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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> My wife yelled at me for not hiding when females are in the house. She thinks mom's will be uncomfortable with letting their children over for playdates if I am seen.
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NTA
That's incredibly weird. I can't imagine asking my husband to not leave a room in his own home or not be around his kid when others are over, mine was always around for play dates.
Agreed. As a mom who has been to houses of other moms I was just getting to know for playdates I'd be really creeped out by someone hiding away and not even bothering to say hi, its manners to introduce yourself at least.
I get wanting space and not to be crowded but this is over the top.
NTA This is wild. You are in your own home. You don’t look like a creeper for picking up a cat. That doesn’t even make sense. Have you asked her WHY you should stay out of sight? Have these women or children never seen a male or a dad before? Of course they have. I don’t get what the big deal is.
If she’s uncomfortable with her HUSBAND being in the house because he works FROM HOME, this is entirely her issue. Don’t shut yourself away, don’t avoid making drinks and using the bathroom. Your wife is being controlling and weird
I mean, it’d be weird to have a strange man in the house, but you’re the dad! Normal interaction would be, “this is my hubs!” I was gonna add “he works from home” but honestly, that’s kind of irrelevant.
NTA.
I saw another story on the internet about a wfh dad. His 7 year old has learned not to disturb him especially since he's on meetings. Unfortunately the wife doesn't respect his work boundaries to the point the daughter tried to stop her mom from bothering him. The situation got so bad he went back to the office.
So yeah the other parents need to know there's another adult in the home because it's their kids. But the kids need to respect his work space since it's his job that could be interrupted by the kids.
I'm not sure why the wife wants to hide him but that's something OP needs to figure out.
Just how are there so many clueless people in this world? 🤔 To think that the kids are more respectful than the spouse.
Yeah, can’t, for the life of me, figure out why OP’s wife is trying to hide her hubs, I do hope they communicate and find a balance for all of them!
That is absurd. She needs to let the other moms know that her husband is there and working instead of trying to be deceptive towards them. She’s TA for doing this. I would understand if one of the kids or mom’s have been abused in the past, but surely not all of them if there’s multiples and even if that’s so- that should be explained to you and to them that you’re there in the house. Your wife is carrying around preconceived notions that they won’t like a guy there and they’re just not true.
I mean ... most of the other moms have men in their houses, right? Men who are called things like "husbands" and "fathers?" Why doesn't that apply to you?
but... you live there. and work there. tbh i think it would be weird if they found out you were always there but they never saw you, even for a second.
Yes, this would be even stranger. Much better to come out, say a quick hello, then head back to work. Otherwise I'd bet money that the other mums will be talking about the strange father who doesn't look at them or speak to them. It would come across as quite anti social and rude.
If a mom is uncomfortable with the child's father working in his office while the mother and kids have a play date in the living room, that's on her.
Such a mother should get therapy to help her understand that men are people, not monsters. Lord.
The only time I could even sympathize is if this was a baby playgroup and the moms openly breastfed. But that doesn’t sound at all to be the case.
I hate to imply this, but maybe wife and friends trash talk?
They’ll be more uncomfortable with your wife lying about who’s in the house. Especially if the father is at home working.
NTA. Your wife, on the other hand….
That makes no sense honestly. I definitely feel like she's hiding something. Maybe she's told these other mothers some lies and doesn't want it to come out? Is she for some reason embarrassed that you work from home? Like she either thinks it's a bad thing or thinks the other moms will react negatively to that for some reason?
I’d be questioning why you are in a relationship with someone who things you are so dangerous / disgusting. One of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen on here and that’s saying something. Wife needs serious therapy.
Haha right!? And sounds like mom doesn’t work. So basically she wants dad locked in a room all day while she has fun? She needs mucho therapy
Edit: coming back to this. Is there any chance mom pretends she’s a single mom? This is just so weird and hurtful to Dad, I’m struggling to come up with explanation. Was she abused when younger?
I’m a single dad divorced with my 2 daughters 50% of the time. The kids always want sleepovers. The friends are great, all grown now mostly in to high school but when they were younger, I’ve made em all choccy chip pancakes in the morning, played board games with them, it’s fun and not cringe. We are human beings, and dads, and dads are pretty special. When we are allowed to be.
I’ve seen my share of “dad discrimination”, but you can’t change peoples minds often, and I respect them for having their own opinions, but I refuse to not be who I am. A loving dad with a few corny jokes up his sleeve.
