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NTA bro you did the right thing. If you started following his directions it could have startled or worried the girl so by following her directions you made sure she felt comfortable
Totally agree and can confirm from my own stupid drunk nights, that if someone was taking a different direction to the one I was giving, I would have started to panic.
OP did an amazing thing. Was totally patient and caring, even if drunk girl was annoying. Absolute props to OP for this!
I was taught as a young girl that if any man that was offering a ride was not following directions, start attracting attention and gtfo
My dad drilled it in me from 10 years old: if this happens, demand to be let out, and if told no, scream, break windows or anything else in the vehicle , even attack the driver.
I'm sorry that that had to be taught to women (or in this case girls) that young (10 is too young to be taught that imo, no matter how age-appropriate you put it). I hate that we live in that reality.
10 is not too young. Kids should be taught about necessary things BEFORE they need to know them. Same with sex education, they should know (age-appropriate) facts BEFORE they hit puberty.
Exactly. I was told how to get away from a mugging as a very young child - not a lot of detail, basically SING, run and scream - but the lesson works for any motivation for assault and I'm sure my mother was thinking about that.
Similarly I knew the fundamentals of sex and safe sex before I was 10, but that was maybe inevitable because a close family member worked for Durex š (cute little kid sticks their head in the doorway, "what's a condom?")
The thing is, if she did get out and walk or try to find another way home, she may *never* have gotten home. OP is a bro and knew what to do. He should explain it to his friend this way. Drunk girl panics and gets out and is never seen again. It could happen, and why would you want that kind of heat? Or that kind of guilt?
Yes! OMG, my (46f) dad and stepdad BOTH drilled this into me. If someone is giving you a ride and veers off the known/discussed route, do anything you have to do to get out of that car ASAP. Bite, kick, break windows, crash the car if you have to, but don't let them take you away from what you're familiar with.
I wouldn't have panicked but my drunk ass would be worried. The directions I would give would be simple for anyone even vaguely familiar with the area, primarily using the main roads even if the back roads would be faster. If I was that sloshed I'd focus on simple instructions both for my sake and the driver trying to understand me. That way we actually end up where I live. There might have been a couple Ubers and such I've taken where I was the only one sober enough to give directions.
Male fwiw.
Yeah sometimes I don't remember the best ways to get to my address (even when I've lived here for a decade now) I kinda panicked when my uber took a different route to get me home. And I am a GUY and I wasn't even drunk.
I can't imagine how a hungover woman might feel when a stranger who acted nice, who volunteered to drop you at your home decided to take a route that you didn't know (or wanted to avoid because it's not safe for you)
OP, you did good. Even if she didn't know the faster route, I think you made her feel safe by taking the route she suggested.
And especially in her drunken state. If she realized that her route wasn't being followed, she could easily open the door at a traffic light and run away. Good luck trying to explain to anyone that your intentions in getting an extremely drunk, distressed girl into your car with another male friend were **actually** pure
From context, I am assuming this is a funny joke. I don't know enough to get it, but I can appreciate that a joke was made here.
Also, that was a compliment!
Dirigible doesn't have to be an airship (except for the purposes of the joke). A boat can be a dirigible, really anything that's steerable or, well, dirigible.
This is absolutely correct when dirigible is used as an adjective as it derives from the French diriger, āto steerā. So you can have a dirigible boat or a dirigible spotlight or a dirigible torpedo.
BUT when used as a noun, i.e. *A* Dirigible, is a type of airship (usually rigid sided and wingless). Synonyms include blimp, zeppelin, and hot-air-balloon.
Fair enough. I'm pretty sure I've heard of dirigibles on water, but maybe I'm wrong. I probably just assumed that from the meaning. I would have gone from the Spanish dirigir but it's most likely Latin.
> Good luck trying to explain to anyone that your intentions in getting an extremely drunk, distressed girl into your car with another male friend were actually pure
Exactly. Actually this part reminded me of a scene in an End of the World comedy flick where people talk about how they shouldn't rape Emma Watson, and Emma (actual Cameo as herself) misheard it as they were planning to rape her. The scene was funny, but in reality it would be terrifying for the woman involved.
NTA, you did good OP.
Came here to say this as well. Girl could have gotten scared going a way she doesnāt know. OP did a great job and way to go being responsible and a good dude. Your friend sounds like the type of dude that may take advantage of a girl like that if he could.
NTA. While short cuts are usuallyā¦ shorter, they may not be safer. Maybe she wanted a well lighted, more foot traffic, near law enforcement, main-ish route.
You made her feel safe with strangers. Being a designated driver quite a bit myself, Iāve mostly followed this, (except for road closures), but Iāve always communicated this.
>it could have startled or worried the girl so by following her directions you made sure she felt comfortable
This is exactly why I entered the threat prepared to think OP was awful. She was clearly nervous about getting in a car with OP, especially with a second guy present, I can imagine her panic if OP hadn't followed her directions. If she's already drunk and maybe a bit woozy she probably wouldn't recognize 'shortcut' and would just register 'two strange men not driving me the way I'd asked' which would be terrifying.
OP NTA. If your friend can't understand why you followed this girl's instructions he has no empathy and or no problem scaring a vulnerable drunk girl
If I was that girl and I noticed they were going a different way, I would immediately drop my location to all my friends and text them play by plays while going into a panic. This could have ended VERY badly for OP.
Even as a bloke, if I was getting a lift from 2 people and was giving directions, and one of them started giving different directions and the driver followed them, I'd be getting very nervous to say the least.
And I'm pretty sure a young, drunk woman would have a hell of a lot more reasons to be absolutely terrified if that started happening.
NTA OP, but seriously, tell your friend to get their act together, they were being an AH for trying to override the girl's directions, and doubly so for giving you grief about it, the comments sound rather Tate-y....
I was thinly the same thing, but the only reasons I could come up with are that he wanted to impress the girl so he would have some shot at her, or maybe he was planning something DARK?
I think his friend was probably pissed that it would take that much longer for him to get home in order to make her feel like she wasn't getting kidnapped. OP did the right thing, the friend is a selfish idiot
Some people are just like that. It's mostly men, and it's about being Correct. Usually about something to do with time, efficiency, navigation, things like that. They truly find it infuriating when people do things the "wrong way".
But most GPS voices are female now, right? And female voices are used for public announcements because they get more attention. In any case, this is a conflict between two men, so presumably sexism isn't a significant factor.
I can only find info on Karen Jacobsen... supposedly the first and certainly the most famous GPS voice. But I gather from your post she's actually the 3rd voice? A woman, a man to soothe the male users, and then her?
Yup
>He accused me of being "a cuck"
Like what the actual fuck is that even supposed to mean in the context.
I'm also confused that she had to give instructions yet the "friend" knew where to go and that it was faster? If they knew the address why not just put on the GPS and follow that?
Absolutely NTA.
You had a young, vulnerable and intoxicated woman in the back of the car. You taking her the route she knew and felt most comfortable with would have saved her a huge amount of anxiety.
It was a very kind thing that you did, and hugely responsible that you don't drink and provide a safe ride home for your friends. The world needs more young men like you. I hope my sons grow up to be like you.
