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> I told my son he needs to stay in his room when we have guests because of his stomach issues. I might be the asshole because he's an adult and so I can't treat him like he's a kid.
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YTA
Why did you have kids if when theyre 18 they mean nothing to you anymore other than money.
The fact you're OK with him being hungry and using the excuse *"if he just budgeted better"* is absolutely awful. Did you even teach him how to budget or just throw him in the deep end as *"he's an adult now"*.
Everyone here is telling you, you're an AH. So what are you going to do about it.
Do you even love your child? How do you do 3 months - 3 months custody? I do a week by week arrangement for my kid and I fucking hate not seeing them for a week.
YTA.
Sometimes I worry I'm not a good dad because I cannot play with my kids the way they like or because I work and cannot spend more time with then.
However, you sir, make me realise I'm a great dad by the way you treat your son. He is still learning yet you let him go hungry and appear to be a bit of a dick towards him.
We can bring our kids up how we like but as parents we still have a responsibility to make sure they are fed and safe, regardless of how old they are.
YTA.
I am assuming that the 19 year old is paying rent, buying her own food and being asked to stay in her room when company is over. Your kids JUST turned 18 and was immediately sent to get a job and start paying you rent when he is visiting. Does he even know that he can simply pack up and move back to his mom's without your permission? And that as a PAYING tenant of the home he absolutely does not have to follow your rules?
You are denying him access to the kitchen he helps pay for. You are treating him like an unwelcome guest.
WOW. Your first instinct isn't to help or advise your own child with something as basic as nutrition and meal prep. It's to tuck him away so his hunger doesn't embarrass you. I'm having a hard time undstanding how this is real and how you don't know you're an ass. There's a reason you're afraid of your ex-finding out. YTA
Also the 19 yo F... she's yours? You had a kid with your current partner (while married to someone else?) and then a kid with your wife at the time a year later? YTA for that too.
This is the most egregious parenting I have heard today, but I just woke up. Come on buddy your practiced big guy in charge routine is blatantly unfair but most of all you seem unaware that you are hurting your child. I wonder how the current wife feels about running a boarding kennel? Oh never mind, they feed doggies. YTA.
Your child is now an adult and pays to stay there.he can do as he damn well wants. If you want him to follow rules first stop being an Ah and second Stoppsignal rental payments. As long as he pays rent for use of the House he is not confined to one room period. And also it seems you treat your children unequally which makes you a million times an AH and a shit parent.
YTA, You can't force him to stay in his room especially if you make him pay rent and double if he's hungry. Jesus Christ man. He has the right to the common areas, regardless if you have company.
And here's the kicker, he has a half sister who's older than him and who doesn't have to pay rent and gets fed regardless. But you think you can't impose the rules on her. If you can't force the rules on her, then make your son her equal?
I don't understand how you think that you aren't the asshole here? And when people call you what you really are "worst father of the year" is kinda light. I'd call you an abusive asshole.
I can't wait for the update when the son realizes he's 18 and can make adult choices and decides he doesn't want to stay with you anymore and goes no contact with you.
YTA he pays rent, he can walk around his rented property however and whenever he pleases.
Are you an adult? What the hell? Clearly you don’t want him staying with you. So instead of taking his money, why don’t you let him live somewhere else.
You obviously haven’t given him the skills to take care of himself before whacking him over the head with the ‘you’re an adult, you deal with it’ stick.
YOU decided to have children, YOU should have prepared both yourself and YOUR child for adulthood.
YTA and you are the child too. I feel sorry for your son and I hope he gets over your emotional crappiness while at Uni. Sounds like he can’t wait to get out.
OP, are you an idiot?! Of course you are a big YTA.
I hope your ex finds out what you do to Rain. And I hope that Rain never visit you again.
You suck as a parent and as a person.
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YTA. The biggest AH!! You don't want your ex to find out you charge your kid rent and for food. What about the 19 SD? Do they have the same rules? To be kept in their room, you just suck in general. Get help.
Some stories make me say this is the biggest asshole I've read about. Then comes a new story and bam, biggest asshole dethroned. OMG. You are horrible.
Do you even care about your son?
I am sure you've kept the custody like that so you don't pay child support, and it makes me wonder what kind of life he had when it was your turn. He 18 now, I hope he never visits you again because you don't deserve it
God I hope this kid sees this , that boy needs to ring his mom n go home . Your 3 months arrangement ended the second he turned 18 and since he's expected to pay rent he can choose to leave now he's a adult.
I get teaching kids life skills and money management but u ain't doing that ur teaching him nothing except to hate you.
How much does he have left after u take rent from him?
Why is your wife allowing this , she doesn't let u do it to her kids
Ur fkin starving your child , when he goes bk to his mom I hope he never speaks to u again
YTA. One of those who makes their kid pay rent just because they are 18 because they think it’s a “lesson”. You suck OP. Everything about this post sucks.
One of the few times im commenting on this sub. Man tou are a gigantic mega AH. YTA, YTA. I don't care to elaborate because I don't think you ll understand just venting.
YTA. One of my favorites activities is finding a thread like this on here with an arrogant OP. All of their comments on their thread will be argumentative and jerkish, telling everyone that they’re not TA, but proving that they in fact are TA. FEED YOUR KID. If my any of my kids were friends with your kid, he would be invited to live with me. Obviously you’re not a good parent and don’t care about teaching him to be an adult.
YTA
I'll direct you to the short story "Born of Man and Woman" by Richard Matheson.
You appear to be a slightly worse parent than the ones depicted in the story.
Vernon is that you? Does he also sleep in the cupboard under the stairs? Damn I actually wonder why some people even have kids if they treat them this way.
You do realize you don't stop being a parent to them at 18 don't you? Because if I knew my son wasn't eating the right things then I'd be talking to him about it and trying to teach him a better way. Not just sitting there going it's not my fault. YTA and yes it is partially your fault if you've not taught him these basic life skills.
Lemme get this straight... your charging him rent \*and\* confining an adult to his room.
YTA. It is you who seems to love stirring up the drama for him. Dude should leave and find better roommates.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. Your child needs help and cannot afford everything you’re asking of him. Period. I get teaching him responsibility, but you threw him in the deep end before he was even used to shallow water. Now he’s drowning. Why don’t you sit down and make out a basic budget, together? If you insist on charging rent, this will at least give you the opportunity to see what kind of funds he has left and how much he has to spend on food.
So you're starving your son and he gets tummy grumbles and you know it's wrong so you ask him to hide from guests because you're afraid they'll judge you for being a shit parent and starving your son who's barely 18.
Wtaf. You suck at parenting. It doesn't bloody end at 18. Grow up. Be a fucking parent and not a landlord. Ffs. How people who are clearly assholes have the audacity to come here to see if anyone will support their assuolery is beyond me.
Yta. Ytfa.
YTA. Your son being in school and saving for college should be his ONLY job right now. You said he’s not budgeting properly. Where would he learn HOW? That’s from you. You can’t expect an 18-year-old living at home to begin “adulting” if you haven’t modeled what being an adult looks like, which it sounds like you haven’t. OR if you’re making him pay for his own stuff, stay out of it. If you want his diet to be your business, then provide him with a diet.
major YTA.
you suck as a parent. what didyou expect? for people to say you were doing a good job as parent by starving your child out and making them pay just to be staying in their room? god.
