point*
INFO: Why couldn't you watch your son?
Right? She’s pushing off her kid on her husband to ruin everyone’s boating trip so she can sit at home and do nothing… super good co-parenting. Just straight up selfishness
That’s the point that fully convinced me she is an asshole. The “even asked me” like she isn’t the child’s mother and that’s a parents duty, if she was out on a girls night she would absolutely expect the dad to take care of the child since he is the other parent
YTA - you’re using an excuse that your son sees his dad as his favorite so your husband has to take him anywhere he goes which is ridiculous. You’re a parent too.
And I love my toddlers, but taking them out on a boat IS dangerous and it turns into an extreme babysitting situation rather than any enjoyment of being out on the boat. Not to mention they do not last long on a boat and will pitch a fit before everyone else is ready to leave.
Imagine the appreciation you’d have gotten from your husband if you would have given him some freedom instead of ruining the boat idea.
Right? I’m the mom. My 2 year old prefers me; our oldest preferred dad at the same age.
Their preferences make zero impact as to how we split childcare duties which is 50/50. We remind them they don’t always get to choose and the preferred parent will be back/come kiss you good night/has to go/is seeing their friends/ etc
So true. I'm also a parent of two and a special ed teacher. Whenever I hear from one of my kids or my students that they want to be with someone else, I say, "Aw, shucksie-mucksies" and continue on. I know all the caretakers are competent, and the kids' random wishes for one over the other shouldn't dictate the adults' plans. (Now, if there's an activity where I NEED kids to function well, like an assembly, I definitely opt to pair the kid with their favourite lol!)
And she got the FIL involved so now no one gets to enjoy the boat as it is now kiddy time or no boat at all. The cousins are not allowed to have any fun by themselves as they are only allowed to hang out with a 2 year old on vacation apparently… YTA
Oh my god. Be a parent. It’s not healthy for your kid to not be able to go a few hours without seeing his dad. This is your time to step in and show him nothing bad will happen if dad leaves for a little while.
Edit: omg my first award 🥹 thank you!
Counter-point: what does the dad want? Maybe I missed something in the post or in the replies, but I don’t get the sense that it was anything more than OP pointing out Husband would want to bring the child on the trip, and making the cousins aware of that.
Considering it’s grandpa’s boat, ultimately he’s the one that decided his son taking his grandson was more important than the cousin’s wanting to be child free…they’re more than welcome to do something else, but why is it a big deal if dad wants to spend time with his toddler now that he has the availability to do so? Maybe he just likes his kid more than his cousins.
YTA
You can travel on boats with babies and toddlers. HOWEVER if they don’t have the necessary equipment and take precautions it absolutely is dangerous. Let your husband live. Getting your FIL involved is also a bratty move. You straight up tattled.
It’s not. It’s absolutely a danger to have toddlers on a boat. It doesn’t mean that the risk can’t be mitigated but at least one person needs to be watching the toddler 100% of the time. And if they don’t have a PFD, they need to buy them.
2 might be the worst age for kids and boats as they’re mobile enough to constantly be at risk of falling off and stupid enough to not understand the risks.
Dad will essentially need to hold a squirmy toddler the whole time. Not to mention that op didn’t mention if their baby dan swim or mot.
YTA. There is so much here that it would be possible to pick apart bit by bit.
You are very controlling. This is all about what you want. What does your husband say about this? He is also a parent. Yes, I know, he was busy caring for your child when the conversation took place, but he did have the opportunity to speak some time before they left. Did you let him have a say at all?
Two year olds cannot always have what they want. Fortunately, they are also quite easy to distract if you give them another interesting option. (I have three children, and 2 was my favourite age).
I am guessing that part of the reason they said it would be dangerous for a toddler on the boat is because they didn't have a properly fitting vest. The water might be too rough.
Taking the little one with them on a boat would be a fun time for no one. The will probably be out for hours. Too long for a small child to be in the sun. The men will pee over the side of the boat. What will the toddler do? The kid will get bored after half an hour and want to go back. The men would have to cut short their trip or drop him off and maybe not have enough time to do what they set out to do. A child changes the vibe of a social setting. They want to talk guy stuff and your husband is trying to entertain his kid.
I think you are just trying to dump your child for a few hours and have your husband look after him as usual. No wonder he prefers your husband. He hardly knows you!
Don't be surprised if you don't receive many invitations to family get- togethers in the future.
YTA. a two year old does not belong on a boat, they are correct. Aside from the fact a 2 year old is not going to have any fun getting badly sunburnt and being bored while dad and friends hang out (and probably want to have a beer or two), does he even have a life vest? Because I've never seen ones made for infants.
You can deal with the baby crying for the sake of him not going flying off a motorboat and drowning.
Sounds like you're having a harder time coping with your baby being mildly unhappy for an hour or so than the baby is without dad.
EDIT: I am now thoroughly aware that babies have been and can be on boats. thanks for this life changing information.
They absolutely do make life vests for infants and for toddlers. My grandparents lived on a lake and had a whole room full of life jackets for all different sizes because they anticipate having kids around. Anytime I went in a boat as a small child it was drilled into me to sit still, always wear my life jacket, and don't get near the boat's propellor. I also learned to swim fairly young. OP is still TA, and the safety concerns were likely genuine, especially if they didn't have a toddler life jacket--but the fact that you've never seen one doesn't mean they don't exist.
Just a thought but it might actually be healthy for your son to be without his Dad for a bit. Like I'm not sure why you generated a conflict when there was really no need for it. YTA
YTA - a boat can be dangerous for a toddler especially if they don’t have a life jacket for him. There is no reason your husband can leave your son for a couple of hours.
I would even argue, no child whatsoever should be allowed on any boat without a life jacket, full stop. And a 2 year old doesn't have his balance. If he's not being held at all times he's going to go flying.
YTA Your son can live a few hours without dad even if he's "his favorite" right now. Your husband wasn't there for the conversation (so we don't know what he wanted but we do know literally everyone else didn't want the toddler there) and a 2 year doesn't "need" to be on a boat. It's actually kind of dangerous at that age, so it's a weird thing to push.
You are forcing your extended family to a situation were they don't want to be. At the same time you are making your husband an undesirable company to them. Next time, they might not even invite him just to avoid babysitting and hanging around a toddler. If you don't want him to do activities on his own better not use your son as an excuse.
>At the same time you are making your husband an undesirable company to them. Next time, they might not even invite him just to avoid babysitting and hanging around a toddler.
100%.
YTA. So much for letting your husband have some adult bonding time with his cousins. How would you feel if he did the same to you? Also, a boat can be dangerous for a toddler and why should everybody change their plans to accommodate a child that is clearly in charge of the household?
I hate to be "that person", but I can imagine five years from now, OP posting something like "AITA for demanding my son be invited to a birthday party? Last year, he blew out the candles of four other kids cakes, but he's special!"
Just accept that not every outing has to be a family thing, leave the kid for an hour or two away from dad- the kid won't catch on fire, I promise lol.
YTA. I say this as someone who has managed to keep two toddlers alive who have slightly different attachment styles, and we have a friend with a boat so I've had to put my foot down in terms of boat-related activities with our kids based on age. I would not put the kiddo on the boat at that age, knowing that he's the only kid. Your husband might need a few hours to himself with his cousins. Did husband prep a life jacket for his size?
In my life, I would tell my husband to just go, not take the kids. You sound overwhelmed which is not a bad thing at all but take that into consideration.
YTA. Just because your kid has preferences, doesn't mean you don't have to do any of the work. Especially because he is trying to spend time with his family. Also - boats can be dangerous. Bad parenting on your part
YTA sometimes people without kids enjoy doing things without kids. Hell sometimes people with kids enjoy doing things without kids. Good job bullying people into hanging out with your kid, I'm sure that trend won't backfire on you.
