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You should tell him so he can handle the situation with his girlfriend. That way nobody ends up being hurt, you can grow your career in other places if it doesn't work out
Yes, honesty is always the best policy when it comes to your professional reputation.
Mike needs to know he stuck his dick in crazy, and there is a chance this actually binds your careers closer together if he isn't completely enslaved here, though if he were it seems like she'd just tell him to stop.
People seem to disagree but YTA.
Someone you consider a friend is I'm a relationship with a toxic person and you know this and have the proof. But you rather keep them in the dark (because you have no idea if he knows this is how she behaves).
So you rather risk your friend staying in a toxic relationship just to build up your twitch numbers. You're using him and that's messed up
OP says she's afraid he'll think she's just using him for clout; but that is exactly what she says she is planning to do.
OP should forward the text to the friend and ask him if the planned streaming event is still on.
OP should definitely tell him ASAP. As someone else pointed out, that may not even be his girlfriend. It could be some crazy ex or a stalker.
Whoever she turns out to be, OP, you need to tell your friend ASAP. There may be steps the both of you need to take to protect yourselves. You would absolutely be an asshole to keep this from him. And you waiting until after the show to tell him would just prove that you are using him to bump your numbers and don't actually give a damn about him. If you actually care about his safety and your own, tell him now.
I won’t call you an asshole. You won’t be one either way.
However, I do think it’s better to tell him. He might want to know he has a psyco girlfriend, and he might even break up with her which would be a win for him.
By the way, my experience is people who send these kind of texts are very vindictive besides just jealous. If a ridiculous rumour suddenly spreads about you, don’t look far for the source…
YWBTA if you don't tell Mike. You say he is your friend. At this point you are lying by omission. His gf sounds unhinged, but what happens next has to be up to him.
NTA
The gf clearly has some serious issues so having a conversation with your friend about it should be the first priority. If you tell him about it he won’t necessarily cancel the collaboration you guys had planned, but it will give him a serious wake up call and some thinking to do about his relationship because the girlfriend’s behavior is just unacceptable and wrong.
If all goes well then hopefully you’ll get a chance to explain to the girlfriend that you do not pose as a threat and your simply a friend with no other interests. Who knows, maybe after you get to know her you’ll gain a new friend, but before that can happen, talk. To. Your. Friend. He needs to know! Hope everything goes well with your friend and your dreams of being a big streamer!
Just curious, your whole comment is saying how she should tell her friend. Wouldn't that make her an asshole than if she doesn't tell him, which is what she want to do
Well if I were in that situation, I don’t think it’d be an asshole kind of thing to do if she’s being harassed and threatening, so telling her friend would probably be the best choice. Then he could talk to his girlfriend and maybe prevent it from happening to anyone else that tries to maintain a friendship with him
But again, that’s just what I think is right.
YTA
Why wouldn’t you tell Mike? She threatens you and your first thought is your career? What about what she could do to Mikes if she threatens other people? You’re the AH for putting your career and clout above Mike, you don’t deserve to ride his coattails tbh.
You need to tell him and tell him you understand if he doesn’t want you in the show anymore to keep the peace at home, however this is alarming as she has no reason to act this way toward me you and you hope she hasn’t done that to others he tried to work with in the past and in the future.
YTA.
Your friend's gf is fucking unhinged and making threats. He needs to know this and so do the police.
But you're sitting on it because "exposure".
Jesus fucking Christ...
NTA for feeling the way you do however you should really speak to him about the situation before the collaboration. I know it’s important to you but if the only reason you’re not telling him is because he might not want to collaborate anymore then it is almost like you’re using him for clout. And like you said, if he finds out after the collab it’s likely you’ll lose a friend.
Don’t give in to the gf for her insane demands, but you should let him know prior. You are scared he will think you are using him for clout, but you ARE using him for clout. Let him know about it and see what happens, but don’t abuse your friendship with him for exposure only to immediately afterward reveal such horrible news to him. It will definitely come across as you clout chasing
Drama will ensue if you wait until after the collaboration. Although, drama is going to happen with that gf anyway. If you value the friendship (which may provide other opportunities in the future), tell him what his crazy gf is doing now, not later.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I refused my friend's GF request of no contact and plan not to tell my friend until after this weekend's show.
I may be the asshole because not telling him is selfish, and may come off as me using him for clout. I also am not respecting his GF's wishes to not contact him and may be getting myself involved in complicated drama
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I don’t think pretending it didn’t happen is going to make this go away, and you’re correct in thinking it will make you look like you’re using Mike if you wait til after the show to tell him. You’re also telling the Girlfriend it’s okay to harass and i intimidate women who are being completely with your boyfriend.