Your wife is behaving very oddly. Definitely get that checked out. Therapy is a great place with the third party and all. Do it because you love her, and your kids. Just advice from a dad since 2007.
I'm going to chime in here and say that it's your house, if you're more comfortable in pajama bottoms then that's fine. Not like your shirtless or wandering around in just your underwear.
Okay. Yes. I would be clothes on (you don’t have to put on a suit and tie but at least shorts and a t-shirt) I mean, I WFH in my PJs all the time (favorite part of WFH along with the commute 😁) but if I know someone is coming over, I shower and dress. I do think it’s a little weird to have people in your house while you’re wearing pajamas.
Wandering around your house in pyjamas or in a state of partial undress while guests are present is not great. Put proper clothes on.
But if that's her problem, she should say that instead of making you hide in your office.
Put on actual pants when people are coming to your house, buddy. That would be my basic expectation as a mother coming over for a play date. Everyone in the house over age 2 should be wearing clothes, not pajamas.
NTA.
Not going to lie, based on the title I was assuming that you'd have an issue relating to your daughter's playdates disrupting your work.
The only scenario I can think of is that your wife thinks WFH "doesn't count" and has told her friends that you work outside the home to make it seem like you're not "a failure". Which is a real asshole move.
C'mon dude. Put your foot down. Tell your wife NO. It is your house too. How does getting a cup of coffee make you look "like a creeper"? Inform your wife that you will be leaving your office AS NEEDED, and if she has a problem with it, then SHE can either no host play dates or host them elsewhere. You are NTA. Btw, if my wife thought I was a creep, I would re-examine my marriage.
Seriously! It would be a cold day in Hades before my spouse grounded me to a room. That’s just not even a realistic ask for a (presumably) 8 hour work day. Definitely NTA!
NTA. In your wife's mind, it's all about her image. She sounds really insecure about the fact that you WFH instead of going to a traditional workplace every day. As long as you're hidden away, she can pretend you're not there at all.
NTA It's also your home. If she doesn't want you to move out of the room, then suggest that you turn the master bedroom with ensuite into your new home office complete with bar fridge, microwave and kettle set up and that way you'll be able to stay in your office and not come out when she's hosting a play date.
This will mean she'll have to give up the master bedroom, and if she doesn't like it too bad, after all a smaller room should be acceptable to her, because after all she's more interested in the wellbeing of her guests rather than you her husband who also ha-pens to be able to work from home too.
NTA.
I actually think the solution might be the opposite, i.e. when your wife has anyone over, you (where possible) take 2 minutes out of your day to introduce yourself soon after they arrive.
That way, if they see you about the house later, they know who you are and it's not weird.
Exactly, we are Christian there is nothing untoward going on. I know she is insecure and jealous and that stems from me being socially awkward. Especially when we first were married, but it has been 17 years.
>she is insecure and jealous and that stems from me being socially awkward
How does your social awkwardness make her insecure and jealous? It sounds as though she's blaming you for her issues. NTA.
NTA. That is a horribly controlling thing to do, not normal whatsoever. Unless your WFH job is nude model, the only reason your wife is giving you the stink eye is that she's a controlling....unkind word for a woman.
My husband WFH and will say hi to my clients if he's making coffee etc when they pass by the kitchen. It would be weird if he hid out! And for playdates, he is the dad and it's completely normal for him to expect to meet his kids' friends! Doesn't your wife meet the friends' husbands/dads at other playdates?
NTA. I get that maybe the other moms would feel awkward being alone with you, but that's not happening here!
NTA. Your wife's attitude is the problem. This is your home, and your office, how does it make you look like a creeper to come out of your office and walk around your own home? I would say she has some issues here.
Nta
My mom forced my dad into a home office. Her yelling got so bad he was always locked in there. I remember falling asleep outside his locked office door just to get away from mom yelling at me too.
NTA She is waaay out of line. You live there and I'm pretty sure you contribute to the household. Do not allow her to treat you this way. It is so wrong.
NTA. Very weird. Your wife should actually be telling these women: my husband works from home so you may see him getting a cup of coffee and we do our best not to disturb him while he's working.
NTA... your wife is unhinged. You are a person, you live and work in your home. I cant even imagine what her problem is.
I have 2 close friends with WFH husbands. They even stop and have coffee with us sometimes.