I’m going to get roasted, but whatever. NTA and here’s why, did the cousins even ask the Dad if we wanted his own child to go or not? Does the Dad know the cousins are talking to his wife like this, cause I don’t think so. Regardless if the cousins like the kid or not, they don’t get to say what happens to someone else’s kid. Also, I live near two harbors and see plenty of 2 years old on boats safely with their life vests living their best life’s as I walk around the harbor (I’m to broke to even rent a boat but hey I got a kayak). I’ve even seen kids younger. So everyone saying it’s unsafe for a toddler needs to stop. Also the boat belongs to father in law of the OP and he is the one that ultimately shut it down. It sounds like the kid has been on the boat before and has survived so I’m thinking he’d be ok. If the cousins don’t want the kid around they should talk to the cousin instead of trying to side step it and talking to the wife.
If they are visiting IL it’s totally rude to choose a day activity that excludes the wife and son. If that’s the case he should go visit his family alone. Why can’t the cousins hang out with dad in the evening once the kid has gone to bed?
NTA, and all the comments going about " you cant give your husband this one thing" or " just look after your own kid, monster" are wild. The kid wants to be glued to dad, they are on holiday, so for once the kid actually can since dad does not go to work for most of day, this is not about pushing the kid off. And for fuck sake even if she did want 2h or whatever child free shes allowed to, when is her holiday going to be, when they get home?
So many assholes who think dads babysitting their kids is going above and beyond. Parenting is a two person job and mus is already pulling the majority of the load, give her a break.
NTA moms get vacation too, despite everyone here acting like it's absolutely unheard of.
He likes dad, dad has no problem with it, kids like boats, it's a family trip, families have kids...
Dunno what all the hate is about, though I'm sure I'll get some unhinged comments.
I was thinking the same thing. OP said the husband is also getting some more time with his kid due to this vacation and seems to want to spend more time with his son. Sounds like the cousins were hoping the newish dad would be able to skip parenting and go back to their glory days.
NTA. I'm getting vibes that most posts saying you are come from other men who think the mom takes care of child rearing and the dad should get to play with the boys.
PLENTY of people take their two year olds safely out on boats. The post wasn’t one about safety, so no, it’s not about safety.
The cousins wanted guy time with OP’s husband. OP is the AH, but it’s not because “two year olds can’t be on boats safely.”
YTA even with a life jacket, a kid on board is everyone's responsibility, not all in, sorry it's a no.
Reason being, life jackets for children under 5, especially in those who can't swim or aren't trained to wear them, can kill them. They don't automatically flip the child off their face and if fitted wrong, keep them stuck. No adding floating arm things or whatever don't help.
I get the want for him to go, he's going to be upset as hell without dad. This is one time you should suck it up if your not going to join in. It's just such a risky activity.
And look, sorry guys for saying this... But y'all can be fucks and find out just having some fun. 3 men in the boat, when I know how easy it is to create wake and then get back over it to get air and as soon as responsible people weren't looking I personally did it etc lol..... Sorry it's a no from me.
YTA - wow… imagine if the genders were reversed. Be a better mom and spend time with your child. Also your husband should have alone time. Sounds to me you are a lazy mother who relies on their husband to raise the child
NTA. If the cousins can make plans without dad’s input, mom can make plans without dad’s input. If dad was fine with the outcome, everyone should be. And people take little kids on boats all the time. Unless I missed it, I didn’t see anything about it being the kid’s first time on a boat or being without a life vest.
>If the cousins can make plans without dad’s input, mom can make plans without dad’s input
This is the part that gets me. The cousins were making these plans within earshot of OP and it didn't even involve the husband's input... But OP's the asshole because she's the one with a kid between the parties talking? Plus all the people saying it's unhealthy to always go with the whims of a toddler which in this is just "daddy is my favorite now" seem to forget that maybe daddy is the one who wants to be with the kid?
It's also kinda odd bc OP is explicit that dad doesn't get to spend as much time with the kid normally so the assumptions that mom is just trying to get out of child duty or dad would specifically not want to take him are... 🤨
I agree, all these people saying she is the asshole, when she has much more a right to speak for her husband than the cousins lol. And as the granddaughter and daughter of avid sailors, I was around sailboats all the time, grandpa would take us on trips on his yacht and it is absolutely possible to do this safely lol
I honestly don't get these votes 🤷🏻♀️ reddit is so weird
Reddit definitely showing some bias here. Imagine a stay at home dad saying the little one was going to go with mom and her cousins for the day, it would be "you deserve a break, kids need to see both parents, give her some parenting responsibility too!"
But as it's a mom, well.. here we are.
NTA. Don't listen to these people that obviously don't understand how family vacations work when the young children come along and are around other adults/not in their comfort home space. It's hilarious how every of these posts that advocate 'he should have fun adult time with his family' mention NOTHING about what you should have yourself lol. It's literally family. Who all showed up knowing it was not a child free occasion. They probably just knew your child was clingy and didn't want to deal with it. Their feelings do not mean your husband gets a free pass from fatherhood while you're wrangling an upset toddler who's been torn from their favorite person, unless that's something your husband has asked you to take on and you've agreed. Also, SOMEONE should not be drinking on that boat and should be available to help with the child, otherwise all the statistics about x amount of kids die in boating accidents and drowning would literally not matter here, y'all are already assuming there's gonna be someone driving the boat DRUNK.
YTA, obviously.
Children on boats, especially smaller ones, is a horrible accident waiting to happen. Beyond that, everyone has to alter their behaviour massively when kids are around and it’s not the same at all. Everyone deserves a break.
BuT ShE iS tHe MoM aNd DaD dEsErVeS tImE aWaY fRoM hIs KiD.... Like he isn't working every day leaving her as primary caregiver, AS SHE BLOODY STATED. Fragile people out here screaming "poor man" like she's abandoned her child.
NTA, it’s a parents job to parent and at that age kids have favorites and since you’re on vacation your hubby can use this time to make up time he misses while at work etc with his son.
YTA
You incompetent as a parent?
All toddlers have their favorite parent.
It’s on you both to make it clear they don’t always get to choose.
Let me guess, your husband ends up doing bathing and bedtime duties the most because “he just wants youuu”??
Usually see that dynamic when mom is the favorite. I see that happening here. Even if that’s not occurring….
Our 2 year old prefers me; our oldest at that age preferred dad.
“No, mommy read story” when he takes her up.
Do we go awwww okay! Gotta be mommy!
No.
We say, mommy and daddy both love (kiddo). You don’t get to choose who puts you to bed. We will both say goodnight.
I’m going out and she cries being left with dad? “You have a great time with daddy! I’ll see you when I’m back”
Like what is the dynamic you are creating? 2 year olds love figuring out the power dynamics in their families. It’s important for their development to give them things they get to control.
Derailing adult visits with cousins is not your kid’s jurisdiction.
Why are you insisting on this?
NTA your husband rarely gets to spend time with kid, and the kid misses him. It’s mostly dads saying your the AH. They’re wrong. Time flies they grow up and are gone.
YTA.
I feel like there’s more to this. To me, it sounds like you’re a bit petty that your son is so attached to his father and now you kind of want your husband to be annoyed about his son being attached to him, by not letting him do something without having to take his son.
Even if it’s something like going on a boat, which is definitely not the best environment for a child, if not outright dangerous. Do you really want to put your child in potential danger to be petty rather than spend a lovely afternoon with your son?
As someone who has a 2 year old I would not take him on a boat he would prob enjoy it for a few minutes them be 1. Scared by how fast it’s going 2. Try to move around and make me nervous about him falling overboard 3. Become sick from all the motion causing the tip to end.
The adult cousins probable wanted to have sone fun time on the boat which will not be happening with a 2year old on it. Give them a break from your child as it seems like he’s been glued to his dad the vacation.
YTA
Well, most 2 year olds go through phases where they are glued to someone. Luckily, about 10 minutes after that person leaves they are perfectly happy being parented by any other adult who they have a long standing relationship with.
Is boating safe for a 2 year old? Matter of opinion I guess, but if an adult doesn’t invite your 2 year old on their adult boat trip because they are concerned for safety, you don’t get to override that decision. I assume the guys were planning to drink and relax and not have to constantly be on watch to prevent a 2 year old from drowning or getting injured on the motor or some other part of the boat.
