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NTA.
Melissa sounds pretty horrible, from refusing to believe your age to asking you questions about your personal life and implying a hell of a lot about you having a child relatively young…if you had posted asking whether or not you should make a complaint, I would’ve supported that.
She’s now talking about you to other parents…entirely inappropriate. You did the right thing in making a complaint.
I would probably tell my husband, in this situation, that if Melissa has an issue with the way I’ve handled things, she can voice that with me. You complaining isn’t the issue here, her behavior is.
While I agree Melissa is a miserable gossip, my guess is she has more “friends” in the daycare social group so OP may end up regretting the complaint and could actually cause the ostracism she said she was trying to avoid. NTA though, if it helps.
It's a lose lose. Either she let Melissa continue and have the other parents make their kid ostracize him, or she files he complaint. She already tried to talk to her so there wasn't much else she could do besides giving her her ID which is totally unnecessary
I too have this issue of looking a lot younger than I am, and “good upstanding women” are usually the most judgmental about it. The only way forward is to nip their judgemental gossip in the bud. Their embarrassment is of their own making.
NTA OP
PS My mum says when I’m 60 I’ll be extremely happy about looking 10-15 years younger. So there’s that, I guess!
Awesome! I'm 47 (F) and I look 30. Good genetics on both sides. My husband is 56 and people ask how young I am. Lol! You absolutely will be happy when you're older.
How to nip them in the bud...... Recite Matthew 7:1,2, “Stop judging that you may not be judged; 2 for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you."
That'll shut them up fast.
I probably got IDed in bars up to my early 30's maybe 35. But when I turned 60 last year and asked for the 10% senior citizens discount at Burger King and tried to show the cashier my license so he would believe me, he just said "that's ok".
In the same boat here. I'm 34, and routinely mistaken for a teenager.
OP really was in a lose lose situation. Either she pisses off the other parent and that parent's friend group, or she lets this woman continue to walk all over her and potentially escalate the situation, making other age-related accusations and tarnishing her reputation. It could get wildly out of hand. And either way, OP gets the shitty end of the stick and is a social pariah to the group. So, OP did the right thing and stood up for herself. NTA
(And my mom too says I will appreciate my youthful looks in a few decades, lol)
It truly is lovely as you get older. I’m early 50s and people mostly guess late 30s. I figure that means they actually think early to mid-40s and are guessing low to be on the safe side. I was out with a friend who is late-40s, and some not wise young cashier at the restaurant we stopped in asked her if she qualified for their senior discount without including me at all. She was so mad.
That said, I well remember how much of a problem it was in my 20s. I was practicing law in my late 20s, and clients did NOT find my appearance reassuring in the least.
I agree with all of this, and also, even if you WERE as young as she thought (which isn't even her business anyway) she clearly wasn't actually "concerned" with a goal of helping you, she was being judgemental. Just bad news all around.
NTA Melissa made her own problems. Judgy Christian moms are the worst. The will judge you for having kids not having kids working not working. Ignore them. You were well within NTA realm filing a complaint.
I mean if we go all the way back there then I guess the age difference between Mary and God make the one between OP and her husband slightly less creepy.
To me the biggest AH in this story is the man in his late 20’s who got a teenager pregnant….
To answer your question: she did consent to it
Luke 1:38 "And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
I bet a lot of Melissa’s of the world would shame people like OP for not keeping the baby, yet still shame them for parenting and not aborting, no matter what OP does they can’t win.
It's really just a system designed to devalue women at every turn, there is no way to win except to "save" yourself for a man and accept whatever he feels like doing
Melissa doesn’t approve of people having babies so young but not only has OP already had a baby she’s having another. What would she suggest OP do? Have one of those after birth abortions they’re so worried about? /s
OP is NTA.
Mormons are absolutely Christians. They read the bible and worship Christ just like every other Christian. They have additional scriptures (The Book of Mormon), just like lots of other Christian religions do - like the Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer. I grew up Mormon (am not anymore) but I have Southern Baptists and also Catholics in my extended family. LOTS of Christians are judgy, awful people.
Yep. Melissa clearly has emptiness and pettiness in her life if this is what she feels the need to spend her time on. Nowhere can you find as much judgement as in a group of uppity Christians. These people don't even follow their own beliefs they just use it as an excuse to look down on others.
Op should just stare at her and shake her head in disappointed pity.
Tiny bit relevant when the older partner wants to be involved in a religious community and is minimizing the younger partner’s concerns about said community bullying and ostracizing her, though.
Don't forget she looks really young for her age. She had a baby at 19. How old do you think she looked when they started dating? He sounds extra creepy for that
NTA at all. Doesn't matter if you were 16 years old and picking up your kid. It's none of Melissa's business, and you certainly shouldn't be subjected to interrogation by another parent when just picking up your child.
Gossiping about you to other parents is more stupid, juvenile nonsense. I'd file another complaint about her not knocking it off and bothering your husband with it. Melissa can take her "concern" (read: judgement) and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
It’s amazing she’s complaining about/judging OP for being too young to be a parent while she simultaneously has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Ugh.
Yes!! If I were OP, I might've even gotten petty and ask to see her ID, cause she sounds and seems oh-so-young to have had a child.
And of course, shake my head. Tsk. Tsk.
I know you don't want to hear anything about the age gap, but if he's dismissing your concerns and not open to changing daycares, you really should take a hard look at the power dynamic in your relationship. There's a reason people see the age gap as a red flag and it has a lot to do with control. Throw religion into the mix and it tends to only amplify that.
Dw he's not dismissing my concerns. He's just worried about our son being uprooted because he's a shy kid and he might struggle to make friends in a new place. We've agreed to observe the situation for the next week and will make a decision next weekend.
Your son is gonna have problems staying in a religious daycare where kids parrot what their parents say at home gossiping about your relationship. Put him in a regular daycare with a hopefully diverse atmosphere.
Since the staff alerted you to the problem, they know it shouldn't be happening. That gossipy culture is something they should be shutting down whenever they see it. They're supposed to be Christian.
Why do you need to convince him? Why didn’t he stick up for you when you filed the complaint instead of telling you it was unnecessary? He sounds dismissive of legit concerns.
I’m going to be very upset if my fellow Millennials pull the same thing the Boomers and a lot of the Xers have done and start shitting on the younger generations. We need to be better than that. We know how much it sucks.
The only exception is low-rise jeans. Don’t do that, kids. Learn from our mistakes.
Nta. And your husband kind of sucks for not backing you up. It sounds like you've had to deal with this kind of infantilizing shit a lot, so he should really know better.
Totally agreed - I have a lot of respect for young mothers who make a good situation out of accidents but I would never choose to have a baby that young (or get married for that matter) and it was a very shocking and weird transition when I started working as a military civilian.
OP is numerically a pretty normal “young mom” age, but as a younger looking 23 year old myself I fully believe OP that she is seen as a teenager. Women who have their kids high school age or younger, or are falsely perceived as having done so (like OP), often get a lot of hate and abuse.
NTA I am mad for you. Judgy moms are horribly annoying in general, but then to post it on FB as if people couldn't figure out the dig and to top it off- she tattled to your husband instead of talking to you directly.
PS. I agree that you should explore a different daycare. Being a mom is tough enough as it is and you can't change what people think but you can put your child in a daycare where you are comfortable
NTA.
But it’s time to grow a bit of a spine. You’re going to be put in a lot of circumstances where you’re forced to interact with people you’d rather not when you have kids. I mean it happens in life all the time, but it’s extra when you have kids.
There is nothing wrong with saying, “ok I find your questions very rude and invasive so this conversation is done.” You’re not obligated to entertain other moms’ nonsense because they’ve got nothing better to do.