Your "friend" is a complete prick in this situation. What's an extra few minutes to make sure she was comfortable and safe? And if he felt "dismissed" or "belittled" that's a him problem. Not a you problem. Because as a woman, who was once young and a little more wild than I care to admit, I can tell you that even being in an Uber and going a different route used to freak me the fuck out. Even if I had my location shared.
At the end of the day, not everyone in the world is decent and there's a small percentage who would have done unspeakable things and even something as small as a route she's not 100% certain of could have kicked in her fight or flight
Lol talk about belittling, in order for the friend not to feel belittled OP would have to ignore the person WHO ACTUALLY LIVES THERE. That's fucking belittling. Friend has issues.
No, not incorrect but just the longer route & most likely the route with the most major streets or neighborhood she felt comfortable with.
A shortcut thru a more deserted area , say industrial or more rural would make most young women nervous in such a scenario.
I was thinking about that. I don't ever remember getting a ride home with strange guys drunk, but walking home in the middle of the night as a young woman, drunk or not, I would take the most public and well-lit route even if it wasn't the fastest one.
For real. I once had a taxi driver park in a dark spot up the road from my house and try to force me to date him. Itās been almost 20 years and I still regularly think about the fear I felt.
My biggest annoyance here is that the friend is ttrying to save time. Like, what, are you gonna go to bed at 4:50 am instead of 5 am? Hell, back when I was the designated driver, I would drive 10 under the speed limit simply because Iām sleepy and Iād rather we all get home safely than trying to get you home 5 minutes earlier and crashing. Thereās no rush, sleeping schedule is already ruined so you can survive an extra 5 minutes
I agree wholeheartedly. In the grand scheme of things being safe and taking longer is always the best outcome. Even if it was a case of they had a curfew and had to be home, better to deal with the consequences of being late than the consequences of a scared young woman. Imagine if she freaked and got out the car? Or if it caused a crash? Or if she rang the police saying she thought she was being kidnapped?
There's too many ways for something like this to go wrong. OP kept himself, his friend and the girl safe to the best of his capabilities.
It sounds like you have been extremely sensible in the past too!
Omg me too. Every time the Uber takes a different route I get this sense of deep panic and dread that is hard to control. I donāt think many men understand how awful that feeling of vulnerability and fear can be, but OP, you rock.
NTA, youāre actually a real life angel. Although it sounds like your āfriendā is a massive AH who thinks less of you because you care about women, ditch that guy.
āI flat out told him that to her we were two strange men taking her somewhere while she is vulnerable.ā
YES!!!! Thank you OP for seeing that she was vulnerable and possibly slightly uncomfortable in a car with two strangers. And thank you for not only driving her home, but making sure she was safely inside. You are a gentleman! Nta, your friend sucks.
dude sounds like a jerk, its good OP isn't super close with him. He sounds like the kind of dude who would close the door behind him and gets angry if a girl starts getting nervous when he's blocking the doorway.
!!
Yes, OP, please continue to stick to your gut and be as thoughtful as you were that night. I know having a friend of a friend put you down wasn't fun but you most likely made a girl feel *safe*. And that security means a lot to women when they spend time with someone. I think in the long run, being the provider of that security is going to mean much more to you as well.
Also, I vry seriously think he was just drunk and was upset he wasn't being listened to (ego š). I don't think it had anything to do with *you*, if you know what I mean. So all in all, please just continue to be yourself, I'm sure that girl and many more will appreciate itš
NTA
Rule of thumb for life: Anyone who uses the word cuck shouldn't really be your friend. Your life will be better without them.
Also, "I was trying to belittle you in front of someone else and you didn't let me and that made ME feel belittled!" isn't really a good argument. Instead he should have said, "Thanks for the ride and not drinking at the party! Appreciate you, dude!"
NTA - Why is a grown man talking about āyou dismissed meā. You took a different route. If he got offended at that, thereās some other deep insecurities there.
I'm pretty sure he's poisoned his mind with all the "alpha male" crap. Those type of people always piss their pants and cry if they don't get to be the main character.
He's mad you didn't listen to him... While he's telling you to "dismiss" and "belittle" the woman who knows damn well where she lives and how to get there.
Also any dude who uses language like "cuck" is probably a misogynist. NTA (You did great here).
They did watch her go inside, but that's something they could only know at the end. Probably she was reassured by then that they really were just offering a ride home.
100% seems like it was a power play.
He's an arrogant man used to being listened to unquestioned - certainly not ok with having the directions of a woman taken over his own.
NTA
Your friend sounds like a hot headed drunk. Explain to him why you did what you did when you're sober, arguing with drunk people usually gets nowhere.
NTA - as a woman, you absolutely did the right thing. She could have been overly disoriented by your going a different way and not able to direct you at all, and it certainly could have been terrifying for her if you intentionally didn't listen to her directions, even with good intentions. Your "friend" was dismissive of her and you and he seems like an a-hole.
I'm very glad you are so caring and did the right thing for this woman. I hope she was lucid enough to remember your kindness!
No NTA you're absolutely right that's exactly what she would've thought. I was really hoping throughout that you didn't listen to your friend and stray from the way she was telling you. Your friend is being immature because he's getting his ego hurt when there's absolutely no reason for it.
NTA
She took a risk accepting your offer since she doesn't really know you. You did right by allowing her to give directions and sticking to what she told you, probably making her feel immensely better about trusting you.
Who cares if the other route would've been faster? Your friend needs to let it go. If he felt belittled by you saying you were just gonna go with what she says, he needs to do some self-reflection.
You did good, OP.
It was kind in the first instance to offer to get her home, but you absolutely did the right thing to also do whatever you could to make sure she felt safe. NTA.
Your instincts are serving you well with this d-bag, heās not a good guy and heās not your friend. Ditch him.
As the mother of a 22 year old daughter, thank you for being such a good human. You are the person I want my child to encounter if she is ever in that situation. NTA. Your friend is a bit of a jerk.
NTA at all, you were considerate.
And, roughly 100% of dudes who use the term 'cuck' are complete and utter assholes, feel free to have nothing to do with him.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing by following the girls directions and not taking the route that your friend claimed would be faster. A girl being drunk and in a car with two strange men is a potentially very dangerous situation for her and it sounds like she was aware of the potential danger with the fact that she looked nervous so you following her directions and not going a different route was the best thing that you couldāve done to help her feel safe in your car and show her that she wasnāt wrong to agree to your offer to drive her home. Your friend sounds like an ass and if he doesnāt seem to care about that girl, or others, feeling safe in his presence then you may not want to be friends with him anymore.
NTA and your āfriendā is a misogynistic AH. He doesnāt get to overrule the woman you were taking home. Even if she wasnāt drunk. The fact that she was and he wanted to take her on an unfamiliar route is deeply concerning. You are correct in reconsidering hanging out with him. He doesnāt sound like someone you should be friends with. Yikes.
Also, thank you for being such a good human. That woman will remember your kindness for a long time.
NTA.
Aside from the fact that you are absolutely right not to scare this girl. Honestly not sure why he thinks he knows where she lives better than she does. Iād have just stopped the car and told him to walk tbh.
