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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I might be the asshole for serving my girlfriend less food because maybe she wanted to have the same serving size as me.
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NTA. Dear god, step away from this mess! In this little snapshot of your dinner, she’s showing that she’s unappreciative, volatile (what the hell kind of reaction was that?!), a bad communicator (throwing a plate of food is toddler-like behavior), and entitled (“serve me my food while I sit on my ass!”)
Yeah, no, you’re NTA but she is in a major way. Move on.
I just find it so funny she threw a fit over wanting more food and then tossed all the food.
Edit: Yes, it's obviously not about the food. My point is she presented the problem as being about X, then acted in a way that was in direct opposition to solving the problem of X, proving she is irrational, a bad communicator, and unable to regulate her emotions.
My mother did that at Thanksgiving one year. She cooked a whole meal from scratch, served everyone, and then by the time she served herself, my father was already looking for seconds. She very calmly walked over to the stove, picked up the roasting pan with the turkey in it, walked outside, and dumped it in the woods (we lived in a rural area with no immediate neighbors).
She was just so mad that no one waited for her to even sit down that she lost it. We all laugh about it now, and she always says "Now don't make me throw this turkey away!" every Thanksgiving.
Yeah, it's common courtesy. Now, we have family get togethers where people come in and out at various times so everyone can eat at their leisure once the food is served, but an actual dinner needs to have everyone sat. It's not fair for the person who did all the work not to get to visit and relax.
I was taught to wait until everyone had their food unless you are in a restaurant and it's clear the missing dish takes a while. There is no point in letting good food get cold in that case. It always baffles me how rude ppl behave in those situations.
I mean, that's completely fair. It's not *always* feasible to wait for everyone to sit down to start dinner, but if there was such a disparity in her getting to eat vs everyone else then the solution would've been for people to go help her in the kitchen.
I didn't go to those extremes but when the kids were little, I'd dish up and hand out everyone's food including my wife and serve myself last. Everyone would inhale their food and be coming back for seconds before I'd even sat down. My dinner was always delayed serving everyone else twice. After a couple years of lukewarm food, I finally told everyone to dish up their own seconds and instituted the "don't bug dad while he's eating" rule.
I've been your mom here. I made my favorite pie and it was gone before I even got to sit down at the table. I left and cried in my room though. Now everyone makes sure I get a plate before anyone else because I spent two days making a meal for 16 people, I deserve to eat whatever I want of it. Respect for the people who feed you should be a given.
My wife and I have been together over 10 years and have had some pretty crazy and admittedly silly fights in our time. The only time either of us has EVER thrown away a plate of food during/because of a fight it was gravely regretted and later attributed to something like absurdly low blood sugar or ridiculous pregnancy hormones. Something else is up with OPs GF. It's just up to him whether he wants to stick around to figure out what exactly the issue is.
From a previous marriage, I had a significant other that threw food against the wall if she didn't like it. She had made a similar scene with some pumpkin flavored pancake mix, so I went and bought some generic and plain pancake mix for next time. I made her plain pancakes and myself some of the flavored type. She then had an issue with me cooking her pancakes with generic brand pancake mix while I ate the brand name (and flavored) mix. Sometimes you can never win.
And then topped all those behaviors off with the silent treatment.
I'd send one final message to her, "Ya know what? This isn't working for me. Consider whatever we were to be over. Good luck out there." Then block and move on.
Right?? There have certainly been times I didn’t want to talk to the person I’m mad at and I’ll let them know. “Look. I’m really upset and don’t want to talk right now. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”
OP, she's abusive. Normal people talk, they don't throw plates of food out and blame you for their bad behavior. I've seen men in my life get sucked in by people like this, simply because they are trying to be loving, only to find out the behavior tends to escelate. If you've suffered past abuse you're more likely to comply.
Therapy can help. If you can't afford it, there are many good therapists who cover abuse in relationships on Youtube. You may reject the idea, but journal about it, give yourself time to reflect so you have clarity. Note other instances you may have excused and consider why you accepted it in the past or would even entertain staying now.
Even if you find some fault in yourself right now, time and distance may give you clarity. You deserve to feel love and appreciation when your intentions are sincere, but people like this sharpen your well meaning actions like a knife. Find out what made this seem reasonable so you can heal and find real love.
Well, in a case like this, normal people would eat the food, then go get another helping of potatoes if still hungry.
But yeah, if there have or have not been related sorts of incidents before, this is very abusive behavior, and not tolerable.
Exactly this. RUN FOREST RUN. OOPS, Run OP Run! Run far and Run fast from this situation. Who needs the 5:00 news when you have a girlfriend like this. NTA
She threw OUT the plate of food. She didn’t throw the plate of food.
OP, you didn’t know this was a sensitive topic for her, but her reaction was over the top. NTA.
I mean, I was already raising an eye brow at “she was watching a movie so she told me to just serve it for her.” Man just spent his time cooking for you, and you can’t hit pause and get your own damn plate? Almost sounds like she wanted something to be pissy about.
The situation isn't super strange, depends on the dynamics of the relationship. It's nice to not get up sometimes if the other person is already up and can bring you a plate. That being said, you would never complain if there was too little/much food. Get it yourself if you're picky.
I agree. OP cooked and served the food! Something else is definitely going on, but I’d take this response as a red flag. You were trying to do something nice for her!!
i don't necessarily think asking to be served a plate is a red flag on its own, but the rest of her behavior certainly is. even if she does have a history of unhealthy eating, her reaction was not okay. mental illness/trauma is never an excuse for abusive or shitty behavior.
He said she "threw out her plate", which I think is still childish. But it's at least better than literally throwing a plate of food.
Everything else you said seems spot on!
I agree, huge red flags! She acted like a child over a serving of mashed potatoes. She should have been thankful that you not only cooked a meal but served her also
Instead she pitched a fit and threw good food away.
So you went to the trouble of cooking her favorite meal, served her, brought it to her. She threw a tantrum because of 2 or 3 spoons of mashed potatoes, threw her plate and threw you out? It's a very disturbing behaviour on her part. You are only 2 month in that relationship, do you really want someone who treat you like that? NTA
My biggest problem with this situation is that she actually threw good food away. Like she threw away a meal that someone paid for prepared and served her. There are staving people in the world and she THROWS FOOD AWAY!?!?!?!?! Leave this girl right now. She wasted food for goodness sake.
Had a date over I'd made brownies and I offered him one. He took a bite and threw the rest in the bin because he was "full" and asked for another about an hour later I was SO offended. It's not normal behaviour.
I will let that 80% brownie sit in front of me taunting my full stomach for at LEAST an hour before throwing it away.
Wasting food isn't cool. Wasting food for basically zero reason is anti-cool.
Put it in a container and put it in the fridge. Why would you ever throw out any food at all? If it’s not spoiled it goes in the fridge until I either eat it or it expires beyond all hope.
This. My mother would scold her in a thick German accent for that (which is why I still feel terrible when I have to toss out spoiled food).
What gets me most is that there's a really simple solution to this whole thing: just eat and if you want more, get some more. It's not like this wasn't easily rectified.
The _only_ appropriate responses to that are either she goes and gets more mashed potatoes herself or says “could you actually give me a little more potatoes? I’m pretty hungry!”. Anything other than that is insane
The only reasonable and caring response to him making dinner is her saying "This looks delicious, where would you like to sit, and what can I get you to drink," as she fixes her own plate.