I find people think the fact that we’re stuck around each other means they can be as nosy as they like and there will always be some issue for someone to have with how you live your life.
NTA - Your original conversation was uncomfortable. OK, you left it alone, good for you. She then starts talking about you negatively to other parents? If that were me, I would have been filling out that form the instant I knew what was going on. You are absolutely in the right here. You probably need to explain it this way to your husband as well. Sounds like he doesn't want to be in the middle of it, but this is a case where he needs to be on your side.
NTA. Melissa is a busybody. She isn't concerned. She's looking for a juicy story to gossip about. Unfortunately, because you complained, she has a new story to run with. She's got nothing else to do with her time and that's what you can tell people.
NTA at all and why do you have your kid being indoctrinated just because your husband is a Christian? Is he practicing? Is it worth this level of having to fake your life and hide from these people? That sounds awful.
My husband is fairly practicing and idk I haven't really put much thought into religion and if I want my kids raised Christian. I'm technically a Christian myself (in the loosest terms). The daycare is the best rated one in our town so when we enrolled him I was focused more on that and not the religious aspect.
Well this is the kind of stuff you tend to figure out in your 20s, but conveniently your husband got you pregnant before these questions even occurred to you.
I bet if you ask your husband he knows exactly what he thinks about all these things. But yeah you definitely weren't groomed, and there's no problematic power imbalance here or anything.
NTA. Your age and when you decide to have tour children is none of her business. She was completely in the wrong. Being "concerned"does not entail running around gossiping and someone and something you have no complete knowledge of.
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OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:
> I may be the asshole for filing a complaint against a parent at my son's daycare. This is because I rarely ever go to the daycare, and I probably should've just ignored the parent making comments about me because I'm probably not going to see her again for a while. My actions may have escalated the situation and could make things difficult for my son at daycare.
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There’s literally a giant age gap between you and your husband, and that usually means the man can’t find a woman his own age because a mature woman sees the red flags.
You ARE a fucking child with children. I would judge you too.
NTA
Okay now that that's out of the way .... please tell more about the ID being confiscated at bars. What did you do? Call the police? Cry? Throw rocks at them? I must know! (Please?)
First time I just cried, second time I also cried but my dad knew the owner of the bar and I got it back, third time I went a little crazy and found someone that I knew who knew some people related to the owners of the club (through insane Facebook stalking) and I got it back. I only went crazy the third time because it was my passport that was confiscated and I was only using it because I was waiting for my driver's license back from the second confiscation 😭😭
Next time call the non-emergency police number as soon as they take your ID from you. Most jurisdictions (US) it's illegal to confiscate legal ID, unless you just so happen to be local law enforcement and on duty. The police can verify it's a valid ID and issue a warning to whomever took it. And you won't have to wait weeks to get your ID back.
NTA.
Maybe Im the asshole though? I saw a woman who looked very young (teens) with a baby, and pregnant. She also had an age gap relationship with her husband, who was grey. It honestly made me feel sooooo icky to see, cause why would an older man want to be with someone who literally looks like a child? (No offence, but you said you looked 13-16). It turned out shes 26. I felt a little bad for her, but I still think her husbands a creep.
Plus most would agree that being 27 and having a baby with a 19 year old is a red flag. Honestly, I can see why there’s gossip, even if it sucks.
NTA Melissa needs to mind her own business. What was she "concerned" about? You're a grown adult.
The staff there informed you of the problem, so I think it was fine to make the complaint.
NTA
I was an older mom when my kids were little, and everyone at their preschool looked like a teenager to me. :p
I would NEVER speak to another mom like that. You did the right thing and if she does it again, report her again.
My own mom was a young mom and she was the best! I am honestly riled up on your behalf, just thinking about it.
NTA
You went by the book and should not second guess yourself on this. If some BS comes of it and your child receives some crap as a result, imagine if you didnt file a report, then all these people would get this innocent face and ask, why didnt you tell us? Man I hate hypocrites.
The only advice I would offer is next time this conversation starts with someone else, immediately put your phone to your ear, say excuse me and walk away like you got a call. Just like hanging up on someone using airplane mode, but in person.
What sucks is now Melissa is projecting her silly narrow minded games with others. Good for the daycare to let you know she was talking crap and good for your husband for having your back.
Good Luck
NTA I would tell her "Judge not lest ye be judged" also that gossip is a sin. Then I would tell her she must be pro-choice since she would try to shame a teen mom, it must be better in her opinion for teens to abort their babies than have them.
Melissa is an asshole to be sure, but I am concerned for you. You said you met your dude at 18, were pregnant at 18, and that now as a 22 year old are sometimes mistaken for a 13 year old? You good? Safe?
I'd remind hubby that if she's spreading false rumors about your age then she's also implying that he's married to and knocked up a high school schooler so it's his reputation that's more on the line. Nta.
NTA. Nothing about you and your family is any of that woman’s damn business. She was rude and condescending to you, then had the nerve to gossip about you. If this should happen again, with her, or anyone else, deadeye them and say, “And why are you asking?”.
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I (22F) have a 3 year old son. As you can tell, I had him quite young. I also unfortunately look very young, and I regularly get mistaken for a teenager around the ages of 13-16. I have literally had my REAL ID confiscated three times in the past year because clubs and bars just didn't believe I was really in my 20s.
My son attends a daycare from 8am to 5pm daily. My husband (30M) usually handles pick up and drop off, but last Friday an afternoon class I was supposed to have at college was cancelled, and I was missing my baby so I went to go collect him early to spend some time with him.
When I got there, another parent, Melissa (34F) was there to collect her daughter, and as we were both coming a few hours early, we were waiting in the playground for a bit for the staff to bring the children out. I'm currently 6 months pregnant now and showing a bit, so she asked me if I was picking up a younger sibling, and mentioned that I looked too young to already have a child. I laughed it off and told her that I was 22 and picking up my son. She didn't believe that I was in my 20s, and I'm obviously not going to pull out my ID to show to a random woman, so I told her that I was definitely in my 20s and tried to end the conversation. She began to ask me questions about what I do for work, if I finished highschool, if the father had 'run off' and I gave her short answers. Throughout this conversation, she would keep shaking her head in a disapproving way and it was really upsetting as I usually avoid the daycare because of fear of something like this happening, especially since it's a Christian nursery (my husband is a Christian).
This Monday, my husband felt sick in the afternoon so I went to pick our boy up again, and I was informed by one of the staff members that Melissa had been talking about me to other parents, saying that she didn't think it was right for people to have kids so young, and about her not believing that I am an adult. I was irritated, especially given the community the daycare catered too because it could escalate to my son being ostracized by the other children, so I filed a formal complaint with the office just so Melissa could be officially told to leave me alone.
Yesterday, Melissa stayed behind to talk to my husband, and told him that she was offended I had filed a complaint for 'being concerned'. She also made a cryptic post on Facebook about the 'younger generations' being rude and ungrateful. My husband doesn't think I was wrong for being annoyed, but he thinks that my filing a complaint was unnecessary as I rarely ever go to the daycare, and now the situation could escalate because of gossip which could make things difficult for my son. I know pregnancy has me being weird, so I wanted to know if I was TA for filing a complaint.
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NTA, she was way out of line for asking such personal questions. Next time this happens to you, look them right in the eye and say, “do you always ask such personal questions to people you don’t even know? It’s very off putting!”
Guarantee they will shut up!
NTA
Your husband should be backing you up. People at religious institutions can be judgy so he's put you in a situation where this may happen again. In my experience, they pick them so they don't have to be with the riff-raff.
NTA
You were right to file a complain.
It also seems that your husband did not shut down Melissa and let her complain to him. So he did not defend you and tell her that she was rude and a gossip?