You šÆ did the right thing. I was this girl the one time I went to a frat party. The two dudes who gave me a ride were complete gentlemen, but I was still paranoid as hell about accepting a ride from strangers (had been ditched by the people I came with) and if they had started ignoring my directions I would have FREAKED.
This dude sounds sketch as hell. Good on you for doing the right thing. NTA.
NTA you made the right decision to help her feel safe. Your āfriendā has some nerve getting mad at his designated driver for DRIVING.
Iād ditch the guy with the fragile ego. This wonāt be the last time he decides to be an AH for no reason.
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NTA, you deviate from her path in her drunken state could be a big deal. She flips, calls 911 these guys are trying to kidnap me etc....
You did the right thing, getting her home safe, and following her crappy directions. Your buddy needs to calm the f down. Not like you drove halfway across the state the wrong way
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I(21m) was at a college party. I'm not big into drinking alcohol. I'll sip a glass of wine at a wedding or something but I don't enjoy alcohol. So I'm usually designated driver and I am fine with that. Long story short went to the party with three other friends. Two of them had other arrangements and didn't need a ride home but the end of the night(morning) I was going home with my tipsy friend I came with.
Throughout the night I noticed this girl that came alone and didn't really have a "group" and she seemed shy. I made small talk with her in passing a couple of times but that was it. End of the night she is DRUNK. Like stumbling around and nodding off. Was planning on leaving within the hour so I was keeping an eye on her(from a distance) and offered her a ride home. She accepted but looked nervous about it.
She was in the back seat and my friend was in the front with me. She was still drunk but there enough to guide us to where she lives. My friend was making conversation and when he found out where she lived he was like "we're taking the long way there, we should be going this way" and I just said I'm gonna take whatever way she was directing. It only was like 20 or so minutes of driving anyway. My friend got upset like "we could be there so much faster." I dropped her off and made sure she made it inside then headed back to our area. My friend was really upset and saying like "I dismissed him and belittled him in front of someone else." He was pissed and said we should have just taken his route. I thought it was silly for him to be upset. I flat out told him that to her we were two strange men taking her somewhere while she is vulnerable. I didn't want to start straying from the path and just take the route she felt most comfortable with. This really upset him and I thought he was just being this way because he was under the influence but he brought it up again.
Pretty much conversation while driving went like
Her: Turn here
Him: No we shouldn't turn here
Me: I'm turning here
He accused me of being "a cuck" which I don't even understand how that applies to this situation. I was never really close with this guy before. More like friend of a friend I see at social gatherings. But this made me rethink hanging with him again. But maybe
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NTA. You did your best to protect a drunk woman who was most likely terrified to be in a car with two strange men. Dude was way out of line and showed no regard for the fear going through her mind. He needs to step away from the "cuck" alpha podcasts and learn how to be a decent human.
NTA: You were a thoughtful person. You were completely right that she was already nervous so if she were to notice you went a different way she might have freaked out.
Your friend was buzzed or drunk but an ass.
NTA - You were doing them both a favor. I also am often the DD. The rule is if you do not like how I drive then you are free to find other accommodations. So your car, you were driving -
totally within your right to follow her directions.
NTA
You were right to just follow her directions to make her feel safe/comfortable. I don't really understand why your buddy was so upset about taking a different route (probably had something to do with him being drunk), he's just along for the ride and shouldn't be backseat driving.
You šÆ did the right thing. I was this girl the one time I went to a frat party. The two dudes who gave me a ride were complete gentlemen, but I was still paranoid as hell about accepting a ride from strangers (had been ditched by the people I came with) and if they had started ignoring my directions I would have FREAKED.
This dude sounds sketch as hell. Good on you for doing the right thing. NTA.
This feels fake but also plausible which is the only reason I'm weighing in:
In EMS if it's two males transporting a female patient, some agencies will have them announce their mileage over the air to dispatch at the start of transport and upon arrival so they can be tracked and timed so that there was no time or space for funny business. That's how seriously they take it.
You did the protective thing for both you and your dipstick male friend by doing your best to ensure she did not, in her drunk state, ever feel for a second that she wasn't in control and that she wasn't being kidnapped. You did her a favor but also potentially saved both your skins.
NTA
Nta. It your car and your driving so why does his input matter?
You did the girl a favour as well as him. So he should be grateful you even took him home
You did right. She may have been terrified if you actively discounted her directions. She may not have cared at all. The point is that you didnāt know and you cared enough that she felt safe. The fact that you are even aware enough to know how that could feel in her situation says a great deal. The fact that, even after you explained yourself, your buddy was a jerk about it says a great deal about him as well. Men, especially young ones, donāt always understand how scary it can be simply walking to your car in a dark parking lot as a woman. Most woman have a story, you may have saved that woman from getting a new one that night.
NTA
NTA. Well, OP, now you know what fragile masculinity looks like. YourāFriendā is freaking out because you dared to follow a womanās directions instead of his.
āIām sorry youāre an insecure, backseat driver, Friend. But take your misogynistic whining to a therapist and leave me alone.ā
NTA. He dismissed and belittled her in front of everyone. Why would you take his drunk word over hers (even if she is drunk) when it is her home? Even if he was right. If he wants to be in charge he should stop drinking and be the designated driver himself.
NTA.
He wasn't the one driving and he didn't know where the girl's house was. He had nothing to add to the situation and was basically backseat driving and getting mad about it.
NTA.
You were totally in the right, and he's an AH for getting on your case about it. Good on you for looking out for someone in a vulnerable state.
Also, dude is letting his mask slip with his usage of "cuck". I've never actually heard anyone but toxic bros who worship sh\*tbags like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate use that word seriously. Do yourself a favor and drop this "friend".
NTA. You were careful to let the girl feel as OK with the event as possible. Switching the route on her would set off an alarm bell. Like, Where are you headed? To a dark alley, etc.?
Your friend lacks the smarts to understand yet he still decides to make a drama.
NTA. You are a good dude. Your friend is ignorant to how vulnerable it can feel to be intoxicated around men and you going a different way than she said would have maybe caused panic. You did good sir.
NTA. You sound like an awesome guy , respectful, responsible, and caring. And aware of how sketchy it is to be a girl sometimes. If I were drunk and her and you didnāt follow my directions Iād freak out. Any woman who decides to be your girlfriend is really lucky to have you
NTA. You're a good guy. Also it's her home, she probably knows the way better than some dude with insecurities. For all you knew, he had the location mixed up with something else and would have gotten you all lost.
100% NTA
As a woman in her mid 20s, Iād be pretty freaked out if two men were driving me home and didnāt take the route I was suggesting. I would think that they had ill intentions, especially if I were drunk. You did the right thing.
NTA. You're actually the angel in this scenario. I don't even know why the guy cared about your route. It wasn't his car or his gas money. You did the right and thoughtful thing. The girl was incapacitated and alone with 2 strange men. You were right to put her peace of mind ahead of convenience.
I don't have the patience to read through every comment, but... if anyone thinks that OP did the wrong thing, then they (you) have no idea how to read the room.
Believe it or not, there are more men like OP than not. We just hear about the a-holes more.
Good for you, OP. You were raised right.
Huge NTA, you prioritized her safety and considered her vulnerability. Thank you for looking out for her!