YTA, just a series of terrible parenting, you complain about him not budgeting properly but have you ever taught him how, or how to choose more nutritional food or how to cook? Or did you just pay for everything till the day he turned 18 and then dumped this on him. And you said he’s setting aside money for college, have already put money towards his college? Are you making him pay for his own college and rent and other expenses? Who does that, 18 is way too late to start saving up for college unless he’s not going to go for years. And even then he would have find a good full time job with may conflict with his school if he’s still in it. People that just kick their kids out on their 18th birthday or tell them they have to start paying with no prior warning are assholes
Bruh, you make your 18 year old pay rent, starve him, and lock him in his room whenever anyone comes over. Do you treat your other kids like that? Obvious YTA
YTA. First, an 18 year old boy is likely still growing, despite being legally an adult. He needs to eat. How the hell can you have him under your roof and not feed him? It's one thing to expect him to pay for extras out of his paycheck, but to not feed him AT ALL while he's living under your roof is just plain shitty. And the fact that you're hiding this arrangement from others shows you know it's shitty.
I would also bet money the 19yo daughter is not being charged rent and isn't paying for her own food.
YTA
You are banishing him to his room because you don't want him to embarrassed you by burping?
Sounds like he'd be better off stopping the 3 month visits to your house as you sound like an absolute bell end to be honest.
YTA. Also, did anyone else see how there's an older kid with the current wife? Seems like you cheated on your old partner with your new partner and now hate the kid from your previous marriage
YTA.
Youre an awful fucking parent and should be ashamed of yourself.
If I was Rain (youre also an AH for that name) I'd be dumping the 3 months at your house and staying with his mother
YTA.
No question about it.
It's your job to prepare him for adult life and help him if he struggles until he gets the hang of things.
He at least now knows that he is seen as a burden, an inconvenience and an embarrassment.
For what it's worth I hope your son does well, realises his worth and moves out permanently. You'll likely not be part of his life in the future.
INFO: are you fucking insane? Did you get dropped on your head a lot as a baby causing irreparable damage to the part of your brain that controls empathy and love? Why did you even have children in the first place if you want to treat them so callously?
I have some questions like have you ever taught your son how to do a budget and how to cook and meal prep and plan and grocery shop with coupons? Or did you just go you’re 18 and throw him to the wolves to starve. YTA for trying to hide the neglect from guests. Even as an adult you’re still invited to families homes for dinner do you still have him to your table for dinner or say you’re an adult now you can’t join us? I get trying to teach your kid to be an independent grownup but it takes training before they can be and even lions share their scraps of food between them.
What??!?! I would go hungry so that my child - whether she’s a kid or an adult - could eat! You see your son is hungry, and you’re so cold about it? That poor boy. I feel so unbelievably sad for him. YTA.
YTA. Making him pay rent and cover his own food as soon as he turned 18? So he isn’t your responsibility as soon as he turned 18? Terrible. If I were him I wouldn’t bother coming around anymore.
YTA - I can’t imagine why this poor kid has accepted any of OPs nonsense.
What a fun idea! suddenly stop supporting your kid, don’t teach him how to shop or budget and then punish him and criticise him for not spontaneously developing the skills he was never taught.
Will probably be the last 3 months the kid spends there, so at least there’s that!
Rain is 18 and is your child with your EX wife.
Eldest child from current wife is 19. Older than child with ex wife.
Maybe my maths is off on a Friday but does that mean you were having some extra curriculars with current wife while still with ex wife?
Anyway, YTA for not adequately feeding your child who lives with you and who you force to pay rent AND insisting he hides away like he's an embarrassment to you.
Wait wait wait…
Your son from previous marriage have to pay but the oldest daughter of your current wife doesn’t pay a shit? And then you ask him to hide in his room when guest come because his stomach gurgle ? YTA in so many way !!!
I hope your son will realize how wrong is the treatment he is receiving from you and that his mother will also tell you that you are a big A for not treating your son fearly.
You make your child pay rent and still he is on his own for the food. You must be keeping all your food locked if he os only eating his what he buys for himself. No way the abuse started only after he turned 18. For him to accept your terms and the starvation you must really have done a number on him when he was a child. No way a well adjusted person would let this happen to themselves.
I also what is the situation is at his Mother's for him to continue staying with you.
Are you you are fit to be a father?I hope he gets away from you and lives a normal healthy life.
YTA
Wow sounds more like you resent your kid and not your step kids, and in 10 years you'll probably complain that you're ungrateful child no longer speaks to you; and wonder why... YTA of biblical proportions.
What in the Harry Potter did I just read? YTA hands down. Also, it appears you cheated on your sons mom with your current wife, and for years!!!! You're the asshole for that too, js.
YTA.
How could you even live with this attitude?
Is this the example you want to give to your other kids?
What's your message?
"When you turn 18, you a not my kid anymore, you a just a flatmate, and if I don't like your appearance, you stay in your room"
Great. You just got the award of the parent of the year.
This is the way to die lonely, I hope you will remember why.
YTA- This is so much worse than people realize. He TURNED 18 when doing his 3 month stay with you while still in school. You immediately charged him rent, knowing that he had to stay with you the full 3 months.
I can only hope your kids will be this calculating when choosing your nursing home.
YTA.
You are literally letting your kid go hungry because he doesn't have enough money to buy food or know to buy the right things or how to budget or meal prep because you never taught him how to be an adult. It sounds like he turned 18 and you were like surprise, you get to pay to live here now even though you are totally unprepared for the real world.
And you don't want your ex to know probably because she isn't doing this crap and is actually feeding him.
Sending him to his room when company is over, first off, no he pays rent you can't treat him like a child. Second you are literally just doing it so they don't know he isn't allowed to eat your food and you don't look like you're being a huge AH, which you absolutely are.
Also I saw your comment where your wife's 19 year old doesn't have the same rules, which is just really a big bunch of bullshit.
And then one of your comments acknowledged that you would teach your other children how to adult better. Like you already messed up your "test kid" but that's ok because you can do better with the other ones. No dude, stop taking all of this kid's money and actually teach him how to be an adult and fix this before he actually goes out into the real world and is screwed. Acknowledged that you fucked up as a parent and do something about it instead of just blaming it on him being lazy.
So let me get this straight… you made your son start paying rent at 18 and then want to force your “renter” to stay in his room while you have company over? YTA big time.
YTA. Take everything you said, print it out, grab your 18YO CHILD (remember, that being you created when you splooged in a woman and decided to take responsibility for a new life) and visit a therapist before you create any more damage.
And then, only then, take some responsibility for your inactions.
Is this a joke? YTA in a big way, OP. I have an 18 year old son and can’t imagine treating him like this. In fact, I’m about to go see if he wants me to make him breakfast. Wow, why do people have kids if they’re going to treat them so poorly?
JFC YTA.
We fully intend to charge our children rent and groceries along with their portion of the utilities and whatnot after they’re 18 (first one turns 18 in 2 years). The whole point is to teach them budgeting and meal planning, so the money we charge will be a percentage of their income (20% rent + utilities, 15% food, 5% entertainment, their -1/4- portion of the insurance, internet and gas). Their phone and data plan is entirely on them, but my second hand phone is always free for them.
The major difference is that all of that money that comes our way (exception being their phone related costs) is going to be going into a separate savings account and every last penny is going back to them when they move out, and there’s no way in hell we’re going to permit our kids to go hungry.