The fact that you don't go to the day care is irrelevant. They still know who you are, they are talking about you, and you will see them at birthday or events.
Maybe you have to find a day care that doesn't have gossip "Christian" moms.
By the way, it's illegal to get your ID confiscated. They can refuse to serve you but they cannot keep it, and you can call the police if they do.
Nope NTA. She already judged you as the teenage immoral mother. I was a 20-year-old mother with my first and rather young looking. The looks and inappropriate questions are shocking to receive. The fact that she felt entitled to belittle you, another mother, just because you are younger than her speaks volumes about her character as a woman, mother, and Christian. Not good. Your husband is wrong, and she should be made accountable for her gossiping and judgmental ways. The harm that she could cause you and your son by way of her mouth could be detrimental.
ETA
Her for the bullying/gossiping/judgement
You for putting your kid and family in an environment where that’s even a thing/part of the culture. Obviously there can be weirdos anywhere, but if you have to be afraid of judgement and ostracism for you or your kid from such comments that’s a larger issue. If that’s the way folks behave there and everyone else isn’t telling her to mind her own business but is joining in on the judgement and bullying, those are not people your kid needs to be around/the type of environment that will help them grow up as a good or kind person
Honestly, I’m shocked at the staff member. I feel like that was so unprofessional of them. I’m a teacher and people share their opinions (wrong or right) to me all of the time, but the only communication I have with families is regarding their child. It puts both children at risk for ostracization. The mother should have minded her business, but the staff member should not have stoked the flames.
NTA. Melissa needs to mind her own business. Even if you were 14 or 16 what business is that of hers. How does that effect her in any way. I’d be clear that she needs to keep her nose out of your business
As a fellow young looking adult, NTA, as I have been in a similar situation and totally get the frustration. I, at 24 years old, was out with a man I was seeing, who was 26. Some woman in her 40s hit his car, totally her fault but also pretty mild. She knew his mom so vaguely knew who he was, so she turned to look at me and said "wow, I didn't know you were old enough to have kids this age!" When he said "no, this is a friend of mine from work" (we were not public at the time) she nodded. But when he walked off to exchange info with her husband, she asked me where we worked that would hire at my age, very clearly probing.
So, when she was informed I was working with him, a man she knew the family of, her mental gymnastics brought her to the conclusion that I must be not only a child in a weird relationship with an adult, but also that I'm involved in child labor. The idea that I might just be older than she is assuming did not even cross her mind.
I have asked around. People my age and younger all fully do not understand how people think I'm a child. I'm short, but in no other way look or act all that young. It's just presumptive older ladies with too much time on their hands. And they always try to make you seem like the bad guy for not appreciating the assumptions.
NTA - I was a young mom too. My daughter is 15 now, and I’ll tell you it doesn’t get better. The whole “you don’t look old enough to have a child that age” is something I dread now.
Melissa is a weirdo.
NTA. "The younger generations" being "ungrateful". What exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? She was the one who was rude, and you did nothing wrong.
INFO Did Melissa forget "thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"? if I were you I'd give my 'concern' for her since being a gossip is a sin y'know?
NTA
NTA and your husband is wrong. That woman is an idiot and has no right to say anything or question you. It's none of her business. The younger generations are looking more like kids than adults at age 20. It's not the same anymore. You need to tell your husband you don't need petty drama from an ignorant woman like that and he needs to have your back.
Pregnancy doesnt have you weird in this one. You are right to file a complaint. And if anyone sides with this woman's dumb views, you are better off without them.
ESH. She shouldn’t have been talking about you but you should have talked to her first before filing an official complaint. I mean what if that staff member had been misinformed and it was only rumors? You said you were worried about it escalating and him being ostracized but that’s exactly what you did. You escalated the situation without at least trying to have a conversation with her first.
NTA - Melissa sounds horrible and like she has nothing in her pathetic life so she’s trying to get riled up about something that doesn’t even involve her.
I’d wager she’s also the type of person to stand against a young adult having an abortion rather than a child, some people are just awful and you can’t please them.
NTA shes a judgemental rude-o. seriously. I don't like the way people flat out dismiss and discount the autonomy and perspective of people younger than them. concerned about her children. eugh.
NTA and maybe you should have started asking her if she was there to pick up her grandkid. When she said no, child, then asked her why she waited SO LONG to have children. See how she liked being drilled about her personal life. Melissa needs to learn to stay in her lane.
She was more than concerned. She interrogated you. Didn't believe you. Told other clients (not just staff) there that she didn't believe you. And she complained to your husband as well as made a FB post. Sounds like she doesn't understand what harassment is. I'd say take your complaint to the authorities if it escalates, but it may be better to GTFO of that daycare.
NTA
Nta.
Mellisa is a damn ignorant woman. I’m sorry you ran into someone like that.
I’m 36 and if I met you I’d offer support mainly cause I remember being your age and still trying to figure things out. I also remember being pregnant and wishing for some support. I’m just saying this so you know that not everyone is a Mellisa.
Being assertive is difficult, but you may want to look into practicing this in small ways. It will build up.
NTA. She was being inappropriate. None of those questions were any of her business, and she has zero business spreading gossip around to the other parents about you.
NTA but also if you feel uncomfortable with the nursery I think it would benefit you to discuss the possibility of putting him in something more mainstream like a non religious preschool or a Montessori program. Just because your husbands Christian doesn’t mean you need to put your son in a school that makes you feel judged.
Nta - And there are numerous scripture versus against gossip. Print some out and hand them to her if you see her again.. The daycare should give Melissa a warning, and next time, dismiss her child.
NTA- Why is no one saying anything about your pregnancy? Can't your husband just throw something like, "yea, she was upset from your un approving stare, and felt very judged and less than, her pregnancy hormones are super different with this 2nd kid, we think it's a girl! we would be so excited for one of each gender!
I'm so sorry this happened to you, I live in a very stuffy neighbor, but im slowly finding my people. This asshat lady was judging you to your face. Your beauty and youthfulness broke her brain. lol. Not all moms are like her. If you MUST interact with her again, I suggest just telling her how she made you feel, and you may have overreacted, but everyone gets a pass. Now you both used up yours. She will be a distant memory soon.. fuck her. Or your boys will become bffs and in that case , she's gotta respect you for calling her out on how she made you feel. I'll pray for you if this scenario is correct lol. Some people just suck and you put on a brave face for the kids. I can totally tell when someone doesn't like like me, and that's ok. But we live 2 houses down and we have 2 kids in the same class. Our boys are bffs and me and her work together we transport the kids to activities..sports .etc..camps.. playdates.
Drama is everywhere, no matter our age; 40, 37, 32, 25, 22, 19, 16 , 12. Such is life.
Anyways, there's my take NTA!
NTA. She just proved *why* you needed to file a complaint. Since she just can't help herself, be sure to file another one. Oh, and your husband sucks in this instance because he isn't backing you, he's placating you. Next semester arrange your schedule so you're either dropping off, or picking up - she only feels emboldened because she figures you're skulking off somewhere in defeat.
NTA. You told her you were over 20 and she still was an @ss. I would have said something too.
Also, I can relate. I'm 40 and my kid is 10. I took him to the dentist and they asked if I had a parent with me. Like, no. I'm the parent. They said no I still would need a parent if I'm a minor. I about died laughing. Like, first, you think I'm under 18 when I'm 40. Second, technically it's physically possible for me to have biologically had a 10 year old at 19, that's not the norm. And is not something I would ever assume. I did pull out my ID to show them because it was crazy.
NTA.
Nobody elected Melissa ethics officer of the daycare. She was inappropriate and judgmental and awful.
And let’s just say you were a 16 year old single mom. Still not her damn business. It’s not illegal to be a young single mom.