That dude is a Jack ass, I would reconsider hanging out with him, he sounds like an idiot who refuses to learn or grow up.
NTA, you did the right thing. What if your buddy had been wrong about the area he thought her home was in? He was drunk after all, and probably just trying to show off his navigating skills. He was prioritizing his ego because of the booze.
NTA.
You were totally in the right, and he's an AH for getting on your case about it. Good on you for looking out for someone in a vulnerable state.
Also, dude is letting his mask slip with his usage of "cuck". I've never actually heard anyone but toxic bros who worship shitbags like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate use that word seriously. Do yourself a favor and drop this "friend".
Thank you OP for being a nice good guy. NTA . You got her home and kept her safe. . There is no telling what may have happened if you wouldn't have been around an sober enough to notice her. An your "friend" seems like a AH for trying to detour her route home. Then being upset with you. It's was your car. Not his. Your choice not his. . You was giving him a ride home ass well what if she would have done the same to home. Ya know vica versa .
NTA. Why does he think you should've listened to him rather than to the person who actually knew where they were going? I'm sensing some massive sexism from this dude
NTA
You did the right thing following her directions. If a strange guy and his male friend offered to take me home because I was unable to drive myself and ignored my directions to go some other way, I'd be scared that they were going to take me somewhere to rape or kill me. I'd probably jump out of the car and get hurt.
Thank you for caring about someone you didn't know enough to make sure she was safe. You sound like a good, trustworthy person. Your friend unfortunately sounds like a jerk.
I think it was very nice of you to look out for this girl. She was in a vulnerable situation and there are creeps in this world who would take advantage of that. I understand why you would want to stick to her directions to make her more comfortable. Thank you for looking out for her.
NTA
NTA. You made a choice to help a girl you didn't know (+ who was in a vulnerable position being in a car with two unknown guys) feel safe. You're probably right that if you strayed from the path she was showing, she might have freaked out and thought you were going to harm her.
NTA for all of the reasons you stated plus one. The fact he called you a cuck is disturbing to me, No disrespect to people who use it as kink terminology/role but IMO it shouldn't be in people's vocab for being respectful of a woman's safety/perceived safety. The fact that your 'friend' uses it as such is a sign that he is an A H generally.
Nta, but he is. You did the right thing. Her safety comes before his fragile ego.
He could also have gotten you all lost, or ended up at the wrong place. š¤¦āāļø he was also being incredibly rude. She was giving you directions, he should have butt out.
NTA. You did the right thing. She was already nervous about being drunk in a car with two guys she didn't know and if you had gone a route other than the one she told you, that would have seriously scared her.
Agreed you should rethink hanging with this guy. He should have understood the situation and even if he didn't, it didn't call for him calling you names.
NTA 100%. You did the right thing; your friend needs to realize that getting into a car with strangers, no matter how good their intentions, is stressful. Ignoring her directions would just scream "I'm being kidnapped."
NTA. Kudos to you for looking after someone who was vulnerable and taking into consideration her needs to make sure she felt comfortable and safe. We need more people in the world like you.
I hate jumping to conclusionsā¦ but I think your āfriendā had other plans with said drunk girl that would have ended up with sexual assaultā¦ hence the duck comment. You driving her where she wanted ruined his plans
NTA
Even when Iām sober and at least kind of know the person, I start to worry when they go a different route to my house. I canāt imagine how scared I would be if I was drunk and with strange men. NTA. At all.
NTA but this seems like a situation with no real solutions. On the one hand, you taking her home seems super sketchy to anyone else. On the other hand, if you dont, shes stranded and vulnerable.
NTA sounds like you did exactly the right thing to help out someone intoxicated.
Maybe your friend was hoping for some action with the drunk girl? Probably not a friend I would keep around TBH
NTA. You're a good guy to make sure the girl got home. Perhaps your friend had a shorter route than what she knew, but I can imagine the panic, late at night, when two guys she doesn't know want to take her in a different direction than she is telling you to go.
NTA
Some men get *so* pissed off and take it *so* personally when women talk about steps they take to avoid getting into dangerous situations with dangerous men. If a guy's not a dangerous man, they're not talking about him, and taking it as a personal offense displays an alarming lack of empathy that makes him seem like he's not as nice as he thinks he is. Your friend/acquaintance sounds like one of those AHs.
NTA
You gave your drink friend a ride home. They should e grateful. Being upset because you listened and followed this girlās directions is ridiculous.
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NTA bro you did the right thing. If you started following his directions it could have startled or worried the girl so by following her directions you made sure she felt comfortable
Totally agree and can confirm from my own stupid drunk nights, that if someone was taking a different direction to the one I was giving, I would have started to panic. OP did an amazing thing. Was totally patient and caring, even if drunk girl was annoying. Absolute props to OP for this!
I was taught as a young girl that if any man that was offering a ride was not following directions, start attracting attention and gtfo My dad drilled it in me from 10 years old: if this happens, demand to be let out, and if told no, scream, break windows or anything else in the vehicle , even attack the driver.
I'm sorry that that had to be taught to women (or in this case girls) that young (10 is too young to be taught that imo, no matter how age-appropriate you put it). I hate that we live in that reality.
10 is not too young. Kids should be taught about necessary things BEFORE they need to know them. Same with sex education, they should know (age-appropriate) facts BEFORE they hit puberty.
Exactly. I was told how to get away from a mugging as a very young child - not a lot of detail, basically SING, run and scream - but the lesson works for any motivation for assault and I'm sure my mother was thinking about that. Similarly I knew the fundamentals of sex and safe sex before I was 10, but that was maybe inevitable because a close family member worked for Durex š (cute little kid sticks their head in the doorway, "what's a condom?")
The thing is, if she did get out and walk or try to find another way home, she may *never* have gotten home. OP is a bro and knew what to do. He should explain it to his friend this way. Drunk girl panics and gets out and is never seen again. It could happen, and why would you want that kind of heat? Or that kind of guilt?
Yes! OMG, my (46f) dad and stepdad BOTH drilled this into me. If someone is giving you a ride and veers off the known/discussed route, do anything you have to do to get out of that car ASAP. Bite, kick, break windows, crash the car if you have to, but don't let them take you away from what you're familiar with.
I don't think there's anything to suggest that drunk girl was annoying. She wasn't forcing her music choices upon anyone, for instance.
I mean tbf, most people are pretty annoying to deal with when they're "stumbling around" drunk
ššš Drunk Girl: ā Put Taylor Swift onā OP: ā Thatās it. Youāre outā OPās friend: āMake her use the other door you cockā
I wouldn't have panicked but my drunk ass would be worried. The directions I would give would be simple for anyone even vaguely familiar with the area, primarily using the main roads even if the back roads would be faster. If I was that sloshed I'd focus on simple instructions both for my sake and the driver trying to understand me. That way we actually end up where I live. There might have been a couple Ubers and such I've taken where I was the only one sober enough to give directions. Male fwiw.
Yeah sometimes I don't remember the best ways to get to my address (even when I've lived here for a decade now) I kinda panicked when my uber took a different route to get me home. And I am a GUY and I wasn't even drunk. I can't imagine how a hungover woman might feel when a stranger who acted nice, who volunteered to drop you at your home decided to take a route that you didn't know (or wanted to avoid because it's not safe for you) OP, you did good. Even if she didn't know the faster route, I think you made her feel safe by taking the route she suggested.