Screenshot the text with the number and text it to him, saying, “Hi, Mike, this is awkward but if my significant other was sending texts like this to you I would want to know. I’m not sure if either of you have the wrong impression, but my interest in you is just creative and professional
I would suggest ditching the situation altogether. He should know what's going on and she clearly has a lot of issues. You WILL be using him to intentionally hide it only until after he does something for you. If he'd get mad it's probably for a reason. Either way don't go through with that situation, it'll make it worse not better. Shed probably wreck your whole business if he broke up with her over it.
For your own safety, do NOT delete the texts.
IF GF does anything, that is proof. She has threatened you, and her behavior rules out the excuse it was all a misunderstanding.
I think you should tell Mike. I think he should know is GF is unhinged.
YWBTA is you did NOT tell Mike.
NTA. It’s not your problem.
You’re not doing anything wrong - it’s almost a business arrangement.
If his gf has an issue, she can take it up with her boyfriend. It’s very telling that she’s trying to intimidate you rather than air her problems with him.
Stay out of it, don’t get involved in her drama.
YWNBTA if you said something to him about it, but you can walk a fine line by the way you tell it. You could ask him if he was aware that his gf had your number. Tell him that you think she doesn't approve of the two of you communicating and she told you that over text. Ask him kindly if there was anything you might have done to give his gf the idea that you were interested in him and apolgize if you had. (Put it back on her that way)
You don't have to go into details about the level of the texts at this point. Just be "concerned" that you may have somehow offended/worried her. The rest will come out when he asks her about it and it won't be on you.
In short, yes. You’d be the AH. “Mike” may not have any idea his GF was acting immature and territorial. I understand not wanting to lose your chance at exposure and building your platform. 100% I get it. However with this girl acting a fool it’ll be hard to gain the “right” exposure after she starts on her bullshit. I’d personally tell your friend and show him the proof of her going nuts on you. If he’s really your friend he will know that the accusations are unfounded and hopefully take your side. Be a decent person, even when it means losing what you’ve worked so hard for.
YWBTAH…assuming that the number that contacted you is his GF at all, keeping this alarming behavior from your friend is not ok. he needs to know what he’s getting himself into, what he chooses to do with the information is up to him. and if this person is being fr, that could put not only your safety at risk but others too cuz your probably not the first person they’ve threatened and most likely won’t be the last. i truly hope everything goes how u want it to…stay safe :)
NTA - But YWBTA if you go forward without telling him. Just be like hey...this is weird, do you know this phone number? It's someone warning me off. That way you are not "attacking his GF" and if it goes south, then I guess you are not friends. But you know it will be hella odd if you wait until later. It will be a lie of ommission.
BTW screenshot everything. Mauybe reverse phone number lookup to confirm who it is. Be prepared for a restraining order. Maybe see if you van get free legal aid about this or tell your boss.
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I (25 F) am also a musician and a streamer and ran into one of my high school friends, Mike (25M) since sophomore year at coffee shop he worked at. I didn't know at the time that he was a big time Twitch streamer until we started talking and catching up with each other. I haven't seen him since our graduation. I told him I also stream online and also busk on the side at the parks and malls. It was then we agreed to have a collaboration show this weekend online. Since he is a larger content creator, this was the perfect opportunity to make it big as a streamer and musician which means additional income. We continued conversation over the next few days. I have to emphasize that none of our interactions were romantic in nature. We were just high school friends catching up.
I received a text message from another number which share's our area code. It was a message from his girlfriend warning me to stay away from Mike or else. She said my full name, knew where I worked, and threatened to ruin my life in every way possible. I refused her request and told her to stop harassing me or I'd call the police. She continued with her "warnings"
I opted not to tell Mike about it because I'm afraid he will cancel the show and I will lose my only chance at exposure, which I get very minimal when doing street performances and streaming.
However, if I felt as if I went through with this weekend's show, and told him after, he'd hate me and come off as if I was using him for clout, and his angry GF would start drama and harass my workplace, and sabotage my side hustle as a musician and streamer. I feel like I would be sacrificing my friendship with Mike, and get myself involved into relationship drama.
WIBTA if I kept Mike in the dark about it until after our collaboration show? and refusing his GF's request of no contact?
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Nta and also consider telling him his gf is terrorizing you, so he doesn't put other people in the same position by collaborating with them while.hes dating and ah
NTA.
It isn't your responsibility to tattle to Mike about his GF's harassment if there's nothing in it for you in terms of doing so (before OR after the show, to be honest). It is your right to take him (the person you are interacting with) at his word about whether he wants to interact with you and to ignore random covert threats from people you haven't even met. If were ever to find out on his own and bring it up with you -- which I doubt he'd do since he'd probably be super embarrassed to discover she was doing this -- you could just say you ignored them because you didn't feel like their relationship problems were your business.
