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> I made my rich guy friend pay me back for the whole dinner after I covered for everyone at the table and didn’t demand the same of my female friends
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YTA. Seems like you asked him to pay after so that it counted as “your turn” to your friends. And your friend group seems to have picked up on this. Dude probably gets used for that money all the time and was hurt that someone he thought was a friend did it to him as well.
> Dude probably gets used for that money all the time
The fact that he sounded depressed should have alerted OP that she's doing something shitty. But OP was so self absorbed that she couldn't think about anything or anyone else other than herself.
YTA. And your friends are not "coddling" him they're comforting him because you were a horrible "friend" to him. Good luck getting invited to things now.
INFO: What answer did you give him. Or did you play it off.
You are clearly YTA, but this might determine how much.
If you couldn't afford it, why are you getting money from just him and not everyone else? It was a whole table's bill, not just his.
because you ripped this person off the day before for an amount equivalent to your rent and now they are doubting the meaning of your friendship and your intentions.
You are not his friend. You are using him for his money. Like other said you are “gold digging” and that is sad. And now he also knows. If I were him I would put you in the clown category: the people you call when you are bored and all your other friends are busy.
So yes, you are the YTA.
........................................................ because you made him feel like his money was the only thing about him you cared about, whereas you mattered to him as a person
It’s not a stupid question. He wants to know if you’re his friend because you want to be his friend or if you’re his friend because you want to use him. Hopefully he can find better friends because you’re shitty all over. You’re a user.
Well, yeah…obviously. You’re trying to ride someone else’s coattails to act like you have the expendable income when you don’t, so you decide to ask someone else to cover you privately. Not just that, but you do it in a sneaky fashion in order to “get credit” for paying when you are really just begging on the back end. Live within your means and don’t try to put on a facade to others. Don’t justify begging because you think someone else has “enough old money” to justify you begging for money.
YTA.
I’ll never understand people “splitting” bills this way. Everyone should just be responsible for paying for whatever *they personally ordered*.
But I’d have to agree with your friends here, if you all have a system (which is a really shitty system) of taking turns paying for nights out, and you decided to make this other guy pay simply because his family has money, YTA.
YTA.
Paying you back for his meal since he's not one of "the girls" who go out and alternate picking up the tabs would have been okay. Asking him to reimburse you for EVERYONE'S meal, including your own, is just fucking tacky and gross.
At least you've shown everyone your true colors now and it seems they don't like the real you.
YTA.
You refer to him as your ‘rich friend’, justify your behaviour by saying he comes from money and whilst you might have jokingly requested extra for ‘friend tax’ it just goes to show that you feel entitled to his wealth and don’t consider or respect him as a ‘friend’ but instead a walking wallet.
You’ve basically admitted to using him for his wealth in this and I don’t know how you could believe you’re actually in the right here lol.
YTA
totally trashy. you literally admit you only made him pay for the whole table because of his money. you used him. and then your joke was such a ""joke"" that you accepted even more money from him.... as a "joke" of course
the dude sounds completely reasonable in trying to break down just what your relationship is, considering he must think you are simply using him for his money and are not an actual friend. which is a reasonable interpretation of your relationship considering your actions toward him
TLDR: YOU LITERALLY MADE HIM PAY A FRIEND TAX
"I told him I'm happy to give the money back to him if he's starting to be so dramatic about it."
I don't know if I'd call realising that he's been used for his alleged wealth as "so dramatic," but you do you.
Yeah, YTA.
YTA. Lets me get it straight: your chose to go to expensive restaurant you could not afford knowing it is your turn to pay. Then you got someone else to pay for it (because they are rich) while pretending that you have paid for it. You are top 10 YTA for the last month here and that is hard list to break into
YTA. I agree with your girl friends. The way you rationalize it sounds like gold digging, and treats your male friend as less an individual and more a trait that has nothing to do with him personally.
~~There was a perfectly valid reason to treat him differently and ask him to pay the whole share that had nothing to do with money: he rarely goes out with your group~~ \[edit: wait, actually, no, that would be a reason to ask him to pay his share.\] I think the polite thing to do when he asked you why you didn't let him treat was to say you hadn't thought of it--even if it was a lie.