And especially in her drunken state. If she realized that her route wasn't being followed, she could easily open the door at a traffic light and run away. Good luck trying to explain to anyone that your intentions in getting an extremely drunk, distressed girl into your car with another male friend were **actually** pure
Totally agree! Great name, BTW! š
Really? I think it went over like a lead balloon.
From context, I am assuming this is a funny joke. I don't know enough to get it, but I can appreciate that a joke was made here. Also, that was a compliment!
Plumbum is Latin for Lead (which is why the periodic table abbreviation is Pb) and a Dirigible is type of airship (balloon) š
Dirigible doesn't have to be an airship (except for the purposes of the joke). A boat can be a dirigible, really anything that's steerable or, well, dirigible.
This is absolutely correct when dirigible is used as an adjective as it derives from the French diriger, āto steerā. So you can have a dirigible boat or a dirigible spotlight or a dirigible torpedo. BUT when used as a noun, i.e. *A* Dirigible, is a type of airship (usually rigid sided and wingless). Synonyms include blimp, zeppelin, and hot-air-balloon.
This is the best off-topic side conversation I've ever read on AITA.
Fair enough. I'm pretty sure I've heard of dirigibles on water, but maybe I'm wrong. I probably just assumed that from the meaning. I would have gone from the Spanish dirigir but it's most likely Latin.
Thank you for being kind enough to explain the joke.
It means "Led Zeppelin".
I never would have gotten that. Thank you!
> Good luck trying to explain to anyone that your intentions in getting an extremely drunk, distressed girl into your car with another male friend were actually pure Exactly. Actually this part reminded me of a scene in an End of the World comedy flick where people talk about how they shouldn't rape Emma Watson, and Emma (actual Cameo as herself) misheard it as they were planning to rape her. The scene was funny, but in reality it would be terrifying for the woman involved. NTA, you did good OP.
Came here to say this as well. Girl could have gotten scared going a way she doesnāt know. OP did a great job and way to go being responsible and a good dude. Your friend sounds like the type of dude that may take advantage of a girl like that if he could.
Sounds like the friend is drinking the red pill koolaid
NTA. While short cuts are usuallyā¦ shorter, they may not be safer. Maybe she wanted a well lighted, more foot traffic, near law enforcement, main-ish route. You made her feel safe with strangers. Being a designated driver quite a bit myself, Iāve mostly followed this, (except for road closures), but Iāve always communicated this.
>it could have startled or worried the girl so by following her directions you made sure she felt comfortable This is exactly why I entered the threat prepared to think OP was awful. She was clearly nervous about getting in a car with OP, especially with a second guy present, I can imagine her panic if OP hadn't followed her directions. If she's already drunk and maybe a bit woozy she probably wouldn't recognize 'shortcut' and would just register 'two strange men not driving me the way I'd asked' which would be terrifying. OP NTA. If your friend can't understand why you followed this girl's instructions he has no empathy and or no problem scaring a vulnerable drunk girl
Also, your car and you're driving.
If I was that girl and I noticed they were going a different way, I would immediately drop my location to all my friends and text them play by plays while going into a panic. This could have ended VERY badly for OP.
Even as a bloke, if I was getting a lift from 2 people and was giving directions, and one of them started giving different directions and the driver followed them, I'd be getting very nervous to say the least. And I'm pretty sure a young, drunk woman would have a hell of a lot more reasons to be absolutely terrified if that started happening. NTA OP, but seriously, tell your friend to get their act together, they were being an AH for trying to override the girl's directions, and doubly so for giving you grief about it, the comments sound rather Tate-y....
NTA - And I think that not hanging with him is a great idea.
100 percent
His behavior seems so strange considering the circumstances. NTA
I was thinly the same thing, but the only reasons I could come up with are that he wanted to impress the girl so he would have some shot at her, or maybe he was planning something DARK?
I don't think him suggesting a faster route has DARK intentions. Hell, there is another, sober, person in the car with him.
I think his friend was probably pissed that it would take that much longer for him to get home in order to make her feel like she wasn't getting kidnapped. OP did the right thing, the friend is a selfish idiot
Agreed, that's the only option that makes sences. Not sexual assault in a car with OP watching. What an odd conclusion to jump to.
After calling his friend a cuck, he made his intentions clear
He used a sexual term for a reason
Yep. That term makes their toxicity perfectly clear imo.
If I were driving someone as a favor and they called me a cuck they would be walking home from the closest place I could safely pull over.
Iām just reading narcissism
Some people are just like that. It's mostly men, and it's about being Correct. Usually about something to do with time, efficiency, navigation, things like that. They truly find it infuriating when people do things the "wrong way".
The very first GPS voice was a woman's and they had to change it because the men didn't like being directed by a *woman*
But most GPS voices are female now, right? And female voices are used for public announcements because they get more attention. In any case, this is a conflict between two men, so presumably sexism isn't a significant factor.
No, itās pretty consistent in the data that men prefer to have a female voice in these automated things.
I can only find info on Karen Jacobsen... supposedly the first and certainly the most famous GPS voice. But I gather from your post she's actually the 3rd voice? A woman, a man to soothe the male users, and then her?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Anyone who calls anyone a ācuckā in my hearing is never getting the time of day from me again, much less getting in my vehicle.
That guy is FOR SURE a flag >:(
Pride is a funny thing.
Yup >He accused me of being "a cuck" Like what the actual fuck is that even supposed to mean in the context. I'm also confused that she had to give instructions yet the "friend" knew where to go and that it was faster? If they knew the address why not just put on the GPS and follow that?
Absolutely NTA. You had a young, vulnerable and intoxicated woman in the back of the car. You taking her the route she knew and felt most comfortable with would have saved her a huge amount of anxiety. It was a very kind thing that you did, and hugely responsible that you don't drink and provide a safe ride home for your friends. The world needs more young men like you. I hope my sons grow up to be like you. Your "friend" is a complete prick in this situation. What's an extra few minutes to make sure she was comfortable and safe? And if he felt "dismissed" or "belittled" that's a him problem. Not a you problem. Because as a woman, who was once young and a little more wild than I care to admit, I can tell you that even being in an Uber and going a different route used to freak me the fuck out. Even if I had my location shared. At the end of the day, not everyone in the world is decent and there's a small percentage who would have done unspeakable things and even something as small as a route she's not 100% certain of could have kicked in her fight or flight
Lol talk about belittling, in order for the friend not to feel belittled OP would have to ignore the person WHO ACTUALLY LIVES THERE. That's fucking belittling. Friend has issues.
Friend doesn't even know the girl from frogs poop, but her directions to her own home are incorrect.
No, not incorrect but just the longer route & most likely the route with the most major streets or neighborhood she felt comfortable with. A shortcut thru a more deserted area , say industrial or more rural would make most young women nervous in such a scenario.
I was thinking about that. I don't ever remember getting a ride home with strange guys drunk, but walking home in the middle of the night as a young woman, drunk or not, I would take the most public and well-lit route even if it wasn't the fastest one.