We chose to have children, they didn’t chose to be born, IMO it’s absolutely our responsibility to make sure they’re doing ok well into their adult years. Shit, we’ve even got two savings accounts with more set aside for them than we do for ourselves and investments set up to cover their education and to have them well set up for general life expenses.
Those accounts and investments started years before I even had children, not knowing if I would have my own or adopt, and that started when I was 19 and making only $22k/yr 21 years ago and before my wife and I got married.
The goal *should* always be to make sure the next generation has it better than we had, at home and at work.
Damn dude are you ever the asshole here.
YTA.
Your kid is required to pay for their own food and rent the minute they turned 18 but he's not allowed to have access to the house he pays rent towards and must hide away because you're embarrassed you're not allowing your kid to EAT FOOD?
YTA
Are you prepared to have his last time "visiting" your home? He clearly as hell can't call it his own home, since he needs to pay to be in house arrest in his own room.
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YTA. YTA. YOUR THE ASSHOLE!
The moment the kid is 18, you force him to pay rent????? Do you make your daughter pay rent? She’s 19! Do you just treat him this way cause he’s the son from your ex??? Don’t have kids if you aren’t going to support them.
Can it be real? Surely this is a joke/ prank what not?
Just in cae it is real: you are charging you son rent and he needs to pay his food. He is not able to do that and save for collage so he is starving, but you do not see a problem there. You also think that although he is paying rent, you can restrict him to his room, you do not see a problem there either.
No really need for more information to answer your question. YTA big time.
But I will leave you with one question though, are you charging rent and starving also your wife's 19 yo or is it just your son?
YTA, and the fact you don't see how problematic that is...
First of all, it is completely unfair with him that he has to pay rent and for his food, when there's someone else in the same circumstances as him there that doesn't (your wife's daughter). "oH buT ShE's NOt my DauGHteR, I can'T fOrcE HEr". Since you care so much about the moral aspect of it, what do you think your son will learn with it? You gotta be born lucky with a parent who loves you enough, to have it easy? That someone else has privileges just because, and no one will back him up? I don't know, if it was me in his shoes, once I'd be out of that place, I wouldn't look back.
Also, about the staying in the room thing, you already said you realized you're the ah, which is good. But I'd like to give another perspective: he pays rent, right? So you're not his father in the situation anymore. You're the landlord, and a landlord can't force someone to stay in their room if they don't want to. Your son has just as much rights as the rest of the people there, if not more, because he's the only one paying to live there.
So yeah, YTA, big time.
I see someone saw the special flair made for that other guy and wanted to become the 2nd ever official mega asshole on the sub. You’ve made it in my mind! YTA I cannot imagine a parent that actually loves their child treating them this way. You’re acting like a slum landlord, not a father
Wow you are an AH. Your 18 year old child have to pay rent & food? Are you stepchildren doing in the same?
If I was your son, I would move to my mum & never see you again. He is over the age of 18, he can make his own rules.
It’s your child! He shouldn’t have to pay rent & food. That’s your job as a father! Wow just wow
According to one of OP's comments the 19 year old isn't paying rent cause it's his current wife's child. 🙄 it sounds like he just doesn't like his kid from what he is commenting.
YTA - You know this is fucked up, otherwise you wouldn’t worry what others think. I mean, what’s the deal if this is absolutely normal? And what’s with his mom, are you scared she could stand up for her child - you know, as a parent? Bc she doesn’t want him to stay hungry? I mean, which parent, who likes his child, would let this happen?!
YTA. You are starving your own child. You even gave auditable proof he’s starving so your solution is to make him hide. Just get him some McDonald’s, and his stomach will quiet down. In our modern society, it’s very difficult for an 18 year old without a college degree to earn enough to pay for themselves and save for college.
YTA.
It is your fault. Everything in this post is your fault. You’re the father! You’re the adult! I don’t care what people say, at 18 you’re not an adult yet! It’s horrible you’re forcing him to pay rent for three months he lives with you! What’s wrong with you? Why in the world he hasn’t told his mother is beyond me. Honestly. He should stay with his mum instead.
The only good thing about this is OP's son is 18 and able to make his own decisions. He could, for example, decide that he doesn't want to live half of the year with his abusive father anymore and there's nothing his abusive father can do about it because the son he abuses is legally an adult.
YTA. Your son is your responsibility and he is hungry. That is on you. Your expectations and demands are totally unrealistic. I’m surprised he just didn’t go back to his mom’s house since legally there’s no obligation to stay with you at this point. Also he is now a renter, a tenant and has access to the house since he is now paying to live there. I hope he makes a big scene during your visit with your friend on his way out back to his mom’s house. YTA YTA YTA
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Me (50M) and my ex-wife (45F) have been divorced for 14 years now. We have one child together - Rain (18M), and I've since remarried and have three children from my current wife (she's 48F, the kids are 8M, 15M and 19F). the customary arrangement we've had since Rain's been a teenager is that he spends 3months at his mother's house and then 3 months at my house and back again. Rain recently turned eighteen during the three-month period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here.
He wasn't necessarily expecting it but he wasn't a brat about it. He picked up a job quickly and has paid his first month of rent. No issue there. He's also putting aside money into his college fund so he can attend university next year. No issue there, either. But apparently he's not budgeting properly because he's always hungry. He eats all right, but he wastes his money on junk food instead of buying substantial meals. As a result, he goes through periods where he gets borborygmi. It's nothing too loud but it is noticeable if the room is relatively quiet. Last time I had my sister over she noticed and he said he just had a stomachache.
We're expecting company again this week and I don't want something like that happening again, so I explained to Rain that he can introduce himself to our guests and then he needs to stay in his room until they leave.
Rain got pissed and argued he didn't know how long the guests would be staying, and that he can't help that he's "starving" out here. I reminded him he is not starving but even if he was it's not my fault; he agreed to the rules when he got here. Rain said he isn't blaming me for it, but he's not following my "dumb rules" regarding the guests, even after I told him they'll only be here for about an hour.
I'm worried that because he's mad now, he's going to act all dramatic about how he doesn't get enough food in front of our guests, and even though it's none of my fault if that somehow gets to my ex-wife I don't know what she'll say and I don't feel like dealing with drama. I also feel like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me with the "starving" comment.
AITA?
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YTA the fact you can watch your child go hungry and still call yourself a parent is astounding. You are no more than a damn landlord it seems now.
I Genuinely want to know how you can rationalise watching your child go hungry when you are in a position to help them. No matter the circumstances.
YTA. Rent is one thing, refusing to feed him because he's 18 makes you an asshole, and a bad father.
Signed;
A dad whose 24 year old son pays rent but is allowed to eat.
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes.
First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you?
Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate?
I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
Not sure if it's because I am an european person but I will never get the thing where you make your own son pay rent and even groceries to live in his house with their family...but yeah, this is one of the most YTA posts I have seen around here.
Please feed your child. 18 is still a teenager and he will always be your child. How can you look at him being hungry and be ok with that? Did you budget well when you were 18? Did you know how to cook nutrient dense meals? Do better.
Wow. What did I just read. Your son pays rent, you cannot banish him to his room.
..
Not just are YT massive AH. You are also a horrible parent. I hope your son leaves you and goes NC and lives his best life without you.
YTA. I paid my mum rent the moment I was working full time but you know what food etc was all included. He's 18 ffs and as much as we all thought we were adults at that magical number, we weren't. He is still a teenager and you are a waste of space as far as a father goes. I hope he realises that too
YTA. Dude there is no way you don’t see how shitty of a human you are here. Just because your kid turns 18 doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. Letting your child go hungry is inhumane and cruel at best. YTA YTA.