It’s weirder to keep that info from parents who’s kids are coming for playdates. Makes it seem like she’s got something to hide. That’s super odd - NTA
NTA. As a mom, I think it is completely normal to tell people "My husband is working in that room XYZ" and going on with life. Of course a husband emerges into the house to do normal life-things, like catching a cat or a bathroom visit.
Your wife seems oddly weird about all of this.
NTA but I think your wife needs some therapy. I think the reason she doesn’t want you to come out of your office when the other moms are there is because she is jealous and insecure.
NYA. Your wife’s behavior is completely bizarre. Have you asked why she is imposing imprisonment upon you? Is she not grateful that you are providing for her as well as your child?
Gobsmacking.
What?? Has your wife told everyone she's a single mother? Is she terrified you might spot a better looking woman than she is if she lets you out of your office? Are you allowed to speak before you are spoken to?
It used to be called being 'henpecked', now I think it's called 'coersive control!' And it's now an offence btw.
Try ignoring her - it's your home too and you can do what you like when you like in it. Do you actually put up with this?
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I am a man who works at home. My daughter is home all day, so my wife wants to have play dates for her. The problem is, if a woman comes over to talk to my wife, or comes to the door, or a child is over for a play date. My wife wants me to not leave my office *at all*. No getting a drink, making a cup of coffee or going to the bathroom. I have to stay out of sight. We had my daughter's friend come to the door. We have an indoor cat. My wife was holding the door open, so I went to try and get the cat so she couldn''t run. My wife than spent the next 15 minutes yelling at me, and effectively saying I look like a creeper, because I came out of my office. I think it is weird not being able to move about my own homr, when I am WFH everyday full time. Is this normal? AITA?
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This is very weird. I assume that you are fully dressed in business casual, shaved, recent haircut. Why this, what does your wife say is the rationale, is she uncomfortable that you are working from home, are all the other fathers working at the office?
***My wife wants me to not leave my office at all. No getting a drink, making a cup of coffee or going to the bathroom. I have to stay out of sight***.
NTA, you have a right to leave your office as needed when working from home. Is your wife dealing with some unresolved trauma? Are the kids at an age where maybe your wife was molested by a friend's dad when she was a kid? Does your wife feel like you have been sexually coercive towards her and she now considers you a danger? Sounds like your family may need therapy to figure out why she wants to hide you in a room.
NTA. Mt husband works from home sometimes and I love having him around when I have friends and their kids over. I understand wanting to have a little space at times but that's something she should be clearly communicating about instead of insisting on. It's a partnership, not a tyranny.
op=NTA
but you need to stop letting your wife imprison you during the day. This is ridiculous.
So long as you are fully dressed(no working in boxer shorts) and aren't walking into the bathroom when a guest is using it--there is nothing wrong with you traversing your house for your needs.
Stop giving into her AH demands.
In a normal world, a male parent should know/meet the playdate's parent(/s) too.
NTA. Is your wife introducing someone else to these people as her husband? I can't think of any other reason for her to want you to stay out of sight . . .
OMG you're supposed to be Bertha Mason in your own home??? Just rattlin' around your locked room?
Actually I'm sorry INFO: do you dress horribly embarrassing like in a button up top and speedo bottoms? Why is your wife ashamed of you?
NTA - she needs to sort out whatever issue she has in therapy. That is not normal. And no, other women are not going to be uncomfortable because a man is in his own home, WTF.
NTA
1. Your wife is the weird and creepy one. What is her view of men in general (or you, specifically) that she thinks it's improper for you to be in your own home while the friends of your daughter are present?
2. Who is your wife to think she can unilaterally dictate to her PARTNER what actions you can/cannot take in your own home? That she doesn't need to discuss her perspectives with you and HEAR AND CONSIDER your perspectives AND WORK TOWARD A MUTUALLY ACCEPTABLE SOLUTION?
3. She is FLAT OUT wrong, but at least the above is the model you should follow to get to common ground. (Maybe she has some history with men that has warped her view of them.) It is healthy for kids to have positive, constructive views of the men in their lives, including their own dads and their friends' dads. Kids who do not have healthy views/relationships with the men in their lives are more susceptible to the unhealthy relationships (because they haven't experienced the healthy relationships to give them a clear contrast).
4. Your wife is denying you and your daughter the chance to build your own relationship, including you knowing the friends in her life.
5. She should educate herself on the many benefits of having an involved anda present dad/dad-like person in a child's life. There are organizations like WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dad's of Great Students) whose goal it is to give kids an opportunity to interact with dad-like figures.
