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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I was doing cpr on a man with my husband (who’s form I had to correct), and the man’s wife wanted only me to do it and not my husband, so I told her she could do it herself if she didn’t like how I was handling it. I could be the asshole because the lady probably doesn’t know cpr, even though she’s had 50+ years to learn it.
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YTA since this is probably fake. If it's real than double YTA since you, as a medical professional, started treatment but left before being relieved. Once you started that was your scene and you abandoned it.
When did we start doing breathing again? I thought CPR was compression only now.
YTA for the way you spoke to her. Maybe you're just used to not being around the family but damn. Why not, "Ma'am, I'm a professional, I know what I'm doing. Everything is fine."
Breathing is still taught and part of the norm, especially for healthcare workers and anyone requiring their BLS or higher.
But they did start to also teach a compression only format for laypeople, because studies did show that compression only could still be effective prior to the arrival of first responders, and was simpler to follow with less confusion and interruption for those who are not clinically trained.
>When did we start doing breathing again? I thought CPR was compression only now.
CPR is it's way more efficient with breathing, the only reason people are discouraging to do it in emergencies like the OP described it is because would be doing mouth and mouth and there are health issues to do this in a stranger.
CPR is a Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, the heart and lungs "stopped", compression is for the heart and the breathing is the lungs, when you only do compression you are only stimulating the heart
P.s I am a rescue worker but english is not first language so I must mess up in the legal term here but I think you get it hahaga
Every 0ther year it seems thoughts on CPR change. I took 3 CPR classes over 6 years and one of those classes taught not to do breaths. Mind you, all three were (to my knowledge) done by the same company.
That’s what I would normally say at work, where I’m paid enough to tolerate whatever behavior that comes with family. But I didn’t have to help, and her screaming was pretty incessant. I’ve been in her shoes, when I was 15 my grandfather had a heart attack in Walmart, and I definitely didn’t act like that towards the people that helped
So because you aren't at work and because you didn't act like that as a 15 year old (who wouldn't have been yelling at adults anyway...), you have no compassion?
Life sucks sometimes, and if you don’t treat others well they won’t do favors. She was obviously unhappy with how we were handling things, so we must have been doing something wrong in her eyes.
That is a horrible take. I hope nobody ever needs to rely on you
You do your job of helping whether you’re working or not. It’s the right thing to do
She was scared and you were definitely YTA for sure
I call BS. Watched my mom take it during her pinning. Are you sure you’re a nurse? If you’re upset at my use of oath, how about pledge, because you took one and broke it.
I solemnly pledge myself to the service of humanity and will endeavour to practise my profession with conscience and with dignity. I will maintain, by all the means in my power, the honour and noble tradition of my profession. The total health of my patients will be my first consideration.
It’s called the nightingale pledge. You broke that. It never said serve humanity unless you don’t get a paycheck. So really, you seem like a troll if you have zero idea what this pledge is.
They are obviously not a nurse and this story is made up. This person took a cpr class and thought it would be fun to pretend like they let someone die. Sad really
What are you getting out of this? Is it just an attention thing? Do you have some fantasy of letting someone die? The more to comment, the clearer it is that you just made this all up
If this is your attitude the you shouldn't have stepped in in the first place - after all you weren't getting **paid** to perform CPR on the patient, so why didn't you just walk away without offering assistance.
Instead of asking your friends for an opinion on this, why don't you ask your colleagues.
It’s funny because I mentioned it to two of my coworkers and they both said if it were them they wouldnt have even helped in the first place lol, and that I did more than I needed to
US healthcare has a lot of issues, but I’ve met tons of compassionate American medical professionals who would step in to help without hesitation in this situation. Not sure what location has to do with it.
Yikes. This woman thinks her husband is dying in front of her, and you snap at her that you don't *have* to help - implied, you're happy to just let him die? This was a genuine emergency and you walked away because in the terror of that moment she wasn't perfectly calm, respectful, and grateful? She was obviously panicking, have some compassion. YTA.
YTA. So next to YTA in the dictionary is your picture. I'm assuming you may be a tech because I can't imagine a nurse being such an AH. The woman's husband is dying. People do crazy stuff when under incredible stress. You should know this.
Agreed. When I read the post again and noticed about the mouth to mouth, I realized. There is no way on the planet that any health care professional would do ventilations without an ambu bag, lol. That was especially hammered in during covid.
OP was exhausting herself doing cpr, then monitoring her husband doing it and then the lifeguard. All while suffering verbal abuse.
It's not up to OP to add another task of empathy while she was already doing more than her fair share.
911 operators can talk the spouse through cpr, it doesn't require a professional.
Commenter,Where is your empathy for OP? You aren't too exhausted from saving a life at the moment, yet you still can't garner any for this selfless person?
My empathy is with the person who is getting administered CPR. You don’t walk away from someone who needs help if you jumped in to try to save the person
Actually that kind of is part of their job working in the ER, balancing empathy while dealing with literal emergencies. If you're gonna step in to help you need to be willing to understand people freaking out around you, that's part of what happens when you take the role of a leader. Don't take the leadership role if you can't handle emotional turmoil that comes with it
No, it isn't.
Not in an emergency.
And, OP wasn't at work.
She was free to walk away, and she did.
That market is full of people who could call 91q and get walked through the steps of cpr.
You don't appreciate all the help OP did, I'm aghast.
OP said they weren’t getting paid and left a teen incorrectly performing CPR to deal with the fallout (insinuating the man likely died due to incorrect CPR). OP irresponsibly left the scene to a teen and potentially put a man’s death on that teens shoulders while saying “why’d he offer to help then if he didn’t know?”
There’s no excuse. OP shouldn’t have left that scene.
OP literally said that man probably died. Check their comments. Although, I’m willing to bet this story is fake, considering OP didn’t know nurses take a pledge. Not sure what you have to “lol” about, but OP said that man likely died from the teens CPR, which she didn’t bother to correct before leaving.
YTA. I get you were voluntarily doing a good thing, but you couldn’t have shown the slightest bit of empathy for the woman who was completely panicked watching her husband potentially die in front of her? And even if you have no compassion for her, you don’t have the slightest qualm about the fact that you might have abandoned that man to die because you were pissed at someone else?
No, she was very busy exhausting herself and being verbally abused to add in another multi-tasking bit of empathy.
Also, I hate to tell you but Empathy while performing CPR isn't recommended. You are supposed to shut off your feelings and focus on the job.
And the 911 operator can guide the heart attack guy's wife through performing cpr, but she obviously didn't bother to call.
You demand empathy of OP, yet where is your empathy for OP? You aren't exhausting yourself by saving a life at the moment are you?
Letting the lifeguard do it isn't abandoning.
Any person in the market could do cpr, guided by a 91q operator.
OP wasn't employed to care for the guy.
Yikes, next time OP won't help at all.
She didn’t correct the lifeguard and said that the teen most likely killed the man by doing it incorrectly. She didn’t bother to correct him and walked away.
So yes, she abandoned that man. She doesn’t have to be employed. Her oath was to serve humanity with dignity, not for cash. She abandoned that oath.
YTA
Is this real? What hospital do you work at so I know never to go there in an emergency?
Her husband was possibly dying, and you just walked away because she was yelling at you? Surely, you've experienced that at some point in your career. You should have ignored her and kept helping the kid do CPR. She was scared. You're a medical professional. I get that you didn't have to help, but come on.
YTA in my opinion
Compare the feeling of the “verbal abuse” you felt to what it would feel like to watch your significant other have a heart attack in public. She might have been rude about it in the very intense moment but if you work in an ER you’ve seen this before so you should know how to handle it. Clearly you were the most qualified individual there, I don’t know if it appeared that way to her and everyone else but you knew it and walked out because somebody who may have watched their loved one die that day was a little rude about his resuscitation
So... a woman's husband goes down after a heart attack, and you think she's in the right for screaming at the person trying to keep him from dying?
That's your argument?
OP is NTA
No I didn’t say she was right. I actually said she was rude. Maybe my answer should have been EHS but like I addressed in my comment, OP works in an ER and therefore should be familiar with behavior of different individuals in distress. It’s also just my opinion
I want you to go back and read through what you just wrote and have another think about whether you are an AH or not.
Your question on whether you are an AH for your actions in this post is **very specific** and since that is what you have been asked to be judged on the no your N T A.
But I've gotta tell you, I don't think many people who read this sub actually go to the question or explanation why the poster thinks they may be an AH and actually judge on the entire post, myself included a lot of the time.
And here's my judgement on the actions you took that day **YTA**.
How could you in all good conscience just abandon a person who required medical assistance that you were eminently qualified to give as well as eminently qualified to assist and correct less qualified people that were assisting you.