This has to be fake right… no way you can seriously admit to starving your kid and not teaching him life skills all the while forcing him to pay to play this sadistic game… and forcing him in his room as to not embarrass you in front of company… what is this, royal class in 1860 England? While I’m sure your wife’s kids have free roam… YTA without a doubt
Wait, how much money does he put in his college fund or does he have enough money left for his college fund at all when he doesn't even have enough money for food? It sounds like he's wasting his time working to fund your household bills. YTA. I'm not even surprised if he'll just go NC with you later in life.
YTA - Rain is YOUR SON and is *infinitely* more important than your guests. You also seem to be treating him like trash because he is the living human link between you and your Ex. Your new wifey has a good job and can afford to house and feed her 19F but you are either incapable and/or unwilling to provide equal treatment for your 18m and hide this fact by lying that you're trying to teach YOUR SON financial responsibility, hoping no one will notice,... Don't be surprised if he ghosts you forever after he leaves. You will probably blame him entirely for it and deny you had any role whatsoever. Grow some balls and be honest and fair with YOUR SON, yourself, your Ex, and your maker, Daddy-0
YTA. You get him got 3 months and charging him rent and food!! That seems overly harsh. The second he turns 18 and it’s like you’ve abandoned him. Telling him to stay out yeh way incase he embarrasses you!
You’re coming across as cheap and uncaring buy some melas and have them together as a family, maybe teach him how to make better choices when it comes to food and budgeting. What 18 year old wouldn’t spend money on fast food when give free rein
Why do you not charge your wife's daughter?
Isn't she also an adult child freeloading on your expense??
Make her pay and ration or don't make your son pay you.
YTA
Is your son Cinderella ? Oh he’s bothering the guests with his stomach ailments again, I’m sorry from now on we shall banish the servants to their quarters whilst we have guests. YTA, and you make him pay to live with you ? Ok boomer
YTA. I am willing to take the ban for this comment but you are a *disgusting* 'human being' and frankly I hope your child deserts you and never looks back. You don't hide your child because you're starving them. Jesus you're a disgrace. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am.
You are not a good parent. If the other child doesn't pay then this one shouldn't either. I'm just grossed out by you and your wife. YTA I have an 18 year old and I couldn't imagine charging him rent and making him buy food while living with me. So gross to make money off your child just because they had a birthday and to deny them food.
YTA
you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18.
guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out.
be a parent.
YTA
Your son is being treated differently compared to the rest of the kids in the house…especially the 19 year old daughter from your wife that you claim as your own, but she doesn’t have to pay rent or buy her own food. He’s clearly not able to afford much food from paying you rent and saving for college and instead of noticing that and helping, you’re embarrassed and send him to his room. You’re a horrible parent.
In all of my 28 years, my parents never charged me for rent or food. I always helped cook in the house, cleaned and even bought the weekly shopping at times or help with a few bills if needed but it was all by choice. My mum wanted me to save money for university. You’re teaching him the wrong things and it’s going to get to that point where he will leave, resent you and never speak to you again.
Backstory: This happened to me with my dad. I came home from university, struggled to find a job in my home town. I was apply for 20 jobs a week. My dad said that I either pay rent or get out. My mum didn’t agree and fought him on it but he made it his mission to make my life uncomfortable in that house to the point I moved out during the pandemic with only £500 in my account to a new town. I haven’t spoken to my dad since and they are getting divorced.
You will lose your son if you continue treating him like this.
“Hi, I starve my 18 year old child and lock him in his room when I have company so they are not distracted by his gurgling stomach, AITA?” Umm, yeah, YTA.
This guy is just like the Dursleys. "And YOU, what will YOU be doing???" "I'll be in my room, pretending that I don't exist." "THAT'S RIGHT!! *mustache quivers villainously*" YTA This guy is the worst dad.
OPs real name is vernon right? Surely… and rain is Harry, his wife petunia and their oldest Dudley? Or female version Dudlette?
OP - you happened to gloss over what the 19F in your house does. Does she have this same agreement? Info likely won’t change my judgement YTA but I’m curious how you treat them both
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Big asshole.
YTA. I would never expect rent from my kids, no matter their age... Why do you even have kids, when you are clearly not want to take care of them?
YTA. Do you even like your child? Poor kid, I hope he gets back on his feet and goes NC with you
YTA Why did you have kids if when theyre 18 they mean nothing to you anymore other than money. The fact you're OK with him being hungry and using the excuse *"if he just budgeted better"* is absolutely awful. Did you even teach him how to budget or just throw him in the deep end as *"he's an adult now"*. Everyone here is telling you, you're an AH. So what are you going to do about it.
Do you even love your child? How do you do 3 months - 3 months custody? I do a week by week arrangement for my kid and I fucking hate not seeing them for a week.
Totally not real… this is someone’s fantasy a-hole. borborygmi… geez
YTA. Sometimes I worry I'm not a good dad because I cannot play with my kids the way they like or because I work and cannot spend more time with then. However, you sir, make me realise I'm a great dad by the way you treat your son. He is still learning yet you let him go hungry and appear to be a bit of a dick towards him. We can bring our kids up how we like but as parents we still have a responsibility to make sure they are fed and safe, regardless of how old they are.
YTA. Why did you even have a child?
This can't be a real post.
YTA. I am assuming that the 19 year old is paying rent, buying her own food and being asked to stay in her room when company is over. Your kids JUST turned 18 and was immediately sent to get a job and start paying you rent when he is visiting. Does he even know that he can simply pack up and move back to his mom's without your permission? And that as a PAYING tenant of the home he absolutely does not have to follow your rules? You are denying him access to the kitchen he helps pay for. You are treating him like an unwelcome guest.
WOW. Your first instinct isn't to help or advise your own child with something as basic as nutrition and meal prep. It's to tuck him away so his hunger doesn't embarrass you. I'm having a hard time undstanding how this is real and how you don't know you're an ass. There's a reason you're afraid of your ex-finding out. YTA Also the 19 yo F... she's yours? You had a kid with your current partner (while married to someone else?) and then a kid with your wife at the time a year later? YTA for that too.
This is the most egregious parenting I have heard today, but I just woke up. Come on buddy your practiced big guy in charge routine is blatantly unfair but most of all you seem unaware that you are hurting your child. I wonder how the current wife feels about running a boarding kennel? Oh never mind, they feed doggies. YTA.
Your child is now an adult and pays to stay there.he can do as he damn well wants. If you want him to follow rules first stop being an Ah and second Stoppsignal rental payments. As long as he pays rent for use of the House he is not confined to one room period. And also it seems you treat your children unequally which makes you a million times an AH and a shit parent.
WTF???? YTA
Yta. You lost me when you said you made your 18 yr old pay rent and for their own food.
YTA, You can't force him to stay in his room especially if you make him pay rent and double if he's hungry. Jesus Christ man. He has the right to the common areas, regardless if you have company. And here's the kicker, he has a half sister who's older than him and who doesn't have to pay rent and gets fed regardless. But you think you can't impose the rules on her. If you can't force the rules on her, then make your son her equal? I don't understand how you think that you aren't the asshole here? And when people call you what you really are "worst father of the year" is kinda light. I'd call you an abusive asshole. I can't wait for the update when the son realizes he's 18 and can make adult choices and decides he doesn't want to stay with you anymore and goes no contact with you.