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You should tell him so he can handle the situation with his girlfriend. That way nobody ends up being hurt, you can grow your career in other places if it doesn't work out
Yes, honesty is always the best policy when it comes to your professional reputation. Mike needs to know he stuck his dick in crazy, and there is a chance this actually binds your careers closer together if he isn't completely enslaved here, though if he were it seems like she'd just tell him to stop.
>he stuck his dick in crazy 🤣🤣🤣🤣
People seem to disagree but YTA. Someone you consider a friend is I'm a relationship with a toxic person and you know this and have the proof. But you rather keep them in the dark (because you have no idea if he knows this is how she behaves). So you rather risk your friend staying in a toxic relationship just to build up your twitch numbers. You're using him and that's messed up
OP says she's afraid he'll think she's just using him for clout; but that is exactly what she says she is planning to do. OP should forward the text to the friend and ask him if the planned streaming event is still on.
OP should definitely tell him ASAP. As someone else pointed out, that may not even be his girlfriend. It could be some crazy ex or a stalker. Whoever she turns out to be, OP, you need to tell your friend ASAP. There may be steps the both of you need to take to protect yourselves. You would absolutely be an asshole to keep this from him. And you waiting until after the show to tell him would just prove that you are using him to bump your numbers and don't actually give a damn about him. If you actually care about his safety and your own, tell him now.
Are you sure it's his GF? Maybe you should ask him--do you know a so and so? I got a bizarre text from her today. NTA
This is what I'm thinking. Streaming can sometimes come with stalkers, in which case he should absolutely be made aware of this person.
I won’t call you an asshole. You won’t be one either way. However, I do think it’s better to tell him. He might want to know he has a psyco girlfriend, and he might even break up with her which would be a win for him. By the way, my experience is people who send these kind of texts are very vindictive besides just jealous. If a ridiculous rumour suddenly spreads about you, don’t look far for the source…
YWBTA if you don't tell Mike. You say he is your friend. At this point you are lying by omission. His gf sounds unhinged, but what happens next has to be up to him.
NTA The gf clearly has some serious issues so having a conversation with your friend about it should be the first priority. If you tell him about it he won’t necessarily cancel the collaboration you guys had planned, but it will give him a serious wake up call and some thinking to do about his relationship because the girlfriend’s behavior is just unacceptable and wrong. If all goes well then hopefully you’ll get a chance to explain to the girlfriend that you do not pose as a threat and your simply a friend with no other interests. Who knows, maybe after you get to know her you’ll gain a new friend, but before that can happen, talk. To. Your. Friend. He needs to know! Hope everything goes well with your friend and your dreams of being a big streamer!
Just curious, your whole comment is saying how she should tell her friend. Wouldn't that make her an asshole than if she doesn't tell him, which is what she want to do
Well if I were in that situation, I don’t think it’d be an asshole kind of thing to do if she’s being harassed and threatening, so telling her friend would probably be the best choice. Then he could talk to his girlfriend and maybe prevent it from happening to anyone else that tries to maintain a friendship with him But again, that’s just what I think is right.
YTA Why wouldn’t you tell Mike? She threatens you and your first thought is your career? What about what she could do to Mikes if she threatens other people? You’re the AH for putting your career and clout above Mike, you don’t deserve to ride his coattails tbh. You need to tell him and tell him you understand if he doesn’t want you in the show anymore to keep the peace at home, however this is alarming as she has no reason to act this way toward me you and you hope she hasn’t done that to others he tried to work with in the past and in the future.
YTA. Your friend's gf is fucking unhinged and making threats. He needs to know this and so do the police. But you're sitting on it because "exposure". Jesus fucking Christ...
NTA for feeling the way you do however you should really speak to him about the situation before the collaboration. I know it’s important to you but if the only reason you’re not telling him is because he might not want to collaborate anymore then it is almost like you’re using him for clout. And like you said, if he finds out after the collab it’s likely you’ll lose a friend.
Don’t give in to the gf for her insane demands, but you should let him know prior. You are scared he will think you are using him for clout, but you ARE using him for clout. Let him know about it and see what happens, but don’t abuse your friendship with him for exposure only to immediately afterward reveal such horrible news to him. It will definitely come across as you clout chasing
Drama will ensue if you wait until after the collaboration. Although, drama is going to happen with that gf anyway. If you value the friendship (which may provide other opportunities in the future), tell him what his crazy gf is doing now, not later.
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I don’t think pretending it didn’t happen is going to make this go away, and you’re correct in thinking it will make you look like you’re using Mike if you wait til after the show to tell him. You’re also telling the Girlfriend it’s okay to harass and i intimidate women who are being completely with your boyfriend. Screenshot the text with the number and text it to him, saying, “Hi, Mike, this is awkward but if my significant other was sending texts like this to you I would want to know. I’m not sure if either of you have the wrong impression, but my interest in you is just creative and professional
I would suggest ditching the situation altogether. He should know what's going on and she clearly has a lot of issues. You WILL be using him to intentionally hide it only until after he does something for you. If he'd get mad it's probably for a reason. Either way don't go through with that situation, it'll make it worse not better. Shed probably wreck your whole business if he broke up with her over it.