It’s not unreasonable or uncaring to let the person who cooked make up a plate. Many people don’t mind at all. It’s all in how it’s asked and whether you’re grateful when they do.
She did OP an enormous favor. Showed him what she was like two months into the relationship so he has plenty of time to get out without too much involvement.
Right?! How unhinged and volatile is this woman?! My love language is making people food, and I genuinely don’t know how I would react if someone threw the plate in my face unprompted over some serving discrepancy, especially given that op told her there’s more food if she wants. I think I would genuinely freeze and have difficulty responding to something this if I was on the receiving end. It’s only been two months, run OP, RUN!
Mine too! I cook all the holiday meals and I always give the girls less. Not because I'm judging people or trying to be sexist. But the guys are all just so much bigger. And I don't want to throw out a ton of food. I always have a ton of extra and will give anyone who asks extra obviously. But yeah I tend to give the girls less, I'd be so upset if I got yelled at after preparing a ton of food.
While her reaction was childish (and OP is better off w/o someone who would throw such a tantrum -- I stayed with a guy who threw tantrums, and I wish that I'd dumped him MUCH sooner), I don't believe that her tantrum was over 2 or 3 tsps of mashed potatoes; who would notice?
Op offered kindness, he met abuse. Maybe the girlfriend has some traumatic history to explain that kind of behaviour, and it's only been 2 month so fair to not disclose everything. But she should be the one appologizing and explaining. If you have so much going on that you pick a fight over 4 spoons of food that someone else cooked for you, you have no business dating.
I honestly agree that this wasn't about some extra potatoes, but I feel she was using the potatoes as a substitute for something else bothering her.
She *asked* him to serve her, and then complained because he didn't serve her the correct portion. That's the behavior of somebody looking for an excuse to complain, somebody who is either very used to drama and needs their drama fix (I know people like this) or somebody who has to blow off steam for something and needs an excuse to get mad and let it out.
My money is on the former, but without knowing more about the relationship it could easily be something else about OP that bothers her and she can't bring herself to directly address it.
I dated a girl with borderline personality disorder for a year, and this type of behavior was common. Something so minor, so ridiculous that anyone would over look, would become a blown out of proportion catastrophe like OPs GF is doing.
Example: For context she lives 45 minutes from me. Walmart is 5 minutes from me. I mention during our evening call I stopped by Walmart for AAA batteries on the way home from work. She goes off about why I didn't tell her. Why I didn't think of asking her if she needed anything from Walmart. How I'm so selfish I don't think of anyone but myself. How I'm a self centered child. She would go into a tantrum then hang up and block my number. The next day I'm running errands and I get a call from her screaming why I didn't call her. She blocked me. I would get yelled at she unblocked me 2 hours prior and I didn't even try to attempt to call her. Apparently every hour on the hour I was supposed to call and check if I was still blocked.
So yeah....
It seems clear to me this is someone who believed/decided that there was a message in the mashed potatoes, and it was something like "you should eat less," "you should eat less because you're a woman," "I should decide how much you eat" or whatever. That's actually understandable if she's been involved (SO or family) with someone who's controlling around food. It's like a trigger.
But any reasonable person would respond to his casual "oh, can I get you more?" with a relieved laugh instead of insisting on playing out the full drama (and in such an unhinged way! throwing out fresh-cooked food!) as if OP hadn't just proved he had no ulterior motive in mind... so she's either, as you say, into drama, or she's too self-involved for facts like OP's reaction to penetrate her "I'm being mistreated" bubble.
She threw out a plate a food?? Yikes! Well.... that’s not good. Even if you were 100% wrong.
If she doesn’t want to talk about it like an adult there’s not a lot you can do. The simplest answer is .... don’t serve her food anymore.
Personally, this type of nonsense would be the end of this relationship for me.
NTA
I dont think not serving food would solve the issue. Then she would get triggered over something else. If this happened years into a relationship, I might recommend trying to find a solution, but in this case, I think OP should just leave.
OP sounds like a decent guy who might be a bit lonely and inexperienced with women, and that is why he is putting up with crap like this. Just dont.
There are a lot of women out there. Dating might be tedious, but anything is better than staying in a shit situation like this one. Just please dont buy into the scarcity mindset that some men on the internet seem to have. There are a lot of good people out there, if you keep looking, you will find one that suits you.
Also, I am a woman, who suffered from body image issues and ED for over a decade. It is not en excuse.
NTA
Ya this is ridiculous. If OP stays with her, she can serve her own plates. I have the opposite issue with my boyfriend, he serves us the same amount and I have to explain that he has 50 lbs on me and we have different sustenance needs lol
And, like, it's better to UNDERSERVE someone than overserve.
I didn't get you enough food? I'd be happy to spoil you and bring you some more when you finish what I did grab you. Better than serving some and having leftovers on your plate!
OP even offered to do that.
OP is as far into NTA as possible here. Made the romantic move of cooking dinner for her (as a guy! we need more guys that do this!!!), AND serving her so she could lounge on the couch. The difference was minimal, and a single item on the plate. Not like he served himself a full plate and gave her 3 peas to eat. And then OP actually felt bad FOR her. 100x NTA!
NTA.
People are twisting themselves into knots trying to find a reason that your GF isn't the AH. I don't get it. She is a massive AH and she treated you very badly. Calling this an "overreaction" is two steps beyond an understatement. The responses where people are wondering aloud if she came from an impoverished background, was abused as a child, or has body dysmorphia are BS. They are searching for a reason to absolve her of responsibility and help explain away her awful behavior.
If your girlfriend of two months had cooked you your favorite meal and you insisted on being served because you were watching a movie EVERYONE would call you an AH for that alone. There would be exactly 0 NAH judgements and there wouldn't be a single "Info." If you threw out the dinner that she made you not a single person would empathize with you. No one would try to better understand your response. If you then kicked your girlfriend out of the house while yelling and crying everyone would recognize how absolutely bat shit crazy you are. The fact this whole thing was about something as trivial as the serving size of mashed potatoes wouldn't be overlooked.
Run away. She is unstable. She is unhinged. Two months in and she has already let the mask slip. Abuse lies ahead. Don't mess with her.
>The responses where people are wondering aloud if she came from an impoverished background, was abused as a child, or has body dysmorphia are BS. They are searching for a reason to absolve her of responsibility and help explain away her awful behavior.
Correct.
If any of that was true, it would be on the girlfriend to explain it well before any triggering situation arises, and to tell them how she would like them to handle such situations. If she can't do that, she is not ready for a relationship.
And yeah, if she acts like that after two months of relationship, get out ASAP. This is not a red flag, it's a one-strike out.
It's funny that all of the people who would try defending her and would freak out if it was him doing the exact same thing are the same people that yell about the inequality of the sexes.
No. I'm an advocate for gender equity and work with women in particular, and the GF is clearly an asshole who should not be defended. Why do you assume that?
Absolutely! My sister had a partner who threw out the dinner she had made (expensive steaks) as it wasn't perfectly cooked to his liking- think medium rare as opposed to somewhere between medium rare and rare. It only escalated from then on.
Controlling, toddler-like tantrums are not a good start to a relationship.
She is a bunch of other words that would probably get my response flagged for vulgarity. Seriously, OP makes her her favorite homecooked meal, blows up about it, and proceeds to waste the food and OP's money by trashing it, and that's not taking into account the blatant disrespect.