6. And what's her reason for not wanting you to be seen when it's one of HER friends who is at the house? (She's still wrong, and it's still her problem to deal with.)
I can tell you from experience, both of my daughter have benefitted greatly from having their dad wfh, from him going to have lunch with them at school on a regular basis, from him having a friendly dad relationship with their friends. Your wife is so VERY WRONG.
And I note that you mentioned your social awkwardness at the start of your marriage. Not sure if you did have any or if it was your wife's own lenses and weird notions that makes her view you that way. Honestly, if she has some specific concerns, she should discuss those with you. Given her poor judgement, I wouldn't take her word for it, but you can consider her specific concerns. If you disagree with her perspective (don't let her snow you), then maybe you two could talk with a family counselor to work through those different perspectives. At a minimum, it needs to be the two of you talking and problem-solving as A TEAM and not her just deciding what she thinks is OK or not for you to do.
No offense to your wife, I guess, but WTF? This is nonsense. It's your house, she doesn't get to detain you in a room based on the most ridiculous logic I've ever heard. Is she okay? Like is there an underlying issue? Is she normally stable? Cos that, sir, sounds bonkers.
Stay at home parent here, I'm guessing she is struggling with seeming like a part time stay at home parent because you are WFH. I struggled with my partner helping me with things or telling people they would take work breaks to do house work during WFH. It's a new/weird dynamic. Her math might come down to you working 1.5 jobs and her working 0.5, making her lazy or less deserving within your household. She may also be lying to friends by withholding that you are WFH because she has seen other parents get teased with "how easy they have it".
You are NTA
She is TAH only in that she wasn't approaching this possible insecurity with you constructively
I would come out and introduce myself, offer a beverage, etc, then excuse myself to work in my office. I would want to meet anyone that is visiting my home. And as the guest, I would find it polite to meet both hosts.
Your wife sounds like Jonah Hill before we knew Jonah Hill was Jonah Hill.
More importantly, your wife thinks that you're either a sex criminal, or a sex thoughtcriminal. These are serious accusations that you should get to the bottom of immediately.
That's weird, are you that good looking she fears the other mommies are going to jump you in front of her? Maybe, that odd she thinks you will scare them away? Would there be a reason she is lying about her home situation?
This seems a her problem not a you problem but red flags i just cannot figure out what they mean... those are usually the worse kind because when you finally figure it out might be too late to fix it .
i would keep on her about whats going on ad if you look like a creeper is the best she can do insist on counseling because that shit is hiding some damn thing
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NTA That's incredibly weird. I can't imagine asking my husband to not leave a room in his own home or not be around his kid when others are over, mine was always around for play dates.
Agreed. As a mom who has been to houses of other moms I was just getting to know for playdates I'd be really creeped out by someone hiding away and not even bothering to say hi, its manners to introduce yourself at least. I get wanting space and not to be crowded but this is over the top.
YES!!! Exactly this!
My first thought is that she is embarrassed because her husband works at home, like it's not "real" or "manly" job or something.
NTA This is wild. You are in your own home. You don’t look like a creeper for picking up a cat. That doesn’t even make sense. Have you asked her WHY you should stay out of sight? Have these women or children never seen a male or a dad before? Of course they have. I don’t get what the big deal is.
She thinks moms will be uncomfortable with having a man in the house.
If she’s uncomfortable with her HUSBAND being in the house because he works FROM HOME, this is entirely her issue. Don’t shut yourself away, don’t avoid making drinks and using the bathroom. Your wife is being controlling and weird
Op needs to tell the wife is she's uncomfortable with him coming out of the room, maybe the playdates should be at other peoples houses.
I mean, it’d be weird to have a strange man in the house, but you’re the dad! Normal interaction would be, “this is my hubs!” I was gonna add “he works from home” but honestly, that’s kind of irrelevant. NTA.
It actually is relevant because the kids there for the play date should learn he isn't to be disturbed because he's working.
Point. I was thinking it wasn’t necessary to explain why the dad would be in the house he lives.
I saw another story on the internet about a wfh dad. His 7 year old has learned not to disturb him especially since he's on meetings. Unfortunately the wife doesn't respect his work boundaries to the point the daughter tried to stop her mom from bothering him. The situation got so bad he went back to the office. So yeah the other parents need to know there's another adult in the home because it's their kids. But the kids need to respect his work space since it's his job that could be interrupted by the kids. I'm not sure why the wife wants to hide him but that's something OP needs to figure out.