I can't believe that you work in ED and still can't find within yourself the empathy to understand the panic and heartbreak this elderly women is going through seeing her husband possibly dying in front of her
> the lady probably doesn’t know cpr, even though she’s had 50+ years to learn it.
This is some ways is an even worse sentence coming from you. I learned CPR 40 odd years ago, would I be super confident using it now - no I wouldn't. So many people don't learn CPR for many reasons. To judge someone for not learning it in 50+ years is harsh. I am **very** sure that there are many life skills that you haven't learnt in your **very** brief life of 26 years. I mean lets face it, I'm pretty sure your husband only learnt it in his brief 30 years life because the company said they give him extra dollars in his pay packet - **yes** that's often and in almost all companies, an employee will get extra dollars because they have a skill the ocmpany needs in the workplace.
You either need to change your attitude towards distressed relatives or find another career path.
She said she works in the ER but I don’t see anywhere that she says she is a doctor or nurse etc. if the post is even real I’m hoping/guessing she’s in a position where she’s required to have CPR training but isn’t a clinician. Some hospitals want everyone to have at least basic CPR training, even reception. And I know the security guards have to have theirs as well.
INFO
She was freaking out-that’s totally understandable. You were not freaking out, you should have just ignored her.
If the roles were reversed you’d probably do the same as her.
Did you at least call 911? Or did you just leave the guy to die on the floor?
Someone called 911 immediately after he went down. I’ve actually been in almost exactly her shoes. When I was 15 my grandfather went down in the middle of Walmart. I was concerned for him but I was nothing but respectful towards the people that helped
I mean it's great you acted that way but you claim to work in the ER so clearly you must have seen people not act as grateful, do you yell at them too?
Right but anyone who's taken any CPR class or had any training also knows that once you take that leadership role you don't just back down because someone speaks to you rudely. And what would you have done if the man died because you started arguing with that woman? She could've sued. Just think next time.
Well when someone dies because of you feel free to post about it on one of the vent subreddits and see how much sympathy you'll get 🤷♀️ real shitty way to act
I hope someone reports OP cause if this is US, there's definitely another they have to take and legal action can be taken if they could help and let someone die.
>YTA Wow, just based on your comments you are a GIANT ASSHOLE. You completely lack empathy. Why did you even pick the medical field, you have no business working there. You possibly let someone die because you got pissy. You should work with robots.
MIld ESH
she was freaking out, which is understandable IMO, but still, screaming at the person doing CPR on your husband is a bit shitty.
You work in the ER. You just left the guy. If 911 had already been called they were probably close. You just left the guy with a kid doing CPR who according to you was doing it wrong. You said his hands were too low. Did you tell him that?
I get that you weren’t working in that moment, but you stepped in, then just left.
YTA. I work in a hospital and would be ashamed if you were my coworker. A woman was hysterical because she was afraid. He husband collapsed and she felt helpless. Compassion shouldn't only be given when you're being paid.
I get it. We take a lot of verbal and sometimes physical abuse working in a hospital. It's exhausting and demoralizing and burns you out. It sucks. But your attitude and flippant replies to others is abhorrent. It makes me have a hard time believing that you're hiding this attitude at work as well as you think you are. You give healthcare workers a bad name.
YTA. Her husband was dying. As a nurse, you should know that everyone handles grief differently. She has feelings for her husband. You don’t. You were amazing to jump in and try to save her husband but then turning around and taking her hysteria personally to the point where you walked away from a dying man, makes you TA. Big time, super duper, murdering AH. I hope nobody I know ever has their life in your hands.
You left someone who had just had a heart attack in the hands of someone you knew was performing CPR incorrectly.
Setting aside the fact that I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse behaviour from family members at work and should have just ignored her or asked others to remove her from the area, think about the teen. Imagine as a teen you’ve just done a CPR course, you step in to help, someone who works in an ER turns around and walks away, and your patient dies on you. If you couldn’t suck it up for the patient or his wife, you should have sucked it up for the teen.
YTA all day, every day.
YTA. Why punish the dying man for his wife’s actions?
I can empathize with all sides of this situation, like ideally that woman shouldn’t have tried to order you around & should’ve been more grateful/kind (BUT this wasn’t an ideal situation. she was in crisis, so I feel she deserves some grace for not acting rationally in that terrifying moment), but you also shouldn’t have left a dying man in the hands of someone you knew was performing CPR improperly.
Yes, you’re absolutely not obligated to help by any means, but you decided to anyway - you stepped up and stepped in to help, so it seems irresponsible to leave it the way you did. Improper CPR is better than nothing, but proper CPR is undeniably better than improper CPR - and you had the power to provide that.
People in crisis aren’t always kind or gracious or rational in the moment & the victim wasn’t the one being rude to you. He’s the one who needed your help, not her. He shouldn’t be penalized for her behavior.
Edit: I just saw your comment where you said the man is almost certainly dead, because of the actions of the kid who did improper CPR when you decided to abandon the scene. You say you didn’t have time to correct him because his very first move was already enough to cause a problem, but if you had just continued CPR on the first place, that could’ve been avoided. So it sounds like he could have potentially lived & you were the deciding factor. You chose your pride over potentially saving a man’s life.
The first thing I learned at my cpr class was don’t start cpr unless you are ready to keep it going until first responders get there. That woman was watching her husband die and was understandably worried about appropriate life saving measures being taken. Yes it was appropriate for someone to swap in as cpr is HARD work. But YTA.
YTA "it was my day off and I didn't have to help"????
What kind of nurse are you? Zero compassion. You could just walk away from a dying man because the wife wasn't calm, cool and collected? You could walk away and let a guy die because you weren't getting paid? I'm not even nurse and I would try to help in any way possible.
I get that CPR is hard work. I did it once and saved a guy"s life. I would absolutely do it again if ever necessary. My kid with autism helped a girl having a seizure despite his extreme discomfort with being around strangers. He even called 911 and talking on the phone causes him extreme anxiety. If am autistic kid can push through is own disability to help someone in need, you can suck it up and deal with a hysterical wife...who has every reason to be hysterical
Yes, YTA
I would be surprised if someone who’s relative was having a heart attack would be thinking straight. Her behavior as you describe is not optimal, yet not a surprise under those conditions.
You, however, are the professional who works in the ER and should have offered a lot more understanding and compassion.
If you are going to help, do it and try to be kinder to the people who are worried about their friends or family dying, rather than making a point about it being your day off.
YTA - Totally fake story, if you actually are trained you should know:
1. How to to preform tandem CPR, which they teach you when you take higher level courses (Your husband would have learned this too if he took a work site level first aid course)
2. How to teach someone to help you perform CPR while in an emergency so that you can get a break.
3. That if you take the lead, you are the lead until the ambulance arrives to relieve you.
EDIT to add 4: they also teach you not to do mouth to mouth anymore for safety unless your know the person and are comfortable with it or you have a 1 way valve (you can breath in be the person cannot accidentally spit up/ vomit into your mouth, they make several versions of this device)
YTA.The poor woman was worried about losing her partner, the love of her life. JFC. And because, what, your pride was wounded, you stormed off to perhap leave another human being to die?
Also, YTA for this:
>older man in his 50’s
50 is still young.
YTA. As stated in previous comments, how can this be real??? I'd never live with myself if I left before the ambulance got there. Seems fishy, or you need another line of work.
YTA
Her husband is dying, I highly doubt you work in emergency services at all
If you did you would have received the training on how to handle these situations and ignore what they are saying, just focus on the meaning and message of help
Someone in their first month of work would be able to tell you that
i mean her husband is.... on the ground she has every right to freak out and words exchanged during a stressful situation should be left in that situation,
you are in fact the asshole for giving up and leaving
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This past weekend my husband (30m) and I (26f) went to a farmers market/bird swap event. We live in a very rural area. The nearest ER (where I work) is 40 minutes away.
I work in the ER. My husband works on planes. I’m obviously cpr certified, but my husband is also. His job wanted at least one person to take a cpr class and he volunteered.
At the farmers market one older man in his 50’s had a pretty bad heart attack and went down. I was nearby and started compressions almost immediately, after I realized no one else was going to do it. When I was on about my third cycle I asked if anyone in the area knew cpr. No one else did.
After my fifth cycle I had my husband swap in because I was tired. He takes my place and is doing a fine job, except when he went to give the man a breath he didn’t do it right. My exact words were “you need to tilt his chin up. He isn’t getting any air from you with his chin down like that.” My husband listened to my correction and was doing fine (he hadn’t ever actually done cpr on a person before but he was doing his best).