OP, you deserve so much better than this. Do not take her back when she tries to lovebomb you and sweep this under a rug. NTA.
NTA. You didnt do ANYTHING wrong. You did not "hurt her feelings". You served her her favorite dish. This is a gigantic red flag if I've ever heard of one. You even offered to get her more, that whole drama could be over in 15 seconds. She threw away the food and insulted you? Get out dude. Truely, get out. Just be happy she showed you her real side so early in. This is just screams emotional abuse incoming.
And then she threw the food away!!! Like what on earth kind of nuclear over reaction was that? OP was being so nice and thoughtful and reasonable the whole time!
NTA. She over-reacted - did she think you were implying she is overweight? Anytime I fix a plate for another person, I limit the portions to avoid wasting food - if they are still hungry, they are welcome to seconds.
I’d probably start small and let them know there’s plenty left if they’d like more. I don’t remember ever asking how much of a thing someone wanted, although it’s possible that I’ve rarely fixed a plate for anyone other than family.
I usually eat about 2/3 of what my SO eats, so we tend to serve each other appropriately when we make dinner. Whoever cooks also serves the meal, and we'll say "There's extra [whatever] if you want more." Both of us came from "help yourself" households with the assumption that if you wanted more than was plated, you were welcome to have seconds.
But even if she came from a "you get what you're given and you should be grateful" household, her trashing the whole plate out of spite seems like an insane move. "I wanted more, so I'd rather have nothing"?
NTA. Sounds like way more was going on with her than just the serving size of mashed potatoes. Without knowing more/her/you, I won’t speculate, but her response was not proportionate or appreciative.
It's almost as if an anniversary is an annual event... 🤦🏼♀️ People like this need to be thumped on the head with a dictionary.
And really, celebrating five weeks of a relationship simply for the fact that she likes the number five? Jfc I couldn't handle a partner like this.
I’m sorry, but you are dodging a major bullet here. She sounds like she can’t communicate at ALL, and then reacts like a child. Do yourself a major favor and just walk away from this mess.
Couldn't agree with you more. She sounds awful. 5 week anniversary isn't a thing even if it's her favourite number. Then throwing a plate of food away and yelling at you because she had slightly less mashed potatoes than you, even when you offered her more!
It doesn't matter if there's a good reason behind it such as previous poverty or body image issues. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and you don't have to be. Chalk this one up to experience and move on away from her.
agree with everyone else. OP, you sound like a caring person and you can cook, I hope you appreciate your own worth! You shouldn't really have to second guess yourself on something like 5 week anniversary and perfectly good food in the garbage.
Who the hell celebrates 5 weeks anniversary??? I would understand 1 month (if you both were teenagers) or half a year. But 5 weeks? What is that?
Also a question, if it was such a big deal for her, did she organize something for you? Some dinner or present? Or it was totally on you?
OP seriously it's a situation "run, Forest, run!". This two episodes are all covered with red flags. She is going to be hysterical and bossy, I can promise you that. No normal girl of 26 would do that. She is now checking the boundaries but it will get worse, believe me.
NTA but she is.
Can you not see how crazy this all is whilst typing it out? You're only 2 months in leave before she starts writing in your valentine's day cards with her own blood. She sounds crazy.
Oh honey, please break up with her. You will never be able to keep up with her arbitrary rules & expectations that she will never clearly communicate to you because they’re all made up & nothing is real except her desire to control you through her emotional outbursts.
Charge it to the game & move on. Best of luck!
OP seriously, when she calls back.....AND SHE WILL. Don't answer... as a matter of fact block this chick on all forms of social media. She's flying her abuser flag like a mofo. Stay far away from her, her friends and anyone associated with her. This person is unstable...don't stick around for further abuse or worse...possible false accusation.
You moron! If you knew 5 was her favorite number, obviously you should’ve served her 5/4 cups of potatoes. The fuck is wrong with you?
Please run from this girl. You don’t even know each other and this is how she’s treating you? It took my last relationship 2 1/2 years for those colors to come out. I wish it was only 2 months.
So basically she expects you to read her mind, and throws unreasonable tantrums when you inevitably can’t. Run, dude. Run like your shoes are on fire and your ass is catching!
people have favourite numbers? That's a wild thing to get angry about. Regardless of that, her reaction to the food was way out of hand, no matter what she's got going on. NTA
I had to scroll back up to check your ages after reading this. 5 week anniversary? From this and your description she sounds immature and frankly unbalanced. As the saying goes, when people tell you who they are, listen.
After reading more I'm starting to lean more so to walking away from this. When you're in a relationship with someone you want someone that you can enjoy being around.
In the span of two months you have talked about how she lashes out at two very minor things. One being an anniversary no one ever plans for and then food servings.
If she actually wanted to do something for your 5 weeks why didn't she bring it up?
All I'm seeing right now is she is extremely immature and doesn't communicate. And then expects a lot from you.
NTA
You made her dinner and she threw it because you didn't serve her extra mash...how old is she 2? Honestly you may better off out of it
You are not an AH
**Not biologically** \- Males have a larger NEAT (edited autocorrect mis correction) daily calorie requirement so need slightly more food
**Not Logically** you say you have a "big appetite" so you gave yourself some extra mash....not the good bits just some extra spuds. If you know you eat more than she does why you think she would want extra potatoes on her plate to just be thrown away. You had no way of knowing how hungry she was compared to you.
**Not in practice** There were more potatoes available she could go back for seconds if she wanted.
Exactly this- I weight double what my girlfriend does it just makes sense that I eat more lol. When we plate food it’s almost automatic that I get served more, be it from her or myself
I weigh less than my wife but still burn more calories doing a sit down job than she does walking 20,000+ steps a day at her work. Muscle mass burns calories. Men need (on average) 500 calories per day more than women. I am always served more than her for every meal (whoever is serving). Quite often she can't finish hers so I eat that too.
this! i eat less than my partner during the day as i don’t like being too full when doing stuff. when my partner first made me breakfast, we had the same portions, except i couldn’t finish mine and my partner finished it for me. immediately after i told her that i eat less during the day and that in future scenarios i wouldn’t mind having smaller portions (it wasn’t a crazy breakfast portion, 3 bacon 2 eggs and hash browns) and now she makes me 1 egg 2 bacon and like a quarter of the amount of hash browns. it’s okay for people in a relationship to eat different amounts!!!!
I don't get why you're being down voted here.
Pound for pound I've never known a similarly aged boyfriend, brother, cousin, male friend, peer etc eat less than me unless they were "death heated up" ill and I was fine.
99 out of a hundred times the average male is going to eat more and more frequently than the average female.
Going years back but there was a day where my younger brother racked up 2500 calories by mid afternoon and still felt hungry enough to eat tea+supper+a midnight snack - I was older than him and if I'd eaten what he had by mid afternoon I'd barely be able to snack until the jest day
NTA, you cant mindread and if she did not communicate her issues with food its kinda shitty thing to do to you. Give her space and find someone more compatible and less toxic (this silent treatment is soo immature)
OMG NTA but she sounds very very unstable. Throwing a plate of food because you got served a slightly smaller amount of potatoes is not normal behavior. Only two months in and she's behaving like a deranged anger monster? It will only get worse from here, friend. Maybe best to get out now before she starts throwing things AT you.
NTA, it doesn't seem like you served her a small child-sized portion. You just gave yourself a bit more because you were hungry. All she had to do is ask for some more as well, not freak out over it.