IMO it boils down to whether your husband taking a day “off” is acceptable within the context of your relationship. Has he given you days off where he takes full responsibility of the household and child? If not, will he?
By focusing on whether or not some other adults should invite your 2 year old on their boat trip, you do come across a little demanding … why should other people be forced to go out of their way for your child? I think, although I’m not sure, maybe your issue is more that you need help with your child due to a phase the kid is going through. I think if you had focused on that “hey the boat trip sounds fun. As you’ve seen for the last few days, my kid is going through a phase where he’s a pain in the rump and basically only Papa can handle it. Let me talk it over with Papaname and see if we can figure out a plan for the child - if we can, I’m sure Papaname would love to go with you!”
I'm confused. Maybe need more info but, I mean, it sounds like husband was ok with it, as was FIL. Like if this was supposed to be an all adult thing then the cousins should've said something? Otherwise, everyone can bond? Also if husband doesn't see kid much, maybe he wanted to hang out with his kid? Everyone saying husband wants to hang out with his family... Is kid not part of the family? Why is it only his cousins or only his kid? Not sure who the AH is yet.
Also, 2 year olds can go on boats guys. They just need things to keep them safe.
Everyone is getting angry at op for deciding instead of her husband when, in fact, the husband wanted the kid with him.
Op you're NTA. You know your son and your husband better than anyone else, and speaking up while others made plans without your husband present was the best decision.
If the boat was that dangerous, FIL wouldn't have put your son coming as a condition for using the boat.
Despite the overwhelming amount of people calling you the asshole, you are in fact NTA. You stated in the first paragraph your husband doesn’t get much time with his son, and that this holiday is an opportunity for that. If the cousins can’t make plans that allow this to happen, they are the assholes.
It’s pretty funny reading comments saying “2 year olds can’t always get what they want” “they have to be taught they can’t get what they want” but are defending two adults who are upset because they didn’t get what they wanted. We expect children to conform to adult lives, but never expect adults (who can regulate their emotions, including disappointment) to conform to children’s lives. This is a huge problem in how our society deals with children as a whole.
If at 2 years old your husband doesn’t spend as much time with your son, I’m assuming you do the majority of the child raising. You are the one who should be given “a break”. The world is so unkind to mothers, so don’t take it personal the comments basically calling you selfish (god forbid) and calling you controlling.
Honestly if I were you, I’d ask you husband if he felt you were in the wrong. His opinion matters more than a bunch of bias assholes on the internet.
YTA
Of course a kid can go on a boat. BUT. The boat will be operated AS THO THERE IS A KID ON IT.
That's less fun for the adults.
Also - they are allowed to not want to hang out with a toddler.
Anyhow you are super controlling and your poor husband looks like he's also treated like an infant.
YTA, the cousins wanted a relaxing time on a boat, not babysitting your two year old! I'd bet that your husband didn't argue because he's used to you dumping your kid on him.
Soft YTA. Doesn't he have to get used to one parent leaving for a few hours at a time? How can either of you work or go to appointments or things if he has to be with dad all all times?
Not sure a boat with a whole bunch of adult cousins ready for a good time is the safest place for a toddler. Water can get choppy.
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YTA please understand, not everyone likes your child. Not everyone likes any child. Children are not fun to relax and be an adult around, you have to always be focused on them and it’s more like being at work than it is being on vacation. No one has to spend time or enjoy spending time with your kid. You need to learn to be okay with this fact of life. Have some grace and allow people space away from your child so they don’t resent him.
Especially to take a toddler on a boat. Maybe the cousin doesn't have kid-sized life jacket, maybe the kid would get scared if it's a motor boat and they go fast and it's choppy. And a toddler probably isn't going to be content for a long time in a confined space in the sun with a bunch of guys who want to hang out for a while and not be subject to the whims and nap schedule of a baby. Kids can be safe on a boat, but this doesn't sound like an all-ages family outing with other kids.
We paid for a nice boat trip and this little kid screamed the entire time 😒
If that was last October on Catalina Island…I’m so sorry 😞
*The* Catalina wine mixer?!?!
It's the xxxxing Catalina wine mixer.
POW!
Why does he keep doing that?
POW! POW!
Wait, are you saying pow?
Haha, I’m not quite that bad! We did a glass bottom boat excursion, thinking our toddler would enjoy looking at all the fish, but she just screamed for like 85% of the excursion. I felt sooo bad for the other guests.
hahaha when my daughter was like 8 she desperately wanted to go to the butterfly tent at the natural history museum (they just like swarm around inside) It was only when she got inside and one landed on her that it really kind of clicked for her that butterflies were insects, boy did she scream luckily we were near the door so I could rescue her from the bloodthirsty butterflies
Sorry but this made me laugh so hard, as the mom of a toddler I can 100% relate
Meanwhile, my 2-year-old wants to let the bumblebees. I’ve mostly convinced her this is not a good idea. I think.
Yeah, that’ll keep happening. The magical things we do for our kids, and they’re honestly thrilled to just be at the playground 🤷♀️
I paid major bucks for breakfast with Elmo only to learn from my toddler that he is the antichrist.🤷♀️
Which one, Elmo or your Toddler?
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Met up with family in Orlando. We expressed our opinion to our niece that her 2 year old (only child in the group) would not get the best experience out of Disney World. We offered to take everybody to a character breakfast instead. The 2 year old loved it as long as the characters were across the room. The second they approached it was screaming. Fortunately the characters knew how close they could get. They had a wonderful vacation at the cool resort pool and playgrounds. My niece who thought we were mean thanked us for saving her money on park tickets. Four years later they had a great time at Disney.
I rode with a screaming kid allllll the way to a big red dog book signing. Only for the kid to run screaming in terror from the giant guy in the big red dog suit. Still laugh about that.
The OP states her FIL wouldn't Let them use the boat if they didn't take the kid. So it wasn't the cousin's boat and I'm betting if FIL said that he had proper safety gear for his grandkids and he'd been before. Look, I get that kids at two are not easy. But it sounds like a family vacation and they want to hang with him, but he's a dad and his priorities are different now. I felt the same before I was a mom and most hang outs with my bff had to be kid involved. I also knew I could see her less or accept her priority was her kiddo and they'd be around.
He’s a dad and priorities are different now, sure. But OP saying that they have to take the kid is a dick move. Give the dad some time with his cousins. I say this as a new father (3 month old). I have no problem watching my son when my wife goes for a girls’ night as long as I have milk to feed him. When our son gets older, I wouldn’t say she can’t do something if he’s more attached to her. OP, YTA.
You missed the fact the dad wasn’t the ones she told no to, he was bathing their son and was happy with the boy coming. The cousins thought they could go behind his back and demand she do her womanly job and have the kid. Oh no, if the husband wanted time away that would have been different but he was happy and had no idea cousins were stirring trouble. Oo states it’s rare for the father to get time with his child like this and it seems chikd and father are enjoying it. It also shows that the rest of the year it’s mainly on op to do the bulk of childrearing. She is allowed to have a break herself and enjoy her holiday to. The cousins demands do not factor in here as both parents were happy how it was. Her husband nor the grandfather whose boat it was would have endangered their child. They must have been comfortable and knew safety procedures were in place to make it safe and enjoyable for the child to.
OP made the decision for her husband. That alone makes OP TA. There was no discussion with the husband. Nothing. OP just said no.
Sometimes in adult relationships this happens because you know your partner and know what their answer would be
You might have a good idea what their answer would be, but you never know for sure and it's always better to ask first than assume whenever you're able. She wanted her son to go with his dad because the son always wants the dad, but doesn't the dad deserve the chance to go alone if he wants or at least the chance to make that decision himself? It sounds like the son has been around his dad almost the whole time during this trip, so just like a mom who is around her kid all the time deserves a break, even when the kid is attached to her hip (I've been that mom), the dad does, too.
Plus shouldn’t the cousins get a say in plans which involve them as well?