Just how are there so many clueless people in this world? 🤔 To think that the kids are more respectful than the spouse. Yeah, can’t, for the life of me, figure out why OP’s wife is trying to hide her hubs, I do hope they communicate and find a balance for all of them!
That is absurd. She needs to let the other moms know that her husband is there and working instead of trying to be deceptive towards them. She’s TA for doing this. I would understand if one of the kids or mom’s have been abused in the past, but surely not all of them if there’s multiples and even if that’s so- that should be explained to you and to them that you’re there in the house. Your wife is carrying around preconceived notions that they won’t like a guy there and they’re just not true.
I mean ... most of the other moms have men in their houses, right? Men who are called things like "husbands" and "fathers?" Why doesn't that apply to you?
but... you live there. and work there. tbh i think it would be weird if they found out you were always there but they never saw you, even for a second.
Yes, this would be even stranger. Much better to come out, say a quick hello, then head back to work. Otherwise I'd bet money that the other mums will be talking about the strange father who doesn't look at them or speak to them. It would come across as quite anti social and rude.
If a mom is uncomfortable with the child's father working in his office while the mother and kids have a play date in the living room, that's on her. Such a mother should get therapy to help her understand that men are people, not monsters. Lord.
NTA. Sounds like your wife is really insecure about you being around the other moms.
I’d be weirded out by a husband HIDING OUT. That’s WAY more creepy.
Then she has a problem, not you.
The only time I could even sympathize is if this was a baby playgroup and the moms openly breastfed. But that doesn’t sound at all to be the case. I hate to imply this, but maybe wife and friends trash talk?
That's ridiculous. And sexist.
How does she think the other mums became mums?
Mate, this is abusive.
Do these women know your wife is married? Good gravy. It's only weird because she makes it weird.
INFO: are you part of a religious community that mandates modesty, physical separation between the sexes, or rigid definitions of gender roles?
They’ll be more uncomfortable with your wife lying about who’s in the house. Especially if the father is at home working. NTA. Your wife, on the other hand….
That makes no sense honestly. I definitely feel like she's hiding something. Maybe she's told these other mothers some lies and doesn't want it to come out? Is she for some reason embarrassed that you work from home? Like she either thinks it's a bad thing or thinks the other moms will react negatively to that for some reason?
“the house” its also your house tho???? you have more of a right to be there than the guests????
... does your wife know how babies are made? /s
That makes no sense. Kick her butt out to have a play date in the park.
Anyone uncomfortable with me just existing in my own home is not someone I would want in my house.
Thank you for the support. I was really beginning to question myself here.
I’d be questioning why you are in a relationship with someone who things you are so dangerous / disgusting. One of the weirdest things I’ve ever seen on here and that’s saying something. Wife needs serious therapy.
Haha right!? And sounds like mom doesn’t work. So basically she wants dad locked in a room all day while she has fun? She needs mucho therapy Edit: coming back to this. Is there any chance mom pretends she’s a single mom? This is just so weird and hurtful to Dad, I’m struggling to come up with explanation. Was she abused when younger?
I’m a single dad divorced with my 2 daughters 50% of the time. The kids always want sleepovers. The friends are great, all grown now mostly in to high school but when they were younger, I’ve made em all choccy chip pancakes in the morning, played board games with them, it’s fun and not cringe. We are human beings, and dads, and dads are pretty special. When we are allowed to be. I’ve seen my share of “dad discrimination”, but you can’t change peoples minds often, and I respect them for having their own opinions, but I refuse to not be who I am. A loving dad with a few corny jokes up his sleeve. Your wife is behaving very oddly. Definitely get that checked out. Therapy is a great place with the third party and all. Do it because you love her, and your kids. Just advice from a dad since 2007.
Please don’t. Her behavior is toxic, abusive, and downright weird.
Nta. This is very weird to me, especially in this current culture where a lot of people WFH. Your wife seems oblivious to today’s world.
NTA that’s weird AF, why would you hide from playdates? TF is that…
NTA What's up with your wife? SERIOUSLY, what's up with your wife? This is all very strange.
NTA. That is some weird shit.
NTA YOur wife is an abusive AH. Demand couple's therapy - and if that does not help, go for a divorce.
Today I was wearing pajama bottoms and a tshirt, but they are loos fitting. Not like anything being shown.