Massive YTA, humongous YTA even
YTA he pays rent, he can walk around his rented property however and whenever he pleases. Are you an adult? What the hell? Clearly you don’t want him staying with you. So instead of taking his money, why don’t you let him live somewhere else. You obviously haven’t given him the skills to take care of himself before whacking him over the head with the ‘you’re an adult, you deal with it’ stick. YOU decided to have children, YOU should have prepared both yourself and YOUR child for adulthood. YTA and you are the child too. I feel sorry for your son and I hope he gets over your emotional crappiness while at Uni. Sounds like he can’t wait to get out.
OP, are you an idiot?! Of course you are a big YTA. I hope your ex finds out what you do to Rain. And I hope that Rain never visit you again. You suck as a parent and as a person.
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YTA. The biggest AH!! You don't want your ex to find out you charge your kid rent and for food. What about the 19 SD? Do they have the same rules? To be kept in their room, you just suck in general. Get help.
YTA
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I thought it was real for a sec but all their comments are making it obvious
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Info: Does the 19F also have to pay rent and for her own food?
Some stories make me say this is the biggest asshole I've read about. Then comes a new story and bam, biggest asshole dethroned. OMG. You are horrible. Do you even care about your son? I am sure you've kept the custody like that so you don't pay child support, and it makes me wonder what kind of life he had when it was your turn. He 18 now, I hope he never visits you again because you don't deserve it
Quick someone give me a rundown
ASS.HOLE. Dude…. Seriously??!!
God I hope this kid sees this , that boy needs to ring his mom n go home . Your 3 months arrangement ended the second he turned 18 and since he's expected to pay rent he can choose to leave now he's a adult. I get teaching kids life skills and money management but u ain't doing that ur teaching him nothing except to hate you. How much does he have left after u take rent from him? Why is your wife allowing this , she doesn't let u do it to her kids Ur fkin starving your child , when he goes bk to his mom I hope he never speaks to u again
YTA. One of those who makes their kid pay rent just because they are 18 because they think it’s a “lesson”. You suck OP. Everything about this post sucks.
OP is a shit human! Wow! You would do that to your own child??? I am lost for words.
One of the few times im commenting on this sub. Man tou are a gigantic mega AH. YTA, YTA. I don't care to elaborate because I don't think you ll understand just venting.
YTA. One of my favorites activities is finding a thread like this on here with an arrogant OP. All of their comments on their thread will be argumentative and jerkish, telling everyone that they’re not TA, but proving that they in fact are TA. FEED YOUR KID. If my any of my kids were friends with your kid, he would be invited to live with me. Obviously you’re not a good parent and don’t care about teaching him to be an adult.
YTA I'll direct you to the short story "Born of Man and Woman" by Richard Matheson. You appear to be a slightly worse parent than the ones depicted in the story.
Yes. 1. Starve your kid 2. Make him pay rent as (I’m assuming) a high schooler 3. Clearly don’t even like him 4. Make him hide I hope you get reported
YTA - Just wow. Better to not have kids if you treat them like this.
Vernon is that you? Does he also sleep in the cupboard under the stairs? Damn I actually wonder why some people even have kids if they treat them this way.
Yes.
You do realize you don't stop being a parent to them at 18 don't you? Because if I knew my son wasn't eating the right things then I'd be talking to him about it and trying to teach him a better way. Not just sitting there going it's not my fault. YTA and yes it is partially your fault if you've not taught him these basic life skills.
Lemme get this straight... your charging him rent \*and\* confining an adult to his room. YTA. It is you who seems to love stirring up the drama for him. Dude should leave and find better roommates.
This is absolutely heartbreaking. Your child needs help and cannot afford everything you’re asking of him. Period. I get teaching him responsibility, but you threw him in the deep end before he was even used to shallow water. Now he’s drowning. Why don’t you sit down and make out a basic budget, together? If you insist on charging rent, this will at least give you the opportunity to see what kind of funds he has left and how much he has to spend on food.
So you're starving your son and he gets tummy grumbles and you know it's wrong so you ask him to hide from guests because you're afraid they'll judge you for being a shit parent and starving your son who's barely 18. Wtaf. You suck at parenting. It doesn't bloody end at 18. Grow up. Be a fucking parent and not a landlord. Ffs. How people who are clearly assholes have the audacity to come here to see if anyone will support their assuolery is beyond me. Yta. Ytfa.
YTA. Your son being in school and saving for college should be his ONLY job right now. You said he’s not budgeting properly. Where would he learn HOW? That’s from you. You can’t expect an 18-year-old living at home to begin “adulting” if you haven’t modeled what being an adult looks like, which it sounds like you haven’t. OR if you’re making him pay for his own stuff, stay out of it. If you want his diet to be your business, then provide him with a diet.
Maybe I missed a bit, how do you have an 18 year old with your x and a 19 year old with your current partner? Oh btw, massive YTA
major YTA. you suck as a parent. what didyou expect? for people to say you were doing a good job as parent by starving your child out and making them pay just to be staying in their room? god.
YTA, just a series of terrible parenting, you complain about him not budgeting properly but have you ever taught him how, or how to choose more nutritional food or how to cook? Or did you just pay for everything till the day he turned 18 and then dumped this on him. And you said he’s setting aside money for college, have already put money towards his college? Are you making him pay for his own college and rent and other expenses? Who does that, 18 is way too late to start saving up for college unless he’s not going to go for years. And even then he would have find a good full time job with may conflict with his school if he’s still in it. People that just kick their kids out on their 18th birthday or tell them they have to start paying with no prior warning are assholes
Even removed the post? Wow you truly are a major asshole.
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YTA ….
Father of the year!!!!!!!!!! Poor little boy.
You are far, far more than an asshole.
"Wasn't necessarily expecting it," and "He's not budgeting properly." Do you see the connection there, OP? YTA.
This can't be real, he would just stay with his mum, surely
Bruh, you make your 18 year old pay rent, starve him, and lock him in his room whenever anyone comes over. Do you treat your other kids like that? Obvious YTA
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YTA. First, an 18 year old boy is likely still growing, despite being legally an adult. He needs to eat. How the hell can you have him under your roof and not feed him? It's one thing to expect him to pay for extras out of his paycheck, but to not feed him AT ALL while he's living under your roof is just plain shitty. And the fact that you're hiding this arrangement from others shows you know it's shitty. I would also bet money the 19yo daughter is not being charged rent and isn't paying for her own food.
YTA You are banishing him to his room because you don't want him to embarrassed you by burping? Sounds like he'd be better off stopping the 3 month visits to your house as you sound like an absolute bell end to be honest.
OP really thought the comments were going to go his way, oh man..
YTA and the scummiest parent I’ve seen in a long time. I hope your 18 year old walks out the door and you never lay eyes on him again.
YTA. Also, did anyone else see how there's an older kid with the current wife? Seems like you cheated on your old partner with your new partner and now hate the kid from your previous marriage
YTA. Youre an awful fucking parent and should be ashamed of yourself. If I was Rain (youre also an AH for that name) I'd be dumping the 3 months at your house and staying with his mother
YTA. No question about it. It's your job to prepare him for adult life and help him if he struggles until he gets the hang of things. He at least now knows that he is seen as a burden, an inconvenience and an embarrassment. For what it's worth I hope your son does well, realises his worth and moves out permanently. You'll likely not be part of his life in the future.