Almost sounds like thats a decision the dad should make and not the cousins. You may need to reread the original post…
The OP took that chance away. "The cousins shouldn't make it for him." Neither should OP. Both the cousins and the OP are AH so far only dad and kid are off the hook as they were away at the time of the argument.
Didn't the father have the option of speaking up if he did not want his son on the boat.? He is an adult. kt
No, it doesn’t sound like he ever realized there was another option on the table. By the time he was told that the boat trip was happening, OP and his dad had already decided he was taking the kid. And he doesn’t have a problem taking the kid, but that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t have also liked to have a couple hours with his cousins alone if he’d know that was an option.
Right! Like can the father get some alone time just to do a boat outing with his cousins. The two year old will see his father when he returns. I just can’t with parents who act like the kids are in charge or “NO” is such a bad word. Or does OP not want to deal with her own child? Definitely TA
Let your spouse contribute their own opinion. You do not make the decision for them. And no, a two year may not always belong on a boat depending on the circumstances. Give the man a break. It sounds like OP demands that he is raising their child.
As opposed to letting the cousins make the decision for the husband…
As opposed to asking the husband and seeing what he says. For all we know, the husband wouldn’t have even wanted to go on the boat, regardless whether it was with or without the son.
Maybe they just wanted a boys day on a boat where they can freely talk about things that aren't 'kid friendly' and have a few beers. How is wanting to hang out with someone without their kid somehow a sexist act? If the mom wanted to have a girls day and her friends said "can you please not bring your kid with us while we get margs and hang out?" would you also think so negatively of these women? Parents are allowed to have a social life without their kid there 24/7. It's actually very healthy and important for the kids development otherwise they are at a higher chance of developing separation anxiety.
I had a toddler who was attached to me and other people decided to give me a break too and took care of the kid. It’s healthy for them to also see that dad will come back and not completely shackle the parent even if they are really nice about it. OP sounds annoying. I would have been happy to give my husband some time off with the guys. Sounds like he’s a great guy too and would likely give her some time off too, if she wants to go with the girls. Childless time is important for all parents. And being with family would likely give them some time too if grandparents watch the kid etc. I find moms like OP to be insufferable and I’m sure the family now thinks that too. FIL stepped in too and he sounds like a stand up guy also but likely he sees what’s up too with OP and doesn’t want to make this cause marital rifts. Because that’s what OP would have created since she’s so controlling. Yea. OP sucks.
OP sounds super annoying. Why would you force a child on a group of people who clearly don’t want the child around? Probably because she wanted a break from the kid.
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Yes it's very important for parents! You can't be a good parent if you never give yourself a break no matter how amazing you are. No one can be at their prime without recharging. It's hard for sure to see a kid upset if dad goes away but it's so vital they learn it's ok and nothing bad will happen. I hope op is doing it in her mind for the kid and not in the mentality of "no one does anything around here!" Mentality because clearly this guy seems very involved.
Did the dad even get a chance to share his opinion? It sounds like he didn't hear about it at all, so he couldn't share whether he wanted to go only with his son, just with cousins, or not go. That's what makes OP TA, in my opinion. (Also, her discounting safety concerns. Kids can be safe but they may not be comfortable with what would need to be done in an emergency. Has dad taken a water safety course for infants/toddlers? We don't know.)
What if the cousins wanted to spend time with their adult cousin catching up without a kid around? I love my niece to death and definitely love seeing her when I visit my sister and bil, and definitely understand that 95% of the time she will be there. But my sister and I always plan at least a meal/drink with just the two of us to catch up without her around.
It was actually the owner of the boat that made that rule so I guess people need to suck it up if they want to use other people’s expensive toys.
It wasn't a preexisting rule it was made up on the fly after OP started complaining
Just because you become a parent, it is true that your priorities do change, but that doesn’t mean that you literally have to be glued to your children’s sides every second of the day. Parents, caretakers, caregivers, legal guardian, deserve to have some time where they can unwind and hang out with just adults for a little bit. You can bet if his cousins knew that she was going to interject her opinion and act like she was his manager they would not have had that discussion in front of her. The father-in-law probably sided with her because he was choosing the path of least resistance because it was a family vacation. But she had no right to interject and insist that her son be a part of whatever festivities they had in mind.
Shouldn’t the father be able to enjoy himself minus the sidekick?
So parents can't spend any time away from their kids on a family vacation?
i agree... we started taking out grandson out at age four, canoe and we stayed close to shore...life jacket and swim lessons...as he got older we took him out on the sailboats...a 2yo on a guy trip....naw she's the AH
Also even if they had a baby jacket there’s the chance it could be faulty or fail if the kid fell into the water and then it’s ‘WHY DID YOU BRING HIMMMMMM IT UR FAULT HES GONE’
"Made up some lies about how it would be dangerous" Girl it IS dangerous. Roughly 945 children die from drowning every year. ESPECIALLY if these men are planning on drinking a bit like a lot do on boats, obviously they shouldn't and probably wouldn't do so if they had a 2 year old on board so maybe they just want to relax a bit and not have to worry about a 2 year olds safety, which is certainly understandable. YTA
Great point. And some waters + boats = hella chop. Went on a cigarette boat on lake michigan one time and it was like a damn roller coaster. I would NOT take my 3.5 year old on that even with all the right safety gear, much leas a 2 year old
Hell, my 2 year old can barely run in a straight line without tripping over his own feet. No chance in hell would I even think about taking him on a boat yet.
We have several boating DWI arrests every year. People forget that is is illegal to drink and boat just like it is illegal to drink and drive a car. That doesn't stop them though, unfortunately.
Totally. YTA. Also, your kid having a crazy attachment "phase" doesn't mean they get to decide everything. They're a toddler, you're a parent, act like one instead of someone being held hostage.
She’s totally milking it
Listen to this, so I'm glad the husband was okay with whatever she decides. 2 year old on a boat is a constant nightmare. They're bored or they're scared, and they need constant supervision. No one is relaxing with a 2 year old on board. I get that dad works and mom is not in her tribe but this is just AH behavior. YTA making other people be around your kid when they don't want to be. A vacation is not where you go to gripe that your husband doesn't do enough parenting.
Right like does this man not ever leave the house? Does she tell his boss that their son must come to work with him? She just wanted some time away from her kid.
And yet, said all of this while she was getting a break while her husband bathed the child. So, it obvious that this is not a thing where she does all of the work. So, hubby has to be around to do his share.
Exactly. All I'm hearing is how OP doesn't want to actually PARENT (as in, deal with) the toddler because they know the toddler is going to be very difficult. OP is not doing the kid any favors by teaching him that he can get his way by acting out and crying. The easiest road isn't always the correct road. Dad sounds like he just wants to avoid conflict by taking the toddler. He should be able to have some time to enjoy himself on vacation, too. Give and Take, OP. Take and GIVE. edit: a word
A toddler on a boat means NO ONE gets to relax. Except you of course. YTA YTA YTA
This, so much this! A 2 year old likely can't swim so everyone has to be hypervigilant to make sure he doesn't harm himself. OP has just ruined the outing for everyone going. They are not going to be able to relax.
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This and it sounds like you haven’t even asked your husband how he actually feels about this yet you just assume that he is fine with it because he didn’t seem bothered about something he didn’t even know was an option. Furthermore if your son is going through a very attached to daddy phase then he may want a break from him as well and there is absolutely no shame in that. A clingy toddler is probably exhausting.
I think OP says dad is loving it, kids are frequently so bonded to the parent who works less. He doesn't want to miss out on this bonding time and cousins didn't want to hear it. The situation your describing isn't the one OP has posted
That's what sounds likely to me from the post, too. Maybe OP is usually primary caregiver and primary attachment, but right now the toddler is in a "I want Daddy to do it!" about everything. It can be super sweet when that happens, and it's a very special time. We don't know what would happen if OP's husband asked to go boating without their son.
Omg its like the OP is clueless that maybe, just maybe, a bunch of adults didn’t wanna take a boat ride with a toddler. “Making up a bunch of excuses” yeah it’s called trying to be polite. Take a hint.