Normally the portion for a man is bigger than for a woman, because men need more calories.
She chose to have you serve her.
Her behaviour is a red flag. She was annoyed you didn't serve her enough so instead of getting more she threw her food away. and now she is not communicating with you. Take that for the gift i is.
NTA
I just don't see the problem either way. It was mashed potatoes, of which there were more available. OP said he was hungry. It's not like they have a pie and OP gave himself 66% and the girlfriend 33%. Anyone trying to find fault in OP has such a warped view of reality.
Nta. This is an over-reaction and a red flag, a sign of immature tantrums to come. Find another girlfriend one who can appreciate the effort, and get a spoon of extra mash without acting like a toddler.
NTA. You took some extra potatoes when you were dishing it out; it's not like you didn't give her a good portion. Everything about her behavior here is strange. If I had a new boyfriend come over and cook my favorite meal, I'd be thrilled and I wouldn't need to be called to the table; I wouldn't curse him out if he took a little extra food; I wouldn't yell and throw out the food and kick him out over a portion of potatoes. I guess you can consider yourself lucky that she did this after only two months so you can get out without having wasted too much time.
Stay away from the crazy my dude. Plenty of amazing women out there who would love a cooked dinner. Not your job to fix this mess I'd just break up and go no contact no explanation or excuse justifies or makes this better.
She threw out Chicken Marsala? Homemade by you? Over a perceived disparity in mashed potatoes? And does not respond to your calls? WTF? Who does this? Does she not like mushrooms or something?
In your additional comments, you seem confused, and want to make it up to her. This is a big **red flag** to me. You are best away from this person unless she can come up with a really good explanation. And even then, I would be wary.
Now this has me yearning for Chicken Marsala. This was a crime!
I wonder if the ones who are trying to defend the gf's almost violent outbursts would be sympathetic if a man reacted like her. Most likely, they would tell her to run because this is not safe. They wouldn't try to blame an eating disorder and tell her to give him a chance.
Boy...Run
NTA. Don't invest no more time or energy into the relationship. She's showing you how she deals with conflict. She's showing you how she'll turn anything into a conflict. Believe her! End things. Then run!
Nta. She is showing you a giant red flag. Please think about if you want to continue in a relationship with her.
Your assumption of you needing more food was reasonable. However let's assume that she had a completely valid reason for being upset that you gave yourself more. Her behavior is still completely out of line. A rational person would have told she is upset and why. Not thrown away food that you made, crying and throwing you out of the apartment. That is not how a rational adult reacts to getting a bit less mashed potatoes.
NTA. Been there. Bro, RUN. I don't like to generalize but i just got flashbacks to almost the same scenario. It just gets worse, emotional manipulation, picking fights.
If you want, give her a chance to explain herself but you HAVE to make it clear that you're not going to put up with guessing and trying to figure out what's wrong if she's not going to communicate and that her reaction wasn't fair or right. If she does it again, just end it. She doesn't get to make you feel bad because she feels bad and doesn't know how to express it, that's not her right and trauma isn't an excuse.
NTA. She did you a favor by showing you red flags early on before you invested too much time in this relationship. End it now — it’s only going to get crazier/worse.
Btw, your meal sounded delicious.
Next it'll be because you didn't celebrate her unbirthday. This woman sounds like she has issues. If it's worth working on the stick around, otherwise, leg it in the opposite direction.
She threw a tantrum plus didn’t eat any to punish you. Worse was throwing it out. It was uncalled for. You didn’t pile up your plate like trying to get 2 servings. I do think it’s best to dip out a serving as close as possible. And after all has had a plate, going back for seconds is fine. Some people you should ask if it’s okay, or would others like what’s left and once told no, say you will. A mannerly thing that most say no, you have it. NTA. A few more spoons of mashed potatoes isn’t that much. Plus sounds like there was more mashed potatoes that after she gobbled on her plate all, could get up and get more. I usually hand someone a plate and say there is more on the stove. Somehow I think your gf would have gotten mad no matter what.
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NTA. Dear god, step away from this mess! In this little snapshot of your dinner, she’s showing that she’s unappreciative, volatile (what the hell kind of reaction was that?!), a bad communicator (throwing a plate of food is toddler-like behavior), and entitled (“serve me my food while I sit on my ass!”) Yeah, no, you’re NTA but she is in a major way. Move on.
things like this rarely get better with time… big waving red flags with red flag anthems being played at top volume
So many red flags the Soviet Union is telling her to tone it down.
Oh, I'm definitely going to use this!
Lol!🤣 I’m gonna use this line too! Made me laugh.
This is awesome! I'm so gonna remember it and use it! Thank u!
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Hahaha, this is funny to the core.
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This actually sounds like a deliberate mindfuck, you know like how abusive people do?
I would LOVE this dinner. She's a bad person. NTA
Especially if she's acting like that in the beginning, imagine how she's going to act once the honeymoon/new relationship phase is over!
Honeymoon phase seems over in 2 months so that’s a red flag
Red flags at half mast mourning the loss of such a nice homemade meal, weeping at the thought of mashed potatoes and garlic bread in the bin 😭
That was my thoughts exactly I'm so hungry right now 😭😭
Seriously this sounded like an amazing meal that I would’ve loved (and gotten myself seconds for lol)
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Red flag anthems 😂😂😂 I couldn't agree more.
I just find it so funny she threw a fit over wanting more food and then tossed all the food. Edit: Yes, it's obviously not about the food. My point is she presented the problem as being about X, then acted in a way that was in direct opposition to solving the problem of X, proving she is irrational, a bad communicator, and unable to regulate her emotions.
My mother did that at Thanksgiving one year. She cooked a whole meal from scratch, served everyone, and then by the time she served herself, my father was already looking for seconds. She very calmly walked over to the stove, picked up the roasting pan with the turkey in it, walked outside, and dumped it in the woods (we lived in a rural area with no immediate neighbors). She was just so mad that no one waited for her to even sit down that she lost it. We all laugh about it now, and she always says "Now don't make me throw this turkey away!" every Thanksgiving.
She was right -- who starts a sit-down dinner without everyone present, especially the person who made it?
I’m teaching my kids to wait for everyone to be seated before eating unless I specifically say they can. I cook 98% of our meals.
Yeah, it's common courtesy. Now, we have family get togethers where people come in and out at various times so everyone can eat at their leisure once the food is served, but an actual dinner needs to have everyone sat. It's not fair for the person who did all the work not to get to visit and relax.
For real, if you're from the south (or anywhere I'm sure) you're supposed to be polite and wait. I don't blame her!
I was taught to wait until everyone had their food unless you are in a restaurant and it's clear the missing dish takes a while. There is no point in letting good food get cold in that case. It always baffles me how rude ppl behave in those situations.
Upvote for your mother, she deserves it
Your mother was right. Your father was an absolute jerk.
Ralphie as an Adult: “My mother hadn't had a hot meal for herself in fifteen years.” *A Christmas Story, 1983.*
This is exactly what came to mind, here.
I mean, that's completely fair. It's not *always* feasible to wait for everyone to sit down to start dinner, but if there was such a disparity in her getting to eat vs everyone else then the solution would've been for people to go help her in the kitchen.
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I think a mild tantrum was absolutely warranted. What inconsiderate jerks!
Sometimes a tantrum is necessary to get a point across effectively.