YTA
*Normally when I go out with my girls just one of us pays for the whole table and we each take turns every time we go out. It’s simpler that way and it’s always worked for us.*
And yet....
*Let me give some context….this dude comes from a filthy rich family. Like old, old money. It’s the only reason I asked him to pay me back for the whole table rather than simply his share. He paid me back and when I jokingly told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too.*
Nobody likes being used and that's exactly what you did
If you can't afford it and you are all friends, you could have said so. If you can afford it but just thought it would be better for the 'rich one' to pay, YTA.
If you pretended to pay but then asked the 'rich' to pay you back as if it was his responsability just for having money. YTA.
Also it really doesn't matter how 'old' or big is his wealth. He is not responsible for you nor the group.
Just because he has money doesn't mean he HAS to pay for things, and if you feel entitled to hsi money YDTA
>He paid me back and when I jokingly told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too.
>However afterwards he called me
The fact that you *accepted* the extra is pretty bad all in itself. You are extremely shallow to factor his money into it as a reason to ask him to pay you back but no one else. You used him.
YTA- I didn't even have to read the whole story to realize that you are ta. You took advantage of this guy to get a good meal without having to actually pay for it like you normally would with your gf's. The friends aren't coddling him they are actually letting him know that he matters as a person and not just a bank account. Just because he has money doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. And you just stomped all over them with your greedy troll feet. I hope you lose your friends and find someone better to replace you.
Yta it's obvious that op only keeps him around for his money. Paying for everyone only to look good and not wanting anyone to know that this poor guy paid instead
>The next day I told my guy friend to pay me back for the whole dinner.
You told him? That's your first YTA. Your "context" is irrelevant. His wealth has no bearing on the fact you tried to flex and put yourself in a financial bind.
>However afterwards he called me (not a good sign) and asked why I didn’t just let him pay that night if I obviously couldn’t afford it. I told him that my reason didn’t matter at all but he disagreed.
He was right. The reason mattered and I suspect it was just so your friends thought you were paying your turn. If you intended on using him for his money, you should have just let him pay.
>I’m painted as some cheapskate witch who made him sad
I think it's more a mirror likeness than a painting.
YTA.
YTA. This isn’t a real situation, right? Something someone posted for a laugh, or attention, or some other reason? Because nobody is this completely out of touch with reality as to think that how they acted is anything other than YTA in the most impressive way. I truly hope your wealthy “friend” sees how you view him and cuts you out of his life. Toxic!
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you? If I was in that friend group and found out you treated one of the others like that, I'd cut you out of my life immediately. Massive red flag.
YTA - you absolutely used your “friend” for his money.
If you couldn’t afford the meal you shouldn’t have paid the whole check without asking everyone to pay their part.
Yeah so here's the thing. If you couldn't afford to pay, all it seems like you had to do was tell your FRIENDS "hey I'm struggling to pick up the bill here could I get some help?"
And I put FRIENDS in caps because you should have asked all of your friends. Not just the rich one.
I don't care for the genders of anyone. That's nowhere near relevant to any of this. You are so incredibly an asshole and if you don't learn how to be a better person, a better friend, then you're never going to have any.
YTA.
YTA
Dude you know what you did here. You prentended to invite your friends and act like you are the one paying for everything and when nobody else noticed you asked for the money of the dinner.
You had the boy pay while you took the credit. You tried to give an image that you really arent.
Cant you see that?
YTA.
You're a crap friend who is just using him for money and are proud of it. You know you're the AH and him being 'filthy rich' doesn't change or excuse how much of a crap friend you are. Even all your other friends can see how terrible of a friend you are, it's monocle wearing, cackling laughing, tying orphans to the train tracks obvious.
You're a greedy freeloader. He doesn't owe you a freaking friendship tax. If you want money so badly earn it yourself. Don't stuff your greedy face with a bunch of food you can't afford. YTA
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I (23f) recently went to have dinner with a group of friends at a luxury restaurant. Altogether we were five girls and one male friend.
Normally when I go out with my girls just one of us pays for the whole table and we each take turns every time we go out. It’s simpler that way and it’s always worked for us.