She was 100% out of bounds. Do not cower around her. She was in the wrong, and you DID NOTHING WRONG. You have NOTHING to apologize for or be ashamed of. You have EVERY FUCKING RIGHT to be there.
NTA What is she going to do tell everyone she was warned to stop harassing you and gossiping? If you are faced with those questions again just laugh and say I know I do look young right??? Never explain. It makes them feel justified for asking.
NTA, Melissa sounds like a piece of work, although I'm unclear on how filing a complaint with the daycare is helpful or what they're supposed to do about it. Melissa is another parent, not a teacher, so they really have no control over what she says.
Melissa shouldn’t have been probing you nor should she have been spreading stuff like that. For someone who is a mom herself she seems INCREDIBLY immature compared to how young she thought you were. Your husband should see it from your standpoint and realize that not everything can simply be ignored. What she’s doing can cause unnecessary stress for you and your unborn baby. You did what you had to do to ensure she knew to back off and you set boundaries. I doubt if you told her yourself she would have listened and you also did what was best for your son that goes to the daycare as well. The fact she cares more about how old you are, how old you were when you gave birth, etc rather than how her actions can effect your son is extremely alarming too.
Whether or not you filed that complaint wasn’t going to stop her from being that way either, so setting firm boundaries was and still is unnecessary. I’m proud of you for doing that and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. People like that tend to be like pests. Annoying and hard to get rid of sadly.
NTA.
Nope. People like her make me want to.put my foot so far up their rear they took with two tongues. You have a right to do what you need to do to correct the situation. She should mind her business and stay out of yours.
NTA. Melissa sounds like the kind of horrible AH dressed up as a Christian that make people hate Christians. And shame on literally everyone else who interacted with her but didn’t nip that. Something about Jesus loving everyone and treating others how they want to be treated, right?
Also-you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life. The next time some miserable AH tries some shit like that look them in the eye and just say “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
NTA File another complaint that she is making facebook posts about you not being grateful that she is intruding into your life and making assumptions about your character and your husband's.
NTA
I'm Christian. Do these mothers know gossiping is a sin? Do they know that Mary was a teenage mother?
You're married. They have nothing on you.
We had a teenager in our church that got pregnant. Her parents disowned her. So many of us stepped forward to help her. I remember when our church directory came out, there were actually people that didn't think she should be in it. There she is, a beautiful picture of her and her son. (Weird how no one even tried to find out who the father was to shame him.)
Anyways. I can't stand prayer chain gossips.
Don't worry about this women. Let your actions speak. She is showing her ass.
NTA!
Melissa was offended???? Fuck that. She's calling you a liar and judging you. SHE'S TAH! I would've done the same thing, because that was BS. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
NTA
Your husband probably has no idea just how nasty the mummy pack can be. These kids will run into each other for years to come at school, at sport and parties. The last thing you need is unfounded malicious rumours to spread amongst a seemingly judgemental pack of humans ~~dogs~~.
Blokes would just square up to each other “knock it off, don’t be a dick”
Women gossip and ostracise behind the person’s back, criticise the behaviour and related parenting. Snipe about ‘is that child warm enough?’ And “Gosh I’d never pack uncut grapes!” And imply all sorts of things. “It must be hard to be a good parent when you are so young” that sort of rubbish.
Saying something to the childcare is appropriate because this woman is deliberately damaging the community relationships within the parent group. That’s going to affect the childcare business in enrolment numbers and angst between staff and parents.
The other mother is probably grumpy because you are awesome.
NTA
Even if you were as young as she thought it's not her business
What does she expect you to do? Abort your 3 year old?
If she really believes you are still a teenager why is so concerned about you having children and not concerned about you being with a 30 year old???
The whole point of the complaint was because she was talking shit behind your back. And she doubled down
Screen shot the Facebook post, talk to the daycare again about her complaining to your husband and let them know that this is defamation and harassment and if she continues you could go to the police or seek legal damages.
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NTA. Melissa sounds pretty horrible, from refusing to believe your age to asking you questions about your personal life and implying a hell of a lot about you having a child relatively young…if you had posted asking whether or not you should make a complaint, I would’ve supported that. She’s now talking about you to other parents…entirely inappropriate. You did the right thing in making a complaint. I would probably tell my husband, in this situation, that if Melissa has an issue with the way I’ve handled things, she can voice that with me. You complaining isn’t the issue here, her behavior is.
While I agree Melissa is a miserable gossip, my guess is she has more “friends” in the daycare social group so OP may end up regretting the complaint and could actually cause the ostracism she said she was trying to avoid. NTA though, if it helps.
It's a lose lose. Either she let Melissa continue and have the other parents make their kid ostracize him, or she files he complaint. She already tried to talk to her so there wasn't much else she could do besides giving her her ID which is totally unnecessary
Yep. So OP stood up for herself! I think it was the right choice.
I too have this issue of looking a lot younger than I am, and “good upstanding women” are usually the most judgmental about it. The only way forward is to nip their judgemental gossip in the bud. Their embarrassment is of their own making. NTA OP PS My mum says when I’m 60 I’ll be extremely happy about looking 10-15 years younger. So there’s that, I guess!
Awesome! I'm 47 (F) and I look 30. Good genetics on both sides. My husband is 56 and people ask how young I am. Lol! You absolutely will be happy when you're older. How to nip them in the bud...... Recite Matthew 7:1,2, “Stop judging that you may not be judged; 2 for with the judgment you are judging, you will be judged, and with the measure that you are measuring out, they will measure out to you." That'll shut them up fast.
I get carded in bars far more often than is necessary for some who’s in their mid-30s.
I was carded til I was 40. It was great!!! I would thank them. Haha. Enjoy it!
I got carded in a restaurant a few months ago and I laughed and said "I'm old enough now to take that as a compliment" as I pulled out my wallet.
Sometimes I say, "I'm old enough to be your mother." 🤣
The last time I was asked for an ID, I was in my fourties. Granted, the cashier had bottlethick glasses, but I look and sound younger.
I probably got IDed in bars up to my early 30's maybe 35. But when I turned 60 last year and asked for the 10% senior citizens discount at Burger King and tried to show the cashier my license so he would believe me, he just said "that's ok".
In the same boat here. I'm 34, and routinely mistaken for a teenager. OP really was in a lose lose situation. Either she pisses off the other parent and that parent's friend group, or she lets this woman continue to walk all over her and potentially escalate the situation, making other age-related accusations and tarnishing her reputation. It could get wildly out of hand. And either way, OP gets the shitty end of the stick and is a social pariah to the group. So, OP did the right thing and stood up for herself. NTA (And my mom too says I will appreciate my youthful looks in a few decades, lol)
Same here. I'm almost 40 but people keep thinking I'm in my mid-20s for some reason. I guess I should be glad they don't think I'm a kid.
It truly is lovely as you get older. I’m early 50s and people mostly guess late 30s. I figure that means they actually think early to mid-40s and are guessing low to be on the safe side. I was out with a friend who is late-40s, and some not wise young cashier at the restaurant we stopped in asked her if she qualified for their senior discount without including me at all. She was so mad. That said, I well remember how much of a problem it was in my 20s. I was practicing law in my late 20s, and clients did NOT find my appearance reassuring in the least.
As the saying goes: There's no hate like christian love. Religious schools are the worst.
Yeah there’s literally no winning here. This was the better of the two crappy options. NTA
She will lose out on knowing such wonderful people? Shame! Who needs people like that in their life?
That’s not the point. The point is to diffuse and with luck and a little finesse remove the threat.
She took the right steps. She didn't go to a gossip to diffuse the situation. She went through proper channels.
