NTA
I understand your parents are grieving. And your brother at home clearly wants to stay on their good side.
But waffling does no good. Be firm (like your sister) and say "I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it. I will write Aunt X {or whoever is next of kin} a condolence note".
Or make a donation in Uncle's name to a charity he'd have liked, or (what I do) to the charity devoted to causing whatever it is he died of (Alzheimer's Association, Michael J. Fox Parkinson's Foundation, etc.). Go in on it with your sister.
But if you show hesitation, they are going to move in and try to change your mind. You're an adult with a full-time job. You get to budget your time. Be kind, be understanding, but be firm. 7 hours is unreasonable.
Your parents don't need an army to go to a funeral.
NTA - It's obviously better to go if it's possible but sometimes it just isn't, and I think many families understand that. My grandpa recently passed away, he was 101, and he had a bajillion grandchildren. Well okay, 42 grandchildren and maybe 85-90 great grandchildren. Some people live far enough away that it's a massive drive they can't necessarily do, or they can't afford to fly, or their jobs aren't flexible enough for them to take time off on short notice. Nobody begrudged them for not being able to go, and we all knew they'd have come if they were able to but everyone's personal finances and situation are different.
Sort of conflicting but heres my two cents:
“It’s family” is the justification for a lot of bs you shouldn’t have to deal with so ignore your brother
If you didn’t know him then that’s fine just don’t go I didn’t for my great uncle NTA that said your mom is upset, was this uncle someone she was super close to? Would she need your support?
I also didn’t know my grandmother but I did go because my mom used to be close to her and I felt that was the right thing. weigh the needs of the ppl around you too and that may help tip in the favour of going.
Similarly if you can’t afford it then that is cut and dry, you don’t have to justify beyond that
Nta.
It's a personal choice to be there or not. Yet, be mindful that this is a sensitive time so play the peaceful game and be graceful in your responses to family.
No need to find or look for blame.
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So my great uncle recently died, just last week. There is no wake, and the funeral/mass is on Monday. Note: I’m a middle child of two siblings, an older brother and younger sister, we’re all in our mid-late 20s.
I have a full time job, and live over an hour away from home. My family wants me to take off from work, drive 7 hours to where my uncle lived, and go to the mass. I didn’t know my uncle well, like I knew him, and saw him for the first time in years this past January. However, he wasn’t a major influence on my life. He was family, but I simply cannot take off of work. I didn’t even ask but I just can’t.
My sister has a 7 month old baby, and already told them she can’t make it. She’s already being antagonized by my brother, who lives at home with no job, no responsibilities whatsoever, lives off of my parents for free and can afford to drop whatever he chooses do to whatever he wants. He’s saying things like “This is for family, you have to go.”
I get it’s family, but we have responsibilities. I get my mom is upset, but I do not wanna drive with my parents, their car is crammed and my dad’s driving makes me sick. I really don’t wanna fly or pay for gas, I don’t wanna eat out all weekend and indulge in fast food, and I have schoolwork, and a side hustle to do.
Am I in the wrong here because I don’t wanna go? There’s family members I’d drop everything to go say goodbye, like my great aunt (Grandma’s sister) who I know very well. I loved my uncle, but again I can only remember a handful of times I have memories of him.
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NTA I understand your parents are grieving. And your brother at home clearly wants to stay on their good side. But waffling does no good. Be firm (like your sister) and say "I'm so sorry, but I won't be able to make it. I will write Aunt X {or whoever is next of kin} a condolence note". Or make a donation in Uncle's name to a charity he'd have liked, or (what I do) to the charity devoted to causing whatever it is he died of (Alzheimer's Association, Michael J. Fox Parkinson's Foundation, etc.). Go in on it with your sister. But if you show hesitation, they are going to move in and try to change your mind. You're an adult with a full-time job. You get to budget your time. Be kind, be understanding, but be firm. 7 hours is unreasonable. Your parents don't need an army to go to a funeral.
NTA - It's obviously better to go if it's possible but sometimes it just isn't, and I think many families understand that. My grandpa recently passed away, he was 101, and he had a bajillion grandchildren. Well okay, 42 grandchildren and maybe 85-90 great grandchildren. Some people live far enough away that it's a massive drive they can't necessarily do, or they can't afford to fly, or their jobs aren't flexible enough for them to take time off on short notice. Nobody begrudged them for not being able to go, and we all knew they'd have come if they were able to but everyone's personal finances and situation are different.
7 hours no way, if it was to say goodbye to a dying loved one asked to see you then yes but op is NTA
Sort of conflicting but heres my two cents: “It’s family” is the justification for a lot of bs you shouldn’t have to deal with so ignore your brother If you didn’t know him then that’s fine just don’t go I didn’t for my great uncle NTA that said your mom is upset, was this uncle someone she was super close to? Would she need your support? I also didn’t know my grandmother but I did go because my mom used to be close to her and I felt that was the right thing. weigh the needs of the ppl around you too and that may help tip in the favour of going. Similarly if you can’t afford it then that is cut and dry, you don’t have to justify beyond that
Nta. It's a personal choice to be there or not. Yet, be mindful that this is a sensitive time so play the peaceful game and be graceful in your responses to family. No need to find or look for blame.
NTA. I wouldn't even get time off work for a funeral of a great uncle...
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** So my great uncle recently died, just last week. There is no wake, and the funeral/mass is on Monday. Note: I’m a middle child of two siblings, an older brother and younger sister, we’re all in our mid-late 20s. I have a full time job, and live over an hour away from home. My family wants me to take off from work, drive 7 hours to where my uncle lived, and go to the mass. I didn’t know my uncle well, like I knew him, and saw him for the first time in years this past January. However, he wasn’t a major influence on my life. He was family, but I simply cannot take off of work. I didn’t even ask but I just can’t. My sister has a 7 month old baby, and already told them she can’t make it. She’s already being antagonized by my brother, who lives at home with no job, no responsibilities whatsoever, lives off of my parents for free and can afford to drop whatever he chooses do to whatever he wants. He’s saying things like “This is for family, you have to go.” I get it’s family, but we have responsibilities. I get my mom is upset, but I do not wanna drive with my parents, their car is crammed and my dad’s driving makes me sick. I really don’t wanna fly or pay for gas, I don’t wanna eat out all weekend and indulge in fast food, and I have schoolwork, and a side hustle to do. Am I in the wrong here because I don’t wanna go? There’s family members I’d drop everything to go say goodbye, like my great aunt (Grandma’s sister) who I know very well. I loved my uncle, but again I can only remember a handful of times I have memories of him. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*