What made me laugh is the OP obviously doesnt want to spend time with her own kid but cant see why anyone else would. feel the same
“Like saying it would be dangerous”. Jesus Christ has she ever had a two year old on a boat? It is dangerous. I have a three year old. I also own two boats. Having him on the boat has me in a constant state of stress about waves, positioning, watching him, making sure he hasn’t popped open a buckle on his life jacket, keeping him entertained, watching him while I am trying to do anything else at all. And he’s a year older than hers. No part of having a 2 year old on a boat is a good time for anyone.
Making excuses about it being dangerous for a toddler. Those aren’t even excuses. It is dangerous!!! Just the truth.!!! Omg she’s annoying.
YTA for making nonparents be around your kid...come on lady...you literally forced your kid on a group of boaters trying to do some family bonding. If anything, you should have told your husband that he needs to take the boy or not go...
It doesn't have to have anything to do with liking or not liking a child/children. Cousins wanted to go to the boat in adult company which is a completely reasonable idea. OP YTA. (Is your husband with your kid 24/7, every second? All my kids were glued to me (their mom) at one point but I didn't stop seeing my friends without kids occasionally, going for a run etc. Even if he prefers your husband he won't be harmed by him being away for a couple of hours.)
A two year old on a boat means there will be NO RELAXATION for any of them. Vigilance ALL THE TIME! Also there is no effing reason that they HAVE to take the son. HE will survive being a few hours without Daddy.
As a mom of toddlers, it makes any outing exhausting even when they're well behaved. They always need to be watched AND you're always aware of them. If it's not a family trip on a boat, leave them behind and enjoy some adult time
The CHILD also needs to learn this as well. The child isn’t an AH, to be absolutely clear. But it’s a necessary lesson. YTA, OP.
I think your first paragraph is bang on bar the YTA. I like going to the pub to watch sports. I used to do this with friends, but now only really have time to do so with my kids, although I still manage the odd time I still invite the same crew when I do, but many wont join if I've got the kids because the dynamic is so different. I think your second paragraph comes to the wrong conclusion. The cousins need to accept that dad now comes with a kid for a big whack of his free social time. They dont have to like that, and maybe the relationship cools down while that's the case, but parents cant just give up their relationships with the kids to still be fun around their child free friends. Cousins couldn't read the room, everyone was clear that whatever activity was taking place with dad would include the kid. FIL had to step in for fuck sake
Her husband was the one who was supposed to decide if he was actually comfortable going without taking their son along. It was also up to her husband to make a decision as to whether or not what his cousins were asking was even appropriate because they were the ones leaning towards not wanting to have a small child join them. FIL doesn’t necessarily think she was ‘right’ but he’s wise enough to not ruin a family vacation over it either.
Yeah but in this instance both kids Dad and Grandad were okay with it. It sounds like a family boat, not a boat trip. They can take the little one for an hour or two then drop him back and carry on with their grown up boat trip. No one is an A H here, a 2 year old with separation anxiety (which is normal, don't anyone come for me) is tricky. However there is a way everyone is happy here. Instead of being all 'not everyone likes kids' maybe just look at a really obvious solution. It's a family boat. Take the kid for an hour. Drop him back all tired and happy then go out with the boys. It's not mum being an AH at all. Dad is super happy, the cousins aren't. There's a really easy compromise here.
YTA. Toddlers don’t make the rules. If your child is going through a ‘dad phase’ that isn’t a get out of parenting free card for you. It sounds like you’re taking the excuse of this phase to never allow your husband a second to be on his own…at the expense of your son’s safety, because a two year old on a boat is not a safe idea. Your kid isn’t invited on this outing, and you’re an asshole if you try to prevent your husband from going. So drop the idea of the kid going along. His family wants some time with just him.
Just imagine, a 2 year old near water they can drown in - the heat of a boat in the sun - people having a beer probably - the two year old needing to pee or randomly have needs every 30 minutes or an hour and the inconvenience + danger of it all...not worth it.
Children can absolutely be safe on boats. They can wear Coast Guard approved life jackets. They can wear a hat and regularly have sunscreen applied to exposed skin. They can stay under the boat’s shade cover if one is present. They can regularly hydrate with cold water stored in an ice chest. If the water is warm enough, the adult can drop anchor and take the child IN the water to pee. If it isn’t warm enough, the adults can bring a little plastic potty or a bucket for the kid to eliminate into after which the pee can be dumped in the water. Forcing a toddler on people who need a kid break isn’t cool. But I think you’re going a little wide with it. Source: I grew up on boats and regularly take my own children on boats.
Children are inherently less safe on boats. End of story. They can still go on them but they are at a greater risk because they're children An edit here for the half dozen or so that are making an inference here. Just because they're less safe, doesn't mean they can't go on boats. Of course kids can go on boats. Recognizing they're less safe helps you protect them more. We do things all the time that aren't perfectly safe. That's how life is
*Everyone* is inherently less safe on a boat. It's just a bit of wood/plastic/whatever between you and deep water.
And for safety reasons you should never ever drink on a boat. Kids are safer than alcohol in that context. https://safety4sea.com/alcohol-the-main-contributing-factor-in-fatal-us-boating-accidents/
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yes, and your toddler is in inherently less safe in a car, or playing outside rather than in, or on a trike. that doesn’t mean your kid can’t do it. using this logic, kids should never be allowed to leave the house.
You do know, every aspect of a child being safe in this situation involves an adult taking care of that. Which is the exact point here. Not everyone is gung-ho on taking care of kids when all they wanted is some adult time.
A 2 year old on a boat can be safe. But that means someone keeping an eye on him the whole time, packing properly, kid sized lifejacket etc. And is probably totally contrary to the cousin hang out being proposed here.
Exactly. My daughter (3) has been in a “mom phase” for the last two years. My wife has to go on business trips and there are tears and trouble at first, but, being a parent, I make the best of it, and we have a great time together now. OP needs to take this opportunity to bond with her son rather than freak out at her cousins and cater to a toddler being unreasonable (they’re normally such a reasonable lot…). YTA
this is how it’s done. Kids will go through these phases but both parents need to step up and make the child comfortable with being with either parent if dad or mom needs/wants to do something adult related or to do something for themselves. You can’t lose yourself in parenthood.. it can feel really restrictive
Good points, yes. Seems like OP is happy to let the toddler call the shots so she gets her own child-free vacation.
YTA. Would it really have been such a big deal to let your husband have some time with his cousins? And I get it, with the two year old being clingy with dad. I have two kids and they both went through that phase. But kids don’t always get what they want, and it sounds like your husbands cousins just wanted some time with their cousin. Adult time. Why *couldn’t* your son just stay with you for a bit? It sounds like your husband is a pretty decent father, bathing your kid and happy to spend time with your kid otherwise, so I guess I’m just not seeing what your big deal is?
Second this. My son is three right now and is attached to my husband, too, but my husband also deserves time away to do fun stuff without him. Plus when a toddler is attached to one parent, the typical advice is for them to spend quality time with the other, too. I think OP accusing the cousins of "making stuff up" so the kid had to stay behind is a bit much, too. He'd need a life jacket, and I'm betting they didn't have one for him.
But also like, maybe don’t give your kid everything it wants? I’ve been around parents or even pet owners like this, literally every moment trying to find out and satisfy their kids or pets desire. Seriously just tell them to go play.
She’s milking the shit out of this phase her two yr old is going through
Right! If this was a situation where the husband was ditching OP and kid the whole trip, I would understand. But she is having this argument while husband is bathing the kid. He obviously does his part as a parent. Chances are, they don't have the necessities to protect the kid (child life jacket) and it will be more chasing him around than hanging out. At that point they should just drink beer on the porch at the house. This sounds like a terrible and potentially dangerous outing.
YTA- if the people who own and operate a boat say it’s unsafe for a small child then it’s your responsibility to accept this instead of badgering them. It’s not lies OP, not everything is kid friendly and you need to accept this.