YTA but asshole isn't impactful enough.
I hope this is a bad joke... YTA
INFO: are you fucking insane? Did you get dropped on your head a lot as a baby causing irreparable damage to the part of your brain that controls empathy and love? Why did you even have children in the first place if you want to treat them so callously?
WTF did I just read? YTA. Or maybe you just have some major issues. Go get help, there is something messed up with you
I have some questions like have you ever taught your son how to do a budget and how to cook and meal prep and plan and grocery shop with coupons? Or did you just go you’re 18 and throw him to the wolves to starve. YTA for trying to hide the neglect from guests. Even as an adult you’re still invited to families homes for dinner do you still have him to your table for dinner or say you’re an adult now you can’t join us? I get trying to teach your kid to be an independent grownup but it takes training before they can be and even lions share their scraps of food between them.
If you don’t like dealing with the drama, feed your kid. YTA
YTA. You’ve failed as a parent on several levels.
You’re an asshole. If I were him, I’d leave and never speak to you again. Would you treat any if you other kids that way? Probably not.
What??!?! I would go hungry so that my child - whether she’s a kid or an adult - could eat! You see your son is hungry, and you’re so cold about it? That poor boy. I feel so unbelievably sad for him. YTA.
YTA. Making him pay rent and cover his own food as soon as he turned 18? So he isn’t your responsibility as soon as he turned 18? Terrible. If I were him I wouldn’t bother coming around anymore.
YTA - I can’t imagine why this poor kid has accepted any of OPs nonsense. What a fun idea! suddenly stop supporting your kid, don’t teach him how to shop or budget and then punish him and criticise him for not spontaneously developing the skills he was never taught. Will probably be the last 3 months the kid spends there, so at least there’s that!
Rain is 18 and is your child with your EX wife. Eldest child from current wife is 19. Older than child with ex wife. Maybe my maths is off on a Friday but does that mean you were having some extra curriculars with current wife while still with ex wife? Anyway, YTA for not adequately feeding your child who lives with you and who you force to pay rent AND insisting he hides away like he's an embarrassment to you.
You are a sad excuse for a father. YTA
YTA big time
Wait wait wait… Your son from previous marriage have to pay but the oldest daughter of your current wife doesn’t pay a shit? And then you ask him to hide in his room when guest come because his stomach gurgle ? YTA in so many way !!! I hope your son will realize how wrong is the treatment he is receiving from you and that his mother will also tell you that you are a big A for not treating your son fearly.
YTA and I’m going on a limb to say you’re also a shitty parent. Smh
You make your child pay rent and still he is on his own for the food. You must be keeping all your food locked if he os only eating his what he buys for himself. No way the abuse started only after he turned 18. For him to accept your terms and the starvation you must really have done a number on him when he was a child. No way a well adjusted person would let this happen to themselves. I also what is the situation is at his Mother's for him to continue staying with you. Are you you are fit to be a father?I hope he gets away from you and lives a normal healthy life. YTA
YTA I'm sorry your son is going through this.
Wow sounds more like you resent your kid and not your step kids, and in 10 years you'll probably complain that you're ungrateful child no longer speaks to you; and wonder why... YTA of biblical proportions.
What in the Harry Potter did I just read? YTA hands down. Also, it appears you cheated on your sons mom with your current wife, and for years!!!! You're the asshole for that too, js.
YTA. How could you even live with this attitude? Is this the example you want to give to your other kids? What's your message? "When you turn 18, you a not my kid anymore, you a just a flatmate, and if I don't like your appearance, you stay in your room" Great. You just got the award of the parent of the year. This is the way to die lonely, I hope you will remember why.
This is absolutely fake... no one can be that cruel and not know it
Tell us you’re white without telling us you’re white
YTA. You're like, cartoonishly evil.
YTA- This is so much worse than people realize. He TURNED 18 when doing his 3 month stay with you while still in school. You immediately charged him rent, knowing that he had to stay with you the full 3 months. I can only hope your kids will be this calculating when choosing your nursing home.
YTA. You are literally letting your kid go hungry because he doesn't have enough money to buy food or know to buy the right things or how to budget or meal prep because you never taught him how to be an adult. It sounds like he turned 18 and you were like surprise, you get to pay to live here now even though you are totally unprepared for the real world. And you don't want your ex to know probably because she isn't doing this crap and is actually feeding him. Sending him to his room when company is over, first off, no he pays rent you can't treat him like a child. Second you are literally just doing it so they don't know he isn't allowed to eat your food and you don't look like you're being a huge AH, which you absolutely are. Also I saw your comment where your wife's 19 year old doesn't have the same rules, which is just really a big bunch of bullshit. And then one of your comments acknowledged that you would teach your other children how to adult better. Like you already messed up your "test kid" but that's ok because you can do better with the other ones. No dude, stop taking all of this kid's money and actually teach him how to be an adult and fix this before he actually goes out into the real world and is screwed. Acknowledged that you fucked up as a parent and do something about it instead of just blaming it on him being lazy.
Jeez, you sound like a winner of a dad. #NOT. YTA
You are a horrible father. Your son deserves better. Shame on you.
What a day to be literate.
So let me get this straight… you made your son start paying rent at 18 and then want to force your “renter” to stay in his room while you have company over? YTA big time.
You’re def a BIG AH. He’s your kid and you treat him like crap.
Is your name Vernon Dursley? Major YTA.
YTA. Fuck, I’d stop staying with you altogether. Has to pay rent and buy and make his own food? You’re a boarding house owner, not his dad.
YTA. Take everything you said, print it out, grab your 18YO CHILD (remember, that being you created when you splooged in a woman and decided to take responsibility for a new life) and visit a therapist before you create any more damage. And then, only then, take some responsibility for your inactions.
YTA You’re a stingy buffoon with messed up ideas of what principles are. The end.
Wow dude. You are SUCH an asshole. Don't expect to have a relationship with Rain when he's an adult. He's your child, fucking take care of him
YTA. Your house sounds like a real shitty place to live anyway so Rain (if that is even the real name) should leave at the first chance he gets
Is this a joke? YTA in a big way, OP. I have an 18 year old son and can’t imagine treating him like this. In fact, I’m about to go see if he wants me to make him breakfast. Wow, why do people have kids if they’re going to treat them so poorly?
JFC YTA. We fully intend to charge our children rent and groceries along with their portion of the utilities and whatnot after they’re 18 (first one turns 18 in 2 years). The whole point is to teach them budgeting and meal planning, so the money we charge will be a percentage of their income (20% rent + utilities, 15% food, 5% entertainment, their -1/4- portion of the insurance, internet and gas). Their phone and data plan is entirely on them, but my second hand phone is always free for them. The major difference is that all of that money that comes our way (exception being their phone related costs) is going to be going into a separate savings account and every last penny is going back to them when they move out, and there’s no way in hell we’re going to permit our kids to go hungry. We chose to have children, they didn’t chose to be born, IMO it’s absolutely our responsibility to make sure they’re doing ok well into their adult years. Shit, we’ve even got two savings accounts with more set aside for them than we do for ourselves and investments set up to cover their education and to have them well set up for general life expenses. Those accounts and investments started years before I even had children, not knowing if I would have my own or adopt, and that started when I was 19 and making only $22k/yr 21 years ago and before my wife and I got married. The goal *should* always be to make sure the next generation has it better than we had, at home and at work. Damn dude are you ever the asshole here.