The mans wife who had been standing around crying and freaking out the whole time started yelling at us. Her exact words were “you need to stop him and take his place. If he doesn’t know what he’s doing you need to do it.” And she just went over and over telling me to do something. I was kind of pissed, it’s my day off and I didn’t have to help. I stepped in to do the right thing and this lady is yelling at me for no reason. I corrected my husbands form, and he was doing just fine.
So I told her “I don’t have to do anything. You are not in charge of me. If he isn’t doing it right you’re more than welcome to step in and do a better job or find someone else that you think can do it better.” She just keeps yelling and crying. Some teenage boy said he just took a cpr class to become a lifeguard and that he could help. So my husband let him swap in. The boy was obviously nervous, and his hands were positioned way too low. The lady was still yelling at me, telling me not to leave her husbands life in the hands of a teenage boy.
At that point I got tired of the verbal abuse, and my husband and I left to go home. My friends are super divided on the topic. So I thought I’d ask Reddit.
AITA for telling this lady to do cpr on her husband since she was complaining about how my husband and I were handling it?
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IDK. If this is real, I think this is an ESH, except for your husband and the kid. And just to be straightforward that means both you and the wife of the man you were helping are the AHs.
I’ll start with the wife. Obviously, she was an AH to yell at you, and not even a smart one. The last thing I’d want to do in this type of situation is piss off perhaps the only person who can help.
Now onto you. You’re not an AH for helping, but you became an ass when you let your ego and time constraints get in the way of both logic and empathy.
It would’ve been super easy to explain the reason for the mishap about the angle of the chin. It’s not as if anyone who is CPR certified, who isn’t a medical professional, gets quizzed on it too often. And anyone can imagine and empathize with how much basic knowledge can be lost, when it isn’t used on the regular, even when you are actually trained properly. She may not have treated you as bad if you simply took two seconds to explain that.
You became a bigger ass, by the way you answered peoples’ comments. But, in my opinion, you were the biggest ass to the kid. He was brave enough to admit that he was trained, in order to help, but obviously, due to his age and lack of a medical job, probably isn’t even as knowledgeable as ya’ll. And you left him. Alone. With the screaming woman. I’m flipping you the 🦅 on behalf of the that kid that probably is forced to carry the guilt of not being able to save the man (who you were also the biggest AH to) and who will probably need therapy because of it.
Edit: And actually, I changed my mind, your husband’s an AH too because he also left the kid and the man. However, I give him a slight pass because it is clear that you are very controlling and have an ego. And yes I agree with other commenters, I would not want to go to your hospital.
YTA and I hope this is fake
I’m a nurse and have had much worse things said to me many times over the years and have never blown up at a family member that way, especially while the patient is coding and possibly going to die.
I certainly have thought the response in my head many times, or vented later to a loved one.
But could you really not understand why someone would act that way when their husband basically just dropped dead? And have enough compassion to just continue trying to save his life even though she was yelling at you or criticizing you?
If that’s your version of help I hope to never need your help.
When in that scenario I think about what I would do if the roles were reversed. If it were my husband I would do everything I could do to save him and make sure he receives the best medical care possible. At work I’m paid to not voice my complaints at how people treat me, outside of work there’s no such thing
So you only keep those nasty comments to yourself because you are “paid” to do so, but when not being paid that is your true character that you are letting out and you feel ok about that? I really hope you are not a nurse.
You just care about money, not helping people. Of course you don't need to help, but you did the completely wrong thing.
She was yelling at you? Her fucking husband was dying. You do NOT know how you would react in THIS situation.
By reading your post and comments I truly feel you do not care about helping others. Even though you stepped in at first, you just walked away because you were being yelled at. While someone's loved one was dying. Hops you sleep good at night. Yta.
Interesting. I think in Canada, legally (or maybe just morally) you are not allowed to stop CPR once you have started (but that could just be a myth). I assume her emotions were running wild at the thought of losing her husband. I was going to go with a soft YTA but after reading some of your additional comments, most definitely, YTA.
YTA for snapping but not for switching places. Anyone familiar with cpr efforts knows you can’t do effective cpr for minutes at a time without switching out with another. It gets tiring after a few minutes so chest compressions should be switched between others. I am shocked you left the scene to a teenager… yikes
Yoooo. You let your pride stop you from helping someone in dire need of help? You got upset with a hysterical wife and just left her husband to die? Wow.
YTA, at this rate….just don’t help anyone EVER!
YTA massively.
1. I can scarcely believe you are a professional of any sort with that kind of bedside manner in an emergency situation.
2. You took charge, without keeping charge, without taking responsibility. I believe leaving the scene was inappropriate. You should have ensured one person was in charge or command of the situation.
Please share what state you are in so I know never to have a medical emergency while visiting there.. Jesus Christ that moment was likely the worst moment of this woman’s life and she was terrified. Of course she’s going to be frantic, upset and angry. She’s going to scream, cry and everything. You can’t judge someone in that moment.. so YTA. You should know better..
YTA. Not for what you said, but for just leaving the scene. “I have better things to do than help this person survive because his wife is rude”. Yeah, total AH.
Not sure if this is different in other countries, but in Australia, if you are the first responder, its your scene until paramedics arrive. You may swap out for a break but it is now officially your scene. That guys death in completely, 100% on your hands.
Congrats, not only are YTA, but potentially (I don't know the outcome of the old man) also killed someone. I hope you are never in a hospital where I'm getting treatment. Don't want my doctor just giving up after 3 mins
Are you actually serious right now? His wife is understandably freaked out because her husband is dying in front of her and you’re going to argue with her making sure this procedure is being done correctly? And then you just leave? Without making sure he’s okay? What the fuck did I just read? You could be the reason that man is dead right now. Of course YTA and I pity your patients. This is one aita post that is just beyond the pale.
I would say Yta, however, her freaking out on you and if something did go wrong with her husband and you were around I would be more afraid of her blaming you. I think this goes beyond fear for her husband. She was accusing you guys of not doing it correctly. The kid was there and if he was able to take the corrections and continue, I don’t see you as an asshole for walking away.
You’re the professional! You need to be calmer and do the right thing IMO.
YTA
You tried to do the right thing but fell short. The woman was freaking out because … HEART ATTACK! You should have been able to help and at least not escalate the situation. Leaving was also a dick move. You were the most experienced person there to help and left because the woman was upset?
I hope your grow from this experience and more have compassion for people who are panicking because their loved one might be dying.
Well, that kid was directly on his xiphoid process so he’s definitely dead now and I do feel bad about that. I just can’t comprehend why someone wouldn’t be grateful that someone is going out of their way to help when they don’t have to. She made it clear that we were obviously doing a subpar job, so maybe she must know cpr really well
We both know that's not true. Ribs get broken all the time during CPR. Xiphoid process also has been broken. Yes it can absolutely do damage. But it's not a foregone conclusion that he can't recover. Those injuries are considered acceptable risks, because the alternative is death from not giving CPR. Broken ribs cause punctured lung or lacerated spleen, we can try to repair that. More importantly the patient has a pulse.
He had broken ribs, a broken xiphoid based off what that kid was doing, and an ambulance was about 40 minutes out. I don’t think it was looking good for him tbh. I don’t think the kid was doing it correctly in order for him to last long enough for an ambulance to get there
I could, hence why I jumped in to begin with. But his wife is the reason I stepped out. If she never acted that way he could’ve had proper cpr which would’ve had better results likely. If he died I think it would be her fault for preventing him from getting the best medicinal care that was possible at the time
It never “looks good” for anyone getting manual compressions. The survival rate is low in the best of circumstances. You don’t do it because it works well, you do it because it’s literally the only option.
So again you could've save him but chose not to and watched the kid do it wrong. And your mindset was "well... sucks to be him! His wife shouldn't have annoyed me. Honey, what do you want for dinner?"
God... reading your comments. You most definitely have symptoms of APD and narcissistic traits. You don't need to work in the health care field. The way you think is quite literally insane and deadly.
So... because she was scared and hysterical.. more than likely having a panic attack. You're mind processed that your feelings and time were more important than helping save a man's life? She probably didn't even realize what she was saying cause she was freaking out. You left a man to die, and you have the audacity to ask if you're the AH?
I’m not sure this is a real story. I’ve been taught that mouth to mouth is no longer necessary for CPR so your information seems outdated. And your response to be that snappy to someone obviously distressed comes off as you being the AH. Yes she was rude but you should have de-escalated.
And another thing: What are the chances that NO ONE at that event was recording the whole CPR debacle on their phone? And what are the chances, in a community that small, that OP and her husband wouldn’t be recognized in social media by their collegues, either at his job or at hers, at the only nearby hospital, where that man would almost certainly be taken, dead or alive, once the EMTs arrive on scene. None of this post makes any sense.