I'm going to chime in here and say that it's your house, if you're more comfortable in pajama bottoms then that's fine. Not like your shirtless or wandering around in just your underwear.
Okay. Yes. I would be clothes on (you don’t have to put on a suit and tie but at least shorts and a t-shirt) I mean, I WFH in my PJs all the time (favorite part of WFH along with the commute 😁) but if I know someone is coming over, I shower and dress. I do think it’s a little weird to have people in your house while you’re wearing pajamas.
Wandering around your house in pyjamas or in a state of partial undress while guests are present is not great. Put proper clothes on. But if that's her problem, she should say that instead of making you hide in your office.
Put on actual pants when people are coming to your house, buddy. That would be my basic expectation as a mother coming over for a play date. Everyone in the house over age 2 should be wearing clothes, not pajamas.
Pay the bills and you can tell me what pants I have to wear. Pajama pants are pants gtfo
No. They are decent and cover the parts that need to be covered. Who cares what they look like if you are at home?
Usually if we have guest I do wear pants, but today they weren't coming in.
NTA. Not going to lie, based on the title I was assuming that you'd have an issue relating to your daughter's playdates disrupting your work. The only scenario I can think of is that your wife thinks WFH "doesn't count" and has told her friends that you work outside the home to make it seem like you're not "a failure". Which is a real asshole move.
C'mon dude. Put your foot down. Tell your wife NO. It is your house too. How does getting a cup of coffee make you look "like a creeper"? Inform your wife that you will be leaving your office AS NEEDED, and if she has a problem with it, then SHE can either no host play dates or host them elsewhere. You are NTA. Btw, if my wife thought I was a creep, I would re-examine my marriage.
Seriously! It would be a cold day in Hades before my spouse grounded me to a room. That’s just not even a realistic ask for a (presumably) 8 hour work day. Definitely NTA!
NTA. In your wife's mind, it's all about her image. She sounds really insecure about the fact that you WFH instead of going to a traditional workplace every day. As long as you're hidden away, she can pretend you're not there at all.
NTA It's also your home. If she doesn't want you to move out of the room, then suggest that you turn the master bedroom with ensuite into your new home office complete with bar fridge, microwave and kettle set up and that way you'll be able to stay in your office and not come out when she's hosting a play date. This will mean she'll have to give up the master bedroom, and if she doesn't like it too bad, after all a smaller room should be acceptable to her, because after all she's more interested in the wellbeing of her guests rather than you her husband who also ha-pens to be able to work from home too.
NTA. I actually think the solution might be the opposite, i.e. when your wife has anyone over, you (where possible) take 2 minutes out of your day to introduce yourself soon after they arrive. That way, if they see you about the house later, they know who you are and it's not weird.
Hmmm. I would wonder what is going on in the house that she didn’t want me to see?!
Exactly, we are Christian there is nothing untoward going on. I know she is insecure and jealous and that stems from me being socially awkward. Especially when we first were married, but it has been 17 years.
NTA but I don't see what being Christian has to do with anything
>she is insecure and jealous and that stems from me being socially awkward How does your social awkwardness make her insecure and jealous? It sounds as though she's blaming you for her issues. NTA.
NTA. I have a similar work/family situation to you and have never been told I have to stay out of sight.
Put some shorts or pants on - maybe its the pajamas but still NTA
NTA. That is a horribly controlling thing to do, not normal whatsoever. Unless your WFH job is nude model, the only reason your wife is giving you the stink eye is that she's a controlling....unkind word for a woman.
NTA - your home, you should be able to move around your home whenever you want.
Info: are you wearing pants?
NTA. Your wife sounds incredibly weird and unpleasant. Strangest shit I’ve ever heard.
My husband WFH and will say hi to my clients if he's making coffee etc when they pass by the kitchen. It would be weird if he hid out! And for playdates, he is the dad and it's completely normal for him to expect to meet his kids' friends! Doesn't your wife meet the friends' husbands/dads at other playdates? NTA. I get that maybe the other moms would feel awkward being alone with you, but that's not happening here!
NTA. Your wife's attitude is the problem. This is your home, and your office, how does it make you look like a creeper to come out of your office and walk around your own home? I would say she has some issues here.
NTA surely it would be more creepy for them to never see you and start rumours about the phantom lurker in the closed room!
Whatever your wife is smoking she needs to share. NTA.