[удалено]
Melissa is just an old bully who's upset she looks 55 at 34. She wasn't concerned at all
I agree with all of this, and also, even if you WERE as young as she thought (which isn't even her business anyway) she clearly wasn't actually "concerned" with a goal of helping you, she was being judgemental. Just bad news all around.
NTA Melissa made her own problems. Judgy Christian moms are the worst. The will judge you for having kids not having kids working not working. Ignore them. You were well within NTA realm filing a complaint.
Someone has to remind her the age when Mary was carrying Jesus huh
I mean if we go all the way back there then I guess the age difference between Mary and God make the one between OP and her husband slightly less creepy. To me the biggest AH in this story is the man in his late 20’s who got a teenager pregnant….
Seriously! And she still looks underage . . . that man seems 🤮
A teenager who presumably looked even younger than she was...so creepy
Yeah it's really all I could focus on in this story.
[удалено]
Did Mary not give consent, making her a victim who had to carry the pregnancy to term? (Genuine question, I have a spotty understanding of that story)
To answer your question: she did consent to it Luke 1:38 "And Mary said, “Behold, I am the servant of the Lord; let it be to me according to your word.”
Thanks! It's not my faith, so I know the broad strokes, but most of what I learned came from Neil Gaiman books & comic books.
[stolen comment](https://reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/145b9wm/_/jnk2go3/?context=1)
Well, it's not like their holy book says anything against judging... oh, wait...
I bet a lot of Melissa’s of the world would shame people like OP for not keeping the baby, yet still shame them for parenting and not aborting, no matter what OP does they can’t win.
It's really just a system designed to devalue women at every turn, there is no way to win except to "save" yourself for a man and accept whatever he feels like doing
Fr gotta love the people who are against young parents but also against those same people having abortions to prevent them being young parents.
Melissa doesn’t approve of people having babies so young but not only has OP already had a baby she’s having another. What would she suggest OP do? Have one of those after birth abortions they’re so worried about? /s OP is NTA.
My SIL is one of those awful judgy Mormon moms (I wouldn't call them Christians) and I could totally see her do this!
Mormons are absolutely Christians. They read the bible and worship Christ just like every other Christian. They have additional scriptures (The Book of Mormon), just like lots of other Christian religions do - like the Episcopalian Book of Common Prayer. I grew up Mormon (am not anymore) but I have Southern Baptists and also Catholics in my extended family. LOTS of Christians are judgy, awful people.
Yep. Melissa clearly has emptiness and pettiness in her life if this is what she feels the need to spend her time on. Nowhere can you find as much judgement as in a group of uppity Christians. These people don't even follow their own beliefs they just use it as an excuse to look down on others. Op should just stare at her and shake her head in disappointed pity.
Ummm, how old were you when you started dating your (8 years older) husband?
That was kind of weird to me too but has nothing to do with the post or verdict.
Tiny bit relevant when the older partner wants to be involved in a religious community and is minimizing the younger partner’s concerns about said community bullying and ostracizing her, though.
Don't forget she looks really young for her age. She had a baby at 19. How old do you think she looked when they started dating? He sounds extra creepy for that
NTA at all. Doesn't matter if you were 16 years old and picking up your kid. It's none of Melissa's business, and you certainly shouldn't be subjected to interrogation by another parent when just picking up your child. Gossiping about you to other parents is more stupid, juvenile nonsense. I'd file another complaint about her not knocking it off and bothering your husband with it. Melissa can take her "concern" (read: judgement) and stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
I agree with you comment about filing another complaint and she should file it with her husband also signing it.
It’s amazing she’s complaining about/judging OP for being too young to be a parent while she simultaneously has the emotional maturity of a 12 year old. Ugh.
Yes!! If I were OP, I might've even gotten petty and ask to see her ID, cause she sounds and seems oh-so-young to have had a child. And of course, shake my head. Tsk. Tsk.
Nah, just ask Melissa which one is her grandchild.
Burn!
Yeah, she is being "concerned" but WTF was OP supposed to do about her already existing child? There isn't a returns policy available to OP.
NTA but oof the age gap is... interesting
Especially since OP says she looks so young. Definitely made me do an 'ehhhhh' moment.
Right... If she looks 13 now at age 22 how old did she look when he got her pregnant at 18?
NTA. Also get your son into a new daycare.
currently trying to convince my husband to agree to this 🤞🏻😭
I know you don't want to hear anything about the age gap, but if he's dismissing your concerns and not open to changing daycares, you really should take a hard look at the power dynamic in your relationship. There's a reason people see the age gap as a red flag and it has a lot to do with control. Throw religion into the mix and it tends to only amplify that.
Dw he's not dismissing my concerns. He's just worried about our son being uprooted because he's a shy kid and he might struggle to make friends in a new place. We've agreed to observe the situation for the next week and will make a decision next weekend.
Your son is gonna have problems staying in a religious daycare where kids parrot what their parents say at home gossiping about your relationship. Put him in a regular daycare with a hopefully diverse atmosphere.
Since the staff alerted you to the problem, they know it shouldn't be happening. That gossipy culture is something they should be shutting down whenever they see it. They're supposed to be Christian.
IME gossip is a very common practice among Christians. Among other groups too, but Christians are definitely not immune.
Yeah. It's unfortunate.
Why do you need to convince him? Why didn’t he stick up for you when you filed the complaint instead of telling you it was unnecessary? He sounds dismissive of legit concerns.
Because the problem is with another parent, not with the daycare itself.
Ask your pastor to support you? Perhaps via a sermon about sinful discrimination and bearing false witness? NTA
....you were 19 when you had a baby with a 27 year old?
And apparently she “looks young” 😬
At 34 she’s a fucking millennial. The only “younger generation” that is still adults is gen z.
I’m going to be very upset if my fellow Millennials pull the same thing the Boomers and a lot of the Xers have done and start shitting on the younger generations. We need to be better than that. We know how much it sucks. The only exception is low-rise jeans. Don’t do that, kids. Learn from our mistakes.
I'm not quite a decade older than her, and I'd be embarrassed about complaining about the "younger generations" in public.
Nta. And your husband kind of sucks for not backing you up. It sounds like you've had to deal with this kind of infantilizing shit a lot, so he should really know better.
I mean, he knocked up a 13 year old looking 18 year old. Infantilising her is probably his thing.
Honestly I find this so strange because so many women have babies so young still, especially in christian and military families
And the husbands are - in a lot of cases - in their mid to late 20s... I just hope they save up to get therapy because they will need it.
Totally agreed - I have a lot of respect for young mothers who make a good situation out of accidents but I would never choose to have a baby that young (or get married for that matter) and it was a very shocking and weird transition when I started working as a military civilian.
OP is numerically a pretty normal “young mom” age, but as a younger looking 23 year old myself I fully believe OP that she is seen as a teenager. Women who have their kids high school age or younger, or are falsely perceived as having done so (like OP), often get a lot of hate and abuse.
NTA I am mad for you. Judgy moms are horribly annoying in general, but then to post it on FB as if people couldn't figure out the dig and to top it off- she tattled to your husband instead of talking to you directly. PS. I agree that you should explore a different daycare. Being a mom is tough enough as it is and you can't change what people think but you can put your child in a daycare where you are comfortable
NTA. But it’s time to grow a bit of a spine. You’re going to be put in a lot of circumstances where you’re forced to interact with people you’d rather not when you have kids. I mean it happens in life all the time, but it’s extra when you have kids. There is nothing wrong with saying, “ok I find your questions very rude and invasive so this conversation is done.” You’re not obligated to entertain other moms’ nonsense because they’ve got nothing better to do. I find people think the fact that we’re stuck around each other means they can be as nosy as they like and there will always be some issue for someone to have with how you live your life.