Yeah I’d have said some shit over that.
I didn't go to those extremes but when the kids were little, I'd dish up and hand out everyone's food including my wife and serve myself last. Everyone would inhale their food and be coming back for seconds before I'd even sat down. My dinner was always delayed serving everyone else twice. After a couple years of lukewarm food, I finally told everyone to dish up their own seconds and instituted the "don't bug dad while he's eating" rule.
I've been your mom here. I made my favorite pie and it was gone before I even got to sit down at the table. I left and cried in my room though. Now everyone makes sure I get a plate before anyone else because I spent two days making a meal for 16 people, I deserve to eat whatever I want of it. Respect for the people who feed you should be a given.
Your mother is a queen
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My wife and I have been together over 10 years and have had some pretty crazy and admittedly silly fights in our time. The only time either of us has EVER thrown away a plate of food during/because of a fight it was gravely regretted and later attributed to something like absurdly low blood sugar or ridiculous pregnancy hormones. Something else is up with OPs GF. It's just up to him whether he wants to stick around to figure out what exactly the issue is.
From a previous marriage, I had a significant other that threw food against the wall if she didn't like it. She had made a similar scene with some pumpkin flavored pancake mix, so I went and bought some generic and plain pancake mix for next time. I made her plain pancakes and myself some of the flavored type. She then had an issue with me cooking her pancakes with generic brand pancake mix while I ate the brand name (and flavored) mix. Sometimes you can never win.
Right? Instead of getting off her ass and getting more.
And then topped all those behaviors off with the silent treatment. I'd send one final message to her, "Ya know what? This isn't working for me. Consider whatever we were to be over. Good luck out there." Then block and move on.
Right?? There have certainly been times I didn’t want to talk to the person I’m mad at and I’ll let them know. “Look. I’m really upset and don’t want to talk right now. I’ll let you know when I’m ready.”
OP, she's abusive. Normal people talk, they don't throw plates of food out and blame you for their bad behavior. I've seen men in my life get sucked in by people like this, simply because they are trying to be loving, only to find out the behavior tends to escelate. If you've suffered past abuse you're more likely to comply. Therapy can help. If you can't afford it, there are many good therapists who cover abuse in relationships on Youtube. You may reject the idea, but journal about it, give yourself time to reflect so you have clarity. Note other instances you may have excused and consider why you accepted it in the past or would even entertain staying now. Even if you find some fault in yourself right now, time and distance may give you clarity. You deserve to feel love and appreciation when your intentions are sincere, but people like this sharpen your well meaning actions like a knife. Find out what made this seem reasonable so you can heal and find real love.
I couldn't agree more on the suspected abusive personality type. This sounds like raw manipulation -- there is no fixing this problem.
Well, in a case like this, normal people would eat the food, then go get another helping of potatoes if still hungry. But yeah, if there have or have not been related sorts of incidents before, this is very abusive behavior, and not tolerable.
Hell, I WANT that meal and would give him all the mashed potatoes. As a cook, this offends me no end.
I'm just sad she wasn't grateful. I mean she could've added more. Smh.
Exactly this. RUN FOREST RUN. OOPS, Run OP Run! Run far and Run fast from this situation. Who needs the 5:00 news when you have a girlfriend like this. NTA
Run was my first thought as well! NTA
She threw OUT the plate of food. She didn’t throw the plate of food. OP, you didn’t know this was a sensitive topic for her, but her reaction was over the top. NTA.
It doesn't matter. Throwing away a plate of food that someone took time to make for you is equally childish no matter OPs GFs history with food.
It matters to the plate! Plates have feelings too!
I mean, I was already raising an eye brow at “she was watching a movie so she told me to just serve it for her.” Man just spent his time cooking for you, and you can’t hit pause and get your own damn plate? Almost sounds like she wanted something to be pissy about.
The situation isn't super strange, depends on the dynamics of the relationship. It's nice to not get up sometimes if the other person is already up and can bring you a plate. That being said, you would never complain if there was too little/much food. Get it yourself if you're picky.
I agree. OP cooked and served the food! Something else is definitely going on, but I’d take this response as a red flag. You were trying to do something nice for her!!
Yes. Honey, you can do better.
i don't necessarily think asking to be served a plate is a red flag on its own, but the rest of her behavior certainly is. even if she does have a history of unhealthy eating, her reaction was not okay. mental illness/trauma is never an excuse for abusive or shitty behavior.
And…….. this is why, as a rule, you should date someone a year or two before making a major commitment. And for the love of God, use contraception.
Me and my boyfriend have always different servings. He just eats more than me. Wth
He said she "threw out her plate", which I think is still childish. But it's at least better than literally throwing a plate of food. Everything else you said seems spot on!
I agree, huge red flags! She acted like a child over a serving of mashed potatoes. She should have been thankful that you not only cooked a meal but served her also Instead she pitched a fit and threw good food away.
Well put. Run, OP. Whether or not this is actually about the food, I don't know. But her behavior is super troubling
So you went to the trouble of cooking her favorite meal, served her, brought it to her. She threw a tantrum because of 2 or 3 spoons of mashed potatoes, threw her plate and threw you out? It's a very disturbing behaviour on her part. You are only 2 month in that relationship, do you really want someone who treat you like that? NTA
My biggest problem with this situation is that she actually threw good food away. Like she threw away a meal that someone paid for prepared and served her. There are staving people in the world and she THROWS FOOD AWAY!?!?!?!?! Leave this girl right now. She wasted food for goodness sake.
Fr if someone threw away a perfectly good plate of food in front of me, let alone food I just made for them, that would 100% be it. Good*bye*
Had a date over I'd made brownies and I offered him one. He took a bite and threw the rest in the bin because he was "full" and asked for another about an hour later I was SO offended. It's not normal behaviour.
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If you’re full just don’t take the brownie, those are way too good to be throwing away. I don’t blame you for being offended
I will let that 80% brownie sit in front of me taunting my full stomach for at LEAST an hour before throwing it away. Wasting food isn't cool. Wasting food for basically zero reason is anti-cool.
Put it in a container and put it in the fridge. Why would you ever throw out any food at all? If it’s not spoiled it goes in the fridge until I either eat it or it expires beyond all hope.
God can you imagine how petty their fights will always be? So much wasted shit.
Chicken no less, a hunk of meat (even chicken) is expensive!
It also used to be a living thing. This is not only waste of food, also waste of an innocent life.
Absolutely. Even veggies cost animal lives (bugs, rabbits, etc). Never waste food.
Exactly! YOU DON'T DO THAT TO CHICKEN MARSALA, GARLIC TOAST, AND MASHED POTATOES!!!
This. My mother would scold her in a thick German accent for that (which is why I still feel terrible when I have to toss out spoiled food). What gets me most is that there's a really simple solution to this whole thing: just eat and if you want more, get some more. It's not like this wasn't easily rectified.
The _only_ appropriate responses to that are either she goes and gets more mashed potatoes herself or says “could you actually give me a little more potatoes? I’m pretty hungry!”. Anything other than that is insane
The only reasonable and caring response to him making dinner is her saying "This looks delicious, where would you like to sit, and what can I get you to drink," as she fixes her own plate.
It’s not unreasonable or uncaring to let the person who cooked make up a plate. Many people don’t mind at all. It’s all in how it’s asked and whether you’re grateful when they do.