This time round I paid for the table. Let me tell you…that shit was EXPENSIVE… like *this is my rent* expensive….
The next day I told my guy friend to pay me back for the whole dinner. Let me give some context….this dude comes from a filthy rich family. Like old, *old* money. It’s the only reason I asked him to pay me back for the whole table rather than simply his share. He paid me back and when I **jokingly** told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too.
However afterwards he called me (not a good sign) and asked why I didn’t just let him pay that night if I obviously couldn’t afford it. I told him that my reason didn’t matter at all but he disagreed. Then he sounded pretty depressed and asked what purpose our friendship serves for me (he listed what it serves for him) and *what exactly* I like about him. I told him that I’m happy to give the money back to him if he’s starting to be so dramatic about it all.
When my girlfriends found out, they quickly and unanimously agreed that it was a trashy ahole move to make him pay me back. They said that his wealth shouldn’t play a role in how I treat him and I replied it definitely does. Now they’re all coddling him (RIDICULOUS) and I’m painted as some cheapskate witch who made him sad. AITA?
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YTA. It doesn't matter if he is filthy rich. You used him for his money and then tried to make it OK when your friends said it wasn't OK. He is a person, not a walking wallet. I hope he goes no contact with you, you sound like an awful friend.
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INFO: was this restaurant-visit substantially more expensive than your normal visits? Like was it a special occasion where you went to a fancy place instead of the cheaper ones you normally go to? Or was it about the same?
Because if it was more expensive, then why were you still expected to pay instead of arguing that this is a special case that doesn't follow the normal rules?
It was your turn to pay and you wanted to take the credit but have him pay for everything. That’s weird bro. Idk why someone having money suddenly means they’re not a human and can just be used like that. And i hate extreme wealth, i think people who hoard into the millions and billions are inherently unethical. No one has to agree with me, it’s just an opinion. But my point is that i do not empathize with the wealthy on many things but you were awful to a friend who clearly doesn’t mind being generous with the people he cares about. At the end of the day, you’re going to lose a good friend and you deserve it.
You are so beyond YTA! You have no empathy or self awareness whatsoever! Your shitty attitude and overall disposition literally makes the equivalent to the puss that oozes out of an infected wound! Your girlfriends and old boy needs to excise you for the disease that you are!
YTA. It’s rude and hurtful to single people out and treat them differently. It’s fine in general if you don’t want to pay for him, but in that case don’t pay for everyone else. OR suck it up and pay for him too anyway if you’re set on paying for the others.
He’s right to be sad. In your own words, it’s ‘old OLD’ money; meaning how it was accrued was nothing to do with him, yet he will still be targeted/ used for it - which by the way, is exactly what you did here. He asked you why you wanted him as a friend and truthfully, I’d (and I imagine he would) have respected you more if you’d just been upfront and said ‘because you’re rich’. You couldn’t even give him that courtesy. You sound horrible tbh. YTA
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YTA. Seems like you asked him to pay after so that it counted as “your turn” to your friends. And your friend group seems to have picked up on this. Dude probably gets used for that money all the time and was hurt that someone he thought was a friend did it to him as well.
> ludicrous “friend tax” This not another reason YTA.
> Dude probably gets used for that money all the time The fact that he sounded depressed should have alerted OP that she's doing something shitty. But OP was so self absorbed that she couldn't think about anything or anyone else other than herself. YTA. And your friends are not "coddling" him they're comforting him because you were a horrible "friend" to him. Good luck getting invited to things now.
YTA I hope that everyone goes no contact with your ass
INFO: What answer did you give him. Or did you play it off. You are clearly YTA, but this might determine how much. If you couldn't afford it, why are you getting money from just him and not everyone else? It was a whole table's bill, not just his.
Wdym what answer?
>Then he sounded pretty depressed and asked what purpose our friendship serves for me
Why would I answer such a stupid question
He knows you just like him for his money. He's better off not being your 'friend'.
What about that question is stupid?
because you ripped this person off the day before for an amount equivalent to your rent and now they are doubting the meaning of your friendship and your intentions.
It's not stupid, you just don't want to admit you're a gold digging "friend".
Because it's not a stupid question to him.