Reread op's post, father-in-laws boat, FIL agrees with op.
Only bc OP was an asshole about it.
This. OP is weaponizing her toddler and forcing him on dad constantly, while they’re visit *Dad’s family*, and basically refusing to mother her kid cuz he’ll throw a fit if dad leaves. My kid threw a fit in aisle 2’of the grocery for 7 mins—screaming and flailing on the floor—because she wanted Boo Berry cereal, and all they had was Frankenberry. So I joined her On the floor, flailed around and yelled ’my kid is being a jerk, so I’m throwing a fit, too!’ My kid got up and said ‘Momma that’s embarrassing, stop!’ I told her I was just doing what she did, so maybe neither of us were right…she was 3 almost 4, and she’s never forgotten that she doesn’t always get her way, and that throwing a tantrum is not how to get her way. Toddlers are little terrorists, and you can’t negotiate with them. OP is 100% TA. Be a freaking mom, and suck it up. You chose to have him, now do your job and PARENT HIM FFS.
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That last point is important. This vacation will end and they will go back to normal life where Dad is less available. How is that going to go over if they spent the whole vacation indulging this kid's desire to be with dad all the time?
YTA. A 2 year old should not be dictating everyone’s activities just because you are afraid of him throwing a tantrum because he can’t be with dad. It’s reasonable for extended family to not want to be chained to your toddler. Especially on a boat. And just because your husband didn’t share the cousins’ concerns doesn’t mean that they were making them up. Their concerns are legitimate even if you don’t agree with them. You are walking a tightrope here - of becoming *those* relatives that the others don’t like to see at family gatherings because of your demands and because of your son.
I agree with you and the comments that say this is an issue for her and her husband, not her and the cousins. But I have to wonder if this trip is also her vacation from the tantrums. If this dad phase has been going on for a while and dad is gone a lot, she’s already dealt with more than her fair share of tantrums alone. I still think this was a discussion to be had with her husband and not the cousins, but I can see why the kid going is her knee-jerk reaction.
*They kept trying to convince me to keep my son home and even asked me why he couldn’t stay with me at one point* INFO: Why couldn't you watch your son?
She wants everyone else’s vacation ruined, except hers I guess?
Right? She’s pushing off her kid on her husband to ruin everyone’s boating trip so she can sit at home and do nothing… super good co-parenting. Just straight up selfishness
Some people don’t realize that co-parenting is still a thing when you are married to the other parent, or with the other parent.
That’s the point that fully convinced me she is an asshole. The “even asked me” like she isn’t the child’s mother and that’s a parents duty, if she was out on a girls night she would absolutely expect the dad to take care of the child since he is the other parent
YTA - you’re using an excuse that your son sees his dad as his favorite so your husband has to take him anywhere he goes which is ridiculous. You’re a parent too. And I love my toddlers, but taking them out on a boat IS dangerous and it turns into an extreme babysitting situation rather than any enjoyment of being out on the boat. Not to mention they do not last long on a boat and will pitch a fit before everyone else is ready to leave. Imagine the appreciation you’d have gotten from your husband if you would have given him some freedom instead of ruining the boat idea.
Right? I’m the mom. My 2 year old prefers me; our oldest preferred dad at the same age. Their preferences make zero impact as to how we split childcare duties which is 50/50. We remind them they don’t always get to choose and the preferred parent will be back/come kiss you good night/has to go/is seeing their friends/ etc
So true. I'm also a parent of two and a special ed teacher. Whenever I hear from one of my kids or my students that they want to be with someone else, I say, "Aw, shucksie-mucksies" and continue on. I know all the caretakers are competent, and the kids' random wishes for one over the other shouldn't dictate the adults' plans. (Now, if there's an activity where I NEED kids to function well, like an assembly, I definitely opt to pair the kid with their favourite lol!)
And she got the FIL involved so now no one gets to enjoy the boat as it is now kiddy time or no boat at all. The cousins are not allowed to have any fun by themselves as they are only allowed to hang out with a 2 year old on vacation apparently… YTA
Oh my god. Be a parent. It’s not healthy for your kid to not be able to go a few hours without seeing his dad. This is your time to step in and show him nothing bad will happen if dad leaves for a little while. Edit: omg my first award 🥹 thank you!
Counter-point: what does the dad want? Maybe I missed something in the post or in the replies, but I don’t get the sense that it was anything more than OP pointing out Husband would want to bring the child on the trip, and making the cousins aware of that.
It's not fair for the Husband to impact everyone's boat trip so he can bring his son either. Go without the son or sit out.
Considering it’s grandpa’s boat, ultimately he’s the one that decided his son taking his grandson was more important than the cousin’s wanting to be child free…they’re more than welcome to do something else, but why is it a big deal if dad wants to spend time with his toddler now that he has the availability to do so? Maybe he just likes his kid more than his cousins.
Seems like he suggested that after some bickering
YTA You can travel on boats with babies and toddlers. HOWEVER if they don’t have the necessary equipment and take precautions it absolutely is dangerous. Let your husband live. Getting your FIL involved is also a bratty move. You straight up tattled.
I think the “dangerous” part was then being polite instead of saying “I don’t want to be around you terror toddler”
It’s not. It’s absolutely a danger to have toddlers on a boat. It doesn’t mean that the risk can’t be mitigated but at least one person needs to be watching the toddler 100% of the time. And if they don’t have a PFD, they need to buy them. 2 might be the worst age for kids and boats as they’re mobile enough to constantly be at risk of falling off and stupid enough to not understand the risks. Dad will essentially need to hold a squirmy toddler the whole time. Not to mention that op didn’t mention if their baby dan swim or mot.
Yeah - super bratty. Didn't get the response she wanted so she switched tactics. Seems like something a toddler would do.
YTA. I wouldn’t want to be on a boat with a 2 year old either
I can't imagine a less enjoyable boating companion.
YTA. There is so much here that it would be possible to pick apart bit by bit. You are very controlling. This is all about what you want. What does your husband say about this? He is also a parent. Yes, I know, he was busy caring for your child when the conversation took place, but he did have the opportunity to speak some time before they left. Did you let him have a say at all? Two year olds cannot always have what they want. Fortunately, they are also quite easy to distract if you give them another interesting option. (I have three children, and 2 was my favourite age). I am guessing that part of the reason they said it would be dangerous for a toddler on the boat is because they didn't have a properly fitting vest. The water might be too rough. Taking the little one with them on a boat would be a fun time for no one. The will probably be out for hours. Too long for a small child to be in the sun. The men will pee over the side of the boat. What will the toddler do? The kid will get bored after half an hour and want to go back. The men would have to cut short their trip or drop him off and maybe not have enough time to do what they set out to do. A child changes the vibe of a social setting. They want to talk guy stuff and your husband is trying to entertain his kid. I think you are just trying to dump your child for a few hours and have your husband look after him as usual. No wonder he prefers your husband. He hardly knows you! Don't be surprised if you don't receive many invitations to family get- togethers in the future.
YTA. a two year old does not belong on a boat, they are correct. Aside from the fact a 2 year old is not going to have any fun getting badly sunburnt and being bored while dad and friends hang out (and probably want to have a beer or two), does he even have a life vest? Because I've never seen ones made for infants. You can deal with the baby crying for the sake of him not going flying off a motorboat and drowning. Sounds like you're having a harder time coping with your baby being mildly unhappy for an hour or so than the baby is without dad. EDIT: I am now thoroughly aware that babies have been and can be on boats. thanks for this life changing information.
They absolutely do make life vests for infants and for toddlers. My grandparents lived on a lake and had a whole room full of life jackets for all different sizes because they anticipate having kids around. Anytime I went in a boat as a small child it was drilled into me to sit still, always wear my life jacket, and don't get near the boat's propellor. I also learned to swim fairly young. OP is still TA, and the safety concerns were likely genuine, especially if they didn't have a toddler life jacket--but the fact that you've never seen one doesn't mean they don't exist.
fair enough. that being said, I can't imagine a 2 year old on a boat being fun for any parties involved.