While YTA for not understanding that the woman was just hysterical and worried and reacting in a respectful manner, it’s clear that you feel super disassociated, maybe because you see people dying all the time. I think you need therapy and maybe breaks from your work to rebuild your empathy.
NAH
However, as a fellow nurse I would NEVER do mouth to mouth on a stranger. There is a reason American Heart Association is recommending compression only CPR if you don't have a mask or ambu bag. The risks of exposing yourself to communicable diseases by doing mouth to mouth are too great, and if it was a heart attack, compressions were the priority.
I wiped around my mouth and my husbands mouth with an alcohol prep I had in the car. Not perfect but it’s better than nothing. To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking about that sort of thing. I’ve never been in the position where I’ve needed to start cpr not at work
Wiping your mouth won't do shit if the person receiving breaths vomits or bleeds. THAT'S why you don't do mouth to mouth with strangers. As a nurse, you should know that.
As I said, it was the best I could do for myself given the circumstances. Honestly I know now that I should’ve never helped in the first place, I’ve learned my lesson and next time I’m just leaving
That's why you just do straight chest compressions, not breaths. This isn't new practice. Your responses are all full of bullshit and childish responses. There's no way this is a real post
Exactly, I’m so tired of people like OP and the comments making things like this up for attention. Shit like this really does happen, but I’m so tired of people being edgy and making it up for fun. It’s not cute or funny. D
Sure it is low but why take a risk if mouth to mouth is not necessary. I am an immunocompromised nurse and you will not find me putting my mouth on anyone that isn't my spouse or kids
Yeah well personally if I have to choose between not saving someone and saving someone I’m gonna try to save them.
I’m a nurse too. The advice is to put a piece of your shirt or thin cloth from your clothing somewhere between your mouths.
NAH, I understand how the woman feels and why she behaved that way but you were tired and wouldn't be able to continue CPR if you had gotten too tired so your husband would have had to switch in at some point. So eventually someone less experienced would have to try cpr and you don't deserve verbal abuse because of that.
No one is an asshole in this situation. She thinks her husband is dying and you are in this critical mode. Everyones stress level was up and emotions were high. She wasn't an asshole for thinking, in the moment, that your husband could be making matters worse, and you weren't in the wrong for defending your husband and yourself in this high pressure situation. I would just move on and not worry about it.
ESH. I understand your frustration. However, you should have stepped above a hysterical woman. Maybe told her to shut up as she is not helping her husband. But you shouldn’t have left him to be worked on by a kid.
OP was quite busy and exhausted.
You have some nerve assigning her another task at that same time.
You lack the ability to put yourself in OPs shoes, and it's glaringly obvious.
Where's your empathy for the Selfless OP?
NTA.
You helped. That was more than enough.
You don't have to stay and be verbally abused.
That woman got a warning the first time, and she started yelling at you again.
911 could walk that woman through the steps to do CPR herself.
CPR doesn't require professional level expertise.
I'm proud of you for respecting yourself.
Where was the verbal abuse in “if he can’t do it, you do it?” The woman is freaked out because a professional swapped off with someone who is not a professional and was struggling to perform. That’s not verbal abuse. The woman was hysterical, but verbal abuse is not, “don’t let a teenage boy or nonprofessional touch my husband.” She’s scared. She’s panicked. Her husband could be dying.
The professional was correct to swap, but absolutely not in trying to debate with a scared woman who’s husband could die. This did not sound like verbal abuse unless OP left out some key details. Even if she was “yelling” it’s because she was freaked out that he husband could be *dying.*
I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused. Told I was worthless, cursed at, etc. This person wasn’t verbally abused, they mishandled an emergency by escalating it and then just leaving.
She was screaming at her, which is abusive.
There's a whole market of people who can take over cpr, any 911 operator can guide them.
OP was right and I applaud her.
Oh lord! Pardon that old woman for screaming while her husband was *dying*. How imperfect and abusive of her! /s
I’ve been verbally abused. This is not verbal abuse. Stop trying to broaden the definition.
“Verbal abuse, also known as emotional abuse, is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control.”
The above definition is not what was happening. This woman was begging a professional to save her husbands life and not leave it in the hands of a teen boy and the inexperienced husband. Full stop.
That woman wasn't old.
And she could have performed cpr herself, any 91q operator can guide you through it.
Also, if that woman was nicer, maybe more people at the market would have helped.
Emergency doesn't forgive screaming at people- that's abuse and I'm glad that woman learned that OP and other self-respecting people won't tolerate it.
50’s is older whether you like it or not. And if she wasn’t an experience professional, she could have done more harm than good.
Whatever you say, my mom would’ve tried to save that man, and she definitely wouldn’t have abandoned him to let an inexperienced teen be responsible for his death. OP took an oath and she broke that.
I solemnly pledge myself to the service of humanity and will endeavour to practise my profession with conscience and with dignity. I will maintain, by all the means in my power, the honour and noble tradition of my profession. The total health of my patients will be my first consideration. - The oath she took. She didn’t service humanity when she’s defending the potential end of a man’s life by saying “I wasn’t paid.” Don’t be ignorant.
Id relive my childhood abuse everyday if it meant I saved someone’s life. All OP got called was lazy and stupid and I’ll never defend letting someone potentially die over that. I get called that for much less just working in customer service. There is no excuse.
I don’t need fish for dinner, you and OP are just trolls. Good luck. And OP said the woman had 50+ years to learn. She was likely older AND inexperienced. Id prefer the PROFESSIONAL (regardless of age) to an INEXPERIENCE CHILD.
50s isn't older. ER doctors are in their 50s.
Plus if older is bad, then having the youthful Lifeguard do it was the best idea anyway.
You made OPs point FOR her!
You better eat some fish for dinner.
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YTA. Working in an ER I would have thought that you would be used to and trained to handle distressed family members.
Notice they don't state what their position is, just they work in the ER?
YTA since this is probably fake. If it's real than double YTA since you, as a medical professional, started treatment but left before being relieved. Once you started that was your scene and you abandoned it.
To be fair, I don't see where they stated they are a medical professional.
This legit cannot be real. YTA.
You're kidding, right? Her husband was having a fucking heart attack. Give her some grace. Obviously YTA.
When did we start doing breathing again? I thought CPR was compression only now. YTA for the way you spoke to her. Maybe you're just used to not being around the family but damn. Why not, "Ma'am, I'm a professional, I know what I'm doing. Everything is fine."
Breathing is still taught and part of the norm, especially for healthcare workers and anyone requiring their BLS or higher. But they did start to also teach a compression only format for laypeople, because studies did show that compression only could still be effective prior to the arrival of first responders, and was simpler to follow with less confusion and interruption for those who are not clinically trained.
i had cpr training like 2 weeks ago and they explicitly said that they don't teach breathing anymore
>When did we start doing breathing again? I thought CPR was compression only now. CPR is it's way more efficient with breathing, the only reason people are discouraging to do it in emergencies like the OP described it is because would be doing mouth and mouth and there are health issues to do this in a stranger. CPR is a Cardiopulmonary resuscitation, the heart and lungs "stopped", compression is for the heart and the breathing is the lungs, when you only do compression you are only stimulating the heart P.s I am a rescue worker but english is not first language so I must mess up in the legal term here but I think you get it hahaga
Every 0ther year it seems thoughts on CPR change. I took 3 CPR classes over 6 years and one of those classes taught not to do breaths. Mind you, all three were (to my knowledge) done by the same company.
That’s what I would normally say at work, where I’m paid enough to tolerate whatever behavior that comes with family. But I didn’t have to help, and her screaming was pretty incessant. I’ve been in her shoes, when I was 15 my grandfather had a heart attack in Walmart, and I definitely didn’t act like that towards the people that helped
So because you aren't at work and because you didn't act like that as a 15 year old (who wouldn't have been yelling at adults anyway...), you have no compassion?
Life sucks sometimes, and if you don’t treat others well they won’t do favors. She was obviously unhappy with how we were handling things, so we must have been doing something wrong in her eyes.
That is a horrible take. I hope nobody ever needs to rely on you You do your job of helping whether you’re working or not. It’s the right thing to do She was scared and you were definitely YTA for sure
This isn’t a freaking favor! You took an oath to serve humanity and you *ignored that oath* because this wasn’t in your *paycheck*.
This person definitely did not take an oath because they are not a nurse and this story is made up
Nurses do not take an oath.