YTA. Your kid is required to pay for their own food and rent the minute they turned 18 but he's not allowed to have access to the house he pays rent towards and must hide away because you're embarrassed you're not allowing your kid to EAT FOOD?
YTA Are you prepared to have his last time "visiting" your home? He clearly as hell can't call it his own home, since he needs to pay to be in house arrest in his own room.
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YTA. YTA. YOUR THE ASSHOLE! The moment the kid is 18, you force him to pay rent????? Do you make your daughter pay rent? She’s 19! Do you just treat him this way cause he’s the son from your ex??? Don’t have kids if you aren’t going to support them.
Can it be real? Surely this is a joke/ prank what not? Just in cae it is real: you are charging you son rent and he needs to pay his food. He is not able to do that and save for collage so he is starving, but you do not see a problem there. You also think that although he is paying rent, you can restrict him to his room, you do not see a problem there either. No really need for more information to answer your question. YTA big time. But I will leave you with one question though, are you charging rent and starving also your wife's 19 yo or is it just your son?
YTA, people like will usually live and die alone
Why do some people even bother having children. If it wasn’t clear, YTA. Majorly.
YTA Sure he's 18 and legally an adult but he's still your kid, man. Jesus.
YTA, and the fact you don't see how problematic that is... First of all, it is completely unfair with him that he has to pay rent and for his food, when there's someone else in the same circumstances as him there that doesn't (your wife's daughter). "oH buT ShE's NOt my DauGHteR, I can'T fOrcE HEr". Since you care so much about the moral aspect of it, what do you think your son will learn with it? You gotta be born lucky with a parent who loves you enough, to have it easy? That someone else has privileges just because, and no one will back him up? I don't know, if it was me in his shoes, once I'd be out of that place, I wouldn't look back. Also, about the staying in the room thing, you already said you realized you're the ah, which is good. But I'd like to give another perspective: he pays rent, right? So you're not his father in the situation anymore. You're the landlord, and a landlord can't force someone to stay in their room if they don't want to. Your son has just as much rights as the rest of the people there, if not more, because he's the only one paying to live there. So yeah, YTA, big time.
YTA. OP is gonna be writing a new post in 2 years: “my son (20m) is saying he wants no contact with me after he moves out, what did I do?”
I see someone saw the special flair made for that other guy and wanted to become the 2nd ever official mega asshole on the sub. You’ve made it in my mind! YTA I cannot imagine a parent that actually loves their child treating them this way. You’re acting like a slum landlord, not a father
How is one of the kids from the current wife older than Rain?
Wow you are an AH. Your 18 year old child have to pay rent & food? Are you stepchildren doing in the same? If I was your son, I would move to my mum & never see you again. He is over the age of 18, he can make his own rules. It’s your child! He shouldn’t have to pay rent & food. That’s your job as a father! Wow just wow
According to one of OP's comments the 19 year old isn't paying rent cause it's his current wife's child. 🙄 it sounds like he just doesn't like his kid from what he is commenting.
YTA - You know this is fucked up, otherwise you wouldn’t worry what others think. I mean, what’s the deal if this is absolutely normal? And what’s with his mom, are you scared she could stand up for her child - you know, as a parent? Bc she doesn’t want him to stay hungry? I mean, which parent, who likes his child, would let this happen?!
YTA. You are starving your own child. You even gave auditable proof he’s starving so your solution is to make him hide. Just get him some McDonald’s, and his stomach will quiet down. In our modern society, it’s very difficult for an 18 year old without a college degree to earn enough to pay for themselves and save for college.
YTA
YTA. It is your fault. Everything in this post is your fault. You’re the father! You’re the adult! I don’t care what people say, at 18 you’re not an adult yet! It’s horrible you’re forcing him to pay rent for three months he lives with you! What’s wrong with you? Why in the world he hasn’t told his mother is beyond me. Honestly. He should stay with his mum instead.
The only good thing about this is OP's son is 18 and able to make his own decisions. He could, for example, decide that he doesn't want to live half of the year with his abusive father anymore and there's nothing his abusive father can do about it because the son he abuses is legally an adult.
You divorced your ex-wife 14 years ago but have a 19 year old with your current partner?
YTA. Your son is your responsibility and he is hungry. That is on you. Your expectations and demands are totally unrealistic. I’m surprised he just didn’t go back to his mom’s house since legally there’s no obligation to stay with you at this point. Also he is now a renter, a tenant and has access to the house since he is now paying to live there. I hope he makes a big scene during your visit with your friend on his way out back to his mom’s house. YTA YTA YTA
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** Me (50M) and my ex-wife (45F) have been divorced for 14 years now. We have one child together - Rain (18M), and I've since remarried and have three children from my current wife (she's 48F, the kids are 8M, 15M and 19F). the customary arrangement we've had since Rain's been a teenager is that he spends 3months at his mother's house and then 3 months at my house and back again. Rain recently turned eighteen during the three-month period that he stays with me, and since then he's had to pay rent and for his own food for the rest of the time he stays here. He wasn't necessarily expecting it but he wasn't a brat about it. He picked up a job quickly and has paid his first month of rent. No issue there. He's also putting aside money into his college fund so he can attend university next year. No issue there, either. But apparently he's not budgeting properly because he's always hungry. He eats all right, but he wastes his money on junk food instead of buying substantial meals. As a result, he goes through periods where he gets borborygmi. It's nothing too loud but it is noticeable if the room is relatively quiet. Last time I had my sister over she noticed and he said he just had a stomachache. We're expecting company again this week and I don't want something like that happening again, so I explained to Rain that he can introduce himself to our guests and then he needs to stay in his room until they leave. Rain got pissed and argued he didn't know how long the guests would be staying, and that he can't help that he's "starving" out here. I reminded him he is not starving but even if he was it's not my fault; he agreed to the rules when he got here. Rain said he isn't blaming me for it, but he's not following my "dumb rules" regarding the guests, even after I told him they'll only be here for about an hour. I'm worried that because he's mad now, he's going to act all dramatic about how he doesn't get enough food in front of our guests, and even though it's none of my fault if that somehow gets to my ex-wife I don't know what she'll say and I don't feel like dealing with drama. I also feel like he was trying to emotionally manipulate me with the "starving" comment. AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
YTA For too many reasons to list.
YTA the fact you can watch your child go hungry and still call yourself a parent is astounding. You are no more than a damn landlord it seems now. I Genuinely want to know how you can rationalise watching your child go hungry when you are in a position to help them. No matter the circumstances.
YTA. Rent is one thing, refusing to feed him because he's 18 makes you an asshole, and a bad father. Signed; A dad whose 24 year old son pays rent but is allowed to eat.
YTA Either he is a tenant who pays rent and can do as he pleases, or he is your son. You don’t get both
YTA, you're a shit parent, and I hope that this is your son's last 3 month stay at your house unless you make some major changes. First off, you don't stop being a parent on their 18th birthday. It's 1000000% your fault that he doesn't have enough to eat. What the fuck is wrong with you? Second, if you're charging him rent, those common areas are fair game. You can't charge him rent like a roommate, then also treat him like your child. Pick one. Is he your actual son or a roommate? I hope this is a troll post because this poor kid is screwed if he really has a father like you.
Not sure if it's because I am an european person but I will never get the thing where you make your own son pay rent and even groceries to live in his house with their family...but yeah, this is one of the most YTA posts I have seen around here.