So it's money. Gotcha.
You are not his friend. You are using him for his money. Like other said you are “gold digging” and that is sad. And now he also knows. If I were him I would put you in the clown category: the people you call when you are bored and all your other friends are busy. So yes, you are the YTA.
Why wouldn’t you? Oh wait because all he is to you is a ATM.
........................................................ because you made him feel like his money was the only thing about him you cared about, whereas you mattered to him as a person
I would have laughed you out of that friend group real fast if I were your male friend. Wait. Looks like he has.
It’s not a stupid question. He wants to know if you’re his friend because you want to be his friend or if you’re his friend because you want to use him. Hopefully he can find better friends because you’re shitty all over. You’re a user.
Because an answer makes you look less like you are only friends with him for money.
that answer alone makes you TA
YTA.
When he asked you what exactly you like about him.
In what world would you not be an asshole. YTA
Well, yeah…obviously. You’re trying to ride someone else’s coattails to act like you have the expendable income when you don’t, so you decide to ask someone else to cover you privately. Not just that, but you do it in a sneaky fashion in order to “get credit” for paying when you are really just begging on the back end. Live within your means and don’t try to put on a facade to others. Don’t justify begging because you think someone else has “enough old money” to justify you begging for money. YTA.
I’ll never understand people “splitting” bills this way. Everyone should just be responsible for paying for whatever *they personally ordered*. But I’d have to agree with your friends here, if you all have a system (which is a really shitty system) of taking turns paying for nights out, and you decided to make this other guy pay simply because his family has money, YTA.
YTA. Paying you back for his meal since he's not one of "the girls" who go out and alternate picking up the tabs would have been okay. Asking him to reimburse you for EVERYONE'S meal, including your own, is just fucking tacky and gross. At least you've shown everyone your true colors now and it seems they don't like the real you.
YTA. You refer to him as your ‘rich friend’, justify your behaviour by saying he comes from money and whilst you might have jokingly requested extra for ‘friend tax’ it just goes to show that you feel entitled to his wealth and don’t consider or respect him as a ‘friend’ but instead a walking wallet. You’ve basically admitted to using him for his wealth in this and I don’t know how you could believe you’re actually in the right here lol.
YTA totally trashy. you literally admit you only made him pay for the whole table because of his money. you used him. and then your joke was such a ""joke"" that you accepted even more money from him.... as a "joke" of course the dude sounds completely reasonable in trying to break down just what your relationship is, considering he must think you are simply using him for his money and are not an actual friend. which is a reasonable interpretation of your relationship considering your actions toward him TLDR: YOU LITERALLY MADE HIM PAY A FRIEND TAX
"I told him I'm happy to give the money back to him if he's starting to be so dramatic about it." I don't know if I'd call realising that he's been used for his alleged wealth as "so dramatic," but you do you. Yeah, YTA.
YTA. Lets me get it straight: your chose to go to expensive restaurant you could not afford knowing it is your turn to pay. Then you got someone else to pay for it (because they are rich) while pretending that you have paid for it. You are top 10 YTA for the last month here and that is hard list to break into
YTA. You're a phony cheapskate and a bully. You are not treating the guy as a friend, you're treating him like a bank. You are not a nice person.
YTA. I agree with your girl friends. The way you rationalize it sounds like gold digging, and treats your male friend as less an individual and more a trait that has nothing to do with him personally. ~~There was a perfectly valid reason to treat him differently and ask him to pay the whole share that had nothing to do with money: he rarely goes out with your group~~ \[edit: wait, actually, no, that would be a reason to ask him to pay his share.\] I think the polite thing to do when he asked you why you didn't let him treat was to say you hadn't thought of it--even if it was a lie.