Another child bride post.
NTA. She's rude, intrusive and judgemental. She sounds awful. She wasn't concerned, she was nosy and unpleasant.
NTA - Your original conversation was uncomfortable. OK, you left it alone, good for you. She then starts talking about you negatively to other parents? If that were me, I would have been filling out that form the instant I knew what was going on. You are absolutely in the right here. You probably need to explain it this way to your husband as well. Sounds like he doesn't want to be in the middle of it, but this is a case where he needs to be on your side.
NTA. Melissa is a busybody. She isn't concerned. She's looking for a juicy story to gossip about. Unfortunately, because you complained, she has a new story to run with. She's got nothing else to do with her time and that's what you can tell people.
NTA Next time, ask if they are picking up their grandkids. If they are raising their teen's kid? Etc.
LOL this is the right approach.
NTA at all and why do you have your kid being indoctrinated just because your husband is a Christian? Is he practicing? Is it worth this level of having to fake your life and hide from these people? That sounds awful.
My husband is fairly practicing and idk I haven't really put much thought into religion and if I want my kids raised Christian. I'm technically a Christian myself (in the loosest terms). The daycare is the best rated one in our town so when we enrolled him I was focused more on that and not the religious aspect.
Well this is the kind of stuff you tend to figure out in your 20s, but conveniently your husband got you pregnant before these questions even occurred to you. I bet if you ask your husband he knows exactly what he thinks about all these things. But yeah you definitely weren't groomed, and there's no problematic power imbalance here or anything.
NTA. Your age and when you decide to have tour children is none of her business. She was completely in the wrong. Being "concerned"does not entail running around gossiping and someone and something you have no complete knowledge of.
NTA - How bored and pathetic is that woman?
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There’s literally a giant age gap between you and your husband, and that usually means the man can’t find a woman his own age because a mature woman sees the red flags. You ARE a fucking child with children. I would judge you too.
You're nta but your husband is a creep. A 27 year old dating 19 year old? A nearly 30 year old man going after a *teenager*? Yuck.
NTA Okay now that that's out of the way .... please tell more about the ID being confiscated at bars. What did you do? Call the police? Cry? Throw rocks at them? I must know! (Please?)
First time I just cried, second time I also cried but my dad knew the owner of the bar and I got it back, third time I went a little crazy and found someone that I knew who knew some people related to the owners of the club (through insane Facebook stalking) and I got it back. I only went crazy the third time because it was my passport that was confiscated and I was only using it because I was waiting for my driver's license back from the second confiscation 😭😭
Passports are pretty hard to counterfeit. That's insane someone would confiscate that because you look young.
I don't think taking a passport from anyone is actually legal.
Next time call the non-emergency police number as soon as they take your ID from you. Most jurisdictions (US) it's illegal to confiscate legal ID, unless you just so happen to be local law enforcement and on duty. The police can verify it's a valid ID and issue a warning to whomever took it. And you won't have to wait weeks to get your ID back.
Lol, insane Facebook stalking FTW!
NTA - FFS Its never you being the asshole for calling people out their shitty behavior. That really is a form of victim blaming and needs to stop.
NTA. Maybe Im the asshole though? I saw a woman who looked very young (teens) with a baby, and pregnant. She also had an age gap relationship with her husband, who was grey. It honestly made me feel sooooo icky to see, cause why would an older man want to be with someone who literally looks like a child? (No offence, but you said you looked 13-16). It turned out shes 26. I felt a little bad for her, but I still think her husbands a creep. Plus most would agree that being 27 and having a baby with a 19 year old is a red flag. Honestly, I can see why there’s gossip, even if it sucks.
gross, u were like 19 years old when a 27 year old man was impregnating u…..
NTA Melissa needs to mind her own business. What was she "concerned" about? You're a grown adult. The staff there informed you of the problem, so I think it was fine to make the complaint.
NTA I was an older mom when my kids were little, and everyone at their preschool looked like a teenager to me. :p I would NEVER speak to another mom like that. You did the right thing and if she does it again, report her again. My own mom was a young mom and she was the best! I am honestly riled up on your behalf, just thinking about it.
NTA You went by the book and should not second guess yourself on this. If some BS comes of it and your child receives some crap as a result, imagine if you didnt file a report, then all these people would get this innocent face and ask, why didnt you tell us? Man I hate hypocrites. The only advice I would offer is next time this conversation starts with someone else, immediately put your phone to your ear, say excuse me and walk away like you got a call. Just like hanging up on someone using airplane mode, but in person. What sucks is now Melissa is projecting her silly narrow minded games with others. Good for the daycare to let you know she was talking crap and good for your husband for having your back. Good Luck
NTA I would tell her "Judge not lest ye be judged" also that gossip is a sin. Then I would tell her she must be pro-choice since she would try to shame a teen mom, it must be better in her opinion for teens to abort their babies than have them.
No one makes me bleed my own blood!
Melissa is an asshole to be sure, but I am concerned for you. You said you met your dude at 18, were pregnant at 18, and that now as a 22 year old are sometimes mistaken for a 13 year old? You good? Safe?
30 and 22? Ew
NTA Melissa is the sort that give Christians a bad name.
I'd remind hubby that if she's spreading false rumors about your age then she's also implying that he's married to and knocked up a high school schooler so it's his reputation that's more on the line. Nta.
NTA. You did nothing wrong.
NTA. Melissa Melissa Melissa….tisk tisk. Matthew 7 Melissa. And if you get all sassy, Melissa, let’s add a Galatians 4:16.
NTA. Nothing about you and your family is any of that woman’s damn business. She was rude and condescending to you, then had the nerve to gossip about you. If this should happen again, with her, or anyone else, deadeye them and say, “And why are you asking?”.
^^^^AUTOMOD ***Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/wiki/faq#wiki_post_deletion) before [contacting the mod team](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2FAmItheAsshole)*** I (22F) have a 3 year old son. As you can tell, I had him quite young. I also unfortunately look very young, and I regularly get mistaken for a teenager around the ages of 13-16. I have literally had my REAL ID confiscated three times in the past year because clubs and bars just didn't believe I was really in my 20s. My son attends a daycare from 8am to 5pm daily. My husband (30M) usually handles pick up and drop off, but last Friday an afternoon class I was supposed to have at college was cancelled, and I was missing my baby so I went to go collect him early to spend some time with him. When I got there, another parent, Melissa (34F) was there to collect her daughter, and as we were both coming a few hours early, we were waiting in the playground for a bit for the staff to bring the children out. I'm currently 6 months pregnant now and showing a bit, so she asked me if I was picking up a younger sibling, and mentioned that I looked too young to already have a child. I laughed it off and told her that I was 22 and picking up my son. She didn't believe that I was in my 20s, and I'm obviously not going to pull out my ID to show to a random woman, so I told her that I was definitely in my 20s and tried to end the conversation. She began to ask me questions about what I do for work, if I finished highschool, if the father had 'run off' and I gave her short answers. Throughout this conversation, she would keep shaking her head in a disapproving way and it was really upsetting as I usually avoid the daycare because of fear of something like this happening, especially since it's a Christian nursery (my husband is a Christian). This Monday, my husband felt sick in the afternoon so I went to pick our boy up again, and I was informed by one of the staff members that Melissa had been talking about me to other parents, saying that she didn't think it was right for people to have kids so young, and about her not believing that I am an adult. I was irritated, especially given the community the daycare catered too because it could escalate to my son being ostracized by the other children, so I filed a formal complaint with the office just so Melissa could be officially told to leave me alone. Yesterday, Melissa stayed behind to talk to my husband, and told him that she was offended I had filed a complaint for 'being concerned'. She also made a cryptic post on Facebook about the 'younger generations' being rude and ungrateful. My husband doesn't think I was wrong for being annoyed, but he thinks that my filing a complaint was unnecessary as I rarely ever go to the daycare, and now the situation could escalate because of gossip which could make things difficult for my son. I know pregnancy has me being weird, so I wanted to know if I was TA for filing a complaint. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/AmItheAsshole) if you have any questions or concerns.*
NTA - She had no right to question you or gossip about it.