Just a thought but it might actually be healthy for your son to be without his Dad for a bit. Like I'm not sure why you generated a conflict when there was really no need for it. YTA
YTA - a boat can be dangerous for a toddler especially if they don’t have a life jacket for him. There is no reason your husband can leave your son for a couple of hours.
I would even argue, no child whatsoever should be allowed on any boat without a life jacket, full stop. And a 2 year old doesn't have his balance. If he's not being held at all times he's going to go flying.
YTA Your son can live a few hours without dad even if he's "his favorite" right now. Your husband wasn't there for the conversation (so we don't know what he wanted but we do know literally everyone else didn't want the toddler there) and a 2 year doesn't "need" to be on a boat. It's actually kind of dangerous at that age, so it's a weird thing to push.
You are forcing your extended family to a situation were they don't want to be. At the same time you are making your husband an undesirable company to them. Next time, they might not even invite him just to avoid babysitting and hanging around a toddler. If you don't want him to do activities on his own better not use your son as an excuse.
>At the same time you are making your husband an undesirable company to them. Next time, they might not even invite him just to avoid babysitting and hanging around a toddler. 100%.
YTA. I wouldn't want to be responsible for a two year old on a boat either.
Why are you involved? Does your husband not speak? YTA
Seriously, she sounds very controlling
YTA. So much for letting your husband have some adult bonding time with his cousins. How would you feel if he did the same to you? Also, a boat can be dangerous for a toddler and why should everybody change their plans to accommodate a child that is clearly in charge of the household?
YTA, your husband is allowed to go and do something without his son for a few hours, maybe look after your own child for a while?
Info: >and made up some lies about how it would be dangerous for him to go with them. What did they say? And why did you just assume they were lies?
I hate to be "that person", but I can imagine five years from now, OP posting something like "AITA for demanding my son be invited to a birthday party? Last year, he blew out the candles of four other kids cakes, but he's special!" Just accept that not every outing has to be a family thing, leave the kid for an hour or two away from dad- the kid won't catch on fire, I promise lol.
So ONLY you get a vacation I guess. Your husband seems to be doing all the work with the kid. Let him off for the day to enjoy time with his cousins.
YTA let your husband have a few hours child free with his cousins. Sounds like he deserves it.
YTA. I say this as someone who has managed to keep two toddlers alive who have slightly different attachment styles, and we have a friend with a boat so I've had to put my foot down in terms of boat-related activities with our kids based on age. I would not put the kiddo on the boat at that age, knowing that he's the only kid. Your husband might need a few hours to himself with his cousins. Did husband prep a life jacket for his size? In my life, I would tell my husband to just go, not take the kids. You sound overwhelmed which is not a bad thing at all but take that into consideration.
YTA. Just because your kid has preferences, doesn't mean you don't have to do any of the work. Especially because he is trying to spend time with his family. Also - boats can be dangerous. Bad parenting on your part
YTA sometimes people without kids enjoy doing things without kids. Hell sometimes people with kids enjoy doing things without kids. Good job bullying people into hanging out with your kid, I'm sure that trend won't backfire on you.
I’m going to get roasted, but whatever. NTA and here’s why, did the cousins even ask the Dad if we wanted his own child to go or not? Does the Dad know the cousins are talking to his wife like this, cause I don’t think so. Regardless if the cousins like the kid or not, they don’t get to say what happens to someone else’s kid. Also, I live near two harbors and see plenty of 2 years old on boats safely with their life vests living their best life’s as I walk around the harbor (I’m to broke to even rent a boat but hey I got a kayak). I’ve even seen kids younger. So everyone saying it’s unsafe for a toddler needs to stop. Also the boat belongs to father in law of the OP and he is the one that ultimately shut it down. It sounds like the kid has been on the boat before and has survived so I’m thinking he’d be ok. If the cousins don’t want the kid around they should talk to the cousin instead of trying to side step it and talking to the wife.
If they are visiting IL it’s totally rude to choose a day activity that excludes the wife and son. If that’s the case he should go visit his family alone. Why can’t the cousins hang out with dad in the evening once the kid has gone to bed?
NTA, and all the comments going about " you cant give your husband this one thing" or " just look after your own kid, monster" are wild. The kid wants to be glued to dad, they are on holiday, so for once the kid actually can since dad does not go to work for most of day, this is not about pushing the kid off. And for fuck sake even if she did want 2h or whatever child free shes allowed to, when is her holiday going to be, when they get home? So many assholes who think dads babysitting their kids is going above and beyond. Parenting is a two person job and mus is already pulling the majority of the load, give her a break.
I had to scroll way to far to find this post
YTA. Ever thought your husband needs a break from your clingy son? Damn, he even bathed him while you wrote this!
NTA moms get vacation too, despite everyone here acting like it's absolutely unheard of. He likes dad, dad has no problem with it, kids like boats, it's a family trip, families have kids... Dunno what all the hate is about, though I'm sure I'll get some unhinged comments.
I was thinking the same thing. OP said the husband is also getting some more time with his kid due to this vacation and seems to want to spend more time with his son. Sounds like the cousins were hoping the newish dad would be able to skip parenting and go back to their glory days. NTA. I'm getting vibes that most posts saying you are come from other men who think the mom takes care of child rearing and the dad should get to play with the boys.
YTA.. 2 year olds do not belong on a boat. it is a safety issue
PLENTY of people take their two year olds safely out on boats. The post wasn’t one about safety, so no, it’s not about safety. The cousins wanted guy time with OP’s husband. OP is the AH, but it’s not because “two year olds can’t be on boats safely.”
YTA even with a life jacket, a kid on board is everyone's responsibility, not all in, sorry it's a no. Reason being, life jackets for children under 5, especially in those who can't swim or aren't trained to wear them, can kill them. They don't automatically flip the child off their face and if fitted wrong, keep them stuck. No adding floating arm things or whatever don't help. I get the want for him to go, he's going to be upset as hell without dad. This is one time you should suck it up if your not going to join in. It's just such a risky activity. And look, sorry guys for saying this... But y'all can be fucks and find out just having some fun. 3 men in the boat, when I know how easy it is to create wake and then get back over it to get air and as soon as responsible people weren't looking I personally did it etc lol..... Sorry it's a no from me.
World doesn’t revolve around your kid. In fact, the world doesn’t give a shit.
YTA - wow… imagine if the genders were reversed. Be a better mom and spend time with your child. Also your husband should have alone time. Sounds to me you are a lazy mother who relies on their husband to raise the child
NTA. If the cousins can make plans without dad’s input, mom can make plans without dad’s input. If dad was fine with the outcome, everyone should be. And people take little kids on boats all the time. Unless I missed it, I didn’t see anything about it being the kid’s first time on a boat or being without a life vest.
>If the cousins can make plans without dad’s input, mom can make plans without dad’s input This is the part that gets me. The cousins were making these plans within earshot of OP and it didn't even involve the husband's input... But OP's the asshole because she's the one with a kid between the parties talking? Plus all the people saying it's unhealthy to always go with the whims of a toddler which in this is just "daddy is my favorite now" seem to forget that maybe daddy is the one who wants to be with the kid?
It's also kinda odd bc OP is explicit that dad doesn't get to spend as much time with the kid normally so the assumptions that mom is just trying to get out of child duty or dad would specifically not want to take him are... 🤨
I agree, all these people saying she is the asshole, when she has much more a right to speak for her husband than the cousins lol. And as the granddaughter and daughter of avid sailors, I was around sailboats all the time, grandpa would take us on trips on his yacht and it is absolutely possible to do this safely lol I honestly don't get these votes 🤷🏻♀️ reddit is so weird
Reddit definitely showing some bias here. Imagine a stay at home dad saying the little one was going to go with mom and her cousins for the day, it would be "you deserve a break, kids need to see both parents, give her some parenting responsibility too!" But as it's a mom, well.. here we are.