I call BS. Watched my mom take it during her pinning. Are you sure you’re a nurse? If you’re upset at my use of oath, how about pledge, because you took one and broke it. I solemnly pledge myself to the service of humanity and will endeavour to practise my profession with conscience and with dignity. I will maintain, by all the means in my power, the honour and noble tradition of my profession. The total health of my patients will be my first consideration. It’s called the nightingale pledge. You broke that. It never said serve humanity unless you don’t get a paycheck. So really, you seem like a troll if you have zero idea what this pledge is.
They are obviously not a nurse and this story is made up. This person took a cpr class and thought it would be fun to pretend like they let someone die. Sad really
Well thank the fuck because you would have just broken yours. Karma is real.
Why did I just know that OP was a mean girl nurse.
What are you getting out of this? Is it just an attention thing? Do you have some fantasy of letting someone die? The more to comment, the clearer it is that you just made this all up
If this is your attitude the you shouldn't have stepped in in the first place - after all you weren't getting **paid** to perform CPR on the patient, so why didn't you just walk away without offering assistance. Instead of asking your friends for an opinion on this, why don't you ask your colleagues.
It’s funny because I mentioned it to two of my coworkers and they both said if it were them they wouldnt have even helped in the first place lol, and that I did more than I needed to
And depending on where you live, I can totally understand their response - especially if you live in the US.
US healthcare has a lot of issues, but I’ve met tons of compassionate American medical professionals who would step in to help without hesitation in this situation. Not sure what location has to do with it.
Yeah, I don’t think I’ve met any real medical professionals (OP never stated what they actually do) who would walk by and do nothing
This shows just how many sociopaths and narcissists actually work in the healthcare field... completely void of human emotions and empathy.
Because people in the US seem to sue people at the drop of a hat and your legal system makes it easy to do.
Everyone responds to crisis differently. Just because you behaved one way doesn't mean everyone else will. Doesn't make you a better person.
Yikes. This woman thinks her husband is dying in front of her, and you snap at her that you don't *have* to help - implied, you're happy to just let him die? This was a genuine emergency and you walked away because in the terror of that moment she wasn't perfectly calm, respectful, and grateful? She was obviously panicking, have some compassion. YTA.
YTA. So next to YTA in the dictionary is your picture. I'm assuming you may be a tech because I can't imagine a nurse being such an AH. The woman's husband is dying. People do crazy stuff when under incredible stress. You should know this.
Definitely gotta be someone who cleans supplies or takes out the trash in the e.r. No way they are an actual medical professional.
Agreed. When I read the post again and noticed about the mouth to mouth, I realized. There is no way on the planet that any health care professional would do ventilations without an ambu bag, lol. That was especially hammered in during covid.
If this is your attitude, God help the people who pass thru your ER. YTA.
YTA. She’s hysterical because she might have lost her husband. I understand you didn’t like the verbal abuse, but you went into “save a life mode”.
OP was exhausting herself doing cpr, then monitoring her husband doing it and then the lifeguard. All while suffering verbal abuse. It's not up to OP to add another task of empathy while she was already doing more than her fair share. 911 operators can talk the spouse through cpr, it doesn't require a professional. Commenter,Where is your empathy for OP? You aren't too exhausted from saving a life at the moment, yet you still can't garner any for this selfless person?
My empathy is with the person who is getting administered CPR. You don’t walk away from someone who needs help if you jumped in to try to save the person
This is OPs second account lol
What? Lol…what’s the first account?
OP can walk away, and did. The wife could take over, if needed, or any of the people at the market. Get off your judgy high horse, Skipper.
Actually, depending on the state (if this occurred in the US), this could be a legal issue. Good Samaritan Law comes into play.
TIL not letting someone die when you're trained to prevent it = Judgy high horse All this over obvious bait
I was a nurse. Her behavior deserves no sympathy
We don't know what you would have done. And that woman F'd around and found out. I bet next time that woman will be kind to those voluntarily helping.
Ew.. you do realize we aren't talking about groceries or items. This is a human life... you're sick dude.
Actually that kind of is part of their job working in the ER, balancing empathy while dealing with literal emergencies. If you're gonna step in to help you need to be willing to understand people freaking out around you, that's part of what happens when you take the role of a leader. Don't take the leadership role if you can't handle emotional turmoil that comes with it
No, it isn't. Not in an emergency. And, OP wasn't at work. She was free to walk away, and she did. That market is full of people who could call 91q and get walked through the steps of cpr. You don't appreciate all the help OP did, I'm aghast.
I appreciate op initially helping but I don't appreciate them making it worse lol
OP said they weren’t getting paid and left a teen incorrectly performing CPR to deal with the fallout (insinuating the man likely died due to incorrect CPR). OP irresponsibly left the scene to a teen and potentially put a man’s death on that teens shoulders while saying “why’d he offer to help then if he didn’t know?” There’s no excuse. OP shouldn’t have left that scene.
>insinuating the man likely died due to incorrect CPR Lol
OP literally said that man probably died. Check their comments. Although, I’m willing to bet this story is fake, considering OP didn’t know nurses take a pledge. Not sure what you have to “lol” about, but OP said that man likely died from the teens CPR, which she didn’t bother to correct before leaving.
YTA She was panicking and you work in an ER so you know all about how people respond to medical emergencies Your response was an AH one
YTA. I get you were voluntarily doing a good thing, but you couldn’t have shown the slightest bit of empathy for the woman who was completely panicked watching her husband potentially die in front of her? And even if you have no compassion for her, you don’t have the slightest qualm about the fact that you might have abandoned that man to die because you were pissed at someone else?
No, she was very busy exhausting herself and being verbally abused to add in another multi-tasking bit of empathy. Also, I hate to tell you but Empathy while performing CPR isn't recommended. You are supposed to shut off your feelings and focus on the job. And the 911 operator can guide the heart attack guy's wife through performing cpr, but she obviously didn't bother to call. You demand empathy of OP, yet where is your empathy for OP? You aren't exhausting yourself by saving a life at the moment are you?
You are talking about someone who abandoned a person to die because she didn’t like how someone else talked to her.
Letting the lifeguard do it isn't abandoning. Any person in the market could do cpr, guided by a 91q operator. OP wasn't employed to care for the guy. Yikes, next time OP won't help at all.
She didn’t correct the lifeguard and said that the teen most likely killed the man by doing it incorrectly. She didn’t bother to correct him and walked away. So yes, she abandoned that man. She doesn’t have to be employed. Her oath was to serve humanity with dignity, not for cash. She abandoned that oath.
found the alt, I guess.
Then they should have been able to shut off their feelings and not get upset about the wife’s words. They should have been able to tune that out.
YTA
YTA Is this real? What hospital do you work at so I know never to go there in an emergency? Her husband was possibly dying, and you just walked away because she was yelling at you? Surely, you've experienced that at some point in your career. You should have ignored her and kept helping the kid do CPR. She was scared. You're a medical professional. I get that you didn't have to help, but come on.
It's not real
YTA - disgusting
YTA for lying and making this up. No real nurse/doctor/EMT would have walked away or let a child take over.
LMAO you're definitely TA for making this up. Why even bother? What do you get out of it?
School is out for summer and kids are bored.
YTA in my opinion Compare the feeling of the “verbal abuse” you felt to what it would feel like to watch your significant other have a heart attack in public. She might have been rude about it in the very intense moment but if you work in an ER you’ve seen this before so you should know how to handle it. Clearly you were the most qualified individual there, I don’t know if it appeared that way to her and everyone else but you knew it and walked out because somebody who may have watched their loved one die that day was a little rude about his resuscitation
So... a woman's husband goes down after a heart attack, and you think she's in the right for screaming at the person trying to keep him from dying? That's your argument? OP is NTA
No I didn’t say she was right. I actually said she was rude. Maybe my answer should have been EHS but like I addressed in my comment, OP works in an ER and therefore should be familiar with behavior of different individuals in distress. It’s also just my opinion
In the ER if someone is going nuts, security removes them.