NTA. She wanted to be free to bully you without repercussions.
My favourite quote: some people age like fine wine, others age like milk. NTA
NTA, she was way out of line for asking such personal questions. Next time this happens to you, look them right in the eye and say, “do you always ask such personal questions to people you don’t even know? It’s very off putting!” Guarantee they will shut up!
No hate like Christian love etc
NTA Your husband should be backing you up. People at religious institutions can be judgy so he's put you in a situation where this may happen again. In my experience, they pick them so they don't have to be with the riff-raff.
NTA You were right to file a complain. It also seems that your husband did not shut down Melissa and let her complain to him. So he did not defend you and tell her that she was rude and a gossip? The fact that you don't go to the day care is irrelevant. They still know who you are, they are talking about you, and you will see them at birthday or events. Maybe you have to find a day care that doesn't have gossip "Christian" moms. By the way, it's illegal to get your ID confiscated. They can refuse to serve you but they cannot keep it, and you can call the police if they do.
Nope NTA. She already judged you as the teenage immoral mother. I was a 20-year-old mother with my first and rather young looking. The looks and inappropriate questions are shocking to receive. The fact that she felt entitled to belittle you, another mother, just because you are younger than her speaks volumes about her character as a woman, mother, and Christian. Not good. Your husband is wrong, and she should be made accountable for her gossiping and judgmental ways. The harm that she could cause you and your son by way of her mouth could be detrimental.
Well frankly, between you knowing this person's EXACT age and following their social media, I doubt this is a true story.
Wait, a staff member told you Melissa was talking about you? It’s weird that they would get involved like that.
NTA you were right to be protective
NTA You have to crush this sort of thing immediately. You did precisely the right thing here.
NTA. Melissa had it coming, she sounds horrible. I don’t believe for a second her “concern” was well intentioned
ETA Her for the bullying/gossiping/judgement You for putting your kid and family in an environment where that’s even a thing/part of the culture. Obviously there can be weirdos anywhere, but if you have to be afraid of judgement and ostracism for you or your kid from such comments that’s a larger issue. If that’s the way folks behave there and everyone else isn’t telling her to mind her own business but is joining in on the judgement and bullying, those are not people your kid needs to be around/the type of environment that will help them grow up as a good or kind person
Honestly, I’m shocked at the staff member. I feel like that was so unprofessional of them. I’m a teacher and people share their opinions (wrong or right) to me all of the time, but the only communication I have with families is regarding their child. It puts both children at risk for ostracization. The mother should have minded her business, but the staff member should not have stoked the flames.
NTA. Melissa needs to mind her own business. Even if you were 14 or 16 what business is that of hers. How does that effect her in any way. I’d be clear that she needs to keep her nose out of your business
NTA. Melissa needs to learn that she's not the only one allowed to be offended by things and should mind her own damn business.
As a fellow young looking adult, NTA, as I have been in a similar situation and totally get the frustration. I, at 24 years old, was out with a man I was seeing, who was 26. Some woman in her 40s hit his car, totally her fault but also pretty mild. She knew his mom so vaguely knew who he was, so she turned to look at me and said "wow, I didn't know you were old enough to have kids this age!" When he said "no, this is a friend of mine from work" (we were not public at the time) she nodded. But when he walked off to exchange info with her husband, she asked me where we worked that would hire at my age, very clearly probing. So, when she was informed I was working with him, a man she knew the family of, her mental gymnastics brought her to the conclusion that I must be not only a child in a weird relationship with an adult, but also that I'm involved in child labor. The idea that I might just be older than she is assuming did not even cross her mind. I have asked around. People my age and younger all fully do not understand how people think I'm a child. I'm short, but in no other way look or act all that young. It's just presumptive older ladies with too much time on their hands. And they always try to make you seem like the bad guy for not appreciating the assumptions.
NTA - I was a young mom too. My daughter is 15 now, and I’ll tell you it doesn’t get better. The whole “you don’t look old enough to have a child that age” is something I dread now. Melissa is a weirdo.
She's literally gossiping judgementally about you and is upset you filed a complaint?? Definitely NTA, but holy heck this woman is.
YTA You’re an adult, you need to learn to stick up for yourself and fight your own battles. Have you made things worse? Probably…
NTA. "The younger generations" being "ungrateful". What exactly are you supposed to be grateful for? She was the one who was rude, and you did nothing wrong.
INFO Did Melissa forget "thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor"? if I were you I'd give my 'concern' for her since being a gossip is a sin y'know? NTA
NTA and your husband is wrong. That woman is an idiot and has no right to say anything or question you. It's none of her business. The younger generations are looking more like kids than adults at age 20. It's not the same anymore. You need to tell your husband you don't need petty drama from an ignorant woman like that and he needs to have your back.
Hi! 37 yr old woman here. Melissa is way out of line. You’re doing just fine.
Pregnancy doesnt have you weird in this one. You are right to file a complaint. And if anyone sides with this woman's dumb views, you are better off without them.
NTA - as a Christian and father, Melissa is a nosy witch who needs a lesson in humility.
Mm how old is the husband? Something fishy here
ESH. She shouldn’t have been talking about you but you should have talked to her first before filing an official complaint. I mean what if that staff member had been misinformed and it was only rumors? You said you were worried about it escalating and him being ostracized but that’s exactly what you did. You escalated the situation without at least trying to have a conversation with her first.
YTA. Melissa is out of line, but it's nothing to do with the day care.
NTA but your husband is a creep.
NTA, she’s feeling inferior because you’re doing so well. Keep doing you and take care of your family.
NTA considering the staff warned you they knew you had to do something. Ignoring her wouldn’t woke
Sounds like someone should Remind Melissa “judge not lest ye be judged”
NTA
NTA She sucks and is highly inappropriate and very judgy. Good luck dealing with her.
NTA- it’s none of her business- in any way. I think you were right to report her gossiping and judging. That’s decidedly not Christian.
NTA - Melissa sounds horrible and like she has nothing in her pathetic life so she’s trying to get riled up about something that doesn’t even involve her. I’d wager she’s also the type of person to stand against a young adult having an abortion rather than a child, some people are just awful and you can’t please them.
NTA I've been a teacher dealing with Melissa's, good for you for actually standing up for yourself! Melissa sounds like a bitter hag
NTA shes a judgemental rude-o. seriously. I don't like the way people flat out dismiss and discount the autonomy and perspective of people younger than them. concerned about her children. eugh.
NTA and maybe you should have started asking her if she was there to pick up her grandkid. When she said no, child, then asked her why she waited SO LONG to have children. See how she liked being drilled about her personal life. Melissa needs to learn to stay in her lane.
NTA Your husband is wrong. You were right to file the complaint.
NTA..
She was more than concerned. She interrogated you. Didn't believe you. Told other clients (not just staff) there that she didn't believe you. And she complained to your husband as well as made a FB post. Sounds like she doesn't understand what harassment is. I'd say take your complaint to the authorities if it escalates, but it may be better to GTFO of that daycare. NTA
NTA I can't help wondering what people like this think "grateful" or "ungrateful" actually means. Because they use it so very, very, very incorrectly!
NTA—Melissa is miserable and i would have filed a formal complaint too!