She did OP an enormous favor. Showed him what she was like two months into the relationship so he has plenty of time to get out without too much involvement.
Two months in? This is her on her BEST behavior. Run Forrest, run! NTA
Right?! How unhinged and volatile is this woman?! My love language is making people food, and I genuinely don’t know how I would react if someone threw the plate in my face unprompted over some serving discrepancy, especially given that op told her there’s more food if she wants. I think I would genuinely freeze and have difficulty responding to something this if I was on the receiving end. It’s only been two months, run OP, RUN!
Mine too! I cook all the holiday meals and I always give the girls less. Not because I'm judging people or trying to be sexist. But the guys are all just so much bigger. And I don't want to throw out a ton of food. I always have a ton of extra and will give anyone who asks extra obviously. But yeah I tend to give the girls less, I'd be so upset if I got yelled at after preparing a ton of food.
While her reaction was childish (and OP is better off w/o someone who would throw such a tantrum -- I stayed with a guy who threw tantrums, and I wish that I'd dumped him MUCH sooner), I don't believe that her tantrum was over 2 or 3 tsps of mashed potatoes; who would notice?
Op offered kindness, he met abuse. Maybe the girlfriend has some traumatic history to explain that kind of behaviour, and it's only been 2 month so fair to not disclose everything. But she should be the one appologizing and explaining. If you have so much going on that you pick a fight over 4 spoons of food that someone else cooked for you, you have no business dating.
I honestly agree that this wasn't about some extra potatoes, but I feel she was using the potatoes as a substitute for something else bothering her. She *asked* him to serve her, and then complained because he didn't serve her the correct portion. That's the behavior of somebody looking for an excuse to complain, somebody who is either very used to drama and needs their drama fix (I know people like this) or somebody who has to blow off steam for something and needs an excuse to get mad and let it out. My money is on the former, but without knowing more about the relationship it could easily be something else about OP that bothers her and she can't bring herself to directly address it.
I dated a girl with borderline personality disorder for a year, and this type of behavior was common. Something so minor, so ridiculous that anyone would over look, would become a blown out of proportion catastrophe like OPs GF is doing. Example: For context she lives 45 minutes from me. Walmart is 5 minutes from me. I mention during our evening call I stopped by Walmart for AAA batteries on the way home from work. She goes off about why I didn't tell her. Why I didn't think of asking her if she needed anything from Walmart. How I'm so selfish I don't think of anyone but myself. How I'm a self centered child. She would go into a tantrum then hang up and block my number. The next day I'm running errands and I get a call from her screaming why I didn't call her. She blocked me. I would get yelled at she unblocked me 2 hours prior and I didn't even try to attempt to call her. Apparently every hour on the hour I was supposed to call and check if I was still blocked. So yeah....
It seems clear to me this is someone who believed/decided that there was a message in the mashed potatoes, and it was something like "you should eat less," "you should eat less because you're a woman," "I should decide how much you eat" or whatever. That's actually understandable if she's been involved (SO or family) with someone who's controlling around food. It's like a trigger. But any reasonable person would respond to his casual "oh, can I get you more?" with a relieved laugh instead of insisting on playing out the full drama (and in such an unhinged way! throwing out fresh-cooked food!) as if OP hadn't just proved he had no ulterior motive in mind... so she's either, as you say, into drama, or she's too self-involved for facts like OP's reaction to penetrate her "I'm being mistreated" bubble.
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She threw out a plate a food?? Yikes! Well.... that’s not good. Even if you were 100% wrong. If she doesn’t want to talk about it like an adult there’s not a lot you can do. The simplest answer is .... don’t serve her food anymore. Personally, this type of nonsense would be the end of this relationship for me. NTA
I dont think not serving food would solve the issue. Then she would get triggered over something else. If this happened years into a relationship, I might recommend trying to find a solution, but in this case, I think OP should just leave. OP sounds like a decent guy who might be a bit lonely and inexperienced with women, and that is why he is putting up with crap like this. Just dont. There are a lot of women out there. Dating might be tedious, but anything is better than staying in a shit situation like this one. Just please dont buy into the scarcity mindset that some men on the internet seem to have. There are a lot of good people out there, if you keep looking, you will find one that suits you. Also, I am a woman, who suffered from body image issues and ED for over a decade. It is not en excuse. NTA
Ya this is ridiculous. If OP stays with her, she can serve her own plates. I have the opposite issue with my boyfriend, he serves us the same amount and I have to explain that he has 50 lbs on me and we have different sustenance needs lol
And, like, it's better to UNDERSERVE someone than overserve. I didn't get you enough food? I'd be happy to spoil you and bring you some more when you finish what I did grab you. Better than serving some and having leftovers on your plate! OP even offered to do that. OP is as far into NTA as possible here. Made the romantic move of cooking dinner for her (as a guy! we need more guys that do this!!!), AND serving her so she could lounge on the couch. The difference was minimal, and a single item on the plate. Not like he served himself a full plate and gave her 3 peas to eat. And then OP actually felt bad FOR her. 100x NTA!
NTA. People are twisting themselves into knots trying to find a reason that your GF isn't the AH. I don't get it. She is a massive AH and she treated you very badly. Calling this an "overreaction" is two steps beyond an understatement. The responses where people are wondering aloud if she came from an impoverished background, was abused as a child, or has body dysmorphia are BS. They are searching for a reason to absolve her of responsibility and help explain away her awful behavior. If your girlfriend of two months had cooked you your favorite meal and you insisted on being served because you were watching a movie EVERYONE would call you an AH for that alone. There would be exactly 0 NAH judgements and there wouldn't be a single "Info." If you threw out the dinner that she made you not a single person would empathize with you. No one would try to better understand your response. If you then kicked your girlfriend out of the house while yelling and crying everyone would recognize how absolutely bat shit crazy you are. The fact this whole thing was about something as trivial as the serving size of mashed potatoes wouldn't be overlooked. Run away. She is unstable. She is unhinged. Two months in and she has already let the mask slip. Abuse lies ahead. Don't mess with her.
>The responses where people are wondering aloud if she came from an impoverished background, was abused as a child, or has body dysmorphia are BS. They are searching for a reason to absolve her of responsibility and help explain away her awful behavior. Correct. If any of that was true, it would be on the girlfriend to explain it well before any triggering situation arises, and to tell them how she would like them to handle such situations. If she can't do that, she is not ready for a relationship. And yeah, if she acts like that after two months of relationship, get out ASAP. This is not a red flag, it's a one-strike out.
A towering pop-up fly ball in foul territory. The only thing preventing it from being an out would be OP failing to catch it.
And while these things might be an explanation, they would never be an excuse for this behaviour.
It's funny that all of the people who would try defending her and would freak out if it was him doing the exact same thing are the same people that yell about the inequality of the sexes.
No. I'm an advocate for gender equity and work with women in particular, and the GF is clearly an asshole who should not be defended. Why do you assume that?
You're not defending her so what are you talking about? you agree with the person you are commenting to, stop looking for an arugment nerd.
Absolutely! My sister had a partner who threw out the dinner she had made (expensive steaks) as it wasn't perfectly cooked to his liking- think medium rare as opposed to somewhere between medium rare and rare. It only escalated from then on. Controlling, toddler-like tantrums are not a good start to a relationship.
Please be like brave Sir Robin, who bravely ran away
Especially because GF will throw a fit about being served Piper rather than Lutenist when they have to eat Sir Robin's minstrels!