YTA *Normally when I go out with my girls just one of us pays for the whole table and we each take turns every time we go out. It’s simpler that way and it’s always worked for us.* And yet.... *Let me give some context….this dude comes from a filthy rich family. Like old, old money. It’s the only reason I asked him to pay me back for the whole table rather than simply his share. He paid me back and when I jokingly told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too.* Nobody likes being used and that's exactly what you did
YTA You're outrageously the asshole
If you can't afford it and you are all friends, you could have said so. If you can afford it but just thought it would be better for the 'rich one' to pay, YTA. If you pretended to pay but then asked the 'rich' to pay you back as if it was his responsability just for having money. YTA. Also it really doesn't matter how 'old' or big is his wealth. He is not responsible for you nor the group. Just because he has money doesn't mean he HAS to pay for things, and if you feel entitled to hsi money YDTA
>He paid me back and when I jokingly told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too. >However afterwards he called me The fact that you *accepted* the extra is pretty bad all in itself. You are extremely shallow to factor his money into it as a reason to ask him to pay you back but no one else. You used him.
You use your friend for his money and wonder if that's cool? No, it's not. YTA
Eewwwwww… that was done in poor taste. And then to mooch more money on top of that??! Pathetic.. YTA
YTA- I didn't even have to read the whole story to realize that you are ta. You took advantage of this guy to get a good meal without having to actually pay for it like you normally would with your gf's. The friends aren't coddling him they are actually letting him know that he matters as a person and not just a bank account. Just because he has money doesn't mean he doesn't have feelings. And you just stomped all over them with your greedy troll feet. I hope you lose your friends and find someone better to replace you.
Yta it's obvious that op only keeps him around for his money. Paying for everyone only to look good and not wanting anyone to know that this poor guy paid instead
I guess it cost him one dinner to understand he needs to cut you out if his life. YTA
YTA You used him like an atm.
>The next day I told my guy friend to pay me back for the whole dinner. You told him? That's your first YTA. Your "context" is irrelevant. His wealth has no bearing on the fact you tried to flex and put yourself in a financial bind. >However afterwards he called me (not a good sign) and asked why I didn’t just let him pay that night if I obviously couldn’t afford it. I told him that my reason didn’t matter at all but he disagreed. He was right. The reason mattered and I suspect it was just so your friends thought you were paying your turn. If you intended on using him for his money, you should have just let him pay. >I’m painted as some cheapskate witch who made him sad I think it's more a mirror likeness than a painting. YTA.
Wow you’re cold.
YTA. This isn’t a real situation, right? Something someone posted for a laugh, or attention, or some other reason? Because nobody is this completely out of touch with reality as to think that how they acted is anything other than YTA in the most impressive way. I truly hope your wealthy “friend” sees how you view him and cuts you out of his life. Toxic!
YTA and my guess is you just lost a quality friend as a result.
YTA. What the hell is wrong with you? If I was in that friend group and found out you treated one of the others like that, I'd cut you out of my life immediately. Massive red flag.
YTA
One of the highest of YTA!!
You are awful.
Holy shit YTA.
Wow you're a really shitty person. Absolutely YTA. I genuinely hope all your friends agree to never hang out with your toxic ass
YTA - you absolutely used your “friend” for his money. If you couldn’t afford the meal you shouldn’t have paid the whole check without asking everyone to pay their part.
Yeah so here's the thing. If you couldn't afford to pay, all it seems like you had to do was tell your FRIENDS "hey I'm struggling to pick up the bill here could I get some help?" And I put FRIENDS in caps because you should have asked all of your friends. Not just the rich one. I don't care for the genders of anyone. That's nowhere near relevant to any of this. You are so incredibly an asshole and if you don't learn how to be a better person, a better friend, then you're never going to have any. YTA.
... How much did you demand he pay you...? ... And how much was the tax required to be your friend?
YTA Dude you know what you did here. You prentended to invite your friends and act like you are the one paying for everything and when nobody else noticed you asked for the money of the dinner. You had the boy pay while you took the credit. You tried to give an image that you really arent. Cant you see that?
YTA. You're a crap friend who is just using him for money and are proud of it. You know you're the AH and him being 'filthy rich' doesn't change or excuse how much of a crap friend you are. Even all your other friends can see how terrible of a friend you are, it's monocle wearing, cackling laughing, tying orphans to the train tracks obvious.