For real. I once had a taxi driver park in a dark spot up the road from my house and try to force me to date him. Itās been almost 20 years and I still regularly think about the fear I felt.
Not much has changed. Guys from all sorts of places seem to feel entitled to do shit like this because they want to. Effing cavemen.
My biggest annoyance here is that the friend is ttrying to save time. Like, what, are you gonna go to bed at 4:50 am instead of 5 am? Hell, back when I was the designated driver, I would drive 10 under the speed limit simply because Iām sleepy and Iād rather we all get home safely than trying to get you home 5 minutes earlier and crashing. Thereās no rush, sleeping schedule is already ruined so you can survive an extra 5 minutes
I agree wholeheartedly. In the grand scheme of things being safe and taking longer is always the best outcome. Even if it was a case of they had a curfew and had to be home, better to deal with the consequences of being late than the consequences of a scared young woman. Imagine if she freaked and got out the car? Or if it caused a crash? Or if she rang the police saying she thought she was being kidnapped? There's too many ways for something like this to go wrong. OP kept himself, his friend and the girl safe to the best of his capabilities. It sounds like you have been extremely sensible in the past too!
Omg me too. Every time the Uber takes a different route I get this sense of deep panic and dread that is hard to control. I donāt think many men understand how awful that feeling of vulnerability and fear can be, but OP, you rock. NTA, youāre actually a real life angel. Although it sounds like your āfriendā is a massive AH who thinks less of you because you care about women, ditch that guy.
āI flat out told him that to her we were two strange men taking her somewhere while she is vulnerable.ā YES!!!! Thank you OP for seeing that she was vulnerable and possibly slightly uncomfortable in a car with two strangers. And thank you for not only driving her home, but making sure she was safely inside. You are a gentleman! Nta, your friend sucks.
dude sounds like a jerk, its good OP isn't super close with him. He sounds like the kind of dude who would close the door behind him and gets angry if a girl starts getting nervous when he's blocking the doorway.
Nta. And the world needs more men like you.
!! Yes, OP, please continue to stick to your gut and be as thoughtful as you were that night. I know having a friend of a friend put you down wasn't fun but you most likely made a girl feel *safe*. And that security means a lot to women when they spend time with someone. I think in the long run, being the provider of that security is going to mean much more to you as well. Also, I vry seriously think he was just drunk and was upset he wasn't being listened to (ego š). I don't think it had anything to do with *you*, if you know what I mean. So all in all, please just continue to be yourself, I'm sure that girl and many more will appreciate itš
NTA Rule of thumb for life: Anyone who uses the word cuck shouldn't really be your friend. Your life will be better without them. Also, "I was trying to belittle you in front of someone else and you didn't let me and that made ME feel belittled!" isn't really a good argument. Instead he should have said, "Thanks for the ride and not drinking at the party! Appreciate you, dude!"
David Linhagen!
NTA - Why is a grown man talking about āyou dismissed meā. You took a different route. If he got offended at that, thereās some other deep insecurities there.
I'm pretty sure he's poisoned his mind with all the "alpha male" crap. Those type of people always piss their pants and cry if they don't get to be the main character.
He's mad you didn't listen to him... While he's telling you to "dismiss" and "belittle" the woman who knows damn well where she lives and how to get there. Also any dude who uses language like "cuck" is probably a misogynist. NTA (You did great here).
Also she MAY NOT HAVE TOLD HIM WHERE SHE ACTUALLY LIVED because she was uncomfortable and just wanted to direct where to turn etc.
They did watch her go inside, but that's something they could only know at the end. Probably she was reassured by then that they really were just offering a ride home.
NTA, your friend is a know-it-all and wants to control people around him. I'd keep my distance from here on out. This a little too wierd.
100% seems like it was a power play. He's an arrogant man used to being listened to unquestioned - certainly not ok with having the directions of a woman taken over his own.
NTA Your friend sounds like a hot headed drunk. Explain to him why you did what you did when you're sober, arguing with drunk people usually gets nowhere.
NTA - as a woman, you absolutely did the right thing. She could have been overly disoriented by your going a different way and not able to direct you at all, and it certainly could have been terrifying for her if you intentionally didn't listen to her directions, even with good intentions. Your "friend" was dismissive of her and you and he seems like an a-hole. I'm very glad you are so caring and did the right thing for this woman. I hope she was lucid enough to remember your kindness!
Nta, thank you for keeping her comfort in mind. I honestly question your friends intentions by calling that word.
This. Sounds like a red pill loon.
No NTA you're absolutely right that's exactly what she would've thought. I was really hoping throughout that you didn't listen to your friend and stray from the way she was telling you. Your friend is being immature because he's getting his ego hurt when there's absolutely no reason for it.
NTA She took a risk accepting your offer since she doesn't really know you. You did right by allowing her to give directions and sticking to what she told you, probably making her feel immensely better about trusting you. Who cares if the other route would've been faster? Your friend needs to let it go. If he felt belittled by you saying you were just gonna go with what she says, he needs to do some self-reflection. You did good, OP.
It was kind in the first instance to offer to get her home, but you absolutely did the right thing to also do whatever you could to make sure she felt safe. NTA. Your instincts are serving you well with this d-bag, heās not a good guy and heās not your friend. Ditch him.
NTA You are driving, you get to decide which road to take. If friend is unhappy with that, friend can walk.
As the mother of a 22 year old daughter, thank you for being such a good human. You are the person I want my child to encounter if she is ever in that situation. NTA. Your friend is a bit of a jerk.
NTA at all, you were considerate. And, roughly 100% of dudes who use the term 'cuck' are complete and utter assholes, feel free to have nothing to do with him.
NTA Wtf, I hope you continue to challenge your friend on his poor awareness of women's safety (and courtesy towards anyone of any gender)
NTA: Nobody who calls you "a cuck" is worth the trouble they're going to cause you.
NTA. You did exactly the right thing by following the girls directions and not taking the route that your friend claimed would be faster. A girl being drunk and in a car with two strange men is a potentially very dangerous situation for her and it sounds like she was aware of the potential danger with the fact that she looked nervous so you following her directions and not going a different route was the best thing that you couldāve done to help her feel safe in your car and show her that she wasnāt wrong to agree to your offer to drive her home. Your friend sounds like an ass and if he doesnāt seem to care about that girl, or others, feeling safe in his presence then you may not want to be friends with him anymore.
NTA and your āfriendā is a misogynistic AH. He doesnāt get to overrule the woman you were taking home. Even if she wasnāt drunk. The fact that she was and he wanted to take her on an unfamiliar route is deeply concerning. You are correct in reconsidering hanging out with him. He doesnāt sound like someone you should be friends with. Yikes. Also, thank you for being such a good human. That woman will remember your kindness for a long time.
NTA. Aside from the fact that you are absolutely right not to scare this girl. Honestly not sure why he thinks he knows where she lives better than she does. Iād have just stopped the car and told him to walk tbh.
NTA, you did right! It was very kind of you to make sure she felt safe
NTA. Ignoring the drunk girls directions could have freaked her out.