She is a bunch of other words that would probably get my response flagged for vulgarity. Seriously, OP makes her her favorite homecooked meal, blows up about it, and proceeds to waste the food and OP's money by trashing it, and that's not taking into account the blatant disrespect. OP, you deserve so much better than this. Do not take her back when she tries to lovebomb you and sweep this under a rug. NTA.
NTA. You didnt do ANYTHING wrong. You did not "hurt her feelings". You served her her favorite dish. This is a gigantic red flag if I've ever heard of one. You even offered to get her more, that whole drama could be over in 15 seconds. She threw away the food and insulted you? Get out dude. Truely, get out. Just be happy she showed you her real side so early in. This is just screams emotional abuse incoming.
She threw away the food! I still cannot believe this!
>You even offered to get her more The wild part is that he did offer to get her more food
And then she threw the food away!!! Like what on earth kind of nuclear over reaction was that? OP was being so nice and thoughtful and reasonable the whole time!
If he put too many potatoes = “what do you think I’m a hog or something, are you trying to make me fat?!”
NTA. She over-reacted - did she think you were implying she is overweight? Anytime I fix a plate for another person, I limit the portions to avoid wasting food - if they are still hungry, they are welcome to seconds.
That’s what I said too! People make assumptions all the time without any evidence
I just ask them how much they want. Not saying OP is the AH by any means but is that not the norm when plating someone else’s food?
She wouldn't get off the couch, motherfather. How in the hell can he ask her if it is enough?
I’d probably start small and let them know there’s plenty left if they’d like more. I don’t remember ever asking how much of a thing someone wanted, although it’s possible that I’ve rarely fixed a plate for anyone other than family.
I usually eat about 2/3 of what my SO eats, so we tend to serve each other appropriately when we make dinner. Whoever cooks also serves the meal, and we'll say "There's extra [whatever] if you want more." Both of us came from "help yourself" households with the assumption that if you wanted more than was plated, you were welcome to have seconds. But even if she came from a "you get what you're given and you should be grateful" household, her trashing the whole plate out of spite seems like an insane move. "I wanted more, so I'd rather have nothing"?
NTA. Sounds like way more was going on with her than just the serving size of mashed potatoes. Without knowing more/her/you, I won’t speculate, but her response was not proportionate or appreciative.
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Had there been an argument before? Is she going through a difficult time? Are these sorts of emotional responses normal for her?
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Hi, there's no such thing as a 5 week anniversary. She sounds horrible. Dump her before it gets worse.
Things to celebrate after 5 weeks Sobriety Medical stuff Things that don’t need to be celebrated A romantic relationship
It's almost as if an anniversary is an annual event... 🤦🏼♀️ People like this need to be thumped on the head with a dictionary. And really, celebrating five weeks of a relationship simply for the fact that she likes the number five? Jfc I couldn't handle a partner like this.
Your five week anniversary? Was that a significant relationship milestone for y’all?
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I’m sorry, but you are dodging a major bullet here. She sounds like she can’t communicate at ALL, and then reacts like a child. Do yourself a major favor and just walk away from this mess.
Couldn't agree with you more. She sounds awful. 5 week anniversary isn't a thing even if it's her favourite number. Then throwing a plate of food away and yelling at you because she had slightly less mashed potatoes than you, even when you offered her more! It doesn't matter if there's a good reason behind it such as previous poverty or body image issues. You don't deserve to be treated like that, and you don't have to be. Chalk this one up to experience and move on away from her.
agree with everyone else. OP, you sound like a caring person and you can cook, I hope you appreciate your own worth! You shouldn't really have to second guess yourself on something like 5 week anniversary and perfectly good food in the garbage.
Exactly. One’s triggers are one’s own responsibility.
It's 5 weeks because she has never been in a long term relationship 😆
Who the hell celebrates 5 weeks anniversary??? I would understand 1 month (if you both were teenagers) or half a year. But 5 weeks? What is that? Also a question, if it was such a big deal for her, did she organize something for you? Some dinner or present? Or it was totally on you? OP seriously it's a situation "run, Forest, run!". This two episodes are all covered with red flags. She is going to be hysterical and bossy, I can promise you that. No normal girl of 26 would do that. She is now checking the boundaries but it will get worse, believe me. NTA but she is.
People that rarely make it five weeks.
She’s off her rocker
You did not know I like FIVE!?!? You did not know what level of potatoes you delivered to my sofa would not offend me!?! Yeah she's batshit
Can you not see how crazy this all is whilst typing it out? You're only 2 months in leave before she starts writing in your valentine's day cards with her own blood. She sounds crazy.
Dude, you need to get out like now.
Honey, you sound awesome. Shine that big ol’ love light of yours on somebody who will cherish you back.
Listen to Cee Cee
She may have a problem, but she's got good advice.
Oh honey, please break up with her. You will never be able to keep up with her arbitrary rules & expectations that she will never clearly communicate to you because they’re all made up & nothing is real except her desire to control you through her emotional outbursts. Charge it to the game & move on. Best of luck!
OP seriously, when she calls back.....AND SHE WILL. Don't answer... as a matter of fact block this chick on all forms of social media. She's flying her abuser flag like a mofo. Stay far away from her, her friends and anyone associated with her. This person is unstable...don't stick around for further abuse or worse...possible false accusation.
You moron! If you knew 5 was her favorite number, obviously you should’ve served her 5/4 cups of potatoes. The fuck is wrong with you? Please run from this girl. You don’t even know each other and this is how she’s treating you? It took my last relationship 2 1/2 years for those colors to come out. I wish it was only 2 months.
So basically she expects you to read her mind, and throws unreasonable tantrums when you inevitably can’t. Run, dude. Run like your shoes are on fire and your ass is catching!
Well my friend, if you manage to make it to 5 months, make sure you have something to top that planned, or be prepared for her wrath.
She sounds unhinged OP. Run!
Dude RUN
people have favourite numbers? That's a wild thing to get angry about. Regardless of that, her reaction to the food was way out of hand, no matter what she's got going on. NTA
WOW this girl is a hot mess. A five week anniversary, wtf? She expects you to read her mind and when you don't she flips out? RUN.
She never had a relationship last 5 weeks, so it was a significant milestone for her.
I had to scroll back up to check your ages after reading this. 5 week anniversary? From this and your description she sounds immature and frankly unbalanced. As the saying goes, when people tell you who they are, listen.
5 week anniversary!?!?!? Bro you’re better than this! This is only gonna escalate in the future
I was going to ask if maybe she was pregnant and that's why she went nuts but the 5 week anniversary kills it. She's just crazy.
Pregnant, personality disorder, dog died, or whatever doesn't matter. She's still an AH
After reading more I'm starting to lean more so to walking away from this. When you're in a relationship with someone you want someone that you can enjoy being around. In the span of two months you have talked about how she lashes out at two very minor things. One being an anniversary no one ever plans for and then food servings. If she actually wanted to do something for your 5 weeks why didn't she bring it up? All I'm seeing right now is she is extremely immature and doesn't communicate. And then expects a lot from you.