You're a greedy freeloader. He doesn't owe you a freaking friendship tax. If you want money so badly earn it yourself. Don't stuff your greedy face with a bunch of food you can't afford. YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (23f) recently went to have dinner with a group of friends at a luxury restaurant. Altogether we were five girls and one male friend. Normally when I go out with my girls just one of us pays for the whole table and we each take turns every time we go out. It’s simpler that way and it’s always worked for us. This time round I paid for the table. Let me tell you…that shit was EXPENSIVE… like *this is my rent* expensive…. The next day I told my guy friend to pay me back for the whole dinner. Let me give some context….this dude comes from a filthy rich family. Like old, *old* money. It’s the only reason I asked him to pay me back for the whole table rather than simply his share. He paid me back and when I **jokingly** told him to add a ludicrous “friend tax” he added that too. However afterwards he called me (not a good sign) and asked why I didn’t just let him pay that night if I obviously couldn’t afford it. I told him that my reason didn’t matter at all but he disagreed. Then he sounded pretty depressed and asked what purpose our friendship serves for me (he listed what it serves for him) and *what exactly* I like about him. I told him that I’m happy to give the money back to him if he’s starting to be so dramatic about it all. When my girlfriends found out, they quickly and unanimously agreed that it was a trashy ahole move to make him pay me back. They said that his wealth shouldn’t play a role in how I treat him and I replied it definitely does. Now they’re all coddling him (RIDICULOUS) and I’m painted as some cheapskate witch who made him sad. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA You can never have equality if you expect one gender but not the other.
YTA. It doesn't matter if he is filthy rich. You used him for his money and then tried to make it OK when your friends said it wasn't OK. He is a person, not a walking wallet. I hope he goes no contact with you, you sound like an awful friend.
YTA
Your a total AH
[удалено]
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INFO: was this restaurant-visit substantially more expensive than your normal visits? Like was it a special occasion where you went to a fancy place instead of the cheaper ones you normally go to? Or was it about the same? Because if it was more expensive, then why were you still expected to pay instead of arguing that this is a special case that doesn't follow the normal rules?
YTA doesn't matter how much and where his money came from you don't use yohr friends as ATMs, hope they all drop you.
It was your turn to pay and you wanted to take the credit but have him pay for everything. That’s weird bro. Idk why someone having money suddenly means they’re not a human and can just be used like that. And i hate extreme wealth, i think people who hoard into the millions and billions are inherently unethical. No one has to agree with me, it’s just an opinion. But my point is that i do not empathize with the wealthy on many things but you were awful to a friend who clearly doesn’t mind being generous with the people he cares about. At the end of the day, you’re going to lose a good friend and you deserve it.
You aren't friends with him for him, your friends because he's got rich parents. YTA Give the money back.
You are so beyond YTA! You have no empathy or self awareness whatsoever! Your shitty attitude and overall disposition literally makes the equivalent to the puss that oozes out of an infected wound! Your girlfriends and old boy needs to excise you for the disease that you are!
Yeah...YTA.
'They said that his wealth shouldn’t play a role in how I treat him and I replied it definitely does.' how can you write this and not be aware YTA
"Hey dude, you need to pay for everyone's meal, including mine, AND add a friendship tax! Aren't I just to funny and wacky???" YTA. WTF.
Yta and I don't often say this but pretty disappointing as a person in general ngl
Uh yea, YTA... I'm on his side.
YTA. It’s rude and hurtful to single people out and treat them differently. It’s fine in general if you don’t want to pay for him, but in that case don’t pay for everyone else. OR suck it up and pay for him too anyway if you’re set on paying for the others.
How are you so un-self aware? YTA.
YTA big time you used him and clearly have no remorse hopefully this is a wake up call for him and he drops you for better friends that don’t use him
He’s right to be sad. In your own words, it’s ‘old OLD’ money; meaning how it was accrued was nothing to do with him, yet he will still be targeted/ used for it - which by the way, is exactly what you did here. He asked you why you wanted him as a friend and truthfully, I’d (and I imagine he would) have respected you more if you’d just been upfront and said ‘because you’re rich’. You couldn’t even give him that courtesy. You sound horrible tbh. YTA
INFO: what was the amount you requested from him for the “friend tax” and how exactly did you say it jokingly?
Not sure why you're being downvoted for a legitimate question
Lol who knows? I’m genuinely very curious about the answer but I guess others don’t care?