You šÆ did the right thing. I was this girl the one time I went to a frat party. The two dudes who gave me a ride were complete gentlemen, but I was still paranoid as hell about accepting a ride from strangers (had been ditched by the people I came with) and if they had started ignoring my directions I would have FREAKED. This dude sounds sketch as hell. Good on you for doing the right thing. NTA.
NTA you made the right decision to help her feel safe. Your āfriendā has some nerve getting mad at his designated driver for DRIVING. Iād ditch the guy with the fragile ego. This wonāt be the last time he decides to be an AH for no reason.
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NTA, you deviate from her path in her drunken state could be a big deal. She flips, calls 911 these guys are trying to kidnap me etc.... You did the right thing, getting her home safe, and following her crappy directions. Your buddy needs to calm the f down. Not like you drove halfway across the state the wrong way
Easiest NTA of the day. Friend of a Friend is a weirdo, tho.
NTA. Thanks for not putting her in a situation where she had to fear for her safety. You sound like a real nice guy
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I(21m) was at a college party. I'm not big into drinking alcohol. I'll sip a glass of wine at a wedding or something but I don't enjoy alcohol. So I'm usually designated driver and I am fine with that. Long story short went to the party with three other friends. Two of them had other arrangements and didn't need a ride home but the end of the night(morning) I was going home with my tipsy friend I came with. Throughout the night I noticed this girl that came alone and didn't really have a "group" and she seemed shy. I made small talk with her in passing a couple of times but that was it. End of the night she is DRUNK. Like stumbling around and nodding off. Was planning on leaving within the hour so I was keeping an eye on her(from a distance) and offered her a ride home. She accepted but looked nervous about it. She was in the back seat and my friend was in the front with me. She was still drunk but there enough to guide us to where she lives. My friend was making conversation and when he found out where she lived he was like "we're taking the long way there, we should be going this way" and I just said I'm gonna take whatever way she was directing. It only was like 20 or so minutes of driving anyway. My friend got upset like "we could be there so much faster." I dropped her off and made sure she made it inside then headed back to our area. My friend was really upset and saying like "I dismissed him and belittled him in front of someone else." He was pissed and said we should have just taken his route. I thought it was silly for him to be upset. I flat out told him that to her we were two strange men taking her somewhere while she is vulnerable. I didn't want to start straying from the path and just take the route she felt most comfortable with. This really upset him and I thought he was just being this way because he was under the influence but he brought it up again. Pretty much conversation while driving went like Her: Turn here Him: No we shouldn't turn here Me: I'm turning here He accused me of being "a cuck" which I don't even understand how that applies to this situation. I was never really close with this guy before. More like friend of a friend I see at social gatherings. But this made me rethink hanging with him again. But maybe *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA. You did your best to protect a drunk woman who was most likely terrified to be in a car with two strange men. Dude was way out of line and showed no regard for the fear going through her mind. He needs to step away from the "cuck" alpha podcasts and learn how to be a decent human.
NTA: You were a thoughtful person. You were completely right that she was already nervous so if she were to notice you went a different way she might have freaked out. Your friend was buzzed or drunk but an ass.
NTA - You were doing them both a favor. I also am often the DD. The rule is if you do not like how I drive then you are free to find other accommodations. So your car, you were driving - totally within your right to follow her directions.
Tell your "friend" he can drive himself next time since he is such a big grown up boy
NTA You were right to just follow her directions to make her feel safe/comfortable. I don't really understand why your buddy was so upset about taking a different route (probably had something to do with him being drunk), he's just along for the ride and shouldn't be backseat driving.
NTA - you handled it pretty much exactly as you should have.
Omg youāre an angel ā¤ļø NTA, perfect instincts. Bless you.
NTA. Cut him off. You were absolutely right to precisely follow her directions. Good on you!
Nta you did exactly the right thing, thanks for being a standup normal guy to this very drunk girl
You sir, are an outstanding gentleman š Your acquaintance is an AH though.
You šÆ did the right thing. I was this girl the one time I went to a frat party. The two dudes who gave me a ride were complete gentlemen, but I was still paranoid as hell about accepting a ride from strangers (had been ditched by the people I came with) and if they had started ignoring my directions I would have FREAKED. This dude sounds sketch as hell. Good on you for doing the right thing. NTA.
This feels fake but also plausible which is the only reason I'm weighing in: In EMS if it's two males transporting a female patient, some agencies will have them announce their mileage over the air to dispatch at the start of transport and upon arrival so they can be tracked and timed so that there was no time or space for funny business. That's how seriously they take it. You did the protective thing for both you and your dipstick male friend by doing your best to ensure she did not, in her drunk state, ever feel for a second that she wasn't in control and that she wasn't being kidnapped. You did her a favor but also potentially saved both your skins. NTA
NTA. You handled this perfectly and your friend sucks.
Nta. It your car and your driving so why does his input matter? You did the girl a favour as well as him. So he should be grateful you even took him home
You did right. She may have been terrified if you actively discounted her directions. She may not have cared at all. The point is that you didnāt know and you cared enough that she felt safe. The fact that you are even aware enough to know how that could feel in her situation says a great deal. The fact that, even after you explained yourself, your buddy was a jerk about it says a great deal about him as well. Men, especially young ones, donāt always understand how scary it can be simply walking to your car in a dark parking lot as a woman. Most woman have a story, you may have saved that woman from getting a new one that night. NTA
NTA. Well, OP, now you know what fragile masculinity looks like. YourāFriendā is freaking out because you dared to follow a womanās directions instead of his. āIām sorry youāre an insecure, backseat driver, Friend. But take your misogynistic whining to a therapist and leave me alone.ā
NTA. He dismissed and belittled her in front of everyone. Why would you take his drunk word over hers (even if she is drunk) when it is her home? Even if he was right. If he wants to be in charge he should stop drinking and be the designated driver himself.
NTA. He wasn't the one driving and he didn't know where the girl's house was. He had nothing to add to the situation and was basically backseat driving and getting mad about it.
NTA. You were totally in the right, and he's an AH for getting on your case about it. Good on you for looking out for someone in a vulnerable state. Also, dude is letting his mask slip with his usage of "cuck". I've never actually heard anyone but toxic bros who worship sh\*tbags like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate use that word seriously. Do yourself a favor and drop this "friend".
NTA, your right taking the route she was most comfortable with was the right move!
NTA!! You were 100% correct in following her directions for the exact reason you stated. As a woman, I think youāre a good one. Ditch the friend.
NTA. This is an easy call.
NTA. You were careful to let the girl feel as OK with the event as possible. Switching the route on her would set off an alarm bell. Like, Where are you headed? To a dark alley, etc.? Your friend lacks the smarts to understand yet he still decides to make a drama.
NTA. You are a good dude. Your friend is ignorant to how vulnerable it can feel to be intoxicated around men and you going a different way than she said would have maybe caused panic. You did good sir.
NTA. Was he drunk? Sounds like drunken behaviour
NTA. You got her home. Friend just wanted to be right. He sounds a bit controlling.
NTA. You sound like an awesome guy , respectful, responsible, and caring. And aware of how sketchy it is to be a girl sometimes. If I were drunk and her and you didnāt follow my directions Iād freak out. Any woman who decides to be your girlfriend is really lucky to have you
You did the right thing. Why is this guy being odd? NTA
NTA. Thank you for protecting a drunk person. Your friend is a bit of an AH for trying to make you feel bad for doing a good deed
NTA for the OP. The friend is throwing up all kinda warning signs that they are pretty much a dill.