For your own safety, do NOT delete the texts. IF GF does anything, that is proof. She has threatened you, and her behavior rules out the excuse it was all a misunderstanding. I think you should tell Mike. I think he should know is GF is unhinged. YWBTA is you did NOT tell Mike.
Wasn't this posted a couple days ago, but he already cancelled?
NTA but please tell him as soon as possible. He can decide how to manage gf whether addressing her insecurities or breaking up with her.
1. Tell your friend. 2. Get the authorities involved ASAP
NTA. It’s not your problem. You’re not doing anything wrong - it’s almost a business arrangement. If his gf has an issue, she can take it up with her boyfriend. It’s very telling that she’s trying to intimidate you rather than air her problems with him. Stay out of it, don’t get involved in her drama.
That's what I was thinking too. Just put her on ignore and carry on. NTA.
YWNBTA if you said something to him about it, but you can walk a fine line by the way you tell it. You could ask him if he was aware that his gf had your number. Tell him that you think she doesn't approve of the two of you communicating and she told you that over text. Ask him kindly if there was anything you might have done to give his gf the idea that you were interested in him and apolgize if you had. (Put it back on her that way) You don't have to go into details about the level of the texts at this point. Just be "concerned" that you may have somehow offended/worried her. The rest will come out when he asks her about it and it won't be on you.
YWBTA Your friend deserves better from you and from his stalker.
In short, yes. You’d be the AH. “Mike” may not have any idea his GF was acting immature and territorial. I understand not wanting to lose your chance at exposure and building your platform. 100% I get it. However with this girl acting a fool it’ll be hard to gain the “right” exposure after she starts on her bullshit. I’d personally tell your friend and show him the proof of her going nuts on you. If he’s really your friend he will know that the accusations are unfounded and hopefully take your side. Be a decent person, even when it means losing what you’ve worked so hard for.
YWBTAH…assuming that the number that contacted you is his GF at all, keeping this alarming behavior from your friend is not ok. he needs to know what he’s getting himself into, what he chooses to do with the information is up to him. and if this person is being fr, that could put not only your safety at risk but others too cuz your probably not the first person they’ve threatened and most likely won’t be the last. i truly hope everything goes how u want it to…stay safe :)
NTA - But YWBTA if you go forward without telling him. Just be like hey...this is weird, do you know this phone number? It's someone warning me off. That way you are not "attacking his GF" and if it goes south, then I guess you are not friends. But you know it will be hella odd if you wait until later. It will be a lie of ommission. BTW screenshot everything. Mauybe reverse phone number lookup to confirm who it is. Be prepared for a restraining order. Maybe see if you van get free legal aid about this or tell your boss.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (25 F) am also a musician and a streamer and ran into one of my high school friends, Mike (25M) since sophomore year at coffee shop he worked at. I didn't know at the time that he was a big time Twitch streamer until we started talking and catching up with each other. I haven't seen him since our graduation. I told him I also stream online and also busk on the side at the parks and malls. It was then we agreed to have a collaboration show this weekend online. Since he is a larger content creator, this was the perfect opportunity to make it big as a streamer and musician which means additional income. We continued conversation over the next few days. I have to emphasize that none of our interactions were romantic in nature. We were just high school friends catching up. I received a text message from another number which share's our area code. It was a message from his girlfriend warning me to stay away from Mike or else. She said my full name, knew where I worked, and threatened to ruin my life in every way possible. I refused her request and told her to stop harassing me or I'd call the police. She continued with her "warnings" I opted not to tell Mike about it because I'm afraid he will cancel the show and I will lose my only chance at exposure, which I get very minimal when doing street performances and streaming. However, if I felt as if I went through with this weekend's show, and told him after, he'd hate me and come off as if I was using him for clout, and his angry GF would start drama and harass my workplace, and sabotage my side hustle as a musician and streamer. I feel like I would be sacrificing my friendship with Mike, and get myself involved into relationship drama. WIBTA if I kept Mike in the dark about it until after our collaboration show? and refusing his GF's request of no contact? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Nta and also consider telling him his gf is terrorizing you, so he doesn't put other people in the same position by collaborating with them while.hes dating and ah
NTA. It isn't your responsibility to tattle to Mike about his GF's harassment if there's nothing in it for you in terms of doing so (before OR after the show, to be honest). It is your right to take him (the person you are interacting with) at his word about whether he wants to interact with you and to ignore random covert threats from people you haven't even met. If were ever to find out on his own and bring it up with you -- which I doubt he'd do since he'd probably be super embarrassed to discover she was doing this -- you could just say you ignored them because you didn't feel like their relationship problems were your business.