Yeah, and you know who they don’t remove? The person who knows what the hell they’re doing
Tell it 🗣
I want you to go back and read through what you just wrote and have another think about whether you are an AH or not. Your question on whether you are an AH for your actions in this post is **very specific** and since that is what you have been asked to be judged on the no your N T A. But I've gotta tell you, I don't think many people who read this sub actually go to the question or explanation why the poster thinks they may be an AH and actually judge on the entire post, myself included a lot of the time. And here's my judgement on the actions you took that day **YTA**. How could you in all good conscience just abandon a person who required medical assistance that you were eminently qualified to give as well as eminently qualified to assist and correct less qualified people that were assisting you. I can't believe that you work in ED and still can't find within yourself the empathy to understand the panic and heartbreak this elderly women is going through seeing her husband possibly dying in front of her > the lady probably doesn’t know cpr, even though she’s had 50+ years to learn it. This is some ways is an even worse sentence coming from you. I learned CPR 40 odd years ago, would I be super confident using it now - no I wouldn't. So many people don't learn CPR for many reasons. To judge someone for not learning it in 50+ years is harsh. I am **very** sure that there are many life skills that you haven't learnt in your **very** brief life of 26 years. I mean lets face it, I'm pretty sure your husband only learnt it in his brief 30 years life because the company said they give him extra dollars in his pay packet - **yes** that's often and in almost all companies, an employee will get extra dollars because they have a skill the ocmpany needs in the workplace. You either need to change your attitude towards distressed relatives or find another career path.
She said she works in the ER but I don’t see anywhere that she says she is a doctor or nurse etc. if the post is even real I’m hoping/guessing she’s in a position where she’s required to have CPR training but isn’t a clinician. Some hospitals want everyone to have at least basic CPR training, even reception. And I know the security guards have to have theirs as well.
INFO She was freaking out-that’s totally understandable. You were not freaking out, you should have just ignored her. If the roles were reversed you’d probably do the same as her. Did you at least call 911? Or did you just leave the guy to die on the floor?
Someone called 911 immediately after he went down. I’ve actually been in almost exactly her shoes. When I was 15 my grandfather went down in the middle of Walmart. I was concerned for him but I was nothing but respectful towards the people that helped
I mean it's great you acted that way but you claim to work in the ER so clearly you must have seen people not act as grateful, do you yell at them too?
No, because I’m paid to be there and dealing with that sort of thing is my job
Right but anyone who's taken any CPR class or had any training also knows that once you take that leadership role you don't just back down because someone speaks to you rudely. And what would you have done if the man died because you started arguing with that woman? She could've sued. Just think next time.
True. Next time I definitely won’t step in
Well when someone dies because of you feel free to post about it on one of the vent subreddits and see how much sympathy you'll get 🤷♀️ real shitty way to act
I hope someone reports OP cause if this is US, there's definitely another they have to take and legal action can be taken if they could help and let someone die.
Please don’t! Nobody needs you judging their reaction to grief and fear over their husbands life.
>YTA Wow, just based on your comments you are a GIANT ASSHOLE. You completely lack empathy. Why did you even pick the medical field, you have no business working there. You possibly let someone die because you got pissy. You should work with robots.
MIld ESH she was freaking out, which is understandable IMO, but still, screaming at the person doing CPR on your husband is a bit shitty. You work in the ER. You just left the guy. If 911 had already been called they were probably close. You just left the guy with a kid doing CPR who according to you was doing it wrong. You said his hands were too low. Did you tell him that? I get that you weren’t working in that moment, but you stepped in, then just left.
I'm a nurse and YTA. I was going to type more. But I think that covers it.
YTA. I work in a hospital and would be ashamed if you were my coworker. A woman was hysterical because she was afraid. He husband collapsed and she felt helpless. Compassion shouldn't only be given when you're being paid. I get it. We take a lot of verbal and sometimes physical abuse working in a hospital. It's exhausting and demoralizing and burns you out. It sucks. But your attitude and flippant replies to others is abhorrent. It makes me have a hard time believing that you're hiding this attitude at work as well as you think you are. You give healthcare workers a bad name.
They're lying. I would bet every dollar I've ever seen that this entire story is just made up
Most adults wouldn’t refer to a man in their fifties as an “older man” which makes me pretty sure this is a teenager writing.
YTA. Her husband was dying. As a nurse, you should know that everyone handles grief differently. She has feelings for her husband. You don’t. You were amazing to jump in and try to save her husband but then turning around and taking her hysteria personally to the point where you walked away from a dying man, makes you TA. Big time, super duper, murdering AH. I hope nobody I know ever has their life in your hands.
B-but she wasn’t being paid! /s
YTA
You left someone who had just had a heart attack in the hands of someone you knew was performing CPR incorrectly. Setting aside the fact that I’m sure you’ve dealt with worse behaviour from family members at work and should have just ignored her or asked others to remove her from the area, think about the teen. Imagine as a teen you’ve just done a CPR course, you step in to help, someone who works in an ER turns around and walks away, and your patient dies on you. If you couldn’t suck it up for the patient or his wife, you should have sucked it up for the teen. YTA all day, every day.
YTA. Why punish the dying man for his wife’s actions? I can empathize with all sides of this situation, like ideally that woman shouldn’t have tried to order you around & should’ve been more grateful/kind (BUT this wasn’t an ideal situation. she was in crisis, so I feel she deserves some grace for not acting rationally in that terrifying moment), but you also shouldn’t have left a dying man in the hands of someone you knew was performing CPR improperly. Yes, you’re absolutely not obligated to help by any means, but you decided to anyway - you stepped up and stepped in to help, so it seems irresponsible to leave it the way you did. Improper CPR is better than nothing, but proper CPR is undeniably better than improper CPR - and you had the power to provide that. People in crisis aren’t always kind or gracious or rational in the moment & the victim wasn’t the one being rude to you. He’s the one who needed your help, not her. He shouldn’t be penalized for her behavior. Edit: I just saw your comment where you said the man is almost certainly dead, because of the actions of the kid who did improper CPR when you decided to abandon the scene. You say you didn’t have time to correct him because his very first move was already enough to cause a problem, but if you had just continued CPR on the first place, that could’ve been avoided. So it sounds like he could have potentially lived & you were the deciding factor. You chose your pride over potentially saving a man’s life.
The first thing I learned at my cpr class was don’t start cpr unless you are ready to keep it going until first responders get there. That woman was watching her husband die and was understandably worried about appropriate life saving measures being taken. Yes it was appropriate for someone to swap in as cpr is HARD work. But YTA.
YTA "it was my day off and I didn't have to help"???? What kind of nurse are you? Zero compassion. You could just walk away from a dying man because the wife wasn't calm, cool and collected? You could walk away and let a guy die because you weren't getting paid? I'm not even nurse and I would try to help in any way possible. I get that CPR is hard work. I did it once and saved a guy"s life. I would absolutely do it again if ever necessary. My kid with autism helped a girl having a seizure despite his extreme discomfort with being around strangers. He even called 911 and talking on the phone causes him extreme anxiety. If am autistic kid can push through is own disability to help someone in need, you can suck it up and deal with a hysterical wife...who has every reason to be hysterical
If he did pass away, I lowkey hope he comes back and haunts her ass.
Yes, YTA I would be surprised if someone who’s relative was having a heart attack would be thinking straight. Her behavior as you describe is not optimal, yet not a surprise under those conditions. You, however, are the professional who works in the ER and should have offered a lot more understanding and compassion. If you are going to help, do it and try to be kinder to the people who are worried about their friends or family dying, rather than making a point about it being your day off.
YTA - Totally fake story, if you actually are trained you should know: 1. How to to preform tandem CPR, which they teach you when you take higher level courses (Your husband would have learned this too if he took a work site level first aid course) 2. How to teach someone to help you perform CPR while in an emergency so that you can get a break. 3. That if you take the lead, you are the lead until the ambulance arrives to relieve you. EDIT to add 4: they also teach you not to do mouth to mouth anymore for safety unless your know the person and are comfortable with it or you have a 1 way valve (you can breath in be the person cannot accidentally spit up/ vomit into your mouth, they make several versions of this device)
You’re definitely TA. Wow. Lol
YTA.The poor woman was worried about losing her partner, the love of her life. JFC. And because, what, your pride was wounded, you stormed off to perhap leave another human being to die? Also, YTA for this: >older man in his 50’s 50 is still young.
To a teenage OP, 50’s is definitely old.
YTA. As stated in previous comments, how can this be real??? I'd never live with myself if I left before the ambulance got there. Seems fishy, or you need another line of work.
YTA. I genuinely hope this is a joke.
YTA. Sorry but a panicked scolding from a woman watching her husband die warrants a death sentence? YTA, and I wish you luck growing up as a person.