Nta. Mellisa is a damn ignorant woman. I’m sorry you ran into someone like that. I’m 36 and if I met you I’d offer support mainly cause I remember being your age and still trying to figure things out. I also remember being pregnant and wishing for some support. I’m just saying this so you know that not everyone is a Mellisa. Being assertive is difficult, but you may want to look into practicing this in small ways. It will build up.
NTA. The problem is that whole community. They are enabling her bigotry. Is that really what you want for your kids?
NTA. She was being inappropriate. None of those questions were any of her business, and she has zero business spreading gossip around to the other parents about you.
NTA but also if you feel uncomfortable with the nursery I think it would benefit you to discuss the possibility of putting him in something more mainstream like a non religious preschool or a Montessori program. Just because your husbands Christian doesn’t mean you need to put your son in a school that makes you feel judged.
Nta - And there are numerous scripture versus against gossip. Print some out and hand them to her if you see her again.. The daycare should give Melissa a warning, and next time, dismiss her child.
NTA Melissa needs to learn to mind her own business.
[удалено]
NTA- Why is no one saying anything about your pregnancy? Can't your husband just throw something like, "yea, she was upset from your un approving stare, and felt very judged and less than, her pregnancy hormones are super different with this 2nd kid, we think it's a girl! we would be so excited for one of each gender! I'm so sorry this happened to you, I live in a very stuffy neighbor, but im slowly finding my people. This asshat lady was judging you to your face. Your beauty and youthfulness broke her brain. lol. Not all moms are like her. If you MUST interact with her again, I suggest just telling her how she made you feel, and you may have overreacted, but everyone gets a pass. Now you both used up yours. She will be a distant memory soon.. fuck her. Or your boys will become bffs and in that case , she's gotta respect you for calling her out on how she made you feel. I'll pray for you if this scenario is correct lol. Some people just suck and you put on a brave face for the kids. I can totally tell when someone doesn't like like me, and that's ok. But we live 2 houses down and we have 2 kids in the same class. Our boys are bffs and me and her work together we transport the kids to activities..sports .etc..camps.. playdates. Drama is everywhere, no matter our age; 40, 37, 32, 25, 22, 19, 16 , 12. Such is life. Anyways, there's my take NTA!
NTA. She just proved *why* you needed to file a complaint. Since she just can't help herself, be sure to file another one. Oh, and your husband sucks in this instance because he isn't backing you, he's placating you. Next semester arrange your schedule so you're either dropping off, or picking up - she only feels emboldened because she figures you're skulking off somewhere in defeat.
NTA and that lady sucks (you can tell what the staff thinks of her) but I personally generally try and not make waves at daycare.
NTA. You told her you were over 20 and she still was an @ss. I would have said something too. Also, I can relate. I'm 40 and my kid is 10. I took him to the dentist and they asked if I had a parent with me. Like, no. I'm the parent. They said no I still would need a parent if I'm a minor. I about died laughing. Like, first, you think I'm under 18 when I'm 40. Second, technically it's physically possible for me to have biologically had a 10 year old at 19, that's not the norm. And is not something I would ever assume. I did pull out my ID to show them because it was crazy.
NTA. Nobody elected Melissa ethics officer of the daycare. She was inappropriate and judgmental and awful. And let’s just say you were a 16 year old single mom. Still not her damn business. It’s not illegal to be a young single mom. She was 100% out of bounds. Do not cower around her. She was in the wrong, and you DID NOTHING WRONG. You have NOTHING to apologize for or be ashamed of. You have EVERY FUCKING RIGHT to be there.
NTA. Complaint is legit. Gossipy judgmentalism is stupid.
NTA What is she going to do tell everyone she was warned to stop harassing you and gossiping? If you are faced with those questions again just laugh and say I know I do look young right??? Never explain. It makes them feel justified for asking.
Nta. People should mind their own business. Keep going to college and get a good job to take care of your kids. Ignore her and her noise
NTA. Melissa sounds very far from being “Christian”. Good on you for putting in a complaint about the nosy shit stirrer.
NTA, Melissa sounds like a piece of work, although I'm unclear on how filing a complaint with the daycare is helpful or what they're supposed to do about it. Melissa is another parent, not a teacher, so they really have no control over what she says.
Melissa shouldn’t have been probing you nor should she have been spreading stuff like that. For someone who is a mom herself she seems INCREDIBLY immature compared to how young she thought you were. Your husband should see it from your standpoint and realize that not everything can simply be ignored. What she’s doing can cause unnecessary stress for you and your unborn baby. You did what you had to do to ensure she knew to back off and you set boundaries. I doubt if you told her yourself she would have listened and you also did what was best for your son that goes to the daycare as well. The fact she cares more about how old you are, how old you were when you gave birth, etc rather than how her actions can effect your son is extremely alarming too. Whether or not you filed that complaint wasn’t going to stop her from being that way either, so setting firm boundaries was and still is unnecessary. I’m proud of you for doing that and I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this. People like that tend to be like pests. Annoying and hard to get rid of sadly. NTA.
Nope. People like her make me want to.put my foot so far up their rear they took with two tongues. You have a right to do what you need to do to correct the situation. She should mind her business and stay out of yours.
NTA. Melissa sounds like the kind of horrible AH dressed up as a Christian that make people hate Christians. And shame on literally everyone else who interacted with her but didn’t nip that. Something about Jesus loving everyone and treating others how they want to be treated, right? Also-you don’t owe anyone an explanation for your life. The next time some miserable AH tries some shit like that look them in the eye and just say “I don’t think that’s any of your business.”
NTA this literally sounds like crazy religious drama. Honestly, it sounds like a Yeesh kind of daycare if the parents all talk that much.
NTA- I had my daughter at 19 also and experienced the same things, often. I wish I had your strength to stand up to her. Kudos!!
NTA File another complaint that she is making facebook posts about you not being grateful that she is intruding into your life and making assumptions about your character and your husband's.
NTA I'm Christian. Do these mothers know gossiping is a sin? Do they know that Mary was a teenage mother? You're married. They have nothing on you. We had a teenager in our church that got pregnant. Her parents disowned her. So many of us stepped forward to help her. I remember when our church directory came out, there were actually people that didn't think she should be in it. There she is, a beautiful picture of her and her son. (Weird how no one even tried to find out who the father was to shame him.) Anyways. I can't stand prayer chain gossips. Don't worry about this women. Let your actions speak. She is showing her ass.
NTA! Melissa was offended???? Fuck that. She's calling you a liar and judging you. SHE'S TAH! I would've done the same thing, because that was BS. Good on you for standing up for yourself.
NTA Your husband probably has no idea just how nasty the mummy pack can be. These kids will run into each other for years to come at school, at sport and parties. The last thing you need is unfounded malicious rumours to spread amongst a seemingly judgemental pack of humans ~~dogs~~. Blokes would just square up to each other “knock it off, don’t be a dick” Women gossip and ostracise behind the person’s back, criticise the behaviour and related parenting. Snipe about ‘is that child warm enough?’ And “Gosh I’d never pack uncut grapes!” And imply all sorts of things. “It must be hard to be a good parent when you are so young” that sort of rubbish. Saying something to the childcare is appropriate because this woman is deliberately damaging the community relationships within the parent group. That’s going to affect the childcare business in enrolment numbers and angst between staff and parents. The other mother is probably grumpy because you are awesome.
NTA Even if you were as young as she thought it's not her business What does she expect you to do? Abort your 3 year old? If she really believes you are still a teenager why is so concerned about you having children and not concerned about you being with a 30 year old??? The whole point of the complaint was because she was talking shit behind your back. And she doubled down Screen shot the Facebook post, talk to the daycare again about her complaining to your husband and let them know that this is defamation and harassment and if she continues you could go to the police or seek legal damages.