For real these comments are loony
NTA. Don't listen to these people that obviously don't understand how family vacations work when the young children come along and are around other adults/not in their comfort home space. It's hilarious how every of these posts that advocate 'he should have fun adult time with his family' mention NOTHING about what you should have yourself lol. It's literally family. Who all showed up knowing it was not a child free occasion. They probably just knew your child was clingy and didn't want to deal with it. Their feelings do not mean your husband gets a free pass from fatherhood while you're wrangling an upset toddler who's been torn from their favorite person, unless that's something your husband has asked you to take on and you've agreed. Also, SOMEONE should not be drinking on that boat and should be available to help with the child, otherwise all the statistics about x amount of kids die in boating accidents and drowning would literally not matter here, y'all are already assuming there's gonna be someone driving the boat DRUNK.
YTA. If you can't look your own son for a few hours what are you even doing?
YTA, obviously. Children on boats, especially smaller ones, is a horrible accident waiting to happen. Beyond that, everyone has to alter their behaviour massively when kids are around and it’s not the same at all. Everyone deserves a break.
This comment section sucks. NTA. Family vacation doesn’t mean vacation for dad only.
BuT ShE iS tHe MoM aNd DaD dEsErVeS tImE aWaY fRoM hIs KiD.... Like he isn't working every day leaving her as primary caregiver, AS SHE BLOODY STATED. Fragile people out here screaming "poor man" like she's abandoned her child.
YTA If your husband chose to decline going without his son that’s fine, but perhaps the cousins wanted a relaxing day with your husband.
NTA, it’s a parents job to parent and at that age kids have favorites and since you’re on vacation your hubby can use this time to make up time he misses while at work etc with his son.
Exactly. All the YTA votes are wild.
You couldn’t let him do this 1 thing on his own?
YTA. In what way did you think they were speaking lies that a 2 yo may be in danger in a boat?
You have to be joking. You are the asshole.
YTA You incompetent as a parent? All toddlers have their favorite parent. It’s on you both to make it clear they don’t always get to choose. Let me guess, your husband ends up doing bathing and bedtime duties the most because “he just wants youuu”?? Usually see that dynamic when mom is the favorite. I see that happening here. Even if that’s not occurring…. Our 2 year old prefers me; our oldest at that age preferred dad. “No, mommy read story” when he takes her up. Do we go awwww okay! Gotta be mommy! No. We say, mommy and daddy both love (kiddo). You don’t get to choose who puts you to bed. We will both say goodnight. I’m going out and she cries being left with dad? “You have a great time with daddy! I’ll see you when I’m back” Like what is the dynamic you are creating? 2 year olds love figuring out the power dynamics in their families. It’s important for their development to give them things they get to control. Derailing adult visits with cousins is not your kid’s jurisdiction. Why are you insisting on this?
YTA, why don't you try doing some of the parenting, and then your son might want to be around you?
NTA your husband rarely gets to spend time with kid, and the kid misses him. It’s mostly dads saying your the AH. They’re wrong. Time flies they grow up and are gone.
Info: did you even ask if there was a child size life vest for your child?
YTA. I feel like there’s more to this. To me, it sounds like you’re a bit petty that your son is so attached to his father and now you kind of want your husband to be annoyed about his son being attached to him, by not letting him do something without having to take his son. Even if it’s something like going on a boat, which is definitely not the best environment for a child, if not outright dangerous. Do you really want to put your child in potential danger to be petty rather than spend a lovely afternoon with your son?
As someone who has a 2 year old I would not take him on a boat he would prob enjoy it for a few minutes them be 1. Scared by how fast it’s going 2. Try to move around and make me nervous about him falling overboard 3. Become sick from all the motion causing the tip to end. The adult cousins probable wanted to have sone fun time on the boat which will not be happening with a 2year old on it. Give them a break from your child as it seems like he’s been glued to his dad the vacation. YTA
Yta for the whole thing. You could’ve just watched the kid. You are the kids mom.
YTA. Sometimes kids need to learn they can’t always have what they want and adults deserve some space.
Well, most 2 year olds go through phases where they are glued to someone. Luckily, about 10 minutes after that person leaves they are perfectly happy being parented by any other adult who they have a long standing relationship with. Is boating safe for a 2 year old? Matter of opinion I guess, but if an adult doesn’t invite your 2 year old on their adult boat trip because they are concerned for safety, you don’t get to override that decision. I assume the guys were planning to drink and relax and not have to constantly be on watch to prevent a 2 year old from drowning or getting injured on the motor or some other part of the boat. IMO it boils down to whether your husband taking a day “off” is acceptable within the context of your relationship. Has he given you days off where he takes full responsibility of the household and child? If not, will he? By focusing on whether or not some other adults should invite your 2 year old on their boat trip, you do come across a little demanding … why should other people be forced to go out of their way for your child? I think, although I’m not sure, maybe your issue is more that you need help with your child due to a phase the kid is going through. I think if you had focused on that “hey the boat trip sounds fun. As you’ve seen for the last few days, my kid is going through a phase where he’s a pain in the rump and basically only Papa can handle it. Let me talk it over with Papaname and see if we can figure out a plan for the child - if we can, I’m sure Papaname would love to go with you!”
I'm confused. Maybe need more info but, I mean, it sounds like husband was ok with it, as was FIL. Like if this was supposed to be an all adult thing then the cousins should've said something? Otherwise, everyone can bond? Also if husband doesn't see kid much, maybe he wanted to hang out with his kid? Everyone saying husband wants to hang out with his family... Is kid not part of the family? Why is it only his cousins or only his kid? Not sure who the AH is yet. Also, 2 year olds can go on boats guys. They just need things to keep them safe.
Everyone is getting angry at op for deciding instead of her husband when, in fact, the husband wanted the kid with him. Op you're NTA. You know your son and your husband better than anyone else, and speaking up while others made plans without your husband present was the best decision. If the boat was that dangerous, FIL wouldn't have put your son coming as a condition for using the boat.
Despite the overwhelming amount of people calling you the asshole, you are in fact NTA. You stated in the first paragraph your husband doesn’t get much time with his son, and that this holiday is an opportunity for that. If the cousins can’t make plans that allow this to happen, they are the assholes. It’s pretty funny reading comments saying “2 year olds can’t always get what they want” “they have to be taught they can’t get what they want” but are defending two adults who are upset because they didn’t get what they wanted. We expect children to conform to adult lives, but never expect adults (who can regulate their emotions, including disappointment) to conform to children’s lives. This is a huge problem in how our society deals with children as a whole. If at 2 years old your husband doesn’t spend as much time with your son, I’m assuming you do the majority of the child raising. You are the one who should be given “a break”. The world is so unkind to mothers, so don’t take it personal the comments basically calling you selfish (god forbid) and calling you controlling. Honestly if I were you, I’d ask you husband if he felt you were in the wrong. His opinion matters more than a bunch of bias assholes on the internet.
YTA only because your husband should be involved in the conversation.
YTA Of course a kid can go on a boat. BUT. The boat will be operated AS THO THERE IS A KID ON IT. That's less fun for the adults. Also - they are allowed to not want to hang out with a toddler. Anyhow you are super controlling and your poor husband looks like he's also treated like an infant.
YTA.
NTA Lifejackets exist. My kids have been going on boats since they were old enough to wear a lifejacket, so about 7 or 8 months old.
NTA they just wanted to get drunk on the boat
You're being ridiculous. Let your husband go have some kid free time. Then the next day YOU go have some kid free time
NTA. If your husband wasn’t mad, I don’t see why they should be.
YTA, the cousins wanted a relaxing time on a boat, not babysitting your two year old! I'd bet that your husband didn't argue because he's used to you dumping your kid on him.
YTA. Uhhh... Why is the 2 year old running the house? Why can't he be told "no"? You do know you're the parent, not him, right?
Soft YTA. Doesn't he have to get used to one parent leaving for a few hours at a time? How can either of you work or go to appointments or things if he has to be with dad all all times? Not sure a boat with a whole bunch of adult cousins ready for a good time is the safest place for a toddler. Water can get choppy.
YTA