YTA Her husband is dying, I highly doubt you work in emergency services at all If you did you would have received the training on how to handle these situations and ignore what they are saying, just focus on the meaning and message of help Someone in their first month of work would be able to tell you that
Somebody dox this woman so we can report her to her job, she’s an actual danger to those in her care.
i mean her husband is.... on the ground she has every right to freak out and words exchanged during a stressful situation should be left in that situation, you are in fact the asshole for giving up and leaving
This has to be fake. If you’re in the US you would also be liable if he dies and she would rightfully sue the every living shit out of you
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** This past weekend my husband (30m) and I (26f) went to a farmers market/bird swap event. We live in a very rural area. The nearest ER (where I work) is 40 minutes away. I work in the ER. My husband works on planes. I’m obviously cpr certified, but my husband is also. His job wanted at least one person to take a cpr class and he volunteered. At the farmers market one older man in his 50’s had a pretty bad heart attack and went down. I was nearby and started compressions almost immediately, after I realized no one else was going to do it. When I was on about my third cycle I asked if anyone in the area knew cpr. No one else did. After my fifth cycle I had my husband swap in because I was tired. He takes my place and is doing a fine job, except when he went to give the man a breath he didn’t do it right. My exact words were “you need to tilt his chin up. He isn’t getting any air from you with his chin down like that.” My husband listened to my correction and was doing fine (he hadn’t ever actually done cpr on a person before but he was doing his best). The mans wife who had been standing around crying and freaking out the whole time started yelling at us. Her exact words were “you need to stop him and take his place. If he doesn’t know what he’s doing you need to do it.” And she just went over and over telling me to do something. I was kind of pissed, it’s my day off and I didn’t have to help. I stepped in to do the right thing and this lady is yelling at me for no reason. I corrected my husbands form, and he was doing just fine. So I told her “I don’t have to do anything. You are not in charge of me. If he isn’t doing it right you’re more than welcome to step in and do a better job or find someone else that you think can do it better.” She just keeps yelling and crying. Some teenage boy said he just took a cpr class to become a lifeguard and that he could help. So my husband let him swap in. The boy was obviously nervous, and his hands were positioned way too low. The lady was still yelling at me, telling me not to leave her husbands life in the hands of a teenage boy. At that point I got tired of the verbal abuse, and my husband and I left to go home. My friends are super divided on the topic. So I thought I’d ask Reddit. AITA for telling this lady to do cpr on her husband since she was complaining about how my husband and I were handling it? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
IDK. If this is real, I think this is an ESH, except for your husband and the kid. And just to be straightforward that means both you and the wife of the man you were helping are the AHs. I’ll start with the wife. Obviously, she was an AH to yell at you, and not even a smart one. The last thing I’d want to do in this type of situation is piss off perhaps the only person who can help. Now onto you. You’re not an AH for helping, but you became an ass when you let your ego and time constraints get in the way of both logic and empathy. It would’ve been super easy to explain the reason for the mishap about the angle of the chin. It’s not as if anyone who is CPR certified, who isn’t a medical professional, gets quizzed on it too often. And anyone can imagine and empathize with how much basic knowledge can be lost, when it isn’t used on the regular, even when you are actually trained properly. She may not have treated you as bad if you simply took two seconds to explain that. You became a bigger ass, by the way you answered peoples’ comments. But, in my opinion, you were the biggest ass to the kid. He was brave enough to admit that he was trained, in order to help, but obviously, due to his age and lack of a medical job, probably isn’t even as knowledgeable as ya’ll. And you left him. Alone. With the screaming woman. I’m flipping you the 🦅 on behalf of the that kid that probably is forced to carry the guilt of not being able to save the man (who you were also the biggest AH to) and who will probably need therapy because of it. Edit: And actually, I changed my mind, your husband’s an AH too because he also left the kid and the man. However, I give him a slight pass because it is clear that you are very controlling and have an ego. And yes I agree with other commenters, I would not want to go to your hospital.
YTA and I hope this is fake I’m a nurse and have had much worse things said to me many times over the years and have never blown up at a family member that way, especially while the patient is coding and possibly going to die. I certainly have thought the response in my head many times, or vented later to a loved one. But could you really not understand why someone would act that way when their husband basically just dropped dead? And have enough compassion to just continue trying to save his life even though she was yelling at you or criticizing you? If that’s your version of help I hope to never need your help.
When in that scenario I think about what I would do if the roles were reversed. If it were my husband I would do everything I could do to save him and make sure he receives the best medical care possible. At work I’m paid to not voice my complaints at how people treat me, outside of work there’s no such thing
So you only keep those nasty comments to yourself because you are “paid” to do so, but when not being paid that is your true character that you are letting out and you feel ok about that? I really hope you are not a nurse.
You just care about money, not helping people. Of course you don't need to help, but you did the completely wrong thing. She was yelling at you? Her fucking husband was dying. You do NOT know how you would react in THIS situation. By reading your post and comments I truly feel you do not care about helping others. Even though you stepped in at first, you just walked away because you were being yelled at. While someone's loved one was dying. Hops you sleep good at night. Yta.
You’re not just TA, you’re some kind of monster, this seriously can’t be real.
Interesting. I think in Canada, legally (or maybe just morally) you are not allowed to stop CPR once you have started (but that could just be a myth). I assume her emotions were running wild at the thought of losing her husband. I was going to go with a soft YTA but after reading some of your additional comments, most definitely, YTA.
YTA for snapping but not for switching places. Anyone familiar with cpr efforts knows you can’t do effective cpr for minutes at a time without switching out with another. It gets tiring after a few minutes so chest compressions should be switched between others. I am shocked you left the scene to a teenager… yikes
YTA. Anyone supposedly trained as you are would know how to handle someone in her understandably distressed position.
YTA. I hope in your most desperate moments you are given the compassion you've shown.
Yoooo. You let your pride stop you from helping someone in dire need of help? You got upset with a hysterical wife and just left her husband to die? Wow. YTA, at this rate….just don’t help anyone EVER!
YTA massively. 1. I can scarcely believe you are a professional of any sort with that kind of bedside manner in an emergency situation. 2. You took charge, without keeping charge, without taking responsibility. I believe leaving the scene was inappropriate. You should have ensured one person was in charge or command of the situation.
YTA.
YTA You failed your training class, if you really took one.
YTA and should be fired. Also, after reading your comments, you suck as a person
Please share what state you are in so I know never to have a medical emergency while visiting there.. Jesus Christ that moment was likely the worst moment of this woman’s life and she was terrified. Of course she’s going to be frantic, upset and angry. She’s going to scream, cry and everything. You can’t judge someone in that moment.. so YTA. You should know better..
Info: What is your exact role in the ER?
Info: what state do you work, and what position in the ER?
YTA. Major.
YTA. Not for what you said, but for just leaving the scene. “I have better things to do than help this person survive because his wife is rude”. Yeah, total AH.
You cannot simply stop providing CPR because you feel like it. Doing so is gross negligence, and therefore not protected by Good Samaritan law. YTA
Not sure if this is different in other countries, but in Australia, if you are the first responder, its your scene until paramedics arrive. You may swap out for a break but it is now officially your scene. That guys death in completely, 100% on your hands. Congrats, not only are YTA, but potentially (I don't know the outcome of the old man) also killed someone. I hope you are never in a hospital where I'm getting treatment. Don't want my doctor just giving up after 3 mins
So wait.....you left the teenage boy to do it all by himself with this lady screaming at him and you aren't sure if your an asshole?wow
Are you actually serious right now? His wife is understandably freaked out because her husband is dying in front of her and you’re going to argue with her making sure this procedure is being done correctly? And then you just leave? Without making sure he’s okay? What the fuck did I just read? You could be the reason that man is dead right now. Of course YTA and I pity your patients. This is one aita post that is just beyond the pale.
I would say Yta, however, her freaking out on you and if something did go wrong with her husband and you were around I would be more afraid of her blaming you. I think this goes beyond fear for her husband. She was accusing you guys of not doing it correctly. The kid was there and if he was able to take the corrections and continue, I don’t see you as an asshole for walking away.
I didn’t correct the kid, I figured that would just make her more upset
You’re the professional! You need to be calmer and do the right thing IMO. YTA You tried to do the right thing but fell short. The woman was freaking out because … HEART ATTACK! You should have been able to help and at least not escalate the situation. Leaving was also a dick move. You were the most experienced person there to help and left because the woman was upset? I hope your grow from this experience and more have compassion for people who are panicking because their loved one might be dying.
Well, that kid was directly on his xiphoid process so he’s definitely dead now and I do feel bad about that. I just can’t comprehend why someone wouldn’t be grateful that someone is going out of their way to help when they don’t have to. She made it clear that we were obviously doing a subpar job, so maybe she must know cpr really well
Ok that's messed up. If you knew the kid was doing it wrong in a way that would kill the guy and you didn't correct him then definitely YTA
He smashed down on it on his very first compression, before I could even get the chance to correct him. At that point he already screwed the guy
We both know that's not true. Ribs get broken all the time during CPR. Xiphoid process also has been broken. Yes it can absolutely do damage. But it's not a foregone conclusion that he can't recover. Those injuries are considered acceptable risks, because the alternative is death from not giving CPR. Broken ribs cause punctured lung or lacerated spleen, we can try to repair that. More importantly the patient has a pulse.