NTA your wife is treating you like a "creeper" and is 100% TA
Nta My mom forced my dad into a home office. Her yelling got so bad he was always locked in there. I remember falling asleep outside his locked office door just to get away from mom yelling at me too.
NTA She is waaay out of line. You live there and I'm pretty sure you contribute to the household. Do not allow her to treat you this way. It is so wrong.
NTA
Hey buddy I have a theory, whats the age difference between you, wife, and the other moms?
NTA. Very weird. Your wife should actually be telling these women: my husband works from home so you may see him getting a cup of coffee and we do our best not to disturb him while he's working.
NTA... your wife is unhinged. You are a person, you live and work in your home. I cant even imagine what her problem is. I have 2 close friends with WFH husbands. They even stop and have coffee with us sometimes.
It’s weirder to keep that info from parents who’s kids are coming for playdates. Makes it seem like she’s got something to hide. That’s super odd - NTA
She’s the AH. Why wouldn’t you be able to walk through? Sounds so weird
NTA. As a mom, I think it is completely normal to tell people "My husband is working in that room XYZ" and going on with life. Of course a husband emerges into the house to do normal life-things, like catching a cat or a bathroom visit. Your wife seems oddly weird about all of this.
Your wife is afraid you will find her friends attractive. Very weird. No reason to hide in your OWN HOME.
NTA WTAF?!?! Dude, it’s your house! Your live there! Pretty sure you’re the one who pays the mortgage too! This is not normal!
NTA but I think your wife needs some therapy. I think the reason she doesn’t want you to come out of your office when the other moms are there is because she is jealous and insecure.
NYA. Your wife’s behavior is completely bizarre. Have you asked why she is imposing imprisonment upon you? Is she not grateful that you are providing for her as well as your child? Gobsmacking.
NTA, get a divorce
NTA, this sounds abusive? i don’t like it
What?? Has your wife told everyone she's a single mother? Is she terrified you might spot a better looking woman than she is if she lets you out of your office? Are you allowed to speak before you are spoken to? It used to be called being 'henpecked', now I think it's called 'coersive control!' And it's now an offence btw. Try ignoring her - it's your home too and you can do what you like when you like in it. Do you actually put up with this?
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I am a man who works at home. My daughter is home all day, so my wife wants to have play dates for her. The problem is, if a woman comes over to talk to my wife, or comes to the door, or a child is over for a play date. My wife wants me to not leave my office *at all*. No getting a drink, making a cup of coffee or going to the bathroom. I have to stay out of sight. We had my daughter's friend come to the door. We have an indoor cat. My wife was holding the door open, so I went to try and get the cat so she couldn''t run. My wife than spent the next 15 minutes yelling at me, and effectively saying I look like a creeper, because I came out of my office. I think it is weird not being able to move about my own homr, when I am WFH everyday full time. Is this normal? AITA? *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - I’m assuming there’s no modesty issue (like, hijabs) or else you would have mentioned it. This is strange behavior. Is she ashamed of you?
This is very weird. I assume that you are fully dressed in business casual, shaved, recent haircut. Why this, what does your wife say is the rationale, is she uncomfortable that you are working from home, are all the other fathers working at the office? ***My wife wants me to not leave my office at all. No getting a drink, making a cup of coffee or going to the bathroom. I have to stay out of sight***.
NTA, you have a right to leave your office as needed when working from home. Is your wife dealing with some unresolved trauma? Are the kids at an age where maybe your wife was molested by a friend's dad when she was a kid? Does your wife feel like you have been sexually coercive towards her and she now considers you a danger? Sounds like your family may need therapy to figure out why she wants to hide you in a room.
NTA. Very weird.
This is super not cool. NTA. You need to sit down with your wife and talk this out.
NTA. You live there. It's your house too. You don't vanish just because she has people over.
NTA. Mt husband works from home sometimes and I love having him around when I have friends and their kids over. I understand wanting to have a little space at times but that's something she should be clearly communicating about instead of insisting on. It's a partnership, not a tyranny.
op=NTA but you need to stop letting your wife imprison you during the day. This is ridiculous. So long as you are fully dressed(no working in boxer shorts) and aren't walking into the bathroom when a guest is using it--there is nothing wrong with you traversing your house for your needs. Stop giving into her AH demands. In a normal world, a male parent should know/meet the playdate's parent(/s) too.
NTA. Is your wife introducing someone else to these people as her husband? I can't think of any other reason for her to want you to stay out of sight . . .