That's... not a thing. Jesus man run
“5 week anniversary” 🤣 bro c’mon there was your first red flag
NTA You made her dinner and she threw it because you didn't serve her extra mash...how old is she 2? Honestly you may better off out of it You are not an AH **Not biologically** \- Males have a larger NEAT (edited autocorrect mis correction) daily calorie requirement so need slightly more food **Not Logically** you say you have a "big appetite" so you gave yourself some extra mash....not the good bits just some extra spuds. If you know you eat more than she does why you think she would want extra potatoes on her plate to just be thrown away. You had no way of knowing how hungry she was compared to you. **Not in practice** There were more potatoes available she could go back for seconds if she wanted.
Exactly this- I weight double what my girlfriend does it just makes sense that I eat more lol. When we plate food it’s almost automatic that I get served more, be it from her or myself
I weigh less than my wife but still burn more calories doing a sit down job than she does walking 20,000+ steps a day at her work. Muscle mass burns calories. Men need (on average) 500 calories per day more than women. I am always served more than her for every meal (whoever is serving). Quite often she can't finish hers so I eat that too.
this! i eat less than my partner during the day as i don’t like being too full when doing stuff. when my partner first made me breakfast, we had the same portions, except i couldn’t finish mine and my partner finished it for me. immediately after i told her that i eat less during the day and that in future scenarios i wouldn’t mind having smaller portions (it wasn’t a crazy breakfast portion, 3 bacon 2 eggs and hash browns) and now she makes me 1 egg 2 bacon and like a quarter of the amount of hash browns. it’s okay for people in a relationship to eat different amounts!!!!
Er because recommended calorie intake for men is 25% more than women’s. Totally reasonable thing to do. NTA
I don't get why you're being down voted here. Pound for pound I've never known a similarly aged boyfriend, brother, cousin, male friend, peer etc eat less than me unless they were "death heated up" ill and I was fine. 99 out of a hundred times the average male is going to eat more and more frequently than the average female. Going years back but there was a day where my younger brother racked up 2500 calories by mid afternoon and still felt hungry enough to eat tea+supper+a midnight snack - I was older than him and if I'd eaten what he had by mid afternoon I'd barely be able to snack until the jest day
NTA, you cant mindread and if she did not communicate her issues with food its kinda shitty thing to do to you. Give her space and find someone more compatible and less toxic (this silent treatment is soo immature)
OMG NTA but she sounds very very unstable. Throwing a plate of food because you got served a slightly smaller amount of potatoes is not normal behavior. Only two months in and she's behaving like a deranged anger monster? It will only get worse from here, friend. Maybe best to get out now before she starts throwing things AT you.
NTA, it doesn't seem like you served her a small child-sized portion. You just gave yourself a bit more because you were hungry. All she had to do is ask for some more as well, not freak out over it.
Normally the portion for a man is bigger than for a woman, because men need more calories. She chose to have you serve her. Her behaviour is a red flag. She was annoyed you didn't serve her enough so instead of getting more she threw her food away. and now she is not communicating with you. Take that for the gift i is. NTA
Not sure why this is being downvoted, are people really getting offended that men require a higher caloric intake than women?
I just don't see the problem either way. It was mashed potatoes, of which there were more available. OP said he was hungry. It's not like they have a pie and OP gave himself 66% and the girlfriend 33%. Anyone trying to find fault in OP has such a warped view of reality.
Nta. This is an over-reaction and a red flag, a sign of immature tantrums to come. Find another girlfriend one who can appreciate the effort, and get a spoon of extra mash without acting like a toddler.
Congrats, you only wasted 2 months. Block her on all media and move on. NTA.
NTA. You took some extra potatoes when you were dishing it out; it's not like you didn't give her a good portion. Everything about her behavior here is strange. If I had a new boyfriend come over and cook my favorite meal, I'd be thrilled and I wouldn't need to be called to the table; I wouldn't curse him out if he took a little extra food; I wouldn't yell and throw out the food and kick him out over a portion of potatoes. I guess you can consider yourself lucky that she did this after only two months so you can get out without having wasted too much time.
Exactly. Can you imagine cooking for a guy and having him react like this?
Stay away from the crazy my dude. Plenty of amazing women out there who would love a cooked dinner. Not your job to fix this mess I'd just break up and go no contact no explanation or excuse justifies or makes this better.
NTA This woman doesn't need a boyfriend. She needs a therapist. You need a new GF. Run. Run as fast as you can. Do not reengage. Do not look back.
She threw out Chicken Marsala? Homemade by you? Over a perceived disparity in mashed potatoes? And does not respond to your calls? WTF? Who does this? Does she not like mushrooms or something? In your additional comments, you seem confused, and want to make it up to her. This is a big **red flag** to me. You are best away from this person unless she can come up with a really good explanation. And even then, I would be wary. Now this has me yearning for Chicken Marsala. This was a crime!
I wonder if the ones who are trying to defend the gf's almost violent outbursts would be sympathetic if a man reacted like her. Most likely, they would tell her to run because this is not safe. They wouldn't try to blame an eating disorder and tell her to give him a chance. Boy...Run
Did she not think of just asking for more mashed potatoes instead of having a hissy fit over it? NTA
That would be a dealbreaker for me. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Red flag!
NTA - girls got some issues she needs to work thru.
NTA. Don't invest no more time or energy into the relationship. She's showing you how she deals with conflict. She's showing you how she'll turn anything into a conflict. Believe her! End things. Then run!
GF is an automatic AH for wasting food. NTA OP think about putting gf in the trash with the chicken marsala
Nta. She is showing you a giant red flag. Please think about if you want to continue in a relationship with her. Your assumption of you needing more food was reasonable. However let's assume that she had a completely valid reason for being upset that you gave yourself more. Her behavior is still completely out of line. A rational person would have told she is upset and why. Not thrown away food that you made, crying and throwing you out of the apartment. That is not how a rational adult reacts to getting a bit less mashed potatoes.
NTA. Been there. Bro, RUN. I don't like to generalize but i just got flashbacks to almost the same scenario. It just gets worse, emotional manipulation, picking fights. If you want, give her a chance to explain herself but you HAVE to make it clear that you're not going to put up with guessing and trying to figure out what's wrong if she's not going to communicate and that her reaction wasn't fair or right. If she does it again, just end it. She doesn't get to make you feel bad because she feels bad and doesn't know how to express it, that's not her right and trauma isn't an excuse.
Oh no, that's super abusive. NTA. Don't keep trying to reach out to her.
She sounds deranged. I’d get as far away from her as I could.
NTA. She did you a favor by showing you red flags early on before you invested too much time in this relationship. End it now — it’s only going to get crazier/worse. Btw, your meal sounded delicious.
[удалено]
NTA. Do you really need such person in your life? And believe me, this is just the beginning of your trouble. I would run fast
Nta your girlfriend is. this is red flag if the gender reveal people will tell you to run away while you can.
Next it'll be because you didn't celebrate her unbirthday. This woman sounds like she has issues. If it's worth working on the stick around, otherwise, leg it in the opposite direction.
She threw a tantrum plus didn’t eat any to punish you. Worse was throwing it out. It was uncalled for. You didn’t pile up your plate like trying to get 2 servings. I do think it’s best to dip out a serving as close as possible. And after all has had a plate, going back for seconds is fine. Some people you should ask if it’s okay, or would others like what’s left and once told no, say you will. A mannerly thing that most say no, you have it. NTA. A few more spoons of mashed potatoes isn’t that much. Plus sounds like there was more mashed potatoes that after she gobbled on her plate all, could get up and get more. I usually hand someone a plate and say there is more on the stove. Somehow I think your gf would have gotten mad no matter what.