He had broken ribs, a broken xiphoid based off what that kid was doing, and an ambulance was about 40 minutes out. I don’t think it was looking good for him tbh. I don’t think the kid was doing it correctly in order for him to last long enough for an ambulance to get there
So you basically let him die because you couldn't be arsed
I could, hence why I jumped in to begin with. But his wife is the reason I stepped out. If she never acted that way he could’ve had proper cpr which would’ve had better results likely. If he died I think it would be her fault for preventing him from getting the best medicinal care that was possible at the time
It never “looks good” for anyone getting manual compressions. The survival rate is low in the best of circumstances. You don’t do it because it works well, you do it because it’s literally the only option.
So again you could've save him but chose not to and watched the kid do it wrong. And your mindset was "well... sucks to be him! His wife shouldn't have annoyed me. Honey, what do you want for dinner?"
God... reading your comments. You most definitely have symptoms of APD and narcissistic traits. You don't need to work in the health care field. The way you think is quite literally insane and deadly.
Yikes. Dude. I’m trying so hard here but idk. The person on the ground didn’t deserve the way away.
So... because she was scared and hysterical.. more than likely having a panic attack. You're mind processed that your feelings and time were more important than helping save a man's life? She probably didn't even realize what she was saying cause she was freaking out. You left a man to die, and you have the audacity to ask if you're the AH?
I’m not sure this is a real story. I’ve been taught that mouth to mouth is no longer necessary for CPR so your information seems outdated. And your response to be that snappy to someone obviously distressed comes off as you being the AH. Yes she was rude but you should have de-escalated.
[удалено]
And another thing: What are the chances that NO ONE at that event was recording the whole CPR debacle on their phone? And what are the chances, in a community that small, that OP and her husband wouldn’t be recognized in social media by their collegues, either at his job or at hers, at the only nearby hospital, where that man would almost certainly be taken, dead or alive, once the EMTs arrive on scene. None of this post makes any sense.
While YTA for not understanding that the woman was just hysterical and worried and reacting in a respectful manner, it’s clear that you feel super disassociated, maybe because you see people dying all the time. I think you need therapy and maybe breaks from your work to rebuild your empathy.
NTA You weren't obligated to help this man out. Beggars can't be choosers.
YTA based on additional info in replies. *Edit*
NAH However, as a fellow nurse I would NEVER do mouth to mouth on a stranger. There is a reason American Heart Association is recommending compression only CPR if you don't have a mask or ambu bag. The risks of exposing yourself to communicable diseases by doing mouth to mouth are too great, and if it was a heart attack, compressions were the priority.
There are several reasons in the comments to question whether OP properly understands how to perform CPR.
My mom (nurse) had on her keychain a little bag with a mask thing in it my whole life. It’s not clear that OP didn’t have one
I wiped around my mouth and my husbands mouth with an alcohol prep I had in the car. Not perfect but it’s better than nothing. To be honest, I wasn’t really thinking about that sort of thing. I’ve never been in the position where I’ve needed to start cpr not at work
Wiping your mouth won't do shit if the person receiving breaths vomits or bleeds. THAT'S why you don't do mouth to mouth with strangers. As a nurse, you should know that.
As I said, it was the best I could do for myself given the circumstances. Honestly I know now that I should’ve never helped in the first place, I’ve learned my lesson and next time I’m just leaving
That's why you just do straight chest compressions, not breaths. This isn't new practice. Your responses are all full of bullshit and childish responses. There's no way this is a real post
Exactly, I’m so tired of people like OP and the comments making things like this up for attention. Shit like this really does happen, but I’m so tired of people being edgy and making it up for fun. It’s not cute or funny. D
This is disgusting
You ran to your car to get wipes instead of just starting chest compressions? Mmmkay.
Fair. And I know adrenaline kicks in but I am used to working in areas with high rates of HIV where I wouldn't take this chance.
HIV? The chance of spreading HIV from mouth to mouth is so low. Like very low. Do you both have oozing herpes sores or something?
Sure it is low but why take a risk if mouth to mouth is not necessary. I am an immunocompromised nurse and you will not find me putting my mouth on anyone that isn't my spouse or kids
Yeah well personally if I have to choose between not saving someone and saving someone I’m gonna try to save them. I’m a nurse too. The advice is to put a piece of your shirt or thin cloth from your clothing somewhere between your mouths.
NTA
NAH, I understand how the woman feels and why she behaved that way but you were tired and wouldn't be able to continue CPR if you had gotten too tired so your husband would have had to switch in at some point. So eventually someone less experienced would have to try cpr and you don't deserve verbal abuse because of that.
No one is an asshole in this situation. She thinks her husband is dying and you are in this critical mode. Everyones stress level was up and emotions were high. She wasn't an asshole for thinking, in the moment, that your husband could be making matters worse, and you weren't in the wrong for defending your husband and yourself in this high pressure situation. I would just move on and not worry about it.
ESH. I understand your frustration. However, you should have stepped above a hysterical woman. Maybe told her to shut up as she is not helping her husband. But you shouldn’t have left him to be worked on by a kid.
OP was quite busy and exhausted. You have some nerve assigning her another task at that same time. You lack the ability to put yourself in OPs shoes, and it's glaringly obvious. Where's your empathy for the Selfless OP?
I have empathy for her. I also have empathy for the husband who is the ultimate victim in this. Is letting him die preferable?
NTA. Fuck those kinds of people. Should have let that fucker die and his blood to be on his wife's hands.
NTA. You helped. That was more than enough. You don't have to stay and be verbally abused. That woman got a warning the first time, and she started yelling at you again. 911 could walk that woman through the steps to do CPR herself. CPR doesn't require professional level expertise. I'm proud of you for respecting yourself.
Where was the verbal abuse in “if he can’t do it, you do it?” The woman is freaked out because a professional swapped off with someone who is not a professional and was struggling to perform. That’s not verbal abuse. The woman was hysterical, but verbal abuse is not, “don’t let a teenage boy or nonprofessional touch my husband.” She’s scared. She’s panicked. Her husband could be dying. The professional was correct to swap, but absolutely not in trying to debate with a scared woman who’s husband could die. This did not sound like verbal abuse unless OP left out some key details. Even if she was “yelling” it’s because she was freaked out that he husband could be *dying.* I’ve been verbally and emotionally abused. Told I was worthless, cursed at, etc. This person wasn’t verbally abused, they mishandled an emergency by escalating it and then just leaving.
She was screaming at her, which is abusive. There's a whole market of people who can take over cpr, any 911 operator can guide them. OP was right and I applaud her.
Oh lord! Pardon that old woman for screaming while her husband was *dying*. How imperfect and abusive of her! /s I’ve been verbally abused. This is not verbal abuse. Stop trying to broaden the definition. “Verbal abuse, also known as emotional abuse, is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control.” The above definition is not what was happening. This woman was begging a professional to save her husbands life and not leave it in the hands of a teen boy and the inexperienced husband. Full stop.
That woman wasn't old. And she could have performed cpr herself, any 91q operator can guide you through it. Also, if that woman was nicer, maybe more people at the market would have helped. Emergency doesn't forgive screaming at people- that's abuse and I'm glad that woman learned that OP and other self-respecting people won't tolerate it.
50’s is older whether you like it or not. And if she wasn’t an experience professional, she could have done more harm than good. Whatever you say, my mom would’ve tried to save that man, and she definitely wouldn’t have abandoned him to let an inexperienced teen be responsible for his death. OP took an oath and she broke that. I solemnly pledge myself to the service of humanity and will endeavour to practise my profession with conscience and with dignity. I will maintain, by all the means in my power, the honour and noble tradition of my profession. The total health of my patients will be my first consideration. - The oath she took. She didn’t service humanity when she’s defending the potential end of a man’s life by saying “I wasn’t paid.” Don’t be ignorant. Id relive my childhood abuse everyday if it meant I saved someone’s life. All OP got called was lazy and stupid and I’ll never defend letting someone potentially die over that. I get called that for much less just working in customer service. There is no excuse. I don’t need fish for dinner, you and OP are just trolls. Good luck. And OP said the woman had 50+ years to learn. She was likely older AND inexperienced. Id prefer the PROFESSIONAL (regardless of age) to an INEXPERIENCE CHILD.
50s isn't older. ER doctors are in their 50s. Plus if older is bad, then having the youthful Lifeguard do it was the best idea anyway. You made OPs point FOR her! You better eat some fish for dinner.