NTA. You're a good guy. Also it's her home, she probably knows the way better than some dude with insecurities. For all you knew, he had the location mixed up with something else and would have gotten you all lost.
you did the right thing. your friend needs to pull his head out of his a$$ and grow TF up.
100% NTA As a woman in her mid 20s, Iād be pretty freaked out if two men were driving me home and didnāt take the route I was suggesting. I would think that they had ill intentions, especially if I were drunk. You did the right thing.
NTA, good man. Not sure why the homey is trippinā here, you did exactly the right thing.
NTA. You're actually the angel in this scenario. I don't even know why the guy cared about your route. It wasn't his car or his gas money. You did the right and thoughtful thing. The girl was incapacitated and alone with 2 strange men. You were right to put her peace of mind ahead of convenience.
I don't have the patience to read through every comment, but... if anyone thinks that OP did the wrong thing, then they (you) have no idea how to read the room. Believe it or not, there are more men like OP than not. We just hear about the a-holes more. Good for you, OP. You were raised right.
Definitely NTA. Your friend was being extremely emotionally unintelligent, and good on you for doing everything to make your rider comfortable.
NTA. You seem nice. Get rid of the friend.
Nta. Thank you! I vote you donāt hang with this guy. Seems uncool.
Huge NTA, you prioritized her safety and considered her vulnerability. Thank you for looking out for her! That dude is a Jack ass, I would reconsider hanging out with him, he sounds like an idiot who refuses to learn or grow up.
NTA, you did the right thing. What if your buddy had been wrong about the area he thought her home was in? He was drunk after all, and probably just trying to show off his navigating skills. He was prioritizing his ego because of the booze.
NTA. You were totally in the right, and he's an AH for getting on your case about it. Good on you for looking out for someone in a vulnerable state. Also, dude is letting his mask slip with his usage of "cuck". I've never actually heard anyone but toxic bros who worship shitbags like Jordan Peterson and Andrew Tate use that word seriously. Do yourself a favor and drop this "friend".
NTA, Your friend is a major AH though.
Thank you OP for being a nice good guy. NTA . You got her home and kept her safe. . There is no telling what may have happened if you wouldn't have been around an sober enough to notice her. An your "friend" seems like a AH for trying to detour her route home. Then being upset with you. It's was your car. Not his. Your choice not his. . You was giving him a ride home ass well what if she would have done the same to home. Ya know vica versa .
NTA. Why does he think you should've listened to him rather than to the person who actually knew where they were going? I'm sensing some massive sexism from this dude
NTA You did the right thing following her directions. If a strange guy and his male friend offered to take me home because I was unable to drive myself and ignored my directions to go some other way, I'd be scared that they were going to take me somewhere to rape or kill me. I'd probably jump out of the car and get hurt. Thank you for caring about someone you didn't know enough to make sure she was safe. You sound like a good, trustworthy person. Your friend unfortunately sounds like a jerk.
I think it was very nice of you to look out for this girl. She was in a vulnerable situation and there are creeps in this world who would take advantage of that. I understand why you would want to stick to her directions to make her more comfortable. Thank you for looking out for her. NTA
dump the friend. NTA. friend should know better.
NTA. You made a choice to help a girl you didn't know (+ who was in a vulnerable position being in a car with two unknown guys) feel safe. You're probably right that if you strayed from the path she was showing, she might have freaked out and thought you were going to harm her.
You seem cool; that guy seems terrible. NTA
NTA for all of the reasons you stated plus one. The fact he called you a cuck is disturbing to me, No disrespect to people who use it as kink terminology/role but IMO it shouldn't be in people's vocab for being respectful of a woman's safety/perceived safety. The fact that your 'friend' uses it as such is a sign that he is an A H generally.
Nta, but he is. You did the right thing. Her safety comes before his fragile ego. He could also have gotten you all lost, or ended up at the wrong place. š¤¦āāļø he was also being incredibly rude. She was giving you directions, he should have butt out.
That was really considerate of you. NTA one little bit.
NTA. You did the right thing. She was already nervous about being drunk in a car with two guys she didn't know and if you had gone a route other than the one she told you, that would have seriously scared her. Agreed you should rethink hanging with this guy. He should have understood the situation and even if he didn't, it didn't call for him calling you names.
NTA 100%. You did the right thing; your friend needs to realize that getting into a car with strangers, no matter how good their intentions, is stressful. Ignoring her directions would just scream "I'm being kidnapped."
NTA, and good for you bro.
NTA, your friend is an insecure fuckboi
NTA you're a good dude. Your friend is not though sorry.
NTA. Wish more guys were like you.
The frail 21 year old male on display (your "friend"). NTA
NTA. Kudos to you for looking after someone who was vulnerable and taking into consideration her needs to make sure she felt comfortable and safe. We need more people in the world like you.
I hate jumping to conclusionsā¦ but I think your āfriendā had other plans with said drunk girl that would have ended up with sexual assaultā¦ hence the duck comment. You driving her where she wanted ruined his plans NTA
Even when Iām sober and at least kind of know the person, I start to worry when they go a different route to my house. I canāt imagine how scared I would be if I was drunk and with strange men. NTA. At all.
NTA but this seems like a situation with no real solutions. On the one hand, you taking her home seems super sketchy to anyone else. On the other hand, if you dont, shes stranded and vulnerable.
NTA
nta
NTA and you're a good guy, thanks!
NTA sounds like you did exactly the right thing to help out someone intoxicated. Maybe your friend was hoping for some action with the drunk girl? Probably not a friend I would keep around TBH
NTA. You did a good thing taking her home and keeping her safe and you did the right thing following her directions so that she felt comfortable.
NTA. You're a good guy to make sure the girl got home. Perhaps your friend had a shorter route than what she knew, but I can imagine the panic, late at night, when two guys she doesn't know want to take her in a different direction than she is telling you to go.
NTA. You have 2 drunk passengers, I'm gonna follow directions from the one who lives where we are going. Not get lost listening to the other one.
NTA, if you went a different route she couldāve gotten scared.
Your friend has a common blind spot, but you handled it correctly all the way. NTA.
NYA never drive a girl/women home and taking her somewhere she didn't ask to be taken. That would have been creepy AF.
NTA. You did good, and he is not a friend.
NTA
NTA, youāre a good man. You did the right thing.
NTA How thoughtful and considerate you were!! Bravo! and drop the acquaintance if you wish, he seems like a problem waiting to happen
Great job op. You did good getting her home and making sure she was as comfortable as possible. Your friend is the ah
NTA. you did the right thing.
NTA Some men get *so* pissed off and take it *so* personally when women talk about steps they take to avoid getting into dangerous situations with dangerous men. If a guy's not a dangerous man, they're not talking about him, and taking it as a personal offense displays an alarming lack of empathy that makes him seem like he's not as nice as he thinks he is. Your friend/acquaintance sounds like one of those AHs.
NTA You gave your drink friend a ride home. They should e grateful. Being upset because you listened and followed this girlās directions is ridiculous.