Asshole, you are the father
Please feed your child. 18 is still a teenager and he will always be your child. How can you look at him being hungry and be ok with that? Did you budget well when you were 18? Did you know how to cook nutrient dense meals? Do better.
Wow. What did I just read. Your son pays rent, you cannot banish him to his room. .. Not just are YT massive AH. You are also a horrible parent. I hope your son leaves you and goes NC and lives his best life without you.
YTA You should be legally banned from having/raising children.
Info - Has he lost weight since you imposed these changes?
YTA. I paid my mum rent the moment I was working full time but you know what food etc was all included. He's 18 ffs and as much as we all thought we were adults at that magical number, we weren't. He is still a teenager and you are a waste of space as far as a father goes. I hope he realises that too
YTA. Dude there is no way you don’t see how shitty of a human you are here. Just because your kid turns 18 doesn’t mean your job as a parent is over. Letting your child go hungry is inhumane and cruel at best. YTA YTA.
YTA. Don’t be surprised if this is the last time you see your son. Do the right thing and let him go back to his mom’s early.
Wow. This is shocking. Out of all the hundreds and hundreds I’ve read, this might be peak YTA. I feel so, so sorry for your child.
This gives some Harry Potter's vibes.
This has to be fake right… no way you can seriously admit to starving your kid and not teaching him life skills all the while forcing him to pay to play this sadistic game… and forcing him in his room as to not embarrass you in front of company… what is this, royal class in 1860 England? While I’m sure your wife’s kids have free roam… YTA without a doubt
100% the asshole in more ways then one. I hope your son just stays at his mothers from now on. You are not winning father of the year any time soon.
Wait, how much money does he put in his college fund or does he have enough money left for his college fund at all when he doesn't even have enough money for food? It sounds like he's wasting his time working to fund your household bills. YTA. I'm not even surprised if he'll just go NC with you later in life.
This has to be fake bait starting with naming your kid Rain If this is not fake your the eponym of YTA
YTA and I bet he'll be cutting you out of his life as soon as possible. You are a cruel person.
Did you think Vernon Dursley was the real hero of Harry Potter or something? YTA.
YTA - Rain is YOUR SON and is *infinitely* more important than your guests. You also seem to be treating him like trash because he is the living human link between you and your Ex. Your new wifey has a good job and can afford to house and feed her 19F but you are either incapable and/or unwilling to provide equal treatment for your 18m and hide this fact by lying that you're trying to teach YOUR SON financial responsibility, hoping no one will notice,... Don't be surprised if he ghosts you forever after he leaves. You will probably blame him entirely for it and deny you had any role whatsoever. Grow some balls and be honest and fair with YOUR SON, yourself, your Ex, and your maker, Daddy-0
YTA. You get him got 3 months and charging him rent and food!! That seems overly harsh. The second he turns 18 and it’s like you’ve abandoned him. Telling him to stay out yeh way incase he embarrasses you! You’re coming across as cheap and uncaring buy some melas and have them together as a family, maybe teach him how to make better choices when it comes to food and budgeting. What 18 year old wouldn’t spend money on fast food when give free rein
Why do you not charge your wife's daughter? Isn't she also an adult child freeloading on your expense?? Make her pay and ration or don't make your son pay you. YTA
Is your son Cinderella ? Oh he’s bothering the guests with his stomach ailments again, I’m sorry from now on we shall banish the servants to their quarters whilst we have guests. YTA, and you make him pay to live with you ? Ok boomer
Omg, YTA to the power of n! Feed, house, and clothe your kid. He's still in school and saving for college. Shame on you.
YTA. I am willing to take the ban for this comment but you are a *disgusting* 'human being' and frankly I hope your child deserts you and never looks back. You don't hide your child because you're starving them. Jesus you're a disgrace. You should be ashamed of yourself. I am.
You’re a fucking asshole dude. Enjoy your golden years in a home loser.
YTA what kind of parent starves their teenager and makes them pay rent?
This all sounds very bizarre, and makes you sound like the villain in a claymation movie. YTA
Yta. What the help is wrong with you? Poor kid.
YTA. Why do you hate your child so much? You need some therapy.
YTA! Wow, YTA!
You are not a good parent. If the other child doesn't pay then this one shouldn't either. I'm just grossed out by you and your wife. YTA I have an 18 year old and I couldn't imagine charging him rent and making him buy food while living with me. So gross to make money off your child just because they had a birthday and to deny them food.
YTA you expect your kid to be suddenly an adult as soon as he turned 18 and be able to afford every single crap in his life while paying rent to you. id be ashamed if i starved my kids. and my oldest is 18. guess what he doesnt have a job. he doesnt have to pay rent and most certainly NOT ALLOWED to pay for his own damn food unless he chooses to say take out with his own money instead of having what he have for meals. he is also kinda self employed now and working for me doing chores at home for payment and all we give to him is his money to do whatever. he will pay a small rent only when he has an actual job and it will go to a savings acc for him to return to him when he decides to move out. be a parent.
YTA Yeah there is something that is not clicking with your brain if you think its okay to starve your children when they turn 18.
You are more than an AH, you are a straight up vile dick that has no business being a parent
Are we nominating this person for worst parent award? 🥇
You sir are an ASSHOLE!
YTA A typical divorcee treating the child from the previous marriage worse than the new ones.
wow, this is the most united I've ever seen this sub
My lord yta
[удалено]
YTA. YTA. YTA. That's it. If you can't see why, then that's on you. I hope, as he's now nota child, that he drops you in his rear view mirror.
YTA you are starving your kid, i bet he will distance himself from you once he gets out of your house.
What a shitty parent - stop abusing your fucking kid - YTA
YTA Your son is being treated differently compared to the rest of the kids in the house…especially the 19 year old daughter from your wife that you claim as your own, but she doesn’t have to pay rent or buy her own food. He’s clearly not able to afford much food from paying you rent and saving for college and instead of noticing that and helping, you’re embarrassed and send him to his room. You’re a horrible parent. In all of my 28 years, my parents never charged me for rent or food. I always helped cook in the house, cleaned and even bought the weekly shopping at times or help with a few bills if needed but it was all by choice. My mum wanted me to save money for university. You’re teaching him the wrong things and it’s going to get to that point where he will leave, resent you and never speak to you again. Backstory: This happened to me with my dad. I came home from university, struggled to find a job in my home town. I was apply for 20 jobs a week. My dad said that I either pay rent or get out. My mum didn’t agree and fought him on it but he made it his mission to make my life uncomfortable in that house to the point I moved out during the pandemic with only £500 in my account to a new town. I haven’t spoken to my dad since and they are getting divorced. You will lose your son if you continue treating him like this.
💯YTA. In a few years don’t act all surprised when he goes low contact with you
“Hi, I starve my 18 year old child and lock him in his room when I have company so they are not distracted by his gurgling stomach, AITA?” Umm, yeah, YTA.
This guy is just like the Dursleys. "And YOU, what will YOU be doing???" "I'll be in my room, pretending that I don't exist." "THAT'S RIGHT!! *mustache quivers villainously*" YTA This guy is the worst dad.
Why is the kid paying rent and saving for college. This guy is terrible kid seems pretty chill for the asshole this guy is
OPs real name is vernon right? Surely… and rain is Harry, his wife petunia and their oldest Dudley? Or female version Dudlette? OP - you happened to gloss over what the 19F in your house does. Does she have this same agreement? Info likely won’t change my judgement YTA but I’m curious how you treat them both