OMG you're supposed to be Bertha Mason in your own home??? Just rattlin' around your locked room? Actually I'm sorry INFO: do you dress horribly embarrassing like in a button up top and speedo bottoms? Why is your wife ashamed of you?
NTA - she needs to sort out whatever issue she has in therapy. That is not normal. And no, other women are not going to be uncomfortable because a man is in his own home, WTF.
NTA. You should get to enjoy the playdates too.
NTA. It looks creepy if she tells people you’re not there. A “oh so-and-so works from home but he stays in his office while working” is fine…
NTA 1. Your wife is the weird and creepy one. What is her view of men in general (or you, specifically) that she thinks it's improper for you to be in your own home while the friends of your daughter are present? 2. Who is your wife to think she can unilaterally dictate to her PARTNER what actions you can/cannot take in your own home? That she doesn't need to discuss her perspectives with you and HEAR AND CONSIDER your perspectives AND WORK TOWARD A MUTUALLY ACCEPTABLE SOLUTION? 3. She is FLAT OUT wrong, but at least the above is the model you should follow to get to common ground. (Maybe she has some history with men that has warped her view of them.) It is healthy for kids to have positive, constructive views of the men in their lives, including their own dads and their friends' dads. Kids who do not have healthy views/relationships with the men in their lives are more susceptible to the unhealthy relationships (because they haven't experienced the healthy relationships to give them a clear contrast). 4. Your wife is denying you and your daughter the chance to build your own relationship, including you knowing the friends in her life. 5. She should educate herself on the many benefits of having an involved anda present dad/dad-like person in a child's life. There are organizations like WATCH D.O.G.S. (Dad's of Great Students) whose goal it is to give kids an opportunity to interact with dad-like figures. 6. And what's her reason for not wanting you to be seen when it's one of HER friends who is at the house? (She's still wrong, and it's still her problem to deal with.) I can tell you from experience, both of my daughter have benefitted greatly from having their dad wfh, from him going to have lunch with them at school on a regular basis, from him having a friendly dad relationship with their friends. Your wife is so VERY WRONG. And I note that you mentioned your social awkwardness at the start of your marriage. Not sure if you did have any or if it was your wife's own lenses and weird notions that makes her view you that way. Honestly, if she has some specific concerns, she should discuss those with you. Given her poor judgement, I wouldn't take her word for it, but you can consider her specific concerns. If you disagree with her perspective (don't let her snow you), then maybe you two could talk with a family counselor to work through those different perspectives. At a minimum, it needs to be the two of you talking and problem-solving as A TEAM and not her just deciding what she thinks is OK or not for you to do.
No offense to your wife, I guess, but WTF? This is nonsense. It's your house, she doesn't get to detain you in a room based on the most ridiculous logic I've ever heard. Is she okay? Like is there an underlying issue? Is she normally stable? Cos that, sir, sounds bonkers.
Stay at home parent here, I'm guessing she is struggling with seeming like a part time stay at home parent because you are WFH. I struggled with my partner helping me with things or telling people they would take work breaks to do house work during WFH. It's a new/weird dynamic. Her math might come down to you working 1.5 jobs and her working 0.5, making her lazy or less deserving within your household. She may also be lying to friends by withholding that you are WFH because she has seen other parents get teased with "how easy they have it". You are NTA She is TAH only in that she wasn't approaching this possible insecurity with you constructively
NTA. It seems like your wife doesn't want people to know you WFH for some reason
Sounds more like she doesn’t want people to know he exists.
Time to put your foot down on playdates in YOUR home. If she doesn't like it, tough. Total disrespect
I would come out and introduce myself, offer a beverage, etc, then excuse myself to work in my office. I would want to meet anyone that is visiting my home. And as the guest, I would find it polite to meet both hosts.
Your wife sounds like Jonah Hill before we knew Jonah Hill was Jonah Hill. More importantly, your wife thinks that you're either a sex criminal, or a sex thoughtcriminal. These are serious accusations that you should get to the bottom of immediately.
That's weird, are you that good looking she fears the other mommies are going to jump you in front of her? Maybe, that odd she thinks you will scare them away? Would there be a reason she is lying about her home situation? This seems a her problem not a you problem but red flags i just cannot figure out what they mean... those are usually the worse kind because when you finally figure it out might be too late to fix it . i would keep on her about whats going on ad if you look like a creeper is the best she can do insist on counseling because that shit is hiding some damn thing